Category: Chagim/Holidays

Enhance Your Shavuot with Links to Insights on Shavuot & Megillat Ruth

31/5/2022

For Shavuot, please the booklet of Rav Itamar Schwartz's shiurim, plus Q&A, and special inspiration for women:
https://bilvavi.net/files/Bilvavi.Shavuos.Talks.pdf

And also on the 48 Ways to acquire Torah:
https://bilvavi.net/files/Bilvavi.The.48.Ways.pdf

And on the month of Sivan:
http://www.myrtlerising.com/blog/bilvavi-insights-for-the-hebrew-month-of-sivan-for-shavuot

And here are past posts on Megillat Ruth and Shavuot:

Lag B'Omer Links, Plus Excerpts from Bilvavi Q&A

17/5/2022

For Lag B'Omer, please see last year's beautiful poem by Nechumelle Jacobs here:
www.myrtlerising.com/blog/a-poem-for-lag-bomer-by-nechumelle-jacobs

And please see the PDF by Bilvavi, compiled from various lectures by Rav Itamar Schwartz (who himself no connection to the website or anything else Internet-related):
https://bilvavi.net/files/Bilvavi.Lag.Ba'Omer.Talks.pdf

A separate PDF provides a thought-provoking & enlightening Q&A with Rav Itamar Schwartz. While it mostly concerns last year's tragedy, it also answers general existential questions regarding suffering, mussar, teshuvah, and dealing with others' needs regarding individual responses to suffering:
https://bilvavi.net/qanda-weekly/eng/Bilvavi_242_Bilvavi%20Q&A_Bechukosai-Lag%20B'Omer_5782.pdf

Here are some excerpts (boldface my own addition):

ROCKETS & MERON TRAGEDY: IS MASHIACH COMING?

QUESTION
Are the rockets now in Eretz Yisrael a sign of the “war of Gog and Magog” and that Mashiach is coming?

ANSWER
It is not a sign – it is a part of the war of Gog and Magog, for we are already
amidst it.

LESSONS TO BE LEARNED FROM THE MERON TRAGEDY

QUESTION
When more people told me about it, I said Hashem wants us to do teshuva.

To my surprise, people had strong negative reactions to that!

One wanted to be in the moment of grief feeling for the families of the victims and absorbing the shock, basically calling me unsensitive to the pain of others.

Another did not want to be blamed and told me I was burning up the world.

And both felt very strongly that telling people to do teshuva was too harsh on people who cannot take it, who have gone off the derech hearing those crushing messages about Hashem’s anger at us and becoming hardened and cold to Him.

A third person told me that she is so numb from everything that the tragedy simply has not registered in any way.

I realize that the galus has been long and we are storm tossed and we need Hashem to be gentle with us. Is the message that Hashem wants the Yidden to do teshuva applicable here?

ANSWER
Speak to each person on their own level and in their "language."

Any one lesson that can be learned from something will not be understood by everyone equally.

QUESTION
Is the [negative] reactivity to that all a kelipah in which the very light Hashem wants to come into the world being concealed?

ANSWER
Yes, but before giving over the message to others, first see if the message will be taken positively or negatively by the other.

QUESTION
If it is indeed a message to do teshuvah, what is a way to respond so that those experiencing a push back to doing teshuva can recognize Hashem and “do the work” of opening their hearts?

ANSWER
...You need to figure out what the individual in question needs to hear, based on his on her personal soul and what you think they need to hear.

Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Miketz: The Real Chanukah Story & What We Learn from It

2/12/2021

In Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah for Parshas Mikeitz-Chanukah 5 – Suffering of Chanukah, pages 1-6 contain the Chanukah story, which is very worth reading just for that.

Then Rav Miller discusses the value of suffering & yissurim before returning to the Chanukah story on pages 12-14, including the bitter & not-so-well-known end of the Chashmonai family—meaning, their descendants, not those who starred in the Chanukah saga.

Then Rav Miller returns to the theme of suffering and turns our attitudes on their heads.

We think of times of suffering as "bad" while easier times are "good."

But on page 16, Rav Miller reorients us:

Don’t think that! Those are the good old days!

That’s the best time of your life. That's the apex, the summit of your success.

Your throne in the next world is built on tzaar, on sacrifice and difficulties.

You’ll be sitting on a golden throne because you had to chew the earth with your teeth in order to arrive at even a little bit of success in avodas Hashem.

On pages 18-19, Rav Miller returns to the Chanukah story & explains exactly the miracle of the pure olive oil.

Whenever Rav Miller describes an event from Torah & tradition, he always adds details that bring it to life, and that is exactly what he does with Chanukah story.

Plus, a Q&A appears on the last page regarding why our Sages utilized weapons at times, but today, they don't.

This is a common misunderstanding when people look back and use Jews like the Maccabees, etc., as their role model for military values; it's taking the idea out of context. So Rav Miller clarifies it there.

You can see more of his views on the subject here (including how the young Rav Miller got a hold of his own father's gun, which almost ended in a tremendous loss for Am Yisrael):

Chanukah lights on a window sill in Eretz Yisrael by chavahjacobs

What to Pray for on Each Night of Chanukah

28/11/2021

The following is found in Kedushas Levi by Rav Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev in 1798.

(The Chatam Sofer says that crying in front of the candles ensures your prayers will be answered.)

Each night of Chanukah holds a different & extra-special power for certain types of prayers.

It goes as follows:

1st night: Pray not to be lonely or depressed.
2nd night: Pray for shidduchim (getting married), shalom bayit (harmonious relations with your family)
3rd night: Good, happy, & healthy children
4th night: 4 Imahos/Matriarchs — to be a normal person in my 4 walls — of true essence
5th night: Chamisha Chumshei Torah — daven that your husband should be a talmid chacham & so should your sons & sons-in-law

On the 5th night more of the Menorah is lit up; daven for more light in your life — daven for a revelation.

6th night: Simcha. Joy. You can have everything and still be sad...so daven for simcha.
7th night – Happy Shabbat. Zemirot & divrei Torah at your Shabbat meals. Shabbat is source of all blessing.
8th night - Daven for barren women to become mothers of healthy children.

8 is above nature – an extremely powerful day to daven.

