Category: Hitbodedut

What is the #1 Ultimate Way to Improve Your Tsniut/Tsnius/Modesty? (And absolutely NO tape measures, rulers, or mirrors necessary!)

17/11/2019

In Nefesh Chaya, Rav Shimshon Dovid Pincus offers the best & surest way to improve tsniut:

(1) Cultivate a relationship with Hashem by talking to Him.

(2) Say brachot with kavanah – especially the asher yatzar bracha (which, among other things, thanks Hashem for concealed body parts & processes).

This wonderfully effective advice follows on the heels of a previous post:
An In-Depth Discussion of One of Today's Most Despised Topics: Tsniut/Tsnius/Modest & Dignified Behavior & Dress

0 Comments

Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Vayera: Using Avraham Avinu as the Ultimate Guide to Self-Improvement

15/11/2019

0 Comments

In Parshas Vayera 3 – The System of Avraham Avinu, Rav Miller discusses several practical aspects of self-improvement.

For example, one of the difficult aspects of working on middot and making genuine progress is the way it looks in the eyes of others.

Even if they are good & decent people, if you are only a couple of levels above them, you'll look strange.

I've been on both sides of this, having been the person who looked at a person a couple of levels higher than myself and thought they were strange or even that they "just don't understand" (HA!) and then when I got there myself, I realized they weren't strange at all and furthermore, not only did they understand very well, they were absolutely right.

And I've also been the person viewed as strange.

Many of us have had both experiences, whether it's when you really decided to dedicate yourself to avoiding lashon hara, keeping Shabbat, suffering insults in silence, improving your tsnius, giving the benefit of the doubt, or anything else...at least one person thinks you've become odder.

And I don't mean just the phase when you're acting a bit wonky because you're still trying to figure out how to incorporate the new improved behavior into your old self.

No matter how balanced & polished you get, someone somewhere (or a lot of someones) will find you very odd, even eccentric.

Some people even feel offended or threatened by the new you. ("How dare you think I spoke lashon hara!" "Why are you suddenly covering your hair like that? I always wear a waist-length swoopy wavy vampy shaitel that doesn't even look like I'm covering my hair, and I find that perfectly tsnius!" "Yes, but when you don't answer back, do you have any idea what a doormat you're making yourself out to be?")

And maybe you also remember times you found someone strange or offensive...until you matured spiritually and discovered otherwise.

(Just to emphasize: We aren't talking about people who really are strange & offensive, but people who only SEEM strange or offensive by people on a lower level than them.)

As Rav Miller says on page 4:

Great people are sometimes so great that others can’t appreciate them.

[Meshugah ish haruach] – The man of spirit – the man who is dedicated fully to Hashem – is a madman (Hoshea 9:7). It means that he appears to be a madman, a meshuganeh, in the eyes of others.

The navi said that – it means it’s an old story already that the avodas Hashem of great men is considered extreme by men of lesser stature.

And this means Avraham Avinu too.

Avraham Avinu: a man who so loved to do chessed, he sat at the doorway of his tent on the hottest of days recovering from a brit milah, and still yearned for guests in order to perform hospitality.

How did he get to that level?

Seeing the World Means Seeing Hashem

Basically, Avraham Avinu looked around the world and noticed all the seemingly little miracles that are actually very big.

A nice breeze, a peach tree, onions growing from the ground – Avraham Avinu took note.

And because Avraham Avinu saw all that Hashem provided the world, so Avraham Avinu yearned to emulate Hashem and also provide.

So Avraham Avinu also planted trees.

And because Avraham Avinu saw that chessed was very important to Hashem, that Hashem was the Ultimate Chessed, so Avraham Avinu became obsessed with being the personification of loving-kindness.

Obsessions are usually bad. They derive from ego.

But in this case, Avraham Avinu's chessed obsession derived from his pure adoration of Hashem Yitbarach.

The 2 Most Important Questions to Contemplate in order to Realize Your Spiritual Potential & become Great in Hashem's Eyes

In order to truly realize (or even attempt to realize) your genuine spiritual potential, and to become great in Hashem's Eyes, Rav Miller gives us the #1 advice from the Ramchal (Rav Moshe Chaim Luzatto) on page 11:

[The Ramchal] says there that man must find time every day to sit in solitude and contemplate some of the most important questions of life.

And one of the most valuable, he says, is the following: “What was it that made Avraham Avinu so beloved by Hashem? How did he become so great that he was chosen to be the father of the most holy nation?"

If you are already engaging in regular hitbodedut, the above also makes for a great topic of discussion.

Here are the 2 important questions are again:

What was it that made Avraham Avinu so beloved by Hashem?
How did he become so great that he was chosen to be the father of the most holy nation?

Rav Miller says that according to the Ramchal, engaging in the above will cause you to want to be like Avraham Avinu.

But no normal person honestly thinks he or she could ever be like Avraham Avinu, no matter how hard they try.

So won't this exercise lead to despair?

Nope.

Here's why...

Desire is the Key to Everything

Just the very DESIRE to be like Avraham Avinu is in itself a HUGE achievement!

Baruch Hashem, Rav Avigdor Miller constantly pounds into our heads the importance of our inner world.

Hashem wants your HEART.

Do you ever feel joy when you daven?

Do you ever feel deveikus when you daven?

Are you snorting around in a filthy, disgusting, stench-filled pig sty...yet you DESIRE to get up and wash yourself off, and communicate in refined language rather than snorts?

GOOD.

THAT'S an achievement.

I think we've all seen this so many times, and even experienced it ourselves:

GOOD DESIRE helps us get better.

People who don't even have the DESIRE to be good ultimately do not make it.

There is a world of difference between sinning & saying, "Oh, well. That's just how it is today; everyone else is doing it too and even worse stuff" and sinning & saying, "Aack! I HATE it when I do this! Yuck!"

Rav Miller reassures us (pages 11-12) that just the mere thought of choosing what Hashem desires makes Hashem say, "If that's the case, then you're My man already."

Re-Tweets & Likes aren't What Counts in Life

Internalizing the importance of intangible silent acts is particularly grueling in our times.

In a world where brushing your teeth is tweeted or posted, and then people actually respond with "likes," AND the tweeter/poster's feelings of self-worth actually depend on this – what a crazy challenge for us nowadays!

