The condition of BINYAMIN YISROEL BEN CHANITA (Chanita with a chet) has plummeted again.

Surprisingly bitter news because he had been doing so well before!

I really thought he was on the mend.

Yet now, his family requests increased tefillot on his behalf due to the latest test results.

If possible, it's so beneficial to dedicate any good deed you do to his merit.

I firmly believe that just as our tefillot, b'chasdei Hashem, got him so much better before, our tefillot can definitely heal him now, b'ezrat Hashem.

May the Almighty please grant Binyamin Yisroel ben Chanita a complete refuah of the nefesh & body, along with all the other cholei Yisrael.

Previous post:
encouraging-update-regarding-binaymin-yisroel-ben-chanita.html

In Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah for Parshas Behar-Bechukosai 4 - Tenants in This World, we learn the extent to which we are tenants in This World.

As Judaism emphasizes so strongly & so often, This World is merely a hallway leading to something much bigger and truer.

The Yovel (Jubilee) Year of ancient times kept Am Yisrael on its toes, even though they lived in their own Land within their rightful Tribal portion.

With homes & other acquisitions needing to be restored to their original state & possession, people still experienced movement & uprooting.

Later on & continuing until today, Galut (Exile) keeps us on our toes.

Even within Eretz Yisrael, we still experience Galut.

Missile strikes & policies of the Erev Rav government officials carried out by their lackeys ensure that we don't feel too settled in our homes.

We still need to turn to Hashem for any real stability.

With recent tragedies, for which the deeper reasons remain concealed, we see the Galut in that 3 yeshivah bachurs can be shot at random. Government policies enable this to happen. 

The revolving door of Israeli justice for terrorists embolden terrorism.

We do not yet dwell securely within our own Land.

Likewise, regarding the Meron tragedy, Rav Itamar Schwartz noted (among other profundities): 

Eyewitness accounts bear testimony to this point as we repeatedly hear how police did not intervene to prevent the dangerous crowding.

​Yet people realized on their own.

Ten minutes before the horrific crush, two 22-year-old friends of my son, concerned by the increasingly oppressive crowding, turned to each other and said, "Let's get out of here before we die."

They deliberated which of the 2 exits to take and Hashem guided them to choose the exit which ended up NOT being the deathtrap.

So they made it out alive.

When many other good people on their own decided to relieve the crowding by leaving, the police responded in a way that first caused then exacerbated crushing & falling (with the exception of a couple of policemen who worked to save people).

Look at who took control of that holy place & those holy people.

And so, this is where we are now.

Galut.

Nothing is stable. Nothing is guaranteed.

This isn't our world.

This isn't the real world.

This is all temporary and merely a path on the journey to reach the real world.

Those killed in the crush came from all types of backgrounds.

Many looked like ordinary people.

Yet so many extraordinary stories of the niftarim have come to light.

One astounding verified story by Daniel Braude came from Daniel Braude's 1-Minute Daily Halocha:

A man who eventually survived the crush found a small passage of air that kept him alive as he remained trapped between those fallen beneath him and those fallen on top of him.

He desperately wanted to move up off those under him, but could not.

​From beneath him, this survivor heard a man say Shema Yisrael in the manner of one who realizes he is living out his final moments.

After this Shema, this person's final words were to those unwillingly crushing him:

"Whoever is on top of me—I forgive you completely."

He never spoke again.

​This was a person who understood the purpose of This World.

In his last moments, this suffering Jew thought to consider the terrible guilt experienced by his brothers on top of him, fellow Jews who so desperately wanted to save his life, but who themselves could not move at all.

His last breaths consisted of empathy & judging his fellow Jews favorably.

He understood where he was & where he was going.

And he understood Who the Real Master is.

May Mashiach please usher in the Geula quickly and with compassion.

I'm heartbroken to inform you that 19-year-old Yehuda Guetta (Yehuda ben Milcah), a student at the Itamar Yeshivah who was shot by a terrorist at Tapuach Junction, succumbed to his injuries Wednesday night after 4 days of intensive efforts to save his life.

​Baruch Dayan Emet.

