Blog Archives - Myrtle Rising

Feeling Blocked from One Side or the Other–What's Really Going On

31/8/2021

There are many people who feel that they have nobody to talk to.

Even people close to them [who should be helping them] don’t seem to really understand them.

This may be a signal from Shamayim that Hashem wants to hear from him.

Many people have had major yeshuos by developing a close connection with Hashem, and speaking everything out to Him can cause great nissim.

—Bitachon Weekly for Parshat Nitzavim & Rosh Hashanah 5781

A lot of people increasingly feel this way, that there is no one to talk to who really understands.

Furthermore, many people who empathize with others increasingly struggle with how to respond in the way most suitable for the person pouring out his heart.

They WANT to respond to the person's needs—but feel blocked from doing so, as if they're groping in the dark to reach the person in pain.

At the same time, a lot of people struggle to speak with Hashem (including people who happily spoke with Him regularly before—suddenly, they started feeling blocked).

Here's a genuinely helpful piece of advice from Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender:

Imagine Hashem as a best friend, a best friend who genuinely cares about you, a best friend who both can & wants to help you in any way possible.

(Because He really is this and more.)

Another tidbit of helpful advice:

Don't pressure yourself about the amount of time. (This advice comes from Rav Itamar Schwartz, among others.) Even 1 minute is excellent.

If you end up speaking for one minute, that's great. If that one minute turns into 5 minutes or 20 minutes or even 2 hours, then even better.

But that one minute of connection is great. Don't get caught up in the modern secular Edomite mentality that one minute doesn't matter, that it doesn't make a difference.

It DOES.

Summertime in Eretz Yisrael

Rosh Hashanah Special Offer: A Poem by Nechumelle Jacobs for £15!

30/8/2021

The gifted poetess Nechumelle Jacobs is offering to create a personalized Rosh Hashanah poem for £15 (British pounds), custom-made for your unique needs.

If you or anyone you know would enjoy a special, skillfully crafted poem for Rosh Hashanah, please contact Nechumelle Jacobs in England:

Telephone: 0044 7973 291 422
Email: nechumellejacobs@gmail.com

To see samples of work by Nechumelle Jacobs, please start here:
perfect-packaging-an-inspiring-poem-by-nechumelle-jacobs.html

Baruch Dayan Emet: Bar-El Achiya ben Nitza

30/8/2021

Baruch Dayan Emet.

I'm sure you've already heard that Bar-El Achiya ben Nitza succumbed to his injuries.

It's very depressing & I can only imagine how his family & friends feel right now.

May Mashiach come very soon b'rachamim.

Revitalize Your Tishrei with Insights from Rav Itamar Schwartz

30/8/2021

UPDATE: Please see this 12-page PDF booklet too:
Accessing Your Previous Lifetime
https://bilvavi.net/files/Bilvavi.Accessing.Your.Previous.Lifetime.pdf

Within, you'll discover the 5 sources of love in the soul, how to connect to long-gone tzaddikim, in addition to dealing with your previous lifetimes & this lifetime—all transcribed & translated from lectures by Rav Itamar Schwartz.

With all the focus on Rosh Hashanah as the beginning of a new year, plus getting ready for Heavenly Judgment by focusing on Hashem's Kingship, it's easy to overlook that fact that Rosh Hashanah is also Rosh Chodesh Tishrei.

To help us make the most of Tishrei, Bilvavi published a PDF booklet of Rav Itamar Schwartz's shiurim for Tishrei:
https://bilvavi.net/files/Bilvavi.Rosh.Chodesh.Tishrei.pdf

The sense associated with Tishrei is touch.

Without a physical sense of touch, we could not enjoy the relief of a cool breeze on a hot summer day, a rejuvenating swim, or test food to see if it's ready (like the texture of cake or kugel changed by baking or other foods during cooking).

A spiritual sense of touch also exists, which we experience through our heart.

As Rav Schwartz says on page 4:

The month of Tishrei are days in which our heart’s sense of touch is more opened.

We can feel things from our heart much more during these days than the rest of the year.

If we learn how to use our spiritual sense of touch, we can become close to Hashem during these days, to “feel” Hashem.

He explains a major difference between the avodah of men & women (as evidenced by the obligation of men in limud Torah—an obligation not cast upon women) is how men serve Hashem more via the mind while women tend to serve Hashem more via the heart.

Of course, he acknowledges that women can & do also serve Hashem via the mind (attested to by the many women today who take upon themselves to read mussar & learn many aspects of Torah) & that men also must serve Hashem via the heart.

In fact, he notes that in Tishrei—particularly during the 10 Days of Teshuvah—men need to connect to their heart more than ever, even making the heart their main avodah at that time.

