Category: Love

Part 4: There is None Like Your Nation Israel - Ein K'Amcha Yisrael

15/9/2019

Why is it vital to aim the spotlight on ordinary frum people being nice?

Because we are roundly attacked by all media at all times, and are incredibly self-critical ourselves, so we need to be reminded how many of us do really wonderful things.

It's not that I am an oblivious idiot sporting especially thick rose-colored glasses; I can tell you exactly what's wrong with the frum community in general and even get specific according to group.

It's very important to ALSO see the good in ourselves and in each other.

You can only fight darkness with light, not with more darkness.

Furthermore, it's important to sing the praises of regular Jews NOT engaged in grand acts.

If you think about it, Leah Imeinu and Chana were not much more than housewives on the surface. Their major avodah happened behind closed doors.

And even when Chana lost her privacy, she wasn't spotlighted for her profound holiness, but was mistaken for a brazen lush.

Yet these two quiet behind-the-scenes ladies merited their own portions in Tanach.

Leah birthed Mashiach.

And Chana's happily-ever-after finale?

Why, she got to be a stay-at-home-mom of 8 children!

(One of whom became one of the greatest Prophets ever, second to Moshe Rabbeinu.)

If Hashem thinks quiet, unseen acts are so important, then maybe we should too.

The Thoughtful Chassidic Tatty

One day, I went to go pick up my son from school before 1:30 PM, which means that I am out and on the bus when the rest of the country is doing the same.

In other words, rush hour with all the crowding & stress.

As I waited at the bus stop, a chassidic man sat there with his little boy. Then a woman approached pushing a stroller with one hand and holding a small child in the crook of her other arm. Another child clung to her skirt as they moved toward the bus stop.

The chassidic man unassumingly rose with his son and moved to stand on the other side of bus stop, thereby allowing the woman sit on the bench with her children.

(He needed to do this because chassidim - along with many other frum people - do not sit on a bench with the opposite gender. So scooting over wasn't enough; he needed to actually vacate the bench.)

Needless to say, this was very thoughtful of him.

The Little Beit Yaakov Girls with Mesirut Nefesh for Derech Eretz

I ended up standing toward the back of the packed bus, which was fine as I knew that seats would free up soon and anyway, it would only be a 15-minute ride maximum.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed two little (3rd- or 4th-grade?) Beit Yaakov girls look at me with concern, put their heads together for a quick whispered conference, then one hoisted herself up on to the lap of the girl sitting by the window, while the girl sitting underneath helped her balance.

Then they called out to me sit down in the newly vacated seat.

Now, I do not know what Beit Yaakov girls wear in other areas, but here, they have enormous backpacks in varying shades of pink that are half the size of the little girls carrying them.

It was humbling to see these two little girls crammed into one seat between their enormous pink sparkly bags, just so they could make a seat available for a perfectly healthy lady standing in the aisle.

I praised them & thanked them, then reassured them that I was fine standing, as anyway, seats would be vacated in another stop or two.

(I was really uncomfortable at the thought of exploiting the goodness these little baalot chessed crammed between the window and their backpacks and each other; I wouldn't have taken seat in such a situation unless I really needed to.)

But these little Beis Yaakov girls continued to hold their position, allowing me to have second thoughts if I wanted (I didn't) before the one finally rolled off the lap of the other. Then they both looked at me quizzically, so I praised them & thanked them again.

A minute later, a row of teenage girls at the back called out to me that a seat had opened up and I ended up sitting next to another little Beis Yaakov girl.

Definitely Not What You Want to Have Happen on a Bus

This little Beis Yaakov girl (maybe a 4th-grader?) started coughing a lot.

I wasn't sure what I could do since she was already holding an open bottle of water in her hand and drinking it when she could.

Suddenly, she coughed so hard she vomited phlegm onto her skirt and the floor.

I think we can all imagine how distressing that is.

All I had in my purse was a plastic bag, which I gave her in case she needed to spit up again.

The 2 Beis Yaakov girls (age 11 or 12?) sitting in front of us immediately turned around to help her, cooing sympathetically & reassuringly while one called out for tissues.

A 9-year-old Beit Yaakov girl had an entire package in her backpack, which was passed through the crowd as we started cleaning up the phlegmy girl.

Then the tissue-extracting stopped as one of the helpful girls called out to the tissue-owner if it was okay to use more tissues?

(We all knew it would be, but you've still got to ask.)

"Use up the entire package," came the authoritative answer.

So they continued cleaning up the phlegmy girl, cooing to her soothingly the whole time. (I discovered that they weren't her sisters, which I thought they might be, due to their attentive care toward her, but they did know her.)

One even cleaned off the floor so that no one would step in the gook later.

Then they helped her off the bus at her stop.

The Pious Chassid of Pirke Avot in Action

I want to bring you in for a closer look at that last scenario.

First of all, these were all very young girls involved.

Yet the entire time, they responded to the unexpected emergency with efficiency and discretion.

(No need to call attention to one's helpfulness nor the state of the phlegmy girl, who is embarrassed enough as is. Other than calmly & briefly calling out about the tissues, there were no raised voices or drama or even a startled "Omigosh — Sara just threw up!")

Also, it is disgusting to clean up someone else's phlegmy vomit with tissues (despite it being perfectly possible to do so without getting one's hands messy) because it just is.

Yet these young girls did so without making faces and without hesitation. They were completely focused on the needs of the suffering little girl.

They displayed no sense of self-importance, just concern for the other.

Finally, despite the distressing situation, they still had the presence of mind to ask the tissue-owner if they could use so many tissues.

Of course, we all KNEW the tissue-owner would say yes.

But there is the famous verse from Avot 5:10, which proclaims "sheli-shelcha, shelcha-shelcha — What's mine is yours; what's yours is yours" as the attitude of a righteous person.

So the first two girls fulfilled the second part of the verse: "shelach-shelach — This is yours. This situation is urgent, but not a real emergency. We need to follow the courtesy of at least asking your permission, even though we know you'll say yes. What's yours is YOURS."

And the tissue-owner fulfilled the first part of the verse: "sheli-shelach — You need my tissues, so now they're yours."

That was the most quintessentially Jewish part of the whole shebang.

And no offense to anyone, but I grew up in non-Jewish and secular Jewish culture. That extra step of instinctive consideration in the middle of an urgent situation?

I never saw it in the outside world. On the contrary, movies and books always show urgent situations as permitting a hefkerut of others' possessions. It's even idealized.

And there was a certain rhythm to it all. Everyone behaved like clockwork.

And the girl who even clean off the floor out of consideration for others' shoes? Chessed & thoughtfulness until to the end — and all performed in an automatic & unassuming manner.

Of course they knew they were being good and behaving correctly, but they clearly did not think they were special.

But they are.

And it's so delicious to see these young Jewish girls instilled with such fine Torah values.

Yashar koach to their parents and schools, and certainly to the innately holy neshamot of these young frum girls themselves.

Related links:
Part I: There is None like You, O Yisrael; Ein K'amcha Yisrael

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Rav Avigdor Miller's Exeptionally Amazing Dvar Torah on Parshat Ki Teitzei

13/9/2019

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Using examples from Parshas Ki Seitzei 2 – Justifying the Just and the Gemara, Rav Avigdor Miller describes the vital importance of both recognizing and praising a tzaddik.

Doing so is good for us; for the tzaddik who is a truly humble person, being praised doesn't matter.

WE benefit from searching out & praising our tzaddikim.

This directive is from Devarim 25:1:
"And they should justify the tzaddik and condemn the wicked."

Then Rav Miller explains how figuring out who is a tzaddik is as difficult now as it was in the generation of Hillel and Shmuel Hakatan.

