Today, when many women think of prayer, they think of praying from a book.
It could be Tehillim, Perek Shirah, a siddur, or anything else. This is all VERY good and truly powerful. As per the psak of many gedolei hador, I also daven some form of Shacharit every day, and Mincha usually too. And like many others, I've also seen much blessing and received great comfort from Tehillim and other types of techinot and tefillot.
But that hasn't necessarily been the traditional way for Jewish women to bond with Hashem. (Even when women were literate, formal prayers accompanied personal outpourings, they didn't replace heart-to-heart talks with their Creator.)
Yet many women today seem to have lost the ability or desire to connect with Hashem in a personal manner.
However, as you'll see, women were gifted with the perfect qualities for creating a powerful bond with their Creator.
It could be Tehillim, Perek Shirah, a siddur, or anything else. This is all VERY good and truly powerful. As per the psak of many gedolei hador, I also daven some form of Shacharit every day, and Mincha usually too. And like many others, I've also seen much blessing and received great comfort from Tehillim and other types of techinot and tefillot.
But that hasn't necessarily been the traditional way for Jewish women to bond with Hashem. (Even when women were literate, formal prayers accompanied personal outpourings, they didn't replace heart-to-heart talks with their Creator.)
Yet many women today seem to have lost the ability or desire to connect with Hashem in a personal manner.
However, as you'll see, women were gifted with the perfect qualities for creating a powerful bond with their Creator.
The Relationship Maven
Women tend to be very good at relationships.
And even when we're not good at relationships, we're still very relationship-oriented.
We love to bond with our friends (in fact, even the slang "BFF" definitely has a female association), we love to bond with our family members, and even our material possessions. We crave a feeling of connection with our husband and children.
As mentioned, inanimate objects can also be the source of a relationship.
For example, many women have an object, jewelry, certain articles of clothing, or furniture to which they feel a strong emotional attachment...in other words, they have a relationship with that article.
Books, certain prayers, appliances...a Yerushalmi woman once told me that her washing machine and dryer were her best friends. It's completely normal for a woman to speak this way. Rebbetzin Esther Baila Schwartz once enthused in all sincerity that the sefer Netivot Shalom was her new best friend.
My mother-in-law told me about a widow in Morocco who used to visit her recently niftar husband at his grave. What's a grave? Just a marker and some dirt. Yet she sat there for hours every day telling him about her day, how her life was going and how much she missed him, who'd been nice to her, certain that he could hear her. She had no problem keeping up a one-sided conversation with her dearly departed soulmate.
Of course, when a woman puts too much of her ego into her relationships, that's the negative side of this otherwise useful and enjoyable attribute. If she feels that her home must always look perfect (because it reflects her and her need to seem perfect) or that her children or husband must fit into a narrow box of her choosing or if she feels closest to her friends or her mother when they're gossiping, etc., then that's a negative investment in relationships.
But Hashem made women with this orientation toward relationships. He wants us to be this way.
Why? Because it's so wonderful!
When channeled properly, it spurs women on to great things, which is why women tend to be the force behind chessed organizations (in addition to unofficial personal acts of chessed) in every frum community.
It's also the secret to being a good mother and a good wife.
A woman's innate orientation toward relationship is also why Jewish women have always played such a key role in our national salvation: our relationship with God.
Just as one example: The prayers of Leah Imeinu changed human history.
Just her prayers.
Nothing else. Not talking to the "right" people, not manipulating things (the one manipulation of marrying Yaakov without his knowledge was forced upon her by her father), not being assertive ("I'm NOT marrying Esav and that's that!")...just davening.
If you can have a relationship with an inanimate object (whether it's a holy book or your favorite childhood doll), then you can certainly have a relationship with Hashem.
And this is where a woman power and influence really lie.
And even when we're not good at relationships, we're still very relationship-oriented.
We love to bond with our friends (in fact, even the slang "BFF" definitely has a female association), we love to bond with our family members, and even our material possessions. We crave a feeling of connection with our husband and children.
As mentioned, inanimate objects can also be the source of a relationship.
For example, many women have an object, jewelry, certain articles of clothing, or furniture to which they feel a strong emotional attachment...in other words, they have a relationship with that article.
Books, certain prayers, appliances...a Yerushalmi woman once told me that her washing machine and dryer were her best friends. It's completely normal for a woman to speak this way. Rebbetzin Esther Baila Schwartz once enthused in all sincerity that the sefer Netivot Shalom was her new best friend.
My mother-in-law told me about a widow in Morocco who used to visit her recently niftar husband at his grave. What's a grave? Just a marker and some dirt. Yet she sat there for hours every day telling him about her day, how her life was going and how much she missed him, who'd been nice to her, certain that he could hear her. She had no problem keeping up a one-sided conversation with her dearly departed soulmate.
