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When Dimensions Collide

28/2/2017

More and more, I've come to realize that being a Jew who keeps Torah and mitzvot is like living in another dimension within a dimension.

If you've been making a real effort to come close to Hashem (however clumsily) and to internalize Torah values, it colors everything you see.

It colors it with Truth.

You end up living in a dimension rich with the most beautiful colors, but this multi-hued dimension exists within a dimension comprised of varying shades of gray blah.

And you increasingly see things (including yourself) as they really are.

Mostly, it's a beautiful and enriching experience that calls for a lot of gratitude.

But when someone from the outer gray dimension makes contact and does so with the desire to invade your dimension with their depressing gray tints, accompanied by resistance to your pouring some of your colorful stuff back into their blah dimension, it just becomes an unwanted and irritating experience.

For example, I recently got an email from someone who is not Jewish, but thinks they are. The email mourned the fact that a local and identifiably Jewish institution, along with many other such institutions around the country, has now received a terrorist threat.

And I knew what was coming and what the mournful tone disguised.

So guess who my contact blamed? Trump and Pence.

(Yeah, Pence, who recently cleaned up a Jewish cemetery after an antisemitic hit.)

Never mind the facts, like how antisemitism saw its upswing during Obama's years.

Never mind that it was Obama's administration that allowed so many Jew-haters into the country.

Never mind the spiritual message that, as the End approaches, Hashem would like some more teshuvah from His beloved Nation (and for certain non-Jews, including fake converts - however innocent and well-intentioned - and smarmy evangelicals, to stop mucking around).

I would have liked to explain that it's not Trump's policies that lead to antisemitism, it is the psychotically knee-jerk opposition to Trump's policies that emboldens Jew-haters.

But I didn't bother.

There are different kinds of Jew-haters.

White supremacists, for example, see the anti-white racism and anti-male bigotry in the wake of anything Trump does or says, and they conclude that the anti-white racism, the politically correct censorship, and "reverse" chauvinism built up under Obama won't go away without their nasty "help."

And then there are the Jew-haters in the Arab world. Over the years, I learned the hard way that it is impossible to explain Arab mentality to American liberals. They don't want to hear that different value systems genuinely exist, or that someone of the opposite perception may honestly believe in their perception as the emesdikker emes (the truest Truth) as much as the liberal believes in his or her perception as the emesdikker emes.

And the truth is that if American society (or at least its media) presented a united front with their President while coming down hard on ANYBODY (regardless of race, gender, citizenship, etc.) who don't toe the line of law in America, terrorists would leave Americans alone. (It would have been better, however, if Obama's people hadn't let them and their nasty preachers in the first place.) With years of clan violence under their belts, Islamofacists are experts at spotting a breach and then exploiting it.

And in part, that's what's happening.

Of course, you can (and should) criticize a President's policies if they're bad. But as far as a big part of the Arab world goes, this media-driven free-for-all against the President (even when he's right) is the same as waving a fresh juicy carcass in front of a ravenous panther.

And I'm saying this as someone who is not pro-Trump (although I'm enjoying his presidency so far) and thinks that he ultimately will not do the right thing by Eretz Israel.

When I hear of Jews being hurt, I think I need to daven more and take on more mitzvot.

In other words, I need to do some soul-searching.

But I also think that the person who emailed me needs to do some soul-searching.

Being a Noachide is fine.
Being a Torah-observant Jew is fine.

But being a fake Jew who marries a real Jew and then raises their children as fake Jews who might marry real Jews? In other words, increasing intermarriage under false pretenses and totally misrepresenting Torah Truth?
Not okay.
Really, horribly, tragically not okay.

But I can't say anything, neither politically nor spiritually.

Liberals tend to be political evangelicals. They tell you what you need to think. They aren't interested in hearing the other side. To deceive you, they approach you in an amicable manner and open a dialogue with you by asking questions.
But it's all in order to convert you to their distorted theology.

Conservatives can do this, too, of course. The difference is that:
A) The conservative position is usually the correct one and can be proven so.
B) Because everything in society and the media is vociferously against conservative values, conservatives are usually well-informed of the opposing opinions and not speaking from a place of total and complete ignorance.

Anyway, I know that anything I say in reply will simply not be heard.

I know I'll just be knocked with kindergarten-level talking points that show no real knowledge or understanding of the subject and have nothing to do with whatever I just said.

And so I just press "Delete."

And I also find myself speechless in gratitude and amazement that Hashem plucked me out of all that mind-altering Leftist muck and put me in a place where my soul has at least a fighting chance.

(And thank you very much to all of you fine frum Jews - whether FFB or BT or converts - who've used your hearts, homes, words, and deeds - whether big or small - so that people like me could make this journey in the first place.)

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Israel's Newest Security Threat: Farbrengens and Torah Lectures

26/2/2017

4 Comments

A Shabak agent threatened: "Do not give Torah lectures."

Originally appeared in the Hebrew-language Kol Hayehudi online newspaper HERE.
(Thank you very much to Neshama at Going Home...to Yerushalayim, both for posting this herself and for taking the thought and effort to make sure I saw it.)

Here the Kol Hayehudi article in English:
(Since it's my translation, any errors are also mine.)

A Shabak [Israel’s internal security agency; similar to the FBI] agent brought yet another administrative order to Meir Ettinger and threatened him.

Ten months after he was released from internment and two months after a draconian administrative order prohibiting him from contacting dozens of his friends, the Shabak agent came to Meir Ettinger and brought him yet another administrative order.

This new administrative order forbids Ettinger from making contact with 96 of his friends—including a relative.

“After two months of relative freedom, I received a new administrative restraining order yesterday,” Ettinger tweeted from his Twitter account. “'Ido’—a Shabak agent—also came along for the intimidation 'conversation.’ Guess what’s bothering Ido...”

In a talk with Kol Hayehudi, Ettinger explained that the Shabak agent known as “Ido” initiated an “intimidation conversation” with him, during which he warned Ettinger to put a stop to the Torah lectures he gives and that he must also desist from the Chassidic farbrengens in which he participates. [Ettinger continued to explain:] “He said if I will continue to teach classes and participate in farbrengens, they will extend the ban keeping me out of Judea (Yehudah) and Shomron (Samaria).”

An administrative order currently stands against Ettinger, prohibiting him from entering Judea (Yehudah) and Shomron (Samaria).

*Farbrengen is a Chabad/Lubavitch tradition in which like-minded people gather together to inspire each other toward spiritual advancement.
(In Hebrew, a farbrengen is called a hitva’adut.)
Chassidic melodies are sung, Torah and Chassidus are discussed within in the context of personal character development. Participants are supposed to discuss and pinpoint character flaws along with suggestions for improvement.
Apparently, people improving their character and working on their middot are of great concern to Israel’s security.
ISIS enthusiasts working on their Jihad are, of course, far less threatening. ;)

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How the Worst Turned Out for the Best - A True Story

15/2/2017

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On the subject of how a seemingly bad thing actually turned out wonderfully, there is a particularly striking story:

In Miriam Cohen’s biographical book, A Daughter of Two Mothers, we meet Rivka and Nachman Klar of Selish [Vinograd], Hungary, and their many children.

Rivka and Nachman Klar are warm, humble, intelligent, and kind people who live in such poverty that they serve soup to their hungry guests while filling their own bowls with plain hot water.

Their home consists of a small bedroom for the parents and one other large room which serves as the family's kitchen/dining room/living room during the day and the children’s bedroom at night, with beds comprised of mattresses lain over chairs.

Light came from kerosene lanterns, water from a community well outside, refrigeration was created by placing food between the glass panes of a window in cold weather, and the toilet was an outhouse in a shared courtyard. Yet the family managed happily in their impoverished state, with Nachman Klar eking out a living via his highly skilled carpentry and an older daughter contributing the salary she made by working at a local store.

Nachman Klar’s main source of work was through a wealthy man in the center of town. In 1933, however, this business was then passed on to the wealthy man’s son, who suddenly decided to fire Nachman Klar. Puzzled by the dismissal of Nachman's dedicated and skilled work and distressed by the sudden loss of income for an already impoverished family, the Klars decide to consult the Spinker Rebbe regarding what they should do next.

This particular Rebbe was known for giving advice in hints only. But this time, the Rebbe outright commanded Nachman Klar to take his family to Eretz Yisrael. The entire village was shocked, but the Klars prepare to do as the Rebbe says.

And by doing so, they managed to avoid the entire devastation of World War II and the Shoah. They never experienced the fear and the creeping discrimination that ended in their entire community being crammed into a ghetto and then later crated off to Auschwitz. They even merited to adopt a beloved orphan from that community when that orphan later finds them in their new Jerusalem home after the Shoah.

Now, what if at the time when Nachman Klar first lost his job, he decided to sue his new boss? What if he started ranting about his terrible fate? It’s easy to imagine what someone in his position could say:
“God, after keeping your Torah so faithfully and in such poverty, this is what you do to me? My family and I have cared and provided for our fellow Jews—Your beloved children—with such sacrifice and dedication! And this is our reward?”

Wouldn’t it be understandable had he complained about the unfair treatment—“Why doesn’t the father say anything to convince his son to keep me on the payroll? He knows how hard I work and how much I need this job!”—or decried the character of the younger generation: “Oy, this young man doesn’t care about work ethic or loyalty; no one understands why he fired me!”

