Category: Hitbodedut

What is the Only Way to Hold on Tight When the Rope Starts Shaking?

10/9/2019

Looking at what's going on in the world, I find myself growing increasingly concerned for the future.

And I'm far from being the first to come to this conclusion.

Right now, I don't want to go into the nitty-gritty of what we're all seeing and what I think it portends, but I do want to talk about the best response.

And it's not about prepping or making aliyah (which most Jews either won't or can't do right now anyway — and who even says that the Erev Rav leaders would allow millions of Jews, especially if they're frum, to enter?) or writing letters to representatives or newspapers, or signing petitions, and so forth.

(Although if those things will help, then it's good to do them. But they shouldn't be your sole focus.)

There's a lot we can't control and I think this creeping inability to positively affect opinions & situations is only going to increase.

So it's time to re-focus on an age-old authentically Jewish response:

HANG ON TO YOUR EMUNA

Looking back at the classic parable by Rebbe Elimelech of Lizhensk (author of the classic Noam Elimelech):

He said that the End of Days will feel like a rope being jerked around.

Only the people who can hold on tight will make it.

This means that you already need to be holding on to the rope when it starts jerking & shaking.

Sure, if you're not already holding on, you can always make a lunge for the rope, hoping to grab onto it as it wildly whips around.

And maybe you'll find a place to grasp. Some people will, I'm sure.

But that's pretty risky.

Better to grab on to the rope NOW.

And to take the metaphor even further:

Who has a better chance of hanging on:

the person with only their index finger curled around the rope?

the person who has wrapped their arms and legs around the rope and clings to it for dear life?

Or even better:

the person who coiled that part of the rope around them, so even if their hands slip, they still can't fall off?

I don't know Hashem's Secrets & Cheshbonot, nor do I know the soul-tikkun of others, but it seems to me that part of the reason why so many people are having such a hard time, not just with obvious nisayonot, but with inner trials too.

Their moods, their perceptions, their feelings...

So many people struggle with depression, despair, disappointment, anger, lethargy, apathy, feelings of rejection, loneliness, and distance from Hashem, and so on.

But those of you who fight your way out of these pits (even when you fall in again for the umpteenth time) are actually forging your connection to Hashem.

In other words, you are securing your grip on the rope.

It may not feel like it, but you are.

And that's exactly what we all need to strengthen ourselves to continue doing.

I'm not trying to be the Voice of Doom.

But if Mashiach doesn't come already, I think things are going to get increasingly more bizarre & difficult in the not-so-distant future.

And I think that focusing on strengthening our relationship with Hashem is a positive way of facing that future.

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A 60-Second Exercise to Fulfill Your Main Purpose in Life

5/6/2019

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In Parshat Emor: Count the Days (page 13), Rav Avigdor Miller asks rhetorically:

What if you only had 60 seconds left to live, chas v’shalom?

How could you best utilize those 60 seconds?

Then he encourages us to apply this lesson at least once a day, making that day entirely different—with only 60 seconds.

So here’s the exercise on how to make 60 seconds the most meaningful moments of your life:

Seconds 1-10

Think or say some version of the following:

“There’s a Borei who created the universe out of nothing and that means that there’s nothing that has any intrinsic existence except for Hashem.

"And He created me as well.

"Hashem Echad! He’s the only thing that matters to me.

"And He gave me this great kindness that for the following 50 seconds, I can think about Him and achieve the prime purpose of my being here: The Purpose of Recognizing the Borei."

Seconds 11-50

Think or say some version of the following:

“So for the next 40 seconds, I am going to become more and more aware of You and fulfill my purpose here.

"I’m looking outside at the setting sun and I know what You’re saying to me Hashem; time is passing by.

"So I express now my gratitude to You Hakadosh Baruch Hu for everything You’ve given me: I love You Hashem, and I speak to You, my King, my Creator, and I express my gratitude to You for the beautiful world You made for me.

"Thank You for my eyes and my kidneys and my feet and I especially thank You for making me part of Your Chosen People.”

Seconds 51-60

Think or say some version of the following:

“I thank You, Hakadosh Baruch Hu, Who has given me this great opportunity to count the seconds in this world and achieve my purpose in this world of thinking about You.”

Rav Miller then concludes with the following sunny thoughts:

"And then time is up; you go out of this world having achieved your purpose. Yesh koneh olamo b'sha'ah achat - 'A person can become great in only one minute' - only that you have to know how to make that minute count."

Rav Miller reminds us that we needn’t only do this exercise during quiet moments alone. We can also do this while hanging onto a subway handle, walking down the street, or while stirring a pot.

"A person can live his whole life without ever doing this, which is a big mistake because a primary reason for our existence is to do the above."

Now that Rav Miller has taught us how to do it, he sends us off with fond wishes:

“So now you can go out into the world for many more minutes and live successfully.”

Thank you once again to Toras Avigdor for making Rav Avigdor Miller's material so widely available at:
Toras Avigdor – Authentic Torah Thought for Life

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How to Try to Interpret Hashem's Messages & Why We Really Should Try to Do That

27/5/2019

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Let's talk a bit about reading signs & interpreting messages from God, Heavenly Hints, etc.

And let's do it from a traditionally Jewish point of view (which is the only legitimate way to do it).

This means the following:

Hashem sends us signs to prod us in the right direction.

Fortunately for us, He has, in His Great Mercy & Compassion, given us a handy book delineating how He defines “the right direction” (i.e., the Torah).

Judaism acknowledges & faces paradox head-on.