Self-promotion & public recognition are NOT what Hashem judges us by.

However, Rav Miller reminds us that good intentions still aren't everything.

Desire isn't the Whole Shebang. At Some Point, You Need to Take Action

Rav Miller explains that real desire should incur action at some point.

Standing up to your knees in water while shouting for water?

If you truly desire water, then you should bend down and scoop up some of the water you're drenched in, says Rav Miller.

If you accidentally break or damage something, even while trying to do something good with it, you can't just say, "Well, it was an accident. Because I didn't mean to do damage & because I meant to do good, so I don't need to pay."

You DO need to pay.

You're attending a Torah shiur?

Great!

But that doesn't mean you can stick your legs out and risk someone tripping over them. It doesn't mean you can spread out to much on the bench or hog the armrest.

Speaking in Torah is very, very important. All of Chazal emphasizes this. But if you speak divrei Torah loudly in a place where others are sleeping, that's very wrong.

(For more on that topic, please see: Rav Avigdor Miller on Conforming To Others.)

Speaking in a way that doesn't hurt others feelings is also part 'n' parcel of Judaism.

Rav Miller quotes Gemara Bava Metzia 58b:

Hurting people’s feelings is worse than stealing their money.

That's a very strong statement considering that the prohibition against stealing is part of the 10 Commandments and also one of the 7 Mitzvot of Bnei Noach, which incurs severe penalties.

Consideration of others is part of Avraham Avinu's chessed (pages 13-14).

Rav Miller's Final Thoughts on the Parsha

We'll finish with these final thoughts of Rav Miller regarding what we learn from Avraham Avinu (page 15):

Hashem created a world of chesed not only because He wants us to be happy, but because He wants us to learn to make others happy!

And:

And more importantly, by means of the avodah of walking in the footsteps of Avraham, you’re fulfilling the mitzvah of , וְ הָ לַ כְ ת ּ ָ ב ִ דְ רָ כָ יו walking in the ways of Hu Boruch Hakodosh Hu, the original Chafeitz Chesed who created this world to be an Olam Chesed, a world of good times.

Bonus:
For good guidance in these times of come-and-go war, please also see Rav Miller on Missile Attacks in Eretz Yisrael (1991)

0 Comments

The Lessons Found Deep Within

3/11/2019

2 Comments

Even when you are firmly embedded within your frum lifestyle, you can still face startling wake-up calls about something you thought was 100% kosher – or even laudable – and discover that it actually isn't.

It could even be something that makes you feel good.

It could be something with pseudo-rabbinic approval.

But then you discover it's all wrong.

Or at least, partly wrong.

My latest wake-up call came after reading Rav Itamar Schwartz's ideas about concentrating on one's breathing, which he takes from Chazal (as clarified by Rav Abulafia, apparently), and does not borrow from non-Jewish sources.

Then a caring reader sent me a booklet of Rav Schwartz's ideas on breathing & how it specifically relates to the month of Cheshvan:
http://bilvavi.net/files/Bilvavi.On.Breathing.pdf

You can also see a version of it as a blog post:
http://bilvavi.net/english/rosh-chodesh-avodah-008-marchesvan-breathing

Now, I was never one of these people who likes to meditate, but I have done guided meditation with frum rabbinically approved people.

And these are people who care about their methods being 100% kosher.

So imagine my dismay when I read in the Q&A section (emphasis mine):

The Torah’s approach to the power of using breathing is not so that we should expel negative energy contained in the body and bring in positive energy.

A Torah-approved method that is being somewhat mirrored in the gentile practices of breathing is that a person can bring positive energy into his system; however, this is not being accomplished through the gentile methods.

A Torah-approved method would be to imagine a thought about something holy and to imagine that it is entering him, or that it is his enveloping his body, or something similar to this.

The gentile approach of breathing exercises, however, involves imagining a “light” that enters the body which purges it from all evil or negativity found in the body.

This approach is heretical to our Torah.

Uh...oh.

And while I haven't done this a lot nor have I done this since a while ago, I was concerned that something so seemingly innocent & positive is actually "heretical."

Trusting that Rav Schwartz is truly knowledgeable in this area helped me be honest with myself, and convinced me that I must not again try anything that instructs me to inhale "light" or "a power" – ANY kind of "power."

There's just Hashem.

Having said that, I think that one of the frum methods I tried indeed described it as imagining "the light of Hashem" being inhaled into you, which suits the Torah-approved method of breathing, according to Rav Schwartz.

That felt nice, but I never saw any of the promised effects from it, as far as I remember.

At the same time, I don't think all these things always make sure to mention Hashem as a firmly entrenched part of the exercise – which might explain an odd reaction I had to one given by a frum person, which was not only unhelpful but caused a very unpleasant feeling.

Rav Schwartz goes on to explain (emphasis mine):

The purpose of the Torah’s approach towards breathing is that breathing enables us to reach HaKadosh Baruch Hu found in the depths of the soul.

Unlike the gentile methods, which are entirely self-focused, the Torah way of breathing exercises is to come to live with Hashem in our life, through the breathing exercises.

And in a nutshell, I feel that's the problem with a lot of "kashered" exercises borrowed from Eastern practices.

It's all focused on self.

I remember when I read about Buddhism, for example, to see what all the attraction was about, and when I learned what the whole point was & what the greatest achievement could be, I was like, "That's it?"

Just something like, reaching a state of nothingness for absolutely no reason.

Whoopdee-doo.

And investing TONS of work and discipline to get there.

It was so pointless and meaningless, I really didn't & don't understand why intelligent, spiritual people were & are so attracted to it.

So I decided to try breathing Rav Schwartz's way, and immediately saw the difference.

Concentrating on my breathing sparked a dim image in my head of the whole breathing apparatus, the diaphragm, everything. My mind automatically thought, "Wow, how great are your deeds, Hashem! Look at how everything works together so well without my even noticing! I'm so grateful to You! You're Amazing!"

This was the spontaneous thought, not that I was trying to make it Gratitude Time. (Remember, I was just focusing on my breathing without using my mind for anything else.)

Needless to say, feeling awash in awe & appreciation of Hashem both relaxed & uplifted my mood.