He also explains the obstacles to avodah via the heart, and why—despite women's innate ability to serve Hashem through the heart—women today struggle to connect with the heart.

To remedy this, Rav Schwartz recommends "heart time."

During this time, we silence our thoughts to access our soul by tuning in to what's going on in our heart.

Basically, you sit with a piece of paper and write out your feelings (page 4):

What do you feel all the time?

Do you feel love, or hatred, or any other emotion going on inside you?

Write down everything positive and negative you feel in your life; the good and the bad.

If you're still not sure how to proceed with this exercise, it's explained a lot more there, plus a generous Q&A follows on pages 5-8, providing more guidance.

Doing Teshuvah on the Root of All Sin

Another aspect of touch is doing teshuvah over the root of all sin: Adam & Chava touching & eating the fruit of the Eitz HaDaat (Tree of Knowledge).

Page 11:

We all ate from the Eitz HaDaas; we all lost our spiritual sense for touch.

We each have our own private sins which we need to do teshuvah.

But there is a root, general teshuvah which applies to every Jew – we all need to do teshuvah over the root of all sin, which is that we ate from the Eitz HaDaas and thereby lost our spiritual touch.

The One Time You Can Simply Feel the Reality of Hashem

Rav Schwartz also notes that on Rosh Hashanah, a person can feel Hashem without the exertion usually needed to feel Hashem (page 11):

Every day on Rosh HaShanah, this point in time returns, where he can simply feel Hashem.

During the rest of the year, this sense of Hashem comes only through exertion to most people (some rare individuals can sense Him simply, because they acquired this ability through mesirus nefesh, an intense level of devotion to Him).

But on Rosh HaShanah, every person can feel simply the reality of Hashem, as a natural ability, just as one can feel something with his body, as long as he has opened his soul even a bit.

Nice!

The Mazal of Tishrei: Moznayim/Scales/Libra

On pages 14-18, Rav Schwartz explains:

how the mazal of Moznayim connects to the month of Tishrei
how the idea connects to ears & the power of imagination
how benonim can be on a higher level than tzaddikim (explained according to the Gra)

The Tribe of Yosef & The Month of Tishrei

Yosef HaTzaddik corresponds to the month of Tishrei.

Tishrei contains a spiritually damaged root, much like how Yosef suffered a certain spiritual damage due to his encounter with Potifar's wicked wife.

We try to rectify that damage, and the blowing of the shofar plays a powerful role in repairing that damage.

Please note: Rav Itamar Schwartz lovingly opposes all forms of the Internet & has no connection to the Bilvavi site.
The Q&As were either recorded during a class given by Rav Schwartz, then transcribed and translated into English, or they are questions people wrote in, and his verbal answer recorded.
None of that is FOR the website. It's just something he has done for years (i.e., conduct classes & answer questions).
The Bilvavi site was produced by a student of Rav Schwartz (a student who seems to be running it from a Netfree Internet center, and not from his home), and the site is specifically meant to make Rav Schwartz's shiurim & ideas available as kiruv for completely secular people.
I do not fit that description, but I obviously use the site anyway. (I can't resist!)
The point is that Rav Schwartz has no more connection with the Bilvavi website than Rav Kanievsky does with all the websites that post videos & quotes of him.
Please see the Disclaimer here:
https://eng.bilvavi.net/opinion/

The Most Accurate Way to Measure a Hurricane: Focus on the Pressure Reading

29/8/2021

The North Atlantic Hurricane seasons spans from June to November with late August through September usually being the most intense period of the hurricane season.

While news reports focus on a hurricane's wind speed, the real indication of a hurricane's power lies in its pressure.

The lower the pressure, the more powerful (and more destructive) the hurricane.

Also, the faster the pressure drops, the more intense the hurricane.

We're used to higher numbers indicating higher power or strength (like a higher number of knots, miles, or kilometers measured means a stronger hurricane).

High pressure sounds stressful while low pressure sounds relaxed.

But in weather, pressure works exactly the opposite: A lower number means more strength—more intensified pressure—and hence, more destruction.

For example, during the horrifically destructive Labor Day hurricane of 1935 (before hurricanes started receiving names), people with barometric pressure-readers noticed the pressure visibly plummeting before the hurricane hit.

Ultimately, it reached the unusual low of 892 millibars ("mb").

