The stories told within Parshat Noach remain popular worldwide throughout generations.

Echoes of this fundamental transformation of the world reverberate through the ancient mythologies of every culture.

Delving into Parshat Noach via the authentic Torah commentaries reveals layer after layer of fascinating lessons & anthropological revelations.

Here are past links to enrich one's understanding of Parshat Noach:

From the 1730 Ladino masterpiece on the Torah Me'am Lo'ez:

• the-7-universal-noachide-commandments-according-to-the-meam-loez.html​
• what-noach-teaches-us-about-the-power-of-true-teshuvah.html
• the-nations-established-by-the-sons-of-noach-where-are-they-now.html
• the-meam-loez-on-the-descendants-of-the-sons-of-noach.html
• the-generation-of-the-flood-has-reincarnated-into-our-generation-heres-the-evidence-also-what-you-can-do-to-protect-yourself-others.html
• communications-from-stars-or-angels-in-todays-ufo-cults-nothing-new-the-generation-of-the-flood-did-that-too.html

From the 1602 Torah commentary Kli Yakar:

• the-kli-yakar-parshat-noach.html
• the-kli-yakar-on-parshas-noach-why-did-hashem-destroy-the-world-with-water-and-what-is-the-connection-to-hurricanes.html
• the-hidden-sin-of-the-flood-generation-what-we-can-learn-from-it-today-aka-the-kli-yakar-on-parshat-noach.html

From the 19-Century Torah commentary of the Malbim:

• the-malbim-on-parshat-noach.html

General:

• The Invasion of 3 Ancient Generations: How to Explain the Current Chaos & Corruption of the Modern World​
• some-torah-insights-guidance-for-the-path-of-bnei-noach.html

​About the phoenix on Noah's Ark & Its Real Story:

• discover-the-torah-truth-of-the-phoenix-bird-stripped-from-its-mythology-what-is-the-real-story-authentic-spiritual-meaning-and-jewish-symbolism-of-the-phoenix.html​
• 2-ways-to-understand-how-noach-spoke-with-the-dove-the-raven-and-the-phoenix.html

With the autumn chagim of this year (5782/2021) running a 3-week rhythm of Shabbat-Chag-Shabbat-Chag, etc., I think all the frum writing outlets are struggling to keep up with publishing chag/parsha-relevant material—and this blog is no exception.

So in lieu of a new post, here is a list of past posts for Parshat Beresheit:

From Rav Avigdor Miller

• www.myrtlerising.com/blog/rav-avigdor-miller-on-parshat-beresheit-using-the-mundane-world-for-spiritual-growth (2019)
• the-secrets-to-happiness-in-marriage-rav-avigdor-miller-on-parshat-beresheit.html (2020)

From Rav Yehudah Petiyah's Minchat Yehudah

• genesis-and-the-big-squish-the-discovery-of-the-universe-developed-from-a-giant-womb-and-not-a-fireworks-display.html 
• how-why-did-the-nachash-enter-gan-eden.html
• the-root-of-all-evil-what-was-the-motivation-of-the-nachash-in-gan-eden.html

Based on the Kli Yakar

• the-kli-yakar-parshat-beresheit.html
• the-torah-view-of-our-planet-earth-use-it-or-lose-it.html (includes the most effective way to prevent vastly destructive wildfires)

One of the concepts I always struggled to understand was how the majority of Jews (fourth-fifths) did NOT want to leave Mitzrayim (Egypt).

After all, they endured brutal conditions in addition to their merciless slavery.

​Much of what they endured in the worst phases of Egyptian slavery resembled what Jews endured in the Nazi camps during the Holocaust.

And like the Nazis, the Egyptians sought to break the Jews psychologically.

​One way they did so was to force the men to do women's work and women to do men's work. And while you might think that men got off easier than the women (as the men's work was physically crushing for the women), Jewish men doing laundry in the Nile risked coming up against a horde of territorial crocodiles.

​In contrast, you saw that Jews desperately wished to escape the Nazi camps. And before that, they yearned to escape the ghettos.

Only they couldn't. 

Trapped by concrete walls and barbed wire, the threat of execution, starving or freezing to death in the forests, or being betrayed by the local population – all this made escape terrifyingly risky, if not completely impossible.

So who were these Jews – a large majority – who chose to stay in Mitzrayim, a decision which resulted in their death the the Plague of Darkness?

​In Shemot 12:41 of Parshat Shemot, we have the Kli Yakar explain that within the 430 years of Egyptian servitude, the last 30 years were added because of their sins – bachata'am.

"...because Yisrael in Egypt was bad and sinful...and I said to them 'What is detestable in a man's eyes – cast away' " (Yechezkel 20:7)

shikutzei einav – detestable in his eyes.

​This is one of those verses that is hard to translate while giving the full meaning. Shikutz is something yucky and it also implies idols used for occult worship.

shikutzei einav literally means "the detestable things of his eyes," but it can also mean something that is sitting before your eyes or it can mean an opinion, like how something appears "in your eyes" (i.e. in your mind).

But before you can even think of casting away the detestable things, what must you do FIRST?

You first must see it as detestable.

​If you think your idol is really cool, then it's not detestable in your eyes, and you won't chuck it.

The Kli Yakar then goes on to say that this 30-year addition came to them because "rabim hemah amei ha'aretz asher lo ratzu latzeit klal miMitzrayim – many of them were amei ha'aretz (ignorant) who did not want to go out at all from Egypt."

WHAT?!

Not at all? Not even a little bit? With all they suffered, how could they not want to leave?

How can that be?

And what does their level of Jewish knowledge have to do with anything?

I think I found a partial answer in Lea Fuchs Chayen's memoir Out of the Depths, which recalls her time from deportation from the Hungarian ghetto to Auschwitz to her liberation & rehabilitation, and then her eventual journey to England (though she and her family ultimately ended up in Eretz Yisrael).

(And Rav Avigdor Miller also gives an example of this in Parshat Bo: Night of the Locked Doors on page 12.)

