Myrtle Rising

Some Slice-of-Life Stuff about Our Younger Son Joining Nachal Charedi

16/5/2023

Our 18-year-old recently enlisted in the IDF in one of the charedi units.

And just for knowing, the boys themselves in the charedi units in the IDF aren't actually so charedi per se, but these units refer to boys from charedi families, so they are called charedi.

The boys themselves run the spectrum of frumkeit. A minority even committed serious crimes (drug dealing, attempted murder, etc.) during their teens prior to enlistment.

(If boys like that attempt to join the regular army, they get dumped in MAKAM and don't do anything of significance. See here for more: www.myrtlerising.com/blog/have-you-ever-wanted-to-know-what-basic-training-is-like-for-serious-delinquents-teenage-ex-cons-heres-your-chance. Yet if they join one of the charedi units, they face a good chance to rehabilitate themselves.)

But most of them are really good guys.

Also, it depends on the unit. There are different units in different branches of the IDF now, and they attract different types.

My son seems to be in a very clean-cut group with really wonderful frum boys.

So Nachal Charedi has expanded a lot since it first started, with charedi units in several different parts of the army now, each with its own character.

And a few years ago, they started giving the charedi units real missions.

It means the boys proved themselves as up to the task of real missions.

On the downside, the IDF isn't trustworthy with its military policies and don't prioritize the lives or well-being of their soldiers — which also affects the charedi units now.

A Fraternal Tug-of-War

Initially, no one — including our 18-year-old — thought he'd do it.

But as things went on, he started resembling the kind of young man Gedolim like Rav Shteinman said should enlist in the charedi section.

This son has an older brother in kollel who consulted with a quiet, humble talmid chacham with lots of experience dealing with young men, and this talmid chacham said the younger brother should enlist.

Thus started a friendly tug-of-war between his two older brothers.

The kollel brother did some research to discover which charedi unit tended to be frummest with religious attitudes, Torah shiurim, etc...in other words, the most conducive for spirituality & religiosity.

And it's a combat unit.

I think the Nachal Charedi combat soldiers still don't do the same kind of missions as other combat units, but they still do tough stuff.

In contrast, the non-charedi older brother who once served in the regular IDF wanted his little brother to be in the safest charedi unit.

However, being a wonderfully macho type, this older brother refused to admit he was concerned for his little brother's physical & psychological well-being (Israeli soldiers with heartbreaking PTSD have been gaining a lot of attention in recent years) and instead couched it in terms of having the best material conditions — the cleanest base, the most comfortable rooms, the best food, etc.

This older brother's good friend served there and enjoyed it just fine. This older brother also insisted it was just as good spiritually as the combat unit.

(If you're wondering, that charedi unit with good material conditions is called Plugat HaNegev and is part of the air force, which is why the conditions are so good.)

Heck, he even convinced me and I went to work on convincing our potential enlistee. But then the kollel brother intervened with both of us in a friendly way.

The 18-year-old also spoke to people and the very real issue of him becoming bored came up.

So combat unit it was.

His non-charedi older brother is thrilled. Though we (and others) initially tried to convince that older brother to enlist in one of the charedi units, he insisted on the regular army service, got sucker-punched by the army, then managed to get himself dishonorably discharged.

(You can read about his adventures starting here: www.myrtlerising.com/blog/sharing-what-burden-exactly-the-unspoken-elephant-in-the-room)

Later, he said he would've been much better off joining one of the charedi units.

So he's very happy his younger brother is doing this and, behind the scenes, had been encouraging him to enlist for around a year now.

Interestingly, this is the only younger brother he ever encouraged to enlist. I overheard him explaining how the other brothers are fine in the charedi lifestyle (whether kollel or working), but he felt this younger brother would not manage in the same way.

My husband also felt enlisting in a charedi unit would be good for him.

So our 18-year-old is there and now is VERY happy. And he's with a great group of guys.

So far, so good, baruch Hashem.

The Good News Not Fit to Print in Mainstream Media: A Young Man in IDF Uniform Entered a Strictly Charedi Neighborhood and — Get This — NOTHING BAD HAPPENED

On his way back from basic training, our 18-year-old passed through Bnei Brak in full uniform.

If you read the regular news, you'll probably be shocked to hear he did not encounter ANY violence or harassment from the non-Zionist charedim in this super-charedi city.

In fact, while buying snacks at a city kiosk, the charedi merchant greeted my son in a friendly manner and even accurately guessed my son's unit by the style of his uniform.

Later, on the bus, several chassidish men he'd never met before greeted my son in a friendly manner, and warmly blessed him with success and that Hashem should protect him.

Pleasant, brotherly incidents like this don't usually get uploaded as videos and the media certainly will not spotlight it.

I don't deny the proven bad incidents. There are definitely problems in our community.

But because the majority of media insists on propagandizing against Torah-observant Jews and the non-charedi Jewish media (including many bloggers) seeks every opportunity to magnify any bad they discover in the charedi community, it's important to spotlight the many wonderful, generous frum Jews too.

Unfortunately, the news loves to shower attention on evil.

But the Torah way is to spotlight all the good and the good people in the world.

Doing It Right

Finally, my 18-year-old is nobody's fool and he enlisted with his eyes wide open.

Meaning, he's under no illusions regarding the IDF generals and knows they care not one whit about the soldiers serving under them...nor do these generals care about the citizens they're meant to protect.

Certainly, these generals do not care about Torah or their frum soldiers.

Many of the IDF soldiers and commanders themselves care very much about their fellow Jews, Eretz Yisrael, and doing the right thing.

But the top-of-the-brass high mucky-muck generals? Nah. Don't delude yourself.

You can't trust them one bit.

So that's what's going on over here.

That's it.

Update Regarding Red Garments according to the Zohar

5/5/2023

Not long after this blog published a post that included the discussion of red clothing in halacha (www.myrtlerising.com/blog/some-constructive-criticism-of-the-current-direction-of-the-frum-media), I came across some deeper reasons mentioned in the Zohar (don't know where) and updated that post accordingly.

For your convenience, here is the Kabbalistic view on wearing red:

Apparently, the Zohar says anyone who wishes to experience compassion and mercy should wear white and visualize Hashem's Name in white letters.

Yet anyone who wishes to experience judgement should wear red and visualize Hashem's Name in red letters.

So just the mere act of wearing red (regardless of your gender) awakens Heavenly judgement.

In other words, the fundamental halacha across the board forbids the wearing of an all-red garment (offering practical reasons for this prohibition) while the Zohar offers us the kabbalistic reasons (i.e., the spiritual physics) for not wearing an entirely red garment.

Altogether, we have an air-tight case against any Jew wearing a completely red garment.

And certainly, Jewish companies should take care to never produce or promote such a thing (particularly for girls & women).

For further elucidation regarding Jewish Law and Jews wearing red, please see:

May the light of Mashiach please shine upon all of us, illuminating the Truth, b'ezrat Hashem.

Some Constructive Criticism of the Current Direction of the Frum Media

26/4/2023

Let's take a look at frum publications.

I only read them rarely and only the parts I find beneficial or informative (even if it's to inform me of the downward spiral of the generations) — and not always do I do that either because it gets so depressing.

Reading English-language frum publications (or even just looking at their headlines) gets me down because I remember what they used to be like.

Come Spend a Day of Exalted Kedushah within a Place of Immorality & Avodah Zarah/Atheism – and Pay $3000 for this Exciting "Privilege"!

Frum magazines always struggled with ads for vacations.

And readers rightly always sent in complaints against promotions like: "Enjoy Pesach in our luxurious resort in the Swiss Alps! 24-hour refreshment room! Entertainment every evening! No gebrochts!"

At one point, I even noticed an ad calling for frum Yidden to spend an "inspiring!" Pesach in India — yes, with all the avodah zarah, poverty, disease, crime, and heartless caste system (along with the anti-Torah idea of considering cows more important than human beings).

By the way, if religious Jews want to organize an inspiring Seder to cater to misguided or stuck Jews who are already there, then that's a praiseworthy venture.

But should people leave Eretz Yisrael or Monsey or Golders Green to spend Pesach in India?

Is there any da'as Torah in history that supports such an idea?

Having said all that, it's easy to understand the magazine's dilemma.

On one hand, they desperately need the money provided by the ads.

On the other hand, anyone can see what they offer is not really in the spirit of Pesach (unless you need the Swiss Alps for health reasons, like Heidi and Clara did).

At least the magazines had the decency to print these letters of criticism regarding the ads.

But the question still stands: Is that how Hashem meant Pesach for us?

Or another ad appeared with huge letters: ESCAPE

Then in small print: ...to Scandanavia.

You mean to where all the newly burgeoning Jew-hatred is?

Also, what is this idea of promoting "escape"?

We need breaks from aspects of life, relief, and so on.

But this idea of spending tons of money on long plane flights to go to a place with a very weak Jewish presence in order to "escape"?

And even for the rare individual who truly needs this exact trip for reasons of mental or physical health, is it correct to promote escapism as an ideal?

