I wanted to write a follow-up to the post on the incredible Tzachor family in Kiryat Arba: Chaviva & Tzvi Moshe Tzachor: "How is It Possible to Abandon the Blind Baby? Instead, We Decided to Adopt Her."

While the story focuses on Chaviva (even though the father, Tzvi Moshe, played a significant role because he also saw the ad & wanted the baby, plus who else took care of Liat when Chaviva gave birth a month later to their 8th child?), the trial faced by their daughter Mina deserves a deeper look too.​

Initially, 12-year-old Mina's response to the neglected blind baby is disturbing.

Certainly, Chaviva never would have left them alone together had she known the depths of Mina's true feelings.

While it's easy to understand why Mina might find repulsive a baby with eyelids sunken into empty sockets and reeking of bedsores, her seething hatred & resentment seem extreme.

She even jabs the baby hard enough for the baby to flop onto her face.

But upon noticing both how the baby's face presses into the mattress and how the baby makes no effort to save herself, Mina realizes the truth of the situation and the danger of her own action.

She quickly seeks to right the baby back to her side (and literally right her own wrong), which allows the baby to breathe again, and causes the baby to emit a deep sigh like "a 100-year-old man."

This ignites Mina to realize how helpless the baby really is, which releases the compassion trapped beneath layers of hatred and resentment. 

In a quiet voice, Mina reassures her new baby sister that she needn't worry and promises to help her.

​And she does.

Mina ends up being one of Liat's most dedicated champions.

That initial spark of compassion fanned into a fiery idealism to nurture all special-needs children, to bring out their best and reach beyond any & all expectations.

Mina now runs the center her mother founded.

But retracing the steps back to before Liat entered the Tzachors' lives, how would Mina have been without Liat?

Probably a good person.

After all, her parents were clearly special & dedicated people. They were committed Jews, compassionate, and very dedicated to their children long before Liat appeared on the scene.

Being raised in such an environment no doubt produces emotionally healthy personalities.

But would Mina be the exceptional person she is today?

​Unlikely.

In Judaism, there is a concept of "yeridah for the sake of aliyah."

Sometimes, you need to go down before you can go up.

We all have dark parts of self.

Or, as Judaism describes it, we all have klippot (exterior shells) that cover our good parts, shells that need to be broken in order to release the beautiful spark trapped inside.

In order for the shell to be broken, we must access it first.

We can't do it unless we know it's there.

Without Liat, Mina likely never would realize that she possessed such a petty & dark side to herself, that she had the capacity to resent & hate an innocent baby so much simply because the baby wasn't externally appealing — because this wasn't the sister she wanted.

It was there whether Mina or anyone else knew about it or not.

And it would stay there throughout her life, whether she ever realized it or not.

But by Liat's mere presence bringing out such feelings, the situation forced Mina to deal with that part of herself.

Initially, she failed when she jabbed the baby.

But when she righted the baby, Mina righted her own self.

And then she could have just gone to bed after that, with that guilty discomfort of knowing she'd done something she never wanted anyone else to find out about.

But Mina took it one step further.

Not only did she correct her incorrect action, she took upon herself to help Liat.

Not only would Mina refrain from hurting Liat in the future, but she would even strive to both protect & assist Liat.

This ended up being a classic example of turning from evil and doing good, as directed by David Hamelech in Tehillim/Psalm 34:15.

Once that klippah was broken & Mina's innate compassion was released, it took her further than she could ever have traveled without that experience.

The Mina whose heart seethed with rage & hatred as she looked at her externally defective new sister is not the same Mina who now says about special-needs children like Liat:

The same girl who initially felt seething hatred now feels boundless love.

And I think this is a crucial point.

As discussed on this blog before, everything is from Hashem, including your flaws.

Anything bad about you, whether you were born with it or whether you developed it from your upbringing & environment, was designated for you by Hashem.

So there's no need to feel paralyzing shame about those aspects.

Yes, healthy shame is good because it means that you understand the difference between right & wrong.

That grimace-inducing "uh-oh" feeling you get after doing or saying something can be a wonderful indication you need to rectify something.

But if the shame is so intense that you cannot even look at that aspect of self, that you deny or minimize it, then that's not helpful at all.

And it's not correct either because your ugly aspects aren't your fault. In other words, they don't reflect the REAL you.

They were implanted there by Hashem IN ORDER FOR you to deal with & rectify them.

And Mina is a great example of this.

Yes, there are 12-year-olds who would have felt instinctive compassion, even if the baby's physical reality repulsed them.

There are. Those naturally sensitive, compassionate types exist.

But the fact that Mina initially felt so negatively doesn't reflect on Mina's true essence.

Instead, Mina's true self is the compassionate person that she became, the person who developed into a crusader for the same child she initially rejected, and then expanded that heartfelt conviction & dedication to all special-needs children.

Seething hatred flipped into unconditional love.

And I don't think it would've happened without the initial challenge first.

And that's what our challenges are for: rectification.

Even if we initially fail (as Mina did), we can still make the necessary repairs.

Just like in Mina's case.

The compassion was there all along.

​It just needed to be released.

Related posts:

• You are Not Your Flaws
• ​How Self-Hatred Blocks the Real You from Shining Through — and the Secret to Freeing Yourself
• Seeing Ourselves through Hashem's Eyes by Using a Measuring Scale of 0-10
• Learning Spiritual Growth from the Low-Life Butcher who Eventually Achieved a Good Name
  
• When Everything is Against You, Every Little Step Contains Even More Significance
  

A chilling story was told by Rav Eliyahu Keller of Givat Shaul in Yerushalayim in the Yated Hashavua about the kevurah of his father, ztz"l.

Three years ago, Rav Eliyahu’s father, Rav Avraham Moshe Keller, made aliyah from Argentina at age 79, fulfilling a lifelong dream. Rav Keller made his home at the Shomrei Hachamos senior living center where he became known for his love of the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch. He was never seen without the sefer, learning out of it every day and teaching others from it.

A month and a half ago, Rav Keller was niftar from the coronavirus.

Due to the pandemic, his levaya (funeral) – which took place at the Shamgar funeral home on the day he was niftar (passed away) as per Yerushalmi minhag (custom) – was held with very few people present, at 1 a.m. in the morning.

Another Yerushalmi minhag is that the children and grandchildren of the niftar do not go to the bais hakvaros (cemetery) during the kevurah (burial). This fact led to a painful situation of the possibility of less than a minyan of men being present at the kevurah.

Rav Eliyahu, the only son of the niftar, couldn’t go and neither could his two sons-in-law since both are Kohanim. Rav Eliyahu’s sister who lives in Israel and the four members of her family were the only ones who could attend the kevurah.

Suddenly, a man who appeared to be about 70, who was standing on the side during the levaya, approached and said that he was joining in to travel to the kevurah at Har Hazeisim.

The relatives were astounded that an elderly stranger would travel at 1 a.m. in the morning during a pandemic to Har Hazeisim and they politely told him: “You don’t have to trouble yourself.”

However, the man insisted. The family members asked him his name and if he knew the niftar and the man responded that he’s a relative of the niftar.

Now the family members were even more confused.

There were very few family members living in Israel since most of their relatives still lived in Argentina and they were familiar with all of them. They were sure the man must have made a mistake. Since there were many levayos at Shamgar that night, one after the other, they gently explained to him that he must be looking for a different levaya.

However, the man held his ground and without explaining himself further simply entered the car of Rav Eliyahu’s sister’s son-in-law who was driving to the kevurah. Along with some volunteers from the Chevra Kadisha, they now had a minyan for the kevurah.

After the kevurah, the son-in-law, still puzzled by the stranger’s presence, approached him and said: “What’s your name?”

“Gantzfried,” the man answered.

The son-in-law was sure that there were no relatives of the family named Gantzfried and was now even more puzzled.

The mysterious man returned from the beis kevurah in the son-in-law’s car along with another relative.

After they dropped off the man, the son-in-law asked his relative: “Do you know this ‘relative’ of ours named Gantzfried?”

The relative turned white. “That’s the name he told you?” he asked in astonishment.

He quickly turned around, craning his neck to see if he could still spot the man, who had just exited the car a moment ago. But he didn’t see him and even after they quickly drove around the area where they just dropped him off, they saw no glimpse of him.

The relative had immediately remembered that the name of the mechaber (author) of the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch is Harav Shlomo Gantzfried.

Rav Eliyahu said that he has no doubt that the man was a shaliach from Shamayim to accompany his father on his final journey due to his incredible attachment to the Kitzar Shulchan Aruch.

“When my father was young, his parents immigrated from Poland to Argentina,” Rav Eliyahu said. “During that time, in the period before World War II, there were no Torah institutions there. But there was a wonderful Jew named Reb Ze’ev Greenberg who taught Torah and instilled yiras Shamayim in thousands of Jews who had immigrated to Argentina from Europe.”

“When my father reached the age of Bar Mitzvah, Rav Greenberg said to him: ‘How fortunate you are for being zocheh to be mekabel the mitzvos. I’m giving you a sefer kodesh called the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch authored by Rav Shlomo Ben R’ Yosef Gantzfried as a gift and it will accompany you for your whole life. Learn this sefer and you’ll be zochech to be a good Jew and fulfill the halachos…and Hakadosh Baruch Hu will be happy with you.'

“Abba took the sefer and viewed it as a mission for life. He learned the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch every day, not missing even one day from the time he was Bar Mitzvah until the day he died. I asked him once how many times he learned the sefer and he said ‘maybe 30 times’ and this was 25 years ago!

“When my parents decided to make Aliyah my father withdrew all his savings from the bank. That night thieves broke into their home and right in front of their eyes stole their life savings and all their jewelry.

"My mother turned to my father in despair, asking ‘What will we do now?'

"My father answered quietly: 'It says in the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch that everything Hashem does is for the good. Apparently Hashem gave us a gift by making sure that we’ll be zocheh to reach Eretz Yisrael b’shleimus like Yaakov Avinu when all his wealth from other nations remained behind when he went to Eretz Yisrael.'

“My mother told us that over 65 years of marriage, she never once heard my father make a disparaging remark or speak lashon hara. If someone said something negative in his presence he acted as if he didn’t hear it, saying ‘the Kitzur Shulchan Orech doesn’t allow this.'

“My father had incredible yiras Shamayim. Once, in a moment of candor, he told me the secret of his yiras Shamayim: “The first saif (page) of the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch begins with ‘Shavisi Hashem L’Negdi Tamid. It’s a klal gadol (fundamental rule) b’Torah and the maalos (virtues) of Tzaddikim.'

“Abba lived with this saying his entire life and each time he opened the Kitzur, before opening it to the page he left off, he would turn to the first page and read the first sentence.

“Considering the way our father lived his life, we couldn’t be too surprised by the ‘mysterious stranger named Gantzfried’."

Rav Keller concluded the story by saying that he was told by morei halachah that it’s a mitzvah to publicize the story to teach others how many merits a person acquires by learning the sefarim of the Geonei HaDoros (the Torah geniuses of the generations).

