Myrtle Rising

Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Eikev: Falling in Love with Hashem Every Day & What Saying 100 Blessings a Day REALLY Means

22/8/2019

Rav Miller's dvar Torah on Parshas Eikev 2 – One Hundred Blessings is full of his usual insights and practical applications.

Mesilat Yesharim states that all the components for personal perfection in serving Hashem are found in the verse Devarim 10:12-13.

And they are:

To fear Hashem Elokecha
To walk in all of His Ways,
To love Hashem
To serve Hashem with all your heart & all your soul
To keep all the mitzvos of Hashem & to keep all His Laws

To achieve this, says Rav Miller, takes learning (you need the knowledge to know how to keep the mitzvot and also to know what are His Ways) and making a mental & emotional shift.

If you're male, learning Shas can bring you very close to Hashem.

Rav Miller also recommends learning the following 3 books cover-to-cover many times:

Mesilat Yesharim (Pathways of the Just)
Chovot Levavot (Duties of the Heart)
Shaarei Teshuvah (Gates of Teshuvah)

That's pretty heavy-lifting, as Rav Miller notes.

This learning is very important.

But there is also an easier way...

100 Happy Feelings a Day

Rav Miller extracts some precious advice from the Gemara (pages 3-4):

A hundred times a day you have to thank Hashem.

Now, whether it means technical brachos [like "Baruch Ata Hashem Elokeinu Melech Haolam"]...or saying your own words, “I thank You Hashem for this. I thank You for that,” it’s all included – a hundred times a day we have to thank Hashem and that’s going to bring you to all of the great qualities.

The hakdama, the preface to yirah and ahavah and all good things in that possuk [verse], is to make a hundred brachos every day.

It's worth reading the actual dvar Torah because Rav Miller details everything a lot more than this post.

But in short, Rav Miller emphasizes the importance of feeling the gratitude 100 times a day.

Whether you say a halachically worded bracha (like al netilat yadayim) or your own expression of gratitude, you need to actually feel it.

Why do we say brachot?

Rav Miller quotes his rebbe from Slabodka, who quotes the Kuzari:

"It adds pleasure on pleasure when one says blessings."

This is so true.

If you've ever followed Rav Miller's advice and really looked at all the positive attributes of an apple, then said borei pri ha'etz with kavanah, and then bit in...the apple tastes DELICIOUS.

It is a sign of the strength of the yetzer hara that we get cooled off from saying blessings with warm kavanah because saying the brachot makes everything taste, smell, and feel better!

Rav Miller explains that Rebbi Meir in the Gemara did not mean that you just count up your brachot, i.e. 16 from the Morning Blessings, 5 more from Birchas HaTorah, 19 from each Shemoneh Esrei...

That's all excellent, but not enough.

Instead, Rav Miller emphasizes:

"You must be happy and grateful to Hashem one hundred times a day!"

Falling in Love with God All Over Again

At this point in the dvar Torah (starting from Part II: Walking the Pathway on page 8), Rav Miller invites you to join his "walking club" and takes you through your day from the time you wake up and points out (with insight & humor) all that you have to be grateful for.

You have to read it. It helps so much.

Here's one sample of something you can do right away (if it's daytime by you).

Rav Miller says:

“Why is the sky blue?” ... And I’ll tell you a secret – it's good you came here tonight. There’s a reason why it’s blue.

It’s for you to enjoy the sky.

The color blue is soft and sweet on the eyes (Chovos Halevavos, Bechina 5), and you’re expected to enjoy it.

Isn’t that a good thing to practice? See if you can do it tomorrow morning.

Rav Miller also encourages us to take note of any disabled people we see (in a discreet & respectful way) to feel more gratitude for what we have (while at the same time wishing them well, a refuah or whatever they need, in our head).

Seeing a blind person or a toothless person should awaken gratitude within those of us who are not blind or toothless.

Finally, at the end of the day, you say Bedtime Shema with all its accompaniments, and you go to sleep (page 16):

So as you fall away into dreamland you’re still thanking Hashem.

That’s the last thought you have as you drift off into your sweet sleep. “Thank You, Hashem, for giving me a pillow and a mattress and for giving me the gift of sleep. I love You, Hashem.”

And in a few hours we’ll be getting up again to say modeh ani again and to start loving Hashem all over again.

"...to start loving Hashem all over again."

It all sound so nice.

Anyway, to sum it up, this kind of gratitude is self-transforming.

This is how you make yourself into a true eved Hashem.

This is how you achieve the 5 goals commanded in Parshat Eikev.

Let's conclude with Rav Miller's final words:

"If we’ll enjoy this world one hundred times a day, and if we express our gratitude to Hashem each time, that’s the royal road to happiness in this world, and to the perfection in avodas Hashem that brings you eternal happiness in the Next World."

As always, credit for all quotes goes to Toras Avigdor, may they enjoy growing success.

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What Do the Sephardi Gedolim Say about Tziyonut, the Medinah, and All That?

21/8/2019

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Only recently did I realize that while I was very familiar with (and supportive of) the Ashkenazi Gedolim’s attitude toward political Zionism, I wasn’t so knowledgeable of the opinions of the Sephardi Gedolim.

This is very understandable in light of the fact that the English-speaking charedi world is heavily weighted on the Ashkenazi side of things, so we end up hearing more about people like Rav Moshe Feinstein, Rav Kanievsky, Rav Shteinman, Rav Miller, Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, as well as the various Chassidic Rebbes, especially those prominent in the English-speaking world.

And this is good because they are true talmidei chachamim.

Furthermore, my Moroccan-Israeli husband’s entry into charedi Yiddishkeit was via Litvish yeshivahs.

While my husband goes according to Sephardi talmidei chachamim for halacha, he respects all true talmidei chachamim equally with regard to hashkafah (as is the correct attitude). And despite certain differences among groups, the real talmidei chachamim have more in common than not.

So when I asked my husband about Sephardi Gedolim and Zionism, he summed it up that Sephardi Gedolim place less emphasis on the "anti-Tziyoni," but other than that, don’t differ much in hashkafah from Ashkenazi Gedolim.

Also, many Sephardi Gedolim opine as Rav Shteinman that if a boy is anyway out on the street committing all kinds of transgressions and generally wasting his life, then Nachal Charedi is a better option for him. (Several other Ashkenazi Gedolim oppose even this.)

I think that sums it up on one foot, anyway.

Finally, it's important to know that the term itself (Tziyonut) is not remotely based on Torah or mitzvot (other than the name of the geographical location: "Tzion").

Tziyonut was only coined in 1890 by Nathan Birnbaum, who was a secular ethnocentrist at that time. (He did complete teshuvah later, baruch Hashem.) He promoted Jewish nationalism based on the Yiddish language and culture (however he defined that).

So Tziyonut was a secular ethnocentric (Ashkenazi-only Yiddish-only) idea from the get-go. (To be fair, Sephardim only comprised around 10% of world Jewry at that time, but they still numbered over a million spread throughout North Africa, the Middle East, the Balkans, Western Europe, including thousands in North & South America. Quite a lot to ignore, actually.)

Baruch Hashem, Birnbaum also dropped his ethnocentrism later too. Sincere teshuvah cleanses all sins.

(Quite an interesting fellow. Please see HERE for more about him.)

Ashkenazi Gedolim & Sephardi Gedolim Face Very Different Audiences

Furthermore, as my very yeshivish son pointed out, Sephardi Gedolim are talking to an extremely varied group, and they need to pasken according to needs of different Jews.

For example, charedi Sephardim listen to Sephardi Gedolim. Yet secular-traditional Sephardim also listen to Sephardi Gedolim. And then you have all the Sephardim in between those 2 extremes.

Yet who listens to, say, Rav Kanievsky outside of charedim (both Sephardi & Ashkenazi) and the very committed chardalim (charedi-dati-leumi)?