The entire look to the ad clearly promoted a modern liberal escapist attitude, not a Jewish one of emotional and mental refreshment.

In Torah Judaism, we often mention chizuk, strengthening & encouraging ourselves and each other. Inspiration. "Growth." Building character. Refining our middot.

Taking a break or unexpectedly experiencing a yeridah/descent (which is a normal part of growth, paradoxically)?

Yes.

"Escape"?

No.

But encountering this attitude of "escape" or "taking it easy" or "need a vacation" all the time imprints an impression in one's mind, whether we mean it to or not.

It particularly prickles me when ads target Jews living in Eretz Yisrael to leave the Holy Land to spend a particularly meaningful & holy chag in Prague or wherever.

In short:

The problem is not arranging an inspiring holiday or religious program for Jews stuck (whether intentionally or not) in a particular location.

The problem is the intent to lure Jews from solid frum areas to celebrate a holy and profound holiday in a very goyish or even occultist and immoral area and promoting ideas like "entertainment" and 24-hour gluttony, and promoting vacations to goyish or immoral areas with the same idea, including concepts like "escape."

Promoting Transgressions — Uh-Oh...

In one publication, an ad featuring clothing for teen girls contained a photo of different-colored shirts for frum teen girls.

Long-sleeved and with closed necklines, one of the shirts was the color of cherry red.

An entirely cherry-red shirt for Jewish teenage girls is 100% forbidden:

https://shulchanaruchharav.com/halacha/wearing-red-colored-clothing/

(This link offers the basic uncompromising halachah, and includes differing opinions regarding red highlights or reddish shades (like maroon) — all with sources to the original posek.)

As you can see in the above link, the law against Jewish women wearing a red garment comes from the Shulchan Aruch itself, the Rama — and Rashi finds an allusion to the prohibition within the Chumash.

(Even Jewish men aren't supposed to wear a wholly red shirt: https://dinonline.org/2019/11/04/man-wearing-red-clothes/)

UPDATE: I recently learned the Zohar (don't know exactly where) advises anyone who wishes to experience compassion and mercy should wear white and visualize Hashem's Name in white letters.

Yet anyone who wishes to experience judgement should wear red and visualize Hashem's Name in red letters.

So just the act of wearing red (regardless of your gender) awakens Heavenly judgement.

In other words, the fundamental halacha across the board forbids the wearing of an all-red garment (offering practical reasons for this prohibition) while the Zohar offers us the kabbalistic reasons (i.e., the spiritual physics) for not wearing an entirely red garment.

Altogether, we have an air-tight case against any Jew wearing a completely red garment.

In short:

There is absolutely NO HETER for a teenage Jewish girl to wear a shirt that is entirely RED.

This is not a garment a frum company should ever produce and, even worse, promote as modest clothing to sell to frum girls, and certainly a frum publication should never advertise such a thing.

So why is a frum publication promoting a forbidden shirt as modest wear for frum teenage girls?

And why is a frum clothing company producing a forbidden shirt?

What will they do next, start promoting miniskirts & heavy makeup?

(Actually, they already do, but — appallingly — they use little girls to do it. Please see more on that topic here: www.myrtlerising.com/blog/why-its-so-hard-to-know-today-whats-authentic-judaism-what-is-not.)

Perhaps non-kosher restuarants?

In short, this stands as another example of extremely problematic, even forbidden, promotion within a publication produced by and marketed to charedim.

The Inescapable Internet

During the years of growing Internet, no frum magazine cited websites as sources — even if the writer indeed derived their information from the Internet (although most did not; they did interviews with different experts on the topic).

The publications never mentioned Internet except as a discussion within an article.

Sure, a lot of frum Jews had Internet at that time, but not everyone. Many still didn't even have email.

Ads did not feature a website address.

Email addresses only appeared in a professional business-only sense in the magazine's masthead: a way to contact the editors or various departments within the magazine.

This worked as a buffer to keep unholy aspects from gaining social acceptability and becoming a norm.

Yet now the publications are saturated with the Internet.

The publications presently work according to the assumption that everyone has Internet and some kind of smartphone (even if it's strongly filtered).

This means a frum person without Internet and without a smartphone who turns to a paper publication (because they reject Internet & maintain a willingness to pay for non-digital reading) will still be inundated with all sorts of promotions to access what they need via email, social media, and websites.

I know many insist we have to go with the way business is done now, but there is a difference between "a few references" and "inundation."

The publications are saturated with all sorts of promotional ads to use websites and social media, in addition to references popping up throughout articles, columns, and fiction.

And for people who turn to these paper publications because of their commitment to Sabbath observance?

Again, their Shabbos experience becomes filled with all sorts of Internet lures (in addition to non-Jewish stuff, which we'll address next).

In short, these publications are run by charedim for charedim, yet they've chosen a path which refuses to accommodate the charedim who actually wish to go by the da'as Torah of charedi rabbanim of refraining from Internet and Internet devices.

(Needless to say, the less people access digital reading, the more likely they are to read printed publications.)

Creating a Mixture of Anti-Torah Philosophy with Torah Thought – Just Try & Tell Them Apart...We Won't Make It Easy!

Once upon a time, the frum publication quoted news outlets or scholarly resources, but not popular mainstream stuff.

Then best-selling non-fiction entered the discussion — not to discuss its appropriateness or lack of, but as guidance for us.

I readily admit I once thought this perfectly okay and even laudable until...

Rav Avigdor Miller quoted the Gemara, saying we aren't allowed to read non-Jewish works of philosophy. (Yes, pop psychology and a whole load of other material falls under that category.)

Furthermore, as I increased my personal study of authentic Torah classics (Pele Yoetz, Chovot Levavot, Orchot Tzaddikim, Kli Yakar, Strive for Truth, etc.), I gradually came to realize how problematic a lot of best-selling non-fiction actually is.

Despite good intentions, their influence on the minds of frum people is not good.

Then, after not reading frum publications for a long time, I opened a magazine and saw all the references to Harry Potter in a fiction supplement.

Have I read Harry Potter?

Yes. (Although I got rid of the entire series years ago and haven't read it since.)

Have many frum people read Harry Potter?

Yes. (In the first two books, he series started out more innocently than most modern fiction, but as predicted by several Orthodox rabbis, it quickly became more lurid.)

So have ALL frum people read Harry Potter?

No. I personally know frum people who haven't and aren't planning to.

(BTW, part of the reason for dumping Harry Potter was because I didn't like how it made me feel underneath the initial superficial layer of reading-pleasure. Also, whether Muggle or wizard, the world of Harry Potter is wholly Godless. And, of course, it makes the world of witchcraft extremely appealing when witchcraft remains a very serious Torah prohibition.)

Occasionally, the frum publications even discuss a book containing extremely unwholesome passages or scenes. Sure, they leave out the nasty stuff. But it gives the impression the book is okay to read when it should be totally avoided.

This all includes the infiltration of non-Torah thought culled from pop psychology and self-help, including professional advice meant as help, but lacking the appropriate Torah attitude.

So again, any charedi person who actually maintains (or would like to maintain) a charedi lifestyle with regard to what they read is not accommodated by charedi publications.

Inconsistency: He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not...

The charedi media intelligently (and correctly) eviscerates any mainstream non-Jewish publication or person who criticizes Israel, the IDF, or even hints at promoting Jew-hatred...yet slavishly follows them on anything to do with "science" or medicine or politics.

For example:

Regarding covid-19, its non-vaccinating injection, and the repulsive leader of the Ukraine (who unmercifully tromps on every mitzvah in the Torah — though most frum journalists don't seem to care), frum publications wholeheartedly supported the stances of the same publications & people they just eviscerated.

It's like they think you cannot at all trust the Ew Yuck Times to accurately report anything about Israel or Torah Judaism or Republicans...but you can blindly trust them on everything else.

Does that make any sense?

No, of course not.

If a publication suffers from a consistent blind spot/lack of ethics while reporting on the Middle East or Torah Judaism, they likely suffer blind spots/lack of ethics when reporting other topics too.

And for frum Jews relying on these publications to filter out the liberal anti-Torah bias, these frum publications do them a great disservice by promoting menuvalim like Ukraine's leader or the obviously ineffective and miscarriage-inducing covid-19 injection.

Why do frum publications suddenly take them so seriously and refuse to do their own research regarding other topics?

The Unhappily Increasing Failure of Many Frum Publications to Accommodate Actual Charedi Readers

The issue is NOT whether you can write about Harry Potter, best-selling non-fiction, or spending Pesach among blonde atheists or impoverished cow-worshippers.

(Heck, I myself obviously referenced Harry Potter just now and also in this post: www.myrtlerising.com/blog/harry-potter-haeckel-hades-and-holy-men.)

The problem lies in:

producing reading material meant for the charedi public
marketing it to that public under the guise of being appropriate for the charedi public (including claims of rabbinical supervision for your publication)
while actively promoting or referencing ideas consider problematic or even forbidden by da'as Torah
doing so in a way that makes them seem acceptable, unavoidable, or even ideal

This blog, for example, exists on the Internet and is not meant for people with no Internet access (obviously).