When Lea arrived in the Gehinnom of Aushwitz, the death machine was full and she and many other girls were transferred to a waiting area, then she was later absorbed into the camp.

As we all know, the conditions were unimaginable.

​The constant smell of human waste and burning bodies permeated the camp. (Lea even said the smell alone and everything it implied was driving her crazy.) The starvation and harsh slavery. The constant threat of being hit with metal sticks, whips, or being shot or having a dog set on a person. The flames against the night sky of entire Jewish communities being cremated. The sound & sights of your fellow Jews being attacked and burned.

Yet when Lea encouraged a former gymnastics teacher from Budapest to join a transport leaving Auschwitz for a German factory with better conditions (appalling conditions, but still better), the former gymnastics teacher demurred.

"Imagine," she said, "what a tattooed arm would look like in an elegant evening dress."

Okay.

I always feel like a bit of hypocrite when speaking about the Holocaust.

I hope Hashem saves all of us from ever being in such a situation, and none of us can say for sure how we would respond, chas v'shalom.

I think it's also easy to understand how otherwise good people lost their minds or their integrity in such a horrific situation.

And you can also make a good case for the gymnastics teacher that her mind had simply blown away due to the brutal trauma.

Yet it does mean something when she's willing to remain among the smell and sight of burning Jews, of fellow Jews being tortured and killed in horrible ways, toddlers being thrown alive into fire pits – all because she wants to look good in an evening gown.

And this also reveals her background prior to the Holocaust. She didn't miss Shabbos or her family (a longing many other victims expressed); she missed the secular non-Jewish events that called for an evening gown. 

And that can only be because she didn't have Shabbos (or much of Shabbos). She was immersed in the evening-gown lifestyle.

That's all she really knew.

(You can read more about it HERE.)

And again, without judging such a person in such a situation, it does fit in with what the Kli Yakar wrote about the four-fifths who did not leave Mitzrayim because they were amei ha'aretz who did not WANT to leave.

It wasn't a matter of whether they COULD leave Mitzrayim.

​They couldn't.

It all came down to: Did they WANT to leave Mitzrayim?

Even more, the question was whether they wanted to be REDEEMED?

Because remember, they didn't go to Eretz Yisrael right away.

Yes, Eretz Yisrael was their ultimate destination and has always remained our ultimate destination.

However, all the Jewish men who'd been slaves in Mitzrayim died before reaching Eretz Yisrael.

So it's not about going some place physical.

It's all about whether you WANT to be close to Hashem, to be Hashem's Bride, His Sister, His Child.

Do you want to be a servant of Hashem or a servant of Mitzrayim? Because it's either one or the other. There's no such thing as complete liberation. 

You're always serving something, whether it's your own yetzer hara or Hashem.

Do you WANT the real wonderful Eternity of the World to Come promised to a committed Yisrael?

Let's go back to the Kli Yakar and complete the above commentary:

How does this apply to us right now?

It's VERY applicable, especially with all the increasing attacks on Jews and against Judaism throughout the world.

And Chazal says what the Kli Yakar says above:
Persecutions come from not being Jewish enough.

They come from absorbing anti-Torah values.

They come because, in the words of the Kli Yakar, the holy Jews wanted "to be residents of Egypt" (and everything that implied) and "not leave from there."

As far as I know, the one-fifth that left Mitzrayim were not tzaddikim.

You don't need to be a tzaddik to be redeemed (although it sure helps).

Remember, all the Jews (except some very special individuals, like Moshe Rabbeinu, Shevet Levi, etc.) were crushed under Egyptian bondage and on the 49th level of tumah (spiritual impurity).

Tumah comes from the root "blockage." "Tum" is something sealed.

They squatted down in one of the lowest levels of spiritual blockage – a state to which many people can unfortunately relate today.

For example, many people find it difficult to daven with kavanah today.

You can go a whole day saying brachot – and not one with kavanah.

People feel torn between what they want and what Hashem wants.

Many people have a love-hate relationship with the Internet or their phones.

Their brain loves the kick it gets from the carefully manipulated social media or surfing, but their yetzer tov hates being constantly pulled in the wrong direction and wish they could be more disciplined.

Many people have a love-hate relationship with food for the same reasons.

Feeling Hashem as a loving Father who is right there with you at all times?

Well, many people feel this state is impossible to achieve.

(Yet not so many generations ago, your average Jew – including illiterate grandmothers – felt this state without even trying. Their challenges lay in other areas.)

People express anger, then feel so defeated because they know they failed the nisayon of not getting angry...again.

Some people feel like they're going through the motions of mitzvot. Despite all the mussar and chizuk they've received, they still find it so hard to serve Hashem b'simcha. They feel drained, like they're keeping Torah with their last ebbs of emotional koach.

They feel bad when you tell them about emunah & serving Hashem b'simcha, and saying gam zeh l'tovah, and so on. They feel bad because they try and they try and they try, and they just can't do it.

(Or they can't do it consistently. Maybe they manage it for a few minutes or hours or days...until everything comes crashing around them again.)

And you should know this is actually a very big maaleh - virtue!

Why?

The Jews who were redeemed were at the end of their rope.

They weren't like Moshe Rabbeinu or Miriam Haneviah.

​49th level of tumah. That's pretty bad.

According to various midrashim and mefarshim, they were emotionally and physically exhausted.

Yet they at least WANTED the Geula.

They couldn't escape Mitzrayim.

They couldn't go on anymore, yet they couldn't get a break either.

And they couldn't bring about the Redemption.

​They could not even redeem themselves, even one person for himself.

But they could WANT it.

On the other hand, there are people who can't daven with kavanah and DON'T WANT TO.

They hope there's a way for them to skip shul without anyone noticing.

Or if they're women, they find justifications why they can only say morning brachot as fast as they can and nothing else. (BTW, some women really DON'T have time to say Shemoneh Esrei. I'm not talking about them.)

There are people who wish they didn't have to keep Shabbos.

They don't wish that Shabbos was more enjoyable or wish that there was some magic button they could press to make them really enjoy it...they don't want Shabbos AT ALL.

