Myrtle Rising

Why We NEED Different Halachically Legitimate Frameworks in Torah Judaism

17/7/2019

With regard to yesterday's post (Why Roles & Structures are So Important for True Self-Liberation), there are many things you can take away from a discussion of utilizing your God-given framework in the best way possible.

But upon second glance, I feel I didn't emphasize one aspect enough.

Part of our God-given framework is the type of avodat Hashem we were either born into or adopted later on.

The reason why there are a variety of Chassidic groups and even divergent paths among non-Chassidic Ashkenazim is because Hashem WANTS there to be--just like He wanted there to be different Tribes with different tafkidim and even different pronunciations (like Shevet Efrayim and their pronunciation of "shin" as "sin.")

Hashem WANTS there to be Sefardim--and among Sefardim, Hashem WANTS there to be Bucharian ways, Yemenite ways, Moroccan ways, and more.

There are even differing levels among tzaddikim:

You have a person defined as a tzaddik because his good deeds outweigh & outnumber his sins.

Then you have a tzaddik who hardly sins at all.

Then you have a tzaddik who hardly sins at all and is an active miracle-worker or someone with genuine ruach hakodesh.

But the highest level of tzaddik does not mean that the minimum standard of tzaddik is nothing.

Such a person is still very precious, both to Hashem and to the merit of our Nation!

Here is some advice from Rav Avigdor Miller on the subject that should be taken very much to heart, regardless of which group you cling to (boldface is my own emphasis & all quotes taken from Toras Avigdor):

The Fiery Danger of Denigrating ANY Gadol

But I must tell you that I disagree with the attitude of being mivatel, of putting down, someone else’s gadol.

No; I disagree with that attitude.

Gedolim can be here and Gedolim can be there, and we have to appreciate all of them. Your Gadol doesn’t have to be the only Gadol.

And even though there might be a machlokes, a disagreement, between them; yes, there may be a machlokes between them, but we should stay out of it.

It’s fire! Worse than fire! We shouldn’t say a word. Not a word!

(Source: TAPE #901)

Okay, Fine. I Don't Put Down Other Groups or Their Gadolim, But How Do I Respond When THEY Act Like THEY'RE Superior?

And if they consider themselves superior, so we can ask the same question:

Why is it that most non-Lubavitcher chassidim consider themselves superior to Lubavitcher chassidim? Why do Breslover chassidim consider themselves superior to Lubavitcher chassidim? And why do Satmerer chassidim consider themselves superior to Breslover chassidim?

And the answer is that all idealists who follow certain systems, they do it because they think it’s the best system – otherwise they’d follow a different system. It’s common sense!

What should a man be a Lubavitcher if he thinks something else is better? Why should a non-Lubavitcher be non-Lubavitcher unless he thinks that it’s better.

All idealists follow the system they follow because they think it’s the best.

Now, who is going to be the arbiter and say who is the best? Moshiach will come, and in order to keep peace between everybody, he’ll say, “You’re all the best!”

And the truth is that they are all the best.

But right now, it’s not really a question if the Lubavitcheh feel superior, because if you ask a litvishe yeshiva bochur, he feels he’s superior.

Ask a Satmarer and he feels he’s superior.

And go into a sefardisheh yeshiva in Eretz Yisroel, go into Porat Yosef, and he’s knows that he’s superior too.

Everyone is superior.

And the answer is that’s how idealists have to be. No idealist will do something that he thinks is not superior.

(Source: TAPE # 271)

Why Do We Need All These Groups Anyway?

What’s the benefit of different types of servants of Hashem?

Who needs chassidim and misnagdim and sefardim?

Wouldn’t it have been better if we all walked together on one path towards Hakodosh Boruch Hu?

So I always say: Why is it that you’ll find in the supermarket clover honey and orange blossom honey and buckwheat honey? There are at least ten varieties of honey! Who needs it?!

And the answer is that it makes life more delectable! Variety is a pleasure!

After all, Hakodosh Boruch Hu could have given us nothing but red delicious apples. Let’s say you’d pass a fruit stand and all you would see is bins and bins of red delicious apples.

Now, red delicious apples are a treat; we can’t complain about them, but how much more fun it is when we have ten different kinds of apples!

And even better, to have tens and tens of varieties of fruit. It’s much more fun when you can choose from a wide variety of good things.

And therefore, there are all kinds of methods of serving Hashem, each one that has been cultivated by Hashem Himself, by the separation of kehillos.

Sometimes a person can choose one method and stick to it always. Or sometimes you can choose from the fruit store of the different shevatim.

Sometimes you’ll choose something from the Gerrer, another thing you’ll take from Lakewood, something you’ll pick from Lubavitch, something you’ll take from Belz, and something else you’ll nosh from Satmer. And so on.

Every shevet had something to contribute. You can be sure that there are a lot of delightful fruit in all of these various places that help the Am Yisroel in its avodas Hashem.

Everybody is helping out!

Some kehillos brought to the Am Yisroel the great benefits of mussar to the Am Yisroel, while other kehillos brought chassidus.

From some communities we learn to be kanaaim for the truth and others impress us with their hasmadah in limud hatorah or gemillas chasodim.

I myself have learned from one group of Jews in Flatbush what it means to be michabeid talmidei chachomim.

Because there’s no end to the variety of paths that the Am Yisroel walk toward the One Hashem and there’s what to learn from everyone.
*****
Now I’m not going to tell you what’s best. Someone asked me, what does Hakodosh Boruch Hu want from me? Am I supposed to be chassidish, or litvish or what?

Now that’s some big order. He wants me to make enemies, the one who asked me that question.

Hashem wants you to be the best that you can be.

Some people can be their best if they’re chassidish.

Some people can be their best if they’re litvish.

