"Instead of stinging nettle, myrtle will rise" (Isaiah 55:13)
 "Instead of evil, good will rise." (The Malbim's Interpretation)
Myrtle Rising
  • Blog
  • Comments Disabled
    • Privacy Policy
  • Aliyah
    • Mini-Intro
    • General Cultural Insights
    • School Tips
  • Kli Yakar Index
  • Most Popular
  • Contact

Alone at the Pesach Seder This Year

5/4/2020

7 Comments

 
As much as I would really like to give chizuk & insight at this time because I think reading the regular news is already distressing enough, however...

...I can't stop thinking about my widowed mother-in-law in her mid-70s, but to due to a lifetime of stress and health issues, she's physically & emotionally even older than that.

So she's worn out, she had a stroke over a decade ago and diabetes now, plus pain in her leg. 

But she's also a social person. She really needs people around her.

And she has neighbors in next-door apartments and more neighbors also just a few footsteps across the way.

And usually, we've all taken turns going to her for Pesach, or, in later years, she's taken turns coming to each of us.

But this year, she's alone.

And because of a traumatic event back in Morocco that caused her father's death when she was only 6, her formerly wealthy family lost much of their money and my mother-in-law was pulled out of school.

So she never learned to read.

And she's going to sit there at the Pesach Seder all by herself...and she can't read the Haggadah.

Yes, there are phrases here and there that she knows by heart.

"Bivilu yatzanu miMitzrayim..."

Upon saying Bivilu, Moroccans take the Seder plate and circle it over the head of each participant, ending with a gentle bonk on each head. (I was told this symbolizes Mt. Sinai being held over the heads of bnei Yisrael, but I'm not sure if that's the real reason.)

So she knows Bivilu, but I'm not sure what else.

And I know that even if that's all she's able to say, that's like a big rav saying it.

Whatever we do is precious in Shamayim as long as we're putting forth our best effort.

Hashem judges us by our own resources, and not those of others.

I also know that she does talk to Hashem & knows that He hears her.

Back in Morocco, it was common for multi-generational extended family to live in 2-3-story homes (the ground floor often being either the family store or a communal place for the whole family to hang out).

And that's normal for her.

You weren't really ever alone. And even in a situation like now, you wouldn't really be alone.

And now she is.

Maybe a neighbor will read the Haggadah out loud from a window (as far as I saw, they don't have porches in the poor immigrant neighborhood my husband's family ended up in and where my mother-in-law still lives). 

So on one hand, the mental image of my older doll-like mother-in-law sitting at the Seder by herself unable to even perform the basics of the Haggadah lingers in my mind.

And it pangs my heart.

On the other hand, it makes me feel grateful for what I have, which are so common, I don't always think to appreciate them as much as I really should: immediate family at home – and the ability to read.

So, yeah, this is kind of a downer.

But maybe it's also good perspective for appreciating what we DO have (which might be less this Pesach than previous Pesachs).


7 Comments
elisheva
5/4/2020 13:22:49

Very sad. I too will be alone this year, and I am grateful to you for reminding me of being grateful for what I have, such as being able to see and read. I also found a bottle of red moscato gifted to me on Purim, no I won't drink it all! but maybe a glass for good cheer.

Someone said to me "we're all in the same boat". But really it's exactly the opposite. Everyone is in their own boat. Some are self-isolating in a nice home, with a nice hubby and/or children and as you write others are in very different circumstances. Be"D Melech Moshiach Tsidkeynu should reveal himself before the seder and we will all be together at Beit HaMikdash.

Reply
Myrtle Rising
5/4/2020 13:46:29

I agree we're not all in the same boat. Not at all. Different people are experiencing such a wide variety of situations.

I'm sorry you'll be alone this year. I admire the way you've decided to deal with it, but I hope your final words come true!

Thanks for this & for your kind words, Elisheva.

Reply
elisheva
5/4/2020 18:00:14

It definitely feels very close (the geula). I've never heard the word unprecedented used so much in such a short space of time. Everything these days seems to be unprecedented. As for being on one's own, ie completely, not people who say they're going to be alone and then it turns out that they have people with them, spouse, children etc, what can you do apart from look the reality in the face, breath deeply and get on with it. (I realise that for some people, as you write, this is maybe too hard.) It's also a time to focus on the seder completely spiritually. And if this is how it turns out it is ratzon Hashem. I feel like Hashem is one by one taking away all our crutches, whether it is work, entertainment etc, and now even the company of other people.