Some people don't feel guilty about viewing unwholesome images or indulging in unwholesome fantasies or entertaining forbidden attractions – they only feel bad that they need to hide it. (And some eventually stop doing even that, dumping everything out and proclaiming how "liberated" they feel as they are embraced by the surrounding completely degenerate & destructive society.)

Some people don't feel guilty about investing so much of their mind & time in social media and the Internet. They don't feel torn. They don't wish they could be better or more spiritual. 

Instead, they wish that the rabbanim would just stop forbidding things "all the time."

Also, and this sounds bizarre, but I have personally met a small minority of people who feel no compunctions about expressing anger. I mean frum people (both FFB and BT). They will hit and/or yell at their kids, or yell at their spouse, and they feel no remorse whatsoever!

This occurs despite how often Judaism condemns anger. Heck, both Orchot Tzaddikim and Pele Yoetz dedicate entire chapters to overcoming this middah. The Rambam holds it's like worshiping idols.

Years ago, I even had another frum woman ask me one time why I felt so bad about ever getting angry my kids and why I felt it was so important to never get angry, no matter what.

Seriously.

I didn't even know where to start answering. It's like if a fellow frummie asked you, "Why do you feel it's so important to keep Shabbat with all the halachot?"

It'd be like, "Umm...because it's one of the Ten Commandments? And why are YOU asking me this? You're already supposed to know!"

Yes, it was only a handful of people, but it still showed me how disconnected people can be from the obvious basics. If you're NOT disconnected, but strive and know when you've fallen, then that's a very big maaleh!

Some people honestly do not feel bad about hurting others. They either think they're cute/funny or they think the other person had it coming to them.

Some people think it's hard to be a Jew...and therefore, wish they didn't have to be one. (Not good.)

Some people think it's hard to be a Jew...in Golus. And they desperately wish for Mashiach to come so they can enjoy Judaism in all its glory. (Very good.)

So if you feel like, "Gosh, I'm so crushed and dead inside. I simply cannot go on any longer. But I wish I wasn't like this. I wish things could be better. I wish I could be better. But mostly, I wish Mashiach would just COME already! Because I sure as heck cannot go on like this any longer."

In that case, you WANT to leave Mitzrayim.

And that's really good!

You can read more about the Kli Yakar regarding this dynamic HERE. Please scroll down to: Uncharacteristically Harsh Words from the Kli Yakar.

The Beit HaMikdash was the Home of Holiness, and Sara Imeinu's home was also a home of holiness, a place of unsurpassed sanctity in the world at that time.

In Beresheit 23:2, the Kli Yakar says that while Avraham Avinu eulogized her, he initially:

​Please note that the Kli Yakar says that Avraham Avinu knew [yada]. He did not believe or think or assume Sara Imeinu had risen to the heights of Heavenly Bliss.

​Avraham Avinu KNEW it.

Then the Kli Yakar expounds:

(According to footnote #31 in this parshah in Elihu Levine's fantastic translation of the Kli Yakar, the Metzudat David on Yeshayahu 33:7 interprets "malachei hashalom" as "messengers of peace," referring to those who were sent to bring tidings of peace to Yerushalayim, yet ended up weeping over the Destruction.)

So...

Sara = Beit Hamikdash

Sara's passing = The Destruction of the Holy Temple

That's a very powerful equation!

Think about everything the Churban (Destruction) meant:

• the cessation of the atoning korbanot
• no more miraculously protective Ketoret
• the end of the unimaginable joy of Simchat Beit HaSho'evah
• an end to the soul-stirring music of the Levi'im
• an end to the beautiful & holy service of the Kohanim
• a withdrawing of tangible closeness to Hashem
• the shattering of its astounding splendor...

Sara Imeinu's passing was EQUAL to all that.

Then the Kli Yakar states that Avraham Avinu knew that while Sara Imeinu's "sun had set only in This World," she was now eating the fruits of her deeds in Olam Haba.

The Kli Yakar also explains that the verse "Sara died in Kiryat Arba, also known as Chevron" hints that Sara died the death of only the most exalted tzaddikim like Moshe Rabbeinu. 

​Sara Imeinu was in the most wonderful place possible. The loss wasn't hers.

It was the world's loss.

​As the Kli Yakar exalts her:

Sara Imeinu's name is also a title: sarah (שרה).

It's the feminine form of sar (שר).

A sar is a ruling minister, a prince, or the ministering angel over an entire nation.

​So when the Kli Yakar states that Sara Imeinu was a "sarah al kol ha'olam," he was saying that her wisdom & deeds made her a princess, a ruling minister over the entire world.

This is our role model.

This is our mother. 

In Parshat Vayera, we encounter the famous incident of Sara Imeinu's laughter & words of wonder, followed by Hashem's sensitive re-wording when repeating the incident to Avraham Avinu.

In Beresheit 18:12, Sara laughs within herself & wonders at the idea of regaining a youthful biology.

Yet it happened. 

However, it only happened to her. As Sara Imeinu noted: "...my husband is old."

And when Hashem repeated the scenario to Avraham Avinu, Hashem omitted Sara's reference to Avraham Avinu's advanced age.

In light of this, certain questions naturally come to mind. ​

Fortunately for us, the Kli Yakar not only thought of the obvious questions, he also came up with some answers.

Question #1: Why does Avraham Avinu's age matter?

As the Kli Yakar points out: "...ki ein hadavar nimna ki zaken harbeh yachol l'holid – for it is not an impossible thing for a very old man to be able to beget [a child]."

Question #2: Why did Hashem change Sara's words?

Is Avraham self-conscious about his age?

No, that doesn't make sense in the context of everything we know about Avraham Avinu.

​And, as the Kli Yakar notes, "Lamah yerah b'einei Avraham al sheh amra ha'emet? – Why would it seem bad in Avraham's eyes that she said the truth?"

After all, Avraham Avinu really was old!

Why would he get offended? He was the furthest thing from a vain person. In addition, he was a TREMENDOUS tzaddik! This means he was also profoundly emes-oriented.

