Category: Emuna

What Should You Chat about with Hashem?

17/9/2018

I just read a very useful article on talking to God.

He explains that by talking through your entire day with Hashem, you can rectify that day.

Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender also mentions this in Words of Faith.

The idea is that you should sit down and start talking to Hashem as if He is your Most Caring & Intimate Friend, who is Totally Trustworthy and Forever Forgiving.

In other words, the Unlimited Infinite Wholly-Omnipotent Master of the Universe is your personal BFF.

And then you speak about everything that passed over you during the day and everything you did—like a chatty report of your day.

This really chirked me up because as I’ve said before, I was always a dreamy type. Not ADD because I can focus well-enough, but sometimes what’s going on in my head can be more compelling than what’s going on around me, even if it’s something I’m actively doing myself.

Because I read Rav Arush's article at late morning, I felt it would be doable to start with the moment I woke up this morning. It seemed I could avoid getting distracted in the middle because we are only talking about a few hours, not 24 hours.

So I started with how my husband woke me up nicely and even though I was initially extremely sleepy due to having gone to bed way too late the night before, I still managed to get up at my husband’s first mumble and a minute later, I really felt fine and not sleep-deprived at all.

Yet I fully realized that this was nothing for which I could take credit because it is irrational to think that not only can I get up after such little sleep, but also feel perfectly fine a minute after doing so (especially since I haven’t gotten much sleep over the past few weeks AND a child already woke me up for a moment even earlier this morning)—and manage this all on my own koach.

Absurd, right?

So once again, it was “Thanks, Hashem! Very Nice & Generous of You—especially since it was my own fault that I went to bed so late in the first place!”

See? Very Forgiving is He.

And so it continued. I found things I did wrong (even though I’d only been awake for 5 hours so far), got some great insight into something I thought was innocent or neutral but was actually inconsiderate to Hashem, and also saw that anything good I seemed to have accomplished was yet another manifestation of Hashem’s Kindness to me because it involved accomplishments that I’m not capable of on my own (like not overeating, not obsessing over something worrisome, etc.).

So it was some nice fault-finding, slate-cleansing…and most importantly, feeling The Love.

I think this is a good way to start small if you tend to get distracted, overwhelmed, bored, or bogged down with the whole talking-to-God-in-your-own-words thing.

Please read Rav Arush’s article for more inspiration and a tip for when you’re truly tongue-tied:
A Prayer-Insurance Policy

And also, please read a previous post which is sort of Part I to this post:
The #1 Thing You Can Do to Cancel Negative Decrees

Well, I hope this works for you (if you hadn't been doing it already) and I hope it continues to work for me too because God knows I really need it.

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The #1 Thing You Can Do to Cancel Negative Decrees

16/9/2018

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Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender lived as a humble tzaddik in the Ukraine despite targeted Communist persecution. Because of their dedication to mitzvah observance, he and Rav Eliyahu Chaim Rosen even spent several weeks in a KGB prison, not knowing until the moment of release whether they would be murdered and discarded in an unknown grave.

In the book of his lectures, Words of Faith, Rav Bender stresses the importance of knowing that your prayers and words of Torah are of tremendous significance to Hashem.

ANY mitzvah or holy act is significant in the eyes of God.

On page 325, Vol I, Rav Bender exhorts you to have faith in yourself, explaining that you must say to yourself and to your yetzer hara:

“Even my actions, however they may be, are significant. Even my prayer is important in the eyes of Hashem Yitbarach.”

He defines this as “ ‘faith in oneself,’ which is imperative to advance in serving Hashem…”

Rav Bender explains the power of speaking to Hashem in your own words in a focused manner:

“If you merit to say words that come from peace of mind—words of hitbodedut between you and your Maker—they are definitely significant. Moreover, they smash through heavens! They are able to nullify decrees.”

(I’m assuming that “peace of mind” is “yishuv hadaas” in the original Yiddish.)

When a person focuses himself to speak out loud to Hashem, Hashem figuratively turns away from all His preoccupations and listens.

And because Hashem turns away from all His “Business” and all the matters “occupying” Him, He is NOT making decrees.

“Automatically, all decrees are nullified.”

So according to Rav Bender, you need to:

Have faith in yourself & the power of your prayers.
Know that your heartfelt words and good deeds (however imperfect they may be) are of tremendous significance.
Clear your mind of other distractions.
Focus your heart & mind toward Hashem.
Speak to Hashem as you'd speak to a close & genuinely caring friend.

Rav Bender emphasizes that this is the far-reaching power of ANYONE who “speaks words before Hashem Yitbarach.”

“But,” he concludes, “you need to know this and believe in it.”

May we all merit to speak words that smash through the heavens & nullify all negative decrees.

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How to Release the Diamond Spark Trapped in the Klippah of Muck

6/9/2018

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Sometimes, it seems like it’s too hard to fulfill mitzvot like giving the benefit of the doubt or judging others favorably or finding the merits in others.

And these have gotten an undeserved reputation for difficulty, mostly because of an overly idealistic presentation.

So the truth is that:

Digging out a merit in another person does not excuse their abusive behavior.
Judging another person favorably does not whitewash forbidden behavior.
Giving the benefit of the doubt is actually forbidden when you know the person is an intentional unrepentant sinner. Assuming the best of intentions regarding a person who has repeatedly proven him or herself to be manipulative, exploitative, or sadistic actually causes harm to yourself and others (because your rosy disassociated state prevents you from protecting yourself and others from that person’s harm).

You still need to find some kind of good point in them, but you don’t need to expect them to behave ethically when they’ve proven they neither know nor care to do so.

In fact, the exhortation against chanifah prohibits us from labeling a Torah-prohibited behavior as good when it’s actually bad.

Acting like it’s okay or excusable to wreak havoc on a person’s family or community simply because that person endured a difficult upbringing (or whatever) is wrong.

But saying, “This person is probably a good person at heart, but they apparently didn’t manage to rise to the challenge of a difficult upbringing. Their behavior feels right to them, even though it’s wrong. They don’t mean to be horrible. They either aren’t thinking or if they are thinking, they’re thinking wrongly. If they somehow knew better, they'd be better.”

That’s judging the person favorably.

They’re not innately evil—maybe they were even born good! Maybe Hashem even gifted them with many good points that aren’t yet actualized. They don’t mean to be horrible, they either aren’t thinking or they’re thinking down the wrong path, so to speak.

That’s a favorable judgment that can safely be used even in extreme situations.

But most importantly, find a merit or good point in the other person.

A diamond in the rough

A REAL merit, not just lip service or an act of sarcasm or flippance.

Finding a good quality in another can ignite a person to do teshuvah without either you or them knowing it.

The good within us co-exists with the bad.

The bad is like a thick ugly klippah-peel weighing down upon our gem-like qualities.

Our diamonds are trapped within a klippah-shell of toughened muck.

A Story of Clashing Co-Existence

For example, I knew a woman who is very bitter and resentful toward Hashem.

She constantly complains and harps over every bad thing that has ever happened to her.

Even with a positive scenario, she picks it apart to scrape out whatever negatives can be found. She dominates every conversation with her gloom.

