In Garden of Emuna, Rav Arush tells the true story of two brothers.

One had become superfrum and was doing everything l'mehadrin. Yet he kept getting hit with one difficulty after another. In other words, his life was a big unpleasant mess. He was understandably bitter and resentful at being "punished" after investing so much in doing what he understood to be God's Will.

To compound things, he had a secular brother who was regularly talking to and thanking Hashem, and generally a cheerful guy, for whom life was going swimmingly. Money was rolling in, he was healthy, life was good.

So the frum brother wanted Rav Arush to explain what was going on.

Rav Arush explained that the secular brother had an emuna outlook, even if he wasn't actualizing it through all the mitzvot right now. But he would definitely get there, he would definitely become a wholly committed Jew.

Conversely, the superfrum brother constantly complained. Yes, things were indeed difficult, but he was serving Hashem with no joy and not expressing any gratitude for what Hashem had given him; life wasn't ALL bad.

The superfrum brother's bitterness and ingratitude was actually heaping judgement on him.

Rav Arush compared it to 2 kinds of cars. (I can't find the place in the book where he wrote this, so I hope I get it right!):

The secular brother was an old rundown car chugging along, but he was chugging along in the right direction. Eventually, he'll make it to the right destination, even if it takes time and breakdowns to get there.

The superfrum brother symbolized a shiny new model of car, but one which was zooming directly toward the wrong goal. Despite his superior shape and automation, he was actually moving very fast in the opposite direction of the correct goal, and hence had no chance of making it to the right destination (unless he decided to change course immediately).

Food for thought.

A few months ago, Breslov Israel put up a video (can't find it now) of a guy who'd recently joined the Chut Shel Chessed Yeshivah in Jerusalem.

Until then, he'd been a night club owner in Eilat. In fact, he owned several night clubs, all opened on Shabbat and all facilitating all the transgressions associated with such a lifestyle.

Anyway, due to a car accident in which a book of Tehillim he "coincidentally" had in his car fell open on his chest to a certain perek that really spoke to him, this young man started talking to God.

In fact, he took his Mercedes up into the nearby rocky hills to speak with Hashem without knowing that this was called hitbodedut or anything like that. He'd spend an hour or more there, just talking to Hashem about his needs and thanking him for all the success with the clubs.

The funny side to this was that the police grew suspicious upon seeing a Mercedes in an abandoned area and kept coming to arrest him for what they were sure was illicit behavior like drugs, etc. After several times, they were like, "Oh, gosh. You AGAIN?"

Anyway, this young man started to be astounded at the exactness with which Hashem would answer him. If he needed his clubs to make an extra 150 shekels to cover expenses, then he would somehow receive exactly 150 shekels. And this kind of preciseness kept up.

Anyway, he kept on like this until he couldn't stand his lifestyle any longer. He sold the clubs (which made his family and partners think he was nuts because he was raking in tons of money) and when 2 Breslover emissaries showed up (I think one of them teaches at my son's school), he went with them to Chut Shel Chessed.

The video was only 20 minutes and when I got to the end, I realized that the guy was actually not remotely mitzvah observant until the end. Meaning, he was going up to the rocky hills and doing hitbodedut and asking for success with his night clubs that were open on Shabbat and hosted lots of other sinful activities.

And he was reaping success!

I listened to the whole thing again and sure enough, this guy was not remotely frum at that time he was cultivating this really intense relationship with Hashem.

How can this be?

Because by working from the inside-out, you'll eventually get where you need to go.

Then I recalled my own experience with this.

In an earlier post, I wrote about how I found myself at age 16 on New Year's Eve and no party to go to. Feeling depressed and pathetic, I turned to this English book of Psalms I'd found on my parents' bookshelves in the TV room. I had no clue you're supposed to say Tehillim by the chapter and instead just jumped around, reading whatever verses appealed to me and fit my mood the most.

My mood started lifting.

Then the telephone rang and a friend of mine invited me to go to a party.

I was thrilled -- more that Hashem had answered my unspoken prayer than about the party, although I was excited about the party too. Fortunately, it was a really lame gathering and basically dampened any enthusiasm for New Year's parties in general ever since. (And just for knowing, I've long since stopped celebrating the Julian New Year for years now.)

Rabbi Wallerstein also spoke of fighting his gambling addiction when he hit bottom and stood to lose everything. He begged Hashem to just let him win big one more time, and then he'd never go to a casino again. He even quipped "Poor God!" because as he explained it, "I -- nebbuch -- shlepped the Shechinah into the casino."

But in His Great Mercy and Forbearance, Hashem let Rabbi Wallerstein win enough to cover all his debts.

(And then a month later, he was back in the casino. But Hashem was still with him and orchestrated things so that Rabbi Wallerstein picked up a copy of Kav Hayashar, which said scary things about gambling and scary things in general, and that got Rabbi Wallerstein to break his addiction. Phew! Yishtabach Shemo!)

So what's the lesson here?

These types of stories, Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender's mussar, and my own experiences have convinced me that the only and best way to help people is to get them to start talking to Hashem as their One True Best Friend who always loves them no matter what.

In her book, Turn Around, Rebbetzin Orit Esther Reiter even recommends sitting down with a cup of coffee to start talking to Hashem the way you would with a good friend.

Rav Shalom Arush recommends starting off with 20 minutes of gratitude and thanking, then 20 minutes of confession and saying what you feel bad about, then 20 minutes of requests. (You can also cut this down or play around with the ratios if you find 20/20/20 overwhelming at first.)

However you manage it, I just see that at some point, people get stuck if the relationship isn't there.

I got stuck myself at one point. (Actually, more than just once.)

And that makes sense.

I mean, after all, what's the point of being a frum atheist?

But in addition to frum people, people who are very assimilated need to start developing this relationship with Hashem.

As the surrounding Western cultures become more bizarre and unhealthy, it can be much harder to speak to people who are totally assimilated.

In fact, I remember myself at the beginning of my Torah journey and there were things I just couldn't understand that I both understand and embrace now.

I honestly see it as being in completely different dimension.

So it's important to realize that Hashem loves you and cares about you and wants a relationship with you, regardless of what kind of person you are now and what you've done.

Just the fact that you're reaching out to him in your own words reaps huge changes, whether you immediately perceive them or not.
____________

Related links:
Turn Around: 180 Degrees in 180 Days by Orit Esther Riter
Daily Dose of Emuna
The Theory of Absolute (one of several times Rabbi Wallerstein tells his story of gambling addiction and exit, his story starts at around 15 minutes)
Torah Perspectives on Addiction (one of several talks Rabbi Wallerstein has given on his prior addiction and lessons learned)
What is the Main Purpose of Your Existence?
Books that Changed My Life: Tehillim (this is the full story of that New Year's Eve and how I even knew about Tehillim in the first place)

In his inspiring book, Ahavat Kedumim (A Commentary on The Lost Princess), Rav Ofer Erez, explains how to acquire bitachon -- trust in God.
(Or, as Rav Avigdor Miller summed it up in one sentence: "Bitachon means to say that Hashem knows what's best for us -- that's all." Tape E-216, December 1999.)