Even more, Avraham Avinu deeply loved Sara Imeinu and she was his full & equal partner in everything he did.

Talk about 2 halves of 1 soul.

He's not going to see Sara Imeinu in a negative light. No way.

And so...?

​The answer lies in Sara Imeinu's understanding of spiritual physics.

​As is clear from the text and commentaries, Sara Imeinu was both profoundly pious & profoundly intelligent. Rashi notes that even her level of prophecy superseded that of her husband.

Sara Imeinu understood the great miracles that occurred over the long term when Avraham Avinu waged war against the Edomite kings. 

She also realized that great miracles use up great merits.

In fact, Avraham Avinu himself was concerned about this very issue, as explained by Rashi in Beresheit 15:1.

So Sara Imeinu saw that Hashem rejuvenated her body with healthy youth.

But Hashem hadn't done so for her husband.

To her, this meant that the conquest had used up his merits and so he lacked the merits necessary to produce a child.

Furthermore, realizing that according to the natural order of things, she & Avraham Avinu were at the end of their life together, she laughed at what she considered an incomplete promise.

What is the point of she & Avraham having a child if they could not live to raise him, especially since out of the entire world at that time, only Sara & Avraham possessed the ability to raise a Yitzchak Avinu?

In her great humility, it didn't occur to Sara that she was worth the extra miracle. And she honestly thought that her husband's merits were used up - an assumption validated by Avraham's apparent lack of renewed youth & vigor.

So because she ascribed her humble disbelief to a lack of merit on Avraham's part (not because he lacked merits, but because both he & she felt certain he'd used them up in a truly miraculous conquest), Hashem changed the wording.

And to all of it, Hashem answered (Targum): "Is anything too hidden and separated and concealed from Me to prevent Me from doing My Will?"

Summary of main points:

• Sara emphasized Avraham's old age as physical confirmation to the spiritual assumption that his merits had indeed been used up by the ongoing miraculous conquest of the Edomite kings.

 

• But despite the seemingly confirmatory physical evidence of the logical calculation of spiritual physics, Avraham Avinu's merits had NOT been used up by the conquest.

 

• Hashem refused to even hint to Avraham Avinu that his wife thought his merits were used up.

 

• Anyway, Hashem can do ANYTHING.

 

• And that is why Hashem changed Sara's wording.

​Both Sara Imeinu & Avraham Avinu possessed enough to merits to not only have the child they yearned for, but also to raise him.

Note: For a very short & pictorial Kli Yakar on Parshat Vayera, please see...
The Kli Yakar on Parshat Vayera

The Kli Yakar on Parshat Noach (Beresheit 6:17) explains why a flood of water was the fitting consequence for Dor HaMabul.

And it all has to do with boundaries.

Without a Sanhedrin and Torah-mandated executions (which hardly ever happened), Hashem executes by strangulation those who deserve it – and one of those ways is by drowning.

So here are why the Generation of the Flood suffered torrents of water:

1) First of all, strangulation is the halachic execution for those who indulge in relations with a married woman. The Generation of the Flood was really into this particular sin. Such a sin is an invasion of the boundaries of marriage & family. It also affects the children's lineage, since people can't know who is the child's real father, which was also a huge problem during Dor HaMabul.


2) Secondly, the sin of theft is another invasion of boundaries. So middah k'neged middah, the water overrides its boundaries into flooding (or into lungs, invading the air that is supposed to be there instead). The Generation of the Flood was hopelessly steeped in theft and all kinds of deception – "deception" is referred to as geneivat hadaat (theft of mind/knowledge) in Hebrew.


3) Third, avodah zarah is another breach of boundaries. Everything originates from One Creator. There is only ever One God. Scattering one's prayers among other entities is a terrible breach. So even though the official execution for avodah zarah is stoning for an individual and the sword for an entire city of idolaters, Hashem sent a flood instead.

Furthermore, Yirmeyahu 2:13 mentions the people who forsook Hashem, "the source of fresh water," and who instead dug "cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water." Radak interprets this as abandoning Hashem to worship idols. So that's another aspect of this theme of water. 

Furthermore, because Dor HaMabul worshiped the luminaries & constellations, Hashem spread an opaque density of clouds to block out all sight & light of the astronomical bodies.

(Note: Rabbi Elihu Levine's English-rendering of the Kli Yakar proved invaluable to understanding the above points.)

In places with severe, and especially unnatural flooding, we can see the above breaches are rampant in those societies.

In addition, Netivot Shalom explains that the Rosh Hashanah idea of everything passing in judgement before Hashem is actually metaphor for Hashem's scrutiny of every living creature to see whether its existence is necessary for the coming year.

I couldn't help thinking that Hashem decided that certain islands in the Caribbean are no longer necessary, and that He decided so for the reasons stated above – all based on how they were mostly wiped out by the flooding of ferocious hurricanes.

If you know anything about that part of the world, the above breaches are part & parcel of those societies.

For more on Parshat Noach:

• The Kli Yakar on Parshat Noach
• ​The Malbim in English on Parshat Noach
• The Hidden Sin of the Flood Generation & What We can Learn from It Today
• The Invasion of 3 Ancient Generations: How to Explain the Current Chaos & Corruption of the Modern World​
• The Nations Established by the Sons of Noach: Where are They Now?

Along the lines of Using Torah to Think Outside the Box, the Kli Yakar on Parshat Beresheit offers an interesting insight on the planet's true feelings toward human beings.

In one of the Torah's most oft-quoted verses (Genesis 4:9), Kayin (Cain) tells Hashem (according to the Kli Yakar's interpretation): "I did not know I'm my brother's keeper."

Meaning, he did not realize that murder is wrong.

But the Kli Yakar counters with the argument of seichel – reason, common sense: 

In other words, the Earth itself wants people around.

Contrary to the view of environmentalists and Gaia-devotees, the Earth itself does not view people as its enemy.

The Earth itself wants us to work it. 

It's GOOD for the Earth.

That's the Torah view right there.

​This is in direct contrast to what environmentalists and nature-zealots believe.

