When I recently felt repelled from connecting to the Internet (or even going near my computer), I kept thinking I should make some small announcement on the blog so readers would understand why days go by without a new post.

But I couldn't because I felt so repelled from doing so!

Over time I felt less repelled, and managed to force myself to compose an explanatory post...which I think made it seem like I was going offline permanently:
2-announcements-about-this-blog-the-current-epidemic.html

But that was followed by more regularly appearing posts (although short, mostly copied & pasted, or explanations about why people should view a certain link, etc.—in other words, not the kind of posts characteristic of this blog, but still posts one after the other).

So it seems inconsistent.

And it is!

But the logic behind it all is that I really did feel that way at the time.

​I really felt like I couldn't write, couldn't post, didn't want to read online, and even email presented a challenge to some degree, etc.

And now, I feel up to writing more.

But baruch Hashem, that feeling of healthy disconnection still exists, albeit not to the degree it did before.

At the same time, I understand there are different situations, people with different needs that can only or mostly be fulfilled online.

What I'm doing right now isn't what everyone should be doing right now.

And believe me, I understand the Internet's pull even when one's actual needs do not demand the Internet.

But what I'm doing now (or at least trying to do) definitely suits this stage in my personal journey.

I need to be honest with myself about what my real needs are as I progress with disconnecting (in addition to working on a whole host of other stuff in myself).

For example, I recently turned off all access to videos (except Torah Anytime). Yes, even the best Torah classes of YouTube...even the wonderful enjoyment of watching the Lubavitcher Rebbe interact with a variety of people & also Rav Avigdor Miller's lectures!

But I decided that according to my very personal calculations for my own unique needs at this particular time, there's an overall benefit to NO access to ANY YouTube, JewTube, WeTube, Vimeo, videos available on pseudo-kosher "frum" news sites, etc...even if the video features divrei Torah from a supreme talmid chacham.

And this transition feels surprisingly good. (I thought it would be more angsty.)

It's a tradeoff. 

And I know I'm not being consistent about things...which is actually pretty normal for inner growth and transitioning.

When trying out a new hashkafah or behavior, it's normal to flounder around until you get the knack of it.

Sure, it's a bit frustrating or confusing for both the flounderer and for people who get "splashed" by the flounderer, 
 
Growth is good & leads to wonderful things, but it's also discombobulating.

Both aspects are true.

And people in transition can accidently bump into each other, step on toes unintentionally, and so on.

This is where understanding, forgiveness, patience, and a sense of humor come in to play...on the part of the flounderer and others in contact with the flounderer (who doesn't mean to flounder, but is trying the darndest to keep one's head above water while figuring out how to swim properly...and also avoid sharks, jellyfish, and prankers who think it's so cute, clever, and funny to sneak under you & yank you down by the ankle so you think you're drowning).

(BTW, please note the emphasis on behavior resulting from TRANSITION—and NOT people who bumble around with their bad middos saying "Oh, well, just gotta work on those middos...someday...in some way..." That's just poor middos & people who aren't even trying. I'm talking about people who have a plan & a goal, but due to unfamiliarity with a new stage in personal growth, they bumble around until they get it right. And such people DO eventually get it right because they are honestly trying.) 

When you actually work on yourself for real—not just going through the motions, but REALLY going through the grind—you tend to have more patience & understanding for others genuinely trying to work on themselves. So that's a huge plus from going through your own transition phases.

Empathy is one of the most important traits to cultivate—and genuine middot work definitely cultivates empathy.

Anyway...I still have posts mostly written that continue to languish on the side unfinished...

So I think where I'm holding now is there'll be spurts of smaller posts, or a big long post somewhere, and also lags of no posts.

I don't mean for it to be like that, but it's the result of trying to sort myself out (in addition to life-changes occurring outside myself).

And I apologize for any inconsistencies or annoyances.

Ever since discovering (via Rav Itamar Schwartz) the reincarnation of the 3 Awful Ancient Generations in our times, so much of the craziness makes sense:
www.bilvavi.net/english/bein-hamitzarim-028-living-life-pnimiyus-today%E2%80%99s-generation
​
Apparently, the Generations of the Flood, Dispersion (Tower of Bavel), and Sodom currently exit within the souls of both Jews and non-Jews in our time.

