Category: Emuna

Link to a Short Class on What the Zohar Says about Scandals before Mashiach

17/1/2022

With both global events & events within our communities (plus very personal events), we probably all feel the rope of emunah shaking very hard by now.

(Unfamiliar with the "shaking rope of emunah"? Then please click here: www.myrtlerising.com/blog/recognizing-the-spastic-rope-of-emunah.)

It's amazing how in just under 4 minutes, Rabbi Daniel Travis explains what's going on here:
Thanking Hashem When Things Look Bad #1063-Exposing Scandals Before Moshiach Pt1
www.torahanytime.com/#/lectures?v=175717

Basically, the Zohar predicts how before Mashiach, the Erev Rav will make the Torah SEEM putrid.

It's not, of course.

The Torah is the clearest, purest, most beautiful part of the Universe.

But the Erev Rav will behave in a way that repels the world AWAY from the Torah.

It's sort of like throwing sewage all over the Hope diamond. You might think the large lump in the middle of the sewage is a particularly large and nasty chunk of manure.

But no...it's the Hope diamond.

No matter how much sewage anyone dumps on it, it remains just as prized & valuable as ever.

Sewage cannot do more than cover the Hope diamond. Sewage cannot actually harm or change the Hope diamond in any way.

Don't let yourself get confused by the vast amounts of revolting sewage dumped all over by the Erev Rav!

Don't be fooled! It's all a cover-up. A particularly flabbergasting and repulsive cover-up to be sure, but only a cover-up nonetheless.

The real diamond is still there...just as precious, unique, and unchanged as ever.

The Ultimate Path to Geula

14/1/2022

As Long as You Fight, You Win (Even If It Looks Like You've Lost)

Here is another powerful excerpt from Bitachon Weekly, page 3.

(I've no connection to it, but you can sign up for Bitachon Weekly here: thenewbitachonweekly@gmail.com.)

The “one out of five” Yidden who left Mitzrayim were the Avdei Hashem, who struggled and fought against their Yetzer Hara.

Those who were not fighters, died during the three days of darkness, which is symbolic of a dark world.

Someone who doesn't fight his Yetzer Hara is in a darkness, with no real purpose.

A person who fights his Yetzer Hara is alive and full of chiyut/life even if he may fall often in his struggles against his Yetzer Hara.

Indeed, the Yidden sinned very soon....Yet, he is still considered an Eved Hashem and worthy of receiving the Torah, since he is constantly fighting his Yetzer Hara.

So we see the one-fifth who merited to leave Mitzrayim were NOT pure tzaddikim on the inside.

They felt pulled toward the forbidden.

But they STRUGGLED against that pull.

They had the same yetzer hara as anyone else...but they fought against it.

And that made all the difference.

Why Faith in the Ultimate Geula Makes All the Difference

I recently heard a shiur on how the minority that merited to leave Mitzrayim earned that merit:
Parashat Bo: The Holocaust Survivor's Confession
https://www.torahanytime.com/#/lectures?v=174435
(Starting around minute 2:50.)

After all, some very bad people left with them too.

Datan, Aviram, etc.

What made the difference?

After all, Chazal calls the people left in Mitzrayim "reshaim."

But some of the people who merited to leave Mitzrayim were also reshaim!

What enabled these sinful people to leave while other sinful people died in the Plague of Darkness?

According to the Rosh:

Even though they were reshaim, they didn't despair of the Geula.

That's it.

That made all the difference.

They never lost hope for the Geula.

Is there a contradiction between this idea and the one above?

A little bit.

But please remember the big yetzer hara is despair. Hopelessness. Giving up. "It's never going to happen."

Most of the Jews who left Mitzrayim fought against all their yetzer haras: despair, taava, ka'as, etc.

But even the ones who ONLY fought against their yetzer hara of despair merited redemption from Mitzrayim.

Emunah is a powerful thing.

You don't have to be perfect.

You can just KNOW the Redemption really IS coming.

"As Long as You are a Fighter, You are a Great Person!"

13/1/2022

Some wonderful chizuk from Bitachon Weekly Beshalach 5782, page 3 (boldface mine).

TAKE IT TO HEART!

If you are one of those who has “problems” [e.g. with Ka’as (anger), Ta’ava (physical & material desires), not learning and davening as well as you should, with difficulties in Bitachon or relationships], as long as you are a fighter, you are a great person and from the “Chamushim” warriors who deserve to leave Mitzrayim.

Even the biggest Tzaddikim fall again and again throughout their lives, yet they remain Tzaddikim, as it says Mishlei/Proverbs 24:17 A Tzaddik falls seven times, and gets up, since they get up and soldier on, and are not Mya’esh (hopeless).

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www.kolhalashon.com

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Please note: I've no connection with Bitachon Weekly; just find their material uniquely amazing & wish to spread this wonderful dose of sanity in an increasingly insane world.

What If You Lean More toward Esav than Yaakov Avinu? The Perfect Mitzvah for Imperfect People

20/12/2021

Note:
All quotes from/about the Tanya within the post can be found here:
www.chabad.org/library/tanya/tanya_cdo/aid/7906/jewish/Chapter-27.htm

All boldface & underline below are my own additions.

What was Really Wrong with Esav?

In response to a question about Esav, Rabbi Y.Y. Jacobson explained how Esav was born into the category of those who forever struggle against their lesser desires.

Esav's big defect lay not in the fact that he felt such desires.

His defect lay in his unwillingness to STRUGGLE against these desires.

For all his abilities toward fighting (hunting, battle, and so forth), Esav remained immersed in his desires rather than fighting them.

Rabbi Jacobson pointed to the Lubavitcher Tanya's Likutei Amarim-Chapter 27 for a deeper explanation of this:
www.chabad.org/library/tanya/tanya_cdo/aid/7906/jewish/Chapter-27.htm

The Yaakov Avinu Category

Basically, 2 categories of people exist:

Those who manage to overcome their lesser desires to the point they no longer experience such desires (Yaakov Avinu)
Those who constantly suffer these desires, yet overcome them—in other words, those in constant battle (Esav...or who Esav was supposed to be, but failed)

The Yaakov Avinu type makes sense.

After all, the more you refine yourself & clean out your brain, the less attractive prohibitions become.

Probably, we've all experienced it on some level; we felt a strong pull toward a certain behavior or desire, but as we matured emotionally & spiritually, we wondered why we ever felt attracted to such a thing.

It's like drinking from a dirty toilet.

That act is so obviously repulsive, no one feels tempted to do it.

No one passes by a grungy outhouse catering to a much-frequented campsite and says, "Oh gosh, Hashem please help me fight my overpowering yetzer hara—how else can I resist taking a slurp?!"

Furthermore, if a person ever confided in you about feeling that way, you'd probably feel so creeped out, you'd avoid that person from then on.

This is because just the idea is so obviously repellent.

So it makes sense that a truly elevated person, a person who truly worked on himself & made enormous progress, a person with genuine self-awareness who underwent a raw cheshbon hanefesh followed by the appropriate repentance...it makes sense that such a person does not even feel attracted to certain acts.

He does not even experience certain desires.

