Category: Love

5 Tips from Rav Kanievsky to Find Your Soulmate, Plus Some True Stories to Illustrate Why These Tips Really are So Important

4/11/2019

Recently, Hidabroot published a response from Rav Kanievsky that was unusually long for him.

(For the whole story leading up to the list & the list itself, please see the original article: Searching for Your Soulmate? 5 Tips from Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky)

Here are the 5 tips:

1) Take upon yourself to be extremely careful of speaking or hearing gossip.

2) Don't criticize anyone.

3) Don't bear a grudge (be makpid) against anyone.

4) It is also very important that nobody is makpid on them. So if there is a suspicion that they caused somebody pain – they should appease them, ask for forgiveness and ask them not to be makpid.

5) They should pray for friends who are searching for a shidduch.

We All Know Some Crazy Shidduch Stories

After hearing rounds of discussions for years regarding all the derech-hateva theories for the shidduch crisis in America (I haven't heard of a similar crisis in Eretz Yisrael, regardless of community), it's refreshing (as usual!) to hear da'as Torah on the issue.

And just to be clear, I did NOT say that there are no desperately-seeking-shidduch situations in Eretz Yisrael (there are, unfortunately). However, I'm not seeing the mass-crisis proportions they apparently face in America.

I know way too many stories of unlikely meetings & marriages between people for me to take derech-hateva theories lock-stock-and-barrel.

My own Israeli husband is a few years older than me & started dating when I was still an assimilated high school girl in America. Would a round of 40 days at the kotel have helped him when I was in tenth grade?

Well, he did it. And yes, it helped!

But not immediately.

Another friend of mine was an American chassidish girl in her late 20s who met her bashert in America right after he'd gotten off the plane from Tehran. And they met in the waiting room of the office of a Reform rabbi!

(She was passing through for business & having just arrived in America, he didn't realized this wasn't a real rabbi. Noticing the serious young man in a kippah & tzitzit who clearly didn't belong there, she quickly got him pointed in the right direction, and then they married a year later. See? You don't NEED a hotel lobby. It's nice, but Hashem can set up your meeting anywhere.)

That's just two examples of situations in which the derech-hateva solutions would not have helped. We all know others.

I know people who are overweight, not extremely attractive, people who are jerks, obnoxious people, and decent but eccentric people, physically disabled people, and even mentally disabled people who got married without a long wait.

We all know people like this.

I know people who are not so attractive with some pretty bad middot who are happily married because their spouse has bad middot in the same way and they have a Bonnie 'n' Clyde compatibility.

And again, I think we all know couples like that.

Watch Out for Those Hakpadahs!

And yes, the hakpadah thing can be a real issue.

I personally know people who traced their delayed zivug back to people they'd hurt.

In one case, an engagement broken without proper consideration or apology delayed the ultimate shidduch.

How did was that figured out?

Well, prior to their ultimate marriage, one spouse was on the brink of coming to a BT institution in Eretz Yisrael, but an odd experience cast the possibility out of mind.

Two years later, that partner finally arrived at the same BT institution, and via a staff member at this institution, this couple finally met and married.

"Why did that happen to me?" said that partner later on in the marriage. "I was all set to go – and it would've been GOOD for me to go there earlier – why did I suddenly decide not to go?"

After determining the approximate time this sudden refusal happened, the other spouse reluctantly admitted that not only had the broken engagement occurred around that time, but it was broken in a way lacking in derech eretz. Not intentionally hurting anyone, but lacking the courage to deal with the situation correctly, the partner just ditched.

Now think about that. Because of a broken engagement handled poorly, the ultimate shidduch was pushed off by at least 2 years.

Selfless Tefillah

Also, my husband's nephew ended up stuck in shidduchim for a few years.

Finally, my husband's nephew and one of his mother's co-workers (a much older woman) decided to daven for each other that the OTHER should get married first.

My husband's nephew is a very sincere and temimusdig person. He truly davened that she would marry first. (Also, let's be completely honest: He was still younger than she and likely feeling less pressured about getting married already.)

Not long after he took on this davening, my husband's nephew met his wife who is such a wonderful young woman. It was an unusual shidduch because she was FFB from a chashuv family (my husband's nephew was secular until he decided to go to yeshivah for 9th grade), but they are quite compatible and have been producing beautiful Jewish children at a rapid clip. (Their first 2 children are only 11 months apart.)

Derech Hateva: Only be a Small Slice of the Hishtadlut Pie

Please note that I'm NOT calling for completely ignoring derech-hateva theories & solutions.

These theories & solutions exist for a reason.

But based on the above & many other stories like all the above, I really feel that tefillah & cheshbon hanefesh MUST be a MAJORITY part of the solution.

In all the above examples, only tefillah & cheshbon hanefesh could help.

All the derech-hateva solutions do not help one whit if your bashert is in Tehran, high school, and so on.

God willing, may all our singles (whether never married, divorced, or widowed) please find their good & true shidduch b'sha'ah tovah umutzlachat.

(This is a nusach I personally heard from the late Dayan Fischer ztz"l, who advised the girl I accompanied to daven that Hashem should bring her shidduch hatov v'hanachon b'sha'ah tovah umutzlachat.)

Related Post:
When Giving Results in Receiving: A Love Story

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The Netivot Shalom on How to Use the Loving & Joyful Power of Simchat Torah & Shemini Atzeret to Support You Throughout the Darkest Times of Your Life All Year Long

20/10/2019

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Since coming to Eretz Yisrael, it took me several years to acclimate to the fact that all the final chagim land on one day at the end of Sukkot. Outside of Eretz Yisrael, they're 2 days.

Anyway, according to the wonderful book, Netivot Shalom, these final days of Simchat Torah & Shemini Atzeret comprise the real holiday of love: the Love of the Creator of the Universe for the Jewish people.

(Note: Everything in this post is taken from Netivot Shalom: Simchat Torah, Ma'amar 5, Ne'ilat HaChag.)

Netivot Shalom stresses that Hashem's Love always exists, but during this final autumn chag, Hashem's Love is revealed at its zenith.

This idea taken from the verse in Shir HaShirim, "the King brought me into His Chamber," describes the intimacy we have with Hashem during Sukkot, an intimacy that culminates in these final days.

Shemini Atzeret (a day unto itself outside of Eretz Yisrael, but the same day as Simchat Torah within Eretz Yisrael) is the day that "locks" up these autumn chagim.

We've made our final plea for rain and other blessings, we've received our final kvittel, the final seal on the upcoming year.

But why all the love & celebration?

Wouldn't it be better to end on the note of teshuvah?

Why, Netivot Shalom asks, do we end this time with such joy & love, rather than the teshuvah & atonement of Yom Kippur?

He explains:

Being that the rest of the year, many instances of material & spiritual darkness pass over a Jew, and the strengthening of many gloomy inclinations — the metaphorical aspect of the long nights of Tevet [the winteriest month-MR], which are so dark — therefore, The Holy One Blessed Be He gave a last day to lock up the Regalim (Pilgrimage Holidays), this holy chag Simchat Torah, which is an intimate time between Hashem and the Jewish people and within it is revealed the Ultimate Love of Hashem for the Jewish people.

This is so that a Jew can go out of these holy days with a clear feeling of the Love of the Blessed One, which is eternal in every situation — and this he should take with him for the rest of the year.

In short, we end this period on the cusp of the darkest & gloomiest days of the year.

While winter literally presents us with our darkest & gloomiest physical days, the above hints at the metaphorical interpretation of the spiritually dark & gloomy days that can occur any time throughout the continuing year.

Netivot Shalom adds:

It happens that even the sins & flaws cause "separating curtains" to appear and obstruct so that one cannot see the Love.

Yet because one believes that The Holy One Blessed Be He is always close to him, even when one doesn't feel it and one doesn't see it, then one believes it is now only "hiding."

Oncee a Jew has fully connected to Hashem in joy & love on Simchat Torah/Shemini Atzeret, this connection sustains him or her even through the times of darkness, both spiritual and physical darkness.

When we can't see or feel Hashem, the love & joy of these final days remind us that Hashem hasn't rejected or abandoned us; He is merely "hidden."

Here's the rest:

Behold, this is the power that illuminates for a Jew throughout all the times of darkness of the year.

And a Jew needs to take this joy with him, that the engraving of Simchat Torah will remain within him all year long, enabling him to always feel HaKadosh Baruch Hu with him throughout all the situations of the material reality and the spiritual reality.

Hold on TIGHT!

In Hallel, which we recite on the chagim, we include the verse from Psalm 118:27 "issru chag ba'avotim ad karnot hamizbeyach" — which basically means taking strong cords to tie the offering to the Altar.

Yet there is a much deeper meaning too.

Netivot Shalom stresses that this time is a most auspicious time to purify one's heart & eyes.

This is a time to focus on shemirat einayim and shemirat halev.

The eyes notice the attractions of the world while the heart feels and ponders them.

This combination leads to sin.

But if we purify our eyes & hearts (especially by asking Hashem to help us with this now), then we save ourselves.

The trait of holiness is the most precious to Hashem.

When a Jew makes himself or herself holy, this grants the Jew special protection and blessings in the face of every kind & any kind of threat.

So Netivot Shalom encourages us to "bind the chag with strong cords, in all the opaque and worldly matters."

There is so much spiritual illumination throughout Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, and Simchat Torah & Shemini Atzeret.

Yet when it's all over, many people return to what they were before.

How can we prevent this?

"issru chag ba'avotim — bind the chag with strong cords!"

DON'T stay the same as you were before — take the spiritual illumination with you!

The Netivot Shalom quotes an Admor who said:

Thankful am I before You, O Lord My God and God of my Forefathers, for all the loving-kindness you have performed for me during these holy days that have passed. But it is the nature of a human that the day after the Yom Tov, he completely forgets what was.

Where was he the night before? And what was the movement of his thoughts? What were the requests of his heart at the moment he was dancing with the Torah: "Achat shaalti m'eit Hashem otah avakesh shivti b'veit Hashem kol yamei chayai — One thing I asked from Hashem, this I shall ask: that I shall dwell in the House of Hashem all the days of my life" [Tehillim 27:4].