My son pointed out that when Rav Ovadia Yosef ztz”l spoke about army service, he needed to speak to both the Sephardi charedi bnei Torah AND “amcha” (the non-yeshivish Sephardim) at the same time.

I believe Sephardi Gedolim face a similar challenge if they decide to talk about tziyonut negatively to constituents who self-identify as tziyoni. (Many if not most Israelis — or Jews worldwide, for that matter — do not realize the origin of the term or the idea.)

Ashkenazi Gedolim could and do also speak to Jews at different stages of observance, but they do so on the individual level because there is no real need (or demand) to do so on the general level.

(For example, Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach opposed heter mechirah for Shemittah, but if a person came to him who was insistent on heter mechirah, the rav would tell him how to observe heter mechirah according to halacha.)

Also, it’s always hard to discuss this kind of thing in a public forum because black-and-white thinkers tend to see the above as charedi compromise/capitulation/loophole or hypocrisy, with a smirky attitude of “Oho—gotchya Gadol Hador!”

But really, it’s more a matter of assisting a person “ba’asher hu sham” (Beresheit 21:17 with Rashi) and that’s not compromising on Torah values at all.

But it's very difficult to explain this to black-and-white thinkers.

So I hope there are no black-and-white thinkers reading this.

(Or if they are, I fervently hope they do not comment because I find the circular arguments & misleading blanket statements very stressful to deal with.)

But back to Sephardi talmidei chachamim and Zionism…

An Enlightening Q&A with Hidabroot

Here is a Q&A from Hidabroot (my translation):

Q:
Shalom Kavod Harav,

I’d like to know if the Shas Party is for or against the Religious-Zionist stream.

Regards,
Avi

A:
Shalom u’vracha.

We are not spokesmen for Shas.

Maran {Rav Ovadia Yosef}, may his merit guard over us, was supportive of anyone who walked completely in the way of Hashem without any compromises and he fought against anyone who tried to compromise on an issue.

Regards,
Binyamin Shmueli

Here’s another on Hashkafah & Yirat Shamayim:

Q:
Shalom.

In Heaven, is there significance regarding a person’s hashkafah? Regarding army/State/Zionism, etc…or is the important thing that a person is God-fearing and upholds the Shulchan Aruch…

A:
The Supreme importance is the observance of all the mitzvot of the Torah, as explained in the Shulchan Aruch, without any fishy leniencies.

Anyone who wants to think that the State of Israel is the beginning of the Geula is welcome to do so.

However, he must be careful not to be drawn after leniencies of Torah or any change in the priorities of Torah versus nationalism, and likewise, will continue to be wary of joining with those who can remove him or his children from the Torah.

Likewise, to – God forbid – go after the spirit of the distorters that there is holiness to the army and that the virtue of military service is greater than the virtue of Torah scholars, God forbid.

Furthermore, it’s forbidden to consider Herzl a prophet or anything else. Herzl was a heretic and nothing more. Anyone who considers Herzl a prophet or visionary despite his Sabbath desecration and the rest of his severe transgressions – such a person is a disbeliever in the Torah and disparages all the Nevi’im.

Therefore, the obligation to submit to the Gedolei Yisrael is an absolute obligation and cannot change regardless of any form of hashkafah.

I hope I have succeeded in summarizing in these few lines everything necessary to know on one foot.

Regards,
Binyamin Shmueli

That’s pretty unequivocal.

And this next one is a particularly fun read.

For those who like to compare and contrast, here is a Sephardi rabbi discussing Satmar & Neturei Karta hashkafahs – you sure don’t see that every day!

(Please scroll down to #5 in the original Hebrew.)

UPDATE: A reader knowledgeable in Satmar hashkafah wrote to clarify points mentioned in the answer given by Rabbi Nachum. Please see R' Yisroel Tzion Kash's comments below for elucidation of the authentic Satmar hashkafah.

A Few Questions on Satmar & Zionism:

Q:
Shalom Kavod Harav…

5. Is it better to live in a country led by secular-Tziyoni evildoers than to live outside of Eretz Yisrael? What is the view of Satmar chassidim? How are they different from Neturei Karta? And what is so bad about their actions? Thank you.

A:
5. It’s preferable to live in Eretz Yisrael because of kedushat ha’Aretz {the holiness of the Land}. The Gemara (Yevamot 82b) says about this that the Land maintains its holiness even in the days of Galut {Exile}.

The opinion of the Admor of Satmar of blessed memory, the author of the book The Three Oaths – which is according to the Gemara Ketubot 111 – is that it’s forbidden for Jews to ascend from the Galut as a “wall” (Rashi explains: “together by force”) [that is to say, to take by force Eretz Yisrael from the grip of the nations of the world].

The Neturei Karta part ways from the shitah of the Admor of Satmar of blessed memory as stated above, and their opinion today is that even though the secular Israelis already took the Land by force from the grip of the nations of the world and not as according to the Gemara mentioned above, the proper path is to turn the present reality back to what it was before.

This is different than the shitah of the rest of the charedim – including Satmar chassidim today – who are of the opinion that after the new reality has already occurred, one should operate according to Torah observance within the current reality.

The mistake of Neturei Karta in practicality is that they think that they are rescuing Jewish lives when they show the Arabs that it is only the secular Tziyonim who took the Land from them, and that is not the opinion of the religious Jews – therefore, they aren’t supposed to fight against or harm Jewish charedim.

The mistake is that the belief of the Arabs goes against this aspect of the belief of Judaism, and therefore it is not just a matter of taking the Land that will appease the Arabs permanently.

{Sorry, that last sentence was a bit convoluted. The rabbi means that due to the diametric contrast in religious belief, Muslims cannot be more than temporarily appeased by taking Land from the Jews. In other words, their religious belief system demands more than just taking Land. —MR}

May it be His Will that the Blessed Hashem will help every single Jew to come out of this Galut speedily in our days, Amen.

Rabbi Nachum

The Value of Sephardi Insight

I just want to add that I really value the knowledgeable Sephardi views on Arabs and Islam.

You still have many Sephardim who understand Arabic and are familiar with Muslim-Arabic culture in a way similar to those of us who grew up among Western non-Jewish culture.

These Sephardim pick up on nuances that others don’t and actually understand what Arabic-speakers mean when they say stuff.

And while they can be sympathetic toward Arabs and easily see them as individuals (just like we Americans relate toward our non-Jewish friends & neighbors), they are at the same time very aware of cultural values and behaviors.

What Do Ben Shapiro, Rav Avigdor Miller, and Neturei Karta Have in Common?

And with regard to Rabbi Nachum's summary of Neturei Karta’s views (which sound extreme under the Neturei Karta label, but are actually shared by many thinking frum Jews):

I’m seeing a similar dynamic among American Jews — those frum Jews who wish to disassociate themselves from the increasingly immoral views of liberal/Leftist Jews and the degenerate high mucky-mucks who are Jew in name only.

Disassociation is important both for the sake of truth and to avoid the undeserved fallout that occurs when decent frum Jews are lumped together with anti-Torah Jews.

Even the modern Orthodox Ben Shapiro disassociates himself from the widespread Jewish vote for Obama with:

“Most Jews aren’t Jewish in any real sense beyond ethnic identification.”

(Source)

Or this:

“…the Jews who vote for Obama are, by and large, Jews In Name Only (JINOs). They eat bagels and lox; they watch "Schindler's List"; they visit temple on Yom Kippur – sometimes. But they do not care about Israel. Or if they do, they care about it less than abortion, [same-gender] marriage and global warming.”

(Source)

Here’s something similar by Rav Avigdor Miller:
Rav Avigdor Miller on Neturei Karta & Dirty Laundry.

In other words:
“They don’t represent us. They don’t represent the authentic Jewish position.”

It’s also impossible to miss the implied plea not to hate or judge or condemn us (or authentic Torah Judaism) or attack us because of the “JINO” majority — an approach which shares some similarity with the Neturei Karta approach.