And because she is so miserable and self-absorbed, she sometimes insults people without realizing it. This only adds to her “the world is a heartless place” conviction as the offended person responds with anger and she can’t understand why the insulted person is being so "mean" to her.

And it’s true that she has endured some real challenges in life, challenges that would bring anyone down. Yet those challenges don’t condemn her to a life of gloom.

(In fact, based on things she has said and what mussar books say, I think at least 2 of her big challenges result from her insistence on seeing the worst of everything, calling Hashem names during hitbodedut, and acting like any expression of gratitude is beyond her. But obviously, I can’t know for sure.)

For whatever the reason, she made a series of choices that resulted in becoming the kind of person she became.

And yet…

I definitely see a wonderful person underneath a lot of klippah:

She cares about people she perceives as suffering and invests tremendous effort and inconvenience to help them.
She’s empathetic toward babies and small children.
She’s devoted to her husband and I’m both impressed and admittedly mystified by their high level of shalom bayit.
When people are consistently kind to her (regardless of her gloom, self-centeredness, and unintentional insults), she genuinely appreciates them and she openly expresses her appreciation and gratitude for their kindness toward her.
She desperately wishes the world were a kinder and healthier place, and in her own bumbling blinded way, she does what she can to make it that way.

And that's not even all her positive qualities.

Fortunately, I don’t see her often, but when I do see her, I try my best to treat her with respect and relate to her according to her good points. It takes strenuous effort on my part to avoid getting dragged down by her gloom and misery, but it’s very worth it because underneath all the klippah, she really is a very good person who has suffered a lot, and I don’t want to hurt her further.

Baruch Hashem, several other people also insist on treating her with respect and compassion, and they daven for her.

And indeed, over the past couple of years, I think she has become “lighter.”

The Truth about People

Western society tells us that unless we point out the negative, we’re not being “honest.”

In modern Edom, honesty is defined by whether you see negativity.

Judaism says exactly the opposite:
You’re not being honest unless you notice the positive.

Judaism doesn’t consider you as seeing the whole picture unless you can see the positive aspects too (even there’s only one).

Yet fear (or perhaps a need to feel good) leads some Jews to understand this mitzvah superficially and they believe that if you see any negativity, then you’re remiss. They also wrongly feel that suffering excuses, justifies, or whitewashes halachically forbidden behavior.

(In all the stories of tzaddikim, I've never seen that giving the benefit of the doubt is ever used to "okay" behavior that is halachically forbidden and/or just plain bad middot. Even Rav Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev didn't justify or whitewash forbidden behavior, he tried to find a merit or a positive intention on the part of the errant one.)

So I don’t consider myself a Pollyanna or a fake or a moron for believing the woman above possesses some very great qualities.

At the same time, I also don’t consider myself an unspiritual or sinful or negative person for not only noticing that she suffers from some deeply problematic traits and beliefs, but for also realizing that her challenges don't need to define her in this way.

Her negativity, misery, ingratitude, and sometimes offensive behavior are not okay, despite her suffering.

But she's not innately horrible either. Underneath it all, she's very good.

She's both.

People aren’t either coal black or pristine white—they possess both.

And we can see both.

We shouldn’t be afraid to see both.

And if you can see the pristine light within another person, then that alone can spark them to do teshuvah.

You can see both & you can believe in their ability to change for the better.

And you can see both in yourself & believe in your own ability to change for the better too.

The Real You

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Discover How Gratitude Activates Real Teshuvah

3/9/2018

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Rav Shalom Arush’s Garden of Gratitude fleshes out everything you need to know about the importance of gratitude, including how & why it works.

It’s a genuinely inspiring book, yet its impact is so powerful, I recommend reading Garden of Emuna first.

Maybe it’s just me, but I feel that had I read Garden of Gratitude before reading Garden of Emuna, it would’ve hit me too hard and I just wouldn’t have been able to absorb it properly.

Then there is the easily digestible Garden of Miracles: Say Thank You & See Salvation.

There, you’ll find letters and testimonies from around the world of people of different religious backgrounds, ethnicities, and nationalities who read Garden of Emuna, started expressing gratitude to Hashem, and discovered an expanded mind and heart, plus an improved life. Some of the stories are quite amazing.

Gratitude as Cheshbon Hanefesh

At first glance, it doesn’t seem logical that simply saying “Thank You, Hashem, for this and thank You, Hashem, for that” can not only reap miracles, but also effect self-transformation.

In fact, gratitude seems almost like a sneaky short-cut around doing real get-your-hands-dirty self-scrutiny and cheshbon hanefesh.

But looking at a mussar classic from nearly a thousand years ago, we find the Chovot Halevavot/Duties of the Heart details a 30-part cheshbon hanefesh that consists primarily of meditating on all the nice things Hashem has done for you.

(Seriously. Take a look at Shaar Cheshbon Hanefesh/Gate of Spiritual Accounting.)

For example, if you look at Cheshbon #2 in Chapter 3, it basically asks you to sit there and happily ruminate over all the body parts you enjoy and their functionality. (Do you have a tongue? Does it work? Great! How about your saliva production? Not too much, else you’d be drooling & not too little, else how would you ever swallow cinnamon-buttered toast?)

Chesbon #2 also references the symmetry of the human body.

For example, your elbows aren’t where your knees are and vice-versa. Your feet don’t extend from your shoulder joints and you don’t have hands where your feet should be.

In a world where each person endured the nisayon of randomly applied limbs, getting out of bed would be a major challenge. Meeting the most basic needs would consume our entire day every day. How would we ever progress beyond the most primitive tasks? Performing surgery or even “just” CPR would be impossible, as would any task that makes life more comfortable and convenient or produces great accomplishments.

Our intellect would suffer too because such a challenging life would leave us no time for intellectual pursuits or learning Torah. (How could we even scribe a Torah scroll or record chiddushim with an asymmetrical body?)

How Gratitude Creates Real Results

Okay, so what does all this grateful ruminating do for us?

When you know that everything really comes from Hashem and is good, that’s emuna and bitachon.

A grateful person is truly happy. Meaning, not hyper or frivolous, but content and feeling loved by the Creator.

A grateful person maintains constant connection to Hashem because in everything that happens, such a person immediately turns to Hashem, whether with praise or with a plea for help.

One who is grateful to Hashem doesn’t get depressed or detached. Such a person does not slip into sin. Feeling happy and fulfilled by his or her intimate relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu, what need does such a person have for taavot like food, drugs, illicit relationships, or violence?

Feeling happy and loved by Hashem, what urge does such a person have for revenge, hurting others, anger, depression, mockery, or wasting time?

Furthermore, such a person will naturally regret former forbidden behaviors because their state of gratitude and contentment is so compelling and fulfilling.

So such a person naturally regrets former forbidden actions and naturally wants to be good.

Furthermore, it’s easier for such a person to remedy and attempt to rectify past misdeeds.

Enveloped in bitachon (the certainty that everything that happens is good even if it’s not enjoyable), they know they have nothing to fear from admitting their mistakes, even if the other person is unforgiving and harsh. Since all money is from Hashem, they find it easier to pay back what they owe and make expensive amends.

One who truly believes that EVERYTHING is from Hashem holds no arrogance or pride. They just feel lucky and loved that Hashem gifted them whatever strong points or good fortune they enjoy.