So if you are a black-and-white thinker, then even the more basic Jewish concepts will befuddle you (as they did me when I originally started my foray into frumkeit).

But black-and-white thinking can be remedied by studying Jewish sources, pondering them, and freeing your mind to reach its higher potential, a potential that has been limited by living in Edomite society.

Hanging out with good frum Jews and listening to classes by good frum Jews can also help a lot with expanding a constricted mind.

It’s not your fault if you started out that way, born into that society, but each person has a responsibility to at least start freeing his or her mind at some point.

(Not to mention, a freer mind makes for a happier mind.)

Even one little step at a time, even going at a snail's pace, can accomplish an astonishing amount over time.

Needless to say, I’m not an expert on suffering or all that Chazal has to say. (A talmid chacham is an expert in all this.)

So we're going to address this topic from a much more basic perspective.

The big DISCLAIMER here is that this whole post is an oversimplification of the issue. Entire chapters and even books have been written on suffering, and even that's not enough.

Anyway, as mentioned above, I had to work this through myself because I also was born into the brain-draining liberal Edomite culture.

And I, too, used to self-righteously splutter stuff like: “But how can AIDS be an onesh for mishkav zachur & pritzus when some babies and hemophiliacs have died of AIDS too?!”—and think I was being oh-so clever and morally superior.

I wasn't being clever; I was being simple-minded. And my self-righteous secularism was definitely NOT morally superior.

Millennia before any of us were born, Judaism already addressed the issue of the innocent getting caught up in the punishment of those who continuously transgress.

So let's take a look at how to attempt to understand Hashem's Messages...

Combing through the Signs

First of all, let’s look at one of the worst trials people face - death - & also look at many of the reasons Judaism offers for this frightening & traumatizing trial:

(NOTE: These can also be reasons for any kind of suffering.)

The person has lived out his or her pre-destined amount of years.

The person is relatively sin-free, and therefore his or her death (or suffering) is an atonement for the Jewish people. (In other words, Hashem takes this one person, rather than 1000 other people.) This kind of death is often reserved for either an unusually good adult or for an innocent child or baby, and should motivate the rest of to do teshuvah so that the innocent need not suffer.

The person has completed his or her tikkun (soul rectification), often connected to stuff they didn’t rectify in a previous incarnation.

The person is a bad person (i.e., death as a punishment).

The person has not been living life “right” (according to Hashem’s definition) and needs a certain type of death as an atonement in order to avoid Gehinnom. (This often means a martyr’s death, al Kiddush Hashem, a death doing something heroic for the Jewish people, etc.)

The person is going to end up doing some bad things later on, so Hashem takes him or her out of the world so that person won’t die a sinner and so that the person will inherit a good portion in the Next World rather than burn or be totally cut off. (This is a preventative death.)

In a mass situation (like a plague), there’s the concept that “the destroyer” has been given permission to cut down the good people along with the bad. (Usually, however, the good people are also dying for reasons stated above AND unfathomable reasons. Hashem is always Just. We just pray for Him to be Merciful too.)

Other reasons I’m not remembering right now.

But to repeat: All of this is a vast oversimplification of the topic.

The calculations of Hashem are far beyond human understanding, as Hashem Himself explained to Moshe Rabbeinu when asked about seeming unfairness in life.

Yet paradoxically, Hashem expects us to both accept His Judgments AND examine things according to our understanding (by using the Guide—Torah—He gifted us) in order to learn from loss and other painful events in order to take lessons for our own self-improvement.

That's right. It's NOT to finger-point or to luxuriate in our feelings of fake self-righteousness, but to self-introspect and thus self-improve.

So, for example, as you can surmise, a person might die due to a combination of the above factors, not just one factor.

(For example, a person can die as an atonement AND because of completing soul-rectification related to stuff from a past incarnation. AND due to other unfathomable reasons.)

Responding to the Message

The above is why, for example, when a tzaddik or a child dies (particularly if it is a bizarre or especially distressing death), frum people say it was a kaparah (an atonement) and understanding people invest in some soul-searching, realizing that the person possibly died for their sins and if we’d been behaving better, that person might still be alive.

(That is ONE reason Judaism offers for the death of a child. There are others - as described above.)

This is also why knowledgeable frum people will look at the sudden death of an anti-Torah person and declare, “Onesh!” (punishment) — the lesson there being that we all need to improve our ways to avoid an untimely death, if Hashem wills it.

(We are also supposed to utilize tact and compassion when dealing with the mourners, regardless of who or why a person died.)

Simplistic Thinking vs. Complex Thinking

Unfortunately, black-and-white thinkers tend to be very vocal in saying the following type of thing:

“When the Leftist anti-Torah guy was run over by a truck, you frummies said he was being punished. But when the innocent child was run over by a truck, you said it was an atonement and everyone needs to do teshuvah. You’re contradicting yourselves! AND you’re also stuck-up know-it-alls because you’re acting like you KNOW the reason why—when you’re contradicting yourselves! You guys are self-centered hypocrites!”

And this black-and-white thinker considers himself extremely clever & insightful for having made this point.

But Judaism already explained why a child might die and why a rasha might die.

And it’s not for the same reason (or not fully for the same reason) — even if it’s the same type of death.

Again, simplistic minds look at only ONE aspect of the equation and jump to a conclusion based on that.

But a more complex thinker looks at as many aspects as he or she can, looks at what Judaism says about it, and THEN gleans a message or lesson from it. (All the while knowing that he or she cannot understand everything about it. Only Hashem can.)

And we ARE supposed to use the events to propel us toward self-improvement.