His funeral started at 11 a.m. from Kiryat Moshe to Har HaMenucha.

Yehuda is mourned by his parents, his 4 brothers, and his 2 sisters.

Hashem yinkom damo.

However, BENAYA YISRAEL BEN AVIVA still desperately needs our tefillot! 19-year-old Benaya Yisrael was rushed into emergency surgery & remains in critical condition. These continuing 24 hours are critical to his recovery.

May we only hear good news.

Here is a message you may have already seen from Rav Kanievsky, after his son asked him how we should respond to the Meron tragedy:
https://hamodia.com/2021/05/04/hagaon-harav-chaim-kanievsky-meron-tragedy/

A summary appears in English alongside the original Hebrew handwritten letter (which enlarges when you click on it).

It's important to read the original, but here's a bulleted summary here:
​

• We need to strengthen ourselves in Torah.
• We need to strengthen ourselves in hasmadah ("diligence") in Torah learning.
• Women should strengthen ourselves in tsniyut (dressing & behaving with dignity & modesty).
• We need to invest more in washing our hands properly before a meal, both in kavanah & the halachic details.
• We need to strengthen our kavanah when we recite blessings with the goal of feeling closeness with Hashem.

Maybe it's good to address the issue of tsniyut mentioned here because major rabbanim tend to mention this after a disaster, resulting in even committed frum women tend to respond with some kind of attitude like, "Oh, not THAT again..." or "They're always blaming women for things" or some kind of vague "Yeah, I'll keep trying," and so on.

Are these women bad or superficial?

No.

I mean, maybe some are. But most are really good & sincere.

So let's take a look at what's really going on beneath the surface...

​Hopefully, tsniyut was always presented to you and dealt with in a positive way.

But some girls and women experienced a negative approach at some point, making them feel harassed or embarrassed or condemned, etc.

Some endured a severely negative experience or a series of negative experiences regarding tsniyut.

So that's erects a barrier for some.

On the other hand, a friend of mine who attended an exclusive Yiddish-speaking girls school in New York explained that her school always addressed tsniyut positively & respectfully—yet she still found herself feeling defensive about it at times. (She dresses very, very tsniusly, BTW.)

Based on that, she thinks there is something deeply personal about it, which therefore produces instinctive defensiveness, no matter how gently and tactfully a girl or woman is approached regarding improvement in that area.

It's true that girls & women tend to express ourselves through our clothes & accessories. Hairstyles, jewelry, accessories, makeup, clothing, shoes—many females choose these with care, trying them on while deliberating before a mirror and with friends, and so on.

Again, it's a deeply personal expression and you can tell something about a female by the way she has chosen to look.

Not to solely judge someone by her appearance—no!

But let's face it: There is a difference in personality between a woman wearing an extravagant brassy shaitel and large studded hoop earrings & a woman wearing a neat, refined shaitel with pearl stud earring in a delicate gold setting.

Their shaitels & earrings don't say everything about them—earrings & hair-coverings don't indicate how nice someone is, for example—but they do say something.

And the woman who dresses plainly without any adornments? It also says something about her.

Another example: 

Purple is my favorite color.

And I've noticed that women who love purple attract each other.

​When I wear purple and there is another purple-loving woman around, she'll approach me. I can do the same with other purple-wearers.

And you know what? In means something! We purple-lovers definitely have certain inner aspects in common.

​Yes—a purple sisterhood definitely exists out there; I've experienced it.

So we see from all this, plus our own experiences & observations, that a woman's personal appearance is a vehicle of her own unique self-expression.

And this inborn feminine aspect makes tsniyut more complex & challenging—yet also more rewarding and self-validating at the same time.

Social influences affect women, which also affects her tsniyut.

Whether positive or negative, this social influence comes from her family, her husband, her community, and her surrounding society.

Women understandably use their external appearance to feel good about themselves on the inside.

I can't help noticing that one sign of marital disharmony is when the wife's tsniyut starts deteriorating.

I don't mean right after she marries.