The Green movements harp on how we're damaging the planet.

And while that may be true to a certain degree in some situations, it's not innately true.

There is no such thing as "purity of nature."

Left to its own devices, nature would overrun & choke itself.

Yes, Judaism provides environmentally friendly halachot about bal tashchit (not wasting stuff), not uprooting fruit trees, Shemittah, and more, but well-tended land is good for the land itself.

For example, flower bushes and trees can wither for lack of pruning and weeding.

​Forest fires (which indigenous people sometimes lit on purpose) turn dead trees & decaying vegetation to ashes, which then fertilize the soil.

Fire also clears dead underbrush from the forest, which allows sunlight to reach the forest floor, which facilitates the growth of vegetation waiting beneath the soil.  

​A woman I knew who’d been one of the more dedicated Jews in the movement for Conservative (which is actually destructively liberal) “Judaism” finally made the leap into real mitzvah observance. In her late thirties, she got married and had a baby.
 
She’d been one of the adults I’d especially liked as a child and I was very happy about her progress.
 
As I was young single girl who was also starting to keep mitzvot according to authentic Torah, this woman (we’ll call her “Jill”) called me one night to see if I could come over and babysit her sleeping baby. Her husband was out of town.
 
It was her birthday and she would be going out with old friends to celebrate. After she finished showing me what I needed to know, her friends showed up.
 
Two sour-faced childless unmarried women approaching 40, dressed in jeans and windbreakers. Jill looked both happy and nervous as she waved them in and invited them to make themselves at home.
 
Perched on Jill's sofa, they looked at me unsmilingly.
 
“Oh, this is the babysitter,” chirped Jill.
 
Giving me the once-over, their faces soured even more. “Are you Orthodox too?” one asked.
 
“Yes,” I said as pleasantly as I could under the sour Gaze of Disapproval.
 
“Oh,” she said.
 
They made a couple of other low-key comments that I can’t remember, but implied that it was unfortunate that I was throwing my life away so young and did I really want to do that? Oh, I did? So in that case, I'm probably really dumb and not worth another glance.

And as an aside, I've always found these kinds of encounters so odd.

I looked so bad in their eyes; did they have any idea how THEY looked to me?

Their pinched-faced childless unmarried middle-aged judgmental anti-religious personas made me want to run as far as I could from being like them.

I mean, what was I supposed to think, just out of my teens? "Gosh, by the time I'm 37, I sure hope I'll be a sour, judgmental, unmarried, childless, secular career woman just like YOU!" Why on earth would I think that? Why are they the act to follow?

​So weird.
 
Anyway, Jill tried to be pleasant, but she was clearly out of her comfort zone. These were her good friends going all the way back to college, and their disapproval stabbed her like nasty needles.
 
As they tried to decide where to go out to eat (there were hardly any kosher options in our area), the sourness on their faces tightened into a grim silence.

Apparently, options like an ice cream parlor (where most of the flavors were kosher chalav akum) were beneath their lofty standards.

But Jill tried to keep up her side of things.
 
Finally, one of the said something like, “You can’t even go out to a good restaurant even on your birthday just because of keeping kosher?”
 
Ouch! The classic anti-BT guilt trip!
 
Then the name of a popular treif steakhouse came up.
 
Jill squirmed under the pinched disapproval of her friends as she struggled with the decision.

​Finally, Jill said, “Well, I haven’t eaten anything unkosher for a year. I’ve been really good about keeping kosher for such a long time and it IS my birthday, so I guess I can treat myself to a steak just this once.”
 
Her sour-faced friends looked only slightly mollified, as if Jill had finally said the only logical thing to say, and they all got up and left.
 
I was floored.
 
But the truth is, many of us have a tendency to do that kind of thing.

​Sure, in Jill’s case, it was more extreme. But most people feel that, after intense mitzvah-focus, they can let themselves go a little. “After all, I’ve been so good!”
 
It’s the Dessert Mentality.
 
“I force-fed myself all the nutritious food put on my plate, so now I can treat myself to something of absolutely no nutritional value that exists simply to serve my taavah.”
 
This is why, on vacations, you’ll see otherwise very good boys from good yeshivahs treating themselves to outings with no possibility of a minyan 3 times a day. Or davening at home.

​And what do we struggle with after having been soooo good?
 
Eating things we shouldn’t.

Reading things we shouldn’t.

Watching things we shouldn’t.

Saying things we shouldn’t.

Wearing things we shouldn’t.

Doing things we shouldn't.
 
Exploding over something with the excuse of “Sorry, but I’ve just been bottling it up until now and I just couldn’t keep a lid on it anymore” - sound familiar?
 
In other words, I’ve been so good, I deserve to indulge in a temper tantrum “just this once.” (As if it’s really only "once"…)

Even if it's not in the league of absolute treifus like Jill's "treat," the "treat" we choose for ourselves may not be beneficial.

Yet these things aren't black-and-white.

Can the "treat" or "dessert" be beneficial?

​If so, when?

Well, we do need to recharge our batteries.

Sleeping in, an afternoon nap, an outing, a picnic, a barbecue, dinner at a restaurant, relaxing on the sofa with a good book, a refreshing swim, a large mochachino with a good friend—these are all rejuvenating activities (if done without violating basic halacha & without becoming a way of life).
 
Likewise, satisfying a small taavah can help overcome a big yetzer hara.

For example, if it works when you promise yourself a few chocolate truffles after a week of scrupulously guarding your tongue, including in some very trying situations at work or among a family gathering...then do it!
 
Similarly, let’s say that losing 7 pounds equals overcoming your food taavot for an entire month. Does the reward of a swim help you achieve that? Or the promise of a new (kosher) book?

Then what’s wrong with that?
 
Even better, if these rewards encourage you to repeat your positive behavior, ingrain a new & holier habit within you, then that’s excellent.
 
The problem comes when the encouragement or reward becomes a needed dessert that you must have every chance you get, a feeling of magia li—I deserve it. The Entitlement Mentality.
 
