Though still feeling down about the passing of Rav Yisroel ben Rav Binyomin (Yisroel Jacobs, the husband of Nechumelle Jacobs), I'm happy to announce the fundraising drive for a new mitzvah tank in his memory, l'ilui nishmato (for the elevation of his soul).

To donate: https://www.charidy.com/cmp/yisrolik

Here is the message about it from his beloved & loving wife, Nechumelle Jacobs:

If it helps to know, a Mitzvah Tank is a vehicle used by Lubavitcher chassidim to spread knowledge of & enthusiasm for Judaism.

It's like miniature Chabad house on wheels.

Here's an article on the history of the Lubavitch Mitzvah Tank:
Mobilizing the Mitzvah Tanks:
​The Untold Story of the ‘Are You Jewish?’ Guys—The origins of the Rebbe’s ‘tanks against assimilation’

Despite his multiple disabilities, Rav Yisroel Jacobs himself used to ride in the Mitzvah Tanks to spread his joy & knowledge of Judaism to fellow Jews.

May this beautiful goal be achieved l'ilui nishmas Rav Yisroel ben Rav Binyomin.

I wanted to revisit the previous post The Most Grueling Test of Emunah: When Literally NOTHING Helps because it started off with a rope analogy, then veered into a tunnel analogy, but the main message of the shaking rope needs emphasis for our times.

With the analogy of Rebbe Elimelech of Lizhensk for the End of Days describing such trials that it feels like hanging on to a rope being shaken, jerked, and yanked around as hard as possible—to the point that only the most determined grippers will manage to hold on—we learn that our very emunah will be shaken to the core.

And the only way that can happen is to challenge our foundations of emunah.

Basically, there are 2 categories of challenge to emunah:

• intellectual
• emotional/spiritual.

​How do these emunah-shaking challenges play out? 

First of all, the intellectual challenges to emunah have been cannonballing through the world for a couple of centuries now.

With your own study, inner work, and talking to the right people, you can overcome that particular challenge.

Want a short-cut route to overcoming that challenge?

Here it is:

​Simply note how many times a scientist uses blatantly unscientific weasel words such as:

• "presume"
• "imagine"
• "think"
• "guess"
• "maybe"
• "perhaps"
• "believe"
• "theorize"
• "possibly"
• "could be"
• "computer models suggest that..."
• bases his (or her!) oh-so objective conclusions on emotions ("We felt it would be silly/presumptuous/arrogant to believe that...")

All the above indicate lack of proof, yet scientists use the above terms to present their theories as backed by solid evidence—a dishonest, unobjective, & unscientific approach to science.

And please note: All the above occurs in the most prestigious magazines in peer-reviewed articles, plus books written by the popular hotshots of science.

In other words: Simply whittle down any scientific paper to what they actually know or have proven.

You'll see their actual knowledge or proof is much less than they describe

For example, I've undergone C-sections and the surgeon did not "imagine" or "guess" the location of my womb—the surgeon knew. That's actual science.

The surgeon did not "believe" that using a scalpel rather than a power drill "could possibly be" the best way to go—the surgeon knew.

​Again, that's genuine science at work.

Likewise, we don't "believe" in viruses or bacteria; we see them under a microscope.

Ultimately, the real challenge for emunah is the spiritual & religious stuff. That's what hits even the best people right in the jugular.

Many religious acts come with a kind of promise. Not all of them do. But here are some of the more popular ones:

For example, carrying out the following are supposed to either grant you what you request from Hashem or grant you relief from your troubles:

• Saying the entire Sefer Tehillim (Book of Psalms) at one sitting.
• Saying Perek Shirah for 40 days.
• Going to the Kotel for 40 days.
• Remaining silent in the face of an insult.
• Thanking Hashem for your troubles.
• Doing teshuvah.
• Asking Hashem for spiritual things (like emunah, daat, the koach to continue)
• Getting rid of your unkosher cell phone.
• Getting rid of your Internet.
• Copious heartfelt prayer with tears.
• Making requests at Shabbat candle-lighting.

Others come with "promises" of specific results:

• Keeping taharat hamishpacha will produce good children & a good marriage.
• Dressing tsniyusly (with modesty & dignity) will bring protection & blessing.
• Taking your son to the gravesite of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov in Uman before the boy turns 7 will ensure that he'll arrive at his chuppah with "a clean shirt" (pure & innocent).
• Remaining silent in the face of an insult grants you the power to bless & have your blessing fulfilled.
• Following a Gadol's advice will work out as the Gadol says.
• Giving 20% (or making sure to tithe the halachic minimum of 10%) of your earnings to tzedakah will bring you wealth.

Now, I'm sure you noticed that doing the above often DOES bring about desired results—or at least improvement in the desired direction.

For example, haven't we had our prayers answered many, many times?

Doesn't Hashem usually grant us daat or koach when we ask for them?

Doesn't following the advice of a Gadol usually work out nicely?

Haven't we seen bracha in our livelihood from giving tzedakah?

​Yes!

The problem is that upon drowning an intolerable situation, the pain of finding no relief often overwhelms us.

It feels like Hashem doesn't care or isn't really there.

That's why it's important to focus on what He DOES give us and how often He DID answer our prayers in the way we wanted.

For example, I've said Perek Shirah for 40 days for a specific issue & experienced relief.

Conversely, I've also said Perek Shirah for 40 days for a specific issue & either saw no change or...things got even worse.