Also, please don’t think I’m equating Ben Shapiro with talmidei chachamim and real daas Torah. My point is that there is a logical response that any committed frum Jew could instinctively have. It’s self-protective, not extremist.

(And isn't it really bizarre to find a similarity in approach between Ben Shapiro & Neturei Karta & Rav Avigdor Miller? I had no idea I'd reach this conclusion when I started writing this post.)

Anyway, getting back to Sephardi chachamim & Tziyonut…

A Sampling of Sephardi Chachamim & Their Opinions

Here are 2 articles written by differently hashkafahed Jews:

Here’s a dati-leumi rabbi summing it up:
https://www.etzion.org.il/en/sephardic-rabbinical-approaches-zionism

And here is a Sephardi frum fellow summing it up:
https://bariveshema.blogspot.com/2006/05/sephardic-rabbis-and-zionism_04.html

This is the first time I’ve come across Bari VeShema and I’m not sure what his exact hashkafah is, but I prefer his summary of Sephardi Gedolim because it’s better-sourced.

Also, I found it difficult to research Sephardi Gadolim & Zionism because in the English-speaking Sephardi world, I think many prefer to think their Gedolim are dati-leumi, so I found the English-speaking Sephardi presentation slanted toward their own preference, which I'm not sure is completely accurate.

That's my impression. Please correct me if I'm wrong. Sincerely, I mean that.

So looking at Bari V’Shema, I was surprised to discover that Chacham Alfandari did not think that Agudas Yisrael was anti-Tziyoni enough.

Also, the Ben Ish Chai comes off as very strong in his stance.

Then there is this quote by the Baba Sali from Etzion’s Rabbi Jachter above:

“Ki Ata be-eish hitzata, u-va-eish Ata atid livnota” – with fire Yerushalayim was destroyed and with fire it will be rebuilt. He explained that just as Jerusalem was destroyed by the fire of avoda zara, it will sadly be rebuilt by avoda zara.

Very powerful.

I read this in another place and I wish I knew the source for this for sure. I love this quote and it makes sense that the Baba Sali said this, but I'm uncomfortable without solid sources for quotes.

Also, regarding the discussion that follows in the comments section of Bari V'Shema's post: I personally do not equate Zionism with the mitzvah of yishuv ha’Aretz, although many frum Jews do. (But many also do not.)

At the risk of this turning into a useless discussion of semantics, I think that equating Zionism with yishuv ha'Aretz confuses things — especially since the entire origin of the term & idea is secular & ethnocentric.

(This confusion can be seen, for example, in describing Doña Gracia Nasi as being one of the early “Zionists” because she strove to provide Jewish settlement in Tiveria, which some people do. Neither the term nor the idea even existed in the 1500s. There is a mitzvah of yishuv ha’Aretz. That’s all.)

Likewise, in the Etzion article, I’m not sure if the Sephardi chachamim were pro-Zionism per se or whether they were pro-yishuv ha’Aretz and in favor of winning battles against Jew-hating enemies.

What were the exact terms they used? I don't know. It doesn't say.

For example, Rav Ovadia Yosef was in favor of praying for Israeli soldiers. Doing so is not specifically Tziyoni. Why is davening for a fellow Jew to succeed against Jew-haters "tziyoni"?

To compare: Rav Avigdor Miller encouraged support of the IDF & Tziyonim against Jew-hating terror. He clearly says you SHOULD pray for Israeli soldiers. He was against these insane & suicidal “Land for peace” policies:

Rav Miller on Praying for the IDF (January 2001)

Rav Miller on Land for Peace (October 2000)

Yet he was clearly not “pro-Zionist.”

Rav Miller on the Sinking Boat of the Zionist State (November 1975)

In other words, Rav Miller loved all Jews and wanted what was truly best for us.

Secular Leftist anti-Torah tyrannies are not good for us.

Again, because of a tendency to equate fighting terror or settling the Land with “Zionism,” it’s not clear to me that these chachamim were “pro-Zionism.” Did they even use that specific term? Again, I do not know.

I personally do not & will not call myself a Zionist anymore than I would call myself a “Sabbathist” for keeping Shabbat or an “environmentalist” for observing the Torah prohibitions of bal tashchit and not uprooting fruit trees.

I don't refer to myself as a "monotheist" for believing in One God. Anyone can be a monotheist.

I'm a Torah-observant Jew.

I am not a Zionist. I’m a Torah observant Jew who, in addition to fulfilling other commandments in the Torah, also fulfills the commandment of yishuv ha’Aretz — to settle in Eretz Yisrael.

That’s it.

Anyway, I think this sums up everything I’ve learned so far about Sephardi Gedolim and Tziyonut.

Oh, Wait...One More Sephardi Opinion

Please see this tefillah of a huge Sephardi tzaddik for settling in Eretz Yisrael. This was in 1824 when Eretz Yisrael was under the occupation of Turkish Ottoman Empire.

A Prayer to Make Aliyah & Live in Eretz Yisrael

(The Pele Yoetz preceded Herzl & Tziyonut by decades, by the way, as did religious aliyah & settlement within Eretz Yisrael.)

The Pele Yoetz refers to aliyah as "likboa dirato ba'Eretz Yisrael — to set his residence in the Land of Israel" or "halichat Eretz Yisrael — going to Eretz Yisrael."

That's what I and millions of other Jews have done:

We went to Eretz Yisrael & we set our residence in Eretz Yisrael.

(Please see the Pele Yoetz's chapter on Eretz Yisrael in Ivrit or Eretz Yisrael in English.)

No Zionism, no political labels, no ethnic or cultural focus...just mitzvah.

A particularly heartwarming & fulfilling mitzvah.

Lake Kinneret (The Sea of Galilee)

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Where Does the Swiftly Oncoming Jewish Future Lie?

20/8/2019

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Over the past couple of years, I’ve moved farther away from kiruv rechokim and closer to improving myself and giving chizuk within frum circles.

Initially, I thought my gradual shift had to do with an acknowledgement of the fact that I apparently stink at kiruv.

My husband, on the other hand, is really good at kiruv, especially with fellow Israelis. He has positively influenced many Jews.

But as for my own kiruv "skills"...

Even the one person I ever influenced to become shomer mitzvot was an accident.

It happened before I ever officially went into kiruv.

Once, I went to meet a secular friend whom I hadn’t seen for a couple of years, due to living in different parts of the US.

I didn’t know it at the time, but she was intrigued and nervous about meeting up again, wondering if I’d changed since I'd started keeping mitzvot. She’d also been thinking about getting frummer and wanted to see what that looked like up close in someone her own age.

So when we met, little did I know that in her eyes, I still looked normal, but just with a longer skirt and longer sleeves. And apparently, I was still comfortable to be around – in other words, no disturbing personality changes.

So she thought to herself, “Okay. I guess I can do this too.”

And that was it.

I didn’t even do anything or have any clue. Anyway, it was SHE who was open to the idea of getting frummer. I never even suggested it to her.

And she only told me this years later. And she’s not even a very committed frummie. According to how she describes her lifestyle, she does the minimum she can to consider herself frum.

So that's my total tally: one person (that I know of) who was already open to strengthening her mitzvah-observance anyway – and ultimately not a very committed frum person (although something is MUCH better than nothing, to be sure).

And this is despite having worked alongside my husband when he was rabbi of a little shul which was nearly all secular, and then later as part of a kiruv kollel.

In other words, ample opportunity and nothing to show for it.

Nourish Those Roots!

So, not a very impressive kiruv resume, as you can see.

But that’s okay. I realized that I have more than enough to work on within myself, strengthening my own Yiddishkeit, let alone getting others to strengthen theirs.

Also, I live in Eretz Yisrael where it’s enough to be an approachable-looking frum person who is pleasant & achvah-oriented (“Hi ya, sis!”) toward non-frum people.

Even this blog is meant to be a Here’s-What-You-Can-Learn-from-My-Mistakes-portal or discussing what much greater people say (like Rav Shteinman, Rebbe Nachman, the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rav Miller, Rav Arush, Rav Bender, Shlomo Hamelech, etc.) or what example we can learn from those much greater people (including non-recognized but very special "regular" Jews).