Myrtle Rising
5/4/2020 18:47:37

What a beautiful & profound comment, Elisheva.

Especially when you write:
"It's also a time to focus on the seder completely spiritually. And if this is how it turns out it is ratzon Hashem. I feel like Hashem is one by one taking away all our crutches, whether it is work, entertainment etc, and now even the company of other people."

This is a very helpful way of looking at things. And it really rings true to me.

elisheva
5/4/2020 13:28:15

Just a thought, don't know if it's possible, you said that she has neighbours on the same landing as her, couldn't they do a seder everyone in their home, sitting inside near the entrance, with the doors open?

Reply
Myrtle Rising
5/4/2020 13:52:22

It's a good idea, but I'm not sure if it's feasible for this particular situation. She only has one or two families on her landing, and they might have small children that would run out. I can't remember who is on her landing. Also, the neighborhood has changed since she first moved in (i.e. it's no longer Moroccan, Bucharian, Gruziniyan). There are people who don't all seem to be halachically Jewish.

But certainly, this is a great idea for people in a situation more conducive to your suggestion.

Thanks very much.

Reply
Myrtle Rising
5/4/2020 17:41:38

Hi, again, Elisheva,

I just re-read the post and realized that a "few footsteps across the way" sounds like it's in her building, but it's not. There's a pedestrian area between her row of apartment buildings and another row of apartment buildings, and she has friends in that row of buildings across from her building. Sorry, the way I wrote it really wasn't clear.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Privacy Policy

    Picture
    Please note this is an affiliate link. Meaning, I get a small cut but at NO extra cost to you. If you use it, I'm grateful. If not, you still get a giant mitzvah connected to Eretz Yisrael.


    Feedburner subscription no longer in operation. Sorry!

    Myrtle Rising

    I'm a middle-aged housewife and mother in Eretz Yisrael who likes to read and write a lot.


    Picture
    Sample Chapters

    Categories

    All
    Aliyah
    Anti Jewish Bigotry
    Anti-jewish-bigotry
    Astronomy
    Book Review
    Books
    Chagim/Holidays
    Chinuch
    Coronavirus
    Dictionaries
    Emuna
    Eretz Yisrael
    Erev Rav
    Gender
    Hitbodedut
    "If The Torah..."
    Jewish Astrology
    Kav Hayashar
    Kli Yakar
    Lashon Hara
    Love
    Me'am Loez
    Minchat Yehudah
    Mishlei/Proverbs
    Netivot Shalom
    Parenting
    Parsha
    Pele Yoetz
    Perek Shira
    Pesach
    Politics
    Prayer
    Purim
    Rav Avigdor Miller
    Rav Itamar Schwartz
    Rav L.Y. Bender
    Recipes
    "Regular" Jews
    Rosh Hashanah
    Society
    Sukkot
    Tammuz
    Technology
    Tehillim/Psalms
    Teshuvah
    The Lost Princess
    Tisha B'Av
    USA Scary Direction
    Women
    Yom Kippur

    Jewish Blogs

    Daf Yomi Review
    Derech Emet
    Going...Habayitah
    Halacha Q&A
    Hava haAharona
    Miriam Adahan
    My Perspective

    Shirat Devorah
    Tomer Devorah
    Toras Avigdor
    True Tzaddikim
    Tznius Blog

    Yeranen Yaakov
    Rabbi Ofer Erez (Hebrew lectures)

    Jewish Current Events

    Hamodia
    Sultan Knish
    Tomer Devorah
    Yeranen Yaakov

    Jewish Health

    People Smarts

    Archives

    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015

    RSS Feed

    Copyright Notice

    ©2015-2022 Myrtle Rising
    Excerpts and links may be used without express permission as long as a link is provided back to the appropriate Myrtle Rising page.