"Many times there are great tzadikim who are unknown."

Once Again, We See that Real Greatness is Found in the Seemingly Small Things by Seemingly Regular People

And then Rav Miller delves into one of the topics that he covers so well and is one of the aspects that really draws me to his Torah:

Who is a tzaddik in HASHEM'S Eyes?

Rav Miller emphasizes it's not necessarily who we think.

Here it is in a nutshell:

“ 'The true chassidus that is desired by Hakodosh Boruch Hu is far from any picture we have in our mind.' [Mesillat Yesharim] You hear that? A real chossid, a man whose piety and devotion is desired by Hashem, is something that is far from what we imagine. It might be somebody that it’ll give us a big surprise to discover that he is the one."

Rav Miller goes on to explain that yes, the man with the impressive beard & payot who shuckles a lot while davening could be a big tzaddik, but it ain't necessarily so.

For example, the Gemara mentions a man who used to remove stones from the street to make traveling easier for pedestrians & riders. The Gemara calls such a man chassid — pious.

He looks like he's doing menial busy-work, but in Shamayim, such dedication to making life easier for others is actual a great act of chassidut, of piety.

Especially before there were smoothly paved roads, rocks tripped pedestrians and stubbed their toes. Stones made walking painful & injurious to those with less-than-excellent footwear. Horseshoes & wagon axles could be damaged by stones. Stones jarred the wagon in a way that wearied the riders.

So removing the stones was a very big chessed.

Thus, Rav Miller mentions that maybe a guy who kicks into the gutter every banana peel he sees (so that others don't slip on the peels) is a tzaddik.

He recalls a frum man he knew who, in snowy weather, filled a bag with sawdust or ashes, then as he went down the street, he scattered the contents around so that people wouldn't slip on the ice.

Sometimes, a slip on the ice leads to hospitalization, and this man was doing what he could to prevent that.

Maybe THIS man is a tzaddik, says Rav Miller.

Housewives, Booksellers, Halachah Experts, Teachers, and Refrainers from Lashon Hara: Singing the Praises of Our Unsung Heroes

Rav Miller recalls a frum book seller named Reb Shlomo Feldman who used to gather all the boys together on chol hamo'ed when the schools closed and organized prizes & Torah learning.

In his merit, there were Jewish boys learning Torah when they otherwise wouldn't be.

And he did such things all the time.

Rav Miller declares him "a tzaddik!" But acknowledges that people didn't appreciate the man's level of tzidkut.

Another man named Rav Asher Zimmerman never spoke even a smidgen of lashon hara — no matter what. And he was an expert in all practical halacha. In fact, people called him to ask about the practical halachot of issues, and he was always willing to respond to them.

Rav Miller also declares him a tzaddik, and yet:

"He didn’t look like a tzadik; he looked like a plain man. But I knew him personally — I knew him for at least fifty years...There’s no question that he wasn’t appreciated enough..."

(pg. 6)

Rav Miller continues:

"Now, while we’re on the subject of tzadikim you must know that it’s not only men — it may be a chiddush to you but there are many women tzadikim too."

(pg. 6)

He mentions Rebbetzin Vichna Kaplan, who founded one of the first frum girls seminaries in America, earning the praise of Rav Aharon Kotler.

In her merit, thousand of Jewish girls were taught to build idealistic Torah homes and raise large families. From her merit & dedication flowed generations of female teachers and homemakers.

Then Rav Miller emphasizes the greatness of Rebbetzin Kaplan in her home, that she was a tzaddekes at home too, and raised 14 children.

Praising our unsung heroes (who could also be us), Rav Miller states:

"There are thousands of frum mothers and fathers who are sacrificing to raise large families...They’re being moser nefesh to build Torah families, they're raising tzadikim and tzidkoniyos in their homes. And our very important function is to always be singing their praises; it’s the principle in our parsha of [v'hitzdiku et hatzaddik]. We have to raise up the banner of the tzadikim as much as we can."

(pg. 6)

Hashem's Special Agents of Truth

Rav Miller points to the Russian agents of Communism strewn throughout America in the Reagan years. They constantly sewed propaganda in favor of Russia & against the USA.

Relentless propagandists of the dark side — can't we do the same for God's Side?

Instead of being agents of disinformation, says Rav Miller, we should be agents of HaKadosh Baruch, agents of Truth.

Look for good things to say about every shul you enter, every school you see, every yeshivah and whenever you're in a group of Jews.

Rav Miller nearly got swept up in the Shoah. He saw the Jews in Europe before the Shoah. The murdered korbonot are not just numbers to him. He knew them.

So despite the crowding that can occur when among a large group, Rav Miller instead rejoices in the crowding and the long lines at kosher stores Erev Shabbat.

"Look at all these Jews!" is his constant refrain. "Ken yirbu! — May they only increase!"

He recommends finding something to praise in every shul:

This congregation gives so much tzedakah.
That congregation davens with so much fervor.
This congregation contains such friendly people.
That congregation displays such refined behavior.

And then you go talk about it.

When you sit down to eat with your family, have something wonderful to say about your fellow Jews — and mean it sincerely.

Spread Hashem's Propaganda Near & Far — and Don't be Afraid to be Superficial about It

This parsha tells us that Hashem wants us to be good salesman for Him, His Torah, and for each other.

According to Rav Miller:

"You have to be a salesman to sell the Torah ideals to the world. Always say a good word about the Torah, about tzadikim, about the frum families. I’m not talking now about speaking to irreligious Jews — the frum Jews have to hear it; they’re the ones who have to hear these words. And what about yourself? You have to hear it too! After all, it’s yourself who’s most important. And when you speak up, you’re talking to yourself."

(pg.8)

Then Rav Miller gives some interesting advice.

He says that if you, say, go to Eretz Yisrael to see a tzaddik, then you should talk about ALL the good things about him — even the superficial things.

Yes, you can and should mention how careful he is in mitzvot. But you should also describe his beautiful eyes and beard, and how lovely his bekitche was.

It's okay to be superficial when praising the good, says Rav Miller.

Yes, enthuse about the atmosphere of learning in a yeshivah.

But also talk about the organization of the books or the freshly painted walls. (if there were these things). Talk about the wonderfulness of the staff.

If there is ANYTHING good to say, no matter how superficial, then speak up!

Our job is to fight darkness with...LIGHT.

"Aren’t the wicked doing just the opposite? The wicked are giving every desirable adjective to every wicked thing and making it beloved by the multitude — and the whole world is being being misled. The most ugly things are described today in the most glowing terms.

"So why don’t we fight back and describe the beautiful things, the holy things, in most glowing terms. We have to be propagandists for everything good in this world."

(pg. 9-10)

SO TRUE.

What is Wickedness? Who is Wicked? What is Compassionate Condemnation?

Now comes the tricky part: the last bit of Devarim 25:1.

"...v'hirshi'u et ha rasha — and they should condemn the wicked."

Am Yisrael must be speak up, point a finger, and say, "This is wicked!"

But WHAT is wicked exactly?

It may not be what we think.

Rav Miller clarifies:

"Now, before we continue, I need to stress something so that we shouldn’t make any error.

"It’s of the utmost importance to understand that when we speak now about making judgments and condemning the wicked, it means those who have forsaken the derech haTorah.

"A frum Jew is not a rasha!

"And even though he happens to be your competitor in business or he follows another rebbe who may be in competition with yours, or maybe he even wronged you in some way, that means nothing. If there’s a dispute between you and him, that’s for beis din to decide; but he’s not a rasha."

Giving the benefit of the doubt & loving our brothers and sisters are equally important mitzvot to condemning the wicked.

We also FEEL compassion toward a rasha (maybe).

Why?

