Category: Love

Poetic Inspiration for the Day of Judgment from Nechumelle Jacobs: "SUPER SENSITIVITY"

13/9/2020

Here's another poem from Nechumelle Jacobs.

You can see her previous poem here:
"WE ARE HERE TO GROW" – An Inspiring Poem by Nechumelle Jacobs

The following poem features Chana, the Mother of Shmuel Hanavi & a Prophetess in her own right, plus an important lesson learned from her struggles:

SUPER SENSITIVITY

On Rosh Hashonah about Chana’s prayer we read
And how Eli Hakohein assumed she was drunk indeed

He apologised for his harsh words and misinterpretation
He consoled her, for he hurt her in her painful situation

Chana’s heartfelt prayers were accepted Above
And Hashem granted her a special child to love

But why did Chana go to the Mishkon in tears,
For her rival Penina tormented her for years

Penina was granted with children galore
And specially hurt Chana at the very core

Penina did this thinking she had a kind heart
To encourage Chana, her davening to start

But Penina was punished severely for her lack of tact
For this is not the way Hashem wants one to act

Elkona saw his wife Chana childless, her pain so raw
And assured her, compared to ten sons, he loved her more

In the end, Chana was granted a special son, Shmuel was his name
He became a Novi who anointed Dovid, all from his mother’s pain

There is a strong lesson to learn from Chana’s painful ordeal
We must be extremely careful with people in pain – so real

Hashem wants people to be sensitive to others’ pain
The more compassionate we are, the greater the gain

©Nechumelle Jacobs – 13th September 2020

(Used with permission)

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Heart-Warming Story of True Acceptance & Understanding

18/8/2020

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I received this heart-warming true story in my inbox from a frum lady. It's a great example of how our true goodness is revealed through the seemingly mundane & private aspects of our lives, and not in the grand public gestures.

This story is used with permission, but the person didn't want credit. (Boldface or italics are my own additions for clarity or emphasis.)

Burned Biscuits

When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then.

And I remember one night in particular, when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.

On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed!

Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school.

I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that ugly, burned biscuit. He ate every bite of that thing...never made a face nor uttered a word about it!

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits.

And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burned biscuits every now and then."

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night, and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned.

He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your momma put in a hard day at work today, and she's really tired. And besides, a little burned biscuit never hurt anyone!"

As I've grown older, I've thought about that many times.

Life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people.

I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and even anniversaries just like everyone else.

But what I've learned over the years is that accepting each other's faults—and choosing to celebrate each other's differences—is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

And that's my prayer for you today: that you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet of God.

Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give you a relationship where a burnt biscuit isn't a deal-breaker!

We could extend this to any relationship; in fact, understanding is the base of any good relationship, be it husband-wife or parent-child or friendship!

"Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket. Keep it in your own."

So, please pass me a biscuit, and yes, the burned one will do just fine. And please pass this along to someone who has enriched your life.

Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

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The Stunning Greatness of "Regular" Jews – Chaviva & Tzvi Moshe Tzachor: "How is It Possible to Abandon the Blind Baby? Instead, We Decided to Adopt Her."

5/7/2020

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43 years ago in the Biblical city of Kiryat Arba, Chaviva Tzachor was 8 months pregnant with her 8th child when she happened to gaze at a notice in a newspaper as she stood in line at the grocery store:

"A baby girl is searching for a home."

As Chaviva read further, she learned that the baby girl was born blind and the institution holding her sought a permanent home with adoptive parents to care for her.

Against all logic, Chaviva felt she must adopt this baby.

Despite never buying newspapers, she decided to buy this one to show the ad to her husband, Tzvi Moshe.

Tzvi Moshe Tzachor worked in Yerushalayim. When he came home that evening, the family ate dinner together, then Chaviva said, "I want to show you something I saw in the newspaper."

But Tzvi Moshe said, "Wait...first of all, I want to show you something that I saw."

And he took out a clipping from a newspaper he'd run across at work.

It was the same ad for the blind baby girl.

Deeply moved by this "coincidence," both parents saw this as a sign from Hashem telling them they were meant to adopt this baby.

So they called the number on the ad and discovered it belonged to an institution in Tel Aviv that housed disabled children.

The couple was invited to come the next day to see the baby (who was around a year old).

Oh...You Guys Meant THAT Kind of Blind.

Chaviva & Tzvi Moshe arrived the next morning. (No easy feat considering Israel's transportation system back in 1977.)

Upon arrival, the staff showed them a bundle all wrapped up as a staff member held this "bundle" in a way so that the couple could only see the back of the baby's head.

Realizing the institution wanted to hide something, Chaviva & Tzvi Moshe asked to hold the baby themselves.

The staff resisted.

The couple insisted.

Finally, the staff allowed them to hold the baby.

And then Chaviva & Tzvi Moshe spotted what the staff tried to hide.

The baby had no eyeballs.

Instead, her closed eyelids sank into empty sockets.

"I think the staff was very tense about our decision," Chaviva recalled later. "It was hard for them to believe we would agree to accept a baby in that condition. But I looked at my husband, he looked at me, and we both stated to them unequivocally, 'We are ready to take her'."

And they did.

"With God's Help, No Baby will Ever Die in My Custody."

Chaviva admits that at the time, she did not consider the long-term consequences of their decision.

"It was clear to me that here was an abandoned baby in need of a home," she said. "What was needed at that moment was to help her; as far as we were concerned, it was saving a Jewish life — pure and simple."

With regard to the fact that Chaviva herself was only a month away from giving birth, she says matter-of-factly, "And what if I'd been having twins? Would I say I can only care for one of them? The attitude of mine and my husband's was to do what was necessary at that moment — including if it's not easy and even if it's complicated."

The institution was thrilled with their decision to adopt and promised to contact them once all the papers were ready.

All the bureaucracy took only 3 days. (Highly unusual at that time.) They contacted the Tzachors, who returned to pick up their new baby.

Chaviva immediately sought a medical examination for the baby girl.

At that time, Kiryat Arba lacked a proper health clinic, so the community was forced to use the services of an army doctor.

After completing his examination, the doctor told Chaviva, "Wrap her up and send her back to the place from which you brought her. Apparently, they prefer that she die in your custody and not in theirs."

But Chaviva remained resolute.

"With God's Help," she replied, "no baby will ever die in my custody."

Chaviva Asserts Liat's Place in the Family

In a family of mostly boys, the best place for the new baby was in the room of the then-12-year-old daughter, Mina.

But the baby's appearance horrified Mina.

"I'm not prepared to sleep with her in my room!" she said.

Chaviva understood her daughter, but pleasantly told her, "You may sleep wherever you choose. But the baby stays here."

Mina's Struggle

It took Mina 35 years to reveal her true feelings about their first hours together.

"I hated her," says Mina.

That first night, Chaviva (not knowing which side the baby preferred to sleep) lay the baby on her side and left her that way, figuring that the baby would find her favorite position on her own.

After all, the institution told her that the baby knew how to turn over on her own.

But that ended up being a lie.