Here is a chart of how they categorize hurricanes:

Category 1: Minimal — Greater than 980 mb or 28.94 in; 119–153 km/h 74–95 mph

Category 2: Moderate — 965 to 979 mb or 28.50 to 28.91 in; 154–177 km/h 96–110 mph

Category 3: Extensive — 945 to 964 mb or 27.91 to 28.47 in; 178–208 km/h 111–129 mph

Category 4: Extreme — 920 to 944 mb or 27.17 to 27.88 in; 209–251 km/h 130–156 mph

Category 5: Terrible — Less than 919 mb, 27.17 in.; more than 252 km/h 157 mph

If barometric pressure lowers by more than 6 millibars in less than 3 hours, the hurricane is considered as "rapidly intensifying."

If it remains the same or lowers by less than 6 millibars, it's considered "holding steady."

You know all those hurricanes predicted to turn monstrous over the past couple years and then didn't?

Well, generally, the best indication lay in their pressure reading.

(Remember: The news focuses on windspeed, which is only the secondary indicator of hurricane force—again, don't disregard windspeed altogether, but look at it within the context of the accompanying pressure.)

For example, a hurricane with a windspeed of, say, 135 mph (low Category 4) and pressure measured at 957 mb (well within Category 3) that also holds steady, will have newscasters hyperventilating about a Category 4 hurricane on the way, with all sorts of terrible predictions.

But that generally won't prove true.

Now, I'm not saying a Category 3 hurricane is something to hang around for or that we should just ignore windspeed, but it was clear from the beginning (by the pressure reading) that it was unlikely to be a real Category 4 hurricane.

And indeed, it generally wasn't.

Sure, it's good to prepare for a Category 3 by treating it like a Category 4.

But so many overhyped warnings cause people to take hurricane forecasts less seriously, which ends up endangering people when they need to take a hurricane forecast seriously—but don't.

Forecast hurricanes yourself by focusing on the pressure.

For example, Hurricane Nora in the Eastern Pacific:

When I checked this a few hours ago, the pressure was the same as now.

Maybe the winds slowed down a bit. I think earlier, the windspeed hit 80mph as opposed to the current 75mph.

But the pressure remains exactly the same.

Hurricane Nora remains a Category 1 hurricane and not a particularly awful one (though people in that area should take responsible precautions).

(Update 90 minutes later: Nora has been downgraded to a Tropical Storm as her windspeed slowed to 70 mph and her pressure weakened from 985mb to 988mb. Again, this was predictable based on her relatively weak pressure & lack of intensification of that same pressure; it held steady for hours.)

Hurricane Ida, however, is more of a concern.

When I checked a few hours ago (late morning, early afternoon), Hurricane Ida's windspeed reached 140mph, but her pressure lay around 948 mb.

As you can see from the chart above, Hurricane Ida's windspeed indicated an average Category 4, but her pressure indicated a strong Category 3.

She was labeled as a Category 4, which makes sense when the pressure-reading remains in Category 3 by only 3 millibars.

But now, Hurricane Ida's pressure plummeted to 933 millibars & her windspeed increased to 150mph:

The windspeed now places Hurricane Ida as a strong Category 4 (4's top windspeed is 156mph).

But the 10mph increase in windspeed isn't the big deal here.

Hurricane Ida's current pressure-reading of 933 millibars not only places her squarely in Category 4, it also shows a massive pressure drop of 15 millibars within only a few hours.

That pressure-drop indicates a rapidly intensifying hurricane in addition to a powerful one.

(Update 90 minutes later: Hurricane Ida's pressure dropped another 3 millibars to 930 mb since I last checked 90 minutes ago. Despite her windspeed & traveling time remaining the same, the drop in pressure indicates an intensifying hurricane, which was predictable by noting the previous drop in pressure by 15 mb AND the rapidity of the drop in pressure within a few hours.)

This means that people in the hurricane's projected path (which is subject to change if winds change direction) need to fortify their homes & possibly evacuate, depending where they are in the path.

People outside the direct path also need to keep tabs on what's happening, both because the weather affects them outside that path & because the winds can suddenly change direction.

It also looks like the hurricane's traveling speed slowed down from 15mph to 13mph, but not sure if that's significant.

If a powerful hurricane travels slowly, it increases the damage because rather than passing through rapidly, it takes its time & just grinds there for a while.

I don't know why the news focuses almost exclusively on windspeed. Maybe because people instinctively understand that better than discussions of pressure & millibars?

Not sure.

You can keep track of North American hurricanes here:
https://www.nhc.noaa.gov/

So remember:

Lower pressure → Stronger hurricane
Rapidly lowering pressure → Rapidly intensifying hurricane

(In other words, the LOWER the number of millibars the MORE POWERFUL the hurricane.)

In the future, you can understand better how to respond to hurricane warnings by keeping an eye on the pressure.

Don't automatically dismiss the hype, but don't get overwrought either.

Always check the pressure.