Sometimes, lack of tsniyut right after the wedding simply means her parents had a lot of control over her outfits, but then she married a guy who enjoys laxity in tsniyut (he's wrong, BTW) and she's like, "YES! I can finally dress the way I want AND my husband appreciates it!"

I'm not talking about that.

I mean the ones who cared about tsniyut and then it all starts going out the window during their marriage.

Her husband makes her feel bad about herself on the inside, so she seeks to feel good about her outside.

That's very normal. It's not correct. But it's definitely normal.

But a downslide in tsniyut doesn't always reflect a downslide in shalom bayit.

​Other reasons exist.

For example, many women feel like a height-of-fashion "wow!" appearance creates a kiddush Hashem.

It doesn't. 

This is a common misunderstanding of kiddush Hashem, which reverberates far beyond tsniyut.

Many frum people think kiddush Hashem is anything that makes them look good in the eyes of their surrounding culture.

Many times, that's true. But not always.

Kiddush Hashem means representing Hashem truthfully & with integrity.

​For example, if your surrounding culture prizes the abuse of Welsh Corgi puppies, would it be a kiddush Hashem to go around kicking Welsh Corgi puppies?

Absolutely not.

It would be a disgusting chilul Hashem.

Likewise, walking around looking like a million dollars is a problem.

(Ostentatiousness is condemned for Jewish men too, says Orchot Tzaddikim.)

And I think we've all seen frum women with classy, refined shaitels & clothes, who suddenly develop a need to "upgrade" her appearance. And so she comes out with a va-va-voom shaitel, flashy clothes, and all these swishy, alluring mannerisms & air of blazing confidence...

​...and then gushes about how good she feels about herself, how the Torah wants women to feel good about themselves (it does—just not in this particular way), and how covering your hair in this way makes you feel fabulous as opposed to feeling nebbuchy or downtrodden. 

And that ties in with her wanting to feel good about herself on the outside when she does not feel good about herself on the inside.

So...it's all very understandable.

Rav Shimshon Dovid Pincus stated that tsniyut provides protection.

It's like an iron dome or bomb shelter.

It provides practical protection & spiritual protection, both to the woman herself, to her family, and to all of Am Yisrael.

Is it completely fool-proof?

No.

Is anything completely fool-proof & guaranteed in This World?

No.

One frum teenage boy told me that when he walks around with his friends, a couple of them will say, "Hey, see that girl over there? She looks more 'open.' Let's go talk to her."

At that point, the other boys say no, and they keep walking. (The truth is they're shy & this is all just talk.) Furthermore, the boy who related this expressed the good sense to know that the girls don't realize the impression they're making. He sees they're innocent.

Yet the indecent ones refuse to see female laxity as innocent.

Female dress & behavior offer certain messages to males, whether the message is "c'mon over!" or "trespassers will be shot!", and whether she intends that message or not.

Years ago, I spoke with a friend who staffed the women's crisis hotline at her Ivy League university. She revealed how the most common crisis occurred when a young woman went out to the bar on the weekend nights, got drunk, then got left there alone by her friends.

("I really think you need to get new friends," was one piece of advice my friend used to give them.)

At that point, a fellow male student on the prowl for young co-eds in this precise situation would hone in on her and...we'll omit the details of what happened next, but it resulted in a call to the crisis hotline.

And the predator was almost always an athlete on a sports scholarship playing for that Ivy League university's sports team.

With no proof of a crime, the young women were left with the option of "dean's discipline." However, my friend discouraged this because it usually ended up intensifying the victim's trauma with no justice served in the end.

Why?

Well, the Ivy League university dean happened to be a secular liberal white woman who wished to protect her employer's big money-maker (football & basketball).

Or perhaps she was simply a terrible person with a crummy value system.

Anyway, when confronted with a female student post-assault who knew the identity of her violator, the female dean displayed fake sympathy, then proceeded to explain how the violator can't really understand what he did was wrong due to his underprivileged background.

The liberal secular female dean then explained why the young woman should drop her charges against the oh-so pitiable young predator, who simply does not know any better.

