For Parshat Shelach: Making His Name Great, Rav Miller speaks about chilul Hashem & kiddush Hashem, including compelling examples of both. Then he spends a lot of time talking about gratitude, focusing on fruit, and doing so in a really interesting & witty manner.

Plus, he offers practical tips for improving your derech eretz.

​And as usual, he places tremendous emphasis on noticing all the good that Hashem does for us.

​Here's an excerpt:

For Parshat Korach: On Dangerous Neighbors, we have a discussion about bad neighbors.

As usual, Rav Miller brings the world of Tanach to life and draws us into it.

Ever wonder what it was like when your house caught tzaraat? With Rav Miller, you're suddenly standing in the house and experiencing it all, including the emotional aspect.

He elaborates with vivid visualization (you on a telegraph pole in an attempt to escape a bereft she-bear) on the verse in Mishlei 17:12.

The part about guarding your mind is so powerful and so chilling.

Rav Miller explains why David Hamelech started Tehillim the way he did:

It reminded me of an online gathering place for frum people. A few years ago, I read it a couple of times when the topic seemed interesting, but I quickly learned to avoid it.

First of all, you learn very little about whatever topic is running there.

Secondly, it was the most obvious moshav leitzim I'd ever seen. Interestingly, I don't recall anything untsnius or anything clearly forbidden. It was kosher - like kosher narishkeit. Or kosher jelly worms.

A lot of people were just there to crack jokes (regardless of the seriousness & sincerity of the questioner), and part of the reason I felt uncomfortable was because some of these people seemed to lead mechubad lives: an intelligent older frum guy with a large family and married children, plus grandchildren - and he's just shmoozing and cracking jokes?

I get that people need a break from learning, but this was just weird.

It actually makes more sense when people behave rudely online or even speak lashon hara (although both are really bad and totally forbidden) because maybe they got offended by something they read or they feel the need to say something l'toelet haAm (though they're mistaken and should look up the relevant halachot).

But these were people who could & should know better and were doing it anyway.

It's hard to explain the dynamic...just a total waste of time, a moshav leitzim...by people who really could have known better. They weren't carried away by their emotions; they were carried away by their narishkeit. Or something.​

However, there is also kosher leitzanut.

You can make fun of spiritually damaging things that deserve to be mocked.

Judaism is all about embracing the paradoxes in life. It's about balance and figuring out what Hashem really wants (your closeness) and how to achieve that.

As described in a previous post, we live in an upside-down world in which bad things are now considered good.​

His description of baseball, TV (this dvar Torah is from 1974), and magazines is highly entertaining.

Okay, I can't resist quoting what he says about magazines:

It's definitely worth a good read.

It's pretty tough mussar for those of us entrenched in Western society since birth.

But it's delicious at the same time. Nice, juicy mussar!

As always, thank you tons to Toras Avigdor.

My Moroccan-born husband grew up in an immigrant neighborhood in Eretz Yisrael.

The neighborhood consisted of lots of Moroccans, plus a generous handful of Bucharians, and one Danish family who, for some reason, ended up there after making aliyah.

My husband attended the local mamlachti-dati (government religious) school along with the rest of the neighborhood. And he was one of the very good boys, in that he was shomer negiah and always wore his kippah & tzitzit, even when playing basketball, plus he always went happily to shul with his father for all the tefillot & voluntarily attended shiurim at night.

(There are more good things to say about my husband, but to head off any ayin hara, we'll stop here.)

Anyway, he'd gotten into Gemara in his teens. And though he always dreamed of joining the army, he decided to go to yeshivah instead. (For more on that story, please see God Helps: A True Story.)

I asked him how that was viewed in his neighborhood, seeing as everyone went to the army and while people had started off as religious, the secularization process went quickly and intensively.

"It was fine," said my husband. He explained that for all its social problems, it was still a traditional community. Therefore, even the more secular-seeming people still held Torah study in high esteem. 

And even though the useless jobnik positions were less back then, people still didn't attack my husband about why their sons had to risk their lives while my husband sat in yeshivah.

They intuitively understood the value of Torah study.

The point here is that, yet again, your average Jew in Eretz Yisrael is not innately offended by yeshivah bochurim not "sharing the burden" of army service.

That unforgiving outrage & seething resentment comes from somewhere else.

Since Shevet Levi in Tanach, the Jewish people have always had Jews who sat and learned continuously.

Mishnah Avot states that the world - not just the Jewish world, but the entire world - stands on 3 things:

1. the Torah
2. the avodah (tefillah & serving Hashem, service in the Beit Hamikdash)
3. gemilut chessedim (acts of loving-kindness)

That's our base and for EVERYONE'S sake, it cannot be weakened.

​(And if you examine these 3 pillars, you'll see they're all linked. In other words, you can't have one - or two - without the other.)

And many, if not most, Jews sense this.

So where is the venom coming from? Where is this seething rip-their-eyes-out resentment coming from?

It's being aggressively imposed upon the innocent Jewish people by media incitement and by those with political agendas.

Ani shalom v'ki adaber hema l'milchamah - I am peace; but when I speak, they are for war." (Tehillim 120:7)

Or, as Rashi interprets it:
"I am at peace with them, but when I speak peacefully with them, they come to wage war with me." 

Israelis are split in their attitude toward time in the IDF Keleh 6 prison up North.
 
The very clean-cut dati-leumi crowd I hung out with in my new adult years emphasized that prison time was easily avoidable and only screw-ups got sentenced.
 
In contrast, it seems like the rest of Israeli society opines that “everyone goes to prison at some point.”

​The truth is, I met people who got 3 days for not shaving (if they didn’t have a beard permit) and longer if they didn’t return to their base on time. Forging doctor’s notes, resisting a particular role (like if you want to be a foot soldier and they try to put you in a tank), avoiding the draft (“We don’t have enough soldiers watching Friends! Thou shalt share the burden!”), and so on.
 
And that’s for the minimum security part of Keleh 6. Drugs, hard crime, and such things earn soldiers long sentences in other parts of Keleh 6.

​My son, in his goal of getting switched into a combat unit, decided to go on strike. He’d tried normal avenues, even snagging an interview with a high-ranking officer with the power to help him.
 
Nada.
 
So he went on strike, which meant that he didn’t show up to base.
 
The IDF remained unimpressed.
 
Finally, knowing that he was going to be sent to prison anyway, he decided to turn himself in.
 
So he bid us farewell and made his way up North where he was received by a prison official, an old kibbutznik wearing a bandana. He greeted my son cheerfully, praised him for turning himself in, encouraged him: “I’m sure you’ll be a good soldier from now on,” then sentenced him to 12 days. (Or maybe he was carrying out someone else’s sentence? Well, something like that.)
 
This part of the prison, which serves draft dodgers, note forgers, and so on, features tents.
 
The prison cell is a tent that holds many young men.
 
My husband and I weren’t sure what Keleh 6 was like, but a family member reassured us that it’s pretty tame because it’s not like a state prison and treatment is pretty decent—“They even get popsicles,” he reassured us.
 
Popsicles in prison? Why, we have nothing to worry about, then!

There are also public phones via which your son can call you or you can call him—if you can get someone to find him.

An organization dedicated to freeing yeshivah bochurs imprisoned for draft evasion (“We face a severe shortage of personnel who can sit in an office all day watching pirated movies on their cell phones! Charedim must contribute their share of their burden!”) called us and nonchalantly informed us that our son was in Keleh 6 and did we need them to do anything about it?
 
Initially, we were puzzled until they explained that although he’d attended a non-mainstream yeshivah (with secular studies and everything), it was a yeshivah nonetheless and as a former yeshivah student, his name appeared on their list when he was imprisoned.
 
It was very nice of them, and we explained that no, he wanted to be there and they said, fine, but if we need anything, we should feel free to call them back.
 
Very pleasant and polite for such religious zealots, I'm sure you agree. ;-)

As far as the treatment of the yeshivah bochurs in Keleh 6, my son said he didn't witness them being treated any worse by the wardens (the wardens, especially the female ones, don't behave in a particularly refined manner). The other soldiers mostly ignored them.

Unfortunately, due to media incitement, a yeshivah bachur evading the draft can be despised by fellow inmates more than an inmate who has actually committed a crime. But my son did not personally see active bullying.
 
Mishmeres Hakodesh also call the public phone repeatedly every day to ask whoever answers if there is a yeshivah bachur there for draft evasion. (They’re always concerned they missed one that didn’t appear on their list.) In return, the imprisoned soldier who answers treats the caller to a string of vulgar curses before slamming down the phone.
 
How self-righteous.
 
Sometimes, the soldier tries to accommodate the caller, but usually not.
 
But these guys put up with the treatment and keep calling anyway to see if anyone needs their help.
 
Actually, someone did try to take them up on their offer to help, but he couldn’t hide his Muslim religion for long, so that fell through.

Also, many of the wardens are girls. 
 
And this may sound shocking to people with their head in the sand, but young rowdy guys of this age do not take orders from young women seriously.

​So the girls resort to shrieking and verbal abuse, and telling them things like, “Look at what a screw-up you are, ending up in Keleh 6 like this, you stupid pathetic zero.”
 
Not surprisingly, the boys find this entertaining, rather than intimidating.

Also, the wardens play all sorts of minor mindgames to assert their authority over the inmates. He gave an example of the treatment by a 19-year-old girl-warden, but after his initial surprise, he found it amusing.
 
I kind of wonder if these girls are able to turn off all the shrieky negativity & controlling mindgames when not dealing with mildly delinquent young soldiers, and how that affects their relationships back home and then after their service is over, if they can go back to normal.

​But I figure, hey, they’re sharing the burden.

​Yeshivah bachurim are just sitting around all day learning Gemara, while these girls are supporting the Zionist enterprise with loud & seething verbal assaults. How could Medinat Yisrael possibly function without them? So I’m just gonna keep my nose out of it. After all, who am I to judge? I don’t share the burden either. (For example, I’ve never seen an episode of Friends. That’s right—not even ONE.)

