One of the main purposes of life is the soul's journey.
People start off at different levels & with varying inclinations.
It can take time for people to arrive at certain destinations.
Some take longer than others.
On that note, I want to describe my personal journey from shaitels to cloth hair-coverings — but keeping in mind that regardless of my personal feelings, there are very big talmidei chachami who permit shaitels.
Also, it is MUCH easier & more acceptable to wear scarves or hats in Eretz Yisrael as a opposed to doing so in modern Western countries (where a hair-scarf can seem weird, unprofessional, or attention-getting — although Muslim women now do so without any qualms).
In contrast, it's perfectly acceptable in Eretz Yisrael to go to the most formal event or fulfill the most professional role while wearing a hair-scarf or hat.
So that makes a difference too.
(And by "perfectly acceptable," I'm not referring to the rabid anti-Torah Leftists who froth at the mouth regarding any expression of Judaism. I mean perfectly acceptable within the general social structure of normal people here.)
Yet in the interest of full objectivity, here is a halachic discussion of the issue, including sources for all different opinions:
https://dinonline.org/2010/05/26/hair-covering-for-women/
As stated in the above link, however, the very immodest va-va-voom shaitels are not okay and any hairstyle forbidden for a single woman's natural hair is really not okay in a shaitel.
But as stated above, this is a journey and different people find different parts of the journey more challenging or less challenging.
It depends.
People start off at different levels & with varying inclinations.
It can take time for people to arrive at certain destinations.
Some take longer than others.
On that note, I want to describe my personal journey from shaitels to cloth hair-coverings — but keeping in mind that regardless of my personal feelings, there are very big talmidei chachami who permit shaitels.
Also, it is MUCH easier & more acceptable to wear scarves or hats in Eretz Yisrael as a opposed to doing so in modern Western countries (where a hair-scarf can seem weird, unprofessional, or attention-getting — although Muslim women now do so without any qualms).
In contrast, it's perfectly acceptable in Eretz Yisrael to go to the most formal event or fulfill the most professional role while wearing a hair-scarf or hat.
So that makes a difference too.
(And by "perfectly acceptable," I'm not referring to the rabid anti-Torah Leftists who froth at the mouth regarding any expression of Judaism. I mean perfectly acceptable within the general social structure of normal people here.)
Yet in the interest of full objectivity, here is a halachic discussion of the issue, including sources for all different opinions:
https://dinonline.org/2010/05/26/hair-covering-for-women/
As stated in the above link, however, the very immodest va-va-voom shaitels are not okay and any hairstyle forbidden for a single woman's natural hair is really not okay in a shaitel.
But as stated above, this is a journey and different people find different parts of the journey more challenging or less challenging.
It depends.
How I Discovered that Hair-Scarves Express the "Real" Me
When I first got married, I looked forward to wearing shaitels. I thought it would be fun.
I thoroughly enjoyed perusing the different options for style and color, including trying on different types.
And I went into marriage sure that my shaitel would be a protection, just like in all the stories.
And I made sure that my shaitels conformed to the requirements of tsniyut: straight, above my shoulders with a doll-hair part (rather than a skin-like white part), and mixed human-synthetic hair (i.e, it looked like a wig and not real hair).
But I got a few responses from mushchatim, even something just like out at the shuk buying coriander, for crying out loud.
And I didn't get it at first because I was like, Hel-looo? You see that I'm married, dweeb. What are you thinking?
But then I did some reading about it too.
Also, here in Eretz Yisrael, where not-so-religious Sephardi Jewish men and Arab men have no cultural concept of modest hair-covering as a wig, but only as cloth, some of them do interpret wigs as being a sign that you don't really want to cover your hair and that you're not really so into the faithfulness of your marriage.
Because you still look "available."
And why would a married woman want to look available?
As a woman myself, I understand the ambiguous desire to "feel good about herself."
I also understand that many wives do so to please a husband who is kind of a "lech" (meaning, one who not just wants a shaitel, but wants a va-va-voom shaitel and all the immodest fashion to boot).
But men whose minds are degenerate anyway view this differently.