Other people can be their best if they’re sefardi.

It’s like asking – “What is the best diet for all of mankind?”

The best type of diet depends on each individual person. People are different.

Some people are so different that their diets are radically different.

So whatever it is that you choose, you should make it a principle in your life to always choose whatever it is that will give you the most success in life – and success in this world means preparing for the Next World.

(Source: Parshas Beshelach: Learning to Love All Types of Jews)

Different halachically legitimate groups of Jews....as sweet as the varieties of apples and honey!

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Why Roles & Structures are So Important for True Self-Liberation

16/7/2019

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While Judaism gives each person breadth and depth to fulfill each unique individual potential, it does so within a framework.

In today’s world, which promotes the contradictory states of competition and egalitarianism, Judaism’s imposed structures seem confining to many people.

Competition works with envy. What does the other person have and how can I get it too—and get more of it in order to be better & richer than everyone else?

Egalitarianism insists that everyone deserves equal opportunity and rights for EVERYTHING. It doesn’t differentiate between innate nature, capabilities, talents, or abilities.

Egalitarians and competitors work against each other, yet both are held up us ideals within much of Western culture.

Yet Judaism has been there all along saying that neither is correct.

Yet Jews find themselves submerged in this contradictory culture, which is already in struggle and friction, and then need to work out how to internalize Jewish concepts that preempt their cultural indoctrination.

No wonder so many people get so frustrated or confused, or ended feeling so unfulfilled!

"I'm DONE With Being Just a Thumb!"

Just to remain alive, you need structure.

What good are all your blood vessels and inner organs if you don’t have a skeleton to put it on and flesh to hold everything in?

Likewise, you body parts play different yet essential roles. Oy vavoy if your heart would suddenly decide it would be more fulfilled as a lung or vice-versa.

And yes, even your body parts aren’t egalitarian.

You can live without your thumbs. Your heart is MUCH more important.

Yet if the thumbs decided they needed a more chashuv tafkid and pushed the heart aside, the person would die.

Likewise, if the heart decided it needed to step down (“A machine can do the work I can—what do I really matter?”) and live the more relaxed life of a thumb (“They get to rest at night and not keep pumping away”), it would be a disaster for that person.

So we see from this that if our mere body parts were at all competitive or egalitarian, there would not be one person left alive on the planet.

What Roles Does Hashem Send Us?

Judaism assigns us many types of roles.

We have roles based on:

spiritual/biological status (gerim, born Jews, Jews born as mamzerim chalilah, etc.)
gender
inherited spiritual status (Kohen, Levi, Yisrael)
Tribal status (back in Tanach: Reuven, Shimon, etc.)
yichus (kingship, Mashiach ben David, Mashiach ben Yosef, etc.)
earned status (talmid chacham, tzaddik, etc.)
family status (married, single, divorced, widowed, parent, etc.)
age (elderly, above 20, above bar/bat mitzvah, child, etc.)
and so on.

And within these roles, we have tremendous room to move.

A non-Jew can become a Jew.

A single person can become a husband or wife.

Childless people can become parents.

Young people eventually grow old.

A lazy chump can eventually work himself into a talmid chacham.

A selfish narcissistic can eventually work herself into a baalat chessed.

When black-and-white thinkers tell us what our role should be or how we should use our God-given structure, it can confuse us (because they can be so wrong).

But even well-meaning intelligent people can be wrong about what is best for YOU and how you should be using YOUR God-given roles.

Some people like to foist society's structures on you or even their own role on you. They try to wrench you out of your roles and stuff you into somebody else's box.

Don't let them.

(Tip: Learning mussar, doing a chesbon hanefesh, and engaging in tefillah can re-orient you to who you are and what you should be doing, despite external pressures.)

What Can You Make of Yourself?

Roles are also only as good as what you put into them.

The privileged Kohen can be an am ha’aretz while the run-of-the-mill Yisrael can become a massive talmid chacham.

A son can become rotten and a daughter can become a tzaddekes.

Judaism is replete with stories of people who rose from humble beginnings to great heights.

Chana started out as the infertile & heartbroken co-wife of Elkanah, then became the prototype of ideal tefillah, plus the producer of one of the greatest nevi’im, Shmuel, and the mother of a large family.

Ovadia Hanavi started off life as a non-Jew, then rose to become not just a Navi, but a Navi whose nevuah earned its own book in Tanach!

Gidon was the youngest son of a the smallest family in the smallest tribe during a time when even the greatest Jews found themselves under Midyanite oppression, but Gidon rose to become a Shofet and savior of Am Yisrael.

Rebbi Akiva lived a major portion of his life as the unlearned son of unlearned gerim and resented talmidei chachamim so much, he could’ve bitten them like a donkey might. Yet he himself became one of the greatest talmidei chachamim ever.

Onkelos started off as non-Jew, then became a righteous ger and one of the most important commentators/translators of the Torah.

In modern times, examples also abound, as described by Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender (in 2 Examples of Unforeseeable Personality Transformation).

Look at the baal teshuvah movement or the kollel movement, the religious day school movement, the yeshivah movement, or Rav Aharon Margolis’s autobiography (As Long as I Live) about everything he had to overcome in poverty, polio, and disability.

Why Your Talent or Ability Doesn't Always Matter

No matter how beautifully a talented Kohen may play the kinor, he will never be allowed to give up his duties and join the Levite orchestra in the Beit Hamikdash.

The same is true for a Yisrael who possesses the loveliest tenor voice in the universe. He cannot join the Levite choir.

Likewise, no matter how well a Levi or Yisrael suit the qualification of a Kohen (“My feet are naturally warm, I can move my fingers perfectly into the Kohanic position—oh, and have you ever seen how perfectly I sprinkle dam from my innately talented fingers?”), they can never be a Kohen.

