Category: Emuna

Why Roles & Structures are So Important for True Self-Liberation

16/7/2019

While Judaism gives each person breadth and depth to fulfill each unique individual potential, it does so within a framework.

In today’s world, which promotes the contradictory states of competition and egalitarianism, Judaism’s imposed structures seem confining to many people.

Competition works with envy. What does the other person have and how can I get it too—and get more of it in order to be better & richer than everyone else?

Egalitarianism insists that everyone deserves equal opportunity and rights for EVERYTHING. It doesn’t differentiate between innate nature, capabilities, talents, or abilities.

Egalitarians and competitors work against each other, yet both are held up us ideals within much of Western culture.

Yet Judaism has been there all along saying that neither is correct.

Yet Jews find themselves submerged in this contradictory culture, which is already in struggle and friction, and then need to work out how to internalize Jewish concepts that preempt their cultural indoctrination.

No wonder so many people get so frustrated or confused, or ended feeling so unfulfilled!

"I'm DONE With Being Just a Thumb!"

Just to remain alive, you need structure.

What good are all your blood vessels and inner organs if you don’t have a skeleton to put it on and flesh to hold everything in?

Likewise, you body parts play different yet essential roles. Oy vavoy if your heart would suddenly decide it would be more fulfilled as a lung or vice-versa.

And yes, even your body parts aren’t egalitarian.

You can live without your thumbs. Your heart is MUCH more important.

Yet if the thumbs decided they needed a more chashuv tafkid and pushed the heart aside, the person would die.

Likewise, if the heart decided it needed to step down (“A machine can do the work I can—what do I really matter?”) and live the more relaxed life of a thumb (“They get to rest at night and not keep pumping away”), it would be a disaster for that person.

So we see from this that if our mere body parts were at all competitive or egalitarian, there would not be one person left alive on the planet.

What Roles Does Hashem Send Us?

Judaism assigns us many types of roles.

We have roles based on:

spiritual/biological status (gerim, born Jews, Jews born as mamzerim chalilah, etc.)
gender
inherited spiritual status (Kohen, Levi, Yisrael)
Tribal status (back in Tanach: Reuven, Shimon, etc.)
yichus (kingship, Mashiach ben David, Mashiach ben Yosef, etc.)
earned status (talmid chacham, tzaddik, etc.)
family status (married, single, divorced, widowed, parent, etc.)
age (elderly, above 20, above bar/bat mitzvah, child, etc.)
and so on.

And within these roles, we have tremendous room to move.

A non-Jew can become a Jew.

A single person can become a husband or wife.

Childless people can become parents.

Young people eventually grow old.

A lazy chump can eventually work himself into a talmid chacham.

A selfish narcissistic can eventually work herself into a baalat chessed.

When black-and-white thinkers tell us what our role should be or how we should use our God-given structure, it can confuse us (because they can be so wrong).

But even well-meaning intelligent people can be wrong about what is best for YOU and how you should be using YOUR God-given roles.

Some people like to foist society's structures on you or even their own role on you. They try to wrench you out of your roles and stuff you into somebody else's box.

Don't let them.

(Tip: Learning mussar, doing a chesbon hanefesh, and engaging in tefillah can re-orient you to who you are and what you should be doing, despite external pressures.)

What Can You Make of Yourself?

Roles are also only as good as what you put into them.

The privileged Kohen can be an am ha’aretz while the run-of-the-mill Yisrael can become a massive talmid chacham.

A son can become rotten and a daughter can become a tzaddekes.

Judaism is replete with stories of people who rose from humble beginnings to great heights.

Chana started out as the infertile & heartbroken co-wife of Elkanah, then became the prototype of ideal tefillah, plus the producer of one of the greatest nevi’im, Shmuel, and the mother of a large family.

Ovadia Hanavi started off life as a non-Jew, then rose to become not just a Navi, but a Navi whose nevuah earned its own book in Tanach!

Gidon was the youngest son of a the smallest family in the smallest tribe during a time when even the greatest Jews found themselves under Midyanite oppression, but Gidon rose to become a Shofet and savior of Am Yisrael.

Rebbi Akiva lived a major portion of his life as the unlearned son of unlearned gerim and resented talmidei chachamim so much, he could’ve bitten them like a donkey might. Yet he himself became one of the greatest talmidei chachamim ever.

Onkelos started off as non-Jew, then became a righteous ger and one of the most important commentators/translators of the Torah.

In modern times, examples also abound, as described by Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender (in 2 Examples of Unforeseeable Personality Transformation).

Look at the baal teshuvah movement or the kollel movement, the religious day school movement, the yeshivah movement, or Rav Aharon Margolis’s autobiography (As Long as I Live) about everything he had to overcome in poverty, polio, and disability.

Why Your Talent or Ability Doesn't Always Matter

No matter how beautifully a talented Kohen may play the kinor, he will never be allowed to give up his duties and join the Levite orchestra in the Beit Hamikdash.

The same is true for a Yisrael who possesses the loveliest tenor voice in the universe. He cannot join the Levite choir.

Likewise, no matter how well a Levi or Yisrael suit the qualification of a Kohen (“My feet are naturally warm, I can move my fingers perfectly into the Kohanic position—oh, and have you ever seen how perfectly I sprinkle dam from my innately talented fingers?”), they can never be a Kohen.

Even if you are such a holy person that Hashem fulfills every bracha you utter, you absolutely may not join the Kohanim in blessing the Nation.

Such a transgression will have the opposite effect.

Even today, Kohanim face strictures on who they can marry and where they can go, strictures that don’t apply to others. It’s for their own benefit.

Also, during the times unqualified egoists attempted to fulfill the Kohen Hagadol’s role in the Kodesh Kedoshim, Heaven struck him dead and he needed to be removed by the rope previously tied around his ankle.

Mashiach ben David can ONLY come from the Tribe of Yehudah, specifically the PATERNAL line of David Hamelech.

Someone from a different family within Yehudah or from Shevet Binyamin can be a huge tzaddik and a mind-dazzling miracle worker, but he cannot be Mashiach ben David.

Ever.

When you mix halachic roles, you get into trouble.

A tsnius dress & head-covering aren't the ideal for everyone.

For example, tsnius is a huge ideal for women. Men are obligated in tsnius too, albeit differently and less strictly than women.

A man may certainly decide to excel in tsnius, but if he puts on a pretty floral headscarf and a long flowing skirt, he commits the serious transgression of beged ishah.

Protesting that every last hair follicle is covered and his skirt conforms to the exacting standards of the Chazon Ish does not save him from the sin he has committed.

(Not to mention, the ridiculous spectacle he makes of himself.)

Of Rogue Waves, Olive Groves, Balanced Kohanim, and Wolfish Binyaminim

When Jews were organized into Shevatim (Tribes), there was no need for competition (even if some felt differently).

People had their tafkidim imbued within them from their Shevet.

Zevulun mastered sea travel. Asher excelled in olive production.

We need both. Can you imagine if Asherim or Zevulunim started trading barbs over whose role was more important?

"In Zevulun, we deal with necessary imports and exports! And olive groves are for sissies—have you ever encountered a rogue wave out at sea? Anyway, where would the Torah of Yissachar be without us?"