(The following applies to the part of this profoundly allegorical story in which the giant appointed over the winds gifts the viceroy a magic vessel that contains unlimited funds; this "magic" vessel symbolizes bitchon.)

Building bitachon is a life-long process, but whatever progress you can manage is really, really good and these 3 steps can give you concrete tools on how to advance in this area.

On pages 244-250, Rav Erez explains how bitachon is built from 3 steps:

• Step 1: Accepting that everything is orchestrated by Hashem using precise individual supervision, with this acceptance ideally leading a person to accept even challenging events with humility and submission.

Note: Humility and submission to human beings is negative. It leads to co-dependence and masochism. But with Hashem, it only leads to personal greatness and a sweetening of judgement (even if that personal greatness and sweetening are not yet perceivable).

• Step 2: Accepting that everything is for our benefit, with this acceptance ideally leading us to accept events with love and gratitude.

Note: This is very, very difficult when going through an agonizing experience. People who've been through very painful episodes in life may even feel outraged when faced with this concept. That's normal and the only book I know that addresses this issue head-on is Garden of Emuna, with Garden of Gratitude as its follow-up for this topic. Likewise, it's also perfectly normal to have ups and downs, veering between feeling outraged or resentful and feeling accepting & grateful.

• Step 3: Accepting events with joy by knowing there is no "bad" in the world; everything is a message from Hashem to come closer to Him.

Note: Obviously, there ARE events we perceive as bad or appalling or tragic. Likewise, Judaism does not have us hold a party when someone dies, but insists on a week of intense mourning, followed by another 3 weeks of mourning, with Tisha B'Av as an entire day of national mourning and grief. At the same time, there is a concept in Chazal that in the World to Come, the blessing we currently make over good things (Baruch Hatov v'Hameitiv), will be made over the bad things too because in the light of Truth, we'll see clearly how even the harsh and heartrending events were really for our benefit.

This is yet another example of paradox in Judaism, and one with which many people understandably struggle.

Rav Erez goes on to say:

(Naturally, when saying it yourself, you can replace "Abba" with "Daddy" or "Tatty" or "Papa.")

And again, it's perfectly normal to achieve this level for one moment, then feel discouraged or bitter an hour later, and then to reach this level a couple of hours or moments after that.

It can even be a roller-coaster ride of days, weeks, or years.

This is the challenge and spirit of our generation.

The main thing is to at least try at whatever level you're on.

Depending on what each person has suffered in life and depending on individual personalities, some people find this much more difficult than others. That's normal.

The main thing is just to try.
___________

Related links:
Rav Ofer Erez in English
For more about the phenomena of spiritually and emotionally soaring and plummeting, even several times within a day, please see his series on Spiritual Bipolar Disorder.
Garden of Emuna (for Jews)
The Universal Garden of Emuna (non-denominational for non-Jews)
Note: I have not personally read this book, but recommend it on the strength of Rav Arush's other books, which I have read and found exceptional.
Garden of Gratitude
Note: This book is amazing, but if I hadn't read Garden of Emuna first, I would've found Garden of Gratitude too "strong" and not gotten out of it what I should. But everyone's different, so go with whatever you perceive as best for you.

In his wonderful book, Ahavat Kedumim (A Commentary on The Lost Princess), Rav Ofer Erez discusses a concept you've likely heard of: the 4 Elements and how they affect you.

This is a way to understand your nature, what's motivating you, and how to cultivate the positive expressions of some pretty negative roots.

In other words, Rav Erez's description of this system leads to greater self-awareness and shows how you can use this knowledge for self-transformation, to get from Point A to Point B.

The 4 elements are:

• fire
• air
• water
• earth

If you can manage the Hebrew (or if the book hopefully gets translated into the language of your choice), the discussion is found on pages 85-86 and is connected to the part of the story in which the hapless viceroy finds himself in the Palace of the "Not Good."

Each element possesses a negative root, which can then be transformed into a force for goodness and holiness.

Rav Ofer Erez also points out that each person possesses different quantities and arrangements of these 4 elements.

For example, one person may be heavy with "fire" and light with the rest. Another person may find themselves heavy with "fire" and "air," light on "water," while "earth" is nearly non-existent. Others may feel they're equally comprised of all 4 elements while another may feel that one or 2 elements stand out, but there is actually a third element setting the foundation for the others.

And so on.

So with that, here they are:

Root: Arrogance & anger

Positive expression: "Tov l'hodot l'Hashem -- It's good to thank Hashem."

• Emuna
• Optimism
• Humility
• Bitachon (trust in God)
• Seeing the good in everything
• Being happy with what one has
• Investing spiritual efforts with enthusiasm
• Wisdom combined with healthy logic
• Interpreting reality correctly

Root: Corrupted speech

Positive expression: "V'amcha kulam tzaddikim -- And Your Nation is comprised entirely of righteous people."

• Giving the benefit of the doubt
• Compassion
• Loyalty
• Listening
• Accepting others as they really are
• Precision (diyuk; I think this means avoiding statements of exaggeration and melodrama)
• Minimizing the amount of talking one engages in
• Holy speech for the sake of Am Yisrael
• The power of tefillah
• The power of private discussions with Hashem (hitbodedut)
• Wisdom emanating from a higher awareness that arrives on its own

Root: Earthly pleasures & envy

Positive expression: "Lev basar -- a heart of flesh," "Lev tahor bara li Elokim -- "O Lord, create within me a pure heart."

• Love
• Caring
• Warmth
• Protectiveness
• Innocence
• Giving of oneself
• Doing things for others
• Being satisfied with little
• Spiritual pleasure
• Love of learning
• The ability to delve deeply into practical knowledge
• Taking an interest in all subject matters

Root: Indolence, laziness, heaviness

Positive expression: "L'hiot b'simcha tamid -- to always be in a state of joy."

• Joy
• Happiness
• Energy
• Vitality
• Nimbleness
• Reassurance
• Yielding (vatranut)
• The ability to rejoice
• The ability to become healed
• The ability to recover good health
• The ability to cause others to blossom
• The ability to revitalize others
• Stability
• Perseverance
• Alacrity in both practical and spiritual matters
• Emotional intelligence
• A high level of psychological wisdom
• Awareness of others' psychological state

You can muse over the above in your head, use it in a freewrite or mind map, or paint it out, and talk it over with Hashem (or all of the above).