About this, it's stated: "issru chag ba'avotim" — to bind the chag with strong cords so that it won't slip from between his hands, and so that it will remain engraved from the Yom Tov for all the year.

Everyone faces different situations at this time of year.

There can be ups and downs throughout this day (or especially two days).

But whatever joy and closeness to Hashem we can manage, we need to hold onto it as tight as we can because this is what sustains us throughout the rest of the year.

The above translation is mine and therefore any errors are also mine.

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Authentic Torah-True Self-Esteem & Self-Love with Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Ha'azinu (Hint: All that "Self" Stuff? It's Not Just about Yourself.)

10/10/2019

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In Parshat Ha'azinu, we find that in Moshe Rabbeinu's painful last moments — intensified by his inability to enter his beloved Promised Land with the Nation in which he invested so much -- Hashem rebukes Moshe Rabbeinu.

In Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah Parshas Ha'azinu: Recognizing the Greatness of Am Yisrael, Rav Miller points out that Moshe Rabbeinu is so great & his sin so fine-tuned (in Hashem's Eyes) that Chazal struggle to determine exactly what Moshe Rabbeinu's sin was.

Seeing as Moshe Rabbeinu achieved a closeness with Hashem that no other human being has achieved before or since, how could Hashem rebuke him in his final moments?

Yaaay...US!

In Tanach, it's written that Hashem chastises those whom He loves.

By criticizing Moshe Rabbeinu in his last moments, Hashem ensured that Moshe Rabbeinu would come into the Next World COMPLETELY cleansed of even the most minuscule speck of ego.

Remember, Moshe Rabbeinu was one of the humblest people who ever existed.

By criticizing him in his last moments, Hashem ensured the best Afterlife possible for Moshe Rabbeinu.

"The Bnei Yisroel, despite all the criticism, actually because of all the criticism, will remain His people and His servants till the End of Days. And that is so important to understand."

-Rav Avigdor Miller

This is so different than the ideas behind anyone's uppity "replacement theology."

(Not to mention the dire threats & curses Hashem promises to heap upon anyone who harms His People in any way.)

Rav Miller's next words are so important, I can't help copying & pasting the entire text here [all text in square brackets & boldface my own clarification/emphasis]:

We live in a world that doesn’t accept the greatness of the עם ישראל [Am Yisrael/Nation of Israel].

It’s a world of darkness and sheker [falsehood].

And it has an effect on us. Absolutely it does. And therefore, you will have to put effort into internalizing the truth of the greatness of our people.

And no matter how much you speak about it, it won’t be enough.

Now, I know that you all think that it’s a waste of time for me to talk about this.

You all believe it already. You all believe that the עם ישראל is Hashem’s beloved people.

But it’s not enough to simply believe. That’s almost worthless. You have to know and understand the greatness of our nation more than you know anything else in the world.

There is a certain prevalent attitude of knocking the frumeh, the best that our nation has to offer.

We have to be aware of this and realize that there is a certain form of anti-semitism in Jews themselves. When Jews knock the frum community it’s nothing but an echo of the anti-semitism in their own hearts.

You don’t realize how much the environment outside is affecting you.

I know that you don’t want to hear this, but most of you in this room are goyim. Yes, you are covered with a thin layer of Orthodoxy, but under that, if you scratch a little bit of the paint off, you’ll find that you’re thinking like the goyim around you.

It’s affecting you all the time.

The negative comments about frum Jews – whether individuals or different groups – that one hears from Orthodox Jews is simply the infiltration of gentile propaganda into our minds.

Not only gentile influence, but even more insidious is the influence of the non-religious Jews.

The Reformers, the Zionists, and all the Jewish resha’im have nothing but contempt for authentic Torah Judaism, and for those who practice it. We live among the resha’im, we see them, we speak with them, we read their writings, and we therefore think like them.

And therefore, the only way to counter that propaganda is by heaping praises on the Klal Yisroel as often and as much as you can.

Everywhere you go, you can find opportunities to speak the praises of the עם ישראל. And if you can’t find opportunities, then you have to be wise enough and alert enough to make them.

Every day brings you many varied opportunities to propagandize on behalf of Hashem’s people.

(Note: If you are either offended by or can't imagine how Rav Miller could possibly call Zionists "reshaim," then please see A Review of "Guardian of Jerusalem" and What Do the Sephardi Gedolim Say about Tziyonut, the Medinah, and All That? You may still not agree, but it helps to at least understand why someone else thinks the way he does.)

And maybe it's important to acknowledge that yes, people will accuse you of being an apologist.

People will accuse you of having your head buried in the sand or of sporting rose-colored glasses.

People will respond with unpleasant stories of the misdeeds of frum-looking folk (whether true or not).

And from personal experience, it does not matter much if you acknowledge the ugly warts marring the frum community as you extol its virtues and all the wonderful people you've met that you never met or heard of in any other community in the world.

Acknowledging the warts is simply not "honest" enough for some people.

Unless you're trash-talking the frum community, you may be considered a distasteful, stupid, naive, hypocritical, blind apologist.

But you're not.

Unconscious Propaganda-Indoctrinated Hypocrisy

Unfortunately, I was also affected by this at one point, thinking that being negative or focusing on negativity was being "honest."

I see that many, many frum Jews of all different stripes also suffer this mistaken assumption (again, with the very good intention of yearning to display honesty & sensitivity).

It was only after feeling somewhat battered during so many conversations with non-frum Jews (or anti-charedi Orthodox Jews) that I started to wake up.

Whether it was people I'd known and liked my whole life — and felt they'd always liked me too — or getting blindsided after I thought I'd made a completely innocent and inoffensive comment (including all the mental struggle to find just the right words so as not to offend, then the other person getting all offended anyway), or being confronted out of the blue in a way that would NEVER be tolerated by that same person if I (or any other frum person) would dare do that...I started to realize who the real hypocrites were.

(Even though they didn't mean to be hypocrites; it was unintentional hypocrisy resulting from living in a culture in which the views deemed "politically incorrect" are presented in a distorted manner.)

For example, when I visiting my parents in the USA, an old family friend and one of my favorite adults growing up stopped by.

We were all enjoying a friendly conversation that drifted to the state of many "Conservative" (who are actually anti-Torah liberals) Jews in New York (where this man was originally from), and how it differs from "Conservative" Jews in most other parts of America.

Mentally struggling to find just the right word and keep the conversation inoffensive (for them, anyway), I settled on what I felt was a fairly neutral word: "traditional."

So I replied that the "Conservative" Jews in New York seemed more "traditional" than in other areas.

This old family friend smirked, then said, "You mean RIGID!" Then he and some others (not my wonderful parents) chuckled self-indulgently.

I felt punched. And outnumbered.

No, I did NOT mean "RIGID."

"RIGID" is not how I view people who are basically shomer Shabbat and observe more of the authentic halacha. (Halevei these "Conservative" New York Jews would become fully frum!)

And it's odd how he knee-jerk responded to the word "traditional."

"Traditional" really can be viewed positively, negatively, or neutrally. It's interesting that he reacted so defensively to the (accurate) insinuation that the more mitzvah-observant "Conservative" Jews in New York were indeed more, well, traditional.

Turning it around, how do you think this same person would respond had I said that "Conservative" Jews outside of New York tend to be even more compromised and assimilated than their already somewhat compromised and assimilated New York counterparts?

That's actually TRUE, by the way.

"Conservative" Jews ARE compromised and assimilated. Even the ones who don't mean to be and are simply misled by their pompous leadership, even they are still compromised and assimilated.

Do you see what I mean?

Double standard.

(In case you're wondering, I did not respond in any way, nor did I show I was hurt or offended.)

That's just one example.

Where is All That Religious Coercion I Keep Hearing About?

Anyway, I started to realize who really engaged in thought-policing, "religious" (i.e. secular or anti-Torah) coercion, the imposing of their "religious" beliefs on others, and so on.

I couldn't help noticing that the most open-minded people, the people most concerned about the feelings of others (including those with differing opinions) were the more religious Jews -- whether they classified themselves specifically as charedi or whether they were just sincerely frum Jews who strove to uphold every iota of halacha regardless of any label.

As written in previous posts, I've had very positive experiences with the level of openmindedness of the Yerushalmi women I met when I lived in the Geula-Meah Shearim area of Yerushalayim.

I've repeatedly seen how so many frum Jews try to reassure others to feel comfortable around them, try very hard to hold onto their own values without offending others (keeping to the laws of lashon hara, for example, can be very tricky in today's culture of "I-have-a-right-to-express-myself-darn-it-and-if-I-can't-then-there'll-be-heck-to-pay").

Are You Searching for the Key to Self-Love & Self-Esteem? Introducing the REAL Pure Torah-Style Expression of Self-Love & Self-Esteem...

Rav Miller suggests we avoid wasting opportunities to insert Torah positives into conversations at:

weddings
bar mitzvahs
waiting in line
any other social opportunity

Rav Miller suggests we notice (and APPRECIATE) the following:

families with many children
a mother walking with a baby carriage
tsniusly dressed girls
little boys wearing tzitzit & kippahs
fully kosher homes (despite the extra expense and effort involved)
fully kosher mezuzot on every doorpost of every home (not cheap, especially the beautified ones) — and then you need to tend to their upkeep and check them every so often
frummies give 10% (at minimum!) of their earnings to tzedakah (and NOT meaningless art museums, but REAL tzedakah)
all the Jewish parents who send their children to frum schools, despite the expense (especially in America) and sometimes the distance (I met a Chabad family in Long Island who drove their daughters to an excellent frum school that meant driving one hour EACH WAY every day!)

If you live in a frum neighborhood, and especially if you live in Eretz Yisrael, you get to see sukkot everywhere. It's a real joy, especially if you grew up as a Jewish minority in America.

Instead of Halloween decorations hawked everywhere & carols already crooning from the radios and mall loudspeakers in November, you hear frum pop music and see sukkah decorations for sale until all hours. Sukkah boards and lumber stand along sidewalks and stick out of the backs of cars.