Needless to say, I’m not on that level—but I sure would like to be!

Mashiach is Born from Gratitude

So that’s an overview of how gratitude works.

Our very name--Yehudi—comes from the word hoda’ah, l’hodot: to thank.

Upon Yehudah's birth, Leah Imeinu said, “ ‘Hapa’am odeh et Hashem—This time, I shall thank Hashem’ and she called his name Yehudah.”

Yehudah is the progenitor of Mashiach.

Leah, with all her suffering and loneliness, managed to wholeheartedly thank Hashem and thus merit the spark of Mashiach.

So gratitude to Hashem ignites the spark of Mashiach.

It’s there inside of us.

There might be a lot of darkness and muck to scrape through to get to it.

But it’s definitely there.

May we all merit basking in a state of continuous gratitude.

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Our Latest Research Indicates that Everything We've Been Promoting Based on Our Latest Research...is Wrong!

2/9/2018

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I just got an interesting quote in my Inbox [emphasis mine]:

In fact, we asked the people who participated in our research if they were getting therapy, and we discovered that there was a reasonably high correlation between getting therapy and getting a divorce. It was more likely that couples would get a divorce if they had therapy than if they had no therapy. This was especially true for individual therapy, but it was also true of couple therapy.

John Gottman, The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples

This issue is what has come up on this blog several times.

Conventional "solutions" touted throughout society as "the best" or "the only" solution to problems either don't help, don't help as much as needed, or even harm.

Despite the positive smiley encouraging presentation, such promotion of band-aid methods ultimately leads to despair.

Hashem loves you with a Love that you can't even imagine feeling yourself, no matter how much or how deeply you have ever loved another person. He is the Only One Who truly has your best interests and Who truly cares about you.

And He is the True Healer of all ills.

English-speaking frum media with the noblest of intentions continuously pushes secular solutions to problems, whether it’s therapy, medication, yoga, or anything else solidly recommended in secular society.

As I’ve said before, I think therapy can be helpful depending and I’m not necessarily against psychiatric medication used for very specific reasons for a very limited amount of time. (And according to my reading, yoga isn’t ever kosher even when it’s advertised as “kashered,” so that’s out.)

But even helpful therapy doesn’t usually solve the problem at its core. And its helpfulness depends so much on the chemistry between the therapist and client, how spiritually healthy and emuna-filled the therapist is, how much the therapist actually likes the client and sees the client's God-given potential, plus how much the therapist can help the client develop emuna and carry out a real cheshbon hanefesh...and much more.

Yet the most compassionate, caring, responsible response with which people are constantly bombarded is to encourage a suffering loved one is to "get professional help."

Psychology Problems

Therapy became very popular and acceptable when I was in my preteens. So over the decades, I’ve known many people who’ve gone into it. Yet I’ve rarely seen it do much more than make people feel somewhat better & more confident about themselves (which often did NOT translate into becoming better people).

Furthermore, it has become extremely common and aggressively encouraged in the frum community for people to seek “professional treatment” for everything.

That is considered the responsible response.

Yet mainstream psychology (and psychiatry, for that matter) keep insisting that there is no cure for dysfunctions like personality disorder or bipolar disorder or schizophrenia—despite the fact that people like Dr. William Glasser did cure many of his mentally ill patients at a mental hospital. (So mental illness CAN be curable—why do they insist it’s not? Why offer lifetime despair to mental patients?)

Psychiatry Problems

Psychiatry keeps insisting that psychiatric medications are the only way to treat mental illness despite both anecdotal evidence and a leading psychiatrist’s claims and research evidence that medication actually makes people worse in the long run, not better.

Yes, that’s right.

At the end of a lifetime of official, professional, “responsible” psychiatric treatment, the patient will not even be back to their original starting point of schizophrenia or bipolar disorder or whatever. They’ll be worse.

So how is that "treating" the illness?

As stated before, I don’t see a problem with temporary treatment. I can only imagine what a psychotic episode is like, and maybe someone needs a medicinal “kick” to get them out of a dark tortuous place and into a place where they can ponder their situation, its roots, and how to proceed.

But most (if not all) of what secular society recommends as "treatment" or "responsible" doesn't ultimately heal the problem.

How Did I Get Here?

I used to think therapy was the answer for all emotional ills.

Then I tried therapy. I tried it several short-term times with different therapists over the years for different reasons. Most were either not helpful at all or somewhat helpful, and a couple (the frum female ones) were pretty helpful—yet could not provide me with complete direction. (That needs to come in a quiet place from private discussions with Hashem.)

I also couldn't help noticing that others who'd undergone therapy still suffered from poor morality and psychological issues.

I also believed with all my heart that if I would cleave to a rabbinical-approved chinuch method (as taught by the rabbinically approved rebbetzin) and jump through every hoop insisted (no matter how high or how narrow), then I would succeed in turning out ideal frum children, which was my dearest dream.

(Note: To my knowledge, these authorizing rabbis don't hear the nitty-gritty details of the shitahs presented nor do they hear the stories told for emphasis. The authorizing rabbis go by a basic run-down of the shitah—which will always be presented in a Torah-based way because that's what the person truly believes he or she is doing--and the authorizing rabbis go by the integrity and middot of the person promoting the shitah. But just because the person knows how to deal with her own children or students doesn't mean that she knows how to deal with other people's children or even with other people who are very different than her.)

The books that helped me break away from the chinuch loop were (in the order I discovered them):

Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self-Discovery by Riso & Hudson (helped me realize that much chinuch advice either does nothing or is the opposite of what a Type 8 child needs and can even worsen that child’s behavior)
The Case Against Adolescence: Rediscovering the Adult in Every Teen by Dr. Robert Epstein (validated a lot of my own against-the-stream observations since high school and proved that most “adolescent” behavior is actually culturally induced rather than the much-touted "teen brain"; also one of the only secular books of this type that not only doesn’t put down Judaism, Torah, etc, but even admires authentic Judaism)
Garden of Education by Rav Shalom Arush (this made me throw out every other chinuch book; it was all I needed)
Yeladim Mutzlachim by Rav Shalom Arush (its collection of prayers for chinuch is invaluable; and using historical examples of Gedolei Hador from all groups, it proves the importance of prayer and spiritual inner work for raising children)

And needless to say, both my children and I are still works in progress. None of us are perfect and we never will be. And because I'm far from tzidkus, I struggle with implementing the authentic Jewish mussar as I should. Yet at least I'm bumbling up the right path; I wasn't before.

Why Chinuch Advice Often Doesn't Work

Being human, all therapists run into their own limitations at some point. Their blind spots (which every human possesses) will eventually block you, their client.

Furthermore, when I was in the chinuch loop, I discovered that many chinuch advisors don’t really possess the spiritual foundation and expanded mind to truly help parents raise their children.