And it's true.

But for some people, it's not true. They never reach that happy state of freedom.

The Esav Category

Why would Hashem make such a category?

Why create such people?

(Note: The truth is...ALL people start off in the category of struggling against lesser desires. With strenuous effort & time, some people graduate to the Yaakov Avinu category where they simply do not feel the desires. But some people never enter that category...or they do not enter it completely.)

Here's Likutei Amarim 27 on the topic:

By averting his mind from sinful thoughts, he fulfills the injunction,

“You shall not follow after your heart and after your eyes, by which you go astray.” [Bamidbar/Numbers 15:39]

(www.chabad.org/library/tanya/tanya_cdo/aid/7906/jewish/Chapter-27.htm)

As the commentary there explains:

Only when sinful thoughts enter one’s mind can he fulfill this command.

In other words, the Torah command is a very big & happy mitzvah.

But if you've nothing to lead your heart or eyes astray, then you cannot fulfill this mitzvah.

Only people with wayward desires can fulfill this mitzvah.

Think about that for a moment...

Born to be Bad

This same Tanya goes on to explain the idea of some born for righteousness & some born for wickedness, which is mentioned in Bava Batra 16a, quoting a conversation between Iyov/Job & God:

"...You created righteous people, You created wicked people..."

Having made that point, this never justifies a Popeye the Sailorman attitude of "I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam" based on the faulty assumption that "Heck, I was created wicked! That's just who I am! I can't help myself! I'm genetically programmed this way!"

But rather, some people become tzaddikim released from these desires while others spend a lifetime as benonim ("middlemen"), never freed from their desires & trapped in a constant state of battle.

Whether Hashem created a person to be a tzaddik or a rasha, both MUST work on themselves to overcome their forbidden stuff.

But the person destined to remain a benoni his whole life certainly suffers more.

He always feels the pull of his desires.

The commentary there sums it up:

A tzaddik subjugates his animal soul to such a degree that it is unable to arouse temptation in his heart.

His mind is therefore untroubled by evil thoughts.

Those, however, of whom Job said that they were “created wicked” cannot rise to this level.

It is always possible for evil thoughts to enter their minds; their task is not to give them free rein.

It sounds aggravating & depressing.

Yet the Tanya (based on the Zohar) finds wonderful things to say about this.

The Wonderful Reason for being Born to be Bad

The person afflicted with wayward desires should feel happy about the opportunity to deflect them.

Yes—happy!

Yay! Whee! Woo-hoo! ♫"If you're flawed and you know it, clap your hands! If you're sinful and you know it clap your hands!..."♪

Yes. Like that.

Why?

Here's Tanya Chapter 27 to explain:

Our Sages have said: “When one passively refrains from sin, he is rewarded as though he had actively performed a mitzvah." [Kiddushin 39b]

Consequently, he should rejoice in his compliance with the injunction just as he does when performing an actual positive precept.

***

Behold, this is the trait of the beinonim and their task:

to subdue the evil impulse and the thought that rises from the heart to the mind and to completely avert his mind from it, repulsing it as it were with both hands, as explained above in ch. 12.

The commentary there clarifies:

The Alter Rebbe explained there that the evil in the soul of the beinoni remains vigorous; his task is to prevent it from expressing itself in thought, speech, and action.

Thus, he has no control over the occurrence of evil thoughts in his mind, but only over his acceptance or rejection of these thoughts.

As Rebbi Akiva Rabinovitz says (Rav Ofer Erez in Ahavat Kedumim, page 170):

Hakadosh Baruch Hu holds absolutely no hakpadah [strict judgement, condemnation] against a Jewish person who possess evil traits and lusts.

Hakadosh Baruch Hu does not come in accusations about this since He implanted these within him, and He brought us down here for this purpose.

***
The hakpadah occurs when the Jewish person does not strive to seek out the path and the counsel as to how to get out of [those evil traits and lusts].

Therefore, the ONLY problem lies in one's RESPONSE to these thoughts & desires.

Not IF he feels the pull of the yetzer hara, but HOW he responds.

Based on the Zohar, the Tanya there goes on to describe how the mere act of pushing away a thought, of refraining from sin, subdues the Sitra Achra (the Dark Side) in both This World and the Upper Worlds!

That explains why Hashem created people to struggle like this.

Whether you want to call them benonim, reshaim (as defined by their urges, not necessarily their actual behavior), or the Esav type, the all-important purpose they serve in the world comes from their ability to beat down the Sitra Achra by virtue of their silent & unseen mental abilities.

Without their sinful desires, there is no repelling or refraining, and without that repelling or refraining, there is no suppression of the Sitra Achra at its very root.

When Lifelong "Failure" is Actually Massive Success on All Levels

Here's the big whammy:

Therefore, one should not feel depressed or very troubled at heart, even if he be engaged all his days in this conflict with the thoughts which will always enter his mind.

For perhaps this is what he was created for, and this is the service demanded of him--to subdue the sitra achara constantly.

This remains a recurrent theme in Judaism, which as far as I know, does not exist in any other belief system.

Your EFFORT decides everything.

Not the result. Not your innate nature.

But the mere effort determines your status.

Why?

Because your lesser aspects come from Hashem.

Whether you developed these unwanted traits & tendencies from your background, upbringing, culture OR you were born with them...they come from HASHEM.

The question is why?

Why did He implant these unwanted traits & tendencies within you?

Again, as we see above, the very act of repelling these tendencies & desires reaps powerful results.

Someone needs to weaken the Sitra Achra in both This World and the Upper Worlds.

Someone needs to fight the Sitra Achra at its root.

Someone needs to cut off the head of the snake.

And if you suffer from any kind of sinful thoughts or desires...then that heroic someone must be YOU.

the-1-idea-you-must-tell-yourself-about-your-flaws-mistakes-weaknesses-and-sins.html
why-your-nasty-bad-habits-weaknesses-are-actually-your-best-friends.html
why-failures-are-not-really-failures-the-ultimate-way-to-relate-to-down-times.html
The Ultimate Meaning behind Pain and Frustration (explains the theme of The Lost Princess)

Why Failures are Not Really Failures: The Ultimate Way to Relate to "Down" Times

12/12/2021

Utilizing the concepts from Rabbeinu Tam's Sefer HaYosher, Rav Itamar Schwartz discusses what Rabbeinu Tam's "Days of Love" & "Days of Hate" mean for us & how to deal with them.

(The full transcription of the lecture is here: https://bilvavi.net/english/droshos-what-do-when-you-are-down; includes a Q&A at the end & specific applications for women.)

In short, "Days of Love" are days when you feel "up," and things are going well, both spiritually and emotionally.

"Days of Hate" are the opposite; they're the "down" times.

Here's an excerpt of a transcription of Rav Schwartz's lecture on the subject (stylistic changes made for added clarity for onscreen reading):

Failures Are Not Failures
***
When a person is in a difficult time and he doesn’t feel a drive to grow, there are two attitudes he can have.

One attitude is to completely give up:

“That’s it. I’ve had enough, and I can’t take it anymore. Today is a bad day, and I’m only going downhill. I can’t work on myself today.”