Rosh Hashanah Posts & Recipes For Inspiration

29/8/2021

For Rosh Hashanah inspiration, please see the following...

Here are some gems from Toras Avigdor:

(The Rosh Hashanah booklet looks like a lot to read, but it's really only 10-15 minutes of very enjoyable reading, and it illuminates concepts in a way you may never have known. There's tons of gems in there that can improve your morning davening, plus interesting stuff like what the name "Milka" means, your simple kavanah for the shofar blowing, why Rosh Hashanah comes before Yom Kippur — after all, you'd think we'd want to do teshuvah before being judged, right?)

If you click on the following, you can arrive at all Myrtle Rising's Rosh Hashanah posts:
All the Rosh Hashanah posts

Especially these:

(This last one is from the Netivot Shalom. The big chiddush there is that Rosh Hashanah LITERALLY makes you & everything else in the Universe a COMPLETELY NEW creation. You won't always see it right after Rosh Hashanah, but sometimes, like halfway through the year, you'll see a sudden change in yourself or others, and you'll be like "?!", but really, it can be traced back to that year's Rosh Hashanah renewal.)

And here are some recipes, one of which is specific to Rosh Hashanah (and the other 3 major holy days) here:
All Myrtle Rising's Recipes

Some Musings Triggered by the Passing of My Husband's Last Aunt

27/8/2021

This week, my husband's last aunt died.

It's end of that generation on my husband's paternal side.

My husband's father was the youngest & only son out of 8 children. (There were one or two other brothers born, but they died in early childhood; unfortunately, we hardly know anything about them.)

My husband commented on the long lives they lived—except his father.

Nearly all his father's sisters passed away in their 80s or 90s, despite (or maybe because of?) growing up in Morocco when donkeys were still the main mode of transportation, and despite the stress of coming to Eretz Yisrael in the 50s & 60s when everything was still one big traumatic mess & the anti-Torah Leftists (Communists in Democrat Socialist clothing, really) held inflexible control over the entire country.

The paternal grandparents lived well into their 90s.

His grandfather split his time between learning Torah and tending his vegetable field & fruit orchard in Meknes, Morocco, from which he made his parnasa (when his wife wasn't passing out the veggies to the poor).

My husband mused aloud about the contrast between his father's relatively short life (which ended at age 53) to the longevity enjoyed by his sisters and parents.

(This last aunt was around 92 when she passed away.)

Widows & Orphans

My husband came to Eretz Yisrael as a baby with his parents & 2 older sisters.

One day, when my husband was 15, his usually strong & healthy father came down with something.

The next day, his mother took his father to the hospital.

The day after that, his father died.

That's it. Three days from "not feeling so good" to death.

The youngest child was four while the oldest was married with a child of her own & lived only a couple of blocks away.

My mother-in-law never learned to read due to having been taken out of school at age 6 when her own father suddenly died from a trauma induced by Arab leaders acting as they pleased. Jews often enjoyed good phases under Muslim rule, but at the end of the day, dhimmis don't have rights. (Apologies for the lack of detail; it's private for now.)

The ammunitions factory where my husband's father worked offered my mother-in-law lots of money, which they claimed was their policy to help out the widows of their workers.

Over the years, they also sent her generous benefits, enabling her to buy good-quality appliances for a third of the price, and so on.

(Even when she didn't personally need it, she still bought these things to save for her children when they got married. We received the stovetop oven she acquired this way. And I think our first washing machine was also acquired that way.)

My mother-in-law didn't suspect any other motive because it just made sense to her.

After all, she grew up in Morocco where everyone she knew behaved with generosity to those poorer than them.

She said widows might have been poor, but never lacked food. The Jewish community always supplied them with their dietary needs.

(Also, the Moroccan climate nurtures a long growing season for a wide variety of fruits & vegetables & legumes, so that enables a lot more produce available for cheap or for free—more than a colder climate allows.)

When my mother-in-law became a kallah in Morocco at age 17, she & her widowed mother paid nothing.

The community provided everything, even going so far as sewing her a beautiful wedding dress from scratch, plus expert hairstyling & makeup—all free of charge.

If you think of all the time, labor, and money involved (especially in creating a wedding gown decorated with handmade white satin roses), and with no financial compensation, you get an idea of the generosity of the frum Jewish community.

So later in Medinat Yisrael, it made sense to her that the rich guys overseeing the factory would help her after her husband's sudden passing.

Only it wasn't exactly like that.

The Truth Comes Out

Around 10 year ago, our family spent Shabbat with his cousin's family in their kibbutz villa—a cousin who is the daughter of this last aunt who just died.

(You can read a true story about them here: little-yaels-rosh-hashanah-coat.html )

Her family (she, her parents, and siblings) and my husband's family came to Eretz Yisrael in 1969 & grew up next door to each other.