"Oh yeah? Our Asheri women are fit for High Priests, buster--my twin sister even married one! And where would Am Yisrael or the Kohanim be without olive oil? You want hatavat hanerot for the Menorah? Then you need Asher! Anyway, where do you think all your nifty ointments to deal with rope burns, sunburn, and wounds out at sea come from, eh? Let's see you try and extract some of that out of a rogue wave!"

Pathetic.

What would be the point?

Hashem created both because He WANTS both.

And yes, different roles also come with inherent perks or downsides.

Rashi mentions that Asheri women were often chosen to marry high priests and princes.

Why?

Because the abundance of olive oil products in Asheri territory gave Asheriot the added beauty of gorgeous skin and pleasingly plump figures.

It’s not that a Kohen Gadol or prince only cared about looks. Many Jewish women of that time possessed the character to marry royalty and were beautiful too. (Please see Asher's Beautiful Daughters for more depth.)

Chazal speaks of the innate trait of zerizut in Kohanim, which can be used for good or bad. Kohanim also possess equal amounts of temper and kindheartedness in order to balance out these 2 opposing traits. (Please see Temperament of a Kohen for more.)

In 49:27 of Parshat Vayechi, the Kli Yakar explains:

“…it takes the example of a wolf who preys according to his dietary needs and sometimes he preys and annihilates for no useful purpose, and this is a precious explanation.”

Binyamin’s symbol is a wolf and the Kli Yakar states a negative tendency of Binyamin.

But it doesn’t mean that a Binyamini is innately bad or that this trait is unconquerable.

In fact, one of our gentlest heroines is a Binyaminit—Queen Esther. And Mordechai’s wolfish courage and sense of purpose never denigrated into a destructive free-for-all.

These 2 Binyaminim somersaulted a genocide into a salvation celebration for eternity.

The Structure You Need for Your Personal Journey

Likewise, there are different roles for people based purely on gender or on being a Jew.

Our goals are not competition or egalitarianism.

Our role is to take whatever structure Hashem provided for us (both nationally and individually) and use that structure to bring out our best and achieve our highest potential.

That’s exactly why Hashem put that framework there in the first place.

Not to break it, damage it, or to weasel out of it and steal someone else’s (which won’t fit us anyway) or pretend to be someone else's…

…but to USE and UTILIZE it in the best way possible.

For more, please see:

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The Bizarre Midnight Swim: A Lesson in Judging Favorably

9/7/2019

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Several years ago, the neighbors who lived under us at that time bought a large swimming pool from the hardware store (the kind deep enough to only sit in, but you can also kind of swim in it).

One night, a loud noise woke my husband and I around 3 in the morning. It sounded like someone thrashing around in the water below our window.

We sat up to listen if a child had somehow gotten through the gate to the yard and fallen in. (A tarp over their pergola prevented us from seeing anything.) Then we heard the sound of someone vigorously swimming laps.

Disgruntled, I fell back against my pillow. It's summer and everyone sleeps with the windows open! Do they really need to indulge in an energetic swim davka in the middle of the night?

Hoping I would be able to get back to sleep despite all the noise, I shut the window, which did indeed lessen the sound.

In the morning, I discovered that the noise had also woken my children sleeping in the room over the pool. But they weren't disgruntled; they were excited about the idea of a midnight swim and begged us to buy a pool so they could indulge too.

A couple of days later, my children informed me that a cat had gotten into the neighbors' swimming pool a couple of nights back - meaning, the night we were rudely awakened.

"It crawled under the pool cover and got stuck in there," they said. "So it just kept paddling around until the neighbors woke up from the noise, lifted the cover, and the cat jumped out and ran off."

Now, I don't know how I could've assumed that the sound of a vigorous breast strokes was actually a cat (it really didn't sound like one) nor did I know that cats could swim. (Apparently they can if they're really desperate.)

But instead of condemning my fellow Jews in my head, perhaps I could've thought, "It sounds like they're thoughtlessly indulging in a noisy swim right under our window in the middle of the night. But maybe things aren't what they seem. Maybe they're not being thoughtless or indulgent at all and there's something else going on."

And that was a good lesson in being dan l'kaf zechut, giving the benefit of the doubt.

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Using Fear as a Healthy Motivator to Serve Hashem

8/7/2019

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As written HERE, while fear is generally not the best way to motivate people (especially in this generation), I’ve personally found fear a helpful motivator (or more commonly, a helpful stopper or preventative).

And anyway, Chazal speaks copiously of the importance of fear, yirah—meaning yirat Shamayim.

Fear of Heavenly Punishment is not the ideal state. The Kli Yakar explains the great advantage of doing teshuvah from love, rather than fear. (For more, please see Teshuvah from Love vs. Teshuvah from Fear and Doing True Teshuvah: he Kli Yakar on Parshat Bo.)

Nonetheless, fear is indeed a motivator and a legitimate one.

(Please see also Why Fear of God is Still Important & Beneficial in Our Generation.)

I’m going to share one of my fear-motivators because I think about it sometimes when I’m feeling unmotivated or frivolous. It’s a sharp story and not for everyone, but it works for me.

"It Will End Badly."

In one of my all-time favorite books, A Daughter of Two Mothers by Miriam Cohen, the life of Izzy Rubenstein is briefly described.

Born to frum parents (his father had learned at Pressburg Yeshivah), including a very warm & loving mother (not sure about his father; it never says), Izzy Rubenstein is orphaned of his father after his father's long bout with tuberculosis.

To make matters worse, they were already poor and living in a village near the Carpathian Mountains on the Hungarian border.

For reasons both mentioned and unmentioned, when Izzy’s mother found herself widowed, she didn’t have support from her original family (both her parents were niftar)--or her late husband's family apparently. Instead, she went to work in the local vineyards during the warm months and sewed clothes in the winter.

When Izzy started going off the derech, his mother pleaded with him (page 5).

“Izzy, Izzy, my son,” she would tell him on his visits home, “don’t you ever forget that you are scion to an important, respectable Jewish family.”

But Izzy only responded by asserting that he was not a little boy anymore and that she should no longer call him “Izzy” (or “Yitzchak”) but “Isidore.”

Then Izzy churned out his teinos:

Where was this so-called important, respectable family when Izzy and his siblings went hungry after their father died? Where was this respectable family when Tatte was ill?

“Yes,” Izzy continued. “They reminded me not to forget to say Kaddish, but they forgot to ask if I had food to eat! They do not interest me, as I evidently to not interest them.”

But his mother continued to weep, imploring him: “If you won’t remember that you are a Jew and instead act like a sheigetz, the goyim will remind you that you are not one of them and it will end badly.”

The narrator states: Her words were prophetic, but she did not know it at the time.

And indeed, Izzy—despite his Zionist connections and application for a visa to Eretz Yisrael—was swept up in the Shoah and didn’t survive.

Izzy Wins Our Sympathy

Now, you might be wondering why I find this such good chizuk.

After all, it's very depressing and even offensive to some people.

The reason is because if you look at Izzy’s life, you see that he has some compelling excuses to go off the derech.

Religious hypocrisy played a massive part in his upbringing.

He felt abandoned and rejected by the very people who should have cared most about him (some of his close family members) and who should’ve been most sensitive and dedicated to his needs, (as propounded throughout millennia of Torah scholarship—and his family consisted of supposedly respectable & chashuv Yidden who should’ve known and upheld the Torah approach of dealing with orphans and the poor).

