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What is the Authentic Torah Response to Jew-Hatred?

29/12/2019

I guess we've all heard by now about the shocking stabbing attack in Monsey, along with other incidents of Jew-hatred in both New York and London.

Please continue saying Tehillim for the complete refuah of Yehosef ben Perel, Meir Yehosef ben Vittel, Shloime ben Vittel and Naftali Tzvi ben Gila.(Source)

And these are just the latest.

Often, these are followed by calls to make aliyah.

As a Jew who lives in Eretz Yisrael, I obviously think living in Eretz Yisrael is a great idea.

Also, I've grown to both like & admire many of this blog's chutznik readers who've left comments and sent emails, and I would love to have such special, sincere Jews as neighbors in my building or street, so there is a "selfish" reason for my wanting you to make aliyah.

Certainly, the valiant Chassidim who strove to protect their fellow Jews from the machete-wielding attacker by throwing a coat rack, a table, and rocks on him while getting the others out to safety – not to mention, the quick-witted father who locked the doors to the shul just in time while calling for fellow congregants to lock the other entrances too – these are very precious frum individuals whom I would like to have in my community.

And it's particularly odd & disturbing that the first part of the incident occurred in the Rebbe's living room (i.e., not a publicly accessible place) – and on Chanukah.

And yes, there is the famous saying (I think attributed to Rabbi Noach Weinberg z"l) that goes something like: "When they start killing Jews in the street, it's time to leave."

The thing that many of us pro-aliyah people forget is that Jews have been killed in the streets of Eretz Yisrael too, rachmana litzlan.

Hashem is the Only Real "Safe Space"

Something I find very sobering is that there is not one "safe" place in the world today for Jews.

At one point, Jews could escape pogroms, institutional persecution and discrimination, and later, the Shoah, by fleeing to North America.

South America and Great Britain also proved to be places that Jews could live in relative freedom and thrive.

But the world is shrinking in that regard. Even places reputed to host genial & open-minded non-Jews (like Sweden, Norway, and Denmark) are facing serious problems with Jew-hatred.

Even Antarctica isn't an option, due to it being populated by secular liberals from around the world. (Secular liberals aren't exactly into Jewish values or protecting Torah-observant Jews.)

And yes, I have always felt "safe" in Eretz Yisrael – safer than I ever did anywhere else in the world. Even when I feared to ride the buses during Rabin's bulldozering "Piece" Plan, I still felt relatively safe other than that.

If you read any sefer in authentic Torah Judaism or any discussion in Chazal of the proper response to Jew-hatred, it always has to do with our own service of Hashem, particularly avodat halev; Hashem wants our hearts.

Rav Avigdor Miller constantly spoke of this, that performing mitzvot with joy is our main salvation.

Sure, if you can move to a safer geographical location, then that's good hishtadlut (effort-making).

But since the Shoah, there has been an all-consuming focus on geographical location being the remedy for persecution and genocide.

This was Theodore Herzl's propaganda (among others) and it has permeated the frum community too, to an extent.

And so...

You can be a goy in Eretz Yisrael too. People have done it & still do it.

You can be a total rasha in Eretz Yisrael too. People have done it & still do it.

If you feel that Eretz Yisrael in the best place to live to increase you avodat Hashem and be a better Jew, that it's worth giving up a more comfortable gashimiut for a deeper ruchniut...then those are wonderful reasons to make aliyah.

If you feel that the Torah tells you to go to Eretz Yisrael, that you wish to follow the passages in Chazal that encourage making one's permanent home in Eretz Yisrael, then that's a wonderful reason.

Our biggest tzaddikim have done exactly that throughout the ages.

However...will you be physically safer here than anywhere else?

I'm not sure. Maybe. Maybe yes! A couple of the Gedolei Hador are reputed to have said exactly that.

But really, it all goes back to keeping Torah and mitzvot with your heart.

It goes back to separating yourself from non-Jewish culture, to stop admiring all sorts of aspects of the culture of your country.

This includes us in Eretz Yisrael, by the way.

How many Jews here have tried to adapt non-Jewish values to life in Eretz Yisrael?

How many Jews put their trust in politicians? (And who cares if they're "religious" or not? We aren't into politicians or getting too close to the government in general. Big mistake.)

But who cares what I say or think?

I'm not a big talmid chacham and never will be.

So here are the words of others on this topic:

Anti-Semitism Through the Lens of the Torah
Rav Avigdor Miller on Rising Anti-Semitism
Rav Avigdor Miller on Joining the Fight Against Antisemitism
Rav Avigdor Miller on Understanding the Holocaust
Rav Avigdor Miller on Our Response to Antisemitism (Please scroll down to the last video.)
Should We Daven About Antisemitism? (Rav Itamar Schwartz)
To Live in Eretz Yisrael or Not? (Rav Itamar Schwartz)
What is Galus America? (Rav Itamar Schwartz)
Perspective toward the Netanyahu Government? (Includes question regarding Satmar hashkafah & the answer regarding the government is most interesting and one I've never heard before or since – also by Rav Itamar Schwartz)

Our Best Response to Increasing Acts of Jew-Hatred

Tachlis: What are we supposed to be doing?

And this includes me, needless to say, because we are all part of the same "body," so to speak. Meaning that me and the Jews stabbed in Monsey are all fingers on the same hand, so to speak.

So if someone gets whacked by a machete in Monsey, I in Eretz Yisrael need to ask myself what I can do to prevent this from happening again.

Well, here are the words of the Kaliver Rebbe ztz"l, who not only survived the Shoah with his emunah fully intact, but also survived Mengeles's sadistic "experiments":

Solid emunah in Hashem (really knowing that Hashem is running EVERYTHING)
Loving our fellow Jews
Serving Hashem with joy
Keeping Shabbat scrupulously
Saying "Shema Yisrael"

By embracing the above, the Kaliver Rebbe assures us we do not need to fear wars.
(See here: The Kaliver Rebbe: "Each day is its own Yom Hashoah.")

Note especially his final quote:

"When we say Shema Yisrael, and we are unified there is no need to worry about another Holocaust."

Also, Rav Miller explains how the Torah states that the most horrific things can befall us simply for not serving Hashem b'simcha.(!!!) Please see here:

God Just Wants Us to Enjoy Life & Have Fun: Rav Miller on Parshat Ki Tavo

And please see his original dvar Torah here:

Parshas Ki Savo 2 – Serving Hashem with Joy

Finally, some wonderful advice from Shiffy Friedman's H.E.A.R.T. Initiative arrived in my Inbox recently.

The entire article is about how to bring one's heart into the picture, and not go through life as a glazed-eyed observer.

First of all, she takes on the kind of self-criticism that often passes for self-accounting (boldface & underline mine):

Too often, when we delve into our inner world, we end up with yet another layer of self-criticism.

“Oh,” we tell ourselves, “You’re just trying to cop out of life. I know why you’re eating/buying/doing this now/why you just wasted two hours on the computer/phone/why you made this massive Chanukah bash. It’s because you want to numb your emotions/you don’t want to face what you’re really feeling.”

In this way, we’re actually turning our self-exploration against us.

Then she comes up with this gem (underline mine):

While self-exploration can be painful—it often involves looking inside the crevices our heart we’ve been turning a blind eye to for too long, if it only makes us more resentful of ourselves or others, that’s a sign that it’s not only not helpful, but harmful.

If we're becoming angrier or our hatred is increasing, then that's a sign we aren't doing a real cheshbon hanefesh; we're not doing real teshuvah.

Real teshuvah (as opposed to imitation teshuvah) actually makes us better people.

That's its whole point.

She recommends taking the time to contemplate what we've done right and to discover our inner light (which emanates from the pure neshamah).

I think what she's aiming for is getting in touch with the yetzer hatov, and not just focusing on the yetzer hara.

She says she'll be delving deeper into how exactly to do this next week.

This is the sign-up for her newsletter:
emotionalwellnessthroughTorah@gmail.com (Type "subscribe" in the subject line.)

(And just for knowing, I receive nothing for promoting that nor does she even know I'm promoting it. I just find it beneficial & wish to share it with others.)

The Avodah of the Heart

As we've seen, switching countries is not enough. It's legitimate hishtadlut when necessary, but it's not the root solution.

Even fulfilling the mitzvah of yishuv Eretz Yisrael is not enough – we have seen how the actions of Erev Rav Jews and their victims within Eretz Yisrael actually lengthen the Exile and increase our suffering!

Wherever we are, it's avodat halev.

So to really save ourselves from the Jew-haters, we must:

Strengthen our emunah in Hashem.
Do whatever mitzvot we do with more heart, with real simcha.
Separate ourselves from the nations – and this includes a mental separation from their values & behaviors and any other anti-Torah influences

May we all succeed together in bringing the Geula sweetly & speedily.

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Rav Avigdor Miller on Jews Falling in Love with Ourselves in Parshat Miketz

26/12/2019

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In Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshas Mikeitz – Chanukah 3 – Pride of Israel, Rav Miller first delves into the real story of Chanukah.