Awwww...boo-hoo...the poor morally ignorant boy from an underprivileged background! Bless his underprivileged little heart! Where, o where can I wring out my tear-sopped hankie?

(And you thought only rich, white males enjoy privilege! But no, if you get into an Ivy League university on a football or basketball scholarship, you too can become a repeat offender with absolutely no repercussions!) 
 
Anyway, the point is that some males are predatory. 

Sure, it would be nice to shove the predatory types off a cliff. But that's not realistic until Mashiach comes.

So for now, it helps females to develop tsniyus behaviors, like not going around drunk in public areas, and especially not by herself. (Not that you would do that; just using it as one example of non-tsniyus behavior—although not going around by yourself at night, especially if you're a young woman, is always good advice.)

It's not her fault if a predator preys on her vulnerability.

At the same time, the less vulnerable she is, the better off she is.

​(More about that here: http://www.myrtlerising.com/blog/two-powerful-lessons-revealed-by-dinahs-ordeal-in-parshat-vayishlach)

​And that's the practical protection of tsniyut. 

Spiritual protection explains why most frum Jewish women do not remove their hair-covering or change into pants when hanging out a home with a female buddy.

Tsniyut is an enhancement of the neshamah.

​Many frum women feel more natural when dressed tsniyusly, which is why she remains tsniyus even when in an all-female environment.

(Certainly, there are exceptions to this statement. I'm speaking generally.)

Tsniyut applies to men too (which is why you do not see charedi men strolling around in Hawaiian shorts or sleeveless shirts), but it applies even more to women.

Though often imperceptible, female tsniyut provides wonderful protection on all levels for herself, her husband, her children, and her Nation.

All the above (and more!) demonstrate why Rav Kanievsky advises women to strengthen our tsniyut.

Please notice he did not say to revolutionize our tsniyut, but to just strengthen it.

This means we can look at our makeup, hair-covering, jewelry, shoes or our behavior and lovingly examine whether we can refine some aspect of it—to beautify it with dignity.

Husbands & fathers can definitely assist in this by internalizing the importance of feminine kavod in Judaism, enabling him to then project that outward onto his female family members.

Most husbands & fathers lack awareness of the powerful influence they have on their wives & daughters regarding tsniyut. 

Men can impact tsniyut in wonderfully positive way.

Husbands & fathers can gently & warmly encourage their wives & daughters toward tsniyut with lots of compliments & validation, and also by re-orienting their own minds to view Jewish women with kavod & appreciation for the Jewish female's intrinsic value and innate holiness as a bat Yisrael.

May we only hear good news.

UPDATE (4:45 PM 03 May 2021):
Baruch Hashem, Amichai ben Ronit has been released from the hospital.

BENAYA YISRAEL BEN AVIVA (please note the corrected name) is still in serious condition.

Doctors are fighting to save the life of YEHUDAH BEN MILCAH.

​Refuah Shlaima U'Meheirah!

Please daven for the 3 yeshivah bachurim of Yeshivah Gedolah Itamar who were wounded in a terrorist shooting at Tapuach Junction near Ariel:
​

• YEHUDAH BEN MILCAH
• BENAYA  בניה YISRAEL BEN AVIVA
• AMICHAI BEN RONIT

May Hashem please grant each of them a complete & speedy refuah, along with all the other ill & suffering of Yisrael.

Living in a charedi area of Eretz Yisrael always means the day of Lag B'Omer comes alive with music bursting from homes and cars as we gratefully leave that first part of the Omer behind—those weeks that forbid public music.

But this year, Lag B'Omer remains quiet.

I can't even hear the faintest strain of melody or the vaguest beat of bass tones.

And we all know why. 

The shocking tragedy actually started when we heard reports of a motorcycle-car collision between 2 frum drivers outside of Beitar Ilit, in which the young male motorcyclist died from his injuries.

That shocking tragedy Erev Lag B'Omer preceded the horrific event that occurred later on Lag B'Omer itself. 

I didn't understand at first what happened in Meron or how it happened. And the full details still aren't available.