I do not promote my blog as "charedi" (though that is the group with which I personally associate myself) and do not make claims of any kind of rabbinical supervision, consultation, nor do I market the blog as charedi.

Furthermore, I strive not to promote anything that isn't within halachah or my personal hashkafah.

Maybe I'm not always successful; I know I made mistakes, but I honestly try.

As a recent example, someone very nicely requested I link to their site on mental health. Their approach toward psychotropic medication fit in nicely with my own research and I admired their efforts to improve mental health and prevent suicide.

Fantastic!

However, a whole section of their site seems dedicated to the idea of covid-19 (with its survival rate of over 99%) as a dangerous disease and promotes the covid-19 injection.

Now, I do not see the covid-19 injection as always harmful. Many people seem to suffer no ill effects.

However, many people DO suffer ill effects.

Furthermore, I personally encountered people injected as many as 3 or 4 times who still contracted covid-19, in addition to women who suffered miscarriages or stillbirths after receiving the injection while pregnant.

And most strikingly: I have seen NO PROOF the injection actually vaccinates!

So until PROVEN otherwise, I view the injection as totally bogus — useless at best, harmful at worst.

After serious consideration, I decided I could not link to this site despite their admirable efforts regarding mental health. Their research in mental health seems good, but their research regarding covid-19 and its injection do not jive with my own research or personal observations, and I do not want to promote information which seems useless at best, harmful at worst.

Unfortunately, sometimes I feel I have no choice — like when linking to an important book available only on Amazon (which contains a lot of bad with the good).

Anyway...

In short, the big downfall of charedi publications is a certain amount of failure to accommodate actual charedim who uphold charedi values.

The Honest & Positive Truth about the Vast Majority of Frum Jews Working in Frum Media

As always when discussing the topic of charedi media, it's vital to emphasize the sincerity & goodness of the frum people reporting, writing, editing, and designing this media.

I personally know people who worked within frum publications (both charedi & dati) who voiced their concerns or even opposition regarding topics or images they correctly identified as inappropriate.

Yes, they spoke up and sometimes even argued with the one above them calling the shots.

But in the cases I know of, they were overruled by a person in charge. (Maybe it doesn't always end up like that, but it did in the cases I knew.)

Yes, there are literally just a handful of indecent people (among the good hundreds or even thousands), corrupt people who managed to worm their way into some kind of job within charedi media, and who mean to corrupt — like a member of the Erev Rav.

But they're very sneaky and manipulative, so even just one can cause a lot of harm until the publication cottons on and fires them.

But the vast, vast majority definitely mean well.

The Financial Dilemma

Also, the very real conflict between making enough money to support a frum publication (and pay the salaries of our beloved frum brothers and sister who work for them) and rejecting inappropriate ads — this is a real struggle and even if they fail, we can at least feel compassion for their struggle.

Again, their willingness to publish criticism of their advertisements means a lot.

It does not make it okay for them to violate the most basic halachah (like cherry-red shirts for Jewish women).

But at least they allow for the criticism of these problematic ads.

The Big, Massive, Thorny – But NOT Unsurpassable! – Challenge Facing Frum Publications

One of the thorniest conflicts facing frum publications is ensuring the magazine meets frum standards while still producing a magazine the average layperson wants to read.

Many insist a publication conforming to the strictest standards will only consist of dry divrei Torah, which charedim can anyway access in the various centuries-old tomes they already own at home. (They're not so dry, by the way...)

But this claim isn't true.

Yes, it's a challenge. But it can be accomplished.

The popularity of books like Aleinu L'Shabeiyach, with its compelling and illuminating true stories prove you can combine popular reading with kosher & inspiring material.

Or the books presenting intriguing true stories with a brief well-done halachic question and answer at the end — another popular choice.

Well-written memoirs or true stories also remain popular.

A column presenting a Q&A of Rav Avidgor Miller or Rabbi Yehuda Mandel (as in Bitachon Weekly) would prove hugely popular & much appreciated by those who turn to charedi publications to provide them with appropriate reading material.

(Even people who don't appreciate Rav Miller's wisdom still find him interesting, ha-ha.)

Or providing answers to questions everyone wonders about (like here: www.myrtlerising.com/blog/rav-itamar-schwartz-on-why-hashem-saved-am-yisrael-on-purim-but-queen-esther-needed-to-stay-with-a-jew-hating-idol-worshipping-menuval)

Another example: Rivka Levy's book on the Erev Rav found an audience among readers of totally divergent backgrounds.

Shirat Devorah's blog has been one of the most popular in the Jewish blogosphere and most of the posts are write-ups of Chassidic thought or Chassidic stories.

And there exist many more examples of kosher reading that finds popularity.

The secret lies in presentation of the material.

If the material is presented in an appealing manner to the average frummeh, they'll read it and be willing to pay to read it.

Another is example lies in the popularity of the Kli Yakar posts on this blog.

The Kli Yakar is an innately fascinating and beautiful commentary on the Chumash.

But it's still a scholarly commentary written in classic Hebrew at the dawn of the 1600s — in other words, it's not something easily rendered into English and appealing to the modern layperson.

And I'm not saying I've mastered the ability to do this, but my goal lay in carving out some of the more compelling ideas from the Kli Yakar into digestible chunks for the modern mind.

Since its inception in the summer of 2015, people of all backgrounds & both genders continue to provide positive feedback on their enjoyment of the Kli Yakar posts. It shows up in analytics as a popular hit too.

At first glance, it doesn't make sense that a Biblical commentary from 17th-century Bohemia written in classical Hebrew would be popular with the masses.

But it is.

The ideas are truly compelling and inspiring, plus the goal of making them accessible for the modern lay reader.

Sure, the attempt wasn't 100% successful, but it did succeed to a satisfying extent.

Furthermore, there IS material within charedi publications that conforms to charedi standards AND appeals to the average reader. Charedi publication, for all their faults, do provide some excellent information and inspiration.

So yes, the extremely thorny conflict exists of providing wholly kosher material to a public that either cannot or will not read more intellectual material.

(Having to produce such material regularly to meet a deadline complicates the process.)

So we can view their struggle with the compassion it deserves.

At the same time, they need to do more to overcome the obstacles.

If you'd like to learn more about the topics brought up within this post, you can click on the below links:

www.myrtlerising.com/blog/some-cold-hard-facts-to-push-against-the-popular-yet-false-narrative-promoted-in-the-mainstream-media-which-unfortunately-influenced-the-frum-media-too

www.myrtlerising.com/blog/2-personal-stories-of-the-covid-vaccine-pregnancy-plus-what-our-real-attitude-should-be-regarding-the-vaccine-and-you-probably-wont-like-it

www.myrtlerising.com/blog/why-taking-the-position-of-late-adopterskeptic-makes-so-much-sense-regarding-any-new-drugs

www.myrtlerising.com/blog/why-you-cant-rely-on-journalists-for-the-truth

Rav Itamar Schwartz of Bilvavi: Correcting the #1 Misconception about So-Called Spiritual Regression or Lack of Inspiration

13/4/2023

Note: Many Jewish festivals/holy days require 2 days outside of Israel. Within Israel, they require only 1 day. So if you think I'm posting during a holy day, that's because I'm in Israel (where the holy day was already over hours ago) and you're outside of Israel, still going strong within the 2-day framework.

When focusing on our spiritual needs, we often experience enthusiasm and drive at the beginning.

Gradually, we start to feel like we're just going through the motions.

All that felt exciting before starts to feel dry.

The shine and sparkle dulls.

At that point, people wonder how they can get their initial enthusiasm "back."

Classes, books, and articles exist to address this issue of getting "it" back.

I also always considered it a matter of going "back" or getting those feelings "back"...to somehow return to that ideal place.

Back, back, back — how many times do we hear (both others and ourselves) speak wistfully somehow backpedaling to return to the lovely place we were in our spiritual journey?

But several weeks ago, I discovered that dry feeling don't mean we need to go "back."

It means we need to go even farther forward.

It's not about re-claiming a level — it's about obtaining a whole new level...claiming a level you've never reached before.

A dry spell of lackluster observance doesn't signify a descent — it means you've gone UP in your spiritual journey.

In other words, it's a sign of elevation.

Paradoxically, rather than seeking to go back, you need to climb upwards and forwards.

Here's the details of this spiritual phenomenon from Rav Itamar Schwartz of Bilvavi:

But another kind of pleasure is when it’s “stolen pleasure,” as in the verse “Stolen waters are sweet,” and this is a pleasure of connecting to something that’s not really for you.

Either it can be stolen in the simple sense, which is when one takes something that doesn’t belong to him and then he enjoys what’s not his, or, on a deeper level, a person will enjoy something that’s beyond his current level.

This explains why, for example, a secular Jew might feel so inspired when experiencing Shabbat for the first time.

Think about it. He's full of sins and likely has little or no connection with God, and still craves whatever he usually craves...but somehow, he's able to connect with the essence of Shabbat.