​43 years ago in the Biblical city of Kiryat Arba, Chaviva Tzachor was 8 months pregnant with her 8th child when she happened to gaze at a notice in a newspaper as she stood in line at the grocery store:

"A baby girl is searching for a home."

As Chaviva read further, she learned that the baby girl was born blind and the institution holding her sought a permanent home with adoptive parents to care for her. 

​Against all logic, Chaviva felt she must adopt this baby.

Despite never buying newspapers, she decided to buy this one to show the ad to her husband, Tzvi Moshe.

​Tzvi Moshe Tzachor worked in Yerushalayim. When he came home that evening, the family ate dinner together, then Chaviva said, "I want to show you something I saw in the newspaper."

But Tzvi Moshe said, "Wait...first of all, I want to show you something that I saw."

And he took out a clipping from a newspaper he'd run across at work.

It was the same ad for the blind baby girl.

Deeply moved by this "coincidence," both parents saw this as a sign from Hashem telling them they were meant to adopt this baby.

So they called the number on the ad and discovered it belonged to an institution in Tel Aviv that housed disabled children.

The couple was invited to come the next day to see the baby (who was around a year old).

Chaviva admits that at the time, she did not consider the long-term consequences of their decision.

"It was clear to me that here was an abandoned baby in need of a home," she said. "What was needed at that moment was to help her; as far as we were concerned, it was saving a Jewish life — pure and simple."

With regard to the fact that Chaviva herself was only a month away from giving birth, she says matter-of-factly, "And what if I'd been having twins? Would I say I can only care for one of them? The attitude of mine and my husband's was to do what was necessary at that moment — including if it's not easy and even if it's complicated."

The institution was thrilled with their decision to adopt and promised to contact them once all the papers were ready.

All the bureaucracy took only 3 days. (Highly unusual at that time.) They contacted the Tzachors, who returned to pick up their new baby.

Chaviva immediately sought a medical examination for the baby girl.

At that time, Kiryat Arba lacked a proper health clinic, so the community was forced to use the services of an army doctor.

After completing his examination, the doctor told Chaviva, "Wrap her up and send her back to the place from which you brought her. Apparently, they prefer that she die in your custody and not in theirs."

But Chaviva remained resolute.

​"With God's Help," she replied, "no baby will ever die in my custody."​

In a family of mostly boys, the best place for the new baby was in the room of the then-12-year-old daughter, Mina.

But the baby's appearance horrified Mina.

"I'm not prepared to sleep with her in my room!" she said.

Chaviva understood her daughter, but pleasantly told her, "You may sleep wherever you choose. But the baby stays here."

It took Mina 35 years to reveal her true feelings about their first hours together.

"I hated her," says Mina.

That first night, Chaviva (not knowing which side the baby preferred to sleep) lay the baby on her side and left her that way, figuring that the baby would find her favorite position on her own.

After all, the institution told her that the baby knew how to turn over on her own.

But that ended up being a lie.

But late at night, when everyone else was sleeping Mina got up to look at her new sister and noticed that the one-year-old remained on that same side.

As Mina gazed at her new sister, her heart seethed with hatred & rage. 

The crumpled little eyelids sunk into empty sockets. The little body full of repulsive bedsores that stank.

"Why did she come into my life?" Mina recalled thinking to herself. "I wanted a nice sister. And here, the baby girl who arrived was so ugly. She was a neglected baby and not at all according to my expectations."

Still seething with resentment, Mina approached the baby and jabbed her in the back with her finger.  

The jab caused the baby to flop onto her stomach, her face pressing into the mattress.

Mina waited for the baby to roll back over (as per the reassurance of the institution), but the little girl never moved.

"Suddenly, I panicked," said Mina. "I pulled her back onto her side and then heard her sigh a very deep sigh — 'Ahhhhhhhhhhh' — like a 100-year-old man. That alarmed me and I realized just how helpless she was."

This aroused the compassion trapped beneath Mina's anger & hatred.

And Mina's innate compassion won out.

In the dark quiet of the night, Mina found herself speaking a promise to her new sister:

​"Don't worry — I'll help you."

The blind baby's arrival upended life for the Tzachor family.

In addition to the smelly bedsores & the lack of eyeballs, Liat suffered terrible constipation that made her sweat & strain with each movement — yet she never uttered a sound because in addition to everything else, Liat had given up on crying.

​Crying never helped. So her little baby self had given up.

The only doctor who knew how to help with the physical problems worked in Tel Aviv, so Chaviva brought Liat all the way back there, then returned home to follow his instructions: For the constipation, a teaspoon of raisin wine every 15 minutes around the clock.

This became a full-time chore.

Chaviva could not even send Liat to the local daycare because they were not equipped to deal with her problems.

Over time, the family's dedicated treatment improved the baby's condition.

For the bedsores, Chaviva could only wipe clean the baby's skin between the sores; a full bath was against doctor's orders.

Eventually, the bedsores cleared up & allowed Chaviva to bathe her for the first time.

But it was a shock for the baby.

"Apparently, for a little baby who cannot see," remembers Chaviva, "the sudden sensation was very frightening. But after a moment, I saw her relax. And even her hand, which was always clenched in a fist that never opened, found release and went slack [in a good way]. Until then, we always joked how she must have stolen the midwife's ring, and how because of that, she never opened her hand."

With the warm bath, the little girl's entire body relaxed. Her legs were no longer stiff as a board and her knees now started to bend.

It seemed to Chaviva that the little girl was enjoying herself.

Finally, Chaviva finished bathing her, then lifted the baby to her shoulder for a cuddle.

And that's when Liat started crying for the first time — strong, lusty cries.

"I get emotional all over again every time I recall it because it was the first time she started to cry — to cry hard," says Chaviva. "It was as if she was trying to tell us, 'Look! After all this time, there is finally somebody who touches me and loves me!' 

"I will never forget that cry," says Chaviva.

The lesson learned from that moment carries into Chaviva's work today with parents of disabled children.

"That was a cry that expressed so much," she explains. "Today, when I counsel parents of children with special needs and the people at social services, I say the way to identify a child who is not being cared for properly is the inability to cry.

"A child who realizes that crying will not help him — he doesn't cry. And that is the worst situation." Chaviva returns to that moment with Liat's first bout of crying: "The cries of the baby conveyed to me that she feels our love. And at that moment, I joined in her crying, and together we both cried and cried. Amid all that, I telephoned my husband and sobbed, 'Mazal tov — a daughter has been born to us'."

​Now that their new daughter realized that she had someone to whom she could cry and be answered, everyone knew that the adoption had been finalized on "both" sides. They'd accepted & loved her as a true daughter — and now the little girl finally felt that love & acceptance that herself.

That Shabbat, Chaviva & Tzvi Moshe organized a big kiddush in the shul in honor of the new reality: This little girl was truly their daughter now.

In fact, Liat hadn't been her name; she'd come to them named Yael.

But the rav of the shul told Chaviva that since Chaviva had turned into the baby's actual mother, then Chaviva should call the baby a name of her own choosing.

So together, Chaviva & Tzvi Moshe decided to call her "Liat" — a name that contains the words li ("for me") and at ("you").

As Mina explains the meaning, "You are one of us; you aren't alone."

During that time of adjustment, Chaviva also gave birth to her eighth child, who eventually transitioned to the local daycare as Chaviva continued the full-time job of caring for Liat.

The family soon discovered that in addition to her blindness, Liat suffered developmental delays.

As Kiryat Arba lacked resources at that time, Chaviva sought what Liat needed in Yerushalayim.

She discovered a rehabilitation center associated with Bikur Cholim hospital for special-needs children.

So Chaviva woke up early each morning to prepare breakfast sandwiches for her other eight children, then made her way to the rehabilitation center.

The program finished in the afternoon, forcing Chaviva to return in the late afternoon.

In Israel, lunch is the main meal of the day and the Tzachor children were used to a hot dinner waiting for them when they arrived home from school.

As a solution, Chaviva hired a woman just to cook the children a hot & satisfying meal, but the children complained that they "didn't like the food."

"No problem," said their mother. "Then we'll start eating a hot meal in the evening hours."

​And that's what they did.

When Liat turned 13, her parents sought to establish a village for special-needs religious teenagers, but they soon discovered that many parents felt reluctant about sending their children to Kiryat Arba — a place that still demands heightened security due to political tensions. 

​So the Tzachors decided to establish a center to assist special-needs children and their families.

They called it Neve Avraham in honor of the loving-kindness exemplified by Avraham Avinu.

Mina joined the venture and has worked there for 29 years so far.

Chaviva retired from running the center around the time her husband passed away, and Mina has been running it on her own ever since.

The center assists around 350 children a year and serves all the surrounding communities.

"Our motto," says Mina, "is to believe in every single one of the children and to know that the sky is the only limit."

Mina asserts that the proof of their method lies with Liat. 

"In the merit that she lives with us, and always hears talking, laughing, and a natural life in which everyone is always hugging her endlessly and investing in her so much, she has mamesh progressed. Today, she's labelled as 'severely retarded' and not 'profoundly retarded' — and that is a significant difference."

Mina concludes, "We invest everything we have in every single one of the children at the center. And we are confident that with love and faith, everyone can develop beyond all expectations."

Chaviva never lost her hope for Liat's progress.

People around the Tzachor family felt bad for them and encouraged them to return Liat. "It's a mekach ta'ut," they remarked to Chaviva & Moshe Tzvi, referring to a situation in halacha in which making an acquisition under false pretenses nullifies that acquisition.

Another evaluation was given over like this: "Do neither of you understand that she's not only blind, but also retarded with severe disabilities?"

Needless to say, Chaviva & Tzvi Moshe refused to even consider returning Liat.

She was their daughter through and through.

Even today, with Liat unable to see, communicate, or even walk (she moves around the house on her knees), Chaviva holds on to the hope that Liat will still improve.

"The hope that Liat will advance still beats within me until today," says Chaviva. "I'm sure that the day will come when Liat will succeed in speaking and communicating with all of us. HaKadosh Baruch Hu is Great and He can do anything. I believe that every child needs one adult who will believe in him. It's true that Liat is already 44 years old, but as far as I'm concerned, she continues to be my little girl."

​Hashem rewarded Chaviva for her emunah.

On Chaviva's 78th birthday, Liat said "Ima" (Mommy) for the first time.

​Now Liat says it all the time & it's the first word on her lips when she wakes up in the morning.

Liat also says the name of her big sister: "Mina-Mina-Mina."

"​The truth is," says Chaviva, "that in recent years — despite it seeming unreal and impossible — Liat is actually making progress. Since my husband passed away 4 years ago, I feel like he's functioning as a Heavenly resource. She shows us a lot more emotion, she hugs me all the time, and always wants to sit with me. She also really enjoys music. When we play songs by Avraham Fried, we see how she delighted she gets."

When asked about everything she has been forced to give up for Liat, Chaviva acknowledges that since adopting Liat, they haven't lived according to the norms of society.

For example, when Liat was younger, Chaviva and Tzvi Moshe couldn't attend family simchas together because a responsible adult always needed to be with Liat. Instead, they took turns going to family simchas.