Because if that person had a better upbringing or a better family or a better neighborhood, then maybe that rasha could've been a decent person. Maybe that rasha could've been better than any of us.

But he's not.

So we feel compassion, but we also act according to Truth.

"...any weakness in our attitude towards wickedness, is a weakness in our attitude towards Hakodosh Boruch Hu."

(pg. 11)

Holy Leitzanut

On pages 11-12, Rav Miller goes into deliciously sharp condemnation of liberal attitudes toward the most deplorable criminals. It's worth reading the whole thing inside.

But he notes that the liberals, despite their self-promotion, aren't actually kind. They spew hatred and venom at anyone who disagrees with them.

"And what that means is that they function in direct contradistinction to our possuk — they spend their lives condemning the good ones and justifying the wicked."

And here are more words that are absolutely geshmak to hear in these topsy-turvy times:

"And even if we would write letters to the New York Times, they won’t print them — this I know from experience — but at least among ourselves we shouldn’t give any credit to the evolutionists or the liberals for having good intentions. They are resha’im gemurim and open liars — they are enemies of the truth."

One way to condemn the wicked is via holy leitzanut — making fun of them cleverly and l'shem Shamayim, as a way to uproot their attractiveness from our hearts so that we don't get pulled after them.

Even Yeshayahu Hanavi did it.

It can save one's soul.

And yes, Rav Miller cautioned against hurting the feelings of non-Jews and emphasized the importance of darkei shalom — ways of peace, but for ourselves to know that any anti-Torah idea "is altogether kulo sheker from beginning to end."

Rav Miller makes the astute insight that any truth used by those in the wrong is only to give credence to their lies.

This is a brilliant insight.

Many people get confused by the dusting of truth sprinkled over all the mammoth lies.

But now we know what's going on with that and don't need to get confused anymore.

And on page 14, Rav Miller says a bunch of very sharp things that are better to read in the original, and he makes another astute insight about people we are no longer allowed to condemn, despite their actions being wholly condemned unequivocally by the Torah, and also that this behavior has led to an increase in violence, drugs, and an incurable 100% fatal disease.

And they're targeting children.

How did he know that back then living ensconced in a Torah community?

I don't know.

But he says:

"And that’s they’re doing today — don’t think otherwise — they’re headed for your children. And you want to love them?! You want to love a snake?"

What is the Most Open Mind You Could Have?

And here is a stunning excerpt that turns everything on its head in presenting the crystalline Torah viewpoint:

"And don’t think that we’re being selfish or we’re being limited in our outlook.

"We have to know we are the ones who are broadminded.

"We are broadminded enough not to be influenced by the fads of the day. We’re proud to be close-minded!

"You know, if your mind is closed, and it’s open only to the subject of Hashem, that’s the most open mind you could have.

"But if your mind is open to anything at all, if it lets everything in, then it’s the most closed mind there is because everything settles in your thoughts. And what is the result? All kinds of sewage collect in your head, and your mind becomes just a garbage disposal, that’s all.

"An open mind is a mind of sewage."

(pg. 14-15)

I find that very liberating.

Let's take out the key point and put it in a special snippet:

"...if your mind is closed, and it’s open only to the subject of Hashem, that’s the most open mind you could have."

Geshmak. I just love it.

"I'm an Apikoris When It Comes to Art!"

On pages 15-17, Rav Miller gives very funny descriptions of the worlds of baseball, art, and music.

It's not that you can't ever play ball, paint, or whistle.

It's the whole culture & worship of it.

What's it being used for?

That's the problem.

"The world stands on the righteousness of the Jewish people; that’s a fundamental truth that is constantly reiterated in the Tanach."

So we'd better be good. Everyone is depending on us (whether they know it or not).

And notice our good. Talk about our good.

Praise tzaddikim — ALL tzaddikim, not just your favorite tzaddik.
Praise frum Jews — ALL frum Jews, not just the group you identify with the most.
Downplay the outside world.
Talk about how wicked & ridiculous it is.

"...without Torah ideals, there can’t be true good."

Rav Miller declares that Devarim 25:1 is fundamental for fulfilling our purpose in this world.

Then he quotes Rabbeinu Yonah:

"...by doing this, by merely preparing your thoughts and using your words for the cause of praising the true good in this word, then without any effort and work of your hand, you will acquire merits without end, because this is one of the most important purposes of the creation of man.”

Credit for all quotes goes solely to Toras Avigdor, may they be blessed with increasing success & bracha.

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Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Eikev: Falling in Love with Hashem Every Day & What Saying 100 Blessings a Day REALLY Means

22/8/2019

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Rav Miller's dvar Torah on Parshas Eikev 2 – One Hundred Blessings is full of his usual insights and practical applications.

Mesilat Yesharim states that all the components for personal perfection in serving Hashem are found in the verse Devarim 10:12-13.

And they are:

To fear Hashem Elokecha
To walk in all of His Ways,
To love Hashem
To serve Hashem with all your heart & all your soul
To keep all the mitzvos of Hashem & to keep all His Laws

To achieve this, says Rav Miller, takes learning (you need the knowledge to know how to keep the mitzvot and also to know what are His Ways) and making a mental & emotional shift.

If you're male, learning Shas can bring you very close to Hashem.

Rav Miller also recommends learning the following 3 books cover-to-cover many times:

Mesilat Yesharim (Pathways of the Just)
Chovot Levavot (Duties of the Heart)
Shaarei Teshuvah (Gates of Teshuvah)

That's pretty heavy-lifting, as Rav Miller notes.

This learning is very important.

But there is also an easier way...

100 Happy Feelings a Day

Rav Miller extracts some precious advice from the Gemara (pages 3-4):

A hundred times a day you have to thank Hashem.

Now, whether it means technical brachos [like "Baruch Ata Hashem Elokeinu Melech Haolam"]...or saying your own words, “I thank You Hashem for this. I thank You for that,” it’s all included – a hundred times a day we have to thank Hashem and that’s going to bring you to all of the great qualities.

The hakdama, the preface to yirah and ahavah and all good things in that possuk [verse], is to make a hundred brachos every day.

It's worth reading the actual dvar Torah because Rav Miller details everything a lot more than this post.

But in short, Rav Miller emphasizes the importance of feeling the gratitude 100 times a day.

Whether you say a halachically worded bracha (like al netilat yadayim) or your own expression of gratitude, you need to actually feel it.

Why do we say brachot?

Rav Miller quotes his rebbe from Slabodka, who quotes the Kuzari:

"It adds pleasure on pleasure when one says blessings."

This is so true.

If you've ever followed Rav Miller's advice and really looked at all the positive attributes of an apple, then said borei pri ha'etz with kavanah, and then bit in...the apple tastes DELICIOUS.

It is a sign of the strength of the yetzer hara that we get cooled off from saying blessings with warm kavanah because saying the brachot makes everything taste, smell, and feel better!

Rav Miller explains that Rebbi Meir in the Gemara did not mean that you just count up your brachot, i.e. 16 from the Morning Blessings, 5 more from Birchas HaTorah, 19 from each Shemoneh Esrei...

That's all excellent, but not enough.

Instead, Rav Miller emphasizes:

"You must be happy and grateful to Hashem one hundred times a day!"

Falling in Love with God All Over Again

At this point in the dvar Torah (starting from Part II: Walking the Pathway on page 8), Rav Miller invites you to join his "walking club" and takes you through your day from the time you wake up and points out (with insight & humor) all that you have to be grateful for.

You have to read it. It helps so much.

Here's one sample of something you can do right away (if it's daytime by you).

Rav Miller says:

“Why is the sky blue?” ... And I’ll tell you a secret – it's good you came here tonight. There’s a reason why it’s blue.

It’s for you to enjoy the sky.

