Category: Love

Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Re'eh: A 2-Minutes-A-Day Powerful Project to Make the Most of Elul

4/8/2021

In Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah for Parshas Reeh 4 – Preparing for Elul, he emphasizes the greatest preparation of all for Elul:

Yes—gratitude to Hashem.

He mentions gratitude for making it through another year (however old you are).

And he mentions things like being able to sleep in a bed. Because, after all: "You didn't sleep on the railroad tracks."

Some people have serious problems and/or chronic problems.

For some people, going to the restroom or digesting food is an issue.

Look at how many people have bad knees or a bad back—or worse.

And in a hundred years, says Rav Miller, where will we be?

We won't.

Our neshama always exists.

But our body won't.

And that right there is some serious food for thought.

Hashem Loves....YOU!

Hashem created the entire universe with billions of stars, planets, comets...but His main focus in on His Nation—you.

Yes, Hashem loves everybody.

Every single person—regardless of race, religion, disability, or anything else—received a unique human soul and Hashem's Divine Image imprinted upon him or her.

That in itself is amazing & precious.

But Am Yisrael chose Hashem & Hashem chose Am Yisrael, so Am Yisrael receives even more specialized attention.

As Rav Miller explains on page 10:

If you’re loyal to His Torah then Hakodosh Boruch Hu says to you, “All of space is Mine, all the billions of star worlds belong to Me, but it’s you that I’m thinking about.”

Who’s “you”?

It means the men and women and boys and girls of the Jewish Nation – each one of them is more important than the entire creation.

Hakodosh Boruch Hu loves Chaim and Dovid and Berel and Yerucham and Elazar.

He’s thinking only about Yenta and Chana and Pelta and Chava!

So Mr. Greenberg – Hashem loves you more than He loves all of space.

Mr. Katz, Mr. Rubin, Mr. Friedman, Mr. Shama and everybody else, you’re all that Hashem is interested in.

“Each one of you,” Hashem says, “is to Me a beloved child!”

The better we Jews behave, the better things go for the entire world.

And so our individual behavior isn't just about us; it affects so many others & so much more too.

How to Start Loving Your Fellow Jew

This brings us to the core idea Rav Miller introduces to us.

We need each other for the Next World too.

Yes, our merits decide a lot of our Olam Haba.

But we need our group merits too.

(After all, we Jews are like one person.)

This means we need to remain connected to each other.

We should definitely live together (and not seek out the alluring non-Jewish or non-religious areas).

But we also need to connect mentally too.

Here is a prime way to start (pages 12-13):

So here's what I heard from a gadol b’Yisroel many, many years ago.

Choose one person, he said. Don't tell him about it but you should begin to love him from a distance. Look at his face – “Ah, I love that frum Jewish face.”

You don't have to say anything to him. You don't have to become a friend of his.

You don’t even have to associate with him. Just practice loving him.

Men should practice on men and women should practice on women.

Love one woman. Don't tell her about it. Don't call her up and speak to her.

Just love her.

He describes the domino effect resulting from this (page 13):

Little by little your heart becomes full of love to one Jew.

And it’s contagious – after a while it will spread to others too.

You'll find that you’ll be able to expand it to include other people too.

Once you get the hang of it, it’s easy to spread the love.

It’s something you can practice all the time in the street, even with strangers.

You say to yourself (page 13–boldface mine):

“He’s ours! I don’t care what kind of yarmulke he wears, he’s still my brother. And even though he follows a different Rebbe, or a different set of political objectives, nevertheless, I’m going to begin loving him right now.”

Many of us as parents can testify to this.

Hashem generally gives a parent at least one child to whom the parent finds it difficult to relate.

When the child develops enough to reveal his personality, a parent may realize, "Oh. I can't stand people like this." Or, "Oh gosh, this type always intimates me so much." Or, "Oh no! She reminds me of the sister who always shred my nerves!"

Then the parent went to work on learning how to like this personality.

And you know what?

They all discovered that once they started liking that child's personality, they also started liking all those people with the same personality whom they disliked before.

I even got to liking a child's personality so much, I sometimes even actively seek out that personality type to befriend.

I almost cannot understand why the personality type bothered me so much before. It is such a wonderful personality!

Because of another child, I'm less intimidated by people with his personality because I now see them from the inside, with more fondness & understanding (and humor).

The child who shared a personality similar to a relative I suffered from was easier to deal with because it wasn't the personality so much as the level of emotional health. That relative is the "jerk" version of this personality. My son with that personality is really wonderful.

But either way, this really works.

Your heart is a muscle that can be & should be worked.

Exercise your heart!

Cultivate the contagion of love.

Bind Yourself with Blessings to Fellow Jews

Another way to cultivate feelings of love & connection is to bless other Jews.

From page 13 until the end, Rav Miller offers all sorts of compelling examples of how to love others, what to love about them, and how to bless them.

Ever practical, Rav Miller says on page 16:

Now you can't do it all the time, but once in a while, once a day from now until Rosh Hashana make it your business to spend about two minutes saying these words.

Practice it every day from now until Rosh Hashana.

That’s your homework.

And not merely in general. Mention names. Specify.

This casts your lot with theirs.

Furthermore, when you bless & love a particularly great person—a spiritually great person—you show Hashem that you're bound up with that person, that you are connected to that person.

And thus that person's merits benefit you too.

And this is a straight-forward yet tremendous project we can do for Elul.

I'd like to thank Hashem for creating Toras Avigdor, which provided all the material & quotes for this post. May they be blessed with revealed tov.

0 Comments

Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Va'Etchanan: Real Love & How to Achieve It

22/7/2021

0 Comments

In his dvar Torah for Parshas Vaeschanan 4 – With All Your Mind, Rav Miller focuses on the Ve'ahavta prayer we say 3 times a day: "And you shall love Hashem with all your heart..."

He encourages us to aspire to truly love Hashem, even if we feel far from that ideal.

He encourages us to be real.

Pages 5-6:

If a person is a cold philosopher, a stoic who is capable of uttering grand banalities, noble statements that are remote from his own emotions, the Torah language doesn’t care for such people.

Only a man who lives his ideals is respected.

That’s why all the great men of our past were revered only for personifying their ideals.

I think this proves particularly challenging in our times, with video & sound techniques, plus Photoshop & cosmetics—all of which serve to make a person look appealing & credible.

Furthermore, so many courses & books exist to train people to speak & behave in a more appealing manner.

Body language experts offer tips on how to utilize body language & facial expressions most effectively.

Some people write in a convincing manner. A column appearing in a newspaper or blog grants the writer a credibility they may lack in reality.

Degrees (whether religious or secular) also confer a certain credibility, whether the degree-holder deserves it or not.

Sometimes, a person who comes off as extremely appealing actually covers up a contemptuous persona.

Probably, we've all been fooled by people like this.

I don't mean people who are going through a hard time or responding in a less-than-ideal manner to stressful moment.

I mean people who consistently put on an act—people who consistently feel contemptuous of others, but cover it up by tons of appeal.

It's some comfort to know that even if these people enjoy widespread popularity & support, Hashem is actually thinking, "Ugh. Definitely NOT my type!"

Love of Hashem Means Loyalty to Hashem

On page 6, Rav Miller emphasizes that love of Hashem means loyalty to Hashem.

In other words, you need make your Judaism an integral part of every bit of you:

You have to have everything Jewish, even Jewish eyes.

You look only at kosher things.

You have to have a Jewish stomach and a Jewish mouth.

No question about it. You cannot talk about things that a Jewish mouth doesn’t say.

A Jew can't say dirty words.

Nivul peh, bad language, is a very big sin among Jews.

But of all the things you must have, more than a Jewish mouth and Jewish hands and Jewish feet, you must have also a yiddishe kop.

That's what makes a Jew – a Jewish head – a head filled with good thoughts.

The above represents "Turn from evil & do good" in a nutshell.

Avoid the non-Jewish stuff & embrace the Jewish stuff.

A lot of people don't realize how bad Judaism considers foul language (nivul peh).

In recent years, Israelis adopted the foulest English words as slang (with even frum youth unwittingly repeating these words—especially those who privately watch American movies on cell phones).

And because foul language now appears everywhere—professional blogs, popular NON-fiction books, podcasts, and much more, its commonality falsely lends it acceptability.