In such cases, a secular Jew may enjoy Shabbat much more than his religious hosts.

Most of us explain that in terms of "new."

It's new and fresh for the Jew experiencing it for the first time, while his hosts, though they enjoy it, don't usually feel the same magic as the Jew experiencing it for the first few times.

Yet the real reason for his extreme pleasure and their milder pleasure runs much deeper.

The deeper reason is because Shabbat is so beyond the secular Jew's present level, it's not really for him and therefore, it's "stolen" pleasure — as the rav explains.

Why the metaphor of "waters"?

He goes on to say:

When a person is connecting to a world that’s above his current level, he is enjoying “stolen waters” in the sense that he is receiving pleasure from a world that’s completely above him.
***
The Gemara says, “Water leaves from a high place, descends to a low place.”

Mishlei/Proverbs uses the metaphor of "water" because water's nature is to flow downward, from a higher place to a lower place.

So spiritually speaking, the pleasure experienced from "stolen waters" results from the pleasure flowing from a higher place to a lower place.

(This likely also explains the fascination with Kabbalah for so many people, including those who either aren't so religious or aren't even Jewish. Kabbalistic ideas emanate from such a high place, they end up in the category of "stolen waters" for almost everyone.)

Rav Schwartz then describes a dynamic most of us have experienced:

This is really a pleasure that comes from connecting to something that isn’t meant to be part of your personal share, so it is like “stolen waters are sweet,” where one rises to a place that isn’t his and he gets enjoyment from this.

***

One of the tzaddikim said that, “There is pleasure in the beginning of chassidus (piety and devotion to Hashem), but there is no pleasure as one continues chassidus.”

Why is it that way?

When one is beginning to enter into chassidus, he is trying to enter into a more spiritual realm of existence, and he gets pleasure in this as he connects to a higher level.

But later, when he has indeed risen to a higher level, he no longer gets pleasure from it [it becomes the ‘norm’ for him].

Rav Schwartz also discusses Rav Dessler's thoughts on the topic:

Similarly, Rav Dessler wrote of two concepts called hasagah (becoming or attaining) and havayah (being), where he explains a very fundamental point, how hasagah is when a person tries to connect to a level above him and to reach and perceive it, while havayah is about being connected to a level that already belongs to your personal share.

Just to emphasize the concepts:

hasagah — connection to a level above your present level
havayah — connection to the level where you presently belong

Rav Schwartz concludes with:

...in the terms of Rav Dessler it means that one is found at the level of hasagah and not at havayah, for if the person would be found at havayah then it’s truly his place and he wouldn’t get pleasure from connecting to there.

When one is truly found there, when it is suitable to him, he doesn’t get pleasure from there.

You Don't Need to Go "Back" – You Need to Go Forward

So to sum up the idea:

When your Judaism starts to feel dry, it is NOT a sign that something's wrong with you.

On the contrary...it means you've made it!

This also seems true for those born into Torah Judaism, who feel they do mitzvot by rote.

They reached a certain level from a young age because they were born into it.

They just need to reach beyond that level in order to find the sweetness they lack.

So feeling dry or uninspired does not mean you need to go "back" or return to the place you were.

It means you need to stretch even higher to reach new place of "stolen waters," which hover even further beyond the initial "stolen waters" you originally accessed.

To see the entire transcript of the English translation of Rav Schwartz's original lecture on the topic, please look at the first two pages of the PDF found here:
https://bilvavi.net/back-issues/eng/Bilvavi_281_Mishpatim_Prestige_5783.pdf

Treating Mental Illness like Physical Illness: Part 7

11/4/2023

Back to the Beginning: Part 1

Where Does Illness Come from & What is the Solution?

The current approach promoted in the frum community actually derives from the non-Jewish psychiatric world — particularly the greedy & deceptive pharmaceutical companies.

Sadly, this stands as yet another value lifted from the non-Jewish world and then shechted, salted, and soaked to make it look kosher.

Yes, there is the concept of mimerchak tavi lachma ["she brings her bread from afar" - from the famous "Woman of Valor" in Mishlei], but you actually have to go to the right place and actually bring back the real thing — not Wonder Bread.

Beneficial borrowing from the non-Jewish world takes a certain amount of research & scrutiny, not just blind acceptance of the latest fad to hit the mainstream.

The Little-Known Wonders of "Reality Therapy"

For example, the creator of Reality Therapy, Dr. William Glasser, showed enormous success working with Vietnam veterans at a mental hospital.

These exemplified behaviors we label as schizophrenia; they even experienced visual and audial hallucinations, something today's mainstream psychiatry considers incurable and only controllable via medication.

Yet Dr. Glasser managed to cure the vast majority of them.

How can that be?

Dr. Glasser believed that harmful behaviors (whether criminal or insane) resulted from unconscious choices on the part of the sufferer.

He believed that therapy must focus on the person’s behavior and their choices, and that behaving in a moral and decent manner would reap natural positive consequence that would then positively influence a person’s thinking.

So he came in to the veterans’ program and basically said that if they were genuinely crazy, then even meds couldn’t really help and they certainly didn’t need any of the privileges they currently enjoyed, like cigarettes, outings, TV, and so on.

Thus, their privileges were taken away.

To earn them back, the patients needed to display sane behavior.

And they did.

Dr. Glasser writes of his psychotic patients (and delinquent girls whom he also treated) with obvious warmth and compassion and a strong belief that all these people had great potential and the ability to fulfill that potential.

In a nutshell Reality Therapy asks the following:

What are your goals?
What can you do to achieve your goals?
What are you doing to achieve your goals?

(You can read more about Reality Therapy here.)

Reality Therapy proved highly effective in curing mental illness and is not new (it was developed in 1965), yet who has heard of it?

It was so effective...yet why is it so unknown?

Why are less effective therapies so popular?

Reality Therapy focuses on one’s relationship with others as the goal, but the Torah view would use Reality Therapy techniques toward one’s relationship with Hashem.

That would be the “kosher” version of it.

There is also logotherapy, along with other therapies with a proven success rate, like EMDR (which I don’t know much about, but I’ve read about practitioners who use it with surprising success), acupuncture, acupressure, etc.

Instead, many well-meaning frummies try to kasher the pharmaceutically driven approach to mental illness — an approach that has shaky scientific foundation, no cure rate, and even causes problems, especially over the long term.

Okay, So What IS the Solution?

The solution is to actually treat mental illness exactly as you should physical illness.

Not to just chirp that you are, but to actually do it:

CORRECT diagnosis using ACTUAL diagnostic tools
PROVEN treatment for the particular malady
Compassionate & intense self-introspection, self-accounting, searching for God's messages in it all (this will take more than one day)

There is a lot more to say about it all, but this series is long enough as is.

I can’t emphasize enough the need to work out one’s issues.

Study after study shows that many people with mental illness (particularly depression, bipolar disorder, and personality disorders) have experienced or are experiencing some kind of trauma in their lives.

Even schizophrenia shows links to trauma.

Harmful behaviors common today (like engaging in violent video games and movies, vulgar movies and images, consuming drugs or alcohol, binging on empty foods, trolling — either as the victim or perpetrator — and the general indulgence in meaningless activities) obviously make any tendency toward mental illness worse.

While therapies based on sound data, holistic alternatives, and healthy eating can all alleviate or even cure mental illness, the most important thing to do is to develop a close and loving relationship with Hashem.

This should be attempted whether one takes medication or not.

The toxic shame & profound grief & powerful fear driving a lot of mental illness ultimately needs to be dealt with via God.

Post-Script in Summation

I initially wrote this post out of concern for the non-Jewish anti-Torah influences coming out of the psychiatry world today and influencing the frum world.

I do realize some people really do need to be on psychiatric medication, at least temporarily.

Some even need it long-term — and they really do.

I've just personally seen, experienced, and read about too many medicated people behaving badly & hurting others because they treat their mental health issues solely according to the mainstream non-Jewish anti-Torah approach.

Whether a person takes medication for their mental health issues or not, the Torah principles still apply.

Maintaining mental health is a huge struggle in our days.

Just remaining sane & rational proves a huge accomplishment in our times.

And I do very much wish people would stop claiming that mainstream psychiatry treats mental illness like physical illness. As shown in this series, that is a lie!

I wish it was true. Things would be much better if it were.