So if you look at Izzy in today’s light, you have a boy who suffered the extended illness and then death of his father, a boy who endured extreme poverty, appalling religious hypocrisy, apathy and abandonment by close family members, a mother who loves him but (in his eyes) doesn’t understand him or the issues of the day, plus the magnetic pull of secular socialist Zionism.

So yeah, you can validate Izzy.

It’s definitely easy to sympathize with him, despite his casting off the beautiful yoke of Torah and mitzvot.

Every time I read the above passage, my heart goes out to Izzy, Hashem yinkom damo.

But despite his very legitimate teinos, and the natural sympathy he inspires, his mother’s words ended up being fulfilled.

Teinos Lose Sway When the Measure Is Finally Filled

If you subscribe to Rav Avigdor Miller’s hashkafah regarding the Shoah (as described in A Divine Madness)—and I do—then you have to see that the teinos and legitimacy of those teinos don’t matter in the end.

And that's exactly what I remind myself.

Now, Rav Miller didn’t make up this hashkafah. Not everyone holds the way he does, but many Gadolim do.

Of course there are hidden reasons and cheshbonot that we cannot fathom, but in a general sense, the ideas laid out in A Divine Madness are compelling. And Rav Miller wrote the book as a lesson, hopefully a life-saving lesson, out of his great love for his fellow Jews.

The other thing is this:

Don't Blind Yourself to All The Geshmak Aspects

In order to get really embittered and disillusioned by the frum community, you need to ignore a LOT of good.

In A Daughter of Two Mothers, a great many amazing Jews and their incredible acts of chessed come to life. For the most part, these sincere anshei chessed are not rebbetzins and talmidei chachamim (although some are), they are simply very good and good-hearted Yidden.

And Izzy knew them. He knew them well, in fact.

Furthermore, when you sit down and learn Jewish sources, it’s all very beautiful and compelling.

Just Rashi on Mishlei/Proverbs is so awe-inspiring. The wisdom and beauty of Pirke Avot. The lessons and profound wisdom found in Tanach—even on the simple text level, stories like Gidon, Devorah Haneviah, Megillat Esther, David Hamelech & Galyat, Megillat Ruth…these stories are incredibly compelling.

Even on a child’s level, you get so much out of them.

I once heard a famous British atheist waxing over how moving he found Megillat Ruth, declaring it to be one of his all-time favorites.

So in order to reject Judaism and give God the cold shoulder, you need to ignore a tremendous amount of truly geshmak stuff, both in Jewish scholarship and in Jewish life.

And that’s the first mistake.

Teinos & Excuses Don't Matter in the End

Appreciation and gratitude are our foundation stones.

As we know, our tribal name Yehudim is rooted in the word hoda’ah—gratitude.

But the big mussar is that we can have legitimate teinos.

Not the teinos of whiny spoiled brats—but real legitimate teinos! They exist! They're real!

We can have compelling excuses for our pick-and-choose observance of mitzvot.

We can suffer very real hypocrisy and rejection.

And the "ooh, shiny!" and compulsions of today are more numerous, more addictive, and more intense than they’ve ever been.

But the Chumash itself lists very specific consequences for spiritually rebellious behavior—regardless of any excuses.

And that’s maybe too sharp for some people.

But for others (like me), it can be the tap they need to get back into place when the yetzer hara comes prowling around.

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Teshuvah from Love vs. Teshuvah from Fear

7/7/2019

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In our avodat Hashem, both fear & love are powerful motivators recommended by Chazal and found throughout Tanach—although serving Hashem from a place of fear is not the ideal dynamic.

Having said that, teshuvah from fear is still a MILLION TIMES BETTER than not doing teshuvah at all.

So Teshuvah from fear IS a good thing. But it's just not the ideal.

The Kli Yakar explains the great advantage of doing teshuvah from love, rather than fear. (Please see the Kli Yakar on Parshat Bo, 10:1)

Teshuvah from fear often means that once the threat passes (or once a person feels the threat has passed), the person will often return to the original problematic behavior.

We see this in our own times.

For example, when facing a serious threat of divorce, major financial or property loss, prison, or having their children taken away, drug abusers will maintain sobriety for a certain amount of time...but then lapse. Not a temporary lapse, but a dive back into the old harmful habits.

Ka’asanim (people with a short fuse) will keep a lid on their tempers for a time, then explode. Some ka’asanim only lash out when they think no one will hear them. (Fear of public opinion.)

The list goes on.

So fear of punishment is a motivator, but not the ideal motivator. If that is a person’s only motivator, then they must maintain their state of fear in order to keep themselves in line.

Again, that’s not the ideal.

Teshuvah from love, says the Kli Yakar, ensures that you won’t return to the behavior.

Even once the threat of punishment passes (or appears to pass), you continue to embrace your newfound praiseworthy behaviors because you absolutely love the new you.

Or even more powerfully, you love Hashem and desire His Closeness.

To oversimplify the whole dynamic into a superficial little nutshell:

It’s the difference between a woman who prepares her husband’s favorite meal out of fear of his domineering temper and a woman who prepares her husband’s favorite meal out of her great love for him and her desire to nurture him and feel close to him, knowing that he loves her very much too.

Which relationship is more desirable for BOTH partners?

And which do you think Hashem prefers you see Him as:

the domineering tyrant

the loving partner?

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What You Didn't Know about Odd Gemaras & What Your Yearnings Really Mean: Rav Avigdor Miller on Some Heavy-Duty Concepts in Parshat Korach & Parshat Chukat

4/7/2019

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Parshat Korach 2: Your Mind is Forever

For our brothers & sisters in chutz l'Aretz, Toras Avigdor has produced Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah on Parshat Korach 2: Your Mind is Forever.

And it's a real geshmakeh doozy.

Rav Miller describes aspects of Gehinnom, sheds light on strange stories from the Gemara (like raising Bilam from dead to talk to him and the conversations of 2 dead girls in a cemetery), and delves into the importance of doing teshuvah NOW.

Even if you think you can't keep up a better behavior, try anyway. Whatever you do is really, really good.

And as always, Rav Miller fights the good fight against the tsunami of anti-Torah culture:

There’s a whole outside world of gentiles and secular Jews, and every second, their sewage is pouring into our world.

And therefore we have to stand guard day and night over our minds.

Think about how unequal of a contest this is.

Because how much yiras shomayim are we really pouring into our minds day and night?

How many exhortations to tzniyus are your wives hearing from the novels they read?

How many Torah ideals are you hearing on the radio?

How much do English teachers in the yeshiva high schools urge the boy to become great talmidei chachomim and to spend their free time studying Torah?

How many billboards do you see warning you to be careful with lashon hora, and urging you to do chesed and mitzvos?

All you see is the opposite.

With even very bad things becoming the norm, or even considered good nowadays, we need to ponder how much we're being affected by sources formally considered neutral.

Even listening to right-wing conservative religious pundits or reading their articles is a problem. Maybe you need it for something in particular l'to'elet. But despite their good intentions, these pundits have been very influenced by Leftist values.

Nowadays, even Right-wing conservative religious pundits dress like cocktail waitresses (if they're women), encourage mechanisms to prevent pregnancy in pre-marital relationships rather than encouraging abstinence until marriage, cuss like sailors, and other behaviors that would've been considered indecent even by liberals in our grandparents' time.