So many Jews pereceive nivul peh as a cultural & generational issue, rather than a serious prohibition of its own.

Now Rav Miller delves into HOW to start loving Hashem.

Love God-Based Love Leads to Real Love

Loving another isn't so simply in our times.

For decades (at least since the 1970s), the surrounding Western culture harps on the need to love yourself.

Of course, when the upswing in narcissism & other personality disorders (among other behaviors) made them realize self-love wasn't all it's cracked up to be, they started with self-compassion.

That was better, but all this emphasis on "self" hasn't helped.

For all the psychologists, self-help, self-awareness, and drive for self-esteem, we find ourselves in a world growing progressively narcissistic.

The love, compassion, and esteem you feel for yourself should derive from an appreciation of Hashem and the human soul He gave you, in addition to the Tzelem Elokim (Divine Image) He imbued in you.

As the Pele Yoetz presents in the chapter titled Love of Self, your self-love should drive you to behave MORE responsibly & with HIGHER integrity, not less.
https://learntorah.com/PeleYoetz/Pdf/English3.pdf

I have a Tzelem Elokim—yay me!

You have a Tzelem Elokim—yay you!

Every human being on earth (even the most physically deformed & mentally deficient) possesses a Tzelem Elokim—yay them!

A Tzelem Elokim is unique among all Creation.

Among all the plants, marine life, wildlife, fowl, insects, planets, comets, starts, and the most beautiful rainbow, not one other creation in the entire universe possesses a Tzelem Elokim—only a human being.

Yay us!

What is the Yetzer Tov? And How Do We Access It?

Furthermore, many relationships are fragmented.

Wars, immigration, upheavals, economic hardships, lifestyle changes, and cultural mores created frazzled & distracted parents.

It also created absent parents (both figuratively & literally).

Many people do not know how love feels.

So Rav Miller explains how to start on the journey of loving Hashem.

First, he says, start off with the yetzer tov.

He describes the yetzer tov (page 8):

And the answer is that the yetzer tov is a mysterious quality which we possess within ourselves.

It's the quality of wisdom, a great native wisdom that comes from within.

In English it's called conscience, but I don't want to make it small by using that word because when you attach that word to it, immediately it means nothing.

But in the ancient times conscience had a great meaning; it derives from the Latin word con science, ‘with knowledge’ – it means a native wisdom that derives from the human mind.

That’s the Yetzer Hatov!

Unlike any other creation, Hashem breathed into Man.

Meaning, He expelled something of Himself via His "Breath" into Man.

No other creation merited life this way.

Just us.

Quoting Mishlei, Rav Miller states that every single human being is "is a wellspring, a deep fountain of wisdom."

He explains further (page 9):

Only that we have to bring it forth.

You have to lower a bucket into your mind and draw forth that wisdom of the yetzer tov, that perfection of achieving ahavas Hashem, that is concealed deep within.

How do you lower a bucket and bring forth this depth of greatness that is inside of you?

By means of thinking.

Thinking!

To love Hashem with the yetzer tov means to summon your abilities and draw forth from the depths of your natural wisdom all the thoughts that will help you love Hashem.

Not surprisingly, the best way to think and access this innate God-given wellspring of wisdom is through...gratitude.

From pages 9-12, Rav Miller describes in compelling, witty detail all the ways we can get in touch with our gratitude & appreciation for all Hashem does for us.

A Simple Program of How to Use Your Yetzer Hara to Love Hashem

Intriguingly, we can also use the yetzer hara to love Hashem.

How?

For example, people tend to indulge in behaviors that make them feel good, but of which Hashem disapproves.

One really common yetzer hara results in the desire to cut down another person—even without any provocation from the other person.

Many people do not feel good cutting down an innocent person, but some people feel really good doing this.

(Or they invent a reason to justify themselves.)

However, if they realize that—no matter how cute, funny, clever, and superior they appear in their own misguided mind (and possibly in the eyes of their society or Twitter followers)—Hashem really hates that behavior...and then they can decide to change.

They decide to change for HASHEM.

They develop an interest in HIS approval, and not the jollies of their yetzer hara or their snarky peers.

This motivation is very powerful.

Rav Miller gives examples of both wives & husbands who indulge in this, with a simple program of change (starting with baby steps).

Here's part of the example of such a wife on pages 12-13 (boldface mine):

Let’s say she knows that when her husband comes back from work and she is tired and exasperated from being with the children all day long, that’s when she sometimes lets go with a barb at him.

So she makes a plan; “When my husband comes home today, I’m going to show my love to Hashem by controlling my yetzer hora; I’m going all out for Hashem!”

***
As she hears him unlocking the front door, she steels herself and says, “I am making a shvuah that for the next fifteen minutes, I won’t say anything unkind.”

She should swear! Fifteen minutes you can risk.

And for those fifteen minutes, she’s all sugar and spice and everything nice.

It’s a quarter of an hour of loving Hashem!

Don’t disdain that – it’s a tremendous achievement!

Here's part of the example with a husband (page 13):

The evil inclination of anger and arrogance and dissatisfaction is going to be his ladder to climb the rungs of ahavas Hashem.

“Out of love for You Hashem, I’m going to do one of the hardest things that a man can do in this world – I’m going to break my bad middos.”

So as he is fumbling with the doorknob, let him stop for a moment and say,

“I take upon myself in the next half hour just to keep quiet. No matter what my wife will say, I am not going to say anything mean. If I can’t say anything kindly, I will keep my mouth shut.”

For a half hour.

Of course after the half hour he will let go!

But that’s a good beginning because for a half hour he loved Hashem with his yetzer hora.

After that, maybe next week, he might increase it to an hour; he might add on the mornings too.

It’s a good idea by the way, to love Hashem in the morning too.

And in a nutshell, that's how you use your yetzer hara to love Hashem.

By striving to overcoming your negative aspects, you show Hashem you love Him more than you love your yetzer hara.

And that's a MASSIVE accomplishment.

In this way, promises Rav Miller, you will actually develop into a better person.

You'll be happier too.

If you speak to people who actually do this, they'll tell you they feel better & happier than when they used to indulge their yetzer hara.

Not tzaddikim, but regular people—works in progress—will tell you this.

How to Use Our Most Common Bad Middot for the Good

Here's another way of using your yetzer hara to love Hashem:

Use your bad middot for good deeds.

Rav Miller offers examples of kavod, contrariness, and hatred.

These are considered very bad middot. If you read mussar books, they detail what is so bad about these middot.

However, most people struggle with them to some degree—especially kavod (the desire for honor).

So you can flip it around and use it for good.

KAVOD

Rav Miller notes that many devoted Torah-learners do so out of kavod (at least partly).

It's not such a bad thing (though taken to an extreme, it is).

I've known people who behave with greater warmth, hospitality, and chessed with kavod as a big part of their drive—but they are effective & pleasant to be around.

(We're not talking about the abusive hypocrites who act nice to your face, then ravage you behind your back.)

I've seen people take great pride in not speaking or hearing lashon hara.

Some take pride in dressing tsniusly (with modesty & dignity).

Some people take great pride in avoid arguments or dissension. They beam as they uphold the middah of shtikah (silence).

This kind of kavod developed a bad name because when people uphold halacha out of kavod, most of us find them very annoying.

("Holier than thou" comes to mind...)

Also, the modern American value of honesty denigrates the above ("They're not REALLY as good as they seem—they're doing it for the wrong reasons, so they're FAKE!") & completely nullifies even the best deed ONLY because the MOTIVATION wasn't perfect.

People are never perfect.

If you dig, you'll always find a less-than-saintly motive (unless it's someone on the level of the Baba Sali or Rav Aryeh Levine).

Note: We're not talking about the people who use kavod to hurt & abuse others, or to carry out activities lacking in all ethics.

Kavod—a certain amount of pride, people-pleasing, approval-seeking, the need to feel significant or good—is common trait within every person.

The mussar greats stated that humility is one of the hardest middot to achieve—meaning that kavod is one of the hardest to uproot.

So if you have it anyway (even as you struggle to rid yourself of it), then why not use it for good?

CONTRARINESS

Contrariness, a middah which has been destroying society, can also be used for the Torah path.

So while the rest of society is rebelling against good things & dragging the world down with it, you can rebel against the bad things.