Even if you are such a holy person that Hashem fulfills every bracha you utter, you absolutely may not join the Kohanim in blessing the Nation.

Such a transgression will have the opposite effect.

Even today, Kohanim face strictures on who they can marry and where they can go, strictures that don’t apply to others. It’s for their own benefit.

Also, during the times unqualified egoists attempted to fulfill the Kohen Hagadol’s role in the Kodesh Kedoshim, Heaven struck him dead and he needed to be removed by the rope previously tied around his ankle.

Mashiach ben David can ONLY come from the Tribe of Yehudah, specifically the PATERNAL line of David Hamelech.

Someone from a different family within Yehudah or from Shevet Binyamin can be a huge tzaddik and a mind-dazzling miracle worker, but he cannot be Mashiach ben David.

Ever.

When you mix halachic roles, you get into trouble.

A tsnius dress & head-covering aren't the ideal for everyone.

For example, tsnius is a huge ideal for women. Men are obligated in tsnius too, albeit differently and less strictly than women.

A man may certainly decide to excel in tsnius, but if he puts on a pretty floral headscarf and a long flowing skirt, he commits the serious transgression of beged ishah.

Protesting that every last hair follicle is covered and his skirt conforms to the exacting standards of the Chazon Ish does not save him from the sin he has committed.

(Not to mention, the ridiculous spectacle he makes of himself.)

Of Rogue Waves, Olive Groves, Balanced Kohanim, and Wolfish Binyaminim

When Jews were organized into Shevatim (Tribes), there was no need for competition (even if some felt differently).

People had their tafkidim imbued within them from their Shevet.

Zevulun mastered sea travel. Asher excelled in olive production.

We need both. Can you imagine if Asherim or Zevulunim started trading barbs over whose role was more important?

"In Zevulun, we deal with necessary imports and exports! And olive groves are for sissies—have you ever encountered a rogue wave out at sea? Anyway, where would the Torah of Yissachar be without us?"

"Oh yeah? Our Asheri women are fit for High Priests, buster--my twin sister even married one! And where would Am Yisrael or the Kohanim be without olive oil? You want hatavat hanerot for the Menorah? Then you need Asher! Anyway, where do you think all your nifty ointments to deal with rope burns, sunburn, and wounds out at sea come from, eh? Let's see you try and extract some of that out of a rogue wave!"

Pathetic.

What would be the point?

Hashem created both because He WANTS both.

And yes, different roles also come with inherent perks or downsides.

Rashi mentions that Asheri women were often chosen to marry high priests and princes.

Why?

Because the abundance of olive oil products in Asheri territory gave Asheriot the added beauty of gorgeous skin and pleasingly plump figures.

It’s not that a Kohen Gadol or prince only cared about looks. Many Jewish women of that time possessed the character to marry royalty and were beautiful too. (Please see Asher's Beautiful Daughters for more depth.)

Chazal speaks of the innate trait of zerizut in Kohanim, which can be used for good or bad. Kohanim also possess equal amounts of temper and kindheartedness in order to balance out these 2 opposing traits. (Please see Temperament of a Kohen for more.)

In 49:27 of Parshat Vayechi, the Kli Yakar explains:

“…it takes the example of a wolf who preys according to his dietary needs and sometimes he preys and annihilates for no useful purpose, and this is a precious explanation.”

Binyamin’s symbol is a wolf and the Kli Yakar states a negative tendency of Binyamin.

But it doesn’t mean that a Binyamini is innately bad or that this trait is unconquerable.

In fact, one of our gentlest heroines is a Binyaminit—Queen Esther. And Mordechai’s wolfish courage and sense of purpose never denigrated into a destructive free-for-all.

These 2 Binyaminim somersaulted a genocide into a salvation celebration for eternity.

The Structure You Need for Your Personal Journey

Likewise, there are different roles for people based purely on gender or on being a Jew.

Our goals are not competition or egalitarianism.

Our role is to take whatever structure Hashem provided for us (both nationally and individually) and use that structure to bring out our best and achieve our highest potential.

That’s exactly why Hashem put that framework there in the first place.

Not to break it, damage it, or to weasel out of it and steal someone else’s (which won’t fit us anyway) or pretend to be someone else's…

…but to USE and UTILIZE it in the best way possible.

For more, please see:

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Rav Avigdor Miller on Spotting the Snake Slithering through Your World in Parshat Chukat & Loving Yourself and Your Fellow Jews in Parshat Balak

11/7/2019

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Yet again, Rav Miller makes the desert scene and the whole snake fiasco come alive in Parshat Chukat: The Copper Snake.

He explains all about the Copper Snake and its symbolism and what that was all about.

So if you’ve ever wanted to understand what was going on with the fiery biting serpents and then the giant healing Copper Snake, it’s all in there.

Who & What is the Yetzer Hara Today?

But whether it’s the First Nachash in Gan Eden or the fiery serpents biting complainers, snakes are all about dissatisfaction.

And to fight the snakes of dissatisfaction, we need to pump up our gratitude and appreciation.

As usual, I cannot resist quoting Rav Miller’s views on modern American society:

Of course, today, Russia doesn’t have to bother to send spies across the ocean because America has so many lunatics in its government, so many meshugener communists in its educational system and in the public media, that they’re doing the work for free.

They’re doing the work of disrupting the country without being paid.

But in normal times the best way for a spy to operate is by working undercover, by blending in and remaining unnoticed. Only that today the public is so stupid that the lunatics can proclaim it openly, with big headlines.

The Yetzer Hara (the king of the snakes of dissatisfaction) operates as a psychopath.