The color blue is soft and sweet on the eyes (Chovos Halevavos, Bechina 5), and you’re expected to enjoy it.

Isn’t that a good thing to practice? See if you can do it tomorrow morning.

Rav Miller also encourages us to take note of any disabled people we see (in a discreet & respectful way) to feel more gratitude for what we have (while at the same time wishing them well, a refuah or whatever they need, in our head).

Seeing a blind person or a toothless person should awaken gratitude within those of us who are not blind or toothless.

Finally, at the end of the day, you say Bedtime Shema with all its accompaniments, and you go to sleep (page 16):

So as you fall away into dreamland you’re still thanking Hashem.

That’s the last thought you have as you drift off into your sweet sleep. “Thank You, Hashem, for giving me a pillow and a mattress and for giving me the gift of sleep. I love You, Hashem.”

And in a few hours we’ll be getting up again to say modeh ani again and to start loving Hashem all over again.

"...to start loving Hashem all over again."

It all sound so nice.

Anyway, to sum it up, this kind of gratitude is self-transforming.

This is how you make yourself into a true eved Hashem.

This is how you achieve the 5 goals commanded in Parshat Eikev.

Let's conclude with Rav Miller's final words:

"If we’ll enjoy this world one hundred times a day, and if we express our gratitude to Hashem each time, that’s the royal road to happiness in this world, and to the perfection in avodas Hashem that brings you eternal happiness in the Next World."

As always, credit for all quotes goes to Toras Avigdor, may they enjoy growing success.

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Rav Avigdor on Practical Steps to Cultivate Ahavat Yisrael in Parshat Devarim

8/8/2019

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As usual, Rav Avigdor Miller brings new light to Torah passages that have been staring us in the face all this time, making us say, “WOW. I never realized that before.”

In Parshat Devarim: Learning to Love, Rav Miller notes that who we love & how we love should be determined by Hashem, not by our own emotions and sympathies, nor social pressure.

So he points out that the Torah calls Edom (Esav) acheichem—your brothers.

That’s weird, isn’t it?

270 years since a common ancestor, and Am Yisrael in the Wilderness hear bnei Esav called their “brothers”?

Furthermore, the Torah also tells us “Lo titev Adomi ki achicha hu—don’t abhor the Edomite because he is your brother.” It also warns: “Al titgaru vam—Don’t antagonize them.”

In this way, Hashem tells you how to shape your attitude toward different types of people. You need to use both your mind and your heart to do so.

So while Hashem doesn’t want us all buddy-buddy with Edom, He also doesn’t want us to abhor or antagonize Edom.

And to facilitate this desired emotional state, Hashem reminds us of the shared kinship with Esav.

Shared Ancestry Fosters Fraternal Feelings

We see this with all the ancestry research today.

People feel a kinship going back, whether it’s their shared Irish clan or something more official, like ancestors who took part in the American Revolution.

(There is even an organization called “Daughters of the American Revolution” which is open only to those women whose great(etc.)-grandfather aided the American cause against the British in the 1700s.)

So reminding people of shared heritage is a way to bring out certain fraternal emotions.

“Attitudes of the mind cannot be developed in a vacuum of emotion.”

—Rav Avigdor Miller

But the deepest emotional connection needs to be among Am Yisrael.

Brothers & Sisters in Mitzvot

Rav Miller recalls Hillel’s famous statement to a potential ger, which asserted that the commandment to love fellow Jews, is “one of the prime functions of our lives.”

So when the Torah speaks of a distant fraternal connection with Edom, it’s teaching us to find an emotional connection to help us love our fellow Jews.

As Rav Miller explains:

It’s important to make use of every means available in order to facilitate and increase the love that Hashem wants you to feel.

Instead of being cold philosophers, stoics who are ashamed of emotions, the Torah encourages the employment of natural emotions in order to fulfill the mitzvah of [v’ahavta l’re’echa kamocha—and you shall love to your fellow like yourself].

The reason why the Torah refers to your fellow Jews as “your brother” so many times throughout the Torah is because He wants you to feel that kinship “a thousand times, a million times more” than the kinship Am Yisrael was supposed to feel for Edom as they passed them in the Midbar.

Rav Miller emphasizes:

Because it’s not a brother like Eisav who is merely connected to us by blood, by DNA…Chazal tell us that [achicha] means [achicha b’mitzvot], “your brother in mitzvos.”

It’s not merely a brother of the same ancestor; it’s a brother of the same mind! A brother living for the same purpose.

Practical Steps toward Ahavat Yisrael

And here Rav Miller reveals his humility and sincerity:

Now I’m far away from this myself.

I’m saying this not for you; I’m listening to it myself as I’m saying it. Maybe a little bit will stick to me. But I let you listen along with me because at least we have to learn it - at least that.

We have to make an effort, a career of loving our fellow brothers-in-arms.

Yet again, we see that Rav Miller understands us and our challenges with this all-important mitzvah.

Basically, we need to train our minds & emotions.

When we see fellow frum people (even those not from “our” group), we need to think: “This is my brother” or “This is my sister.”

Even when you pass by frum homes and you don’t see the actual people, Rav Miller encourages us to think, “These are my brothers and sisters and I love them.”

Rav Miller advises that even when you see a frum Jew from afar, you should look at him and think, “This is Hashem’s Chosen one.”

You should think about the mitzvot they do. Oh, look—this Jewish lady is covering her hair…wonderful! And this Jewish man over here put on tefillin this morning—love ya, brother!

Now, maybe this doesn’t blossom into full-fledged love, but Rav Miller reassures us that the resulting warmth we feel puts us on the right path toward real love.

Real Love Starts Small & Expands; Global Love is Usually Fake

Then Rav Miller makes a point that is very true, but many don’t like to hear it.

Those people who claim they love everyone? He claims they don’t love anyone.

I’ve seen this so many times. Someone can be swooning over injustices in Africa while they treat their own spouse, sibling, parents, neighbors, colleagues, or children poorly.

Many animal-rights activists are not the nicest people. Some are even cruel and callous types.

Rav Miller said in a previous dvar Torah that Hashem loves everyone—all human beings whether Jewish or not—and even birds, every living creature.

And love starts at home. (Like tzedakah, I guess.) Then you fan out from there.

But why is it so hard to cultivate love for fellow Jews?

Azamra with Slabodka

Rav Miller reasons that ahavat Yisrael is hard because of competition, rivalry, and friction (like many sibling relationships).

So we need to cultivate feelings of affection to overcome this.

Rav Miller’s Rebbe in Slabodka recommended starting off with one Jew.

Pick a Jew who’s easy to love and go from there. (If you read page 10 & 15-16 of this dvar Torah, Rav Miller goes into more detail about how to carry out this particular step.)

You can even take automatic love (like love for your own children) or superficial “love” (like based on the person’s appearance) and use that as a springboard for increasing your feelings of love and affection.

Why isn’t that self-centered or superficial?

Because you’re doing it FOR Hashem.

You’re doing it to fulfill a mitzvah and to make yourself more affectionate and loving.

You don’t REALLY think that a person’s worth is based on looks or that only your children matter.

You’re just focusing on positive aspects, no matter how automatic or superficial, then you’re going to fan those flickers of love.

And here’s a very important aspect of ahavat Yisrael, as told to Rav Miller by his Rebbe in Slabodka:

“A person is not one middah,” he said, “He's a bundle of middos.”

So one thing might not be to your liking, but something else is good in him.

And therefore you cannot form an opinion just in general about a person. A person is a big bundle of character traits; he’s not just one thing.

So in case you can’t love the person entirely, you can learn to love at least one aspect of his personality.

For those of you knowledgeable in Lubavitch and Breslov Chassidus, that sounds quite familiar.