Not to mention the Jew-hatred at the edges of the conservative religious Right.

With the Leftist hatred of God-based morality in general and its anti-Israel stance, plus its love of fake science, the Left has always been a force against the Jewish people.

But the Right also has its bigots. And many on the Right cannot accept that church-attendees did not replace the Jewish People as the Am Segulah and cannot differentiate between the profoundly assimilated Erev Rav-esque Jews (who muck around in Leftist garbage) and the genuinely searching or committed Jews.

So we need to guard our minds.

As Rav Miller continues:

The outside world is pouring in all types of filth and we’re not pouring kedusha into ourselves, it’s a very unfair contest.

But even if we would be pouring into ourselves Torah and yiras shomayim day and night...All day long you’re cramming your head with Chovos Halevavos [Duties of the Heart].

It’s a good thing by the way - even one drop is a good medicine.

But if at the same time the sewage is pouring in too, then what good is it?

You have the best wine, the most expensive wine, and you pour it into a cup that’s filthy with mud, a cup that’s crawling with bacteria and worms, so what kind of taste will it have?

"To create a mind, that’s our job in life. And that’s the most important business we can do in this world."

Even if you're in Eretz Yisrael and already went through Parshat Korach, it's very worthwhile reading what Rav Miller has to say because he explains things you might have always wondered about and he also gives very good mussar for the very real challenges we face today.

Let's get to work creating wonderful minds for ourselves!

Parshat Chukat: The Reality of the Next World

In Parshas Chukas: The Reality of the Next World, Rav Miller goes into detail about why Judaism insists on burying a body a soon as possible. It's not the entire reason, but he details why it's good for US to do it quickly.

He talks about tumah, defilement of the mind.

Then he elucidates one of those Gemaras (Brachot 44a) that apikorsim and Jew-haters love to hold up as an example of Talmudic weirdness and impropriety.

As usual, there are layers of meaning beneath the surface.

People who insist on taking such Gemaras at face-value are either ignorant or looking for excuses for their apikorsut.

Either way, it's only something that really dumb and disingenuous people do.

And Rav Miller draws the curtain aside to show us what's really going on behind the scenes.

Clarification: Not understanding the Gemara is fine. That's honest. Yeah, I also didn't know anything about the underlying meaning of all that fruit-eating until Rav Miller explained it. But using the superficial translation of it to fuel Jew-hatred or apikorsut indicates a dumb and disingenuous person. That's all.

And even our seemingly This-World yearnings derive from a deeper source in the soul.

Rav Miller says:

Or let's say you're standing on a country road, and you look down the road and it's winding down for miles and miles.

And you're thinking, “I'd like to travel on this road, to see what's doing at the other end.”

That yearning is real!

That yearning for travel, “I'd like to go and travel down this winding road,” should be a symbol for us.

"Because there is a road, a true road to happiness. The road to Olam Habah is the winding road without any deceptions."

Hakodosh Boruch Hu is not deceiving us.

The road of your life leads somewhere.

Our life is a road that leads to a much greater destination than any other road.

Our desires to travel down the road, to sail to the horizon at the edge of the sea, to find the end of the rainbow - these are all yearnings rooted in a much holier yearning, to remind us for what we really need to yearn.

All the pleasures of this world: extravagant weddings, continental breakfasts, chocolate cake and a shluf on Shabbos, a sparkling home, scrumptious food...these are just allegories for Olam Haba to make us yearn for a good portion in Olam Haba and to motivate us to do what we must to get there.

Focusing on Olam Haba creates joy and prevents suicide and all sorts of problems.

A person focused on utilizing This World for the Next remains silent in the face of anger, criticism, and foolishness - including when they come from one's own spouse.

But we need to talk about it a lot.

Once, after Rav Miller mentioned Olam Haba in several lectures, a man burst out: “What's this that you're mentioning Olam Habah, Olam Habah. You sound like a little girl.”

What a humiliating way to speak to a talmid chacham.

But Rav Miller just kept on going with what he knew was right.

This dvar Torah also presents ways to inculcate a desire for Olam Haba in children, whether you're a teacher or a parent.

"Be a propagandist for Hakodosh Boruch Hu."

And all that Rav Miller writes in Parshat Chukat is connected to the Parah Adumah.

So if you want a better understanding of an unfathomable aspect of Torah, this dvar Torah is worth a good solid perusal.

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The #1 Path to True Greatness & Achieving Your Absolute Best: Rejection, Isolation, and Being Quashed

1/7/2019

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Because so many roles in the frum community are influenced (or actively borrowing from) Western secular psychology, many well-intentioned people tend to address problems backwards.

For example, many people struggling with frumkeit and their relationship with Hashem describe some kind of rejection in the background.

Maybe it was from their family or maybe from their school. Maybe it was their community. Maybe they stumbled upon a rabbi or rebbetzin who wasn’t the real deal.

Sometimes it was outright rejection, sometimes it was more subtle; like a teacher or parent not addressing their needs fully.

So many concerned influencers in the community put tremendous efforts in curing others of what the "experts" perceive as rejectionism.

(This gets even thornier when the pressure to love & accept people who behave in ways that are truly objectionable and yet unconditional love doesn't seem to help much, if at all. But that's a whole other topic.)

Needless to say, we all need to work on ahavat Yisrael.

We need to work on ourselves, investing in a thorough & regular cheshbon hanefesh, which entails clearing up those blindspots & clearing out those clogged middot.

However...

The problem comes when Hashem is whisked out of the picture, as He always is psychology & sociology.

The Paradox of Emuna & Hishtadlut

Millennia of Torah scholarship shows us that our lives exist within a paradox:

One kind of paradox

Hashem is Only Good and All-Compassionate—yet very evil & cruel things occur in the world.

Some people are meant to be poor—yet we are supposed to do everything we can to help others out of poverty.

(In other words, we aren’t supposed to look at a poor person and say, “Well, obviously, Hashem wanted you to suffer the nisayon of poverty as a tikkun, so why should I give you anything? It’s Hashem’s Will!” That is a cold-hearted, cruel, and anti-Torah way of looking at a person in need.)

So yes, we should work on treating every person with fairness and respect.

If someone is meant to endure a difficult nisayon, we should not be chosen as the stick with which to beat another.

At the same time, people are clearly meant to go through trials in life.

The Recipe for Greatness: Isolation, Rejection, Repression...

As described in a previous post (Loneliness & Rejection as Aspects of Mashiach), experiences like rejection—especially severe all-encompassing rejection—are aspects of Mashiach.

Look at what David Hamelech (the progenitor of Mashiach ben David) and Yosef Hatzaddik (the progenitor of Mashiach ben Yosef) went through.

They were both rejected by their own brothers—brothers who were very great people in their own right!

Being quashed, repressed, and confined in some way also occurred to many supreme Jews in Tanach:

Yosef Hatzaddik, Moshe Rabbeinu, and Yirmiyahu Hanavi were all dumped in prison pits.

Sara Imeinu and Dina were locked in boxes for their own protection.

Being isolated within completely non-Jewish environments is another theme: Yosef Hatzaddik, Moshe Rabbeinu, Daniel, Esther Hamalkah…

Can you imagine being in a place where the tumah is literally pervading the air?

Avodah Zara Makes My Skin Crawl

Many people think of avodah hazara as some ancient Mesopotamian dude bowing down before something like a golden Pillsbury Doughboy statue, as we see today with Eastern mysticism.