Anyway, as time went on, I grew uncomfortable with the whole concept of shaitels.
Finally, I became too uncomfortable to wear shaitels any longer, so I wore regular hair-coverings instead.
Now, wearing modest clothes do not completely ward off pigs, but it does help a whole heck of a lot.
The thing is, would I have listened to people who told me shaitels were halachically problematic?
Yes, to an extent.
But I still would've been confused by all those fine, decent women wearing shaitels.
And maybe in my heart, I would've felt like I still wanted a shaitel.
Certainly, if people called me names or criticized me for wearing a shaitel, I would've mostly felt hurt or thought they were crazy and not taken their opinion seriously.
At the other extreme, what if I was the kind of woman who wanted that degenerate attention?
Or what if I felt I needed to be a slave to fashion in order to "feel good" about myself?
Or what if I was a rebellious type of person who enjoyed provoking others & making a statement?
With those types, nothing really helps until an inner change is made.
As long as she only feels good when dressing with compromised modesty, she will not change.
If dressing with dignity makes her feel bad, she also will not do it unless forced, and even then she will drop all the dignity the moment she can because it's not coming from within herself.
But because it came from inside, from being in a world that cares about tsniyus, I was able to change.
And please know that when I was secular, I really thought that people who dressed modestly out of ideals (as opposed to comfort) were stupid and repressed. I thought they needed both education & psychological help.
So change can happen, but the main change needs to happen from the inside.
I thoroughly enjoyed perusing the different options for style and color, including trying on different types.
And I went into marriage sure that my shaitel would be a protection, just like in all the stories.
And I made sure that my shaitels conformed to the requirements of tsniyut: straight, above my shoulders with a doll-hair part (rather than a skin-like white part), and mixed human-synthetic hair (i.e, it looked like a wig and not real hair).
But I got a few responses from mushchatim, even something just like out at the shuk buying coriander, for crying out loud.
And I didn't get it at first because I was like, Hel-looo? You see that I'm married, dweeb. What are you thinking?
But then I did some reading about it too.
Also, here in Eretz Yisrael, where not-so-religious Sephardi Jewish men and Arab men have no cultural concept of modest hair-covering as a wig, but only as cloth, some of them do interpret wigs as being a sign that you don't really want to cover your hair and that you're not really so into the faithfulness of your marriage.
Because you still look "available."
And why would a married woman want to look available?
As a woman myself, I understand the ambiguous desire to "feel good about herself."
I also understand that many wives do so to please a husband who is kind of a "lech" (meaning, one who not just wants a shaitel, but wants a va-va-voom shaitel and all the immodest fashion to boot).
But men whose minds are degenerate anyway view this differently.
Anyway, as time went on, I grew uncomfortable with the whole concept of shaitels.
Finally, I became too uncomfortable to wear shaitels any longer, so I wore regular hair-coverings instead.
Now, wearing modest clothes do not completely ward off pigs, but it does help a whole heck of a lot.
The thing is, would I have listened to people who told me shaitels were halachically problematic?
Yes, to an extent.
But I still would've been confused by all those fine, decent women wearing shaitels.
And maybe in my heart, I would've felt like I still wanted a shaitel.
Certainly, if people called me names or criticized me for wearing a shaitel, I would've mostly felt hurt or thought they were crazy and not taken their opinion seriously.
At the other extreme, what if I was the kind of woman who wanted that degenerate attention?
Or what if I felt I needed to be a slave to fashion in order to "feel good" about myself?
Or what if I was a rebellious type of person who enjoyed provoking others & making a statement?
With those types, nothing really helps until an inner change is made.
As long as she only feels good when dressing with compromised modesty, she will not change.
If dressing with dignity makes her feel bad, she also will not do it unless forced, and even then she will drop all the dignity the moment she can because it's not coming from within herself.
But because it came from inside, from being in a world that cares about tsniyus, I was able to change.
And please know that when I was secular, I really thought that people who dressed modestly out of ideals (as opposed to comfort) were stupid and repressed. I thought they needed both education & psychological help.
So change can happen, but the main change needs to happen from the inside.
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