For example:

For complex reasons (some unfathomable in our 3-dimentional world), Hashem placed specific children with specific parents for everyone’s benefit, pre-determining struggles and conflicts (along with harmony and suitability) beforehand.
Because they are only human, chinuch advisors can make some accurate observations based on their experience, but they will always miss other things simply because they are human and cannot see everything that Hashem sees. (And sometimes, what they miss is exactly what the parent needs to know for that child.)
Hashem gifted each parent with the wisdom & insight to raise each child; therefore, a chinuch advisor’s job is to draw out that wisdom and insight, not to impose the chinuch advisor’s “solutions” onto the parents. However, this is much more complex and demands much more emotional and mental stamina than imposing shitahs.
Switching methods can lead to temporary relief, but using the child’s undesirable behavior as a springboard for a parent’s cheshbon hanefesh and consequent teshuvah is a million times more likely to lead to improvement in the child’s behavior ON ITS OWN. (Although nothing is guaranteed because we don't know Hashem's Plan for us.)
Children’s aberrant behavior is more likely a reflection of the parents’ middot on some level, and less likely a reflection of specific methods used.

As just one example of the last point:
A bullying child is most likely a reflection of a parent’s bullying tendency, even if this tendency is nearly unperceivable and not consciously or practically witnessed by either the child or the parent. (Meaning, maybe the parent is unconsciously and subtly bullying an adult sibling, but the bullying isn't expressed anywhere else or at anyone else—yes, the message can be that subtle.)

This COULD also mean that the child experiences bullying by a parent, but it doesn’t HAVE to mean that.

Having said all that, the majority of chinuch advisors definitely deserve an A+ for good intentions.

They stretch to the limits their patience and energy to help desperate & struggling (or arrogant & obstinate) parents and their children. But they can also accidentally harm as much as they help. (Or even harm more than they help, depending.)

Why?

Because chinuch methods aren't generally based on Torah hashkafah. Some methods can be adapted to Torah hashkafah, but the goals set in Mishlei and mussar sefarim aren't necessarily the goals of the chinuch class.

(The main goal for your child, BTW, is for them to fulfill their soul-potential and get them into the best Olam Haba possible, may everyone live in good health until 120.)

The majority of chinuch advisors unknowingly hold views based on 1 of the following:

Post-Sixties methods created (and continuously re-adjusted) by anti-Torah Liberals and Leftists with either secular Leftist or Far Eastern "spiritual" agendas
Pre-Sixties methods created by secular sick anti-Torah elitists and eugenicists
People with ulterior agendas posited as “good for the child!” but were originally a stab at temporarily improving the economy or lowering employment or whatever.

How Do You Define "Better"?

Regarding therapy, I couldn’t help seeing that therapy often made people feel better, but not act better. For example, one secular person I knew went to a top-rated secular psychologist when she felt suicidal. He managed to cure of her desire to kill herself, yet not her penchant for pritzadik behavior (including an affair with a married man), nasty acts of revenge, and so on. But yes, she did feel much better about herself.

(And that doesn't even begin to cover the people who felt worse after therapy.)

That’s just one example. There are a lot more.

Likewise, I’ve noticed so many people jump from therapist to therapist and from method to method. While therapists defend therapy by saying it can only help those who want to be helped and are willing to do the inner work—and this is true—because this is true, people are better off just doing it with Hashem.

Hashem truly loves us and knows everything about us. In fact, any bad middot you discover were planted there BY HASHEM in the first place, so rather than blaming yourself, you can just flip it back to Hashem and say, “YUCK. I don’t want this! Ugh, what an absolutely awful middah. Take it back—please, take it back!”

(Don’t worry. He loves it when you do this. That’s the whole point of your existence and why He put you here in the first place. World of Tikkun!)

Who are You Following?

So what is the point of this post?

The point is that we are inundated from all sides by advice to use secular (or secular-based with a frum twist) treatment for our emotional, psychological, mental, and relationship problems. And in the frum media, they promote this based on secular research (with the best of intentions; they genuinely want to help).

Yet that same secular research is itself coming out and saying:
“THIS ULTIMATELY DOES NOT WORK.”

So who are you going to listen to?

The “I’M the ultimate solution—right over here!” and “THIS ULTIMATELY DOES NOT WORK” are both coming from the same source (secular science and research).

So who are you going to listen to?

Or, rather Who are you going to listen to?

Related Posts
By Dr. Zev Ballen:
The True Doctor of the Soul
The Therapeutic Wasteland
The Origins of Emuna Coaching
Do You NLP? (please make sure to read Chaim's valuable comments at the end)
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Anti-Depressant Use Leads to Worse Long-Term Outcomes
Does Long-Term Use of Psychiatric Drugs Cause More Harm Than Good?
Psychiatrist Says: More Psychiatry Means More Shootings
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Myrtle Rising Chinuch Posts
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For Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender's advice on beneficial listening and how a true friend should behave, please search through Posts on Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender.
______
What is the World of Tikkun?

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What is the World of Tikkun?

31/8/2018

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One of the major struggles I’ve had since becoming frum is resisting the cultural pull toward “eat, drink, be merry.” (Not so literally—I was never a party lush—but the cultural implication of the phrase.)

The eternal search for leisure time and activities, the perking up at distractions, the ever increasing opportunities for instant gratification in any area…

Funnily, I became frum partly BECAUSE I rejected a life void of meaning.

And I’m still frum because I really believe in this.

I know this is what Hashem wants.

But I can’t deny the double–whammy of both my cultural indoctrination and certain aspects of my personality.

Not everyone suffers from this issue because they have other issues. But this is definitely mine and it’s an issue for a lot of people.

Discover the Purpose of Each World

So I remember at Neve that Rebbetzin Heller once stated:

“This World is for milchama; the Next World is for menucha.”

(“This World is for war; the Next World is for rest.”)

Or as she emphasized it: “This world is for milchama; the Next World is for menucha.”

And Rebbetzin Heller has proven herself to be quite the spiritual soldier, what with her dedication to teaching, her hospitality, her large family, and more.

So this statement resonated with me because I sensed it was exactly the antidote I needed.

Everything I’d encountered in my upbringing pointed to finding menucha in this world. Even “Live for today!” and “Follow your dreams!” and “Work hard, play hard!” were about achieving some kind of nachas in this world, even if it was a stress-filled kavod-seeking nachas. I still remember a song whose chorus was: “Fight for your right…to paaaarty!”

So even the fights and riots seen in America in recent years are often just a way to feel strong and superior, to let off steam, and to steal beer, electronics, and toys.

Angry Americans today aren’t fighting against their yetzer hara, they’re fighting FOR their yetzer hara.

Nonetheless, the proper mindset is:
“This World is for milchama; the Next World is for menucha.”

And I’ve been wrestling with it ever since.

Introducing the World of Tikkun

Recently, I listened to a 2012 shiur. And Rebbetzin Heller discussed this idea again in her usual compelling and inspiring way.

She told the story of a female baalat teshuvah in her late thirties who got engaged to a thirtysomething chassidish businessman (whose Chassidic group marries off its young men and women by the age of 20).

After determining that he was indeed a decent guy who simply hadn’t met his zivug until now, they got engaged.

But when they discussed their favorite places in the world, he said he loved San Francisco because of its beautiful bridge.

“I’ve been to San Francisco,” she replied. “The only thing is there are so many gays, it made me feel uncomfortable.”

“Gay people?” he said. “I didn’t think the people there looked so much happier than anywhere else.”

Gulp!