Another valuable insight this provides is it demonstrates how hard it is to give advice and find the right kind of adviser. A person working on her "fire" aspect can easily give the wrong advice and direction to someone who desperately needs to focus on her "water" aspect.

As another example, we see that in its highest form, the "earth" aspect is a kind of spiritual coach who facilitates healing and growth in others, while the "air" aspect is very interactive, listening and speaking constructively either with people or with Hashem.

Both the adviser and the one receiving the advice need to be aware of well-meaning yet misleading guidance.

Having said, it's certainly true that everyone needs to work on, say, the trait of humility. But a "fire" personality will face a different and thornier struggle than the "earth" personality.

Conversely, everyone needs to work on the trait of zerizut (doing good things with alacrity and not wasting time), but the zerizut-challenged "earth" personality will face a different and thornier struggle than that of the "fire" personality, who is already zariz, but simply needs to infuse the zerizut with enthusiasm and gratitude rather than self-righteousness and anger.
_________________
May we all succeed in completing our tikkun in this lifetime without trials or humiliations.

Related links:
Rav Ofer Erez in English

In his wonderful book, Ahavat Kedumim (A Commentary on The Lost Princess), Rav Ofer Erez emphasizes the importance of listening to the voice of the neshamah, the level of soul that is purest and most in touch with God.

To briefly digress, he also discusses other parts of the soul, such as the nefesh and the ruach.

Nefesh
The nefesh is the source of all cravings and desires -- taavos.
It's split into two parts:

• The animal soul (nefesh habeheima), which craves eating, drinking, material gain, and illicit relationships
• The Godly soul (nefesh haElokit), which craves the truly good things, like closeness with Hashem, Torah study, and self-improvement

Ruach
The ruach lies between the neshamah and the nefesh. It's all about feelings and emotions. Sometimes these are spiritually elevated feelings and sometimes these are lowly petty emotions.
_________________
Despite the immense pull of the ruach and nefesh, it's vitally important to listen to the quiet, thin voice of the neshamah.

Doing so gives us good ruach and elevates the nefesh habeheima to the nefesh haElokit.

So what are the basic principles for discerning the voice of the neshamah?

If the advice, thought, or idea you receive does the following:

• Fills you with joy
• Brings you closer to Hashem

...then it's come from a good place, a place of holiness.

However, if the advice, thought, or idea you receive SOUNDS good, yet does the following:

• Fills you with dread or sadness or depression
• Ultimately causes you to grow distant from God
• Ultimately causes you do refrain from doing good

...then it's a sign that this originates from a klippah (a negative spiritual shell which hides or entraps positive spirituality), which has come to distance you from Hashem via all sorts of chachamot, all sorts rationalizations.

We see from the above the combination of both feeling good AND being good are important.

For example, you may fill up with joy when you receive an entire chocolate cheesecake for yourself, or when you commit an act of revenge, or when you snipe at someone, or when you write a particularly scathing letter to the editor...but do you feel closer to God with these acts?

Likely not. (Unless your god is something else, chas v'shalom).

By the way, it's normal to feel more than one feeling. For example, you might be excited to carry out a good deed, but you might feel anxious too. It depends.

Conversely, you might learn of the importance of a particular mitzvah or custom, but the thought of doing it fills you with dread and heaviness -- or panic and anxiety. You start to feel resentful of the obligations God "yokes" on you.

Also, perhaps you start off well, but then the new direction leads you into doing things that aren't good and leave you feeling far from Hashem (if you think about Hashem at all in such a situation). For example, maybe you start feeling harsh, superior, controlling, enraged, useless, or violent. Or you start cheating, lying, or spending too much time with the opposite gender when you aren't married to him/her, and so forth.

(God forbid.)

It's not that you shouldn't ever push yourself, but maybe you're more excited about hosting hippies for Shabbat than you are about cooking a meal for a woman after birth? Or maybe it's the other way around -- you love cooking for the sick and their families, but hosting people stresses you out and while preparing for guests, you find yourself yelling at your family and hating yourself?

Maybe Hashem wants you to do something else.

Yes, it can be difficult to figure things out when other voices are so strong. There are lots of good ideas. But are they right for YOU?

Again, looking over some of the last few posts:
Was Sara Imeinu supposed to be a Rivka Imeinu?
Was Rivka Imeinu supposed to be a Sara Imeinu?
Was Chana supposed to be Devorah Haneviah or vice versa?

No, no, and no.

They all did good things, very powerfully and resoundingly good things.

But they didn't do the same things.

So to sum up:

The klippah's voice:

• Fills you with dread or sadness
• Ultimately causes you to grow distant from God
• Ultimately causes you do refrain from doing good

The neshamah's voice:

• Fills you with joy
• Brings you closer to Hashem

What is the thin, quiet voice of your neshamah saying to you?
____________

Posts mentioned within:
Rav Ofer Erez in English
Why a Leah Imeinu Can't (and Shouldn't) be a Sara Imeinu
The Overlooked Prophetess: Chana
Tanach: The Garden of Role Models

Note: English dates are for the year 2018 only.

We've recently entered the month of Tammuz (June 13-July 12), which is followed by the month of Av (July 13-August 10).

Historically, these months contain a lot of tragedy and difficulties.

This is due to the mazal, the astrological influence, of these months.

If you find it harder to work on certain character traits or you find certain flaws getting the best of you, the mazal (Crab/Cancer and Lion/Leo) is the reason.

You also may notice other people acting "off." The mazal is why.

When we know that others are struggling against unseen forces, it helps us to give them the benefit of the doubt and judge them more favorably.

It helps us to judge ourselves more favorably too.

The good thing about the struggle against the mazal of Tammuz and Av is that it gets us into shape for Elul (August 11-September 9), whose mazal is so much more conducive for love and bonding with Hashem, and teshuvah, which in turns prepares us for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

It's all about flexing that teshuvah muscle.

Here are some past posts on the topic:
The Kli Yakar - Parshat Devarim
How to Fight the Crabby Mazal of Tammuz
How to Deal with the Mazal of Crabby Tammuz and Savage Av

May we all succeed in rising above all negative influences.

A while back, this blog compiled a list of the Chida's segulot/uses for each chapter of Tehillim, but 119 was left out due to the need to list the verses for each segulah. I kept putting it off because it seemed like a lot of work in my mind, but then I encountered a particularly large and scary fast-moving spider.

After spraying it to death, I thought about the message of the spider.

In Perek Shirah, the smamit is often translated as a spider. (It is also translated as some kind of small lizard.) Either way, the smamit sings Tehillim 150:5:

• Metzudat David says tziltzalim (cymbals) produce a sound that travels far.

• Malbim says that teruah (trumpeting) represents fear of punishment (yirat onesh), but this fear will be mixed with joy.

