Question:
I blame myself for not having enough Bitachon, because I am constantly hearing and reading stories of Nissim.

These miracle stories are PROOF to me that I must not have enough Bitachon, otherwise, why is it that everyone who goes with that approach gets so many Nissim [miracles], and not me??

I completely understand that if this approach is bringing me down, I shouldn’t use it.

But the fact is, I WANT to be ABLE to use the “getting what you want approach.”

It will not help me to hear “not to focus” on these concepts.

Because knowing that they are true is what’s making me so miserable.

It’s knowing that people who DO have enough Bitachon get Nissim, that is bringing me down.

Also regarding “acceptance” bringing Yeshuos, this is also making me depressed like never before.

How come Hashem comes through for them, and not me?

​Why does Hashem value THEIR acceptance and not mine?

I have accepted so many hardships of mine.

If I know that the stories are true, then “ignoring” won’t solve the issue for me.

Answer:
You should know that there are thousands of people who don’t have Yeshuos.

But the Yetzer Hara doesn’t want you to know about those people, so he only makes you hear the “rosy” Yeshuos people have.

​I know many people who were given Brachos from top Gedolim, yet they didn’t end up seeing Yeshuos.

Now, most people have a deep-seeded desire for self-persecution, to feel like losers.

These people have this mentality way before this issue of “hearing success Bitachon stories”, only that now it’s manifesting in this way.

Now, we came to this world to be satisfied no matter what the situation is.

I know a couple who had issues with having children, until even the most optimistic doctor gave-up hope on them having children.

The next day, the husband came home and found his wife all dressed up in Shabbos clothing, and setting up the table to a feast.

The shocked husband asked his wife: “What’s the celebration?”

She responded that she decided that this is what Hashem wants from her, not to have children, and she is so happy. “Who needs children? They are hard to take care of, it’s a big responsibility. We have each other, and that’s what counts.”

She meant what she said. She had a little Yi'ush [despair] in her situation, but it was through accepting.

What happened after that?

24 hours later, the doctor who had given up hope called them back, and said that he found a new solution...and 9 months later they had their baby.

You may have had this mentality way back; it may have been with siblings, relatives, or friends.

People love self-persecution, it’s not unusual, so you should go to war against this mentality, its Middos after all. It’s your Middos issue to constantly think that everyone else has it better.

Now, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO BE HAPPY THEN NOTHING WILL STOP YOU.

​Why do we need to have everything we want in order to be happy?...Hashem is my Shepard, so NEVER will I be lacking.

You can be as happy as you want to be. By the way, it’s much more fun to work on Middos than to get what you want; it will keep you young and happy.

Now when you hear people having Yeshuos, you should laugh at it.

Make fun of the whole thing. Say: ”Who needs Yeshuos?’’

Besides, these people have issues that you don’t know about, which are causing them stress, even with their Yeshuos.

If you don’t get Yeshuos, it means that Hashem gave you a specific mission.

Hashem cherishes you more.

Rachel Imeinu didn’t get what she wanted, she had just 2 Shevotim, Leah barely ​got what she wanted, and both Rochel and Leah passed away young.

You know that Chazal say the opposite:...A person does not get even half of his desires during his lifetime.

Chazal are saying that even if a person gets a Yeshua, there is much more that he didn’t get.

The people who got Yeshuos have other issues, and they are kvetching too. If you live for the next world, you are far-more better off.

​A person who has Yissurim in this world, is better off in the next world.

It Works & It Doesn't Work...Which is the Way It's Supposed to Work

Those who were shortchanged in life, for example they weren’t Zoche to go to some top Yeshiva, or to some unusual Adam Gadol, some great Yichus, or a Gevaldige Chinuch where you are all set for Gadlus; can actually come out ahead in certain ways.

You may be lacking in Kishronos, or a healthy Torah and/or warm loving background, or in being pure and consistent.

Or you aren’t organized and M’sudar, and you suffer from being the “nobody” of your family and/or Yeshiva.

You feel like a failure, or simply not capable.

You may unfortunately be loaded with all kinds of sins, Chas V’shalom.

“Problems” In Life Force a Person to Become A First-Rate Baal Bitachon 

These and many more are forced to go only to Hashem; and if they persist then they can come out ahead of everyone.