Furthermore, I've said Sefer Tehillim at one go (takes me well over 4 hours—not easy) and seen nothing from it (though I felt very good—and still do—about having done it).

In fact, one time I did it for a specific situation and the situation got worse. And then worse (although, paradoxically, with some relief at the same time). Nonetheless, the situation is still a problem.

On the other hand, I've experienced wonderful results from thanking Hashem copiously—yet am still waiting for improvement in other areas for which I also thanked Hashem.

And no, I wasn't asking for material or frivolous things, like an indoor swimming pool or the disappearance of wrinkles.

I was asking for things that, according to Chazal, Hashem wants too.

Now, with reciting prayers, it's easier to give Hashem the benefit of the doubt (so to speak) because, after all, do you really think I was able to keep up any kind of decent kavanah for over 4 hours while saying the entire Book of Tehillim?

No, of course not.

So I reassure myself that Tehillim or Perek Shirah didn't "work" because I didn't say them with proper kavanah.

With regard to ensuring your son a "clean shirt" by age 7, it seems that Rebbe Nachman originally said this while he was still alive, and others took this to include his kever too.

I could definitely believe that taking your young son to Rebbe Nachman himself, when Rebbe Nachman could personally bless the child, would ensure a "clean shirt."

But now it clearly does not always guarantee this.

It's not useless—of course not! But we all know boys taken to the kever before age 7 who've ended up with a pretty schmutzy "shirt."

​In other words, the implied promise of any good deed is fulfilled for some, but not for others.

Another example:

Upon finding myself facing a particularly hurtful insult, it took enormous self-restraint to remain silent in response. In my head, I said I am only holding my tongue for the merit of a certain person to recover from illness. Later, I verbally expressed to Hashem that I dedicate my silence in the face of this pain to this person.

The person died a few days later.

Likewise, we all know people who keep taharat hamishpacha, don't use non-kosher phones, live in a frum neighborhood, send their children to frum schools, and who not only reject Internet but don't even have a computer at home—yet they have at least one child flying off the derech.

The list goes on.

What's going on?

​It's all about the emunah-rope.

Let's diverge from the idea of the emunah-rope for a moment (although it's still connected to emunah) and examine the above.

Maybe a person thinks he or she did a holy act correctly, but actually did not.

Or maybe the person simply isn't seeing the whole picture.

For example, maybe saying the entire Sefer Tehillim didn't "work" because of lack of kavanah.

Fair enough.

Or maybe, despite my perception that it either didn't "work" or that things got worse, maybe things were supposed to become unbearably horrible—and saying the Sefer Tehillim prevented that. Only I'll never know because, baruch Hashem, the unbearably horrible stuff never materialized.

Regardless, the Sefer Tehillim still went into the global collective merits & into my own personal account in Shamayim. I don't perceive the benefit, but it's definitely there.

As another example: Let's say someone keeps Shabbos, but does so in the most profane way possible.

Maybe he leaves his TV timed to go on so he can watch his favorite shows throughout Shabbat. Maybe all his non-Jewish & secular friends come over to drink beer & listen to heavy metal with him until 2 AM on Shabbat. Maybe he reads secular books & studies for his philosophy exam.

If he then complains that Shabbat isn't doing much for him, a simple self-introspection will show that in trying to make his Shabbat as non-Shabbat as possible, he is repressing a lot of the bracha Shabbat naturally brings.

In other cases, a person asks a Gadol in an obtuse or misleading way (whether intentionally or not), or misinterprets what the Gadol answered.

In the Shabbat magazine Mishkan Shilo, Rav Yitzchak Batzri wrote that the segulah of achieving wealth by donating the required 10% (or more) of your earnings only works for a person whose deeds are decent & proper; he states that this segulah does not work for a person who is "a sinner & transgressor."

(You should give tzedakah no matter what; it's always beneficial. But he means that you shouldn't expect to get rich from it if you don't behave with halachically defined decency.)

Likewise, I knew someone who davened for good health & gave tzedakah & performed chessed, but spoke every form of lashon hara (true, not true, told others what someone else supposedly said about them, etc.), complained incessantly, and incited people against each other. For example, this person's daughter refused to speak to her husband for 2 weeks because of some perceived insensitivity toward this person; siblings refused to speak to other siblings, a son raged at his wife due to this person's interference, and so on. 

So it's beneficial & logical to take a step back to compassionately examine whether maybe I'm my own obstacle in some way.

But what if you really did "follow the rules"?

So again, all these spiritual disappointments & betrayals are the emunah-rope being shaken like it's a washing machine powered by a jumbo-jet engine.

For example, if a rabbi's or rebbetzin's advice always works perfectly, then where is the challenge to emunah?

If heartfelt davening, saying Perek Shirah for 40 days, doing teshuvah, asking Hashem for daat, koach, & simcha ALWAYS achieve the desired result, then where is the challenge to emunah?

There isn't!

On the contrary, achieving the desired result only CONFIRMS your emunah.

In that case, not only is the rope not shaking, it's wrapped around you in a comforting little nest.

The challenge of emunah comes from being attacked where your emunah is most vulnerable: your religious & spiritual beliefs.

Here's an an example of a person who experienced both:

I personally know someone who suddenly felt inspired to write down 1000 things for which she was grateful to Hashem, both pleasant & unpleasant things.