In the Garden, the Nachash (i.e., the Yetzer Hara when it was external; now it is internal) was obviously a Nachash standing on legs and talking. But he made his personality appealing. Sheker hachen.

He’s sneaky and doesn’t want you to know what he’s really up to. He comes in a much more appealing form—not serpentine at all.

As Rav Miller explains:

Today he appears in the form of a college professor or a neighbor.

Sometimes he’ll even come as a man with a beard and long peyos.

It has to be that way because if the nachash would have continued to exist in the form that it had in the time of the cheit, so we would already know to watch out for that fellow.

We know, “Watch out for him!”
…
And if you don’t look beneath the facade, you will never see the truth.

The falsehoods today fill the world. Big buildings, libraries, universities. And they have the media today to spread their falsehoods.

The sheker fills the world today because he’s choosing the most effective forms possible and he is succeeding.

Wherever you go today you can no longer say the truth - you have to use political correctness when you talk.

A tremendous tolerance of sheker was erected right under our noses.

"One way or another, people have been bitten by the nachash. For one person the nachash of sports has bitten him. For another person it’s clothing or cars or money. Arayos, television, politics, whatever it is, the snake is biting."

Rav Miller on Sports & Travel Vacations

Rav Miller also discusses his opinion on travel vacations (unless you have a real tachlis need to travel to that location).

He admits that it’s not a popular opinion and that he doesn’t meant to offend anyone, but he simply sees it a certain way and feels that point of view should be expressed.

He discusses making the most of your background and your family situation, realizing that the difficulties and obstacles are there to for you to use for spiritual growth.

This is what he says about sports:

You’re thinking, “Maybe the newspapers are reporting important news - maybe I should go out and look in the newspaper.”

The front page talks about a certain man, a top basketball player who was captured by another team. Oooh ah! Big news!

A nobody.

When he went to high school he never attended class - he stood in the schoolyard and practiced basketball. A bum, that’s all.

And this bum is on the front page, and everybody is talking about him.

Or another bum who has nothing in his mind at all, no intelligence at all. Only that when he holds a bat he’s able to smack the ball. He can give the ball a smack and everyone goes crazy.

A homerun! Meshugenahs! It’s nothing!

"And the more you think about that truth, the more we train our minds to combat the yetzer hara that makes what we’re doing seem plain and ordinary, the more we’ve learned the lesson of lifting the copper serpent out from the high grass and placing it on the high pole."

PARSHAT BALAK

For those in Eretz Yisrael, Parshat Balak has arrived.

Rav Miller explains that this is such an important Parsha, Chazal wanted us to say the entire parshah every morning!

He also explains why Hashem is so exacting with Am Yisrael.

That’s one of the reasons church-goers believe they’ve replaced Am Yisrael. Hashem (via the Nevi’im) constantly exhort the Jewish People even as He expresses the most beautiful and profound Love for us in the Universe.

Why Is Hashem So Tough on Us If He Loves Us So Much?

Why do we suffer genocides and pogroms for our sins?

We aren’t nearly as bad as the nations. Sure, they suffer stuff too. But not like us. And we’re not nearly as bad. (Despite what many Jewish periodicals and blogs claim, we really aren’t as bad as the nations!)

So Rav Miller explains that with a convincing mashal of a kallah and a wedding photographer, which is very worth reading inside the dvar Torah booklet. (Seriously. It’s very convincing.)

Then Rav Miller explains:

"But when you grow older, you have to understand the truth of the Torah. And that is that the Am Yisroel is the greatest and purest nation, much more than any nation in the world!"

Many people have been misled, even talmidei chachomim.

I remember once I was saying a drasha in shul and I mentioned that the Dor Hamidbar was beloved by Hashem.

I said that they are called yedidim [friends] and ahuvim [beloved ones].

And this one man, a talmid chochom, finally lost patience with me. He was so angry with me when I said that. “It's against the pesukim what you're saying” he told me. “They didn't know My ways.” He showed me the possuk in the siddur. And how can you blame people for being mislead?

All the seforim in the Torah criticize the Am Yisroel. Terribly!...

...But the maskanah of the gemara is: Asfu li chassidai - Gather in to Me, My devoted ones, the dor hamidbar. They were Hashem’s chassidim.

There’s a reason why Jews are incredibly self-critical.

And as written on this blog before, frum Jews are the most self-critical. And Rav Miller discusses this tendency toward self-criticism (both justified and unjustified) and why we are like that.

So how do we gain some perspective?

Go Tell It from The Mountain

We do like Bilaam and look at ourselves and each other from a distance—from a mountain top:

Let's say, here's a kollel family.

And there's another person standing in the street, a Jew, a frum Jew, and he sees the kollel family. To him it seems like they're human beings. Just like he is.

The children are boisterous, a little wild. The mother is busy cooking and cleaning. And life goes on in their house like any other house.

And therein lies the great error of not appreciating the Am Yisroel.
…
And so, when you look at that kollel family, you'll have to get off the ground.

To understand the greatness of any frum home, you are going to have to get off of the ground and view them with a nobility of mind.

If you go through life without thinking, then you'll never appreciate the Am Yisroel.

It's only when you take a step back, and you see the Am Yisroel with the clear sighted view that Bilam had, that's how you'll appreciate our greatness.

Go, us! Rah, rah, rah! Yaaaayy...US!

Of course, none of this precludes a raw cheshbon hanefesh.

Judaism acknowledges and embraces the innate paradox of our 3-dimensional world.

We need to regularly perform a thoroughly scouring cheshbon hanefesh—yet at the same time, never lose sight of how wonderfully fabulous and profoundly cherished we are.

Rav Miller goes into detail about how to see ourselves & each other in the real light—the way Hashem sees us.

There are no rose-colored glasses here—Rav Miller gives plenty of mussar; he knows our weak points.