But late at night, when everyone else was sleeping Mina got up to look at her new sister and noticed that the one-year-old remained on that same side.

As Mina gazed at her new sister, her heart seethed with hatred & rage.

The crumpled little eyelids sunk into empty sockets. The little body full of repulsive bedsores that stank.

"Why did she come into my life?" Mina recalled thinking to herself. "I wanted a nice sister. And here, the baby girl who arrived was so ugly. She was a neglected baby and not at all according to my expectations."

Still seething with resentment, Mina approached the baby and jabbed her in the back with her finger.

The jab caused the baby to flop onto her stomach, her face pressing into the mattress.

Mina waited for the baby to roll back over (as per the reassurance of the institution), but the little girl never moved.

"Suddenly, I panicked," said Mina. "I pulled her back onto her side and then heard her sigh a very deep sigh — 'Ahhhhhhhhhhh' — like a 100-year-old man. That alarmed me and I realized just how helpless she was."

This aroused the compassion trapped beneath Mina's anger & hatred.

And Mina's innate compassion won out.

In the dark quiet of the night, Mina found herself speaking a promise to her new sister:

"Don't worry — I'll help you."

A Baby in Despair

The blind baby's arrival upended life for the Tzachor family.

In addition to the smelly bedsores & the lack of eyeballs, Liat suffered terrible constipation that made her sweat & strain with each movement — yet she never uttered a sound because in addition to everything else, Liat had given up on crying.

Crying never helped. So her little baby self had given up.

The only doctor who knew how to help with the physical problems worked in Tel Aviv, so Chaviva brought Liat all the way back there, then returned home to follow his instructions: For the constipation, a teaspoon of raisin wine every 15 minutes around the clock.

This became a full-time chore.

Chaviva could not even send Liat to the local daycare because they were not equipped to deal with her problems.

A Deeper Perspective on Crying

Over time, the family's dedicated treatment improved the baby's condition.

For the bedsores, Chaviva could only wipe clean the baby's skin between the sores; a full bath was against doctor's orders.

Eventually, the bedsores cleared up & allowed Chaviva to bathe her for the first time.

But it was a shock for the baby.

"Apparently, for a little baby who cannot see," remembers Chaviva, "the sudden sensation was very frightening. But after a moment, I saw her relax. And even her hand, which was always clenched in a fist that never opened, found release and went slack [in a good way]. Until then, we always joked how she must have stolen the midwife's ring, and how because of that, she never opened her hand."

With the warm bath, the little girl's entire body relaxed. Her legs were no longer stiff as a board and her knees now started to bend.

It seemed to Chaviva that the little girl was enjoying herself.

Finally, Chaviva finished bathing her, then lifted the baby to her shoulder for a cuddle.

And that's when Liat started crying for the first time — strong, lusty cries.

"I get emotional all over again every time I recall it because it was the first time she started to cry — to cry hard," says Chaviva. "It was as if she was trying to tell us, 'Look! After all this time, there is finally somebody who touches me and loves me!'

"I will never forget that cry," says Chaviva.

The lesson learned from that moment carries into Chaviva's work today with parents of disabled children.

"That was a cry that expressed so much," she explains. "Today, when I counsel parents of children with special needs and the people at social services, I say the way to identify a child who is not being cared for properly is the inability to cry.

"A child who realizes that crying will not help him — he doesn't cry. And that is the worst situation." Chaviva returns to that moment with Liat's first bout of crying: "The cries of the baby conveyed to me that she feels our love. And at that moment, I joined in her crying, and together we both cried and cried. Amid all that, I telephoned my husband and sobbed, 'Mazal tov — a daughter has been born to us'."

Now that their new daughter realized that she had someone to whom she could cry and be answered, everyone knew that the adoption had been finalized on "both" sides. They'd accepted & loved her as a true daughter — and now the little girl finally felt that love & acceptance that herself.

That Shabbat, Chaviva & Tzvi Moshe organized a big kiddush in the shul in honor of the new reality: This little girl was truly their daughter now.

In fact, Liat hadn't been her name; she'd come to them named Yael.

But the rav of the shul told Chaviva that since Chaviva had turned into the baby's actual mother, then Chaviva should call the baby a name of her own choosing.

So together, Chaviva & Tzvi Moshe decided to call her "Liat" — a name that contains the words li ("for me") and at ("you").

As Mina explains the meaning, "You are one of us; you aren't alone."

Life Revolves around Liat

During that time of adjustment, Chaviva also gave birth to her eighth child, who eventually transitioned to the local daycare as Chaviva continued the full-time job of caring for Liat.

The family soon discovered that in addition to her blindness, Liat suffered developmental delays.

As Kiryat Arba lacked resources at that time, Chaviva sought what Liat needed in Yerushalayim.

She discovered a rehabilitation center associated with Bikur Cholim hospital for special-needs children.

So Chaviva woke up early each morning to prepare breakfast sandwiches for her other eight children, then made her way to the rehabilitation center.

The program finished in the afternoon, forcing Chaviva to return in the late afternoon.

In Israel, lunch is the main meal of the day and the Tzachor children were used to a hot dinner waiting for them when they arrived home from school.

As a solution, Chaviva hired a woman just to cook the children a hot & satisfying meal, but the children complained that they "didn't like the food."

"No problem," said their mother. "Then we'll start eating a hot meal in the evening hours."

And that's what they did.

Millennia Later, The Fruit Still Doesn't Fall Far from the Eshel Tree

When Liat turned 13, her parents sought to establish a village for special-needs religious teenagers, but they soon discovered that many parents felt reluctant about sending their children to Kiryat Arba — a place that still demands heightened security due to political tensions.

So the Tzachors decided to establish a center to assist special-needs children and their families.

They called it Neve Avraham in honor of the loving-kindness exemplified by Avraham Avinu.

Mina joined the venture and has worked there for 29 years so far.

Chaviva retired from running the center around the time her husband passed away, and Mina has been running it on her own ever since.

The center assists around 350 children a year and serves all the surrounding communities.

"Our motto," says Mina, "is to believe in every single one of the children and to know that the sky is the only limit."

Mina asserts that the proof of their method lies with Liat.

"In the merit that she lives with us, and always hears talking, laughing, and a natural life in which everyone is always hugging her endlessly and investing in her so much, she has mamesh progressed. Today, she's labelled as 'severely retarded' and not 'profoundly retarded' — and that is a significant difference."

Mina concludes, "We invest everything we have in every single one of the children at the center. And we are confident that with love and faith, everyone can develop beyond all expectations."

The Best Birthday Present in 78 Years

Chaviva never lost her hope for Liat's progress.

People around the Tzachor family felt bad for them and encouraged them to return Liat. "It's a mekach ta'ut," they remarked to Chaviva & Moshe Tzvi, referring to a situation in halacha in which making an acquisition under false pretenses nullifies that acquisition.

Another evaluation was given over like this: "Do neither of you understand that she's not only blind, but also retarded with severe disabilities?"

Needless to say, Chaviva & Tzvi Moshe refused to even consider returning Liat.