You have a special place by Hashem, even if others are superior to you in Torah, Avoda, Nachas, or talent [Kish'ron] etc. 

​You learn to rely heavily on Tefila.

You may have to give up some Torah and Chesed, and even some Parnasa, to spend more time with Hashem and Shaar HaBitachon.

R' Dovid Bleicher Zatzal says that the Baal Bitachon gets special service in Shamayim.

He is a favorite of Hashem, and a [mekurav l'Malchut] — a member of the royal palace.

If one experiences times of feeling of distance and low spirituality, instead of believing that they have failed, they should instead recognize that this is the way Hashem has designed us to be.

The Tanya in Chapter 15 writes that our work in this world involves continuous struggle.

As well as the inspiring Mashal that the Maggid of Mezritch gives:

That Hashem hides Himself to give us the opportunity to play a holy and ultimate game of hide and seek with the power of all powers.

The reason He sometimes hides is so that we will have the opportunity to seek Him and become even closer!

Mrs. Bassie Goldman says that our fluctuating relationship is the plan of Hashem.

Just like how a heartbeat goes up and down.

She also says that if we could choose to always have the connection we want to have, obviously we would choose the connection that we want to have!

So this is proof that when we are in a place of disconnection, we did not choose it.

It means Hashem's will is taking place in our life now.

The Steipler Goan ZT"L then adds that although we may not have the choice to have an always 100% static connection to Him at all times, it is in our choice to positive acts of connection-seeking that will help us over time.

WHAT IF I CANNOT HANDLE IT?!

By: Devorah Silberman

"Hashem doesn’t give a person a test that they cannot handle.”

It is hard to find someone who truly feels strengthened by this phrase.

It’s discussed in either resentful or curious tones with close friends, rabbis' and in therapists' offices. “How can this phrase be literal and accurate?” It’s a topic that raises much confusion amongst those who have faced enormous hurdles in their lives.

Perhaps they have rock solid Emunah, and resonate with almost everything else that they learn, but are puzzled by how to relate to this pusuk.

Oddly enough, despite all the remarkable and profound explanations for what this pusuk truly means, most people don’t seem to have an awareness that there are multiple explanations to what this phrase truly means Bamidbar Rabbah 13:15-16 explains that there are 70 layers to the Torah.

Every single Pusuk has many levels and layers of meaning. Each of the 70 layers are all true at the same time. 

Additionally, The Ramchal writes in Maamar al Haggados, that at times, we feel like certain words of Chazal and other Torah Sources seem opposing only because we ourselves misinterpret them.

This sometimes happens when we do not realize the parameters that limit the specific pusuk.

(In other words: We sometimes take the words we hear or read out of context to what they truly mean.) 

Although there are multiple explanations on the phrase “Hashem doesn’t give a test you cannot handle,” in this article, I would like to write three that I think are the most insightful.
 
1: Does Hashem only send us tests that we can pass and that every person should be able to control themselves and be victorious when such tests are presented?

The answer is Yes and No.

Yes, because every test that Hashem sends us is within our ability to pass, but No because we don’t always know what the test is. 

Rabbi Yisroel Reisman quotes R’Tzaadok Hakoen (Rabbi Reisman says this in multiple shuirim – one of those shuirim entitled “Oh, the things people say!”) brings out this point from the story of Yehudah and Tamar.

Despite the fact that Yehudah was involved with Tamar, in a way that is unbecoming from a man of his stature, we find no mention of punishment, rebuke, or even sin for his act.

Yet, when Tamar becomes expecting, she is asked and we see multiple Mefarshim praising Yehudah for admitting to what he caused.

This is due to the fact that Yehudah was placed in a situation where he was not able to overcome his temptation and it was too hard for him to refrain from committing this act; therefore, no sin was ascribed to him.

Yehudah’s test did not lie in the act itself; rather he was tested in his ability to admit it in a later date.

Since we do not know what Hashem is testing us, so we must do our utmost best in every area. Rabbi Golombeck Shlita often speaks about not focusing on the result or outcome but rather on your efforts. As long as we genuinely did our utmost best, the results would not be in our control (of course this would only apply when one knows they sincerely did their actual best).