But from what I can tell from comments and emails received to this blog is that most of the readers are like-minded people who are anyway already somewhere on the scale of frumkeit and we are all just linking arms to support each other, each of us shining whatever light we can for each other, as we trudge & stumble our way to the Geula.

In other words, I have as much to learn from them as they do from me.

The Jewish Future Lies in the Orthodox Community

But then a thoughtful reader sent me a report from the 2007 American Jewish Yearbook and it got me thinking.

As of 2007, North American & North African Jewish populations showed zero population growth.

Oceania (which I assume primarily means Australia because, really, how many Jews are in New Zealand or Fiji?) showed growth of 0.9.

All the other countries showed population shrinkage...except Israel.

(Israel’s growth was 1.5.)

And as the report discussed, the definition of who is actually a Jew isn’t clear within the statistics-gathering.

A great many non-Jews with fake conversions or Jewish fathers identify themselves as Jews.

So the population shrinkage is probably even worse than shown.

Based on these numbers and personal experience, I can’t imagine that, outside of the Orthodox community, there will be Jewish communities in the USA in another 2 generations.

Yes, I’m far from the first to note that the future of American Jewry lies within the Orthodox community.

But personal experience shows that the intermarriage and fake conversion rate is so high among non-Orthodox Jews, especially outside of major Jewish population centers.

Even if there will be Reform or Conservative places of worship, they will likely be populated by a non-Jewish majority (as you'll see below).

Furthermore, the percentage of people who don’t have children is increasing over all the Western world, including in the non-Orthodox Jewish community.

I've already seen this in my family.

One Dead End after Another

For example, I have a Jewish cousin who married twice, both times to non-Jews. Right now, he has 5 biological children (2 from his first marriage, 3 from his second marriage) and 1 adopted child (his second wife’s child from a prior relationship)—none of whom are Jewish.

One of his sons is his spitting image—a handsome Jewish face with an identifiable Jewish surname and one of those Biblical first names that are in fashion now. (Think "Jacob Goldberg" with dark soulful eyes and dark wavy hair.)

Yet this young man is totally not Jewish.

That is the end of the line for my cousin. He leaves no offspring—not biological offspring and not in mitzvot either. A dead end. Literally.

At the same time, because my cousin's wife underwent a completely invalid "conversion" via a Reform rabbi, she (and I think one of the children) self-identify as Jewish.

Yet they are not.

Other non-Jewish-but-think-they're-Jewish family members send me photos of themselves celebrating Chanukah — among all the fake converts and regular non-Jewish spouses and children, not one person celebrating Chanukah in these photos is actually Jewish.

In one branch of my family, the last Jewish member of 3 generations died recently.

This last one is also a dead end.

His Jewish son from his first marriage married a non-Jewish woman — no Jewish offspring from that union.

His second marriage was with a fake convert, meaning no Jewish offspring from that marriage either.

A dead end on all fronts, despite 2 marriages, including 1 to an actual Jewess.

What this last Jewish man (and the Jewish man who died before him) have left behind are their fake “convert” wives and their non-Jewish children, their childern’s non-Jewish spouses, and non-Jewish grandchildren, plus a farce of holiday celebrations and other Jewish rituals performed with or by non-Jewish family members for whom it’s not at all meaningful. Not really.

Furthermore, all these remaining non-Jews plan to hold the yearly Seder they enjoy (yes, Jewish rituals are actually quite enjoyable — a fact that some frum people need to be reminded of) — without one bona fide Jew in attendance.

No Dead Ends Yet, But Almost Total Assimilation

In a converse situation found in a friend's family, nearly everyone is Jewish...but completely assimilated.

This assimilated Jewish family celebrates nothing (save for maybe Chanukah presents?)—no Pesach Seder, no Yom Kippur, no Shabbat candle-lighting…nothing.

Interestingly, from one set of assimilated Jewish parents, 3 children happened to marry Jews. (Maybe because they’re in New York and it’s a cultural thing—more comfortable to do so — although that didn’t help my generation of New York relatives, who all married non-Jews.) So one child is raising Jewish children in the same completely assimilated manner she was raised.

Another adopted a non-Jewish child and plans to have no biological children with his Jewish wife.

The third child is frum with a family of Jewish children — but that child lives in Eretz Yisrael.

As far as the American family line goes, the assimilation is almost complete.

Statistically speaking, it is unlikely that the children/grandchildren raised by completely assimilated parents, who were also raised by assimilated parents will marry Jews.

(Don't forget: As the non-Orthodox Jewish population shrinks, that means less Jews available for marriage, even in the larger Jewish population centers.)

And despite the power of the kiruv movement, most Jews just aren't becoming frum.

Even those exposed to frumkeit (via frum relatives or nice frum people or outreach attempts or trips to Eretz Yisrael, etc.) remain apathetic and do nothing to improve their own observance.

(I keep forgetting this because of where I live; the return to observance is thriving. But then I look behind me and realized that it really isn't the majority. Far from it.)

Case in point: In the above example, the older parents visit their frum child in a frum Eretz Yisrael neighborhood twice a year for extended visits. They've been doing this for almost 2 decades. They've been there for Shabbos and chagim, met the very nice frum neighbors and...nothing.

All the frum experience and frum information available doesn't touch them one iota.

So going by the majority, those children raised by assimilated parents will likely not become frum and not marry Jews. If they have daughters, the halachic Jewish line will continue, but it probably become unknown at some point.

Annihilation with a Smile

I supposed I could rile myself up into a rage against the Conservative (which is actually very liberal) and Reform movements, plus the pseudo-“Orthodox” rabbis who perform sloppy “conversions”…but the whole dynamic depresses me too much to find the energy to rail against them right now.

But they sure deserve it!

In the generation above mine, it was clear that no one would’ve married a non-Jew outright (the people I knew, anyway).

No matter how much they wanted to marry their non-Jewish girlfriend, they would’ve resisted had not the halacha-contortionists stepped in to perform fake “conversions” of convenience.

Yes, these nice, smiley, well-intentioned, genial “rabbis” managed to annihilate an entire generation in one go.

And they're still doing it with great gusto. Not one shred of remorse.

Strengthen Our Core with Dedication & Joy

Anyway, the report got me thinking that maybe my deeper motivation for focusing more inward and on kiruv karovim isn’t just because I am a kiruv dud.

Maybe it’s a sense that the Torah community is where the upcoming future lies, and that’s where Hashem is guiding me.

That future is no longer so distant. Outside of major Jewish centers in America, it’s already upon us.

BTW, I’m not trying to discourage anyone from kiruv rechokim. If you have the opportunity to do it, if you’re good at it, then by all means — DO IT.

I once needed kiruv and I’m eternally grateful to the people who were there to do it for me.

We need those people.

But I think that even more, we need to strengthen ourselves from within.

We’re not just the core, we’re also the very near future, which is only a generation or 2 away.

And we need to do everything we can to make sure that this core and this future are iron-clad with dedication and joy.

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An Enlightening Conversation with the Great-Grandson of Rav Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld ztz"l

19/8/2019

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Every once in a while, Hashem enables you to come full circle within certain aspects of life.

For example, the biography of Rav Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld ztz"l, Guardian of Jerusalem, changed my life and stamped an everlasting imprint on my hashkafah.

It was that book which shined light on the shadow surrounding the stories and scenarios I’d been told as a child in the movement for Conservative (which is actually quite liberal) “Judaism.”

I never consciously sensed the lies by omission nor the distortions regarding the modern history of Eretz Yisrael.

But upon reading Guardian of Jerusalem, so much came pouring back to me and I now saw the distorted history I’d been fed—corrected and displayed in full.

The maskilim and Leftist “pioneers” portrayed as heroes—they nearly destroyed the struggling Jewish settlement under Turkish rule. It was always either the Sephardi chachamim or the Ashkenazi chachamim who came to the rescue.