Anyway, there are more rules at Keleh 6 than there are on an army base.

For example, you are not allowed to speak at all in the dining hall. The Chafetz Chaim would approve, actually, because he was against talking while eating because it’s potentially dangerous.
 
Anyway, during one meal in which only the sound of chewing could be heard, another sound appeared: the sound of choked-back sobs.
 
Soon, the choked-back sobs turned into the gasped crying as one imprisoned soldier had a breakdown over his hard-boiled eggs & rice.
 
Because this isn’t The Lords of Discipline, the other soldiers just felt embarrassed & sorry for him. One of the male wardens came over, sat down next to the broken soldier, and tried to comfort him by telling him that it wasn’t so bad here and that he had a really short sentence and that he’d be out soon, and then everything would be all better.

​He didn’t suffer any bullying later either. People just felt bad for him.

My son met several other soldiers who were also there for resisting service in non-combat units.

Then there was a Bedouin soldier there for forging doctor’s notes so he could stay home longer.

Another was there for something else and he eagerly explained to my son his parnasa, which consisted of stealing gasoline from gas stations up and down the country. He usually had a cousin/clan member working at those stations, and that was his connection to the gasoline.
 
My son isn’t easily shockable, but it floored him to hear someone his age talking about a gas-theft racket as if it’s a regular job. The Bedouin really didn’t seem to realize he was doing anything wrong.

​They’re very loyal to their clans and that supersedes national loyalty or basic law—including the 7 Noachide Laws, apparently, which forbid stealing.

Then, every inmate must do a stint as a guard in the locked-down section.

​That’s the place where dangerous or suicidal inmates are housed. It’s solitary confinement, more or less, with a toilet in the cell and everything nailed down, and little barred window way up near the ceiling.
 
Anyway, the regular inmates need to sit in that room because these people apparently need constant supervision, despite the fact that they are on camera all the time anyway.
 
In preparation, my son and the other temp-guards were taken to an orientation of what their duties were (“Don’t fall asleep”) and told a scary story of an inmate-guard who dozed off and the guy he was supposed to be guarding crept over and started strangling him, however—the orientation officer gestured to the video screens—these cells are being watched, so the staff noticed the strangulation-in-progress and were able to send forces to stop it in time.
 
And the message?: “Don’t fall asleep on guard duty. But if you do, we’ve got you covered.”
 
So the first night, it was really boring. The inmate just slept the whole time.
 
But the second night, my son was immediately approached by an anxious yeshivah bochur who didn’t understand what he was doing there. Seeing my son in a kippah and tzitzit, he poured out his heart.
 
What happened was this:
The boy was the child of American charedim who’d made aliyah. A couple of years before he turned 18, the family returned to Lakewood. But, being the idealistic young Yid he is, the boy wanted to go back to Eretz Yisrael & learn in yeshivah.
 
But he didn’t realize his name was entered into officialdom as a draft dodger, so they caught him at the airport, to his complete bewilderment.
 
But he needed to have a really good excuse why he could not enlist and stuff himself with American candy bars while watching American sitcom most of the day.

So a psychiatrist, in an effort help him out, decided to write down that he was suicidal (which he was not at all).

And instead of being placed in the regular section with the tents, he was placed in the locked-down section, where the guards have, what my son described as, “soulless eyes” and yell anything they have to say.
 
So my son reassured him that things weren’t as bad as they seemed, explained what was going on, and reassured him again that there were people working on his behalf to get him out and that he’d be out soon.

​And he was.

Anyway, the best part about Keleh 6 is that the boys spent a huge chunk of their day in shul.
 
The prison shul is nicely designed and air-conditioned (which the tents are not).
 
There’s davening 3 times a day, plus wonderful shiurim. So whenever there is davening or a shiur, everyone goes to the shul (including the Muslim and Druze inmates).
 
My son enthused about the shiurim.

He also met a couple of rabbis from his high school yeshivah, who keep tabs on their former talmidim and make it a point to go visit them if they end up in Keleh 6.

Having been very fond of my son, they were thrilled to see him again and he got lots of hugs and kisses. He was also proud of them for delivering such enthralling shiurim.
 
Really, the best part of Keleh 6 is the plentiful davening & shiurim. It's very geshmak.
 
So I had this really good idea that maybe the IDF should make a night-sweep of the parks & other hang-outs frequented by at-risk youth and take them to Keleh 6 for six months where they could imbue a constant flow of davening and inspiring shiurim - tefillot & shiurim they would attend BY CHOICE!
 
Just think of what a life-changing influence that could be.
 
Anyway, his 12 days ended pretty quickly and he came up energized by the whole experience. You’d think he’d been playing Color War at Camp Simcha or something.
 
And he came home even more convinced than before that soldiers who aren’t willing to go to jail when faced with an order to expel Jews—those soldiers are spineless wimps.
 
“It’s not that bad,” he insisted. “I could’ve easily made it through 30 days there. It’s not that big deal.”
 
And there you go. The Keleh 6 Mesivta.

Note: I feel enormous appreciation for my brothers serving in combat and anyone else standing between a Jew and a terrorist (or a missile). I simply oppose this mandatory draft "Share the burden!" craze, when the IDF clearly has a glut of soldiers in many areas, as detailed in the previous posts. Siding with the Gadolei Hador, I oppose the mandatory draft of yeshivah bachurim & females.

I also oppose the incitement by media and politicians, who rile up severely negative emotions & ideas that people wouldn't otherwise experience without the incitement.

I also feel that rather than chasing down yeshivah bochurim and recently graduated girls, the Israeli government should concentrate on real criminals (like the gasoline-racket guy in prison with my son). In fact, Bedouins live as their own state within a state, committing whatever crimes they want, including murder, with no repercussions (although there are, of course, decent & helpful Bedouin). Yet the government & mainstream media pillories charedim for living as a culture within a culture, even though charedim are not smuggling drugs or weapons, nor do they murder their members (like innocent young girls) due to primitive concepts of "honor." For some reason, learning Gemara in yeshivah is considered so much worse than all that by certain elements of Israeli society.

Most Jews in Eretz Yisrael are good. Those who aren't yet religious have tremendous potential to become sterling Jews. Yet much good is held back by those with warped priorities.

That's all.

For more stand-alone posts in this series (for which I still haven't figured out a title), please see:

• Sharing What Burden Exactly? The Unspoken Elephant in the Room
• ​The Aspect of Israeli Mentality You Need to Know in Order to Understand the Issues​
• What's Happening to the Zionist Dream?​
• Have You Ever Wanted to Know What Basic Training is Like for Serious Delinquents & Teenage Ex-Cons? Here's Your Chance!

​A woman I knew who’d been one of the more dedicated Jews in the movement for Conservative (which is actually destructively liberal) “Judaism” finally made the leap into real mitzvah observance. In her late thirties, she got married and had a baby.
 
She’d been one of the adults I’d especially liked as a child and I was very happy about her progress.
 
As I was young single girl who was also starting to keep mitzvot according to authentic Torah, this woman (we’ll call her “Jill”) called me one night to see if I could come over and babysit her sleeping baby. Her husband was out of town.
 
It was her birthday and she would be going out with old friends to celebrate. After she finished showing me what I needed to know, her friends showed up.
 
Two sour-faced childless unmarried women approaching 40, dressed in jeans and windbreakers. Jill looked both happy and nervous as she waved them in and invited them to make themselves at home.
 
Perched on Jill's sofa, they looked at me unsmilingly.
 
“Oh, this is the babysitter,” chirped Jill.
 
Giving me the once-over, their faces soured even more. “Are you Orthodox too?” one asked.
 
“Yes,” I said as pleasantly as I could under the sour Gaze of Disapproval.
 
“Oh,” she said.
 
They made a couple of other low-key comments that I can’t remember, but implied that it was unfortunate that I was throwing my life away so young and did I really want to do that? Oh, I did? So in that case, I'm probably really dumb and not worth another glance.

And as an aside, I've always found these kinds of encounters so odd.

I looked so bad in their eyes; did they have any idea how THEY looked to me?

Their pinched-faced childless unmarried middle-aged judgmental anti-religious personas made me want to run as far as I could from being like them.

I mean, what was I supposed to think, just out of my teens? "Gosh, by the time I'm 37, I sure hope I'll be a sour, judgmental, unmarried, childless, secular career woman just like YOU!" Why on earth would I think that? Why are they the act to follow?

​So weird.
 
Anyway, Jill tried to be pleasant, but she was clearly out of her comfort zone. These were her good friends going all the way back to college, and their disapproval stabbed her like nasty needles.
 
As they tried to decide where to go out to eat (there were hardly any kosher options in our area), the sourness on their faces tightened into a grim silence.

Apparently, options like an ice cream parlor (where most of the flavors were kosher chalav akum) were beneath their lofty standards.

But Jill tried to keep up her side of things.
 
Finally, one of the said something like, “You can’t even go out to a good restaurant even on your birthday just because of keeping kosher?”
 
Ouch! The classic anti-BT guilt trip!
 
Then the name of a popular treif steakhouse came up.
 
Jill squirmed under the pinched disapproval of her friends as she struggled with the decision.

​Finally, Jill said, “Well, I haven’t eaten anything unkosher for a year. I’ve been really good about keeping kosher for such a long time and it IS my birthday, so I guess I can treat myself to a steak just this once.”
 
Her sour-faced friends looked only slightly mollified, as if Jill had finally said the only logical thing to say, and they all got up and left.
 
I was floored.
 
But the truth is, many of us have a tendency to do that kind of thing.

​Sure, in Jill’s case, it was more extreme. But most people feel that, after intense mitzvah-focus, they can let themselves go a little. “After all, I’ve been so good!”
 
It’s the Dessert Mentality.
 