And the ugly truth about the story is that our real enemies were the same persecutors who joined the Reform Movement (and got the Malbim imprisoned on false charges) or the Communist Yevsektsia, both of whom made trouble for dedicated Jews with the non-Jewish authorities.

Today, we have terrorist-sympathizing Leftists, among others.

Back then, these troublemakers were known as mityavnim – those who became Greek, the Hellenizers.

Through their vocations (like tax collecting), they came in contact with the Greek elite, and then these mityavnim became upper-class elitists who scorned Torah ideals and strove to emulate the ideals of their surrounding society.

Yes, this has repeated itself several times, particularly in the past 200 years.

So Rav Miller emphasizes that all the tragedy and challenge of Chanukah started with Jews who fell in love with their surrounding non-Jewish society (including the aspects diametrically opposed by the Torah), and lost their heads.

Then he segues into the story of a Jew who could have been swallowed up by his non-Jewish surrounding society, but didn't allow that to happen:

Yosef Hatzaddik.

When "Nice!" Means "The End"

Upon his release from lengthy imprisonment underground, Yosef Hatzaddik was made into one of the most powerful people in Egypt.

And back then, Egypt was a vast & powerful empire, plus it was the leader in ancient hi-tech.

And Yosef Hatzaddik was second only to Paroh (Pharaoh) at the top of this incredible empire.

From both Egyptian royalty and the masses, Yosef received accolades, honor, glory, and all the material benefits available at that time.

Yet he remained Yosef ben Yaakov Avinu.

Rav Miller points out how the allure of a nice non-Jewish culture is ironically what destroyed the Jewish people via assimilation.

He gives examples from America (page 8) and from Germany (page 9).

Rav Miller recalls his visit to Germany just before yemach shemo took over in 1933.

Though Rav Miller was identifiably Jewish, an older German professor rushed over to help the young Rav Miller lift his suitcase on the train.

Such humility and a sincere desire to do chessed! What could go wrong?

Rav Miller recalls a country with no violence, a country that was so clean & law-abiding that no one even littered the streets. Even as a Jew, you could get an education, even a doctorate (as one former yeshivah bachur did, Rav Miller recalls).

Jews loved visiting pre-WWII Germany, a bastion of modernity & progress.

And look what happened in the end.

On page 10, Rav Miller exhorts:

“Don’t make any mistake about it,” Hashem was telling us. “It’s all shav v’sheker!” Like the medrash says: Eisav – what does Eisav mean?

הוי שוא
– How false he is!

How false is the gentile culture! How false are their ideals and attitudes!

How false they themselves are!

And not only Germany – everywhere!

No Inferiority Complex?

Rav Miller reminds us how many Jews got lost in America, Canada, England, and France.

Where are the Jews who came to American in the mid-1800s? Why don't we hear about them?

Why are so many of the Jews we know today only 2nd- or 3rd-generation Americans?

Vast amounts of Jews came to America over a century ago. Where are they now? Where are their descendants?

Rav Miller explains that traditionally, Jews didn't have an inferiority complex.

They had fear of their non-Jewish countrymen.

Jews only knew of rabble-rousing when the rabble came pouring into their neighborhoods to make violent trouble.

So the Jews had fear, but no feelings of inferiority.

Why Do Some Jews Hate Themselves More Than Non-Jews Hate Them?

But when Jews enter into non-Jewish society, they read and hear what that society thinks about them.

And suddenly, the Jew feels bad about himself.

Rav Miller explains why a Jew sometimes hates himself more than non-Jews hate him:

Non-Jews, even those who don't really like Jews, have other things to do. They have other things to think about.

But a Jew influenced by non-Jewish culture?

Rav Miller explains:

But the Jew who has now learned gentile attitudes is living with himself always – he can’t escape it and so he learns to despise himself, to hate his own people.

It's so true.

Why is covering hair such a big nisayon for many Jewish women today?

Why is tsniyut (dressing & behaving with dignity) being bulldozed, with short skirts entering even the most insular communities (though not all of them, baruch Hashem)?

Who says that long clothing and wrapping up your hair is oppressive?

In many cultures throughout history, women covered their hair.

Outside of primitive cultures, women dressed tsniusly.

Today, even the most tsnius woman is not wearing as many layers or wearing the sheer lengths that chassidish men wear.

Some women go on diatribes against sheitels or hair-scarves.

But what about the chassidish men who wear a velvet kippah AND a fur shtreimel in the middle of summer in suffocatingly humid New York or the desert of Arad?

Who's head-covering is more oppressive and more uncomfortable?

Yet who's complaining?

It's all attitudes from non-Jewish society.

Look at how even the most ultra-Orthodox Jews need to tiptoe around toeva, making sure that even in their rejection of the worst parts of it, they don't sound too judgmental.

If you journey throughout history, someone somewhere is always nitpicking at Judaism for one reason or another.

They polytheist cultures didn't like the exclusionism of One God.

Ancient Egyptians, who worshiped sheep, didn't like the Jewish practices of sheep-herding and dinners of grilled lamb chops.

One Roman elitist criticized Jews for being too nice to slaves.

Greeks considered Jewish tsniyut (for both men & women) odd & backwards. They wanted to celebrate the human body by putting it on display. They took this so far, they considered brit milah a type of mutilation.

In fact, some Greek thinkers even considered the lack of idols and human statues in the Beit Hamikdash as "barbaric" and displaying a hatred of fellow humans. Weird, right?

Later, Jews were despised for killing a "god." (Yeah, talk about irrational contradictions.)

I was confronted with this accusation during Home Ec class in 7th grade. It was terrifying because I knew that no one would be on my side, what with blonde blue-eyed Tina insisting, "My pastor says that the Jews killed Jesus, not the Romans!"

Most of my classmates attended church, and respected the words of a pastor.

So I felt it was me against over 20 others.

Fortunately, a black friend of mine named Valerye came to my defense, passionately asserting her pastor said it was indeed the Romans.

Phew!

Anyway, the list goes on.

Rav Miller notes that even observant Jews look at fellow frummies through the eyes of non-Jewish values.

They don't see all the mitzvot being performed in frum homes; they see only the aspects criticized by their surrounding society.

But back to Yosef Hatzaddik...

Self-Love, Chanukah-Style

Yosef Hatzaddik didn't find lamb chops repulsive even though he'd been immersed for years in a society that worshiped sheep.

He also kept his brothers away from Egyptian influence even when they were in Egypt.

Yosef Hatzaddik loved Hashem. He loved Am Yisrael, even when it was hardly an Am.

And that's the real message in Chanukah (page 17):

And Chanukah tells us that great lesson, that beauty is only by us!

We always have to be on guard not to look for beauty and culture and perfection outside of our people.

You have to fall in love with the Am Yisroel – that’s what Chanukah is telling us, that we have to fall in love with ourselves

Rav Miller's Great Passion

This is one of Rav Miller's big passions:

He kept praising frum Jews.

Yes, we all know there are bad ones. He knows it too; he mentioned them occasionally.

Frankly, I think this was his way of preventing another Shoah.

That's why he was so passionate about seeing fellow frummies in a positive light.

He vehemently opposed putting down other groups that were uncompromisingly shomer Torah & mitzvot, even when he didn't personally subscribe to their hashkafah. He only praised them no matter what.

He wanted Jews to burst with love for Hashem and each other and the Torah's mitzvot.

He wanted Jews to serve Hashem with happy hearts.

This is what prevents Jew-hatred.

This is what hastens and sweetens the Geula.

Seeing ourselves, our Torah, and our God through positive eyes is the secret to Jewish survival.

Credit for all quotes goes to the wonderful Toras Avigdor.

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What Does Judaism Say about Self-Love & Self-Esteem?

25/12/2019

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Growing up in secular liberal America, I always heard a lot about self-love.

There was even a famous song, which declared that learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.

(Shame on that songstress. As a non-Jew with a church background, she should have known that learning to love God is the greatest love of all. But Hollywood corrupts everything. Oh well.)

Self-love & self-esteem were supposed to go hand-in-hand to cultivate a positive self-image, thereby making you a better person.

Yet as time went by, many “experts” realized that self-love did not actually lead to the good behavior they’d predicted. And many bad people (narcissists, for example) possess a falsely positive self-image and esteem themselves too highly.

So “experts” started talking about self-compassion.

That was better, but I still couldn’t help noticing that the concept of self-love (self-esteem, self-compassion, etc.) didn’t seem to exist within all the millennia of scholarship contained within Judaism.

Yes, there is ONE passage commonly lifted out of Gates of Teshuvah to promote self-love & self-esteem. (Basically, it explains something like how low self-esteem can lead a person to compensate by puffing up himself with fake attributes and arrogance.)

But it seemed that if self-love was an essential part of self-growth, Chazal would’ve mentioned it somewhere – and somewhere easily found.

And no one ever quoted the Gemara about self-love.

If self-love is essential to teshuvah, why isn’t it anywhere in the Gemara?

That omission alone should tell us something.

At the very least, in the entire book of Gates of Teshuvah, Rabbeinu Yonah should have mentioned it more than once if it was so important.