Even now, with her husband's passing making Chaviva Liat's sole caretaker, Chaviva doesn't feel like she's missing much by not living the social life of other women her age.

"When I don't feel good or something," says Chaviva, "my children come to my aid."

All the other children are married with families of their own. But they're still there for their mother and sister whenever needed.

Ultimately, Chaviva sums up her feelings and also illuminates the real purpose of disabled people in our world (and also shows why they shouldn't be aborted or discarded):

"It's not only that we help her," says Chaviva. "But it's also that she helps us and educates all of us. In her merit, I developed patience for all my children. In her merit, my children became more sensitive toward others. And in her merit, a center was established that helps so many children.

"I thank Hashem every single day that He sent her to us. And I hope that her life will continue to be good, relaxed, and happy."

A recurring theme streaming throughout Tanach is the tremendous dedication to Am Yisrael demonstrated by even those rejected by Am Yisrael.

We see this with David Hamelech, Moshe Rabbeinu, Yosef Hatzaddik, Yirmiyahu HaNavi, Yiftach HaGiladi (Jephte of Gilad) and more.

Let's look at the saga of Yiftach (Shoftim/Judges 11:1-12:7), which also features in the Haftarah for Parshat Chukat.

Yiftach, like some other people in Tanach, did not start out from such noble stock.

Like Gidon, he was born into one of the smallest & least prestigious of the Tribes: Menashe.

Furthermore, his mother's status (which influences Yiftach's status) lacks propriety.

The Torah uses a term for her which could mean that she was a pundakeet (a woman who runs an inn — and while not forbidden, it's not a proper job for a bat Melech), or that she married out of her Tribe (again, not forbidden, but not the proper thing to do either), or that she was simply Gilad's pilegesh (concubine) — a woman permitted to him & faithful to him, but who is involved with him without the benefit of Kiddushin (marriage).

The truth is, none of these theories contradict each other, so she could have been all three.

Anyway, Yiftach's father, Gilad, also had an official wife. (I don't know whether Gilad's relationship with Yiftach's mother occurred before Gilad's proper marriage or during, though it sounds like before.)

At one point, Yiftach's half-brothers (from Gilad & Gilad's official wife) decided to banish Yiftach from their entire community.

Declaring they didn't want Yiftach inheriting with them from Gilad, they chased him out by force.

And the elders of that area supported the actions of Yiftach's half-brothers. 

Let's stop here for a moment and examine what happened to Yiftach here.

According to halacha, Yiftach had every right to inherit his father.

After all, the son of a pilegesh is still a son.

The pilegesh is wholly faithful to her man; there is no doubt as to who is the father of her child.

Yet even if the Yiftach's half-brothers didn't know this halacha, the elders certainly did!

Furthermore, the half-brothers chased out Yiftach with a great deal of force, say the commentaries. Described as a gibbur chayil later chosen to lead the battle against the powerful Ammonites, Yiftach must have been both physically imposing and a skillful combatant. 

I don't know whether he physically fought back against his half-brothers, but the commentaries say they chased him out aggressively (maybe they took a strong offensive due to his size & skill, even if he didn't end up fighting back).

This is very serious because you have extremely aggressive and halachically wrong actions...supported by not only by Yiftach's own Tribe — but by the elders of his own community within that Tribe (which was also called Gilad, like his father).

And Yiftach was all on his own. He had no other full sibling, nor do the text or commentaries mention other family members.

This all sounds profoundly traumatic.

And indeed, Yiftach ends up in a land called "Tov," where he hangs out with do-nothings.

But he also ends up as their leader; they willingly follow him.

And he apparently enjoys the good life in the land of Tov.

Yet Yiftach's physical prowess & charisma don't go unnoticed by his Tribe.

At one point, the same elders of Gilad make their way to the land of Tov and approach Yiftach with an offer: They want him to fight the powerful Ammonite nation on their behalf.

​They immediately offer him chiefdom before even stating their request.

But Yiftach reminds them how they hate him and drove him out from his father's house:

"And why have you come to me now when you're in distress?" 

The elders don't even try to play games with him. (You know, like, "Oh, but Yiftach our brother, YOU didn't understand...it was all a big misunderstanding!" or "Oh, are you still upset over THAT? C'mon, you're bigger than that..." or "Look, no one could be completely sure about your paternity, so you gotta understand this was the only way.")

Instead, the elders basically say, "Yeah, that IS why we've come now. Exactly. Now, come on; let's get going with this conquest."

But Yiftach has one more stipulation: If Hashem delivers the Ammonites into Yiftach's hand, Yiftach wants to be more than a military chief; he wants to be their leader.

They agree.

So Yiftach travels back with them to Gilad and he rejoins his birthplace and his people.

​And he also maintains his connection with Hashem. (He doesn't move forward without praying first.)

The story of Yiftach continues with tremendous victory in battle & successful leadership, but also personal tragedy.

​Yet all in all, Yiftach who was an am ha'aretz of ignoble birth (and his ending is so great either), merited not only to become a Shofet, but also merited an entire chapter about him in Tanach. 

Not all the Shoftim earned more than a brief mention.

Furthermore, when he needed it for his role as Judge, ruach hakodesh rested upon him.

So what's behind the success of Yiftach, who was prioritized by Chazal as the LEAST of the Shoftim?

So it's like this:

Yiftach could have told the elders to go jump.

Yes, he could have. 

Yiftach was enjoying the good life in Tov with his band of merry men.

He didn't need to be affected by an Ammonite invasion of Menashe.

Also, if Menashe really found itself in trouble, other Tribes could come to the rescue (as they did).

Furthermore, Yiftach was a religious person. Not a scholarly one, but a religious one. (Everyone was religious back then.)

If the people merited it & Hashem wanted them to win, so they would.

Simple as that.

Finally, couldn't Yiftach gloat in the persecution of Menashe?

"Oho!" he could have said with the smuggest of smirks. "Now you're on the other side of the stick. How does it feel, eh? You know what? You had your chance. You could've stepped up to plate when I was down for the count, but you didn't. You made your bed — so go lie in it and leave me the heck alone."

And then he could have cheered on the Ammonites. ("Stick it to 'em! Yeeeeah!")

He really didn't have to care. 

Also, he was already a successful leader in Tov. What did he need the prestige of Tribal leadership for? For what did he need the responsibility of people who'd treated him so badly and seemed not to like him at all?

But not only did Yiftach did step up to bat...he performed marvelously.

He saved his Tribe and then as their leader, he was a good & honest Judge.

In other words: not one smidgen of retaliation.

He consistently behaved with goodness & fairness to the same people who had so badly hurt and rejected him.

And Yiftach was always whole with Hashem. Whether he was living as the unwanted brother in Gilad or cruising as the leader of empty-headed men in Tov or presiding over Am Yisrael as a Shofet, Yiftach held on to his emunah. 

Ultimately, Yiftach was loyal.

​Despite everything, Yiftach maintained loyalty to Hashem and thus, loyalty to his Tribe.

​He was there for them when they really needed him.

​And that's the example to learn from.

Certainly, in both halacha & Tanach, we find situations when we must be tough with others.

​But in general, we're supposed to know that Hashem is behind everything and not take stuff personally.

We are supposed to overcome our pain and do the right thing no matter what.

Rav Avigdor Miller has stressed that love of our fellows must emanate from a love of Hashem — and that's what happened with Yiftach.

The text mentions how he prayed and spoke to Hashem.

Yiftach was able to overcome his trauma and preside with good grace over the same people who'd hurt him so badly because of his emunah.

As the Pele Yoetz reiterates throughout, a rodef shalom is only made when peace flees a person and he must pursue it.

If the peace stays serenely with a person, then there is no need to pursue it and thus, such a person cannot be a pursuer of peace.

Likewise, the Pele Yoetz also asks rhetorically whether a man can be praised for his good behavior if his household is pleasant & accommodating.

If his wife, children, and household staff always behave with him pleasantly & accommodatingly, says the Pele Yoetz, then what's the big deal for him to be Mr. Nicey-Nice in return?

Where's the challenge? Of course he's nice to such nice people!

But, says the Pele Yoetz, if his wife his difficult and his family & household staff try his patience, then a man who behaves pleasantly to such people — HE deserves praise! He's the winner.

​That's real middot.

Another important facet needs to be addressed here.

Unfortunately, Jew-disdainers look to magnify scenarios like the above as examples of those "bad Jews" in Tanach and why Hashem rejected the Jews (chas v'shalom) in favor of believers in the gospels.

And sometimes unthinking Jews themselves wonder what there is to be proud of when we have ancestors who behaved like Yiftach's half-brothers & the elders of Gilad.

(There's a LOT to be proud of! So many of our ancestors did magnificently wonderful things!)

So again, to reiterate the point of the Pele Yoetz: Being really nice to people who are really nice to you does NOT mean you are a nice person. 

It could mean that, but it doesn't have to.

After all, being surrounded by pleasant & accommodating people does not incite you into behaving not-nice.

Therefore, if you want to be a truly good person, then you need to behave with integrity & love in situations when you are being treated UNfairly & UNlovingly & UNpleasantly.

This means that Hashem must put you in such situations.

In other words: To be the kind of person who responds to darkness with illumination, you must be placed in a dark room.

Your light can never be seen in the brightness of the noonday sun.

In order to see your light, there needs to be darkness.

And that's why these persecutions of very good & innocent people needed to happen.

These persecutions do not reflect on Am Yisrael as a whole.

These people NEEDED for them to happen. So Hashem activated these events.

One final piece of food for thought:

We see that behaving with love & integrity & emunah in the face of terrible rejection is the cornerstone for true greatness and also for Mashiach (Ruth, King David, and Leah Imeinu were all terribly rejected at some point.)

But the opposite is also true.

In the infamous story of Kamtza & Bar Kamtza, Bar Kamtza found himself faced with terrible rejection & humiliation — rejection & humiliation that occurred with the seeming agreement of the great rabbis seated there.

It was a much lighter version of what happened to Yiftach and others.

Yet was was Bar Kamtzah's reaction?

SEETHING HATRED. REVENGE. RETALIATION. 

Bar Kamtzah actively sought to hurt the people who hurt him — and he involved a powerful enemy nation in order to execute his plan.

It was the exact opposite of how our greatest people responded to pain & rejection...

...and it led to the Destruction of the Second Beit Hamikdash, which still remains desolate 2000 years later.

So we see here that taking the low road in response to rejection & pain leads to terrible destruction of everything we cherish most.

Yet we also see that taking the higher road in response to rejection & pain leads to the highest levels of human achievement: nevuah (prophecy), ruach kodesh (a lower level of prophecy), and Mashiach.

So we see that our response to pain, rejection, betrayal, persecution, and unfairness holds the key to our own personal greatness & National success...or not.

Related posts:

• The Tragic Story of Kamtza & Bar Kamtzah
• Loneliness & Rejection as Aspects of Mashiach​
• Who is a Real Rodef Shalom?
• The Overlooked Prophetess: Chana
• ​The #1 Path to True Greatness & Achieving Your Absolute Best: Rejection, Isolation, and Being Quashed
• ​What Tanach Teaches Us about Responding to Rejection & Persecution

Hashem meets each person at his or her own level:
​

​It's amazing to see where even baby steps can take a person.