I don’t think it has ever been as hard to avoid the Dessert-Entitlement Mentality as in our generation.

​The Kli Yakar explains that when something takes too much effort to acquire, we lose our taavah for it. (Please scroll down to "Advice for Holy Eating" in Parshat Re'eh.)

​In his times (1550-1619), the Kli Yakar didn’t see much taavah for game meat.

The struggle for, say, venison:

• ​braving the wild forest
• hunting the deer
• capturing it
• getting a qualified shochet together with it
• then the kashering and roasting of it...

​...way, way too much trouble.
 
So people weren’t craving venison much.
 
Likewise, based on my reading, people maybe craved a drink of cool well water in the summer, but not ice cream. Ice cream either wasn’t available at all or it meant digging up a block of sawdusted ice stored underground from the winter. Then making custard and so on with the primitive process of making ice cream.
 
But in our times, every kind of taavah is available and at hand. And if it’s not actually free, it’s probably affordable.
 
For example, junkfood is much cheaper and more readily available than healthy food. Even an easy fruit or vegetable demands washing or peeling before eating. A simple salad means washing and chopping up lettuce; you can’t just take lettuce out of its wrapper and stick it in your mouth.
 
Others have said it before, but it deserves repeating:

​This lowly generation is also an amazing generation.

With so many temptations literally at our fingertips (the very thing which the Kli Yakar explains actually kindles taavah), then it’s amazing that anyone puts up any kind resistance at all!
 
Even more impressive for yetzer-tov wannabees, society no longer disdains taavahs:

• ​Being a gossip girl can be a badge of honor.
• A foodie, rather than being considered a glutton, is now considered a mumcheh.
• Dragging someone’s name through a swamp now parades you as “honest” and “courageous”—no matter if the defamation is true or not; and if true, whether it’s necessary or not.
• Foul language shows you’re cool.
• Expressions of anger can be considered healthy and assertive.
• The continuous inhalation of news, trivia, and other mostly useless information stamps you as “well-informed.”

 
The opposite of any of the above is considered bad nowadays.
 
Repression—whether of anger or any other taavah—is the new cardinal sin.
 
Yet wondrously, there are still many people who at least struggle to do battle against all that.

People struggle against the constant arousal of the yetzer hara, the wide & enticing variety of yetzer haras,  the ease & social acceptance of submitting to the yetzer hara, the pressure to submit to the yetzer hara, and the social condemnation against NOT submitting to the yetzer hara!
 
Resistance against the dessert-entitlement mentality takes constant vigilance, self-honesty, and self-discipline.

Plus, you’re not supposed to be a miserable kvetch about it—it should be done b’simcha.

And that's why you might be feeling battle-weary...because you ARE battle-weary.

It's a battle.

So really, you should be thrilled with yourself for even attempting to engage in any kind of battle with this engulfing monster of minions.
 
You’re one in a million.

For more, please also see Why This Generation is So Astounding.

​In Shemot 17:8 ("And Amalek came and battled with Yisrael in Refidim"), the Kli Yakar mentions the nefarious plot of Amalek:

According to our Sages, the word “karcha” has several implications:

• occurred
• happened
• became cold
• wasted seed

The Kli Yakar doesn’t detail further exactly how Amalek infiltrated male-male relations into Am Yisrael, but he does explain at length how the initial breach — the tumah of strife — created an opening for Amalek’s nefarious plan.
 
(You can learn more about Amalek exploiting our spiritual breaches in the Kli Yakar on Parshat Vayishlach.)

​In today’s Jewish world, the only Jews really striving for peace are Orthodox Jews —though not all of them.

Having been Conservative surrounded by a lot of Reform and very assimilated at times, then Modern Orthodox and Dati-Leumi, then chareidi Litvish BT to Sephardi chareidi (with a thing for Breslov) now, I can tell you that the only Jews who really strive to connect positively with all Jews — including those who are not like them and even reject them — are Orthodox Jews (though not all of them).
 
Maybe once (in a book) did I ever hear a non-Orthodox Jew describe Orthodox Jews with anywhere near the same understanding and compassion with which many Orthodox Jews describe non-Orthodox Jews. (I’m not saying that such non-Orthodox Jews do not exist. I’m saying that I did not encounter them, whether personally or even in a magazine article — except for a couple of passages in one thick book.)
 
In fact, many Orthodox Jews can be even more sympathetic & generous-minded toward their non-religious fellows than toward their religious fellows.
 
And Amalek has seized on this division, even though the connection between interpersonal strife and mishkav zachur is difficult to make.

​I guess mishkav zachur is a particularly nasty way to cut down Am Yisrael with immorality.
 
The Kli Yakar emphasizes that the strife removes natural protection from us while the immorality removes spiritual protection from us.
 
This is why we are seeing such massive push for acceptance of mishkav zachur in our times. Even some frum Jews have adopted an embracing attitude.
 
Note: I don’t criticize the fact that someone has this taavah. I oppose acceptance of mishkav zachur as a perfectly decent & legitimate lifestyle—it’s like saying that other serious Torah prohibitions, like baseless character assassination or chilul Shabbat or stealing or murder, are totally legitimate lifestyle choices that can find leniency within the Torah.
 
Please see What of a "Lashon Hara Pride" Movement? for one analogy of that.
 
It’s no coincidence that as Germany’s Jews made strife against their fellow frum Jews (including outright disdain of ostjuden — their fellow Jews in Poland, etc.) that Berlin became the mishkav zachur capital of the world prior to World War II, with some assimilated anti-Torah Jews falling under that Amalekite influence and fighting for mishkav zachur acceptance in German society & law.

(Please see It's Berlin All Over Again for more.)
 
Furthermore, the current movement in favor of transitioning gender identity touted as “unprecendented!” actually has roots in ancient Mesopotamia.

Archaeologists discovered a hymn by a Sumerian priestess (circa 2300 BCE) from Avraham Avinu’s hometown of Ur, who boasted of her occult ability to have successfully “changed men into women!”

(Please see Why, This Reminds Me of Ancient Mesopotamia! & If the Torah is So Adamant, Then That Must Mean Something: Why Polytheism Really is So Awful for more on that topic.)
 