At this point, I plan to use this periodically, but don't intend to make a daily practice out of it because, like I said, I'm really not a meditative type. Anyway, he said this isn't necessary spiritual work; it's just for people who feel attracted to it and wish to make it part of their avodah.

Not every soul needs this particular method of getting close to Hashem.

But yet again, it showed me the great importance of deriving help from authentic Jewish sources.

We don't need to look so often to the non-Jewish world for help.

And we certainly don't need "kashered" versions of unkosher methods.

Mah rabu ma'asecha, Hashem!

2 Comments

What is the Only Way to Hold on Tight When the Rope Starts Shaking?

10/9/2019

12 Comments

Looking at what's going on in the world, I find myself growing increasingly concerned for the future.

And I'm far from being the first to come to this conclusion.

Right now, I don't want to go into the nitty-gritty of what we're all seeing and what I think it portends, but I do want to talk about the best response.

And it's not about prepping or making aliyah (which most Jews either won't or can't do right now anyway — and who even says that the Erev Rav leaders would allow millions of Jews, especially if they're frum, to enter?) or writing letters to representatives or newspapers, or signing petitions, and so forth.

(Although if those things will help, then it's good to do them. But they shouldn't be your sole focus.)

There's a lot we can't control and I think this creeping inability to positively affect opinions & situations is only going to increase.

So it's time to re-focus on an age-old authentically Jewish response:

HANG ON TO YOUR EMUNA

Looking back at the classic parable by Rebbe Elimelech of Lizhensk (author of the classic Noam Elimelech):

He said that the End of Days will feel like a rope being jerked around.

Only the people who can hold on tight will make it.

This means that you already need to be holding on to the rope when it starts jerking & shaking.

Sure, if you're not already holding on, you can always make a lunge for the rope, hoping to grab onto it as it wildly whips around.

And maybe you'll find a place to grasp. Some people will, I'm sure.

But that's pretty risky.

Better to grab on to the rope NOW.

And to take the metaphor even further:

Who has a better chance of hanging on:

the person with only their index finger curled around the rope?

the person who has wrapped their arms and legs around the rope and clings to it for dear life?

Or even better:

the person who coiled that part of the rope around them, so even if their hands slip, they still can't fall off?

I don't know Hashem's Secrets & Cheshbonot, nor do I know the soul-tikkun of others, but it seems to me that part of the reason why so many people are having such a hard time, not just with obvious nisayonot, but with inner trials too.

Their moods, their perceptions, their feelings...

So many people struggle with depression, despair, disappointment, anger, lethargy, apathy, feelings of rejection, loneliness, and distance from Hashem, and so on.

But those of you who fight your way out of these pits (even when you fall in again for the umpteenth time) are actually forging your connection to Hashem.

In other words, you are securing your grip on the rope.

It may not feel like it, but you are.

And that's exactly what we all need to strengthen ourselves to continue doing.

I'm not trying to be the Voice of Doom.

But if Mashiach doesn't come already, I think things are going to get increasingly more bizarre & difficult in the not-so-distant future.

And I think that focusing on strengthening our relationship with Hashem is a positive way of facing that future.

12 Comments

A 60-Second Exercise to Fulfill Your Main Purpose in Life

5/6/2019

4 Comments

In Parshat Emor: Count the Days (page 13), Rav Avigdor Miller asks rhetorically:

What if you only had 60 seconds left to live, chas v’shalom?

How could you best utilize those 60 seconds?

Then he encourages us to apply this lesson at least once a day, making that day entirely different—with only 60 seconds.

So here’s the exercise on how to make 60 seconds the most meaningful moments of your life:

Seconds 1-10

Think or say some version of the following:

“There’s a Borei who created the universe out of nothing and that means that there’s nothing that has any intrinsic existence except for Hashem.

"And He created me as well.

"Hashem Echad! He’s the only thing that matters to me.

"And He gave me this great kindness that for the following 50 seconds, I can think about Him and achieve the prime purpose of my being here: The Purpose of Recognizing the Borei."

Seconds 11-50

Think or say some version of the following:

“So for the next 40 seconds, I am going to become more and more aware of You and fulfill my purpose here.

"I’m looking outside at the setting sun and I know what You’re saying to me Hashem; time is passing by.

"So I express now my gratitude to You Hakadosh Baruch Hu for everything You’ve given me: I love You Hashem, and I speak to You, my King, my Creator, and I express my gratitude to You for the beautiful world You made for me.

"Thank You for my eyes and my kidneys and my feet and I especially thank You for making me part of Your Chosen People.”

Seconds 51-60

Think or say some version of the following:

“I thank You, Hakadosh Baruch Hu, Who has given me this great opportunity to count the seconds in this world and achieve my purpose in this world of thinking about You.”

Rav Miller then concludes with the following sunny thoughts:

"And then time is up; you go out of this world having achieved your purpose. Yesh koneh olamo b'sha'ah achat - 'A person can become great in only one minute' - only that you have to know how to make that minute count."

Rav Miller reminds us that we needn’t only do this exercise during quiet moments alone. We can also do this while hanging onto a subway handle, walking down the street, or while stirring a pot.

"A person can live his whole life without ever doing this, which is a big mistake because a primary reason for our existence is to do the above."

Now that Rav Miller has taught us how to do it, he sends us off with fond wishes:

“So now you can go out into the world for many more minutes and live successfully.”

Thank you once again to Toras Avigdor for making Rav Avigdor Miller's material so widely available at:
Toras Avigdor – Authentic Torah Thought for Life

4 Comments

How to Try to Interpret Hashem's Messages & Why We Really Should Try to Do That

27/5/2019

6 Comments

Let's talk a bit about reading signs & interpreting messages from God, Heavenly Hints, etc.

And let's do it from a traditionally Jewish point of view (which is the only legitimate way to do it).

This means the following:

Hashem sends us signs to prod us in the right direction.

Fortunately for us, He has, in His Great Mercy & Compassion, given us a handy book delineating how He defines “the right direction” (i.e., the Torah).

Judaism acknowledges & faces paradox head-on.

So if you are a black-and-white thinker, then even the more basic Jewish concepts will befuddle you (as they did me when I originally started my foray into frumkeit).