Yet I was always told the opposite: The religious Jews were always the bad guys; the “enlightened” liberal anti-religious Socialists were the saviors (although the fact that they were Socialists—or even Communists, really—was swept aside in the Commie-fearing Eighties).

A Zealous Warrior...from Love

I developed tremendous love and reverence for Rav Sonnenfeld, the father of the stream now known as “charedi.” He possessed an overpowering love for every Jew and for Eretz Yisrael.

He was also a tremendous warrior against the anti-Torah ideologies—but his zeal came from love.

He was a warrior from love.

Absolutely fearless, a warrior propelled by love, and a great ohev Hashem, ohev Yisrael, and ohev Eretz Yisrael, Rav Sonnenfeld was exactly what I wanted to be.

And over 20 years later, he is still the example I embrace, even though I’m still dropping very short of his example—mostly because I can’t figure out how to get there. But as usual, I figure there’s value in the effort.

Anyway, after one of my sons first started yeshivah, he came home telling me that one of his teachers was Ashkenazi and the great-grandson of Rav Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld.

Stunned with joy and gratitude, I could not believe the big chessed Hashem had done for me by placing the great-grandson of my role model as my son’s teacher.

The Ideal Teacher for Teenage Boys

And this great-grandson was an excellent teacher for teenage boys.

Extremely energetic, good-humored, yet highly intelligent and very much a product of his family’s hashkafah, he was also very understanding of dealing with all the challenges of being a teenage boy and a frum Jew in today’s world.

He was very open and honest with the boys about the challenges this generation faces, and he gave over his Torah approach with great passion and conviction.

My husband and I met him during a parent-teacher evening and he was very friendly.

At one point, I asked my son to do me a big favor.

Saved by the "Black Arm" of a Complete Tzaddik

I wanted an answer to a question I’d had about a certain event in the early 1920s, as recorded on pages 135-137 of Guardian of Jerusalem: The Life & Times of Rabbi Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld.

At one point, Rav Sonnenfeld went way out of his way to save the life of a terrible Jew (“one of the leaders of the Zionist Labor Federation, known for his virulent anti-religious attacks”) who needed the superior treatment provided only at Shaarei Tzedek hospital and only Rav Sonnenfeld could make it happen.

To provide some background: The Beit Din of Yerushalayim had placed a ban on anyone who entered the Missionary Hospital, whether for work or for treatment, with dire results for anyone who violated this ban.

Anyway, it was assumed that the legendary Dr. Wallach of Shaarei Tzedek would refuse to admit a person who both intentionally chose treatment at the Missionary Hospital (despite the ban and the poorer medical treatment there) and was a rabid anti-Torah Leftist bent on destroying Yiddishkeit in Eretz Yisrael.

Indeed, upon being brought to Shaarei Tzedek, the Leftist and his family encountered resistance from Dr. Wallach.

Interestingly, the family asked an off-the-derech youth to approach Rav Sonnenfeld. This youth was the son of a big talmid chacham and well-known to Rav Sonnenfeld. This youth also knew that Rav Sonnenfeld was “quite upset” with this same youth for leaving Torah and befriending this anti-Torah Leftist.

Nonetheless, this youth approached Rav Sonnenfeld at home, where Rav Sonnenfeld still received this youth with warmth.

Upon hearing of the urgent situation, the rav braved a severe thunderstorm to rush to Shaarei Tzedek, where Rav Sonnenfeld insisted that halacha demanded the admission of this dangerously ill traitor (but promised to discuss the matter with Dr. Wallach later).

Two weeks later, the anti-Torah Leftist experienced a miraculous recovery, then continued his nefarious activities.

Knowing how much the Leftist disliked Rav Sonnenfeld, none of the Leftist's associates informed him of Rav Sonnenfeld’s life-saving intervention & mesirut nefesh.

By the way, this also shows the mentality of such people. Why not tell the Leftist leader? Why not tell this rabid hater that one of the Gadolei Hador saved his life? Maybe it would soften him up a bit. At least, it might stop him from attacking the tzaddikim. Maybe he’d more willingly to hear Rav Sonnenfeld’s side and compromise a bit.

But those who knew davka decided to be careful not to tell him. So once again, we see that Leftists don’t really pursue peace; they have other agendas.

Anyway, a year later, this same Leftist delivered a keynote speech at a groundbreaking ceremony for a new settlement in the North. When he reached the climax of his speech, this Leftist gave a frenzied shout:

“We will build this land by waging a fight to the death against the black arm of Rabbi Sonnenfeld and his cronies!”

(page 137)

Sitting in the audience was the same youth who’d interceded on the Leftist’s behalf.

This statement spurred the youth to jump to his feet and shout his protest against such slander.

At the invitation of the shocked Leftist, the youth took over the podium and explained to all assembled “exactly how the ‘black arm’ of R’ Chaim Sonnenfeld had interceded to save the life of one who had vowed to destroy him.”

That should make you eat your words, shouldn’t it?

Ba'asher Hu Sham?

Anyway, I was confused because this Leftist set himself on the warpath to destroy Torah Judaism in Eretz Yisrael.

So I didn’t get why Rav Sonnenfeld helped this terrible traitor so much.

Yes, the book clearly quotes Rav Sonnenfeld’s view that the situation was pikuach nefesh to save a Jewish life. But the halacha isn’t so clear-cut for someone willing to die fighting tzaddikim and shredding Torah Judaism to bits.

And before anybody gets lovey-dovey about it, please know that these anti-religious Leftists were killers—sometimes directly and sometimes indirectly—in addition to destroying the Am in a spiritual sense.

In fact, these same anti-Torah Leftists later programmed terrible suffering among the religious community of Yerushalayim, causing hundreds of Jews to starve to death.

So my son very kindly agreed to ask the great-grandson on my behalf. Why on earth did Rav Sonnenfeld do such a thing?

The great-grandson knew exactly to which story my son referred and pondered the question for a moment.

Then he said, “I don’t know exactly why he [Rav Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld] did it. It could be that at the time, it wasn’t known that the other guy [the anti-Torah sickie] was so bad.”

That could be.

While at the time, the man was a known anti-Torah Leftist leader, it could be that it was only later that the man openly stated his rabid extremism, such as being willing die fighting one of the biggest tzaddikim of that generation.

But please note what the great-grandson did NOT say:

He did not say, “Nebbuch, the anti-religious hack was tinok sheh nishba, of course!”

He did not say, “Ahavas Yisrael, you know.”

He did not say, “Why, alter Zeidy loved EVERYBODY — of course he made every effort to save this hate-filled destroyer of Yiddishkeit!”

Nope. He didn’t say any of the expected feel-good stuff.

Instead, he said he wasn’t sure why his holy great-grandfather went to so much trouble to help this terrible person, then surmised that it wasn’t yet known exactly how bad the terrible person actually was.

This sort of fits in with Judaism’s precept of Hashem judging a person ba’asher hu sham—in the place where he is (i.e., in his present state), which is one reason given for Hashem’s Compassion upon Yishmael dying of thirst in the desert (Beresheit 21:17 with Rashi).

Yishmael would eventually produce a nation of terrorists (along with some very nice people too). But at that moment, he was a 16-year-old boy abandoned by a mother who couldn’t overcome her own pain to comfort him in his suffering.

(For more on that incident, please also see Salvation is Hashem and scroll down one-third.)

Who Listens to a Rabid Dog Frothing at the Mouth? And WHY?

I’d like to make one final point.

(And I'm not going to answer the question posed in the above sub-heading, but leave it to you instead.)

It seems to me that Rav Sonnenfeld’s tzidkut was widely known at that time.

Rav Sonnenfeld not only performed tremendous chessed in official capacity, but also as a neighbor and regular passer-by.

Rav Sonnenfeld was well-known for his generous tzedakah activities. He was also incredibly humble and a tremendous baal chessed—all in addition to his scholarly brilliance.