She is 6 years older than my husband & held a lot more awareness as to what was going on back then, plus the issues revealed later.

Those in charge didn't protect the workers at the ammunitions factory, she told us.

There were no precautions against the fumes the workers breathed or the chemicals they touched.

They worked hours every day for years in that environment, not knowing they were slowly poisoned by the materials in the factory.

They continued like this until they would suddenly get sick & die.

"Your father wasn't the only one to die like this," she told my husband.

He was shocked.

She explained how these factory owners gave the bereft families generous compensation to stop the families from suing & exposing them.

It wasn't generosity or compassion or even reparation.

It was simply hush money.

The owners did not want to be sued or lose their business. It was cheaper for them to dole out funds to the families of their dead employees.

To some families, they apparently said this outright, when savvier families realized why a healthy man suddenly died & threatened to take the owners to court.

Choosing Your Yoke Wisely

Neither my husband nor I know exactly why the factories did this.

Was it because the workers were Sephardim?

Or because of the general elitist attitude of the financially successful toward lower-income working class people—that such people are dispensable?

Or just plain greed?

All of the above?

We can't know exactly.

But it's worth noting this:

When you cast off the yoke of Torah, you aren't free but merely substitute the Torah for another yoke.

And the only other yokes around are from the surrounding culture.

At that time in Eretz Yisrael, you basically had either the Arabian Middle Eastern culture OR the Polish-Russian culture—which was also Communist at that time.

Without Torah, those were your choices.

Eastern Europe was extremely classist until Communism took over. But the elitism in society did not end with the Communist promises of unconditional equality.

Savvy Communists rose to power, then ended up enslaving & exploiting everyone under them—much like the hated landowners & titled gentry & royalty did to the people under their domain.

Without Torah, it's hard to escape this elitist mentality of owning peons & serfs whom you can treat much like you treat your livestock.

Throughout history, the surrounding culture always looked so enticing to many Jews (especially when its allure consists of a façade of happiness, equality, and comfort).

But there is no real happiness or goodness without morality.

Torah provides the only authentic moral compass.

When you throw that out, what do you have?

You only have glitter thrown in your face with promises of unicorns & rainbows.

But behind the blinding glitter lies something very ugly & disturbing.

And that's part of the lesson here.

The real utopia can only be provided by Torah.

Nothing else comes close.

Dear Women in the Workplace...

26/8/2021

The workplace has always presented challenges for men & women together.

But frum people face special challenges—today more than ever.

Learn how to navigate the workplace as a bat Melech with halachah, hashkafah, and tips addressing a variety of situations encountered in the workplace.

H/T Nechumelle Jacobs for sending this my way.

Join the thousands
WHO RECEIVE SHORT, DAILY HALACHA EMAILS
relating to the workplace.
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My Personal Experience with Coronavirus—Or Maybe Not. Or Maybe Yes?

26/8/2021

Last Sukkot (Autumn 2020), it seems like almost every person in my area contracted covid-19.

The number reached the thousands.

Some people suffered an usually harsh bout of it, frightened by constricted breathing or even needing a ventilator for a couple of days.

Out of the thousands, hardly any deaths occurred. I remember 2 for sure, but maybe it was 5?

They were all around 80 & in poor health (seemed like diabetes, high blood pressure, etc.). One I knew & missed him.

Needless to say, every life is precious & we need to take special precautions around vulnerable people.

But in my town, this supposedly dangerous epidemic demonstrated a survival rate of close to 100%.

Yes, I noticed increased severity in some cases—more hospitalizations than the flu, more severe symptoms—but not MUCH more than any other virus going around.

(You can read more about my observations here, along with the comments:
www.myrtlerising.com/blog/imagine-theres-no-mediawhat-is-your-personal-reality-of-covid-19)

The Most Fearful & Cautious Caught It First

My family & I noticed another odd pattern.

It seemed that the people most afraid of the virus & sticking closest to the mandated protocols got sick first.

Meaning, the people who suffered real anxiety about the virus and were stringent with wearing masks, social distancing, going out only when necessary, learning & davening at home rather than a shul or beit midrash—they ALWAYS caught the virus. And early on too.

In contrast, those of us who lacked fear & did not obey the protocols beyond the minimum to keep us out of legal trouble...tended to be fine.

One family in our building are Eitznikim.

This means they follow Rav Shmuel Auerbach ztz"l. They automatically suspect anything the secular Israeli government does, assuming that even when the government does something good, it's probably for a secretly bad motive. (This is the halachically mandated approach when dealing with confirmed reshaim.)

