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The 2 Most Important Ideas to Remember for Rosh Hashanah

29/9/2019

There are 2 vital ideas to remember for Rosh Hashanah (these also apply to the time period throughout Yom Kippur & Sukkot).

And the second is merely an aspect of the first.

The first is as Rav Avigdor Miller emphasized in his Rosh Hashanah shuirim:

Rosh Hashanah is the time to focus on & internalized EIN OD MILVADO — THERE IS NOTHING IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE EXCEPT HASHEM.

Internalizing this all-important emuna is the intrinsic focus of Rosh Hashanah.

If you do nothing else Rosh Hashanah, you must at least do that.

Rebbetzin Batsheva Kanievsky used to recommend that people say "Ein od milvado" with all the heartfelt kavanah they could muster as a segula for being saved from whatever troubles they suffered.

From Rav Chaim Volozhin's book, Nefesh Hachaim:

When a person determines in his heart to say that Hashem surely is the True God, and there is none other than Him Yitbarach, no power in the world and in any of the worlds at all, and all is filled only with His Simple Oneness Yitbarach Shemo, and nullifies within his heart complete nullification that he [the person] doesn't supervise at all any power and will in the world, and subserviates and cleaves the purity of his thought only to the Unique Master Blessed be He — then He Yitbarach will satisfy his hand and will automatically nullify from upon him [the person] all the powers and wills that exist in the world, so they cannot do anything at all to him.

And everything that he [the person] decrees will be fulfilled for him, to activate matters and wondrous miracles in contradiction to the natural order...

In the siddur Ahuvah L'Tzaddik, it explains that accepting upon oneself Hashem's Total Mastery over the entire Universe will remove & nullify from a person all judgement and other wills, so that nothing else can overpower him or control him at all.

(This siddur is also from where I copied the above passage from Nefesh Hachaim. Any mistakes in translation are mine.)

This brings us to Vital Ideal #2...

Stay Sweet When Things Have Soured! A True Story

The famed mekubal Rav Yehudah Petiyah sat at the table one Rosh Hashanah with his family and guests.

The rav wore pure white garments in honor of the special day.

A candelabra lit in honor of the chag stood on the table.

Everything was set up according to his profound knowledge of holy standards.

The rabbanit was just bringing out a whole tray of fish to start the main meal when someone bumped the table in a way that overturned the lights, plunging the entire room into darkness.

(In our times, it's hard for us to imagine the depth of darkness without electric lights in the home and without electric streetlights along the road outside.)

The rabbanit could not see where she was going or where to put the heavy unwieldy tray, plus the sudden turn of events startled her, and the tray slipped from her hands, plunging all the specially prepared fish to the ground.

The rav rose to assist and fix the problem, but he slipped in the all the fish jelly and sauces, falling smack to the ground, which soiled his special white garments.

You can imagine what this all meant, and how hard it is to get the fish smell out of things and how bad fish smells when it hangs around for too long.

Furthermore, I don't know whether the Petiyahs had indoor plumbing.

And were they still in Baghdad or had they already arrived in Eretz Yisrael?

It doesn't say, but the clean-up of both the floor and the rav using pump-water must have been difficult, particularly in the dark (though they likely had some light from the stove).

Rosh Hashanah is 2 days and that meant that the rav likely had no more special white garments for the rest of the chag. Not to mention the loss of the fish...

Yet Rav Yehudah Petiyah did not get angry.

Interestingly, that year ended up being a splendid year for Rav Yehudah Petiyah.

He experienced success with everything he attempted. He found increased success in his Torah, producing new & wonderful chiddushim.

And he traced back all that success to not getting angry over the disaster of that first night of Rosh Hashanah.

The REAL Segula for a Sweet Year — And It's Not the Apples Dipped in Honey...It's YOU.

The above story is found in Rav Elimelech Biderman's Be'er Haparsha.

He emphasizes that the most powerful segulah on Rosh Hashanah for having a sweet year is...BE A YEHUDI MATOK — BE A SWEET JEW.

If we turn around Rav Petiyah's situation, we see that in Heaven, he already had a sweet year decreed for him...he just needed to earn it.

And the way he was meant to earn it was by having someone knock over his Rosh Hashanah lights, ruin his fish, fall down (which must have hurt at least a little), and get soaked in a big fishy mess that ruined his special white garments -- all without getting angry.

And that could be the dynamic for any of us.

If you're reading this after Rosh Hashanah, don't despair.

I've noticed that Hashem gives us our final chances to get things right during Sukkot, before the din is decided in its finality. Lots of challenges still pop up throughout this time.

The main thing is to resist getting angry about them. (And here, I'm writing this for myself as much as for anyone else.)

They're from Hashem & possibly the key to giving you a wonderfully sweet year.

So to sum it all up:

Do everything you can to internalize the idea that there is nothing other than Hashem.
Don't get angry no matter what.

May we all be sweet Jews who merit a very sweet year!

For more on the holy Rav Yehudah Petiyah, please see the blog posts under the category Minchat Yehudah.

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Rav Avigdor Miller Discusses the Truth behind the Good Stuff of This World in Parshat Netzavim

25/9/2019

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In Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah Parshas Netzavim – The purpose of worldly reward, we get a powerful lesson in avodat halev — service of the heart.

The parsha opens up by talking about someone who is technically frum (looks frum, acts frum)...but inside, this Jew's "heart turns today from being with Hashem to go and serve the gods of other nations" (Devarim 29:17).

And despite hearing the frightening curses, this Jew will quietly bless himself (or herself!) and say, "Peace will be with me though I go with however my heart sees fit" (Devarim 29:18).

Despite this Jew's outer service and mitzvah observance, just this inner turn off the good path causes Hashem to label him (or her!) as "a root flourishing with gall and wormwood."

Pretty heavy stuff.

Eretz Yisrael: The Pipeline to Olam Haba, Not Olam Hazeh

In part, the above contains a very stern warning not to misuse tuv ha'Aretz — the goodness of the Land.

While we need to attend to our physical and material needs, Eretz Yisrael is for our spiritual benefit.

We cannot become materialists in Eretz Yisrael.

The material abundance is only here to enable us to greater spiritual heights.

I believe this one of the reasons why material accomplishments now come so much harder in Eretz Yisrael — or don't come at all, despite all the material abundance lurking just beneath the surface.

Look at what happened and is happening to those who use Eretz Yisrael's gifts for material pursuits.

Yet spiritual accomplishments are so much easier to reach in Eretz Yisrael. For example, it's so much easier to daven in Eretz Yisrael than anywhere else.

And to facilitate our davening we have the place of the Shechinah, the Kotel. And we also have some of the most powerful gravesites in the world as a conduit for fruitful prayers.

As a British friend of mine once declared in a fit of angst prior to a visit outside of Eretz Yisrael: "I can't PRAY in England!"

And I know exactly what she means.

(Disclaimer: I realize that many people pray very well in chutz l'Aretz and have developed tremendous spiritual greatness there. I'm just not one of them and neither is my British acquaintance, that's all.)