​For example...

After over 20 years of child-bearing and enduring difficult births (for which even an epidural didn't always work as it should) followed by a colicky baby who cried & spit up copiously for months, a friend of mine decided to try what she read in a frum book:

Hashem can do ANYTHING — so acknowledge this, and then just ask.

My friend is frum from birth, but raised by parents of high scholastic intelligence who possessed a shallow ideas of middot & closeness with Hashem (and who thus engaged in a lot of poor parenting).

So while my friend is very frum & committed, she always lacked the inner lushness that involves the heart.

Due to her experiences, it's hard for her to relate to Hashem as a Kind & Compassionate Father.

Perceiving Him as unpredictable & scary, she always preferred to keep Him at arm's length.

But this time, she decided to try this baby-step toward emunah and said:

"Okay, Hashem, You can do anything. You can give me an easy birth and give me a calm baby."

She said this a lot throughout her pregnancy, but not every day. And maybe not even every week.

"I didn't always believe it," she acknowledged. "A lot of times, I didn't even say it with such conviction. I still felt skeptical, but I thought that if this is the right thing to do, if this how we're supposed to be, then why not try it?"

She experienced the easiest birth ever with a stay in the hospital that seemed custom-made for her needs (VERY unusual).

Her baby is serene & healthy, only crying if she needs a diaper-change, food, or sleep.

My friend still can't believe it worked.

But clearly, Hashem understands how hard it is for her to connect to Him based on her upbringing.

So when she just made half-hearted baby steps in His direction, He pulled her all the way through, which hopefully has given her the necessary encouragement to continue moving forward in this direction.

Another friend worried over her son, who sank deeper & deeper into the motorcycle culture.

He invested large chunks of his salary in things like:

• a protective suit made of 100% kangaroo leather (which cost over a thousand shekels)
• state-of-the-art helmets (yes, more than one)
• a state-of-the-art motorcycle
• spiffy decals & accessories

...and spending entire days at a motorcycle track where he merely zoomed around & practiced risky stunts.

He started hanging out with the other young men there who were also obsessed with motorcycle culture.

The noise of the motorcycle could be heard from blocks away before he even arrived home, and he wouldn't use a muffler despite being informed that the motor bothered both his parents and his neighbors in the middle of the night (though if it was after 10 PM, he agreed to roll the motorcycle out several yards away from the building to rev up the motorcycle away from the open windows of his neighbors — but it was still a noisy event.)

His mother decided to follow the advice of Rav Shalom Arush:

​Spend 10 minutes a day speaking to Hashem about your child.

Pour out your heart & beg Hashem for a change in your child...for 10 minutes.

My friend started doing this, though she admitted she found it difficult to spend those 10 minutes on him alone because it turned into a by-rote "Please Hashem, may my son do true teshuvah," which made it hard for her to maintain heartfelt communication with Him.

So she decided to include her other children in those 10 minutes, but she made sure to ask Hashem to extract her son from the motorcycle culture WITHOUT harming him in any way, and also to turn him toward good things, including Torah study.

She also confessed that she missed a day here and there, even though it was only 10 minutes.

(This resistance is a very powerful & pervasive yetzer hara in our generation. Please know that you earn incredible merit for even trying to overcome this.)

After a week of doing 10 minute sessions (including a missed day), her son told her that a piece became dislodged from the motorcycle while he was zooming down a highway, but he caught the piece as it came out and it didn't harm the operation of the motorcycle.

However, he needed to send the motorcycle out for repairs and everyone got a few days of quiet.

His mother thanked Hashem for that, both that the motorcycle was out of commission and also that her son was not harmed in any way.

And she kept on going with the 10 minutes a day (minus another day that she missed).

The motorcycle came back and after another week (minus the day she missed), her son decided to ride with a friend to spend Shavuot & Shabbat with secular friends (who don't keep Shabbat or kashrut).

On the way to their destination, her son made the irrational decision to take a well-known dangerous curve at a high speed.

Several bikers have lost their lives at this curve, while others suffered long-term debilitating injuries.

Despite knowing this and generally being smart enough not to take such risks, he headed into the curve at high speed, then went into a skid.

Propelled from the motorcycle, Hashem gave him the split-second presence of mind to "grab the street" to avoid slamming into the guard rail (which was the source of death & debilitation for previous bikers).

​He still knocked into it, but not dangerously so.

Then he discovered he could not breathe. His riding partner had called an ambulance and tried to help him in the meantime, but no luck.

Right then, a car full of doctors on their way to work in a hospital "happened" to pass by and stopped to help.  

My friend's son passed out while the doctors worked on him. He came to as he was being loaded into the ambulance.

His pricey super-cool kangaroo-leather outfit was irreparably cut away from his body so the staff could work on him.

He spent Shavuot & Shabbat in the hospital eating kosher food.

​Fortunately, a rabbi with whom he was close lived nearby and came to spend time with him, which included learning Tanya together.

Ultimately, he bruised his tailbone and scraped one of his hands, but was otherwise unhurt. No fracture, no breaks, no sprains, no inner organ damage, no gashes...just some bruising that made him walk funny for a week.

​He declared himself finished with motorcycles & the whole accompanying culture, and looked toward getting back to work and buying a car instead.

All this happened after 2 weeks of a mother's heartfelt tefillah.

Not even the whole 10 minutes on just this child, and not even every day.

In other words, it wasn't perfect tefillah and it wasn't by the book (i.e., she didn't spend the whole 10 minutes on just that child).

But those regular minutes she invested in tefillah were truly heartfelt.

(Also, she said that, to be honest, she thinks the neighbors were also davening for an end to the whole motorcycle mania, so maybe it wasn't just her efforts.)

And yes, he got hurt the second time, but not badly.

As you can see, there was a lot of siyata d'Shmaya in his accident (including being saved from spending a couple of very holy days with people who would profane those days).

​Baby steps.

Needless to say, the above results do not ALWAYS happen.

I think we all know people (including ourselves) who davened & begged for years about a certain issue, and the answer was (and maybe still is) "Nope."

But we've also seen in our own lives how much Hashem has said "YES!"

In his masterpiece, Pele Yoetz, Rav Eliezer Papo encourages a person in an anguishingly impossible situation to turn to Hashem and pour his or her heart out daily to the Creator.

​And as a result, says Rav Papo, "ulai yechanen Hashem — perhaps Hashem will show favor & compassion."

The Rav Papo was a tremendous tzaddik who doesn't lie to us.

Tefillah WORKS.

Tefillah can also work miracles.

But at the end of the day, we do not know what trials our soul must endure for its own rectification.

Only Hashem knows what we really need.

Yet it is still so incredibly worth investing in turning to Hashem directly, as a vulnerable child does to a loving parent and as a person turns to his or her best friend in the world, a BFF who is All-Powerful, Truly Loving & Compassionate, and Forgiving...

​...a BFF who truly wants to help you and CAN help you.

We can't know what the ultimate answer will be.

But focusing on true stories like the above can encourage us to at least try.

Fumbling...bumbling...unsure baby steps in the right direction?

Many times, that's all we need to merit Hashem reaching out to us and pulling us in the rest of the way.

If you read Sefer Yirmiyahu (Jeremiah), you see what an incredible ohev Yisrael (lover of the Jewish people) this Navi (Prophet) was.

Despite not only rejection, but outright persecution, Yirmiyahu HaNavi never stopped loving his fellow Jews with all his heart & soul.

This fact first knocked me between the eyes when I read the first volume of Am Olam: The History of the Eternal Nation by Rav Shlomo Rottenberg. 

Wishing to deepen my connection with the Destruction of the First Beit Hamikdash by the Babylonians (much discussion focuses either on the second Destruction by the Romans or on the Holocaust), I read the account in Am Olam. 

Am Olam is very special because it takes commentaries & midrashim, plus the basic text, and presents it as a woven narrative.

​And in this way, it brings Yirmiyahu HaNavi's awesome ahavat Yisrael to fore.

What a beautiful, beautiful Jew he was!

The thing is that without the terrible rejection, Yirmiyahu HaNavi would never have had the opportunity to develop and display his ahavat Yisrael to the awe-inspiring level that he did.

And this is a big lesson for even the smallest person.

Painfully & dismayingly, undergoing rejection seems to be part & parcel of the road to true greatness.

The stunningly holiest people to ever exist endured profound & enduring rejection (including by their own people and even by their closest family members):

• Avraham Avinu (his parents & society)
• Yaakov Avinu (his own twin brother)
• Leah Imeinu (she was the lesser-loved wife)
• Yosef Hatzaddik (his own highly regarded brothers, plus his Egyptian masters later)
• Moshe Rabbeinu (too much rejection in too many to summarize here)
• Ruth (Naomi attempted to lovingly reject her & Ruth was not immediately accepted by Bnei Yisrael; as a Moavite, she also looked physically different & stood out in a not-good way to all those who hated the Moavim with good reason)
• David Hamelech (repeated rejection since birth followed by active persecution, all based on misunderstandings & the bad middot of others)
• Chana, Mother of Shmuel (her co-wife tormented her – albeit with helpful intentions – and Eli HaCohen initially chastised her as a lush & tried to evict her from her place of prayer, plus Hashem initially did not give her what she requested all those years)
• Rebbi Akiva (his father-in-law & various other people)
• Hillel HaZaken (initially rejected by the usher who wouldn't allow him into the study hall without payment, leading him to go on the roof & get covered with snow before they discovered & rescued him) 

The list goes on.

​Yet all these people became so great.

They produced achievements that no one else ever has.

They achieved success in ways that no other human being ever has.

They became the examples to emulate for eternity.

Could they have achieved what they did and became the kind of people they did without rejection?

Never.

The Pele Yoetz emphasizes the greatness of pursuing peace.

He emphasizes that it's no big deal to deal peacefully with nice, patient, acquiescent, peaceable people.

Exactly!

If you truly desire life and love days to see goodness and wish to be as the disciples of Aharon HaKohen, you must PURSUE peace — and that implies situations in which peace is elusive; it's fleeing from you like a young buck before hunting dogs. 

As he notes, Tehillim (Psalms) 34:15 doesn't exhort us to enjoy peace or stroll along with peace or to luxuriate in peace — it exhorts us to seek peace, to demand peace, and to pursue peace.

Sometimes, we need race after peace and tackle it, grasping on to it with all our might.

In all the above situations, each of those tzaddikim needed to wrestle with how to deal with people (and even entire groups) who not only rejected them, but sometimes even wished to actively destroy them.

Different people & different situations called for different strategies.

It depends.

But each one faced an inner struggle: To remain close to Hashem, to resist forbidden vengeance & hatred, to use the rejection as hints to what they needed to rectify within themselves, to maintain inner equilibrium despite all the pain.

To resist despair & cling to hope.

Please note that the response of our rejected & persecuted great ones did not include denial, whitewashing bad behavior (AKA chanifah), tossing God & His Torah to the curb, immersion in escapist activities, or taking out their pain by lashing out at others or conversely, falling into a state of numbness & apathy.