It took her over an hour.

She said she didn't have any particular reason for doing it; she just did it.

A few days later, her parents notified her they received particularly generous tax returns and they were gifting her $1000.

Totally unexpected, but the connection is clear: 1000 thank-Yous=$1000.

(It's like those matched-donation drives: Hashem matched a dollar for each gratitude she expressed.)

​Furthermore, her gratitude not only benefitted her, but also her parents, who received generous returns on their taxes.

Yet other times she has said gam zu l'tovah in painful situations, thanked Hashem a lot, wrote down gratitudes & positives—and found no relief.

So we need to realize that sometimes Hashem says no; He has His reasons for your benefit (though you may not perceive any benefit).

But He also says "Yes!" much more than we realize.

And we must acknowledge that happy fact in order to resist turning into bitter secular cynics.

Furthermore, as stated above, you never know what your positive acts prevented because the truly awful thing never happened.

And oftentimes, our efforts improve other aspects in life—but just not the specific aspect we desire most.

Regardless, your positive efforts reap global benefits & also await you as reward in the World to Come.

Tehillim mentions the feeling of Hashem forgetting about you or turning His Back on you.

It also discusses seemingly insurmountable enemies (whether from within or without).

You see it in Psalm 13 and at the end of Psalm 42 and more.

That emotional experience is very real!

(Also, the commentators explain that David Hamelech wrote Psalm 13 more for the 4 Exiles than for himself. So it definitely applies to us now! It's written FOR us in our present situation.)

Paradoxically, however, Hashem NEVER FORGETS ANYTHING.

He is Perfect. Completely & unlimitedly Omniscient & Omnipresent.

Even more, Hashem davka hones in on the person who seeks Him.

(Rav Miller explains this based on Tehillim.)

So that feeling is normal. That experience is real.

But the actual reality is the opposite.

Both Psalms 13 & 42 follow those expressions of despair with affirmations of Hashem's Loving Attention, His Loving-Kindness & His Salvation.

So that's what's going on.

It's not Divine rejection. God doesn't hate you. You're not a hopeless failure. It's not a sign of atheism or Torah not being True, chas v'shalom.

It's not any of that.

It's the rope being shaken as hard as possible in preparation for the Geula.

So yes, definitely continue to encourage yourself, to thank Hashem, to speak with Him, to daven to Him, and work on your middot, do teshuvah, do chessed, give tzedakah, and all that other really wonderful stuff.

But know also that even when your spiritual efforts don't seem to "work," they actually ARE working.

That's you holding on to the violently spastic rope of emunah.

And even when you get really down about everything, at least intellectually know what's actually going on.

In the much larger picture, things are very different than how they seem.

So just hold on as best you can.

And that really is very, very good. In fact, it's amazing. 

Related posts:

• ​The Most Grueling Test of Emunah: When Literally NOTHING Helps
• ​Were You Ever Despised or Treated as Inferior? Then You Need to Read Rav Avigdor Miller's Dvar Torah for Parshat Vayetzei
  
• ​3 Ways How You Too Can Climb Yaakov's Ladder (Rav Avigdor Miller)

For the month of Shevat, we have the following from Rav Itamar Schwartz at Bilvavi:

• The Mazal of Shevat: Pail/Dli/Aquarius

This article is of particular interest because it mentions the "rope" one needs to hang on to in order to get out of the "pit" (dark, hopeless situation), and we've been discussing Rebbe Elimelech's idea of the "rope" we need to hang on to, no matter how hard it shakes—the rope of emunah.

• Asher & the Month of Shevat

The Tribe of Asher corresponds to the month of Shevat. Read this to learn about how Asher corresponds to elevated eating, song, bringing the highest point into the lowest point, and more.

• ​The Month of Shevat – Sanctifying The Act of Eating

If Tevet was about sanctifying the act of sleeping & using sleep for holy purposes, then Shevat is all about rectifying & sanctifying the act of eating. (Also contains helpful advice for different reasons why people overeat: hunger, boredom, cravings, etc., plus a fascinating Q&A at the end.)

• Eating with Holiness

Follows the theme of the previous.

• The Time for Fixing: A Guide for Shovavim

A downloadable PDF collection of Rav Schwartz's talks on the subject to help access the essence of this time for most effective rectification.

Also, you can check out this post if you ever wondered what was going on with Hashem hardening Pharaoh's heart:

• How to Wrench Yourself Out of the Paralyzing Plague of Darkness: ​The Life-Changing Lessons We can Learn from What Rav Shimshon Dovid Pincus Says about Why Hashem Hardened Pharaoh's Heart & Why Hashem Punished Him Anyway

In Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah for Parshas Vaeira 4 – Seeing His Wonders, the rav takes us in for a much deeper look at the 10 Plagues.

Seeing as so much of our liturgy recalls the Exodus from Egypt—even the blessing after eating bread recalls it—it's vital we understand what went on during that torturous yet miraculous time.​

On page 4, Rav Miller makes a shocking observation: 

He prefaces this by noting that while Am Yisrael today consists of many different races from all the different people who converted to Judaism over the millennia...:

This seems like unique way of phrasing the old idea from Chazal that at the End of Days, Erev Rav (Mixed Multitude) will outnumber true Jews.

Very interesting, no?

Rav Miller acknowledges that we lack the ability to trace the lineage to see who descended from Egyptians & who descended from the 12 Tribes. But the original Egyptian descendants certainly exist!