Real Goodness vs. Pretend Goodness

Part of the struggle here is when a person has a different definition of good than Hashem’s definition.

For example, a Jew might be part of decimating the Jewish people via intermarriage.

Sure, that’s not his intention. He thinks he's being open-minded and helpful. But the bare-boned fact is that he is destructively misguided and he is doing a truly terrible thing that brings terrible din to the world.

And many times, such a person does have an inkling of it because intermarriage and a shrinking Jewish population is discussed ad naseum even among non-Orthodox Jews.

If he married a non-Jewish woman and brought non-Jewish kids into the world, then there is a Jewish lady out there living without her bashert and Jewish kids who cannot be born — i.e., Jewish souls that were meant to come down via his union with his Jewish bat zug, but cannot because the conduit for these souls simply isn’t there.

And to add fat to the fire, he may actively encourage intermarried couples and help them stay married — in other words, actively assisting or encouraging other Jews to commit one of the most destructive sins.

All this is in addition transgressing Shabbat, kashrus, and much else commanded in the Torah.

Yes, he might observe some commandments, like the commandment to give tzedakah or do chessed, but he is mostly indulging some of the most destructive sins — and doing so consistently for decades.

Yet because he has an appealing personality, many people will label him as “a good person,” and furiously resist any peep that he might have died as (or partly as) a punishment for his many very severe transgressions (whether he meant them or not).

This comes because such people cannot accept that Hashem’s definition of good differs from their own.

(And again, even frum people can fall into this mistake.)

But adopting such an egalitarian attitude leads to spiritual stagnancy and eventually, to bitter din.

Avoiding the Cruel Response

If we take the lackadaisical attitude of “We just can’t understand these things at all in any way no matter what, so why bother?”, then we simply continue with our lives as we were.

No change, no growth, no self-improvement, no overturning horrific judgments, no preventing atrocities — just feelin’ good and self-satisfied.

And yes, even frum people can get all mushy-brained about this, becoming surprisingly defensive if other frum Jews cast judgement on the untimely death of, say, an appealing yet tragically sinful (whether from ignorance or intent) and completely unremorseful Jew points toward this sinful Jew dying because of, well, his sins (at least as part of the reason).

So if something happens to a sincerely frum person (or a person who is on the journey toward being a sincerely frum person, even if he or she hadn’t yet completed that journey), Hashem is giving us a TOTALLY DIFFERENT message than if the same thing happens to a Jew who consistently, copiously, and unremorsefully transgresses Torah.

And yes, of course, there are certainly situations in which the message seems quite muddled.

At a fundamental level, we simply CANNOT KNOW.

But these things do demand at least some self-introspection. Not finger-pointing, but just figuring out at least a little bit of the message and what it means for the rest of us.

To do otherwise is considered cruel, as discussed in the Torah (Vayikra 26:27-28, for one), Rambam (Hilchot Taanit, Chapter 1, Paragraph 3), and numerous other sources.

What Does This Mean for You Individually?

And needless to say, the self-improvement for a person differs according to individual level and individual knowledge.

For example, a person who does not keep Shabbat might want to start from there.

Yet a person who already keeps Shabbat should look into improving shemirat Shabbat or focus on another area of Torah in which there is a weakness, like lashon hara, finding the good in others, expressing gratitude to Hashem, and so on.

It depends…which is why each person needs to invest in personal self-introspection to work out the message and direction for him or her.

Just as another example, Rabbi Alon Anava frequently mentions that after his near-death experience, he worked on doing teshuvah from the inside-out. Meaning, he still looked secular on the outside for 2 or 3 years after his big wake-up call because he was working on his middot, inner refinement, and even Shabbat...but he simply didn't LOOK like he was doing all that.

So self-improvement is an individual process.

Needless to say, I'm talking to myself as much as anyone else. I need to do more serious self-introspection & self-improvement as much as anyone.

There’s a general message for klal Yisrael & a personal message for each individual person too.

Summary of Main Points

To sum up:

Hashem is behind every single occurrence.

Hashem's definition of good & bad differ than that of society. Suffering & death should be viewed through Hashem's Eyes, and not those of the surrounding society.

Suffering demands self-introspection: Brachot 5a - "If a man sees that misfortunes are coming upon him, he shall examine his deeds."

Judaism offers some guidance on finding the messages. (See list toward beginning of post.)

Tehillim 25:8: "Yoreh chataim b'derech - Hashem teaches unintentional sinners the way." One way to teach is via suffering.

Gates of Teshuvah: "When a person accepts mussar, and he'll improve his ways and deeds, he should rejoice over them as over great successes."

By using your suffering as hints to discover what you need to work on in yourself, you turn your flaws and sins into great successes. Rather than getting depressed over your failings or engulfed in toxic shame, you should davka feel very happy.

Different types of death mean different things, depending on what happened, how it happened, to whom it happened, and when.

We cannot know for sure the reasons behind death and other suffering, but we are expected to search for some kind of message.

Attributing suffering to natural causes is cruel because it leads to more suffering. (See HERE for more on this idea.)

Attribution and searching for messages doesn't mean finger-pointing at others. We need to take the lessons for ourselves.

Just as 2 contrasting examples:
1) If a sinful person dies an untimely or unusual death, it should be a hint to us to fix our own ways so we don't end up like him.

2) If a pure person dies an untimely or unusual death, it should be a hint to us to fix our own ways because that pure person likely died for the sins of their society (i.e., us).

(Note: There are also OTHER reasons, like the person's own tikkunim and stuff leftover from their past lives. but as far as WE go, we focus on the message for US. Their tikkunim are theirs.)