I think most of us would feel that such statements would’ve been completely justified. After all, they were true. Firing Nachman Klar truly wasn't fair. It wasn't rational.

Yet being fired was the impetus to get the family to Eretz Yisrael before Germany was even a threat to the rest of Europe.

In 1933, Hitler had only just come to power and the boycott he’d launched against the Jews didn't really take hold and what did take hold only lasted for one day because the German people just weren’t into it. By the time the Klars actually left Hungary in 1934, the Nazis were still discriminating collectively: not only against the Jews, but against anyone they deemed unfit for society.

In fact, concentration camps and prisons at that time were being filled with mostly non-Jews—union leaders, political opponents, Communists, habitual thieves, homeless vagrants (and anyone else labeled “socially deviant”)—and non-Jewish anti-Nazi news outlets were being shut down. Who knew that 10 years later, Nazi troops would arrive in Selish/Vinograd, start off with all sorts of persecutions, cram the Jews into a ghetto, and then liquidate the entire community down to the very last baby?

Had the Klars stayed, they would’ve experienced the increasing discrimination and ominous curfews and then likely died in a gas chamber. Even if one or two of them had survived, they’d have continued with a life haunted by nightmares and suffering.

But just imagine how long it took for them to realize exactly how lucky they were.

Oh, certainly, they realized at least some of their good fortune upon arriving in Eretz Yisrael, which had only been a dream until then. But it would have been years before they truly understood how much suffering and tragedy they escaped.

Being fired while already in a state of extreme poverty was actually the kindest and most beneficial thing that could happen to Nachman Klar and his family at that time.

But unlike the Klars, we often don't get to see the finale of a particular story in our lives.

Personally, I find it very difficult to feel grateful every time something I don't like happens. It's a struggle each time (but at least I try).

Yet maybe remembering the Klars can give our gratitude-struggle a bit of an extra boost.

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Treating Mental Illness like Physical Illness: How We Don’t and Why We Really Should

13/2/2017

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To read the Kli Yakar's view on both mental (i.e. soul-sickness) and physical illness, their causes and treatment, please see HERE.
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Note: This post does not cover post-partum depression or PMS due to their very real and measurable hormonal influences, along with other immediate and obvious causes (like severe sleep-deprivation or a traumatic birth in the case of post-partum depression)—although I still believe that in the vast majority of cases, conventional medication (like antidepressants) are not the answer.
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FYI - If you’re interested in my personal bias before reading the post, it’s this:

I do think there is sometimes a place for conventional medication as a short-term measure in treating mental illness, although I definitely see the long-term use of medication as problematic.

But whether we’re talking short-term or long-term treatment:

I think that pills are generally over-prescribed and terribly misused.
And I also think mental illness is often misdiagnosed and mistreated.
Furthermore, many—if not most—medications have not been well-tested.

Therefore, I am very much in favor of trying other options first.
And the following explains why….
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Introduction

For several years now, the frum community has been making admirable steps toward peeling the stigma and shame off of mental illness. The entire push to remove this stigma and shame stems from a sincere desire to ease the distress of the sufferers and their families by making it acceptable and even laudable to get the necessary help.

To this end, we keep hearing the same mantra:

Mental illness is no different than physical illness!

To a large extent, this is true.

But the problem is that we don’t actually treat mental illness like physical illness.

If we did treat them the same, things would be a lot better!

The procedure for mental illness is always the same:

A parent or teacher or other family member identifies a behavior that seems disturbing (or else just somewhat irritating to that parent or teacher) OR the sufferer is overwhelmed with emotional suffering (despair, anxiety, or mania) and seeks relief.

1a) Maybe a respected religious guide is also consulted.

That person is taken to a doctor.
The doctor asks a bunch of question, which usually includes a questionnaire for the involved parties to fill in.
The appropriate medication is prescribed.

Yes, there are variations on this, but this is more or less how it goes.

The thing is, this is NOT how we treat physical illness!

Let's look at how physical illness is treated and compare it to the treatment of mental illness.
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Diagnosis

When symptoms of illness appear and either:

A) seem to stick around for too long
AND/OR
B) seem very severe or unusual

...what's the first thing you do?

You get a diagnosis.

This could mean going to a conventional doctor, who likely checks your temperature, heart rate, lungs, throat and other body parts are checked and you are given a blood test to check for anomalies or deficiencies.

Or it could mean going to a holistic practitioner who arrives at a diagnosis after checking your tongue, your pulse, your iris, or something else. (And some practitioners also check what a conventional doctor checks, including blood tests.)

X-rays and brain scans may also be part of the deal.

But what if conventional doctors didn't bother with, say, a stethoscope or blood tests?

I mean, can you imagine if a doctor gave you a prescription for bronchitis without listening to your lungs or anything else just because your mother verbally described the symptoms? Or because your teacher thought it was probably bronchitis and marked the right boxes in the bronchitis questionnaire?
What if it's not bronchitis at all and the medication is totally superfluous (and messes up your good bacteria ratio)?
Or what if it's something worse than bronchitis, God forbid? (May He keep us all healthy!)

Is a baby given antibiotic ear drops with no ear examination just because his mother says, “He rubs his ear a lot and seems kvetchy”?
(After all, babies do that when they’re tired too.)

Some kind of test is also involved in confirming a pregnancy, even though that is not an illness and anyway becomes pretty obvious with time.

In general, blood tests are a prime source of information for doctors.

Yet when it comes to mental illness, patients are usually diagnosed via questionnaires.

Questionnaires are the main tool of diagnosis even for issues that sound medical, like ADHD ("It's a 'neurological glitch'!") or chronic depression ("It's a 'chemical imbalance'!"). These claims are bandied about even though there is no actual test for these, and no way to see this alleged “glitch” or “imbalance.”
(And in fact, these are only unproven theories, not proven facts.)

Furthermore, do doctors schedule brain scans to check a teenage patient's frontal lobes (or other signs of the alleged "teen brain") before they prescribe medication?

No.

So practitioners rely solely on questionnaires to diagnose what's often considered a long-term or even lifelong illness.

This is a serious mistake for two reasons:

1) Regarding children, the people filling out the questionnaires are not necessarily objective or appropriate observers.

Parents and teachers might be emotionally lazy or fed-up with the child.
Parents and teachers may suffer from some kind of mental issue themselves (like a personality disorder).
The child’s behavior may simply be a result of the parent's or teacher’s bad middot.

Mrs. Gold suffered from deep-seated passive-aggressive tendencies and a disdain for men. Her sneering barbs had pushed her husband away into a stiff silence (although he became warm and alive when dealing with his children). Sandwiched between quiet girls, her son was a boy born with a naturally bold and assertive personality (along with many other fine qualities). Unfortunately, his mother dealt with him by sniping at him, too.

Being in an environment in which both he and his beloved father were under constant snipe-attack was obviously stressful. Even worse, the boy couldn’t really pinpoint the source of the tension because his mother always shot out her poison quietly and with a little smile, making it seem like she wasn’t really angry. And since naturally aggressive people tend to act out when under stress (rather than “acting-in” by withdrawing, cutting, undereating or overeating, etc.), the boy’s acting-out got really out of control when he reached his teens.

So his mother carted him off to a psychiatrist who spun a reassuring explanation about “teen brain” (an inaccurate description of less ideal brain functioning...not caused by adolescence, but by poor decisions, immature thoughts and behaviors, and a poor diet). Then the psychiatrist diagnosed ODD (Oppositional Defensive Disorder) and prescribed antipsychotic medication.

And that way, the mother was able to continue her hurtful behavior without suffering any more consequences from her son.

(It was incidences like the above that drove home the importance of raising children according to Rav Shalom Arush’s The Garden of Education, in which you’re encouraged to see your child’s challenges as a possible reflection of your own, which should direct you toward a compassionate self-accounting.)

As an aside, children trapped in America’s foster care system suffer most from this misguided approach to mental illness. Some foster parents and teachers just want the kids to be manageable. Many foster kids are on 6(!) different medications. Sometimes, drugs are prescribed to treat a reaction to or withdrawal symptoms from another drug (partly because when switching from one home to another - a tragically frequent occurance in foster care - the prescribed doses aren’t kept up).

One girl kept reporting flashbacks from different traumas she’d undergone, which the psychiatrist diagnosed as hallucinations(!) and then prescribed psychotropic medication.

Furthermore, children who a very energetic or very intense or very sensitive can be pathologized by parents or teachers who don’t feel like dealing with these very normal personality types.

2) Common symptoms of mental illness are often nutrition-based.

A lack of vitamins D or B can induce depression.
Exhaustion or lethargy can also derive from deficient iron and other vitamins.
High-strung or stressed-out behavior can result from a lack of calcium, a mineral which has a calming effect.

A friend of mine showed me a bottle of calcium she’d obtained the week before.

“Do you think they added sedatives to the tablets?” she asked me.

“No,” I said. “Definitely not. This is just calcium, no sedatives.”

“Are you sure?” she asked. “Because I’ve been feeling so calm.”

She said it as if it was an unpleasant thing.

In fact, she stopped taking the calcium after that.