She was their daughter through and through.

Even today, with Liat unable to see, communicate, or even walk (she moves around the house on her knees), Chaviva holds on to the hope that Liat will still improve.

"The hope that Liat will advance still beats within me until today," says Chaviva. "I'm sure that the day will come when Liat will succeed in speaking and communicating with all of us. HaKadosh Baruch Hu is Great and He can do anything. I believe that every child needs one adult who will believe in him. It's true that Liat is already 44 years old, but as far as I'm concerned, she continues to be my little girl."

Hashem rewarded Chaviva for her emunah.

On Chaviva's 78th birthday, Liat said "Ima" (Mommy) for the first time.

Now Liat says it all the time & it's the first word on her lips when she wakes up in the morning.

Liat also says the name of her big sister: "Mina-Mina-Mina."

"The truth is," says Chaviva, "that in recent years — despite it seeming unreal and impossible — Liat is actually making progress. Since my husband passed away 4 years ago, I feel like he's functioning as a Heavenly resource. She shows us a lot more emotion, she hugs me all the time, and always wants to sit with me. She also really enjoys music. When we play songs by Avraham Fried, we see how she delighted she gets."

Why Did Hashem Create People with Such Severe Limitations?

When asked about everything she has been forced to give up for Liat, Chaviva acknowledges that since adopting Liat, they haven't lived according to the norms of society.

For example, when Liat was younger, Chaviva and Tzvi Moshe couldn't attend family simchas together because a responsible adult always needed to be with Liat. Instead, they took turns going to family simchas.

Even now, with her husband's passing making Chaviva Liat's sole caretaker, Chaviva doesn't feel like she's missing much by not living the social life of other women her age.

"When I don't feel good or something," says Chaviva, "my children come to my aid."

All the other children are married with families of their own. But they're still there for their mother and sister whenever needed.

Ultimately, Chaviva sums up her feelings and also illuminates the real purpose of disabled people in our world (and also shows why they shouldn't be aborted or discarded):

"It's not only that we help her," says Chaviva. "But it's also that she helps us and educates all of us. In her merit, I developed patience for all my children. In her merit, my children became more sensitive toward others. And in her merit, a center was established that helps so many children.

"I thank Hashem every single day that He sent her to us. And I hope that her life will continue to be good, relaxed, and happy."

This post is based on a Hebrew article on Hidabroot here:
https://www.hidabroot.org/article/1132258

Photo by silviarita--3142410

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What Yiftach's Challenge Teaches Us about Our Own Challenges & How to Respond in the Best Way Possible

30/6/2020

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A recurring theme streaming throughout Tanach is the tremendous dedication to Am Yisrael demonstrated by even those rejected by Am Yisrael.

We see this with David Hamelech, Moshe Rabbeinu, Yosef Hatzaddik, Yirmiyahu HaNavi, Yiftach HaGiladi (Jephte of Gilad) and more.

Let's look at the saga of Yiftach (Shoftim/Judges 11:1-12:7), which also features in the Haftarah for Parshat Chukat.

Yiftach, like some other people in Tanach, did not start out from such noble stock.

Like Gidon, he was born into one of the smallest & least prestigious of the Tribes: Menashe.

Furthermore, his mother's status (which influences Yiftach's status) lacks propriety.

The Torah uses a term for her which could mean that she was a pundakeet (a woman who runs an inn — and while not forbidden, it's not a proper job for a bat Melech), or that she married out of her Tribe (again, not forbidden, but not the proper thing to do either), or that she was simply Gilad's pilegesh (concubine) — a woman permitted to him & faithful to him, but who is involved with him without the benefit of Kiddushin (marriage).

The truth is, none of these theories contradict each other, so she could have been all three.

Anyway, Yiftach's father, Gilad, also had an official wife. (I don't know whether Gilad's relationship with Yiftach's mother occurred before Gilad's proper marriage or during, though it sounds like before.)

At one point, Yiftach's half-brothers (from Gilad & Gilad's official wife) decided to banish Yiftach from their entire community.

Declaring they didn't want Yiftach inheriting with them from Gilad, they chased him out by force.

And the elders of that area supported the actions of Yiftach's half-brothers.

Let's stop here for a moment and examine what happened to Yiftach here.

Yiftach's Traumatic Experience

According to halacha, Yiftach had every right to inherit his father.

After all, the son of a pilegesh is still a son.

The pilegesh is wholly faithful to her man; there is no doubt as to who is the father of her child.

Yet even if the Yiftach's half-brothers didn't know this halacha, the elders certainly did!

Furthermore, the half-brothers chased out Yiftach with a great deal of force, say the commentaries. Described as a gibbur chayil later chosen to lead the battle against the powerful Ammonites, Yiftach must have been both physically imposing and a skillful combatant.

I don't know whether he physically fought back against his half-brothers, but the commentaries say they chased him out aggressively (maybe they took a strong offensive due to his size & skill, even if he didn't end up fighting back).

This is very serious because you have extremely aggressive and halachically wrong actions...supported by not only by Yiftach's own Tribe — but by the elders of his own community within that Tribe (which was also called Gilad, like his father).

And Yiftach was all on his own. He had no other full sibling, nor do the text or commentaries mention other family members.

This all sounds profoundly traumatic.

Where Yiftach Crosses the Line from Good into Great

And indeed, Yiftach ends up in a land called "Tov," where he hangs out with do-nothings.

But he also ends up as their leader; they willingly follow him.

And he apparently enjoys the good life in the land of Tov.

Yet Yiftach's physical prowess & charisma don't go unnoticed by his Tribe.

At one point, the same elders of Gilad make their way to the land of Tov and approach Yiftach with an offer: They want him to fight the powerful Ammonite nation on their behalf.

They immediately offer him chiefdom before even stating their request.

But Yiftach reminds them how they hate him and drove him out from his father's house:

"And why have you come to me now when you're in distress?"

The elders don't even try to play games with him. (You know, like, "Oh, but Yiftach our brother, YOU didn't understand...it was all a big misunderstanding!" or "Oh, are you still upset over THAT? C'mon, you're bigger than that..." or "Look, no one could be completely sure about your paternity, so you gotta understand this was the only way.")

Instead, the elders basically say, "Yeah, that IS why we've come now. Exactly. Now, come on; let's get going with this conquest."

But Yiftach has one more stipulation: If Hashem delivers the Ammonites into Yiftach's hand, Yiftach wants to be more than a military chief; he wants to be their leader.

They agree.

So Yiftach travels back with them to Gilad and he rejoins his birthplace and his people.

And he also maintains his connection with Hashem. (He doesn't move forward without praying first.)

Why Yiftach is a Real Gibbur Chayil

The story of Yiftach continues with tremendous victory in battle & successful leadership, but also personal tragedy.

Yet all in all, Yiftach who was an am ha'aretz of ignoble birth (and his ending is so great either), merited not only to become a Shofet, but also merited an entire chapter about him in Tanach.

Not all the Shoftim earned more than a brief mention.