For example, you can say, "I'm NOT going to watch non-Jewish movies!"

"I'm NOT going to shake hands with the opposite gender!" (Hopefully, you're polite about this.)

"I'm NOT going to ascribe everything to chance!"

And that's using contrariness for the good.

HATE

Hate is harmful when directed toward some types of people, but good when directed at others.

Today, Rav Miller notes, "hate" is a dirty word.

No matter how awful someone is, you're only supposed to feel "soooorrry" for them.

That leads a person to insist on indiscriminately rehabilitating people, including those psychopaths who enjoy the pain & destruction of others.

But Rav Miller assures us that we can feel free to use our tendency for hate to hate things like atheism, immorality, and murder.

Why?

Because Hashem hates those things.

May we all merit to truly love Hashem.

Credit for all quotes & material goes to Toras Avigdor.

Don't forget to check out the practical tip on page 17!

0 Comments

Some Good News for a Change: Good Jews Doing Good Things

21/7/2021

0 Comments

You can be both very yeshivish & adventurous—and gain from both.

For example, one of my sons loves yeshivah.

He happily ensconces himself there, including through a mass bout of covid-19 when he & his friends ended up quarantined there (and not even allowed out on the steps of the yeshivah) for many weeks.

(I end up mentioning him the most because his adventures are so compelling & fun to write about it—with his permission, of course.)

This same son also loves going around Eretz Yisrael, exploring with his friends the forests & bodies of water & deserts.

So throughout every break in yeshivah, he basically comes home between outings.

He & his friends walk, ride, and hitchhike to get where they need to go.

And he's witnessed the best Am Yisrael has to offer regarding fraternity & caring about each other.

An Erev Shabbat Emergency that Exhibted the Warm Heimishe Fuzzies of Am Yisrael

His most recent escapade occurred one Friday when he and his friends rode in his friend's car to the guys-only part of the beach in Ashdod.

They finished their swim and, with a nice amount of time before Shabbat, they piled back into the car—which wouldn't start.

They tried all sorts of remedies, but nothing worked.

A Jew driving by noticed their dilemma and stopped to apply his charger cables to the engine.

It still wouldn't start.

After a while, they realized they needed to get going in order to make it to their yeshivah in Yerushalayim before Shabbat.

So they hailed down cars going anywhere north, and made their way in that fashion until they met a secular-looking Jew who offered to drive them all the way to the yeshivah.

But part way through, his wife called and said she needed to light Shabbat candles.

At that point, the boys realized that though their savior would arrive at the yeshivah before Shabbat, he would need to drive back on home on Shabbat.

And even if he didn't care, they needed to care and not be the cause of the Shabbat transgression of a fellow Jew.

So they assured him he could just let them out on the spot and they would manage.

Immediately after he drove off, another secular-looking Jew sped by, saw the yeshivah boys, skidded to a stop, stuck his head out the window, and hollered, "Hey! Get in the car! You have no time! It's almost Shabbat!"

"Where are you headed?" they asked him.

"What does it matter?! You guys need to GO! Get in!"

So they got in and made it as far as Kiryat Malachi (where the driver was headed anyway) and also the location of the yeshivah in which the brother of one of their friends learns.

The yeshivah boys in Kiryat Malachi warmly welcomed their 3 unexpected guests and provided them with showers, beds, plus meals & friendship for the duration of Shabbat.

Also, the yeshivah provided a particularly pleasant wake-up regimen.

The young man in charge of waking everyone up for Shacharit first knocked lightly on the door of each room, then went to each young man in turn, patted him gently on the arm and with soft-spoken cheerfulness said, "My brother, my brother! Wake up—tefillat Shacharit of Shabbat!"

When the sleeping bachur mumbled, "Okay, I'm waking up," the young man then said, "Ashrecha!—Happy & fortunate are you!"

Very nice.

And then my son and his friends somehow made it back to their car after Shabbat and somehow got back to their yeshivah (not sure of the details).

Let's Talk about the Truth for a Moment

I think the guy kippah-less who exhibited so much concern about their Erev Shabbat predicament also kept Shabbat.

One of the nice things about living in Eretz Yisrael is because of the ease, convenience, popularity, and social acceptability of keeping Shabbat, a lot of people do it—including people who don't look like they do.

Also, despite both the English & Hebrew media's insistent & consistent portrayal of yeshivah students as traitors & lazy parasites, a lot of people who aren't chareidi are still pretty nice to these much-vilified yeshivah students & other charedim.

And despite how charedim are portrayed (including in a lot of charedi media), many charedim are good people who go out of their way to be good to others.

And (with a few exceptions) I've also experienced quite a lot of achva (brother/sisterhood) since I've come to Eretz Yisrael.

Time after time, experience shows me that regular Jews naturally like & get along with each other.

Regardless of one's specific group or religious level, many Jews still feel connected to each other.

A lot of bad feelings actually emanate from media propaganda and/or a charismatic instigator.

In general, that feeling of "other," plus self-righteous anger & resentment comes from without and not from within.

Sure, individuals get upset with each other.

Yes, insensitivity & worse occur on the individual level.

We don't need denials or whitewashed portrayals.

But there IS genuine good out there!

And the genuine good that exists MUST be exposed.

In the general sense, as far as a group goes, people feel connected to each other much more than many bloggers, journalists, authors, scriptwriters, and news producers would have you believe.

And that's the truth.

For previous posts about my son's adventures, please see:

This is a related post regarding my other older son:

Finkelshtayn Learns to Hug: A Sephardi-Ashkenazi Love Story

www.myrtlerising.com/blog/finkelshtayn-learns-to-hug-a-sephardi-ashkenazi-love-story

For other posts on this topic, please see:

0 Comments

Rav Itamar Schwartz on: How Self-Awareness Leads to Love, How Inner Unity Leads to National Unity, the Quandary of Sensitive People, and a Simple 2-Word Meditation Exercise

1/12/2020

3 Comments

Recently, I acquired Rav Itamar Schwartz's book in English, Getting to Know Your Soul.

(Yes, his books can be found as free articles on the Bilvavi website, but for such deep & contemplative reading, I prefer print. So I bought the actual book.)

While the initial reason for the book was for its elucidation in the first half on doing inner work according to the four elements of personality (earth, wind, fire, water), the second half on the 13 faculties of the human soul also provides tremendous insight.

While different opinions exist on how to count the faculties of the human soul (the Vilna Gaon addresses 70, much of Chazal describes 10), Getting to Know Your Soul utilizes the system of Rav Chai Gaon, who enumerates 13 faculties.

(As a side point, while the original Tribes of Israel are numbered as 12, they're actually 13 if you count Menashe & Ephraim as 2 separate Tribes.)

The 13 faculties of the human soul are:

Havayah—Sense One's Own Existence
Emunah—Faith
Oneg—Pleasure
Ratzon—Will/Desire
Chachmah—Wisdom
Binah—Contemplation
Chessed—Kindness
Gevurah—Limitations
Rachamim—Compassion
Netzach—Victory/Eternity
Hodayah—Gratitude/Acknowledgement
Hitkashrut—Connection
Shiflut—Lowliness

Certain ideas jumped out at me in the section on Oneg—Pleasure.

The Torah Way of Self-Love

On page 107, the rav discusses the idea of self-love.

Growing up within the American culture of pop psychology, I heard about the importance of self-love for most of my life.

As written elsewhere on this blog, I basically rejected the pop psychology approach because I didn't see it in Chazal.

(Also, many proponents of self-love aren't particularly loving or generous or connected with others.)

Chazal tends to focus on love of Hashem, rather than love of self.

(Once you love Hashem, you can truly love yourself & others.)

Likewise, the Pele Yoetz discusses love of self. But again, he connects it to love of God and taking care of yourself so you don't die early, unnecessarily suffer ill health, or go to Gehinnom.

In Strive for Truth, Rav Dessler notes the more you maintain the conviction of your own intrinsic value, the less you need the approval & kavod of others (Volume I, Part II, Parable & Meaning).

But again, your intrinsic value is based on the value imbued within you by Hashem, due to your lofty soul & your Tzelem Elokim (Divine Image).

In other words, it's not self-love just to feel good.

Genuine self-love emanates from genuine self-awareness, which in turn leads to ahavat Yisrael.