She’d lived life in such a mode of high stress since she was a child, due to a dysfunctional mother and a distant father and then later, a personality disordered husband, calmer feelings simply felt uncomfortable and she couldn’t tolerate them.

One psychiatrist even cured OCD with probiotics.
Many ADHD children show marked improvement when gluten and artificial food colors are removed from their diet.
Food allergies can also affect one’s emotional state.

Yet even though they are doctors, how often do psychiatrists ever order blood tests to check their patient’s vitamin levels? This is even more shocking when you consider that everybody knows that a deficiency of B12 or vitamin D causes tiredness and depression and that iron deficiency causes tiredness and lethargy. So why don’t they at least check for deficiencies before prescribing Prozac?

I know that if I go to the doctor and tell her that I’m feeling very tired (especially if I am pregnant), she immediately orders tests to see if I have a vitamin deficiency.

Can you imagine if tired women were automatically prescribed, say, Adderall, without even a test of their hemoglobin levels or a pregnancy test?

Even worse, antidepressants and many other medications actually deplete the body of vitamin B and other nutrients, making their emotional state even worse, which leads the doctor to simply increase the dose and initiates a harmful cycle.

So should doctors just prescribe caffeine pills to people suffering from anemia, even if those pills would deplete the patient's iron levels even more?

Whether you think all mental illness needs medication or you are totally against conventional medical treatment for mental illness, I think any rational person can still see the need to test for basic vitamin deficiency before prescribing brain-altering medication.

(Personally, I find this lack of responsibility on the part of many psychiatrists absolutely appalling.)

Interestingly, there is the MTHFR gene mutation, which affects 40% of the population and is the culprit behind a whole lot of issues: autism, ADHD, depression, irritability, lethargy, miscarriage, diseases, and much more.

And this mutation even shows up on an official medical test!

Again, mental illness does NOT show up on laboratory tests. There is no chemical marker for any mental illness. Yet the MTHFR gene mutation IS scientifically diagnosable.

So why isn't that one of the first things a psychiatrist tests for?

It is also treatable through diet, supplementation, and lifestyle. And for the reasons explained above, conventional medications often make MTHFR worse.

(You can obtain a very helpful and clear pamphlet from Miriam Adahan by emailing her at emett@netvision.net.il)

Some people, who see that they fit the list of symptoms, simply bypass the testing and just follow the treatment plan because it is extremely healthy and they genuinely feel and behave better doing so. (But it's better to be tested, if possible.)
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So you see, just getting a proper diagnosis for mental illness is fraught with complications.

This is why, for example, you meet people who have been diagnosed with a bunch of different illnesses. They’ll tell you, “The doctors weren’t sure whether it was bipolar disorder or OCD.” Or, “One doctor told me it was schizophrenia, then another said that it was schizotypal personality disorder, but another said it was probably Asperger's.”

Sorry to repeat this point, but I really want to drive it home:
When prescribing mind-altering drugs with potentially serious side effects (including death), most psychiatrists rely solely on a questionnaire regarding the patient's emotional symptoms as subjectively observed by the patient or the patient’s parents or teachers.

Yet for diagnosable causes, like the MTHFR gene mutation or vitamin deficiency (which could easily be behind the mentally ill behavior and possess non-medical solutions), psychiatrists DON’T test for them!

Who's acting crazy and irrational now?
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Treatment

“Just Take This Li’l Ol’ Pill and Bibbity-Bobbity-Boo!”
Let me ask you a few questions:

Are diabetics told, “Take insulin, but otherwise, eat all the popsicles you want”?
Are lung transplant candidates told, “Just come in for the surgery, but no need to stop smoking”?
Are cancer patients told, “Just do chemotherapy, but no need to cut down on unsaturated fats or cola or alcohol or Twinkies. It’s okay if you want to eat tons of white pasta and strawberry pop-tarts while avoiding apples and broccoli”?
In general, do doctors ever say, “Eating more vegetables and whole grains while eating less sugar and refined carbs and getting a good night's sleep is nice, but that won’t make a big difference to your overall health”?

No, of course not.

Even the most conventional anti-alternative doctors also clearly recognize the effects of stress, sleep deprivation, and poor nutrition on physical health.

Yet when it comes to mental health, why don’t psychiatrists tell schizophrenics that along with their daily meds, they should also stop staying up all night playing graphically violent video games?

(Not all of them do that, of course, but quite a few of America’s famous shootings were carried out by people on psychotropic medication—or in withdrawal from such medication—who regularly played violent video games. If someone already has issues with delusions, wouldn’t playing incredibly realistic and violent games be a problem?)

Why don’t psychiatrists at least tell their depressed patients to have at least one cup of leafy greens a day, get outside for a walk (or dance at home on rainy days) or prescribe a really good vitamin supplement—in addition to the medication?

For example:

In 2005, a 16-year-old boy growing up amid an unusually disruptive family life and living in poverty on the Ojibwa reservation in Minnesota shot to death his grandfather and his grandfather’s girlfriend in their sleep. (He'd had a good relationship with both of them.) Then he went to his school and within 10 minutes, he shot to death an unarmed security guard, a teacher, 5 classmates—and himself. (Another 5 classmates were injured.) He committed this crime while taking Ritalin and just after having his dose of Prozac (an anti-depressant) increased.

The thing is, while that boy was taking this common combination of medications, he was gorging his mind full of dark stuff. Online, he indulged his adoration of zombies, Nazism, and music that glorified suicide and murder. He also created violent Flash animations. And rather than taking notes in class, he sketched pictures of people getting shot.

Okay, that’s an extreme case. But the point is that anti-depressants don’t negate a person's indulgence in dark activities, dark thoughts, or a depressing life.
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One thing I find particularly upsetting is how medications are often presented so simplistically to patients, parents, and prospective spouses in shidduchim, as if the person just takes a pill every day for the rest of his life and everything is la-dee-dah.

Yet these medications ALWAYS need re-evaluation at some point.

ALWAYS.

You cannot just take the same dose of Prozac or Ritalin or whatever every day for the next 30 years and never have a reaction or build up a tolerance that demands a change in dosage or even a change of medication.

This means that at some point, the person is going to start acting out. This is an absolute certainty.

How do I know? Well, how else can anyone tell if the medication or dose is no longer working as it should? Only by a change in that person's behavior.

And this merely refers to the most ideal situation, in that the medication is basically working as predicted, but just needs adjustment.

This does not even begin to cover the serious medical complications these medications sometimes induce, or even the fatally psychotic episodes sometimes brought on by these much-lauded meds.

Here's another example of when medication worked for a time, but then needed adjustment:

Leah had been on Ritalin for years when I noticed that she started displaying ADD behaviors, like impulsive interrupting, fluctuating high-pitched speech, getting distracted VERY easily, and things like that. She’s very open about her medication, so I asked her as tactfully as I could whether she’d taken her pill that day.

“Why?” she squealed. “Am I acting FUH-neeeee?” (funny)

“Um,” I said. “Well, you’re little bit more, uh, distracted and, uh, energetic than usual.”

“Reallyyyyy?” she chirped. “Well, I guess I'd better check this OUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuut…!”

And she hung up without another word.

By the way, I’m not the only person who has noticed that some people taking Ritalin behave with classic ADHD behaviors and they even don’t seem to realize that they are behaving so erratically.

What’s going on here?
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Taking Psychotropic Meds is Just Like Taking OTC Meds!
A friend of mine told me how she eventually decided to get a Xanax prescription before her mother-in-law would visit.

Why?

Apparently, her husband—who was difficult even in the best of times—would gang up on his wife with his mother during these visits. The wife, Etti, wanted to remain calm and nonchalant, especially with their children around, and also because any angry response on her part would be greatly exaggerated and spread by her mother-in-law throughout the family with ensuing phone calls from Flying Monkeys—I mean, concerned and well-meaning relatives who wanted to smooth things over and make sure that Etti was sufficiently empathizing with her hard-working mother-in-law.

After an exhausting Shabbat visit, during which Etti had been calm and pleasant, Etti wanted to go to sleep after cleaning up and getting the kids ready for bed.

But after the house was neat and the kids in bed, Etti's mother-in-law suddenly wanted to start cooking anew for a full-stop melaveh malka. These cooking sessions also always demanded that Etti be her mother-in-law’s drudge. When Etti said that she just didn’t have the energy and was actually planning on going to bed, her mother-in-law got all huffy and Etti's husband started yelling at her.

Yet Etti went to her bedroom anyway, feeling so stressed-out and full of dread, she knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep. So she took one Xanax. She knew that this was all from Hashem and that ideally, she should say Tehillim or talk to Hashem in some way, but her nerves were shot at this point and she just couldn’t do it. Yet she knew how important proper sleep was, especially in such stressful situations.

How is this different than taking Advil for a headache?

(On a side note, I had a friend who smoked pot every time her mother planned to visit. I’m not in favor of that, but having met her mother, I did understand my friend’s reasoning just as I understood Etti's reasoning.)

Hard-core enthusiasts of alternative medicine will still insist that if only Etti (or my pot-smoking friend) would inhale some Lavender oil or drink a strong brew of Chamomile tea or engage in deep breathing exercises, or give her mother-in-law and husband the benefit of the doubt, Etti would be just fine. But Etti felt like she just needed something that not only worked, but worked fast without any effort on her part.