It just goes to show you that we agree about the fundamentals. We have a place to connect. Many places, actually.

Nothing Compares to You

Needless to say, it’s very important to feel affection for your spouse (if you don’t always) and to increase whatever affection you already feel.

Love for ALL tzaddikim, whether you follow this one or that one, is paramount.

It’s very important to read Toras Avigdor's original PDF because there is so much this post is leaving out. Love, love, love.

Rav Miller quotes Chapter 19 of Mesillat Yesharim:

**"Ein Hakadosh Baruch Hu ohev eleh mi sheh ohev Yisrael - I love you because I only love those who love My People."**

Your love for your fellow Jews and Hashem’s Immeasurable Love for you are the root of everything in Torah.

So it’s very important to ingest as much of this as you can.

Let’s wind down with a final quote from Rav Miller (emphasis mine):

You’ll say, “Yes, in general, all Jews, I love. I love all of them. But when it comes to this Jew, no,
not this one.”

“He’s from a different shtibel,” you might think.

He's not in your neighborhood, maybe not your nusach, maybe he’s a Sefardi or a Teimani. Maybe he’s a Russian Jew or a Polish Jew, so you think, “Not him, not him.”

No, nothing doing! If he’s from the zera Yaakov, then he’s yours!

There is nothing Hashem loves more in the world than the offspring of Avraham, Yitzchok and Yaakov.

Nothing compares to Hashem’s love for you.

And who is “you”?

You could be the most foolish fellow; a fellow with all faults. Ugly, slow-witted, nothing to love.

No matter!

Hashem loves that person with an intense and fiery love.

Here's the original dvar Torah again:
Parshat Devarim: Learning to Love

Here is an AMAZING brand-new video on the topic:
https://torasavigdor.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/Nine-Days-Video.mp4

And as always, all credit for any quotes above goes to Toras Avigdor.

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Dear Jew, Here's Why You MUST See Yourself as Beautiful!

25/7/2019

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Rav Avigdor Miller came to learn in the Slabodka Yeshivah in ̶P̶o̶l̶a̶n̶d̶ Lithuania in 1933.

Among other facets, this style of mussar emphasized the inherent God-given greatness of a Jew and his Divine Image.

Every human being is created in God’s Image and possesses an important human soul.

But Jews also have a special neshamah that must be expressed properly.

In fact, before giving a group of rabbis mussar, Rav Yitzchak Izik Sher of Slabodka first addressed them as “my friends,” then praised them as being “fine, upstanding Jews who do not sin.” Then he briefly mentioned what he thought they needed to work on.

But first, he acknowledged his affection for them and their innate goodness.

Great Potential Enables Great Output

Each Jew has great potential and therefore, great capacity to bring tremendous good into the world.

Upon barely escaping the Nazi claws, Rav Miller spent the rest of his life promoting the Slabodka way.

By showing the non-Torah society for what it really was (using his characteristic wit to do so) while at the same time describing the glories of Torah and being a committed Jew, Rav Miller uplifted the Jewish community of America.

What’s the point of doing that?

What Can Truly Beautiful People Do? Beautiful Acts!

When you see yourself as spiritually beautiful and great, you start to feel that sinning is beneath you.

If you are gorgeous & great, but the surrounding society is ugly & pathetic, why would you be attracted to that society?

You WOULDN'T be attracted to that society--IF you could truly internalize the idea that you are gorgeous and great.

And as a gorgeous and great person, you might also aim to do gorgeous and great acts, such as:

davening with real kavanah
doing a genuine cheshbon hanefesh (“After all, my flaws are just klippot! They aren’t the REAL me, who is actually bee-yoo-tee-ful!”)
acts of loving-kindness
developing the middot of patience and compassion
learning the great and gorgeous Torah
...and so on.

There's Only 1 Definition of Beauty - and That's HASHEM'S Definition

And it is certainly a mind-shift for a shomer mitzvot Jew (or a Jew who WANTS to be shomer mitzvot) to see himself or herself as beautiful.

When you’re surrounded by a culture that promotes a feminine ideal of sleek ‘n’ chic, it’s hard to feel up-to-par if you’re a frum lady wearing a perfectly decent snood and modest shirt & skirt with sensible shoes.

You feel plain in comparison, maybe even frumpy.

But as Rav Miller often points out: Who is beautiful in HASHEM’S Eyes?

Likewise, a pudgy balding frum Jew waddling quickly down the street to catch Mincha—he’s not tall ‘n’ brawny like the male ideal.

Yet who can't HASHEM stop gazing at adoringly?

Splat!

Here’s the situation in a nutshell:

Hashem knows that He has picked you up and flung you down with a resounding splat into the middle of Galus (Exile).

Even if you’re in Eretz Yisrael, you’re still surrounded by an Edomite-Yishmael-Erev Rav Exile.

But if you’re frum Jew, you’ve struggled to your feet and started limping around doing mitzvot.

And Hashem is like, “WOW! You’ve been flung down with a splat into the middle of the harsh Galus, yet you’ve decided to maintain a connection to Me—and maintain that connection to the point that, all dusty and limping, you’re going to wear clothes considered shlumpy or frumpy by Galus or hurry off to the nearest minyan for Mincha? I could just KISS you, I love you so much!!!!!!!”

Do you do any of the following (and more!)?

You wear clothes that cannot possibly imitate the latest warped styles, which your surrounding society finds so attractive.

You talk to Someone no one can see (via prayer).

There are foods you'll never taste and world-renowned restaurants you'll never enter simply because you were told "no" millennia ago.

You insist on studying the most beautiful and purest words of wisdom, which are denigrated by Galus as paternalistic or perverse by your surrounding society.

You go (or wish to go) live in a country surrounded by bloodthirsty haters, where your standard of living is lowered (usually, but not always), and there are all sorts of other challenges...just because Hashem said, "Here. This is a Gift from Me. Live here."

Then guess what? Hashem thinks you're fab.

Even if you're doing it limping and mussed, you're DOING it, for crying out loud.

Gorgeous, stunning you.

The Limping Beauty

There’s another very famous limper in Tanach.

Yes, that’s right: Yaakov Avinu.

All night long, Yaakov Avinu wrestled with the horrific spiritual force of Esav/Edom.

And he came away with a limp. He won the terrible battle, but he stumbled away from it.

He didn’t heal his limp, nor did any other tzaddik do so. Hashem cured his limp. (Hashem is the only One Who could heal that Edom-inflicted limp.)

Yet Yaakov is considered beautiful—Tiferet.

Avraham Avinu symbolized Chessed (loving-kindness).

Yitzchak Avinu symbolized Gevurah (the power of restraint, the power to overcome).

The perfect synthesis of Gevurah & Chessed is Tiferet—beauty (the beauty of Truth).

And that’s what Yaakov was.

(This symbolism is mentioned in the Amidah of the Artscroll siddur, as many of you may already know.)

And Yaakov Avinu didn't just rest there on his laurels of victory.

He kept going.

Why?

Because he was beautiful in the deepest, truest, more important way.

And so are you.

The Beautiful Jew in the Ugly Exile

So even if we’re getting ground into the dust by the powerful Galus that surrounds us, and even though the struggle makes us come away limping, we need to realize that we are absolutely beautiful to Hashem.

BECAUSE we’re struggling to keep the Torah, we are considered beautiful by Hakadosh Baruch Hu.

You need to look at yourself that way and you need to see other shomer mitzvot Jews that way. (Non-observant Jews are beautiful in potential; they could certainly express their neshamah in a way that makes them greater than anyone else - if they would do so.)

Are we flawed?

Yes.

You can’t fight this fight without getting your clothes wrinkled and your hair mussed.