No, no, no, no. (Although Eastern mysticism is indeed totally forbidden & extremely harmful.)

Avodah zara is the dark occult.

And it was a highly developed occult back in ancient times. The occult leaders possessed brilliant minds equal to the top scientists of today, and these occult leaders had everything down to a science.

If you were in a palace in ancient Egypt or Persia, you were surrounded by dark and spooky tumah, plus demonic forces—talk about being afraid to look under your bed at night or monsters in closets!

The stench of tumadik incense pervaded the environment. (And you thought smog was bad.)

Not to mention the nearby presence of practitioners brainwashed into sociopathy, who would even sacrifice their own small child in cruel ways.

How would you feel about sleeping in the same building or neighborhood as people who’d done that?

Pretty creepy stuff.

Are You a Potential Moshe Rabbeinu?

I mean, take a look at Moshe Rabbeinu’s experiences, for example:

You see that he grew up in the center of Egyptian avodah zara, which was particularly dark & oppressive tumah.

And he came through that nisayon with flying colors.

Yet upon going to join his brethren, he was proactive in his expression of empathy & justice, and found himself on the run from his fellows, and then imprisoned underground and subsisting on matzah.

That’s rejection with a capital “R”!

Not to mention feeling repressed. He couldn’t fully express his innate nature and talents in a depressing pit. (He couldn’t in Pharaoh’s palace either.)

And Moshe Rabbeinu’s difficulties didn’t stop there.

The very people (the Erev Rav) he tried so hard to help and be mekarev and elevate, not only turned on him personally, but they even messed up everything Moshe Rabbeinu had done for the Am until then! (Yes, I’m talking about the Golden Calf travesty.)

So…was Am Yisrael wrong for letting the Erev Rav work them up into a state of panic and then latching on to the Erev Rav’s advice?

Yes! And we're still suffering the consequences for that until this day!

But this was also Moshe Rabbeinu’s Divinely ordained nisayon.

Are You a Potential Yirmiyahu HaNavi?

If you read through Yirmiyahu Hanavi’s saga, his profound ahavat Yisrael can move you to tears.

Would Yirmiyahu Hanavi have achieved such greatness if everyone had loved him back and been all nicey-nice to him all the time?

NO.

Where is the challenge of loving people who are easy to love? (The Pele Yoetz makes this point HERE. Please scroll down to "No More Blame Game.")

Yirmiyahu Hanavi’s eternally recognized greatness derived from his ability to genuinely love and feel compassion for people who didn’t deserve his love and compassion.

And that’s the lesson repeated throughout Tanach.

Only a Rejected & Despised Stone can be Used as a Cornerstone:
All Others Need Not Apply

It seems that the way to achieve true spiritual greatness and to reach your full spiritual potential is by responding to rejection and repression in the ideal manner.

Even ma’asu habonim hayata l’rosh pinah—The very stone rejected by the experts who know all about the best way to erect buildings?

THAT is the exact stone that ends up as the corner stone foundation of the most important building.

The accepted & even much-lauded stones never had any chance of being the cornerstone.

Why?

Because they weren’t rejected! They were never despised!

The experts LOVED those stones! Everyone oohed and aahed over the loveliness and suitability of those stones.

So those stones never had a chance.

Only a despised & rejected stone has any chance of being the coveted cornerstone.

Let's Be Kind!

So tachlis, what do we do?

First of all, when someone comes to you broken by rejection of any kind, it’s important to empathize. Avot 4:18 warns against dealing with angry or grieving people in a frivolous or overly pious manner.

And if they're so broken or messed-up that they respond inappropriately, we shouldn't embarrass them or see them in that state. (Same Mishnah. Also, in Words of Faith, Rav Bender goes into this concept quite a bit.)

There is a time and a place for everything, as emphasized by Kohelet and repeated by the Pele Yoetz and many, many other talmidei chachamim and tzaddikim.

You have to use your seichel and your sense of compassion.

Yet at some point, the tormented person needs to realize that the very fact of their rejection is meant to be overcome, and not used as an excuse to reject Hashem or to sink into all sorts of forbidden activities.

Whapping society over the head to be more accepting and loving isn’t ultimately the answer because Hashem decreed that this person needs to endure this nisayon.

Again, I didn’t say we don’t need to be more compassionate as a society.

I did NOT say that.

We DO need to develop our compassion & empathy!

But it’s a paradox.

You can’t whomp society and coddle the victim as the ULTIMATE solution.

And you even see that shitah (based on narrow-minded limited-vision psychology & sociology) is not working.

A Bit of Brutal Honesty about the Spiritual Wrestling Match

And probably it’s the very person with the potential to be the rosh pinah, the great leader, the quiet savior, or whatever the ultimate role is meant to be—that’s who is probably being rejected or straight-jacketed.

Rejection and repression ARE painful. EXTREMELY painful.

They’re also infuriating.

That’s the nisayon. We don’t deny pain. That’s not the authentically Jewish way.

Let’s just say it outright:

Being rejected IS painful!

Being straight-jacketed, misunderstood, repressed, quashed, or confined?

VERY painful! And infuriating!

It is! What’s wrong with acknowledging that?

At the same time…

People who can wrestle their way through the pain and the rage to reach a place of love and proactive compassion end up as beings of tremendous spiritual greatness.

And it IS a wrestling match—let there be no illusions about that.

Yaakov Avinu wrestled with Esav’s spiritual force all night.

In a wrestling match, sometimes you find yourself down for the count in a chokehold.

That doesn’t mean you’re a failure. That doesn’t mean you’ve lost.

It’s not hopeless.

It does mean, however, that you need to find a way to scrabble back up again—despite your injuries.

And that’s how it is.

May we all succeed in winning the match!

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Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Shelach & Parshat Korach

27/6/2019

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For Parshat Shelach: Making His Name Great, Rav Miller speaks about chilul Hashem & kiddush Hashem, including compelling examples of both. Then he spends a lot of time talking about gratitude, focusing on fruit, and doing so in a really interesting & witty manner.

Plus, he offers practical tips for improving your derech eretz.

And as usual, he places tremendous emphasis on noticing all the good that Hashem does for us.

Here's an excerpt:

If you sit and look at an apple or an orange for fifteen minutes, you won’t be the same person anymore - I guarantee it.

If you look at the apple for fifteen minutes and think about the wonders that you see there, you’ll see the gilui shechina, absolutely.

And Hashem made the apple for that purpose - so that you should think about Him. He told us that when He introduced us to fruit for the first time: "...v'nechmad ha'etz l'haskil - The fruit is desirable to make wise” (Bereishis 3:6).

Not just to eat.

The real function of the fruit is to make you wise - fruit causes wisdom, yes!

Only that in order to make the lesson more delicious, He makes the apple taste delicious too. It’s like having a gemara printed on sponge cake.

So you’re saying the Rashi, and then you take a little bite from the margin - it’s a geshmaka sugya!

Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Korach

For Parshat Korach: On Dangerous Neighbors, we have a discussion about bad neighbors.

As usual, Rav Miller brings the world of Tanach to life and draws us into it.

Ever wonder what it was like when your house caught tzaraat? With Rav Miller, you're suddenly standing in the house and experiencing it all, including the emotional aspect.