(On Etti’s part, she wanted to daven to Hashem to help her relax and go to sleep, but she was too emotionally and physically exhausted to do that, either.)

This situation occurred once or twice a year, meaning that Etti only needed to take the sedative at its lowest dose for 2-4 days a year.

So what’s wrong with that? I don't see anything wrong with that.

Furthermore, I’ve given birth surgically and believe me, I did not inhale essential oils or say Tehillim for pain relief—I took Epidural before they cut my stomach open and removed that precious little baby!

So yes, there is a place for medication in our lives.

However...

Let’s turn the above situations around to as if they were physical illnesses:

What if a person was constantly plagued by headaches?
What if the only way they could make it through the day was to pop Advil around the clock?
Or what if they felt they couldn’t make it through the day without Epidural?

Wouldn’t that signify a deeper problem?

Wouldn’t a responsible doctor search for an underlying cause?

Of course!

So why is it that when someone feels they can live a life free of depression or paranoid delusions or hallucinations or anxiety only if they take a pill, then everyone is just fine with that?

Why not search for an underlying issue rather than writing out a prescription?

Especially since scientific research shows that the whole theory of “chemical imbalance” as the prime and only cause of mental illness is nonsense?
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Adding Merits for the Sick Person:Tefillah, Mitzvot, and Maasim Tovim

When a person is physical ill:

Don’t we daven for them?
Doesn’t that person daven for him- or herself?
Don’t we organize bracha parties, Tehillim groups, and learning seders for them?
Don’t we take on mitzvot in their merit to facilitate a speedy healing?
And doesn’t the sick person take on extra mitzvoth themselves (according to their ability)?: extra vigilance regarding lashon hara, extra acts of chessed, 40 women taking challah dedicated to the merit of a person in need, lighting Shabbat candles earlier

Doesn’t this all sound very familiar?

And finally, what is the big, huge mitzvah that Judaism insists a sick (or any suffering person) perform?

Cheshbon hanefesh. L’pashpesh b’maasav.

A thorough self-accounting. Scrutinizing one’s behaviors and deeds.

When is a mentally ill person ever encouraged to do this?

And don’t think it’s because they can’t.

Oh, sure, maybe there are short windows when a mentally ill person is truly mentally incapable of cheshbon hanefesh.

But most are more capable than others give them credit for.

Furthermore, someone on medication should theoretically be able to carry out a cheshbon hanefesh. I mean, they're supposed to be mentally competent now, right?

In fact, it’s been very surprising to me to realize that seemingly frum people do not use their medicated state for spiritual growth.
(Maybe some do, but I haven't yet heard of or read about them.)

For example, many people on Ritalin do not seem to be able to daven with more kavanah, nor do they seem to make an effort to. People on Prozac or Lithium or Xanax do not take that opportunity for cheshbon hanefesh or to deal with past trauma, although you’d think that would be an ideal opportunity because you can finally take a good, honest look at yourself and your life without getting depressed or anxious! (Theoretically, anyway.)

I feel very passionately about this because I had a friend who confided in a rebbetzin that she was spending a lot of time in bed and didn’t want to come out. Ever.

Cheerfully and solidly under the influence of the frum community’s simplistic view of mental illness as something that just needs a pill and bibbity-bobbity-boo—the rag-wearing Cinderella becomes a delectable princess fit to wed the prince!—the rebbetzin happily gave my friend the number of a psychiatrist, warmly reassuring my friend she had nothing to be ashamed of, and that depression was just like a physical illness and should be treated as such. (Which is true, but as this post has shown, that’s not how we treat physical illness either.)

That was seven years ago. And my friend is still taking the medication.

She always enthused about how great she felt on anti-depressants, but I sure didn’t feel great about it.

In fact, I haven’t spoken with her in a very long time because she could not stop relating to me as if I was a crazy and evil person. Seriously. And it got increasingly worse. Eventually, even the shortest conversation started to include some kind of nasty passive-aggressive darts.

Now, I’m the first to admit that I’m not perfect, but I honestly don’t see myself as crazy or evil, either. And even if I was crazy or evil, treating me that way and constantly attacking me would not make me sane or good. That’s just not the way things work.

Initially, I had no idea that this was actually an extremely common side effect of Prozac. (It’s called “emotional blunting.” Personally, I would love it if people would be really open about if they’re taking Prozac because then I would know to avoid them before getting verbally assaulted. Or worse. Maybe Prozac can come with a mouth-zipper inserted in the package that can be remotely controlled by potential victims.)

Gently correcting her (remember, she has a tendency toward depression, right? So I want to be gentle and not make her suicidal) didn’t work. Ever. She just seemed amused and hinted that any hurt feelings on my part were a sign that I needed medication, too. (This attitude is similar to Mrs. Gold's in the first example.)

How convenient! If you medicate your victims, you can indulge in a verbally abusive free-for-all with no repercussions!

One of the last straws actually had nothing to do with me, but with her maternal attitude. She accidentally revealed that she could not find any positive character traits in any of her children except her youngest—and in that child, she only found one positive attribute.

But regarding the others, she found nothing good to say about their personalities.

“If I say that one daughter is really good in math and that the other has got beautiful auburn hair or that my son has the most gorgeous shade of green eyes, does that count?” she asked. “Or does it have to be a character attribute?”

“Um, look,” I said. “If you’re struggling, physical attributes are a good place to start, but you really need…I mean…your children do have great character attributes, so…I think you’ll be happier and see improvements in their behavior if you could just take a few minutes to sit down and think of some of the positive character traits you see in them. Can you maybe remember positive stuff you saw in them when they were, like, 2-years-old?”

“Well,” she said. “Right now, one of my daughters is pretty good with Down's Syndrome people.”

“Great!” I said.

“But that’s just because she’s so immature herself, she can relate to them on their level.”

“It doesn’t matter why,” I said. “Only tzaddikim have totally pure motivations for their good qualities. And anyway, everything has its positive and negative side. I’m sure that when your daughter matures, she’ll still be good with Down's Syndrome people.”

At this point, she suddenly said good-bye and hung up.

But why couldn't she tolerate the discussion any longer? Doesn’t Prozac alleviate anxiety and emotional discomfort? Why, she should have been able to handle this discomfiting conversation with chemically induced aplomb!

Needless to say, a parent can be having a very hard time with a child and view the child very negatively. However, the vast majority of parents I know still see positive potential in even their most difficult child. Innate traits can be seen even in babies, so even if the child isn’t acting out their best self, the normal parents still know it’s there.

Again, even when dealing with a very difficult child, normal parents are still aware of that child's core positive attributes (even if those attributes are currently overshadowed by the child's difficult behavior).

Obviously, this mother is still very depressed and despairing, but she just doesn’t feel it.
She lacks the awareness that actually experiencing her emotions would give her.

And do you have any idea what it’s like to confide an incident of public humiliation to a Prozac-zonked friend, only to have her gleefully crow out:
“WELL, IT’S YOOOOOOOUR FAULT! It is! It’s all your fault!”

It happened to me and made me cringe. (Remember, I was already feeling humiliated.)

And it wasn’t even my fault, darn it. Both her behavior and her reasoning were wrong.

Ah, well. At least I got some atonement and spiritual cleansing from that.
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Someone who has a close relative suffering from years of mental illness once offered this succinct insight:

“The medication works by masking their feelings.
The problem is that when you can’t feel your own feelings, you can’t feel anyone else’s either.”

And there lies the rub, as Hamlet might say.

For example, I knew a teacher who was very good in many ways, but would occasionally say the most tactless or insulting things completely unprovoked, which drove at least one very sweet and nice student out of her class and even out of the school.

Later, I discovered that this teacher was likely taking medication at that time to deal with a temporarily difficult situation at home.

Another woman I knew on medication for manic-depression (AKA bipolar disorder) used to go into defensive behavior at the drop of a hat (although she also immediately recovered each time just as fast) and often made comments like, “These types of things always happen to me!” if, for example, a waiter accidentally got dessert on her shaitel or whatever. (This is exactly the kind of negative self-talk depressed people engage in, so how is the medication helping her with her depression?) Also, it's a weird thing to say. In my experience, it's rare for a waiter to spill food on a customer. In fact, I don't know that I've ever seen that happen. So how is it that this type of thing always happens to her?

She was also married to a very good and patient man, yet she irrationally saw him as short-tempered. I knew them for years and never once saw him angry.

In fact, the closest thing I ever saw to anger was one time when their teenage son was acting up and the father spoke to him with a stern face and in a firm tone of voice, yet there was so much love shining from the father’s eyes at the same time. However, the medicated mother immediately led the rest of the children in jeering at their father for “losing his temper.” This set the teenage boy off again and he wrested his arm out of his father’s grip and ran away.

Obviously, the mother's attitude shows that manic-depression is not really the problem and that medication is not the answer. Remember, she behaved this way on medication.
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In her book, Confessions of an Rx Drug Pusher, Gwen Olsen recalls her experience both as a pharmaceutical rep and also as a temporary user of antidepressants, which basically took the filter off her mouth and racked up a lot of humiliating realizations once she was off meds.
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The point is that if you genuinely believe that mental illness is just like physical illness, then you will warmly encourage the sufferer toward a cheshbon hanefesh (compassionate and thorough self-introspection) and middot work...just like any ill person is expected to do.