“I force-fed myself all the nutritious food put on my plate, so now I can treat myself to something of absolutely no nutritional value that exists simply to serve my taavah.”
 
This is why, on vacations, you’ll see otherwise very good boys from good yeshivahs treating themselves to outings with no possibility of a minyan 3 times a day. Or davening at home.

​And what do we struggle with after having been soooo good?
 
Eating things we shouldn’t.

Reading things we shouldn’t.

Watching things we shouldn’t.

Saying things we shouldn’t.

Wearing things we shouldn’t.

Doing things we shouldn't.
 
Exploding over something with the excuse of “Sorry, but I’ve just been bottling it up until now and I just couldn’t keep a lid on it anymore” - sound familiar?
 
In other words, I’ve been so good, I deserve to indulge in a temper tantrum “just this once.” (As if it’s really only "once"…)

Even if it's not in the league of absolute treifus like Jill's "treat," the "treat" we choose for ourselves may not be beneficial.

Yet these things aren't black-and-white.

Can the "treat" or "dessert" be beneficial?

​If so, when?

Well, we do need to recharge our batteries.

Sleeping in, an afternoon nap, an outing, a picnic, a barbecue, dinner at a restaurant, relaxing on the sofa with a good book, a refreshing swim, a large mochachino with a good friend—these are all rejuvenating activities (if done without violating basic halacha & without becoming a way of life).
 
Likewise, satisfying a small taavah can help overcome a big yetzer hara.

For example, if it works when you promise yourself a few chocolate truffles after a week of scrupulously guarding your tongue, including in some very trying situations at work or among a family gathering...then do it!
 
Similarly, let’s say that losing 7 pounds equals overcoming your food taavot for an entire month. Does the reward of a swim help you achieve that? Or the promise of a new (kosher) book?

Then what’s wrong with that?
 
Even better, if these rewards encourage you to repeat your positive behavior, ingrain a new & holier habit within you, then that’s excellent.
 
The problem comes when the encouragement or reward becomes a needed dessert that you must have every chance you get, a feeling of magia li—I deserve it. The Entitlement Mentality.
 
I don’t think it has ever been as hard to avoid the Dessert-Entitlement Mentality as in our generation.

​The Kli Yakar explains that when something takes too much effort to acquire, we lose our taavah for it. (Please scroll down to "Advice for Holy Eating" in Parshat Re'eh.)

​In his times (1550-1619), the Kli Yakar didn’t see much taavah for game meat.

The struggle for, say, venison:

• ​braving the wild forest
• hunting the deer
• capturing it
• getting a qualified shochet together with it
• then the kashering and roasting of it...

​...way, way too much trouble.
 
So people weren’t craving venison much.
 
Likewise, based on my reading, people maybe craved a drink of cool well water in the summer, but not ice cream. Ice cream either wasn’t available at all or it meant digging up a block of sawdusted ice stored underground from the winter. Then making custard and so on with the primitive process of making ice cream.
 
But in our times, every kind of taavah is available and at hand. And if it’s not actually free, it’s probably affordable.
 
For example, junkfood is much cheaper and more readily available than healthy food. Even an easy fruit or vegetable demands washing or peeling before eating. A simple salad means washing and chopping up lettuce; you can’t just take lettuce out of its wrapper and stick it in your mouth.
 
Others have said it before, but it deserves repeating:

​This lowly generation is also an amazing generation.

With so many temptations literally at our fingertips (the very thing which the Kli Yakar explains actually kindles taavah), then it’s amazing that anyone puts up any kind resistance at all!
 
Even more impressive for yetzer-tov wannabees, society no longer disdains taavahs:

• ​Being a gossip girl can be a badge of honor.
• A foodie, rather than being considered a glutton, is now considered a mumcheh.
• Dragging someone’s name through a swamp now parades you as “honest” and “courageous”—no matter if the defamation is true or not; and if true, whether it’s necessary or not.
• Foul language shows you’re cool.
• Expressions of anger can be considered healthy and assertive.
• The continuous inhalation of news, trivia, and other mostly useless information stamps you as “well-informed.”

 
The opposite of any of the above is considered bad nowadays.
 
Repression—whether of anger or any other taavah—is the new cardinal sin.
 
Yet wondrously, there are still many people who at least struggle to do battle against all that.

People struggle against the constant arousal of the yetzer hara, the wide & enticing variety of yetzer haras,  the ease & social acceptance of submitting to the yetzer hara, the pressure to submit to the yetzer hara, and the social condemnation against NOT submitting to the yetzer hara!
 
Resistance against the dessert-entitlement mentality takes constant vigilance, self-honesty, and self-discipline.

Plus, you’re not supposed to be a miserable kvetch about it—it should be done b’simcha.

And that's why you might be feeling battle-weary...because you ARE battle-weary.

It's a battle.

So really, you should be thrilled with yourself for even attempting to engage in any kind of battle with this engulfing monster of minions.
 
You’re one in a million.

For more, please also see Why This Generation is So Astounding.

If you're reading Parshat Behaalotcha this week, Rav Avigdor Miller has his usual gems. It's all about fulfilling your potential even if you have absolutely no way to fulfill your potential. 

Parshas Behaaloscha 2 – Pesach Sheini; Opportunities Forever
​
Just wanting good things earns you reward. 

(BTW, Toras Avigdor Junior gets this message across by using ice cream in a modern-day parable.)

For example, if you honestly cannot donate to a certain worthy Jewish cause or you cannot donate more than a little, your sincere disappointment and not being able to earns you reward.

Groaning or sighing over your inability to perform a mitzvah earns you reward.

And it's interesting that in light of this, Rebbe Nachman of Breslov held sighing or groaning in very high regard.

On the other hand, wanting the wrong thing is a problem for the opposite reason.

Rav Miller quotes Masechet Gittin (6b): 

"A person who instills excessive fear in his home - that means that his wife and family are afraid of him - it's as if he killed many tens of thousands of Jews."

Rav Miller goes on to explain that these mini-tyrants would also tyrannize multitudes of people if they were in that position. Angry people can kill (but the law or other deterrents stop them).

So yes, we are judged by our actions. But we are also judged by our desires. 

​What do you really want?

Rav Miller advises that at least once a day, whether you're sitting on the couch or walking to the parking lot, you should say with real regret and desire:

Rav Miller lauds this as "a tremendous accomplishment."

If you're reading Parshat Shelach this week, Rav Miller goes into a fascinating and witty parable of the importance & meaning of wearing tzitzit, including wonderful advice on how women can also earn reward for this powerful mitzvah.

As Rav Miller says: "And, believe me, there are women who have become greater than men from the mitzvah of tzitzis."

He also paints a compelling picture of even the simplest & most degraded Jew or Jewess as a prince or princess.

(Interestingly, the Kli Yakar describes that the stunning techeilet tzitzit against the pristine white tzitzit symbolizes love and can bring us to great love with each other and deveikut with Hashem.)

It's very, very worth a read:

Parshas Shelach: The Royal Medal

You can make yourself a file with the Israeli police by getting caught doing anything untoward. Like carrying an illegal size of knife as you and your friend drive past unfriendly non-Jewish neighborhoods, being too noisy at night in a residential area, and so on.
 
Such a minor police file needn’t necessarily bother a secular recruit’s chances for a combat position (maybe yes, maybe no).

But because of the strictures of charedi society, even very minor offenses committed as much as a year or two before enlistment are considered serious signs of an insubordinate personality by the IDF. They look at it as relative to the fairly law-abiding community from which the recruit comes.
 
Furthermore, the secular extremists are well-aware that the charedi community doesn’t respect the laws of the Medinah if they contradict Torah Law.

So even if the young man is rebelling against the charedi community, the secularists feel the young man might be non-conformist in general, including against IDF protocols, and they prefer to have him ensconced within Nachal Charedi.
 
So if a young man from a charedi family has ANY kind of police record, the IDF wants him in Nachal Charedi.

(Ironically, this is also true even if the young man has committed serious offenses and comes from a disadvantaged background, the combination of which might actually make him more suitable for MAKAM. To Nachal Charedi he must go!)
 
And yes, this makes Nachal Charedi a mixed bag of young men from one extreme to another, which is something else that is hardly ever mentioned.

Nachal Charedi consists of recruits who come from charedi families; the recruit himself may not be charedi at all. It depends.
 
And just for knowing, I support Nachal Charedi for certain types of situations. For some, it can be an excellent option.

(This is in accordance with certain Gadolei Hador. For a very brief summation of their views, please see: Who Backed Charedi Enlistment? The title is a misnomer, BTW. None of the rabbanim mentioned back charedi enlistment; rather they support the framework of Nachal Charedi for certain types of bachurim from charedi families.)
 
Having said all that, there are no hard-‘n’-fast rules. Ultimately, the IDF recruiters make their own decision and there are exceptions to the above.
 
What seals the young man’s fate is the interview with the IDF evaluator of mental ability (my son is super-smart), during which my son did not make the right impression. It’s still not clear to me if he came off as too right-wing or something else, or if she'd already decided the outcome in her head from the first.

But like I said, they don’t want charedi rebels or misfits in the regular IDF, just in Nachal Charedi.
 
So because he refused Nachal Charedi, my son was placed in MAKAM for basic training.
 
I’d never heard of MAKAM. 

But I found out soon enough.

​If you look at the IDF website, you’ll see that MAKAM stands for Merkaz Kidum Ochlusiot Meyuchadot—The Center for the Advancement of Special Populations.
 
If you look on the regular IDF site, the MAKAM section portrays itself as helping new olim and those from disadvantaged communities.
 
But really, it’s for young men with criminal backgrounds.
 
Drugs, assault, reckless driving that led to serious accidents—it’s all in MAKAM!
 
The odd thing is that if a boy from a charedi family with a minor police record refuses to join Nachal Charedi, he’s placed in MAKAM with boys who grew up in Israel’s worst neighborhoods and have sat in prison.
 