However, there are many people today who try to utilize tuv ha'Aretz for material goals only.

Again, that's NOT what this Land is for.

"The Most Perfect Land!"

Here, Rav Miller gives a luxuriant description of the abundance found in Eretz Yisrael (pg. 4):

Luscious and productive fields, beautiful orchards of various fruit, flowing streams of fresh water, and actual rivers of sweet date honey, mixed with fresh goat milk dotted the beautiful land. [Eretz zevat chalav u'devash], a land flowing with milk and honey, was not only a literal description of the land, but a symbol for a land that was filled with all forms of good.

The Jews in the Midbar were promised a Land bountiful in also sorts of fruits and the most desirable grain crops.

Fresh-water springs and high-quality water-wells, the choicest of oils, bread without poverty, plus quality metals like iron & copper — these were the promises of Hashem regarding Eretz Yisrael.

And we see Eretz Yisrael coming alive again in our days.

In this small strip of Land, we have impressive deserts with their awe-inspiring night skies, beautiful forests, lovely beaches with azure water, snow-capped mountains, rolling hills in muted rainbow colors, the Dead Sea, beautiful flowers, and so much more.

Yet among all that goodness lay the devastated cities of Sedom.

I have a book, The Stones Cry Out, in which the archaeologists note that the remains of Sedom's houses are burnt in a way that clearly shows the fire came from above — exactly as described in the Torah. (That's just one example; the book has a whole section on what they discovered at Sedom.)

Hashem promised this Land to the Avot because of their tremendous service & dedication to Hashem.

Eretz Yisrael is superior not only spiritually, but materially too.

"The most perfect land for the most perfect people!" Rav Miller proclaims.

What is the Whole Point of Luxury?

But this all begs a question.

If we are meant to be and actually are such a spiritual people so concerned with serving Hashem, then why all the material abundance?

Well, first of all: We are meant to elevate this world.

Furthermore, the more material abundance we enjoy, the more we can dedicate our hearts to serving Hashem & fulfilling the mitzvot — IF we make such avodah our focus.

As we all know, problems of disease, poor finances, war, or any other stresses distracts us from our service of Hashem.

How many times have we davened an entire Shacharit without even noticing a word we said because our minds couldn't let go of certain worries?

This is a big part of the reason why Hashem sends us problems when we don't serve Him properly.

We aren't using His Bounty as we should.

So He takes it away, chas v'shalom.

The Parable of the Office Water Cooler

Rav Miller compares it to a boss buying a nice water cooler for his employees.

He's not just doing it to be nice. Ditto when your boss doles out holiday gifts & bonuses.

He's trying to encourage your work quality.

People who feel good in their office environment want to stay. People work better with a cool refreshing drink by their side.

What would happen to the employees who chose to hang out by the water cooler all day and exchange useless banter & gossip, and even bad-mouth the boss?

You know what would happen.

And that's a big mashal for us.

What Makes You Get Fat Can Also Make You Kick If You Don't Watch Your Use of All the God-Given Bounty

The 7 Canaanite nations exploited the bounty of Eretz Yisrael to cultivate a culture of decadence, degeneracy, and cruelty.

This is like a bum who sees the quality & abundance of the wheat & barley of Eretz Yisrael and decides to invest in producing tons of beer & vodka for alcoholic consumption.

Rav Miller notes that many people today hunger after trouble and vices because they have too much to eat. They don't need focus on basic survival needs.

You see this throughout America and Europe.

Even though America's welfare system is nowhere near as generous as any of the European countries, America's poorest still get so much. Hardly anyone wants to admit that, but I've read accounts of grocery carts stocked with meat, seafood, and expensive bakery cakes — all paid for with government-given welfare.

So many Americans living in low-income areas and subsisting on welfare are obese.

Yes, I know that Twinkies are cheaper & more fun to eat than a package of frozen broccoli, but the point is that these people definitely have more than enough to eat.

Teens from welfare families all have "dumbphones."

The high school I attended comprised mostly working class students. The homecoming queen & head cheerleader worked after school to afford her clothes and the nice pick-up truck she drove to school. (It was a very pretty gray truck with a mauve interior & mauve lettering — very feminine for a truck.)

She was also a very decent person.

Despite being poor, a lot of the kids were fairly clean-cut. Not all of them, but many.

Their families either weren't poor enough to go on welfare or they were too proud to go on welfare. So people needed to work in order to acquire things. Oldest children couldn't go out partying or indulge in irresponsible behavior when they needed to care for younger siblings.

Many were also religious to some extent, and morality always helps whether you're rich or poor.

But the open secret is that in America, it's easy to have too much. People never feel like they have enough, but that's usually not true.

Rav Miller notes that people start ruminating over unnatural taavot "because they just have too much." (pg. 11)

And it's deceptively simple as that.

How to REALLY Drink that Fine "Wine"

Rav Miller states a big lesson:

The abundance of This World is meant as encouragement, not reward.

When we are down, we can have a drink.

A drink, not the whole vomit-inducing bottle.

Rav Miller recommended one despondent man to take a walk outside and enjoy the weather.

"Don't think about anything," Rav Miller advised. "Just enjoy it."

Then the rav prescribed the man eat a lot of ice cream and go to bed early for a good night's sleep. And to thoroughly enjoy himself!

Needless to say, a person should not do this every day or even every week.

That's taavah. That's gluttony. That's idleness.

But as an occasional pick-me-up when other methods don't work?

How is that different than taking medication for the occasional pain?

Also, if you really let yourself in enjoy the one-time indulgence, it gets you back to appreciating the world, which allows you to re-connect with Hashem.

Rav Miller sums up the balance here (pg. 13):

The function of good times in this world is to cheer up mourners. And that’s all of us!

Hakodosh Boruch Hu wants to give people strength and encouragement.

We want people to accomplish here in this world, and for that, life can’t be morose and morbid. You need good times to be a successful eved Hashem.

Only that some people, those who are wise,have sense enough to get along with a little sip of wine. A little bit of happiness is enough; they cheer up and get back to work, back to avodas Hashem.

And they live a happy life that way.

There are a lot of kosher ways to enjoy life; you just have to know how and when.

Hashem Never Lets a Good Deed Go Unrewarded. NEVER.

Another reason for the pleasures of this world is to grant reward to the wicked people. (This is in the Gemara.)

In His Infinite Compassion, Hashem grants even the worst people reward for the minuscule good they've done.

This should encourage the rest of us who aren't actually evil and have done a lot more than a teaspoon of good in the world.

If those really awful people get their reward, then all the more so with the rest of us!

The Massive Challenge in Our Times: Avoid Slurping Up All Your Merits!

Rav Miller stresses the importance of not "eating up" your merits in This World.

It's a massive challenge today.

What do you really need to give up in the MATERIAL world to become frum?

Not much. (The sacrifice today tends to pertain more to the nefesh than the physical.)

We have a "kosher" version of almost everything. Okay, sometimes the kosher version isn't as good as the original, but even the poorer imitations are still good enough.