But the other attitude he can have is to have a different perspective on the situation:

“My soul needs a break sometimes. I can’t always be growing. It’s really not a bad day – it’s a day that I have to go through, because it’s normal for my soul to feel closed up sometimes, [since Rabbeinu Tam has written that] everyone has these 'Days of Hate'.”

We can compare this to going to sleep.

Although sleep is not productive, is sleep a bad thing?

No one looks at sleep as unproductive, because we all realize that we need to go to sleep in order to reenergize. We can’t function unless we get our sleep.

Taking a break is part of life, and we must not look down at ourselves for this.

The difficult times in our life are thus really not “difficult” or “bad.”

Rather, they are like our sleep.

It is necessary for us sometimes to pull back from growth, and let us not beat ourselves up that something is wrong with us that we don’t feel any willpower to grow spiritually.

If you have those days in which you don’t feel like learning or davening or making any spiritual progress, realize that it’s normal, and that it is actually a necessary part of your growth to go through these times in which you lack motivation.

This can change our whole attitude about life!

Our soul needs to rest sometimes – we can’t always grow and reach higher levels.

This is not a fall from our level – it is a necessary part of our growth.

“Failures” are thus not really “failures” – they are needed for our growth.

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Inspiration against Despair from the Me'am Lo'ez on Mishlei/Proverbs 2:4-6

Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Vayigash: Using Your Sight Wisely

9/12/2021

In Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah for Parshas Vayigash 5 – Seeing the Secrets of the World, Rav Miller questions Yaakov Avinu's first response to hearing of the survival of his son Yosef HaTzaddik.

One would assume, knowing Yaakov Avinu, his first response would be one of gratitude & song.

But no, it was basically: "I have to go and see him while I'm still alive."

Travel proved especially grueling back then, especially for the elderly, and Egypt remained steeped in spiritual filth.

Yaakov was a spiritual man—more elevated than we can imagine.

He knew he'd seen Yosef again, at least in the World to Come.

So why his desire—before gratitude & thanks-giving—to go see his long-lost son?

For Hashem.

Rav Miller explains the great joy at seeing his son's face would fill Yaakov Avinu with tremendous joy & gratitude toward Hashem.

And that explains Yaakov Avinu's response.

The Importance of Looking at Your Children's Faces in the Right Way

On pages 5-6, Rav Miller details how to apply to concept practically to your own life:

As you sit at your table on Shabbos and you’re looking around at the faces of your children; maybe everybody is talking, eating, whatever it is, so you remember what we said here.

You look at your child’s face and you’re thinking, “Ah! What a beautiful face! What a beautiful experience this is that Hashem is giving me! I love this child!"

And the next one too. “Such a sweet face – I love this child! Thank You Hashem for this gift!”

You love every one of them tremendously and it should be translated into stimulating your love of Hakodosh Boruch Hu more and more.

There’s a great happiness in seeing your children.

Even if your child is not a gadol ba’torah, but he walks b’derech ha’yashar, he’s a shomer torah u’mitzvos, it’s a tremendous happiness to see his face. If Hashem gives you normal good frum children, you should be so happy; you should enjoy them.

Enjoy them and thank Hashem every time you see them.

You enjoy the child’s face and while you’re doing it you’re thinking, “I’m not doing it merely because I want to have nachas; I’m doing it because I want to love Hakodosh Boruch Hu Who gave me this tremendous experience to see my child’s face."

The act of seeing allows you to take pictures with your mind.

Once a sight goes in there, it stays.

True, we forgot stuff; we bury stuff.

But unexpectedly, these pictorial memories can reappear when stimulated by smells, sounds, or other sights associated with these mental snapshots.

Unfortunately, people tend to misuse this facility by filling the mind with unwholesome sights & sounds.

But by making sure you look at the right things (like the faces of holy children), then you're using your sight right.

How to Look at Hashem's Creations for All Their Worth

Another way to use sight correctly is to look at Hashem's creations for all their worth.

On page 11, Rav Miller describes in colorful detail the glories of a leaf.

He even knew why leaves have irregular shapes rather than round shapes (I didn't know why!).

On pages 12-13, Rav Miller speaks of how to look at the display in a bakery window.

On pages 13-15, Rav Miller delves into the glories of everything to do with fruit, including this gem on page 15:

Last week I had a conversation with the fruit store man.

I said to him, “How did the seeds get inside this fruit?”

He looked at me like I fell off the moon.

I said to him, “Did you ever find a fruit with a nickel inside?”

So he tells me that it never happened.

He’s been selling fruit for thirty years on Kings Highway and he never found a nickel in a fruit.

So I asked him, “If you find a nickel inside the apple would you think that a person put it in there?”

He said, “Yes, I would know somebody put it in there.”

And you find a seed inside the apple – a seed is a thousand times more complicated than a nickel!

Reading the above pages in the parsha booklet offer wonderful ideas for enhancing your day by using your sight to maintain awareness of Hashem (a huge mitzvah with huge reward) & fortify your emunah.

Rav Miller regularly took his children berry-picking & exploring — and used the above to make entertaining lessons for his children.

We can also do this for ourselves and others.

No nickels here! □

Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Vayetzei: There's No Victory without a War

11/11/2021

In Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah for Parshas Vayeitzei 5 - The Wicked Make Us Great, we learn how opposites face off against each other in both the physical & the spiritual world.

One of life's most incomprehensible paradoxes is how Hashem allows us to choose—yet Hashem also knows what our choices will be.

Our 3-dimensional minds cannot truly understand this paradox.

But Rav Miller fleshes it out a bit on page 5.

Rav Miller also maintains an uncompromising stance on each person's potential for personal greatness, going so far as to say on page 4:

The fact is that if she chooses so, even a simple housewife can excel and become greater than the greatest tzaddik.

How Did Yaakov become Yaakov Avinu?

On pages 9-11, we learn from the example of Yaakov Avinu (among other great souls) the real path to success.

And it's an ornery one.

Within the tents of his holy parents & the Yeshivah of Shem v'Ever, Yaakov Avinu received all the tools he needed to achieve spiritual success.

But tools can just sit on a shelf, looking all shiny & impressive.

In order to utilize those tools and to actually ACHIEVE greatness, Yaakov Avinu needed the obstacle course & smelting pot of Lavan.

To come out victorious after the years-long stint in the spiritually & emotionally dysfunctional home of Lavan, Yaakov Avinu needed to utilize every single tool he ever absorbed from his parents & his teachers.

As stated on page 14:

All the perfection that Yaakov achieved was already wrapped up in the seed that was planted in that house, not in the house of Yitzchok and Rivkah where Yaakov Avinu was at first.

Not in the house of Shem v’Eiver either.

No.

He acquired his true perfection in the most unlikely place, in the house of Lavan.

And this on page 15:

It's like sandpaper on wood.

I imagine that it’s not easy for furniture to be sanded down; you have to apply pressure and rub back and forth, back and forth.

But that’s how it becomes polished; all the rough edges are smoothed out by means of that pressure.

Character is the same as wood.

Perfection of the mind, perfection of character, is not gained easily.