During Sukkot, you get to hear everyone singing from their sukkot because you're all outside together.

Baruch Hashem, we have such sounds and sights in our Land once more! May all Jews be redeemed sweetly to Eretz Yisrael and may Hashem erect the fallen Sukkah of David Hamelech.

And again, especially in Eretz Yisrael, the Sukkot weather is usually very pleasant (unless you live in a very humid area or there are thunderstorms & rain once or twice during the week-long holiday).

But heck, even that's part of the fun, everyone needing to escape into the house in the middle of the night. (The children, anyway, have very positive memories of this as fun.)

"A whole nation of people, all types of people, sacrificing and laboring for their ideals, for Torah ideals. And they are a people that are loyal to Hashem. There’s nothing better than the frum community, make no mistake about it."

- Rav Avigdor Miller

Of course, Rav Miller acknowledges that some frum people aren't behaving as they should.

Yes, there is what to criticize.

He says it in the long quote above.

He says it in most divrei Torah.

He says it in his advice for shalom bayit.

But he loves his fellow frummies anyway.

And he emphasizes that there is actually a lot to love!

Having lived in different places and communities throughout my life and having studied anthropology (the study of other cultures) in college, I can definitely attest to the fact that the level of chessed found in the frum community is unparalleled.

It may not always be perfect, but even with its flaws, it's unparalleled.

Recent emergency tzedakah campaigns have demonstrated the profound achvah we feel for each other and our generosity proves our respect for the mitzvah of redeeming captives or aiding the sick.

"There’s no better time than now, as we begin the new year, to make a commitment to yourself. This year is going to be a year of raising the banner of the greatness of our people. This year I’m going to look only at the good of our people – because really there is so much good to see."

- Rav Avigdor Miller

There's an art to finding and focusing on the good points of Am Yisrael, particularly the frum community.

Rav Miller acknowledges that you need to plan for it. You need to make a project out of it.

This is very important as far as sweetening din goes too.

Rav Miller quotes Mesillat Yesharim (Chapter 19) on this:

”אין הקדוש ברוך הוא אוהב אלא למי שאוהב את ישראל — Hashem only loves only those who love the Jewish people”

(Mesillat Yesharim is a sefer with which no one can disagree. If you start quoting the Tanya, the last Lubavitcher Rebbe's sichos, or Rebbe Nachman's Azamra, people think it doesn't apply to them if they aren't in that group. But who is going to dismiss Rav Moshe Chaim Luzatto?)

"And therefore, what better way to find favor in the eyes of Hashem, than to praise and love His people. Think of their praises all the time. Speak of their praises all the time. And love them all the time because of their greatness. And the more you do that, the more Hashem loves you. And there is nothing greater in the world than the love of Hashem."

-Rav Avigdor Miller

All credit for all quotes goes to the much appreciated Toras Avigdor.

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Part 4: There is None Like Your Nation Israel - Ein K'Amcha Yisrael

15/9/2019

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Why is it vital to aim the spotlight on ordinary frum people being nice?

Because we are roundly attacked by all media at all times, and are incredibly self-critical ourselves, so we need to be reminded how many of us do really wonderful things.

It's not that I am an oblivious idiot sporting especially thick rose-colored glasses; I can tell you exactly what's wrong with the frum community in general and even get specific according to group.

It's very important to ALSO see the good in ourselves and in each other.

You can only fight darkness with light, not with more darkness.

Furthermore, it's important to sing the praises of regular Jews NOT engaged in grand acts.

If you think about it, Leah Imeinu and Chana were not much more than housewives on the surface. Their major avodah happened behind closed doors.

And even when Chana lost her privacy, she wasn't spotlighted for her profound holiness, but was mistaken for a brazen lush.

Yet these two quiet behind-the-scenes ladies merited their own portions in Tanach.

Leah birthed Mashiach.

And Chana's happily-ever-after finale?

Why, she got to be a stay-at-home-mom of 8 children!

(One of whom became one of the greatest Prophets ever, second to Moshe Rabbeinu.)

If Hashem thinks quiet, unseen acts are so important, then maybe we should too.

The Thoughtful Chassidic Tatty

One day, I went to go pick up my son from school before 1:30 PM, which means that I am out and on the bus when the rest of the country is doing the same.

In other words, rush hour with all the crowding & stress.

As I waited at the bus stop, a chassidic man sat there with his little boy. Then a woman approached pushing a stroller with one hand and holding a small child in the crook of her other arm. Another child clung to her skirt as they moved toward the bus stop.

The chassidic man unassumingly rose with his son and moved to stand on the other side of bus stop, thereby allowing the woman sit on the bench with her children.

(He needed to do this because chassidim - along with many other frum people - do not sit on a bench with the opposite gender. So scooting over wasn't enough; he needed to actually vacate the bench.)

Needless to say, this was very thoughtful of him.

The Little Beit Yaakov Girls with Mesirut Nefesh for Derech Eretz

I ended up standing toward the back of the packed bus, which was fine as I knew that seats would free up soon and anyway, it would only be a 15-minute ride maximum.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed two little (3rd- or 4th-grade?) Beit Yaakov girls look at me with concern, put their heads together for a quick whispered conference, then one hoisted herself up on to the lap of the girl sitting by the window, while the girl sitting underneath helped her balance.

Then they called out to me sit down in the newly vacated seat.

Now, I do not know what Beit Yaakov girls wear in other areas, but here, they have enormous backpacks in varying shades of pink that are half the size of the little girls carrying them.

It was humbling to see these two little girls crammed into one seat between their enormous pink sparkly bags, just so they could make a seat available for a perfectly healthy lady standing in the aisle.

I praised them & thanked them, then reassured them that I was fine standing, as anyway, seats would be vacated in another stop or two.

(I was really uncomfortable at the thought of exploiting the goodness these little baalot chessed crammed between the window and their backpacks and each other; I wouldn't have taken seat in such a situation unless I really needed to.)

But these little Beis Yaakov girls continued to hold their position, allowing me to have second thoughts if I wanted (I didn't) before the one finally rolled off the lap of the other. Then they both looked at me quizzically, so I praised them & thanked them again.

A minute later, a row of teenage girls at the back called out to me that a seat had opened up and I ended up sitting next to another little Beis Yaakov girl.

Definitely Not What You Want to Have Happen on a Bus

This little Beis Yaakov girl (maybe a 4th-grader?) started coughing a lot.

I wasn't sure what I could do since she was already holding an open bottle of water in her hand and drinking it when she could.

Suddenly, she coughed so hard she vomited phlegm onto her skirt and the floor.

I think we can all imagine how distressing that is.

All I had in my purse was a plastic bag, which I gave her in case she needed to spit up again.

The 2 Beis Yaakov girls (age 11 or 12?) sitting in front of us immediately turned around to help her, cooing sympathetically & reassuringly while one called out for tissues.

A 9-year-old Beit Yaakov girl had an entire package in her backpack, which was passed through the crowd as we started cleaning up the phlegmy girl.

Then the tissue-extracting stopped as one of the helpful girls called out to the tissue-owner if it was okay to use more tissues?

(We all knew it would be, but you've still got to ask.)

"Use up the entire package," came the authoritative answer.

So they continued cleaning up the phlegmy girl, cooing to her soothingly the whole time. (I discovered that they weren't her sisters, which I thought they might be, due to their attentive care toward her, but they did know her.)

One even cleaned off the floor so that no one would step in the gook later.

Then they helped her off the bus at her stop.

The Pious Chassid of Pirke Avot in Action

I want to bring you in for a closer look at that last scenario.

First of all, these were all very young girls involved.

Yet the entire time, they responded to the unexpected emergency with efficiency and discretion.

(No need to call attention to one's helpfulness nor the state of the phlegmy girl, who is embarrassed enough as is. Other than calmly & briefly calling out about the tissues, there were no raised voices or drama or even a startled "Omigosh — Sara just threw up!")

Also, it is disgusting to clean up someone else's phlegmy vomit with tissues (despite it being perfectly possible to do so without getting one's hands messy) because it just is.

Yet these young girls did so without making faces and without hesitation. They were completely focused on the needs of the suffering little girl.

They displayed no sense of self-importance, just concern for the other.

Finally, despite the distressing situation, they still had the presence of mind to ask the tissue-owner if they could use so many tissues.

Of course, we all KNEW the tissue-owner would say yes.

But there is the famous verse from Avot 5:10, which proclaims "sheli-shelcha, shelcha-shelcha — What's mine is yours; what's yours is yours" as the attitude of a righteous person.

So the first two girls fulfilled the second part of the verse: "shelach-shelach — This is yours. This situation is urgent, but not a real emergency. We need to follow the courtesy of at least asking your permission, even though we know you'll say yes. What's yours is YOURS."

And the tissue-owner fulfilled the first part of the verse: "sheli-shelach — You need my tissues, so now they're yours."

That was the most quintessentially Jewish part of the whole shebang.

And no offense to anyone, but I grew up in non-Jewish and secular Jewish culture. That extra step of instinctive consideration in the middle of an urgent situation?

I never saw it in the outside world. On the contrary, movies and books always show urgent situations as permitting a hefkerut of others' possessions. It's even idealized.

And there was a certain rhythm to it all. Everyone behaved like clockwork.

And the girl who even clean off the floor out of consideration for others' shoes? Chessed & thoughtfulness until to the end — and all performed in an automatic & unassuming manner.

Of course they knew they were being good and behaving correctly, but they clearly did not think they were special.

But they are.

And it's so delicious to see these young Jewish girls instilled with such fine Torah values.

Yashar koach to their parents and schools, and certainly to the innately holy neshamot of these young frum girls themselves.

Related links:
Part I: There is None like You, O Yisrael; Ein K'amcha Yisrael

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Rav Avigdor Miller's Exeptionally Amazing Dvar Torah on Parshat Ki Teitzei

13/9/2019

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Using examples from Parshas Ki Seitzei 2 – Justifying the Just and the Gemara, Rav Avigdor Miller describes the vital importance of both recognizing and praising a tzaddik.