Even the catchy song that took Israel by storm, Shevet Achim V'Achayot, got recorded immediately after the original release by 2 frum guys, who also changed one of the lyrics "from the parties of Tel Aviv" to "the sunsets (shkiyot) of Tel Aviv."

(Initially, I thought it was "the nonsense/shtuyot of Tel Aviv" until I was corrected.)

So you can even enjoy a hit song cleansed from kol ishah and unwholesome references.

That's just one example.

So that's what we need to focus on during Rosh Hashanah:

Give us good stuff, Hashem, so that we can serve you better; so that we can serve You in real joy with a peaceful & happy heart!

Beautiful flowers of Eretz Yisrael

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How to Become Exceptional in 10 Minutes: Rav Avigdor Miller's Rosh Hashanah Advice

24/9/2019

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In Words of Faith, Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender cautions us against falling into the trap of the "frum" yetzer hara.

The "frum" yetzer hara seems very pious in his negative evaluations of any mitzvah we do.

Nothing is ever good enough.

And while it's true that maybe we didn't daven with so much kavanah, this oh-so pious yetzer hara sucks any joy we feel out of the mitzvah.

Furthermore, he makes us feel like Torah & mitzvot are too hard, that we'll never perform any mitzvah "well enough," and then he convinces us...why bother? It's not worth even trying.

And that's the killer clause of the pious yetzer hara.

When 5+5 equals 1 in 10,000

So we must defeat this oh-so seemingly pious yetzer hara by listening to what our real talmidei chachamim say about baby steps.

They for sure know better than even your frummest yetzer hara.

In a recently transcribed lecture Rav Avigdor Miller on 10 Minutes to Make You Great, Rav Miller tells us to spend 10 minutes in preparation for the New Year, for Rosh Hashanah.

And what do we do in those 10 minutes?

Spend 5 minutes thinking about all the good Hashem did for you over this past year.
Spend 5 minutes creating resolutions for the coming year.

If you do this, then Rav Miller considers you "great;" you're head and shoulders above the rest.

Those ten minutes will be a great accomplishment.

If after sitting here...you’ll go out and think for five minutes, you should know that you’re an exception. You’re a dagul mei’rivavah – you’re one out of ten thousand.

There’s nobody like you.

Who thinks for five whole minutes about gratitude for Hashem for the past year?!

And who thinks for five minutes about making resolutions for improving himself in the coming year?! People talk about it. But that’s all.

That’s why I said in the beginning of our talk, that if you do this on a small scale, then you shoot up and your head is way above everybody else.

TAPE #138 (September 1976)
Toras Avigdor

If you've been visiting Toras Avigdor or listening to Rav Miller's shiurim, then you know that here's a Jew who does not mince words.

Especially when it comes to avodat Hashem, Rav Miller is straight as they come.

And while I think the whole frum awakening toward gratitude and thanking Hashem has picked up since 1976, there are, tragically, enough assimilated Jews and enough by-rote Jews that you really stand out with those 10 minutes.

And the more of us who take these 10 minutes to thank Hashem for all the good of the past year while making specific resolutions for the coming year, the more we can sweeten din and reap blessing for ourselves and others.

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From Light-Headed Scoffer to Generous Tzaddik

22/9/2019

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One of the many things I love about Words of Faith (a 2-volume compilation of Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender's talks) is the examples of people who did teshuvah.

I think it's so important to speak about the accomplishments of externally unremarkable people.

Or seemingly hopeless people.

And I mean REALLY hopeless-seeming people.

For example, Rav Bender describes a man who is basically a bum who hogs the heater in the Uman shul all the tefillah. (This is my terminology; Rav Bender's description is far more refined.)

For impoverished & cold attendees like Rav Bender, this meant they never had a chance to warm up. Ever. Due to the man's choice of language and topics, Rav Bender and others could not stand near the jerk, even to enjoy the heat.

Yet this same worthless bum later did complete teshuvah, and even made a very good name for himself.

(For the full story, please see: 2 Examples of Unforeseeable Personality Transformation.)

Interestingly, Rav Bender mentions no observation of a certain kind of "spark" or hidden potential during the time he knew the boorish man. Instead, Rav Bender sounds pleasantly surprised that after immigrating to America, the man made a deep & gradual change.

So the point is that you do not need to be some kind of special person to do teshuvah.

You don't even need to be a decent person or even someone with an ounce of EQ (emotional intelligence).

I just love the story of the boorish meat-selling bum because to me, his teshuvah is more inspiring than that of a big rasha (as featured in The True Story of How a Murderer Did Teshuvah).

After all, big reshaim can be a charismatic. They can be intelligent & savvy.

The story of the insensitive boor who is not embarrassed to hog the shul heater right in front of tremendous tzaddikim is the one that gives me the most hope.

The Inspiring Story of Dovid Heisener

And Rav Bender offers us another inspiring story (pg. 178, Vol I).

Originally, Dovid Heisener was "a secular Jew devoid of Torah and mitzvos" who was also "a material person whose entire aspiration was to 'live it up'."

Dovid Heisener fearlessly risked his life to amass great wealth via the illegal transaction of dollars & gold.

Yet despite being a savvy & careful guy, Dovid Heisener was caught in Moscow with dollars on him, which earned him the punishment of banishment for 3 years.

Oddly, the court allowed him to choose where he would spend this banishment.

Even more oddly, he chose Uman in the Ukraine.

After arriving in Uman with his wife & family, Dovid Heisener heard there was a "Breslov theater" in Uman.

So, being a "happy scoffer" (as Rav Bender described him), Dovid Heisener made his way to the Breslov shul to see these "strange people who danced and jumped and practiced bizarre customs not like others..."

And indeed, Dovid Heisener found it all strange and entertaining at first.

It's obvious from Rav Bender's description that Rav Bender and the shul rabbi, Rav Avraham ben Rav Nachman, understood exactly why this "happy scoffer" was sitting in their shul.

You can also imagine how they were made fun of among the townspeople after watching this "Breslov theater," as Dovid Heisener called it.

But as always, they held by Rebbe Nosson's original custom that if someone attends the Breslov shul, there must be a reason for it, and to allow the person to attend in peace.

It doesn't mean you hang out with that person.

It doesn't mean you invite the guy for Shabbos.

But don't push him away, either.

Gradually, Dovid Heisener noticed the "deep seriousness" and "fear of Heaven" resting on the faces of the chassidim.

His attendance became regular, then he started participating in the davening and also attended the Torah classes.

Ultimately, Dovid Heisener did complete teshuvah.

And with the proceeds and materials from his leather business, Dovid Heisener provided warm coats & snow shoes to all those who wished to go out into the fields for hitbobedut during the harsh Russian winters.

In the words of Rav Bender (pg. 180):

"He was transformed from one extreme to the other. Until he actually turned into a tzaddik. That light-headed scoffer was transformed into a serious simple servant of Hashem who was a pleasure to gaze at..."

I hope that we can all derive inspiration from the fact that even if you're just a money-loving, adventurous, entertainment-seeking scoffer, you can still do complete teshuvah.