We need so many things to sandpaper us, to make us smooth and easy to deal with.

To make us successful people; people who are good-natured, calm and patient and forgiving, we need that friction to sand us down.

So Hashem sends things upon you.

He sends you people to sand you down.

And ultimately, by passing these excruciating ongoing tests, Yaakov Avinu made himself great enough to be the progenitor of Am Yisrael, of Moshe Rabbeinu, and of Mashiach.

And the only way to pass these tests is by the tests existing in the first place.

Without the tests, there is nothing to pass, nothing to overcome.

Without the tests, greatness remains out of bounds forever.

Sanding Ourselves to Success

Rav Miller notes that many potential Yosefs & Yaakovs have been lost to history.

We only hear about the successes, not the failures.

But the above is why we face difficult people in our lives.

For example, many people grew up with at least one difficult sibling or parent. (Or sometimes all of them were difficult.)

Even if no one was particularly difficult, you still have to get along with everyone and also go out of your way to honor your parents.

Parents & siblings force a person to step outside themselves.

Later, people face challenges in the classroom.

Even later, personal challenges arise in marriage, with in-laws, at work, in shul, in kollel, with neighbors, etc.

And Hashem put these challenges here for our benefit...even & especially when it feels like the opposite.

Some of these people almost destroy us, like Lavan could have destroyed Yaakov and how Potifer's wife almost destroyed Yosef.

And it's that "do or die" moment or situation that creates our spiritual destiny.

What If My Challenges Keep Ending Up as "Lavan Smashes Yaakov" rather than "Yaakov Overcomes Lavan"?

This above discussion often results in a secret doubt hiding in people's hearts.

What if I keep failing in my own challenges? What if I keep falling again & again? What does that say about me?

At this point, it's helpful to bring to fore the ideas of Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender.

(And as he himself notes, they aren't even his original ideas, but from Tanach with lots of explanation by Rebbe Nachman of Breslov.)

If you find yourself failing a challenge, it doesn't make you bad or a spiritual failure.

It doesn't reveal you to be abusive, dysfunctional, nor is it indicative of a personality disorder.

In the course of building ourselves, it is perfectly normal to fail A LOT.

A great many people nowadays face excruciating battles on more than one front.

In part, it seem like Hashem getting all our tikkunim in before the Geula.

Another reason is because people who succeed without being preceded by failures (or with an ego-driven response to their failures) often develop unwarranted pride in their accomplishments.

People who've endured the necessary inner work often display more humility when dealing with others' wonky middot.

These people also end up being the most compassionate & supportive toward others who struggle with their own challenges & falls.

In fact, in my experience, the MOST judgmental and LEAST helpful people are the ones who don't experience falls on their way to success.

In fact, despite their apparent accomplishments in life, they lack truly refined character (though they may be able to put on a good act).

Chazal declares the arrogant person as one type of person Hashem absolutely cannot stand to be around.

So please recognize the following 2 principles:

(1) Falls exist to cultivate humility, which enable Hashem to stay close to you. He loves you very much, so this closeness with you remains important to HIM.

(2) Falls gift you the ability to offer valuable help to others in their own journey.

With Hashem's Help, may we all succeed in reaching our full potential.

For more on Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender, please see:
www.myrtlerising.com/blog/category/rav-ly-bender

For a related article on the topic, please see:
who-is-a-real-rodef-shalom.html

Credit for all quotes & material goes to Toras Avigdor.

2 Personal Stories of the Covid Vaccine & Pregnancy, Plus What Our Real Attitude Should be regarding the Vaccine (and you probably won't like it)

9/11/2021

As demonstrated in a previous post (why-taking-the-position-of-late-adopterskeptic-makes-so-much-sense-regarding-any-new-drugs.html), any person has the right & the evidence to take the position of Late Adopter/Skeptic with regard to ANY new drug or vaccine.

Certainly, pregnant women need to take extra precautions.

Even vaccines considered safe by conventional medicine aren't always considered safe for pregnancy.

See, for example, this Mayo Clinic article which lists vaccines that should NOT be taken during pregnancy:

Chickenpox (varicella) vaccine
Measles, mumps and rubella (MMR) vaccine
Shingles vaccine

www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/pregnancy-week-by-week/expert-answers/vaccines-during-pregnancy/faq-20057799

(In fact, conventional medicine recommends the measles vaccine not be taken within even 1 month of getting pregnant. That's how risky it is.)

So questioning the risk of a vaccine during pregnancy is a perfectly logical thing to do.

In fact, questioning the risk of any new drug or vaccine makes perfect sense.

ESPECIALLY for pregnant women (and children!).

The Covid Vaccine with Gestational Diabetes & a Possibly Pre-Existing Covid Infection

My youngest sister-in-law suffered gestational diabetes in her recent pregnancy.

It hit her really hard.

Because of her fear over covid & how her & her husband's businesses necessitated them interacting with all different kinds of people from all over, she decided to take the covid vaccine in her third trimester.

It totally knocked her out.

She suffered terrible coughing & fever & weakness.

When I spoke to her after Rosh Hashanah, she sounded terrible with a hoarse voice full of agony.

She is such an emotionally & physically strong & energetic person; it was shocking to hear how knocked-out she was.

She described how she could not even sit for the Rosh Hashanah meals, instead needing to lie down throughout the chag.

With 7 children, everything fell on her husband and oldest daughter.

Eventually, she recovered & insisted her severe reaction stemmed from an pre-existing covid infection, which overloaded her body with covid with the addition of the covid vaccine.

Fortunately, she gave birth to a healthy baby girl a few weeks ago & the whole covid fiasco seems behind them.

It's difficult to pinpoint the exact cause of such a severe reaction to the covid vaccine without proof.

But in addition to the risk of taking a vaccine while pregnant, I would think the diabetes would throw a wrench into things.

And why was she allowed to take such a new & untested vaccine while pregnant & WITH diabetes?

And why was she allowed to take the vaccine when she already had covid? (Unless no one knew she had it; that part isn't clear.)

I don't judge her. I understand her fear.

But I would think it would be, from a purely medical standpoint, contraindicated to take any vaccine—especially such a new & unnecessary vaccine—while pregnant & suffering diabetes.

Why are so many doctors not only allowing this, but even encouraging this?

Not all doctors are, of course. But why would anyone encourage this?

If it's true that she already had a covid infection, then it's the vaccine that knocked her out so badly, not the covid itself.

But again, there's no proof about exactly what happened. And baruch Hashem, she and baby are fine.

Yet one thing is clear: This pregnant diabetic suffered a truly debilitating reaction to the covid vaccine.

Why Some People Dread Another Bout of Covid

When covid swept through my neighborhood last autumn, I remember people who came down with a particularly bad case of it.

For example, we could hear our neighbor coughing outside when our windows were open.

It made us wince to hear such torturous coughing. And it went on for so long...

His wife told me other family members also caught the virus, everyone with different levels of severity from asymptomatic to hospitalization.

The whole family really suffered, whether it was directly from their own illness or taking care of ill family members.

She spoke in favor of the vaccine with a determined look on her face.