In all the above examples, it is clear that the people diagnosed with mental illness actually suffer from problematic beliefs, attitudes, and situations, regardless of the medication.

For example, the woman above diagnosed with manic-depression grew up in a family where not only her parents were alcoholics, but also several aunts and uncles were, too. Based on her traumatic past, it makes sense that any form of anger (no matter how benign or appropriate) could trigger feelings of fear or disgust in her.

But she certainly should not give in to such triggers. She needs to train herself to see situations as they actually are, and not as she is triggered to see them. She especially needs to see how good and forbearing her husband is rather than "hallucinating" him as some sort of bad-tempered clown.

While “experts” love to opine that mental illnesses are genetic, the truth is that a mentally ill person who does not try to heal himself or herself can easily raise mentally ill children.

How do you think my former friend’s children will turn out being raised by a mother who sees absolutely no good in them? I daven for them (and her) to be well despite their upbringing, but she really needs to do the work herself.

To really raise her children right, the mother needs to get off the Prozac and into emuna and Azamra (finding diamonds in even the blackest chunk of coal).

Judaism holds that illnesses are messages from Hashem (or atonements) and they should be treated as such.
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Where Does Illness Come from and What is the Solution?

The current approach promoted in the frum community actually derives from the non-Jewish psychiatric world, particularly the greedy and deceptive pharmaceutical companies.

This is yet another value lifted from the non-Jewish world and then shechted, salted, and soaked to make it look kosher.

Yes, there is the concept of mimerchak tavi lachma ["she brings her bread from afar" - from the famous "Woman of Valor" in Proverbs], but you actually have to go to the right place and actually bring back the real thing and not Wonder Bread.

Beneficial borrowing from the non-Jewish world takes a certain amount of research and scrutiny, not just blind acceptance of the latest fad.

For example, the creator of Reality Therapy, Dr. William Glasser, showed enormous success working with Vietnam veterans at a mental hospital. These guys were even hallucinating. Dr. Glasser believed that harmful behaviors (whether criminal or insane) resulted from unconscious choices on the part of the sufferer.

He believed that therapy must focus on the person’s behavior and their choices, and that behaving in a moral and decent manner would reap natural positive consequence that would then positively influence a person’s thinking. So he came in to the veterans’ program and basically said that if they were genuinely crazy, then even meds couldn’t really help and they certainly didn’t need any of the privileges they currently enjoyed, like cigarettes, outings, TV, and so on.

Thus, their privileges were taken away. To earn them back, the patients needed to display sane behavior.

And they did.

Dr. Glasser writes of his psychotic patients (and delinquent girls whom he also treated) with obvious warmth and compassion and a strong belief that all these people had great potential and the ability to fulfill that potential.

In a nutshell Reality Therapy asks the following:

What are your goals?
What can you do to achieve your goals?
What are you doing to achieve your goals?

(You can read more about Reality Therapy here.)

Reality Therapy has proven highly effective in curing mental illness and is not new (it was developed in 1965), yet who has heard of it?

It was so effective, so why is it so unknown?

Why are less effective therapies so popular?

Reality Therapy focuses on one’s relationship with others as the goal, but the Torah view would use Reality Therapy techniques toward one’s relationship with Hashem.

That would be the “kosher” version of it.

There is also logotherapy, along with other therapies with a proven success rate, like EMDR (which I don’t know much about, but I’ve read about practitioners who use it with surprising success), acupuncture, acupressure, etc.

Instead, many well-meaning frummies try to kasher the pharmaceutically driven approach to mental illness—an approach that has shaky scientific foundation, no cure rate, and even causes problems, especially over the long term.

Okay, But What IS the Solution?
The solution is to actually treat mental illness exactly as you should physical illness.

Not to just chirp that you are, but to actually do it:

Correct diagnosis using actual diagnostic tools
PROVEN treatment for the particular malady
Compassionate and intense self-introspection, self-accounting, searching for God's messages in it all (this will take more than one day)

There is a lot more to say about it all, but this post is already way too long.

I can’t emphasize enough the need to work out one’s issues.

Study after study has shown that many people with mental illness (particularly depression, bipolar disorder, and personality disorders) have experienced or are experiencing some kind of trauma in their lives. Even schizophrenia shows links to trauma.

Harmful behaviors common today (like engaging in violent video games and movies, vulgar movies and images, consuming drugs or alcohol, binging on empty foods, trolling—either as the victim or perpetrator—and the general indulgence in meaningless activities) make any tendency toward mental illness worse.

While therapies based on sound data, holistic alternatives, and healthy eating can all alleviate or even cure mental illness, the most important thing to do is to develop a close and loving relationship with Hashem.

The toxic shame and profound grief and powerful fear that drive a lot of mental illness ultimately need to be dealt with via God.
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Resources

Information about medicating mental illness:

Confessions of an Rx Drug Pusher by Gwen Olsen—In general, this book is an eye-opening behind-the-scenes look at the pharmaceutical industry, with excellent documentation. It’s also an extremely disturbing read, as Gwen herself was involved in harming so many people through her job (the book is meant as an atonement for all that), including the death of a woman whose own doctor-son prescribed her the fatal medication, which he did solely because Gwen pressured him to do so. (Gwen didn’t pressure him about his mother specifically, but merely to prescribe this particular drug to his “most difficult patient.” And he did.) She also documents several suicide-murders (stabbings, shootings, or burning down a home) committed by people on anti-depressants.
Psychiatric Drugs and Violence: What are psychiatric drugs? (Includes a list of school shootings committed by a student or teacher taking or in withdrawal from psychiatric medications, particularly antidepressants.)
Why The Lunatics Are Truly Now In Charge Of The Asylum
Q+A On The Causes And Cures Of Depression
If The Psych Drugs Work, Then What's The Problem?
How Psychiatry Rendered Drug Abuse 'Socially Acceptable'
Study Finds Improved Functioning for ‘Schizophrenia’ Without Antipsychotics
Researcher Acknowledges His Mistakes in Understanding Schizophrenia

Healing Mental Illness

Any book by Rivka Levy
Garden of Emuna
Garden of Healing
Getting Past Mental Illness
"What Practical Things Can I Do To Overcome Bipolar II?"
New Neuroscience Reveals 4 Rituals That Will Make You Happy
Improve Your Life: 10 Things You Should Do Every Day
Happy Thoughts: Here are the things proven to make you happier
The Causes and Treatments of Soul-Sickness as explained by the Kli Yakar in Parshat Beshalach (with some advice from the Pele Yoetz about treating addiction)
10 Exercises for Your Prefrontal Cortex (This last link is particularly helpful in understanding where the so-called "typical adolescent behavior" and "teen brain" comes from. If you look at this list, you'll notice that today's media-imposed teen culture actively discourages at least 7 out of the 10 exercises on the list and even encourages their opposite, which weakens the prefrontal cortex. So today's stereotypical adolescent behavior causes "teen brain" and is not caused by "teen brain.")

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The Causes and Treatment of Soul-Sickness (AKA The Kli Yakar on Parshat Beshalach)

8/2/2017

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In this week's Parshat Beshalach:

The Kli Yakar discusses mental/spiritual illness, its cause, and its remedy, and its parallels to physical illness. (Unlike today's mere lip service to treating mental illness just like physical illness, the Kli Yakar actually does it.)
We also take a look at what the Pele Yoetz has to say about addiction, its treatment and its cure.

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וַיָּבֹאוּ מָרָתָה וְלֹא יָכְלוּ לִשְׁתֹּת מַיִם מִמָּרָה כִּי מָרִים הֵם עַל כֵּן קָרָא שְׁמָהּ מָרָה

"They came to Marah, and they could not drink water from Marah [bitter] because it was bitter; therefore, its name was called Marah." (Shemot/Exodus 15:23)
"So he [Moshe Rabbeinu] cried out to Hashem, and Hashem instructed him concerning a piece of wood, which he cast into the water, and the water became sweet..." (15:25)
"And He said, If you shall surely heed the voice of Hashem, your God, and that which is straight in His Eyes you do, and you listen to His commandments and observe all His laws, all the ailments that I put in Egypt I will not put upon you, for I, Hashem, am your Healer." (15:26)
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From an ancient discussion of what kind of wood Hashem showed Moshe Rabbeinu (olive, willow, or oleander), the Kli Yakar goes with olive.

He quotes Devarim Rabbah, which compares Torah to an olive because an olive is initially bitter, but becomes sweet in the end.

Because those who are ill in the soul [cholei hanefesh/חולי הנפש] are like those who are ill in the body [cholei haguf/חולי הגוף].
Just like the majority of those who are physically ill, their way to healing is by taking bitter herbs. And if the ill person doesn’t trust the doctor, he [the ill person] will refuse to accept them [the bitter herbs].
Likewise, those of ailing souls who fell ill by buying into the bad beliefs that they acquired in Egypt, the Holy One Blessed Be He wanted to heal them by their accepting the Torah, which is analogized to an olive because its beginning is bitter like an olive.

The Kli Yakar doesn't pull any punches here.

Although based on what he writes throughout his commentary on the Chumash, the Kli Yakar clearly loves the Torah and mitzvot and personally found immense pleasure in Torah and mitzvot, beyond any possible pleasure in this world.