At first, news outlets reported a stampede occurred because a balcony collapsed. Then the balcony became bleachers. Then they said nothing collapsed; the catastrophe occurred due to a closed in area with a ramp & stairs, which causes a downward momentum difficult to halt (in other words, there was no stampede either).

However, my teenage son's friend said that he was on the bleachers, which were shaking, and indeed, he said there was some kind of collapse. So I don't know.

But having lived in Eretz Yisrael for over half my life and having been in crowds here and knowing how these things work, I wondered out loud how such a deadly disaster could have occurred.

After all, despite copious propaganda to the opposite, frum Jews are actually very good at looking out for both themselves and others together.

We saw this during Rav Ovadia Yosef's funeral, which reached over a million participants, yet nary one death from crowding or trampling.

The police hadn't prepared for such a massive turnout, so it was mostly the people themselves who prevented any tragedies.

For instance, participants formed protective rings of space around parents with small children to prevent the children from being crowded, suffocated, or trampled.

The few who passed out or suffered medical problems were supported until a sea of helpful hands managed to pass a stretcher to them, and then people managed to move (without trampling others) or passed the person on the stretcher via the crowd to the waiting ambulances.

That's just one example.

So in Meron, I knew that people would shout back about other people having fallen or being squished, and that call would be repeated back until other end of the crowd.

But my son pointed out that music blasted from the speakers, preventing such shouts from being heard.

Oh. I'd forgotten about that part.

Yes, they cut out all the music as soon as they realized what was happening. But a lot of heart-breaking damage had occurred already.

And yes, one particularly large chassid managed to hold back the crowd to rescue someone from the ground.

Probably others also managed to save lives. 

​But the death toll still horrifies and shocks.

Knowing 2 sons had headed to Meron, I made the same phone calls everyone else was making at that time.

I got ahold of one immediately because he and his friend got stuck at a gas station halfway down Route 6.

This prevented them from being in Meron at the time of the disaster, baruch Hashem. 

They said that suddenly dozens of buses packed with people started filling up the parking lot. They saw people streaming off the buses, very emotional and in a state of disarray (like a boy missing a kippah and one shoe). 

That's when my son and his friend found out what happened.

But like a lot of others, I couldn't get through to my other son (who already arrived in Meron) because of the overloaded cell service.

​I only managed to reach him in Meron at 4 in the morning (with loudspeakers blasting names in the background: "To So-and-So—please call home!") to discover he hadn't been at the exact site of the tragedy, but he and his friends helped a couple of ambulances get up the hill. (Some of the ambulances were sliding or skidding; not clear why.) 

What a heartbreaking contrast to the story my other son heard while still stuck at the gas station.

A Zaka volunteer arrived at the gas station in a state of shock & wearing stained clothes. He plopped down to rest and his traumatic experience came pouring out to the people around him, saying something like:

"There I was zipping a body into a body bag in order to prevent bizayon hameit [desecration of the dead] when the front of his jacket started vibrating—his cell phone. I took out the cell phone, glanced at the screen, and saw the word Ima—Mother. What could I do? What was I supposed to do? Answer and tell her I'm right in the middle of declaring her son a fatality? What exactly was I supposed to do? What?"

No one had words for such an awful situation. Just everyone's hearts went out to him.

We still don't know all the details of exactly what happened.

In the car-motorcycle collision, we don't know which driver was at fault.

In Meron, people point fingers at the actions of the police (with good reason), but we still don't know exactly how and to what extent. (UPDATE: As more eyewitness reports pour in, it's increasingly looking like the police not only caused the entire disaster, but even made things worse. That's how it appears with the information available up until now.)

For the people in the crowd, they live with the horror that, against their will, they were part of the crush against their fellow Jews, something they desperately tried to avoid.

And we're still waiting to hear from the Gedolei HaDor on the issue.

In particular, I'm waiting to hear the words Rav Itamar Schwartz, whose insights and mussar always help so much.

Yet from whichever angle you look, there is an obvious bein-adam-l'chavero (person-to-person) message here—especially since it occurred during the Omer, which mourns the death of Rebbe Akiva's students in a plague resulting from a hairline deficiency in bein-adam-l'chavero.