But black-and-white thinking can be remedied by studying Jewish sources, pondering them, and freeing your mind to reach its higher potential, a potential that has been limited by living in Edomite society.

Hanging out with good frum Jews and listening to classes by good frum Jews can also help a lot with expanding a constricted mind.

It’s not your fault if you started out that way, born into that society, but each person has a responsibility to at least start freeing his or her mind at some point.

(Not to mention, a freer mind makes for a happier mind.)

Even one little step at a time, even going at a snail's pace, can accomplish an astonishing amount over time.

Needless to say, I’m not an expert on suffering or all that Chazal has to say. (A talmid chacham is an expert in all this.)

So we're going to address this topic from a much more basic perspective.

The big DISCLAIMER here is that this whole post is an oversimplification of the issue. Entire chapters and even books have been written on suffering, and even that's not enough.

Anyway, as mentioned above, I had to work this through myself because I also was born into the brain-draining liberal Edomite culture.

And I, too, used to self-righteously splutter stuff like: “But how can AIDS be an onesh for mishkav zachur & pritzus when some babies and hemophiliacs have died of AIDS too?!”—and think I was being oh-so clever and morally superior.

I wasn't being clever; I was being simple-minded. And my self-righteous secularism was definitely NOT morally superior.

Millennia before any of us were born, Judaism already addressed the issue of the innocent getting caught up in the punishment of those who continuously transgress.

So let's take a look at how to attempt to understand Hashem's Messages...

Combing through the Signs

First of all, let’s look at one of the worst trials people face - death - & also look at many of the reasons Judaism offers for this frightening & traumatizing trial:

(NOTE: These can also be reasons for any kind of suffering.)

The person has lived out his or her pre-destined amount of years.

The person is relatively sin-free, and therefore his or her death (or suffering) is an atonement for the Jewish people. (In other words, Hashem takes this one person, rather than 1000 other people.) This kind of death is often reserved for either an unusually good adult or for an innocent child or baby, and should motivate the rest of to do teshuvah so that the innocent need not suffer.

The person has completed his or her tikkun (soul rectification), often connected to stuff they didn’t rectify in a previous incarnation.

The person is a bad person (i.e., death as a punishment).

The person has not been living life “right” (according to Hashem’s definition) and needs a certain type of death as an atonement in order to avoid Gehinnom. (This often means a martyr’s death, al Kiddush Hashem, a death doing something heroic for the Jewish people, etc.)

The person is going to end up doing some bad things later on, so Hashem takes him or her out of the world so that person won’t die a sinner and so that the person will inherit a good portion in the Next World rather than burn or be totally cut off. (This is a preventative death.)

In a mass situation (like a plague), there’s the concept that “the destroyer” has been given permission to cut down the good people along with the bad. (Usually, however, the good people are also dying for reasons stated above AND unfathomable reasons. Hashem is always Just. We just pray for Him to be Merciful too.)

Other reasons I’m not remembering right now.

But to repeat: All of this is a vast oversimplification of the topic.

The calculations of Hashem are far beyond human understanding, as Hashem Himself explained to Moshe Rabbeinu when asked about seeming unfairness in life.

Yet paradoxically, Hashem expects us to both accept His Judgments AND examine things according to our understanding (by using the Guide—Torah—He gifted us) in order to learn from loss and other painful events in order to take lessons for our own self-improvement.

That's right. It's NOT to finger-point or to luxuriate in our feelings of fake self-righteousness, but to self-introspect and thus self-improve.

So, for example, as you can surmise, a person might die due to a combination of the above factors, not just one factor.

(For example, a person can die as an atonement AND because of completing soul-rectification related to stuff from a past incarnation. AND due to other unfathomable reasons.)

Responding to the Message

The above is why, for example, when a tzaddik or a child dies (particularly if it is a bizarre or especially distressing death), frum people say it was a kaparah (an atonement) and understanding people invest in some soul-searching, realizing that the person possibly died for their sins and if we’d been behaving better, that person might still be alive.

(That is ONE reason Judaism offers for the death of a child. There are others - as described above.)

This is also why knowledgeable frum people will look at the sudden death of an anti-Torah person and declare, “Onesh!” (punishment) — the lesson there being that we all need to improve our ways to avoid an untimely death, if Hashem wills it.

(We are also supposed to utilize tact and compassion when dealing with the mourners, regardless of who or why a person died.)

Simplistic Thinking vs. Complex Thinking

Unfortunately, black-and-white thinkers tend to be very vocal in saying the following type of thing:

“When the Leftist anti-Torah guy was run over by a truck, you frummies said he was being punished. But when the innocent child was run over by a truck, you said it was an atonement and everyone needs to do teshuvah. You’re contradicting yourselves! AND you’re also stuck-up know-it-alls because you’re acting like you KNOW the reason why—when you’re contradicting yourselves! You guys are self-centered hypocrites!”

And this black-and-white thinker considers himself extremely clever & insightful for having made this point.

But Judaism already explained why a child might die and why a rasha might die.

And it’s not for the same reason (or not fully for the same reason) — even if it’s the same type of death.

Again, simplistic minds look at only ONE aspect of the equation and jump to a conclusion based on that.

But a more complex thinker looks at as many aspects as he or she can, looks at what Judaism says about it, and THEN gleans a message or lesson from it. (All the while knowing that he or she cannot understand everything about it. Only Hashem can.)

And we ARE supposed to use the events to propel us toward self-improvement.

Real Goodness vs. Pretend Goodness

Part of the struggle here is when a person has a different definition of good than Hashem’s definition.

For example, a Jew might be part of decimating the Jewish people via intermarriage.

Sure, that’s not his intention. He thinks he's being open-minded and helpful. But the bare-boned fact is that he is destructively misguided and he is doing a truly terrible thing that brings terrible din to the world.

And many times, such a person does have an inkling of it because intermarriage and a shrinking Jewish population is discussed ad naseum even among non-Orthodox Jews.

If he married a non-Jewish woman and brought non-Jewish kids into the world, then there is a Jewish lady out there living without her bashert and Jewish kids who cannot be born — i.e., Jewish souls that were meant to come down via his union with his Jewish bat zug, but cannot because the conduit for these souls simply isn’t there.