It's the Well-Meaning Bull's-Eye Artists Once Again...

Which came first? The target or the arrow?

Gradually, the realization dawned on me that if it’s not mentioned in our core Jewish sources, then it is probably not a Jewish idea.

Eventually, I chalked it all up to a common practice among many well-meaning frummies: They shoot their arrow and then draw a bull’s eye around the arrow so it looks like the arrow hit the target.

Likewise, these very well-meaning people grab an idea from modern psychology and then search through Chazal until they find a verse that supports their treasured currently fashionable idea.

They honestly don’t realize what they’re doing.

And while such a method may help temporarily (if it didn’t help at all, it likely never would’ve made it into the annals of pop psychology), it ultimately will not do the job because it’s not completely true (if it’s true at all).

Azamrah!

Next, people pointed to Rebbe Nachman of Breslov’s famous idea that you need to find at least one merit in yourself, at least one good point.

That’s still not self-love of the non-Jewish world.

It’s more along the lines of self-compassion & self-esteem & a positive self-image, but it’s still not the same idea as promoted in the non-Jewish world.

Anyway, why did Rebbe Nachman so strongly push this idea?

What’s the motive behind it?

First of all, it's true.

Furthermore, I believe he pushed it because people who do a very sincere & deep cheshbon hanefesh come up with all kinds of unpleasant realizations about themselves.

Even very good people end up discovering all sorts of not-so-pious motivations behind their acts of piety and chessed.

(It’s exactly this kind of self-awareness that keeps our Gadolei Hador and our tzaddikim so humble, despite their genuinely elevated qualities and, in some cases, their global fame.)

So the whole point of self-azamrah (finding at least one good quality in yourself) is to save the profoundly honest & relentlessly self-probing people from despair & emotional paralysis.

Along these lines, it’s impossible to miss Breslov's constant encouragement to uncover your flaws before Hashem, pouring your heart out about them in hitbodedut in order to polish them. (In Words of Faith, Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender emphisizes several examples of this.)

Which, again, is the whole reason for the necessity of self-azamrah.

I don’t know if you need to go digging around for at least one good point in yourself if you’re not doing some kind of cheshbon hanefesh. If you have no serious regrets and you feel pretty satisfied with yourself, then what is the point of self-azamrah? After all, you already see plenty of good points in yourself!

In other words, Azamrah facilitates cheshbon hanefesh & teshuvah.

That's its purpose.

So really, self-azamrah is not the self-love or self-compassion promoted in pop psychology either.

To see a classic short story from Rebbe Nachman describing the Azamrah process, please see:
The Tzaddik Who Fell into Sadness

What is the Torah's Definition of a Positive Self-Image?

It's Not "I'm Okay, You're Okay."

It's More Along the Lines of: "Maybe I'm Not Really NOT Okay...But My Neshamah is Absolutely Brilliant!"

A positive self-image Torah-style means recognizing that your core self, your neshamah, is pristine and holy.

Your job is to clean up the rest of you and actualize your pristine and holy core.

We're Still Not Through Yet: Where is the Love?

So while I came across nearly zero about self-love (or self-esteem), I did come across an enormous amount of Torah material promoting love for HASHEM.

Ahavat Hashem/Love of God: THIS idea is just all over the place in Chazal. It’s in Tanach. It’s in every book on mussar or Chassidus. You can’t get away from it.

So then I realized that the goal is actually to love Hashem…and to know that Hashem loves you too!

In fact, Hashem loves you much more than you could ever love yourself.

This is talked about in Torah classes. But why the need to also introduce self-love and self-esteem and self-this and self-that?

I think it’s because the idea of such a relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu feels very far away, very difficult to attain.

And that’s to be expected.

But that’s doesn’t mean we shouldn’t make it our goal.

A far-off goal doesn't mean we should dilute it with non-Jewish ideas in order to seemingly bring it closer.

It's Not Too Far Away

In the spiritual realm, EVERY SINGLE TINY STEP is HUGE PROGRESS.

Every spiritual act you do MEANS something.

Even if you become a completely rasha tomorrow (chas v’shalom), you can never erase any of the good you did.

Never.

That’s why terrible people often live it up in This World. Somewhere, they’ve done something good. And Hashem gives them their reward for it now.

(But they sure will pay for it later!)

So we shouldn’t allow the loftiness of the goal to dissuade us.

Unfortunately, people who automatically (and often unconsciously) dismiss this goal can end up teaching, and writing books and articles in the frum community, which is why you’ll hear about all these pop psychology concepts within frum venues.

So as good-hearted as these people are and as passionately as they want to help others, they can’t because they don’t have the right hashkafah themselves. And they honestly do not realize this.

Placing Bogus Limits on God (Who is Limitless) Leads to Really Bad Things

By the way, this idea that God is “too far away” or “too high” to even attempt reaching is a 2000-year-old mistake made by other people.

This human-imposed "limit" on God's abilities forms the basis for declaring a son of God who is also divine, and then using that "son of God" imagery as a medium for prayer.

Combine this with a rejection of the paradox that really horrific things happen in the world, yet Hashem is a Wholly Compassionate Creator Who does everything for the good...and you have what you have in the world today as far as a major religion goes.

So for them, God feels too distant to access, plus they need someone to blame for all the bad stuff and the harsh judgements.

So they make the human representative the “god” of love and accessibility, while they make the actual Creator the source of whatever they perceive as bad and punishing.

Ta-daaaahhhh!

Actually, it goes back even further.

Much avodah zarah rests on this idea that God is too far away, too busy, too overwhelmed, too exalted, too paradoxical, and thus we need an intermediary (chas v’shalom).

(In contrast, very early avodah zarah derived from the idea that people should praise the King’s servants—i.e., the planetary bodies—which led to actually worshiping them.)

The point is: We should not limit Hashem.

(Needless to say, we can't actually limit Hashem. But we can fool ourselves into thinking so.)

That always leads to trouble in the end.

We can strive to nurture a personal relationship with Hashem, and cultivate love for Him while at the same time, making every effort to feel His Love for us.

So it’s not that you need to love yourself, but that you need to maintain a constant awareness that HASHEM loves YOU.

Even when you’ve been bad, Hashem is right there loving you and waiting for you to return to Him.

But that still wasn’t the end of it.

Oh-Ho! I Found Self-Love in Judaism After All...

If you read the wonderful mussar book, Pele Yoetz, you’ll discover that the second chapter is titled: Ahavat Atzmo – Love of Oneself!

So what’s going on with that?

First of all, the preceding and first chapter is Ahavah L’Hakadosh Baruch Hu – Love for the Holy One Blessed Be He.

That right there tells us something.

The very first sentence of the entire masterpiece is:

Love for The Holy One Blessed Be He: There is no better virtue than this. For from this follows all the service of Hashem Yitbarach and all of Judaism.

So self-love (as defined by the big tzaddik who wrote the Pele Yoetz) is actually an aspect of God-love.

True self-love does not exist on its own, nor is self-love in and of itself considered a virtue in Judaism.

In Love of Oneself, the Pele Yoetz immediately states that self-love in an integral part of Divine Design, explaining that a person loves himself more than anything else and will give away everything in order to save his own life.

Then he immediately dives into the concept of self-destruction – which he exhorts against as the opposite of self-love.

Basically, genuine self-love leads to good physical & emotional function, which leads to continued service of Hashem in mitzvot & good deeds.

And that’s the whole point of self-love: avodat Hashem.

A person who transgresses, a person who lives a physically and emotionally unhealthy life? That person is not expressing genuine love for himself.

The Pele Yoetz categorizes such a person as being exploited by the Yetzer Hara, as having fallen into an “evil sickness,” and calls him a fool.

Such a person can even commit suicide, notes the Pele Yoetz, God forbid.

Whether a person injures himself or others, that injury is an act of cruelty.

The Pele Yoetz lists behaviors that do NOT show self-love, but rather self-hatred:

Excessive drinking of wine
Excessive eating, especially of red meat or delicacies.
Excessive intimacy with your wife
Lengthy vacations and holidays
Working just to increase your bank account when you already have enough for your needs
Endangering yourself just for the money (going on dangerous journeys, as sailing in a ship once was, or to dangerous areas, not taking body guards).
Not being watchful with things that cause physical harm

(You can see that excessive intimacy with one’s wife or lengthy vacations do not clash with the idea of self-love in the non-Jewish world. So as long as you work by the non-Jewish self-love paradigm, you won’t reach the Jewish ideal of self-love, which is based on making yourself a vessel for continued service of Hashem.)

These behaviors DO show self-love:

A willingness to eat parched bread in peace & serenity rather than compiling a vast fortune accompanied by anxiety and toil
In the case where you are doing well financially, you use your funds to afford more physical comfort, but do not labor simply to increase profit.
You avoid indulging in wine.
You avoid indulging in meat.
You avoid consuming delicacies.
You do not overeat.
You avoid lengthy vacations.
You avoid excessive intimacy with your wife.
You stay away from hazardous places.
You stay away from hazardous journeys (sailing across the sea, for example), unless absolutely necessary.