Doing so is good for us; for the tzaddik who is a truly humble person, being praised doesn't matter.

WE benefit from searching out & praising our tzaddikim.

This directive is from Devarim 25:1:
"And they should justify the tzaddik and condemn the wicked."

Then Rav Miller explains how figuring out who is a tzaddik is as difficult now as it was in the generation of Hillel and Shmuel Hakatan.

"Many times there are great tzadikim who are unknown."

Once Again, We See that Real Greatness is Found in the Seemingly Small Things by Seemingly Regular People

And then Rav Miller delves into one of the topics that he covers so well and is one of the aspects that really draws me to his Torah:

Who is a tzaddik in HASHEM'S Eyes?

Rav Miller emphasizes it's not necessarily who we think.

Here it is in a nutshell:

“ 'The true chassidus that is desired by Hakodosh Boruch Hu is far from any picture we have in our mind.' [Mesillat Yesharim] You hear that? A real chossid, a man whose piety and devotion is desired by Hashem, is something that is far from what we imagine. It might be somebody that it’ll give us a big surprise to discover that he is the one."

Rav Miller goes on to explain that yes, the man with the impressive beard & payot who shuckles a lot while davening could be a big tzaddik, but it ain't necessarily so.

For example, the Gemara mentions a man who used to remove stones from the street to make traveling easier for pedestrians & riders. The Gemara calls such a man chassid — pious.

He looks like he's doing menial busy-work, but in Shamayim, such dedication to making life easier for others is actual a great act of chassidut, of piety.

Especially before there were smoothly paved roads, rocks tripped pedestrians and stubbed their toes. Stones made walking painful & injurious to those with less-than-excellent footwear. Horseshoes & wagon axles could be damaged by stones. Stones jarred the wagon in a way that wearied the riders.

So removing the stones was a very big chessed.

Thus, Rav Miller mentions that maybe a guy who kicks into the gutter every banana peel he sees (so that others don't slip on the peels) is a tzaddik.

He recalls a frum man he knew who, in snowy weather, filled a bag with sawdust or ashes, then as he went down the street, he scattered the contents around so that people wouldn't slip on the ice.

Sometimes, a slip on the ice leads to hospitalization, and this man was doing what he could to prevent that.

Maybe THIS man is a tzaddik, says Rav Miller.

Housewives, Booksellers, Halachah Experts, Teachers, and Refrainers from Lashon Hara: Singing the Praises of Our Unsung Heroes

Rav Miller recalls a frum book seller named Reb Shlomo Feldman who used to gather all the boys together on chol hamo'ed when the schools closed and organized prizes & Torah learning.

In his merit, there were Jewish boys learning Torah when they otherwise wouldn't be.

And he did such things all the time.

Rav Miller declares him "a tzaddik!" But acknowledges that people didn't appreciate the man's level of tzidkut.

Another man named Rav Asher Zimmerman never spoke even a smidgen of lashon hara — no matter what. And he was an expert in all practical halacha. In fact, people called him to ask about the practical halachot of issues, and he was always willing to respond to them.

Rav Miller also declares him a tzaddik, and yet:

"He didn’t look like a tzadik; he looked like a plain man. But I knew him personally — I knew him for at least fifty years...There’s no question that he wasn’t appreciated enough..."

(pg. 6)

Rav Miller continues:

"Now, while we’re on the subject of tzadikim you must know that it’s not only men — it may be a chiddush to you but there are many women tzadikim too."

(pg. 6)

He mentions Rebbetzin Vichna Kaplan, who founded one of the first frum girls seminaries in America, earning the praise of Rav Aharon Kotler.

In her merit, thousand of Jewish girls were taught to build idealistic Torah homes and raise large families. From her merit & dedication flowed generations of female teachers and homemakers.

Then Rav Miller emphasizes the greatness of Rebbetzin Kaplan in her home, that she was a tzaddekes at home too, and raised 14 children.

Praising our unsung heroes (who could also be us), Rav Miller states:

"There are thousands of frum mothers and fathers who are sacrificing to raise large families...They’re being moser nefesh to build Torah families, they're raising tzadikim and tzidkoniyos in their homes. And our very important function is to always be singing their praises; it’s the principle in our parsha of [v'hitzdiku et hatzaddik]. We have to raise up the banner of the tzadikim as much as we can."

(pg. 6)

Hashem's Special Agents of Truth

Rav Miller points to the Russian agents of Communism strewn throughout America in the Reagan years. They constantly sewed propaganda in favor of Russia & against the USA.

Relentless propagandists of the dark side — can't we do the same for God's Side?

Instead of being agents of disinformation, says Rav Miller, we should be agents of HaKadosh Baruch, agents of Truth.

Look for good things to say about every shul you enter, every school you see, every yeshivah and whenever you're in a group of Jews.

Rav Miller nearly got swept up in the Shoah. He saw the Jews in Europe before the Shoah. The murdered korbonot are not just numbers to him. He knew them.

So despite the crowding that can occur when among a large group, Rav Miller instead rejoices in the crowding and the long lines at kosher stores Erev Shabbat.

"Look at all these Jews!" is his constant refrain. "Ken yirbu! — May they only increase!"

He recommends finding something to praise in every shul:

This congregation gives so much tzedakah.
That congregation davens with so much fervor.
This congregation contains such friendly people.
That congregation displays such refined behavior.

And then you go talk about it.

When you sit down to eat with your family, have something wonderful to say about your fellow Jews — and mean it sincerely.

Spread Hashem's Propaganda Near & Far — and Don't be Afraid to be Superficial about It

This parsha tells us that Hashem wants us to be good salesman for Him, His Torah, and for each other.

According to Rav Miller:

"You have to be a salesman to sell the Torah ideals to the world. Always say a good word about the Torah, about tzadikim, about the frum families. I’m not talking now about speaking to irreligious Jews — the frum Jews have to hear it; they’re the ones who have to hear these words. And what about yourself? You have to hear it too! After all, it’s yourself who’s most important. And when you speak up, you’re talking to yourself."

(pg.8)

Then Rav Miller gives some interesting advice.

He says that if you, say, go to Eretz Yisrael to see a tzaddik, then you should talk about ALL the good things about him — even the superficial things.

Yes, you can and should mention how careful he is in mitzvot. But you should also describe his beautiful eyes and beard, and how lovely his bekitche was.

It's okay to be superficial when praising the good, says Rav Miller.

Yes, enthuse about the atmosphere of learning in a yeshivah.

But also talk about the organization of the books or the freshly painted walls. (if there were these things). Talk about the wonderfulness of the staff.

If there is ANYTHING good to say, no matter how superficial, then speak up!

Our job is to fight darkness with...LIGHT.

"Aren’t the wicked doing just the opposite? The wicked are giving every desirable adjective to every wicked thing and making it beloved by the multitude — and the whole world is being being misled. The most ugly things are described today in the most glowing terms.

"So why don’t we fight back and describe the beautiful things, the holy things, in most glowing terms. We have to be propagandists for everything good in this world."

(pg. 9-10)

SO TRUE.

What is Wickedness? Who is Wicked? What is Compassionate Condemnation?

Now comes the tricky part: the last bit of Devarim 25:1.

"...v'hirshi'u et ha rasha — and they should condemn the wicked."

Am Yisrael must be speak up, point a finger, and say, "This is wicked!"

But WHAT is wicked exactly?

It may not be what we think.

Rav Miller clarifies:

"Now, before we continue, I need to stress something so that we shouldn’t make any error.

"It’s of the utmost importance to understand that when we speak now about making judgments and condemning the wicked, it means those who have forsaken the derech haTorah.

"A frum Jew is not a rasha!

"And even though he happens to be your competitor in business or he follows another rebbe who may be in competition with yours, or maybe he even wronged you in some way, that means nothing. If there’s a dispute between you and him, that’s for beis din to decide; but he’s not a rasha."

Giving the benefit of the doubt & loving our brothers and sisters are equally important mitzvot to condemning the wicked.

We also FEEL compassion toward a rasha (maybe).

Why?

Because if that person had a better upbringing or a better family or a better neighborhood, then maybe that rasha could've been a decent person. Maybe that rasha could've been better than any of us.

But he's not.

So we feel compassion, but we also act according to Truth.

"...any weakness in our attitude towards wickedness, is a weakness in our attitude towards Hakodosh Boruch Hu."

(pg. 11)

Holy Leitzanut

On pages 11-12, Rav Miller goes into deliciously sharp condemnation of liberal attitudes toward the most deplorable criminals. It's worth reading the whole thing inside.

But he notes that the liberals, despite their self-promotion, aren't actually kind. They spew hatred and venom at anyone who disagrees with them.

"And what that means is that they function in direct contradistinction to our possuk — they spend their lives condemning the good ones and justifying the wicked."

And here are more words that are absolutely geshmak to hear in these topsy-turvy times:

"And even if we would write letters to the New York Times, they won’t print them — this I know from experience — but at least among ourselves we shouldn’t give any credit to the evolutionists or the liberals for having good intentions. They are resha’im gemurim and open liars — they are enemies of the truth."

One way to condemn the wicked is via holy leitzanut — making fun of them cleverly and l'shem Shamayim, as a way to uproot their attractiveness from our hearts so that we don't get pulled after them.

Even Yeshayahu Hanavi did it.

It can save one's soul.

And yes, Rav Miller cautioned against hurting the feelings of non-Jews and emphasized the importance of darkei shalom — ways of peace, but for ourselves to know that any anti-Torah idea "is altogether kulo sheker from beginning to end."

Rav Miller makes the astute insight that any truth used by those in the wrong is only to give credence to their lies.

This is a brilliant insight.

Many people get confused by the dusting of truth sprinkled over all the mammoth lies.

But now we know what's going on with that and don't need to get confused anymore.

And on page 14, Rav Miller says a bunch of very sharp things that are better to read in the original, and he makes another astute insight about people we are no longer allowed to condemn, despite their actions being wholly condemned unequivocally by the Torah, and also that this behavior has led to an increase in violence, drugs, and an incurable 100% fatal disease.

And they're targeting children.

How did he know that back then living ensconced in a Torah community?