Resources

Confessions of an Rx Drug Pusher by Gwen Olsen—Using excellent documentation, this book provides a behind-the-scenes look at the pharmaceutical industry. It’s also an extremely disturbing read, as Gwen herself was involved in harming so many people through her job (she meant this book as an atonement for all that), including the death of a woman whose own doctor-son prescribed her the fatal medication, which occurred solely because Gwen pressured him to do so. (Gwen didn’t pressure him about his mother specifically, but merely to prescribe this particular drug to his “most difficult patient.” And he did.) She also documents several suicide-murders (stabbings, shootings, or burning down a home) committed by people on anti-depressants.
Psychiatric Drugs and Violence: What are psychiatric drugs? (Includes a list of school shootings committed by a student or teacher taking or in withdrawal from psychiatric medications, particularly antidepressants.)
Study Finds Improved Functioning for ‘Schizophrenia’ Without Antipsychotics
Researcher Acknowledges His Mistakes in Understanding Schizophrenia
No evidence that depression is caused by low serotonin levels

Healing Mental Health Issues

Any book by Rivka Levy
Garden of Emuna
Garden of Healing
New Neuroscience Reveals 4 Rituals That Will Make You Happy
Improve Your Life: 10 Things You Should Do Every Day
Happy Thoughts: Here are the things proven to make you happier
The Causes and Treatments of Soul-Sickness as explained by the Kli Yakar in Parshat Beshalach (with some advice from the Pele Yoetz about treating addiction)
10 Exercises for Your Prefrontal Cortex (This last link is particularly helpful in understanding where the so-called "typical adolescent behavior" and "teen brain" comes from. If you look at this list, you'll notice that today's media-imposed teen culture actively discourages most of these 10 exercises on the list (1,2,3,4,5 & 9) and even encourages their opposite, which weakens the prefrontal cortex. So today's stereotypical adolescent behavior causes "teen brain" and is not caused by "teen brain.")

Back to Part 6
Back to the Beginning: Part 1

Treating Mental Illness like Physical Illness: Part 6

11/4/2023

Someone with a close relative suffering from years of mental illness once offered this succinct insight:

“The medication works by masking their feelings. The problem is that when you can’t feel your own feelings, you can’t feel anyone else’s either.”

And there lies the rub, as Hamlet might say.

For example, I knew a teacher who was very good in many ways, but would occasionally say the most tactless or insulting things completely unprovoked, which drove at least one very sweet and nice student out of her class and even out of the school.

Later, I discovered that this teacher was likely taking medication at that time to deal with a temporarily difficult situation at home.

Again, I don't see any problem with taking medication to deal with a temporary and overwhelming problem in life.

But all the other halachot of behavior and ona'at devarim still apply.

If medication causes a person to be less sensitive to others, then a person on that medication must make stronger efforts to maintain their sensitivity & derech eretz toward others.

Another woman I knew on medication for manic-depression (what we then called bipolar disorder) used to fall into defensive behavior at the drop of a hat (although she also immediately recovered each time just as fast).

She also often made comments like, “These types of things always happen to me!” if, for example, a waiter accidentally spilled dessert on her shaitel or whatever. (This is exactly the kind of negative self-talk depressed people engage in, so how is the medication helping her with the depression part of her mental illness?)

Also, it's a weird thing to say.

In my experience, it's rare for a waiter to spill food on a person at a wedding.

In fact, I don't know that I've ever seen that happen. So how is it this type of thing always happens to her?

She was also married to a very good and exceptionally patient & sympathetic man, yet she irrationally saw him as short-tempered.

I knew them for years, spent copious time in their home...yet never once saw him angry.

In fact, the closest thing I ever saw to anger was a time when their teenage son was acting up and the father spoke to him with a stern face in a firm tone of voice and gripped the boy's arm, yet there was so much love shining from the father’s eyes at the same time.

However, the medicated mother immediately started rolling her eyes and led the rest of the children in jeering at their father for “losing his temper.”

This set the teenage boy off again and he wrested his arm out of his father’s grip and ran away.

I still remember how the man looked at his wife and children in surprise, then in dismay as he turned back to look at where his son had run off. With his head down & clearly deep in thought, he trudged back into the house.

Obviously, the mother's attitude shows that manic-depression is not really the problem and that medication is not the answer.

Remember, she behaved this way on medication.

Judaism Expects Any Ill Person to Invest in a Cheshbon HaNefesh

In her book, Confessions of an Rx Drug Pusher, Gwen Olsen recalls her experience both as a pharmaceutical rep and also as a temporary user of antidepressants, which basically took the filter off her mouth and racked up a lot of humiliating realizations once she was off meds.

She expressed a lot of regret for the manic/euphoric/emotionally blunted behaviors she unwittingly engaged in while on antidepressants because it hurt people.

The point is that if you genuinely believe that mental illness is just like physical illness, then you will warmly encourage the sufferer to do a cheshbon hanefesh (compassionate & thorough self-introspection) and middot work...just like Judaism expects any ill person to do.

Again, if we want to treat mental illness like physical illness, then cheshbon hanefesh is part of that.

In all the examples throughout this series, it's clear the people diagnosed with mental illness actually suffer from problematic beliefs, attitudes, and situations, regardless of the medication.

Meaning, it's aside from the medication.

This is how they think before they took medication and while they take medication.

For example, the woman above diagnosed with manic-depression grew up in a non-Jewish family where not only her parents were alcoholics, but also several aunts and uncles were, too. She was also abused by one of those uncles.

Based on her traumatic past, it makes sense that any form of anger in another person (no matter how benign or appropriate) could trigger feelings of fear or disgust in her.

She also suffered from negative attitudes toward men in general.

But she certainly should not give in to such triggers.

Yes, they exist and are understandable.

But those triggers should not be allowed to control her behavior.

In the case with her husband, how is she different that anyone else who abuses others with the excuse that they were abused?

The Torah does not allow for such self-complacency.

She needs to train herself to see situations as they actually are, and not as she is triggered to see them.

She especially needs to see how good & forbearing her husband is rather than "hallucinating" him as some sort of bad-tempered clown.

(Maybe she does now. After all, this was years ago. Maybe she made an inner-revolution since then.)

Middot AND Meds, Not Middot OR Meds

While “experts” love to opine that mental illnesses are genetic, the truth is a mentally ill person who does not try to heal oneself can raise children who become mentally ill from the parent's mentally ill behavior.

How do you think my former friend’s children (Part 5) will turn out being raised by a mother who sees absolutely no good in them?

I daven for them (and her) to be well despite everything, but she really needs to do the work herself.

To really raise her children right, the mother needs to get off the Prozac and into emuna and Azamra (finding diamonds in even the blackest chunk of coal).

Judaism holds that illnesses are messages from Hashem (or atonements) and they should be treated as such.

Again, I realize she and many other feel good on Prozac, but she certainly does not behave "good" on Prozac.

Some people do behave well on Prozac (or other psychiatric medication) and they really do need it for their particular situation.

Some people endure impossible situations & truly cannot endure without the medication.

But there exists a a precious minority who also do the inner work too — and good for them for not taking the easy way out.

Unfortunately, with few exceptions, the psychiatric community does not encourage middot work as part of treatment, only medication.

This includes, with few exceptions, frum psychiatrists, who unfortunately have influenced frum publications with an inadvertently non-Torah approach to mental illness.

But baruch Hashem, there are people with mental illness (or an unbearable situation) who take medication to assist their middot work, and not as a replacement for middot work.

Back to Part 5

Continue to Part 7

Treating Mental Illness like Physical Illness: Part 5

11/4/2023

Adding Merits for the Sick Person: Tefillah, Mitzvot, and Maasim Tovim

When a person is physically ill:

Don’t we daven for them?
Doesn’t that person daven for him- or herself?
Don’t we organize bracha parties, Tehillim groups, and learning seders for them?
Don’t we take on mitzvot in their merit to facilitate a speedy healing?
And doesn’t the sick person take on extra mitzvoth themselves (according to their ability)?: extra vigilance regarding lashon hara, extra acts of chessed, 40 women taking challah dedicated to the merit of a person in need, lighting Shabbat candles earlier

Doesn’t this all sound very familiar?

And finally, what is the big, huge mitzvah that Judaism insists a sick (or any suffering person) perform?

Cheshbon hanefesh. L’pashpesh b’maasav.

A thorough self-accounting. Scrutinizing one’s behaviors and deeds.

When is a mentally ill person ever encouraged to do this?

Hardly ever.

And don’t think it’s because they can’t.

Oh, sure, maybe there are short windows when a mentally ill person is truly mentally incapable of cheshbon hanefesh.

But most are more capable than others give them credit for.

Furthermore, someone on medication should theoretically be able to carry out a cheshbon hanefesh. I mean, they're supposed to be mentally competent now, right?

In fact, it’s been very surprising to me to realize that seemingly frum people do not use their medicated state for spiritual growth.

(Some do, by the way. However, this is unfortunately not encouraged in society.)

For example, many people on Ritalin do not seem to be able to daven with more kavanah, nor do they seem to make an effort to.

People on Prozac or Lithium or Xanax do not take that opportunity for cheshbon hanefesh or being more sensitive to others, although you’d think that would be an ideal opportunity because you can finally take a good, honest look at yourself, your life, and others without getting depressed or anxious! (Theoretically, anyway.)

The Common Side Effects Everyone Sees, But Few Acknowledge

I feel very passionately about this because I had a friend who confided in a rebbetzin that she was spending a lot of time in bed and didn’t want to come out. Ever.