Again, the non-Jewish world glorifies people who engage in dangerous treks to beautiful yet risky places. Furthermore, it sees nothing wrong with excessive marital intimacy or lengthy holidays.

(In fact, lengthy vacations, ocean-crossings, and adventurous treks are even goals for many people.)

So living your life according to even the best intentions of the non-Jewish self-love/self-compassion/self-esteem proponents will not lead you to the Jewish ideal of self-love.

Self-Care in Service of Hashem Only

It’s interesting that the Pele Yoetz focuses primarily on your physical preservation with regard to self-love.

But again—what is the root of self-love, according to the Pele Yoetz?

The primary motivation for his love of self, body, and soul must emanate from the love of his Creator.

The body and self are “tools for serving the Master.”

They should not be sullied or broken.

So basically, you’re good to yourself—especially your physical self--so that you have the strength and ability to keep serving Hashem and doing mitzvot.

There’s no other reason.

Sounds like a tall order?

It is. But we should still try.

As long as we make the effort, the Pele Yoetz reassures the striving individual with this final note of encouragement:

Hashem will be his help and his might.

In a Nutshell: The 3 Basic Torah Ideas of Self-Esteem, Self-Image, and Self-Love

To sum up Judaism's take on all the above, based on the classic sources I've read:

#1
Healthy self-esteem means:

You know Hashem loves you (and is always ready to accept your sincere remorse & willingness to change).
You know your core neshamah is pristine and holy.

You can maintain the above knowledge even if you know that you (outside of your neshamah) are actually not so great.

You might think there is a heck of a lot wrong with you.

You might even think you're very bad.

That's okay as long as you know the following:

You need to be secure in Hashem's Love & the exalted potential of yourself emanating from your deepest level of soul: your neshamah.

I can't repeat this enough: I simply never found the pop psychology ideal of self-esteem in any authentic Torah sources.

#2
A positive self-image means:

Knowing your neshamah (your deepest level of soul) is pure and unsullied.
Because of your neshamah, you have the ability to be a tremendously great person. (Yeah...it sounds unrealistic for me too. But this is what the sefarim say.)

#3
Self-love means:

Taking care of your physical self in a way that enables you to serve Hashem in the strongest & healthiest way possible for the longest time possible.

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Back Online Again, Baruch Hashem

25/12/2019

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Shalom, due to making necessary changes to my computer & Internet, we ended up being without any Internet or telephone (because the house phone line was connected to the Internet) for around 2 weeks, which is weird in these technologically advanced times.

It was a whole comedy of errors and it felt like we were going down a street in which every traffic light was red.

We knew we were on the road to our destination and we knew we'd get there eventually, but regardless of how fast or slow or strategically we drove toward the next light, it always turned red just as we got there, forcing us to just sit there and wait until it turned green (on its own time, of course) before we could continue until the next traffic light (which, again, was also red).

Then when I went to an Internet place, it wouldn't let me access my blog. I dectuple-checked the password, but no go. And I ended up feeling very insecure there about going into my email, despite the tech-security measures of the place, so I didn't feel able to check that either.

So I feel very rude not answering emails or comments, even though it wasn't my fault so much. Certainly, it wasn't intentional ignoring! But I'm sorry anyway and I apologize.

Bli neder, that will all be remedied today.

And because I'm not done yet with the necessary tinkering, things may go offline again — but hopefully not for such a long time!

Here is an inspiring Chanukah post from Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender:

How to Access the Secret Power of Chanukah

Here are fascinating words from Rav Avigdor Miller on Chanukah:

Chanukah – Hyrcanus's Downfall

And these:

UPDATE: If you go to Toras Avigdor right now, you'll see a list of 4 or 5 eye-opening posts special for Chanukah.

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Save Your Eternity by Maintaining Your Equilibrium: Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Vayishlach

11/12/2019

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In Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah Parshat Vayishlach: The Disturbed Wicked, we see that Esav is running away.

That's funny, because initially, it was Yaakov Avinu who needed to run for his life.

And Yaakov really needed to. But Esav did not need to. No one was pursuing him.

The Midrash quotes Mishlei 28:1, that an evil person flees even when there is no one in pursuit.

Esav meets up with Yaakov Avinu, his twin brother who has merited success beyond Esav's wildest dreams.

Even though Yaakov met him with great diplomacy and insight, which mollified Esav to some extent, Esav still came away from their meeting suffering confusion and resentment.

Rav Miller points out that Esav was a Jew. (This is when you could still opt out of Judaism.) He had a brit milah, he'd been taught Jewish values by the greatest people on Earth. He could've stayed with the family, despite the firstborn rights being taken from him.

The Shechinah rested on this family. It was a tremendous & holy family. Yes, Esav could no longer have been the leader of this family, but isn't being an important part of such a family, of such Nation-building, enough?

Had Esav remained, his descendants could have stood at Har Sinai to receive the Torah, says Rav Miller. Tannaim and other great Sages could have descended from Esav.

Esav would have had a part in the inheritance of Eretz Yisrael.

But he left everything behind.

No one chased him away.

But he still left.

Shevet Esav? It Could Have Been, If Only...

Rav Miller explained that Esav capitulated to one of the strongest yetzer haras: the yetzer hara of getting flustered, of losing your equilibrium...and running away.

On pages 7-8, Rav Miller explains the various letter combinations of the word rasha (רשע) and how it all points to the agitation that bad people often feel. They don't enjoy yishuv hadaat, they don't enjoy menuchat hanefesh, or any of the other positive mental & emotional states that come from emuna & bitachon.

Esav could've chosen the path of Aharon HaCohen, who generously allowed his younger brother, Moshe Rabbeinu, to take the lead. If that's what Hashem wanted, then that's what Aharon HaCohen wanted too.

What was good enough for God was good enough for him too.

Rav Miller quotes the Chovot Halevavot (Duties of the Heart), which states that if you want to be a truly good person, if you want to be a real eved Hashem, then you must develop peace of mind.

On page 9, we glean some solid life advice from Kohelet (Ecclesiastes) 10:4:

If you're suddenly thrown into confusion, don't do anything; just stay where you are.

Don't upset your equilibrium any more than it has already.

Keep on going with your life.

Continue to get up in the morning and daven, go to work or yeshivah or prepare breakfast or all the good things you normally do as part of your routine and your responsibilities.

Keep on observing Torah & mitzvot.

Don't let go.

Eventually, the upset will pass – and YOU will remain.

Don't Let Despair Incite You into Becoming a Big Rasha

On page 10, Rav Miller relates the true story of someone who lost his equilibrium in an understandably difficult situation, and as a result, lost his wife & children too.

Rav Miller notes that at various steps along the way, the person could've traced his steps back with no harm (or very little harm) done.

But this person didn't and so he lost out.

Rav Miller uses this to emphasize that even if you do leave your place, so to speak, don't be too embarrassed to come back.

In other words, don't stay down for the count. Get back up again.

Again, Rav Miller quotes Kohelet (7:17): "Don't be a big rasha."

Even being a little rasha is certainly forbidden; even small sins are wrong.

But don't let your small sins upset your equilibrium so much that you throw caution to the winds, decide that nothing matters anymore, and become a big rasha.

Planting the Seeds of Soul-Perfection 5 Minutes at a Time

Rav Miller encourages us that if we read the right books, listen to the right lectures, and work on ourselves enough, we can train ourselves to respond to life with menuchat hanefesh, with an unruffled soul.

On page 13, he tells us how we should generally handle bigoted bums, and reminds us of the infamous story of the young Jewish counselor who responded boldly to a couple of Jew-haters...who then proceeded to beat in his skull, yet got off with just a slap on the hand.

There, Rav Miller always tells of the time he was blocked by 4 weasels on the sidewalk. He also tells how women can protect themselves too.

Then he gives the example of how a man coming home should be prepared for anything, even a pail of bilge water dumped onto his head (so to speak).

At first, the man can only hold a pleasant countenance for 5 minutes before he gets caught up in the stress of the situation.

But he starts with 5 minutes and eventually, those 5 minutes expand into 5 hours.

(With working women nowadays, this could apply to them too. But as far as I know, working women do not come home expecting a warm welcome and things being done for them, like a warm dinner waiting and a clean home – unless of course, she is paying a nanny and a housekeeper and a cook to do these things for her. But how many are doing that? Hardly anyone.)

Rav Miller also gives the example of a woman who, upon meeting up with her husband at home, can mentally decide to give her husband some quiet. Maybe she wants to chat or complain or attack, but instead she restrains herself and gives him that quiet space. Maybe she can even empathize with him in her mind.

Rav Miller states that when people (either the husband or wife or both) do the above, "they are planting the seeds of perfection in their soul."

It may not feel like that, especially at first, when you might just be feeling repressed and seething inside with a fake outside.

But really, regardless of how it feels, you really are planting the seeds of perfection in your soul.