And yeah, we all can be stumbling around with an awkward, painful limp that only Hashem can heal.

That doesn’t mean we aren’t beautiful.

Embattled, limping, soldiering-onward Yaakov was beautiful. Yaakov was Tiferet.

So it’s good to try to see yourself and fellow struggling Jews the way Hashem sees you all:

You are beautiful. Gorgeous. Absolutely STUNNING.

And that’s the Truth.

Eretz HaKodesh is Beautiful too.

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Why We NEED Different Halachically Legitimate Frameworks in Torah Judaism

17/7/2019

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With regard to yesterday's post (Why Roles & Structures are So Important for True Self-Liberation), there are many things you can take away from a discussion of utilizing your God-given framework in the best way possible.

But upon second glance, I feel I didn't emphasize one aspect enough.

Part of our God-given framework is the type of avodat Hashem we were either born into or adopted later on.

The reason why there are a variety of Chassidic groups and even divergent paths among non-Chassidic Ashkenazim is because Hashem WANTS there to be--just like He wanted there to be different Tribes with different tafkidim and even different pronunciations (like Shevet Efrayim and their pronunciation of "shin" as "sin.")

Hashem WANTS there to be Sefardim--and among Sefardim, Hashem WANTS there to be Bucharian ways, Yemenite ways, Moroccan ways, and more.

There are even differing levels among tzaddikim:

You have a person defined as a tzaddik because his good deeds outweigh & outnumber his sins.

Then you have a tzaddik who hardly sins at all.

Then you have a tzaddik who hardly sins at all and is an active miracle-worker or someone with genuine ruach hakodesh.

But the highest level of tzaddik does not mean that the minimum standard of tzaddik is nothing.

Such a person is still very precious, both to Hashem and to the merit of our Nation!

Here is some advice from Rav Avigdor Miller on the subject that should be taken very much to heart, regardless of which group you cling to (boldface is my own emphasis & all quotes taken from Toras Avigdor):

The Fiery Danger of Denigrating ANY Gadol

But I must tell you that I disagree with the attitude of being mivatel, of putting down, someone else’s gadol.

No; I disagree with that attitude.

Gedolim can be here and Gedolim can be there, and we have to appreciate all of them. Your Gadol doesn’t have to be the only Gadol.

And even though there might be a machlokes, a disagreement, between them; yes, there may be a machlokes between them, but we should stay out of it.

It’s fire! Worse than fire! We shouldn’t say a word. Not a word!

(Source: TAPE #901)

Okay, Fine. I Don't Put Down Other Groups or Their Gadolim, But How Do I Respond When THEY Act Like THEY'RE Superior?

And if they consider themselves superior, so we can ask the same question:

Why is it that most non-Lubavitcher chassidim consider themselves superior to Lubavitcher chassidim? Why do Breslover chassidim consider themselves superior to Lubavitcher chassidim? And why do Satmerer chassidim consider themselves superior to Breslover chassidim?

And the answer is that all idealists who follow certain systems, they do it because they think it’s the best system – otherwise they’d follow a different system. It’s common sense!

What should a man be a Lubavitcher if he thinks something else is better? Why should a non-Lubavitcher be non-Lubavitcher unless he thinks that it’s better.

All idealists follow the system they follow because they think it’s the best.

Now, who is going to be the arbiter and say who is the best? Moshiach will come, and in order to keep peace between everybody, he’ll say, “You’re all the best!”

And the truth is that they are all the best.

But right now, it’s not really a question if the Lubavitcheh feel superior, because if you ask a litvishe yeshiva bochur, he feels he’s superior.

Ask a Satmarer and he feels he’s superior.

And go into a sefardisheh yeshiva in Eretz Yisroel, go into Porat Yosef, and he’s knows that he’s superior too.

Everyone is superior.

And the answer is that’s how idealists have to be. No idealist will do something that he thinks is not superior.

(Source: TAPE # 271)

Why Do We Need All These Groups Anyway?

What’s the benefit of different types of servants of Hashem?

Who needs chassidim and misnagdim and sefardim?

Wouldn’t it have been better if we all walked together on one path towards Hakodosh Boruch Hu?

So I always say: Why is it that you’ll find in the supermarket clover honey and orange blossom honey and buckwheat honey? There are at least ten varieties of honey! Who needs it?!

And the answer is that it makes life more delectable! Variety is a pleasure!

After all, Hakodosh Boruch Hu could have given us nothing but red delicious apples. Let’s say you’d pass a fruit stand and all you would see is bins and bins of red delicious apples.

Now, red delicious apples are a treat; we can’t complain about them, but how much more fun it is when we have ten different kinds of apples!

And even better, to have tens and tens of varieties of fruit. It’s much more fun when you can choose from a wide variety of good things.

And therefore, there are all kinds of methods of serving Hashem, each one that has been cultivated by Hashem Himself, by the separation of kehillos.

Sometimes a person can choose one method and stick to it always. Or sometimes you can choose from the fruit store of the different shevatim.

Sometimes you’ll choose something from the Gerrer, another thing you’ll take from Lakewood, something you’ll pick from Lubavitch, something you’ll take from Belz, and something else you’ll nosh from Satmer. And so on.

Every shevet had something to contribute. You can be sure that there are a lot of delightful fruit in all of these various places that help the Am Yisroel in its avodas Hashem.

Everybody is helping out!

Some kehillos brought to the Am Yisroel the great benefits of mussar to the Am Yisroel, while other kehillos brought chassidus.

From some communities we learn to be kanaaim for the truth and others impress us with their hasmadah in limud hatorah or gemillas chasodim.

I myself have learned from one group of Jews in Flatbush what it means to be michabeid talmidei chachomim.

Because there’s no end to the variety of paths that the Am Yisroel walk toward the One Hashem and there’s what to learn from everyone.
*****
Now I’m not going to tell you what’s best. Someone asked me, what does Hakodosh Boruch Hu want from me? Am I supposed to be chassidish, or litvish or what?

Now that’s some big order. He wants me to make enemies, the one who asked me that question.

Hashem wants you to be the best that you can be.

Some people can be their best if they’re chassidish.

Some people can be their best if they’re litvish.

Other people can be their best if they’re sefardi.

It’s like asking – “What is the best diet for all of mankind?”

The best type of diet depends on each individual person. People are different.

Some people are so different that their diets are radically different.

So whatever it is that you choose, you should make it a principle in your life to always choose whatever it is that will give you the most success in life – and success in this world means preparing for the Next World.

(Source: Parshas Beshelach: Learning to Love All Types of Jews)

Different halachically legitimate groups of Jews....as sweet as the varieties of apples and honey!

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Rav Avigdor Miller on Spotting the Snake Slithering through Your World in Parshat Chukat & Loving Yourself and Your Fellow Jews in Parshat Balak

11/7/2019

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Yet again, Rav Miller makes the desert scene and the whole snake fiasco come alive in Parshat Chukat: The Copper Snake.

He explains all about the Copper Snake and its symbolism and what that was all about.

So if you’ve ever wanted to understand what was going on with the fiery biting serpents and then the giant healing Copper Snake, it’s all in there.

Who & What is the Yetzer Hara Today?

But whether it’s the First Nachash in Gan Eden or the fiery serpents biting complainers, snakes are all about dissatisfaction.

And to fight the snakes of dissatisfaction, we need to pump up our gratitude and appreciation.

As usual, I cannot resist quoting Rav Miller’s views on modern American society:

Of course, today, Russia doesn’t have to bother to send spies across the ocean because America has so many lunatics in its government, so many meshugener communists in its educational system and in the public media, that they’re doing the work for free.

They’re doing the work of disrupting the country without being paid.