I don't know.

But he says:

"And that’s they’re doing today — don’t think otherwise — they’re headed for your children. And you want to love them?! You want to love a snake?"

What is the Most Open Mind You Could Have?

And here is a stunning excerpt that turns everything on its head in presenting the crystalline Torah viewpoint:

"And don’t think that we’re being selfish or we’re being limited in our outlook.

"We have to know we are the ones who are broadminded.

"We are broadminded enough not to be influenced by the fads of the day. We’re proud to be close-minded!

"You know, if your mind is closed, and it’s open only to the subject of Hashem, that’s the most open mind you could have.

"But if your mind is open to anything at all, if it lets everything in, then it’s the most closed mind there is because everything settles in your thoughts. And what is the result? All kinds of sewage collect in your head, and your mind becomes just a garbage disposal, that’s all.

"An open mind is a mind of sewage."

(pg. 14-15)

I find that very liberating.

Let's take out the key point and put it in a special snippet:

"...if your mind is closed, and it’s open only to the subject of Hashem, that’s the most open mind you could have."

Geshmak. I just love it.

"I'm an Apikoris When It Comes to Art!"

On pages 15-17, Rav Miller gives very funny descriptions of the worlds of baseball, art, and music.

It's not that you can't ever play ball, paint, or whistle.

It's the whole culture & worship of it.

What's it being used for?

That's the problem.

"The world stands on the righteousness of the Jewish people; that’s a fundamental truth that is constantly reiterated in the Tanach."

So we'd better be good. Everyone is depending on us (whether they know it or not).

And notice our good. Talk about our good.

Praise tzaddikim — ALL tzaddikim, not just your favorite tzaddik.
Praise frum Jews — ALL frum Jews, not just the group you identify with the most.
Downplay the outside world.
Talk about how wicked & ridiculous it is.

"...without Torah ideals, there can’t be true good."

Rav Miller declares that Devarim 25:1 is fundamental for fulfilling our purpose in this world.

Then he quotes Rabbeinu Yonah:

"...by doing this, by merely preparing your thoughts and using your words for the cause of praising the true good in this word, then without any effort and work of your hand, you will acquire merits without end, because this is one of the most important purposes of the creation of man.”

Credit for all quotes goes solely to Toras Avigdor, may they be blessed with increasing success & bracha.

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Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Eikev: Falling in Love with Hashem Every Day & What Saying 100 Blessings a Day REALLY Means

22/8/2019

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Rav Miller's dvar Torah on Parshas Eikev 2 – One Hundred Blessings is full of his usual insights and practical applications.

Mesilat Yesharim states that all the components for personal perfection in serving Hashem are found in the verse Devarim 10:12-13.

And they are:

To fear Hashem Elokecha
To walk in all of His Ways,
To love Hashem
To serve Hashem with all your heart & all your soul
To keep all the mitzvos of Hashem & to keep all His Laws

To achieve this, says Rav Miller, takes learning (you need the knowledge to know how to keep the mitzvot and also to know what are His Ways) and making a mental & emotional shift.

If you're male, learning Shas can bring you very close to Hashem.

Rav Miller also recommends learning the following 3 books cover-to-cover many times:

Mesilat Yesharim (Pathways of the Just)
Chovot Levavot (Duties of the Heart)
Shaarei Teshuvah (Gates of Teshuvah)

That's pretty heavy-lifting, as Rav Miller notes.

This learning is very important.

But there is also an easier way...

100 Happy Feelings a Day

Rav Miller extracts some precious advice from the Gemara (pages 3-4):

A hundred times a day you have to thank Hashem.

Now, whether it means technical brachos [like "Baruch Ata Hashem Elokeinu Melech Haolam"]...or saying your own words, “I thank You Hashem for this. I thank You for that,” it’s all included – a hundred times a day we have to thank Hashem and that’s going to bring you to all of the great qualities.

The hakdama, the preface to yirah and ahavah and all good things in that possuk [verse], is to make a hundred brachos every day.

It's worth reading the actual dvar Torah because Rav Miller details everything a lot more than this post.

But in short, Rav Miller emphasizes the importance of feeling the gratitude 100 times a day.

Whether you say a halachically worded bracha (like al netilat yadayim) or your own expression of gratitude, you need to actually feel it.

Why do we say brachot?

Rav Miller quotes his rebbe from Slabodka, who quotes the Kuzari:

"It adds pleasure on pleasure when one says blessings."

This is so true.

If you've ever followed Rav Miller's advice and really looked at all the positive attributes of an apple, then said borei pri ha'etz with kavanah, and then bit in...the apple tastes DELICIOUS.

It is a sign of the strength of the yetzer hara that we get cooled off from saying blessings with warm kavanah because saying the brachot makes everything taste, smell, and feel better!

Rav Miller explains that Rebbi Meir in the Gemara did not mean that you just count up your brachot, i.e. 16 from the Morning Blessings, 5 more from Birchas HaTorah, 19 from each Shemoneh Esrei...

That's all excellent, but not enough.

Instead, Rav Miller emphasizes:

"You must be happy and grateful to Hashem one hundred times a day!"

Falling in Love with God All Over Again

At this point in the dvar Torah (starting from Part II: Walking the Pathway on page 8), Rav Miller invites you to join his "walking club" and takes you through your day from the time you wake up and points out (with insight & humor) all that you have to be grateful for.

You have to read it. It helps so much.

Here's one sample of something you can do right away (if it's daytime by you).

Rav Miller says:

“Why is the sky blue?” ... And I’ll tell you a secret – it's good you came here tonight. There’s a reason why it’s blue.

It’s for you to enjoy the sky.

The color blue is soft and sweet on the eyes (Chovos Halevavos, Bechina 5), and you’re expected to enjoy it.

Isn’t that a good thing to practice? See if you can do it tomorrow morning.

Rav Miller also encourages us to take note of any disabled people we see (in a discreet & respectful way) to feel more gratitude for what we have (while at the same time wishing them well, a refuah or whatever they need, in our head).

Seeing a blind person or a toothless person should awaken gratitude within those of us who are not blind or toothless.

Finally, at the end of the day, you say Bedtime Shema with all its accompaniments, and you go to sleep (page 16):

So as you fall away into dreamland you’re still thanking Hashem.

That’s the last thought you have as you drift off into your sweet sleep. “Thank You, Hashem, for giving me a pillow and a mattress and for giving me the gift of sleep. I love You, Hashem.”

And in a few hours we’ll be getting up again to say modeh ani again and to start loving Hashem all over again.

"...to start loving Hashem all over again."

It all sound so nice.

Anyway, to sum it up, this kind of gratitude is self-transforming.

This is how you make yourself into a true eved Hashem.

This is how you achieve the 5 goals commanded in Parshat Eikev.

Let's conclude with Rav Miller's final words:

"If we’ll enjoy this world one hundred times a day, and if we express our gratitude to Hashem each time, that’s the royal road to happiness in this world, and to the perfection in avodas Hashem that brings you eternal happiness in the Next World."

As always, credit for all quotes goes to Toras Avigdor, may they enjoy growing success.

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Rav Avigdor on Practical Steps to Cultivate Ahavat Yisrael in Parshat Devarim

8/8/2019

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As usual, Rav Avigdor Miller brings new light to Torah passages that have been staring us in the face all this time, making us say, “WOW. I never realized that before.”

In Parshat Devarim: Learning to Love, Rav Miller notes that who we love & how we love should be determined by Hashem, not by our own emotions and sympathies, nor social pressure.

So he points out that the Torah calls Edom (Esav) acheichem—your brothers.

That’s weird, isn’t it?

270 years since a common ancestor, and Am Yisrael in the Wilderness hear bnei Esav called their “brothers”?

Furthermore, the Torah also tells us “Lo titev Adomi ki achicha hu—don’t abhor the Edomite because he is your brother.” It also warns: “Al titgaru vam—Don’t antagonize them.”

In this way, Hashem tells you how to shape your attitude toward different types of people. You need to use both your mind and your heart to do so.

So while Hashem doesn’t want us all buddy-buddy with Edom, He also doesn’t want us to abhor or antagonize Edom.

And to facilitate this desired emotional state, Hashem reminds us of the shared kinship with Esav.

Shared Ancestry Fosters Fraternal Feelings

We see this with all the ancestry research today.

People feel a kinship going back, whether it’s their shared Irish clan or something more official, like ancestors who took part in the American Revolution.

(There is even an organization called “Daughters of the American Revolution” which is open only to those women whose great(etc.)-grandfather aided the American cause against the British in the 1700s.)

So reminding people of shared heritage is a way to bring out certain fraternal emotions.

“Attitudes of the mind cannot be developed in a vacuum of emotion.”

—Rav Avigdor Miller

But the deepest emotional connection needs to be among Am Yisrael.

Brothers & Sisters in Mitzvot

Rav Miller recalls Hillel’s famous statement to a potential ger, which asserted that the commandment to love fellow Jews, is “one of the prime functions of our lives.”

So when the Torah speaks of a distant fraternal connection with Edom, it’s teaching us to find an emotional connection to help us love our fellow Jews.

As Rav Miller explains:

It’s important to make use of every means available in order to facilitate and increase the love that Hashem wants you to feel.

Instead of being cold philosophers, stoics who are ashamed of emotions, the Torah encourages the employment of natural emotions in order to fulfill the mitzvah of [v’ahavta l’re’echa kamocha—and you shall love to your fellow like yourself].

The reason why the Torah refers to your fellow Jews as “your brother” so many times throughout the Torah is because He wants you to feel that kinship “a thousand times, a million times more” than the kinship Am Yisrael was supposed to feel for Edom as they passed them in the Midbar.

Rav Miller emphasizes:

Because it’s not a brother like Eisav who is merely connected to us by blood, by DNA…Chazal tell us that [achicha] means [achicha b’mitzvot], “your brother in mitzvos.”

It’s not merely a brother of the same ancestor; it’s a brother of the same mind! A brother living for the same purpose.

Practical Steps toward Ahavat Yisrael

And here Rav Miller reveals his humility and sincerity:

Now I’m far away from this myself.