Dread speared the heart of the kallah. She realized that despite his wide travels and business savvies, he’d guarded his innocence so well, he could have no idea of her own past. She dreaded him finding out because she knew she’d feel cheap and repulsive (her words, not mine) when he’d invariably make this discovery.

So Rebbetzin Heller bravely rang up the chassan’s Rebbe and very delicately explained the kallah’s concerns.

“I know exactly what you’re talking about,” the Rebbe said. “I spoke with him about this before he even went out with her. Of course she has a past. How could she not have a past?”

For the kallah's sake, Rebbetzin Heller wanted to know how the chassan felt about it.

“I’ll tell you what I told him,” the Rebbe continued. “This is Olam Hatikkun.” (The World of Fixing, Repair, Rectification.) “Nothing in This World is perfect. Not me. Not him. Not her. Not you. It’s the World of Tikkun. It’s the world where we all have to select where we want to be and who we want to be by rejecting who we don’t want to be and what we aren’t.”

And the chassan accepted it.

Then the Rebbe asserted that if the kallah ever wanted to contact him directly, she could feel free to do so.

So again, the Rebbe's definition of This World as the World of Tikkun:

Reject who you don't want to be.
Reject what you aren't.
Select who you want to be.
Select where you want to be.

Tikkun: It's the Real Thing

Again, just like with Rav Ofer Erez’s book Ahavat Kedumim, this truth removes toxic shame from the whole picture.

Healthy shame, yes.

Toxic shame, no.

Many people comment on how exasperated, frustrated, exhausted, and angry they feel about the constant struggle with a nisayon. (And I can feel this way as much as anyone else.) In a particularly challenging nisayon, a person can fail many more times than she succeeds. The struggle can feel so worthless and meaningless.

But it’s NOT.

That struggle is exactly what we’re here for: It’s Olam Hatikkun.

It’s a world of stitching, then ripping out stitches, then starting over again.

It’s sculpting, then mashing everything back into a mound of clay, then starting over again.

It’s painting, then getting nicks, scratches, and holes, then plastering, scraping, and repainting again.

If at all possible, rather than feeling defeated and down on yourself when struggling, you can also feel good and happy (at least a tiny bit) about that feeling of struggle, even as you feel fed up with it.

The 2 Ultimate Questions

Rebbetzin Heller ends the shiur with 2 questions every person must ask herself:

Who am I not?
Who am I?

She explains that according to Chovot Halevovot, the answer to “Who am I?” is: “I am a person of transcendence.”

And the Chovot Halevavot details 4 qualities regarding this (i.e. that define our portion in the World to Come).

"I am:

my emuna." (i.e., knowing that God is behind everything)
my willingness to give to the other and to affect the other."
my ability to suffer and meet challenges."
my ability to want to know Torah and to live it."

These are the goals.

Your unique path is to find your way to actualize these goals within you.

It’s All Greek To Me - Confronting the Challenges of Contemporary Culture | TorahAnytime.com (the shiur on which this post is based)
Our Purpose in This World
What is the Main Purpose of Your Existence?

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Why God Makes You Wait

30/8/2018

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For a long time, I didn't quite understand the concept of Hashem refraining from fulfilling your request in order to increase your yearning or to test your sincerity (the test being for you, not for Him).

Then at one point, I decided to replace my somewhat modest skirts with truly modest skirts.

The truly modest skirts made me look fatter, but otherwise they were nice-looking. And most importantly of all, they fulfilled halachic requirements.

So they were nice-looking skirts, but I figured that the fat-effect was just part of sacrificing for a mitzvah and even good for me (because I needed to choose halacha over the shifting definitions of beauty.)

Yet a couple of days after this not-cheap self-sacrificing purchase, I noticed that one of the zippers on the new skirt had already busted. Because it was in the back, I'd been walking around with an open zipper without even knowing it. (It wasn't so bad because I wear long shirts, but still.)

Of course, my mind briefly and instinctively hopped to the usual facades of despair: You can't count on Israeli stores to sell you decent merchandise (i.e., this happened because I made aliyah to Eretz Yisrael - a very big mitzvah!), why am I being punished for doing something You claim You WANT?, why does this kind of thing always happen to me? (even though it actually doesn't ALWAYS happen), and so on.

I managed to stop my anti-emuna thoughts (but not my disgruntled feelings), and brought it to a seamstress, who fixed it in a few days.

Then the mild annoyance was over and I've worn them ever since.

Falling Down into Defeat

What are other common thoughts of despair and anti-emuna in this kind of situation?

"See? It wasn't worth it after all."
"This just shows how needlessly extreme I can get about things."
"My former skirts were fine, especially compared to what most women wear. Why do I need to be such a fanatic?"
"Keeping Torah can cause so much aggravation."
"This is too much trouble. Just forget it. I'm going back to my old skirts, which weren't so bad compared to everyone else."
"This is a sign from God that I don't need to go to this extreme. I'm going back to my old skirts."

Just to be clear, we're talking about conforming to the actual halacha, so considering myself some kind of extremist is not logical thinking here. Also, though it's scandalous to say even among some frum people nowadays, tsnius (dressing & behaving with dignity & refinement) is one of those mitzvot that is good to enhance upon yourself. It really does open you up to receive more blessing.

And though it's not mentioned as much, Judaism also obligates men to pay attention to the dignity and refinement of their clothes.

True Motivations Revealed

Looking at things from the above perspective: What if I'd decided to cast aside the new skirts?

What would I be saying?

I'd be saying that I don't REALLY care about dressing spiritually. I don't really care about the halacha.

Maybe I just wanted to feel frum or halachically superior. Maybe I'd heard a particularly inspiring class on the importance of tsnius and I wanted the merits promised, but not enough to really keep to the proper standards.

Maybe my desire for more tsnius skirts was just fleeting inspiration, and not a reflection of my heart's desire.

If you really want something, if it's REALLY important to you and you are sincere about it, then you keep going with it -- even when it's difficult or inconvenient.

And in much bigger things than skirts, sometimes Hashem withholds fulfillment of a request because you need more prayer and chesbon hanefesh to be really ready for it.

When You're Just Not Ready - Yet

This is a bit harsh to say, but I can't help having seen people who were so desperate for a spouse or children. Yet when they finally got it, they themselves end up being a worse spouse or parent than average. It's sort of sad for their spouse or children that they got what they asked for.

Yes, even after all that desperate pleading, they don't really appreciate what they have or what they need to do to keep it. It's a certain lack of gratitude, no?

I've also seen singles and childless couples who, based on the unrealistic demands and expectations they express, are clearly not ready for marriage or children. Their ego-desires control them and may Hashem protect the people who marry or are born to such people.

And it's also true that people who marry or desire children for all the wrong reasons often get a spouse or a baby right away. It's seems like a big chessed, but in some ways, it's not. Some people benefit from waiting and refining themselves in the meantime.

As mentioned in previous posts, Hashem sometimes desires to save a person from himself, and therefore withholds the object of their desire until they are ready (or until they are more ready).

Having said all that, yes, of course I also see people who seem so ready for what they want. So I'm flummoxed as to why Hashem doesn't give it to them.

There is so much we don't know and so much we cannot perceive.

The point is that there are reasons for not fulfilling our requests right away. There are also many more reasons than those discussed here.