The author also says that if you are planning to start something new — if you start on Chanuka — it will be blessed & more likely to succeed.

A big THANK YOU to the people who sent me this segulah — I'd forgotten about it, so your email provided a huge benefit.

What Chanukah Lights Say about Reaching the Real You

28/11/2021

An inspiring Chanukah message from Bitachon Weekly Parshas Vayeishev 5782, page 20 (boldface mine):

Bais Shamai says we light eight lights on the first night, and subtract one each day.

Bais Hillel says we start with one, and add one each night.

Bais Hillel taught us to think upwards with constant positive thoughts:

• A person must say: The world was created just for me. [Chazal58].

• The entire world is forgiven through the Teshuva of just one person. [Chazal 59].

• The entire world was created to benefit just one person. [Chazal 60].

Remind yourself of the great deeds you have done in your life.

This is the real you, and you are expected to continue being great.

Forget about your Aveiros and weaknesses [unless this brings positive results].

Keep moving upwards and think BIG [no matter how many mistakes you keep making].

Every person has special qualities that no one else has.

It is his job to:

• find them
• think about them
• talk about them constantly
• appreciate them
• thank Hashem for making him a great person
• keep davening day and night all your life for more and more greatness.

Always think highly of yourself [even if it’s not completely true] since the way a person feels about himself is the way he will eventually become.

The more a person has voices telling him he’s really not so good, the greater he really is, since the Yetzer Hara always starts up with our greatest people.

Please also see Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender's ideas on how to access the secret power of Chaunkah:
www.myrtlerising.com/blog/how-to-access-the-secret-power-of-chanukah

To receive Bitachon Weekly by email, send a request to:
thenewbitachonweekly@gmail.com

The Weekly Vaad can be heard on Kol Halashon:
(718) 906 – 6400
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www.kolhalashon.com

Bitachon Hotline—“A Life of Bitachon”
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Please note: I've no connection with Bitachon Weekly; just find their material uniquely amazing & wish to spread this wonderful dose of sanity in an increasingly insane world.

Rav Avigdor Miller on Sukkot: The Ultimate Meaning of the Sukkah—Spiritually, Nationally, and Personally

20/9/2021

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In Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah for Sukkos 2 - Lessons of The Sukkah, we learn how to hold on to all the goodness we earned from Rosh Hashanah & Yom Kippur.

Here's Rav Avigdor Miller on pages 3-4:

When I was in yeshiva in Slabodka — a long time ago — on the day after Yom Kippur, in the morning, the Rosh Yeshiva said a few words to the bnei yeshiva.

We were going home now; some of us stayed but most were going back now to their hometowns for Yomtiv and this would be the last talk we would hear from the Rosh Yeshiva until Cheshvan.

***
And so on the following morning, after shacharis, the Rosh Yeshiva spoke to all of us.

“You all labored very much on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur,” he said. “You put your hearts into your tefillos in the yeshiva and you were elevated and inspired; you accomplished a precious achievement. To pray in a good place these three days is equivalent to three months of learning.”

“But it is important now that you should be on guard,” he said.

“Because when you go home soon, so Yomtiv comes and then Simchas Torah; you have to beware of leitzanus.”

Leitzanus means lightheadedness, lack of thought.

He quoted to us the famous words of the Mesillas Yesharim that leitzanus achas dochah meah tochachos – one leitzanus can overthrow a built up tower, a skyscraper of over a hundred tochachos.

Rav Miller offers examples he witnessed of people behaving with leitzanus on Simchat Torah—emanating from the misunderstanding of what Jewish simcha really means (i.e. being happy without disrespect or silly-seeming forbidden behavior).

Sukkot also means a lot of socializing with both family & friends—which can lead to all kinds of behavior beneath Torah standards if we aren't careful.

Yet huge benefit of Sukkot is to hold on to all the good we earned from Rosh Hashanah & Yom Kippur.

The Meaning of Schach

In appreciating the standards applying to the building of the Sukkah (not too high, not too low, the walls & leafy/bamboo "roof" a certain way, etc.) & pondering these as we sit in the Sukkah, we recall the 40 years of Am Yisrael in the Midbar.

Such a large group of a couple million people altogether, and random diseases did not spread through the group, malnutrition & hunger never appeared—nor filth or theft (despite everyone leaving Egypt with lots of valuables & sleeping in unfortified sukkahs).

So on page 12, Rav Miller states:

But you’re thinking; you look up at the schach and you’re thinking.

“Once upon a time our forefathers sat in little huts like this for forty years. And they were the safest, the most protected of any generation in our entire history because they had the ananei hakavod; they had Hakodosh Boruch Hu protecting them. In the midbar there was nothing but schach overhead and still they were more secure in the midbar than ever afterwards in our history.”

And on page 14:

You should gain an awareness; a sensory feeling that the shechina is overhead at
all times on our nation.

And the schach is there to aid you to gain that perception that He’s watching over us.

And bringing that idea of schach into both a historical & modern perspective (page 14—not sure which President he refers to here):

It means we are living in a world of enemies and it’s only because we are in Hashem’s sukkah that we survive.

We always have had enemies who are talking against us, all kinds of falsehoods.

Every kind of canard, all the time.

The UN for instance even now came out with a declaration that Medinas Yisroel is to blame for shooting the Arabs.

Arabs are innocent fellows, of course. The murderous Arabs, the very worst, are poor innocent fellows and Israel is guilty. So they all came together and they made a declaration blaming Israel.

And our honorable President, maybe he wasn’t too happy about it, but he also joined in.

Now I'm not a big patriot of Israel, but we see that UN is one big gathering of anti-Semites.

They didn't even let Israel come into any one of their committees. No committee was open to Israel to become a member.

Not only in the UN. On all sides, anti-Semites are busy all the time.

There’s a tremendous literature of antisemitism and it’s been like that from the earliest times.

And still we're here.

The enemies who slandered us disappeared already.

The Greeks were the worst of all. Josephus quotes many Greek writers and their falsehoods against us. The Greeks never stopped writing against us and now they’re gone.

Greece of today is not the Greece of antiquity. Greece is entirely lost.

All their gods have gone lost. Their religion and culture have gone lost.