But in normal times the best way for a spy to operate is by working undercover, by blending in and remaining unnoticed. Only that today the public is so stupid that the lunatics can proclaim it openly, with big headlines.

The Yetzer Hara (the king of the snakes of dissatisfaction) operates as a psychopath.

In the Garden, the Nachash (i.e., the Yetzer Hara when it was external; now it is internal) was obviously a Nachash standing on legs and talking. But he made his personality appealing. Sheker hachen.

He’s sneaky and doesn’t want you to know what he’s really up to. He comes in a much more appealing form—not serpentine at all.

As Rav Miller explains:

Today he appears in the form of a college professor or a neighbor.

Sometimes he’ll even come as a man with a beard and long peyos.

It has to be that way because if the nachash would have continued to exist in the form that it had in the time of the cheit, so we would already know to watch out for that fellow.

We know, “Watch out for him!”
…
And if you don’t look beneath the facade, you will never see the truth.

The falsehoods today fill the world. Big buildings, libraries, universities. And they have the media today to spread their falsehoods.

The sheker fills the world today because he’s choosing the most effective forms possible and he is succeeding.

Wherever you go today you can no longer say the truth - you have to use political correctness when you talk.

A tremendous tolerance of sheker was erected right under our noses.

"One way or another, people have been bitten by the nachash. For one person the nachash of sports has bitten him. For another person it’s clothing or cars or money. Arayos, television, politics, whatever it is, the snake is biting."

Rav Miller on Sports & Travel Vacations

Rav Miller also discusses his opinion on travel vacations (unless you have a real tachlis need to travel to that location).

He admits that it’s not a popular opinion and that he doesn’t meant to offend anyone, but he simply sees it a certain way and feels that point of view should be expressed.

He discusses making the most of your background and your family situation, realizing that the difficulties and obstacles are there to for you to use for spiritual growth.

This is what he says about sports:

You’re thinking, “Maybe the newspapers are reporting important news - maybe I should go out and look in the newspaper.”

The front page talks about a certain man, a top basketball player who was captured by another team. Oooh ah! Big news!

A nobody.

When he went to high school he never attended class - he stood in the schoolyard and practiced basketball. A bum, that’s all.

And this bum is on the front page, and everybody is talking about him.

Or another bum who has nothing in his mind at all, no intelligence at all. Only that when he holds a bat he’s able to smack the ball. He can give the ball a smack and everyone goes crazy.

A homerun! Meshugenahs! It’s nothing!

"And the more you think about that truth, the more we train our minds to combat the yetzer hara that makes what we’re doing seem plain and ordinary, the more we’ve learned the lesson of lifting the copper serpent out from the high grass and placing it on the high pole."

PARSHAT BALAK

For those in Eretz Yisrael, Parshat Balak has arrived.

Rav Miller explains that this is such an important Parsha, Chazal wanted us to say the entire parshah every morning!

He also explains why Hashem is so exacting with Am Yisrael.

That’s one of the reasons church-goers believe they’ve replaced Am Yisrael. Hashem (via the Nevi’im) constantly exhort the Jewish People even as He expresses the most beautiful and profound Love for us in the Universe.

Why Is Hashem So Tough on Us If He Loves Us So Much?

Why do we suffer genocides and pogroms for our sins?

We aren’t nearly as bad as the nations. Sure, they suffer stuff too. But not like us. And we’re not nearly as bad. (Despite what many Jewish periodicals and blogs claim, we really aren’t as bad as the nations!)

So Rav Miller explains that with a convincing mashal of a kallah and a wedding photographer, which is very worth reading inside the dvar Torah booklet. (Seriously. It’s very convincing.)

Then Rav Miller explains:

"But when you grow older, you have to understand the truth of the Torah. And that is that the Am Yisroel is the greatest and purest nation, much more than any nation in the world!"

Many people have been misled, even talmidei chachomim.

I remember once I was saying a drasha in shul and I mentioned that the Dor Hamidbar was beloved by Hashem.

I said that they are called yedidim [friends] and ahuvim [beloved ones].

And this one man, a talmid chochom, finally lost patience with me. He was so angry with me when I said that. “It's against the pesukim what you're saying” he told me. “They didn't know My ways.” He showed me the possuk in the siddur. And how can you blame people for being mislead?

All the seforim in the Torah criticize the Am Yisroel. Terribly!...

...But the maskanah of the gemara is: Asfu li chassidai - Gather in to Me, My devoted ones, the dor hamidbar. They were Hashem’s chassidim.

There’s a reason why Jews are incredibly self-critical.

And as written on this blog before, frum Jews are the most self-critical. And Rav Miller discusses this tendency toward self-criticism (both justified and unjustified) and why we are like that.

So how do we gain some perspective?

Go Tell It from The Mountain

We do like Bilaam and look at ourselves and each other from a distance—from a mountain top:

Let's say, here's a kollel family.

And there's another person standing in the street, a Jew, a frum Jew, and he sees the kollel family. To him it seems like they're human beings. Just like he is.

The children are boisterous, a little wild. The mother is busy cooking and cleaning. And life goes on in their house like any other house.

And therein lies the great error of not appreciating the Am Yisroel.
…
And so, when you look at that kollel family, you'll have to get off the ground.

To understand the greatness of any frum home, you are going to have to get off of the ground and view them with a nobility of mind.

If you go through life without thinking, then you'll never appreciate the Am Yisroel.

It's only when you take a step back, and you see the Am Yisroel with the clear sighted view that Bilam had, that's how you'll appreciate our greatness.

Go, us! Rah, rah, rah! Yaaaayy...US!

Of course, none of this precludes a raw cheshbon hanefesh.

Judaism acknowledges and embraces the innate paradox of our 3-dimensional world.

We need to regularly perform a thoroughly scouring cheshbon hanefesh—yet at the same time, never lose sight of how wonderfully fabulous and profoundly cherished we are.

Rav Miller goes into detail about how to see ourselves & each other in the real light—the way Hashem sees us.

There are no rose-colored glasses here—Rav Miller gives plenty of mussar; he knows our weak points.

It’s about changing your angle of vision.

"Taharas hamishpacha, tzniyus, decency, morality fill the Jewish home. And you hear brachos in that home all day long - a different blessing for every item that you're eating. How beautiful is the Jewish home!"

As always, credit goes to Toras Avigdor for everything, including generous permission to cite this amazing material.

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Teshuvah from Love vs. Teshuvah from Fear

7/7/2019

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In our avodat Hashem, both fear & love are powerful motivators recommended by Chazal and found throughout Tanach—although serving Hashem from a place of fear is not the ideal dynamic.

Having said that, teshuvah from fear is still a MILLION TIMES BETTER than not doing teshuvah at all.

So Teshuvah from fear IS a good thing. But it's just not the ideal.

The Kli Yakar explains the great advantage of doing teshuvah from love, rather than fear. (Please see the Kli Yakar on Parshat Bo, 10:1)

Teshuvah from fear often means that once the threat passes (or once a person feels the threat has passed), the person will often return to the original problematic behavior.

We see this in our own times.

For example, when facing a serious threat of divorce, major financial or property loss, prison, or having their children taken away, drug abusers will maintain sobriety for a certain amount of time...but then lapse. Not a temporary lapse, but a dive back into the old harmful habits.

Ka’asanim (people with a short fuse) will keep a lid on their tempers for a time, then explode. Some ka’asanim only lash out when they think no one will hear them. (Fear of public opinion.)

The list goes on.

So fear of punishment is a motivator, but not the ideal motivator. If that is a person’s only motivator, then they must maintain their state of fear in order to keep themselves in line.

Again, that’s not the ideal.

Teshuvah from love, says the Kli Yakar, ensures that you won’t return to the behavior.