There are some very good (good by Torah-definition) things I crave right now, yet Hashem is saying no -- or rather, not yet.

But I know I have more work to do before I can merit them. When I discussed it with Hashem, He let me know what was holding me back regarding one thing I've requested for years. And it's a tall order. But I see His point and even with my limited understanding, I even agree.

Yet other things -- really good things, according to the Torah -- aren't being given...yet. And I don't see why.

I don't like it, but there are things I neither know nor understand.

And that's exactly how it's supposed to be.

It's good. It doesn't feel good. But it's still good.

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Discover the Ancient Danger of "New!"

28/8/2018

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As explained in a previous post, one of the most powerful tools of the Yetzer Hara is "New!"

Some of the most harmful ideologies have used this.

Nazism promoted itself as a new solution to old problems. Combining nationalism with socialism was presented as the best way to achieve equality in society -- at least for those deemed Aryan, anyway.

New cars! New vacation opportunities! New laws for factory works!

In reality, Nazism derived much of its ideology from pagan occult traditions. Even its infamous swastika is just the old Buddhist symbol for death and decline.

And its hatred of Jews was nothing new either.

Communism also touted itself as a new solution to old problems. But it turned totalitarian fairly quickly. "Rob from the rich and give to the poor" is not a new concept, nor is the idea that the government owns your stuff and can parcel it out according to whim.

Old Tyranny with a New Twist

The problem comes when new gets mixed with old.

For example, in the above example of Nazism, the VW bugs produced in Germany were indeed a new kind of car. (Cars in general were newer to the scene.) And the idea of parceling out cars to citizens was technically a new idea.

But the foundation for Nazi ideology was pretty old. And the idea of catering to a chosen populace over another populace is also pretty old and overdone.

Thus, the means for carrying out these ideologies and methods were new, but the ideologies and methods themselves were not new.

The Old-New "Liberated" Woman

Likewise, feminism presented itself as "New!"

They peppered their propaganda with persuasive words related to "new": "Remarkable! Revolutionary! Discover! The New Woman!"

("Self-discovery" was and still is a big hit with them.)

Yet much of what they presented as new wasn't actually so new. It was old with a new twist.

Women & Housework
For example, the idea of "freeing" women from domestic chores? Women who could afford it have been doing that since time immemorial.

The modern twist was that rather than being born or marrying into such financial capability, feminists wanted women themselves to earn it.

Women & Paid Work
Likewise, there have always been working women. There have even been women were the main breadwinners, either because they were widows or for some Jewish women of yore, because they wanted their husbands to learn Torah full-time.

The modern twist was that feminists wanted this for all women.

Women & Respected Professions
Throughout the ages, you can find women who fulfilled professional jobs of authority. There were ruling queens, doctors, lawyers, sailors, soldiers, storekeepers, printers, teachers, and more.

Massachusetts midwife Martha Ballard would be called a "healer" in today's lingo, but back then, her ability to also treat disease was simply part of what a midwife did -- and something she did quite successfully. According to what she writes in her diary during the years 1785-1812, she was clearly considered a respected medical professional & colleague by the male doctors who knew her.

And the modern twist?

Feminists wanted access for all women to any profession they desired -- and this included access to the education necessary for the desired profession.

This coincided with increased opportunities for males, BTW. Unless they hailed from the "right" class, many males throughout the ages never managed to achieve professions, education, prestige, or other opportunities outside their limited station.

So the expansion of opportunities for women actually coincided with expanding opportunities for men, and wasn't just a feminist thing nor just a feminist accomplishment.

Women & Childcare
And since time immemorial, women who could afford to hired others to care for their children. Yes, the mothers and caretakers and children remained on the same property, often in the same building together. But wet-nurses, nursemaids, nannies, and governesses often fulfilled the roles that mothers otherwise fill. Even today, many women who can afford it do hire a nanny or two.

In Dov B. Lederman's remarkable book, These Children are Mine: A Story of Survival and Rescue, Lederman remembers his childhood governess and their walks to the park. He also remembers kindergarten as a "newfangled invention," recalling that children generally started school at the age of 7.

In fact, Lederman recalls overhearing his mother speaking to someone about "the horror of taking a child away from his parents and sending him to kindergarten at a tender age."

(But please note that even as Lederman's mother opposed kindergarten, the responsibility for her child did not rest on her alone 24/7; she hired a governess to lighten that responsibility.)

And that's the modern twist.

Many working women couldn't (and still can't) afford to hire a nanny to their home. So they searched outside the home for babysitting and daycares and preschools (which didn't exist in the quantities and quality they do now). Nowadays, these are popular options in modern society. But having your child physically far away from you -- even an hour's traveling time between mother and child -- is the norm. No longer under the same roof, the child is part of a group and hopefully receives the necessary care and attention as one of several.

So What is the Real "New" for Women's Roles?

So none of the above is "new" as in "Never before seen!" or "Unprecedented!" or "Revolutionary!" or "Breakthrough!"-- which is how the above is presented to society.

What's new is the following:

Breadth (widespread; the above is embraced by most women in modern society)
Acceptability (Female lawyers, for example, are no longer an oddity.)
Opportunity (Women - and men, for that matter - can access opportunities previously available only to upper-class white men.)

Acceptability & Opportunity also mean that discrimination is down. It's down for everyone at this point (except for white males). In fact, some companies and departments actively seek out female students and employees.

Long-distance separation between mothers & children (although even this occurred in some areas during certain eras, such as British colonists in India sending young children to boarding schools in England or widowed parents placing their children in orphanages to meet the children's physical and educational needs, even if the parents made regular visits)
Group care (although, again, children in boarding schools or orphanages received group care)

Therefore, certain attitudes and methods common today are different, but the actual ideas (women investing time and energy in something other than domestic responsibilities or hiring another person to carry out specific maternal responsibilities) aren't new at all.

The Old Danger of "New!"

The problem for frum Jews in all this is that when something is presented as completely new, it appears that there isn't any precedence for it.

Therefore, it gives the impression of not being covered by Chazal or halacha or mussar.

And if it appears to not be addressed by Torah sources, then where does the frum Yid feel he or she should look to for guidance?

To psychologists. Consultants. Researchers. Teachers.

Secular professionals, in other words. (Or frum professionals taught secular theories.)

This is a problem, though it doesn't look like one at first.

The more something is "new," the less likely it is to be found in Torah sources...because it's new, right? It wasn't around during the composition of the Shulchan Aruch. It's not there, so we just have to come up with stuff on our own!

But as stated in a previous post, Chazal do discuss working mothers and this idea is even mentioned in Mishlei/Proverbs.

It's very important to hold out against the flood of "New!"

It's not good (or even true) when we think we're outside or above Torah.

Bubby vs the Fire-Truck Feminists

I heard of a chassidish family in the Sixties who lived in an area in which feminists demanded the right to become firemen. The chassidish teens watched in fascination as these feminists raced around town in shiny red fire trucks.

The news outlets raved about it and it all seemed very exciting.

So the kids ran home and enthused about it to their old chassidish grandmother, who'd lived through 2 world wars and survived a death camp before finding refuge in America.