Similarly, the Steipler Goan ZT”L wrote many letters to people with mental health challenges and in one such letter, he writes on a similar point.

The letter was sent in by a student suffering from obsessive heretical thoughts.

He regularly had serious thoughts that most Jews do not have to the same extent that he did.

Yet, no matter to what he tried, it was to no avail. He could not find the key to getting rid of these thoughts flooding his mind on a daily basis. 

The Steipler wrote the following critical message:

“It appears that at the current time, you are not capable of free choice in this area. Rather, which is under your control and your free choice is to do positive things that will help over time.” (In today’s world, for someone suffering from obsessive and uncontrollable thoughts, this would usually mean going for therapy and doing other helpful mind conditioning exercises as well as taking medication if needed.)

(This first explanation is taken from the book Battle of the Mind by Rabbi Avrohom Steier. Book for Torah based inspiration for those with emotional challenges. Book copies can be obtained through aasteier@gmail.com)

2: Another explanation is that we grow into people who can handle them.

We certainly as Yidden, believe that we soar to new spiritual heights through challenges.

If we reach new levels, it would mean that we didn’t start out on the level we reached through the challenge. Which would mean that we grow into people who can handle them.

3: The last but definitely not least interpretation of the phrase that is very close to my heart is the following:
​
When you hear the phrase “Hashem doesn’t give you a test that you cannot handle” and you feel resentful towards this phrase. The reason you feel resentful is because the person who said the phrase did not finish their sentence. They should add the two words “without Him.”

“Hashem doesn’t give you a test you cannot handle – without Him.” 

You need to ask Hashem to give you the strength to handle it in the best way possible.

Bracha Kaila Levin A”H was someone who I was so close to.

Among the myriad of unbelievable inspiring stories I have about all that she did, one that illustrates this idea so well is the last conversation I ever had with her.

She was in the hospital on oxygen and was still so eager to learn with me over the phone.

She was losing her ability to move and know that soon she was expected to lose her ability to talk.

I asked her how she does all that she does with so much strength and loads of Emunah. Out of the many things she told me, she said something that never left my memory.

“I constantly, ask Hashem in my own words give me the strength to handle it in the best way possible.”

We often beg Hashem to take our difficult circumstance away. And we should! But we must also include the tefilla of asking for Him to grant us the ability to handle our situation until our awaited Yeshuah comes.

As long as we genuinely did our utmost best, the results would not be in our control (of course this would only apply when one knows they sincerely did their actual best).

Practical Application of the Concept

Yehudah’s test did not lie in the act itself; rather he was tested in his ability to admit it in a later date.

Since we do not know what Hashem is testing us, so we must do our utmost best in every area. Rabbi Golombeck Shlita often speaks about not focusing on the result or outcome but rather on your efforts.

“It appears that at the current time, you are not capable of free choice in this area. Rather, which is under your control and your free choice is to do positive things that will help over time.”

Hope for the Tried and Still Trying!

In Novardok they said, “The Pope never sins, but we do.”

This is a gentile mentality; that you have to be perfect.

A Jew derives simcha just by serving Hashem; not by being Mr. Perfect.

We enjoy doing Teshuva.

We are positive about our faults.

We realize that you just have to try your best.

"The Torah was not meant for the angels" (Gemaras Brachot 25:b, Yoma 30:a, Kiddushin 54:a).

— Rabbi Yehuda Mandel
Bitachon Weekly Bamidbar/Shavuos 5782

The 2 Main Problems with Toxic Shame

How to Fight Toxic Shame & Embrace the Real You

Some Chizuk for All Us Non-Angels

Question:
With all the Jews in Ukraine that are in danger, what does the Rav suggest we Yidden should be doing and thinking at this time?

Answer:
First, it is important that every person should feel they are the one who can save the situation...

...The world was created for me. [a quote from Sanhedrin 37a – MR]

MAKE BELIEVE YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD.

Be alone with Hashem and watch your Tefilos come true.

I did just that, and the results are incredible. I davened to Hashem that no one should get hurt.

Then I davened that people should do Teshuva, because that’s very important; their spiritual deprivation is worse than their physical danger.