Along these lines, Rav Schwartz notes that ahavah (love) equals the numerical value of echad (one).

Thus he states:

Proper self-love is to have the various parts of one's soul interconnected.
***
True ahavas Yisrael (love of fellow Jews) only exists in someone if there is a unified Yisrael within himself.

Think about that for a moment.

You must be united within your self before you can unite with others.

The more you cultivate inner unity, the more that will naturally spill over and enable you to truly love others.

Very powerful idea.

The rav notes that there are 3 ways of returning to yourself:

Return to the Creator
Return to the beginning of Torah by focusing on the word Beresheit.
Return to the basis of Self.

While affirming that returning to the Creator is the highest level, the rav also acknowledges that most people cannot find their inner calm by focusing on the knowledge of the Creator's Existence because they lack a strong belief (emunah) that our Creator will take care of us.

This shows a very clear understanding of our generation because so many of us sincerely work on emunah, and even as we make some progress, we still find ourselves falling on our face in this area when coming up against massive humps in the road that we simply cannot manage to overcome.

The truth is, you can work on both.

You can continue to fortify your emunah while also doing the Havayah exercise (in another 2 sections) to return to your self.

Working Out the Puzzle of Self-Love

The idea of inner unity explains why Judaism places such a strong emphasis on cheshbon hanefesh and self-awareness.

How can you unify your inner Yisrael if you aren't aware of the different aspects of your inner self?

You can't. You'll be like an incomplete puzzle.

This perhaps explains the inner fragmentation many people experience today.

People describe themselves as feeling "broken" or "lost" or "lonely" or "confused."

Exactly—they're missing pieces of their own self!

Rav Itamar Schwartz describes our current situation as "a world of individuals who are all strangers to each other."

Strangers aren't necessarily hostile. But even when pleasant, strangers lack emotional connection with each other.

Yet as long as others act nicely, many people feel content with the status quo.

However, notes Rav Schwartz, if you express too much concern about this lack of emotional connection with others, people criticize you as being too sensitive—as if you're looking for problems.

Ooh, the "you're being too sensitive!" label. It's the scarlet letter of Western society.

And so, on page 106, Rav Schwartz presents one of the best descriptions I've ever heard of the highly sensitive person:

To say to someone not to be sensitive is like telling someone to close his nose when there is a foul odor.

He will die from lack of air.

And that's the truth about sensitive people.

But tachlis, how do we achieve this inner unification?

The 2-Word Havayah Exercise toward Self-Unification

We start off small.

VERY small.

Remember: In Judaism, baby steps lead to major growth.

First, we start with Havayah—The Sensing of Our Existence.

How do you know you exist?

Descartes was wrong with his whole "I think, therefore, I am" philosophy.

As Rav Schwartz explains, based on the list of 13 above, "think" falls into the category of Chachmah—Wisdom, which only hits number 5 on the list.

We want to start with #1: Havayah.

(This is why you should always stick with authentic Torah philosophy; the other stuff tends to be superficial at best & inaccurate at worst.)

So Rav Schwartz suggests finding a few quiet moments in a quiet place (closed off from the outside world as much as possible) and think simply:

"I exist."

And keep repeating this to yourself.

That's it!

That's the first step.

He advises that relaxing music can be helpful, if you need it. (Kosher music, of course.)

Also, how should you respond to the natural movement of your thoughts during this exercise?

Rav Schwartz recommends simply noting the distraction, allow your thoughts to return, and then repeat to yourself, "I exist."

This imbues you with a centering focus to which you can always return.

Not coincidentally, now is a great time to do this before you sleep.

As the rav said in his class Power of Sleep, this month of Kislev contains the power of sleep.

Paradoxically, sleep is davka the time when you can achieve high spiritual levels.

The rav advises a really geshmak Kriyat Shema as you recite the order of the Bedtime Shema, in which you focus on being mosser nefesh (self-sacrificing) for Hashem.

This can give you very powerful sleep, especially now in the month of Kislev.

So you can do the "I exist" exercise before Bedtime Shema.

Frankly, I've done it after too, if I couldn't fall asleep right away.

In his class on Power of Sleep, the rav notes that going to sleep with a Kriyat Shema of mesirut nefesh can cause you to wake up an entirely new person in the morning.

Very compelling.

Again, the more you cultivate inner unity (via increased self-awareness), the more that inner unity will naturally spill over and enable you to truly love others.

Again, here are the links for more information:

Pele Yoetz on Love of Self
Havayah Exercise (Scroll down to "A Helpful Exercise for Self-Awareness.")
Kislev: Power of Sleep
Practice of Hisbodedus (discusses self-love)
Inner Silence (discusses self-love)

To acquire Rav Itamar Schwartz's books in English:
Eichlers
Seforim Store
Moshe Books/Sifrei Avramovitch (with stores in Yerushalayim & Bnei Brak)

For those in Eretz Yisrael dealing with non-English-speaking bookstores:
I approached my local bookstores and asked for Da et Nafshecha (Getting to Know Your Soul) of Bilvavi in English. It's important to stress the Bilvavi organization of Rav Itamar Schwartz so they know exactly what you mean. The first bookstore had no clue how to do this, but the second one did.

And there you go.

Please note that Rav Itamar Schwartz strongly & lovingly opposes Internet use. He has no connection to the Bilvavi website, which was established by one of his students (probably via a charedi Internet center using Netfree) solely for the purpose of kiruv for secular Jews. See here for more: https://eng.bilvavi.net/opinion/

3 Comments

Poetic Inspiration for the Day of Judgment from Nechumelle Jacobs: "SUPER SENSITIVITY"

13/9/2020

0 Comments

Here's another poem from Nechumelle Jacobs.

You can see her previous poem here:
"WE ARE HERE TO GROW" – An Inspiring Poem by Nechumelle Jacobs

The following poem features Chana, the Mother of Shmuel Hanavi & a Prophetess in her own right, plus an important lesson learned from her struggles:

SUPER SENSITIVITY

On Rosh Hashonah about Chana’s prayer we read
And how Eli Hakohein assumed she was drunk indeed

He apologised for his harsh words and misinterpretation
He consoled her, for he hurt her in her painful situation

Chana’s heartfelt prayers were accepted Above
And Hashem granted her a special child to love

But why did Chana go to the Mishkon in tears,
For her rival Penina tormented her for years

Penina was granted with children galore
And specially hurt Chana at the very core

Penina did this thinking she had a kind heart
To encourage Chana, her davening to start

But Penina was punished severely for her lack of tact
For this is not the way Hashem wants one to act

Elkona saw his wife Chana childless, her pain so raw
And assured her, compared to ten sons, he loved her more

In the end, Chana was granted a special son, Shmuel was his name
He became a Novi who anointed Dovid, all from his mother’s pain

There is a strong lesson to learn from Chana’s painful ordeal
We must be extremely careful with people in pain – so real

Hashem wants people to be sensitive to others’ pain
The more compassionate we are, the greater the gain

©Nechumelle Jacobs – 13th September 2020

(Used with permission)

0 Comments

Heart-Warming Story of True Acceptance & Understanding

18/8/2020

0 Comments

I received this heart-warming true story in my inbox from a frum lady. It's a great example of how our true goodness is revealed through the seemingly mundane & private aspects of our lives, and not in the grand public gestures.

This story is used with permission, but the person didn't want credit. (Boldface or italics are my own additions for clarity or emphasis.)

Burned Biscuits

When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then.

And I remember one night in particular, when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.

On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed!

Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school.

I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that ugly, burned biscuit. He ate every bite of that thing...never made a face nor uttered a word about it!

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits.

And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burned biscuits every now and then."

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night, and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned.

He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your momma put in a hard day at work today, and she's really tired. And besides, a little burned biscuit never hurt anyone!"

As I've grown older, I've thought about that many times.

Life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people.

I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and even anniversaries just like everyone else.

But what I've learned over the years is that accepting each other's faults—and choosing to celebrate each other's differences—is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

And that's my prayer for you today: that you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet of God.

Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give you a relationship where a burnt biscuit isn't a deal-breaker!

We could extend this to any relationship; in fact, understanding is the base of any good relationship, be it husband-wife or parent-child or friendship!

"Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket. Keep it in your own."