And that's all what we should be thinking about (and discussing with others, if they're open to it) when we look up at the schach in our sukkah.

Rav Miller quotes a heart-warming idea from the Rambam (page 16):

...the stories that we read about in the chumash about the whole nation apply equally to each person individually.

And that means that just as our nation in general is protected by the sukkah of Hakodosh Boruch Hu, in addition, each person should know that Hakodosh Boruch Hu has a sukkah around him personally.

Hashem is protecting you individually.

On pages 17-18, Rav Miller presents an inspiring story of how a Mafia hit (they bombed his store) forced a Jew to get a different job, which allowed him more opportunity for davening & learning, which changed his life & himself for the better.

Rav Miller presents his own role in this as fleeting, but the truth is Rav Miller's advice both saved this man's life & enabled this positive change.

The Main Lesson to Take into the Sukkah

On pages 19-21, Rav Miller explains all the anthropomorphism used by the Torah when describing Hashem (like He has a Hand, Nostrils, Anger, a really awesome Chariot, and so on).

He explains why the Torah does that and why Rambam & Onkelos explain it away, and why the Torah does it anyway.

If the anthropomorphism woven throughout Tanach ever bothered you, these pages are good to read.

Let's go into to the holy day of Sukkot with Rav Miller's concluding words on the topic:

As much as possible, use the sukkah to gain an awareness of that great fact that Hakodosh Boruch Hu is overhead and He is the one who is guiding us and protecting us forever and ever.

No matter what the goyim try to do against us, we are going to exist and we will live longer than the gentiles.

And each person too should think, individually, that Hashem is protecting him all his life.

That’s the truth – He’s going to be our sukkah forever and He’s going to be your sukkah forever.

As you enter the sukkah, you're doing all the good things; Jewish minhagim, very good.

Ushpizin, noi sukkah, zemiros, everything; simchas Yomtiv, very good!

But don't neglect the opportunity of thinking that the sukkah now is a lesson to you that Hashem protects our nation forever and ever.

By Gilabrand - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=21874843

Don't forget to check out the Practical Tip for enhancing your Sukkot on page 24.

Credit for all material & quotes go to Toras Avigdor.

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Rav Avigdor Miller with Priceless Advice for Rosh Hashanah

3/9/2021

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The dvar Torah I received this week from Toras Avigdor discusses Rosh Hashanah:
Rosh Hashanah 5 – Judgement Day

For a previous post on this parsha, please see:
Rav Avigdor Miller Discusses the Truth behind the Good Stuff of This World in Parshat Netzavim

And the original:
torasavigdor.org/parshas-netzavim-the-purpose-of-worldly-reward/

To discuss Rosh Hashanah (which I think I missed doing last year, so I guess this makes up for it), Rav Miller reveals that long-term, even permanent things, can be decided on Rosh Hashanah.

For example, you could be sentenced to live in a neighborhood that will bring down you & your family in religiosity & character.

Or, you could merit to move to a neighborhood full of positive spiritual-growth-inducing influences.

On page 4, Rav Miller takes a closer look at the conversation between Elihu & Iyov (Job), which is pretty interesting.

It also takes us to a form of dream interpretation, in which Rav Miller explains how our dreams reveal something of our essence—something in contrast to our waking behavior that takes us by surprise.

For example, Rav Miller related the time he dreamed of sitting in a dry bathtub full of money—and he enjoyed it.

Yet he criticizes himself for it (page 6):

It was a pleasant dream but in the morning I asked myself, “Why is it that I don’t dream about Hashem?”

A very big kasha! Why don’t I dream about Hashem?!

Maybe that Hashem spoke to me, something else maybe.

It never happened!

Years and years pass by and nothing. I talk about it all the time but I never dreamed about it.

The answer is now I see what a hypocrite I am.

[Ein mar'in lo la'adam eleh mehirhurei libo]—a man is shown in a dream what he really thinks about (Brachos 55b).

It tells you the truth about yourself. You understand that?

A dream sometimes reveals to you important things about yourself.

Clearly, Rav Miller is not a religious hypocrite.

Religious hypocrites neither think nor speak like this.

But we should follow his example in using a dream for soul-searching & self-improvement.

That's the lesson here for us all.

In a dream, a person can be violent or commit major sins—things he would never do in real life—and that says something about him, says Rav Miller.

But it all depends on context.

Once, I dreamt I was being forced to hurt someone I couldn't recognize. Then I realized it was my own child, and I immediately stopped, hugged him close to me, and burst into tears.

After intense analysis, I realized the dream referred to the chinuch advice I received at that time, which was harmful to my child (not at all the intention of the well-meaning chinuch advisor, but harmful nonetheless).

The dream really helped me.

Anyway, like with all messages from Hashem, these are meant to be loving.

Hashem wants us to live a wonderful life & merit a wonderful eternity.

So He sends us messages about stuff we're stumbling in so we can right ourselves & merit unimaginable goodness.

Even One-Thousandth of a Malach Matters

On Rosh Hashanah, your malachim (angels) get together on your behalf.

What are ways to create your din-sweetening malachim?

Rav Miller suggests:

Holding the door open for your fellow Jew
Informing your fellow Jew he dropped a dollar
Not responding to an insult because you remembered Hashem
Writing a check to a good tzedakah cause (i.e., not an art museum, etc.)
5 minutes of Torah learning
Don't insult people
Encourage people
Say excuse me
Say thank you
Even if you totally daydreamed your way through Shemoneh Esrei, at least have kavanah on the last words
Even if you totally daydreamed your way through Birkat Hamazon, at least have kavanah on the last words
Think about Yetziat Mitzrayim from one traffic light to the next or from one streetlight to the next

Tilt the scales with as many malachim as you can, even via seemingly minor acts of goodness.

A bizarre yet happy chiddush from Shabbat 32a informs us that even one-thousandth of a malach can save you.

Meaning, your good deed was tainted in so many ways, but you have that 1/1000 part speaking up on your behalf.

But that one-thousandth of a malach can be all that's needed to tip you into a sweet new year.

And Heaven hold onto hope for us that maybe this coming year, we'll improve even more.

Rav Miller informs us of this idea to motivate us to do good deeds regardless of how worthless or tainted we think our good deeds are.