He elaborates with vivid visualization (you on a telegraph pole in an attempt to escape a bereft she-bear) on the verse in Mishlei 17:12.

The part about guarding your mind is so powerful and so chilling.

Rav Miller explains why David Hamelech started Tehillim the way he did:

He begins with the following words: Ashrei ha'ish asher lo halach ba'atzat reshaim - “How fortunate is the man who did not walk in the counsel of the wicked” (1:1).

What's this doing here?

We want to hear about great ideals, about kirvas Elokim, emunah, ahavas Hashem. And it's there; it's all there in Tehillim.

But Dovid is teaching us here that it all starts with maintaining a clean mind. You can never really say Tehillim, you can never love Hashem and sing to Him, if your walking with the resha’im and filling your mind with their ideas.

Now, it's not praising the man who just doesn't follow the advice of the wicked.

It means he didn't walk, he didn't even pace the streets together with them. Because if you walk their streets, if you are in their company, then to a certain extent, you are in “the counsel of the wicked.”

Whatever they are thinking, whatever attitudes and feelings they have, is shared by you to some extent. Even a walk down the block with them causes you to be a partner in their thoughts, their attitudes, and their emotions.

And the possuk continues: "...uvmoshav leitzim lo yashav - How fortunate is that man who never sat down in the place where the scoffers sit” [Tehillim 1:1].

Leitzim means jesters.

To sit down let's say in a kosher restaurant, but it's a place where there are other customers; leitzim, jokers, kibitzers, scoffers. Even though they're not laughing - they just came to buy kosher food - still it's a moshav leitzim.

How fortunate you are if you change your mind and decide to go home and take something from the refrigerator!

A Real Moshav Leitzim

It reminded me of an online gathering place for frum people. A few years ago, I read it a couple of times when the topic seemed interesting, but I quickly learned to avoid it.

First of all, you learn very little about whatever topic is running there.

Secondly, it was the most obvious moshav leitzim I'd ever seen. Interestingly, I don't recall anything untsnius or anything clearly forbidden. It was kosher - like kosher narishkeit. Or kosher jelly worms.

A lot of people were just there to crack jokes (regardless of the seriousness & sincerity of the questioner), and part of the reason I felt uncomfortable was because some of these people seemed to lead mechubad lives: an intelligent older frum guy with a large family and married children, plus grandchildren - and he's just shmoozing and cracking jokes?

I get that people need a break from learning, but this was just weird.

It actually makes more sense when people behave rudely online or even speak lashon hara (although both are really bad and totally forbidden) because maybe they got offended by something they read or they feel the need to say something l'toelet haAm (though they're mistaken and should look up the relevant halachot).

But these were people who could & should know better and were doing it anyway.

It's hard to explain the dynamic...just a total waste of time, a moshav leitzim...by people who really could have known better. They weren't carried away by their emotions; they were carried away by their narishkeit. Or something.

"Your desire for kirvas Elokim, will always be perceived by
the friend who stands one rung below you, as extremism.

'Meshuga ish ruach - The man who wants to be a man of spirit is always meshugah to other people' ” (Hosheah 9:7).

- Rav Avigdor Miller

Glatt Kosher Leitzanut

However, there is also kosher leitzanut.

You can make fun of spiritually damaging things that deserve to be mocked.

Judaism is all about embracing the paradoxes in life. It's about balance and figuring out what Hashem really wants (your closeness) and how to achieve that.

As described in a previous post, we live in an upside-down world in which bad things are now considered good.

"And that's one of the most important ways of avoiding the insidious influence of the outside world.

"Through ridicule, by deflating the worth of all of these empty ideals, you protect your own mind from them seeping in."

- Rav Avigdor Miller

His description of baseball, TV (this dvar Torah is from 1974), and magazines is highly entertaining.

Okay, I can't resist quoting what he says about magazines:

You have to watch out what kind of magazines come into your home.

It's very important because your wife and your children also have minds that are just as valuable and just as sensitive as yours.

You think that reading the Orthodox newspapers and magazines is not bringing the shachein rah [evil neighbor] into your home.

Of course, it's a thousand times better than gentile newspapers and television - more than a thousand times!

But that's because bringing a New York Times and the New York Post into your home is not just a shachein rah - it's bringing in adultery, and avodah zarah [idol worship], and shfichas damim [bloodshed] into your home.

You're bringing in a whole troupe of leitzim and apikorsim into your head and into the heads of your wife and children.

But even the Jewish newspapers are full of garbage.

Page after page of this and that and this and that. What about Hakodosh Boruch Hu? Oh, Him? Oh, He's put away in a different section; don't bother me about Him now.

So all of those newspapers are a shachein rah - except that instead of living next door, you invited him into your living room.

It's definitely worth a good read.

It's pretty tough mussar for those of us entrenched in Western society since birth.

But it's delicious at the same time. Nice, juicy mussar!

As always, thank you tons to Toras Avigdor.

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A 60-Second Exercise to Fulfill Your Main Purpose in Life

5/6/2019

4 Comments

In Parshat Emor: Count the Days (page 13), Rav Avigdor Miller asks rhetorically:

What if you only had 60 seconds left to live, chas v’shalom?

How could you best utilize those 60 seconds?

Then he encourages us to apply this lesson at least once a day, making that day entirely different—with only 60 seconds.

So here’s the exercise on how to make 60 seconds the most meaningful moments of your life:

Seconds 1-10

Think or say some version of the following:

“There’s a Borei who created the universe out of nothing and that means that there’s nothing that has any intrinsic existence except for Hashem.

"And He created me as well.

"Hashem Echad! He’s the only thing that matters to me.

"And He gave me this great kindness that for the following 50 seconds, I can think about Him and achieve the prime purpose of my being here: The Purpose of Recognizing the Borei."

Seconds 11-50

Think or say some version of the following:

“So for the next 40 seconds, I am going to become more and more aware of You and fulfill my purpose here.

"I’m looking outside at the setting sun and I know what You’re saying to me Hashem; time is passing by.

"So I express now my gratitude to You Hakadosh Baruch Hu for everything You’ve given me: I love You Hashem, and I speak to You, my King, my Creator, and I express my gratitude to You for the beautiful world You made for me.

"Thank You for my eyes and my kidneys and my feet and I especially thank You for making me part of Your Chosen People.”

Seconds 51-60

Think or say some version of the following:

“I thank You, Hakadosh Baruch Hu, Who has given me this great opportunity to count the seconds in this world and achieve my purpose in this world of thinking about You.”

Rav Miller then concludes with the following sunny thoughts:

"And then time is up; you go out of this world having achieved your purpose. Yesh koneh olamo b'sha'ah achat - 'A person can become great in only one minute' - only that you have to know how to make that minute count."

Rav Miller reminds us that we needn’t only do this exercise during quiet moments alone. We can also do this while hanging onto a subway handle, walking down the street, or while stirring a pot.

"A person can live his whole life without ever doing this, which is a big mistake because a primary reason for our existence is to do the above."

Now that Rav Miller has taught us how to do it, he sends us off with fond wishes:

“So now you can go out into the world for many more minutes and live successfully.”

Thank you once again to Toras Avigdor for making Rav Avigdor Miller's material so widely available at:
Toras Avigdor – Authentic Torah Thought for Life

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Why Marrying Your Zivug Doesn't Necessarily Mean Living Happily Ever After

2/6/2019

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When encountering marital difficulties, it’s common for people to wonder whether they indeed married their zivug.