It’s about changing your angle of vision.

"Taharas hamishpacha, tzniyus, decency, morality fill the Jewish home. And you hear brachos in that home all day long - a different blessing for every item that you're eating. How beautiful is the Jewish home!"

As always, credit goes to Toras Avigdor for everything, including generous permission to cite this amazing material.

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The Bizarre Midnight Swim: A Lesson in Judging Favorably

9/7/2019

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Several years ago, the neighbors who lived under us at that time bought a large swimming pool from the hardware store (the kind deep enough to only sit in, but you can also kind of swim in it).

One night, a loud noise woke my husband and I around 3 in the morning. It sounded like someone thrashing around in the water below our window.

We sat up to listen if a child had somehow gotten through the gate to the yard and fallen in. (A tarp over their pergola prevented us from seeing anything.) Then we heard the sound of someone vigorously swimming laps.

Disgruntled, I fell back against my pillow. It's summer and everyone sleeps with the windows open! Do they really need to indulge in an energetic swim davka in the middle of the night?

Hoping I would be able to get back to sleep despite all the noise, I shut the window, which did indeed lessen the sound.

In the morning, I discovered that the noise had also woken my children sleeping in the room over the pool. But they weren't disgruntled; they were excited about the idea of a midnight swim and begged us to buy a pool so they could indulge too.

A couple of days later, my children informed me that a cat had gotten into the neighbors' swimming pool a couple of nights back - meaning, the night we were rudely awakened.

"It crawled under the pool cover and got stuck in there," they said. "So it just kept paddling around until the neighbors woke up from the noise, lifted the cover, and the cat jumped out and ran off."

Now, I don't know how I could've assumed that the sound of a vigorous breast strokes was actually a cat (it really didn't sound like one) nor did I know that cats could swim. (Apparently they can if they're really desperate.)

But instead of condemning my fellow Jews in my head, perhaps I could've thought, "It sounds like they're thoughtlessly indulging in a noisy swim right under our window in the middle of the night. But maybe things aren't what they seem. Maybe they're not being thoughtless or indulgent at all and there's something else going on."

And that was a good lesson in being dan l'kaf zechut, giving the benefit of the doubt.

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Using Fear as a Healthy Motivator to Serve Hashem

8/7/2019

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As written HERE, while fear is generally not the best way to motivate people (especially in this generation), I’ve personally found fear a helpful motivator (or more commonly, a helpful stopper or preventative).

And anyway, Chazal speaks copiously of the importance of fear, yirah—meaning yirat Shamayim.

Fear of Heavenly Punishment is not the ideal state. The Kli Yakar explains the great advantage of doing teshuvah from love, rather than fear. (For more, please see Teshuvah from Love vs. Teshuvah from Fear and Doing True Teshuvah: he Kli Yakar on Parshat Bo.)

Nonetheless, fear is indeed a motivator and a legitimate one.

(Please see also Why Fear of God is Still Important & Beneficial in Our Generation.)

I’m going to share one of my fear-motivators because I think about it sometimes when I’m feeling unmotivated or frivolous. It’s a sharp story and not for everyone, but it works for me.

"It Will End Badly."

In one of my all-time favorite books, A Daughter of Two Mothers by Miriam Cohen, the life of Izzy Rubenstein is briefly described.

Born to frum parents (his father had learned at Pressburg Yeshivah), including a very warm & loving mother (not sure about his father; it never says), Izzy Rubenstein is orphaned of his father after his father's long bout with tuberculosis.

To make matters worse, they were already poor and living in a village near the Carpathian Mountains on the Hungarian border.

For reasons both mentioned and unmentioned, when Izzy’s mother found herself widowed, she didn’t have support from her original family (both her parents were niftar)--or her late husband's family apparently. Instead, she went to work in the local vineyards during the warm months and sewed clothes in the winter.

When Izzy started going off the derech, his mother pleaded with him (page 5).

“Izzy, Izzy, my son,” she would tell him on his visits home, “don’t you ever forget that you are scion to an important, respectable Jewish family.”

But Izzy only responded by asserting that he was not a little boy anymore and that she should no longer call him “Izzy” (or “Yitzchak”) but “Isidore.”

Then Izzy churned out his teinos:

Where was this so-called important, respectable family when Izzy and his siblings went hungry after their father died? Where was this respectable family when Tatte was ill?

“Yes,” Izzy continued. “They reminded me not to forget to say Kaddish, but they forgot to ask if I had food to eat! They do not interest me, as I evidently to not interest them.”

But his mother continued to weep, imploring him: “If you won’t remember that you are a Jew and instead act like a sheigetz, the goyim will remind you that you are not one of them and it will end badly.”

The narrator states: Her words were prophetic, but she did not know it at the time.

And indeed, Izzy—despite his Zionist connections and application for a visa to Eretz Yisrael—was swept up in the Shoah and didn’t survive.

Izzy Wins Our Sympathy

Now, you might be wondering why I find this such good chizuk.

After all, it's very depressing and even offensive to some people.

The reason is because if you look at Izzy’s life, you see that he has some compelling excuses to go off the derech.

Religious hypocrisy played a massive part in his upbringing.

He felt abandoned and rejected by the very people who should have cared most about him (some of his close family members) and who should’ve been most sensitive and dedicated to his needs, (as propounded throughout millennia of Torah scholarship—and his family consisted of supposedly respectable & chashuv Yidden who should’ve known and upheld the Torah approach of dealing with orphans and the poor).

So if you look at Izzy in today’s light, you have a boy who suffered the extended illness and then death of his father, a boy who endured extreme poverty, appalling religious hypocrisy, apathy and abandonment by close family members, a mother who loves him but (in his eyes) doesn’t understand him or the issues of the day, plus the magnetic pull of secular socialist Zionism.