Furthermore, when he needed it for his role as Judge, ruach hakodesh rested upon him.

So what's behind the success of Yiftach, who was prioritized by Chazal as the LEAST of the Shoftim?

So it's like this:

Yiftach could have told the elders to go jump.

Yes, he could have.

Yiftach was enjoying the good life in Tov with his band of merry men.

He didn't need to be affected by an Ammonite invasion of Menashe.

Also, if Menashe really found itself in trouble, other Tribes could come to the rescue (as they did).

Furthermore, Yiftach was a religious person. Not a scholarly one, but a religious one. (Everyone was religious back then.)

If the people merited it & Hashem wanted them to win, so they would.

Simple as that.

Finally, couldn't Yiftach gloat in the persecution of Menashe?

"Oho!" he could have said with the smuggest of smirks. "Now you're on the other side of the stick. How does it feel, eh? You know what? You had your chance. You could've stepped up to plate when I was down for the count, but you didn't. You made your bed — so go lie in it and leave me the heck alone."

And then he could have cheered on the Ammonites. ("Stick it to 'em! Yeeeeah!")

He really didn't have to care.

Also, he was already a successful leader in Tov. What did he need the prestige of Tribal leadership for? For what did he need the responsibility of people who'd treated him so badly and seemed not to like him at all?

But not only did Yiftach did step up to bat...he performed marvelously.

He saved his Tribe and then as their leader, he was a good & honest Judge.

In other words: not one smidgen of retaliation.

He consistently behaved with goodness & fairness to the same people who had so badly hurt and rejected him.

And Yiftach was always whole with Hashem. Whether he was living as the unwanted brother in Gilad or cruising as the leader of empty-headed men in Tov or presiding over Am Yisrael as a Shofet, Yiftach held on to his emunah.

Ultimately, Yiftach was loyal.

Despite everything, Yiftach maintained loyalty to Hashem and thus, loyalty to his Tribe.

He was there for them when they really needed him.

And that's the example to learn from.

Why Yiftach was a Real Gibbur — a Real Winner

Certainly, in both halacha & Tanach, we find situations when we must be tough with others.

But in general, we're supposed to know that Hashem is behind everything and not take stuff personally.

We are supposed to overcome our pain and do the right thing no matter what.

Rav Avigdor Miller has stressed that love of our fellows must emanate from a love of Hashem — and that's what happened with Yiftach.

The text mentions how he prayed and spoke to Hashem.

Yiftach was able to overcome his trauma and preside with good grace over the same people who'd hurt him so badly because of his emunah.

As the Pele Yoetz reiterates throughout, a rodef shalom is only made when peace flees a person and he must pursue it.

If the peace stays serenely with a person, then there is no need to pursue it and thus, such a person cannot be a pursuer of peace.

Likewise, the Pele Yoetz also asks rhetorically whether a man can be praised for his good behavior if his household is pleasant & accommodating.

If his wife, children, and household staff always behave with him pleasantly & accommodatingly, says the Pele Yoetz, then what's the big deal for him to be Mr. Nicey-Nice in return?

Where's the challenge? Of course he's nice to such nice people!

But, says the Pele Yoetz, if his wife his difficult and his family & household staff try his patience, then a man who behaves pleasantly to such people — HE deserves praise! He's the winner.

That's real middot.

Why Yiftach's Half-Brothers & the Elders of Gilad Do NOT Reflect Badly on Am Yisrael as a Whole

Another important facet needs to be addressed here.

Unfortunately, Jew-disdainers look to magnify scenarios like the above as examples of those "bad Jews" in Tanach and why Hashem rejected the Jews (chas v'shalom) in favor of believers in the gospels.

And sometimes unthinking Jews themselves wonder what there is to be proud of when we have ancestors who behaved like Yiftach's half-brothers & the elders of Gilad.

(There's a LOT to be proud of! So many of our ancestors did magnificently wonderful things!)

So again, to reiterate the point of the Pele Yoetz: Being really nice to people who are really nice to you does NOT mean you are a nice person.

It could mean that, but it doesn't have to.

After all, being surrounded by pleasant & accommodating people does not incite you into behaving not-nice.

Therefore, if you want to be a truly good person, then you need to behave with integrity & love in situations when you are being treated UNfairly & UNlovingly & UNpleasantly.

This means that Hashem must put you in such situations.

In other words: To be the kind of person who responds to darkness with illumination, you must be placed in a dark room.

Your light can never be seen in the brightness of the noonday sun.

In order to see your light, there needs to be darkness.

And that's why these persecutions of very good & innocent people needed to happen.

These persecutions do not reflect on Am Yisrael as a whole.

These people NEEDED for them to happen. So Hashem activated these events.

How Bar Kamtzah Not Only Missed the Boat, But Sank the Whole Ship

One final piece of food for thought:

We see that behaving with love & integrity & emunah in the face of terrible rejection is the cornerstone for true greatness and also for Mashiach (Ruth, King David, and Leah Imeinu were all terribly rejected at some point.)

But the opposite is also true.

In the infamous story of Kamtza & Bar Kamtza, Bar Kamtza found himself faced with terrible rejection & humiliation — rejection & humiliation that occurred with the seeming agreement of the great rabbis seated there.

It was a much lighter version of what happened to Yiftach and others.

Yet was was Bar Kamtzah's reaction?

SEETHING HATRED. REVENGE. RETALIATION.

Bar Kamtzah actively sought to hurt the people who hurt him — and he involved a powerful enemy nation in order to execute his plan.

It was the exact opposite of how our greatest people responded to pain & rejection...

...and it led to the Destruction of the Second Beit Hamikdash, which still remains desolate 2000 years later.

Elevating Yourself & Your Nation (or not)

So we see here that taking the low road in response to rejection & pain leads to terrible destruction of everything we cherish most.

Yet we also see that taking the higher road in response to rejection & pain leads to the highest levels of human achievement: nevuah (prophecy), ruach kodesh (a lower level of prophecy), and Mashiach.

So we see that our response to pain, rejection, betrayal, persecution, and unfairness holds the key to our own personal greatness & National success...or not.

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Appreciating Each Other: How are Different Groups Viewed in Shamayim? Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender Reveals the Key from a Post-Death Conversation with His Late Brother-in-Law

19/4/2020

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With our biggest rabbanim emphasizing the need to work on our bein-adam-l'chaveiro (person-to-person) mitzvot, a big thing is to avoid denigrating other Rebbes & Rabbanim, which also includes other groups.

BTW: By "other groups," this ONLY means HALACHICALLY LEGITIMATE groups.

Groups that deny the chain of tradition from Har Sinai, nullify fundamental halachah by weaseling fake loopholes, groups that deny the Divinity of Torah, or even hold the belief in Hashem Himself is optional...these ideologies deserve no respect whatsoever.

Having said that, treating the bamboozled adherents themselves of these groups with respect is derech eretz. The vast majority of them were not raised with authentic Torah knowledge, and are fed cunning lies & distortions to get them to believe in these halachically illegitimate ideologies.