Judaism is not simplistic.

Judaism demands the development of complex thinking.

Judaism fully acknowledges and works with the reality of paradox: 2 opposing ideas can both be true.

Regardless of the message or reason for suffering or death, people in pain should still be treated with compassion & empathy.

Hopefully, we can all continue to grow in the best direction and do real teshuvah, which can prevent bitter decrees (sort of like the ones that are happening now, as much as they are also softened with rachamim) and bring Mashiach in a sweet way.

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Essential Advice on How to REALLY Live in This World - from Rav Avigdor Miller

23/5/2019

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Rav Miller’s dvar Torah on Parshat Behar is a very pleasant whomp right between the eyes.

One of my favorite aspects of Rav Miller on the parsha is his description of the true-to-life experience of Jews millennia ago in the Tanach.

Using plain & simple language, he brings it all to life.

Yovel, Plus You as a Ger in This World

In Rav Miller's dvar Torah for Parshat Behar (pages 1-3), you get to experience what the Yovel year was really like at the close of the 50-year cycle in which property reverts to its original owners.

Then (pgs. 3-7), using both stories of modern times & the Chafetz Chaim, Rav Miller details our temporary dwelling in This World and what that really means for us.

Pages 7-11 introduce the concept of geirus/geirut—usually understood to mean “convert,” it also means a temporary dweller in This World. (Also like how Moshe Rabbeinu said, “I am a ger in a foreign land.” He was born Jewish, but a ger, a temporary dweller in This World.)

In the Pele Yoetz chapter entitled Ger, Rav Eliezer Papo also discusses ger/geirut according to this interpretation. With Rav Miller, you get a glimpse into what Duties of the Heart/Chovot Levavot says about this idea, plus a modern-day analogy to make things clearer, what a mezuzah should inspire within us, and then the following amazing yet true story of a connected Jew with his heart & mind in exactly the right place:

I once knew a Mr. Herman zichrono l’vracha from the Lower East Side.

Now, Mr. Herman was one of the very few devoted frum Jews in the olden days of America.

B’leiv v’nefesh [Heart & soul] he was devoted to Hakodosh Boruch Hu.

And he told me once that when he saw that all his money was going lost, that his business was quickly failing - it was at the time of the Great Depression.

So he right away took a thousand dollars - in those days a thousand dollars was a small fortune - and he gave it away to tzedakah on the spot.

He said, “Why should I lose that too? Why should I lose my chance at exporting more goods into the Next World?”

And so Mr. Herman was a smart businessman…

Gadlus. And that was a so-called “regular” Jew no one has ever heard of!

Everyone can be great. It’s not at all a matter of renown or charisma.

Just quietly live for the Next World.

No one will write a book or even newspaper obituary about you (may you live in good health until 120), but you’ll be written in Hashem’s Book, and that’s all anyone really needs.

This section also helps you figure out how much you should invest in your material world here on Earth.

It goes according to individuals and their different situations, so Rav Miller doesn’t offer hard ‘n’ fast rules, but pages 7-11 can help you figure out how to clarify things for yourself.

God's Truth is Even Better than Science Fiction

Then (pgs. 11-14) you get some insights into David Hamelech and certain popular verses of Tehillim, insights you may never have considered before. (I hadn’t.) And you get to delve into the fascinating idea of how you and everyone you know are just figments of Hashem’s Supreme Imagination.

(This is not depressing, like how it is in sci-fi novels, but actually very comforting and inspiring.)

Pages 14-17 offer more insights into popular Tehillim, plus helpful hints on how best to utilize your alone-time and how to do hitbodedut in the most crowded, noisy circumstances.

The Pre-Mashiach Jewish Reality: Stuck between a Rock & Hard Place

Do you ever find yourself irked by the following, as described by Rav Miller?:

"… a Jew is always hounded in this world; the Jew walks on the street in Europe and the goyim cast slurs on him; they tell him, 'Get out of our country you dirty Jew. Go to Israel!' And if he does, so the Arabs tell him to get out, the U.N. tells him to get out."

Jew-haters are simply impossible to please! (So why bother trying? Hint, hint…)

Anyway, Rav Miller explains on page 17 why this dynamic exists and what it means for us.

One Torah, One People

Despite differences in custom, dress, culture, time, and language, real talmidei chachim keep coming up with the same themes and lessons from Torah.

Here (pgs. 17-18) Rav Miller speaks of Hashem as your Best Friend and what that means. And he sounds exactly like Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender.

Why?

Because all the real talmidei chachamim glean from the same sources and come to the same conclusions.

It ends on the heart-warming note of what you should remember about Olam Hazeh / This World whenever you look at a mezuzah:

"It’s the place where we spend our fleeting lives preparing to enter our permanent home in the Next World, where we will meet the Hashem Echad who was our One and Only True Friend in This World."

Note: After the dedications at the end of this dvar Torah booklet, there is a brand-new section for children: Toras Avigdor Junior, a 2-page large-print supplement accompanied by a pleasant drawing of Rav Miller with a child in the woods. After that, there is a Q&A regarding how to break the habit of losing one’s temper.

So even if you’re in Eretz Yisrael and already past this parsha, it’s very worth reading Rav Miller’s dvar Torah on it for the wealth of soul-nourishing Torah hashkafah it contains:
Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Behar: We Live in You

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Sefirat HaOmer: How to Transform Even the Most Mundane Aspects of Life into Meaningful Success

19/5/2019

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The following is actually from Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah on Parshat Emor, but the lessons are eternal.