All of the sudden, the precious son you tried so hard to protect from bad friends on the street of your charedi neighborhood is now sharing barracks with a non-Jewish Ukrainian named Igor who has a scorpion tattooed across his face and jaw, and has served time for violent offenses and earned extra money by street-boxing (i.e. boxing without gloves).

​(I’m not making this up. Igor exists and was in MAKAM with my son.)
 
Anyway, something like a third of the boys were from dati or charedi backgrounds, including some of the tattooed ex-cons, although the Jewish ones tended to favor tattoos reflecting their Jewish heritage, like a Magen David. And they tattooed their arms, rather than their face.
 
In addition, the commanding officers were all girls.
 
Why girls?
 
Because the IDF discovered that serious delinquents didn’t respond so well to being ordered around, and would attack their commanding officer.

​Yet these same delinquents were much less likely to attack female commanding officers, although they did charge at them in displays of intimidation.
 
Please note that I wrote “less likely” to attack female commanders, and not “completely unlikely.”
 
In the MAKAM cycle before my son’s, one MAKAMnik snapped and chased his female commander around the base with a loaded and cocked machine gun, screaming orders at her.
 
Fortunately, the psychotic episode ended with nobody getting hurt. But still.

Anyway, MAKAM is a 12-week basic training program, compared to the 3-6 weeks of basic training most other soldiers get.

Needless to say, combat units endure months of basic training. (But most IDF soldiers aren’t combat.)
 
So MAKAM is a pretty long program, comparatively speaking.

​And the boys are given the impression that they are cared about and that this is their ticket out of the mess they’ve found themselves in until now. If they complete MAKAM, then they can continue in the regular IDF and ultimately make a smooth adjustment into society.
 
Except that none of that is true (generally speaking).
 
The problem with MAKAM is that the boys spend 12 weeks under a magnifying glass. One step out of line, and they ruin any chance to get into their unit preference. (Not surprisingly, many want to go into a combat unit.)
 
A step out of line can mean arriving to a line-up 20 seconds late. (Just to be clear, they won't block his unit preference based on a one-time delay like that, but if it adds up...)

So in some ways, MAKAM is even more exacting & unforgiving than regular basic training.
 
Another problem is that despite the tremendous physical aggression possessed by some recruits, a life of crime is actually not conducive to physical training.

My son and a handful of others not only mastered the physical training, but thrived on it. But most of the MAKAMniks could not handle it.
 
Not surprisingly, discipline and following orders also proved difficult for many of them.

​Although MAKAM is advertised as helping the boys get used to discipline & orders, it doesn’t really succeed. And despite the IDF’s presentation of MAKAM (which you can find on various websites, including Hebrew Wikipedia), MAKAM is not really meant to give them a second chance, to rehabilitate them, nor is it particularly supportive.
 
It’s meant to weed out problematic recruits.

​Another problem with MAKAM is the morale and social environment.

You might be (like my wonderful son) incredibly motivated and highly skilled.

But you’ve got problematic people around you who aren’t. Or maybe they are, but they’re starting to deteriorate when subjected to such a long-lasting & unforgiving testing ground.

​One recruit could not take the strain without chemical assistance, so he managed to smuggle chashish onto the base and spent bedtime smoking it out the window of my son’s barracks.
 
Others simply deserted.
 
Remember, this is a 12-week program. So after a month or 2 in this environment, it can start to have a depleting effect on even the most motivated soldier.  
 
Again, you have people from very difficult backgrounds and neighborhoods.

You have people who don’t know how to deal with their emotions without drugs.

You have people who are used to anger, intimidation, and violence as a way of life.

​You have people, particularly if they’ve been in prison, who have adapted all sorts of behavioral mechanisms to protect and even defend themselves—mechanisms that are helpful in bad neighborhoods and prison, but not so helpful in general society.
 
The truth is that they need an authentic Torah infusion, but instead they get idealistic young females who’ve been programmed a certain way (according to secular ideals and psychology) to deal with them. They’ve got pat methods and pat speech, but not Torah hashkafah.
 
And my son was really motivated. He’s super-smart and strong with great coordination and endurance, and tends to get along well with others.

He was also spiritually motivated, which he expressed by trying to round everyone up for minyan and helping them put on tefillin. (He spent several happy years in a Chabad yeshivah, so he’s really into tefillin—except that he accidentally put tefillin on a couple of the non-Jewish recruits, but in such situations, these things happen.) 

Part of the MAKAM program is sensitivity training.

(I know, I know; I giggled when I heard that too.)

So the girls sit with the MAKAMniks and read to them from current events in order to bring out feelings of empathy.

For example, when the toeva disco shooting occurred, the girls read it out to the MAKAMniks so that they would feel bad about all the toeva guys and what they suffer for being different.

Well, not surprisingly, the entire group immediately collapsed in uproar with bellows of: "THEY DESERVED IT!!!" and other choice words that I'll omit here.

This resulted in the girls shrieking back at them, "How dare you?! How can you be so heartless and insensitive?! These are real people!"

And so on.

This was so unbelievable stupid of these girls because if you know anything about prison culture, the guys feel like they absolutely must stand firm on their straight orientation. There can be absolutely no doubt about where they stand.

And remember, these are teenage boys who'd served in prison, so the need to assert their stance is even stronger.

Therefore, with so many of the recruits coming from a prison culture at some point, of course they are going to respond with anti-toeva vehemence. 

Furthermore, the rest of the guys are compelled to follow along because that is the kind of environment they're in; no one wants aspersions cast on his orientation.

So even if a guy did feel bad about the shooting, he could never ever express it in such a group.

And anyway, rowdy bellowing is fun. That's why they do it at football games.

Also, do I really need to explain that young girls shrieking at teenage boys is likely to encourage their behavior because such boys enjoy action and find shrieking girls highly amusing?

Now, it's not the girls' fault that they are so dumb about this because these girls are extremely idealistic 20-year-olds who've undergone a specific training to deal with this group.

But it is stupid nonetheless.

Another time, the girls presented the story of a Muslim-Arab family that accidentally killed themselves in mind-boggling ignorance by using a kerosene heater inside a fully sealed plastic tent (or something like that), and now the boys were supposed to feel heartbroken about that.

Yet many of these boys had been in fights with Arabs, knew terror survivors, had been affected by terror, and so on. Furthermore, they'd joined the IDF not to battle Buddhists but to protect their fellow Jews from terror perpetrated by the very people who'd accidentally killed themselves.

Finally, the girls declared they were giving up on the sensitivity training because the recruits simply refused to go along with it.

The boys cheered.

And why do Jewish soldiers need to foster copious empathy for people who rabidly oppose their Jewish value system, including those who may represent Jew-haters and killers?

How come these girl-commanders were not giving the boys examples of fellow Jews with whom to empathize?

Anyway, Jews already have everything we need to face battle with integrity.

For example, there is the Rambam and his handy-dandy book called Mishneh Torah.

Within, you can find a chapter conveniently called "Melachim u'Milchamot - Kings & Wars."

And it only gets better! Chazal is chock-full of all sorts of military advice. Whether it's military strategies or ethics, Chazal has got us covered.

The girls would have done a lot better reading from the Rambam than from the newspaper.

​And the boys would've listened a lot more respectfully to the Rambam.

I mean, for crying out loud...

At one point, the female officers took the MAKAM recruits to the Kotel.

This was not a pleasant experience.

As the boys stood there in army uniform, some of the more kanai visitors hissed at them, "Look at you! Coming here with female commanders! You should be ashamed of yourselves!"

For those who aren't aware, every Gadol Hador has come out strongly against any kind of female enlistment to the IDF. They have excellent reasons for their opposition and it has to do with their heartfelt concern for these girls and for the Jewish people in general.

So these rebukers saw this as if the boys had set up a pork barbecue in front of the Kotel or something like that. (Yes, even though the boys had no control over the situation; it was an IDF program.)

Just for knowing, I don't believe in talking to people like this. I think if something needs to be said, it should be done in a much more loving manner.

But I'm just explaining the attitude behind the rebuke.

Anyway, the boys didn't answer them back (much to their credit), partly because they were indeed kind of ashamed to have petite 20-year-old female commanders (it's feels unmanly) and partly out of respect for the Kotel (they didn't want to brawl near the Shechinah).

Although I would helpfully advise any kanai reading this that if you do see a contingent of young male soldiers led by female commanders only, it probably is MAKAM and you should be careful how you express yourself to them because while this particular group kept themselves in check, it's still comprised of unpredictable individuals who may not have the same respect and self-control.

Then, even though some of the female commanders, like my son's commander, are technically dati (shomer Shabbat & kashrut), they felt it would be a good idea to go over to the women's side and start singing songs while dancing in front of the Kotel wearing pants.

Yeah. Where the unfathomably Holy Shechinah hovers. 

I'm going to digress for moment to point out the brainwashing going on here.

As stated, some of these girls are dati. And technically, they should know better than to behave so disrespectfully at The Holiest Place on Earth.

So why don't they?

Because of a particular ideology, these girls feel that their IDF service permits them to wear pants (even though there are long-skirt uniforms). And furthermore, because their religious beliefs are enmeshed with certain political beliefs, they think that it's okay to appear at the Kotel like this because of their idea that the IDF uniform is holy in Hashem's Eyes, as is singing while dancing around like this.

And even though they know that many of the female worshipers there would find their behavior disturbing or even brazen and sacrilegious, they don't care because they are so confident in their ideology.

Hopefully, they will eventually use their tendencies for ideological dedication & their devil-may-care attitude to truly serve Hashem and for the good of Am Yisrael.

(Every character trait can be used in a positive manner. It all depends how you channel it.)

A great many boys who want to join combat units do NOT want to join the armored corps.
 
I didn’t get this at first because I was thinking that driving around in a large metal thing while exploding mortars out the gun turret sounds like something boys like to do. In fact, when I was dati-leumi, one of our crowd had been a tankist and he’d quite enjoyed it.
 