And sometimes, you can't make peace with another person; you can only make the peace within yourself. (Some people are that bad.)

Also, contrary to what some modern-day people advise you, you DON'T need to spend gobs of time with difficult people. That's not what ahavat Yisrael & rodef shalom demands.

In fact, Orchot Tzaddikim, Pele Yoetz (and most everyone else) davka warn AGAINST associating with people with lesser middot and recommend association with very fine people in order to be influenced properly.

And you don't need to deny the obvious.

For example, Yirmiyahu HaNavi was VERY well-aware of Am Yisrael's flaws.

​No denial or whitewashing with Yirmiyahu.

He was a Navi! His entire job was to rebuke Am Yisrael on behalf of Hashem, which meant that he knew their flaws & sins even better than they did themselves. (After all, he heard all the dirt straight from Hashem Himself.)

He knew exactly where they erred and how wrong they were.

Yet he loved them profoundly & unconditionally.

Also, Chana was very close to Hashem, yet she still found Penina's behavior very painful, even though Penina meant well.

​Because despite Chana's emunah and Penina's good intentions, the behavior still HURT.

​It helps a lot to know that rejection is from Hashem AND it is part of the process of making a person GREAT.

As evidenced repeatedly throughout Tanach and post-Tanach history, it appears that it is impossible to reach the highest levels of holiness and righteousness WITHOUT EXPERIENCING REJECTION & PERSECUTION INCLUDING BY YOUR OWN FELLOWS.

Unfortunately, today a person feeling rejected is often guided toward 2 options:

• They are blamed for the rejection & persecution (i.e., abuse).

This might contain truth to it, depending. Some people behave in ways that make them difficult to like.

But even if their behavior is so off-putting, the bigger picture of Hashem placing them in that situation and imbuing them with off-putting traits needs to be addressed.

After all, in contrast, there are people with very bad middot who maintain a lot of popularity in society. Some dysfunctional people even merit what are known as "flying monkeys" — friends & relatives who defend the dysfunctional behavior no matter what & actively enable the behavior to continue.

So wholesale blaming for rejection isn't the deeper solution.

In fact, if it's not the person's fault, blaming them is a very cruel & destructive response.

These situations are often deeper & more complex than oversimplistic bibbity-bobbity-boo responses imply.

• They are encouraged to blame others.

They are encouraged to feel even more outraged & offended.

They are encouraged to despise entire groups whom they associate with whoever rejected them.

They are encouraged to see themselves as wholly innocent victims with no facilitation of inner growth or self-introspection.

They often blame Hashem, feeling like He deceived or rejected them somehow.

Much of this is followed by extreme bitterness & self-pity, plus unbridled lashon hara (often portrayed as l'to'elet — for a useful benefit — or as an act of courage, but rarely produces any benefit whatsoever).

Yet the above 2 responses are not what we see in our tzaddikim who experienced profound & enduring rejection & persecution.

They wrestled with rejection & persecution on the deeper levels.

You can really see this dynamic in David Hamelech's Tehillim.​

​I'm not saying I'm on their exalted level myself. (I'm not at all.) 

But it's helpful to look toward our "experts" in dealing with rejection and persecution and see the honesty they used to face themselves and their very real pain (which they did not deny or medicate), their emunah, their relationship with Hashem, and their own inner work, plus the strategies they used to deal with a variety of different situations.

​And mostly to know that rejection is not actually rejection at the higher levels...it's actually an act of being chosen by Hashem for true greatness.

In other words, you're actually not being rejected. You're being selected for greatness.

It doesn't feel that way. It REALLY doesn't feel that way!

But it is.

Related posts referred to above:

• Loneliness & Rejection as Aspects of Mashiach
• ​The #1 Path to True Greatness & Achieving Your Absolute Best: Rejection, Isolation, and Being Quashed
• Who is a Real Rodef Shalom? (from the Pele Yoetz)

There's a woman in our shul who came with her family from Iran when she was around 5.

She always struck me as a profoundly spiritual & modest person. She emanates serenity & intelligence, and she loves davening in the beit hakenesset.

I saw her in shul with her teenage & preteen daughters, and their body language as they followed the davening showed that they also absorbed their mother's appreciation of davening in shul.

It was beautiful to see them cradled over their siddurim without raising their eyes from the page. No sideways glances, no elbowing & gesturing & smiling, no whispering...just immersion in tefillah.

Another time, I got an important mussar lesson when observing how this mother responds to people who lack her level of derech eretz & reverence for the shul tefillah.

During the reading of Megillat Esther one year, an elderly Iranian lady sat next to this mother. (They aren't related.) Due to leaving Iran for America in her fifties and then to Eretz Yisrael more recently, this elderly Iranian lady never learned English or Hebrew very well, and understandably prefers to speak in Farsi if she possibly can.

Because the Iranian mother knows Farsi well, the elderly lady understandably likes speaking to her.

During the Megillah-reading, the elderly lady leaned over to the Iranian mother to make a few remarks.

This was very surprising because of the obligation to hear every single word of the Megillah, making absolute silence an imperative.

Also, people from the elderly lady's generation tend to display more reverence for these things because back in their old country (Iran, in this case), breaches in disrespect were not tolerated the way they are today. And those former communities behaved with such respect that people didn't really think to behave differently.

Anyway, the elderly lady shifted back into position and just stared ahead.

The Iranian mother turned her head to gaze at the elderly lady for a long moment with more sternness (not anger, but sternness) than I ever imagined she was capable of.

(Without knowing what the elderly lady said, it could be that part of the sternness related to inappropriate remarks, in addition to speaking when forbidden.)

The elderly lady did not notice.

The Iranian mother was clearly pondering how to handle this breach so it would not happen again.

It's not so straightforward because she cannot speak either, nor can she behave disrespectfully toward an elder.

That's when the Iranian mother rose with firm resolve, walked over to the curtained window of the mechitzah, and planted herself there for the rest of the reading.

This was an excellent resolution to the problem. No one can talk to her now!

And yes, her daughters were all observing this closely. What a beautiful example their mother set for them.

The whole family (with around 8 kids) exudes good middot. I knew the boys first because they went to school with my boys, and I was always impressed with their derech eretz. The older girls I also got to know a bit in shul and always admired their consideration and extra sensitivity toward others.

It's hard to imagine that this exceptionally refined & serene woman underwent a serious trauma as a child.

My children told me that when this Iranian mother left Iran with her family at the age of 5, she did so in a suitcase.

Distressingly, the escape did not go so well.

There was shooting & shouting, all of which she heard while trapped inside the suitcase.

She never spoke about it with the children; her husband (who is also an exceptionally fine person) told them. (She doesn't mind that he did that, but she just finds it too traumatic to relate it herself.)

I don't know exactly how the suitcase worked. Were there buckles or zippers? How dark or stuffy or roomy was it in there? Did she have a way to open it from the inside or was she dependent on someone knowing she was inside to set her free?

She feared she might be shot too or that everyone else would be killed, leaving her alone in the suitcase.

Obviously, she wasn't supposed to be in the group at all, hence the need to hide her in the suitcase. So if her presence was discovered, that was also a severe problem.

She couldn't get out, she couldn't move, and she couldn't even cry out.

​All she could do was listen to all the chaos around her & pray for the best.

Fortunately, her family survived the confrontation, she was not abandoned, and she was later released from the suitcase.

I think her parents were also exceptionally fine people and that she was raised very well, but I can't help thinking that the moments of terror inside the suitcase, her child's heart turning to Hashem in those moments, and then her eventual rescue might have a lot to do with her solid emunah & reverence.

She really does give the impression that she's absolutely knows Hashem is always with her and always watching and truly cares about her.

In other words, she behaves as if she is always in His Presence.

It was a horrific, traumatic experience. And maybe the trauma expresses itself in ways I haven't seen.

​But maybe it also defined for her how much Hashem is really there for her — always.

Reading the transcription of Rav Itamar Schwartz's lecture on fixing the desire for news got me thinking more about how much we don't actually know, which makes it nearly impossible to report events accurately.

As Rav Schwartz states toward the end:

Exactly.

Unfortunately, I have the same problem as a lot of people in that I desire to read the news. Yes, I've placed some strong fences around that desire (like basically limiting my reading to Hamodia and 1 or 2 other sources, and also try to limit it to once a day or even every other day).

​But I'm often not successful with checking the news only once a day or less and anyway, my ultimate goal is to wean myself off it completely (unless there is something I absolutely must know).

Reading what Rav Avigdor Miller & Rav Shimshon Dovid Pincus said about the news, plus what Rav Schwartz says has been very helpful.

Also, Rav Shalom Arush points out that much of the news isn't actually news, but predictions about what WILL happen; it's not even factual events, but fortune-telling.

And they are so often wrong.

Furthermore, because of the stubbornly rationalist perception of everything, underlying factors are not researched or acknowledged, even if a very obvious connection between a person's behavior and an outcome is plainly seen.

In fact, sometimes the people themselves, whether they're Jewish or not, state their belief that they or someone else was saved in the spiritual merit of a specific act or positive habit or simply "by the grace of God," yet that is never included in the rationalist investigation.

So let's look at 2 examples of success, which deeper research reveals underlying factors behind their achievements.​

​Several years ago, I found myself curious about why McDonald's was the premier fast food chain in America, and eventually spread throughout the world.

Why not Burger King or Wendy's?

Yeah, I understand that it's possible to track McDonald's success by Ray Kroc's driven intervention & eventual takeover, plus a number of steps taken by McDonald's that appealed to the public.

But the question is WHY? Why did McDonald's merit this intervention and these steps while no other chain did?

I wanted to investigate the underlying reason for McDonald's success — did Richard & Maurice McDonald have a special merit that enabled their widespread success?

So I read a thick biography of McDonald's and noted something very interesting...

One of the striking aspects of the McDonald's that opened in 1940 in San Bernadino, California, was its emphasis on tsniyus (dressing & behaving with dignity & modesty).

Despite the common impression of that era as prim, maybe even prudish, the drive-in restaurants of those times hosted a pretty wanton environment.

The young waitresses (called carhops because of how they hopped onto the outer step of a car to claim their customer) who served the drive-in customers (either on foot or on rollerskates) were often immodestly dressed and engaged in mutual flirting with the young male customers.

Some of these places had big windows in the kitchen and one account of these places recalled seeing the male cook & one of the female carhops shameless acting out their hormones right there in full view of anyone passing by the window, rather than tending to the meal orders.

Clearly, not a family-friendly place.

Richard & Maurice sought to change that.

So they forbade any hanky-panky between employees and employees & customers.

Also, they eliminated the carhops & the entire culture that accompanied the carhops, though they started hiring females again in the mid-Sixties (but as regular servers, not carhops).

Female employees needed to dress modestly, which included hair held back in a ponytail and no makeup.

This newfound spiritual hygiene combined with actual hygiene (McDonald's restaurants were also pretty clean) attracted young families looking for cheap, fast meals. 