It's all about making the most of your time.

Sefirat HaOmer is about not wasting time; pay attention to the day that just passed and take a minute to think whether you used it properly:

At least when the sun is about to go down, remind yourself:
“Did I count today? What did I accomplish today? Is there anything to count?”

Is it just another day passing away, maybe wasted away, that won’t ever come back?

The Waste of Obsessive Thoughts

And even if you're involved in mundane albeit necessary activities, he explains how your mindset can turn the activity into a meaningful activity - or even just a meaningful moment - and what not to think or obsess over:

The wealth of life is only for a few moments.

Relatively, life is only a fleeting pause in eternity.

And therefore is it any wonder that we pray to Hakodosh Boruch Hu, we beseech Him, we beg Him: limnos yameinu kein hoda - teach us how to count our days so that we shouldn’t spend our days being bemused!

You know how many people spend their yomim with their minds preoccupied with nothing at all.

Here’s a man who’s walking around thinking about ways and means of fighting with his boss; he’s spending his days thinking of ways and means how to get even with him.

There are people going around, and they’re tense and they’re worried, thinking that they’re being persecuted by their neighbors and their mothers-in-law. They spend time bemused about the injustice that is being done to them.

And their lives are being wasted away by silly and foolish imaginations. Not lunatics! I’m talking about sane people.

And what about the people who waste their lives pursuing after imaginary wealth, instead of the true wealth of yiras Hashem; people who waste their lives pursuing imaginary pleasures?!

Change Your Day from Success to Failure with 1 Minute

Within the entire dvar Torah is also advice for men, but this post will focus on the advice for women (boldface letters are my own emphasis):

And the ladies and the girls have a glorious opportunity as well.

While they’re stirring the pot in the kitchen, while they’re sweeping the floor or sewing, whatever they’re doing, they’re thinking of Hakadosh Boruch Hu. A glorious career!

And I’m serious about that; it’s a glorious career!

Instead of taking these minutes, these diamonds, and throwing them away, they’re cashing them in. They’re the most precious achievement. You counted a few seconds while washing the dishes?! You thought about Hashem while standing in the shop?!

You’re a great person already!

Try it; try thinking for one minute that you’re standing in front of Hashem.

Even one minute of thinking during the day is so precious that you can already count that day as a success!

Even if you don’t think all the time, even though you waste a lot of time, if you’ll spend one minute of thinking, it’s a tremendous achievement.

You’re one out of ten thousand, you’re a head taller than everyone just because of that one minute.

The Fastest & Simplest Way to Uplift the Mundane

And here's some more advice, for both men & women (boldface emphasis mine):

You know, a woman can bake muffins, she can cook chicken, and she can become heroic in the kitchen.

Imagine a housewife standing in her kitchen as she is kneading the dough, she is thinking, “My hands are the hands of Hakadosh Baruch Hu; like it says,...“Hakodosh Boruch Hu in His endless kindness gives food to all the living” (Tehillim 136:25).

How does He give bread? Does He stretch his hands from the sky and hand us something?

The pshat is that it’s through the woman who’s making the challah. So if you’re baking challah or if you’re selling bread over the counter, it’s a glorious opportunity for the reishis chochma, the most valuable of all wisdom.

All the bakers should be here tonight because otherwise their lives are being wasted. Think what a baker could accomplish every time he hands a loaf across the counter, and he’s thinking: ...“I’m giving bread to all the living and I’m doing it as a shaliach of Hakadosh Baruch Hu.”

The fact that he’s being paid for it, that doesn’t detract from the greatness of this accomplishment.

And so, at the end of the day, the mother is standing in the kitchen, or maybe the baker or the grocer is standing behind the counter, and they look through the window and see the sun is going down; they should remember why Hashem made that great ball of fire:

“Don’t miss even one day!”

You remind yourself that once on Shabbos, you had prayed...“Teach me to count my days properly,” and so, in the last moment, as you put the muffins into the oven or as you hand the last loaf of bread across the counter to the boy who went on an errand for his mother, you do it with the thought that “My hands are the hands of Hakadosh Baruch Hu Who gives bread to all the living.”

You can change your day from empty failure to meaningful success with just one minute of Divine focus.

That's pretty encouraging.

Thank you to Toras Avigdor for their permission to use the above & for all their work in publicizing Rav Miller's Torah.

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More Astounding Proof that Hashem Really Can Do Anything

14/5/2019

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Following up on a previous post about how Hashem is the Real Influencer & Orchestrator of everything, (including politics & Jew-haters), a book of Rabbi Wein’s most compelling anecdotes, Vintage Wein, presents a sharp story along these lines.

(You can find the original story in full HERE.)

The German-born son of a particularly psychopathic Nazi (a former member of the Death Head Unit--Totenkopfverbände) recoiled from the revelations of his father's atrocities during the Shoah. As a result, he ended up in Eretz Yisrael and started investigating the very people his own father had hunted down to slaughter.

This journey eventually led to his kosher conversion to Judaism and marriage to a fellow German convert.

Together, they were able to have 3 sons in Eretz Yisrael—which was how Rabbi Wein met them, when he noticed this father with 3 particularly well-behaved sons in shul in Eretz Yisrael one day. (That, and they all had a stereotypically Aryan look to them.)

In speaking with this ger tzedek named Avraham, Rabbi Wein heard an astonishing story.

Avraham understandably did not want anything to do with his father, nor did he ever wish to visit Germany again.

Yet at one point, his elderly father was dying and his wife felt it would be a good idea to go visit the elderly father before his death—and also show him his beautiful Jewish grandchildren.