So, please pass me a biscuit, and yes, the burned one will do just fine. And please pass this along to someone who has enriched your life.

Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

0 Comments

The Stunning Greatness of "Regular" Jews – Chaviva & Tzvi Moshe Tzachor: "How is It Possible to Abandon the Blind Baby? Instead, We Decided to Adopt Her."

5/7/2020

2 Comments

43 years ago in the Biblical city of Kiryat Arba, Chaviva Tzachor was 8 months pregnant with her 8th child when she happened to gaze at a notice in a newspaper as she stood in line at the grocery store:

"A baby girl is searching for a home."

As Chaviva read further, she learned that the baby girl was born blind and the institution holding her sought a permanent home with adoptive parents to care for her.

Against all logic, Chaviva felt she must adopt this baby.

Despite never buying newspapers, she decided to buy this one to show the ad to her husband, Tzvi Moshe.

Tzvi Moshe Tzachor worked in Yerushalayim. When he came home that evening, the family ate dinner together, then Chaviva said, "I want to show you something I saw in the newspaper."

But Tzvi Moshe said, "Wait...first of all, I want to show you something that I saw."

And he took out a clipping from a newspaper he'd run across at work.

It was the same ad for the blind baby girl.

Deeply moved by this "coincidence," both parents saw this as a sign from Hashem telling them they were meant to adopt this baby.

So they called the number on the ad and discovered it belonged to an institution in Tel Aviv that housed disabled children.

The couple was invited to come the next day to see the baby (who was around a year old).

Oh...You Guys Meant THAT Kind of Blind.

Chaviva & Tzvi Moshe arrived the next morning. (No easy feat considering Israel's transportation system back in 1977.)

Upon arrival, the staff showed them a bundle all wrapped up as a staff member held this "bundle" in a way so that the couple could only see the back of the baby's head.

Realizing the institution wanted to hide something, Chaviva & Tzvi Moshe asked to hold the baby themselves.

The staff resisted.

The couple insisted.

Finally, the staff allowed them to hold the baby.

And then Chaviva & Tzvi Moshe spotted what the staff tried to hide.

The baby had no eyeballs.

Instead, her closed eyelids sank into empty sockets.

"I think the staff was very tense about our decision," Chaviva recalled later. "It was hard for them to believe we would agree to accept a baby in that condition. But I looked at my husband, he looked at me, and we both stated to them unequivocally, 'We are ready to take her'."

And they did.

"With God's Help, No Baby will Ever Die in My Custody."

Chaviva admits that at the time, she did not consider the long-term consequences of their decision.

"It was clear to me that here was an abandoned baby in need of a home," she said. "What was needed at that moment was to help her; as far as we were concerned, it was saving a Jewish life — pure and simple."

With regard to the fact that Chaviva herself was only a month away from giving birth, she says matter-of-factly, "And what if I'd been having twins? Would I say I can only care for one of them? The attitude of mine and my husband's was to do what was necessary at that moment — including if it's not easy and even if it's complicated."

The institution was thrilled with their decision to adopt and promised to contact them once all the papers were ready.

All the bureaucracy took only 3 days. (Highly unusual at that time.) They contacted the Tzachors, who returned to pick up their new baby.

Chaviva immediately sought a medical examination for the baby girl.

At that time, Kiryat Arba lacked a proper health clinic, so the community was forced to use the services of an army doctor.

After completing his examination, the doctor told Chaviva, "Wrap her up and send her back to the place from which you brought her. Apparently, they prefer that she die in your custody and not in theirs."

But Chaviva remained resolute.

"With God's Help," she replied, "no baby will ever die in my custody."

Chaviva Asserts Liat's Place in the Family

In a family of mostly boys, the best place for the new baby was in the room of the then-12-year-old daughter, Mina.

But the baby's appearance horrified Mina.

"I'm not prepared to sleep with her in my room!" she said.

Chaviva understood her daughter, but pleasantly told her, "You may sleep wherever you choose. But the baby stays here."

Mina's Struggle

It took Mina 35 years to reveal her true feelings about their first hours together.

"I hated her," says Mina.

That first night, Chaviva (not knowing which side the baby preferred to sleep) lay the baby on her side and left her that way, figuring that the baby would find her favorite position on her own.

After all, the institution told her that the baby knew how to turn over on her own.

But that ended up being a lie.

But late at night, when everyone else was sleeping Mina got up to look at her new sister and noticed that the one-year-old remained on that same side.

As Mina gazed at her new sister, her heart seethed with hatred & rage.

The crumpled little eyelids sunk into empty sockets. The little body full of repulsive bedsores that stank.

"Why did she come into my life?" Mina recalled thinking to herself. "I wanted a nice sister. And here, the baby girl who arrived was so ugly. She was a neglected baby and not at all according to my expectations."

Still seething with resentment, Mina approached the baby and jabbed her in the back with her finger.

The jab caused the baby to flop onto her stomach, her face pressing into the mattress.

Mina waited for the baby to roll back over (as per the reassurance of the institution), but the little girl never moved.

"Suddenly, I panicked," said Mina. "I pulled her back onto her side and then heard her sigh a very deep sigh — 'Ahhhhhhhhhhh' — like a 100-year-old man. That alarmed me and I realized just how helpless she was."

This aroused the compassion trapped beneath Mina's anger & hatred.

And Mina's innate compassion won out.

In the dark quiet of the night, Mina found herself speaking a promise to her new sister:

"Don't worry — I'll help you."

A Baby in Despair

The blind baby's arrival upended life for the Tzachor family.

In addition to the smelly bedsores & the lack of eyeballs, Liat suffered terrible constipation that made her sweat & strain with each movement — yet she never uttered a sound because in addition to everything else, Liat had given up on crying.

Crying never helped. So her little baby self had given up.

The only doctor who knew how to help with the physical problems worked in Tel Aviv, so Chaviva brought Liat all the way back there, then returned home to follow his instructions: For the constipation, a teaspoon of raisin wine every 15 minutes around the clock.

This became a full-time chore.

Chaviva could not even send Liat to the local daycare because they were not equipped to deal with her problems.

A Deeper Perspective on Crying

Over time, the family's dedicated treatment improved the baby's condition.

For the bedsores, Chaviva could only wipe clean the baby's skin between the sores; a full bath was against doctor's orders.

Eventually, the bedsores cleared up & allowed Chaviva to bathe her for the first time.

But it was a shock for the baby.

"Apparently, for a little baby who cannot see," remembers Chaviva, "the sudden sensation was very frightening. But after a moment, I saw her relax. And even her hand, which was always clenched in a fist that never opened, found release and went slack [in a good way]. Until then, we always joked how she must have stolen the midwife's ring, and how because of that, she never opened her hand."

With the warm bath, the little girl's entire body relaxed. Her legs were no longer stiff as a board and her knees now started to bend.

It seemed to Chaviva that the little girl was enjoying herself.

Finally, Chaviva finished bathing her, then lifted the baby to her shoulder for a cuddle.

And that's when Liat started crying for the first time — strong, lusty cries.

"I get emotional all over again every time I recall it because it was the first time she started to cry — to cry hard," says Chaviva. "It was as if she was trying to tell us, 'Look! After all this time, there is finally somebody who touches me and loves me!'

"I will never forget that cry," says Chaviva.

The lesson learned from that moment carries into Chaviva's work today with parents of disabled children.

"That was a cry that expressed so much," she explains. "Today, when I counsel parents of children with special needs and the people at social services, I say the way to identify a child who is not being cared for properly is the inability to cry.

"A child who realizes that crying will not help him — he doesn't cry. And that is the worst situation." Chaviva returns to that moment with Liat's first bout of crying: "The cries of the baby conveyed to me that she feels our love. And at that moment, I joined in her crying, and together we both cried and cried. Amid all that, I telephoned my husband and sobbed, 'Mazal tov — a daughter has been born to us'."

Now that their new daughter realized that she had someone to whom she could cry and be answered, everyone knew that the adoption had been finalized on "both" sides. They'd accepted & loved her as a true daughter — and now the little girl finally felt that love & acceptance that herself.

That Shabbat, Chaviva & Tzvi Moshe organized a big kiddush in the shul in honor of the new reality: This little girl was truly their daughter now.

In fact, Liat hadn't been her name; she'd come to them named Yael.