I’m saying this not for you; I’m listening to it myself as I’m saying it. Maybe a little bit will stick to me. But I let you listen along with me because at least we have to learn it - at least that.

We have to make an effort, a career of loving our fellow brothers-in-arms.

Yet again, we see that Rav Miller understands us and our challenges with this all-important mitzvah.

Basically, we need to train our minds & emotions.

When we see fellow frum people (even those not from “our” group), we need to think: “This is my brother” or “This is my sister.”

Even when you pass by frum homes and you don’t see the actual people, Rav Miller encourages us to think, “These are my brothers and sisters and I love them.”

Rav Miller advises that even when you see a frum Jew from afar, you should look at him and think, “This is Hashem’s Chosen one.”

You should think about the mitzvot they do. Oh, look—this Jewish lady is covering her hair…wonderful! And this Jewish man over here put on tefillin this morning—love ya, brother!

Now, maybe this doesn’t blossom into full-fledged love, but Rav Miller reassures us that the resulting warmth we feel puts us on the right path toward real love.

Real Love Starts Small & Expands; Global Love is Usually Fake

Then Rav Miller makes a point that is very true, but many don’t like to hear it.

Those people who claim they love everyone? He claims they don’t love anyone.

I’ve seen this so many times. Someone can be swooning over injustices in Africa while they treat their own spouse, sibling, parents, neighbors, colleagues, or children poorly.

Many animal-rights activists are not the nicest people. Some are even cruel and callous types.

Rav Miller said in a previous dvar Torah that Hashem loves everyone—all human beings whether Jewish or not—and even birds, every living creature.

And love starts at home. (Like tzedakah, I guess.) Then you fan out from there.

But why is it so hard to cultivate love for fellow Jews?

Azamra with Slabodka

Rav Miller reasons that ahavat Yisrael is hard because of competition, rivalry, and friction (like many sibling relationships).

So we need to cultivate feelings of affection to overcome this.

Rav Miller’s Rebbe in Slabodka recommended starting off with one Jew.

Pick a Jew who’s easy to love and go from there. (If you read page 10 & 15-16 of this dvar Torah, Rav Miller goes into more detail about how to carry out this particular step.)

You can even take automatic love (like love for your own children) or superficial “love” (like based on the person’s appearance) and use that as a springboard for increasing your feelings of love and affection.

Why isn’t that self-centered or superficial?

Because you’re doing it FOR Hashem.

You’re doing it to fulfill a mitzvah and to make yourself more affectionate and loving.

You don’t REALLY think that a person’s worth is based on looks or that only your children matter.

You’re just focusing on positive aspects, no matter how automatic or superficial, then you’re going to fan those flickers of love.

And here’s a very important aspect of ahavat Yisrael, as told to Rav Miller by his Rebbe in Slabodka:

“A person is not one middah,” he said, “He's a bundle of middos.”

So one thing might not be to your liking, but something else is good in him.

And therefore you cannot form an opinion just in general about a person. A person is a big bundle of character traits; he’s not just one thing.

So in case you can’t love the person entirely, you can learn to love at least one aspect of his personality.

For those of you knowledgeable in Lubavitch and Breslov Chassidus, that sounds quite familiar.

It just goes to show you that we agree about the fundamentals. We have a place to connect. Many places, actually.

Nothing Compares to You

Needless to say, it’s very important to feel affection for your spouse (if you don’t always) and to increase whatever affection you already feel.

Love for ALL tzaddikim, whether you follow this one or that one, is paramount.

It’s very important to read Toras Avigdor's original PDF because there is so much this post is leaving out. Love, love, love.

Rav Miller quotes Chapter 19 of Mesillat Yesharim:

**"Ein Hakadosh Baruch Hu ohev eleh mi sheh ohev Yisrael - I love you because I only love those who love My People."**

Your love for your fellow Jews and Hashem’s Immeasurable Love for you are the root of everything in Torah.

So it’s very important to ingest as much of this as you can.

Let’s wind down with a final quote from Rav Miller (emphasis mine):

You’ll say, “Yes, in general, all Jews, I love. I love all of them. But when it comes to this Jew, no,
not this one.”

“He’s from a different shtibel,” you might think.

He's not in your neighborhood, maybe not your nusach, maybe he’s a Sefardi or a Teimani. Maybe he’s a Russian Jew or a Polish Jew, so you think, “Not him, not him.”

No, nothing doing! If he’s from the zera Yaakov, then he’s yours!

There is nothing Hashem loves more in the world than the offspring of Avraham, Yitzchok and Yaakov.

Nothing compares to Hashem’s love for you.

And who is “you”?

You could be the most foolish fellow; a fellow with all faults. Ugly, slow-witted, nothing to love.

No matter!

Hashem loves that person with an intense and fiery love.

Here's the original dvar Torah again:
Parshat Devarim: Learning to Love

Here is an AMAZING brand-new video on the topic:
https://torasavigdor.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/Nine-Days-Video.mp4

And as always, all credit for any quotes above goes to Toras Avigdor.

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Dear Jew, Here's Why You MUST See Yourself as Beautiful!

25/7/2019

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Rav Avigdor Miller came to learn in the Slabodka Yeshivah in ̶P̶o̶l̶a̶n̶d̶ Lithuania in 1933.

Among other facets, this style of mussar emphasized the inherent God-given greatness of a Jew and his Divine Image.

Every human being is created in God’s Image and possesses an important human soul.

But Jews also have a special neshamah that must be expressed properly.

In fact, before giving a group of rabbis mussar, Rav Yitzchak Izik Sher of Slabodka first addressed them as “my friends,” then praised them as being “fine, upstanding Jews who do not sin.” Then he briefly mentioned what he thought they needed to work on.

But first, he acknowledged his affection for them and their innate goodness.

Great Potential Enables Great Output

Each Jew has great potential and therefore, great capacity to bring tremendous good into the world.

Upon barely escaping the Nazi claws, Rav Miller spent the rest of his life promoting the Slabodka way.

By showing the non-Torah society for what it really was (using his characteristic wit to do so) while at the same time describing the glories of Torah and being a committed Jew, Rav Miller uplifted the Jewish community of America.

What’s the point of doing that?

What Can Truly Beautiful People Do? Beautiful Acts!

When you see yourself as spiritually beautiful and great, you start to feel that sinning is beneath you.

If you are gorgeous & great, but the surrounding society is ugly & pathetic, why would you be attracted to that society?

You WOULDN'T be attracted to that society--IF you could truly internalize the idea that you are gorgeous and great.

And as a gorgeous and great person, you might also aim to do gorgeous and great acts, such as:

davening with real kavanah
doing a genuine cheshbon hanefesh (“After all, my flaws are just klippot! They aren’t the REAL me, who is actually bee-yoo-tee-ful!”)
acts of loving-kindness
developing the middot of patience and compassion
learning the great and gorgeous Torah
...and so on.

There's Only 1 Definition of Beauty - and That's HASHEM'S Definition

And it is certainly a mind-shift for a shomer mitzvot Jew (or a Jew who WANTS to be shomer mitzvot) to see himself or herself as beautiful.

When you’re surrounded by a culture that promotes a feminine ideal of sleek ‘n’ chic, it’s hard to feel up-to-par if you’re a frum lady wearing a perfectly decent snood and modest shirt & skirt with sensible shoes.

You feel plain in comparison, maybe even frumpy.

But as Rav Miller often points out: Who is beautiful in HASHEM’S Eyes?

Likewise, a pudgy balding frum Jew waddling quickly down the street to catch Mincha—he’s not tall ‘n’ brawny like the male ideal.

Yet who can't HASHEM stop gazing at adoringly?

Splat!

Here’s the situation in a nutshell:

Hashem knows that He has picked you up and flung you down with a resounding splat into the middle of Galus (Exile).

Even if you’re in Eretz Yisrael, you’re still surrounded by an Edomite-Yishmael-Erev Rav Exile.

But if you’re frum Jew, you’ve struggled to your feet and started limping around doing mitzvot.

And Hashem is like, “WOW! You’ve been flung down with a splat into the middle of the harsh Galus, yet you’ve decided to maintain a connection to Me—and maintain that connection to the point that, all dusty and limping, you’re going to wear clothes considered shlumpy or frumpy by Galus or hurry off to the nearest minyan for Mincha? I could just KISS you, I love you so much!!!!!!!”

Do you do any of the following (and more!)?

You wear clothes that cannot possibly imitate the latest warped styles, which your surrounding society finds so attractive.

You talk to Someone no one can see (via prayer).

There are foods you'll never taste and world-renowned restaurants you'll never enter simply because you were told "no" millennia ago.

You insist on studying the most beautiful and purest words of wisdom, which are denigrated by Galus as paternalistic or perverse by your surrounding society.

You go (or wish to go) live in a country surrounded by bloodthirsty haters, where your standard of living is lowered (usually, but not always), and there are all sorts of other challenges...just because Hashem said, "Here. This is a Gift from Me. Live here."

Then guess what? Hashem thinks you're fab.

Even if you're doing it limping and mussed, you're DOING it, for crying out loud.

Gorgeous, stunning you.

The Limping Beauty

There’s another very famous limper in Tanach.

Yes, that’s right: Yaakov Avinu.

All night long, Yaakov Avinu wrestled with the horrific spiritual force of Esav/Edom.

And he came away with a limp. He won the terrible battle, but he stumbled away from it.

He didn’t heal his limp, nor did any other tzaddik do so. Hashem cured his limp. (Hashem is the only One Who could heal that Edom-inflicted limp.)

Yet Yaakov is considered beautiful—Tiferet.

Avraham Avinu symbolized Chessed (loving-kindness).

Yitzchak Avinu symbolized Gevurah (the power of restraint, the power to overcome).

The perfect synthesis of Gevurah & Chessed is Tiferet—beauty (the beauty of Truth).

And that’s what Yaakov was.

(This symbolism is mentioned in the Amidah of the Artscroll siddur, as many of you may already know.)

And Yaakov Avinu didn't just rest there on his laurels of victory.