Eventually, she managed to convince her husband and he made the trip with his 3 sons to see their grandfather.

At first, the Nazi grandfather could barely look at the Hebrew-speaking, tzitzit-and-kippah-wearing children.

But gradually, he got used to them.

Interestingly, after they spoke for a while, the Nazi grandfather expressed approval of how things were turning out for them. (Not that anyone needs his approval, but it is pretty shocking.)

Then the son explained the concept of middah k’neged middah (measure for measure) in Judaism.

After explaining that, he asked the former Death Head member if he could think of anything he had done that would explain how (after all the horrors he committed) this former Death Head member merited such a long life (he was over 90 at that time) and to have 3 fine Jewish grandsons.

Because, really, he deserved to have been executed shortly after WWII, like many other Nazi officials, and he certainly did not deserve any Jewish descendants.

The elderly Nazi thought it over, then said something like, "I can't think of anything outstanding, but once, in Frankfurt, when we were rounding up the Jews, I had the chance to save the lives of three Jewish boys who were hiding in a Catholic Orphanage. For some reason they aroused my sympathy. I was touched by their plight; they were so lost and forlorn I felt pity for them, so I let them flee. I don't know what happened to them. But I didn't kill them."

Avraham pondered this for a moment, taking into account the 3 sons he and his wife managed to have, and said that, according to Judaism, that made sense.

No Good Deed Goes Unrewarded

Now…

You can take this as particularly sharp chizuk that Hashem ALWAYS rewards ANY good deed, no matter how evil the deed-doer is.

All the evil deeds in the world cannot nullify the reward earned by the smattering of good deeds.

So yes, this particularly sadistic Nazi merited 3 exceptionally fine Jewish grandsons (likely) middah k’neged middah the 3 Jewish boys upon whom he had mercy. (Probably, there are other metaphysical reasons for this, but just looking at the simplest level, this is a reasonable—if incomplete—conclusion.)

So yes, that is sharp chizuk for us, to encourage us to keep doing good deeds. Many a wise Jewish Sage has pointed out that the reward of the wicked should encourage us, because if that's what they get despite their awfulness, then gosh, think of what we non-wicked can earn!

But there’s another lesson here.

Hashem Can Do ANYTHING

This German grandfather spent the Shoah years murdering Jews in cold blood. Babies, children, men, women, elderly…he hunted them down and slaughtered them while proudly wearing the skull-and-crossbones insignia. The Death Head members ran & staffed the death camps & committed other massacres, like the La Paradis massacre in 1940 France.

Just looking at him in his uniform, you knew exactly who and what he was, and what he did.

And this was his day job, so to speak.

Think about that for a moment. Think about what an unbelievably heartless & evil person he must have been (and still was--let's be honest).

Completely remorseless and unfathomably evil, he felt good about doing such an “important” job for Nazi Germany.

Yet out of all those years of murdering innocents, he unexpectedly pitied 3 Jewish boys in hiding and spared their lives for reasons even he himself could not understand or explain.

And it’s impossible to explain it away by explaining that the Jewish boys’ situation was simply the most pitiable he’d seen.

That can’t be.

He rounded up for slaughter other Jewish children in similar (if not more pitiable) situations.

Did those 3 boys have zechut avot (merits from illustrious ancestors)? Did Hashem have big plans for them or the offspring they would later have? Was someone davening for them? Was it all of these or was it something else entirely?

We can’t know.

But one thing we do know from exhortations and mussar all through Tanach & Chazal is that Hashem can do ANYTHING He wants.

And Hashem can turn the heart of whomever He wants.

And beyond human comprehension, Hashem can even turn the heart of an unfathomably evil blood-thirsty Death Head Jew-hunter—if Hashem wills it.

To me, THAT is the big lesson of the above story.

How can it be that such an evil person, a true Amalekite, someone so consumed with the annihilation of Jews that he continuously & personally perpetrated horrors on innocent people--how can such a person suddenly be "touched" by the "plight" of 3 Jewish boys?

Where could that astounding blip of "sympathy" possibly come from?

Our Beloved Avinu Sheh B'Shamayim

As stated in a previous post, how much & what kind of derech hateva efforts should be made in society and politics needs to be determined by daas Torah.

But the Torah has been telling us for millennia that Jew-hatred is connected to our own avodah. And this mussar is meant for me as much as anyone else.

Wherever we are, we need to turn to our Father in Shamayim, our One True Best Friend, our Yedid Nefesh & Av HaRachaman (Merciful Father) in order to merit the Heavenly Compassion we so desperately need for ourselves and for each other wherever we are.

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What is the #1 Way to Facilitate a Kosher Pesach & Thus, a Kosher Year?

16/4/2019

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On page 220 of the first volume of Words of Faith, we encounter Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender’s Talk #17: Pe-sach — Only Tefillah!

Pe: peh—mouth
Sach: sach—to channel in another direction (when spelled with a samech), to converse (when spelled with a sin)

So we see from this that Pesach is about a personal & verbal relationship with Hashem.

This makes sense because in the Torah's whole saga of slavery and redemption, Am Yisrael rouse Divine Mercy whenever they cried out to Hashem.

Rav Bender recalls the Ari’s promise that whoever is careful from a little bit of chametz on Pesach is guaranteed not to sin the whole year.

And Rav Bender stresses that if we really want to achieve this, it can only happen through tefillah.