The Secret Revelation of Why Hashem Uses Malachim

Have you ever wondered why Hashem uses malachim?

After all, Hashem is wholly Omnipotent & can do anything & everything.

The answers are on pages 11-12.

Here's part of the answer:

A mitzvah is not like we think, just something that we once did, or thought or said.

No; every mitzvah is an especial kind of creation.

That’s what the Kuzari says.

He says that a mitzvah that is performed is a living entity, an actual creature.

Now the Kuzari you have to know is a Rishon; he doesn’t go into fantasies.

He is practical and his every word is counted and so we have to listen to that — even the smallest mitzvah is a living being that will stand in the Beis Din Shel Maalah and advocate for you.

It doesn’t have to be something with wings — the wings are just a form of vision that is granted to us, so that we should see them and be impressed by them.

A living mitzvah is higher than wings; it’s something of ruchniyus that is of tremendous power — it doesn’t need any wings to propel it.

This reminds me of a true story included in the book, The Stolen Light by Yitzchak (Izo) Leibowitz & translated into English by Rivka Levy.

A top guy in the Israeli mafia got shot in the head & his soul ascended to the Heavenly Court where the prosecuting angel read off his tome of transgressions and each transgression appeared as an ugly frightening monster. The room filled with thousands of them, and they all started screaming at him, "Why did you create me?"

His mitzvot, however (consisting of one page read by his defending angel), created beautiful angels who thanked him sweetly for creating them.

(Then Rebbe Nachman appeared, saved him from the final verdict, and the guy returned to his body & did complete teshuvah.)

Anyway, Rav Miller's point is it's okay to bluff your goodness.

Be nice, even if you secretly know it's not really you.

You're still creating angels—even if it's only 1/1000 of an angel.

Even that tiny sliver of angel matters.

Encouraging Words

On page 13, Rav Miller discusses the importance of encouraging people.

Sometimes, you can simply offer encouragement without any prompting.

Other times, a person confides in you, giving you the opportunity to respond with encouragement.

Yet encouragement is not what many people assume it is today.

Today, people encourage you by saying, "You really need to take so-and-so's chinuch class. It'll help you so much."

Or, "I want to encourage you to attend a 12-Step program."

Or, "You need to get out more."

Or, "Just have emunah!"

Now, sometimes saying the above is the perfect thing to say.

These things aren't black 'n' white.

But real encouragement generally means telling the person something good about how he or she is RIGHT NOW.

Not what you think they need to do to improve their lives or themselves (though there is a time & a place for saying that too), but something good about who they are or what they're doing.

Not a tactful version of "This will help you because you're so flawed in this area" & not "Turn to Hashem or to a therapist because I sure as heck do not want to deal with listening to or empathizing with you."

Again, it's GOOD to turn to Hashem.

But a lot of people use the cheery commands of "Just daven!" "Just have emunah!" "Think good & it will be good!" to get you out of their hair & release them from having to listen or empathize.

Maybe they honestly do not have the time or emotional energy to listen. That's legitimate. Why should they emotionally exhaust themselves with a difficult conversation? It's not fair to do that to them.

But how much are these pious or "go-to-a-class/group/expert" brush-offs coming from apathy?

If you really cannot spare the emotional energy to listen or tell the person good things about him- or herself, then it's encouraging to tell the person you'll daven for them—and MEAN it.

It says something when you're willing to think about someone on your own time.

Ideas for encouragement:

Tell her she's doing a good job.
Tell her the good you see in her.
Offer sincere praise.
Offer sincere gratitude.

Rav Miller also recommends writing a letter of encouragement—even anonymously.

Shanah Tovah!

Rav Miller continues in the PDF with other wonderful yet simple ideas for positive change.

May Hashem please grant us all a sweet year full of revealed blessing & the light of Mashiach.

Credit for all material & quotes goes to Toras Avigdor.

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Megillat Ruth: What Naomi & Ruth Teach Us about Self-Transformation, Teshuvah, Mistakes, Rebuke, Criticism, and How It's Okay to Not be Perfect

26/5/2021

The Malbim provides intriguing insights regarding interactions between Ruth & Boaz, and then Ruth & Naomi.

In Ruth 2:8, Boaz invites Ruth to continue gleaning in his field exclusively, adding:

וְכֹה תִדְבָּקִין עִם-נַעֲרֹתָי

"...v'cho tidbakin im na'arotei"

"...and so you shall stay close to my maidens."

However, when Ruth later transmits Boaz's message to Naomi, she is called the Moavite woman (haMoaviyah) and claims that Boaz told her to stick with the young MEN (2:21):

וַתֹּאמֶר רוּת הַמּוֹאֲבִיָּה: גַּם כִּי-אָמַר אֵלַי עִם-הַנְּעָרִים אֲשֶׁר-לִי תִּדְבָּקִין

"Vatomer Ruth haMoaviyah: Gam ki amar elei im hana'arim asher li tidbakin..."

"And Ruth the Moavite woman said: 'He also said to me, "You shall stay close to my young men"...' "

Understanding the culture & mentality from which Ruth came, Naomi gently corrects Ruth, emphasizing the need for Ruth to stick with the maidens (2:22):

טוֹב בִּתִּי כִּי תֵצְאִי עִם-נַעֲרוֹתָיו

"Tov, biti, ki tetzi im na'arotav..."

"It is good, my daughter, for you to go out with his maidens..."

These 3 little verses hold some very powerful messages for us.

3 Questions Sparked by These Verses

Here are some questions these exchanges elicit:

(1) Why did Ruth, such a wholesome & truth-seeking person, change Boaz's words when she transmitted them to Naomi?

(2) And why did Ruth, a paragon & the historic Jewish example of tzniyut (modest dignity & nobility), change the wording to something so lacking in modesty & propriety?

(3) Why does the text suddenly call Ruth "the Moavite woman"? After all she did & sacrificed out of loyalty to Hashem, Judaism, and her Jewish mother-in-law, why is Ruth suddenly referred to by her ignoble roots & the depraved nation of Moav?

How Malbim Answers These 3 Questions

The Malbim on Ruth 2:21 states:

...in truth, he said to her: "...and so you shall stay close to my maidens."

Only because she was a Moavite female—and over there, they didn't distance themselves from the young men—she didn't understand the importance of taking his words literally.