While we’re familiar with the Gemara Sotah 2b, which explains how 40 days before the creation of an embryo, a Bat Kol (Heavenly Voice) calls out: “The daughter of So-and-So to So-and-So,” it seems that many people feel they might have married the wrong person.

And then questions arise. (It is indeed a complex & paradoxical topic. For more, please see Insights into the Daily Daf: Zivug Rishon & Zivug Sheni.)

Yet friction and frustration doesn’t automatically mean you aren’t 2 halves of 1 whole.

Soul rectifications, spiritual growth, and middot play a huge part.

As a prominent Rebbe told Rebbetzin Heller, this is Olam Hatikkun—the World of Fixing.

(Please see What is the World of Tikkun? for that story.)

We’re here to repair & rectify things.

And what with past lives, flawed upbringings & corrupt environments, plus the flaws Hashem imbued within us for the sake of soul-polishing, we’ve got a lot to work on.

Finding the Man of Her Dreams - Literally

A friend of mine once told me of her time as a secular Jew. She faced her upcoming wedding to her long-term boyfriend (who I can’t remember if he was Jewish or not).

The night before the wedding, she dreamed of a man who was weeping.

All night long in her dream, he wept and wept. She saw his face clearly, but she didn’t know him.

Yet one thing she did know: He was weeping over her upcoming marriage. She was supposed to marry the weeping man in her dream, and not the man she was set to marry the next day.

She woke up feeling like she was about to make a big mistake. But cancelling a wedding on the day of? And she’d been sure of her fiancé.

So she decided to go speak with her mother about it.

Now, my friend never got along great with her mother. There was love, but also a lot of friction. Furthermore, my friend wasn’t so young at the time. It’s not like she was a fresh-off-the-farm 20-year-old. She was an independent woman with a successful life. She knew how to make her own decisions.

Yet she went to her mother anyway.

She said she never forgot how her mother responded through a cloud of cigarette smoke, waving her hands around and saying, “If you feel you shouldn’t marry him, then don’t! Don’t worry about what people will say. You have to follow your heart. If your heart tells you that this is a big mistake, then cancel the wedding. Call it off, don’t be afraid. You must follow your heart. This is a big decision and you must follow your heart!”

Her mother went on like this, much to the surprise of my friend, who said this response was uncharacteristic of her mother.

So she called off the wedding, which meant dealing with a lot of stress, appalled friends and family, and lots of crying by herself.

But at one point, she saw the man from her dream and recognized him. (I can’t remember how this played out.)

And they got married!

Talk about predestined zivugim!

But here’s the thing: They DIDN’T live happily ever after.

Predestined Problems?

In addition to coming from different countries, cultural backgrounds, and different mother-tongues, they have totally different personalities—and not in a way that’s so compatible.

Is there love and connection between them? Yes.

But it takes a lot of sorting through all the other stuff to get to those moments where they really connect on the soul level.

At one point, my friend got so fed up, she convinced her predestined zivug to accompany her to the Rabbanut and set up a heskem gerushim (a divorce agreement). This is not a divorce, but a document which can facilitate a smoother divorce should the couple eventually decide to actually go through with it.

Last I heard, they were still married and I don’t think they will actually get divorced.

But the point is this: This woman married the man of her dreams—literally!

And they STILL had major conflicts.

Based on the above, I don’t think there is any other conclusion to come to except that they really are each other’s zivug. Apparently, his soul sensed when she was about to marry someone else, and its grief and connection was so acute, it visited her soul in a dream.

In other words, their Bat Kol jumped into action once again to remind them of their pre-embryonic pronouncement.

But they still had shalom bayit problems!

There is so much more going on that we don’t know.

Frustrating Fact: Tikkun Often Overwhelms Harmony

And if we’re here to fix ourselves, it makes sense that one of our primary relationships in life will be a source of friction—in other words, a relationship that forces us to really go to work on our emuna.

It can also be a kaparah for faulty actions we’ve committed, whether in this life or a previous one.

Yes, there are couples who get along like 2 doves from the get-go, and remain like that throughout their marriage. For those couples, their tikkunim lie in other areas.

But for many couples, their marriage lies somewhere between a little bit of friction to a whole heck of a lot of friction.

And yes, it also seems that for some, Hashem decreed that their nisayon and tikkun is to get divorced and either stay divorced or remarry someone else and deal with the challenges of second marriage and maybe also blended families, etc.

But the lesson here is that marital difficulties and even serious personality conflicts don’t AUTOMATICALLY mean that the marriage isn’t bashert.

Shalom bayis problems (even unrelenting ones) don’t AUTOMATICALLY mean that you’re not married to your zivug.

It COULD mean that, but it doesn’t HAVE to mean that.

And that’s all.

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The Ultimate Way to Reach Your Highest Spiritual Potential: Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Bamidbar

30/5/2019

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Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah booklet on Parshat Bamidbar is generously available at Toras Avigdor here:
Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Bamidbar: Walking Secretly with Hashem.

(It also contains the inspiring and illuminating story of Rav Yosef Zundel, the rebbe of Rav Yisroel Salanter, the firstborn & the Kohanim, insights into the Biblical nazir, gratitude, how to walk with Hashem, how to eat breakfast in the most spiritually effective way, how to become one of the greatest personalities of your generation in your own kitchen, and the real - and realistic - way to become your spiritual best.)

What are the 3 Things Hashem Wants from You?

From the Torah (Michah 6:8), Rav Miller gleans the 3 main things Hashem wants from you:

(1) "The first is עשות משפט [asot mishpat/do the law] – 'Keep the Torah.' That’s the basics, the minimum. You have to keep all the dinim of the Torah."

(2) "The second is אהבת חסד [ahavat chessed/love of kindness] – 'You have to be willing to do favors for others Jews. You have to like to help other Jews, to do chesed'."

(3) "And the third thing, the best of all things, the avodah that will make you truly great is הצנע לכת עם השם אלוקיך [hatzne'ah lechet im Hashem Elokecha] – 'You should walk with Hashem in a way that nobody could see it'.”

What was the Real Greatness of Our First Jews?

The humility of quietly imbuing even mundane tasks with meaning is a huge accomplishment, especially in our culture of self-promotion, selfies, self-esteem, self-defense, and self, self, self.

Rav Miller explains:

In order to better understand how important this career, the career of walking secretly with Hashem really is, we’ll listen to a statement from the Mesillas Yesharim [Pathways of the Just by Rav Moshe Chaim Luzatto].

He says: והנה זהו המבחן האמיתי – “This was the real test in which our forefathers were tested”.

And he explains as follows:
The greatness of Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov was not in the great acts they did.

Now, we have to understand this properly because absolutely, these were men who performed great acts and wonderful deeds. No question about it.

But if we would measure them by their deeds alone as most people are wont to do, we would be underestimating their greatness.

The true greatness of the forefathers was in that whatever they did, they did it with thoughts of Hashem in their minds.

Our Avot & Imahot gave us their spiritual DNA. Their paths to success paved the way for ours too.

Their spiritual greatness exists within each of us too.

And their spiritual greatness was their humility and their focus.

In other words, it was the silent service of their heart.

Here's more from Rav Avigdor Miller [emphasis mine-MR]:

That’s the true greatness of our Avos.