He kept going.

Why?

Because he was beautiful in the deepest, truest, more important way.

And so are you.

The Beautiful Jew in the Ugly Exile

So even if we’re getting ground into the dust by the powerful Galus that surrounds us, and even though the struggle makes us come away limping, we need to realize that we are absolutely beautiful to Hashem.

BECAUSE we’re struggling to keep the Torah, we are considered beautiful by Hakadosh Baruch Hu.

You need to look at yourself that way and you need to see other shomer mitzvot Jews that way. (Non-observant Jews are beautiful in potential; they could certainly express their neshamah in a way that makes them greater than anyone else - if they would do so.)

Are we flawed?

Yes.

You can’t fight this fight without getting your clothes wrinkled and your hair mussed.

And yeah, we all can be stumbling around with an awkward, painful limp that only Hashem can heal.

That doesn’t mean we aren’t beautiful.

Embattled, limping, soldiering-onward Yaakov was beautiful. Yaakov was Tiferet.

So it’s good to try to see yourself and fellow struggling Jews the way Hashem sees you all:

You are beautiful. Gorgeous. Absolutely STUNNING.

And that’s the Truth.

Eretz HaKodesh is Beautiful too.

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Why We NEED Different Halachically Legitimate Frameworks in Torah Judaism

17/7/2019

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With regard to yesterday's post (Why Roles & Structures are So Important for True Self-Liberation), there are many things you can take away from a discussion of utilizing your God-given framework in the best way possible.

But upon second glance, I feel I didn't emphasize one aspect enough.

Part of our God-given framework is the type of avodat Hashem we were either born into or adopted later on.

The reason why there are a variety of Chassidic groups and even divergent paths among non-Chassidic Ashkenazim is because Hashem WANTS there to be--just like He wanted there to be different Tribes with different tafkidim and even different pronunciations (like Shevet Efrayim and their pronunciation of "shin" as "sin.")

Hashem WANTS there to be Sefardim--and among Sefardim, Hashem WANTS there to be Bucharian ways, Yemenite ways, Moroccan ways, and more.

There are even differing levels among tzaddikim:

You have a person defined as a tzaddik because his good deeds outweigh & outnumber his sins.

Then you have a tzaddik who hardly sins at all.

Then you have a tzaddik who hardly sins at all and is an active miracle-worker or someone with genuine ruach hakodesh.

But the highest level of tzaddik does not mean that the minimum standard of tzaddik is nothing.

Such a person is still very precious, both to Hashem and to the merit of our Nation!

Here is some advice from Rav Avigdor Miller on the subject that should be taken very much to heart, regardless of which group you cling to (boldface is my own emphasis & all quotes taken from Toras Avigdor):

The Fiery Danger of Denigrating ANY Gadol

But I must tell you that I disagree with the attitude of being mivatel, of putting down, someone else’s gadol.

No; I disagree with that attitude.

Gedolim can be here and Gedolim can be there, and we have to appreciate all of them. Your Gadol doesn’t have to be the only Gadol.

And even though there might be a machlokes, a disagreement, between them; yes, there may be a machlokes between them, but we should stay out of it.

It’s fire! Worse than fire! We shouldn’t say a word. Not a word!

(Source: TAPE #901)

Okay, Fine. I Don't Put Down Other Groups or Their Gadolim, But How Do I Respond When THEY Act Like THEY'RE Superior?

And if they consider themselves superior, so we can ask the same question:

Why is it that most non-Lubavitcher chassidim consider themselves superior to Lubavitcher chassidim? Why do Breslover chassidim consider themselves superior to Lubavitcher chassidim? And why do Satmerer chassidim consider themselves superior to Breslover chassidim?

And the answer is that all idealists who follow certain systems, they do it because they think it’s the best system – otherwise they’d follow a different system. It’s common sense!

What should a man be a Lubavitcher if he thinks something else is better? Why should a non-Lubavitcher be non-Lubavitcher unless he thinks that it’s better.

All idealists follow the system they follow because they think it’s the best.

Now, who is going to be the arbiter and say who is the best? Moshiach will come, and in order to keep peace between everybody, he’ll say, “You’re all the best!”

And the truth is that they are all the best.

But right now, it’s not really a question if the Lubavitcheh feel superior, because if you ask a litvishe yeshiva bochur, he feels he’s superior.

Ask a Satmarer and he feels he’s superior.

And go into a sefardisheh yeshiva in Eretz Yisroel, go into Porat Yosef, and he’s knows that he’s superior too.

Everyone is superior.

And the answer is that’s how idealists have to be. No idealist will do something that he thinks is not superior.

(Source: TAPE # 271)

Why Do We Need All These Groups Anyway?

What’s the benefit of different types of servants of Hashem?

Who needs chassidim and misnagdim and sefardim?

Wouldn’t it have been better if we all walked together on one path towards Hakodosh Boruch Hu?

So I always say: Why is it that you’ll find in the supermarket clover honey and orange blossom honey and buckwheat honey? There are at least ten varieties of honey! Who needs it?!

And the answer is that it makes life more delectable! Variety is a pleasure!

After all, Hakodosh Boruch Hu could have given us nothing but red delicious apples. Let’s say you’d pass a fruit stand and all you would see is bins and bins of red delicious apples.

Now, red delicious apples are a treat; we can’t complain about them, but how much more fun it is when we have ten different kinds of apples!

And even better, to have tens and tens of varieties of fruit. It’s much more fun when you can choose from a wide variety of good things.

And therefore, there are all kinds of methods of serving Hashem, each one that has been cultivated by Hashem Himself, by the separation of kehillos.

Sometimes a person can choose one method and stick to it always. Or sometimes you can choose from the fruit store of the different shevatim.

Sometimes you’ll choose something from the Gerrer, another thing you’ll take from Lakewood, something you’ll pick from Lubavitch, something you’ll take from Belz, and something else you’ll nosh from Satmer. And so on.

Every shevet had something to contribute. You can be sure that there are a lot of delightful fruit in all of these various places that help the Am Yisroel in its avodas Hashem.

Everybody is helping out!

Some kehillos brought to the Am Yisroel the great benefits of mussar to the Am Yisroel, while other kehillos brought chassidus.

From some communities we learn to be kanaaim for the truth and others impress us with their hasmadah in limud hatorah or gemillas chasodim.

I myself have learned from one group of Jews in Flatbush what it means to be michabeid talmidei chachomim.

Because there’s no end to the variety of paths that the Am Yisroel walk toward the One Hashem and there’s what to learn from everyone.
*****
Now I’m not going to tell you what’s best. Someone asked me, what does Hakodosh Boruch Hu want from me? Am I supposed to be chassidish, or litvish or what?

Now that’s some big order. He wants me to make enemies, the one who asked me that question.

Hashem wants you to be the best that you can be.

Some people can be their best if they’re chassidish.

Some people can be their best if they’re litvish.

Other people can be their best if they’re sefardi.

It’s like asking – “What is the best diet for all of mankind?”

The best type of diet depends on each individual person. People are different.

Some people are so different that their diets are radically different.

So whatever it is that you choose, you should make it a principle in your life to always choose whatever it is that will give you the most success in life – and success in this world means preparing for the Next World.

(Source: Parshas Beshelach: Learning to Love All Types of Jews)

Different halachically legitimate groups of Jews....as sweet as the varieties of apples and honey!

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Rav Avigdor Miller on Spotting the Snake Slithering through Your World in Parshat Chukat & Loving Yourself and Your Fellow Jews in Parshat Balak

11/7/2019

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Yet again, Rav Miller makes the desert scene and the whole snake fiasco come alive in Parshat Chukat: The Copper Snake.

He explains all about the Copper Snake and its symbolism and what that was all about.

So if you’ve ever wanted to understand what was going on with the fiery biting serpents and then the giant healing Copper Snake, it’s all in there.

Who & What is the Yetzer Hara Today?

But whether it’s the First Nachash in Gan Eden or the fiery serpents biting complainers, snakes are all about dissatisfaction.

And to fight the snakes of dissatisfaction, we need to pump up our gratitude and appreciation.

As usual, I cannot resist quoting Rav Miller’s views on modern American society:

Of course, today, Russia doesn’t have to bother to send spies across the ocean because America has so many lunatics in its government, so many meshugener communists in its educational system and in the public media, that they’re doing the work for free.

They’re doing the work of disrupting the country without being paid.

But in normal times the best way for a spy to operate is by working undercover, by blending in and remaining unnoticed. Only that today the public is so stupid that the lunatics can proclaim it openly, with big headlines.

The Yetzer Hara (the king of the snakes of dissatisfaction) operates as a psychopath.

In the Garden, the Nachash (i.e., the Yetzer Hara when it was external; now it is internal) was obviously a Nachash standing on legs and talking. But he made his personality appealing. Sheker hachen.

He’s sneaky and doesn’t want you to know what he’s really up to. He comes in a much more appealing form—not serpentine at all.

As Rav Miller explains:

Today he appears in the form of a college professor or a neighbor.

Sometimes he’ll even come as a man with a beard and long peyos.

It has to be that way because if the nachash would have continued to exist in the form that it had in the time of the cheit, so we would already know to watch out for that fellow.

We know, “Watch out for him!”
…
And if you don’t look beneath the facade, you will never see the truth.

The falsehoods today fill the world. Big buildings, libraries, universities. And they have the media today to spread their falsehoods.

The sheker fills the world today because he’s choosing the most effective forms possible and he is succeeding.

Wherever you go today you can no longer say the truth - you have to use political correctness when you talk.

A tremendous tolerance of sheker was erected right under our noses.

"One way or another, people have been bitten by the nachash. For one person the nachash of sports has bitten him. For another person it’s clothing or cars or money. Arayos, television, politics, whatever it is, the snake is biting."

Rav Miller on Sports & Travel Vacations

Rav Miller also discusses his opinion on travel vacations (unless you have a real tachlis need to travel to that location).

He admits that it’s not a popular opinion and that he doesn’t meant to offend anyone, but he simply sees it a certain way and feels that point of view should be expressed.