But as it was explained to me, part of tank combat training is spending a lot of time cooped up with other guys in a tank. It also becomes your shared bathroom and dining room.
 
(And for some reason, allowing girls to do this in the army is considered a celebrated leap of progress for women's rights.)
 
Many boys who find sitting in a classroom to be a form of torture look forward to their army service.

They much prefer running for miles with a rifle and a heavy pack, crawling through mud, sleep deprivation, and other serious challenges to, say, sitting passively in a classroom with their legs cramped under a desk.
 
When you tell these same boys, “Welcome to the army! Now you get to be crammed in a tank!”—their response is “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
 
And who can blame them?
 
Some even spend time in IDF prison for resisting service in the armored corps.
 
So it was news to me that out of the combat units, tanks are the least desirable.

But now I understand why.
 
So Avi gave his all to being perfect in MAKAM for 12 weeks, and his reward for all his efforts under difficult demoralizing conditions is—life in a tank.
 
So those who managed to stick it out to the end were left feeling disillusioned, betrayed, and rejected.

​Then after all that, my son’s girl-commander (who defines herself as dati) sent all her graduated recruits a photo of herself at a cocktail party, dressed as they do at cocktail parties and holding a glass of wine. I guess she just wanted to show them what she REALLY looked like, i.e. with makeup and hair styled, etc. I’m not sure why this is so important, but apparently it is.
 
Then my son was perusing the IDF newspaper and saw one of his MAKAM mates—in Golani!

​Mystified, my son read on to see how that happened. After all, this boy did not perform very well in shooting or physical training and all the rest.
 
He soon discovered it was a PR article for the IDF to show the great success of their MAKAM program with “special populations.” They wanted to show that the immigrant children of intermarriage can also make it due to the wonderful support and opportunities of the IDF.
 
“Stefan” was the son of a Jewish father and a non-Jewish mother from the Ukraine. Bamachaneh needed a MAKAMnik of his background to place in Golani in order to produce an article that shows the effectiveness of the program. (This is called shooting the arrow first, and then drawing the target around the arrow. Look—a perfect bull’s eye every time!)
 
My son knew him well because on the way to the shooting range, Stefan suddenly felt the need for a heart-to-heart discussion of his religious identity—or lack thereof.
 
“I don’t know whether I’m Jewish or not,” he said. “I keep getting told different things.”
 
“Is your mother Jewish?” asked his comrades.
 
“No,” said Stefan. “Just my father.”
 
“Did you undergo a conversion?”
 
“I can’t remember,” he said. “I attended some kind of course for conversion, but I can’t remember if I actually converted or not.”
 
(This is so totally against halacha, I don’t even know where to start. So I won’t.)
 
So then the boys said, “Well then, I’m sorry to have to break it to you, my brother, but you’re not Jewish at all. But don’t worry, we still like accept you as one of us.”
 
And though disappointed, Stefan the Ukrainian found great comfort in being let down with such warmth and sensitivity.
 
Then a formerly-dati-soldier-who-was-now-completely-secular happened upon them at that moment. “Why, Stefan,” he said. “I think you’ll find that’s not true. Conversion and maternal lineage don’t matter. The fact that you are now an IDF soldier grants you equal status in Medinat Yisrael. In fact, according to our Zionist ideology—”
 
At that point, all the other boys started shouting at him, “Shut up, you stupid heretic! What are you talking about? That’s totally against halacha! Get lost!”
 
(I find it gratifying that these boys, some of whom had tattoos and served time, were still knowledgeable of and committed to basic halacha enough that they even called a misguided pontificator a “kofer—heretic,” which he was, unfortunately.)
 
Anyway, it was a bit demoralizing to read that a less qualified boy got a coveted position simply because he fit the profile the IDF needed at that moment for their own PR.

​The second eye-opener came when he saw another article about a MAKAMnik who had done well in MAKAM (but not better than my son and others) and also got to join a good combat unit.

​Once again, the article focused on how MAKAM helped this boy from a disadvantaged background succeed in the IDF and in life.
 
And once again, my son realized that they needed this kind of story, so they simply plucked out a boy who best fit the picture they wanted to present.

It didn't matter how hard my son and the others pushed themselves. It didn't matter how well they dealt with all the psychological and physical challenges of prolonged basic training.

And being in MAKAM, they were still stigmatized with whatever mistakes they'd made when they were 15, 16, or 17. Willing to push themselves for a second chance, there was none.

So ultimately, for many of them, the promised opportunity out of disadvantage and mistakes never materialized. 
 
And that’s the story with that.

In conclusion, I’d just like to recommend that if you do know a young man from a charedi family who’s been in trouble with the police and has his heart set on joining the IDF, you should do everything you can to encourage him to join Nachal Charedi, partly because it’s just plain a better program spiritually and militarily speaking, and partly because there’s almost no chance they’ll allow him to join the regular army.

(This is what my son does now. He talks troubled youth out of going for the regular army and to just enlist in Nachal Charedi instead. It really does work out much better.)

Otherwise, this boy will likely get stuck in MAKAM and then be forced to be a truck driver, a weapons clerk, or a fireman (which sounds exciting, but because the jet mechanics and the pilots do their job so well, baruch Hashem, the firemen usually have nothing to do, except drills 3 times a week—although they’ve also been used to help put out balloon fires along the Gazan border, may Hashem protect everyone from all harm).

​So there you go.

​During my son’s IDF service, a certain dynamic repeated itself—and it shocked me.
 
As mentioned in previous posts, my son was blocked from serving in combat, where the dynamic and the attitudes are different than in non-combat units.

If you're English-speaking, you probably hear almost entirely about the experience of combat units in the IDF.

However, that is not the majority of the IDF—far from it. 

My son's experiences paint another part of the picture...

Anyway, whenever his fellow soldiers discovered that my son holds full American citizenship—an American passport and social security number (which theoretically enables him to get on a plane at any moment and arrive in America and get straight to work living the American dream, which is unfortunately the dream of many Israelis)—the response was usually one of the following:

• “Are you stupid?”
• “Are you some kind of idiot?”
• “Are you retarded?”
• “Are you crazy?”

The above inquiries were then followed by one of the following:

• “What are you doing HERE?”
• “Why on earth did you join the army?”
• “Why didn’t you just go to America instead of enlisting? Are you retarded?”
• “I never would’ve enlisted if I had American citizenship. I’d have gone straight to America. What were you thinking?”

 
I mean, he got this ALL THE TIME.

This all shocked me because I found it so unpatriotic.

​Can you imagine an American soldier being told by his fellow soldiers, “You have Canadian citizenship? Are you stupid—what are you doing in the Marines? You could be in Ontario!”
 
Okay, it’s not really the same because the US military is volunteer while the IDF is mandatory.

​But my point is the sheer disloyalty of such a statement. Not to mention the appalling lack of morale it implies.
 
And this might sound naive, but I asked my son if a soldier could get court-martialed for saying such traitorous things, like insulting a fellow soldier for enlisting & even encouraging a fellow soldier to leave the country altogether. Especially since Israel isn't Canada and not located in Candy Land. We have a serious security situation both within our borders and outside our borders. Considering Israel's reality, it just sounds traitorous.

Furthermore, this attitude displays a shocking lack of Zionist principle.
 
Why are your fellow soldiers in the ISRAELI army telling you to leave the great Zionist enterprise and make your fortunes in another country?
 
Why does your display of Zionism and patriotism cause your fellow soldiers and citizens to question your intelligence and sanity?
 
Isn’t this what you’re supposed to do—enlist in the IDF? Live in Medinat Yisrael?
 
My Moroccan-born Israeli-bred husband also found it hard to believe.
 
“I think it’s the kind of people he’s serving with,” said my husband. “These people are a certain type.”
 
My husband is right to an extent. These kinds of comments are heard far less within combat units. (Although a boy serving in tzanchanim/paratroopers heard these comments, but only infrequently. I think that might be because tzanchanim attract a different type of combat soldier than, say, Golani.)

And while IDF recruits cannot decide what position they receive, they can state a preference.

Many of the people serving in non-essential jobnik positions are Left-leaning or just not particularly idealistic and wish to finish up their service in the least demanding way. Others just feel they have better things to do.

For example, one of the shavua-shavua guys came from a wealthy family and showed up to base in his Audi. During his off-base week, he attended law school. During his copious free time on the base, he studied his textbooks to keep up with his classes.
 
But I think it’s also generational, which is why my husband and I found it so shocking. I don’t think most young Israelis held that attitude when we were that age.
 
In other words, I think this is a new thing.

The Israeli iGen. (Or Generation Z.)

Being not-remotely-thin-skinned, my son kind of enjoyed their shocked response, although after a while, it did make him start to reconsider his priorities. Why was he in the IDF, especially since he was shoved into an unwanted non-combat role? Why was he in Israel at all when he could be living it up in the US?
 
Furthermore, he found that he could use this attitude to his advantage.

When a new commanding officer tried to intimidate my son, my son bellowed something like, “WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? I DON'T NEED TO TAKE THIS KIND OF GARBAGE FROM YOU BUNCH OF LOSERS! I’VE GOT AMERICAN CITIZENSHIP—I DON’T EVEN NEED TO BE HERE! GO AHEAD AND DO WHATEVER YOU WANT—I CAN JUST GO TO AMERICA ANY TIME I WANT!”
 
“Wow,” said the commanding officer. “Really? You’ve got American citizenship?” He mulled that over, then added, “So what are you doing here? Why’d you enlist? Are you retarded or something?”

(Just for knowing, my son wasn't out of control when he bellowed like that. He pinned the officer as a bully to whom, if you show a good offense, backs down right away. Case in point: The officer responded non-aggressively and my son was not disciplined for insubordination.)
 
What I think clinched it for my son was a combination of 2 incidents:

Once, he sat next to a pilot as they waited for the bus. As they chatted, it came out that my son had American citizenship.
 