But the rav of the shul told Chaviva that since Chaviva had turned into the baby's actual mother, then Chaviva should call the baby a name of her own choosing.

So together, Chaviva & Tzvi Moshe decided to call her "Liat" — a name that contains the words li ("for me") and at ("you").

As Mina explains the meaning, "You are one of us; you aren't alone."

Life Revolves around Liat

During that time of adjustment, Chaviva also gave birth to her eighth child, who eventually transitioned to the local daycare as Chaviva continued the full-time job of caring for Liat.

The family soon discovered that in addition to her blindness, Liat suffered developmental delays.

As Kiryat Arba lacked resources at that time, Chaviva sought what Liat needed in Yerushalayim.

She discovered a rehabilitation center associated with Bikur Cholim hospital for special-needs children.

So Chaviva woke up early each morning to prepare breakfast sandwiches for her other eight children, then made her way to the rehabilitation center.

The program finished in the afternoon, forcing Chaviva to return in the late afternoon.

In Israel, lunch is the main meal of the day and the Tzachor children were used to a hot dinner waiting for them when they arrived home from school.

As a solution, Chaviva hired a woman just to cook the children a hot & satisfying meal, but the children complained that they "didn't like the food."

"No problem," said their mother. "Then we'll start eating a hot meal in the evening hours."

And that's what they did.

Millennia Later, The Fruit Still Doesn't Fall Far from the Eshel Tree

When Liat turned 13, her parents sought to establish a village for special-needs religious teenagers, but they soon discovered that many parents felt reluctant about sending their children to Kiryat Arba — a place that still demands heightened security due to political tensions.

So the Tzachors decided to establish a center to assist special-needs children and their families.

They called it Neve Avraham in honor of the loving-kindness exemplified by Avraham Avinu.

Mina joined the venture and has worked there for 29 years so far.

Chaviva retired from running the center around the time her husband passed away, and Mina has been running it on her own ever since.

The center assists around 350 children a year and serves all the surrounding communities.

"Our motto," says Mina, "is to believe in every single one of the children and to know that the sky is the only limit."

Mina asserts that the proof of their method lies with Liat.

"In the merit that she lives with us, and always hears talking, laughing, and a natural life in which everyone is always hugging her endlessly and investing in her so much, she has mamesh progressed. Today, she's labelled as 'severely retarded' and not 'profoundly retarded' — and that is a significant difference."

Mina concludes, "We invest everything we have in every single one of the children at the center. And we are confident that with love and faith, everyone can develop beyond all expectations."

The Best Birthday Present in 78 Years

Chaviva never lost her hope for Liat's progress.

People around the Tzachor family felt bad for them and encouraged them to return Liat. "It's a mekach ta'ut," they remarked to Chaviva & Moshe Tzvi, referring to a situation in halacha in which making an acquisition under false pretenses nullifies that acquisition.

Another evaluation was given over like this: "Do neither of you understand that she's not only blind, but also retarded with severe disabilities?"

Needless to say, Chaviva & Tzvi Moshe refused to even consider returning Liat.

She was their daughter through and through.

Even today, with Liat unable to see, communicate, or even walk (she moves around the house on her knees), Chaviva holds on to the hope that Liat will still improve.

"The hope that Liat will advance still beats within me until today," says Chaviva. "I'm sure that the day will come when Liat will succeed in speaking and communicating with all of us. HaKadosh Baruch Hu is Great and He can do anything. I believe that every child needs one adult who will believe in him. It's true that Liat is already 44 years old, but as far as I'm concerned, she continues to be my little girl."

Hashem rewarded Chaviva for her emunah.

On Chaviva's 78th birthday, Liat said "Ima" (Mommy) for the first time.

Now Liat says it all the time & it's the first word on her lips when she wakes up in the morning.

Liat also says the name of her big sister: "Mina-Mina-Mina."

"The truth is," says Chaviva, "that in recent years — despite it seeming unreal and impossible — Liat is actually making progress. Since my husband passed away 4 years ago, I feel like he's functioning as a Heavenly resource. She shows us a lot more emotion, she hugs me all the time, and always wants to sit with me. She also really enjoys music. When we play songs by Avraham Fried, we see how she delighted she gets."

Why Did Hashem Create People with Such Severe Limitations?

When asked about everything she has been forced to give up for Liat, Chaviva acknowledges that since adopting Liat, they haven't lived according to the norms of society.

For example, when Liat was younger, Chaviva and Tzvi Moshe couldn't attend family simchas together because a responsible adult always needed to be with Liat. Instead, they took turns going to family simchas.

Even now, with her husband's passing making Chaviva Liat's sole caretaker, Chaviva doesn't feel like she's missing much by not living the social life of other women her age.

"When I don't feel good or something," says Chaviva, "my children come to my aid."

All the other children are married with families of their own. But they're still there for their mother and sister whenever needed.

Ultimately, Chaviva sums up her feelings and also illuminates the real purpose of disabled people in our world (and also shows why they shouldn't be aborted or discarded):

"It's not only that we help her," says Chaviva. "But it's also that she helps us and educates all of us. In her merit, I developed patience for all my children. In her merit, my children became more sensitive toward others. And in her merit, a center was established that helps so many children.

"I thank Hashem every single day that He sent her to us. And I hope that her life will continue to be good, relaxed, and happy."

This post is based on a Hebrew article on Hidabroot here:
https://www.hidabroot.org/article/1132258

Photo by silviarita--3142410

2 Comments

What Yiftach's Challenge Teaches Us about Our Own Challenges & How to Respond in the Best Way Possible

30/6/2020

2 Comments

A recurring theme streaming throughout Tanach is the tremendous dedication to Am Yisrael demonstrated by even those rejected by Am Yisrael.

We see this with David Hamelech, Moshe Rabbeinu, Yosef Hatzaddik, Yirmiyahu HaNavi, Yiftach HaGiladi (Jephte of Gilad) and more.

Let's look at the saga of Yiftach (Shoftim/Judges 11:1-12:7), which also features in the Haftarah for Parshat Chukat.

Yiftach, like some other people in Tanach, did not start out from such noble stock.

Like Gidon, he was born into one of the smallest & least prestigious of the Tribes: Menashe.

Furthermore, his mother's status (which influences Yiftach's status) lacks propriety.

The Torah uses a term for her which could mean that she was a pundakeet (a woman who runs an inn — and while not forbidden, it's not a proper job for a bat Melech), or that she married out of her Tribe (again, not forbidden, but not the proper thing to do either), or that she was simply Gilad's pilegesh (concubine) — a woman permitted to him & faithful to him, but who is involved with him without the benefit of Kiddushin (marriage).

The truth is, none of these theories contradict each other, so she could have been all three.

Anyway, Yiftach's father, Gilad, also had an official wife. (I don't know whether Gilad's relationship with Yiftach's mother occurred before Gilad's proper marriage or during, though it sounds like before.)

At one point, Yiftach's half-brothers (from Gilad & Gilad's official wife) decided to banish Yiftach from their entire community.

Declaring they didn't want Yiftach inheriting with them from Gilad, they chased him out by force.

And the elders of that area supported the actions of Yiftach's half-brothers.

Let's stop here for a moment and examine what happened to Yiftach here.

Yiftach's Traumatic Experience

According to halacha, Yiftach had every right to inherit his father.

After all, the son of a pilegesh is still a son.

The pilegesh is wholly faithful to her man; there is no doubt as to who is the father of her child.

Yet even if the Yiftach's half-brothers didn't know this halacha, the elders certainly did!

Furthermore, the half-brothers chased out Yiftach with a great deal of force, say the commentaries. Described as a gibbur chayil later chosen to lead the battle against the powerful Ammonites, Yiftach must have been both physically imposing and a skillful combatant.

I don't know whether he physically fought back against his half-brothers, but the commentaries say they chased him out aggressively (maybe they took a strong offensive due to his size & skill, even if he didn't end up fighting back).

This is very serious because you have extremely aggressive and halachically wrong actions...supported by not only by Yiftach's own Tribe — but by the elders of his own community within that Tribe (which was also called Gilad, like his father).

And Yiftach was all on his own. He had no other full sibling, nor do the text or commentaries mention other family members.

This all sounds profoundly traumatic.