They're simply flailing over the stumbling block placed before the blind. They need help & outreach more than censure.

But respecting these extremely damaging & anti-Jewish ideas? No way. Never.

However, there are groups which developed over time; there are varied traditions set by real tzaddikim.

And those should not be tangled with.

Since the creation of Bnei Yisrael, we have been split into different groups according to Tribe.

When we crossed the parted Yam Suf, we crossed in different pathways according to Tribe — a Divine message that Hashem Himself wishes for us to be varied yet united.

It's like different jewels in one setting.

For example, a pearl necklace often has diamond and/or gold fixtures or gold clasps. Not only is a gold clasp more practical than a pearl clasp, the necklace is all the more beautiful for its gold (or diamond) accents.

I think we've all seen beautiful pieces of jewelry that combine diamonds with gold and amethysts or emeralds or rubies or sapphires.

A bracelet is simply so much more exquisite for the combination of precious stones and metals.

Likewise, bnei Yisrael.

"IF One Means It in TRUTH..."

In Words of Faith, a collection of drashot by one of the Breslover tzaddikim Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender, Rav Bender recalls the time his late brother-in-law Rav Moshe Tchunstchover visited him a in a dream (Vol. II, page 213):

I asked him, "Moshe — vi azoi iz dartun dem Rebin's zach [How is the matter of the Rebbe over there]?"

He answered me, "Dem Rebin's zach is da zeir chashuv — ob memeint mit a emes [The matter of the Rebbe is extremely important — if one means it in truth]...."

This is an astounding revelation from someone devoted heart & soul to the path of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov.

In order to appreciate this objectivity & integrity, it's important to know how deeply immersed in Breslov ideology Rav Bender was.

First of all, Rav Bender was not born into Breslov. He was born in Poland to parents who were not Breslovers at all. He only delved into Breslov at age 17 after having been impressed with the ideology. He moved to Uman against his parents' wishes.

So he chose it when he hadn't needed to.

And out of his own free choice, Rav Bender developed an unswerving dedication to the path of Rebbe Nachman.

For example, Rav Bender advised doing a whole session of hitbodedut ONLY on the appreciation for Rebbe Nachman and what he gave us, promising that one could enjoy hours just on that alone.

Rav Bender also literally risked his life & endured a terrible prison sentence that almost ended in execution — all for saying a quick Tikkun Haklali at Rebbe Nachman's grave site.

It was worth it to him, no regrets.

That's dedication.

On page 158 of Vol. I, Rav Bender waxes:

We should be so happy over having come close to the Rebbe. This opens the heart and frees the mind...The treasure we have is worth more than all the wealth of the world.

This is obviously a Breslover chassid devoted heart, soul, and mind to his chassidus and his Rebbe.

On page 456 of Vol. II, Rav Bender states:

It is incumbent upon us to believe in the words of the Tzaddik [Rebbe Nachman of Breslov] about everything, in every bit of what he says.

These are the words of a truly passionate chassid of Breslov.

At the same time, he also stresses Rebbe Nosson's passion to listen to all tzaddikim (i.e., probably not just Rebbe Nachman & probably not just the Breslover tzaddikim) — "to listen to all that they say."

(Rebbe Nosson/Natan Sternhartz was Rebbe Nachman's prime disciple & transcriber.)

But Rav Bender's fiery devotion to Breslov, to Rebbe Nachman himself, is prime.

3 Lessons Learned from This Brief Yet Revealing Exchange

There is no doubt in my mind that Rav Moshe Tchunstchover made a post-mortem visit to Rav Bender, during which he gave Rav Bender the above message in reply to Rav Bender's question.

It cannot be that this is a figment of Rav Bender's imagination because in the depths of his being, it's clear that Rav Bender felt that Rebbe Nachman's way was the best & most effective way to fulfill Torah.

(Also, Rav Bender was remarkably self-aware. If he describes this as an after-death visitation and not a mere dream, we can be sure he really knows that it is.)

So this brief message from the World of Truth tells us 3 things:

(1) The path of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov is indeed a legitimate path of Torah Judaism. It's zeir chashuv — very important — in the World of Truth.

(2) It's not the only path. (Else Rav Tchunstchover wouldn't have said it's "very important;" he would've declared it considered the "real way" or "the best.")

(3) But the clincher is: You need to mean it mit a emes — with Truth. You have to be sincere. You have to really mean it.

And I'm going to risk extrapolating that lesson to apply to other halachically legitimate groups (Lubavitch chassidus, Satmar chassidus, Yemenite, Litvish, the mussar movement, the Ben Ish Chai of the Sefardim, etc.):

Each one is very important in Shamayim...but you must memeint mit a emes — you have to really mean it.

Am Yisrael all together ♥♥

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Behaving with Courage & Compassion in the Coronavirus Ward

23/3/2020

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I was moved to tears by the last paragraphs of this article:

Amid Coronavirus, Israel Modifies Funeral Rituals for First Victim

In the coronavirus ward, medical workers mostly communicate via video with the patients. And the new protective protocols prevent them from giving the hands-on care the patients also need.

So the younger & healthier coronavirus patients have taken upon themselves to care for the older, suffering coronavirus patients.

These younger, less affected patients fluff the pillows of the more severely affected, adjust their oxygen masks, and help them call their family members.

As 88-year-old Aryeh Even's situation deteriorated, the other patients refused to allow him to feel alone. They cared for him and remained with him in his last moments when his own family were not allowed to be at his side.

Two patients even said Shema Yisrael with Mr. Even at the end of his life.

It takes compassion to respond as these patients have.

But it also takes courage, seeing the effects of the same disease from which they themselves suffer, to face Aryeh Even's suffering & death head-on — with beautiful Jewish compassion.

May this courage & compassion be a zechut for all Am Yisrael.

And may all the ill merit a complete & speedy refuah of the nefesh & the guf.

And may Hashem erase this epidemic immediately from our midst, with no more victims.

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What Does Judaism Say about Self-Love & Self-Esteem?

25/12/2019

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Growing up in secular liberal America, I always heard a lot about self-love. There was even a famous song, which declared that learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.

(Shame on that songstress. As someone with a religious background, she should have known that learning to love God is the greatest love of all. But Hollywood corrupts everything. Oh well.)

Self-love & self-esteem were supposed to go hand-in-hand to cultivate a positive self-image, thereby making you a better person.

Yet as time went by, many “experts” realized that self-love did not actually lead to the good behavior they’d predicted. And many bad people (narcissists, for example) possess a falsely positive self-image and esteem themselves too highly.

So “experts” started talking about self-compassion.

That was better, but I still couldn’t help noticing that the concept of self-love (self-esteem, self-compassion, etc.) didn’t seem to exist within all the millennia of scholarship contained within Judaism.

Yes, there is ONE passage commonly lifted out of Gates of Teshuvah to promote self-love & self-esteem. (Basically, it explains something like how low self-esteem can lead a person to compensate by puffing up himself with fake attributes and arrogance.)