And even more so, if you're NOT starting out on such a low level.

But either way, there's definitely hope!

Here are the some of Rav Bender's stories of inspiring teshuvah:

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What a Strange & Sudden, Yet Blessedly Minor Medical Emergency Taught Us

20/9/2019

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Last week, one of my teenagers went with a yeshivah friend to visit another yeshivah friend who was diagnosed with the machalah hayeduah a few months ago.

The ill friend is a boy we've known since he was young because he was a classmate of my son's since then, then they ended up in yeshivah together after graduating 8th grade.

The boy is a very good-natured & cheerful kid and the news was devastating. We've all been davening for him regularly, but still.

Anyway, to understand the upcoming story, it's important to know that this teenage son of mine received a rabbinical exemption from fasting on all fast days except Yom Kippur (and on Tisha B'Av, he needs to last as long as he can, but he's ultimately allowed to eat).

Why?

Because fasting really knocks him out.

Anyway, the day he went to visit his sick friend at the hospital, my son hadn't eaten much dinner the night before and ate only a bowl of cornflakes and milk that morning. After the mid-morning visit, he planned to head back to yeshivah for a hot, filling lunch.

Only he didn't count on the fact that in addition to hitting low blood sugar by the time he arrived at the hospital, his ill friend was in pretty bad-looking shape. The ill boy just didn't look like himself at all; my son claimed that even the shape of his head was different.

Also, the ill boy was just after a treatment and still drugged.

In the middle of the visit, my son realized he wasn't feeling well, and excused himself to get a drink of water.

But then he suddenly passed out, hitting his forehead on the metal corner of the bed on his way down.

He revived soon enough and was transported to the emergency room, upon which I received a phone call from the nurse there, who pleasantly told me that I needed to come right away.

At first, I had no idea who she was and where she was calling from or about. (My son went straight from yeshivah to the hospital and I'd no idea he'd done so, plus the nurse wasn't clear; she didn't even say where she was calling from at first.)

After asking her several questions, I finally realized what had happened. I told her I would come, then I called my husband to figure out logistics. Getting to that hospital takes an hour on 2 buses or 25 minutes in an expensive taxi.

That wouldn't be so bad except that my 4.5-year-old was due home in another couple of hours, and someone needed to be there for him. He has always resisted playing at anyone's home without me, so asking a neighbor to take him in wasn't an option.

Then my teenage son called me and said he was totally fine and didn't need for anyone to come.

And he did sound fine.

Then my husband decided to go to the hospital anyway while I stayed to receive our youngest.

Yet during that time, things took a turn for the worse, and my son vomited, which is a possible sign of skull damage after a head injury.

Or dehydration.

So they hooked him up to a water IV and hydrated him.

His co-visitor from yeshivah stayed with him until my husband arrived, and let our son use his cell phone to keep in contact with us.

Now my son sounded really weak.

Meanwhile, I thought the whole thing was playing out with a lot of strangeness.

Then my husband arrived at the hospital.

By the afternoon, my son still hadn't eaten and I felt that his weakness was due to lack of calories. He was well-hydrated now, but what about food?

I asked if they could give him a food-IV like they do to unconscious people, but the nurse told my husband that's impossible.

I felt helpless being far away when I thought I could easily remedy things with some juice and soup.

Then they wanted to keep my son for observation, so they hospitalized him for the night.

This was really getting out of hand.

Also, it was Thursday night and there was a hint that he might need to stay there for Shabbos, for which I'd want to be with him, which would mean that our youngest would stay with my husband, and we'd need to figure out logistics for the kids who would be home for Shabbat, plus preparing for Shabbat.

The whole time I was thinking, He just needs to eat! He's been in a partial fast for hours – he just needs to eat!

Yet when he did eat a little bit, he vomited.

And because of the IV, we knew it could no longer be dehydration.

So we were all concerned about the slight possibility of a head injury.

So we were all davening a lot (including his siblings) and I took on a couple of kabbalot.

Two more friends from yeshivah came to visit the ill boy, and that boy's mother kindly directed them to visit my son too.

The ill boy's married pregnant sister called me to tell me that she had been in the room at the time, tried to catch my son as he dropped, but didn't succeed.

I told her that for the sake of her pregnancy, I'm glad she didn't catch him. He's pretty heavy.

She expressed concern for my son's condition on behalf of their family. I was so touched by their concern when they were going through something so much worse.

What good, caring people they are. They're a good example for me to follow.

By this time, darkness had fallen and my oldest son (age 22) came home from work, and expressed willingness to be the one to spend the night with our teenage son. He ate, collected his things, rushed off to the hospital to relieve my husband.

(He also missed the wedding of good friend to do this chessed.)

Being the much-adored older brother to this teenage son, the teenage son started looking better the minute his much-adored older brother appeared.

My husband and I both felt secure with our oldest son there as he is a pretty competent with the ability to totally focus on the needs of another when necessary, and who is also good at keeping his head in even very stressful situations.

Sure enough, his younger brother woke him up at 4 in the morning to eat. So the older brother bought him tuna & crackers, which the younger ate without vomiting. Then they took a walk around together and the older sent us a text saying that his brother had eaten and was fine, so we would see these happy tidings when we woke up.

Very responsible & thoughtful of him.

Because it takes forever to get approved to leave a hospital, they were only able to leave a couple of hours before Shabbat.

And they both came home in an excellent mood.

What were Hashem's Messages Here?

Clearly, such a chain of odd & unexpected events indicates atonements for sins, which is quite common leading up to Rosh Hashanah & Yom Kippur.

But what were some lessons to be gleaned?

These:

Awareness of how exhausting and nerve-wracking it is to deal with a hospitalized child. His sick friend is one of 10 children. All the logistics we needed to work out this one time for something minor with our son is unfortunately part & parcel of their DAILY life dealing with a severely ill child. And the end is not yet in sight (may he be cured quickly and completely). This situation definitely increased my compassion & empathy for those who suffer.

Increased tefillah by all of us is both possible and helpful, baruch Hashem.

This particular son REALLY needs to make sure he eats properly and in a timely fashion, especially before doing something emotionally stressful.

The kabbalot I took on for that time period were things I'd been pushing off as "too hard," but now they suddenly seem doable (because I did them). Increased spiritual momentum has been discovered, which I've been able to further utilize.

Increased gratitude toward Hashem for whapping us in the face with what life could be like otherwise and what life IS like for other people, may Hashem grant everyone a speedy & complete refuah.

Appreciation for how selfless it's possible to be in a really awful situation, as shown by the seriously ill boy's family and their concern for our son when their son/brother is so much worse off. Mi k'amcha Yisrael? Such special people. I really hope Hashem answers their tefillot l'tovah.

We really need to increase our davening for the seriously ill boy.

And that was part our Elul saga thus far.