Likewise, he notes that many Bnei Yisrael did NOT leave Egypt.

With these 2 observations, he presents an intriguing twist:
​

• Many Egyptians left Egypt with Bnei Yisrael, primarily BECAUSE of the 10 Plagues, and even sincerely said na'aseh v'nishmah (we will do and we will listen) at Har Sinai.

 

• At the same time, many Bnei Yisrael did NOT leave Egypt.

So you have non-Jews who converted because of the 10 Plagues, but Jews who did not do teshuvah despite the 10 Plagues.

Whoa.

And, in contrast to common belief, Rav Miller states that the Bnei Yisrael who remained in Egypt were not actually wicked, but only called reshaim (bad) in contrast to those who left.

If those refusers were around today, they'd be our most respected frum Jews.

​So those who did actually leave were quite exceptional.

Continuing along this fascinating theme, Rav Miller describes the Erev Rav Egyptians as the crème de la crème of Egyptian society. 

That's right.

The original Erev Rav consisted of the "intellectual aristocracy" of Egyptian nobility.

​Actually, we see this today with the elite of American society. So many marry Jews! Especially the millennial generation. It's weird. Some even seem to convert (though with many of them, their commitment seems lackluster compared to the many sincere converts we've all encountered & according to what basic halacha requires; many don't even go to a real rabbi for "conversion") But I digress...

Is this partly why so many Erev Rav today (as predicted by Chazal) aim for the highest echelons of Jewish society, both politically & religiously? Are they trying to reclaim their former status?

​Anyway, these Erev Rav people gave up lives of luxury & prestige to follow Bnei Yisrael into the Midbar (desert wilderness)...all because of the 10 Plagues' display of Hashem's Mastery.

​The Egyptian intelligentsia discussed every plague with incisive analysis.

So why didn't Paroh (Pharaoh) do the same?

He did, actually. He just came to different conclusions.

Basically, says Rav Miller, Paroh responded like the academics today: He theorized that reddish microorganisms infested the Nile.

And Paroh assumed that Moshe Rabbeinu predicted it by analyzing the Nile beforehand.

In other words, Paroh concluded that Moshe Rabbeinu (whom Paroh knew to be very intelligent & educated) examined the Nile beforehand, realized what the red-producing bacteria were about to do, then based on that, told everyone the Nile would turn to blood.

Ta-dah!

​Likewise with the Plague of Frogs. Frogs already existed in the Nile. So what's the big deal about a sudden infestation of them? It can happen. Also, sometimes a hail of frogs occurs from the sky, right?

So with each Plague, that's how Paroh confronted it, which Rav Miller details further on pages 7-8.

​With this, Rav Miller segues into the great contradiction within modern society, which carefully analyzes the great miracles of every human tissue & of nature, yet dismisses all these wonders as happenstance.

And in answer to the question of why Hashem no longer performs Biblical miracles for us today, Rav Miller says: He does!

We simply don't view them as such.

But with our advanced technology (also miraculous, BTW), we can see into so much of the natural workings and truly see Hashem's Hand in it all—just like the Egyptians could see into the Plague of Frogs, etc.

But sure, Rav Miller acknowledges, New York's Hudson River doesn't turn to blood and frogs don't go invading movie theaters & places of ill-repute.

It would be nice if they did, but they don't. (About the frogs, I mean, not the Hudson River.)

Why don't they?

​Because (pages 9-10; emphasis mine):

And that, says Rav Miller (quoting the Mesillat Yesharim/Pathway of the Just) is our purpose in life: to pass this test of emunah by seeing Hashem in a world in which Hashem is hidden.

When we insist on seeing Hashem's Hand in a life seemingly devoid of Hashem, we reap tremendous reward for this.

We create for ourselves huge merits!

It's especially challenging today, so we get especial credit.

Yay us!

​To help us overcome this momentous challenge, Rav Miller delineates on pages 11-14 the Divine aspects of daisies, rosebushes, apple trees, and dandelions.

Also, make sure to check out the Practical Tip on page 15.

And though this dvar Torah didn't come out and say it, the implication here is that the Yisrael majority who stayed behind did not analyze the 10 Plagues properly (according to the principles outlined in this dvar Torah), but the Erev Rav did.

And that made all the difference.

Very chewy food for thought...

It seems like people are increasingly experiencing the reality that things aren't always work out as expected or promised.

For example, expressing gratitude for all sorts of troubles & suffering can certainly alleviate or even completely erase those troubles & suffering.

Some people even experience a complete revolution of circumstances in a riches-to-rags-to-even-greater-riches dynamic.

Gratitude sweetens din (spiritual consequences). This is written in the Gemara Ta'anit 8a: "All who rejoice in afflictions bring salvation to the world." 

However...

It doesn't ALWAYS work that way.

Likewise, copious prayer can overturn even the worst decree.

But it doesn't ALWAYS do that.

Yet we still see how gratitude & prayer DO work so much of the time.

​In fact, we can forget to both notice & acknowledge what Hashem does for us.

Nonetheless, I bet many of us have offered copious prayer & gratitude for extremely painful situations that simply do not change, or improve only marginally, improve only marginally over a looooong stretch of time...or, paradoxically, even get worse.

And the devastatingly perplexing quandary:

Did you ever ask for something spiritual, like the inner emotional fortitude (koach) to deal with a situation, or to face a nisayon with joy?