But it seemed that if self-love was an essential part of self-growth, Chazal would’ve mentioned it somewhere – and somewhere easily found.

And no one ever quoted the Gemara about self-love.

If self-love is essential to teshuvah, why isn’t it anywhere in the Gemara?

That omission alone should tell us something.

At the very least, in the entire book of Gates of Teshuvah, Rabbeinu Yonah should have mentioned it more than once if it was so important.

It's the Well-Meaning Bull's-Eye Artists Once Again...

Which came first? The target or the arrow?

Gradually, the realization dawned on me that if it’s not mentioned in our core Jewish sources, then it is probably not a Jewish idea.

Eventually, I chalked it all up to a common practice among many well-meaning frummies: They shoot their arrow and then draw a bull’s eye around the arrow so it looks like the arrow hit the target.

Likewise, these very well-meaning people grab an idea from modern psychology and then search through Chazal until they find a verse that supports their treasured currently fashionable idea.

They honestly don’t realize what they’re doing.

And while such a method may help temporarily (if it didn’t help at all, it likely never would’ve made it into the annals of pop psychology), it ultimately will not do the job because it’s not completely true (if it’s true at all).

Azamrah!

Next, people pointed to Rebbe Nachman of Breslov’s famous idea that you need to find at least one merit in yourself, at least one good point.

That’s still not self-love.

It’s more along the lines of self-compassion & self-esteem & a positive self-image, but it’s still not the same idea as promoted in the non-Jewish world.

Anyway, why did Rebbe Nachman so strongly push this idea?

What’s the motive behind it?

He pushed it because people who do a very sincere & deep cheshbon hanefesh come up with all kinds of unpleasant realizations about themselves.

Even very good people end up discovering all sorts of not-so-pious motivations behind their acts of piety and chessed.

(It’s exactly this kind of self-awareness that keeps our Gadolei Hador and our tzaddikim so humble, despite their genuinely elevated qualities and, in some cases, their global fame.)

So the whole point of self-azamrah (finding at least one good quality in yourself) is to save the profoundly honest & relentlessly self-probing people from despair & emotional paralysis.

Along these lines, it’s impossible to miss Breslov's constant encouragement to uncover your flaws before Hashem, pouring your heart out about them in hitbodedut in order to polish them. (In Words of Faith, Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender emphisizes several examples of this.)

Which, again, is the whole reason for the necessity of self-azamrah.

I don’t know if you need to go digging around for at least one good point in yourself if you’re not doing some kind of cheshbon hanefesh. If you have no serious regrets and you feel pretty satisfied with yourself, then what is the point of self-azamrah? After all, you already see plenty of good points in yourself!

In other words, Azamrah facilitates cheshbon hanefesh & teshuvah.

That's its purpose.

So really, self-azamrah is not the self-love or self-compassion promoted in pop psychology either.

To see a classic short story from Rebbe Nachman describing the Azamrah process, please see:
The Tzaddik Who Fell into Sadness

What is the Torah's Definition of a Positive Self-Image?

It's Not "I'm Okay, You're Okay."

It's More Along the Lines of: "Maybe I'm Not Really NOT Okay...But My Neshamah is Absolutely Brilliant!"

A positive self-image Torah-style means recognizing that your core self, your neshamah, is pristine and holy.

Your job is to clean up the rest of you and actualize your pristine and holy core.

We're Still Not Through Yet: Where is the Love?

So while I came across nearly zero about self-love (or self-esteem), I did come across an enormous amount of Torah material promoting love for HASHEM.

Ahavat Hashem/Love of God: THIS idea is just all over the place in Chazal. It’s in Tanach. It’s in every book on mussar or Chassidus. You can’t get away from it.

So then I realized that the goal is actually to love Hashem…and to know that Hashem loves you too!

In fact, Hashem loves you much more than you could ever love yourself.

This is talked about in Torah classes. But why the need to also introduce self-love and self-esteem and self-this and self-that?

I think it’s because the idea of such a relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu feels very far away, very difficult to attain.

And that’s to be expected.

But that’s doesn’t mean we shouldn’t make it our goal.

A far-off goal doesn't mean we should dilute it with non-Jewish ideas in order to seemingly bring it closer.

It's Not Too Far Away

In the spiritual realm, EVERY SINGLE TINY STEP is HUGE PROGRESS.

Every spiritual act you do MEANS something.

Even if you become a completely rasha tomorrow (chas v’shalom), you can never erase any of the good you did.

Never.

That’s why terrible people often live it up in This World. Somewhere, they’ve done something good. And Hashem gives them their reward for it now.

(But they sure will pay for it later!)

So we shouldn’t allow the loftiness of the goal to dissuade us.

Unfortunately, people who automatically (and often unconsciously) dismiss this goal can end up teaching, and writing books and articles in the frum community, which is why you’ll hear about all these pop psychology concepts within frum venues.

So as good-hearted as these people are and as passionately as they want to help others, they can’t because they don’t have the right hashkafah themselves. And they honestly do not realize this.

Placing Bogus Limits on God (Who is Limitless) Leads to Really Bad Things

By the way, this idea that a 100% true and necessary Jewish fundamental is “too far away” or “too high” to even attempt reaching is a 2000-year-old mistake made by other people.

This is the basis for declaring a son of God who is also divine, and then using this imagery as a medium for prayer.

Combine this with a rejection of the paradox that really horrific things happen in the world, yet Hashem is a Wholly Compassionate Creator Who does everything for the good, and you have what you have in the world today as far as a major religion goes.

So for them, God feels too distant to access, plus they need someone to blame for all the bad stuff and the harsh judgements. So they make the human rep the “god” of love and accessibility, while they make the actual Creator the source of whatever they perceive as bad and punishing. Ta-daaaahhhh!

Actually, it goes back even further. Much avodah zarah rests on this idea that God is too far away, too busy, too overwhelmed, too exalted, too paradoxical, and thus we need an intermediary (chas v’shalom).

(In contrast, very early avodah zarah derived from the idea that people should praise the King’s servants—i.e., the planetary bodies—which led to actually worshiping them.)

The point is: We should not limit Hashem.

(Needless to say, we can't actually limit Hashem. But we can fool ourselves into thinking so.)

That always leads to trouble in the end.

We can strive to nurture a personal relationship with Hashem, and cultivate love for Him while at the same time, making every effort to feel His Love for us.

So it’s not that you need to love yourself, but that you need to maintain a constant awareness that HASHEM loves YOU.

Even when you’ve been bad, Hashem is right there loving you and waiting for you to return to Him.

But that still wasn’t the end of it.

Oh-Ho! I Found Self-Love in Judaism After All...

If you read the wonderful mussar book, Pele Yoetz, you’ll discover that the second chapter is titled: Ahavat Atzmo – Love of Oneself!

So what’s going on with that?

First of all, the preceding and first chapter is Ahavah L’Hakadosh Baruch Hu – Love for the Holy One Blessed Be He.

That right there tells us something.

The very first sentence of the entire masterpiece is:

Love for The Holy One Blessed Be He: There is no better virtue than this. For from this follows all the service of Hashem Yitbarach and all of Judaism.

