Many of our Gadolim already pointed to lashon hara as being one of the causes behind this pandemic and its bizarre consequences.
It's not surprising, especially since modern technology enables lashon hara to get out of hand, spreading around the globe – and to do so immediately.
Prior to modern technology, one simply could not commit lashon hara on the levels possible today.
How much lashon hara could you spread by mouth alone?
And that was already considered really, really awful.
Telephones & radios & newspapers increased the power of lashon hara.
Then with social media & Internet, the impact of one short phrase of even avak lashon hara (the dust of lashon hara) became magnified by thousands of times.
Podcasts & video-sharing sites also magnify lashon hara into the thousands.
Putting aside the blogs & websites (whether Jewish or not) that promote lashon hara, how many otherwise good people unthinkingly participate with a short comment or tweet – or even a thumbs-up "Like!" in response to a slanderous social media post?
Even people who care about lashon hara don't always realize that what they've read is forbidden.
Even if you care about lashon hara and have studied the laws, it's still easy to trip up in this area.
We all have our blind spots and we also sometimes forget the halacha (which is particularly complex in the laws of speech).
It's not surprising, especially since modern technology enables lashon hara to get out of hand, spreading around the globe – and to do so immediately.
Prior to modern technology, one simply could not commit lashon hara on the levels possible today.
How much lashon hara could you spread by mouth alone?
And that was already considered really, really awful.
Telephones & radios & newspapers increased the power of lashon hara.
Then with social media & Internet, the impact of one short phrase of even avak lashon hara (the dust of lashon hara) became magnified by thousands of times.
Podcasts & video-sharing sites also magnify lashon hara into the thousands.
Putting aside the blogs & websites (whether Jewish or not) that promote lashon hara, how many otherwise good people unthinkingly participate with a short comment or tweet – or even a thumbs-up "Like!" in response to a slanderous social media post?
Even people who care about lashon hara don't always realize that what they've read is forbidden.
Even if you care about lashon hara and have studied the laws, it's still easy to trip up in this area.
We all have our blind spots and we also sometimes forget the halacha (which is particularly complex in the laws of speech).
Very Common Scenarios that Trip Up even the Best of Us
Though I've been through books on lashon hara, studying a halacha a day over a long period of time, I'm always surprised by what I miss at this point about lashon hara.
Right now, I subscribe to an excellent Q&A about lashon hara that arrives in my Inbox every day.
(You can also subscribe at the Chafetz Chaim Heritage Foundation HERE.)
This way, you can easily learn a halacha each day.
And here are some real-life examples that arrived from this Q&A to my Inbox, examples that trip up even good, well-meaning people:
Right now, I subscribe to an excellent Q&A about lashon hara that arrives in my Inbox every day.
(You can also subscribe at the Chafetz Chaim Heritage Foundation HERE.)
This way, you can easily learn a halacha each day.
And here are some real-life examples that arrived from this Q&A to my Inbox, examples that trip up even good, well-meaning people:
Bothered by wrongdoing
The town I live in has an overwhelmingly Jewish population. Every day I drive to work during the morning rush in our town, and the aggressive way many people drive really bothers me. They push their way into traffic, giving drivers no choice but to let them in; honk their horns excessively; speed wildly through about-to-turn-red lights, etc.
Q:I feel that if I don’t talk about it, people may not realize how wrong it is! May I tell my coworkers or family members, “People in our town drive so aggressively, it’s appalling!”
A: Talking about a group even without names is lashon hara. Additionally, many people speak like this with a “holier than thou” attitude that does not yield results and reinforces negative speech. This is loshon hora, and there is no excuse for speaking this way. If you are proposing realistic solutions to people who will take you seriously and make changes in the way they drive, that would be a valid to’eles, and speaking would be permitted.
Reviewed by Rabbi Zev Smith. Actual halachic decisions should be made by a rav or halachic expert on a case-by-case basis.
How many people know that the above is forbidden?
Unless you are:
...then you aren't allowed to say it.
I missed this one myself because the person is speaking about such a general group (i.e., he's not targeting a specific individual or named group within the Jewish community; he's not even specifying whether it's a frum community) and because he has a good intention for speaking of it (he wants to stop it).
That's a big lesson for those of who blog (and gave me an "Uh...oh" sinking feeling in my own stomach).
Here's another from the same source on a more personal level. Again, note the good intentions of the person posing the question:
Unless you are:
- Offering practical solutions...
- ...and offering them to people who will actually listen...
...then you aren't allowed to say it.
I missed this one myself because the person is speaking about such a general group (i.e., he's not targeting a specific individual or named group within the Jewish community; he's not even specifying whether it's a frum community) and because he has a good intention for speaking of it (he wants to stop it).