She asked me if we would get vaccinated and I gave her a side-winding reply in the effort to avoid any kind of confrontation or unpleasantness.

She didn't look happy about my apparent rejection of the vaccine, but desiring to avoid unpleasantness as much as I did, she didn't press the issue.

A Beautiful Scene of Mommy & Baby: Young, Idealistic, and Accomplished

One Shabbat at that same neighbor's invitation, I went to visit her & found her sitting on the couch with her newest daughter-in-law.

I'd been at the wedding of the young couple (she was 17; he was 19) and now their first baby sat between the mother-in-law & daughter-in-law.

The baby was an auburn-haired 8-month-old with sparkling brown eyes & long black eyelashes.

As my neighbor gave her baby granddaughter an affectionate squeeze, she said, "I don't know why, but this one is so attached to me!"

Seeing the chemistry between them, one would think they were mother & daughter, rather than mother-in-law & daughter-in-law.

The daughter-in-law (who's probably only 19 by now) sat decked out in her glamorous Shabbat finery with skillfully applied makeup.

She looked so confident & satisfied with herself—a state I witnessed often among the frum community's young mothers and one I sometimes experienced myself (even though at 24, I wasn't as young as they are when I had my first).

Due to the much later stage the average American gets married nowadays, plus their very different attitude toward marriage & childbearing, I never saw this exact state in secular society.

But the youthful idealism that accompanies the frum young women who feel that managing a home & a baby is an extremely gratifying achievement imbues these young mothers with a certain glow & sense of accomplishment.

When they manage to get their homes & selves into "perfect" shape for their husbands (and doing it for themselves too), plus taking good care of their new baby, they feel so good about themselves.

In addition, there's an innovation toward problem-solving that goes with young motherhood too, and that sense of innovation in problem-solving also builds their self-confidence.

(Side note: This something intrinsic. Even as far back as 1894, the frum 18-year-old Rachel Calof, married & pregnant on the prairie of North Dakota, reflected this same sense of satisfaction & accomplishment when she reached certain self-made goals in dire circumstances. She writes of this in her memoir: www.amazon.com/Rachel-Calofs-Story-Homesteader-Northern/dp/0253209862)

And sure, this pinnacle often fades as the family grows (making it impossible to maintain those high standards without help—if at all), plus the husband usually isn't aware of how much hard work she invests behind the scenes in making everything look so good & function so well, so she relaxes her standards over time.

But this very early period of marriage & motherhood can be a very gratifying time for the young mother.

And that's what I saw: A young woman who felt wonderful about herself, her baby, and her life.

She had it all.

And then she decided to take the vaccine.

The Covid Vaccine while Pregnant (Unhappy Ending)

First, she took a pregnancy test.

It came out negative.

But no one knew at the time that it was a false negative.

She actually WAS pregnant at that time.

So unwittingly, she got vaccinated while pregnant.

When my neighbor (the mother-in-law) related how her daughter-in-law's pregnancy ended in a stillbirth at 6 months, she lowered her voice & confided, "I'm positive the vaccine caused it. The bleeding started right after she took the vaccine."

Both the medical staff & the family did everything they could to save the baby.

My neighbor arranged for the young couple to move in with them to relieve the young mother of all domestic burdens, allowing the young mother to minimize any physical & emotional stress in order to save her unborn child.

"It was so difficult," my neighbor sighed. "At 6 months, she needed to go through labor & birth, all the while knowing she wouldn't have a baby in the end."

It hurt to hear the story, especially since this young woman wasn't even out of her teens yet & had been feeling so good about her life & doing so well.

The neighbor sighed again.

"My mother-in-law insisted on taking the third shot. Well, it's understandable due to her age & she's so afraid of getting sick with covid. But now I just think that..."

She flapped her hands as if swatting something away and looked me in the eye. "You know what?" she said. "It doesn't matter. Getting vaccinated or not getting vaccinated...it's all from Hashem. We can't know anything. Only Hashem decides."

And I openly validated her with all my heart.

Then I gave her my heartfelt blessings for their good health in the future.

Say No to Vaccination during Pregnancy

I realize that 2 incidents do not prove harm, especially since there's no proof the vaccine affected these two pregnant women so badly.

Yes, there are indications their suffering stemmed from the vaccine.

But no proof.

However, it's clear that vaccines can affect pregnant women negatively.

These aren't the only examples.

Maybe some pregnant women respond well to getting vaccinated while pregnant.

But so many do not. That's cause enough for concern.

And why should a vaccine be pushed or even allowed for pregnant women when it has not undergone rigorous long-term testing?

Why take that risk?

Why are pregnant women not only allowed the vaccine, but even encouraged to take an unproven vaccine that could harm them much more than the virus itself could?

After all, when mumps and then measles ran around the frum community here in Eretz Yisrael (including mumps in those vaccinated against mumps), no one recommended pregnant women get vaccinated against these diseases.

So why recommend it for covid?

Combine this with my observation that almost everyone we know who has come down with the Delta variant was vaccinated at least twice (including my husband's other younger sister who was not pregnant & dealt with a very light case of the Delta covid AFTER she received at least 2 vaccinations.).

Based on the above, along with the whispers of other disasters regarding pregnant women & covid vaccination, my present position stands firmly against any covid vaccination while pregnant.

It's not the only vaccine harmful to pregnant women.

A Most Unpopular Position

Here's another issue I think will make a lot of people angry at me, but I'm following Rav Itamar Schwartz on the vaccine simply because I've found his whole approach to covid so helpful and true.

Rav Itamar Schwartz is not in favor of the vaccine, but nor is he against it either.

He often tells people they need not take it. It seems he himself has not taken it nor does he plan to.

But in some cases, he tells people they can & if so, to do so without fear, but only bitachon in Hashem.

For example, when asked about taking the covid vaccine in order to come to Eretz Yisrael (because people aren't being allowed in without it), he considers this an excellent reason to take it because the merit of coming to Eretz Yisrael will shield a person against any harm.
https://question.bilvavi.net/blog/2021/10/09/going-to-eretz-yisrael-but-i-dont-want-to-vaccinate/

And this one:

VACCINATING-LEARNING IN ERETZ YISRAEL
October 19, 2021

QUESTION:
What should I do if the Israeli government authorities require that I take the corona vaccine in order to learn in yeshiva in Eretz Yisrael?

ANSWER:
There is no need to take the vaccine.

But if they require you to take it, do not worry, Hashem is watching you especially [because], you are involved with a great mitzvah and you will not be harmed, with siyata d’shmaya.

https://question.bilvavi.net/blog/2021/10/19/vaccinating-learning-in-eretz-yisrael/

This is why I'm not actively opposing the vaccine (even though I remain highly suspicious of it and, as described in a previous post food-for-thought-how-avoiding-the-c0id-vaccine-improved-our-health-finances-and-our-torah.html, both my husband & I have been mosser nefesh NOT to take it).

This is why when my neighbor went from being gung-ho in favor of the vaccine to giving it all up to Hashem, I supported her so passionately.

From all the vaccine and covid smoke-and-mirrors, she managed to reach the exact point Hashem wants us to reach: There is only Hashem.