Yet he still acknowledges that before you start to enjoy Torah's pleasure, you can initially experience Torah and mitzvot as bitter.

So Hashem’s intention at the bitter waters was that:

...they would also believe that through Torah, the bitterness of the soul shall be sweetened.

Later, regarding Shemot/Exodus 15:26, the Kli Yakar says:

Just as your eyes see that it is within My Hands to heal a bitter thing with a bitter thing, so from now on, you shall accept upon yourselves to heed the voice of Hashem and to do that which is straight in His Eyes. And even though the Torah and mitzvot seem difficult and bitter at the beginning, nonetheless, their end is sweet because they are a medication to the bone and a healing for the navel [a paraphrase of Mishlei/Proverbs 3:8], and they save you from all the disease that I put in Egypt: whether they be diseases of physical bodies, whether they be diseases of souls, resulting from them stiffening their neck.
And if you don’t sense the facilitative remedy [segulah] of the Torah, that it will be for you as medicine in that way, then behold, I am God your Healer. And only the healer/doctor alone needs to know the remedies [segulot] of the healing substances.
But the one being healed doesn’t need to know that, he only needs to trust the trustworthy healer.

Then the Kli Yakar explains what else God said:

Why do I warn you? So that you will not come to disease. For I am God your Healer and it is the way of every doctor to warn those who love him that they should guard their souls from things that cause illnesses so that he won’t need to deal later with healing them.

Likewise, I teach you how to benefit from things that guard health so that you won’t come to disease because I am God your Healer Who guides you in the way you shall go.

Mental illness is nothing new. Even in today's modern Hebrew, a mentally ill person is still referred to as choleh nefesh: soul-sick.

The Kli Yakar was obviously familiar with “diseases of the soul” and clearly acknowledged there were such ailments back in ancient times, too.

Interestingly, the Kli Yakar, taking a lesson from how we treat physical illness, insists that bitter remedies are vital for healing the soul, too.

This is so different from today’s “just take a pill!” approach to mental illness.
It seems that we just want the mentally ill person to feel better, rather than to truly heal the illness at its core.

This superficial approach to mental illness isn’t done on purpose, of course, but is simply the result of a poor understanding of mental illness and its roots.

Yet the Kli Yakar clearly grasps and describes the roots of mental illness (or soul-sickness):

Bad (or harmful or false) beliefs
Stiffening your neck (i.e., being inappropriately mule-headed)
Not trusting the Healer (i.e., God)
Refusing to swallow the necessary and bitter "medication"

Similarly, in his chapter on Drinking/Shtiyah/שתיה, the Pele Yoetz writes of the initial bitterness when breaking alcohol addiction. First, he advises the addict to refrain from even the most minimal ingestion of alcohol - except for Kiddush, Havdalah, and the 4 cups of wine during the Passover Seder.
(With the lack of refrigeration, I’m not sure whether switching the above with grape juice was a realistic solution.)

Here's what Rabbi Eliezer Papo writes in his book, Pele Yoetz:

And just as it is the way of a man to hate his enemy and to seek that which is bad for [his enemy], all the more so should one hate drinking. He knows the bitterness of the soul and the greatness of evil that the drinking has caused him. And how can he appease his Master [God] and what can be his sacrificial atonement?
Surely, it is the distress [tzaar/צער] with which he distresses himself by refraining from drinking.
And that will have atoned for him, that which he sinned on his soul by drinking.

(To read this extremely short chapter of Pele Yoetz in either English or Hebrew, or to hear Rabbi Mansour discuss it in audio, please click here.)
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Applying These Lessons to Mental Illness and Addiction Today

Personally, I don’t differentiate between mental illness and addictions.

Addicts definitely talk like those suffering from personality disorders (which is also known as “addictive thinking” or “stinkin’ thinkin’”) and I just see mental illness as an addiction of sorts to certain behaviors, rather than to an actual substance.
I could be wrong, of course, but that is what my research has shown me.

So expanding on the Pele Yoetz’s attitude toward treatment and recovery from alcoholism, one should accept the initial pain and discomfort of self-denial as a kaparah, as an atonement, for all that he did while under the influence of his addiction or mental illness or soul-sickness.

Adapting positive behaviors and beliefs while resisting negative behaviors and beliefs is definitely distressing and bitter at the beginning.

But the sufferer can take comfort in the fact that the initial suffering is not meaningless.

On the contrary, the initial suffering is very meaningful and profoundly cleansing, spiritually speaking.

And then later, comes the sweetness of good spiritual and mental health.

May we all merit the complete healing of our bodies, minds, and souls.

Rabbi Shlomo Ephraim of Luntschitz (1550-1619) lived in Bohemia (which is today Poland and Czechoslovakia). He was served as rabbi and dayan and wrote several books, the most well-known being his commentary on the Chumash known as the Kli Yakar.
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Rabbi Eliezer Papo (1785-1826) was born in Bosnia before later moving to Bulgaria where he served as chief rabbi and wrote his seminal work, Pele Yoetz, in 1824. After realizing that a Heavenly decree of deadly plague hung over the entire city, Rabbi Papo made a deal with Heaven that he would take that entire plague upon himself. After some terrible suffering, Rabbi Papo passed away during Sukkot on 20 Tishrei in 1827. Before he passed on, Rabbi Papo promised that anyone who would immerse in a mikveh and then pray to God with a broken heart at Rabbi Papo's grave would have their prayers answered. Today, his grave is located near the Danube River.
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These are my own translations and any errors are also mine.

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The Most Effective Way to Change the World

7/2/2017

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In the last section of Likutei Moharan I:282 [רפב], it delves into the idea behind the 10th verse of Tehillim 37:

וְעוֹד מְעַט וְאֵין רָשָׁע וְהִתְבּוֹנַנְתָּ עַל מְקוֹמוֹ וְאֵינֶנּוּ

"And just a little bit more, and the rasha is not here, and you shall gaze upon his place and he is not there."

The Likutei Moharan connects this to the concept of Azamra [I will sing praise and thanksgiving], of finding a good quality in even the worst person.

The power of Azamra ignites such a powerful and positive spiritual effect within the other person—even if that person is totally evil—it can actually propel that person to do teshuvah.

This idea of digging for the spark of light amid all the darkness is not something that Rebbe Nachman invented; it is a core Jewish concept elucidated on by the Kli Yakar nearly a century before the Baal Shem Tov (founder of Chassidus) was even born and 163 years before Rebbe Nachman came into the world.
(For the Kli Yakar’s elucidation, please see How to Avoid being a Pathological Pollyanna, especially down toward the end.)

Also, contrary to what a lot of Torah classes unfortunately promote, being dan l’kaf zechut—finding a favorable quality or merit in someone or in their deeds—does not mean that we justify or excuse behavior the Torah clearly condemns as wrong or harmful.

Yes, it's true that:

Someone may truly not be aware of the extent their behavior hurts others.
They may feel incapable of controlling themselves.
They may truly feel a warped justification in behaving a certain way.

That doesn’t make their behavior “okay,” nor does it make it okay for them to behave this way.

Likewise, swooning with pity and compassion for that person’s unenlightened state (and insisting that all that person’s victims swoon along with you) is not the ideal response (despite what you might hear from friends or from a rebbetzin or rabbi). Understanding and forgiving the person isn’t necessary either.

(“Understanding” is overrated and forgiveness can be a long and arduous journey that isn’t always possible or necessary; some people’s actions are unforgivable.)

It’s worth noting that both the Kli Yakar and Likutei Moharan discuss finding a meritorious quality regarding a rasha—an intentionally evil person. They don’t mince words. According to the word's definition, the rasha means to do harm and doesn’t care about the consequences or who he hurts. It’s not a label our Sages use lightly.

Rasha.

Not “misguided” or “means well” or “just doesn’t know!” or “nebbuch” or “never had the chance to learn Torah” or “had a bad childhood”…

Rasha.

He is truly bad news.
But.
There is still some flicker of light in all his murky darkness.
And if you can find it and name it, you can stir him to do teshuvah.

Let’s look at a modern-day example of someone who could use your spark-seeking ability:
Let’s take a teenage Leftist who thinks that Rabin and Peres are heroes and that Arab squatters are victims of Jews settling their Divinely bequeathed Homeland.

Saying, “Well, he doesn’t really know any better” about a teenage Leftist does not make his Peace Now activities “okay.”

Yes, it’s true that he doesn’t know any better, considering the environment in which he grew up.

And yes, it’s also true that he is causing profound damage to good and innocent Jews while granting power and influence to truly horrible people, both Erev Rav Jews and Jihadis. Not to mention the damage his actions causes in the spiritual realms.

It’s all true.

What I got out of this passage of Likutei Moharan is that you need to spot a quality that is actually good.

Sure, “He doesn’t know any better” is a merit in his favor—at least he doesn’t mean to harm and thinks he’s doing the right thing.

But the quality to focus on is that he has a desire to do the right thing—even if that desire is disturbingly misused.

“He doesn’t know any better” is an excuse, a dismissal.

“He wants to do the right thing and is ready to make the effort to do it” is an actual good quality that leads to:
“So Hashem, please guide him to use this quality for true good. May this young man fight the good fight on Your Side, and not the Other Side (the Sitra Achra).”