Where Yiftach Crosses the Line from Good into Great

And indeed, Yiftach ends up in a land called "Tov," where he hangs out with do-nothings.

But he also ends up as their leader; they willingly follow him.

And he apparently enjoys the good life in the land of Tov.

Yet Yiftach's physical prowess & charisma don't go unnoticed by his Tribe.

At one point, the same elders of Gilad make their way to the land of Tov and approach Yiftach with an offer: They want him to fight the powerful Ammonite nation on their behalf.

They immediately offer him chiefdom before even stating their request.

But Yiftach reminds them how they hate him and drove him out from his father's house:

"And why have you come to me now when you're in distress?"

The elders don't even try to play games with him. (You know, like, "Oh, but Yiftach our brother, YOU didn't understand...it was all a big misunderstanding!" or "Oh, are you still upset over THAT? C'mon, you're bigger than that..." or "Look, no one could be completely sure about your paternity, so you gotta understand this was the only way.")

Instead, the elders basically say, "Yeah, that IS why we've come now. Exactly. Now, come on; let's get going with this conquest."

But Yiftach has one more stipulation: If Hashem delivers the Ammonites into Yiftach's hand, Yiftach wants to be more than a military chief; he wants to be their leader.

They agree.

So Yiftach travels back with them to Gilad and he rejoins his birthplace and his people.

And he also maintains his connection with Hashem. (He doesn't move forward without praying first.)

Why Yiftach is a Real Gibbur Chayil

The story of Yiftach continues with tremendous victory in battle & successful leadership, but also personal tragedy.

Yet all in all, Yiftach who was an am ha'aretz of ignoble birth (and his ending is so great either), merited not only to become a Shofet, but also merited an entire chapter about him in Tanach.

Not all the Shoftim earned more than a brief mention.

Furthermore, when he needed it for his role as Judge, ruach hakodesh rested upon him.

So what's behind the success of Yiftach, who was prioritized by Chazal as the LEAST of the Shoftim?

So it's like this:

Yiftach could have told the elders to go jump.

Yes, he could have.

Yiftach was enjoying the good life in Tov with his band of merry men.

He didn't need to be affected by an Ammonite invasion of Menashe.

Also, if Menashe really found itself in trouble, other Tribes could come to the rescue (as they did).

Furthermore, Yiftach was a religious person. Not a scholarly one, but a religious one. (Everyone was religious back then.)

If the people merited it & Hashem wanted them to win, so they would.

Simple as that.

Finally, couldn't Yiftach gloat in the persecution of Menashe?

"Oho!" he could have said with the smuggest of smirks. "Now you're on the other side of the stick. How does it feel, eh? You know what? You had your chance. You could've stepped up to plate when I was down for the count, but you didn't. You made your bed — so go lie in it and leave me the heck alone."

And then he could have cheered on the Ammonites. ("Stick it to 'em! Yeeeeah!")

He really didn't have to care.

Also, he was already a successful leader in Tov. What did he need the prestige of Tribal leadership for? For what did he need the responsibility of people who'd treated him so badly and seemed not to like him at all?

But not only did Yiftach did step up to bat...he performed marvelously.

He saved his Tribe and then as their leader, he was a good & honest Judge.

In other words: not one smidgen of retaliation.

He consistently behaved with goodness & fairness to the same people who had so badly hurt and rejected him.

And Yiftach was always whole with Hashem. Whether he was living as the unwanted brother in Gilad or cruising as the leader of empty-headed men in Tov or presiding over Am Yisrael as a Shofet, Yiftach held on to his emunah.

Ultimately, Yiftach was loyal.

Despite everything, Yiftach maintained loyalty to Hashem and thus, loyalty to his Tribe.

He was there for them when they really needed him.

And that's the example to learn from.

Why Yiftach was a Real Gibbur — a Real Winner

Certainly, in both halacha & Tanach, we find situations when we must be tough with others.

But in general, we're supposed to know that Hashem is behind everything and not take stuff personally.

We are supposed to overcome our pain and do the right thing no matter what.

Rav Avigdor Miller has stressed that love of our fellows must emanate from a love of Hashem — and that's what happened with Yiftach.

The text mentions how he prayed and spoke to Hashem.

Yiftach was able to overcome his trauma and preside with good grace over the same people who'd hurt him so badly because of his emunah.

As the Pele Yoetz reiterates throughout, a rodef shalom is only made when peace flees a person and he must pursue it.

If the peace stays serenely with a person, then there is no need to pursue it and thus, such a person cannot be a pursuer of peace.

Likewise, the Pele Yoetz also asks rhetorically whether a man can be praised for his good behavior if his household is pleasant & accommodating.

If his wife, children, and household staff always behave with him pleasantly & accommodatingly, says the Pele Yoetz, then what's the big deal for him to be Mr. Nicey-Nice in return?

Where's the challenge? Of course he's nice to such nice people!

But, says the Pele Yoetz, if his wife his difficult and his family & household staff try his patience, then a man who behaves pleasantly to such people — HE deserves praise! He's the winner.

That's real middot.

Why Yiftach's Half-Brothers & the Elders of Gilad Do NOT Reflect Badly on Am Yisrael as a Whole

Another important facet needs to be addressed here.

Unfortunately, Jew-disdainers look to magnify scenarios like the above as examples of those "bad Jews" in Tanach and why Hashem rejected the Jews (chas v'shalom) in favor of believers in the gospels.

And sometimes unthinking Jews themselves wonder what there is to be proud of when we have ancestors who behaved like Yiftach's half-brothers & the elders of Gilad.

(There's a LOT to be proud of! So many of our ancestors did magnificently wonderful things!)

So again, to reiterate the point of the Pele Yoetz: Being really nice to people who are really nice to you does NOT mean you are a nice person.

It could mean that, but it doesn't have to.

After all, being surrounded by pleasant & accommodating people does not incite you into behaving not-nice.

Therefore, if you want to be a truly good person, then you need to behave with integrity & love in situations when you are being treated UNfairly & UNlovingly & UNpleasantly.

This means that Hashem must put you in such situations.

In other words: To be the kind of person who responds to darkness with illumination, you must be placed in a dark room.

Your light can never be seen in the brightness of the noonday sun.

In order to see your light, there needs to be darkness.

And that's why these persecutions of very good & innocent people needed to happen.

These persecutions do not reflect on Am Yisrael as a whole.

These people NEEDED for them to happen. So Hashem activated these events.

How Bar Kamtzah Not Only Missed the Boat, But Sank the Whole Ship

One final piece of food for thought:

We see that behaving with love & integrity & emunah in the face of terrible rejection is the cornerstone for true greatness and also for Mashiach (Ruth, King David, and Leah Imeinu were all terribly rejected at some point.)

But the opposite is also true.

In the infamous story of Kamtza & Bar Kamtza, Bar Kamtza found himself faced with terrible rejection & humiliation — rejection & humiliation that occurred with the seeming agreement of the great rabbis seated there.

It was a much lighter version of what happened to Yiftach and others.

Yet was was Bar Kamtzah's reaction?

SEETHING HATRED. REVENGE. RETALIATION.

Bar Kamtzah actively sought to hurt the people who hurt him — and he involved a powerful enemy nation in order to execute his plan.

It was the exact opposite of how our greatest people responded to pain & rejection...

...and it led to the Destruction of the Second Beit Hamikdash, which still remains desolate 2000 years later.

Elevating Yourself & Your Nation (or not)

So we see here that taking the low road in response to rejection & pain leads to terrible destruction of everything we cherish most.

Yet we also see that taking the higher road in response to rejection & pain leads to the highest levels of human achievement: nevuah (prophecy), ruach kodesh (a lower level of prophecy), and Mashiach.

So we see that our response to pain, rejection, betrayal, persecution, and unfairness holds the key to our own personal greatness & National success...or not.

2 Comments

Appreciating Each Other: How are Different Groups Viewed in Shamayim? Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender Reveals the Key from a Post-Death Conversation with His Late Brother-in-Law

19/4/2020

4 Comments

With our biggest rabbanim emphasizing the need to work on our bein-adam-l'chaveiro (person-to-person) mitzvot, a big thing is to avoid denigrating other Rebbes & Rabbanim, which also includes other groups.

BTW: By "other groups," this ONLY means HALACHICALLY LEGITIMATE groups.