So yeah, you can validate Izzy.

It’s definitely easy to sympathize with him, despite his casting off the beautiful yoke of Torah and mitzvot.

Every time I read the above passage, my heart goes out to Izzy, Hashem yinkom damo.

But despite his very legitimate teinos, and the natural sympathy he inspires, his mother’s words ended up being fulfilled.

Teinos Lose Sway When the Measure Is Finally Filled

If you subscribe to Rav Avigdor Miller’s hashkafah regarding the Shoah (as described in A Divine Madness)—and I do—then you have to see that the teinos and legitimacy of those teinos don’t matter in the end.

And that's exactly what I remind myself.

Now, Rav Miller didn’t make up this hashkafah. Not everyone holds the way he does, but many Gadolim do.

Of course there are hidden reasons and cheshbonot that we cannot fathom, but in a general sense, the ideas laid out in A Divine Madness are compelling. And Rav Miller wrote the book as a lesson, hopefully a life-saving lesson, out of his great love for his fellow Jews.

The other thing is this:

Don't Blind Yourself to All The Geshmak Aspects

In order to get really embittered and disillusioned by the frum community, you need to ignore a LOT of good.

In A Daughter of Two Mothers, a great many amazing Jews and their incredible acts of chessed come to life. For the most part, these sincere anshei chessed are not rebbetzins and talmidei chachamim (although some are), they are simply very good and good-hearted Yidden.

And Izzy knew them. He knew them well, in fact.

Furthermore, when you sit down and learn Jewish sources, it’s all very beautiful and compelling.

Just Rashi on Mishlei/Proverbs is so awe-inspiring. The wisdom and beauty of Pirke Avot. The lessons and profound wisdom found in Tanach—even on the simple text level, stories like Gidon, Devorah Haneviah, Megillat Esther, David Hamelech & Galyat, Megillat Ruth…these stories are incredibly compelling.

Even on a child’s level, you get so much out of them.

I once heard a famous British atheist waxing over how moving he found Megillat Ruth, declaring it to be one of his all-time favorites.

So in order to reject Judaism and give God the cold shoulder, you need to ignore a tremendous amount of truly geshmak stuff, both in Jewish scholarship and in Jewish life.

And that’s the first mistake.

Teinos & Excuses Don't Matter in the End

Appreciation and gratitude are our foundation stones.

As we know, our tribal name Yehudim is rooted in the word hoda’ah—gratitude.

But the big mussar is that we can have legitimate teinos.

Not the teinos of whiny spoiled brats—but real legitimate teinos! They exist! They're real!

We can have compelling excuses for our pick-and-choose observance of mitzvot.

We can suffer very real hypocrisy and rejection.

And the "ooh, shiny!" and compulsions of today are more numerous, more addictive, and more intense than they’ve ever been.

But the Chumash itself lists very specific consequences for spiritually rebellious behavior—regardless of any excuses.

And that’s maybe too sharp for some people.

But for others (like me), it can be the tap they need to get back into place when the yetzer hara comes prowling around.

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Teshuvah from Love vs. Teshuvah from Fear

7/7/2019

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In our avodat Hashem, both fear & love are powerful motivators recommended by Chazal and found throughout Tanach—although serving Hashem from a place of fear is not the ideal dynamic.

Having said that, teshuvah from fear is still a MILLION TIMES BETTER than not doing teshuvah at all.

So Teshuvah from fear IS a good thing. But it's just not the ideal.

The Kli Yakar explains the great advantage of doing teshuvah from love, rather than fear. (Please see the Kli Yakar on Parshat Bo, 10:1)

Teshuvah from fear often means that once the threat passes (or once a person feels the threat has passed), the person will often return to the original problematic behavior.

We see this in our own times.

For example, when facing a serious threat of divorce, major financial or property loss, prison, or having their children taken away, drug abusers will maintain sobriety for a certain amount of time...but then lapse. Not a temporary lapse, but a dive back into the old harmful habits.

Ka’asanim (people with a short fuse) will keep a lid on their tempers for a time, then explode. Some ka’asanim only lash out when they think no one will hear them. (Fear of public opinion.)

The list goes on.

So fear of punishment is a motivator, but not the ideal motivator. If that is a person’s only motivator, then they must maintain their state of fear in order to keep themselves in line.

Again, that’s not the ideal.

Teshuvah from love, says the Kli Yakar, ensures that you won’t return to the behavior.

Even once the threat of punishment passes (or appears to pass), you continue to embrace your newfound praiseworthy behaviors because you absolutely love the new you.

Or even more powerfully, you love Hashem and desire His Closeness.

To oversimplify the whole dynamic into a superficial little nutshell:

It’s the difference between a woman who prepares her husband’s favorite meal out of fear of his domineering temper and a woman who prepares her husband’s favorite meal out of her great love for him and her desire to nurture him and feel close to him, knowing that he loves her very much too.

Which relationship is more desirable for BOTH partners?

And which do you think Hashem prefers you see Him as:

the domineering tyrant

the loving partner?

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Links to Posts on This Blog Dealing with Tammuz & Av

5/7/2019

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We've just started Tammuz, and it's a pretty heavy month.

It's followed by Av, which is even heavier (at least the first 10 days, anyway).

If you'd like some help in understanding & dealing with Tammuz (and Av!), you can check out the following posts:

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What You Didn't Know about Odd Gemaras & What Your Yearnings Really Mean: Rav Avigdor Miller on Some Heavy-Duty Concepts in Parshat Korach & Parshat Chukat

4/7/2019

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Parshat Korach 2: Your Mind is Forever

For our brothers & sisters in chutz l'Aretz, Toras Avigdor has produced Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah on Parshat Korach 2: Your Mind is Forever.