Of course, when a woman puts too much of her ego into her relationships, that's the negative side of this otherwise useful and enjoyable attribute. If she feels that her home must always look perfect (because it reflects her and her need to seem perfect) or that her children or husband must fit into a narrow box of her choosing or if she feels closest to her friends or her mother when they're gossiping, etc., then that's a negative investment in relationships.
But Hashem made women with this orientation toward relationships. He wants us to be this way.
Why? Because it's so wonderful!
When channeled properly, it spurs women on to great things, which is why women tend to be the force behind chessed organizations (in addition to unofficial personal acts of chessed) in every frum community.
It's also the secret to being a good mother and a good wife.
A woman's innate orientation toward relationship is also why Jewish women have always played such a key role in our national salvation: our relationship with God.
Just as one example: The prayers of Leah Imeinu changed human history.
Just her prayers.
Nothing else. Not talking to the "right" people, not manipulating things (the one manipulation of marrying Yaakov without his knowledge was forced upon her by her father), not being assertive ("I'm NOT marrying Esav and that's that!")...just davening.
If you can have a relationship with an inanimate object (whether it's a holy book or your favorite childhood doll), then you can certainly have a relationship with Hashem.
And this is where a woman power and influence really lie.
How Those 9 Parts of Speech Bring the Geula
Countless jokes have been made over the fact that out of the 10 measures of speech, 9 were bequeathed to women. (Kiddushin 49b)
But like anything else, this gift can be used for the good as much as it can be used for the bad. Sure, extra speech can mean more verbal abuse, verbal passive-aggression, well-aimed barbs, gossip, slander, rumor-mongering, and just plain aimless meaningless blather.
But it can also mean more verbal support and encouragement, verbal comfort, eloquence and articulateness, more compliments and praise, the ability to teach and explain, to uplift people with funny or inspiring stories, and more.
A woman's voice is made for positive speech. Sure, it can also be shrill and sharp. But think of the happy shriek of a woman when her child does something good or her husband brings home just the right gift. Think of the welcoming singsong tone many women use to greet their children or wake them up. Think of the soft sympathetic tone many women use to comfort others or to deliver unwanted yet beneficial truths to their friends or family members.
Think of the low, soft tones of a mother singing her child to sleep.
And yes, most women tend to talk a lot more than men. A lot more.
Which is absolutely perfect for hitbodedut!
Because of a woman's innate ability for relationships and speech, women have exactly what it takes to open up in conversation with her Creator.
But like anything else, this gift can be used for the good as much as it can be used for the bad. Sure, extra speech can mean more verbal abuse, verbal passive-aggression, well-aimed barbs, gossip, slander, rumor-mongering, and just plain aimless meaningless blather.
But it can also mean more verbal support and encouragement, verbal comfort, eloquence and articulateness, more compliments and praise, the ability to teach and explain, to uplift people with funny or inspiring stories, and more.
A woman's voice is made for positive speech. Sure, it can also be shrill and sharp. But think of the happy shriek of a woman when her child does something good or her husband brings home just the right gift. Think of the welcoming singsong tone many women use to greet their children or wake them up. Think of the soft sympathetic tone many women use to comfort others or to deliver unwanted yet beneficial truths to their friends or family members.
Think of the low, soft tones of a mother singing her child to sleep.
And yes, most women tend to talk a lot more than men. A lot more.
Which is absolutely perfect for hitbodedut!
Because of a woman's innate ability for relationships and speech, women have exactly what it takes to open up in conversation with her Creator.
Prayer: Getting Back to the Real You
In a sense, women were created for prayer. So many of a woman's innate tendencies and life experiences lean toward the greater ability to forge an intimate and sincere connection with Hashem.
Because so many women haven't seen their mothers or grandmothers talk straight to Hashem as if He was their One True Good Friend, because they often haven't been encouraged to turn to Him in their own words and develop a relationship with Him in their own unique and personal way, many women today find it hard to do this.
It's okay to find it hard. It's quite understandable.
And it's also important to remember that the Geula (Redemption) is supposed to come in the merit of righteous women. And based on everything I've learned, I'm sure that forging a relationship with Hashem via heartfelt discussions paves the way to the upcoming Geula.
If Hashem created women with the ability and orientation for relationships, plus the greater need for verbal expression, then this must mean He really loves us.
After all, He imbued us with the exact qualities most conducive for having a relationship with Him.
Because so many women haven't seen their mothers or grandmothers talk straight to Hashem as if He was their One True Good Friend, because they often haven't been encouraged to turn to Him in their own words and develop a relationship with Him in their own unique and personal way, many women today find it hard to do this.
It's okay to find it hard. It's quite understandable.
And it's also important to remember that the Geula (Redemption) is supposed to come in the merit of righteous women. And based on everything I've learned, I'm sure that forging a relationship with Hashem via heartfelt discussions paves the way to the upcoming Geula.
If Hashem created women with the ability and orientation for relationships, plus the greater need for verbal expression, then this must mean He really loves us.
After all, He imbued us with the exact qualities most conducive for having a relationship with Him.
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