Most Yidden in Ukraine are not Shomer Shabbos or anything and are living out their lives without Torah and Mitzvos. We need to care about them and be M’karev them; at the very least we should cry for them.

​I also davened that there should not arise Agunah Shaylos, since they were taking the men away from their families to join the war.

I bumped into Rav Simcha Bunim Cohen Shlita last Shabbos and asked him to tell me about his thoughts on the topic.

He said that the story of Mordechai on Purim teaches us how one man can save the entire world, and that this is how every individual should think.

I felt the same way during the Gulf War; I davened that no one should get hurt, and that’s exactly what happened.

Every person should do the same, and should have in mind their Ruchaniyus as well, because the Geula is around the corner, and when Moshiach comes it will not be so simple for all the irreligious Jews.

So that’s why they must be in our minds all the time. This is what I had in mind.

This past Shabbos I met the Rav of Ukraine himself, R’ Yaakov Bleich, who arrived in Lakewood. I asked him about the plight of the men, and he reported that they are all getting saved; with spectacular Nissim.

Then I asked him about their Yiras Shamayim, if they are doing Teshuva?

He replied that this is exactly what is happening.

Even their president, who is a Jewish M’shumad, called R’ Bleicher and declared: Without G-d, we aren’t making it!

So, I feel that my Tefilos are being heard, and every Yid should take credit for the Yeshua, too.

Each person should feel they are in charge.

You can “remote control” everything with your Tefilos, your Teshuva, and Bitachon.

During the Gulf War, Saddam Hussein was shooting scud missiles into Eretz Yisroel, and people were panicking.

​At that time, every Gadol publicized that no one will be harmed, and that’s exactly what happened. The government was giving out gas masks [they were afraid of chemical warfare], and R’ Chaim Kanievsky said they should wear them on Purim [for a costume], and that’s what happened.

See how their positive words had an effect! Everyone should speak positively and watch how exactly that will happen.

Words are alive!

1) If you are told a certain interpretation in Torah that is more truthful than your current understanding, would you admit to it and say that the other way of understanding is truer than yours?

Or would you feel bad that you have to give up your previous way of understanding what you learned?

2) If you were told that there is a certain beis midrash in which they learn Torah in a more truthful way, would you leave your current beis midrash and go there?
​
3) If you discover that there is a group of Jews in the world who live more truthfully than you do, would you give up your current lifestyle and change over to that way of life?

Would you be prepared to leave your way of life in Yiddishkeit if you would find out that it’s not as truthful as a different way of Yiddishkeit?

If you agree that they are closer to the truth than you are, would you be prepared to actually uproot yourself from your community and move to the community where there is a more truthful lifestyle?

Or would you say, “I don’t know. If I move, it won’t work out for my wife and children…” In other words, “I don’t really want to!” (On a deeper note, both the husband and wife both don’t want!)

If someone lives a truthful life, a really truthful life, that means he is not dependent on anything on this world. He is prepared to leave anything for the truth.

He is prepared to let go of this generation, to let go of this world, to let go of this time that we are in, and to exchange it for a more truthful level of existence.
​
4) If a person is offered the chance to leave behind his current life and instead enter into a different time, in which there will be a Beis HaMikdash and Moshiach, would he do it?

​Or would he wish he could stay in his current time?

If he leads a yeshivah for 1000 bochurim and then Mashiach comes, is he ready to give up his position…?

As Long as You Fight, You Win (Even If It Looks Like You've Lost)

The “one out of five” Yidden who left Mitzrayim were the Avdei Hashem, who struggled and fought against their Yetzer Hara.

Those who were not fighters, died during the three days of darkness, which is symbolic of a dark world.

Someone who doesn't fight his Yetzer Hara is in a darkness, with no real purpose.

A person who fights his Yetzer Hara is alive and full of chiyut/life even if he may fall often in his struggles against his Yetzer Hara.

Indeed, the Yidden sinned very soon....Yet, he is still considered an Eved Hashem and worthy of receiving the Torah, since he is constantly fighting his Yetzer Hara.

Why Faith in the Ultimate Geula Makes All the Difference

Even though they were reshaim, they didn't despair of the Geula.