There are 2 advantages to doing this:

Via tefillah, we are saved from mistakes—unintentional chametz. (For example, after davening to be saved from chametz, you find yourself cleaning something you’d overlooked in years past and seeing chametz or possible chametz.)

You merit to be saved from chametz by attaining it through the highest means possible: tefillah.

Like Elul, Nissan is a month of teshuvah.

Elul is teshuvah from reverence.

Nissan is teshuvah from love.

I’m not the only one to notice that a lot of kaparahs happen during Nissan leading up to Pesach.

Sometimes, it’s hard to see them because it looks like part of Pesach stress, but closer introspection often reveals something similar to what happens to you in Elul.

The Elul-Nissan Connection

Rav Bender quotes Rebbe Baruch of Medzibuz, an uncle of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, by comparing Elul preparations to Nissan preparations.

In Elul & the 10 Days of Repentance, Jews are busy with fasting and repentance.

In Nissan, says Rebbe Baruch, Jews are “busy with preparing geese and fat ducks, fish, and eggs for the sake of the festive banquet” (Leil HaSeder).

If only we would switch the order, says Rebbe Baruch, and do in Nissan what we do in Elul, and repent and pray to be saved from a little bit of chametz on Pesach, then we would be sure not to sin the entire year, and THEN we wouldn’t need the fasts and mortification of Elul & the 10 Days of Repentance because we never sinned. (Yay!)

Rav Bender emphasizes the importance of tefillah in Nissan, especially in the days leading up to Pesach when it is hardest to find extra time for prayer.

“All beginnings are difficult,” he acknowledges as he encourages us to do our best.

You can also talk to Hashem while you’re scrubbing or sweeping or making charoset.

You can thank Hashem and force yourself to smile at least for a millisecond even when you’re stressed out.

Let's finish off with Rav Bender's final words on the topic on page 223:

Adar and Nissan are two months that a person has to make a special soul-accounting.
...

There are many types of work to do for Pesach. To get rid of chametz and other important work for the holiday.

But make sure to also give tefillah an honorable spot. Without this, it is not only half of something — if it is lacking tefillah, it is lacking the main thing.

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25 Non-Material Gifts for which to Thank Hashem

15/4/2019

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An inspiring & insightful reader wrote in to note that many gratitude lists focus on the material goodness of our lives.

And what about the non-material riches Hashem bequeathed us?

She makes an excellent point. (Thank you, inspiring & insightful reader!)

So without further ado, here is a list of 25 non-material gifts (whether they feel like gifts or not because everything Hashem does is for the best, whether it feels that way or not) from our Loving Creator:

Thank YOU, Hashem Yitbarach, for...

...my spouse.
...my parents.
...my children.
...my grand-children.
...my step-children.
...my step-parents.
...my children in-law.
...my parents-in-law.
...my friends.
...all the hosts who opened their homes to me (including the not-so-gracious hosts).
...all the guests who graced my home (including the not-so-considerate ones).
...all the wonderful prayers Hashem has provided via eloquent tzaddikim, prayers that not only provide us with spiritual & physical protection, but also enable us to make requests in the most sublime & effective way possible.
...the entire Tanach and all the blessing & guidance contained within.
...the Gemara.
...the mitzvot.
...Shabbat/Shabbos.
...all the chagim/Jewish holidays.
...for having extracted us from the 49th level of tumah (spiritual blockage) and from our bondage in ancient Egypt.
...making me in Your Image.
...giving me so many chances after I mess up and sin.
...Your Infinite Patience with all of us.
...enabling us to return to settle in our Holy Land with unprecedented comfort & convenience.
...for Your Unfathomable Humility in allowing us to speak with You anywhere & anytime without any kind of appointment or formality, except preceding our outpourings with words of praise to You.
...the availability of so many geshmak Torah shiurim today.
...my soul.

Note: You can also find an English translation of a popular tefillah of gratitude at:
A Prayer of Thanks to the Creator of the World

And if you're suffering a lot, there's this:
What to Say To God in the Toughest Times

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My Wedding-Hitbodedut Experiment

14/2/2019

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A while ago, we read of Rav Avigdor Miller's advice (How to Break Out of being "Ordinary") on how to enjoy a wedding while under the assault of eardrum-blasting music:

Do hitbodedut.

The rav reassured us that people will just think we're singing along with the band.

He also suggested that we daven for the couple as part of our hitbodedut.

Recently, I was at a wedding where I scrounged up the guts to try this.

I NEVER would have thought of this on my own and I certainly wouldn't have the guts to try it without Rav Miller's reassurance that this kind of hitbodedut looks like singing and not holier-than-thou eccentricity.

My personal addition was to sway back and forth while I spoke to Hashem because it doesn't really look like singing if I just sit there while my mouth is moving.

It helped a lot that the woman next to me kept breaking out in rhythmic clapping and chair-dancing in time to the music. (Thanks, Hashem!)

So here's my take on it:

It's not as satisfying as talking to Hashem without heavy bass and loud warbling in the background, but it's definitely possible.

Honest to gosh, no one thinks you're doing anything weird (or anything spiritual or meaningful, chas v'shalom! ;-). It really does look like you're just singing along.

It gets the job done.

It makes you feel good.

So I just wanted you to know.

And...

...try it! You might like it.

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Why Life is So Hard & the 1 Thing You Can Do About It

28/1/2019

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In a November class, Rav Shalom Arush described a woman who completed 6 hours of hitbodedut – then immediately had a fall. He didn’t say in what, but he described her frustration and despair.

Six hours! That’s something like 2 hours of thanking Hashem, 2 hours of confession, and 2 hours of requests – or however the woman parceled it out.