“Really?” said the pilot, who sported a kippah & tzitzit. “So what are you doing HERE?”
 
“You’re religious and a pilot, and you say that?” said my son. (Air force pilots are considered very prestigious in Israel. And the truth is, being an IAF pilot takes tremendous dedication and other important qualities.)
 
The pilot said, “You know, I’m doing this because I figure that if I have to serve my country, then I might as well go all the way—you know?” Then he shook his head. “But if I had American citizenship? I don’t think I’d stay here. American citizenship is a real opportunity that I don’t think I could pass up.”
 
I’m assuming that most IAF (Israeli Air Force) pilots don’t feel this way, but it’s interesting that this one did, and a religious one at that.
 
At one base, my son was interacting with a high-ranking officer who’d made a career out of the IDF. He served on a permanent lifelong basis.
 
But when he discovered my son had US citizenship, he grew pensive.

​Finally, he said, “You know, if I’m here anyway and I don’t have any other choice, I decided to make the army my life. But if I had the chance to leave it all and make it in America like you?” He shook his head. “I don’t think I would be here. I don’t think I would’ve enlisted like you did. I don't think I would be here at all.”
 
Am I the only one who finds this absolutely bizarre? I mean, a high-ranking career officer? Really?

So after a year-and-a-half of this, plus the fact that my son was very bored doing mostly nothing all day (I mean, how much TV can an IDF recruit watch?), he decided to get himself discharged.

So after a very short stint in the IDF’s Keleh 6 prison up North (a story for another post) and a bit of confrontation with a commanding officer, my son was discharged.
 
“I’m going to America,” he informed me. “There’s no future here."
 
Once officially discharged, his phone didn’t stop ringing. Israeli businesses located in the US track down discharged soldiers to offer them jobs in the US.

Because my son has US citizenship, he was especially in demand because an American citizen is much easier for them to hire (no wrangling work visas and other bureaucratic legalities).
 
Gratified, he enjoyed their pursuit. "I'll be probably be in Texas by the end of the month," he gloated.
 
(Baruch Hashem, that was over a year ago and he’s still here with a job he enjoys. Ha!)
 
A few months after his discharge, he attended the wedding of one of the guys he’d served with.
 
It’s a cute story because this guy entered the army secular. But because of Chabad, he finished it frum. Another girl with whom this guy had gone to school since kindergarten also did teshuvah, and they re-connected and got engaged.

So the wedding consisted of all their old classmates, who were still secular and clearly remembered all the silly things these two had done since kindergarten. Plus, their secular army buddies.

​But it was an enjoyable wedding nonetheless and a lovely Kiddush Hashem.
 
Anyway, my son ran into quite a lot of people he’d served with and they all told him the same thing: “You got yourself discharged early? Good for you! I wish I’d had the guts to do that! You’re so smart!”
 
If you've read the other 2 posts, you'll understand how incredibly ironic this conclusion is.

Before I continue writing about my son’s experiences in the IDF, I wanted to publicize an issue that I think many Anglos aren’t aware of it because, again, I never saw it covered in any media and socially, Anglos who join the IDF tend to go into combat and other essential units.

Whether you encounter this particular mentality within Israeli society depends on what circles you’re in and whether you yourself possess a mentality that allows you to recognize the dynamic when you see it.
 
So this is what it is:
 
Many (probably even most) Israelis are brought up with the idea that IDF service IN AND OF ITSELF is an all-important & VITAL contribution.

Yes: Vital. Absolutely Essential!
 
It does not matter whether you only served 3 days a week or every other week (AKA shavua-shavua, which for guys equals 1.5 years of service, not 3).
 
It does not matter the sheer uselessness of your role. (Some army duties are made up out of thin air simply to fulfill the demand.)
 
It doesn’t matter if you served as, say, a jeep mechanic (which you chose, not out of Zionist idealism, but in order to get a head start on the vocation you’re aiming for after your reluctant army service ends), and while yes, of course an army needs expert jeep mechanics, they don’t need SO MANY.

In other words, the actual job is important but you personally are expendable. The IDF has a surplus of jeep mechanics. Yet despite that, you have made an all-important contribution to your country and shared the burden -  unlike those parasitic yeshivah bums. [sarc]
 
It doesn’t matter if you are recruited into a role which you PHYSICALLY CANNOT perform, such as an 18-year-old Moroccan pixie from Dimona assigned to the fire brigade when she lacks the upper body strength to manage the high-powered fire hose.

And because even 2 girls together are not strong enough to handle the hose, they need a male colleague to join them in order for the girls to simply pass the test.

How on earth is this kind of assignment remotely rational or productive?

(Just for knowing, fire fighters serve in the IAF [Israeli Air Force] as part of the on-call emergency team at the runway for incoming fighter jets. Part of the fire-training is sawing through the window of the cockpit of a burning plane to extract the pilot. This needs to be done carefully so as not to decapitate the pilot in the process. Do I really need to explain that most teenage girls not only lack the basic physical strength for such maneuvers, but lack even the potential of gaining the necessary muscle unless they take steroids? I guess I do, because the army has girls serving in the IAF fire brigade! Someone should really tell the fellows in the top-brass…)

It doesn’t matter if you spent a massive part of your “army” service noshing on American candy bars while watching American sitcoms in an air-conditioned room on an IDF base (which does nothing to protect us from our enemies, unless of course, ISIS savages faint at the smell of chocolate-peanut breath and the sound of scripted punchlines).
 
The fact that you are officially enlisted in the IDF means that you are paying your dues to society.

So according to this mentality, it doesn’t matter WHAT you do in the army, nor how useless or useful your particular role is in the army.
 
Just the barebones fact that you are enlisted awards you with social credit.
 
To be clear: I’m NOT talking about combat and essential military non-combat duties.
 
I appreciate combat soldiers and all the non-combat yet essential military personnel working for our national security.

Just for knowing, when I pass through a checkpoint, whether at a mall or the Kotel or anywhere else, I tell the soldier or security guard, "Hashem yishmor otcha, tizkeh l'mitzvot - May Hashem protect you & and may you continue to merit doing mitzvot."

So while I write against the forced draft for females & yeshivah bachurs, it's not from a lack of appreciation for what effective IDF positions do.

I fully realize that many soldiers (and police & security guards for that matter) are prepared to suffer trauma, injury, and even death (chas v'shalom) so that I and everyone else in the country can live here.

However, hungover kvetchy moppers are not anywhere in the same league—which Israelis acknowledge. But what many Israelis don’t acknowledge is that the hungover kvetchy moppers and the pixie fire girls DON’T CONTRIBUTE AT ALL IN ANY WAY. Their service was meaningless. It was nothing.
 
Many Israelis cannot emotionally face this fact.

Furthermore, this is the attitude expressed by many Israelis:

“Paying your debt to society.”

I’m not saying that Israelis use this exact term. But many express that attitude when talking about their army service.
 
That’s how many Israelis see their army service.

And again, they see army service this way even if they did nothing useful for 2 or 3 years. They paid their debt to society. They shared their part of the burden.
 
If you’re American, you’re probably familiar with that phrase being utilized to describe the purpose of prison (which is also an absurd concept. How does sitting in a cell pay any kind of debt to society?).
 
In contrast to what you generally see on English-language Jewish media, which focuses on combat soldiers (who are of course going to be more enthusiastic and idealistic about their service), the non-essential jobnik Israelis actively pursue the least demanding & fulfilling roles in the army.

They don’t want to be there and focus on getting through the army in the least demanding way possible.

Also, because I initially started out in Israel among the dati-leumi crowd, which tends to be more idealistic and patriotic, I rarely encountered the other Israelis who think army service is just something of a drag that you need to get through in order to earn basic worth as a citizen—AND feel superior to non-serving charedim….EVEN IF YOU AREN’T JEWISH and the despised charedim are fully shomer Torah & mitzvot.
 
And this is a HUGE thing that needs attention.
 
Because of this mentality (“Army service over all”), this means that a non-Jewish Ukranian thug officially enlisted in the IDF (even if he does nothing) has social worth while someone on the level of Rav Kanievsky is considered a parasite, chas v’shalom.

The same is true of the daughter of a Jewish father and the non-Jewish woman he brought over from Russia or Thailand or England.

Her army service grants her social & cultural superiority over a non-serving Torah Jew.
 
That’s right—in Eretz Yisrael, where Jews & Torah are more important than anything else.
 
To repeat: A non-Jew of Jew-hating lineage (i.e., many Ukrainians) can acquire cultural & social superiority over fully shomer Torah & mitzvot Jews (including tzaddikim) simply by waving the magic wand of army “service.”
 
Do you think that’s a coincidence of propaganda?

​I don’t. Definitely not.
 
Let’s go on.

The thing is, if you bring up to your average Israeli any kind of judgment with regard to army service (“But why is a girl who sits in her office all day watching pirated movies on her cell phone and doing literally nothing else for her entire service—except showing the base an American movie one night—considered as having shared the burden? Why is her army “service” so important?”), they either get stunned speechless or angry.
 
(This is why I never bring this up to non-charedi Israelis. Actually, that's not completely true. I did bring it up twice as you'll soon see. Once, very carefully; and another time, quite by accident, which I kind of regretted later.)

Disturbingly, many Israelis never considered the VALUE of their service.

Why should meaningfulness or military usefulness be important to a tiny nation surrounded by some of the most vicious & savage terrorists on the planet?
 
Are we living in the Middle East or in Candy Land?

Quite frankly, some of us are concerned about massive armies of bloodthirsty Jew-haters on every border—and the fifth column WITHIN our borders.

​Can't we focus on that?
 
Yet certain types of Israelis never consider the concept of military usefulness. (That’s scary because it’s such an obvious lack of logic that the only reason for this can be brainwashing and propaganda.)
 
And they can get angry because they don’t appreciate the idea that all their “suffering” (i.e., undergoing basic training for nothing, then carrying out boring & meaningless roles) was for naught.