 

• The Metsudah Tehillim references Rav Shimshon Raphael Hirsch's commentary, which explains that these cymbals produce an extremely loud sound meant to call large groups to "attentive participation" in praising Hashem.

And what better way to praise Hashem than through Tehillim?

So I thought maybe it was a nudge to get my act together and finish this list.

And guess what? Sorting out the rest of 119 wasn't difficult at all. Anyway, I'd already done most of it for the list of Tehillim for various ailments. So I don't know what I was thinking.

If you want to know more about the segulot, please see previous posts:
A List of Specific Tehillim for Different Ailments of Body and Soul
Update on the Source for Tehillim Segulot/Uses

To download the entire list as a PDF, please press here:

If you haven't downloaded it already, here is the list of the Tehillim that applies to specific ailments (please press the button):

Please remember that all these chapters are good and holy, so if for example you meant to say the chapter for your right ear and you end up saying the chapter for the right nostril instead, that's okay. Both beg Hashem for mercy from pursuers and both affirm Hashem's compassion and loving-kindness.

So here's the full list:

List of Segulot/Uses for 150 Chapters of Tehillim/Psalms

1 -- for a woman who miscarries (or tends to miscarry a pregnancy)
2 -- for a storm at sea
3 -- for shoulder pain and head pain
4 -- good for every need
5 -- for an evil spirit/mood
6 -- for eye illness
7 -- to make your haters go away
8 -- to find favor (limtzo chen)
9 -- for a sick child
10 -- for anyone who has haters
11 -- to get rid of enemies
12 -- to prevent weakness
13 -- to be saved from a strange death
14 -- for fear (paranoia?)
15 -- to slay a demon
16 -- to make known (l'farsem) a thief
17 -- to say out on the road
18 -- to be rescued from kings
19 -- for wisdom
20 -- good for judgement (din)
21 -- for one who is going before a ruler
22 -- for every kind of trouble (tzaar)
23 -- to ask a question via a dream (she'alat chalom)
24 -- to be rescued from a flood of water
25 -- for every thing
26 -- for trouble and danger
27 -- for wild/dangerous animals
28 -- for prayer
29 -- for an evil spirit/dark mood
30 -- for every bad thing
31 -- for an evil eye (ayin hara)
32 -- to request mercy/compassion (rachamim)
33 -- for a woman whose children have died, may Hashem have mercy
34 -- to go on one's way (i.e. a journey, traveling)
35 -- if adversaries have risen up against you
36 -- to annihilate the evil ones
37 -- for a drunkard
38 -- if one has given you bad advice
39 -- for one who is fasting
40 -- to be rescued from an evil spirit/dark mood
41 -- if you have been fired from your employment
42 -- to build the Beit Hamikdash
43 -- to build the Beit Hamikdash
44 -- to be saved from the hand of an enemy
45 -- for one who has an evil wife (presumably, one could say this for an evil husband too)
46 -- if a person hates his wife (ditto)
47 -- for repentance (teshuvah)
48 -- so that one's haters will be afraid of him
49 -- for a kedachat (a type of fever, malaria)
50 -- to be saved from bandits
51 -- for one who is defiled with znut
52 -- to prevent one from speaking lashon hara
53 -- to frighten your haters
54 -- to take revenge on your enemies
55 -- for all evil
56 -- to one who is imprisoned in chains (presumably, this includes handcuffs, etc.)
57 -- for success
58 -- for a bad dog
59 -- for the evil inclination (l'yetzer hara)
60 -- for one who is going to war
61 -- if you fear to sit at home
62 -- to be said after Mincha and after Maariv
63 -- to succeed in trade, merchandise
64 -- to cross a river
65 -- if you want something from another person
66 -- for whoever has a "mood," a ruach (like a depression or a particularly black mood)
67 -- for a chronic kedachat (fever)
68 -- for a bad spirit/dark mood (ruach ra)
69 -- for one who is covetous and lecherous
70 -- for war
71 -- to find favor (limtzo chen)
72 -- to find favor & loving-kindness (limtzo chen v'chessed)
73 -- to be saved from fear
74 -- if you have haters
75 -- to humble one's pride
76 -- to be saved from fire and water
77 -- so as not to fall in a day of trouble
78 -- to find favor & loving-kindness (chen v'chessed) in the eyes of the government/authorities/rulership
79 -- to subjugate one's haters
80 -- to prevent one from idolatry/occult worship/heresy
81 -- also to prevent one from idolatry/occult worship/heresy
82 -- to succeed in your mission/errand
83 -- for war
84 -- for one whose body has become thin from illness
85 -- to appease/satisfy a friend
86 -- to be saved from a bad spirit (ruach ra)
87 -- good for providing salvation to the city
88 -- also good for providing salvation to the city
89 -- for one who is losing his limbs (i.e., leprosy, amputation, gangrene, frostbite)
90 -- for a lion
91 -- for a bad spirit/dark mood (ruach ra)
92 -- to see great miracles
93 -- to be victorious against one who is suing
94 -- if your haters are persecuting you
95 -- to prevent one's fellow citizens from leading one astray
96 -- to gladden one's family members
97 -- also to gladden one's family members
98 -- to place peace between one person and another
99 -- to be genuinely pious (chasid)
100 -- to be victorious over one's enemies
101 -- for a bad spirit/dark mood (ruach ra)
102 -- for a barren woman
103 -- also for a barren woman
104 -- to distance one who causes harm
105 -- for a fourth kedachat
106 -- for a third kedachat
107 -- for a chronic kedachat
108 -- for success
109 -- if your haters have been oppressing you
110 -- for your haters to make peace with you
111 -- to increase the amount of people who love you (i.e., to multiply friends)
112 -- to increase your strength
113 -- for heresy
114 -- for one who is zavin and mezavin
115 -- to debate/argue with heretics
116 -- so as not to die a strange death
117 -- for one who has been slandered baselessly (i.e. unfounded accusations, etc)
118 -- to give an answer to an apikorus (a heretic, a skeptic)
119:1-8 (alef) -- if you want to be the emissary of a particular mitzvah
119:9-16 (bet) -- for forgetfulness
119:17-24 (gimmel) -- for the right eye
119:25-32 (dalet) -- for the left eye
119:33-40 (hei) -- to be protected from sin
119:41-48 (vav) -- to intimidate a ruler
119:49-56 (zayin) -- for the spleen
119:57-64 (chet) -- for the upper stomach
119:65-72 (tet) -- for the right and left kidneys
119:73-80 (yud) -- for people to view you favorably, be nice to you (l'chasda)
119:81-88 (kaf) -- for the right nostril
119:89-96 (lamed) -- to sweeten or nullify negative judgement
119:97-104 (mem) -- for the right hand
119:105-112 (nun) -- for traveling, a journey, going out on a road
119:113-120 (samech) -- to request one's needs
119:121-128 (ayin) -- for the left hand
119:129-137 (pei) -- for the left nostril
119:137-144 (tzadei) -- to destroy one's haters
119:145-152 (kuf) -- for the left leg/foot
119:153-160 (reish) -- for the right ear
119:161-168 (shin) -- for the head
119:169-176 (taf) -- for the left ear
120 -- to make peace
121 -- to go out alone at night
122 -- for a slave who ran away
123 -- to travel by ship
124 -- to travel by ship
125 -- for enemies
126 -- for a woman whose children have died
127 -- for a newborn
128 -- for a pregnant lady
129 -- for something connect to a mitzvah
130 -- if one wants to travel by ship
131 -- for one who is prideful
132 -- to break a vow
133 -- to cultivate love from those whom you love (l'kiyum ahavat ahuvim)
134 -- to say before learning
135 -- for one who has thoughts of idolatry/occult worship
136 -- to admit to intentional, calculated sins
137 -- to remove hatred
138 -- to remove pride/arrogance
139 -- to place love between a man and his wife
140 -- for hatred that is between a man and his wife (the Hebrew wording seems to imply that this is more for a couple in which the hatred is coming specifically from the husband toward his wife -- bein ish l'ishto -- rather than mutual hatred or hatred coming from the wife)
141 -- for heart pain
142 -- for illness/suffering/pain in one's thighs/calves
143 -- for illness/suffering/pain in one's arm
144 -- for a broken hand/arm
145 -- for fear
146 -- for being struck with a sword (or with any sharp instrument, I'd guess)
147 -- for a snake bite
148 -- for a fire
149 -- to prevent a fire from spreading
150 -- to praise the Holy One Blessed be He for everything He does and has done
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May we all succeed in sweetening judgements and reaping much blessing.