And to add fat to the fire, he may actively encourage intermarried couples and help them stay married — in other words, actively assisting or encouraging other Jews to commit one of the most destructive sins.

All this is in addition transgressing Shabbat, kashrus, and much else commanded in the Torah.

Yes, he might observe some commandments, like the commandment to give tzedakah or do chessed, but he is mostly indulging some of the most destructive sins — and doing so consistently for decades.

Yet because he has an appealing personality, many people will label him as “a good person,” and furiously resist any peep that he might have died as (or partly as) a punishment for his many very severe transgressions (whether he meant them or not).

This comes because such people cannot accept that Hashem’s definition of good differs from their own.

(And again, even frum people can fall into this mistake.)

But adopting such an egalitarian attitude leads to spiritual stagnancy and eventually, to bitter din.

Avoiding the Cruel Response

If we take the lackadaisical attitude of “We just can’t understand these things at all in any way no matter what, so why bother?”, then we simply continue with our lives as we were.

No change, no growth, no self-improvement, no overturning horrific judgments, no preventing atrocities — just feelin’ good and self-satisfied.

And yes, even frum people can get all mushy-brained about this, becoming surprisingly defensive if other frum Jews cast judgement on the untimely death of, say, an appealing yet tragically sinful (whether from ignorance or intent) and completely unremorseful Jew points toward this sinful Jew dying because of, well, his sins (at least as part of the reason).

So if something happens to a sincerely frum person (or a person who is on the journey toward being a sincerely frum person, even if he or she hadn’t yet completed that journey), Hashem is giving us a TOTALLY DIFFERENT message than if the same thing happens to a Jew who consistently, copiously, and unremorsefully transgresses Torah.

And yes, of course, there are certainly situations in which the message seems quite muddled.

At a fundamental level, we simply CANNOT KNOW.

But these things do demand at least some self-introspection. Not finger-pointing, but just figuring out at least a little bit of the message and what it means for the rest of us.

To do otherwise is considered cruel, as discussed in the Torah (Vayikra 26:27-28, for one), Rambam (Hilchot Taanit, Chapter 1, Paragraph 3), and numerous other sources.

What Does This Mean for You Individually?

And needless to say, the self-improvement for a person differs according to individual level and individual knowledge.

For example, a person who does not keep Shabbat might want to start from there.

Yet a person who already keeps Shabbat should look into improving shemirat Shabbat or focus on another area of Torah in which there is a weakness, like lashon hara, finding the good in others, expressing gratitude to Hashem, and so on.

It depends…which is why each person needs to invest in personal self-introspection to work out the message and direction for him or her.

Just as another example, Rabbi Alon Anava frequently mentions that after his near-death experience, he worked on doing teshuvah from the inside-out. Meaning, he still looked secular on the outside for 2 or 3 years after his big wake-up call because he was working on his middot, inner refinement, and even Shabbat...but he simply didn't LOOK like he was doing all that.

So self-improvement is an individual process.

Needless to say, I'm talking to myself as much as anyone else. I need to do more serious self-introspection & self-improvement as much as anyone.

There’s a general message for klal Yisrael & a personal message for each individual person too.

Summary of Main Points

To sum up:

Hashem is behind every single occurrence.

Hashem's definition of good & bad differ than that of society. Suffering & death should be viewed through Hashem's Eyes, and not those of the surrounding society.

Suffering demands self-introspection: Brachot 5a - "If a man sees that misfortunes are coming upon him, he shall examine his deeds."

Judaism offers some guidance on finding the messages. (See list toward beginning of post.)

Tehillim 25:8: "Yoreh chataim b'derech - Hashem teaches unintentional sinners the way." One way to teach is via suffering.

Gates of Teshuvah: "When a person accepts mussar, and he'll improve his ways and deeds, he should rejoice over them as over great successes."

By using your suffering as hints to discover what you need to work on in yourself, you turn your flaws and sins into great successes. Rather than getting depressed over your failings or engulfed in toxic shame, you should davka feel very happy.

Different types of death mean different things, depending on what happened, how it happened, to whom it happened, and when.

We cannot know for sure the reasons behind death and other suffering, but we are expected to search for some kind of message.

Attributing suffering to natural causes is cruel because it leads to more suffering. (See HERE for more on this idea.)

Attribution and searching for messages doesn't mean finger-pointing at others. We need to take the lessons for ourselves.

Just as 2 contrasting examples:
1) If a sinful person dies an untimely or unusual death, it should be a hint to us to fix our own ways so we don't end up like him.

2) If a pure person dies an untimely or unusual death, it should be a hint to us to fix our own ways because that pure person likely died for the sins of their society (i.e., us).

(Note: There are also OTHER reasons, like the person's own tikkunim and stuff leftover from their past lives. but as far as WE go, we focus on the message for US. Their tikkunim are theirs.)

Judaism is not simplistic.

Judaism demands the development of complex thinking.

Judaism fully acknowledges and works with the reality of paradox: 2 opposing ideas can both be true.

Regardless of the message or reason for suffering or death, people in pain should still be treated with compassion & empathy.

Hopefully, we can all continue to grow in the best direction and do real teshuvah, which can prevent bitter decrees (sort of like the ones that are happening now, as much as they are also softened with rachamim) and bring Mashiach in a sweet way.

6 Comments

Essential Advice on How to REALLY Live in This World - from Rav Avigdor Miller

23/5/2019

2 Comments

Rav Miller’s dvar Torah on Parshat Behar is a very pleasant whomp right between the eyes.

One of my favorite aspects of Rav Miller on the parsha is his description of the true-to-life experience of Jews millennia ago in the Tanach.

Using plain & simple language, he brings it all to life.

Yovel, Plus You as a Ger in This World

In Rav Miller's dvar Torah for Parshat Behar (pages 1-3), you get to experience what the Yovel year was really like at the close of the 50-year cycle in which property reverts to its original owners.

Then (pgs. 3-7), using both stories of modern times & the Chafetz Chaim, Rav Miller details our temporary dwelling in This World and what that really means for us.

Pages 7-11 introduce the concept of geirus/geirut—usually understood to mean “convert,” it also means a temporary dweller in This World. (Also like how Moshe Rabbeinu said, “I am a ger in a foreign land.” He was born Jewish, but a ger, a temporary dweller in This World.)