Or because something on which they hang their “rights” as a citizen is actually meaningless in the scheme of things—if you look at the whole situation from a purely rational point of view.

Especially with non-Jewish Russian soldiers or the non-Jewish children of Israeli intermarriage, they get their socially inferred "superiority" over fully Torah Jews simply because of their army enlistment. Ta-dah!
 
The dati-leumi are more aware of this contradiction, partly because their girls tend to do sherut leumi rather than the army, and so they’re already aware of the reasons why not EVERYONE needs to be in the army.

Yet in my early years in Eretz Yisrael, I only occasionally ran into this attitude of reluctant service.

It generally came from secular girls who complained about how meaningless & frustrating their service felt, stupid regulations and capricious commanding officers, and in the case of guard duty—fear of having to actually use their weapon and training.
 
As the wife (who is now fully frum and a really lovely person) of my husband’s brother told me, “When I was out there guarding the base, I was so scared! I kept hoping that nothing would ever happen because despite my training, I really didn’t feel up to actually fighting. I decided to myself that if worse came to worse, I would just let the male soldiers handle it.”

She looked at me. “I really don’t think that girls are cut out for this kind of thing. Do you?”
 
Obviously, she couldn’t say that during her service because a guard cannot have a preset plan to duck out during an attack.

(And it actually happened at one base, when a male soldier turned tail under a surprise attack, which led to several deaths on base.)

​But my sister-in-law was genuinely frightened at the prospect of a machine gun battle. She’s a quiet, gentle, lovely soul and not cut out for gun battles. And that was her enforced, reluctant, share-the-burden service to her country (which again, wasn't real service; she didn't do anything).
 
Another secular Israel girl told me, “We carried Uzis—with no bullets! The boys got M-16s with ammunition, but the girls got empty Uzis that we HAD to carry around all the time! What for? It was so stupid!”
 
(FYI: My son claims this is no longer true, that there is no longer a gender split over who gets the Uzis and who gets the M-16s, and also girl-soldiers no longer go about with empty rifles.)
 
But later, as a young married woman accompanying my husband in kiruv, I was exposed to the completely brainwashed Israelis, as you’ll see from the following examples...

Here’s an example of just how deep this irrational mentality goes:
 
During our early years of marriage, my husband (who learned in kollel full-time) worked part-time alongside secular mildly Leftist Israeli university students who all wore long hair pulled back in ponytails.

​During free moments, these young men enjoyed interacting with my husband via chatting or short ‘n’ friendly religious debates.
 
Accompanying my husband, I mostly just listened.
 
Yet curious to the extent of the insistence on the overriding importance of army service for all no matter what, I ended up asking one of the guys about his thoughts on the issue while my husband was nearby.
 
This university student was a particularly nice and intelligent guy.
 
First, I acknowledged the importance of combat soldiers and any other role necessary for security—whether it was the cook who fed the soldiers or the guy sitting behind a computer in Intelligence.
 
Soldiers need to eat. And technology plays a huge role in security these days.
 
I also emphasized that I was not looking to argue or criticize, but simply wanted to understand out of genuine curiosity.
 
Then I presented him with a theoretical (yet actual) situation in which an Israeli serves a non-essential army position, then immediately leaves the country to settle in Europe or North America, and never contributes in any way to the State of Israel.
 
Then I contrasted that to a guy (frum, of course) who never serves in the IDF, but pays taxes, gets married and raises a family in Israel (contributing to the population). As a consumer and a citizen, he contributes naturally to the Israeli economy and society in a positive way. He gives tzedakah to help his fellow poor.
 
Then I asked the big questions:
​

• Who really made a contribution to Israeli society, to Medinat Yisrael? ​
• And is it okay that the second guy never served in the army?

 
To his credit, the university student spent several moments giving the questions serious thought.
 
He even paused in his pondering to reassure me that he definitely understood where I was coming from and that he understood and even appreciated the point (which, because of all the propaganda—my word, not his—he’d never considered).
 
Then he continued to mull it over.

​Interestingly, his facial expressions and the way he made fists showed that he was actually wrestling with the question.
 
But finally, he shook his head and said, “I see what you’re saying—I definitely understand and think you have a point, but”—he grimaced and shook his head—“but I just”—he shook his head again and knocked his fists against the desk. “I just think that”—he took a deep breath—“at least the first guy did army service. At least he did that.”
 
“Even though he ultimately contributed nothing to the country?” I said.
 
He winced and held up his hands, shaking his head, “I know…I understand the point—and it’s a good question! But I just can’t—” His hands fell with a smack on the desktop and he looked me in the eye. “At least he did his army service.”
 
“So he contributed more than the other guy who didn’t do the army?” I said.
 
“Yeah,” he nodded. “Yeah. That’s right.”
 
I thanked him very nicely and told him how much I appreciated his time & honesty, then turned back to where my husband was talking to someone else.

​I was sad because the university student was a nice and intelligent person and he was willing to listen to an opposing idea. And he DID get it, but simply could not overcome his programming.
 
But it taught me a big lesson.

​The dedication to the idea of "army service for all" is deep-seated to the point of irrationality. 

​Later, I read an article regarding a male Israeli singer who objected to a young female singer winning an award for her music.
 
“She never served in the IDF!” he protested. “How can we grant an award to someone who doesn’t even fulfill the basic obligation of every Israeli citizen?”
 
The article grew even more ridiculous and perplexing as it revealed that his oh-so heilige army service consisted of the army choir. And that would have been her army service, too.
 
If you haven’t seen the girls of the IDF choir, this oh-so vital military service consists of them singing while swinging their hips and ponytails and wearing an IDF uniform shirt that’s unbuttoned too low. (Actually, I think their performances are even more daring and competitive now.)
 
And then of course, religious male soldiers are raked across the coals because they don’t want to watch their sisters objectifying themselves. Such fanatics!
 
Anyway, this male singer was outraged that she hadn’t served in this all-important military position—how disloyal and unpatriotic, shirking her military duty when EVERYONE ELSE serves their time! How dare she receive an award!
 
Anyway…

What clinched it for me was a run-in with a young Israeli baalat teshuvah-in-progress, whom I met at a Shabbaton where my husband was working.
 
This young woman became convinced of the truth of Torah and took upon herself Torah and mitzvot, plus attended classes and read books—but she was agonizingly conflicted.
 
She approached me, then started asking me about some standard issues that people have when making the BT transition. And she was asking in an increasingly angsty manner.
 
And I empathized with her, having gone through it myself. So I just calmly answered her issues as best I could.
 
But she grew increasingly overwrought and I thought that maybe I wasn’t expressing myself coherently enough (Hebrew being my second language and all), so I pleasantly suggested that she ask the people whose classes she attended back home. They’d heard these questions repeatedly and have no problem discussing these issues.
 
“I did ask them!” she insisted. “But I just…”
 
And then she kept expressing her conflict over it all.
 
That’s when I understood she was in the very normal transition stage of teshuvah.

This stage pops up again and again throughout life each time you need to cross another bridge in your lifelong journey of continuous self-transformation.
 
(I always really hate this stage because it feels like a hermit crab without its shell, but it’s a normal & necessary part of the teshuvah process. Please see What's Stopping You from Making Real Change? for more.)
 
Basically, her head is in one place (what the rabbis explained to her) while her heart is in another place (what she still feels is correct).
 
In other words: inner conflict. Yuck.
 
So I realized I couldn’t help her more than her rabbis and rebbetzins already were. You can’t hand people their Yiddishkeit, hashkafah, and emuna on a silver platter.

​After all is said & done, we all have to work for it and that’s just the reality of the process.
 
So I just remained sympathetic, but didn’t say much because transition is a really angsty place to be, and empathy and patience is often the only way to respond. Ultimately, they need to work through it themselves somehow.
 
But she pressed on, this time about army service.
 
“Everyone in my family goes into the armored corps!” she said. “My parents, my uncles, my siblings, my cousins—everyone! It’s our family tradition! Yet I’m the only who’s not. And they keep asking me, they keep pressuring me about it—‘You need to participate too! You also need to give to your country! Why can’t you keep Shabbat & kosher in the armored corps?' ”
 
Now, this is very normal albeit distressing. Israeli baalei teshuvah who still live at home can go through heck with their families.

​I learned of this distressing dynamic when I encountered the Neve girls in the Israeli section. I noticed that many of them looked stoic and even miserable, but I didn’t understand why. They seemed very committed to Yiddishkeit, so why were they so unhappy?
 
Then one day, when a friend & I expressed our friendly envy of the Israeli girls who already knew Hebrew (obviously) and therefore, had a much easier time learning Chumash and the like, one Israeli girl suddenly blurted out with great bitterness, “Well, you Americans are so lucky! You don’t know what it’s like for us. We’re here in Neve for the week and get all this inspiration and support, but every Shabbat, we have to go back to our families and deal with keeping Shabbos & kashrut in a secular home, plus being argued with and attacked for all our frumkeit and new hashkafot! But YOU never have to deal with THAT on a regular basis! You're spoiled!”
 
And she was right.

We Anglos have the opportunity to ensconce ourselves within a BT seminary or yeshivah without being forced into the old environment every week, not to mention the unwanted confrontations with disapproving family members and “friends.”
 
These young Israeli baalei teshuvah can have a very, very hard time.
 
So it apparently was with this the young woman I encountered at the Shabbaton.
 
And as I tried gently answering her, she kept cutting me off, repeating the same questions, and getting more overwrought.
 
But one thing didn’t make sense to me at that time.
 
Why was it so important for her, as a girl, to go into the armored corps with the tanks and all that?

Why was that such an issue? (Remember, at that time, I still hadn’t realized how deep the propaganda went in the minds of secular Israelis.)
 
So I said, “Wait a minute. I don’t understand something. You’re saying how important to your family it is for you to join the tankistim, but why?”
 
And her eyes popped wide open, her mouth shut, and she straightened up. And she didn’t say a word.
 