Did you ask for lovely spiritual things like menuchat hanefesh (inner serenity) or yishuv hadaat (a settled mind)—or even just plain daat?

Torah Sages throughout the ages reassure us that if we ask for the spiritual keilim (tools) to deal with difficulties, we DEFINITELY receive that.

And yet...

Have you ever done exactly that and NOT received it?

(I have. And I personally know others who endured this too.)

Or not only didn't receive it, but even experienced a total breakdown (at least temporarily) and a major backslide?

​It happens. 

Even more frustratingly, when confiding our lack of improvement to others, we often receive rebuke or condemnation in response (and gentle or cheerful rebuke or condemnation is still rebuke & condemnation).

In other words, we are blamed for our circumstances despite our emotionally exhausting spiritual & practical efforts.

How do we deal with all that? And what the heck is REALLY going on behind it?

Rebbe Elimelech of Lizhensk offered a brilliant parable to describe our times, the times preceding the Geula HERE, a time of suffering & challenges known in Hebrew as chevlei Mashiach.​

Chevelim are cords or ropes. What are these cords or ropes of Mashiach?

Rebbe Elimelech explains we will feel like we are grasping onto a rope that jerks & yanks so hard, we feel like we might fly off any second—unless we hold on VERY tightly.

Also, a shaking & jerking rope is very difficult to keep hold of. Gravity & your own body weight work hard against you.

(Yes. The natural world & your own self davka work AGAINST your own benefit & lofty goal. Think about that for a minute.)

Yet Who grasps the other end of this rope? Who is shaking it so hard?

Hashem.​

What is a real test of emunah?

Meaning, a very bitter & crushing test of emunah?

​What shakes that emunah rope so hard, you can barely hang on?

Is it when Hashem doesn't answer whatever you quickly mumble at the end of Shemoneh Esrei?

Is it when you give the obligatory 10% of tzedakah, yet remain middle or lower middle class & can't afford luxuries?

Is it when you daven for a great spouse and "only" receive a good spouse (but still need to work on your marriage more than you expected)?

These are challenges, but not devastating ones.

Devastating challenges are when... 
​

• ...a woman cries in prayer at Shabbos candle-lighting...and the answer is still no. And the answer continues to be "no" for YEARS.

 

• ...a person in an unbearably painful situation alternately begs & thanks Hashem for weeks, months, or years, and still sees no light at the end of the tunnel. (Or sees a light, which then disappears.)

 

• ...a person receives advice from a rav (including a real Gadol, not just a local rabbi or even a particular leader—not all perceived leaders are actual Gadolim), and the advice either does not work or the opposite result occurs. (And yes, the person DID follow EXACTLY what the Gadol said, even double-checking with the Gadol himself to make sure the advice was properly understood.)

 

• ...a person begs Hashem for the emotional fortitude to withstand a nisayon, or for spiritual attributes (like emunah, daat, joy, etc.) and does NOT receive them (even though very holy books like Rav Dessler's Strive for Truth promise exactly that).

 

• ...a person carefully & joyfully keeps a particular mitzvah (like a mitzvah promoted with all sorts of "guarantees"), and not only do those spiritual "guarantees" not pan out, but the opposite even happens. (For example, I know women who kept taharat hamishpacha with heartfelt devotion, and their marriages were disasters and their kids mostly went off the derech too. And yes, they also exerted practical efforts to work on their shalom bayit. Didn't help.)

Experiencing the above can discombobulate a person's mind, making him or her doubt the truth of Torah, chas v'shalom.

The above can yank the emunah rope out of your grasp before you even realize what happened.

Also, I couldn't help noticing that unhelpful responses are part of any nisayon.

People WILL say the wrong thing. Not everyone, but some people will.

Sometimes, it's out of lack of sensitivity or empathy.

Sometimes, sensitive or caring people say the wrong thing because they simply don't know how to respond, got overwhelmed, it touched on a vulnerable spot with which they haven't yet dealt within themselves, etc.

But hearing exactly the wrong thing or feeling like nobody understands you...both seem to be part of the whole emunah-shaker.

That's why no matter how many articles are written about what to say & how to empathize, no matter how many distressing stories people hear of insensitive responses to sensitive situations...insensitivity still occurs.

It's part of the whole nisayon.

(Obviously, we should all learn how to respond to others with the sensitivity each individual needs. However, full sensitivity cannot be achieved because that's part of the nisayon itself. Best pray that at least Hashem doesn't designate you as the straw that breaks the camel's back, if you know what I mean. But you can't prevent it in others.) 

Just as a personal example:

For years, I davened for a family member to do teshuvah. But ultimately, he was found dead one Shabbat night, slumped over his work desk near his computer, still married to his non-Jewish wife.

So much for that.

Now, maybe I could've done more davening for that person, or given more tzedakah on his behalf, etc. And maybe the person did complete teshuvah in his last moments.

But the point is that I regularly davened for this person...and death with no apparent teshuvah was the result.

And doesn't Hashem WANT all Jews to be frum? Isn't this a wonderfully spiritual request?

Yet how many people suffer the pain of parents, a spouse, siblings, or children who are not frum, and they daven for their salvation, and the answer continues to be NO?

Like, YEARS of NO—and sometimes, the person for whom you're davening behaves even worse?

Another example:
​I found myself trapped in a very excruciating ongoing nisayon.