Cheerfully & solidly under the influence of the psychiatrist-encouraged simplistic view of mental illness as something that just needs a pill and bibbity-bobbity-boo — the rag-wearing Cinderella becomes a delectable princess fit to wed the prince! — the rebbetzin happily gave my friend the number of a psychiatrist, warmly reassuring my friend she had nothing to be ashamed of, and that depression was just like a physical illness and should be treated as such.

(Which is true, but as this post has shown, that’s not how we treat physical illness either.)

That was 13 years ago. And my friend is still taking the medication.

She always enthused about how great she felt on anti-depressants, but I sure didn’t feel great about her behavior on antidepressants.

In fact, we haven’t spoken in years because she could not stop relating to me as if I was a crazy person who only had bad motivations for anything I did. Seriously.

And it got increasingly worse.

Eventually, even the shortest conversation included some kind of nasty passive-aggressive barb from her.

Now, I’m the first to admit that I’m not perfect, but I honestly don’t see myself as crazy or evil, either.

And even if I was crazy or evil, treating me that way and constantly attacking me would not make me sane or good. That’s just not the way things work.

Initially, I had no idea her behavior was actually an extremely common side effect of Prozac.

It’s called “emotional blunting.” Personally, I would love it if people would be really open about if they’re taking Prozac because then I would know to avoid them before getting verbally assaulted. Or worse. She's not the only Prozac-taker to behave this way, in my experience. Maybe Prozac can come with a mouth-zipper inserted in the package that can be remotely controlled by potential victims.

Having said that & sarcasm aside, I'm sure some Prozac-takers DO watch their middot carefully and avoid acting this way.

Gently correcting her (remember, she has a tendency toward depression, right? So I want to be gentle and not make her suicidal) didn’t work. Ever. She just seemed amused and hinted that any hurt feelings on my part were a sign that I needed medication, too. (This attitude is similar to Mrs. Gold's in the example in Part 2.)

How convenient! If you medicate your victims, you can indulge in a verbally abusive free-for-all with no repercussions!

One of the last straws actually had nothing to do with me, but with her maternal attitude.

She accidentally revealed she could not find any positive character traits in any of her children except her youngest — and in that child, she only found one positive attribute.

But regarding the others, she found nothing good to say about their personalities.

“If I say that one daughter is really good in math and that the other has got beautiful auburn hair or that my son has the most gorgeous shade of green eyes, does that count?” she asked. “Or does it have to be a character attribute?”

“Um, look,” I said. “If you’re struggling, physical attributes are a good place to start, but you really need…I mean…your children do have great personality traits, so…I think you’ll be happier and see improvements in their behavior if you could just take a few minutes to sit down and think of some of the positive character traits you see in them. Can you maybe remember positive stuff you saw in them when they were, like, 2-years-old?”

“Well,” she said. “Right now, one of my daughters is pretty good with young children.”

“Great!” I said.

“But that’s just because she’s so immature herself, she can relate to them on their level.”

“It doesn’t matter why,” I said. “Only tzaddikim have totally pure motivations for their good qualities. And anyway, everything has its positive and negative side. I’m sure that when your daughter matures, she’ll still be good with young children.”

Then, with no warning, she suddenly said good-bye and hung up.

But why couldn't she tolerate the discussion any longer?

Isn't Prozac supposed to alleviate anxiety and emotional discomfort?

Shouldn't it make a person feel and act normal?

Why, she should have been able to handle this discomfiting conversation with chemically induced aplomb!

And why did she have such a hopeless, negative, and depressing outlook of her children's attributes?

After all, she was taking an ANTI-depressant. Yet her nasty barbs toward me and her wholly negative view of her children's personalities seem, well, depressing.

Needless to say, a parent can be having a very hard time with a child and view the child very negatively.

However, the vast majority of parents I know still see positive potential in even their most difficult child.

Innate traits can be seen even in babies, so even if the child isn’t acting out their best self, the normal parents still know it’s there.

Again, even when dealing with a very difficult child, normal parents are still aware of that child's core positive attributes (even if those attributes are currently overshadowed by the child's difficult behavior).

Obviously, this mother is still very depressed and despairing, but she just doesn’t feel it.

She lacks the awareness that actually experiencing her emotions would give her.

Another time, I made this mistake of confiding in this same friend an incident of public humiliation.

At the time, I did not know that, in addition to emotional blunting, mania and euphoria are also common side effects of Prozac.

So she responded with:

“WELL, IT’S YOOOOOOOUR FAULT! It is! It’s all your fault!”

I cringed and grimaced. (Remember, I was already feeling humiliated.)

And it wasn’t even my fault, darn it. Both her behavior and her reasoning were wrong.

I tried to stammar out a defense. Her response, in addition to making me feel even more humiliated, hit me out of left field. Because the situation was not my fault; I was not the cause, it never occurred to me she might see it that way.

And she interrupted my stammering by gleeful shouts of how it was all my fault and I shouldn't even try to deny it.

Ah, well. At least I got some atonement and spiritual cleansing from that.

Much later, I read the words of a man on Prozac who, in the middle of a phone call with an important client at work, suddenly became manic and spoke so offensively to the client, he got fired.

Later, he tried apologizing and explaining to his boss what happened, vowing to never allow it to happen and again, and he also apologized to the client, but his boss refused to rehire him.

The man said he learned his lesson and found other ways to deal with his depressive symptoms. But gosh, what a hard & humiliating way to learn that lesson!

Meds aren't a Substitute for Mussar

The point is that medication does not negate working on middot or doing a self-accounting when uncomfortable or distressing situations come up.

But unfortunately, a very anti-Torah attitude has crept into the frum community's attitude toward mental illness: Just take this pill & keep on going!

Let's Give a Shout-Out to the People on Psychiatric Medication Who DO Work on Themselves Spiritually & Emotionally

Having said all that, I've personally met people taking psychiatric medications who DO work on their middot; they work on their emuna and bitachon, and they examine their deeds.

They endure very difficult situations, both mentally and physically, plus they have the psychiatric world telling them they don't need to do anything more than take medication, yet they insist on behaving according to the Torah view.

I have tremendous respect and admiration for them.

Part 4

Continue on to Part 6

Treating Mental Illness like Physical Illness: Part 4

10/4/2023

Official Treatment: "Just Take This Li'l Ol' Pill and...Bibbity-Bobbity-Boo!"

Let me ask you a few questions:

Are diabetics told, “Take insulin, but otherwise, eat all the popsicles you want”?

Are lung transplant candidates told, “Just come in for the surgery, but no need to stop smoking”?

Are cancer patients told, “Just do chemotherapy, but no need to cut down on unsaturated fats or cola or alcohol or Twinkies. It’s okay if you want to eat tons of white pasta and strawberry pop-tarts while avoiding apples and broccoli”?

In general, do doctors ever say, “Eating more vegetables and whole grains while eating less sugar and refined carbs and getting a good night's sleep is nice, but that won’t make a big difference to your overall health”?

No, of course not.

Even the most conventional anti-alternative doctors also clearly recognize the effects of stress, sleep deprivation, and poor nutrition on physical health.

Yet when it comes to mental health, why don’t psychiatrists tell schizophrenics that along with their daily meds, they should also stop staying up all night playing graphically violent video games?

(Not all of them do that, of course, but quite a few of America’s famous shootings were carried out by people on psychotropic medication — or in withdrawal from such medication — who regularly played graphically violent video games. If someone already has issues with delusions, wouldn’t playing incredibly realistic & violent games be a problem?)

Why don’t psychiatrists at least tell their depressed patients to have at least one cup of leafy greens a day, get outside for a walk (or dance at home on rainy days) or prescribe a really good vitamin supplement (like vitamins B-12 methylcobalamin and folate) — at least in addition to the medication?

Why don't they recommend behavioral and lifestyle changes?

Look what happened to a boy on antidepressants who made no positive changes in his behavior or thought patterns:

In 2005, a 16-year-old boy growing up amid an unusually disruptive family life and living in poverty on the Ojibwa reservation in Minnesota shot to death his grandfather and his grandfather’s girlfriend in their sleep.

(This despite having a good relationship with both of them.)

Then he went to his school and within 10 minutes, he shot to death an unarmed security guard, a teacher, 5 classmates — and himself.

(Another 5 classmates were injured.)

He committed this crime while taking Ritalin and just after having his dose of Prozac (an anti-depressant) increased.

The thing is, while that boy was taking this common combination of medications, he was gorging his mind full of dark stuff.

Online, he indulged his adoration of zombies, Nazism, and music that glorified suicide and murder.

He also created violent Flash animations. And rather than taking notes in class, he penciled sketches of people getting shot.

Yes...all while taking antidepressants!

Okay, that’s an extreme case.

But the point is that anti-depressants don’t negate a person's indulgence in dark activities, dark thoughts, or a depressing life.

No Such Thing as "You Just Take This One Little Pill Every Day for Life and That's All!"

One thing I find particularly upsetting is how medications are often presented so simplistically to patients, parents, and prospective spouses in shidduchim — as if the person just takes a pill every day for the rest of his life and everything is la-dee-dah.