In the Pele Yoetz chapter entitled Ger, Rav Eliezer Papo also discusses ger/geirut according to this interpretation. With Rav Miller, you get a glimpse into what Duties of the Heart/Chovot Levavot says about this idea, plus a modern-day analogy to make things clearer, what a mezuzah should inspire within us, and then the following amazing yet true story of a connected Jew with his heart & mind in exactly the right place:

I once knew a Mr. Herman zichrono l’vracha from the Lower East Side.

Now, Mr. Herman was one of the very few devoted frum Jews in the olden days of America.

B’leiv v’nefesh [Heart & soul] he was devoted to Hakodosh Boruch Hu.

And he told me once that when he saw that all his money was going lost, that his business was quickly failing - it was at the time of the Great Depression.

So he right away took a thousand dollars - in those days a thousand dollars was a small fortune - and he gave it away to tzedakah on the spot.

He said, “Why should I lose that too? Why should I lose my chance at exporting more goods into the Next World?”

And so Mr. Herman was a smart businessman…

Gadlus. And that was a so-called “regular” Jew no one has ever heard of!

Everyone can be great. It’s not at all a matter of renown or charisma.

Just quietly live for the Next World.

No one will write a book or even newspaper obituary about you (may you live in good health until 120), but you’ll be written in Hashem’s Book, and that’s all anyone really needs.

This section also helps you figure out how much you should invest in your material world here on Earth.

It goes according to individuals and their different situations, so Rav Miller doesn’t offer hard ‘n’ fast rules, but pages 7-11 can help you figure out how to clarify things for yourself.

God's Truth is Even Better than Science Fiction

Then (pgs. 11-14) you get some insights into David Hamelech and certain popular verses of Tehillim, insights you may never have considered before. (I hadn’t.) And you get to delve into the fascinating idea of how you and everyone you know are just figments of Hashem’s Supreme Imagination.

(This is not depressing, like how it is in sci-fi novels, but actually very comforting and inspiring.)

Pages 14-17 offer more insights into popular Tehillim, plus helpful hints on how best to utilize your alone-time and how to do hitbodedut in the most crowded, noisy circumstances.

The Pre-Mashiach Jewish Reality: Stuck between a Rock & Hard Place

Do you ever find yourself irked by the following, as described by Rav Miller?:

"… a Jew is always hounded in this world; the Jew walks on the street in Europe and the goyim cast slurs on him; they tell him, 'Get out of our country you dirty Jew. Go to Israel!' And if he does, so the Arabs tell him to get out, the U.N. tells him to get out."

Jew-haters are simply impossible to please! (So why bother trying? Hint, hint…)

Anyway, Rav Miller explains on page 17 why this dynamic exists and what it means for us.

One Torah, One People

Despite differences in custom, dress, culture, time, and language, real talmidei chachim keep coming up with the same themes and lessons from Torah.

Here (pgs. 17-18) Rav Miller speaks of Hashem as your Best Friend and what that means. And he sounds exactly like Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender.

Why?

Because all the real talmidei chachamim glean from the same sources and come to the same conclusions.

It ends on the heart-warming note of what you should remember about Olam Hazeh / This World whenever you look at a mezuzah:

"It’s the place where we spend our fleeting lives preparing to enter our permanent home in the Next World, where we will meet the Hashem Echad who was our One and Only True Friend in This World."

Note: After the dedications at the end of this dvar Torah booklet, there is a brand-new section for children: Toras Avigdor Junior, a 2-page large-print supplement accompanied by a pleasant drawing of Rav Miller with a child in the woods. After that, there is a Q&A regarding how to break the habit of losing one’s temper.

So even if you’re in Eretz Yisrael and already past this parsha, it’s very worth reading Rav Miller’s dvar Torah on it for the wealth of soul-nourishing Torah hashkafah it contains:
Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Behar: We Live in You

2 Comments

Sefirat HaOmer: How to Transform Even the Most Mundane Aspects of Life into Meaningful Success

19/5/2019

0 Comments

The following is actually from Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah on Parshat Emor, but the lessons are eternal.

It's all about making the most of your time.

Sefirat HaOmer is about not wasting time; pay attention to the day that just passed and take a minute to think whether you used it properly:

At least when the sun is about to go down, remind yourself:
“Did I count today? What did I accomplish today? Is there anything to count?”

Is it just another day passing away, maybe wasted away, that won’t ever come back?

The Waste of Obsessive Thoughts

And even if you're involved in mundane albeit necessary activities, he explains how your mindset can turn the activity into a meaningful activity - or even just a meaningful moment - and what not to think or obsess over:

The wealth of life is only for a few moments.

Relatively, life is only a fleeting pause in eternity.

And therefore is it any wonder that we pray to Hakodosh Boruch Hu, we beseech Him, we beg Him: limnos yameinu kein hoda - teach us how to count our days so that we shouldn’t spend our days being bemused!

You know how many people spend their yomim with their minds preoccupied with nothing at all.

Here’s a man who’s walking around thinking about ways and means of fighting with his boss; he’s spending his days thinking of ways and means how to get even with him.

There are people going around, and they’re tense and they’re worried, thinking that they’re being persecuted by their neighbors and their mothers-in-law. They spend time bemused about the injustice that is being done to them.

And their lives are being wasted away by silly and foolish imaginations. Not lunatics! I’m talking about sane people.

And what about the people who waste their lives pursuing after imaginary wealth, instead of the true wealth of yiras Hashem; people who waste their lives pursuing imaginary pleasures?!

Change Your Day from Success to Failure with 1 Minute

Within the entire dvar Torah is also advice for men, but this post will focus on the advice for women (boldface letters are my own emphasis):

And the ladies and the girls have a glorious opportunity as well.

While they’re stirring the pot in the kitchen, while they’re sweeping the floor or sewing, whatever they’re doing, they’re thinking of Hakadosh Boruch Hu. A glorious career!

And I’m serious about that; it’s a glorious career!

Instead of taking these minutes, these diamonds, and throwing them away, they’re cashing them in. They’re the most precious achievement. You counted a few seconds while washing the dishes?! You thought about Hashem while standing in the shop?!

You’re a great person already!

Try it; try thinking for one minute that you’re standing in front of Hashem.