The Special Segulah Ring

Apparently, Shlomo Hamelech requested a golden ring he could look at whenever he got flustered or upset. Someone created such a ring for him with the letters ג ז י – Gam Zeh Ya'avor, This Too Shall Pass.

(The gold itself will eventually pass on too. As they say, you can't take it with you.)

Someone made such a ring for Rav Miller and he always kept it.

My youngest sister-in-law always says with a laugh, "Everything passes. Whether it's good or bad, it all passes!"

I love this idea.

It means that when things are good, you should really appreciate those times because they'll pass.

But take comfort in the bad times – because those too will pass!

(Now I want to get myself a ring like that...)

Who Ends Up Outlasting It All?

On pages 17-18, Rav Miller discusses the difference between healthy fear and unhealthy fear.

And we, the descendants of the ish tam, the brother with perfect character, are still here to tell the story. Yaakov’s children are still around because we are the nation that doesn’t lose its peace of mind.

We don’t move away from our ideals and we calmly make our way through life by means of utilizing our seichel. That’s why we’re still around and it looks like we’ll be here for a long time.

Like Yeshaya Hanavi said, we’re the Am Olam, the everlasting nation.

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The #1 Way to Maximize Your Potential According to the Ramchal (Rav Moshe Chaim Luzatto)

9/12/2019

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In the post, Advice from the RaMCHaL, Rav Itamar Schwartz quotes a passage from Rav Moshe Chaim Luzatto's Derech Eitz Chaim (The Way of the Tree of Life) regarding hitbodedut.

The Ramchal was born in Padua, Italy in 1707 and passed away in Akko, Eretz Yisrael in 1746.

And in his book, Derech Eitz Chaim, the Ramchal advised investing 1 hour every day in hitbodedut, contemplating the following questions:

Who am I?
Why did I come into this world?
What does Hashem want from me?
What will be with my end?
What did Avoteinu (Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov) do that made them so desirable to Hashem?
What did Moshe Rabbeinu do?
What did David Hamelech do?
What did all the great leaders before me do?

So those are some things to talk about (or at least ponder in your mind) if you get stuck.

The Ramchal stated that the most important tool to maximize our potential & our connection to Hashem is taking the time for self-introspection.

Cheshbon hanefesh is a crucial component of this, so Rav Schwartz recommends discussing the following questions with Hashem:

On Rosh Hashanah, I made a resolution to do X. At the peak of the Yomim Tovim I also reached a certain spiritual level.
Have I succeeded in keeping my resolutions and maintaining an elevated level compared to last year?
If not, what can I do to make sure I maintain this level and keep my resolutions?

Rav Schwartz acknowledges that while our Sages advised performing an accounting of ourselves every night, many people cannot manage this. So, in the spirit of many other rabbanim who recommend baby steps, Rav Schwartz suggests performing a chesbon hanefesh every 7-10 days.

This is a million times better than not doing it at all, or only doing it every couple of months. (And even doing it every couple of months can still reap you tremendous benefit. Remember: There are people who NEVER do a real cheshbon hanefesh in their entire life.)

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How to Deal with Getting Slammed by Old Taavot Years after You Thought You Already Did Teshuvah for Them

8/12/2019

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There is a common phenomenon that strikes most baalei teshuvah 10-15 (maybe even 20?) years after they become frum, but hardly anyone knows about it until it happens to them.

All of the sudden, they'll become consumed with the desire to do something they'd left behind, something they completely rejected and even forgotten about...until it suddenly hits them again with a vengeance.

It's like you're innocently strolling down the street in a good neighborhood, and all of the sudden you're ambushed by a lunging mugger, chas v'shalom.

I've heard people express all different desires, like yearning to hear old pop music, to smoke illicit substances, watch certain TV programs, go out to the dance club at night, and so on.

So I had this thing where I desperately wanted to go to a movie theater.

(I know. It's so embarrassing, isn't it? What a stupid inane thing.)

Initially, I stopped going to movie theaters without any inner struggle. I simply didn't want to.

I stopped watching movies and did not miss movie theaters or TV.

Then around 15 years later, I suddenly found myself yearning for the experience of picking out my favorite seat, and sitting there with a ginormous bucket of buttery popcorn and root beer, and then that sensation of anticipation when the lights go dim and the ginormous screen comes to life.

And I spent an embarrassing amount of time fantasizing about this. You know, like planning to go to one of those cheap-o sheitel gemachs and get a very realistic-looking sheitel and get clothes that secular people would wear, but that still cover everything that needs to be covered, and so on.

But fortunately, I never did it.

The question is why?

Because I'm sooooo pious and pumped with gevurah!

(No, just kidding. Gosh, I wish that had been the reason. But that wasn't the reason, unfortunately.)

It's Also Okay If Your Yetzer Hara is Stopped By Mere Inconvenience, And Not By Holier Reasons

The obstacle was really one of convenience.

First of all, I was living in Eretz Yisrael when this hankering hit me.

If you've ever been to movie theaters in Eretz Yisrael (may they all turn into batei midrash), then you know you must endure the distasteful experience of assigned seating. In a movie theater.

That right there ruins the entire experience.

That's right: When you go to pay for your tickets, you get tickets with seat numbers on them, just like on an airplane.

So before you even get inside the theater, your delicious experience is already marred by the tension of possibly receiving seats in a location that might at least somewhat diminish your enjoyment for the next 90 minutes.

(I know, I know. This is such an American problem, isn't it? "Slightly diminished pleasure for 90 minutes? – Aack! Help! SOS! I must have the full pleasure-experience or else I feel severely deprived! Aack!")

The next problem is that Israeli movie theaters impose a forced intermission precisely at the mid-point mark. So for a 90-minute movie, everything suddenly disappears and the lights go on at exactly the 45-minute mark, regardless of what's happening on screen.

Seriously.

Who needs intermission after only 45 minutes? In America, if you need to replenish candy bars at any point in the movie, you do it on your own time & cheshbon.

Enforced intermission totally ruins the movie-going experience.

For example, way back in my first year in Eretz Yisrael as a 19-year-old going on 20, I remember watching Last of the Mohicans in a movie theater, and just as the Mohican was straddling the white guy with a mighty rock raised in the Mohican's hands about to come smashing down on the white guy's head, the screen faded and the lights went on.

Intermission!

So the diminished pleasure of the Israeli movie-going experience combined with the difficulty of indulging myself without causing a chilul Hashem or being discovered, plus the fact that if you are a remotely decent person, there are no truly enjoyable movies to enjoy anyway...all that combined stopped me from doing it.

Baruch Hashem!

And the severe yearning eventually dissipated.

Now I don't feel like I need or want to relive the American movie theater experience, and I'm certainly grateful that I couldn't do so when I did feel that yearning.

(This is also yet another example of how material goals are not as easily facilitated in Eretz Yisrael, while spiritual goals are much more within grasp – in fact, you're even even forced into the ruchnius aspect, whether you want it or not and whether you realize it or not.)

The Less Poison, The Better!

Some people feel like if you need barriers or restraints to prevent you from doing the wrong thing, then you're fake and what's the point anyway?

It's true that Jews on the level of Rav Miller or Rav Shimshon Dovid Pincus don't even WANT to go to a movie theater. Just the idea is like suggesting that they to go sit in a sewage tank.

No appeal, just revulsion.

But there is still virtue in not doing something, even for the flimsiest of reasons.

There is still benefit.

It's like ingesting more poison or less poison.

Even if you avoid certain poisons for silly reasons, like simply because they taste bad or even because you can't due to lack of availability, you still benefit because the less poison in life, the better!

Yes, self-restraint from the heart is ideal.

But, for example, all the food you didn't eat prevents obesity – even if the only reason you didn't overeat is simply because you could not access the overabundance of food.

All the illicit drugs you didn't take means you never overdosed into an early death.

All the "poison" you didn't ingest – for whatever the reason – means less damage to inner organs & quality of life.

You still benefit, despite your not-terribly-noble-nor-pure reasons for not committing the act.

What Should You Do When Those Old Longings Hit?

A post on non-kosher hankerings wouldn't be complete without the advice received from one of the only rebbetzins who was ever able to really help me to break out of certain culturally ingrained thought patterns.

She said that if these old taavot you thought you'd overcome and even forgotten about come slinging back at you, the solution is:

Just sit down with Hashem and talk about why.

Part of the reason is Hashem making sure you get it all out of your system for the right reasons, and extract it at its root.

But it's also good to look at what these old taavot mean to you and what that's telling you now.

Meaning, if the old songs make you feel a certain way and that's the root of what you're longing for, then there's a spiritual longing under all that, which needs to be addressed and nurtured.

It's the same idea with illicit drugs, illicit relationships, discotheque dancing, or anything else.

What is really going on beneath it all? What is the message?

That's one way of doing it.

You can also do sur m'ra v'aseh tov (Turn from evil and do good): Try not to think about it at all while simultaneously filling your mind and your life with spiritually delicious kosher thoughts & activities.

This is also the classic idea of taking your yetzer hara to the study hall – meaning that Torah is the antidote to your treif hankerings.

Eventually, it passes & you move on to the next level.