Exactly what? Not sure. Like I said, still waiting to hear from the Sages who really know.

May all the ill & wounded of Am Yisrael please merit a complete refuah.

And may Hashem please bring the Geula with compassion & may we only hear good news.

​Here's another wonderful poem by Nechumelle Jacobs to help us access the essence and segulot of the day...

For more poetry by Nechumelle Jacobs, please start here:
​http://www.myrtlerising.com/blog/faced-with-grace-a-heartfelt-experience-captured-in-poetry-by-nechumelle-jacobs

In Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah for Parshas Emor 4 - Gaining a Good Name, we learn about living kiddush Hashem (sanctifying Hashem's Name).

Rav Miller starts off with a detour into descriptions of dying al kiddush Hashem. But the main meat consists of living kiddush Hashem, which is the big challenge of our generation.​

Any Jew who looks even slightly Orthodox merits the opportunity (and the obligation) of kiddush Hashem.

Rav Miller lists some ways to fulfill this powerful mitzvah:

• Honoring every person, Jewish or not...even if they don't honor you.
• ​Honest in your business dealings.
• You refrain from retaliation in response to being put to shame.
• You're pleasant with a pleasant countenance.
• You're polite.
• You agree with people as much as you can (without sacrificing your principles).
• You speak gently to people.
• ​You try to make people happy (without sacrificing your principles).
• You move from your seat on the bus or bench to accommodate 2 people who clearly wish to sit together.
• When you hold the door open for another, you face them & smile.
• You say thank you when anyone holds the door open for you.

You don't need to be a tzaddik to do these.

Rav Miller states that any ordinary Jew who upholds the above earns special recognition from Above.

​Page 7:

Rav Miller confronts a mentality espoused today, but one that actually causes a lot of harm:

The "be natural" mentality.

Be natural, be yourself, be true to yourself, let it all hang out, feel free, free to be you and me, be real, just bein' honest, and so on.

Needless to say, being true to yourself and being honest and all that can be expressed in a beneficial manner.

It depends.

But most people do not emulate the above in a way that benefits them or others.

A lot of those liberating mottos lead to self-indulgence and self-centeredness.

​And it sure ain't pretty (page 9):

Exactly.

Some even insist that you accept the real, natural them without them having showered or brushed their teeth.

Probably, we've all noticed that those who pride themselves on "being real" and "natural," those who insist on being themselves (at all costs!) tend to also be very "honest" and open and "real" about their negative thoughts and feelings—no matter how hurt or distressed all their honesty and authenticity make others feel.

Yet in today's world, tact & diplomacy & self-restraint often get you labeled as "repressed" or "fake."

Yes, there are people who pretend to be nice as part of their plot to exploit or abuse others.

But that's not who Rav Miller means.

I also find it enormously helpful that Rav Miller fleshed out why being liked in This World gets you brownie points with Hashem.

After all, don't we know charismatic people who win the popularity contest, but are actually snakes and cause a lot of harm?

Again, that's not really who Rav Miller means and he explains more on page 10, where he starts off by stating the main intent we should have while behaving in such a lovely manner:

Rav Miller likens the kiddush Hashem personal project to becoming a millionaire: A self-made millionaire does not make his million over night.

He starts by earning a few dollars, then builds and saves up over time.

And that's what we can do too.

On pages 11-12, Rav Miller relates a story I never heard before, about the time he spent a month with a new family near the Lithuanian seashore.

On his daily walks, he drummed up plans on how to please them; the idea was part of his personal mussar program.

​He concluded the story with:

Rav Miller didn't actually fool anybody, of course. He was a genuinely good person. But he uses self-effacing wit to drive home his point.

​On pages 10-13, Rav Miller offers lots of advice on different ways to be appealing and make people feel good.

Finally, he concludes with the original message: 

We fulfill the above in order to fulfill our mission as Hashem's messengers in the world.

We feel fake, hypocritical, or awkward as we do it because we know we are far from that ideal. 

Yet striving to fulfill our role as Hashem's messengers in the world can be exactly what propels as closer to that goal.