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God Just Wants Us to Enjoy Life & Have Fun: Rav Miller on Parshat Ki Tavo

19/9/2019

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In Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah for Parshas Ki Savo 2 – Serving Hashem with Joy, he emphasizes that the terrifying rebuke contained within is actually for not serving Hashem with joy:

"...tachat asher lo avadta et Hashem Elokecha b'simcha uvtuv levav merov kol — And all this will befall you because you did not serve Hashem your G-d, with joy and with a merry heart, from an abundance of everything” (Devarim 28:47)

That's pretty shocking if you think about it.

Such horrific things can happen...simply from not serving Hashem with joy?

Yes.

To avoid these horrific consequences, we need to serve Hashem:

b'simcha - with joy
b'tuv levav - with a merry heart
merov kol - from an abundance of everything; i.e. when life is going well

What are Your Lungs REALLY For?

On page 3, Rav Miller discusses the joy of different body parts and reminds us of the real reason Hashem gave them to us.

For example, we think our lungs are for breathing?

Nope!

They're for us to remember Hashem.

Yet how easy is it for us to go through entire days, weeks, months, or even years -- and not think of how grateful we should be for lungs?

I remember the horror I felt as a child when I first heard about those stricken with polio who ended up on an iron lung for the rest of their lives.

THANK YOU FOR MY LUNGS, HASHEM!!!

The Awesome Power of a Good Mood

And because even a baby-step in the right direction is like a massive leap in the spiritual world, Rav Miller recommends thanking Hashem for different things in life as you're waiting for the light to turn green when you're out and about.

Whether you're a pedestrian or a driver, if you find yourself at a red light, you can just start saying, "Thank You, Hashem, for my eyes. Thank You, Hashem, for my children. Thank You, Hashem, for my life" — until the light turns green and you continue on your way.

Doing these silent or murmured thank-yous can actually chirk you up into a good mood.

Rav Miller claims (pg. 5):

When Hakodosh Boruch Hu sees that, He says, “I don’t have to send this man any reminders about Me because he’s accomplishing everything on his own. He remembers Me. When things are going well – when his stomach is working so efficiently that he doesn’t even know he has a stomach, and when his brain is functioning so perfectly that others would forget they have a brain – he remembers Me and thanks Me."

Where Does Our Key Avodah Lie?

When things are going well, it's much easier to forget about Hashem.

Even worse, some people credit themselves with their success, crowning themselves in place of Hashem, chas v'shalom.

That's one of the reasons you'll hear people say that wealth can be a bigger nisayon than poverty.

We take the cozy central heating or the comfy sofa for granted.

When I first got married, I craved a sofa. Or even just a big cushiony chair, like a recliner. Especially for nursing a baby or reading a book, I really yearned for comfortable seating, and not need to decide between a hard plastic chair or the bed.

Baruch Hashem, after 2 years, we were able to get a sofa. And I was so happy! But you know how it is. As time goes by, you get used to the sofa and forget to appreciate it as much as you did at the beginning.

That's normal, but it's not correct. And that's where our key avodah lies.

How to Make a Helpful Disaster List

I think it's clear that not every single bitter event is a wake-up call from Hashem.

There are predestined challenges derived from past-life patterns and also specific tikkunim for your individual soul.

But if we could just eliminate all the bitter incidents that occur solely from lack of gratitude or acknowledgement of Hashem, then life would be a lot better.

On pages 6-12, Rav Miller offers wittily-described examples of how not to sleepwalk through life, of how to respond to good mazal, how to utilize this within marriage, and how to view unfortunate people (like the handicapped and the homeless).

And while we've all heard of gratitude lists, how many of us have heard of making a disaster list?

Rav Miller recommends you make a list of 50 ailments you DON'T suffer from.

On page 13, you can see Rav Miller's own hand-written list.

Then you go down the list and say, "Baruch Hashem, I don't have that. And Baruch Hashem, I don't have that."

And so on.

When you pass by a pharmacy or a doctor's office, you can look at the sign or the labels and think to yourself, "Baruch Hashem, I don't need that medicine or this doctor! Yishtabach Shemo."

The Correct Way to View the Trials of Others

The above guidelines are a delightful twist on what I grew up with in the secular non-Jewish world.

In the non-Torah world, the suffering of others is used to push Hashem away and to justify atheism.

In that world, people look at amputees and homeless and say, "What a cruel world! Where is God?" And they spiral down from there.

But the Torah attitude is one of emuna — so it's totally different.

Of course we don't rejoice in the suffering of others. We should pray for them and assist them however we can!

But we should also utilize this to come closer to Hashem.

We don't want suffering for ourselves and we don't want it for others (with a few exceptions, of course ;-).

And this is the way to sweeten things and prevent a lot of suffering.

Rav Miller puts it together like this (pg. 14):

We shouldn’t use other people’s troubles as an alibi in order to say we cannot have simcha. We won’t use our sympathy for them as an excuse to not thank Hashem.

Of course, we sympathize with those who are suffering; do whatever you can to help them. Be mispallel for them – certainly we have to do that.

But you should make use of them too, and say, “Boruch Hashem that you saved me from this. You saved me from this illness and that illness.”

We should certainly sympathize with others, but we must be busy thanking Hakodosh Boruch Hu that it did not happen to us.

The #1 Thing You Need to Do to Prepare for Rosh Hashanah

Here are some final words from Rav Miller as we prepare for the Day of Judgement:

There are so many people who can’t come here tonight — so many bedridden people; there are big institutions crowded with invalids. Mental institutions too!

If you’re sane enough to come here by yourself — you’re more than sane if you come here — you’re an exception.

One out of ten people in the United States have been in an institution!

And if you haven’t — or at least you’re not there now — so you have to take that as a reminder; get busy and say like Dovid Hamelech said.

He said, “What can I do?” Dovid was worried about it; he said, "[Mah ashiv laHashem kol tagmulohi alei] — What can I pay back for all the good that he bestowed on me?"

On pages 16-17, Rav Miller offers spiritually beneficial, din-sweetening "homework."

And then there's this (pg. 18):

Now rabosai, don’t imagine that I’m tying you down to a life of obligations; I’m tying you to a life of happiness!

Because as a result of thinking like this you’re going to live lives of simcha — you can’t help it!

And this (pg. 18):

You’ll rejoice in life itself – being alive is fun!

And these things you have to know are a chiyuv gamur!

More than anything else you have to do before Rosh Hashana, the chiyuv of gratitude to Hashem is paramount.

The Chovos Halevavos says that. The avodah of hoda’ah, of gratitude to Hashem, that’s the real avodas Hashem.

All credit for quotes goes straight to Toras Avigdor.

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Ruminations on the Israeli Election as the Results Come In

18/9/2019

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With most of the votes in for the Israeli elections, things aren't looking good.

When things aren't looking good, it means we should pray & improve ourselves.

That's the impetus.

So what's not good here?

A secular Leftist bigoted Torah-hating party is tied with a secular Right-of-center party.

The 3rd largest party in a supposedly Jewish country is an anti-Israel Yishmaelite party stuffed with traitors and greedy oligarchs who would like to run things into the ground (including for their own people) as they always have in all the other unsuccessful Middle Eastern countries — all for the sake of engorging both their egos and their bank accounts.