Clearly, all this mishkav zachur and gender identity confusion has roots in ancient dark spiritual systems.
 
It’s all kochot hatumah & avodah zarah — and it’s not new at all.
 
And they are trying to push mishkav zachur acceptance into Eretz Yisrael.

This is all an AMALEKITE STRATEGY to DESTROY AM YISRAEL.

Because the promoters of toeva orientations whomp everyone over the head with the club of "compassion," those with the correct moral & ethical attitudes are made to feel uncompassionate, cruel, insensitive, and ignorant.

That's why it is so important to remember that the acceptance of toeva lifestyles is an Amalekite strategy for destruction and not a real movement for compassion or social "progress."

So what is the regular powerless person supposed to do about it?

As a frum person who has worked in kiruv and was even a rebbetzin for a blessedly short while, I realize that I cannot convince Jews committed to anti-Torah ideologies (Reform, socialism, communism, feminism, Leftism, etc.) not to make strife. (Some frum people can — sometimes. But I discovered that I personally cannot.)
 
However, as a frum person, I can:

• work on not making strife with my husband or my neighbors.
• foster harmonious sibling relationships among my children
• be careful of my attitude toward different yet Torah-true groups of Jews
• give tzedakah to precious Jews with whom I don’t share the exact same hashkafah (like Chabad or the Gush Katif kallahs)
• strive to judge favorably
• see a positive attribute in even the yuckiest Jew
• forgive those who hurt me in some way
• struggle to overcome a grudge
• I can pray positively to Hashem on behalf of all Jews. 

​I can do my part.
 
We all can.
 
It’s the only way to really fight Amalek.

​One of the most important rights a person has is the right to do teshuvah.
 
People have a right to change for the better.
 
Unfortunately, there will always be those who call a changed person “fake” or “hypocrite” and remind that person of his or her former deeds.
 
There will always be those with the conviction that the sinful, flawed you is the “real” you. (It’s not.)
 
But you can’t let that stop you.

​Around 20 years ago, in a moment of frustration, I confided lashon hara in a “friend”— lashon hara that I mistakenly assumed was l’to’elet due to my emotional pain.
 
Then I forgot about it.
 
But she didn’t.
 
Around 10 years later, we ran into each other and pretty early on in the conversation, she asked how I was managing with so-and-so.
 
“Oh, fine,” came my breezy answer.
 
“Really?” she smirked. “Because you sure weren’t before.”
 
(“Before” was 10 years prior.)
 
“Oh,” I said, realizing what the problem was. “Yeah, we had some issues then, and, oh, there were a lot of things I didn’t understand. But I understand them now and we get along fine.”
  
She sniggered. “Really?” she said. “But don’t you remember how that person said [the appalling & strange thing that person had said]. I mean, that was really weird. You don’t remember that?”
 
Oh, right! I’d forgotten about it. But fortunately, it no longer appalled or distressed me because I’d moved past it. Now I fumbled for words. And she chuckled again. Then I stammered something like, “That person didn’t mean it that way and I never should have repeated it to others.”
 
At that point, I think she realized her own impropriety because she sobered up and the conversation ended pretty quickly after that.
 
Now, I don’t think you really need halacha to tell you NOT to do what she did. I mean, it’s pretty smarmy to remind a person of lashon hara said 10 years ago AND insert it early into a conversation when you’ve only just reconnected. Furthermore, it’s even smarmier to twist their arm about it — not only to remember it, but to get re-offended by it.
 
I really think that any decent person would realize on his or her own not do such a thing, even without knowing that it’s halachically forbidden.
 
But it taught me some things.

​1) First of all, it gave me the chance to atone for what I’d said. I took the blame off the subject of the lashon hara and also admitted that I shouldn’t have said it in the first place. I was able to express regret for the deed.
 
2) Secondly, it drove home that old parable, that negative speech is like waving a pillowcase full of feathers into the wind — you’ll never be able to re-gather all the feathers. They’ve simply scattered too far and wide. (But it was a lesson I needed to learn a few more times before I really got it. Ultimately, sitting down each day to review these laws really helped.)
 
3) Thirdly, it showed me how important it was to avoid doing this to others — and to let the other person CHANGE. Really, I don’t understand why she didn’t switch the subject when she saw I initially didn’t remember the incident. Why did she work so hard to conjure it up again and rub it in? I really don’t get it.
 
4) And finally, I needed to take responsibility for myself. Yeah, she was wrong to do what she did—that was a couple of serious transgressions right there on her part. But she’d never have been able to do that if I hadn’t said what I said in the first place.
 
I was wrong to have said what I said.
 
And that’s that.

​Especially if you speak out against your former errant behavior and in favor of correct behavior, certain people will target you.
 
And the Kli Yakar describes all this well in Vayikra 14:4 (Parshat Metzora).
 
There is the famous midrash of the rochel, the peddler, who made his way through the area of Tzippori, proclaiming, “Who wants to buy the elixir of life?”
 
And only Rav Yannai was interested.
 
What was the elixir of life?
 
Shemirat halashon — guarding your tongue from speaking slander (whether true or not), rumor-mongering, tale-bearing, and any other negative speech that is of no benefit.
 
The Kli Yakar delves into the deeper layers of this story. Because rochel is the same word as tale-bearer – a person who spreads rechilut – the Kli Yakar maintains that this peddler was actually a slanderer who’d done teshuvah and was now encouraging others to do teshuvah too.
 
What happened?
 
Once upon a time, the rochel went about slandering others and "casting strife between brothers," in the words of the Kli Yakar.

“Yet later, he gave his heart to do teshuvah and requested the ways of healing mentioned by our Sages: Torah learning for a talmid chacham and shever ruach [a broken spirit] for an am ha'aretz.

“And he saw that these ‘medications’ benefited him.

“Therefore, his heart filled with the desire to bring merit to the masses and to bring teshuvah to all the very towns in which he knew there were gossipers.”

So the rochel marched through these towns with his tantalizing proclamation.