Beware the Snooty Yetzer Hara!

So please don't listen to others (including your own yetzer hara) who try to convince you that if you can only control yourself by placing some kind of barrier, or if you are only resisting because there is no outlet anyway, then your abstinence is worthless and fake.

FALSE.

For example, some people (even some frum people) think that if you need a solid filter on your Internet or to live in an entirely frum area to hold yourself together, or any other kind of "fence," then you are a hypocrite. You're not being "real." And so on.

FALSE.

The "purity of intentions" ideal is a particularly snooty holier-than-thou yetzer hara.

Yes, our goal is l'shem Shamayim and to act out purely of love for Hashem.

But avoiding sin for lesser reasons is also beneficial!

If you are being honest about your yetzer hara and what you need to resist it, then YOU ARE BEING REAL.

This also includes not adding more bad to the bad stuff you've already done.

Let's say that you gave in to the yearning to listen to, say, particularly angry rap music. But you still haven't given in to the yearning to smoke.

Don't think that you might as well smoke too just because you've already slid into angry rap music sung by gutter rats who are rolling in millions of dollars and STILL feel angry and resentful about life, and want to encourage everyone else to feel that way too (because that's how they are getting filthy rich).

Nope. Don't give in to that.

Remember: The less the poison the better!

May Hashem help us to succeed in overcoming our yetzer hara at all times.

It's okay if you avoid going here simply because you can't swim, and not for nobler reasons.

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Were You Ever Despised or Treated as Inferior? Then You Need to Read Rav Avigdor Miller's Dvar Torah for Parshat Vayetzei

5/12/2019

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Dear Readers, this week's dvar Torah contains AMAZING chizuk & inspiration, including information you may never have heard before.

If you've ever felt:

not good enough
downtrodden
rejected
despised
pushed aside
inferior in comparison to others (especially within your family)
not as "blessed" (i.e. you were never the Golden Girl/Boy and certainly never had a snowball's chance in heck of becoming one) as others in your family, school, or community...

..then this is the dvar Torah for YOU.

Hold on tight, because Rav Miller takes us on a whirlwind ride this week...

Where are All the Reuvenim?

In Parshas Vayeitzei 3 – The Afflicted Righteous, Rav Avigdor Miller discusses a very intriguing core idea within Torah.

Originally, Rachel Imeinu was supposed to have been the primary mother of the Jewish people. Yaakov Avinu saw via Nevuah (Prophecy) that she was his true zivug and the primary mother of Am Yisrael.

And to be sure, Rachel Imeinu holds a revered position among us to this day.

But ultimately, Leah Imeinu merited to be the primary mother – and she's also the woman from whom Mashiach descends.

As Rav Miller notes we aren't called Reuvenim or Shimonim (Leah Imeinu's first 2 sons).

We are called Yehudim, after Yehudah, the 4th son of Leah Imeinu & Yaakov Avinu.

It's very interesting, if you think about it.

We aren't even called after Leah Imeinu's firstborn, Reuven.

And even though Rachel Imeinu's firstborn Yosef Hatzaddik is renowned for his tremendous gevurah in the face of some of the worst trials, and that to this day, all Jewish boys are blessed to be like Yosef Hatzaddik's sons, Menashe & Efrayim, we are not called Menashe'im or Efrayimim.

We are Yehudim. (Wouldn't the refrain of that popular song, ki ani Yehudi, sound funny if it was ki ani Menashe'i?)

But why was the pre-destiny switched?

Leah wasn't Actually Hated. So What Does It All Mean?

The Torah makes an explicit connection between Leah's suffering and her fertility.

The parshah states (Beresheit 29:31): "And Hashem saw that Leah was hated, so He opened up her womb and gave her children."

Except that Leah wasn't hated.

Yaakov Avinu couldn't possibly "hate" Leah.

Part of the proof is verse 30: "And he loved also Rachel more than Leah."

"Also...more than" implies that Yaakov Avinu loved Leah, but he simply loved Rachel Imeinu more.

Rav Miller emphasizes that Yaakov Avinu absolutely fulfilled the dictum of our Sages, to love his wife as himself.

So he loved both Rachel & Leah as himself!

But he just loved Rachel even more.

So as much honor & affection as Yaakov Avinu showered upon Leah Imeinu, everyone know (just as everyone knows now) that she wasn't originally meant for him and that's not who he originally agreed to work for 7 years.

And both Rav Miller & Rav Shimon Gruen's wonderful weekly newsletter on the parsha emphasize that Yaakov Avinu was not angry with Leah and did not confront her, but confronted her father Lavan, who was the real snake behind the deception. Applying this lesson to real life? Go easy on your spouse, especially when he or she does something that really isn't his or her fault.

So Leah lived with this knowledge that she was the fifth wheel.

Even when Yaakov Avinu went to meet Esav, he kept Rachel Imeinu and her children the more protected part of the configuration. He also protected Leah Imeinu and her offspring, but circumstances forced him to grant the added protection to Rachel Imeinu.

And this was a very public configuration, to boot.

So this was the position Leah was always in and she knew it would never & could never change.

And because of this, Leah was always weeping and talking to Hashem.

The Secret to Greatness: Choose HOW to Respond to Your Suffering

Rav Miller notes that the Gemara shows Leah Imeinu as a very wise young woman.

So how did Leah Imeinu respond to her understandably painful & irremediable situation?

Leah Imeinu decided to dedicated her entire purpose to building Am Yisrael.

Rav Miller emphasizes that this is the proper response to any encumbrance: COMPENSATE.

Don't just complain & sulk. Don't get depressed or look for distractions and escapes.

Compensate!

How can you make the spiritual best of the situation?

How can you, like Leah Imeinu, use the pain of your situation for spiritual growth?

Page 9 (boldface mine):

It’s not merely the fact that Leah suffered so much that caused her to become the mother of the Am Yisroel. It was how she reacted to her suffering!

Why being "Chosen" is No Guarantee

As much as Rachel Imeinu also davened and strove to attain character perfection, circumstances impelled Leah Imeinu to daven even more & strive even more.

Had situations been reversed, Rachel Imeinu would've been the one to daven more & strive harder.

But she wasn't.

Leah found herself in the more agonizing position.

Page 9:

And that’s why Hakadosh Baruch Hu rewarded her, because actually she attained a bigger perfection than Rochel.

This is a tremendous secret to success.

Rav Miller goes on to make the mind-boggling point that this doesn't mean that Leah was better. In a sense, he says, Rachel was always better; Rachel was The Chosen One!

Because Leah wasn't The Chosen One, she needed to work harder.

And eventually, this tremendous inner investment earned her a tremendous place in the eternity of the Jewish people, in eternity as a whole.

In fact, despite Rachel Imeinu being the authentic zivug of Yaakov Avinu, it is Leah Imeinu who is buried next to him.

History Replays Itself Again between the Descendants of Leah Imeinu & the Descendants of Rachel Imeinu

Now Rav Miller brings up a point I'd never considered: the saga of Shaul Hamelech (King Saul) & David Hamelech (King David).

And look at how history replayed itself.

Shaul Hamelech is a descendant of Binyamin – Rachel Imeinu's youngest son.

According to his innate nature, Shaul was a better person than David Hamelech (who was the descendant of Yehudah, Leah Imeinu's 4th son). The Gemara says Shaul was a perfect tzaddik.

Who was supposed to head the royal line of the Jewish people?

Who was supposed to build the Beit Hamikdash?

Who was supposed to produce Mashiach?

Shaul from Shevet Binyamin!

"Shaul bechir Hashem – Shaul is the chosen of Hashem" (Shmuel II:21:6). Even the Bat Kol said it!

Shaul possessed exemplary character & lineage, and was exceptionally tall & handsome (quite different than the ruddy redhead of questionable birth born under Mars that David was).

But then Hashem decided that Shaul needed to be usurped by David (who also composed our beloved Tehillim).

Why?

Hashem Values the Humbled Person Who Works Harder

Hashem wants us to learn a tremendous lesson:

Hashem chooses the lesser one, the overlooked one. (The Kli Yakar also notes this several times throughout his commentary.)

The smaller mountain, Har Sinai, was chosen as the place to receive the Torah.

Gidon was the youngest of the smallest family of the smallest Tribe at a time when Am Yisrael was under the thumb of Midyan.

The one who looks least important, least impressive, and so is forced to strive the most – that is who ends up at the top.

This is literally all over Tanach, and even stated outright at times, especially throughout Mishlei/Proverbs.

Avraham Avinu grew up in a terrible environment, as did Moshe Rabbeinu.

Think about it.

Rav Miller notes that in Ur Kasdim, Avraham Avinu was the hated one because of his rejection of polytheistic occultism.

Moshe Rabbeinu was hated; he even needed to run for his life at one point. Later, he wasn't loved by the people as much as his brother Aharon HaCohen.

David was despised by much of his family until Shmuel Hanavi came to anoint him as king.