It might seem like a stretch to say that the institution of appropriate behavior and dress led to McDonald's astounding success, but we are constantly reminded throughout Tanach how much Hashem really hates licentious behavior and also, the prohibition against gilui arayot is one of the 7 mitzvot of Bnei Noach for non-Jews.

Furthermore, Rav Avigdor Miller postulated (can't remember where) that the economic success of several Arab countries is possibly related to its public emphasis on modest dress and behavior for both men and women. They also don't allow toeva.

Yes, we all know what goes on there behind closed doors, but the facts are that walking down the streets in most Arab countries is spiritually safer than almost anywhere else. 

Likewise, this could also be true for McDonald's, hence its spectacular success.

Yet that won't be emphasized when examining McDonald's history of success; you'll mostly hear about Ray Kroc (who emphasized the modesty of female employees).

But I believe the really truth behind McDonald's success is its attention to tsniyut.

The last survivor off the Titanic was a drunk cook named Charles Joughin (pronounced "jockin").

His descent off the Titanic was far smoother than most, plus he was in below freezing (28°F/-2°C) water for at least 2-3 hours (probably 4), a temperature that should have rendered him unconscious within 15 minutes and killed him within 45 minutes.

According to some reports (like that of John "Jack" Thayer), the Titanic passengers in the water ceased screaming with 30 minutes (survivor Lawrence Beesley said it was 40 minutes), including those saved from drowning by the life vest they wore.

It was simply too cold.

Furthermore, Joughin was short & drunk, 2 factors which increase the effects of hypothermia.

Initially, investigators thought that Joughin's drunkenness kept his body warm enough to survive.

Even today, theorists see-saw about this.

Apparently, low to moderate amounts of alcohol increase hypothermia.

But large amounts can reduce it. Sometimes.

Alcohol draws body heat away from vital organs to the extremities, yet one theorist suggested that the shock of the freezing water tightened Joughin's blood vessels so that his body heat remained in the vital organs.

This is a real stretch, however, because it still cannot explain how Joughin survived hours in below-freezing water, and then another couple of hours in a boat in cold air while wearing freezing wet clothes.

It also doesn't explain the only harm Joughin suffered from his ordeal: swollen feet.

Rationalists try to rationalize Joughin's survival by saying he wasn't actually in the water for as long as estimated, but that doesn't pare up with the Joughin's account of treading water until daybreak, upon when he was able to see the upturned boat (whose men were also in the water holding onto it, of whom some died from the cold) and only later was transferred to another boat, whose passengers hauled him in.

Let's see:

The Titanic went down at 2:20AM, daybreak was around 4:15-5:40 (depending if he meant literal daybreak with enough light to see or actual sunrise), and Boat 12 only hauled in Joughin at around 6:30AM.

Then he was sitting in wet freezing clothes in freezing air until the Carpathia came to rescue the survivors around 4:00AM, but it took over 4 hours to collect all the survivors and Boat 12 with Joughin was only collected at around 8:30AM — the last lifeboat rescued.

UPDATE: In the official inquiry, Joughin said that upon going back to his room, he saw flooding which covered his feet up to his ankles. This means that even before he entered the ocean, his feet were soaked with freezing water and he also spent a lot of time outside in freezing weather BEFORE getting his whole body in the water — which adds to his miraculous survival because his feet weren't in good shape, temperature-wise, even before the ship sank.

Again, many have tried to explain Joughin's survival with logical explanations that actually make no sense.

​Here are some of the illogical explanations:
​

• Joughin wasn't as drunk as he claimed.
• Joughin was overweight.
• Joughin wasn't in the water as long as he claimed.
• Joughin's head didn't get wet (or only "barely wetted").
• Joughin was moving a lot in the water, which kept his body heat up.

However:

• In 32.5°F/0.3°C water, hypothermia causes unconsciousness in less than 15 minutes, with a maximum survival time of only 45 minutes.

The water around the Titanic was even colder than that: 28°F/-2°C.

• Being moderately drunk can shorten that time, being very drunk may possibly extend that time, but being sober cannot extend that time.

However, it's absurd to say that survival time was extended by double or quadruple the time due to the generous alcohol in the system.

And again, 3-4 hours was the time Joughin spent in the water. He was also in boat in the open air for another 2 hours. 

Again, other people who spent only several minutes in the water died in the boats due to hypothermia.

The boat cannot be the factor that saved Joughin's life.

• Joughin was a stocky guy, but not seriously fat. And again, can even an obese person extend the expected survival time past 45 minutes? And even if obesity can extend survival, can obesity extend survival time to 3-4 hours? Anyway, he wasn't so fat.

 

• While only Joughin witnessed himself as the last survivor off the ship (which put him in the water around 2:20AM), the 25-30 men standing on the upturned Collapsible B (including Lightoller and a kitchen worker who held Joughin's hand while Joughin remained in the water) witnessed Joughin remaining in the water (estimated at 1-2 hours) until Joughin spotted Boat 12 and swam over to request rescue.

Again, just to emphasize: The ship went down at 2:20. Daybreak was at 4:15. Joughlin was in the water that entire time and we have 25-30 witnesses who not only saw him, but ALSO saw him still in the water for another 1-2 hours as he held on to their upturned collapsible.

• Even if you want to pinch the times (and claim that Joughin spotted Collapsible B at daybreak, not sunrise, and Boat 12 pulled him out of the water earlier than 6:30AM), no one can deny that Joughin was alive in freezing water for at least twice the time any study says he should have been. Really, the minimal time you can squeeze it down to is 2.5 hours (like if you say that Boat 12 arrived MUCH earlier than reported) and that is not realistic and doesn't match up with the reports, making such an estimate imaginary thinking.

 

• And regarding those who insist that his physical action kept him alive: Where is the evidence that swimming & treading can extend survival time hours past the 45 minute mark?

 

• Also, according to science, Joughin should have succumbed to unconsciousness within 15 minutes (which would prevent body heat produced by physical movement and also have prevented his own rescue, in which he took an active part).

The fact that he was able to direct his body in the right directions and hold onto things and speak is unbelievable.

So even if we postulate that physical movement extended his consciousness past 15 minutes, can it extend it for hours? Does it make any sense that he was able to maintain such a high degree of consciousness a minimum of 12 times beyond the documented limit? (And as indicated above, everything points to Joughin being in the water 4 hours — 16 times beyond the documented limit.)
​

• And finally: He didn't get his head wet. Seriously? That will extend both consciousness & life hours past the documented survival point?

I don't think so.

So we see that all the rationales quickly become irrational.

To gain some kind of understanding of Joughin's miraculous survival (including the fact that the group originally forbade Joughin from grabbing onto the collapsible, but fellow cook Isaac Maynard recognized Joughin & extended his hand and held onto Joughin as Joughin grasped the upturned collapsible while remaining in the water).

To garner at least some insight into both miraculous survival of Joughin in the water, plus the miraculous occurrences that saved him (Joughin's very smooth descent from the Titanic, Maynard "incidentally" on the collapsible and being willing to hold onto Joughin when Maynard's position was already precarious, plus the rendezvous with Boat 12 and their willingness to rescue Joughin, and more), we need to take a look at Joughin's behavior from the time the Titanic hit the iceberg until it sank. 

In other words, we need to look at what Joughin did before he ever hit the water.

Charles Joughin worked on the Titanic as Chief Baker with a staff of 13 bakers under his command.

Off-duty in his bunk when the ship hit the iceberg at 11:40PM, Joughin both felt the impact and immediately sought the reason for it.

Upon learning that the upper-deck officers were preparing the lifeboats for launching, Joughin immediately ordered his staff to supply all the rescue boats with loaves of bread — 40 pounds of bread per boat.

UPDATE: The lifeboats were already supplied with a type of sturdy bread they called biscuits, but of his own accord, Joughin sought to supply far more bread.

Seeing as the survivors were in the boats for several hours in freezing weather until rescue, these loaves of bread indeed assisted the survivors, granting them sustenance and much-need calories for body heat.

Joughin arrived to assist with the rescue boats around 12:30AM. There, he helped the other officers in filling Lifeboat 10 with women & children.

However, many women balked at entering the lifeboats.

Remember, the Titanic was considered unsinkable. Lifeboats were meant more for transferring passengers from a damaged ship to a rescue ship (which is why the Titanic held only enough lifeboats for half its passengers) rather than seaworthy vessels on their own.

Furthermore, the management of the lifeboats was clumsy, the sea was black, the night was dark, and the air was freezing.

And they had no idea of when they'd be rescued or if they'd be rescued. (How would they be found in the dark with no radio?)

Yet Joughin refused to give up. Instead, he ran down one deck lower to grab women & children and force them into the lifeboat.

This act saved several lives.

UPDATE: In the official inquiry, Joughin said that in addition to helping women & children into the lifeboat, he ran after and physically grabbed 2 mothers & 3 children and either handed or tossed them into the lifeboat, saving their lives.

Then Joughin was assigned as captain of that very Lifeboat 10, but refused to enter because there it was already manned by Titanic officers.

UPDATE: When asked by the inquiry why he didn't enter the lifeboat, especially since he had been assigned to it as captain, Joughin stated: "I would have set a bad example if I had jumped into the boat."

So Lifeboat 10 left without him.

In other words, he put others' lives before his own.

Then Joughin headed back to his bunk to drink what he officially claimed was half a tumbler of liqueur (not sure how much this is) and when he returned to Boat Deck, all the lifeboats were gone.

(By the way, "tumbler half-full of liqueur" was Joughin's testimony, however, I read that family of Joughin recall him saying that he downed copious amounts of vodka or whiskey, and then went back to the deck again.)

At that point, he threw around 50 folding chairs into the ocean to be used as flotation devices.

UPDATE: Originally, I thought Joughlin must have done it for others because he had a lifevest. But in the inquiry, he plainly admitted: "I was looking out for something for myself, Sir."

I do not know if the chairs actually helped anyone. In fact, it seems that it didn't. But the gesture certainly could have assisted others. He couldn't have used all 50 of them himself. (And as far as I know, he never even used one of them.)

​Thirsty, Joughin went to the pantry for water and was in the middle of drinking when he heard a crash, like the ship was buckling.

This was the Titanic starting to break in half.

And this is when a series of miracles occurred to keep Joughin alive until rescue.

Hurrying toward a crowd of people running toward the back (aft poop deck) of the Titanic, the Titanic suddenly heaved to the left, throwing everyone down away from the back deck of the ship.

Everyone — except for Joughin. ​

​As we know, the Titanic broke in two, with the back of the ship rising up to stand almost perpendicular to the water.

​As it rose, Joughin managed to climb to the top of it, then go over its backmost point so that he was outside the ship and holding onto its guardrail (which, because of the ship's position, meant that he was lying almost parallel to the ocean at the top).

At that point, the Titanic sank down in a motion Joughin later described as an elevator going down and then he entered the water so smoothly, he later said he did not get his head wet or perhaps his hair "may have been wetted, but no more."

At this point, Joughin should have been pulled down by the force of the ship going down (some of the people in the water were pulled down this way and some of the survivors were almost pulled down this way but escaped the suction somehow).