He discusses making the most of your background and your family situation, realizing that the difficulties and obstacles are there to for you to use for spiritual growth.

This is what he says about sports:

You’re thinking, “Maybe the newspapers are reporting important news - maybe I should go out and look in the newspaper.”

The front page talks about a certain man, a top basketball player who was captured by another team. Oooh ah! Big news!

A nobody.

When he went to high school he never attended class - he stood in the schoolyard and practiced basketball. A bum, that’s all.

And this bum is on the front page, and everybody is talking about him.

Or another bum who has nothing in his mind at all, no intelligence at all. Only that when he holds a bat he’s able to smack the ball. He can give the ball a smack and everyone goes crazy.

A homerun! Meshugenahs! It’s nothing!

"And the more you think about that truth, the more we train our minds to combat the yetzer hara that makes what we’re doing seem plain and ordinary, the more we’ve learned the lesson of lifting the copper serpent out from the high grass and placing it on the high pole."

PARSHAT BALAK

For those in Eretz Yisrael, Parshat Balak has arrived.

Rav Miller explains that this is such an important Parsha, Chazal wanted us to say the entire parshah every morning!

He also explains why Hashem is so exacting with Am Yisrael.

That’s one of the reasons church-goers believe they’ve replaced Am Yisrael. Hashem (via the Nevi’im) constantly exhort the Jewish People even as He expresses the most beautiful and profound Love for us in the Universe.

Why Is Hashem So Tough on Us If He Loves Us So Much?

Why do we suffer genocides and pogroms for our sins?

We aren’t nearly as bad as the nations. Sure, they suffer stuff too. But not like us. And we’re not nearly as bad. (Despite what many Jewish periodicals and blogs claim, we really aren’t as bad as the nations!)

So Rav Miller explains that with a convincing mashal of a kallah and a wedding photographer, which is very worth reading inside the dvar Torah booklet. (Seriously. It’s very convincing.)

Then Rav Miller explains:

"But when you grow older, you have to understand the truth of the Torah. And that is that the Am Yisroel is the greatest and purest nation, much more than any nation in the world!"

Many people have been misled, even talmidei chachomim.

I remember once I was saying a drasha in shul and I mentioned that the Dor Hamidbar was beloved by Hashem.

I said that they are called yedidim [friends] and ahuvim [beloved ones].

And this one man, a talmid chochom, finally lost patience with me. He was so angry with me when I said that. “It's against the pesukim what you're saying” he told me. “They didn't know My ways.” He showed me the possuk in the siddur. And how can you blame people for being mislead?

All the seforim in the Torah criticize the Am Yisroel. Terribly!...

...But the maskanah of the gemara is: Asfu li chassidai - Gather in to Me, My devoted ones, the dor hamidbar. They were Hashem’s chassidim.

There’s a reason why Jews are incredibly self-critical.

And as written on this blog before, frum Jews are the most self-critical. And Rav Miller discusses this tendency toward self-criticism (both justified and unjustified) and why we are like that.

So how do we gain some perspective?

Go Tell It from The Mountain

We do like Bilaam and look at ourselves and each other from a distance—from a mountain top:

Let's say, here's a kollel family.

And there's another person standing in the street, a Jew, a frum Jew, and he sees the kollel family. To him it seems like they're human beings. Just like he is.

The children are boisterous, a little wild. The mother is busy cooking and cleaning. And life goes on in their house like any other house.

And therein lies the great error of not appreciating the Am Yisroel.
…
And so, when you look at that kollel family, you'll have to get off the ground.

To understand the greatness of any frum home, you are going to have to get off of the ground and view them with a nobility of mind.

If you go through life without thinking, then you'll never appreciate the Am Yisroel.

It's only when you take a step back, and you see the Am Yisroel with the clear sighted view that Bilam had, that's how you'll appreciate our greatness.

Go, us! Rah, rah, rah! Yaaaayy...US!

Of course, none of this precludes a raw cheshbon hanefesh.

Judaism acknowledges and embraces the innate paradox of our 3-dimensional world.

We need to regularly perform a thoroughly scouring cheshbon hanefesh—yet at the same time, never lose sight of how wonderfully fabulous and profoundly cherished we are.

Rav Miller goes into detail about how to see ourselves & each other in the real light—the way Hashem sees us.

There are no rose-colored glasses here—Rav Miller gives plenty of mussar; he knows our weak points.

It’s about changing your angle of vision.

"Taharas hamishpacha, tzniyus, decency, morality fill the Jewish home. And you hear brachos in that home all day long - a different blessing for every item that you're eating. How beautiful is the Jewish home!"

As always, credit goes to Toras Avigdor for everything, including generous permission to cite this amazing material.

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We All Know Some Crazy Shidduch Stories

Watch Out for Those Hakpadahs!

Selfless Tefillah

Derech Hateva: Only be a Small Slice of the Hishtadlut Pie

Hold on TIGHT!

Yaaay...US!

"The Bnei Yisroel, despite all the criticism, actually because of all the criticism, will remain His people and His servants till the End of Days. And that is so important to understand."-Rav Avigdor Miller

Unconscious Propaganda-Indoctrinated Hypocrisy

Where is All That Religious Coercion I Keep Hearing About?

Are You Searching for the Key to Self-Love & Self-Esteem? Introducing the REAL Pure Torah-Style Expression of Self-Love & Self-Esteem...

"A whole nation of people, all types of people, sacrificing and laboring for their ideals, for Torah ideals. And they are a people that are loyal to Hashem. There’s nothing better than the frum community, make no mistake about it."​- Rav Avigdor Miller

The Thoughtful Chassidic Tatty

The Little Beit Yaakov Girls with Mesirut Nefesh for Derech Eretz

Definitely Not What You Want to Have Happen on a Bus

The Pious Chassid of Pirke Avot in Action

Once Again, We See that Real Greatness is Found in the Seemingly Small Things by Seemingly Regular People

Housewives, Booksellers, Halachah Experts, Teachers, and Refrainers from Lashon Hara: Singing the Praises of Our Unsung Heroes

Hashem's Special Agents of Truth

Spread Hashem's Propaganda Near & Far — and Don't be Afraid to be Superficial about It

What is Wickedness? Who is Wicked? What is Compassionate Condemnation?

"...any weakness in our attitude towards wickedness, is a weakness in our attitude towards Hakodosh Boruch Hu."(pg. 11)

Holy Leitzanut

What is the Most Open Mind You Could Have?

"...if your mind is closed, and it’s open only to the subject of Hashem, that’s the most open mind you could have."

"I'm an Apikoris When It Comes to Art!"

"The world stands on the righteousness of the Jewish people; that’s a fundamental truth that is constantly reiterated in the Tanach."

"...without Torah ideals, there can’t be true good."

100 Happy Feelings a Day

"You must be happy and grateful to Hashem one hundred times a day!"

Falling in Love with God All Over Again

"If we’ll enjoy this world one hundred times a day, and if we express our gratitude to Hashem each time, that’s the royal road to happiness in this world, and to the perfection in avodas Hashem that brings you eternal happiness in the Next World."

Shared Ancestry Fosters Fraternal Feelings

​“Attitudes of the mind cannot be developed in a vacuum of emotion.”​—Rav Avigdor Miller

Brothers & Sisters in Mitzvot

Practical Steps toward Ahavat Yisrael

Real Love Starts Small & Expands; Global Love is Usually Fake

Azamra with Slabodka

Nothing Compares to You

"Ein Hakadosh Baruch Hu ohev eleh mi sheh ohev Yisrael - I love you because I only love those who love My People."

Great Potential Enables Great Output

What Can Truly Beautiful People Do? Beautiful Acts!

There's Only 1 Definition of Beauty - and That's HASHEM'S Definition

Splat!

The Limping Beauty

The Beautiful Jew in the Ugly Exile

The Fiery Danger of Denigrating ANY Gadol

Okay, Fine. I Don't Put Down Other Groups or Their Gadolim, But How Do I Respond When THEY Act Like THEY'RE Superior?

Why Do We Need All These Groups Anyway?

Who & What is the Yetzer Hara Today?

"One way or another, people have been bitten by the nachash. For one person the nachash of sports has bitten him. For another person it’s clothing or cars or money. Arayos, television, politics, whatever it is, the snake is biting."

Rav Miller on Sports & Travel Vacations

"​And the more you think about that truth, the more we train our minds to combat the yetzer hara that makes what we’re doing seem plain and ordinary, the more we’ve learned the lesson of lifting the copper serpent out from the high grass and placing it on the high pole."

PARSHAT BALAK

Why Is Hashem So Tough on Us If He Loves Us So Much?

"​But when you grow older, you have to understand the truth of the Torah. And that is that the Am Yisroel is the greatest and purest nation, much more than any nation in the world!"

Go Tell It from The Mountain

"Taharas hamishpacha, tzniyus, decency, morality fill the Jewish home. And you hear brachos in that home all day long - a different blessing for every item that you're eating. How beautiful is the Jewish home!"

Myrtle Rising

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Copyright Notice

"The Bnei Yisroel, despite all the criticism, actually because of all the criticism, will remain His people and His servants till the End of Days. And that is so important to understand."

-Rav Avigdor Miller

"A whole nation of people, all types of people, sacrificing and laboring for their ideals, for Torah ideals. And they are a people that are loyal to Hashem. There’s nothing better than the frum community, make no mistake about it."

- Rav Avigdor Miller

"...any weakness in our attitude towards wickedness, is a weakness in our attitude towards Hakodosh Boruch Hu."

(pg. 11)

“Attitudes of the mind cannot be developed in a vacuum of emotion.”

—Rav Avigdor Miller

**"Ein Hakadosh Baruch Hu ohev eleh mi sheh ohev Yisrael - I love you because I only love those who love My People."**

"And the more you think about that truth, the more we train our minds to combat the yetzer hara that makes what we’re doing seem plain and ordinary, the more we’ve learned the lesson of lifting the copper serpent out from the high grass and placing it on the high pole."

"But when you grow older, you have to understand the truth of the Torah. And that is that the Am Yisroel is the greatest and purest nation, much more than any nation in the world!"