The acts that they did, the simple acts, the things we also do, were what made them great.

They weren’t heroic acts in the sense that we think of today. Because we think about chitzoniyus [externality] and nothing else.

But that’s not what Hashem is looking at. השם יראה ללבב.

And because our Avos walked secretly with Hashem, it was these simple acts that made them our heroes.

That’s the true measure of a person’s greatness.

What Comes before Spiritual Greatness? Lowliness.

Throughout Tanach, we see that seemingly passive or terribly disadvantaged people accomplish great things.

This blog has already written about the greatness of quieter heroines like Leah Imeinu and Chana, plus a very quiet hero that came out of nowhere...Gidon.

Or we see astounding leaps from lowly anonymity to supreme status.

For example, up until Shmuel Hanavi made his famous visit to the house of Yishai, David Hamelech was just an unwanted shepherd boy. He was the redheaded youngest of a bunch of handsome & charismatic boys and everyone thought he was of halachically illegitimate birth (which he wasn't).

He spent much of his life alone, with only smelly sheep for company.

He fought with wild animals, suffered through endless summer days, and quietly communed with Hashem while taking exceptionally good care of the sheep.

But Hashem had already crowned him king.

Just think:

At the very moment he was a despised illegitimate (or so everyone falsely assumed) outside in his shepherd's clothes with all the smelly sheep, he'd already been designated King of Yisrael by the King of the Universe.

(Please see Shmuel I:16 for that episode.)

Davka BECAUSE David Hamelech made the most of his status as quiet, alone, and despised, he was chosen for eternal greatness and to be the progenitor of Mashiach.

The Key to Spiritual Greatness

Rav Miller has more to say to us:

NEVER GIVE UP!

And so, you frustrated people; you who feel like your lives are mundane lives, and that your dreams of greatness have been dashed on the sharp rocks of reality.

Had you been a Rosh Yeshiva, you would have founded big Torah schools, and you could have said big shiurim and pilpulim. And you could’ve raised up talmidim. Ahh! The sweet taste of greatness. That would have made you great.

Or people have other ideas how to be a success in life. Whatever it is, people are frustrated. I speak to people and they feel they missed out on the great opportunity in life of being great in the eyes of Hashem.

But if you came here just to hear what I’m going to tell you know, it was worth it.

So those of you who are dozing off, perk up for a few minutes.

Because there is still open a great career for every man, for every woman and for every child who dreams of success in this world. There is a career that is available to you that would make you more successful than you could have ever imagined in your wildest dreams.

And that’s the career of walking secretly with Hakodosh Boruch Hu.

And it should be such a secret that nobody should know about it.

Even your wife doesn’t have to know about it. Now if your wife comes to these lectures, what could you do already, but as much as you can, you walk in secret with Hashem. Your friends shouldn’t know and your children shouldn’t know.

When you walk secretly with Hashem, the key to success is to keep it a secret from everybody.
* * *
And so, any man who trains himself, or a woman who trains herself, anyone who adopts this as a career in life is bound to succeed.

Because that’s the true greatness, that’s the greatness of the Avos and that’s the potential success of any person.

"It’s not the spectacular deeds that will make you spectacular; it’s the ordinary deeds, the ones you do, that when accompanied with the devotion of the mind that truly makes a man great!"

- Rav Avigdor Miller
(Parshat Bamidbar: Walking Secretly with Hashem)

"I'm DONE With Being Just a Thumb!"

So we see from this that if our mere body parts were at all competitive or egalitarian, there would not be one person left alive on the planet.

What Roles Does Hashem Send Us?

What Can You Make of Yourself?

Why Your Talent or Ability Doesn't Always Matter

When you mix halachic roles, you get into trouble.

Of Rogue Waves, Olive Groves, Balanced Kohanim, and Wolfish Binyaminim

Hashem created both because He WANTS both.

The Structure You Need for Your Personal Journey

"It Will End Badly."

Izzy Wins Our Sympathy

Teinos Lose Sway When the Measure Is Finally Filled

Don't Blind Yourself to All The Geshmak Aspects

Teinos & Excuses Don't Matter in the End

Parshat Korach 2: Your Mind is Forever

"To create a mind, that’s our job in life. And that’s the most important business we can do in this world."

Parshat Chukat: The Reality of the Next World

​​"Because there is a road, a true road to happiness. ​The road to Olam Habah is the winding road without any deceptions."

"Be a propagandist for Hakodosh Boruch Hu."

The Paradox of Emuna & Hishtadlut

The Recipe for Greatness: Isolation, Rejection, Repression...

Avodah Zara Makes My Skin Crawl

Are You a Potential Moshe Rabbeinu?

Are You a Potential Yirmiyahu HaNavi?

Only a Rejected & Despised Stone can be Used as a Cornerstone:All Others Need Not Apply

Let's Be Kind!

A Bit of Brutal Honesty about the Spiritual Wrestling Match

Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Korach

A Real Moshav Leitzim

"Your desire for kirvas Elokim, will always be perceived bythe friend who stands one rung below you, as extremism. 'Meshuga ish ruach - The man who wants to be a man of spirit is always meshugah to other people' ” (Hosheah 9:7). ​- Rav Avigdor Miller

Glatt Kosher Leitzanut

​"And that's one of the most important ways of avoiding the insidious influence of the outside world.​"Through ridicule, by deflating the worth of all of these empty ideals, you protect your own mind from them seeping in." - Rav Avigdor Miller

Seconds 1-10

Seconds 11-50

Seconds 51-60

Finding the Man of Her Dreams - Literally

Predestined Problems?

Frustrating Fact: Tikkun Often Overwhelms Harmony

What are the 3 Things Hashem Wants from You?

What was the Real Greatness of Our First Jews?

What Comes before Spiritual Greatness? Lowliness.

Davka BECAUSE David Hamelech made the most of his status as quiet, alone, and despised, he was chosen for eternal greatness and to be the progenitor of Mashiach.​

The Key to Spiritual Greatness

"It’s not the spectacular deeds that will make you spectacular; it’s the ordinary deeds, the ones you do, that when accompanied with the devotion of the mind that truly makes a man great!"​- Rav Avigdor Miller(Parshat Bamidbar: Walking Secretly with Hashem)

Myrtle Rising

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"Because there is a road, a true road to happiness. The road to Olam Habah is the winding road without any deceptions."

Only a Rejected & Despised Stone can be Used as a Cornerstone:
All Others Need Not Apply

"Your desire for kirvas Elokim, will always be perceived by
the friend who stands one rung below you, as extremism.

'Meshuga ish ruach - The man who wants to be a man of spirit is always meshugah to other people' ” (Hosheah 9:7).

- Rav Avigdor Miller

"And that's one of the most important ways of avoiding the insidious influence of the outside world.

"Through ridicule, by deflating the worth of all of these empty ideals, you protect your own mind from them seeping in."

- Rav Avigdor Miller

Davka BECAUSE David Hamelech made the most of his status as quiet, alone, and despised, he was chosen for eternal greatness and to be the progenitor of Mashiach.

"It’s not the spectacular deeds that will make you spectacular; it’s the ordinary deeds, the ones you do, that when accompanied with the devotion of the mind that truly makes a man great!"

- Rav Avigdor Miller
(Parshat Bamidbar: Walking Secretly with Hashem)