This is in addition to the Erev Rav souls plaguing us.

And just as with the Erev Rav souls, the percentage of soul comprised by the above Generations differs from person to person.

Just like a Jewish soul may possess only a spark of Erev Rav, a Jewish or non-Jewish soul may only possess a spark of the Generation of the Flood, the Dispersion, or Sodom.

And when we're talking about sparks, this means that a person can elevate those dysfunctional sparks via working on character traits, emunah, and bitachon—thereby eliminating these sparks and purifying the soul.

That's the good news.

The bad news is that just like some Jewish souls aren't actually so Jewish and instead comprise mostly or all Erev Rav components...likewise, Jewish and non-Jewish souls can also comprise mostly or completely souls of the 3 Awful Ancient Generations.

This is why we're seeing modern versions of attitudes found in those 3 Awful Ancient Generations.

They're back.

Recently, I discovered a shiur (just under 38 minutes) by a rabbi with whom I'm not familiar, Rabbi Yonoson Roodyn:
Migdal Bavel - The Most Mysterious Building Ever Built
www.torahanytime.com/#/lectures?a=34707

He describes the Generation of Dispersion (the Dor HaFlagah of Tower of Babel infamy) and the striking parallels to our time.

He also notes the difference in the all-encompassing emphasis between the first 2 Generations:

• Generation of the Flood focused obsessively on the desires of the individual.
• Generation of the Dispersion focused obsessively on creating a single-minded collective.

This explains why today's world features both an obsession with me, me, me...AND an obsession with homogenizing society via technology, media, combined with moving toward a socialist-communist structure.

We see the tug-of-war between these conflicting emphases in real-time.

Via this shiur, you'll see how truly NOTHING NEW lies under the sun.

Once you see the parallels, it makes things so much clearer and this clarity provides a path to develop the right attitude & values.

Meaning, instead of buying into to all the peer pressure and media propaganda to embrace values presented as "compassionate" or "liberating" or "open-minded" or "progressive" or "just," you'll see how a lot of that is simply the power-greedy communist Dor HaFlagah up to their old tricks 3786 years later.

(The Tower of Bavel fiasco occurred in the year 1996 from Creation/1764 BCE.)

I believe this knowledge can help us remain independent thinkers who cling more tightly to Torah hashkafah, rather than getting swept into all the feel-good brainwashing which actually derives from the newly arisen sparks of the 3 Awful Generations.

Please also remember Chazal already stated that these Generations have no portion in the World to Come.

They've returned now. But they hold no future in any world.

So if we follow them, chas v'shalom...where will we end up?

For more on this topic, please see:
The Invasion of 3 Ancient Generations://www.myrtlerising.com/blog/july-07th-2020
(Throughout that post, more links are available to understand even more.)

www.myrtlerising.com/blog/communications-from-stars-or-angels-in-todays-ufo-cults-nothing-new-the-generation-of-the-flood-did-that-too

With both global events & events within our communities (plus very personal events), we probably all feel the rope of emunah shaking very hard by now.

(Unfamiliar with the "shaking rope of emunah"? Then please click here: www.myrtlerising.com/blog/recognizing-the-spastic-rope-of-emunah.)

It's amazing how in just under 4 minutes, Rabbi Daniel Travis explains what's going on here:
Thanking Hashem When Things Look Bad #1063-Exposing Scandals Before Moshiach Pt1
www.torahanytime.com/#/lectures?v=175717

Basically, the Zohar predicts how before Mashiach, the Erev Rav will make the Torah SEEM putrid.

It's not, of course.

The Torah is the clearest, purest, most beautiful part of the Universe.

But the Erev Rav will behave in a way that repels the world AWAY from the Torah.

It's sort of like throwing sewage all over the Hope diamond. You might think the large lump in the middle of the sewage is a particularly large and nasty chunk of manure.

But no...it's the Hope diamond.

No matter how much sewage anyone dumps on it, it remains just as prized & valuable as ever.