​With some intense cheshbon hanefesh & some past-life work (on my own without regression hypnosis, etc.), I came to see pretty clearly why I was suffering that way, why this was exactly the tikkun I needed for my soul, and so on.

Baruch Hashem, it was all very clear.

And I did feel happy for a while, but pretty quickly, the sheer emotional pain of the nisayon overwhelmed me.

I spoke with Hashem about this and explained how genuinely grateful I was for the nisayon, and even stated with complete sincerity that I did NOT want the nisayon changed (because its benefit & justice were so clear)...but could I please at least feel some simcha?

Could I please at least face the nisayon with simcha? 

I begged for this.

Guess what?

The answer was NO.

Intellectually, I was fine. Emotionally, I felt completely miserable.

Feeling miserable is the death knell for me because I'm not good at being miserable.

Some people are. Meaning, they can keep plodding forward in a miserable, unhappy situation as long as they know their path is meaningful.

But I need enjoyment too or I just disintegrate.

(Side note: Because of this, I used to think something was very wrong with me until I read Rav Itamar Schwartz's analysis of the psyche's 4 Elements. Sure enough, people with a strong Water component need enjoyment in a task. Fire needs to feel like it's making progress. Earth needs to feel secure. So Fire or Earth types may not enjoy themselves, but as long as they feel like they're making progress or feel secure in doing the right thing, they can keep on going. But Water types drown without pleasure.) 

So that was very depressing.

How on earth is it possible get out of that particular tunnel?

So the truth is, Hashem came through for me in the end.

He had me wake me up one miserable morning with the idea of saying Tehillim 13.

So I did. (Reluctantly & hopelessly at first, but I did it.)

And it described my situation perfectly.

(Tehillim 13 is perfect for misery & despair. It's also very short, which is perfect for people at the end of their rope who can't handle a whole long soliloquy.)

As David Hamelech wrote: "Until when, Hashem, will You forget me forever?"

Yep! That's exactly how it feels. 

Ignored. Rejected. Forgotten.

It's not like Hashem is even angry with you when, as we know, Hashem's Chastisement is a form of caring, a form of belief in your potential to be wonderful.

But this feels worse because it feels like He doesn't even care.

​Like, "Who...you? Meh."

This really feels like you're not even worth a prod in the right direction.

The Tehillim goes on to ask Hashem how long He'll hide His face. 

And: "Until when must I devise aitzot in my soul every day?"

Yes! Isn't that how we feel in such situations?

Depending on our situation, don't we feel fed up with trying this method & that method, this practical solution & that spiritual remedy?

Work on middot, search our deeds, confess, apologize, change the script, change behavior, take medication or herbs or vitamins, use aromatherapy or acupuncture, consult with yet another "expert," write out 20 thank-Yous to Hashem, say Tehillim, and so on and so on...so many different aitzot (recommendations, plans, advice)!

And nothing seems to work. (Or else it works, but not for long.)

As David Hamelech implies, it's totally depleting.

The seemingly victorious enemies & tormentors mentioned in the Psalm can either be your own yetzer hara or external enemies, whether they be personal enemies, disease, natural disasters, etc.

Yet the Psalm ends with the affirmation of Hashem's Loving-Kindness & the certainty that Hashem will save the tormented soul in the end & the absolute trust that despite how everything seems, Hashem is indeed dealing kindly with the sufferer.

To my surprise, as I boo-hooed my way through this Tehillim, I felt comforted.

After saying it a couple more times, I really felt much better & stronger—again, very much to my surprise. 

In other words, it enabled me to hang on to the jerking, shaking rope.

And I had a surprisingly good day...until I crashed the next time 😉.

By definition, an ongoing excruciating nisayon contains ups & downs—including those deceptive "ups" that make you think, "Oh, it's finally over!" or "Oh, things are finally taking a turn for the better!"

You discover that the light you thought you saw hinting at the end of the tunnel is actually just the reflection of your own light on the dark, damp walls.

And in a way of thinking, YOU are the light at the end of your own tunnel.

​Yes.

​You just haven't gotten to the end yet.

​But you will.

Follow-up post:
Recognizing the Spastic Rope of Emunah

Related posts:

• What is the Only Way to Hold on Tight When the Rope Starts Shaking?
• ​The Cleansing Compassion of Accepting Troubles with Love​
• ​The One Thing to Say in Times of Great Stress
• ​How a Deeply Flawed Person from a Deeply Flawed Background Can Be The Greatest of All​
• Seeing Ourselves through Hashem's Eyes by Using a Measuring Scale of 0-10

Looking at photos from the passionate protests at the U.S. Capitol Building here & here, plus reading reports, I found myself completely befuddled.

​Here's why:

Befuddlement #1:
Why are members of the Congress allowed to receive protection with weapons, even resulting in the deaths of some protestors, but business owners across America were not allowed to do that, nor did police or military offer the same effective protection as rich politicians in suits received?

After all, many of these businesses destroyed by rioting & looting will never bounce back due to covid-19 regulations and neighborhoods changed for the worse by lack of police & an increase in hoodlum activity.

Many of these people suffered a permanent downturn in their economic situation as a direct result of the riots.

Not to mention, the people terrorized across America or who suffered harm to themselves or their property as a result of the riots.

Befuddlement #2:
I thought that looting & protesting were okay! 