A couple of other small but anti-religious parties made it over the threshold.

A self-proclaimed Right-wing party with self-proclaimed religious sympathies is headed by secular Jews or religious hypocrites. (Maybe not all of them; I don't know all of them & I don't mean to cast aspersions on anyone sincerely religious in that party. But definitely, its 2 foremost leaders are not okay.) Being right-wing isn't enough; you need daat Torah.

Otzma Yehudit, as foreseen by the Lubavitcher rabbinical leadership, did not cross the threshold. (Although as with Yachad, I'm curious if tampering or other forms of manipulation occurred with that.)

The deciding-factor party is run by an anti-Torah socialist oligarch. Apparently, his conditions for joining a coalition are:

Forced induction of charedim into the army
Public transportation on Shabbat
Businesses open on Shabbat
Increased secular education in charedi schools and "other measures" (not sure exactly what)

Interestingly, ALL the demands focus on religion.

Isn't that bizarre?

After all, considering Israel's geographical location and external threats, wouldn't security be much more important than making sure that citizens can get to the beach, discotheques, and malls more easily on Shabbat?

And for a country like Israel, wouldn't you want to do things for the economy, like making sure that small businesses are easy to start up and run, and making sure that people have the jobs they need, and so on?

(Opening businesses & public transportation on Shabbat doesn't actually help employment or the economy. You need overall economical strength over the course of the week.)

Furthermore, contrary to what everyone assumes, charedim already receive a secular education. How much depends on the school, but certainly the girls receive a full secular education.

In fact, when talking to a chassidic Yerushalmi girl learning accounting, I realized that her accounting courses were actually covering more material than the secular equivalent. Meaning that when she would complete her degree, she would start out more qualified than her secular counterpart.

So they're focusing on the boys education, and like I said, it depends on the school. But despite anything else they may claim, the anti-Torah politicians don't care about charedi economic advancement; they only care about making everyone secular Westernized snobby decadent whiteys like themselves.

Also, the IDF is vastly overstaffed. There is both numerical evidence and anecdotal evidence for this. In fact, as has been widely publicized, the IDF actually CANNOT absorb the sheer numbers that a forced enlistment would entail.

If a charedi housewife knows this, then surely a hotshot politician in the Knesset knows this.

Look, whether you are talking about the leaders of Blue 'n' White or Yisrael Beteinu, you are talking about bad people who simply want to destroy the Torah.

These are kavod-greedy zeroes who cannot make it in America or Europe (or who cannot make it as big in chu"l as they can here, both of which have always been true of Israeli leadership), so they try to recreate the State of Israel in a Western secular decadent Leftist socialist image (completely ignoring the fact that Western-style decadent secular Leftist socialism has tanked in Europe, which is why Europe is slowly crumbling before our very eyes).

And their hatred of Torah is increasingly blatant.

What Makes Your Nation Jewish?

It drives me crazy that Jews who don't even keep the 10 Commandments are lauded as worthy leaders of a supposedly Jewish country.

If the Druze colonel Rassan Alian would take over, I think we'd be better off than the greedy sociopathic Erev Rav we have now.

Especially since it is so easy and pleasant to keep Shabbat in Eretz Yisrael, especially since there is so much information available explaining the importance of shemirat Shabbat (along with all the other mitzvot), then why don't these Israeli leaders keep Shabbat?

I realize that some people like to wax eloquent about tinok sheh nishba or well-intended Right-wing secular Jews with good hearts, but that only worked for Menachem Begin. These are different times and we're beyond that now.

A born-and-bred Israeli who goes after leadership positions has no excuse for ignorance.

Everything is here at your fingertips.

And I'm far from the first to say this.

Just as one example: Rabbi Alon Anava refused to excuse his former secularism by pleading ignorance & a secular upbringing. He said even in Israeli secular schools, students are introduced to Torah and that he could have explored it, but (and I'm paraphrasing here) he preferred a decadent hefker lifestyle instead...until he nearly ended up in Gehinnom for it.

There is No Despair; We Can Prevent the Worst from Happening

The other thing is that we live in a Land that is literally allergic to sin.

Eretz Yisrael has a tendency to vomit out her inhabitants, chas v'shalom.

It has happened before. (Please see the First & Second Destruction of the Beit Hamikdash for more information.)

Terror attacks and other tragedies have occurred simply because of Shabbat transgression surpassing a certain measure defined by Shamayim. (The real Gedolei Hador have made such observations after such events.)

Another major transgression that severely weakens the Jewish people (and that means the Divine Supervision & Protection specially designed for the Jewish people) is infractions regarding gilui arayot, i.e., less-than-virtuous interactions between men & women. Or between men & men, as the case may be.

So if a government, within the sanctity of Eretz Yisrael, will increase the sins of the Jewish people, then this is very, very bad for all of us.

Hashem yerachem.

But millennia of Torah scholarship & Nevuot (Prophecies) show us what our response should be:
teshuvah & tefillah.

That can change everything.

May we all strengthen ourselves to reach our full spiritual potential, may we cling to the Torah with gladness and heartfelt appreciation, and may we succeed in sweetening all Heavenly din, and may the Geula come in the quickest and sweetest way possible.

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Voting on Election Day - What Do the Big Rabbis Say?

17/9/2019

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Like for a lot of Jews in Eretz Yisrael, the deplorable forced exile of the Jews from Gush Katif was a game-changer.

I became disillusioned by both charedi parties, yet the other religious parties didn't really do it for me either.

Eli Yishai's short-lived Yachad party (with the backing of Rav Mazuz) brought renewed hope...and renewed disappointment when it didn't cross the threshold (and seemed manipulated not to cross the threshold).

And the more I read about Eretz Yisrael's real behind-the-scenes modern history, the more I realize how important it is to listen to the real talmidei chachamim about voting and other issues.

Their vision is incredibly far-reaching, and history has shown that despite how things look at the present and despite problems within the frum community, the real talmidei chachamim truly are able to differentiate between the lesser of the two evils.

So as far as major rabbis go regarding today's Israeli elections, the breakdown is like this:

All Ashkenazi charedi rabbinical leaders have called to vote for Gimmel (Agudas Yisrael). (And maybe there are other Sephardi rabbanim who also vote Gimmel of whom I'm not aware.)

The vast majority of Sephardi charedi rabbinical leaders have called to vote for Shas.

Interestingly, Lubavitcher rabbinical leaders historically divide themselves between voting for Gimmel and voting for something like Otzma Yehudit — yet this election sees them taking a new and uncompromising stand:

"The stalemate between the Right bloc and the Left bloc and Lieberman does not allow anyone to take a gamble on the fate of Eretz Yisrael, Torat Yisrael, and Am Yisrael."

The Rabbinical Beis Din of Chabad proclaimed: "One should not vote for a candidate over which there is a doubt as to whether it will pass the threshold...Don't lose any vote, don't vote for Otzma Yehudit or Noam." (Noam suddenly dropped out anyway.)