​Sewage cannot do more than cover the Hope diamond. Sewage cannot actually harm or change the Hope diamond in any way.

Don't let yourself get confused by the vast amounts of revolting sewage dumped all over by the Erev Rav!

Don't be fooled! It's all a cover-up. A particularly flabbergasting and repulsive cover-up to be sure, but only a cover-up nonetheless.

The real diamond is still there...just as precious, unique, and unchanged as ever.

Here is another powerful excerpt from Bitachon Weekly, page 3.

(I've no connection to it, but you can sign up for Bitachon Weekly here: thenewbitachonweekly@gmail.com.)

So we see the one-fifth who merited to leave Mitzrayim were NOT pure tzaddikim on the inside.

They felt pulled toward the forbidden.

But they STRUGGLED against that pull.

They had the same yetzer hara as anyone else...but they fought against it.

And that made all the difference.

I recently heard a shiur on how the minority that merited to leave Mitzrayim earned that merit:
Parashat Bo: The Holocaust Survivor's Confession
​https://www.torahanytime.com/#/lectures?v=174435
(Starting around minute 2:50.)
​
After all, some very bad people left with them too.

Datan, Aviram, etc.

What made the difference?

After all, Chazal calls the people left in Mitzrayim "reshaim."

But some of the people who merited to leave Mitzrayim were also reshaim!

What enabled these sinful people to leave while other sinful people died in the Plague of Darkness?

According to the Rosh:

That's it.

That made all the difference.

They never lost hope for the Geula.

Is there a contradiction between this idea and the one above?

A little bit.

But please remember the big yetzer hara is despair. Hopelessness. Giving up. "It's never going to happen."

Most of the Jews who left Mitzrayim fought against all their yetzer haras: despair, taava, ka'as, etc.

But even the ones who ONLY fought against their yetzer hara of despair merited redemption from Mitzrayim.

Emunah is a powerful thing.

You don't have to be perfect.

​You can just KNOW the Redemption really IS coming.

Some wonderful chizuk from Bitachon Weekly Beshalach 5782, page 3 (boldface mine).

TAKE IT TO HEART!

We attended a celebration in someone's home a few days ago.

One woman came in with a black mask covering her mouth and nose (but gaping open at the sides & top, as usual—only the n95 masks provide airtight protection).

I didn't think much of it until, in the course of conversation, she mentioned her covid-positive test to explain why she wore a mask.

"So I'm sick with covid now," she explained cheerfully. "That's why I'm strict about covering both my nose and my mouth!"

Everyone just nodded politely and I wanted to roll my eyes (but didn't because that's rude and she was a really nice, warm lady).

Later, when gathering together for photos, this same lady said, "Should I leave my mask in place? Oh, I can pull it down for just the moment it takes to snap a picture, right?"

So she pulled it down under her chin, joined in putting her arms around the people standing next to her, and smiled for the camera.

In a nutshell, this demonstrated everything wrong with the whole fake science behind the mask decrees.

As anyone who has gone through the hygiene classes in American elementary schools knows, germs travel on air currents and moisture drops (saliva, mucus, etc.).

Merely breathing puts these germs in motion.

So wearing a mask with the normal gaps around the sides and top allows these germs and droplets an easy exit.

They go into the air around you.

Just by being in the room with other people and breathing, this well-intentioned lady spread her germs into the airspace shared with many others.

Any doctor or nurse can tell you the same.

But I don't blame that lady.

When you have top medical professionals, including official announcements from the Ministry of Health, insisting on non-n95 masks as disease prevention, then you'll have many people who believe these masks are actually an effective strategy to prevent the spread of covid.

And these same people will believe they can go out among others as long as they wear a mask because so many highly educated medical professionals INSIST these masks significantly curb the spread of disease. 

So she believes that by wearing a mask while ill with a highly contagious disease, she is behaving responsibly & considerately.

But why did she lower the mask for the photo?

How is that responsible and considerate?

Well, with the mask mandates allowing for unmasking with good reason, this encourages people to believe that temporarily taking off the mask for a "good" reason will not spread disease.