In the previous post, the future (or lack thereof) of England was discussed.

At the risk of sounding like fear-mongering, I just want to point out that one of England's leading Conservative activists, Douglas Murray, is the one who's saying that the British people don't have an "Israel" to go to when the tide changes.

And he's made this point several times. Here are just two quotes from him...

From his London Central Synagogue speech:

More recently at a Jewish book club event, he repeated:

It's not coming from us.

Murray and others concerned for England's future are funneling their resources into saving England. The problem, as noted in the previous post, is that they seem unable to focus on either the moral value system or the economic system that could possibly save them.

They refuse to uphold a God-based structure of morality and they refuse to wean their society off socialism. In fact, there is such resistance to a more capitalist society that even right-wing politicians tiptoe carefully around the topic of de-socializing anything.

This is compounded by the overwhelming influx of people from other countries who do not respect even the secular British value system.

And in light of all this, there have been passionate calls for British (and European) Jews to make aliyah on the double.

I think aliyah is a great idea, of course.

However, given the prediction of Chessed L'Avraham, which states that a very small percentage of Jews in Eretz Yisrael will survive the End of Days, I don't think that geographical location is necessarily the secret to survival.

Where you are in your head and heart seem to be just as important.

(Please don't get me wrong; living in Eretz Yisrael is huge mitzvah and one we should do if at all possible, even if it means a descent in one's material standing -- and it usually does mean that for most people, although not all. But what defines "possible"?)

The thing is, not everyone stuck in chutz l'Aretz is stuck for reasons of superficiality, mule-headedness, or a fascination with materialism.

I admit that until a couple of years ago, I didn't realize that a Jew could REALLY want to make aliyah, but just can't.

It took the heartfelt pleas for understanding for me to realize the myriad of complex situations some people face, and that I was lucky enough not to undergo (through no credit of my own).

Some Jews in chutz l'Aretz are living hand-to-mouth. To make things worse, they are often surrounded by people who are doing really well and so their "have-not" status is constantly in their face. (I temporarily lived like this once in the US, with very limited finances around people with mansions, live-in help, and even some with the means to rent a helicopter to get to their Shabbos destination. I constantly pined away for my simple Israeli neighborhood and small apartment with my heimish neighbors where I hardly ever felt poor or deprived. There in my fancy address, I often sobbed myself to sleep. It was awful.)

Other Jews are dealing with infirm or ill relatives for whom they're responsible. Some have handicapped spouses or children. Some really can't figure out a way to keep their head above water, financially speaking, in Eretz Yisrael -- not re-create an American lifestyle in Israel, but just stay out of debilitating poverty.

Along with physical illness, some families are dealing with mental illness -- including depression or eating disorders. If a spouse or child is depressed, for example, what is the other spouse supposed to do about it regarding aliyah?

Now it's true that moving to Israel can actually improve mental health, but there's no guarantee of this. (And how to motivate a depressed person do anything in the first place?)

And what about a divorced family? Should a parent abandon his or her young children for aliyah? (There are situation were this can still work, like say if the children are already approaching age 18 and taking into account other factors, but it's not something I would recommend outright. Each situation needs to be examined carefully.)

Some people are very afraid of the emotional and practical upheaval and how it might affect their children. People who are settled solidly -- religiously, financially, socially -- in chutz l'Aretz understandably have a lot of trepidation toward upending all that.

For some people, it's not a matter of giving up a spacious luxury home or luxury cars. (Although for some people, it is about that.) It's much more complex and frustrating.

There's no question that in America, you can get caught up in a lifestyle bursting with meaningless materialism and bestow importance on things that are so NOT important, it's ridiculous and obnoxious already. But it doesn't mean that everyone is like that.

I don't know why I didn't realize all this on my own much earlier, but baruch Hashem, some people spoke up from the heart and explained things.

For example, please see all of Eli's comments in this post #Free Tommy: The Writing is on the Wall. (Aside from Eli's comments, the actual post by Rabbi Brody is very worthwhile reading.)

Please also see Rachel's last comment HERE.

These are just 2 of the most recent I've seen over the past couple of years.

Yes, I think it's important to encourage aliyah. Both the Kli Yakar and the Pele Yoetz have some very strong ideas about it. (Please click "Aliyah" on the sidebar categories for more details about their views.)

But as Eli wrote: "I have encountered too many times the attitudes of some veteran olim, and it often smacks of 'by the strength of my hand'."

It's true that those of us who live in Eretz Yisrael should be grateful and realize it's a tremendous chessed from Hashem that allowed us to be where we are today.

Frankly, just the fact that I not only cannot stand living in the US, but I have no desire to even visit (although I used to want to visit periodically, but now not at all), and am just in love with Eretz Yisrael, is a huge chessed from Hashem. Why do I feel this way? Just because! I didn't do anything to feel this way. I just feel the way I do.

If you managed to learn Hebrew, found decent schools for your kids, found a good community and cherish the neighborhood in which you live, then ashreichem.