Groups that deny the chain of tradition from Har Sinai, nullify fundamental halachah by weaseling fake loopholes, groups that deny the Divinity of Torah, or even hold the belief in Hashem Himself is optional...these ideologies deserve no respect whatsoever.

Having said that, treating the bamboozled adherents themselves of these groups with respect is derech eretz. The vast majority of them were not raised with authentic Torah knowledge, and are fed cunning lies & distortions to get them to believe in these halachically illegitimate ideologies.

They're simply flailing over the stumbling block placed before the blind. They need help & outreach more than censure.

But respecting these extremely damaging & anti-Jewish ideas? No way. Never.

However, there are groups which developed over time; there are varied traditions set by real tzaddikim.

And those should not be tangled with.

Since the creation of Bnei Yisrael, we have been split into different groups according to Tribe.

When we crossed the parted Yam Suf, we crossed in different pathways according to Tribe — a Divine message that Hashem Himself wishes for us to be varied yet united.

It's like different jewels in one setting.

For example, a pearl necklace often has diamond and/or gold fixtures or gold clasps. Not only is a gold clasp more practical than a pearl clasp, the necklace is all the more beautiful for its gold (or diamond) accents.

I think we've all seen beautiful pieces of jewelry that combine diamonds with gold and amethysts or emeralds or rubies or sapphires.

A bracelet is simply so much more exquisite for the combination of precious stones and metals.

Likewise, bnei Yisrael.

"IF One Means It in TRUTH..."

In Words of Faith, a collection of drashot by one of the Breslover tzaddikim Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender, Rav Bender recalls the time his late brother-in-law Rav Moshe Tchunstchover visited him a in a dream (Vol. II, page 213):

I asked him, "Moshe — vi azoi iz dartun dem Rebin's zach [How is the matter of the Rebbe over there]?"

He answered me, "Dem Rebin's zach is da zeir chashuv — ob memeint mit a emes [The matter of the Rebbe is extremely important — if one means it in truth]...."

This is an astounding revelation from someone devoted heart & soul to the path of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov.

In order to appreciate this objectivity & integrity, it's important to know how deeply immersed in Breslov ideology Rav Bender was.

First of all, Rav Bender was not born into Breslov. He was born in Poland to parents who were not Breslovers at all. He only delved into Breslov at age 17 after having been impressed with the ideology. He moved to Uman against his parents' wishes.

So he chose it when he hadn't needed to.

And out of his own free choice, Rav Bender developed an unswerving dedication to the path of Rebbe Nachman.

For example, Rav Bender advised doing a whole session of hitbodedut ONLY on the appreciation for Rebbe Nachman and what he gave us, promising that one could enjoy hours just on that alone.

Rav Bender also literally risked his life & endured a terrible prison sentence that almost ended in execution — all for saying a quick Tikkun Haklali at Rebbe Nachman's grave site.

It was worth it to him, no regrets.

That's dedication.

On page 158 of Vol. I, Rav Bender waxes:

We should be so happy over having come close to the Rebbe. This opens the heart and frees the mind...The treasure we have is worth more than all the wealth of the world.

This is obviously a Breslover chassid devoted heart, soul, and mind to his chassidus and his Rebbe.

On page 456 of Vol. II, Rav Bender states:

It is incumbent upon us to believe in the words of the Tzaddik [Rebbe Nachman of Breslov] about everything, in every bit of what he says.

These are the words of a truly passionate chassid of Breslov.

At the same time, he also stresses Rebbe Nosson's passion to listen to all tzaddikim (i.e., probably not just Rebbe Nachman & probably not just the Breslover tzaddikim) — "to listen to all that they say."

(Rebbe Nosson/Natan Sternhartz was Rebbe Nachman's prime disciple & transcriber.)

But Rav Bender's fiery devotion to Breslov, to Rebbe Nachman himself, is prime.

3 Lessons Learned from This Brief Yet Revealing Exchange

There is no doubt in my mind that Rav Moshe Tchunstchover made a post-mortem visit to Rav Bender, during which he gave Rav Bender the above message in reply to Rav Bender's question.

It cannot be that this is a figment of Rav Bender's imagination because in the depths of his being, it's clear that Rav Bender felt that Rebbe Nachman's way was the best & most effective way to fulfill Torah.

(Also, Rav Bender was remarkably self-aware. If he describes this as an after-death visitation and not a mere dream, we can be sure he really knows that it is.)

So this brief message from the World of Truth tells us 3 things:

(1) The path of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov is indeed a legitimate path of Torah Judaism. It's zeir chashuv — very important — in the World of Truth.

(2) It's not the only path. (Else Rav Tchunstchover wouldn't have said it's "very important;" he would've declared it considered the "real way" or "the best.")

(3) But the clincher is: You need to mean it mit a emes — with Truth. You have to be sincere. You have to really mean it.

And I'm going to risk extrapolating that lesson to apply to other halachically legitimate groups (Lubavitch chassidus, Satmar chassidus, Yemenite, Litvish, the mussar movement, the Ben Ish Chai of the Sefardim, etc.):

Each one is very important in Shamayim...but you must memeint mit a emes — you have to really mean it.

Am Yisrael all together ♥♥

4 Comments

Behaving with Courage & Compassion in the Coronavirus Ward

23/3/2020

0 Comments

I was moved to tears by the last paragraphs of this article:

Amid Coronavirus, Israel Modifies Funeral Rituals for First Victim

In the coronavirus ward, medical workers mostly communicate via video with the patients. And the new protective protocols prevent them from giving the hands-on care the patients also need.

So the younger & healthier coronavirus patients have taken upon themselves to care for the older, suffering coronavirus patients.

These younger, less affected patients fluff the pillows of the more severely affected, adjust their oxygen masks, and help them call their family members.

As 88-year-old Aryeh Even's situation deteriorated, the other patients refused to allow him to feel alone. They cared for him and remained with him in his last moments when his own family were not allowed to be at his side.

Two patients even said Shema Yisrael with Mr. Even at the end of his life.

It takes compassion to respond as these patients have.

But it also takes courage, seeing the effects of the same disease from which they themselves suffer, to face Aryeh Even's suffering & death head-on — with beautiful Jewish compassion.

May this courage & compassion be a zechut for all Am Yisrael.

And may all the ill merit a complete & speedy refuah of the nefesh & the guf.

And may Hashem erase this epidemic immediately from our midst, with no more victims.

0 Comments

<<Previous

Hashem Loves....YOU!

How to Start Loving Your Fellow Jew

Bind Yourself with Blessings to Fellow Jews

Love of Hashem Means Loyalty to Hashem

Love God-Based Love Leads to Real Love

What is the Yetzer Tov? And How Do We Access It?

A Simple Program of How to Use Your Yetzer Hara to Love Hashem

How to Use Our Most Common Bad Middot for the Good

An Erev Shabbat Emergency that Exhibted the Warm Heimishe Fuzzies of Am Yisrael

Let's Talk about the Truth for a Moment

The Torah Way of Self-Love

Working Out the Puzzle of Self-Love

The 2-Word Havayah Exercise toward Self-Unification

Burned Biscuits

Oh...You Guys Meant THAT Kind of Blind.

"With God's Help, No Baby will Ever Die in My Custody."

Chaviva Asserts Liat's Place in the Family

Mina's Struggle

A Baby in Despair

A Deeper Perspective on Crying

Life Revolves around Liat

Millennia Later, The Fruit Still Doesn't Fall Far from the Eshel Tree

The Best Birthday Present in 78 Years

Why Did Hashem Create People with Such Severe Limitations?

Yiftach's Traumatic Experience

Where Yiftach Crosses the Line from Good into Great

Why Yiftach is a Real Gibbur Chayil

Why Yiftach was a Real Gibbur — a Real Winner

Why Yiftach's Half-Brothers & the Elders of Gilad Do NOT Reflect Badly on Am Yisrael as a Whole

How Bar Kamtzah Not Only Missed the Boat, But Sank the Whole Ship

Elevating Yourself & Your Nation (or not)

"IF One Means It in TRUTH..."

3 Lessons Learned from This Brief Yet Revealing Exchange

Myrtle Rising

Categories

Jewish Blogs

Jewish Current Events

Jewish Health

Archives

Copyright Notice