That's a big lesson for those of who blog (and gave me an "Uh...oh" sinking feeling in my own stomach).
Here's another from the same source on a more personal level. Again, note the good intentions of the person posing the question:
One neighbor on my (primarily Jewish) block is careless about where he parks his car. He blocks people’s mailboxes so the mail can’t be delivered. He obstructs people’s driveways so they can’t park or get out. He even parks in front of the garbage containers so that the garbage can’t get picked up.
It really bothers me, but as a peaceable fellow, I don’t want to confront him about it.
Q: May I tell our shul Rav about it? This way, the Rav can speak to him and he’ll learn his lesson, and I won’t have to give up on my friendly relationship with him, since he won’t know it was I who told.
A: One may not speak loshon hora about another person even l’toeles (for the benefit of preventing people from being harmed) without trying to approach that person first. Your neighbor may change what he’s doing if he hears it from you. Ask advice from a knowledgeable person as far as how to approach your neighbor in a way that is tactful and respectful.
Reviewed by Rabbi Zev Smith. Actual halachic decisions should be made by a rav or halachic expert on a case-by-case basis.
Isn't that such a common scenario? Especially since the questioner wishes to speak with a rav, and not just a friend or family member of the offender.
Especially because he wants to involve his rav, many people think that doing this is actually a GOOD idea. (Heck, I did too! And I've been reviewing hilchot lashon hara daily for a couple of years now.)
Surprisingly, it's not okay to even ask his rav to speak to the offender about it until he has spoken personally to the offender.
(This is, of course, in case where he's not sure whether the man will listen to him. If he knows for sure that the offending man won't listen, then it's a different question.)
Here's another common scenario, also from the same source:
Especially because he wants to involve his rav, many people think that doing this is actually a GOOD idea. (Heck, I did too! And I've been reviewing hilchot lashon hara daily for a couple of years now.)
Surprisingly, it's not okay to even ask his rav to speak to the offender about it until he has spoken personally to the offender.
(This is, of course, in case where he's not sure whether the man will listen to him. If he knows for sure that the offending man won't listen, then it's a different question.)
Here's another common scenario, also from the same source:
My husband’s the best person to intervene
I was at my in-laws’ home for Shabbos, prepping the food with my mother-in-law before the Friday night meal. Suddenly she began criticizing the way I speak to my children. She was agitated and even called my parenting methods “lazy.”
Q:I’m hurt and surprised. My mother-in-law is generally a kind and sensitive woman with a refined nature and positive attitude. I want to tell my husband what happened so he can intervene with his mother and give her a chance to apologize or explain. May I tell my husband what happened even though it’s negative information about his mother?
A: When someone acts out of character, we must try to understand what happened and see it in a positive light. If it’s clear that the person really did speak or act incorrectly, we have to assume that she realized it and immediately regretted it. Speaking to someone else about the incident is usually not considered l’to’eles. (If the hurt person feels she can’t move on, then she should consult rabbinic guidance about venting to another person.)
Reviewed by Rabbi Zev Smith. Actual halachic decisions should be made by a rav or halachic expert on a case-by-case basis.
Again, this is another common situation in which many people do not even think twice about before speaking with their spouse.
And again, note how the questioner sees herself as a having a beneficial reason for speaking to her husband, especially since she wants to give her mother-in-the-law the benefit of the doubt and hear her side of it.
And again, note how the questioner sees herself as a having a beneficial reason for speaking to her husband, especially since she wants to give her mother-in-the-law the benefit of the doubt and hear her side of it.
Time's Up
The above are all common situations engaged in by good, well-meaning people who care about hilchot lashon hara.
It's so easy to trip up in such situations.
And then what happens when such things are upload to public outlets?
Or even a private email or text between only 2 people?
Many people in the frum community have been complaining about the online lashon hara since the beginning – and good for them.
To their credit, they leave warning comments after posts or articles containing lashon hara.
But it has been going on for a long time and just getting worse.
Hashem was very patient for a long time.
And now we're seeing the consequences of our behavior.
May we all do teshuvah to the point that we don't even WANT to speak lashon hara – not even by accident!
It's so easy to trip up in such situations.
And then what happens when such things are upload to public outlets?
Or even a private email or text between only 2 people?
Many people in the frum community have been complaining about the online lashon hara since the beginning – and good for them.
To their credit, they leave warning comments after posts or articles containing lashon hara.
But it has been going on for a long time and just getting worse.
Hashem was very patient for a long time.
And now we're seeing the consequences of our behavior.
May we all do teshuvah to the point that we don't even WANT to speak lashon hara – not even by accident!
RSS Feed