Yes, those of us who live here worked for it. And we had to get weaned off a certain amount of materialism, no matter how financially prepared we were for aliyah or how unmaterialistic we were. Some olim sacrificed even more via combat service.

But there is also a lot of siyata d'Shmaya too.

Okay, so how does that square up with predicting the inevitable downfall of England and Europe?

So like I said, it's not just me who's saying that if England doesn't make MAJOR IMMEDIATE changes, then it's over. Douglas Murray says it.

And as far as pure economics, plus politics? England simply is not willing to make the changes their economy demands.

Socially, England is facing shocking and frightening changes. The Conservatives acknowledge this, but no one else does. Objectively speaking, it perfectly lines up with Edward Cline's mathematical observations noted years ago. You've probably read it already, but for your convenience, it's HERE.

(Because it's outdated, England's figures are higher now than portrayed in the original article. England's population percentage now stands at around 5%.)

Of course, this doesn't even begin to cover the upswing of popular support for Leftist extremists, like that Corbyn creep.

Economically and socially, England's policies are simply not sustainable.

So does that mean that you should beat England's Jewish population over the head with plane tickets to Tel Aviv? Should you do that to your French brothers and sisters or your Norwegian ones?

And while I try to facilitate feelings of love all my people, the thought of fully assimilated self-hating extreme Leftists (as some British Jews are) making aliyah does give me room for pause.

Anyway...

If Jews want to come and can come, then they do. If they don't want to come, you can't force them. And if they want to come, but can't...?

Rav Eliezer Papo provided a solution in the Pele Yoetz, back when Eretz Yisrael was under Turkish occupation and was truly a difficult place to live.

Prayer.

Please see A Prayer to Make Aliyah & Live in Eretz Yisrael.

(And as for those Jews who are fully assimilated self-hating extreme Leftists? Prayer can help them too!)

Beseeching Hashem for the welfare and spiritual state of fellow Jews is something tzaddikim always had in common with each other. Whether it was Neviim of the Tanach or tzaddikim of today, the concern for fellow Jews -- even the ones who don't seem to deserve such compassion -- is the common thread running through them all.

May all Jews succeed in coming to Eretz Yisrael smoothly and easily with great joy and nachat.

Related links:
#Free Tommy: The Writing is on the Wall
The Sun Setting on the British Empire

Tommy Robinson's imprisonment and its accompanying media mute button got me thinking. And reading.

Interestingly, the media itself can't seem to settle exactly on what Tommy did wrong.

• Contempt of court -- he posted a video of himself saying things, when he'd been told not to
• Mortgage fraud
• Vigorously defending himself against a Somalian immigrant who attempted to throw boiling sugar-water on Tommy
• Other things I can't remember

None of these seem like imprisonable offenses to me. Mortgage fraud is bad, but not exactly a physical threat to society.

It's impossible to miss the media and Establishment pursuit of Tommy over the years. The son of Irish immigrants, Tommy is a working-class bloke with a history of brawling, a feisty guy who works hard (he owned a sunbed shop) and drinks hard, and who never managed to put behind him the grim rough town of Luton where he grew up. This all makes him an easy target for people with classier accents, better education, uppercrust lives, and more power and influence. A LOT more power.

And I can't prove this, but I also can't help feeling that the British Establishment resent someone they view as disdainfully "common" leaving his "place" and fighting against his "superiors." Down, serf, down!

It's impossible to miss the genuine compassion Tommy expresses regarding the events that led to him establish the EDL (which wasn't meant to be a racist organization and Tommy himself isn't a racist). He's clearly fighting for both the underdog and for people he admires, like British servicemen.

Yet while the British media vigorously defends itself (the media blackout was to ensure a fair jury, etc.), it's hard to believe them when the same media and members of the Establishment allow those who commit truly appalling crimes to literally get away with murder.

(Early Communist and Nazi imprisonment also offered convincing excuses for imprisonment and censorship, and were defended by many members of society.)

Is Tommy's imprisonment and the accompanying media blackout a turning point? I'm not sure.

Everything has been leading up to this, and it's not surprising.

For a couple of years now, I've felt like England has no future. I feel this way about most of the Eurozone countries too. They're too far gone and too stuck in traditional, class-based mindsets.

For example, I couldn't figure out why even right-wing politicians like Nigel Farage refused to promise serious change to the entire Socialist system. It's so clear that the country is drowning in Socialism.

For example, a British friend of mine was living in a nice home with a garden in a nice centrally located neighborhood in England -- care of the government. Obviously, I don't want her and her children living in public housing and rough neighborhoods, but objectively speaking, I thought this was a bit much. Though grateful for the benefits, she herself agreed that objectively speaking, it really wasn't fair to the middle-class tax-payers. She went on to explain that there are people living in government-funded housing in really posh areas while middle-class tax-payers living on a lower standard are funding this posh lifestyle.

This is so unfair and demoralizing.

Then there was an interview with an unmarried 19-year-old with 2 children by 2 different fathers. She complained bitterly about not yet being given an entire house by the government. The media interviewing her was clearly on her side.

I was floored.

Her unwavering sense of entitlement confounded me. She's obviously irresponsible and lacks good sense -- why should she be rewarded with an entire house? (Yes, I realize that the children are innocent victims in this scenario, but I don't see benefits as the best way to improve their situation.) And birthing children outside of marriage while bringing strange men in and out of their lives indicates she's not a very caring mother either (despite the image of her attentively spinning them on a metal carousel at a local park).

It wasn't until I read The Shuttle (authored by the same woman who wrote The Secret Garden and Little Princess) that the light bulb went on.

Traditionally, England maintained a type of serf system. (And even after serfdom was officially over, you still had tax-paying peasants and villagers dependent on lords.) You had royalty and the like living in manors on sprawling estates surrounded by very poor people eking out a living. Because of their poverty, they were dependent on the manor lords for their survival. A serious illness in the family or the death of a spouse lead to a crisis situation that could only be alleviated by the magnanimity of those in the manor.

The poor people paid taxes to the rich people in the manor and in return, the rich people were supposed to take care of their village. They didn't always do so because they didn't care much. (The wealthy also often spent their money frivolously. How awful it must have been for the villagers to see their hard-earned wages going to fund such extravagance while they lived in a dreary cottage with barely enough to eat.)

And as far as I can tell, English royalty had a religious side to it. Meaning, if you're royalty, there's a certain "chosenness" implied. Until today, the British anthem is "God Save the Queen." British coronations are quasi-religious events that take place in an abbey and performed by religious clerics. The original "Supreme Head of the Church of England" was that degenerate lump, King Henry the Eighth. (If you remember, European royalty was at one time referred to as "the Holy Roman Emperor" and you were a prince in the "Holy Roman Empire." "Holy," eh? What a joke.)

So non-royals were considered to lack those "holy" genes.