And that's why even though I personally continue to avoid the vaccine, I also do not condemn or try to convince people who do believe in the vaccine's efficacy & wish to take it.

I realize this neither-here-nor-there position is the most unpopular one at this point.

Most people come down firmly either in favor or against.

Both sides consider people like me stupid ("Can't you SEE what all the evidence shows?"), ignorant ("Are you not current with the latest information?"), and uncaring about human life ("Without the vaccine, everyone is gonna die!" "With the vaccine, everyone is gonna die!").

And I admit I don't completely understand Rav Schwartz's views on the covid vaccine.

(Actually, I don't completely understand him on anything. But whatever I do understand always gives me tremendous benefit.)

So I cannot answer questions about his views on the vaccine (though I strongly encourage others to do their own research; maybe YOU will understand more & can explain it all to me).

Struggling to Stay on the Straight Path

I personally know people who suffered a severe reaction to the covid vaccine (including 2nd and/or 3rd jabs)—both pregnant and not.

I also personally know people who received the vaccine and felt just fine. And they still feel fine.

And no one KNOWS the long-term consequences...because enough time simply has not gone by to be considered "long term."

By "no one," I mean no one on either side of the issue.

We can't KNOW something for sure until it happens. We can make very educated—even accurate—predictions. But we can't KNOW.

Certainly, people can make educated guesses based on current studies & observations.

For example, I personally will continue to avoid the vaccine.

I will personally continue to consider the vaccine not a real vaccine because it does not seem to actually vaccinate. (Again, nearly everyone we know infected with the Delta variant received the covid "vaccination." How is it considered a vaccination when it does not seem to vaccinate?)

Or maybe it does actually vaccinate some people?

And my family's hishtadlut for covid-prevention continues to be taking vitamin D, vitamin K2, and zinc. (We forget to take it every day, however. Also, large amounts of vitamin D deplete magnesium, which can cause muscle aches. So if you're taking a lot of vitamin D & you're suffering aching joints & muscles, magnesium can help tremendously. Magnesium helped me overnight.)

Anyway, things are very up in the air & I very much want to focus on Hashem's Hand in it all rather than focusing so much on the vaccine itself (including the nasty plans of powerful people). This includes both opinions, whether believing the vaccine is the answer for humanity or considering it a deadly weapon of the global elite.

I very much want to focus on Hashem's Power.

And I'm just trying to do this in the best way I can.

(Having said all that...PREGNANT WOMEN SHOULD NOT TAKE THE VACCINE!)

Note: To glean any understanding of Rav Itamar Schwartz's views on the covid vaccine, one must comb through all his answers on the topic & be able to understand what he says, including when he goes into deep Kabbalistic explanations.

And thus...any email or comment sent bashing Rav Schwartz in any way will be deleted unread & unanswered.

Even if the bashing is well-intentioned & diplomatically worded, I am not interested in reading it especially since my sensibilities tell me any bashers probably lack the time & intellect to thoroughly comb through everything Rav Schwartz has said, both in Hebrew & in English translation.

After all, I myself lack the intellect to thoroughly comb through & understand everything he says on the topic.

So I don't think a critic or basher would either.

So bashing without fully understanding the person? Pointless.

How Hashem will Deal with the Utterly Despondent & Broken-Hearted at the Time of Geula

20/10/2021

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In Yeshayahu/Isaiah 61:1 (which is also the Haftarah for Parshat Nitzavim), we find a comforting verse Hashem said to Yeshayahu HaNavi to pass on to us for the entire Exile:

ר֛וּחַ אֲדֹנָ֥י ה' עָלָ֑י יַ֡עַן מָשַׁח֩ הֹ' אֹתִ֜י לְבַשֵּׂ֣ר עֲנָוִ֗ים שְׁלָחַ֙נִי֙ לַֽחֲבֹ֣שׁ לְנִשְׁבְּרֵי־לֵ֔ב לִקְרֹ֚א לִשְׁבוּיִם֙ דְּר֔וֹר וְלַֽאֲסוּרִ֖ים פְּקַח־קֽוֹחַ

The spirit of the Lord God was upon me, since the Lord anointed me to bring tidings to the humble; He sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to declare freedom for the captives, and for the prisoners to free from captivity.

Malbim defines those categories in the following way:

1) Humble Ones/Anavim

Humble ones who do not express resentment at all.

They just expect the salvation.

And for them, there is no need for a special undertaking to show them.

Malbim goes on to explain these humble ones only need to see Hashem has anointed the person for spiritual leadership, that this is the person who brings the tidings of yeshua (salvation).

For them, it's all straight-forward because they remained secure in their faith & expected these tidings all along.

At the same time, Hashem understands those who are barely holding on.

He has special plans for them too:

2) The Broken-Hearted/Nishbarei Lev

Those who do not wait for the future salvation.

Simply, their heart is broken and despondent over the present and they are discombobulated by the difficulties.

For them, I undertook a special mission: to bandage the brokenness of their heart to show them they should not despair — because there is hope.

The Hopeless Broken-Hearted

We must anticipate Mashiach every day.

That's one of Rambam's Principles.

So who are these broken-hearted who don't do that — yet still merit salvation & even extra attention?

In fact, according to Malbim, their brokenness seems defined by their inability to hope any longer.

It's not that they don't know or don't care.

They DO care.

But they've just suffered so much, they simply broke down.

Not only are they broken & despondent, they're disoriented — discombobulated by their problems.

In other words, these people feel utterly swamped by their suffering & confusion.

When the Mashiach comes to announce the Geula/Redemption, the anavim will be like, "Oh, fantastic! Baruch Hashem! I've been expecting this!"

But the broken-hearted are going need to some prepping.

They'll need to be propped up.

It sounds like they initially won't believe it's here.

They're going to need chizuk/encouragement first. Hashem has a special plan laid out for them.

First, they'll need their hope returned to them. They'll need to be shown they shouldn't despair, that there is still hope.

And THEN, they'll be able to receive the tidings of Salvation — it's finally here.

Hashem Will Not Give Up on You

I think this speaks to a lot of people who have been trying & trying, but feel like they're unable to hang on any longer, like it's too much to keep their head above water.

Or they feel like they're failing no matter how hard they try.

They struggle to hold on & barely know what they're doing or even what they should be doing anymore.

In fact, I hear this a lot: People can barely figure out what they SHOULD be doing.

Everything is so confusing with such conflicting messages.

Situations develop with no clear solution or straight-forward way to handle them.

Even asking experts for advice sometimes leads to a dead end...or makes things worse.

Or the experts simply do not know; it's beyond them too.

The world has been turned upside-down.

But the above verse indicates that even if you feel that way, even if you're giving up, Hashem is not giving up on you.

He understands you & even formulated a special plan to heal people like you.

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How It Helps to Hear about Judgement, Punishment, and Fear of God

19/9/2021

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For a follow-up post, please see here:
stories-to-show-why-we-need-the-motivation-of-heavenly-punishment-fear-in-addition-to-the-motivation-of-reward-love.html

In modern times, most people do not like hearing about punishment or fear of God or anything appearing "negative."