How is it that the secular Leftists possessed such intense hatred toward Rav Sonnenfeld?

Why were they so blind to the rav’s sterling qualities?

Furthermore, based on the above story and many others like it, then rav was clearly approachable. People just came to his house or joined him on his walks to davening.

Why didn't his opponents approach him themselves? They could have.

So what was going on here?

Why did they describe Rav Sonnenfeld as having a “black arm”? Why were they willing to “wage war” against him and even fight him “to the death”?

What was so terrifyingly awful about this wise, loving, compassionate, and generous tzaddik?

It seems to me the only reason was that these anti-Torah Leftists were rabidly insane.

What else explains their all-consuming hatred? Why else were they willing to starve impoverished charedi children in Yerushalayim and elsewhere?

Yet people followed them! People listened to what they had to say!

How could they?

Yet if you look around, it seems we have the same problem today.

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What's the Deal with Neturei Karta?

18/8/2019

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At one point in our marriage, we lived in Geula (near Meah Shearim) for around 2 years (and I worked there too), so I met many different types of frum Jews whom I'd only read about until then.

And I met some wonderful women (including the warm & encouraging mikveh ladies) who seemed like they might be Neturei Karta (they had shaved heads, long black tichels, and black dresses), but I wasn't sure because I'm not always sure how to differentiate between Neturei Karta and other super-frum insulated groups.

And just for knowing: Neturei Karta is a specific group within that Meah Shearim-Geula community of wonderfully traditional & insulated Yidden. In other words, not everyone from there is Neturei Karta. (Neturei Karta has also spread out to other cities too.)

But I don't recall meeting any of the men. (Or if I did, I didn't know it.) So despite living & working right there, I actually know surprisingly little about Neturei Karta, other than what appears on the (deplorably biased) news or other tidbits here and there.

It also seems that other frum people don't know much about them either. There tends to be a lot of contradictory back-and-forth among frum people regarding Neturei Karta.

So imagine how pleased I was to run across a 2-minute 45-second video from Rav Zamir Cohen, which discusses Neturei Karta and who they really are. If you understand Hebrew, it's HERE.

(Note: A couple of females appear briefly in an ad — which you can skip — preceding the video. They're tsniusly dressed, but some people are shomer aynayim l'mehadrin — and more power to them. So the MP3 audio is on the lower right-hand side of the video screen for those who just want to listen, can't skip the ad, or whatever.)

What Rav Zamir Cohen Says about Neturei Karta

Anyway, a member of the audience asks Rav Zamir what's the deal with Neturei Karta, who appear to engage in behaviors that are offensive at best and deplorably forbidden at worst.

So Rav Zamir first acknowledges that when people claiming to be & dressing like Neturei Karta are photographed with the PLO and other particularly genocidal sonei Yisrael, this raises legitimate concerns.

Thus, Rav Zamir starts by explaining the Aramaic term Neturei Karta:
Neturei: Guardians of the
Karta: City

He then explains that the authentic original Neturei Karta group believes that (0:47):

"...because the State educates the children of Israel on a path against the Torah; the laws of the State do not go according to the Torah — so they [Neturei Karta] say: 'We do not wish to participate in elections, we don't want to be partners in this whole enterprise. We'll manage our schools without the funding of the State."

Even though it costs a lot of money to run schools on their own, they still refuse to accept any government funding. Why?

" 'Because we don't want to be partners with a government that educates the Nation not according to the Torah'."

(1:09)

Rav Zamir adds,

"That, in essence, is Neturei Karta."

He goes on to explain that within this group is a splinter group of whom "there are those who say seven families, there are some who say twelve families — but according to all opinions, no more than twelve families" who have even more extreme opinions. "But there, they've completely lost themselves," says Rav Zamir.

(I had no idea about any of that.)

In Neturei Karta's newspaper (I didn't know they had one), Neturei Karta states regarding this splinter group:

"They do not represent us and obviously their attitude is warped, and they bring upon all of us a bad name."

Rav Zamir then states his opinion that all those who meet with the leader of Iran, terrorists, the PLO, and who are photographed with the Philistinian flag are "completely corrupt" and "apparently in need of hospitalization."

When someone has reached the point where they associate with such enmity, Rav Zamir declares:

"Not only do they not represent the Torah, they don't even represent the Torah extremists."

Then Rav Zamir cautions against making assumptions about people you see dressed like the nutters supporting sonei Yisrael. They look the same as the authentic Neturei Karta and they call themselves Neturei Karta, but they are not.

This actually echoes what many frum Jews, regardless of our group association, deal with: We're always forced to defend ourselves against the actions (or misreported actions) of a disturbed few, protesting that "they don't represent us" or "they're a tiny minority; most of us aren't like that at all" or "the media got it wrong (again)," etc.

Again, Rav Zamir clarifies (2:15):

"Even the extreme Neturei Karta, their war is in that they claim that the State educates and legislates laws against the Torah — 'We don't want anything from them, we don't want to participate in elections, we don't want to influence, we don't want to take even one cent from them. But not, God forbid, to befriend enemies of Israel. We are all Jews; we are all brothers'."

This little clip contained a lot of new information for me, so I thought I'd share it because I suspect that I'm not the only one who didn't know all this.

It's not about whether you agree with the actual Neturei Karta or not.

It's just knowing the truth about your fellow Jews and not being a victim of the distortions of media or impostors.

A courtyard in Meah Shearim

Kashering utensils in Meah Shearim (although the guy in the forefront isn't Neturei Karta, but looks Breslov to me)

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Rav Miller on Parshat Va'etchanan with Wonderful Advice on Transforming Your Home & Family

16/8/2019

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In Parshas Va’eschanan – Sanctuary of the Jewish Home, Rav Miller discusses a question I think many of us have wondered about: Why was Moshe Rabbeinu so resistant against going on to the Next World?

After all, Moshe Rabbeinu was the epitome of emuna.

He knew Hashem was guiding everything in the Universe.

He knew that death is nothing to fear.

He knew he had a wonderful Paradise beyond comprehension waiting for him.

Also, Moshe Rabbeinu achieved more than any other human being ever had.

So why didn't he go peacefully?

Why did he daven 515 tefillot and with such intensity, he shook up the Universe?

The short answer is that Moshe Rabbeinu loved us very much and also wanted to perfect himself even more.

The long answer is in the dvar Torah itself.

Personal Royalty

At this point Rav Miller emphasizes each home is basically an empire in which each father is a king and each mother is a queen.

And he delves into all the responsibility that entails, which is admittedly a bit intimidating.

He paints the great example of Rav Channa's house of chessed, as described in the Gemara. It sounds very difficult to dedicate the entire home to chessed in the way Rav Channa did, but Rav Miller explains that Rav Channa and his wife did it in a way that made each other and their children happy.

And that's definitely food for thought.

Yet Rav Miller acknowledges that the vast majority of us can't be like Rav Channa.

So what can we do?

We can take steps to fill our home with kedushah, with mitzvot...with Hashem.

And we do this one step at a time, elevating the routine mitzvot:

You have to train yourself and your family to think, “Right now, we’re doing the mitzvah of washing the hands; Hashem commanded us to obey the chachamim.”

You’re making the house kadosh by doing that.

Developing a real love and appreciation for mitzvot is the way to transform your home.

When you feel that way inside, you project it out to your family.

Here are some ways of looking at yourselves:

That element should be introduced in the building of Jewish home as much as possible.

“Our home is a makom kadosh,” you tell your family. We must accustom ourselves to this thought:

A Jewish house is a holy house. The same Shechina that came down on Har Sinai is in every Jewish home – it’s not a mashal.

Where else would Hakodosh Boruch Hu come if not in the place where constantly His word is obeyed?

Milchigeh dishes, fleishigeh dishes, pareve dishes, everything is done k’halacha. Shabbos, kashrus, everything!

***

A child wants to eat something, so he asks, “Am I still fleishig? Can I get ice cream yet?”