Because she didn’t respond, I thought maybe I hadn't been clear, so I decided to ask in another way: “I mean, girls don’t actually go in the tanks, right?”
 
A laugh burst out of her. “Oh no, not at all!” she said. “Of course girls don’t go out to battle!” She kept laughing and rolling her eyes.
 
“Okay,” I said, pleasantly. “So what would you be doing there?”
 
She gave a short incredulous laugh. “I would be serving!”
 
“Okay,” I said. “But doing what?”

I honestly wanted to know.

Because she and her family were obviously so overwrought about her not enlisting in the armored corps, I was trying to figure out WHY her enlistment was of such vital importance to them. I felt I was missing some vital piece of information.
 
Now she started stammering and just kept repeating how everyone in her family served in the armored corps and that this was just what her family did and she was letting everyone down by not serving.
 
And I was becoming increasingly bewildered. So I kept probing for the reason why her service was so essential.

​I mean, what was she, as a girl, going to be doing for the armored corps that was so vital to the military capabilities of the IDF?
 
She frowned and wrinkled her nose at me and gave me a crooked smile. “Well, I don’t KNOW,” she said, “because I haven’t actually enlisted, so I don’t KNOW what they would assign me.”
 
Wanting to be helpful, I prompted her: “Well, what did your sisters and female cousins do in the armored corps?”
 
She started stammering out answers again, like all sorts of stam busywork that her female relatives carried out.
 
“But what did that DO for the military effort?” I said. “I mean, how did that help the armored corps exactly?”
 
Finally, she pulled up and stared out me with a slightly opened mouth and wide eyes.
 
I realized I’d crossed some kind of line, but wasn’t sure what.
 
“I honestly wish to understand,” I tried to explain. “That’s why I keep asking. I’m honestly trying to understand why a girl serving in the armored corps is so important.”
 
Then she stared at me one moment more, turned around, and left.
 
And she avoided me for the rest of Shabbat.
 
I felt really bad at the time because I felt like I’d pushed her over some kind of edge. I’d engaged in a confrontation without even realizing it. And I wasn’t looking to break or crush anyone.

I tried to make it up to her by being really nice and non-threatening during the rest of Shabbat, but every time I approached her, her eyes widened and she took off.

Oh dear.
 
But that & the discussion with the thoughtful university Leftist clinched it for me: There is a cult-like mentality regarding IDF service that overrides all reason and logic.

To further hammer home this point, Ynet military correspondent Yossi Yehoshua has publicly stated on Galei Tzahal (Army Radio) that there is currently a surplus of IDF soldiers and that in only 2 more years, that surplus will reach 17,000. (Please see We Don’t Need More Charedi Soldiers for more.)
 
So why all the pressure?
 
Ironically, despite this secular Israeli mentality of “Army Service Over All,” many of those same people don’t care much whether charedim serve.

Because they wish they didn’t have to serve, many of these same people aren’t so upset by charedim avoiding the draft. It makes sense to them. So it depends who. Some resent the seeming unfairness, others are apathetic.

It's a contradiction, no?

Why is there such a contradiction? It's because much of the outrage, resentment, and self-righteousness isn't really real. It's media-created.
 
You have certain Jewish media & politicians whipping people into a frenzy about an issue that, on their own, many actually don’t care much about.
 
Why?
 
There clearly is some kind of an agenda at work here.
 
Why else is such propaganda and brainwashing needed? To what means?
 
The reason why it’s important to know that this mentality exists is because when you read a newspaper article written in self-righteous indignation or when you encounter a fellow Jew condemning charedi avoidance of army service & glorifying female participation ("We don't care about decapitating pilots in burning jets! More grrrl power!"), it’s important to realize the basis for much of this resentment and the feelings of victimhood.

Like, who is really victimized by a yeshivah bachur learning Gemara in yeshivah rather than watching American sitcoms as a "soldier" on an army base?

Some Jewish media sets out to convince people that because charedim do not face an all-out mandatory draft, then non-charedim are being victimized by this fact.
 
(BTW, there are 3000 charedim serving in the IDF right this moment—mostly in combat units.)
 
To sum up:

The self-righteousness, resentment, and feelings of victimhood are mostly not based on logic or reason, but simply a result of media incitement & propaganda INTENDED to whip people’s emotions into the above-mentioned states.  

For more stand-alone posts in this series (for which I haven't yet figured out a title), please see:

• Sharing What Burden Exactly? The Unspoken Elephant in the Room
• What's Happening to the Zionist Dream?
• Have You Ever Wanted to Know What Basic Training is Like for Serious Delinquents & Teenage Ex-Cons? Here's Your Chance!
• The Keleh 6 Mesivta
  

Based on Rav Avigdor Miller’s dvar Torah for Parshat Nasso, I wanted to discuss another angle of “Va'avaracha mevarchecha…I shall bless those who bless you...”
 
How many times do condemning thoughts pop into our head?
 
Maybe we don’t even realize these thoughts are so unforgivingly judgmental.

And if the condemning thoughts are coming from a place of self-righteousness, we may not even classify them as negative (because self-righteousness FEELS so darn good).
 
And sure, maybe someone really is doing something wrong or inappropriate or irresponsible.
 
But still, why can’t we bless them in our head?

Why can't we wish them a better life & better mazal & better behavior?
 
Why can’t we think to ourselves, “Oh, Hashem, I hope that apparently misguided teenage girl discovers the joys of tsnius and finds a wonderful shidduch," rather than allowing ourselves to be engulfed with the thought, “Look what the world is coming to. Even when I was a secular zero-population-growth atheist, I NEVER dressed like THAT!”
 
Instead of mentally condemning another parent for irresponsible behavior, we can mentally wish for Hashem to protect their child, help that child to grow up well, and to imbue the parent with wisdom & common sense.
 
Sure, we can’t always stop the initial judgmental thought. (And like I said, maybe we shouldn’t if the person really is doing something problematic.)
 
But we can certainly direct the mind toward blessings and good wishes, even after that initial mental condemnation.
 
It genuinely helps them and we reap blessing too.

​Rav Miller’s dvar Torah for Parshat Nasso: Blessing His Beloved People is especially important.
 
It’s all about the incredible benefit of blessing your fellow Jew—a benefit both to you and him or her.
 
Rav Miller starts off with an event from Chullin 49a, in which a non-Jew greets Rav Yishmael.
 
“Shalom,” said the courteous non-Jew. “Peace upon you.”
 
Rav Yishmael responded with, “I don’t have to answer you. Your answer is already said; it’s done.”
 
Lest you think that’s a rude response to a decent greeting, the Gemara explains Rav Yishmael’s response:

​In essence, Rav Yishmael was reassuring this courteous non-Jewish passerby that just by wishing peace upon a Jew, Hashem Himself immediately blessed this non-Jewish passerby.
 
What a beautiful and easy way to accumulate blessing straight from the Creator of the Universe.

(This is also yet another example of why unexplained English translations of the Gemara are unreliable. Written in short-hand yeshivish Aramaic, the Talmud is one of the easiest things for self-haters & Jew-haters to take out of context, which is why you should never listen to a Gemara quoted in English for the purpose of arousing doubt & hatred.)
 
Rav Miller emphasizes from the Gemara that even the most superficial greeting—Good morning, Have a good day, Thank you, etc.—elicits blessing directly from Hashem.
 
Any greeting said by a non-Jew to a Jew—no matter how superficial—will reap blessing in full directly from Hashem upon that non-Jew.

​Yet Rav Miller reminds us of the end of the verse: “Umekalelecha a’or—those who curse you, I shall curse.”
 
Two different words are used here for the same meaning: curse.
 
Rav Miller explains that the root of mekalel is kal—light. So anyone who even just makes light of a Jew will be cursed.

But here’s the meat and bones of the dvar Torah and why it’s so worth reading…

When you say Shalom (or even better, Shalom Aleichem) to a fellow Jew, you do so with intent. You should be secretly wishing him a day of peace—no unpleasantness with his boss, co-workers, or customers. No fight with his wife. No hassles.
 
And it’s a very powerful things because in a sense, it’s praying for your fellow Jew. A meaningful Shalom Aleichem can really grant your fellow Jew a better day, AND reap you blessing too.
 
Same thing with uttering a perfunctory “Yashar koach” or “Mazal tov” or even “Good night.”

​Even if you’re just uttering it mindlessly as a formality, it still has koach. But if you put some heart into it, it has even more force. You reap more both for the person you addressed and for yourself.
 
Rav Miller recommends looking for opportunities to wish fellow Jews all the best—privately of course.
 
He offers the interesting recommendation: 

​Rav Miller recommends doing this every time you see a mezuzah on a home (which he admits is not entirely possible to accomplish in a neighborhood flourishing with frum Jews). Do it to an empty house! Do it when you see a yeshivah.
 
And so one of the best opportunities, one of the most authentic and real opportunities, is when
the one you’re heaping brachos upon doesn’t hear, and doesn’t know.
 
For example, when passing by a frum girls school, he says:

Rav Miller offers many other juicy examples, including from the Slabodka Rav, so it's definitely worth reading the original.

Rav Miller spends that last part of the dvar Torah talking about love and offering great suggestions.

By wishing your fellow Jew all the best in your heart and murmuring it to yourself, you are creating love. Maybe you aren’t such a loving person to start off with. Or maybe you’re going through a hard time, leaving you feeling emotionally depleted.
 
But by delivering heartfelt wishes to others, you can make yourself more loving.

​We’re in this world to gather diamonds, Rav Miller reminds us. We need to stock up on spiritual accomplishments. Even sincere attempts are counted as spiritual accomplishments.
 
And in the end, what can happen?

​We’re living in Amalek’s world today, a cold world, a world that seeks to chill our hearts and our spiritual avodah.
 
But by doing the above, we can fight off Amalek and warm our hearts.
 
It might take time, but we can do it.