People can go through their whole life without ever accumulating 2 hours of sincere heartfelt confession before Hashem. And here, she did that (more or less) in one go – and she tripped up right after.

That’s not encouraging, is it?

Why It's Not Your Fault

Rav Arush used this example to stress the importance of begging Hashem to help you overcome your yetzer hara, your dysfunctional inclinations.

Your yetzer hara is so strong that good intentions and iron resolve aren’t enough; you need Hashem.

Sound depressing?

It’s not.

It’s actually another way of saying that your flaws and your falls aren’t really your fault.

You aren’t a failure if you try then stumble.

The yetzer hara is barreling at us full-force, particularly in this generation, and Hashem is the only One strong enough to overcome it.

Some Sagely Statements

Here is proof (and advice) from our truly great Sages:

Sefer Hachareidim: “A person must pray over himself and his children to be rescued from the yetzer hara.”

This is why the morning blessings specifically request that the yetzer hara not overcome a person.

Likewise, during the Bedtime Shema in the blessing of “Hamapil” ("al yishlot bi yetzer hara – don’t let the evil inclination take control of me") a person must intend that he, his spouse, and his children are saved from the yetzer hara. (Yeladim Mutzlachim/Successful Children by Rav Shalom Arush)

Chazal: “The yetzer hara is so harsh that even its Creator called it ‘bad’.”

Rav Yitzchak: “The yetzer of a person renews itself upon him each day.”

Rav Sh. Ben Levi: “The yetzer of a person overcomes him each day and seeks to slay him – and if the Holy One Blessed Be He wouldn’t help him, he [the person] could not [help himself]. (Kiddushim 30)

Rav Yechezkel Levenshtein (Avot Yisrael): “A person’s greatest hater is the yetzer hara, and it wants to annihilate him from two worlds [i.e., This World and the World to Come].”

Sefer HaYashar: “...each person needs to fear for his soul and to pray each day to his God to rescue him from the force of the yetzer hara.”

The above paints a picture of a merciless and monstrous psychopath in hot pursuit of ripping us to pieces.

So if we’re crushed beneath the yetzer hara, is it really our fault?

Only if we didn’t cry out for help.

I Protest!

In Words of Faith, Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender stresses the importance of protesting the yetzer hara. Even just one second after you’ve just sinned!

Say something like: “I DON’T WANT THIS! I DON’T WANT TO BE LIKE THIS! I HATE THIS MIDDAH! I HATE THIS FACET OF ME – TAKE IT AWAY, HASHEM, BECAUSE I DON’T WANT IT!!!”

Because of this, Rav Arush recommends to cry out several times a day, once on behalf of yourself and a few more times on behalf of your spouse and children, to be saved from your biggest enemy, which wants you to lose Two Worlds.

So don’t sink into self-disgust or despair if you fall.

Maybe you had great week, then you find yourself back to square one again.

Maybe yesterday, you managed victory after victory, then all of the sudden, you trip up this morning before you even said Modeh Ani.

Or maybe you started off your morning well, then found yourself flat on your face by noon.

That’s how it goes, sorry to say.

It’s not a reflection on you.

As described in a previous post, this generation is under assault from the fierce and gargantuan death throes of everything bad.

Why is that YOUR fault?

It’s NOT!

So even as you find your face smushed into the mud from yet another fall, try to at least mumble the words: “I protest! Help me, Hashem! Save me from the yetzer hara! Mrmph-mrmph!”

As Rebbe Akiva Rabinovitz said [Ahavat Kedumim, p. 170, emphasis mine]:

Hakadosh Baruch Hu holds absolutely no hakpadah against a Jewish person who possess evil traits and lusts.

Hakadosh Baruch Hu does not come in accusations about this since He implanted these within him, and He brought us down here FOR THIS PURPOSE.

If so, regarding what is the hakpadah?

The hakpadah occurs when the Jewish person does not strive to seek out the path and the counsel as to how to get out of [those evil traits and lusts].

Therefore, there exists the iron rule:

"As long as a person engages in battle, he is always called 'the winner'."

This is mind-bogglingly liberating.

It means that even if you don’t succeed, you are still considered victorious in Shamayim just because you TRY.

But you have to really try.

And you have to call out to Hashem.

Previous Post:
Inspiring Words for the Darkest & Coldest Times

Related Post:
How to Get Past Toxic Shame & Apathy

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HANG ON TO YOUR EMUNA

Seconds 1-10

Seconds 11-50

Seconds 51-60

Combing through the Signs

Responding to the Message

Simplistic Thinking vs. Complex Thinking

Real Goodness vs. Pretend Goodness

Avoiding the Cruel Response

What Does This Mean for You Individually?

Summary of Main Points

Yovel, Plus You as a Ger in This World

God's Truth is Even Better than Science Fiction

The Pre-Mashiach Jewish Reality: Stuck between a Rock & Hard Place

One Torah, One People

"It’s the place where we spend our fleeting lives preparing to enter our permanent home in the Next World, where we will meet the Hashem Echad who was our One and Only True Friend in This World."

The Waste of Obsessive Thoughts

Change Your Day from Success to Failure with 1 Minute

The Fastest & Simplest Way to Uplift the Mundane

No Good Deed Goes Unrewarded

Hashem Can Do ANYTHING

Our Beloved Avinu Sheh B'Shamayim

The Elul-Nissan Connection

Thank YOU, Hashem Yitbarach, for...

​Do hitbodedut.

Why It's Not Your Fault

Some Sagely Statements

I Protest!

Myrtle Rising

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