“No, not yet.”

The child watches the clock.

A little boy is watching the clock - there’s nothing like that in the world.

You won’t find such holy children anywhere else!

The Rav Miller offers many ideas for raising your children with kedushah, even when surrounded by modern secular values.

That's very worth reading.

He concludes that section with this advice:

And so the house is kadosh.

It’s something we have to say to ourselves and to our children - you should repeat it constantly.

You can tell them, “Every time you do something good in this house, you’re making the house even more kadosh. Every time you learn Torah in the house, every time you daven, every time you say birkas hamazon, any bracha you make in the house, the house is becoming more and more kadosh.”

Tell them that - they won’t listen; they’ll say, “Yes, yes,” but it’s going into their little heads.

Don't Forget This Part of Meal-Planning

Rav Miller offers a great many wonderful ideas for using meal times as pleasant chinuch for the children, a time to inculcate authentic Torah values into the family and the home.

He calls it a form of "meal planning," which means you need to have an idea of what you want to mention before you sit down to eat with everyone. (But he recommends against telling the kids that you planned the topic; let them think it's inspired.)

Which Building is Really Built to Last?

Incredibly, our homes that were dedicated to kedushah will rise again with Techiyat Hametim (Resurrection of the Dead)!

(Rav Miller derives this from the Gemara.)

The holy homes of our holy Sages, which are in ruins now, will also rise again!

The strongest & tallest & most beautiful edifices of today will fall at some point.

Yet the humble abode of the Chafetz Chaim, of all the holy people, will rise again.

It's a whole other way of looking at the world.

What Kind of Home are We Creating?

And these are important questions we need to answer ourselves:

And therefore an honest parent should stop and ask himself: “What kind of home do we have? Am I accomplishing in my home what Moshe Rabeinu begged for many many days to have the opportunity to accomplish?"

The most rewarding life for a man and a woman, is to make use of that opportunity that Moshe begged for, and put the best that they have into that house.

The walls of their house should witness only kindliness, only politeness, good character, kindly words, avodas Hashem, joyous Shabbosim, zemiros on Shabbos, divrei Torah, helping each other, performing acts that Hashem commands us to do.

All day long the bnei bayis are putting idealism into the walls of their home.

***

Of course theory is always easier than practice.

But we have to strive for the ideal, for the building of a home that Hashem intended when He told the Am Yisroel, “Return to your tents.”

The creation of a home founded on the principles of Ma’amad Har Sinai is a creation that is eternal.

Regardless of what kind of family we have (even if it's just yourself), may we all succeed in making our families and our homes abodes of kedushah and Torah idealism.

What kind of home do we want?

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A Link to the Annual Tu B'Av Post

15/8/2019

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To read the annual Tu B'Av (15th of Av) post, please click here:
A Special Tu B'Av Post: Discerning Personality through Dance

May we all be able to benefit from the spirit of this special day.

A field in Eretz Yisrael - photographed by Michael Moore

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Please, Help Yourself to A Slice of Life in Eretz Yisrael...

15/8/2019

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One of my sons likes to hike & hitchhike around the country when he's not in yeshivah.

(You can read about a couple of his exploits here: Despite All the Grumbles, There’s No Place Like Home and more recently: We Didn't Start the Fire...But We'll Still Gladly Help You Put It Out, Brother!)

Being age 20, the people who give him a ride often say things like, “Hey, how old are you? Why aren’t you in the army?”

He thrives on the opportunity to pleasantly defend himself, seeing it as a way to hone his own position.

And as far as he has experienced, these family-like confrontations are always self-affirming.

Anyway...at one point, an older Moroccan couple from Tiveria picked him up.

The husband was a firm supporter of Tiveria’s rabidly anti-Torah current mayor and the wife supported her husband.

But seeing my son’s obviously yeshivish appearance, the man didn’t want to get into it with my son.

Anyway, the wife started rambling about their son, who’d joined a combat unit in the IDF.

“They don’t feed them well,” she fretted. “When my son returned from battle, he was THIS thin!” She held up one finger.

My son silently noted with amusement that she seemed more concerned about her son’s food intake than the dangers he faced in battle.

Then the woman turned on my son, saying, “Why should my son have to risk his life on the battlefield while you sit in yeshivah?”

“Maybe the whole reason your son came back from the battlefield was because I’m sitting in yeshivah,” replied my son.

“Huh,” said the woman, thoughtfully. (It's hard for older Moroccan ladies to be REAL kofrim.)

The man didn’t say a word.

But he didn't chuck my son out of the car, either.

They dropped my son off at a convenient location, he thanked them, and things ended on a more or less amicable note.

Why am I telling you this?

It’s just a slice of life in Eretz Yisrael.

Also, Israelis on opposing sides do not usually behave with the ferocity portrayed in media outlets.

It goes more like the above: Open & straight-shootin', possibly passionate, but not hateful.

The media either makes things up or pounces on the handful of ferocious behaviors to set a magnifying lens on it.

Normal Jews may be flawed and misguided, but are basically decent people.

If we would skip over all the purposefully inflammatory video clips & rhetoric, we might all get along much better.

(And we'd behave with a lot more seichel too.)

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What a Tzaddik can Teach Us about Our Repeated Failures

14/8/2019

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Discovering how our Gedolim respond to different situations helps us to respond with seichel yashar too.

In Hidabroot (sorry, I couldn’t find the same article in English), the following story appears (originally published with Dirshu) regarding Rav Shteinman ztz"l at the age of 95. (Source)

Rav Nachum Bernstein escorted an unnamed recent baal teshuvah to Rav Shteinman.

Rav Bernstein introduced the baal teshuvah as his talmid, saying, “This Jew has come a long way from the upbringing he received. Today, he merits to toil in Torah and to grow in mitzvot and yirat Shamayim. Yet there is one mitzvah he has not been capable of upholding and he has stumbled in this mitzvah time after time…”

At this point, the unnamed Jew burst into bitter tears and said, “I’ve done everything I can! I devote myself to Torah and, baruch Hashem, succeed in keeping most of the mitzvot. Only regarding this mitzvah, I’m not managing to prevail. Again and again, I stumble and the yetzer distracts me from my path. Again and again, I stumble and I don’t succeed in prevailing. Please, HaRav, what is there to do? How it is possible to cope?”

Both the frustrated baal teshuvah and the dedicated rabbi expected Rav Shteinman to offer either a segulah or practical advice.

To their surprise, Rav Shteinman rose to his full height and warmly clasped the hand of the baal teshuvah, then Rav Shteinman repeatedly hugged and kissed him.

With tears in his eyes, Rav Shteinman said, “Oy, how I envy you, how I envy you…all the merits you collect each time you DO manage to overcome yourself, how much eternal reward awaits you…I envy you!”

Rav Shteinman lovingly clasped the man’s hand again. “You’re a wonderful tzaddik, a rare tzaddik. It’s so difficult for you to cope, and yet you continue to strive and you keep trying. Despite everything, you keep fighting. The Creator of the World is proud of people like you; I am full of envy toward you!”

Everyone in the room was stunned.

Then Rav Shteinman requested that the baal teshuvah return soon because Rav Shteinman wanted to meet again with a person of such spiritual greatness.

A few months later, the pair returned and Rav Shteinman immediately remembered the struggling man. Rav Shteinman asked how he was doing and coping.

Now the man was managing a lot better and stumbling only occasionally. Yet again, Rav Shteinman became very excited and hugged the man with great warmth. “I’m thrilled to merit meeting a man like you! You succeed in prevailing, you fight like a lion—I’m proud of you. Ashreicha, how goodly is your portion!”

And the rav invited the man to visit him again in the near future.

At the third meeting, the man was able to report that he hadn’t stumbled even once since the last time they met.

In response, Rav Shteinman rose from his chair, kissed the man on the forehead, and said, “You are not a holy Jew—you are literally the Holy of Holies!”