Like how everyone crammed together on a plane must be masked...until they start eating. Then hundreds of people sit there with no mask, freely exhaling their germs into the air. (Although with the standard masks, that's exactly what was happening before they started eating too.)

​Another example:

When I went for an eyeglass exam, I masked myself in the waiting room out of consideration for another patient who insisted (with forced politeness) that another unmasked customer put on a mask.

(I do this because of Rav Itamar Schwartz's injunction not to cause tzaar to your fellow Jew. If people feel frightened or stressed out by you not wearing a mask, he feels it's considerate to wear a mask.)

As the optometry assistant carried out the exam, she handed me glass lenses on a stick to hold up to my eyes.

They immediately fogged up from my breath escaping via the top gap of my mask (proof that germs can escape via that exit too).

The assistant gave a self-conscious laugh and said, "Uh, you can remove the mask for a moment because it's impossible to carry out the exam while wearing a mask."

Looking at her sweet face with its sheepish smile, I could tell she realized how foolish that sounded.

I gave her a reassuring smile (after all, her employment forces her to do this) and continued with the exam.

"Okay, you can replace your mask now," she said pleasantly while avoiding looking me in the eye.

Then, covering only my mouth, I went into the office of the grumpy optometrist himself.

"Place your mask over your nose too, please!" he ordered.

I did.

This is the danger of scientifically foolish mandates, the one-minute-you're-contagious-but-the-next-minute-you-aren't irrationality.

​(And that doesn't even cover the little-known evidence of another entryway for covid is via the eyes, which aren't mandated and hopefully will not be, even though the science says transmission via the eyes exists:www.thelancet.com/journals/lanmic/article/PIIS2666-5247(21)00040-9/fulltext. Please also note this same article records the results of a large study in which the grand preventative measures of 3-layer surgical masks, shoe covers, gloves, and alcohol rubs could NOT prevent the infection of 19% of staff.)

The irrational and inconsistent mandates both teach & habituate people to irresponsible and ineffective disease prevention.

​It teaches & habituates people to obviously irrational behavior under the impression that it's rational.

In the interest of full disclosure... 

While I show consideration for the tzaar of people lacking in knowledge and/or sensibility, and who perhaps feel frightened by the absence of masks and may indeed suffer medical vulnerability that increases their fear...

...I'm far less considerate toward enforcers who simply want to play power games.

For example:

While riding the bus one day, a fare-checker got on the bus to check everyone's bus cards to make sure they paid.

That was the limit of his job. There were no mask mandates that could earn a fine for a non-wearer.

When he got to me, he checked my bus card and then said, "Where's your mask, eh? What aren't you wearing a mask?"

He was an Arab and while there are fine Arabs employees & professionals in all areas, others use their jobs to assert power over Jews.

In my area, 2 incidents in which there was a conflict over whether the passenger had paid ended with the Arab fare-checker assaulting the passenger. (This hasn't happened with the Jewish fare-checkers, who might give you a tongue-lashing, but that's it.) In one case, the Arab fare-checker assaulted a charedi woman.

(Needless to say, abuses of authority are not limited to Arabs. Anyone with power issues can choose to target those under their authority. Just that in my case, it was an Arab-Jew thing, maybe even a man-woman thing.)

So because he was simply using his authority to harass me, I set a poker-face and gazed out the window while pretending he didn't exist.

​"What's your problem?" he continued. "Don't wanna talk, eh? Humph."

I continued to act as if he didn't exist, and he exited the bus. (And no, I wasn't the only person without a mask.)

A couple of days later, I saw him again checking bus cards and again, he targeted me.

"No mask, eh? What do you think you're doing? You don't know you need to wear a mask? What, you don't know there's a covid epidemic? You don't care?"

During his quiet harangue, I again gazed out the window with no emotion until he went away.

Then I performed my new 'n' improved response to criticism (based on Torah as per the teachings of Rav Avigdor Miller and Rav Shalom Arush): I mentally went through my interactions to see if I was being a pointless nudnik toward anyone, just as the fare-checker was a pointless nudnik toward me.

And guess what?

I was!

Yep...still not perfect after all these years...yep, no surprise there...