Even one minute of thinking during the day is so precious that you can already count that day as a success!

Even if you don’t think all the time, even though you waste a lot of time, if you’ll spend one minute of thinking, it’s a tremendous achievement.

You’re one out of ten thousand, you’re a head taller than everyone just because of that one minute.

The Fastest & Simplest Way to Uplift the Mundane

And here's some more advice, for both men & women (boldface emphasis mine):

You know, a woman can bake muffins, she can cook chicken, and she can become heroic in the kitchen.

Imagine a housewife standing in her kitchen as she is kneading the dough, she is thinking, “My hands are the hands of Hakadosh Baruch Hu; like it says,...“Hakodosh Boruch Hu in His endless kindness gives food to all the living” (Tehillim 136:25).

How does He give bread? Does He stretch his hands from the sky and hand us something?

The pshat is that it’s through the woman who’s making the challah. So if you’re baking challah or if you’re selling bread over the counter, it’s a glorious opportunity for the reishis chochma, the most valuable of all wisdom.

All the bakers should be here tonight because otherwise their lives are being wasted. Think what a baker could accomplish every time he hands a loaf across the counter, and he’s thinking: ...“I’m giving bread to all the living and I’m doing it as a shaliach of Hakadosh Baruch Hu.”

The fact that he’s being paid for it, that doesn’t detract from the greatness of this accomplishment.

And so, at the end of the day, the mother is standing in the kitchen, or maybe the baker or the grocer is standing behind the counter, and they look through the window and see the sun is going down; they should remember why Hashem made that great ball of fire:

“Don’t miss even one day!”

You remind yourself that once on Shabbos, you had prayed...“Teach me to count my days properly,” and so, in the last moment, as you put the muffins into the oven or as you hand the last loaf of bread across the counter to the boy who went on an errand for his mother, you do it with the thought that “My hands are the hands of Hakadosh Baruch Hu Who gives bread to all the living.”

You can change your day from empty failure to meaningful success with just one minute of Divine focus.

That's pretty encouraging.

Thank you to Toras Avigdor for their permission to use the above & for all their work in publicizing Rav Miller's Torah.

0 Comments

More Astounding Proof that Hashem Really Can Do Anything

14/5/2019

2 Comments

Following up on a previous post about how Hashem is the Real Influencer & Orchestrator of everything, (including politics & Jew-haters), a book of Rabbi Wein’s most compelling anecdotes, Vintage Wein, presents a sharp story along these lines.

(You can find the original story in full HERE.)

The German-born son of a particularly psychopathic Nazi (a former member of the Death Head Unit--Totenkopfverbände) recoiled from the revelations of his father's atrocities during the Shoah. As a result, he ended up in Eretz Yisrael and started investigating the very people his own father had hunted down to slaughter.

This journey eventually led to his kosher conversion to Judaism and marriage to a fellow German convert.

Together, they were able to have 3 sons in Eretz Yisrael—which was how Rabbi Wein met them, when he noticed this father with 3 particularly well-behaved sons in shul in Eretz Yisrael one day. (That, and they all had a stereotypically Aryan look to them.)

In speaking with this ger tzedek named Avraham, Rabbi Wein heard an astonishing story.

Avraham understandably did not want anything to do with his father, nor did he ever wish to visit Germany again.

Yet at one point, his elderly father was dying and his wife felt it would be a good idea to go visit the elderly father before his death—and also show him his beautiful Jewish grandchildren.

Eventually, she managed to convince her husband and he made the trip with his 3 sons to see their grandfather.

At first, the Nazi grandfather could barely look at the Hebrew-speaking, tzitzit-and-kippah-wearing children.

But gradually, he got used to them.

Interestingly, after they spoke for a while, the Nazi grandfather expressed approval of how things were turning out for them. (Not that anyone needs his approval, but it is pretty shocking.)

Then the son explained the concept of middah k’neged middah (measure for measure) in Judaism.

After explaining that, he asked the former Death Head member if he could think of anything he had done that would explain how (after all the horrors he committed) this former Death Head member merited such a long life (he was over 90 at that time) and to have 3 fine Jewish grandsons.

Because, really, he deserved to have been executed shortly after WWII, like many other Nazi officials, and he certainly did not deserve any Jewish descendants.

The elderly Nazi thought it over, then said something like, "I can't think of anything outstanding, but once, in Frankfurt, when we were rounding up the Jews, I had the chance to save the lives of three Jewish boys who were hiding in a Catholic Orphanage. For some reason they aroused my sympathy. I was touched by their plight; they were so lost and forlorn I felt pity for them, so I let them flee. I don't know what happened to them. But I didn't kill them."

Avraham pondered this for a moment, taking into account the 3 sons he and his wife managed to have, and said that, according to Judaism, that made sense.

No Good Deed Goes Unrewarded

Now…

You can take this as particularly sharp chizuk that Hashem ALWAYS rewards ANY good deed, no matter how evil the deed-doer is.

All the evil deeds in the world cannot nullify the reward earned by the smattering of good deeds.

So yes, this particularly sadistic Nazi merited 3 exceptionally fine Jewish grandsons (likely) middah k’neged middah the 3 Jewish boys upon whom he had mercy. (Probably, there are other metaphysical reasons for this, but just looking at the simplest level, this is a reasonable—if incomplete—conclusion.)

So yes, that is sharp chizuk for us, to encourage us to keep doing good deeds. Many a wise Jewish Sage has pointed out that the reward of the wicked should encourage us, because if that's what they get despite their awfulness, then gosh, think of what we non-wicked can earn!

But there’s another lesson here.

Hashem Can Do ANYTHING

This German grandfather spent the Shoah years murdering Jews in cold blood. Babies, children, men, women, elderly…he hunted them down and slaughtered them while proudly wearing the skull-and-crossbones insignia. The Death Head members ran & staffed the death camps & committed other massacres, like the La Paradis massacre in 1940 France.

Just looking at him in his uniform, you knew exactly who and what he was, and what he did.

And this was his day job, so to speak.

Think about that for a moment. Think about what an unbelievably heartless & evil person he must have been (and still was--let's be honest).

Completely remorseless and unfathomably evil, he felt good about doing such an “important” job for Nazi Germany.