After all, so many politicians demanded that the police stand down & not harm the looting little sweeties.

Furthermore, didn't Icky Vicky say stuff like how rioting & looting:

And:

Before blocking the protesters at the White House, did anyone think to ask them whether they felt violent?

Because, according to Icky Vicky the Great Expert (he even wrote a book defending looting & rioting), it's only violence if the perpetrator—oops, I mean the protestor— feels violent.

As long as the protestors weren't feeling violent, that means the Capitol protests were not violent...so why all the barricades & handguns?

Before defending themselves and even shooting protesters, did anyone in the Capitol think to ask them, "Excuse me, but do you FEEL violent?"

Did any of the security personnel take a moment to ponder whether they should be interfering in the "imaginative sense of freedom and pleasure" of the protestors?

According to Icky Vicky, these people were most likely expressing joy and liberation. 

Should they really shot or pepper-sprayed for that?

In her book's description, she explains that "rioting & looting" uplift "the poor and the marginalized."

Based on that, security personnel really should have stopped being so defensive and tried to be more uplifting of these protestors who are mostly just poor & marginalized.

Befuddlement #3
Also, I noticed a serious breach of social distancing. Those policemen crowded by a door with their guns out stood far less than 6 feet from each other! What's more, the Congressmen crouching down by their seats also showed a serious lack of social distance from each other.

If they protestors wouldn't get them, then covid-19 would! Why aren't they practicing what they preach?

Befuddlement#4
Furthermore, I thought guns were bad. Guns kill people! So why were police brandishing them at the Capitol? Like, for example, in England, cops don't carry guns and so while the British suffer more knife deaths & assaults than America (source), gun deaths are less common. If guns were banned, at least one of those protestors might still be alive. We should be more like England. Right?

Befuddlement #5
I also wish to know why the policeman murdered with a fire extinguisher at the Capitol building merited a full article in the media, but policemen killed at looting protests in other areas of the country received only one or two lines?

Befuddlement #6
Finally, when protestors took over the police precinct in Seattle (in a neighborhood also called Capitol Hill, ironically) and when they also invaded City Hall, that was okay—at least for a little while.

Why is it suddenly so horrific when they merely try to do something similar at the Capitol Building?

I'm sure that one of my super-smart readers can explain all these seeming double-standards to me.

Note: Though Icky Vicky claims to feel like a woman and everyone refers to him as "she" 'cause that's how he feels, he's actually a man. But I understand all this stuff about feelings. After all, I feel like the Great Spaghetti Monster and from now on, I insist that everyone address me as "Her Supreme Spaghettiness." Come to think of it, "Her Incomparable Majesty" is also acceptable. If you don't, I will slander & defame you for making me FEEL bad about the fact that some people refuse to see me as the Great Spaghetti Monster. So there.

This is such a painful post to write. I really never wanted to write the following...

​But I'm very, very sad to report that Chaim Yisroel ben Bluma (the husband of Nechumelle Jacobs) passed away yesterday and his levaya is today in Schoinfeld Square (Chabad of London, England).

At this point, Nechumelle Jacobs prefers to only be contacted via email or text.

Any prayers, learning, tzedakah, and good acts may be said l'ilui nishmas (for the elevation of the soul of) Chaim Yisroel ben Bluma.

While I never knew him personally, it was always clear from his wife what a profoundly special & good person he was. 

May the Makom comfort the wife and family of Chaim Yisroel ben Bluma among all the mourners of Tziyon & Yerushalayim. 

This inspirational quote was sent out by Nechumelle Jacobs accompanied by a request that any positive act or thought or inspiration resulting from it be counted as a merit toward the complete & speedy healing of her husband, Chaim Yisroel ben Bluma.

This was posted with permission.

(You can read more about this wonderful couple here & here.)

We have some "good news" updates:

Chava Leah bat Esther, the young new mother written about here, is officially off the davening lists. It's a literal miracle accomplished through heartfelt tefillot from around the world. May she & her family continue to enjoy glowing health.

Chaim Yisroel ben Bluma (written about here & here), the husband of Nechumelle Jacobs, is now able to breathe with less assistance. However, he still has not woken up all this time. Your prayers & good deeds are obviously helping him breathe better despite his situation, so please continue whatever you can! 

A truly caring friend makes sure to send me the Bitachon Weekly every week. Bursting with fascinating Torah ideas, it also gleans from a wealth of Navordok mussar.

I love it.

For Parshat Shemot, it mentions a little-known fact about Miriam HaNeviah (the Prophetess):

In contrast to the majority of other saintly personalities throughout the Torah, Moshe Rabbeinu's famous big sister was not so good-looking.

And that's putting it lightly.​

Sotah 12a explains how Miriam was known by different names to reflect her unfortunate situation:

• Yeriot (curtains)—because her face was extremely pale like yeriot.

 

• Chelah (sickly)—because she was sickly.

 

• Azuvah (rejected, abandoned)—because "everyone abandoned her" due to not wanting to marry her because of her sickly, unattractive appearance (!!!)

It's hard to believe after everything she did for Am Yisrael, no one wanted to marry her due to her sickly, unattractive self.

Such wholesale rejection implies severe unattractiveness (but Chazal is too nice to come right out & say it. But the implication is definitely there).

Also, think of the tremendous slap-in-the-face against the concept of positive middah-k'neged-middah (measure-for-measure) this must have seemed.