And THAT is exactly what can change our hapless Leftist from a Jihadi's lackey to a passionate Torah Jew.

Interestingly, the passage in Likutei Moharan also addresses the reader, too.

YOU must find at least one good quality in yourself.

With the American culture's emphasis on self-promotion and physical activism ("Get out there and do it!"), it’s easy to forget that the most powerful and effective way to effect change is in your own mind.

Revenge, slander, confrontations, and lawsuits grant a certain amount of satisfaction and even restitution for wrongs done. But they don’t really change the dysfunctional person or the situation. It doesn’t prevent the abuse or harm from happening again.

And even if you make yourself so confident and project a persona of “It-Sure-Ain’t-Worth-It-to-Mess-with-Me!” that the baddies are deterred from starting up with you, you’re only helping yourself and not protecting anyone else.

Azamra! Search out the spark of good in someone else and then sing that spark’s praise to Hashem. (Don’t worry; you don’t have to literally sing if you don’t want to. Just saying it is good, too.)

That’s the real way to kindle change in another person, even if that person is yourself.

No excuses or justifications for bad and hurtful behavior.

Just the real honest truth.

Even when there’s mostly darkness, there is also still some small spark of light.

Find it and ignite real positive change.

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Why We Need to Stop Equating All Immigrants to Jewish Immigrants

6/2/2017

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The Yonah Shimmel Knish Bakery - original since 1910!

One of the things that liberal Jews and everyone else likes to have conniptions about is how Jewish immigrants were also discriminated against and later banned from coming just as they were being genocided in Europe.

So as Jews, we are supposed to understand and empathize with all immigrants.

Furthermore, because Jews have done well in America (proving discrimination and bans against Jewish immigrants to have been very wrong), many Jews feel this means that all immigrants should be given a chance.

Well, the one HUGE difference between Jews and everyone else is that fundamental American stuff, like the Constitution and many Western laws and cultural values, are based on Judaism. In other words, Jews are the source for American culture. This is why, for example, there is exists the term “Judeo-Christian values.” Notice how you’ve never heard terms like “Islamo-Christian values” or “Animist-Christian values” or “Hindu-Christian values.”

(FYI: "Judeo-Christian" is not an accurate term. Yeah, we all know what people mean when they say it, but just to be nitpicky: Any Jewish values found in Christianity are still just that: Jewish. And any Christian values are not.)

Anyway, there was no problem letting Jews in because Jews upheld—heck, invented—the very values America held dear. (Well, not "invented," per se, but transmitted directly from God...)

Jews also lacked the crime and alcoholism rate to which other groups—like the Irish and Italians—were prone.
(Although we love your accents, Irish people! And we love your food, Italian people!)

And for better or for worse, Jews wanted to assimilate.

(This is actually a bad trait in Jewish immigrants, but it tends to be a good trait for everyone else coming to America.)

In general, Jews wanted to be American and speak English and get educated and rich, move into nice neighborhoods, and get along with everyone.

(And even the minority of Jewish immigrants that did sequester themselves do not display the terrible socio-economic problems that other immigrant neighborhoods in America and Europe show. Yes, I know there are problems. But it is not the same as Mexican, African, or Muslim immigrant neighborhoods. It's just not.)

Do Papuans and Syrians and Mexicans want to wholly assimilate into America? Likely some really do. But as things look right now, a large percentage of them don’t.
(And if you don't believe me, then please read The Immigration Dilemma: Part of the Geula Process and Refusing the Wretched Refuse.)

Another big difference was that Jews helped—and still help—their fellow Jewish immigrants in America.

Even the very early Jewish immigration (late 1800s-early 1900s) from Europe received help.

From whom, you might ask?

Sephardim were the first Jews to settle America. They were a bit embarrassed by their impoverished and not-as-snazzy brethren arriving from Eastern Europe, so they were surreptitious about the aid they provided, but the early Jewish aid organizations were largely funded by Sephardim. (You just didn’t see them much in the actual flesh.)

Likewise, the massive Jewish immigration from Russia received enormous help from the present Jewish communities in the USA. Jewish communities generously helped with subsidizing housing, school placement and tuition to Jewish schools, food, furniture, and job placement.

For some reason, people (including many Jews themselves) hate to acknowledge this, but Jews as immigrants are and have always been in a class of their own.

And again, our value system provided America with its value system. We are the source.

Jews need to stop projecting their image onto immigrants from primitive and brutal cultures.

It’s simply not accurate or helpful.

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Refusing the Wretched Refuse

5/2/2017

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I couldn’t stop thinking about the little news announcement that President Trump will allow the 1250 “refugees” from Papua New Guinea that Obama agreed to take from Australia.

(Australia is pretty big and not crowded. Why couldn't it take them all? Maybe it doesn't want to? Why not? We'll soon see...)

Also my blog provider, Weebly, which provides a wonderful service, recently sent an email requesting donations for an organization which helps relocate refugees and helps refugees “get their slice of the American dream.”

The problem is, many refugees today aren’t interested in the American dream.

(It's also disturbing because there are so many American children and elderly suffering in bad situations. Why does everybody ignore them and insist on donations for carbon footprints and refugees who might be sociopaths?)

I already wrote about immigration here, but I thought I’d write about it again.

Why?

Well, this week's Haftarah in Yirmeyahu/Jeremiah linked to other chapters of Yirmeyahu which discuss nations being punished by being invaded from other nations. And I think we're seeing this now. But it's being done slowly because Hashem is infinitely Compassionate and Merciful and gives us loads of time to shape up.

Anyway, growing up in America’s Eighties, I saw a lot of immigrants, mostly Pacific Asian and Russian. And they did really well in America.

They wanted to do well.

Then, on a visit to London, I saw a lot of wealthy Hindus from India in Rolls Royces.

British friends of mine told me of the high-quality treatment they received from Pakistani doctors.

Immigrants of that time also wanted to adapt to American (or British) culture, and not just enjoy the goodies the West has to offer while hanging on to all their old cultural baggage that ruined their country of origin in the first place.

In fact, that was the truth about a lot of immigrants.

Sure, the desire to acclimate depended on age. Younger immigrants more strongly desired and found it easier to take on the new culture and its language. It also depended on where they lived to some extent. A wholly immigrant neighborhood made and still makes it harder for its residents to acclimate to the new culture.

But Third World immigration is a whole new ballgame today.

Pooh-Poohing the Papuans

An example of behavior considered very disrespectful by Papuans

Not only is the technological difference vaster than ever (I remember hearing last year that part of acclimating immigrants from South America is teaching them to use an indoor flushing toilet), but the cultural differences are also vast.

While many of these parts of the world are plagued with gang violence, armed skirmishes, and a horribly corrupt government, their underlying culture is problematic on its own.

Let’s look at Papua New Guinea:
(And why are these people being called “refugees” anyway?)

2/3 of all households suffer from domestic violence. (Were the incoming immigrants screened for this?)
In Bougainville, 80% of all men say that they committed physical violence or worse against a girl friend or wife. (I sure hope that none of the incoming Papuans are males from Bougainville!)
Polygamy is common among Papuans, with the new wife sometimes joining in with the husband to physically abuse the first wife. (Were the “refugees” screened for this, too?)

Travel advisories also tell us a lot:

Visitors to Papua New Guinea are advised that making eye contact at all is disrespectful. Speaking loudly and making eye contact is considered very rude.

Why, I’m sure these people will fit right in with American culture, no problem!

Also, Papuans are apparently so violently impulsive (“temperamental” in Travel Advisory-speak) that if there is an accident (even if you are not at all at fault) in which a person, pig, or chicken is hurt, then you are advised to keep driving until you reach the nearest police station.

This means that you are forced to participate in the act of hit-and-run that is so despised and illegal in American culture - even if a person is hurt and you want to help him.

Also, what if a Papuan is driving recklessly in, say, Miami and hits you, killing his chicken?
Can you imagine getting out of your car to exchange the accepted info (and even accept an apology) only to face an outraged Tok Pisin-speaker brandishing a knife?

(I forgot to mention that in Papua New Guinea, everyone carries a bush knife.)

The Papuan rate of AIDS/HIV is the highest in Oceania. Studies show that this is due to the high rate of aggression against women and the high rate of drug and alcohol abuse.

Gosh, just the kind of people we’d like to have living next door!
No wonder feminists are leading the crusade to accept immigrants!

Another thing that irks Papuans is if someone seems to be practicing some kind of sorcery. I do not know what the signs of a sorcerer are in Papua New Guinea, but if they just suspect you of casting spells or whatever, they tend to get extremely “temperamental.” Accusations of sorcery are especially common against women.

Cannibalism is a problem is some areas of Papua New Guinea, but I’m sure none of the new “refugees” are from those tribes.

In "vetting" we trust!

When Cultures Bang and Clash

The West has not yet realized that different cultures cling to different values.

Many people coming to America just want free stuff and indoor plumbing.

Many are just fine with the values of their native culture, even to their detriment.

For example, many Muslim women think that husbands have a right to beat their wives. Also, the female “circumcision” so common in Muslim and African cultures is often carried out by women. In cases in which the father is willing to forgo it for his daughters, the mother often insists on it.