(Oh, the royal gene pool...yikes. Even today, Europe's royal families suffer the results of inbreeding, which is why they've all started marrying "commoners" and even marry outside their ethnicity and nationality.)

Then Social Darwinism entered the picture, downgrading the poor even more. Religious class discrimination now developed an "unbiased" scientific side to it. (i.e., "We're not racists or bad people, it's just objective scientific fact!")

The point is that British people feel entitled to benefits and favors (or feel that the poor are entitled to benefits and favors) from their higher-ups because that's always how it was. They were exploited by their higher-ups, and they deserve to be reimbursed and cared for. (Also, because they were "property," they didn't have much choice than to beg for favors from their rich masters.)

They basically went from serfdom to Socialism, and now they're stuck.

As an American, this was mind-boggling to me because I grew up reading about pioneers and people who felt marvelous about striking out on their own, whether it was joining a gold rush or building their own cabin with just an axe and their own muscle, while subsisting on hunting and fishing. These people rejoicing at being "free and independent" and they mostly were free and independent.

The thought of hand-outs was repugnant to them and they even resented paying taxes.

In fact, in one classic fictionalized biography of the author's grandmother, the British father inherited a massive luxury estate in England and stood to receive coveted titles along with the estate, yet he and his American wife and children decided against leaving America and giving up their US citizenship because they wanted to remain free and independent, and not enter a classist system.

Yes, they preferred their log cabin and flour mill to an extravagant mansion with peacocks on the lawn.

And while the entitlement mentality has burgeoned in America, it's considered un-American by many Americans. American Conservatives argue vigorously for a free-market system and deregulation, plus the freedom to both succeed and the freedom to fail (along with the freedom to pick up oneself and try again).

I simply wasn't aware of how much a history and a different system could affect a modern system today.

The point is that, with some exceptions, even Conservative right-wing British don't WANT out of a system and mentality that is leading to their downfall.

As far as I can tell, there isn't a religious right with any influence in British society. In fact, one of the best leaders of the Conservative side is Douglas Murray, an atheist attracted to his own gender. And while he defends the rights and beauty of religious thought with eloquence and conviction, he doesn't actually believe in any of this himself.

Even the appealing Tommy Robinson complains about Muslim infringement on the right to stumble home drunk from the pubs at night.

This just isn't good enough.

Douglas Murray has stated many times that the British need to save Britain because "we don't have an Israel to escape to."

And that's correct.

The Jews of Britain can ultimately leave when things get too intolerable.

The non-Jews of Britain have nowhere to go (although I suppose some can try getting into America or Australia or New Zealand; Nigel Farage is quite popular with American Conservatives).

But as long as the UK is only blabbing about individual rights -- however inane or harmful those rights may be -- it doesn't have a leg to stand on.

You have to have some kind of God-based moral highground and outside of certain pockets, that moral highground doesn't seem to exist.

In fact, when a UKIP rep stated his opposition to same-gender marriage, UKIP saw the need to oust him (albeit reluctantly) and Nigel Farage set about excusing his behavior by explaining that he was of "that generation."

Even the right-wing Conservative party could not bring itself to defend a moral position on moral grounds. Instead, they chose to "excuse" this position.

This is very different than the American right defending traditional marriage as a moral ideal.

For example, America's Vice-President Mike Pence has unapolegtically declared his position that funding for AIDS be moved to provide assistance for "those seeking to change their sxual behavior." He signed the Religious Freedom Restoration Act into law (which means that religious people don't have to cater to people who act in opposition to to religious morals), and has stood very firmly against legalizing same-gender marriage (while all the time opposing the mistreatment or persecution of those with same-gender attraction).

American Conservatives never try to tone Pence's views as those of "that generation." Rather, they rigorously defend his views as the moral highground. As far as I know, President Trump himself has not feel the need to "excuse" or apologize for the pro-traditional marriage views of his Vice-President.
__________

Well, these are my thoughts on what's happening. If I got British history wrong, you can feel free to correct me. (I'm new to British history & politics, after all.)
__________
Related Links:
Can You Stop the Sun from Setting? Only by Prayer (a continuation of this post)
Standing for Nothing: The UK

Sometimes, I find it very easy to sit down and talk to Hashem.

If I have a pressing or embarrassing problem, it's easier for things to pour out than when I have my routine problems. (Although not always. If there's a lot fear involved, I find it very difficult.)

But then there's also the issue of concentration.

I was a dreamy child who never completely lost that tendency to tune out and start daydreaming about other things. This is sort of embarrassing when talking to the Creator of the Universe and my mind starts wandering, only for me to come around half-an-hour later and wonder where all the time went.

However, this only proves Hashem's Tremendous Compassion and Love.

Can you imagine standing before a human world leader and as you explain your petition, your face suddenly goes slack as you start to daydream standing before him or you suddenly start rambling to yourself about totally unrelated fluff?

That would be really weird.

But Hashem is okay with it as long as you're trying. He never expects you to be perfect.

It just goes to show how far I really am from real cognizance of Who Hashem really is.

But it's also a sign of how comfortable I feel with Him because at least there's recognition that He is so Forgiving and Understanding and Patient.

But how to re-orient myself?

And what about those days where it just doesn't seem to go?

To be perfectly upfront, I don't manage to do it some days, maybe just a few minutes at most. Sometimes I only manage a really geshmak talk with Hashem only on Shabbat.

So how do I get myself back on track, whether it's reining in a flighty mind or finding the quiet mental space to do it or getting back in the habit?

Well, I find that Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender's advice works best.

First of all, Rav Bender (and Rebbe Nachman and Rebbe Nosson) reassure us that yes, sometimes communing with Hashem will feel "dry." Frustrating & disappointing, yet true.

However, it's still a powerful act that reaps major reward and blessing even though you won't sense the reward and blessing at all in those "dry" phases. The "dry" talks also have an accumulative effect, meaning that they add up and often produce a welcome break-through later on.

So that's good to keep in mind when the relationship just feels dry and drab.

Secondly, Rav Bender encourages us to talk to Hashem as we would speak to a true best friend (Words of Faith, page 477):

A "faithful, beloved friend."

Think about that for a minute.

What is a faithful, beloved friend?

• One who CERTAINLY accepts your words -- no cynicism or put-downs, just all-embracing.
• One who forgives you -- as simple as that. No grudges or distrust.
• One who continues to do you good -- Complete forgiveness and good will. Love Warmth. Affection.

This is Hashem, the Best Friend you'll ever have.

So sometimes I think to myself, "If a really good friend of mine were to call me right now, what would I say to her?" After all, I'm unlikely to tell a really good beloved friend that I have nothing to say to her, so we'll talk another time. Right? So I think of what I might say to her and then start saying it to Hashem.

Other times, I just say, "Okay, Hashem. You're my One True Good Friend" and then I start talking to him from there.