And it's a real geshmakeh doozy.

Rav Miller describes aspects of Gehinnom, sheds light on strange stories from the Gemara (like raising Bilam from dead to talk to him and the conversations of 2 dead girls in a cemetery), and delves into the importance of doing teshuvah NOW.

Even if you think you can't keep up a better behavior, try anyway. Whatever you do is really, really good.

And as always, Rav Miller fights the good fight against the tsunami of anti-Torah culture:

There’s a whole outside world of gentiles and secular Jews, and every second, their sewage is pouring into our world.

And therefore we have to stand guard day and night over our minds.

Think about how unequal of a contest this is.

Because how much yiras shomayim are we really pouring into our minds day and night?

How many exhortations to tzniyus are your wives hearing from the novels they read?

How many Torah ideals are you hearing on the radio?

How much do English teachers in the yeshiva high schools urge the boy to become great talmidei chachomim and to spend their free time studying Torah?

How many billboards do you see warning you to be careful with lashon hora, and urging you to do chesed and mitzvos?

All you see is the opposite.

With even very bad things becoming the norm, or even considered good nowadays, we need to ponder how much we're being affected by sources formally considered neutral.

Even listening to right-wing conservative religious pundits or reading their articles is a problem. Maybe you need it for something in particular l'to'elet. But despite their good intentions, these pundits have been very influenced by Leftist values.

Nowadays, even Right-wing conservative religious pundits dress like cocktail waitresses (if they're women), encourage mechanisms to prevent pregnancy in pre-marital relationships rather than encouraging abstinence until marriage, cuss like sailors, and other behaviors that would've been considered indecent even by liberals in our grandparents' time.

Not to mention the Jew-hatred at the edges of the conservative religious Right.

With the Leftist hatred of God-based morality in general and its anti-Israel stance, plus its love of fake science, the Left has always been a force against the Jewish people.

But the Right also has its bigots. And many on the Right cannot accept that church-attendees did not replace the Jewish People as the Am Segulah and cannot differentiate between the profoundly assimilated Erev Rav-esque Jews (who muck around in Leftist garbage) and the genuinely searching or committed Jews.

So we need to guard our minds.

As Rav Miller continues:

The outside world is pouring in all types of filth and we’re not pouring kedusha into ourselves, it’s a very unfair contest.

But even if we would be pouring into ourselves Torah and yiras shomayim day and night...All day long you’re cramming your head with Chovos Halevavos [Duties of the Heart].

It’s a good thing by the way - even one drop is a good medicine.

But if at the same time the sewage is pouring in too, then what good is it?

You have the best wine, the most expensive wine, and you pour it into a cup that’s filthy with mud, a cup that’s crawling with bacteria and worms, so what kind of taste will it have?

"To create a mind, that’s our job in life. And that’s the most important business we can do in this world."

Even if you're in Eretz Yisrael and already went through Parshat Korach, it's very worthwhile reading what Rav Miller has to say because he explains things you might have always wondered about and he also gives very good mussar for the very real challenges we face today.

Let's get to work creating wonderful minds for ourselves!

Parshat Chukat: The Reality of the Next World

In Parshas Chukas: The Reality of the Next World, Rav Miller goes into detail about why Judaism insists on burying a body a soon as possible. It's not the entire reason, but he details why it's good for US to do it quickly.

He talks about tumah, defilement of the mind.

Then he elucidates one of those Gemaras (Brachot 44a) that apikorsim and Jew-haters love to hold up as an example of Talmudic weirdness and impropriety.

As usual, there are layers of meaning beneath the surface.

People who insist on taking such Gemaras at face-value are either ignorant or looking for excuses for their apikorsut.

Either way, it's only something that really dumb and disingenuous people do.

And Rav Miller draws the curtain aside to show us what's really going on behind the scenes.

Clarification: Not understanding the Gemara is fine. That's honest. Yeah, I also didn't know anything about the underlying meaning of all that fruit-eating until Rav Miller explained it. But using the superficial translation of it to fuel Jew-hatred or apikorsut indicates a dumb and disingenuous person. That's all.

And even our seemingly This-World yearnings derive from a deeper source in the soul.

Rav Miller says:

Or let's say you're standing on a country road, and you look down the road and it's winding down for miles and miles.

And you're thinking, “I'd like to travel on this road, to see what's doing at the other end.”

That yearning is real!

That yearning for travel, “I'd like to go and travel down this winding road,” should be a symbol for us.

"Because there is a road, a true road to happiness. The road to Olam Habah is the winding road without any deceptions."

Hakodosh Boruch Hu is not deceiving us.

The road of your life leads somewhere.

Our life is a road that leads to a much greater destination than any other road.

Our desires to travel down the road, to sail to the horizon at the edge of the sea, to find the end of the rainbow - these are all yearnings rooted in a much holier yearning, to remind us for what we really need to yearn.

All the pleasures of this world: extravagant weddings, continental breakfasts, chocolate cake and a shluf on Shabbos, a sparkling home, scrumptious food...these are just allegories for Olam Haba to make us yearn for a good portion in Olam Haba and to motivate us to do what we must to get there.

Focusing on Olam Haba creates joy and prevents suicide and all sorts of problems.

A person focused on utilizing This World for the Next remains silent in the face of anger, criticism, and foolishness - including when they come from one's own spouse.

But we need to talk about it a lot.

Once, after Rav Miller mentioned Olam Haba in several lectures, a man burst out: “What's this that you're mentioning Olam Habah, Olam Habah. You sound like a little girl.”

What a humiliating way to speak to a talmid chacham.

But Rav Miller just kept on going with what he knew was right.