So self-love (as defined by the big tzaddik who wrote the Pele Yoetz) is actually an aspect of God-love.

True self-love does not exist on its own, nor is self-love in and of itself considered a virtue in Judaism.

In Love of Oneself, the Pele Yoetz immediately states that self-love in an integral part of Divine Design, explaining that a person loves himself more than anything else and will give away everything in order to save his own life.

Then he immediately dives into the concept of self-destruction – which he exhorts against as the opposite of self-love.

Basically, genuine self-love leads to good physical & emotional function, which leads to continued service of Hashem in mitzvot & good deeds.

And that’s the whole point of self-love: avodat Hashem.

A person who transgresses, a person who lives a physically and emotionally unhealthy life? That person is not expressing genuine love for himself.

The Pele Yoetz categorizes such a person as being exploited by the Yetzer Hara, as having fallen into an “evil sickness,” and calls him a fool.

Such a person can even commit suicide, notes the Pele Yoetz, God forbid.

Whether a person injures himself or others, that injury is an act of cruelty.

The Pele Yoetz lists behaviors that do NOT show self-love, but rather display self-hatred:

Excessive drinking of wine
Excessive eating, especially of red meat or delicacies.
Excessive intimacy with your wife
Lengthy vacations and holidays
Working just to increase your bank account when you already have enough for your needs
Endangering yourself just for the money (going on dangerous journeys, as sailing in a ship once was, or to dangerous areas, not taking body guards).
Not being watchful with things that cause physical harm

(You can see that excessive intimacy with one’s wife or lengthy vacations do not clash with the idea of self-love in the non-Jewish world. So as long as you work by the non-Jewish self-love paradigm, you won’t reach the Jewish ideal of self-love, which is based on making yourself a vessel for continued service of Hashem.)

These behaviors DO show self-love:

A willingness to eat parched bread in peace & serenity rather than compiling a vast fortune accompanied by anxiety and toil
In the case where you are doing well financially, you use your funds to afford more physical comfort, but do not labor simply to increase profit.
You avoid indulging in wine.
You avoid indulging in meat.
You avoid consuming delicacies.
You do not overeat.
You avoid lengthy vacations.
You avoid excessive intimacy with your wife.
You stay away from hazardous places.
You stay away from hazardous journeys (sailing across the sea, for example), unless absolutely necessary.

Again, the non-Jewish world glorifies people who engage in dangerous treks to beautiful yet risky places. Furthermore, it sees nothing wrong with excessive marital intimacy or lengthy holidays. (In fact, lengthy vacations, ocean-crossings, and adventurous treks are even goals for many people.)

So living your life according to even the best intentions of the non-Jewish self-love/self-compassion/self-esteem proponents will not lead you to the Jewish ideal of self-love.

Self-Care in Service of Hashem Only

It’s interesting that the Pele Yoetz focuses primarily on your physical preservation with regard to self-love.

But again—what is the root of self-love, according to the Pele Yoetz?

The primary motivation for his love of self, body, and soul must emanate from the love of his Creator.

The body and self are “tools for serving the Master.”

They should not be sullied or broken.

So basically, you’re good to yourself—especially your physical self--so that you have the strength and ability to keep serving Hashem and doing mitzvot.

There’s no other reason.

Sounds like a tall order?

It is. But we should still try.

As long as we make the effort, the Pele Yoetz reassures the striving individual with this final note of encouragement:

Hashem will be his help and his might.

In a Nutshell: The 3 Basic Torah Ideas of Self-Esteem, Self-Image, and Self-Love

To sum up Judaism's take on all the above, based on the classic sources I've read:

#1
Healthy self-esteem means:

You know that Hashem loves you (and is always ready to accept your sincere remorse & willingness to change).
You know that your core neshamah is pristine and holy.

You can maintain the above knowledge even if you know that you (outside of your neshamah) are actually not so great. You might think there is a heck of a lot wrong with you. You might even think you're very bad.

That's okay as long as you know the following:

You need to be secure in Hashem's Love & the exalted potential of yourself emanating from your deepest level of soul: your neshamah.

I can't repeat this enough: I simply never found the pop psychology ideal of self-esteem in any authentic Torah sources.

#2
A positive self-image means:

Knowing your neshamah (your deepest level of soul) is pure and unsullied.
Because of your neshamah, you have the ability to be a tremendously great person. (I know, I know...it sounds unrealistic for me too. But this is what the sefarim say.)

#3
Self-love means:

Taking care of your physical self in a way that enables you to serve Hashem in the strongest & healthiest way possible for the longest time possible.

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Part 4: And Even More Exercises to Increase Your Love of Hashem

25/11/2019

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In Section 3 of Ahavat Hashem in Chovot HaLevavot, Rav Bachya states an interesting observation:

Love of God is a natural result of certain realizations.

Paradoxically, the way to achieve love of Hashem is NOT to aim for loving Hashem, but to focus on certain preliminaries, out of which ahavat Hashem will NATURALLY unfold.

The preliminaries are as follows:

Wholehearted Devotion

Wholeheartedly acknowledge Hashem's Unity (He is One & the Source of EVERYTHING in the world).
Wholeheartedly devote all your acts to Hashem and serve Him for His Sake alone.

(Admittedly, a very tall order.)

Humility

Submit & humble yourself before Hashem.
Submit & humble yourself before truly God-fearing people (who turn from bad) and Hashem's Prime Ones (who do good).

Cheshbon Hanefesh

Make an account of all the good Hashem has done for you & ponder how much You owe Him for all that.
Take into account all the times you've messed up & sinned, and how Hashem so often grants you a reprieve and forgives you. Also, think of all the stuff you've done that you'd be so embarrassed if others found out, and how Hashem generally does not let that happen.

Reflection

Reflect on the words & experiences of the Nevi'im and others like them.
Reflect on the wonders of the world.

4 Practical Exercises

Sadly, I really have nothing to offer for the first 2 preliminaries. Halevai I was wholehearted & humble enough to have something to recommend!

(However, suggestions are welcome.)

Here are some suggestions for making progress with the last two:

Cheshbon Hanefesh

Write or say a gratitude list.

This idea has been repeated so often, but it is always a good idea. Then think about how Nice Hashem is for doing all that for you, and how you can never repay Him for all that, but you can at least show him some gratitude back.

(NOTE: This should not lead to despair; on the contrary, it is an uplifting idea. Think of Hashem like a pampering spoiling Parent who has done so much for you. Yes, this can be difficult if you've suffered a lot. But try your best.)

Do a chesbon hanefesh and then think about how Nice Hashem is to you despite all the times you've let Him down.

Think of how many times you've mindlessly mumbled a bracha ("Baruch, You're God, Our God, King of the Universe, yeah, yeah whatever...oh, where was I again? Hey, does anyone remember if I bentched?"), and how Hashem still loves you so much.

He forgives you and keeps you and the rest of the world operating.

If the world ran according to din, people would get struck by lightening right after bar or bat mitzvah.