Chana, the mother of Shmuel Hanavi, felt very put upon by her co-wife, Penina. It's logical to assume that in the eyes of the community, people pitied Chana: "Oh, look. Poor Chana. She's such a lovely person, but she can't have children and so her husband needed to marry another woman, and she's producing one child after another while Chana still remains barren. Poor dear."

And before all that, you had Noach who was mocked and denigrated by his generation when he started building the ark – yet it was Noach who survived and earned the right to repopulate the planet.

(Please also note that sometimes, their pain & humiliation was very public, and not just within the private realm.)

Much later in the times of the Gemara, look at how belittled Rebbi Akiva initially was.

In recent generations, look at how many truly great tzaddikim were locked up in prison on false charges – hated for sure by many people, but profoundly loved by Hashem.

Rav Miller notes that many of our greatest works were written in Exile (pg. 12):

...all these seforim were born out of the needs of the time, out of battle.

It’s only the necessities of battle against the difficult environment that created these great men and great works.

And How Does Exile Refine Us?

Rav Miller stresses that while David Hamelech would've turned out very well no matter what, his extra suffering forced him to catapult all the way up to a state he originally wasn't meant to reach.

And so we in Am Yisrael must also realize that this is the way to our own spiritual perfection (page 13):

Hakodosh Boruch Hu says openly, “I loved you of all the nations, that’s why I visit upon you all of your sins” (Amos 3:2).

It means, “That’s why I’m giving you this treatment of being s’nuah [hated] in this world. It’s because I love you more than all the nations and I want you to struggle to achieve perfection.”

And this is the reason why the Jewish nation is the highest in morality of all the people.

I’m not talking about the Jews who are so in name only.

We’re talking about true Jews.

There is nobody in the world and there never was who could even remotely compete with us in morality.

Speaking of true Jews vs. Jews in name only...

Is this one reason why, at the End of Days, the Erev Rav take over?

Is this why the Erev Rav are on top while the regular real Jews struggle under their thumb?

We know who the real victors will be in the end.

Prudently, Rav Miller also warns us against looking at America's old pilgrims, or nuns & priests, or Buddhist monks, Lamas, or seemingly nice non-Jewish religious groups as comparable to the average Jew of yore.

Yes, they certainly look good. A tiny minority have even been truly heroic in saving Jewish lives. But as he notes, if you see them from up close, a different picture begins to take shape.

The real way to spiritual achievement is to struggle against Galut, both the general and the personal Exile.

"He was on the bottom of the pile, he was the s’nuah [hated one], and that’s why he came out on top."

On pages 14-16, Rav Miller describes the stories of 2 boys he personally knew, one born into a good Torah home and one not. And he also describes a very big rav who needed to make himself great because he was not from a great home.

And once again, the same dynamic plays out.

Rav Miller also addresses the well-known phenomenon of people who did not grow up frum mourning over their lack of Torah background. "And rightfully so," says the rav.

However...

He also notes that many people raised without Torah would not have become as great if they had been raised in a Torah environment.

You see converts & baalei teshuvah on fire, and even after the fire dwindles, you still see many of them struggling and striving.

And then you see FFBs going by rote.

But even among FFBs, you see those who struggle to overcome the "by rote," to overcome whatever was not so Torahdik in their upbringing.

Some of the FFBs I've met with the best middot are those who were raised by a father who seemed very important outside the home (not one of the Gadolei Hador, but merely a chashuv guy), yet was really kind of a jerk at home to his wife & children — even a bad-tempered tyrant.

Rather than flying off the derech, their father's hypocrisy forced them to dig for the real Judaism, to embrace truly good middot and not just the facade of good middot.

It's not so socially acceptable to say this (one side dislikes hearing that a rabbi can be a jerk, while the other side dislikes hearing that suffering children can actually turn out well despite everything), but I think it's an important point to make: Regardless of your upbringing & environment, you can overcome the natural set outcome by sheer will.

(Yes, it all comes back to ratzon – desire.)

On pages 17-18, Rav Miller offers brief examples of wives and students in difficult circumstances and what they can do to use these unhappy circumstances to their advantage.

Rabbi Zechariah Wallerstein has spoken of a girl in his school who was diagnosed as hopeless by the New York Board of Education (the top "experts," the "builders" of education), and even told she had a bit of Down Syndrome (which means that she is defective at the chromosomal level).

Yet she overcome it all and ended up excelling academically.

The "experts" were wrong.

We have the famous verse Tehillim/Psalm 118:22, which is recited in Hallel:

"Even ma'asu habonim hayatah l'rosh pinah" – The cornerstone despised by the builders, despised by the experts, THAT is the one which will merit to be the cornerstone of the most exalted building to ever exist.

If you were never despised, if you were never the sanuah, then you actually have no chance of becoming a cornerstone.

As always credit for all quotes and for the dvar Torah itself go to Toras Avigdor.

Image courtesy of James DeMers at Pixabay.
Image design courtesy of PosterMyWall.

14 Comments

Fake Science + Fake News = Increasingly Skeptical Readers

4/12/2019

2 Comments

One of the reasons thinking people are growing increasingly cynical & skeptical regarding science & mainstream media derives from the conflicting information, plus contradicting information that makes sense – sometimes even more sense – than the mainstream theory.

And yes, the problems in science & media go together.

To compound things, the mainstream media has always loved to promote "exciting" & emotionally appealing science, even if it's deadly.

So even when science is decent, the media will warp it, even to the detriment of its readers.

For example, a 1917 book called Painless Childbirth-Eutocia and Nitrous Oxide-Oxygen Analgesia objected to the use of morphine and scopolamin (AKA hyosine, a hallucinogen) for labor pains due to the danger for mother & baby. Its author, Dr C. Henry Davis, preferred the much safer and more easily controlled doses of laughing gas.

Aside from the dangerous effects of the harder drugs on mother and baby, he noted that with these drugs, doctors increased their use of unnecessary & potentially harmful intervention (forceps, etc.) because the mother reached a "twilight sleep" where she didn't notice or object to the interventions.

(Some doctors even used forceps in up to 70% of the births they attended – facilitated by the twilighty mothers. How awful & unethical.)

Yet he complained that women came to doctors specifically for these "twilight sleep" drugs, duped by the press which omitted the real dangers to life, along with other risks:

The lay press has not referred to the mental disturbances which have been produced nor have they made known that in that part of Germany where the procedure originated, a large number of damage suits have been instituted in the courts against prominent physicians, because of various ill effects alleged to be due to 'Twilight Sleep'."

{ Jour. A. M. A., 1915, LXIV, 812.)
– Painless Childbirth-Eutocia and Nitrous Oxide-Oxygen Analgesia, pg. 45

This was incredibly irresponsible journalism, because it led to women either seeking out doctors who irresponsibly used "twilight sleep" or the women pressured their doctors to use it, despite the very real risks it carried for the mother and especially for the baby.

Evidence that Completely Unproven Theories Garner More Publicity & Promotion than Proven Fact – and Scientists are Complicit

But an even bigger problem is when fake news meets fake science.

Let's take the example of the recent wildfires in California.

Then several articles on Rivka Levy's blog opened my eyes to the possibility of an underground source for the fires.

This includes the devastating fire in Greece over the summer.

My own inquiry led me to an article that described several underground fires feeding on methane under Ventura County in California.

(Methane is highly, highly flammable.)

One such area, measured in 2008, topped 800 degrees Fahrenheit and melted the soles of the boots that stood on that area.

Geologists theorized that landslides in the 1990s may have caused this heating dynamic, but they admitted that they really don't know for sure.

(Earthquakes can cause landslides, BTW.)

Experts already claim that these uncontrollable methane-based underground fires were responsible for the 2007 Ranch Fire.

But it's not just Ventura County.

In the Dick Smith Wilderness, firefighters discovered that the cause of the Los Padres National Forest fire came from...underground.

Naturally, one wonders where other extreme hot spots lie within California, and whether geologists & the media know about them? And if they know, do they let us know too?

Furthermore, studies have shown that efforts to conserve/preserve forests actually increase the intensity of wildfires (in addition to making the forests uninhabitable for species native to that forest). Please see The Torah View of Our Planet Earth: Use It or Lose It for more on that.

The question should also arise as to whether earthquakes play a part in the underground heating.

Do earthquakes release more methane?

Or does the methane and underground fire influence earthquakes?

I'm not sure, but here is a screenshot of the Live Earthquakes Map from November 29, 2019:

As you can see, California is covered in orange & red dots representing earthquakes.

And while I don't have an earlier screenshot to show you, a regular glance at this map over the past year shows that while southern California hosts little earthquakes, it is usually not covered in them as it is here.

November 29 was at the tail-end of the wildfire breakout.

This map shows this morning, December 3 2019, after most of the wildfires are over:

See? Many fewer earthquakes.

Much less fire now too.

Is there a connection?

It makes sense that there is, but when do we ever hear about it?

Certainly, the "preservation" of forests contributed to the wildfires.

But what do you mostly hear as the main contributing factor to extreme wildfires?

Manmade global warming!

Why is that? Why proclaim manmade global warming (which I don't believe in anyway) as the cause when real science points to forest "preservation" and underground methane fires as the more likely factor?