Apparently, the late Lubavitcher Rebbe's concern was not to throw away votes by voting for chancy candidates and to vote for the most charedi party. (Source)

Then there is the Eideh Hacharedis which consists of talmidei chachamim calling on people NOT to vote at all, and not to participate in this anti-Torah government at all. (Source)

(This all shines light on the long-standing split among charedi groups, who agree that the government is corrupt, but then diverge on how to deal with it.)

So where does that leave me?

And the Winner is...

Based on my research (including, surprisingly enough, reading material by authors who certainly do NOT hold with the Eideh Hacharedis views), I'm most emotionally pulled toward NOT voting and NOT participating in this government.

That is my emotional response at this stage of my life.

However, we follow the mainstream charedi rabbis, especially the Sephardi ones (because my husband is wholly Sephardi).

So...

To make a good example to my children who attend Sephardi yeshivot and benefit from programs funded by Shas, I have reluctantly voted Shas.

But the big push by rabbis I respect for Gimmel has been niggling at me. Rabbis I really respect are pushing very hard for Gimmel.

Particularly the venerable Rav Kanievsky has come out with some very strong statements, such as telling people with voting rights who are planning to visit Eretz Yisrael anyway, and could come for either Sukkot or the elections...to come to vote in the elections.

People asked whether they should attend a brit milah first or vote first...and Rav Kanievsky said to vote first — as early as possible on election day.

Furthermore, Rav Kanievsky has made some very desirable and powerful promises of blessing for those who vote Gimmel today.

To be fair, Rav Abuchatzeirah also made some nice promises for sweetened din for those who vote Shas.

But so much of what I've been coming across really makes a big push for Gimmel — even though I DON'T put my faith in politicians.

Then last night, my husband was reading a charedi newspaper and came across Rav Kanievsky's promises of blessed middah k'neged middah (measure for measure) for whoever votes Gimmel.

"What do you say about voting Gimmel?" he asked me suddenly.

I turned to him and poured out my heart about that I really feel that daat Torah is overwhelmingly saying to vote Gimmel.

It's different this time around. There's a stronger push this year — and it's coming from the top rabbanim.

So based on Rav Kanievsky's promise of bracha, my husband decided we should vote Gimmel.

I was so relieved!

My husband and I have actually voted for different parties before, but in order to vote differently than the kids (who see not voting Shas as a lack of hakarat hatov and not listening to their Gadolei Hador), I needed my husband's support.

(My kids don't decide my life for me, but voting can also be an issue of chinuch and setting an example, which could be misinterpreted by them, depending.)

So we voted Gimmel this morning.

May we VERY SOON merit Mashiach as our leader — and may he come in a sweet way.

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What I Finally Learned on My Youngest Son's First Day of School

17/9/2019

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When I took my son to his first of day school this year, we were caught up in the rush of hundreds of other parents out on the same mission.

And ditto when I came to pick him up and take him home.

Although his first year (which was last year) at this school (where all his brothers also attended) went wonderfully, this time was different. The beginning of this school year was another step that filled me with new nerves.

Last year, the school's gan happened to be in its own building with its own yard, far away from the super-complex of the school, which hosts all the other grades, up to eighth grade.

This year, my son learns in the multi-level building itself.

Of course, there are safety precautions. The 4-6-year-olds sit in classrooms in their own hallway, and there is an assistant in addition to the teacher. They enjoy recess at a separate time, only going out when the older children are back in class and the yard is empty.

I'm also happy that my son's class merited to have the best teacher for that grade, and after seeing for myself what an ideal teacher he is, I'm even happier.

But I'm still ruminating over the what-ifs and concerns.

It was sitting on the bus stop on the way to pick him up from his first day of school that I woke up to the ruach around me.

Other mothers were picking up their children after sending them to cheder for the first time. They were all so excited.

The same kind of call kept ringing out: "Who is your son learning by this year? Oh, Rabbi Rubenstein? That's wonderful!"

There was a cheerful bustle to it all — at the bus stop, on the bus, weaving my way through the throngs of parents and children — that I couldn't quite place.

At first, I thought these mothers were expressing joyous relief that summer vacation was finally over.

But that wasn't it.

When parents express joy and thankfulness that their child has gotten married, it's not because "Oh, we finally got this kid out of the house! Less mess and more room!"

Not at all.

It's a joy and thankfulness of sending them off to really live their life now, to get down to the nitty-gritty of a Torah journey. It's relief at seeing their child finally find their zivug.

And that's when I realized what this cheerful bustle was: These mothers were rejoicing at sending their sons to learn Torah.

This first day in cheder was the first step in their journey to become ehrliche Yidden and fulfill their destinies as bnei Yaakov Avinu.

I don't know why this never hit me before.

After all, this certainly isn't my first child.

How many first days of school have I experienced without ever really seeing the celebration going on around me?

Maybe I was too caught up in all the hectic details and anxieties to notice.

But this new awareness also re-awakened my appreciation for Yerushalmi mothers, who for all their savvy intelligence, still possess a certain temimut in certain areas because they simply don't know to feel any other way.

And bringing their sons to cheder for the first time is one of those areas.

Baruch Hashem, I was able to be affected now by the general ruach.

Yes, I know things aren't going to be perfect and that school always provides challenges for both parents and children.

But I thought that maybe I could just enjoy the bare-bones fact of it: My son had learned Alef-Bet last year and was going to be learning to read Hebrew this year.

And that's the base for a life of Torah-learning.

And he'll be learning all sorts of halachot and stories from the Torah and Midrash — all geared for his age and level of understanding, and all necessary to nourish his neshamah and form the man he'll eventually become, and hopefully create a wonderful Olam Haba for himself, he should live in good health until 120 (and I also wish that also for you and your children).

So I decided to focus on this idea too and let myself get briefly immersed in all the joyous bustle around me. I also decided, despite the distractions & challenges that are sure to pop up along the way, to try my best to carry it with me throughout the rest of his school years.

Because at the core, that's really what it's all about.

Photo by William Ray from FreeImages

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The #1 Way to Deal with Anger & Other Intense Negative Emotions

16/9/2019

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I have not found a better antidote to fight the middah of anger than emuna.

Knowing that everything is from Hashem and thus for my benefit does a lot to dampen any fire swelling up in my heart.

It doesn't mean that I win the battle against anger every single time, but a lot of progress has been made over the years, baruch Hashem.

But emuna doesn't only mean knowing that everything is from Hashem and therefore, of benefit. It also means knowing that there is a message from Hashem too.

That initial flash of temper or seething indignation are a pressing doorbell being rung by the Creator Himself.

What is He trying to tell me?

Things that Make You Seethe

For example, whenever I took the bus at a certain time, there was always the same girl on either side of age 20 with her cell phone out and her rotund self positioned in that empty square in the middle of the bus meant for baby strollers.

If one mommy got on the bus with a stroller, the girl moved to the side.

But if another mommy with a stroller got on, the girl did not move out of the way so that the second mommy could fit her stroller in too.

And yes, the girl noticed. She still didn't make room for the stroller.

And yes, the mommies glanced at her because her behavior was so unusual (and also hoping she would let the second one in), but she didn't seem to notice.