Just think about how a snipey comment or utterance of slander does NOT get one's tongue yanked out. Ears that hear lashon hara or nivul peh still work perfectly fine a moment later.

One of our generation's biggest challenges is with our eyes. Taavah, taavah everywhere...whether it's the classic taavah or turning green with envy while window shopping or visiting someone with more materialism than you, or just plain desiring more of Olam Hazeh, most people's eyes work fine. Sure, some need glasses, but nobody's eyeballs just fall out, no matter how much bad stuff they do with their eyes.

Thanks, Hashem! SO INCREDIBLY NICE OF YOU!!!

Reflection

Review your favorite stories or passages from Nevi'im and Ketuvim.

Telling them over to a child or any other enthusiastic listener is one way to relive these ancient experiences. Read them in the plain text or with mefarshim. Peruse them in the modern-day graphic book form for children.

Shoftim is chock-full of great stories. And I've always loved the stories of Eliyahu Hanavi & Elisha Hanavi. Sefer Yeshayahu is full of beautiful language and ideas. Think about what they said, their messages, and what that means for you. After all, these were all written down FOR YOU. (You can write down your thoughts or say them.)

Think about nature & all its routine miracles.

Rav Miller loved to talk about apple seeds and all the wonders within. Rebbetzin Heller noted that if there was only one willow tree (or some kind of tree) in the world, people would flock to look at it, even paying big money to see it.

But because we're surrounded by apples & trees, these wonders become bland in our eyes.

But just think about it what these things really are. (It also helps to listen to or read Rav Miller talking about the wonders of nature.)

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Part 3: Even More Practical Exercises to Increase Your Love of Hashem

24/11/2019

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In Sha'ar Ahavat Hashem: Section 2, Rav Bachya recalls the 3 types of love mentioned in the first paragraph of Kriyat Shema:

your heart (levavecha)
your soul (nafshecha)
your might (me'odecha)

These indicate 3 types types of giving:

heart = honor
soul = body
might = money

He notes that some people give easily of their body, but not of their material possessions, and vice-versa.

For example, some people easily assist you in, say, carrying home your groceries or watching your children for a couple of hours (giving of their body), but find it difficult to loan possessions or give tzedakah.

Others are very generous with their money or loaning you possessions, but find it difficult to do physical tasks of chessed.

And yes, others need kavod. They'll happily give of their time, energy, money, and possessions, but they need to be asked in just the right way & thanked copiously too (and they also tend to let everyone know about all the chessed & tzedakah they do).

Or they have their ideas of what they find demeaning (even if it's not actually demeaning), and refuse to do even necessary beneficial acts that they imagine impinge on their honor.

And some acts of love do demean people, at least externally or culturally, but a truly humble & loving person would still do it.

Rabbeinu Bachya quotes Chazal as saying that all the above means you need to give to Hashem of the following:

your heart = your yetzer hara & your yetzer hatov
your soul = your physical life (to give up one's life when Hashem deems it necessary)
your might = your physical possessions

Reviewing the above definitions, how can you use them to show Hashem your love for Him?

Write down or speak aloud at least 1 way to show your love for Hashem for each of the following:

YOUR HEART (levavecha)

How can you use your yetzer hara in service of love for Hashem?

(Note: That's a hard one; I imagine that in a clash of wills, subordinating your will to Hashem's Will is one way of using your yetzer hara to love Hashem, i.e.: "See how much I love You? I chose to learn on the bus instead of talking on the phone just because I knew You'd be happier that way.")

How can you use your yetzer hatov in service of love for Hashem?
How can you use your honor in service of love for Hashem?

YOUR SOUL (nafshecha)

How can you use your physical action, your body to show your love for Hashem?

YOUR MIGHT (me'odecha)

How can you use your money and material possessions to show your love for Hashem?

See if you can incorporate your answers practically into your life.

Click here for Part 1.
Click here for Part 2.

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Part 1: Some Practical Exercises for Increasing Your Love of Hashem (based on the Gate of Love of God in Duties of the Heart)

20/11/2019

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(B'ezrat Hashem, any limud or positive acts from this post should please go as a zechut for the complete & speedy recovery of Menachem Mendel Shlomo ben Chaya Rochel.)

An inspiring reader wrote in requesting exercises based on the last section of Chovot HaLevavot (Duties of the Heart), Sha'ar Ahavat Hashem (Gate of Love of God), similar to what was done with the section on Cheshbon Hanefesh in the workbook 30 Days to Make Your Soul Shine.

Needless to say, complete ahavat Hashem is something I need to work on too, so I was grateful for the Heavenly nudge from this reader. (And apologies to the inspiring reader, that it took me so long!)

So here it goes:

Exercise #1: Chapter 1 of Ahavat Hashem

When Hashem bound the soul to the body, He charged the soul to care for the body.

Your soul possesses a natural attraction to all that is beneficial & healthful for your body.

So take a moment to focus on the fact that Hashem imbued your nefesh with the good inclination to care for your physical body. Then close your eyes & ask your nefesh:

"What do you want me to do for my body?"
"How best can I help my body?"

You can speak this aloud or freewrite it, as you wish.

If you have a specific health problem, you can ask your nefesh what it wants you to do for that.

Exercise #2 (This is also from Chapter 1):

Now think about 3-5 activities that give you the most pleasure.

(The above can be literally anything, even very material not-so-positive pleasures, like eating fatty carbs or getting buzzed, or positive emotional states like when you first fell in love with your spouse or the love you have for your child at his or her most lovable age).

Now focus on the fact that achieving a feeling of love for Hashem actually feels BETTER than any of those activities combined! (This should lead you to some kind of WOW moment – even a millisecond of WOW is really, really good.)

You don't actually need any of those material, emotional, worldly things to feel good!

(Needless to say, it is of course very positive and beneficial to love your spouse & children, but even such positive worldly love can sometimes lead a person to indulging the relationship when they shouldn't; it can lead to imbalance.)

Loving Hashem is the best feeling there is. All the other stuff we do to feel good pales in comparison to being in love with Hashem.

Think about this, that loving Hashem feels SO MUCH BETTER than ANYTHING else. Contemplate it for at least 10 seconds.

(In Rav Avigdor Miller's 10 Steps to Greatness, Rav Miller advises telling Hashem directly, "I love You." The truth is that following Rav Miller's 10 Steps to Greatness will definitely lead you to increased love of Hashem, as will talking to Hashem in your own words as you would your best friend – as per the shitah of Breslov Chassidut.)

Please see Yosef Sebag's wonderful translation (along with his translations of the useful commentaries) here:
Sha'ar Ahavas Hashem - Gate of Love of G-d with select commentaries

Click here for Part 2.
Click here to continue to Part 3.

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Myrtle Rising

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What is the Torah's Definition of a Positive Self-Image?

It's Not "I'm Okay, You're Okay."

It's More Along the Lines of: "Maybe I'm Not Really NOT Okay...But My Neshamah is Absolutely Brilliant!"

Exercise #2 (This is also from Chapter 1):