And she thought his intention was to stay close to his men because the young men were the main priority for her since she thought one of them would marry her.

And that is why it calls her "the Moavite woman" since a bat Yisrael [a Jewish female] would have understood...that he said "with my maidens."

The Hebrew word used for "stay close" also means "to cleave" (lidabek) and is the same word the Torah uses to command a man to cleave to his wife.

So deriving a marital interpretation from tidbakin isn't crazy.

However, the refined Jewish way to find a husband isn't to hang out with a bunch of guys in the hope that one of them will marry you.

In contrast, Moav, with its more licentious culture, hosted no such separation between males and females. If a young woman wished to hang out with a bunch of guys, then that apparently was fine.

Moreover, Ruth's intention was to find a husband—not to just hang out with the guys.

So to her it made sense.

So though Boaz specified the maidens, Ruth heard it as the young men—which in Hebrew also makes sense because a masculine plural can either mean just males or males & females together.

So maybe she also thought she should be friends with everyone, in addition to finding a kosher husband.

Fortunately, Naomi automatically understands everything.

Regarding 2:22, the Malbim says:

But Naomi understood with her intellect that it would not be good for Ruth to stick with the young men.

Only with the maidens and the female reapers.

And so she said, "It is good, my daughter, for you to go out with his maidens..."—she means to say "not with the young men...so you shouldn't come to arouse suspicion."

Lesson #1: Patience! Change Takes Time. Teshuvah is a Process.

Despite Ruth's wholehearted commitment to Torah Judaism & her innate sense of tsniyut, residue of the Moavite mentality still clings to her.

Without even meaning to, Ruth jumps to a conclusion that a bat Yisrael of that time would never make.

I think we can all relate to that.

Even those who are FFB still grow up in an atmosphere permeated by the warped values of their surrounding culture.

Rav Avigdor Miller spent most of his life raising awareness about this & offering the authentic Torah attitudes as a replacement.

Being influenced by our past attitudes is entirely normal.

As we see, even the best person can stumble in this.

And again, it's ironic that Ruth stumbled in precisely the area she excelled:

Tsniyut!

That's a big lesson right there: No one is immune.

Ruth cared so much about tsniyut, yet because of her background, she hadn't fully integrated the Torah attitude.

Her intentions indicate her goodness: She simply wished to uphold the Jewish value of marriage.

She did not want to hang out with boys. Not at all.

A holy marriage was her goal.

Also, Ruth proved an incredible person. As noted before, the power of her sincere conversion released all the sparks trapped in Moav, which eventually led to their complete disappearance.

Hashem designated her as the progenitor of Mashiach.

Ruth was AMAZING.

Nonetheless, you know what?

Internalizing Torah values takes time.

That's important mussar right there: patience.

Be patient with ourselves & our mistakes & our progress.

And also be patient with others & their mistakes & their progress.

No one is perfect. Only Hashem is Perfect.

Naomi: The Paragon of Pleasantness, Criticism, and Rebuke

Naomi really shines here.

So positive, so tactful, so sensitive...

Let's examine what she says, word by word:

"Tov—it is good to..."

Please notice how Naomi doesn't castigate Ruth or shriek: "What?!! Are you trying to give me a heart attack? Do you really mean to hang out with young men like you're some kind of I-don't-want-to-say-what? Are you trying to cause a scandal? Where are your common sense and your womanly wisdom? I can't believe Boaz would suggest such a thing. OBVIOUSLY, you must stick with the girls, not the guys! This is clearly your Moavite mentality coming to fore. You lack the proper Jewish hashkafah. You really need to get rid of all that Moavite baggage you're dragging with you."

Instead, Naomi avoids commenting on Ruth's misinterpretation.

Fascinatingly, Naomi offers NO CRITICISM AT ALL. Not even nicely phrased constructive criticism.

She never tells Ruth outright she was wrong.

Naomi merely notes what would actually be good to do—emphasizing its benefit for Ruth.

Naomi genuinely holds Ruth's best interests at heart.

And as Naomi speaks, she immediately calls Ruth "biti—my daughter."

This displays warmth & feelings of strong connection to Ruth.

Rather than pushing Ruth away for reverting to a Moavite attitude, Naomi brings Ruth in as close to Naomi as possible—a daughter.

Calling Ruth a daughter also affirms Naomi's view of Ruth as the Torah Jew Ruth intends to be—despite the Moavite residue that seeped out for a moment.

In a sense, Naomi also reminds Ruth of who she really is: a daughter of Yisrael and not a daughter of Moav.

Then Naomi offers the gentle directive of going out with the maidens, gently pointing out to Ruth how, by sticking with the girls, no scandal or suspicion would harm Ruth.

In this way, Naomi nicely explains to Ruth WHY she should stick with the maidens.

This is no blind order.

Naomi needs to explain what the Moavite mentality overlooks: WHY a girl should avoid sticking with the guys (even for the purpose of marriage)...

...which also indicates Naomi's ability to judge Ruth favorably.

She understands Ruth's purity of intention.

It just needs some fine-tuning.

And Naomi does it all very nicely, living up to her name of "pleasant"!

Learning from Ruth's Response

Happily, Ruth yet again shows herself as sincere, open-minded, and quick to catch on.

The episode ends with 2:23 stating of Ruth:

וַתִּדְבַּק בְּנַעֲרוֹת בֹּעַז

"Vatidbak b'na'arot Boaz..."

"And she stayed close to the maidens of Boaz..."

Ruth never argues or suggests that perhaps Torah Judaism needs to stop being so uptight and take a leaf from Moav's book.

She never huffs, "Well, how exactly am I supposed to get married if I hang out only with girls ALL the time? Anyway, my situation is different! I'm the only Moavite in the entire country and nobody here likes Moavites. What Yisrael family would allow their son to marry an impoverished Moavite convert—especially when not all the major talmidei chachamim agree that my conversion is even valid? But if these field hands get to know me, then maybe one will take a liking to me, and I'll get a man that way.