So I thought of how to relate better to the object of my nudnickiness, resolved to do so and indeed, changed my behavior toward that person.

Recently, the same fare-checker boarded the bus and...not only did he not harass me about my lack of mask, but he didn't he even bother checking to see if I'd paid. (I had.)

I felt it was Hashem's way of giving me an encouraging pat on the back for being less of a nudnik.

The blogging has really slowed down here. I'm not feeling the same passion to write as usual, even regarding subjects I love reading & writing about (like Rav Avigdor Miller's divrei Torah on the parsha).

I'm not even completely sure why.

Yes, life events happen and they take up time & energy (both mental, emotional, and physical).

But I'm thinking maybe it's more that Hashem is answering my prayers about emotionally disconnecting from the Internet.

After all, I suddenly started feeling a lack of "oomph" to do much online recently, whether it's email or reading...although for some reason, I've gotten very into listening to shiurim on Torah Anytime, which is something I usually have a hard time finding time for because I've a desktop computer, not a phone traveling with me for mobile listening.

So maybe it's that.

And that probably sounds weird to some people because I'm not exactly so connected in the first place. For example, I've got one of the tightest filters in the world (Netfree) and I don't have a cell phone or any social media.

But as Rav Itamar Schwartz frequently mentions, a key problem with the Internet is FEELING connected to it & DESIRING that connection.

Meaning, if you have the choice between hearing a shiur from a non-Internet device and hearing one while connected online to a device (and it's exactly the same shiur with the exact same quality on either device), toward which one do you find yourself pulled?

For many of us, we feel pulled toward davka the shiur connected to the Internet rather than the MP3 or cassette player (again, with the theoretic option of the same shiur being available with equal quality on either device).

It's not something to feel depressed or bad about, but just something to be aware of:

Most of us feel pulled to do stuff online (and NOT just for convenience) even when the same opportunity presents itself offline...and we usually lack any recognition of this discrepancy. 

But back to the original topic...I have a couple of posts mostly written that are just sitting around neglected. Hopefully, I'll get to them soon. Maybe a short one, at least.

All in all, I don't know exactly why I'm feeling this way.

​However, I am feeling good about not being online so much. And I'm curious to see where this takes me...

Last week, I wrote this post saying that after a couple of months of the news reporting a sharp rise of covid in Israel, I neither saw nor heard of any cases of covid specifically, nor did my family know of any anywhere:
​Why is My Personal Experience the Diametric OPPOSITE of the News Reports?

And yeah, it could be that colds or viruses going around are actually undiagnosed covid (though the yeshivah virus is not covid), but undiagnosed covid wouldn't be included in the recorded covid cases because, well, it's unrecorded and undocumented.

Yet as of around 3 days ago, I'm hearing of covid cases popping up in our community or among the circle of acquaintances around the country.

So just wanted to be honest about all that.

Rav Itamar Schwartz said that covid will not completely disappear until Mashiach comes. But it won't always be so strongly felt. Its presence will strengthen & weaken in cycles.

Please see here:
https://question.bilvavi.net/blog/2021/08/24/14908-has-the-world-returned-to-normal/

Sort of like recently, when (except for mask mandates in pharmacies and the like) it felt like covid had finally gone...even though it hadn't.

But when covid shifts into the weakened part of its cycle, one barely feels its presence.

Regarding reports of a covid spike even when you see no such occurrence yourself, here's a Q&A from Rav Itamar Schwartz. (He refers to specifically the Israeli government, but I've no idea if this applies to all governments.):

Just for clarity, the rav states that while some of the problems of covid DO exist—people HAVE died from it, people HAVE experienced complications from it—at the same time, aspects of the covid situation ARE being exaggerated.

And the fabricated, exaggerated aspects derive from the following (according to the above Q&A)...

Unintentional fabrications & exaggerations due to:

• a lack of thinking on the government’s part
• a lack of understanding on the government’s part

Intentional fabrications & exaggerations due to:

• all kinds of agendas possessed by the Israeli government
• politics
• money
• trying to weaken religion in Israel
• a desire of the government to take more control over the country
• Etc.