Here in Israel, we are very familiar with the fondness primitive people have for their unholy values. The pitiable African refugees allowed in by soft-hearted border guards and black-hearted politicians have wreaked havoc in the Israeli neighborhoods they’ve taken over. And if you ask Muslim men in Israel what they think of wife-beating, you’ll receive very honest and confident answers. In fact, if you ask them what they think of suicide bombings, you’ll also get honest and confident answers.

Israel recently and wrongly accepted 100 Syrian orphans. This is a terrible mistake because history has shown there is no chance these orphans will recall this kindness with any kind of gratitude. In one generation, these orphans will multiply to at least 500 people who want to destroy Israel.

The Arab culture in Israel indoctrinates its children toward hatred and Jihad. And the brainwashing is intense, as MEMRI has proven. And does anyone remember the Pan-Arab popular Iranian TV series, Zahra’s Blue Eyes? The story takes place in Israel's West Bank and is about a little Arab girl named Zahra with eyes so beautiful that the monstrous Israelis wanted to pry her eyes out of her face to transplant them into someone else's. Or something.

(As if we don't have beautiful eyes of our own!)

And anyway, places like Dubai and Saudi Arabia have plenty of room and funds to help not just 100 orphans, but 10,000 orphans.

So why can't they just hate us from over there?

What is Hateful to You, Refrain from Doing to Your Fellow, Says Hillel

Do you know one of the big differences between sociopaths and normal people?

Sociopaths think that horrific things like torture, dismemberment, assault, and murder are only bad if it happens to them personally.

They have no problem with it happening to other people, and they can even do it themselves to other people.

So just because a Third World person is crying about the suffering in their native land doesn’t mean anyone should take them in.

First, I want to know if torture, dismemberment, theft, and assault only bothers them when it happens to them, or if it bothers them when it happens to other people, too.

I also want to make sure that they won’t do to others the bad things that have been done to them.

Can Weebly promise me that donations will not be used to relocate within America people who are fans of female "circumcision," domestic violence, violence in general, and people who won't become "temperamental" if someone injures their chicken or looks them in the eye while enthusing about some lame tweet against the latest Ben Shapiro speech?

Along these lines of the above-quoted Hillel's famous phrase from Shabbat 31a, people who identify with bad people are showing that they themselves are bad people.

Americans who ignore the suffering of, say, their own children and elderly (who are likely basically decent people) in favor of helping people of whom the majority seem to hold reprehensible values close to their heart, are unconsciously showing with whom they identify and empathize.

And this is very disturbing.

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The Stunning Greatness of a "Regular" Jew: Gitty

2/2/2017

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As a young mother, I was sitting on the bench outside our apartment building with another young mother who’d grown up in the Karliner Chassidic community in Jerusalem.

(I’m from a somewhat traditional secular home and became Orthodox later, so Gitty and I come from extremely different backgrounds.)

I was telling her how much I admired my son’s ganenet, Mindel, a warm and quiet woman whom Gitty had known her whole life.

At a pause in the conversation, Gitty very quietly asked, “Tell me, do you think she’s better than you?”

I did, actually. But the question caught me off-guard, so I just remained silent.

“Well?" said Gitty. "Do you think that she’s better than you?”

I still didn’t answer. Was Gitty insulting me or complimenting me? Anyway, I thought about Mindel’s warm and reassuring approach toward other mothers and her gentle caring way with the children, and I wanted to answer, Yes, I think she’s better than me.

“Tell me,” said Gitty. “Do you think she’s wiser than you? Smarter?”

“Uhhh…” I faltered. The questions were only getting weirder. Anyway, how does one compare intelligence? There’s different kinds, with emotional intelligence being the most important and exactly what Mindel possessed an abundance of.

“She’s not,” Gitty said.

“What?”

She gave a refined giggle. “You’re smarter than her.”

Did she mean my college education (that I had never finished)? Who cares about that?

“No, Mindel’s really wonderful,” I blustered. “She’s such a nice person and so great with the kids…”

“Yes,” said Gitty. “Mindel is wonderful. I've known her a long time. She’s great. But she was brought up to be that way. She didn’t have to build herself up with her own ten fingers—like you.”

I sat in stunned silence. Why was Gitty saying this? She hardly knew me.

She went on to explain, “Mindel’s mother is a quiet, gentle person. Her father lovingly invested years of his life as a rebbi for small children. Mindel was raised well, she saw good frum chinuch methods her whole life...baruch Hashem, she doesn’t know any other way to be.”

After a moment of contemplation, Gitty continued,
“Tell me, if your mother fries an egg a certain way and you fry it the same way—does that mean anything? If you always see how your mother folds towels, and you fold them the same way, does that mean you’re a towel-folding genius? No. Because you’re just copying what you always saw at home. Do you understand?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Do you? Do you really understand? Because it’s like this: There are a lot of successful people out there. But they usually have a secret to their success. They have money, or a really helpful husband, or family support, or they were raised to be a certain way. For example, I have a cousin with 18 kids. And things look great. And things are great! The kids are turning out well. People always look at her with admiration and go, ‘Ooh-ah-wow!’”

“Yeah,” I said. "Wow!"

“No,” Gitty said. “She also grew up in a large, well-adjusted family, so she automatically knows how to manage a large family. When she got married, she moved in to a place just down the street from her parents' home and her mother came early every morning to help her get the kids dressed and fed—ever since they were little babies. She has loads of sisters and nieces nearby to help her whenever she needs.

"Her husband runs an entire school system, which brings in a lot of money, allowing her to cut corners with easier and more expensive ready-made food, plus cleaning help three times a week. Being very chinuch- and child-oriented, her husband was also always very involved with the kids in a positive way. In fact, he used to come home and spend 2 hours every evening giving the kids supper and getting them bathed and into bed while she either rested or tidied up. What's more, her innate nature is to stay home and deal with the kids. She honestly doesn’t feel the need to go out and do anything else. So you see? She has tremendous resources, both from within her and from the environment surrounding her. So regarding people like her, we say, ‘Thank God—baruch Hashem.’ We say, ‘Good for her--kol hakavod.’ But to become breathless with admiration and gasp, ‘Ooh-ah-wow’?” Gitty shook her head. “No. She is just doing what she was brought up to do and what she feels naturally inclined to do. And she does it well. Baruch Hashem.”

Then Gitty’s gaze grew intense. “Yes, a woman struggling with, for example, three kids and barely managing will look at a woman managing beautifully with 18 kids, and say, ‘Ooh-ah-wow.’ But maybe the woman with three kids has three really hard kids, and her husband doesn’t help, and she has no money, and she doesn’t have family support...”

Gitty cocked her head to one side. “So who’s more precious in Hashem’s eyes? Who do you think? I’m telling you that the regular woman struggling with the three kids is more precious to Hashem.”

I mulled that over.

Gitty nodded and declared, “The people who are successful and built themselves from scratch--they’re rare. They deserve the ‘Ooh-ah-wow' reaction, and not my cousin.”

She went on to describe her own home. She was the first girl born after five boys, and more boys and girls followed:
“In my mother’s home, there was balagan [mess]. Food was in abundance—simple food, but healthy food. Not junk. Every day, there was a huge pot of chicken wings or chicken necks or meat with potatoes or whatever—and balagan. In my house, there was noise, there was mess, there was drum-banging, there was gravel being dragged in, and there was dirt. And believe me, that’s the best way to raise emotionally healthy children.”

Gitty gave a sheepish smile. “But I’m not on my mother’s level. My house is always clean because I get embarrassed if my neighbors stop by and it’s not presentable. But it’s not right to be like me. My mother was right.” She added, “My brothers also knew how to bake, cook, and sew. And that’s right.”
____________________________

And I never forgot this lesson from Gitty: Try to see things through Hashem’s Eyes.

It’s easy to get caught up in comparing yourself (or others) to others, but in reality, the wide variation of different people’s resources and skills and opportunities make comparisons a meaningless exercise.

Gitty herself seemed like just this typical young chassidiste raised in the Old-World atmosphere of Geula. But she was a special person herself and wise beyond her years.

And I'm far from being the only person on whom Gitty pours forth her wisdom.

Using Gitty’s method of viewing other people taught me to admire people I otherwise wouldn’t have looked up to. I learned to appreciate people unappreciated by others and to see them as Hashem likely sees them.

The Gemara says that This World is an upside-down world.

And that’s the Truth.

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When Dimensions Collide

Israel's Newest Security Threat: Farbrengens and Torah Lectures

A Shabak agent threatened: "Do not give Torah lectures."

How the Worst Turned Out for the Best - A True Story

Treating Mental Illness like Physical Illness: How We Don’t and Why We Really Should

Introduction

Diagnosis

Treatment

Adding Merits for the Sick Person:Tefillah, Mitzvot, and Maasim Tovim

Where Does Illness Come from and What is the Solution?

Resources

The Causes and Treatment of Soul-Sickness (AKA The Kli Yakar on Parshat Beshalach)

Applying These Lessons to Mental Illness and Addiction Today

The Most Effective Way to Change the World

Why We Need to Stop Equating All Immigrants to Jewish Immigrants

Refusing the Wretched Refuse

Pooh-Poohing the Papuans

When Cultures Bang and Clash

What is Hateful to You, Refrain from Doing to Your Fellow, Says Hillel

The Stunning Greatness of a "Regular" Jew: Gitty

Myrtle Rising

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