"Clearly, rabbis like Boaz don't really understand how things work, especially nowadays and in my kind of situation. All the Moavite self-help gurus explain why the Yisrael way of complete separation between genders is outdated and even hinders marriage—something that Judaism insists is very important! An exception needs to be made here. I think the Moavite pop psychology works in this situation. After all, it achieves the Yisrael goal of marriage. Like, hel-lo? Can we please stop being so close-minded & intolerant here?

Nope!

Instead, Ruth snaps into action. Without any further ado, Ruth clings to Boaz's maidens.

And that's that.

She listened carefully to Naomi's advice and the reasons behind that advice. She realized Boaz meant what he originally said. And now she understood why.

And with this, Ruth was able to keep propelling herself forward.

Likewise, we also don't see Ruth berating herself, calling herself stupid, or sinking into toxic shame.

She accepts her mistake and MOVES ON, bolstered by her newfound knowledge & awareness.

She reverts to Ruth the Moavite woman for just one moment, then when she listens to Naomi, the text (2:22) immediately refers to her as "Ruth kallata"—Ruth, the daughter-in-law of Naomi.

The minute Ruth shows she's ready to listen, she redeems herself from her mistake—yes, even before she hears a word!

Ruth's mere readiness to listen & learn liberates her from her Moavite residue.

Summary of Main Points

Here's a summary of the lessons detailed above:

Teshuvah & Self-Transformation

Self-transformation takes time.

We need to be patient with our progress.

We need to be patient with the progress of others.

Stumbling on our path to teshuvah is NORMAL.

The Art of Rebuke

View the errant one in the most positive light possible ("my daughter").

Exude warmth & closeness.

Avoid focusing on what was wrong.

Focus on what's right, what's good to do.

Avoid focusing on the past.

Focus on how to move forward.

Point out the benefit of the right way.

Explain WHY the Torah way is correct & better.

How to Deal with a Fall (especially if you didn't even realize you'd fallen!)

(The following applies to mistakes & sins too.)

RATZON—You've got to want it.

Attach yourself to genuinely GOOD mentors—then be ready to really listen to them, even when it's hard or doesn't initially make complete sense.

Be ready to learn at all times.

Be open to messages from Hashem (especially since He uses agents to deliver these messages rather than telling us directly).

Keep an open mind to new & unfamiliar ideas from authentic Torah sources.

The moment you show yourself to be ready to change already effects a change!

Avoid self-denigration.

Avoid self-hatred.

Avoid despair.

Avoid drowning in toxic shame.

Immediately change direction.

Have faith that Hashem is guiding you at all times.

Pick yourself up & KEEP MOVING FORWARD!

Jean Housen, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons

The Karak area of today's Jordan, formerly the territory of the really powerful, hotshot nation of Moav.
Yoo-hoo, Moavites! Anybody there? Anybody? Hello? Guess not.

That body of water is known today as Wadi Mujib, but most authorities say it is the Arnon River mentioned in Tanach.

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When Feeling Heavy & Struggling Means You're on the Right Path

24/5/2021

Megillat Ruth (the Book of Ruth) contains some of Judaism's most stunning messages and fundamental morals.

Let's go back to what the Vilna Gaon says regarding Megillat Ruth 1:18 & take a deeper look into one of those lessons. Here's the text of Megillat Ruth (source):

וַתֵּרֶא, כִּי-מִתְאַמֶּצֶת הִיא לָלֶכֶת אִתָּהּ; וַתֶּחְדַּל, לְדַבֵּר אֵלֶיהָ

"And when she saw that she was steadfastly minded to go with her, she left off speaking unto her."

The Hebrew word above, mitametzet, translated here as "steadfastly minded" (or "determined" according to other translations) indicates a struggle.

Malbim defines its root (amatz or amitz) as a "strengthening of the heart" (chizuk halev), which leads to enduring & unfailing strength; Malbim views it as inner strength.

Ruth needed to gather the extra "oomph" she displayed in her famous statements of devotion in verses 16 & 17 ("for wherever you go, I will go too...").

The Vilna Gaon views mitametzet as also physical, meaning Ruth needed to gather physical strength to continue the journey. He states the following:

לכן התחיל היצר לעכב ונעשו איברי הגוף כבדים. ואף כאן אינה יכולה לילך אחריה אף שהיא היתה בחורה ממנה בלתי אמיץ בגוף ויגיעה רבה

Therefore, the yetzer [evil inclination] started to hinder and the limbs of the body were made heavy. And also here, she [Ruth] is unable to go after her [Naomi]—even though she [Ruth] was younger than her—without strength in the body and great weariness.

Prior to this last statement, the Vilna Gaon details the innate nature of a human being as heavy and lazy due to a person's physical body originating from the heavy & stagnant element of earth.

Remember, the name Adam comes from the word adamah (earth) and Hashem formed the first human being from earth.

So when people feel lazy, heavy, and unmotivated, there isn't anything unnaturally wrong with them. Such a person simply reflects the natural state of a human being.

However, Judaism both commands & expects us to at least struggle to rise above our natural state.

Happily, Naomi possessed the wisdom to discern Ruth's inner conviction expressed by her words combined with Ruth's sudden physical depletion.

This combination meant that the yetzer tov propelled Ruth, and that Ruth's statements came from the right place—a place of utter sincerity.

When a Book Seems like a Boulder

Likewise, in Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender's book Words of Faith, he mentions that even the binding of a book can be an obstruction.

Meaning, have you ever had the experience of looking at your siddur sitting a couple of feet away from you on a table, and you feeling like, "Oh, man...I just don't have the koach to get up and get it"?

Or maybe your Sefer Tehillim lies right smack in front of your face, but you perceive the mere act of opening the book as too much trouble?

This happens with books of learning too.

Whether you wish to learn the parsha, mussar, or Gemara...all of the sudden, you sometimes get struck by this overpowering feeling of "dragging myself up to get the book is too much trouble" or "Oy, to drag myself all the way across the living room to open the glass door of the book case, and then actually pull the sefer off the shelf...I feel overwhelmed just thinking about it."

And then you feel embarrassed because laziness on such an irrational level must indicate something very wrong with you.

You know it makes no sense.

After all, you happily skip across the same room to grab a piece of pizza, right?

You energetically traverse not only the living room, but the kitchen, and easily open the cabinet or fridge to treat yourself to a beloved beverage.