Home/Blog

Most Popular

Kli Yakar in English

Aliyah

Contact

Copyright © 2023
Photos used under Creative Commons from Brett Jordan, BAMCorp, Terrazzo, Abode of Chaos, Michele Dorsey Walfred, marklordphotography, M.Burak Erbaş, torbakhopper, jhritz, Rina Pitucci (Tilling 67), Svadilfari, kum111, Tim simpson1, FindYourSearch, Giorgio Galeotti, ChrisYunker, Jaykhuang, YourCastlesDecor, bluebirdsandteapots, Natalia Medd, Stefans02, Israel_photo_gallery, Commander, U.S. 7th Fleet, BradPerkins, zeevveez, dfarrell07, h.koppdelaney, Edgardo W. Olivera, nafrenkel88, zeevveez, mtchlra, Liz | populational, TraumaAndDissociation, thinboyfatter, garofalo.christina, skpy, Free Grunge Textures - www.freestock.ca, Nerru, Gregory "Slobirdr" Smith, trendingtopics, dolbinator1000, DonkeyHotey, zeevveez, erix!, zeevveez, h.koppdelaney, MAURO CATEB, kevin dooley, keepitsurreal, annikaleigh, bjornmeansbear, publicdomainphotography, Leonard J Matthews, Exile on Ontario St, Nicholas_T, marcoverch, planman, PhilWolff, j_lai, t.kunikuni, zeevveez, Ian W Scott, Brett Jordan, RonAlmog, Bob Linsdell, NASA Goddard Photo and Video, aaron_anderer, ** RCB **, Tony Webster, mypubliclands, AntonStetner, Zachi Evenor, MrJamesBaker, sammydavisdog, Frode Ramone, Wonder woman0731, wrachele, kennethkonica, Skall_Edit, Pleuntje, Rennett Stowe, *S A N D E E P*, symphony of love, AlexanderJonesi, Arya Ziai, ePublicist, Enokson, Tony Webster, Art4TheGlryOfGod, seaternity, Andrew Tarvin, zeevveez, Israel_photo_gallery, Iqbal Osman1, Matt From London, Tribes of the World, Eric Kilby, miracle design, RonAlmog, slgckgc, Kim Scarborough, DonkeyHotey, Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com, h.koppdelaney, gleonhard, Pedro Travassos, nociveglia, RonAlmog, Israel_photo_gallery, Septemia, Paulann_Egelhoff, Tatiana12, MAD Hippies Life, Neta Bartal, milesgehm, shooting brooklyn, RonAlmog, smilygrl, gospelportals, leighblackall, symensphotographie, zeevveez, Kyknoord, wotashot (taking a break), Tambako the Jaguar, bitmask, Arnie Sacknooson, mattymatt, Rob Swystun, zeevveez, Dun.can, Tim Patterson, timeflicks, garlandcannon, HRYMX, fred_v, Yair Aronshtam, zeevveez, Ron Cogswell, FindYourSearch, Israel_photo_gallery, Serendipity Diamonds, zeevveez, Steve Corey, Dominic's pics, leighklotz, Stefans02, dannyman, RonAlmog, Stephen O, RonAlmog, Tips For Travellers, Futurilla, anomalous4, Bob Linsdell, AndyMcLemore, symphony of love, andydr, sara~, Gamma Man, Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com, robef, European Southern Observatory, Brett Jordan, Johnny Silvercloud, Israel_photo_gallery, smkybear, --Sam--, Paulann_Egelhoff, Selena Sheridan, D'oh Boy, campbelj45ca, 19melissa68, entirelysubjective, Leimenide, dheera.net, Brett Jordan, HonestReporting.com, Iqbal Osman1, One Way Stock, Jake Waage, picto:graphic, Marcelo Alves, KAZVorpal, Sparkle Motion, Brett Jordan, Ambernectar 13, Howdy, I'm H. Michael Karshis, Steven DuBois, Cristian V., tortuga767, Jake Cvnningham, D'oh Boy, Eric Kilby, quinn.anya, Lenny K Photography, One Way Stock, Bird Eye, ell brown, Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com, Kevin M. Gill, lunar caustic, gerrybuckel, quinn.anya, Kaz Andrew, kodomut, kayugee, jintae kim's photography, Futurilla, terri_bateman, Patty Mooney, Amydeanne, Paulann_Egelhoff, Mulling it Over, Ungry Young Man, Ruth and Dave, yangouyang374, symphony of love, kennethkonica, young@art, Brett Jordan, slgckgc, Celestine Chua, rkimpeljr, Kristoffer Trolle, TooFarNorth, D'oh Boy, Grace to You, LittleStuff.me, Kevin M. Gill, philozopher, traveltipy.com, Alan Cleaver, crazyoctopus, d_vdm, tonynetone, penjelly, TheToch, JohnE777, hello-julie, DaveBleasdale, Michael Candelori Photography, andessurvivor, slgckgc, byzantiumbooks, sasha diamanti