(They also often present it as "It's just this one LITTLE pill..." As if the size of the actual tablet matters. Like if it was a larger calcium-sized pill, it would be worse?)

Yet these medications ALWAYS need re-evaluation at some point.

ALWAYS.

You cannot just take the same dose of Prozac or Ritalin or whatever every day for the next 30 years and never have a reaction or build up a tolerance that demands a change in dosage or even a change of medication.

This is true with medications for physical illnesses too. People with chronic physical illness do not just take the same medication at the same dosage for the next 50 years.

Adjustments are required at some point.

This means that at some point, the person is going to start acting out. That's an absolute certainty.

How do we know?

Well, how else can anyone tell if the medication or dose is no longer working as it should?

Only by a change in that person's behavior.

And this merely refers to the most ideal situation, in that the medication is basically working as predicted, but just needs adjustment.

Here's another example of when medication worked for a time, but then needed adjustment:

Leah had been on Ritalin for years when I noticed that she started displaying ADD behaviors, like impulsive interrupting, fluctuating high-pitched speech, getting distracted VERY easily, and things like that.

She’s very open about her medication, so I asked her as tactfully as I could whether she’d taken her pill that day.

“Why?” she squealed. “Am I acting FUN-nyyyyyyyyy?”

“Um,” I said. “Well, you’re little bit more, uh, distracted and, uh, energetic than usual.”

“Reallyyyyy?” she chirped. “Well, I guess I'd better check this OUUUUUUUuuuuuUUUUuuuuuuuut…!”

And she hung up without another word.

Oddly, I knew her for 3 years before she started taking medication, and she never behaved like that. And for one of those years, I was her roommate. I never saw this kind of behavior in her back then.

By the way, I’m not the only person who has noticed that some people taking Ritalin behave with classic ADHD behaviors and they even don’t seem to realize that they are behaving so erratically.

What’s going on here?

"And So It's Just a Little Pill You Need to Take Your Whole Life – Just Like How Diabetics Need to Take Medication Their Whole Life" – Not.

By the way, this does not even begin to cover the serious medical complications these medications sometimes induce, or even the fatally psychotic episodes sometimes brought on by these much-lauded meds.

At his wife's insistence, family friend went to his doctor to receive a prescription for Ritalin.

The doctor, a regular mainstream family doctor, asked the man whether he was managing in life. Could he work normally? Was his ADHD behavior interfering with his life?

The man said no, it wasn't.

(The truth is, this guy has a whole load of behaviors he refuses to work on, which is why his wife finally pushed him toward Ritalin. She gave up on him ever loving her or being compassionate toward her. She at least wanted his impulsive, hyper behavior and his frequent outbursts of rage to stop. But he honestly felt fine because he didn't see anything wrong with those behaviors. Unfortunately, according to her, he felt good when he behaved that way.)

Anyway, the doctor shook his head and said that Ritalin and similar drugs were contraindicated at his stage of life.

"How old are you?" asked the doctor.

"Fifty," said the man.

The doctor shook his head. "Ritalin causes an upswing of heart problems from the age of fifty. We don't like giving Ritalin at your age. For fifty and up, we only prescribe it when the person is not able to function without it."

He told his wife, his wife told me, and I told my husband (without names, of course).

We were all shocked to hear this common drug, promoted as something some people simply need to take for the rest of their life, was actually considered dangerous to take one's whole life.

So I don't know why so many doctors, publications, and people so blithely promote it as a medication to take one's whole life when it can actually shorten one's life.

With physical illness (like diabetes), the medication is intended to prolong one's life, not shorten it.

Can Taking Psychotropic Meds be Just Like Taking Regular Meds?

A friend of mine told me how she eventually decided to get a Xanax (a popular sedative) prescription before her mother-in-law would visit.

Why?

Apparently, her husband—who was difficult even in the best of times—would gang up on his wife with his mother during these visits.

The wife, Etti, wanted to remain calm and nonchalant, especially with their children around, and also because any upset response on her part would be greatly exaggerated and spread by her mother-in-law throughout the family with ensuing phone calls from Flying Monkeys — I mean, from the concerned and well-meaning relatives who wanted to smooth things over and make sure that Etti was sufficiently empathizing with her hard-working & long-suffering mother-in-law.

Here's Etti's side of the story:

After an exhausting Shabbat visit, during which Etti strove to be calm and pleasant no matter what, Etti needed to sleep after cleaning up and getting the kids ready for bed.

But after the house was neat and the kids in bed, Etti's mother-in-law suddenly wanted to start cooking anew for a full-stop melaveh malka.

These cooking sessions also always demanded that Etti be her mother-in-law’s drudge.

When Etti pointed out there were plenty of tasty leftovers from Shabbat, and apologetically said that she just didn’t have the energy and was actually planning on going to bed, her mother-in-law got all huffy and Etti's husband started yelling at her.

Frazzled, hurt, and at the end of her rope, Etti finally snapped back at her husband, who then joined his mother in the kitchen with his brother, where they also Etti heard their anger whispers and grumbling, positive they were enjoying a self-righteous lashon hara extravaganza at her expense.

Etti didn't expect much from her not-very-religious-or-knowledgeable mother-in-law, but she never understood why her husband always stooped to his mother's level.

Yet Etti went to her bedroom anyway, feeling so stressed-out and full of dread, she knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep.

So she took one Xanax.

She knew that this was all from Hashem and that ideally, she should say Tehillim or talk to Hashem in some way, but her nerves were shot at this point and she simply couldn’t make any more mental or emotional effort on her own.

Yet she knew how important proper sleep was, especially in such stressful situations.

After all, tomorrow would be just as bad — if not worse — and she wanted to make things as easy for her children as possible.

How is this different than taking Advil for a headache?

On a side note, I had a friend who smoked hashish every time her mother came to visit. (Her mother thought her daughter was smoking regular cigarettes.) I’m not in favor of that, but having met her mother, I understood my friend’s reasoning just as I understood Etti's reasoning.

Hard-core enthusiasts of alternative medicine will still insist that if only Etti (or my hashish-smoking friend) would inhale some lavender oil or drink a strong brew of chamomile tea or engage in deep breathing exercises, or give her mother-in-law and husband the benefit of the doubt, Etti would be just fine.

But at that moment, Etti felt like she just needed something that not only worked, but worked fast without any effort on her part.

(On Etti’s part, she wanted to daven to Hashem to help her relax and go to sleep, but she was too emotionally & physically exhausted to do that.)

This situation occurred once or twice a year, meaning that Etti only needed to take the sedative at its lowest dose for 2-4 days a year.

So what’s wrong with that?

I don't see anything wrong with that.

Furthermore, I’ve given birth surgically and believe me, I did not inhale essential oils or say Tehillim for pain relief—I took Epidural before they cut my stomach open!

So yes, there is a place for medication in our lives — both for physical pain and for mental/emotional pain.

However...

Let’s turn the above situations around to as if they were physical illnesses:

What if a person was constantly plagued by headaches?
What if the only way they could make it through the day was to pop Advil around the clock?
Or what if they felt they couldn’t make it through the day without Epidural?

Wouldn’t that signify a deeper problem?

Wouldn’t a responsible doctor search for an underlying cause?

Of course!

So why is it that when someone feels they can live a life free of depression or paranoid delusions or hallucinations or anxiety only if they take a pill, then everyone is just fine with that?

Why not search for an underlying issue rather than writing out a prescription?

Especially since scientific research shows that the whole theory of “chemical imbalance” — as the prime & only cause of mental illness — is nonsense?

Back to Part 3

Continue to Part 5

Treating Mental Illness like Physical Illness: Part 3

10/4/2023

Aspects of Mental Illness ARE Often Nutrition-Based!

As discussed in Part 1, common symptoms of mental illness – or even the entire mental illness itself – are often caused by lack of certain nutrients.

They can also be cured by those same nutrients.

Let's look at just what vitamins can do:

A lack of vitamins D or B can induce depression.

Exhaustion or lethargy can also derive from deficient iron and other vitamins.

High-strung or stressed-out behavior can result from a lack of calcium, a mineral which has a calming effect.

True story:

A friend of mine showed me a bottle of calcium she’d obtained the week before.

“Do you think they added sedatives to the tablets?” she asked me.

“No,” I said. “Definitely not. This is just calcium, no sedatives.”

“Are you sure?” she asked. “Because I’ve been feeling so calm.”

She said it as if it was an unpleasant thing.

In fact, she stopped taking the calcium after that.

She’d lived life in such a mode of high stress since she was a child, due to a dysfunctional mother and a distant father and then later, a personality disordered husband, calmer feelings simply felt so uncomfortable, she couldn’t tolerate them.

But what I found interesting was that she had no idea calcium produces a natural calming effect.

So there was no placebo effect going on, nor subconscious suggestion.

She perceived the calming effect of calcium because it's very real.

Yet do doctors ever check calcium levels when dealing with a patient complaining of anxiety?

Other common psychiatric problems can be treated effectively with proper nutrition:

One psychiatrist even cured OCD with probiotics.