She'd seen all the "modern" movements come and go and she knew just how to handle them. (She also knew first-hand how extremely destructive these things tend to be.)

So Bubby said, "Well, I don't know about female fire fighters. So let's go look it up in the Shulchan Aruch."

That immediately set things into an interesting perspective. What could the Shulchan Aruch have to say about female fire fighters? After all, this was new!

At the same time, that immediately took some air out of the feminist sails. Maybe it wasn't actually so new?

Let's go see!

So Bubby opened the book and read the appropriate passages, then said, "You know, all I see here is that if there's a fire, then anyone who can needs to help put it out. It doesn't matter if you're male or female. If there's a fire and you can extinguish it, then you're obligated to do so."

Oh.

Well then...it's just another halachic obligation.

Put into that perspective, then the modern twist is NOT the idea of a female fire fighter, but the idea of a fire-fighting force at all. In fact, the trucks and sirens themselves are suddenly "new"! (They weren't around in the time of the Shulchan Aruch either.)

Except that they aren't so new because the kids had been born into the existence of a fire department and indeed, horse-drawn fire engines had preceded trucks by decades.

Meh.

Then Bubby commented that she didn't see the point of racing around town in fire trucks with the sirens blaring if you're anyway obligated to put out a fire if you can.

And maybe there was concern whether these women had the physical strength to deal with the high-pressure fire hose, climb the ladder wearing cumbersome equipment, drag heavy people or more than one person at a time to safety.

There was possibly even concern about the danger to life and property if a fire emergency occurred while the trucks were already occupied with these feministy non-fire-emergency purposes (which also makes the trucks low on gas, etc.).

And that just took the wind of out the sails completely.

It's not new, it's not that big a deal, so...who cares? What's all the hype?

So instead of seeing them as remarkable or glorious, the chassidish kids were able to see these fire-truck feminists for what they actually were: useless show-offs wasting time and vital community resources.

So when something is promoted as "New!" (or any synonym thereof), it's a good idea to look behind the hype and discover whether it's merely the same old Yetzer Hara trussed up in a new disguise.

Related Posts:
The True History of Women's Work
New-Age Nazis

Hibernia Fire Engine Company No. 1, America, 1859. By Digital Library @ Villanova University - originally posted to Flickr as Hibernia steam fire engine and horses., CC BY-SA 2.0, Link

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How to Resist the Attraction of "New!" & Why You Really Should

27/8/2018

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Several years ago, I sat in a class given by Rebbetzin Heller in which she made the point that "New!" is a powerful tool to attract people to a certain movement or ideology.

And indeed, inserting the word "New!" is a proven method for prompting a blog post, video, or product to go viral. (Or at least, increase attention or sales.)

In fact, studies show that the 5 most persuasive words in the English language are:

You
Free
Because
Instantly
New

In Rebbe Nachman's arguably most famous story, The Lost Princess, the struggling hero comes across a spring of what seems to be wine.

Now, he'd seen wine before and he'd seen springs before, but he'd never seen a wine-spring.

Ooh, shiny! New! Intriguing!

As it says:

...and he saw a running spring, and its color was red and the smell was of wine. He asked the servant, "Have you seen? This is a spring, and there ought to be water in it, but its color is red and the smell is of wine!"

Our hero (who is actually us) is on a specific mission and he'd even received clear instructions NOT to drink any wine on this last day. He could eat and drink, just not wine.

But the main thing is to avoid sleep at all costs.

So our struggling hero (who is actually us) -- even though he KNEW to listen to the Princess's instructions and warnings because he'd already failed the year before by eating forbidden apples and falling asleep, and even though he KNEW this was just a distraction from his mission, nonetheless -- our struggling hero decides to make an intellectual, objective study of this unusual phenomenon (which has nothing to do with his urgent mission and is of absolutely no benefit to him or the world) and then:

And he went and tasted from the spring and fell and immediately slept for several years...

NOOOOO!

Alas.

As Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender explains in Leviat Chen:

...it's forbidden to become delayed and investigate, but one must hurry because [this part of the story] represents being forbidden to ask and desire and understand because it's impossible to in any way understand everything intellectually – one must only rely on emuna to do what needs to be done.

And here, on the last day, the Princess had commanded him to guard himself and so on. And if so, it was forbidden for him to ask and investigate the matter of the spring, but only to fulfill what was necessary and to go extract her.

For when we investigate a matter, we are possibly trying to explain it away as not being so horrible, and thus we don't completely negate it.

And in this way, we are liable to stumble.

This is so normal and common for people to do. (People struggling with, for example, overeating or drug addiction probably recognize the above pattern.)

So what does Rav Bender advise instead, based on the lessons of this story?

...to flee from the taavot as one flees from fire, without pondering over, marveling at, or inquiring into them at all.
And he shouldn't let his thoughts confound him at all.
...he should just turn his mind away from them completely and steer his mind to divrei Torah or business dealings or conversations and the like until he is rescued from what he wants to be rescued.
And one must be a person of unwavering determination [akshan gadol] until he comes out victorious in this war.

Keep Your Mitzvot Fresh & Lush

As always, Judaism insists on us rising above superficial understanding.

Does the above mean we should go through life as unthinking horses with blinders?

NO.

We can of course ask, desire, investigate, and seek to understand divrei kedushah, things connected with our soul-journey and spiritual work. It's a great mitzvah to delve into Torah and to stretch our minds to understand halacha and to understand what we need to do to achieve self-improvement and rectification.

We should contemplate the best way to help others according to THEIR needs, rather than our own.

We are supposed to develop strategies to avoid lashon hara and use complex thinking to find the good points in others.

We need to brainstorm and work out the best ways to keep our routine mitzvot (like davening and brachot) fresh and new.

But it needs to be focused investigation and seeking, not just indulging our curiosity about everything that comes across our path.

Discover Your Unique Path

In fact, Rebbe Nachman himself emphasized the importance of staying "young" on the inside, of approaching each new day and each new opportunity to do a mitzvah with enthusiasm -- as if it were literally "new."

He also spoke of taking less-traveled paths in avodat Hashem and this is also hinted at in the above story when our struggling hero spots "a path off to the side" and takes it, which fortuitously leads him to the Palace of the Not Good, where he finally finds the Princess for the first time.

Yet this path off to the side IS the avodat Hashem. It's part of one's tikkun (rectification) and the way to access it is only via hitbodedut -- talking to Hashem in your own words using your personal self-expression.

In other words, the path isn't "new," per se; it's unique.

Because Hashem created us all as unique individuals, no human being can have exactly the same relationship with Hashem as anyone else.

Your relationship with Him is unique to anyone else's relationship with Him.

The Old-New Tricks

Yet what does the Yetzer Hara use to reel us in?

"New!"
"Intriguing!"
"Ever tried this before?"
"The newest results of our most recent investigation!" ("Most recent" is just another way of saying "new.")
"Never before attempted!"
"Introducing..." (Implies that it's new because it needs to be "introduced.")
"Instantly!"
"Suddenly..." (It wasn't there a moment ago -- it's new!)
"Revolutionary!"
"Discover!" (You don't discover something already known, only something new.)