He also should have suffered from the freezing shock to his system, which usually causes people to freeze or suffer a heart attack.

​But he didn't. 

Instead, he treaded water for 2 hours until daybreak (around 4:15AM; sunrise was around 5:20-5:40AM), when he spotted Collapsible B, which was upturned with 25-30 men standing on it to keep it balanced.

This definitely should not have happened because hypothermia-induced confusion & unconsciousness occur within 15 minutes of immersion in freezing water.

Yet for a minimum of 2 hours (and possibly more), Joughin was lucid enough to make intelligent decisions and control his body.

There is also something called immersion-hypothermia, which can fatally shock the body for the first couple minutes upon hitting cold water, but let's say that perhaps the alcohol impaired immersion-hypothermia because Joughin said he didn't feel cold when he entered the water.

Anyway, Joughin headed for the upturned Collapsible B, but they initially told him there was no room.

(Indeed, the men were balanced precariously on the upturned collapsible.)

Fortunately, Isaac Maynard, one of the cooks working under Joughin recognized the Chief Baker and bent to hold one of Joughin's hands while Joughin's other hand held onto the edge of the upturned collapsible.

And...Joughin's body remained in the below-freezing water.

​Again, this is another miraculous "coincidence" that Joughin ended up close enough to the collapsible AND that someone who knew him AND was sympathetic to him recognized him AND was willing to risk his own precarious position to save Joughin.

Boat 12 came into view around 6:30AM, at which point Joughin swam over to request rescue AND they agreed to haul him in. (Several of the lifeboats could have initially rescued people in the water, but either the sailors or the passengers refused to allow it for fear of being swamped or capsizing the lifeboat.)

And even if that time is not completely accurate and, say, Boat 12 arrived before 6:30, Joughin is still in the water a perplexing long time (around 4 hours by this calculation) and still lucid — which he should not be — and still able to mentally reason & force his body to obey his will.

​This is simply not possible.

​Please also realize that Boat 12 was heavily overload with 69 people. Yet they agreed to squeeze in Joughin anyway, even though his cold, wet presence could only add to their misery — another miracle.

(The lifeboats had room for 40 sitting people or 65 standing people.)

I'm sure the body heat of the crowded boat warmed up Joughin some, but he was still in soaked freezing clothing in freezing weather in one of the last boats to be rescued by the Carpathia — around 8:15-8:30AM.

To compare, other people rescued from the water died in the lifeboat. People hanging on in the water to the upturned Collapsible B died from hypothermia. In another lifeboat which had taken on water, 2 people died from hypothermia because of their feet in freezing water.

At the time, Joughin himself and others felt that his alcoholic state saved his life. Certainly, it kept him from feeling cold, as he later described that he did not feel so cold in the water.

However, as explained above, further research of the effects of alcohol on hypothermia show that alcohol speeds hypothermia by directing heat away from vital organs & to the extremities.

Sometimes, copious amounts of alcohol seem to slow the effects of hypothermia, but again, not for so many hours.

Regardless, the water temperature alone should have prevented Joughin from surviving.

It should have also prevented him from thinking or functioning.

The fact that a series of miracles (other than the fact that he did not suffer hypothermia while soaked in below-freezing water for 3-4 hours) occurred from the time the Titanic split until his rescue by the Carpathia also needs to factored into his unbelievable story.​ 

Needless to say, several unknown factors still play a part.

We cannot know Joughin's past-life experiences which may have factored into his miraculous survival, nor do we know of other acts on his part or the part of his parents that factored into the Heavenly merit that saved him.

However, it all goes back to the original point that when documentaries and investigators delve into the the factors affecting disaster or survival, they cannot actually know why something happened, for better or for worse.

Of course, plane crashes and other disasters need to be investigated to prevent the derech-hateva causes from re-occurring.

But the idea that we can truly know is preposterous.

As Officer Charles Lightoller, another miracle survivor on the upturned Collapsible B who credited his survival to prayer & faith, said:

​Note — I always encourage people to do their own research. Feel free do conduct your own search with questions like:

• Do gloves help with coronavirus?
• How long does coronavirus live on surfaces?
• How long does coronavirus hang in the air?
• Can masks protect against coronavirus?

You'll see a wide variety of sources come up with scientific studies and (hopefully they really are) expert opinions, which state the same conclusions expressed in this post.

You may also get really frightened & overwhelmed reading all the contradictory statements & theories. (So maybe it's better not to.)

Also, all this is only based on current knowledge. Our knowledge & experience with coronavirus changes, sometimes daily. I think that's part of what's so frightening about it and why it might be better to read less about it, and listen to Torah shiurim (the non-scary ones) instead.

I wanted to revisit (again!) certain issues with coronavirus.

Again, I looked at current reports and what experts claim to know right now — with the awareness that it could all change.

(Heck, even the virus itself is mutating as we speak, although that's apparently normal in flu virus too: Coronavirus Has Small Mutations and Now Has 8 Strains, Doctors Say)

The current quarantines, including the strictest ones (like in Eretz Yisrael) cannot possibly prevent infection with such a contagious disease.

As confining as they are, they simply aren't strict enough to provide real quarantine.

At best, they can postpone infection for a while (whether that means an hour or a couple of weeks), but based on current reports, they are nonsensical.

Here's why:

The 6-Foot Requirement of Social Distancing

• Coronavirus can travel up to 13 feet. 
• A coronavirus sneeze or cough can shoot coronavirus 27 feet.
• Coronavirus hangs in the air for 30 minutes after the coronavirus source leaves.

(This means that if you are standing in line or walking behind an infected person, you will encounter their coronavirus germs hanging in the air even if you maintain a 6-foot distance — unless you wait 30 minutes before entering their space. And only if you enter a space you know no one stood for the past 30 minutes.)

Based on the above, please explain how maintaining a distance of only 6 feet from another person will protect against being infected by coronavirus.

Making Allowances for Essential Activities like Shopping

• Coronavirus has been detected on copper for up to four hours.
• ...on cardboard for up to 24 hours.
• ...on plastic & steel for up to 72 hours.

​
Please tell me how, for example, granting vulnerable people a special shopping hour just for them in the morning will protect them when the grocery carts, shelving, door handles, containers, cans, cash registers, and the checkout can host coronavirus for 3 days?

And on cardboard cartons for 24 hours?

Thou Shalt Wear a Mask

• There are different types of mask with different levels of effectiveness.
• Some masks allow viruses through.
• Most people either do not know how to wear a mask in the way that prevents the virus from escaping out the side or conversely, entering in the sides.
• Most people cannot tolerate the suffocating feeling of covering their mouth & nose (even improperly, but especially properly) for the amount of time it takes to conduct their essential activity (whether grocery shopping or work), rendering the mask less effective.
• Masks pick up germs. Even if they do not enter your nose or mouth, they are still there on the mask.
• Most people do not know how to remove a mask in a non-infecting manner.
• Some reports say coronavirus is transmittable through the eyes, which are not covered by a mask.
• Experts say rather than wear a mask, it's best just to avoid disease hot spots (Rav Avigdor Miller says this too.)

Based on the above, please explain to me how people wearing masks is supposed to effectively reduce their chance of catching or spreading the disease.

The truth is, if you interact with another person AND you are wearing the proper mask and wearing it properly, you do reduce the chance of infecting them (except, of course, for the eyeball possibility) and them infecting you. That's why doctors and nurses wear them.

Yet what happens is that most people do not wear them properly and even if they did, they go home and...then what?

Let's say there is coronavirus on the mask. Now what? How do you take it off without getting coronavirus on your fingers? Or in the air? And how do you dispose of it without affecting yourself or your family members?

Doctors & nurses know how to remove the mask. I don't. Do you? And if you do, how many others do you think know?

The other problem is getting people to follow rules, to wear the masks properly and dispose of them properly. Most people simply aren't inclined.

​Gloves

• Oh, those nice latex gloves — on which coronavirus can live for 8 hours.
• ​Unless you change or wash them frequently, what is the point?

Let's say a glove-wearer touches a metal grocery cart handle (on which coronavirus can survive around 3 days). 

Now there is coronavirus on the glove. And when the glove-wearer reaches for a can of peas only to accidentally knock the can next to it, coronavirus is transferred to that can.

Or maybe the glove-wearer places his possibly coronavirus-infected latex on a can of peas only to discover it is a can of asparagus, which he intends to return to the shelf as he continues his search for a can of peas.

Does he immediately rub down the asparagus can with alcohol?

Unlikely.

In general, experts say just to forget about the whole gloves thing altogether. Your hygiene will be much better with frequent & thorough hand-washing.

14-Day Quarantine

• At the beginning, no one knew how long a coronavirus quarantine needs to be. 14 days was a dumb & irresponsible idea. 30 days is a lot more logical when you don't know exactly what you're dealing with, and especially if you think it's highly contagious & dangerous.
• Case in point: Some incidents revealed an incubation period of 24 days.
• A great many people do not show any symptoms when infected with coronavirus (like my neighbor's teenage son), so being in apparent good health after 14 days is no indication.
• It's really not at all clear that testing positive for coronavirus confers immunity. There are some people who seem to have caught it twice, but that's not clear either.

Other issues:

• They don't even know how to treat it.

Theories abound, but they really don't know. In fact, this sobering new article pinpoints just how much they don't know. New insights are changing the way the treat it (which means they weren't treating it properly before, though they were trying to).

They don't even know if coronavirus infection confers immunity. It looks like it might not, but that hasn't been proven.

So this is all why I had fatalist attitude about it from the beginning.

After all, if it's so contagious and enduring, AND if a person can never receive immunity from it (meaning a person can just be re-infected again & again), then there is no way of ever protecting oneself against it.

Based on the known reported information at present, the only way to seriously hinder a coronavirus epidemic would be to both shut down & shut up everything for at least 40 days.

This means no allowing citizens from abroad to come home and no going out for any reason whatsoever.

Allow time for the virus to die on surfaces.

Allow time for people who are sick (whether they show symptoms or not) to recover & lose their contagiousness.

(40 days may not be enough to cover all cases. You may need 54 days just to be sure.)

You can imagine the desperate consequences this would bring and why it would not be possible to just impose it from the beginning.

For example, many people do not have enough food stored for 40 days. Baby formula, diapers, medication refills...

And what about people who fall seriously ill and need medical attention? Is there a sterile way to transport them the hospital during that time?

And what about when they get to the hospital? We've all heard how doctors & nurses are being infected one after the other.

So you see, a genuinely effective quarantine can't be put into effect without truly desperate consequences that may be worse than the disease itself (for most people).

But the big conundrum gained from looking at the numbers is that coronavirus simply isn't as deadly for the average person as all the media & government hysteria makes it out to be.

Yes, it does seem to be highly contagious.

But in a recent look into 3 New York hospitals at the condition of those who actually died from the infection, we see that:

• 57 percent had hypertension
• 41 percent were obese
• 34 percent had diabetes

If you do the math, it adds up to 132%, so it's safe to assume that some of these people suffered dual problems, like obesity AND diabetes, for example.

Again, the actual fatality rate is overwhelmingly in vulnerable people (whom we should help & protect).