Many ADHD children show marked improvement when gluten and artificial food colors are removed from their diet.

(I have personally seen this in both adults and children, and heard these observations described by others.)

Food allergies can also affect one’s emotional state.

Yet even though they are doctors, how often do psychiatrists ever order blood tests to check their patient’s vitamin levels?

They don't.

This is even more shocking when you consider that everybody knows that a deficiency of B12 or vitamin D causes tiredness and depression and that iron deficiency causes tiredness and lethargy. So why don’t they at least check for deficiencies before prescribing antidepressants?

It's very bizarre.

Just to illustrate using an opposite example:

I know that if I go to the doctor and tell her that I’m feeling very tired (especially if I am pregnant), she immediately orders tests to see if I have a vitamin deficiency.

Can you imagine if tired women were automatically prescribed, say, Adderall or caffeine pills, without even a test of their hemoglobin levels (or a pregnancy test, for those who could be pregnant but don't know it yet)?

Wouldn't everyone consider that horribly irresponsible medicine, especially if it was later discovered that the woman was in the early stages of pregnancy or suffering from low iron?

Even worse, antidepressants & many other medications actually deplete the body of vitamin B and other nutrients, making the sufferer's emotional state even worse, which leads the doctor to simply increase the dose and continues a harmful cycle.

So should doctors just prescribe caffeine pills to people suffering from anemia, even if those pills would deplete the patient's iron levels even more?

Whether you think all mental illness needs medication or whether you are totally against conventional medical treatment for mental illness, I think any rational person can still see the need to test for basic vitamin deficiency before prescribing brain-altering medication.

(Personally, I find this lack of responsibility on the part of many psychiatrists absolutely appalling.)

Interestingly, there is the MTHFR gene mutation, which affects 40% of the population and is the culprit behind a whole lot of issues: autism, ADHD, depression, brain fog, irritability, lethargy, miscarriage, diseases, and much more.

And this mutation even shows up on an official medical test!

Again, mental illness does NOT show up on laboratory tests. There is no chemical marker for any mental illness. Yet the MTHFR gene mutation is scientifically diagnosable.

So why isn't that one of the first things a psychiatrist tests for?

MTHFR is also treatable through diet, supplementation, and lifestyle. And for the reasons explained above, conventional medications often make MTHFR worse.

(You can obtain a very helpful and clear pamphlet from Miriam Adahan by emailing her at emett@netvision.net.il)

Some people, who see that they fit the list of symptoms, simply bypass the testing and just follow the treatment plan because it is extremely healthy and they genuinely feel and behave better doing so.

(But it's better to be tested, if possible.)

Playing "Pin the Tail on the Donkey" with Mental Illness

So you see, just getting a proper diagnosis for mental illness is fraught with complications.

This is why, for example, you meet people who have been diagnosed with a bunch of different illnesses.

They’ll tell you, “The doctors weren’t sure whether it was bipolar disorder or OCD.”

Or, “One doctor told me it was schizophrenia, then another said that it was schizotypal personality disorder, but another said it was probably Asperger's.”

Sorry to repeat this point, but I really want to drive it home:

When prescribing mind-altering drugs with potentially serious side effects (including death), most psychiatrists rely solely on a questionnaire regarding the patient's emotional symptoms as subjectively observed by the patient or the patient’s parents or teachers.

Yet for diagnosable causes, like the MTHFR gene mutation or vitamin deficiency (which could easily be behind the mentally ill behavior and possess non-medical solutions), psychiatrists DON’T test for them!

Who's acting crazy and irrational now?

Back to Part 2

Continue on to Part 4

Treating Mental Illness like Physical Illness: Part 2

10/4/2023

Subjective Observations aren't Legitimate Diagnosis

Regarding children, the people filling out the questionnaires are not necessarily objective or appropriate observers.

For example:

Parents and teachers might be emotionally lazy or fed-up with the child.
Parents and teachers may suffer from some kind of mental issue themselves (like a personality disorder).
The child’s behavior may simply be a result of the parent's or teacher’s bad middot.

The following true story illustrates this problem (all identifying aspects have been changed):

Mrs. Gold suffered from deep-seated passive-aggressive tendencies and a disdain for men.

Her sneering barbs had pushed her husband away into a stiff silence (although he became warm and alive when dealing with his children).

Sandwiched between quiet girls, her son was a boy born with a naturally bold and assertive personality (along with many other fine qualities). Unfortunately, his mother dealt with him by sniping at him, too.

Being in an environment in which both he and his beloved father were under constant snipe-attack was obviously stressful.

Even worse, the boy couldn’t really pinpoint the source of the tension because his mother always shot out her poison quietly and with a little smile, making it seem like she wasn’t really angry.

And since naturally aggressive people tend to act out when under stress (rather than “acting-in” by withdrawing, cutting, undereating or overeating, etc.), the boy’s acting-out got really out of control when he reached his teens.

So his mother carted him off to a psychiatrist who spun a reassuring explanation about “teen brain” (an inaccurate description of less ideal brain functioning...not caused by adolescence, but by poor decisions, immature thoughts and behaviors, and a poor diet).

Then the psychiatrist diagnosed ODD (Oppositional Defensive Disorder) and prescribed antipsychotic medication.

And that way, the mother was able to continue her hurtful behavior without suffering any more consequences from her son.

(It was incidences like the above that drove home to me the importance of raising children according to Rav Shalom Arush’s The Garden of Education, in which you’re encouraged to see your child’s challenges as a possible reflection of your own, which should direct you toward a compassionate self-accounting.)

As an aside, children trapped in America’s foster care system suffer most from this misguided approach to mental illness.

Some foster parents and teachers just want the kids to be manageable.

Many foster kids are on 6 (!) different medications.

Sometimes, drugs are prescribed to treat a reaction to or withdrawal symptoms from another drug (partly because when switching from one home to another — a tragically frequent occurrence in foster care — the prescribed doses aren’t kept up).

One girl kept reporting flashbacks from different traumas she’d undergone, which the psychiatrist diagnosed as hallucinations (!) and then prescribed psychotropic medication.

Furthermore, children who a very energetic or very intense or very sensitive can be pathologized by parents or teachers who don’t feel like dealing with these wonderful albeit challenging personality types.

Back to Part 1

Continue to Part 3

<<Previous

A Fraternal Tug-of-War

The Good News Not Fit to Print in Mainstream Media: A Young Man in IDF Uniform Entered a Strictly Charedi Neighborhood and — Get This — NOTHING BAD HAPPENED

Doing It Right

Come Spend a Day of Exalted Kedushah within a Place of Immorality & Avodah Zarah/Atheism – and Pay $3000 for this Exciting "Privilege"!

Promoting Transgressions — Uh-Oh...

The Inescapable Internet

Creating a Mixture of Anti-Torah Philosophy with Torah Thought – Just Try & Tell Them Apart...We Won't Make It Easy!

Inconsistency: He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not...

The Unhappily Increasing Failure of Many Frum Publications to Accommodate Actual Charedi Readers

The Honest & Positive Truth about the Vast Majority of Frum Jews Working in Frum Media

The Financial Dilemma

The Big, Massive, Thorny – But NOT Unsurpassable! – Challenge Facing Frum Publications

You Don't Need to Go "Back" – You Need to Go Forward

​Where Does Illness Come from & What is the Solution?

The Little-Known Wonders of "Reality Therapy"

​Okay, So What IS the Solution?

Post-Script in Summation

​Resources

Judaism Expects Any Ill Person to Invest in a Cheshbon HaNefesh

Middot AND Meds, Not Middot OR Meds

​Adding Merits for the Sick Person: Tefillah, Mitzvot, and Maasim Tovim

The Common Side Effects Everyone Sees, But Few Acknowledge

Meds aren't a Substitute for Mussar

Let's Give a Shout-Out to the People on Psychiatric Medication Who DO Work on Themselves Spiritually & Emotionally

Official Treatment: "Just Take This Li'l Ol' Pill and...Bibbity-Bobbity-Boo!"

No Such Thing as "You Just Take This One Little Pill Every Day for Life and That's All!"

"And So It's Just a Little Pill You Need to Take Your Whole Life – Just Like How Diabetics Need to Take Medication Their Whole Life" – Not.

​Can Taking Psychotropic Meds be Just Like Taking Regular Meds?

​Aspects of Mental Illness ARE Often Nutrition-Based!

​Playing "Pin the Tail on the Donkey" with Mental Illness

​​Subjective Observations aren't Legitimate Diagnosis

Myrtle Rising

Categories

Jewish Blogs

Jewish Current Events

Jewish Health

Archives

Copyright Notice

Where Does Illness Come from & What is the Solution?

Okay, So What IS the Solution?

Resources

Adding Merits for the Sick Person: Tefillah, Mitzvot, and Maasim Tovim

Can Taking Psychotropic Meds be Just Like Taking Regular Meds?

Aspects of Mental Illness ARE Often Nutrition-Based!

Playing "Pin the Tail on the Donkey" with Mental Illness

Subjective Observations aren't Legitimate Diagnosis