The entertainment industry reels us in this way, as does advertising. But so many science articles with all their intellectual grandstanding also reel us in this way too, as you likely recognized from the above examples, some version of which are commonly found in prestigious peer-reviewed science publications.

Barak Obama won his presidency pretty much based on "New!"

"Change" implies something new on the way and also the idea of "America's first black president!" implies something new, although it's a misleading moniker because he is white as much as he is black, being biracial.

But much of what is presented as "New!" is actually the same old stuff, just with a modern twist.

An Age-Old Insight

Our goal is how David Hamelech described tzaddikim millennia ago in Psalm 92:

עוֹד יְנוּבוּן בְּשֵׂיבָה; דְּשֵׁנִים וְרַעֲנַנִּים יִהְיוּ

They shall still bring forth fruit in old age, they shall be full of sap and fresh.

It's a bit hard to convey in the English, but the Hebrew brings forth imagery of lushness and fullness.

Picture a fruit-bearing tree that's eternally young and dripping with sap, its leaves lush and green with moisture, and bursting with juicy fruits.

That's our spiritual goal for ourselves.

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Breaking Down Core Jewish Concepts

24/8/2018

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UPDATE: Upon re-reading this post, I realized it wasn't so clear, so I added more to it late Friday morning (Israel-time), along with correcting some typos. So what follows is the new & improved version...

I'm not Breslov, but I get concerned about how people write off core Jewish concepts as being "Breslov" and therefore considered non-obligatory or not even worth examining.

While I've only read parts of Rebbe Nachman's Likutei Moharan, I've still read a lot of Breslov writings (including parts of Likutei Moharan) and as a non-Breslover, I came to the following conclusion:

Rebbe Nachman basically detailed and fleshed out much of what was already written in previous mussar books and other guidance by Chazal.

He emphasized certain concepts and further elucidated them.

And that seems to be the Breslov tradition: Taking core concepts and breaking them down into more and more digestible bits according to the needs of that particular generation.

Breaking It Down

When embarking on real self-scrutiny for the first time via talking to Hashem, you really can get these intense "Uh-oh" moments about yourself, and much of what Rebbe Nachman says about this phenomenon is very reassuring and encouraging.

Again, he simply takes core Jewish concepts of how self-scrutiny and self-improvement work, the ups and downs, the deceptive pitfalls, then he details them AND how to deal with it all.

All sorts of ideas and principles seem less and less self-understood in each successive generation, so with each successive generation of Breslov, you have a couple of rabbis who break these core ideas and their previous break-downs into even smaller more digestible bites.

For example, a book like Outpouring of the Soul by Reb Alter Teplicker further condenses and elucidates the same concepts mentioned in Torah and Chazal, which were then condensed and expounded upon by Rebbe Nachman. So Outpouring of the Soul is yet another link on that chain.

I remember the first time I read Outpouring of the Soul and a powerful impulse to talk to Hashem welled up within me, but I didn't know what to do with it. I opened my mouth, but I felt like a massive wave of spiritual and emotional pain was behind whatever I would say and I instinctively closed my mouth and got distracted with something else. I didn't mean to, it just happened like that.

Yet I would occasionally go back to the book, feel inspired to speak to Hashem in the way described, but couldn't do it for some reason.

Years later, I read Garden of Emuna, and that changed everything for me. Rav Shalom Arush took the same concepts and both simplified and expanded on them in regular non-scholarly language, practically spoon-feeding them to those who, like me, needed that spoon-feeding.

His book explains the core Jewish concepts with which many struggle in great detail: why bad things happen to good people, why do I feel like I'm being punished for being frum, why do I feel like I'm being punished for doing the right thing, how can I relate to Hashem as Compassionate and Loving when such awful things happen in the world, how can it be reassuring to know that Hashem is behind even the bad stuff -- that's sounds even scarier, so what's up with that?

And so on.

Digestible Emuna

Rav Arush also offered a get-down-to-basics easy-to-follow structure for hitbodedut:

20 minutes of gratitude
20 minutes of self-scrutiny & confession
20 minutes of requests

The truth is, he pares things down even more by telling people to make a list of 20 things for which they're grateful when they feel too emotionally blocked to do anything else.

There's even a book that plucks out the "gems" of Garden of Emuna for a super quick reference.

I'll give you an example of how this chain of increasing elucidation works by using Gate of Joy in Orchot Tzaddikim, (pg. 177 & 213 in the Feldheim translation):

The trait of joy encompasses a positive commandment of acknowledging God's Justice in all that befalls one, as is written (Devarim 8:5): "And you shall know in your heart that just as a man chastises his son, so Hashem your God chastises you."

If after one repents, things do not go so well for him as they did before, it is a positive commandment for him to think in his heart that his adversity is for the good.

For before he repented, the Holy One Blessed Be He was rewarding him for the mitzvot he had done in order to bar him from the World to Come, as it is written (Devarim 7:10): "And He pays those that hate Him to his face to destroy him."

And corresponding to this treatment of those who hate Him, he pays those who love Him the punishment of their transgressions in This World so that they will be pure and clean for the Next World.

And all of this entails the trait of joy, one's being happy in the portion allotted him by the Blessed One.

***
Similarly, when one undergoes any affliction [yissurim], he should also rejoice as our Sages have said...(Taanit 8a) "All who rejoice in afflictions bring salvation to the world."

And one should accustom his mouth to say, "This too is for the good - gam zo l'tovah" (Taanis 21a).

As you can see, the above is exactly what Rav Shalom Arush continuously discusses. In fact, Garden of Emuna goes on at length about the phenomenon mentioned in Orchot Tzaddikim:

If after one repents, things do not go so well for him as they did before, it is a positive commandment for him to think in his heart that his adversity is for the good.

And Rav Arush's emphasis on thanking Hashem for the good as well as the bad, and its power to sweeten dinim?

It's blatantly stated in Orchot Tzaddikim, which derives it from the Gemara (Taanit 8a):

"All who rejoice in afflictions bring salvation to the world."

"Kol hasameach b'yissurim meivi yeshuah l'olam."

"כל המשמח ביסורים מביא ישועה לעולם"

And before that, the Chumash itself.

But because of all the influences and confusion and superficiality and lack of daat in our generation, we need things broken down and explained down to the nitty-gritty.

And if we're willing to accept this spoon-feeding rather than just ignoring it all and dismissing everything as "only for very great people" or "that applied to previous generations, not ours," then that's very good!

For example, the first excerpt above of Orchot Tzaddikim is pretty much all there is on that specific issue. He says what he says there, then goes on to another aspect of joy. Yet reading the above, I'd have some obstructive questions before I could act upon his directives.

Sure, I could've taken that excerpt and discuss it with Hashem to reveal answers to my questions, but I didn't have the presence of mind to realize even this.

So I'm no different than anyone else and without Garden of Emuna, I would not have been able to go back and understand the classic mussar texts.

In his lectures, Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender did the same prior to Rav Arush.

Rav Ofer Erez also breaks down core ideas to a more digestible size.

So for me, that's what Breslov does for the non-Breslover.

It's just a way of them holding your hand as you make your way through the thorny, pitted path of teshuvah, self-improvement, and coming closer to Ribbono Shel Olam.

An online Hebrew-English version of Orchot Tzaddikim is available HERE.

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