You are Not Your Flaws; You are Your RESPONSE to Your Flaws

Unfortunately, society (particularly psychology and psychiatry) often define us by our flaws: narcissist, borderline, alcoholic, depressed, hyperactive, drama queen, ADD, etc.

Even worse, people who genuinely struggle yet fail are often considered equal to those who do not try at all. If you’ve ever had this happen to you (and I have), it’s soul-destroying.

No matter how hard you try (and no matter how awful your nisayon is), some people will consider you just as bad as someone who never tries at all, consider you just as bad as people who not only won’t even acknowledge they possess a particular flaw, but also never show remorse for their behavior.

(Interestingly, the worst offenders of this kind of judgment are often people who would never even manage for one week in your difficult nisayon, let alone struggle as you do. Hmm…)

This kind of condemnation is very destructive.

It is also irrational and just plain wrong.

Yet many people feed into this distorted thinking.

You’re condemned for having the flaw (even though EVERYONE has flaws) and given absolutely no credit for fighting it.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Backwards, backwards, backwards.

So one of the Gedolei Hador, a tzaddik, responds in exactly the opposite manner, contrary to many.

The tzaddik is full of praise for the man for trying.

Look, at the first meeting the guy admitted that he was failing a lot. He was basically a failure in this particular area.

Except that he wasn’t.

Despite knowing that the man was losing far more rounds than he’d won, Rav Shteinman was full of praise and admiration because the man was trying.

Rav Shteinman praised the man’s struggle.

This is why it’s so important to try to get into the mindset of a Gadol. They think very differently than regular people, and their thinking is so much healthier—because it’s based on TRUTH.

Strugglers Deserve Encouragement & Validation, Not Disdain

Likewise, in Words of Faith, Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender describes a handful of people with some pretty unappealing flaws, people who spent a lot of time crying at Rebbe Nachman’s grave, begging Hashem to help them overcome their yetzer hara.

Despite (or maybe because of) the fact that Rav Bender not only lacked these particular flaws, but probably could not personally relate to weakness on the level that it plagued these guys, Rav Bender spoke of them with admiration.

As far as Rav Bender was concerned, you may not be able to help how you were born (or later corrupted, in one case), but you can decide how you respond to your weak points. And crying out to Hashem and struggling against the yetzer hara is exactly the right way to respond.

So Rav Bender spoke of these strugglers with admiration and fondness.

The Real Winner

Why didn’t Rav Bender tell these pained strugglers, “Eew, yuck” or “Just get a hold of yourself already, fruitcake!” or “Stop being so melodramatic. Get over yourself already”? Or stare at them in silent horror or suspicion or distaste to make them feel REALLY defective?

I think it has to do with humility.

In an earlier post (True Greatness Revealed in the Seemingly Small Stuff), we saw how Rav Shteinman revealed profound self-awareness that his placidity in the face of terrible stress may just be his nature and not necessarily true emunah.

He was digging down deep to make sure that his tranquility was coming from real emunah and not from some naturally occurring disassociative state.

Likewise, Rav Bender also struggled with aspects of himself, albeit not to the extent that some of his fellow Breslovers did.

So how does a Torah-oriented mind respond?

WOW. That’s a REALLY big nisayon. Gosh. I haven’t had to face a yetzer hara like that. (Or, if they have, they know how hard it is & appreciate the effort involved.) That’s such a tough battle. Whoa, think of all the reward involved for winning a battle like that!

Seeing the world through spiritual eyes is very different than seeing the world through eyes of ego or gaavah.

The following has been posted before, but Rav Akiva Rabinowitz’s words (from Rav Ofer Erez’s Ahavat Kedumim, pg. 170) are always worth repeating:

Hakadosh Baruch Hu [The Holy One Blessed Be He] holds absolutely no hakpadah [strict judgment, condemnation] against a Jewish person who possesses evil traits and lusts.

Hakadosh Baruch Hu does not come in accusations about this since He implanted these within him, and He brought us down here for this purpose.

If so, regarding what is the hakpadah?

The hakpadah occurs when the Jewish person does not strive to seek out the path and the counsel as to how to get out of [those evil traits and lusts].

Therefore, there exists the iron rule:

"As long as a person engages in battle, he is always called 'the winner' [hamenatze'ach]."

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We Didn't Start the Fire...But We'll Still Gladly Help You Put It Out, Brother!

13/8/2019

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One of my sons attends an excellent Sephardi charedi yeshivah.

During the Nine Days, this son & 2 friends happened upon the owner of a small factory who was burning extraneous twigs and branches, when by doing so, this owner accidentally set his own factory on fire.

The owner quickly brought a bucket to a nearby faucet that released a weak trickle of water, then he threw whatever water he managed onto the fire.

The water merely turned to steam with a hiss, and the fire kept expanding.

My son sought out the fire-fighting apparatus required in any factory. He found a glass box with a hose in it, but no connection to any fire-extinguishing source.

No hand-held fire extinguisher either.

Then my son sought out a water source and found a rusty pump in the bushes. He and his 2 yeshivah friends connected the hose to the pump and assisted the owner in putting out the fire.

At some point, the authorities arrived and my son and his friends left.

Later, a man who knew both the boys and the owner met up with the boys and said that the owner got fined for not having his fire-safety equipment up to date.

“And do you know what a big kiddush Hashem you guys did?” said the man.

No, they didn’t. They just saw an older man struggling with a fire and it never occurred to them NOT to help him.

Forced to Eat Humble Mapai

It turns out that the owner was a Mapainik.

MaPAI [Mifleget Poalei Eretz Yisrael—The Party of Workers of the Land of Israel) was Ben-Gurion’s political party. It was also the party of the old-time kibbutzim, Moshe Sharret, Levi Eshkol, and Golda Meir. It later merged with other Leftist parties to form the present-day Labor party.

Often described as “left of center,” it was basically Communist. Utter disdain of charedim was self-understood in Mapai.

So this die-hard Mapainik was shocked that charedi yeshivah bachurs would help him with such zerizut—especially since the fire had been his fault.

Furthermore, despite him being the older and “wiser” hotshot Mapainik and them being (in his eyes) the backwards & foolish yeshivah bachurs, it was the yeshivah bachurs who succeeded in figuring out the most effective way to put out the fire—in HIS factory.

So they were altruistic too, which also ran against his stereotype of the selfish, self-absorbed charedi Jew.

This is clearly an example of what psychology calls “projection” and what the Gemara describes as “kol hapossel, b’mumo possel”—every person who invalidates another (based on a particular flaw) is actually basing this invalidation on a flaw that he himself possesses too.

So this owner assumed that charedim would hate him too much to help him because HE hates charedim too much to help THEM. (Or so I surmise. I don’t know him at all. But why else was he so flabbergasted by their assistance? I mean, this IS Israel. Most passers-by would help. Naturally.)

The owner wanted their names and to thank them.

Needless to say, the boys weren’t looking to make a kiddush Hashem.

They just responded to the situation with the Torah values (and Gemara-sharpened brains) they’d internalized. It hadn’t occurred to them to think or respond in any other way.

Firing Up an Opening to Teshuvah?

I also think that Hashem is trying to give this old Mapainik a chance to do teshuvah.

The founders and leaders of Mapai took over the government, the media, and the schools back when this Mapainik was a youngster.

How much of chance did he really stand against their agenda?

But now, Hashem brought him 3 yeshivah bachurs who shocked him with their quick thinking, competency, and compassion.

Hashem could've brought the old Mapainik other helpers. I mean, after all, this IS Israel and most people would help in this situation.

But Hashem davka sent 3 yeshivah bachurs to help this guy.

And he’s good enough to both take note and appreciate their efforts.

This event clearly caused him to think differently (and more positively) about Torah-observant Jews.

Maybe he’ll start thinking differently (and more positively) about the Torah too.

Hashem loves everybody and wants us all to do teshuvah.

And I think the accidental fire was this old Mapainik’s opening to change.

I hope so, anyway.

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