The same guy who leaps out of sound sleep to hop on a motorcycle struggles to drag himself out to a minyan.

The later Harry Potter novels are massive—yet do you ever hear of someone who can't be bothered to read them because it's too much trouble to physically lift book #4?

Nope.

Some people mock or despise those who feel heavy—even when the object of the mockery only occasionally feel too lazy to do a very simple mitzvah.

It just sounds so irrational.

But now, because of Rav Bender and the Vilna Gaon, we know that such heaviness & laziness does not indicate something very wrong with us—but rather, something very RIGHT!

It indicates a sincere yearning to do the right thing. It also means that if we actually do it, it's definitely the best thing and also very powerful.

After all, Ruth's conversion ended up sucking out all the holy sparks from Moav.

Her conversion to Judaism depleted the entire lifeforce of Moav.

Very powerful!

Even today, archeologists barely find anything left of Moav—just a stele here and a sarcophagus there.

Literally. Just one stele and one sarcophagus.

Interestingly, this one stele presents a description by King Mesha of the Yisrael-Moav war of Kings/Melachim II:3:27, providing external validation of the Torah's narrative—not that we need it, but it's funny how the one piece of writing remaining from Moav validates the Torah narrative (although King Mesha tweaked it to make Moav look better—as if!).

We don't even know what the Moavites looked like, their lives and wars, nothing. (Nothing outside of the Torah, anyway.)

That was the power of Ruth.

Yet paradoxically, that moment of Ruth's greatest power showed her as weaker and wearier than an old & depleted widow.

In fact, Ruth's body dragged so much, the Vilna Gaon describes Ruth as being "unable to walk after Naomi."

She literally could not move another step.

Using This Knowledge to Choose Friends & Mentors

So this concept is helpful on the personal level.

It rids us of the excess shame we feel at the admittedly irrational perception of a simple & easy action as nearly insurmountable.

We now know our personal sloth is normal and the result of the yetzer hara.

It is not insurmountable—that perception is an illusion produced by the yetzer hara due to our intrinsic greatness.

Also, it helps us choose friends & mentors.

Those who seem flummoxed by your sloth may be very good in other ways, but simply unfamiliar with this particular aspect of the yetzer hara—and may not be able to help you with this particular issue.

Those who scorn or mock you for feeling this way likely never worked on themselves with any significant honesty or analysis and may even hover at a lower spiritual level than you, despite their external presentation.

Certainly, those unfamiliar with this concept will be unable to see the positive aspect of it—meaning, that your heaviness indicates a powerful potential within.

Or, as with Ruth, maybe you are in the middle of actualizing something very good and the sloth hits you at the critical moment.

As Naomi did for Ruth, a friend or mentor aware of the Vilna Gaon's interpretation & Rav Bender's observation could more effectively help you out of the slump.

What You Need to Know about Motorcycle Mania

23/5/2021

Erev Shavuot (May 16, 2021), a group of motorcycle-riding boys decided to join another group of around 10 motorcycling boys to go to a motorcycle track.

FYI: At a motorcycle track, young motorcyclists try out different stunts and ride around a circular track repeatedly for hours. (Yes, it's pretty meaningless. And not really in the spirit of getting ready for Matan Torah either.)

However, one group decided they wished to first dip in a natural mikveh in honor of the upcoming chag.

(This group included the God-fearing motorcyclist written about here: a-true-anecdote-of-how-hashem-helps-with-yeshivah-kosher-cell-phones-and-nice-people.html)

Upon arriving at the hill spring in which they wished to immerse, they discovered it packed with people. Maybe that also made it less safe & produced modesty issues, not sure. Anyway, they decided to forgo the immersion and catch up with the other group that skipped the mikveh detour to head straight to the motorcycle track.

So they sped off from the hill spring toward the motorcycle track, where they planned to meet the other group.

As they went around a curve in the road, they encountered a policeman directing traffic away from an ambulance, whose paramedics were, to their horror, loading most of their friend's body (which they recognized from his motorcycle suit) into the ambulance.

This injured young man lead the non-mikveh motorcyclists. He took a curve too fast, which caused an accident and, leaving out the gory details, his body did not remain in one piece.

At that point, he was still alive, but unconscious.

This delayed group swung over to the initial group, who were sitting in a lot near the road.

The rider immediately following the lead motorcyclist suffered a minor injury because he could not stop in time to completely avoid the leader's flying parts & motorcycle, but everyone else was okay physically.

Because they'd all been zooming along at around 100 kph/62 mph, they could not slow down in time to attend to their friend, nor could they immediately U-turn due to traffic coming from the opposite lane.

Yes, they called the ambulance, but that was all they could do.

Needless to say, no one even thought of continuing to the track.

Very concerned & traumatized about their severely injured friend, the group which experienced the accident simply left all their motorcycles in the lot off the road & hitchhiked back home.

The other group returned to their homes riding verrrrry slowly.

The injured young man regained consciousness at one point, but the medical staff was ultimately unable to save his life.

Throughout Shavuot, the friends from the mikveh-group stayed up all night to recite Tikkun Shavuot & learn Gemara in their now-deceased friend's merit.

The funeral was held Motza'ei Shavuot.

Heartbreakingly, in addition to the sudden loss of their son & brother, Shavuot will never be the same for his family.

Just Wanting to Do a Mitzvah Gives You Something

One aspect seen from the above tragic story is that just wanting to do a mitzvah matters.

Judaism says that if you sincerely mean to do a mitzvah, but are prevented from actualizing it, it is considered in Shamayim as if you actually fulfilled the mitzvah.

The group of boys who intended to immerse in the natural mikveh were saved from being at the actual accident. Maybe they were also saved from being harmed in the accident too. Who knows?

Even though they ultimately did not immerse, they sincerely intended too & prioritized that before the meaningless motorcycle track excursion.

Beware of Motorcycle Mania

Another lesson here concerns the motorcycle culture.

Initially, I didn't realize there was a whole culture built up around motorcycles.

Yeah, I knew about motorcycle gangs & Harley Davidsons. But I'd no inkling there existed a whole general motorcycle subculture, similar to a gamer subculture or a drug subculture.

A lot of young men in Europe & Israel start with motorcycles because they're cheaper & easier than cars.