This dvar Torah also presents ways to inculcate a desire for Olam Haba in children, whether you're a teacher or a parent.

"Be a propagandist for Hakodosh Boruch Hu."

And all that Rav Miller writes in Parshat Chukat is connected to the Parah Adumah.

So if you want a better understanding of an unfathomable aspect of Torah, this dvar Torah is worth a good solid perusal.

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Rav Avigdor Miller on July 4th, American Independence Day

4/7/2019

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Curious about the hashkafah of a big talmid chacham to the Fourth of July?

Here's Rav Avigdor Miller on American Independence Day:

Should a religious Jew hang a flag out on July 4th? (Yes.)

Should we celebrate July 4th? (Rav Avigdor Miller on July 4th & the wicked liberals)

What should our attitude be towards the phenomenon of flag burning that we have been witnessing in recent months? (Boo!)

And this one below, I received in my email subscription to Toras Avigdor:

Q:
Why did Hashem make the United States such a rich country?

A:
Why did Hashem give prosperity to America? Now that's a question you'll need Hashem to answer, but I’ll take my little one cent brain and I’ll say a s’vara. I’ll say that it was because America allowed the Am Yisroel to come here and it gave them opportunities to live with full rights. Other countries didn’t do that all the way back; but America, right from the beginning, gave us full rights.

It’s not America’s fault that we misused those rights. It’s not America’s fault that we came and forced our way into gentile communities where we didn’t belong - that's not the fault of the gentiles. But Hakodosh Boruch Hu gave America a certain reward because of its kindliness to the Am Yisroel.

In addition, America was once a decent country. At first, America was a very moral country. You still see on the coins, “In G-d We Trust.” I don’t know how long it’s going to last. The Supreme Court one of these days will strike it down. Imagine such a thing - a country that writes on its coins, “In G-d We Trust" They deserve a reward just for that! So America at one time deserved all this prosperity. What’s going to happen in the future, I cannot foretell.

-Tape # 830 (June 1991)

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URGENT: We Have Less Than 9 Days to Help Release Our Brother Held Captive in the Ukraine

3/7/2019

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I just read on Neshama's blog (ALERT: Pidyon Shvuiim) about the travesty that just happened to the young Amar family. (Thanks for publicizing this, Neshama.)

While visiting kivrei tzaddikim in the Ukraine, this couple, their baby, and the young wife's mother got into a terrible car accident through no fault of their own.

Instead of taking the young husband to a hospital to be treated for his injuries, Ukrainian police took him to jail instead and put him in a cell with 2 Muslims.

The prison is demanding $200,000 for his release. Time is of the essence as the prison has apparently put a 9-day limit in place.

There is no need to explain that every dollar (or shekel!) counts, no matter how small the amount.

Please click on the following to contribute to the Verified Campaign at the Chesed Fund:
thechesedfund.com/cause/mitzvas-pidyon-shvuyim-my-husband-is-being-held-in-ukrainian-jail-please-help-us-save-his-life

Tizku L'Mitzvot!!!

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The Fiery Danger of Denigrating ANY Gadol

Okay, Fine. I Don't Put Down Other Groups or Their Gadolim, But How Do I Respond When THEY Act Like THEY'RE Superior?

Why Do We Need All These Groups Anyway?

"I'm DONE With Being Just a Thumb!"

So we see from this that if our mere body parts were at all competitive or egalitarian, there would not be one person left alive on the planet.

What Roles Does Hashem Send Us?

What Can You Make of Yourself?

Why Your Talent or Ability Doesn't Always Matter

When you mix halachic roles, you get into trouble.

Of Rogue Waves, Olive Groves, Balanced Kohanim, and Wolfish Binyaminim

Hashem created both because He WANTS both.

The Structure You Need for Your Personal Journey

Who & What is the Yetzer Hara Today?

"One way or another, people have been bitten by the nachash. For one person the nachash of sports has bitten him. For another person it’s clothing or cars or money. Arayos, television, politics, whatever it is, the snake is biting."

Rav Miller on Sports & Travel Vacations

"​And the more you think about that truth, the more we train our minds to combat the yetzer hara that makes what we’re doing seem plain and ordinary, the more we’ve learned the lesson of lifting the copper serpent out from the high grass and placing it on the high pole."

PARSHAT BALAK

Why Is Hashem So Tough on Us If He Loves Us So Much?

"​But when you grow older, you have to understand the truth of the Torah. And that is that the Am Yisroel is the greatest and purest nation, much more than any nation in the world!"

Go Tell It from The Mountain

"Taharas hamishpacha, tzniyus, decency, morality fill the Jewish home. And you hear brachos in that home all day long - a different blessing for every item that you're eating. How beautiful is the Jewish home!"

"It Will End Badly."

Izzy Wins Our Sympathy

Teinos Lose Sway When the Measure Is Finally Filled

Don't Blind Yourself to All The Geshmak Aspects

Teinos & Excuses Don't Matter in the End

Parshat Korach 2: Your Mind is Forever

"To create a mind, that’s our job in life. And that’s the most important business we can do in this world."

Parshat Chukat: The Reality of the Next World

​​"Because there is a road, a true road to happiness. ​The road to Olam Habah is the winding road without any deceptions."

"Be a propagandist for Hakodosh Boruch Hu."

Myrtle Rising

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"And the more you think about that truth, the more we train our minds to combat the yetzer hara that makes what we’re doing seem plain and ordinary, the more we’ve learned the lesson of lifting the copper serpent out from the high grass and placing it on the high pole."

"But when you grow older, you have to understand the truth of the Torah. And that is that the Am Yisroel is the greatest and purest nation, much more than any nation in the world!"

"Because there is a road, a true road to happiness. The road to Olam Habah is the winding road without any deceptions."