Yet out of all those years of murdering innocents, he unexpectedly pitied 3 Jewish boys in hiding and spared their lives for reasons even he himself could not understand or explain.

And it’s impossible to explain it away by explaining that the Jewish boys’ situation was simply the most pitiable he’d seen.

That can’t be.

He rounded up for slaughter other Jewish children in similar (if not more pitiable) situations.

Did those 3 boys have zechut avot (merits from illustrious ancestors)? Did Hashem have big plans for them or the offspring they would later have? Was someone davening for them? Was it all of these or was it something else entirely?

We can’t know.

But one thing we do know from exhortations and mussar all through Tanach & Chazal is that Hashem can do ANYTHING He wants.

And Hashem can turn the heart of whomever He wants.

And beyond human comprehension, Hashem can even turn the heart of an unfathomably evil blood-thirsty Death Head Jew-hunter—if Hashem wills it.

To me, THAT is the big lesson of the above story.

How can it be that such an evil person, a true Amalekite, someone so consumed with the annihilation of Jews that he continuously & personally perpetrated horrors on innocent people--how can such a person suddenly be "touched" by the "plight" of 3 Jewish boys?

Where could that astounding blip of "sympathy" possibly come from?

Our Beloved Avinu Sheh B'Shamayim

As stated in a previous post, how much & what kind of derech hateva efforts should be made in society and politics needs to be determined by daas Torah.

But the Torah has been telling us for millennia that Jew-hatred is connected to our own avodah. And this mussar is meant for me as much as anyone else.

Wherever we are, we need to turn to our Father in Shamayim, our One True Best Friend, our Yedid Nefesh & Av HaRachaman (Merciful Father) in order to merit the Heavenly Compassion we so desperately need for ourselves and for each other wherever we are.

2 Comments

What is the #1 Way to Facilitate a Kosher Pesach & Thus, a Kosher Year?

16/4/2019

0 Comments

On page 220 of the first volume of Words of Faith, we encounter Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender’s Talk #17: Pe-sach — Only Tefillah!

Pe: peh—mouth
Sach: sach—to channel in another direction (when spelled with a samech), to converse (when spelled with a sin)

So we see from this that Pesach is about a personal & verbal relationship with Hashem.

This makes sense because in the Torah's whole saga of slavery and redemption, Am Yisrael rouse Divine Mercy whenever they cried out to Hashem.

Rav Bender recalls the Ari’s promise that whoever is careful from a little bit of chametz on Pesach is guaranteed not to sin the whole year.

And Rav Bender stresses that if we really want to achieve this, it can only happen through tefillah.

There are 2 advantages to doing this:

Via tefillah, we are saved from mistakes—unintentional chametz. (For example, after davening to be saved from chametz, you find yourself cleaning something you’d overlooked in years past and seeing chametz or possible chametz.)

You merit to be saved from chametz by attaining it through the highest means possible: tefillah.

Like Elul, Nissan is a month of teshuvah.

Elul is teshuvah from reverence.

Nissan is teshuvah from love.

I’m not the only one to notice that a lot of kaparahs happen during Nissan leading up to Pesach.

Sometimes, it’s hard to see them because it looks like part of Pesach stress, but closer introspection often reveals something similar to what happens to you in Elul.

The Elul-Nissan Connection

Rav Bender quotes Rebbe Baruch of Medzibuz, an uncle of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, by comparing Elul preparations to Nissan preparations.

In Elul & the 10 Days of Repentance, Jews are busy with fasting and repentance.

In Nissan, says Rebbe Baruch, Jews are “busy with preparing geese and fat ducks, fish, and eggs for the sake of the festive banquet” (Leil HaSeder).

If only we would switch the order, says Rebbe Baruch, and do in Nissan what we do in Elul, and repent and pray to be saved from a little bit of chametz on Pesach, then we would be sure not to sin the entire year, and THEN we wouldn’t need the fasts and mortification of Elul & the 10 Days of Repentance because we never sinned. (Yay!)

Rav Bender emphasizes the importance of tefillah in Nissan, especially in the days leading up to Pesach when it is hardest to find extra time for prayer.

“All beginnings are difficult,” he acknowledges as he encourages us to do our best.

You can also talk to Hashem while you’re scrubbing or sweeping or making charoset.

You can thank Hashem and force yourself to smile at least for a millisecond even when you’re stressed out.

Let's finish off with Rav Bender's final words on the topic on page 223:

Adar and Nissan are two months that a person has to make a special soul-accounting.
...

There are many types of work to do for Pesach. To get rid of chametz and other important work for the holiday.

But make sure to also give tefillah an honorable spot. Without this, it is not only half of something — if it is lacking tefillah, it is lacking the main thing.

0 Comments

<<Previous

Seeing the World Means Seeing Hashem

The 2 Most Important Questions to Contemplate in order to Realize Your Spiritual Potential & become Great in Hashem's Eyes

Desire is the Key to Everything

Re-Tweets & Likes aren't What Counts in Life

Desire isn't the Whole Shebang. At Some Point, You Need to Take Action

Rav Miller's Final Thoughts on the Parsha

HANG ON TO YOUR EMUNA

Seconds 1-10

Seconds 11-50

Seconds 51-60

Combing through the Signs

Responding to the Message

Simplistic Thinking vs. Complex Thinking

Real Goodness vs. Pretend Goodness

Avoiding the Cruel Response

What Does This Mean for You Individually?

Summary of Main Points

Yovel, Plus You as a Ger in This World

God's Truth is Even Better than Science Fiction

The Pre-Mashiach Jewish Reality: Stuck between a Rock & Hard Place

One Torah, One People

"It’s the place where we spend our fleeting lives preparing to enter our permanent home in the Next World, where we will meet the Hashem Echad who was our One and Only True Friend in This World."

The Waste of Obsessive Thoughts

Change Your Day from Success to Failure with 1 Minute

The Fastest & Simplest Way to Uplift the Mundane

No Good Deed Goes Unrewarded

Hashem Can Do ANYTHING

Our Beloved Avinu Sheh B'Shamayim

The Elul-Nissan Connection

Myrtle Rising

Categories

Jewish Blogs

Jewish Current Events

Jewish Health

Archives

Copyright Notice