After all, since her young girlhood, Miriam HaNeviah embodied the concept of unswerving loyalty.

She stood by the continuation of Am Yisrael by encouraging the fruitfulness of Am Yisrael under the sick decree of Pharaoh against the newborn boys of Yisrael.

She stood by her baby brother as he floated down the Nile.

Later, she risked her life as Puah to stand by Am Yisrael as a dedicated midwife, saving life after life.

She never abandoned one Jew, even at risk to her own life.

​So how was it that she herself was abandoned & rejected to such an extreme?

Also, while sickly is never an asset, it used to be worse before modern technology.

With so much of the most basic domestic duties demanding intensive labor (getting a fire going, digging up vegetables & washing them without running water, hand-washing laundry, cooking, childbirth, nursing, childcare, etc.) that challenged a healthy woman, how could a sickly woman possibly manage?

Sure, in the Midbar, bnei Yisrael enjoyed the luxury of manna & the Cloud Pillar (which did the laundry), but women still faced other demands.

And can you imagine being such an object of rejection that it becomes your name?

You know how people sarcastically say, "If you look up _____ in the dictionary, you'll find my name under the definition"?

Well, for Miriam, it was literally true! Azuvah. Rejected. Abandoned. Unwanted.

Yet one man rose to the occasion: Kalev ben Yefuneh.

Yes, Kalev again. The famously positive & emunah-filled spy.

​Kalev married Miriam solely for her holy personality.

And because he married l'Shem Shamayim (for the sake of Heaven, for the purest motives), Kalev earned unique merits; Hashem rewarded him richly.

After marriage, Miriam's appearance transformed into the opposite of what it had been.

Thus, she became known by new names:

• Vardon (a type of rose)—because she developed a beautiful rose-like appearance

 

• Na'arah (young woman)—because she became healthy & beautiful like the ideal young woman.

While her initial state of extended singlehood may not have seemed fair (after all, she was a savior of Am Yisrael—and saved Am Yisrael more than once!), it was her flaws that launched her into a marriage with one of the best men of the Nation.

Only Kalev was willing to marry such a sickly & unattractive tzaddikah.

Had she been more attractive & healthier, she would've had her pick of husband—a very good man, of course, but still not on the level of Kalev ben Yefuneh.

Yet after she married Kalev, she no longer needed her sickliness & unattractiveness. Those negative qualities had served their intended purpose. So Hashem replaced them with health & beauty.

Also, this marriage enabled Miriam to become a mother of royalty.

She not only married into the Tribe of Yehudah, but Mashiach descends from Kalev's line—a fitting reward for the woman who served as the courageous midwife, Puah.

​So Miriam's "flaws" actually ended up being her assets; they enabled both her & Kalev ben Yefuneh to express their highest levels of emunah & righteousness.

This aspect of Miriam's life also recall the theme of rejection running throughout the lives of our most brilliant & most accomplished ancestors: Noach, Leah Imeinu, Yosef Hatzaddik, Moshe Rabbeinu, David Hamelech, Chana HaNeviah, the Shoftim (Judges) Gidon & Shimshon, Yirmiyahu HaNavi...

Even ma'asu habonim hayatah l'rosh pinah.

The stone despised & rejected by the most expert & professional builders?

​THAT stone ends up as the foundational cornerstone of the most important building in the world.

Please, please, please realize that Mashiach descends from rejection, loneliness, and maltreatment.

Throughout the line of Mashiach, you do not find stories of privilege, honor, popularity, power, and prestige (at least, not initially, anyway).

​This is straight from the Torah.

Being cast down & cast aside may paradoxically be signs of GREATNESS, and not signs of inferiority.

Please never give up on yourself and please do not believe a society that tells you otherwise.

Miriam HaNeviah's  episode recalls a true story that happened in Yerushalayim decades ago.

A yeshivah student was set to marry a poor, sickly, pockmarked girl with sterling middot from a wonderful family.

Though repelled by her appearance, he strove to overcome his repulsion by speaking positively with his roommate, repeatedly emphasizing her wonderful & righteous personality.

However, as they stood together under the chuppah, the bridegroom realized he simply could not go through with it.

He stepped down, effectively abandoning her under the chuppah before the crowd gathered to celebrate the wedding.

His roommate, who spent so much time hearing about the bride's exceptional character, stepped up to marry her instead with the intent of saving her from this public humiliation.

She agreed and they married.

Not long after the wedding, her pockmarks, ill health, and other external flaws completely cleared up, showing a very nice-looking girl.

It's clear that, as with the case of Miriam HaNeviah, Hashem arranged these physical defects in order for her to marry the right guy—someone like Kalev ben Yefuneh, who publicly demonstrated his willingness to marry a woman purely for the sake of Heaven. (In this case, solely to save her from this public & shocking rejection.) 

After meriting such a wonderful husband, she no longer needed her physical flaws, so Hashem wiped them away.

They ended up raising a large & particularly wonderful family—just like Kalev & Miriam did too.

Related posts:

• What Tanach Teaches Us about Responding to Rejection & Persecution
• Loneliness & Rejection as Aspects of Mashiach
• ​The #1 Path to True Greatness & Achieving Your Absolute Best: Rejection, Isolation, and Being Quashed​
• Were You Ever Despised or Treated as Inferior? Then You Need to Read Rav Avigdor Miller's Dvar Torah for Parshat Vayetzei