Real science means that they actually detected methane underground and found clear evidence (like smoke pouring out from underground) of real fires under the surface.

Not that they theorized about the methane and warbled on about "it seems like this" or "we assume that," but they actually detected it. You can physically measure it. And you can see the smoke.

Ironically, geologists told fire fighters NOT to put out the fires smoking away because geologists said it was better that the gasses burn rather than float around freely.

Hmm...

So there could just be highly flammable methane seeping out unburned in some areas?

Hmm...

Anyway, ignoring the obvious & much more rational need to explore methane & faulty "preservation" techniques is just one aspect that incites thinking people against mainstream media & popular science.

Instead of exploring the obvious (and proven, as far as "preservation" goes), the mainstream media continues to spout off about "manmade global warming" while scientists continue to weave mythologies about how human behavior is warming the state of California and contributes to extreme wildfires.

I guess it's more comfortable (and rakes in more money for fake environmental efforts) than facing the fact that there is something you can neither control nor prevent nor deal with (like underground methane fires).

P.S.

Just as a side point...

You may have notice the comparison of earthquakes in other areas of the world.

According to my regular perusal of the map, there are always small earthquakes occurring in Alaska and California, and usually in Hawaii too.

The states of Washington & Oregon also show small earthquakes on a monthly basis.

However, I don't remember seeing earthquakes in Oklahoma or Kansas until around 2 months ago, and now they're appearing regularly. What does that mean? I don't know.

Also, Puerto Rico was not hosting earthquakes previously, but now they are weekly at least.

South America has also suddenly started seeing some earthquakes recently, especially in Chile. Today, it had one as big as a 6.

Just for fun, I decided to check the map again just now tonight December 3, 2019:

Golly, look at that. Look at what a difference a few hours makes.

That's the first time I remember seeing an earthquake in Idaho or Utah, but they're pretty tiny ones, both under 2 on the Richter scale.

Montana also has a tiny dot not visible here.

California is acting up again (along with Nevada).

And Guatemala & El Salvador have been hit with 1 earthquake each measuring 4.6 and 4.9, respectively.

There's Chile's 6 right there.

Down there near Australia is Fiji, with a 4.9, which happens commonly enough in Fiji.

And there you go.

2 Comments

Tsniyut: The Modesty of Jewish Women Goes Far Beyond the Technical Measurements

3/12/2019

8 Comments

UPDATE: Correction: It was the Tunisian Jewish women who dressed in billowing white wraps and pointy head-coverings, not the Greek Jewish women. (Sorry for the misinfo!) Plus, 2 authentic photos of these Tunisian Jewish women & men have been added to the end of the post. (Their heads look pointy because, apparently, pointy princessy hair-coverings – which they wore under the white sheet – were in style back then...)

Because tsniyut means a lot more than just the technicalities of inches regarding widths & lengths, I often prefer to use the word "dignity" or "refinement" as the translation, even though technically, the word means "hiddenness" in Hebrew and is indeed used that way throughout Tanach (and often not talking about women's clothing, but about Jewish behavior or even miracles – as shown in An In-Depth Discussion of One of Today's Most Despised Topics: Tsniyut/Tsniyus/Modest/Dignified Behavior & Dress).

For example, a friend of mine mentioned Jewish women of a certain group she sees from time to time in her neighborhood.

These women dress in traditional Arab dress, meaning a black hijab around their head and shoulders, plus a long black robe.

My friend says it doesn't really bother her in principle (yet some others get personally offended & disgusted when they see these women), except that when she first encounters these women, she's tenses up and checks them out until she realizes they are Jewish women and not potential terrorists.

And others certainly feel the same.

In fact, I imagine that any Jew (including Jewish men) in the vicinity would do as my friend and surreptitiously keep an eye on this women for suspicious activity, including trying to gauge whether she might have a suicide bombers belt around her midriff.

It's hard to label these clothes as "tsniyut," even though the technical covering is halachically sound as far as the length & width go.

Why?

Even though many be-hijabed women worldwide are not looking to massacre Jews, some have made strenuous attempts to do just that in Eretz Yisrael.

Hence, when Jews spot a be-hijabed woman in a neighborhood never frequented by Muslim women, they are prudent to be wary until her intentions can be clarified.

So if your clothing is actually instilling anxiety or fear within your fellow frum Jews, that doesn't fit within the bounds of tsniyut (especially because such a style is causing men to look at such a woman with extra scrutiny).

At this point, one might make the argument that all frum women look scary to at least some people because of the incitement of secular media. So a secular person with no other knowledge of frum people might feel anxious upon seeing a frum woman in his grocery store, thinking that it's a Jewish Taliban invading the area.

The difference is that wariness around a black hijab is a reasonable response in Eretz Yisrael. Women dressed in such a style have attempted to murder Jews. Actually, male terrorists have also used hijab and other traditional Muslima coverings to disguise themselves as females and elude Israeli security.

The fear doesn't derive from media incitement or false prejudices.

Therefore...

If your own fellow frum Jews who understand tsniyus cannot help but suspect you are a terrorist when they see you, then this is obviously a breach in tsniyus, despite the careful attention to technical measurements.

Likewise, a book I have on Jewish women throughout the ages shows a photo of a group of Jewish women in ̶G̶r̶e̶e̶c̶e̶ ̶̶Tunisia from the year 1900. While their style of tsniyus was quite commendable at the time, the billowing head-to-toe all-encompassing white sheet with its pointy top gave me a lurch in the pit of my stomach when I first saw it.

For a moment, I thought it was a picture of the Ku Klux Klan (a murderously exclusive gang of bigots – one of their early murder victims was a white Republican senator – formed by Southern Democrats after the Civil War whose uniform consists of a billowing white robe, white covering over the face, and a pointy white head-covering).

Clearly, dressing in traditional Jewish G̶r̶e̶e̶k̶ ̶Tunisian attire today would not be tsnanuah.

So we see that tsniyut isn't just about measurements.

It IS about measurements – covering the necessary parts IS vitally important – but it's not ONLY the technical inches that count. Getting lost in the technicalities can actually produce a lack of tsniyus, as occurs with these Jewish women in hijab.

It's a certain mindset, a certain understanding; it contains nuance and most of all, a desire to imitate Hashem, who is also Hidden from the human eye. (Please see Why is It So Important to be Modest? for more.)

Despite the expansive width & generous length of the clothing, we should not dress like those who (possibly) hate us.

Tsniyut should not strike terror in the hearts of those around you.

Tunisian Jews davening in the Borgel Jewish cemetery, circa 1900

Jewish women davening at the Borgel cemetery in Tunisia, circa 1900-1920.

8 Comments

<<Previous

Hashem is the Only Real "Safe Space"

Our Best Response to Increasing Acts of Jew-Hatred

The Avodah of the Heart

When "Nice!" Means "The End"

No Inferiority Complex?

Why Do Some Jews Hate Themselves More Than Non-Jews Hate Them?

Self-Love, Chanukah-Style

Rav Miller's Great Passion

It's the Well-Meaning Bull's-Eye Artists Once Again...

Azamrah!

What is the Torah's Definition of a Positive Self-Image?It's Not "I'm Okay, You're Okay."It's More Along the Lines of: "Maybe I'm Not Really NOT Okay...But My Neshamah is Absolutely Brilliant!"

We're Still Not Through Yet: Where is the Love?

It's Not Too Far Away

Placing Bogus Limits on God (Who is Limitless) Leads to Really Bad Things

Oh-Ho! I Found Self-Love in Judaism After All...

Self-Care in Service of Hashem Only

In a Nutshell: The 3 Basic Torah Ideas of Self-Esteem, Self-Image, and Self-Love

Shevet Esav? It Could Have Been, If Only...

Don't Let Despair Incite You into Becoming a Big Rasha

Planting the Seeds of Soul-Perfection 5 Minutes at a Time

The Special Segulah Ring

Who Ends Up Outlasting It All?

It's Also Okay If Your Yetzer Hara is Stopped By Mere Inconvenience, And Not By Holier Reasons

The Less Poison, The Better!

What Should You Do When Those Old Longings Hit?

Beware the Snooty Yetzer Hara!

Where are All the Reuvenim?

Leah wasn't Actually Hated. So What Does It All Mean?

The Secret to Greatness: Choose HOW to Respond to Your Suffering

Why being "Chosen" is No Guarantee

History Replays Itself Again between the Descendants of Leah Imeinu & the Descendants of Rachel Imeinu

Hashem Values the Humbled Person Who Works Harder

And How Does Exile Refine Us?

"He was on the bottom of the pile, he was the s’nuah [hated one], and that’s why he came out on top."

Evidence that Completely Unproven Theories Garner More Publicity & Promotion than Proven Fact – and Scientists are Complicit

P.S.

Myrtle Rising

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What is the Torah's Definition of a Positive Self-Image?

It's Not "I'm Okay, You're Okay."

It's More Along the Lines of: "Maybe I'm Not Really NOT Okay...But My Neshamah is Absolutely Brilliant!"