They do their best to act like there is no government (except they do obey normal laws, like speed limits & crossing at the appropriate lights, no stealing or murdering or assaulting or graffiti—which they wouldn't anyway because they are very religious & follow halacha).

Their schools were open when everyone else's were closed.

They refused to wear masks as much as possible (like only if a cop was around who would penalize them).

And so on.

They were the last to catch the virus, and I'm not even sure they did. If they did, they experienced a very light case.

We also did not fear the virus & did not cling to the mandates, only following what we needed to avoid fines. One son had a confirmed case of covid-19 and simply stayed quarantined in yeshivah with all his friend also diagnosed with covid-19.

They had a great time together.

Nobody died either.

Baruch Hashem.

Against All Logic & Expectation

I know a child born with a sensitive respiratory system.

(His mother thinks it's because of the meconium he inhaled at birth combined with the choking vacuuming of his lungs immediately upon his birth. In other words, she thinks his lungs were traumatized.)

He often coughed through entire nights as a baby and as a toddler, was also prone to colds & coughs & fevers.

They tried vitamins, herbal remedies of all kinds, essential oils, a vaporizer, acupressure, the ventilator machine at the doctor's office—nothing helped.

This went on and on for the first years of his life, with him missing the equivalent of an entire month of preschool during the winter.

When covid-19 made its appearance, his mother wondered whether her son might catch a nasty case of it because he seemed so vulnerable to respiratory viruses.

Oddly, the first winter covid hit Israel, her son was LESS sick than he'd ever been. He had one phlegmy cough that lasted a few weeks—and that was it.

The next time covid went around, she gave him a couple of doses of Sambucol (a brand of elderberry syrup made with vitamin C, and some with zinc too) for the first time, and he remained healthy throughout the entire season.

In fact, she said she's astounded that davka during this covid epidemic, her son has never been healthier!

And remember, this is a kid who was born susceptible to respiratory viruses & whose illnesses NEVER responded to ANY treatment.

What gives?

Did We Have Covid? We'll Never Know.

But what about the rest of us in my family?

Not sure.

We were taking the recommended vitamins, like D3, K2, vitamin C, zinc, etc.

During that time, my husband seemed tired, then developed a low fever.

This isn't uncommon with him, that periodically he appears mildly ill, then is back to himself within a couple of days.

So I didn't think much of it, especially as he wasn't coughing or wheezing or stuffy at all.

Then I developed a mild fever and achy legs.

But we still managed just fine, each taking turns to make meals or tidy up something or care for our youngest child. (The older kids still at home managed themselves & despite constant exposure to us, remained healthy, as did the youngest—baruch Hashem, bli ayin hara.)

I considered getting tested.

But because I'm not a completely irresponsible person, I didn't want to take the bus to get to the testing center because I knew the masks are not effective and did not want to infect anyone on the bus.

After all, elderly people, babies, and other vulnerable people ride the bus.

So I considered calling for a taxi, but again, because I'm not completely irresponsible, I would tell the taxi service upfront that I suspect I'm infected with covid-19.

But then I thought, even if they would take me, is it responsible to get my germs in the taxi, knowing the passengers after me would be directly exposed? What if they're vulnerable to complications from the virus?

(To emphasize: The mandate to go out for testing when you have symptoms is irresponsible & illogical. Most Israelis do not have cars. It forces people to go out among others DAVKA when they're sick & contagious!)

So then I considered walking to the center. But it's uphill and my fever hovered around 99 degrees and my legs were achy, it was hot outside, and the mask mandate was still on. So I didn't think I could make it on foot.

My husband didn't want to get tested at all because he didn't feel any different than any other time he got sick. In fact, he felt better than during other illnesses.

We were also both of the notion that a mild fever & achy legs didn't NEED to be covid-19. After all, there are many other viruses in life.

So we didn't get tested.

As I recovered within 4 days, I lost my sense of smell.

I didn't notice at first because I never had much sense of smell.

I mostly enjoyed this lack of smell, however.

A lot of smells in life aren't so pleasant. So it was like having time off from unpleasant smells.

To experiment, I opened a bottle of vinegar and inhaled as hard as I could.

Only with intense inhaling could I vaguely smell the vinegar. Cool!

Cinnamon could also be smelled only with intense effort.

On the other hand, I burned a pot of peas because I did not smell the initial scorching.

I also sprayed too much insect repellant at mosquitoes because I could not smell it.

I also baked chicken into unappetizing dryness because my meat oven lacks a timer and could not smell the baking process (and I forgot to keep track of the time myself).

Furthermore, many foods had a bitter taste or bitter aftertaste.

But now all my senses are back to normal.