Meaning, attaining a drivers license, buying a motorcycle, and paying for gas—it's all cheaper & easier than doing the same for a car.

But there's this whole motorcycle culture that leads to obsession similar to a drug or gaming addiction.

These motorcycle addicts spend every free minute on their motorcycle.

They wake up, grab their helmet & whatever else they need, and make a beeline out of the house.

If you need any kind of help from them (or even just a word with them), even to take out the garbage on their way out, they refuse & just keep on going. (If you insist, they get very irritable, just like addicts when you try to communicate or get them to carry out their most minimal responsibilities.)

They stop learning and working just to spend entire days going round & round a track.

They invest tons of money in decals & accessories.

Those 100% kangaroo-leather motorcycle suits cost at least 6000 NIS new, 2000 NIS second-hand—or more.

Some guys invest in more than one suit.

Most of them acquire several really nifty (and expensive) helmets.

One young man stopped working & burned through all his savings buying stuff for his motorcycling obsession—until he suffered an accident that nearly killed him, but fortunately only resulted in temporary injury (written about here: what-it-looks-like-when-hashem-expands-your-tiny-opening-to-the-size-of-a-banquet-hall.html ).

And you hear tons of stories about young men injured in motorcycle accidents, injured very badly, and even killed.

The special suits save lives & prevent injuries, but they aren't foolproof, as shown in the sad story above.

Not to mention, when a motorcycle & its rider go flying or skidding, this endangers any other pedestrians or vehicles in the immediate vicinity.

So it's very nice that they invest so much in protective gear for themselves, but because they like to go so fast & take other risks while riding, they still end up endangering themselves and others.

Like those immersed in other addictions & obsessions, the motorcycle manics blow off the risks ("That won't happen to me;" "It's not so bad"), only thinking about their own enjoyment (regardless of who gets hurt or even killed).

How to Prevent Motorcycle Mania—and What To Do When You Can't

It's not always possible to tell a young adult (i.e., teenager & twentysomething) what to do or to make them do what's best for them.

So if you see your son or another young man starting up with the whole motorcycle thing, you should try your best to nip it in the bud.

As noted above, it often starts off innocently, like it's just a way to achieve more mobile independence more cheaply & easily than a car.

But it turns pretty fast.

Once they're into the motorcycle culture, it seems impossible to get them out.

By the way, they can be doing this while still attending yeshivah, dressing in black and white, and so on. Even if the frummer ones don't get as immersed in the culture as the others, they still get obsessive. They need to constantly go out and drive in that stupid circle for hours Erev Shabbat & Erev Chag. And again, they can respond with a lot of resistance & irritability if you merely ask them to postpone their riding (let alone ask them to stop completely).

Like noted above, even delaying them by one minute to take out the garbage meets with resistance & irritability.

They either need to get tired of motorcycling (which can take years) or they get into an accident (sometimes more than once) before they manage to extract themselves from the whole soul-sucking culture.

I don't mean to pressure anyone.

I know that so many "experts" and others believe that parents have some kind of secret ability to exert control over their teens & 20somethings—and if a parent doesn't manage to control them, then many "experts" (and naïve others) believe that means the parent refuses to access this imaginary secret ability. And thus, this means the parent does not care about the child and is clearly a terrible heartless parent!

Because if it was TRULY important to the parents, they would FIND a way to convince their young adult child to do WHATEVER the parents want! So if they can't manage to succeed no matter how hard they try, then that means they're awful uncaring parents. This is true even when one of the parents actually is pretty awful—the other parent is responsible for not completely nullifying the dysfunctional parent's harmful influence on the child, in addition to everything else. [sarc]

But I realize that parents don't necessarily have any way to control or meaningfully influence a wayward young adult child if that young adult child doesn't want them to.

So this is just an "if you can" and also to keep an eye out for the beginning of the obsession (which starts out so innocently) so if possible, you can nip it in the bud. (Because I don't think this obsession is well-known.)

And by the way—not just parents! A friend or other family member sometimes succeeds where the parents don't. So if you see it, try to stop it if you can.

And if you cannot stop it practically, davening really does help!

One young man who refused to listen to his parents merited being spoken to by another person whose opinion he cared about more, and thus he tore up his motorcycle license application.

(Again, the link to how davening helped one obsessed motorcyclist & his distraught parents: http://www.myrtlerising.com/blog/what-it-looks-like-when-hashem-expands-your-tiny-opening-to-the-size-of-a-banquet-hall. Scroll down to "Turning to Hashem Mashes Motorcycle Mania.")

Wishing everyone lots of bracha & hatzlacha, and that we all merit to invest in meaningful activities.

<<Previous

Enhance Your Shavuot with Links to Insights on Shavuot & Megillat Ruth

Lag B'Omer Links, Plus Excerpts from Bilvavi Q&A

Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Miketz: The Real Chanukah Story & What We Learn from It

What to Pray for on Each Night of Chanukah

What Chanukah Lights Say about Reaching the Real You

Rav Avigdor Miller on Sukkot: The Ultimate Meaning of the Sukkah—Spiritually, Nationally, and Personally

The Meaning of Schach

The Main Lesson to Take into the Sukkah

Rav Avigdor Miller with Priceless Advice for Rosh Hashanah

Even One-Thousandth of a Malach Matters

The Secret Revelation of Why Hashem Uses Malachim

Encouraging Words

Shanah Tovah!

Megillat Ruth: What Naomi & Ruth Teach Us about Self-Transformation, Teshuvah, Mistakes, Rebuke, Criticism, and How It's Okay to Not be Perfect

3 Questions Sparked by These Verses

How Malbim Answers These 3 Questions

Lesson #1: Patience! Change Takes Time. Teshuvah is a Process.

Naomi: The Paragon of Pleasantness, Criticism, and Rebuke

Learning from Ruth's Response

Summary of Main Points

When Feeling Heavy & Struggling Means You're on the Right Path

When a Book Seems like a Boulder

Using This Knowledge to Choose Friends & Mentors

What You Need to Know about Motorcycle Mania

Just Wanting to Do a Mitzvah Gives You Something

Beware of Motorcycle Mania

How to Prevent Motorcycle Mania—and What To Do When You Can't

Myrtle Rising

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