Some people endured throughout childhood a dysfunctional representation of Heavenly chastisement or yirah (fear/reverence of God).

Others experienced punitive punishments by dysfunctional parents and/or teachers, and never having experienced punishment or yirah in a positive context, genuinely struggle to relate to these concepts in the healthy & beneficial way Judaism requires.

And as understandable as that resistance is, it's also a pity to miss out on one of the core fundamentals of Judaism.

What's Wrong with This Picture?

Initially, I also felt strong resistance to this concept.

And at the time I was becoming frum, most people teaching about Torah Judaism skirted this issue (much to my relief & self-satisfaction).

My resistance was validated time & again as I heard how our generation cannot hear about Heavenly punishment & din & yirah, and so we should not speak about it; instead, the focus should ONLY be on Hashem's Love & on the feel-good aspects of Judaism.

This is partly true, of course. Love & the feel-good aspects should be the main focus.

But not the ONLY focus.

Why?

First of all, I couldn't help noticing that these supposedly "negative" or "scary" concepts infuse every part of Torah Judaism, whether the halachic works, Torah commentaries, mussar books, or—well, EVERYTHING.

I also encountered teachers & writers who explained these concepts in an authentic & positive way—which helped enormously.

Furthermore, upon encountering serious difficulties & yissurim in life, I discovered the feel-good-only side left me without the tools to gain insight into suffering or otherwise deal with suffering in a meaningful manner.

Finally, by acknowledging the din and yirah and punishment aspects of Hashem, one sees fairness & justice in an otherwise seemingly unfair world. (For some of us, this glimpse of justice is highly gratifying.)

So these seemingly "harsh" or "scary" or "negative" concepts can & SHOULD be used positively.

In fact, these seemingly repellent parts of Hashem actually derive from His Great Love for us.

Yes, these too are expressions of His Love (even when they feel like the direct opposite).

Depending on your personality & past experience, embracing this fact may be easier or excruciatingly harder.

But just because it presents a challenge (and for some people, an understandably mountainous challenge) doesn't mean such a fundamental part of Judaism should be ignored, denied, or disdained.

When It's Helpful to See Hashem's Justice in This World

For some of us, the knowledge that whatever forbidden pleasure we experience in This World will need to be paid back (either by suffering in This World or suffering in the Next World)—this is exactly what stops us from doing the wrong thing at times.

Yes, thinking of the great reward in store for us when we stop ourselves is wonderful.

Knowing the great appreciation in Shamayim our self-restraint or ability to change direction in the middle of a challenging situation—these also help us so much toward doing the right thing.

Like this:

However, most of us discover that some urges respond better to fear of the negative consequences.

Furthermore, while many people focus on fear of punishment for, say, not saying the right bracha, real-life examples show Hashem concerns Himself with punishing bein adam l'chavero (person-to-person) transgressions—like any kind of extreme ongoing pain caused to another.

It's true that we don't always see that in This World.

Sometimes, Hashem lets an awful person live it up in This World to reward that person now for any miniscule good performed—and then that awful person suffers for all their awfulness in the Next World (without our ability to witness it from here).

But we do see instances of justice meted out in This World.

Examples follow...

When Hashem Doesn't Agree with Your Self-Perception of Funny, Cute, Clever, or Victimized

Rav Miller writes the following:
(torasavigdor.org/rav-avigdor-miller-on-hashem-will-wait-but-not-forever/
torasavigdor.org/rav-avigdor-miller-on-persuasions-of-the-yetzer-hora/)

Once there was a girl – a young woman.

And she was riding in a taxicab in Brooklyn. And the taxicab bumped into another car. And together they bumped into a telephone pole.

And the pole fell on her and she died. Nebach, it killed that girl.

Now, I’m not capable of telling you anything but I’ll tell you something that happened with a girl. Maybe it was the same girl. I don’t want to say.

Once there was a poor teacher and she was trying to make a living. You know that it’s not always easy making a living.

So she was teaching a class of girls. And there were forty girls in the class.

One of the girls in the back of the class mimicked the teacher’s voice. And she did it all the time.

All the time!

And the teacher was very much embarrassed. Very embarrassed. Very hurt. But what could she do? It’s her parnasah.

So she kept quiet. She kept quiet but she was terribly hurt.

Now maybe this girl forgot about what she did. And maybe the teacher forgot about her pain.

But Hakodosh Boruch Hu doesn’t forget. He might give you time to fix your mistake – to do teshuvah – but when you don’t, and instead you forget about it, He doesn’t forget.

You hear that?! Hakodosh Boruch Hu doesn’t forget!

In a much later lecture, Rav Miller apparently refers again to the same girl & teacher (emphasis mine):

Here’s a girl in Bais Yaakov.

Her teacher, a woman trying to make a living, she teaches the girls. And she’s trying to make a lecture on a certain inyan in hashkafah.

So one of the girls raised her voice to mimic her teacher. “Mmmm mmmm.”

The teacher didn’t say anything. She heard but she didn’t say a thing.

A terrible thing what that girl did! Malbin pnei chaveiro berabim! A terrible thing.

Well that girl was sitting in a taxi one day and another car came and bumped into a telegraph pole and knocked it down and it fell on her taxi; a freak accident and she was killed.

Nobody knows why. Nobody knows why!

Hakadosh Baruch Hu knows why.

Lo avad dinah belo dinah – Hashem doesn’t do things without judgment.

And therefore mi haish hachafetz chaim, you want to live long?

Netzor leshoncha meira – close your mouth against saying bad things.

Yiras Hashem tosef yamim – if you fear Hashem it will add to your years, ushenos reshaim tektzornah – while the lives of the wicked are cut short.

People don't like to hear this.

They like to go on with tons of excuses like:

tinok sheh nishba
"teen brain"
having a difficult home life
he/she didn't reeeeeally mean it...
excusing theme with a disorder (for example, people—especially young people—with ADHD sometimes behave with giddy impulsion, insensitivity, and tactlessness)...

Or, if it's the perpetrator:

imagining him/herself as the victim
"just kidding!"

...and so on.

The question becomes whether Hashem agrees with these excuses.

Years of observation showed me that many—maybe most?—people who make nasty little barbs or humiliate others tend to consider themselves clever or cute or funny.

They don't consider their behavior truly wicked.

Even if they admit they did something mean, they categorize it as a "cute" kind of mean, or a meanness that's funny or clever.

And that their victim deserves it in some way.

Another huge percentage consider themselves a victim in some way.

Similar to the above, they feel their victim has it coming to them—the difference being they may not lighten it up with cute, clever, or funny, but outright anger instead.

The "I'm the victim here!" types can go either way.

(Note: People with a personality disorder (PD) almost always see themselves as the victim in a situation, regardless of how irrational that self-perception is.

And despite what most PD professionals will tell you, it's generally not consciously manipulative—sometimes it is, but often not. If it's usually consciously manipulative, then it's probably sociopathy, not a conventional personality disorder. But PDs genuinely see themselves as the victim.

That's how they allow themselves to be so abusive. To them, it's noble self-defense.)

Back to Rav Miller's example above: Do you think the mocking student considered herself a bad person?

In my experience, highly unlikely.