♪ Where, O Where Have My Little Antibodies Gone? Where, O Where Can They Be?♫

Around 6 months later, my husband got tested for antibodies.

None. (Or so few, the results are considered negative.)

A couple of weeks ago (meaning, around 10 months since we think we might have had covid-19), I also got tested for antibodies.

None. (Or so few, the results are considered negative.)

The receptionist at the clinic, who is also a neighbor, said, "I also don't have antibodies."

"What?" I said. "But you had such a harsh case of it!"

She nodded.

She was one of the people who got hit hard by it, feeling awful & coughing, and then it just wouldn't leave her.

I don't remember when exactly she got infected, but I remember her at the Megillah reading on Purim, and was shocked to see her still feeling so poorly.

Yet even such a case still left her with no antibodies.

"But I got the vaccine," she said with an air of solid assurance.

She believes in the vaccine.

Look, I don't blame her.

She suffered such a harsh bout of covid, it must be frightening to think of ever getting it again.

But what I still don't understand (and I tried to research this, but came up with nothing) is how a virus that—most oddly—leaves no antibodies & therefore no immunity...how can there be a vaccine for that?

The virus itself does not produce immunity, so how can a vaccine made from the virus produce immunity?

Why are Things So Unpredictable?

It's all unpredictable.

We're seeing such lack of predictability & reliability during this covid era.

As mentioned above, we saw people who took precautions get sick while people who took little to no precautions either remained healthy or experienced a very light case of sickness.

Some vulnerable people with a low immune system remained healthy while robust people got infected.

Weather is going to extremes in many places (the unprecedented heat wave in rainy Seattle, the unseasonal & unexpected flooding in Germany, the bizarre freeze across arid sunny Texas, etc.)

People are also changing.

The appliance repair man we trusted for 10 years suddenly turned into a cheat & a deceiver. And he was genuinely trustworthy for all these 10 years; it wasn't that we were naïve & only realized it now. He really WAS the perfect appliance repairman who could always be trusted for good work & good advice.

Alas, no more.

On the other hand, another person I deal with at times has been very difficult for years. Suddenly, this person has become a lot more pleasant with much better character. It's been months and this person has remained a new improved self.

(So there is happy unpredictability too, not just stressful unpredictability.)

Those are just a couple of examples.

Why are things getting so unpredictable?

Well, it all comes back to the spiritual reasons for this.

Rav Itamar Schwartz repeatedly explains how the world changed in 5760 (1999-2000):

In that year, the power of Amalek began to dominate the world, and it will be that way until This World ends.

question.bilvavi.net/blog/2021/08/24/14910-avodas-hashem-during-corona/

(If you want to know what major events happened in the world for that Hebrew year, please see here from September 10, 1999 {Rosh Hashanah 5760} until here September 30, 2000 {Rosh Hashanah 5761}. The Twin Towers attack occurred at the very end of 5761.)

We are also in the middle of the war of Gog & Magog:

...it is already going on! There have always been wars taking place in the final years of our world. But all of these wars are just the final outcome of something deeper and more internal.

All of these wars have been the result of the internal “wars” that have been taking place in the souls of people.

The war of Gog and Magog will be revealed outwardly [in our world] as it will be, and it should make no difference to a person.

If a person is busy thinking about it, he is wasting his time because he is not involving himself with priority.

[As mentioned earlier] the war of Gog and Magog has already been happening in the world.

question.bilvavi.net/blog/2021/08/24/14910-avodas-hashem-during-corona/

And also that we have entered the era of Keser/Keter d'reisha d'lo ityada—in other words, the height of the unknowable, the height of unpredictability (boldface mine):

Now that the light of the Keser has descended onto our world, along with a corresponding level of tumah (the 50th level of holiness versus the 50th level of impurity) to counter it, the world will not go back to way it was before...

...There will continue to be turbulence within the physical situation of our world, in different ways, in a cycle of progression and regression, in all kinds of forms.

But if one views the world today from an inner viewpoint, he can see it all as an outcome of the tumah in our world today Rachmana Litzlan, and the results of it are inevitable:

It is causing the world to come apart.

question.bilvavi.net/blog/2021/08/24/14908-has-the-world-returned-to-normal/

And:

The light of the Keser will continue to be manifest on our world in all kinds of different ways, switching between different forms at alternating times, and it will keep being mysterious to those who see it.

question.bilvavi.net/blog/2021/02/18/deeper-meaning-behind-corona-vaccine-part-2/

This will keep going until Mashiach comes, says Rav Schwartz.

Note: I quote Rav Schwartz a lot, which may give a misleading impression about him.

So it's worth noting that Rav Itamar Schwartz is against all forms of the Internet & has no connection to the Bilvavi site.