Recently, I heard of a tzaddik who always started off talking to Hashem by saying "Hakadosh Baruch Hu, Yitbarach Shimcha" -- "The Holy One Blessed Be He, Blessed is Your Name" -- and this is a great way to orient yourself. It's very important to praise Hashem before you say anything else, so whether you're giving God a thumbs-up and saying "You, my One True BFF" or "Hakadosh Baruch Hu, Yitbarach Shimcha," it's really good.

And although Rav Bender idealizes talking to Hashem for hours all day long, he still heaps praises on the act of talking to Hashem for only 5 minutes.

Anything you can do is very powerful and affects both you and the whole world positively.

It's always embarrassing to use myself as an example because I don't do this as I should, I don't have any impressive accomplishments, and so on.

(And I have no 6-8 hours hitbodedut marathons to speak of, but I'm still hoping...)

There are other people who are doing things much better and you have a lot more to learn from them.

However, I did want to give encouragement to any other people who also tend to bumble through lofty spiritual acts or get distracted easily or aren't consistent, or whatever flaws you're struggling against.

It's okay to bumble!

Despite everything, I still feel like I've gained a tremendous amount from my clumsy, bumbling, inconsistent efforts.

So please don't be discouraged by whatever character flaws or obstacles or embarrassing tendencies you may have.

As a fellow bumbler, I'm telling you that it's very, very worth it. You still get things out of it that you'd never imagine otherwise.

Seriously.

Hashem really is your Forgiving, Understanding, Warm, Generous, Loving Best Friend.

While writing about the different personalities in Tanach, I realized that I owe a huge debt of gratitude to Rebbetzin Holly Pavlov for her masterpiece, Mirrors of Our Lives: Reflections of Women in Tanach.

It's a deep, scholarly, mind-blowing book that delves into several different personalities of Jewish women in Tanach and, with power and depth, explains some hard-to-understand events that occurred, like Rachel Imeinu's death after birthing Binyamin.

Anyway, before I read Mirrors of Our Lives, I never noticed the pronounced differences between the personalities of the Imahot (Matriarchs) and their marital relationships. Therefore, I certainly didn't realize what they had to teach us in this regard.

What Rebbetzin Pavlov inspired me to realize was that despite some presentation to the contrary, there are different ways of being a great Jewish woman and different ways of being a great Jewish wife and different styles of marriage dynamics -- all of which can be very good.

(There are also different ways of being a great Jewish man, as we see throughout Tanach.)

Until then, I'd been receiving a narrower view. This depends on your community and the books you read and the shiurim you listen to, but if you aren't careful, you can imbibe a narrow interpretation of what's acceptable or emulable.

Some people can make you feel bad for being an assertive, driven type while others can make you feel bad for being less driven and more contemplative.

Some people have more physical energy while others possess more mental energy.

Some advisers emphasize the importance of balance, but that often ends up trying to make everyone the same by, say, advising driven people to scale back and contemplative people to up their game.

Yes, it's true that driven people may need to scale back a bit at times and that contemplative people should up their game at times, but it's really yishuv hadaat we should aim for as our guide. Meaning, we should look to channel our capabilities and vibrancy in Torah ways rather than try to smush them this way or that in the futile struggle to achieve the ever-elusive "perfect balance."

The goal is not to be a Stepford Yid.

For example, Sara Imeinu came from the exact same background as Avraham Avinu. They worked mostly as equals, a hand-in-hand partnership. He represented chessed and she represented gevurah, and they acted very much as two halves of a whole. They were both solidly in the center of the world, reaching out to the society around them. Sara Imeinu was very assertive, bringing the idea of a second woman to fulfill the promise of progeny for Avraham Avinu, then ordering Hagar and Yishmael out when their presence proved a threat to her son Yitzchak. Chazal even notes that her level of prophecy was higher than that of her husband's.

Rivka Imeinu's relationship with Yitzchak Avinu seems almost the exact opposite of the first set of Patriarch-Matriarch. She was chessed, he was gevurah. She was the daughter of a rasha, he was the son of a tzaddik. They are the only couple who never brought in another woman to deal with the lengthy infertility. And from the moment Rivka Imeinu leaned off her camel and covered her face before Yitzchak Avinu, their relationship displayed a different dynamic. Though full of mutual love and trust, Rivka Imeinu held onto to a certain reserve with regard to Yitzchak, a reserve which comes up repeatedly.

At the same time, Rivka Imeinu and Yitzchak Avinu are the only couple described as "metzachek" in Parshat Toldot. Chazal gives interpretations for this word and that scenario, but its root is "laugh." In this otherwise serious, self-contained, reserved couple, there was happy affection.

Yet despite all their differences and contrasts, all four of these people are considered models of good Jews and their very different marriages are also considered equally good!

Both Sara Imeinu and Rivka Imeinu are considered ideal women and both Avraham Avinu and Yitzchak Avinu are considered ideal men.

And you can continue on examining the different personalities and marital dynamics in all the relationships of the rest (Leah Imeinu and Rachel Imeinu to Yaakov Avinu), including those of Zilpah and Bilha to Yaakov Avinu.

But the book helped me learn that you don't have one model.

There isn't one ideal.

Sometimes, people present a narrower view of Jewish ideals and models simply because they are projecting too much of themselves or their own desires onto their audience. This is certainly not intentional and I'm not sure that it's even avoidable. We see things how we see things, and how can one imperfect human being completely avoid bias and personal blindspots?

This is why I feel it's so important to do your own research and delve in as deep as you can. You may be limited by language, time, and concentration capabilities. (These also vacillate as your personal situation vacillates throughout your life. One life-stage is conducive to heavy-duty immersion in scholarship while another stage gets you overwhelmed just by reading a magazine sidebar.)

But whatever you can manage at any stage is still really good.

Some of the classic commentaries (like Rashi, Ramban, and some of the Kli Yakar) have been translated into English. There are also books (like Mirrors of Our Lives) and articles that delve into detailed descriptions and analyses of a particular personality's facets and events.

There are also shiurim that bring you deep into different personalities and events.

So even if you can't manage 12th-Century Hebrew (or English translations of 12th-Century Hebrew), there are still other and more digestible options, as described above.

And rather than others (including this blog ;-) telling you what you should get out of a certain role model or event in Tanach, I think it's ideal if you extract it yourself as far as you can using whatever tools you have.

Hashem guides each person in the way they need to go.

When you sincerely try to understand, you merit Heavenly assistance. (This Heavenly assistance can still be a process, BTW, and not instant illumination, frustratingly enough.)

Hashem gave us the Torah with all its breadth and depth in order for us to enhance and elevate ourselves, and not to confine or repress ourselves.

May Hashem grant us all blessing success in our soul's journey.