And this is especially weird in the frum community (this was a very modernish-looking frum girl) because the girls are raised to be sensitive about this scenario and many have seen their mothers struggle with strollers on the bus, and many have also struggled with taking their younger siblings on the bus in a stroller.

So it's very bizarre to see a frum girl behaving with such a lack of consideration in this area.

And this kind of thing really, really bothers me.

It makes me seethe inside — especially when I see how hard it is for the second mommy to keep her balance, holding onto a pole and also trying to keep her unsecured stroller from swinging around (and keeps glancing at the girl, clearing wondering why she doesn't make room for the stroller).

I wanted to speak up, but refrained.

After all, I learned over the years not to fight someone else's fight unless they really need me to.

I learned the hard way that it's not always best to speak up every time I see something like this, even though I know how to do it quietly & gently.

Israeli society is an assertive society, and Israelis don't usually need me to stand up for them — unless I see that one really is too timid to stand up for herself (especially if it's a child or preteen). Then I'll come to their aid.

But in this kind of situation, these women are perfectly capable of politely asking the girl if she could move a bit.

But they didn't.

And I'm seething.

So according to Torah Judaism, what should I do?

1) Giving the Benefit of the Doubt

Giving the benefit of the doubt is usually the first thing on the list.

Maybe the space-hogging girl doesn't notice? That's common enough.

But as I look at the girl, I find it hard to believe that she really doesn't notice. Yes, she's involved with her cell phone, but not all the time. She does look up and she does see them.

Maybe she has some kind physical problem or pain that makes sitting or going up the step to the back section after the stroller-square uncomfortable?

But she seems to get off the bus with no problem at all, and that involves a pretty steep step.

Okay, so maybe she has a problem with sitting AND a balance problem, so standing in the square is the most comfortable and secure place for her?

In that type of situation, the person sometimes apologizes and offers a brief explanation why they aren't accommodating others. But people don't always feel comfortable explaining themselves, so they don't. So maybe that's how she is too.

And that's the best I could come up with, even though she doesn't look like she's struggling with knee or hip or balance issues.

But you really never know. I think we've all been surprised before by people who really seemed fine, but actually weren't.

2) Pray for the Seethe-Inducing "Sinner"

Anyway, at this point, I've gone as far as I can with giving the benefit of the doubt.

And I'm still seething.

And it happens every time with this same girl.

And I seethe!

The next step is to mentally say a little prayer that the girl does teshuvah on her own with no negative impetus; she should just awaken on her own.

But despite my heartfelt tefillahs, she still rudely hogs the stroller area.

3) What is Hashem Trying to Tell Me?

So the next step is to ponder the message Hashem has for me.

After all, it's no coincidence that I'm faced with this seethe-inducing situation.

And it's no coincidence that, despite being an assertive society, these Israeli mommies don't say a word to her, or even cast nasty glares her way.

Why am I faced with this specific scenario?

So I try to think of situations in which maybe I am doing something obviously inconsiderate that literally everyone else knows better not to do, while I remain oblivious.

And though I am far from perfect, I couldn't think of an inconsideration as blatant as this.

So the next time I spoke with Hashem, I brought this up.

And I got the following straight-between-the-eyes message...

Look Up! Take Notice! And GET MOVING.

As Jews, we know we are all in the same boat together.

One Jew's actions (for better or for worse) affect every single other Jew.

Just one more transgression on the part of one Jew can tip the scales toward harsh decrees in Heaven.

Yet just one more good deed on the part of one Jew can tip the Heavenly scales toward merit & compassion — toward Geula.

That one mitzvah might be the last stone in the building of the Heavenly Beit Hamikdash that brings it down to Earth.

Likewise, I realized that Hashem was telling me to clean up my act.

Yes, I've made spiritual progress over the years.

But I need to step up my game.

I don't own a smartphone, but I can certainly miss the mark in other ways.

Hashem was basically telling me:
"How can you just stand there? Look up! Pay attention to your fellow Jews! For better or for worse, your actions affect them & the Nation's Heavenly Scales as much as your actions affect your own Heavenly Judgement. Please be less self-absorbed. When you don't do the right thing, you inconvenience your fellow Jews in ways you don't even perceive. If you can't have mercy on your own soul, at least have mercy on the souls of others. So please wake up and get moving!"

And guess what?

I haven't seen her since.

Maybe it's because I got the message?

The Lesser You vs. The Greater You: Pick One

So that was really, really good mussar for me.

I was just like, "Whoa! Wake-up call!"

(Just for clarification: I do work on myself, but apparently I need to step up my game. No surprise there.)

And that's fine.

But the point of this is that had I been like my old self, I would've just continued to seethe, hate that girl for being mean to mommies and babies (and kind of endangering them by not allowing their stroller to be in a secure place).

Maybe I would have said something to her, maybe not, but I would've been really angry with NO purpose to that emotion.

And therefore, NO GROWTH.

And then you know how it goes:

Theoretically, I would just vent to my husband or my friends or even on Facebook or Twitter (neither of which I use; this is a theoretical example) with this whole What-is-the-world-coming-too? tone and huff about how it's even a FRUM girl, and what's wrong with the frum community today?

(Even though she is the ONLY girl I've ever seen do this in this way, so how on earth does that reflect on the entire frum community? Does ONE consistently thoughtless girl in over 2 decades of living in frum communities make a generalization all of the sudden?)

Maybe I would even surreptitiously photograph the girl with the smartphone (which I don't own in reality) and upload the image to social media accompanied by some kind of outraged quip followed by lots of !!!!!!!!!! or ?????????.

And again, with absolutely no to'elet whatsoever.

And no growth!

In fact, the opposite: Indulging in such angry & self-righteous & obsessive behavior actually makes us smaller and lesser people.

Just dumping a whole lot meaningless negativity all over myself and other people?

That stunts spiritual growth.

But because of Rav Shalom Arush and the writings and shiurim of other real Torah Jews, I was finally able to at least start to develop spiritual tools to deal with anger and anger-inducing situations:

Give the benefit of the doubt as far as you can (WITHOUT justifying truly forbidden behavior).
Daven for that person to improve.
Look for the message: What is Hashem trying to tell ME? Because despite appearances, it's not as much about the other person as we tend to assume.

Again, not that I do this splendidly every time. I don't. (In fact, with the above situation, it took several times of seeing this before I could fully complete Step 3. And even after completing Steps 1 & 2, I was still seething!)

And that's fine.

You have to start somewhere.

If you find yourself with the tendency to indulge in anger, self-righteousness, huffiness, obsessive thinking, and all that, then you're not going to overcome all that in a day.

But you need to start.

How?

You just see these challenges as a way to connect to Hashem, and then you go for it.

May we all succeed in completing our soul tikkun in this gilgul without nisayon or bizayon.

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The REAL Segula for a Sweet Year — And It's Not the Apples Dipped in Honey...It's YOU.

Give us good stuff, Hashem, so that we can serve you better; so that we can serve You in real joy with a peaceful & happy heart!