The Q&As were either recorded during a class given by Rav Schwartz, then transcribed and translated into English, or they are questions people wrote in, and his verbal answer recorded.

None of that is FOR the website. It's just something he has done for years (i.e., give classes & answer questions).

The Bilvavi site was produced by a student of Rav Schwartz (a student who seems to be running it from a Netfree Internet center, and not from his home), and the site is specifically meant to make Rav Schwartz's shiurim & ideas available as kiruv for completely secular people.

I do not fit that description, but I obviously use the site anyway. I can't resist!

The point is that Rav Schwartz has no more connection with the Bilvavi website than Rav Kanievsky does with all the websites that post videos & quotes of him.

See the Disclaimer here:
https://eng.bilvavi.net/opinion/

Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Ki Tavo: Transform Yourself One Step at a Time

25/8/2021

In Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah for Parshas Ki Savo 4 – Attaining True Bitachon, we learn HOW to cry out to Hashem.

Tanach brims with statements of Am Yisrael crying out to Hashem, but pages 4-6 describe how they did it.

(Rav Miller also suggests going to a very noisy place, like under elevated train tracks, and shouting with everything you've got: "I have no king except for You!")

Altogether, it sounds like what the Breslover tzaddikim encouraged everyone to do, with all the groaning, crying out, and pleading with Hashem in a way our modern minds consider "pestering" Hashem.

(Except doing so is not uniquely Breslov; it's an integral part of Judaism that Breslov emphasizes.)

And Hashem LIKES to be pestered. He's a TRULY loving father Who loves you personally.

And the crying out changes YOU.

It's not only that Hashem had mercy on the suffering that prompted their cries.

By crying out in that manner, Am Yisrael changed themselves to become worthy of Redemption.

The Fundamentals of the Human Soul

Here is something vital to know about the human soul (page 7):

We must understand something about the human soul and its function in this world.

The human soul is very deep; it’s profound and bottomless.

Hakodosh Boruch Hu breathed the soul into man and anybody who breathes into somebody breathes of himself.

And that means that there’s unlimited greatness, infinite possibilities, in each one of us.

Rav Miller explains how we have everything we need inside of us already.

We received it from the angel in our mother's womb.

Yes, we forgot it mentally—but it's still there inside of us.

Turn to Hashem First

Starting on page 7, Rav Miller delves into a subject very close to us today: turning to Hashem FIRST.

Especially growing up in the secularized "you-control-your-own-destiny" culture of the West, even frum people absorb the idea of "First I'll do all my practical hishtadlut and THEN I'll turn to Hashem if the other stuff doesn't work."

But really, we need to turn to Hashem FIRST.

In fact, turning to Hashem from the beginning can prevent the urgent desperation to turn to Him when nothing else works (because turning to Hashem first can cause everything to work).

We can still invest practical efforts in achieving our goals, but we need to be in touch with Hashem all along.

Especially in our times now, when things are becoming progressively less reliable & less predictable, we need to cultivate a close connection to Hashem.

Building Your Own Fire

Rav Miller recalls learning Mesillat Yesharim in the Slabodka yeshivah, where they shouted out the phrases, repeating the same phrase again & again at full volume.

(Wish I could've experienced that...)

And this method caused the words & ideas to penetrate their hearts.

This transformed them.

As Rav Miller describes (page 9; boldface mine):

At the end of the hour, when you came out, you were a new man.

You saw things so clearly that nobody else understood.

The same statements that were superficial before now became so sharp and so brilliant in your mind.

Rav Miller emphasizes the need to be your authentic self in davening.

You need to build up your own individual fire in your tefillah regardless of the example of others around you (page 10):

Don’t look at the people around you!

The glorious opportunity of tefillah should be utilized even if it means you’ll have to disregard all those people around you.

Even if they are talmidei chachomim, if they're stuck in the rut of habit, disregard them.

Sometimes if you want to become something, you have to be independent.

You cannot lean on the opinions of other people; you must set out on the path to Hakodosh Boruch Hu all by yourself.

Save your life! You only have one life!

Getting Practical about Self-Transformation

Pages 10-13 are vitally important to read.

Rav Miller explains how the path of bitachon (trust in Hashem) is a lonely one.

It's not about announcing to the world your intentions.

(In fact, he discourages you from doing so because others might discourage you & dampen your fire.)

You must go it on your own.

Also, Rav Miller offers ideas for kavanah in Shemoneh Esrei on those pages.

On page 14, Rav Miller offers simple thoughts to think as you go about routine acts throughout the day.

Don't forget the Practical Tip on page 15.

Credit for all quotes, material, and inspiration goes to Toras Avigdor.