“For they were like sick people who need medications for a cure, which needs to be purchased.”
 
But the people wouldn’t allow it.
 
Yes, they came out at his call — to harass him.
 
“Etmol hayitah rochel holech rachil — Yesterday, you were a slanderer who went about slandering!” they said. “V’hayom atah rotzeh l’taken darcheinu? — And today you want to fix our path? Kashot atzmacha tachilah! — Clean up your own backyard first!"

​(Loose translation — kashot means “adorn” or “decorate” or “fix up.”)
 
Yet the rochel DID clean up his own backyard!

​That’s why he was there. He’d found the right “medication” (Torah study and a broken spirit of remorse) for the “illness” (fault-finding combined with gossiping about those found faults).
 
And now he wanted to share the “cure.”
 
Instead, they humiliated him and insisted he was still the same old fault-finding slanderer who’d gone around fomenting strife between brothers.
 
Of course, this can be considered an atonement for his previous behavior. Their response to him was very wrong, but as far as he goes, he can take it as a kaparah.
 
Yet why did they respond the way they did?

​The Kli Yakar describes them as baalei ra’atan — people who choose to seek out the faults in others and then gossip about those faults: “…they'd already chosen for themselves the rotten path and their tongues were used to speaking lashon hara.”
 
People who haven’t done real teshuvah don’t see the possibility of change. Even if they see a changed person in front of their face, they simply do not believe their eyes.
 
This is a reflection on them, not on you.

Yet to be fair, there are times when another person’s hesitancy to accept the new you is justified (and then you need to be patient and understanding):

• You’re very quick to apologize without any change.

This type tends to combine an apology with self-denigration.

If you're doing this, you're not actually doing teshuvah at all.

How so? What's going on with this type?

Subconsciously, this type feels that the self-denigration atones for their mistakes, and in a sense, permits them to repeat the mistake again. There’s no real teshuvah there and they’ll repeat the faulty behavior pretty quickly after they apologize. And they’ll continue this way, often for years, without ever changing.
 
If this is what you’re doing, people have a right to distrust your apologies and admissions of wrong-doing.
 
Until you actually change your behavior, people don’t need to take your apologies or breast-beating seriously.

• You’re still in the ping-pong phase of teshuvah.

You really intend to stop the behavior and you even succeed to a certain extent – but then you backslide.

So you jump back on the wagon and even stay there for a time...until you fall off again.
 
This occurs because it takes time & trial-and-error to learn the new improved behavior. You’ve boarded the ship and now you need to gain “sea-legs” as you sail the churning waters.

​But until you’ve gained your sea-legs, you lurch around, tripping & falling.

Others are within their rights if they choose to keep their distance from your lurching until you’ve got your sea-legs firmly in place. After all, you’ve sprawled onto these people before; they don’t want to get in your way again.

But don't feel bad. The ping-pong phase is perfectly natural, especially if you're learning a behavior that's very foreign to you.

(This is actually a good sign because it means you are really striving for profound change by aiming for behavior that is so different than your sinful ways, you need to learn it like learning a foreign language.)

• You hurt them so much before, they want to make sure you’ve REALLY changed.

These people aren’t unforgiving, just wary. They’re willing to accept you’ve changed; they just want to make SURE you actually have.

You also have the right to fall without being considered a failure.
 
Falling is pretty common.
 
For example, after a year of total sobriety, an alcoholic can suddenly go on a drinking binge.
 
After 6 months of measured behavior, a reformed ka'asan can suddenly fly into an outburst.
 
There are a few reasons for this. One is simple human weakness.
 
Another major reason is that it drives home how bad the behavior is. For example, an alcoholic may feel so sick on this sudden binge that he doesn’t even want to ever drink again. Throughout the year, he felt pretty good with his sobriety, but still yearned to at least get tipsy again. Yet after the sickening binge, he no longer even yearns for it.
 
This is known as descent for the sake of ascent. You needed to plummet in order to really rid yourself of the bad middah.
 
Another reason is to keep yourself connected to Hashem and disconnected from gaavah. In the midst of a fall, you can’t feel like you’re oh-so victorious and better than others. You also realize that your success came from Hashem and not your own willpower.
 
Regardless, there are people who will point to your fall as “proof” that you really haven’t changed.
 
How stupid and horrible of them.
 
All those moments, hours, days, and weeks of struggle…all those excruciating obstacles you faced as you fought your ingrained bad habits and forged new good behaviors…it’s all meaningless.
 
Really?
 
It’s nothing? You didn’t do anything at all?
 
Of course not.
 
In THEIR eyes, in the eyes of people who’ve never really done teshuvah, your efforts and successes don’t exist.
 
But your naysayers are wrong, wrong, wrong.
 
Your efforts and successes DO exist – and they mean a lot!
 
They’ve already formed an imprint on your soul.
 
And so you pick yourself up and try again. Hopefully, you’ll last out for longer until the next fall. And then you’ll last longer and longer – until you don’t fall again.

In Judaism, good deeds can never be erased.

Only bad deeds can be erased (via true teshuvah).

Anything good you do stands forever.

Even evil people get rewarded for the good they've done, no matter how minuscule.

(This is one reason why you'll see bad people with lots of success; they're being rewarded in This World for the little good they've done.)

People who try to convince you that a fall invalidates all the progress you made up to that fall are not coming from a Jewish point of view.

​You have the right to improve yourself.
 
You have the right to change.
 
You have the right to turn over a new leaf.
 
Sure, we all know that we have an obligation to better ourselves.
 
But we have a right to change too.
 
And even if others don’t believe you, even if others mock you or reject you or scoff at you, you need to know that Hashem sees your transformation and that it’s registered in Shamayim.
 
And that’s all that matters. 

To see more about the Kli Yakar's interpretation of the above story, please see:
Part II: The Happy Cure for Blabbermouthed Fault-Finders (AKA, The Kli Yakar on Parshat Metzorah) 

For more on the problem ​with self-denigration, please see:
5 Reasons Why Self-Denigration Never Helps