Yet it's being promoted as similar to the Black Plague, Ebola, or the Spanish Flu.

This can actually cause more death because some places instituted a do-not-resuscitate order in place against mouth-to-mouth on the mere suspicion there might be coronavirus. 

People suffering potentially fatal illnesses have been & are being denied proper medical care in order to make way for coronavirus sufferers who haven't even arrived yet!

​Fear of coronavirus is already hampering efforts for first-responders to assist in natural disasters, because they're much more cautious how they help, say, tornado victims.

This would make sense in a Spanish Flu pandemic, but not in this current pandemic (based on the current information).

The other pandemics had a terribly high death rate. A lot of suffering also occurred during the illness (and not the no fever, no chills, no coughing, asymptomatic — like with many infected with coronavirus).

Oddly, the Spanish Flu was most likely to kill the strongest of society — young healthy men, making them the most vulnerable group back then.

(Some research indicates that treating Spanish Flu with aspirin exacerbated effects of that disease, and young men were more likely to be given higher doses of aspirin than, say, children. In other words, most doctors didn't know how to treat it properly — sort of like now.)

And I don't know about you, but I'm getting fed up with the overconfident declarations that contradict the previous overconfident declarations.

For example, "experts" initially declared, "Oh, coronavirus doesn't linger in the air; it drops down to the ground!"

Now reports are saying it actually hangs in the air for half an hour.

Initially, we were told that 6-foot social distancing protects from the disease.

But now reports say we actually need at least 13 feet.

Initially, we were told that a 14-day self-quarantine was the oh-so responsible thing to do, but then we discover that really, one should self-quarantine for at least 24 days.

Initially, experts declared that they had a test. Then they discovered their test put out false negatives.

But now, they say, they have a REAL test! 

Except that it's mutating and has already developed 8 different strains. But no worries — they have the "right" test for it!

It's so typical of modern science to say, "Oh, yeah, that previous idea was wrong, but NOW we REALLY know!"

And to say it again. And again. And again!

And initially, they were screaming, "BRING US VENTILATORS! WE NEED MORE VENTILATORS!"

And now they're scratching their heads and saying, "Well, gosh. A disturbingly large majority of people on ventilators still died. And the people most vulnerable to lung issues — asthmatics — aren't getting hit so hard with this virus. So maybe ventilators aren't where it's at. What gives?" (source)

They still don't know how to treat it. The malaria drug? Blood thinners? Ventilators? Doing the hokey-pokey?

(I've heard that a steady infusion of vitamin C is the best solution, but who knows if that's true either?)

Yet as described above, despite new knowledge, societies still impose requirements of 6-foot social distancing, masks, etc.

The only way to really make sense out of this is to look at it more spiritually.

And that's where our big rabbanim come in.

Initially, some of the biggest Israeli Gadolei Hador stated that minyanim should continue, as should yeshivot & schools. They declared this would protect us.

Not long after, they declared support of the quarantine strictures, and a lot of our most prized activities (davening in shul, weddings, learning Torah) either shut down or adapted into a different life form (holding minyanim from porches, etc.).

Are they wishy-washy?

Incapable of looking at the real statistics?

NO.

As already discussed on this blog and in so many other blogs, shiurim, magazines, and more, there are very obvious correlations with the shutdown to a lot of mitzvot & prohibitions.

As a result of the shutdowns, people needed to focus on the true essence of a Jewish wedding.

People needed to make do with a lot less.

Tsniyut (dressing & behaving with dignity), shemirat Shabbat, davening, and teshuvah all improved.

Crime plummeted.

A lot of social ills like theater-going, discotheques, and pop concerts fizzled out.

When we look to the metzora (a person suffering tzara'at from lashon hara), we see he needed to cover his face and keep away from others; he needed to call out in warning to others about himself, "Tamei, tamei — Impure, impure!" 

And now, most of us walk around outside like a metzora with a mask. We need to maintain a distance from others. And those that are sick do indeed need to tell their families, "I've been diagnosed with COVID-19. Don't come near me."

And like the metzora who lived in dilapidated conditions, many of us have had a dip in our finances and standard of living. 

For many people, Pesach was not conducted according to their usual standards. Without cleaning help, how could it be? Even now, some are forced to manage without their weekly help.

Anything in need of repair at home has been staying that way for many. You may not be able to get a plumber or electrician or repairman to your home right now.

Baruch Hashem, our rabbis have been emphasizing this correlation to the metzora.

Here is a letter from Rav Kanievsky about strengthening ourselves in the laws of speech to fight corona:
https://hamodia.com/2020/03/13/letter-harav-chaim-kanievsky-shlita-coronavirus/
(Sorry it's in Hebrew. Briefly, it mentions strengthening ourselves in lashon hara, rechilut [tale-bearing], the trait of humility, and foregoing honor & being "right" (ma'avir al middotav). Every person who strengthens him- or herself in the above will cultivate merit that will protect you and prevent you and all the members of your household from falling ill.

And Toras Avigdor put out a dvar Torah on Parshat Tazria-Metzora clearly delineating the plight of a metzora and what we are supposed to glean from this:
Parshas Tazria-Metzora 3: Returning to Normalcy

Those are just 2 examples. You've likely come across many more explanations & correlations of what's going on & how to respond spiritually.

But it's more than even that.

We are supposed to respect derech-hateva realities, like germs.

Hashem put them their, created their effects, and we are supposed respect the rules of basic cleanliness & hygiene, just like we look both ways before crossing the street (rather than just saying, "I have emuna!" and diving into a busy freeway.)

Likewise, our rabbis have been very strictly supporting quarantine rules, both for spiritual & for practical reasons (though they mostly emphasize the practical reasons).

For example, Toras Avigdor has published several transcripts of Rav Miller discussing germ precautions:

• Rav Avigdor Miller on Keeping Away From Germs
• Rav Avigdor Miller on Current Medical Theory 
• Rav Avigdor Miller on The Sun Kills Germs
• Rav Avigdor Miller on The Ebola Virus
• ​Rav Avigdor Miller on What Caused the Virus

A helpful reader also sent me an audio of Rav Miller discussing this topic.

I've also read that if there is a disease hot spot, it's a sign that Hashem does not want you there, even with all the pretty precautions.

In this case, in which there is no place that's NOT a corona hot spot (except for Antarctica, and I don't think Hashem's message is to make a beeline to the bottom of the planet), it's clear that Hashem doesn't want us out & about much.

Finally, there is a spiritual entity behind the disease, which we are supposed to avoid. 

Aside from germs, we don't wish to meet any mashchitim — destroyers.

​Rav Miller discusses this in Parshat Bo 3: Night of the Locked Doors.

He discusses this from page 1 of the PDF until page 8, but particularly on page 7, (though it's worth the reading the entire booklet to get the full message).

Furthermore, Rav Yehudah Petiyah goes into great detail about this phenomenon in his book Minchat Yehudah, which I plan to cover in a future post.

So despite feeling all fatalistic and "What is the whole darn point of it all?" regarding everything coming out about coronavirus and the feel-good not-terribly-effective measures, I listened to our Gadolim about it and stayed inside much more.

It's a combined physical & spiritual event, and needs to be responded to with combined physical & spiritual efforts.

The need for spiritual change cannot be over-emphasized.

A part of me is still waiting for things to go back to "normal," even though I know that's not realistic. But I think it's also normal to feel that way.

​Right now, Hashem has sent us a pandemic that, for the most part, is actually not so deadly and not even so torturous (again, for most people, not all). 

We receive the strictures & fear & limitations without the really awful springboard (like mass suffering & death).

We receive the same strictures & limitations common under anti-Jewish persecution, but without the obvious persecution coming from evil authorities (emphasis on "obvious"). We are not forced to stay indoors because of falling missiles or invading armies or rioting savages or blizzards or natural disasters, all of which would be much worse than the current situation.

We also still have our modern conveniences, like electricity and their appliances, indoor plumbing, running water, and more.

This is a big chessed from Hashem.

He's giving us a pandemic, a disaster, but without the truly insufferable aspects of a pandemic or disaster.

​(Though if you know someone close who has suffered a severe reaction to or actually died from coronavirus, that's not much comfort. But it could be & has been massively worse.)

For example, when tornadoes recently ripped through America's South, 1 million people were left without electricity.

In the middle of a coronavirus pandemic. During quarantine.

It can happen!

B'ezrat Hashem, it won't.

And while there have been positive results from all this, as one commenter mentioned, shemirat Shabbat needs to happen inside the home too, not just in the public square.

People need to stop indulging in wasteful or forbidden activities with their phone or computer.

The Internet has been the most diabolical conduit for lashon hara & machloket.

The very tricky thing about liking or disliking posts, email, commenting, blogging, texting, "stories," and more is that you can get caught up in lashon hara or machloket before you even realize that's what's happening.

It has happened to me, much to my chagrin, and despite efforts to be aware & avoid it.

​And it has happened to nearly everyone with an Internet connection.

What are we doing in our homes right now?

Yes, there are major challenges & stress right now.

Depending on your situation, it may be difficult to rise to the occasion (like the guys who wish to learn Torah, but are crammed in a small 2-bedroom apartment with 8 children or people living with a spouse or child who is bad-tempered, hyperactive, or mentally ill).

And I'm talking to myself as much as you. I'm also doing the inner work, along with the expected stumbling, failing, then picking myself back up again.

It's all something to work on now, while the chessed & rachamim are still palpable.

B'ezrat Hashem, we'll all do the teshuvah necessary to sweeten the judgement and bring about the Geula in a sweeter way.

As Rebbetzin Heller said at the end of a recent shiur, this is preparation for the much better world that's coming.

Throughout the past couple of years, readers have let me know a bit about themselves or else I read a comment on another blog which sheds more light on a reader's situation, and it reminds me of 2 things:

1) There are such special, sincere people out there.

Regular people who've suffered or are in difficult situations...or who are doing all right, but looking to go deeper. And if you saw any of them in real life, you'd think they were standard ordinary people...but really, they are so special.

And so sincere. They want to do the right thing. And they want a positive healthy connection with like-minded Yidden.

2) So many people have suffered in some way, and what we see online in a blog post or a comment (or at the store or on the sidewalk) isn't the whole picture of the person – not at all.

​They may be in a very difficult situation or have undergone a difficult situation, and we have no idea how much they've already worked on themselves to get to where they are now.

​Many times, an off-comment or off-attitude is just the chaff coming off a person who has done so much work on him- or herself, like maybe a person who started off at minus-8 and has scaled to level 5 by the skin of their teeth, but this person is being judged for not being on level 9.

Many people feel like they've done and are doing all they can.

How much more are we supposed to be doing?

So many people are exhausted emotionally – yet they keep struggling to push forward.

AND GOOD FOR THEM!!!

There is so, so much against us. And so many of us have been really trying and have made enormous steps – even sacrifices – to get to where we are now.

But where we are now often feels like it's not nearly enough. (Either that's how we feel or that's what we've been told.)

We want truth. We want clarity. And we want comfort & menucha – emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

May Mashiach gather us together to Eretz Yisrael speedily & sweetly.