She most likely considered herself clever & funny, plus she probably thought the teacher deserved it for being "pathetic" (to the girl's mind) or not up-to-par in some way—which makes the class the victim of the teacher's incompetence (in the eyes of this particular girl, anyway).

The girl also probably thought she could get away with it because she's young, she's a teenager, blah, blah, blah.

I can't know for certain, of course, but according the situation described here, that's my experience with these types.

(Note: Having been a teen myself with teen peers, plus having raised & dealt with other teens, it's clear teens are aware of the ability to get away with certain behaviors simply because it's excused by society as "typical adolescent." The law also provides tremendous leeway for those under 18. And that attitude is considered normal & acceptable since the 70s-80s.)

So for some of us, it helps us to know that how ever funny, clever, cute, or victimized we may perceive ourselves, Hashem may not agree our humiliating or hurtful behavior is justified.

And that can help us rein it in.

(Please also note the rewarding & loving aspect of yirah: "it will ADD to you years"!)

A Bat Yisroel isn't Refundable

In another scenario, Rav Miller says the following:

Here’s a man who died young; he got ill and died young.

A tragedy! A mystery!

But I know the answer to the mystery. I knew him.

When he was a bochur he got married. Right after the chasuna he said he wants a gett from the kallah.

I went to him; I tried to persuade him.

You’re just married,” I said. “You’re ruining her.” I tried. “Your parents put so much money into the chasuna.”

“I don’t like her,” he said.

You married her! Once you married you can’t say “I don’t like her.”

But no, he was an akshan. He was a stubborn fellow.

He was a good bochur, a good learner, but he had akshanus in him.

He wanted a girl that he liked and finished. And so he divorced her.

Now, when the time came and he became ill prematurely, nobody understood why. I think I know why. He passed away early.

Hashem’s judgment was on him.

(//torasavigdor.org/rav-avigdor-miller-on-persuasions-of-the-yetzer-hora/)

Here's another lecture apparently speaking about the same guy:

Here’s a man – a beautiful man. A strong, tall man and a good learner. A tchachka he was. Something special – a real tachshit.

And then he became ill – a cripple. And he died young too. Nobody know why.
I also don’t know why.

But I have one hava-amina. I have a svarah for why he died young. I have a good svarah.

Because I dealt with him once.

He had a bride. He had a new kallah. And right after the chuppa he said he doesn’t want her anymore.

I visited him. I said, “How can it be? You’re ruining the girl! You chose her. You chose this girl. And her parents spent a small fortune on the chasuna. And right after the chuppa you don’t want her anymore?!”

“No,” he says. He doesn’t like her, he tells me.

Well, I didn’t win.

And there was a divorce. It was a tragedy.

And I think that it was a very big crime that he committed.

Nobody knows why, but I think that’s the reason. He ruined her.

Now, I wouldn’t go and publicize it, but I believe that’s the reason.

(torasavigdor.org/rav-avigdor-miller-on-suspecting-hashem-of-wrongdoing/)

I think this guy's behavior showed particular repellence because it looks like he took his bride—a young innocent bat Melech—for test-drive & then decided he didn't like the make.

It's so callous & dehumanizing.

It's very humiliating & devastating for her—a public rejection of the most profoundly personal type.

You can't just do that to people & get away with it.

So yeah, he was likable & good guy and woo-woo, he was a real Torah-learner!

But being knowledgeable in Torah makes you MORE culpable.

Hashem expects more of you because you know better.

So despite everything...yes, being a jerk can get a person killed.

Here's similar one:

Here’s the case of a young man who died.

A big talmid chacham. And he died. And everybody is surprised.

He had a family with children. What did he do wrong that he was punished?

But I know! I remember!

He was once married – before this marriage – and he got into a quarrel immediately with his wife’s parents.

Something happened right after the marriage night. He became insulted and he went out of the house; he went back to his parents and he refused to come back to his wife anymore.

She was ruined. A young girl and now she’s being divorced.

It was a tragedy. She wanted to take her life! She wanted to commit suicide. A frum girl.

But he was adamant. He refused to go back.

Well, the years passed by.

He remarried but Hakodosh Boruch Hu didn’t forget it.

And suddenly this man became ill and died – there’s a reason for it.

(https://torasavigdor.org/rav-avigdor-miller-on-divorce-and-retribution/)

This is similar to the one above.

Many of us influenced by secular Western society may not appreciate the severity of these infractions presented by Rav Miller.

But the more we train our brains to think like Hashem thinks, the more we understand the events around us.

What about the Power of Forgiveness?

Some of you may be wondering about forgiving others & the severe result of another Jew being punished because of your grudge.

So Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender addresses this issue in Words of Truth Volume II.

He expounded on the importance of not only remaining silent in the face of verbal attacks (rather than respond with an attack of your own), but to also completely forgive the verbal attacker.

At the same time, he noted that Hashem does not necessarily forgive the initial attacker.

According to Hashem's cheshbon, the person did something very wrong—regardless of how you, the victim, feel about it.

In the above examples, Rav Miller notes the teacher may have forgotten all about the humiliating interactions.

It could be that in the teacher's heart, the teacher even forgave the girl, excusing it as immaturity & not intentional cruelty.

It could also be that the former kallot from the above stories also decided to forgive their former chatan.

I don't know. Maybe not. But maybe yes.

Regardless, it can also be that Hashem refuses to forgive.

And in that case, He doesn't punish on the cheshbon of the victim, but for Hashem's own Sake.

A Good Scare is Better Than a Bad Move

The point here is that keeping the above in mind can help a lot when we feel the irresistible urge to be cute, clever, funny...

...or when we wish to avenge/rectify perceived victimization.

Regardless of how light or justified our actions seem in our own eyes, if it hurts another person, the above examples show how important it is to think it through more deeply before acting.

Thinking about the positive results for good behavior help so much.

But sometimes, only a fear of the consequences provide us with the self-restraint necessary to overcome our yetzer hara.

And that's why some of us find these anecdotes so helpful.

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What was Really Wrong with Esav?

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Born to be Bad

The Wonderful Reason for being Born to be Bad

When Lifelong "Failure" is Actually Massive Success on All Levels

The Importance of Looking at Your Children's Faces in the Right Way

How to Look at Hashem's Creations for All Their Worth

How Did Yaakov become Yaakov Avinu?

Sanding Ourselves to Success

What If My Challenges Keep Ending Up as "Lavan Smashes Yaakov" rather than "Yaakov Overcomes Lavan"?

The Covid Vaccine with Gestational Diabetes & a Possibly Pre-Existing Covid Infection

Why Some People Dread Another Bout of Covid

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Say No to Vaccination during Pregnancy

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Struggling to Stay on the Straight Path

The Hopeless Broken-Hearted

Hashem Will Not Give Up on You

What's Wrong with This Picture?

When It's Helpful to See Hashem's Justice in This World

When Hashem Doesn't Agree with Your Self-Perception of Funny, Cute, Clever, or Victimized

A Bat Yisroel isn't Refundable

What about the Power of Forgiveness?

A Good Scare is Better Than a Bad Move

Myrtle Rising

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