Even once the threat of punishment passes (or appears to pass), you continue to embrace your newfound praiseworthy behaviors because you absolutely love the new you.

Or even more powerfully, you love Hashem and desire His Closeness.

To oversimplify the whole dynamic into a superficial little nutshell:

It’s the difference between a woman who prepares her husband’s favorite meal out of fear of his domineering temper and a woman who prepares her husband’s favorite meal out of her great love for him and her desire to nurture him and feel close to him, knowing that he loves her very much too.

Which relationship is more desirable for BOTH partners?

And which do you think Hashem prefers you see Him as:

the domineering tyrant

the loving partner?

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The #1 Path to True Greatness & Achieving Your Absolute Best: Rejection, Isolation, and Being Quashed

1/7/2019

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Because so many roles in the frum community are influenced (or actively borrowing from) Western secular psychology, many well-intentioned people tend to address problems backwards.

For example, many people struggling with frumkeit and their relationship with Hashem describe some kind of rejection in the background.

Maybe it was from their family or maybe from their school. Maybe it was their community. Maybe they stumbled upon a rabbi or rebbetzin who wasn’t the real deal.

Sometimes it was outright rejection, sometimes it was more subtle; like a teacher or parent not addressing their needs fully.

So many concerned influencers in the community put tremendous efforts in curing others of what the "experts" perceive as rejectionism.

(This gets even thornier when the pressure to love & accept people who behave in ways that are truly objectionable and yet unconditional love doesn't seem to help much, if at all. But that's a whole other topic.)

Needless to say, we all need to work on ahavat Yisrael.

We need to work on ourselves, investing in a thorough & regular cheshbon hanefesh, which entails clearing up those blindspots & clearing out those clogged middot.

However...

The problem comes when Hashem is whisked out of the picture, as He always is psychology & sociology.

The Paradox of Emuna & Hishtadlut

Millennia of Torah scholarship shows us that our lives exist within a paradox:

One kind of paradox

Hashem is Only Good and All-Compassionate—yet very evil & cruel things occur in the world.

Some people are meant to be poor—yet we are supposed to do everything we can to help others out of poverty.

(In other words, we aren’t supposed to look at a poor person and say, “Well, obviously, Hashem wanted you to suffer the nisayon of poverty as a tikkun, so why should I give you anything? It’s Hashem’s Will!” That is a cold-hearted, cruel, and anti-Torah way of looking at a person in need.)

So yes, we should work on treating every person with fairness and respect.

If someone is meant to endure a difficult nisayon, we should not be chosen as the stick with which to beat another.

At the same time, people are clearly meant to go through trials in life.

The Recipe for Greatness: Isolation, Rejection, Repression...

As described in a previous post (Loneliness & Rejection as Aspects of Mashiach), experiences like rejection—especially severe all-encompassing rejection—are aspects of Mashiach.

Look at what David Hamelech (the progenitor of Mashiach ben David) and Yosef Hatzaddik (the progenitor of Mashiach ben Yosef) went through.

They were both rejected by their own brothers—brothers who were very great people in their own right!

Being quashed, repressed, and confined in some way also occurred to many supreme Jews in Tanach:

Yosef Hatzaddik, Moshe Rabbeinu, and Yirmiyahu Hanavi were all dumped in prison pits.

Sara Imeinu and Dina were locked in boxes for their own protection.

Being isolated within completely non-Jewish environments is another theme: Yosef Hatzaddik, Moshe Rabbeinu, Daniel, Esther Hamalkah…

Can you imagine being in a place where the tumah is literally pervading the air?

Avodah Zara Makes My Skin Crawl

Many people think of avodah hazara as some ancient Mesopotamian dude bowing down before something like a golden Pillsbury Doughboy statue, as we see today with Eastern mysticism.

No, no, no, no. (Although Eastern mysticism is indeed totally forbidden & extremely harmful.)

Avodah zara is the dark occult.

And it was a highly developed occult back in ancient times. The occult leaders possessed brilliant minds equal to the top scientists of today, and these occult leaders had everything down to a science.

If you were in a palace in ancient Egypt or Persia, you were surrounded by dark and spooky tumah, plus demonic forces—talk about being afraid to look under your bed at night or monsters in closets!

The stench of tumadik incense pervaded the environment. (And you thought smog was bad.)

Not to mention the nearby presence of practitioners brainwashed into sociopathy, who would even sacrifice their own small child in cruel ways.

How would you feel about sleeping in the same building or neighborhood as people who’d done that?

Pretty creepy stuff.

Are You a Potential Moshe Rabbeinu?

I mean, take a look at Moshe Rabbeinu’s experiences, for example:

You see that he grew up in the center of Egyptian avodah zara, which was particularly dark & oppressive tumah.

And he came through that nisayon with flying colors.

Yet upon going to join his brethren, he was proactive in his expression of empathy & justice, and found himself on the run from his fellows, and then imprisoned underground and subsisting on matzah.

That’s rejection with a capital “R”!

Not to mention feeling repressed. He couldn’t fully express his innate nature and talents in a depressing pit. (He couldn’t in Pharaoh’s palace either.)

And Moshe Rabbeinu’s difficulties didn’t stop there.

The very people (the Erev Rav) he tried so hard to help and be mekarev and elevate, not only turned on him personally, but they even messed up everything Moshe Rabbeinu had done for the Am until then! (Yes, I’m talking about the Golden Calf travesty.)

So…was Am Yisrael wrong for letting the Erev Rav work them up into a state of panic and then latching on to the Erev Rav’s advice?

Yes! And we're still suffering the consequences for that until this day!

But this was also Moshe Rabbeinu’s Divinely ordained nisayon.

Are You a Potential Yirmiyahu HaNavi?

If you read through Yirmiyahu Hanavi’s saga, his profound ahavat Yisrael can move you to tears.

Would Yirmiyahu Hanavi have achieved such greatness if everyone had loved him back and been all nicey-nice to him all the time?

NO.

Where is the challenge of loving people who are easy to love? (The Pele Yoetz makes this point HERE. Please scroll down to "No More Blame Game.")

Yirmiyahu Hanavi’s eternally recognized greatness derived from his ability to genuinely love and feel compassion for people who didn’t deserve his love and compassion.

And that’s the lesson repeated throughout Tanach.

Only a Rejected & Despised Stone can be Used as a Cornerstone:
All Others Need Not Apply

It seems that the way to achieve true spiritual greatness and to reach your full spiritual potential is by responding to rejection and repression in the ideal manner.

Even ma’asu habonim hayata l’rosh pinah—The very stone rejected by the experts who know all about the best way to erect buildings?

THAT is the exact stone that ends up as the corner stone foundation of the most important building.

The accepted & even much-lauded stones never had any chance of being the cornerstone.

Why?

Because they weren’t rejected! They were never despised!

The experts LOVED those stones! Everyone oohed and aahed over the loveliness and suitability of those stones.

So those stones never had a chance.

Only a despised & rejected stone has any chance of being the coveted cornerstone.

Let's Be Kind!

So tachlis, what do we do?

First of all, when someone comes to you broken by rejection of any kind, it’s important to empathize. Avot 4:18 warns against dealing with angry or grieving people in a frivolous or overly pious manner.

And if they're so broken or messed-up that they respond inappropriately, we shouldn't embarrass them or see them in that state. (Same Mishnah. Also, in Words of Faith, Rav Bender goes into this concept quite a bit.)

There is a time and a place for everything, as emphasized by Kohelet and repeated by the Pele Yoetz and many, many other talmidei chachamim and tzaddikim.

You have to use your seichel and your sense of compassion.

Yet at some point, the tormented person needs to realize that the very fact of their rejection is meant to be overcome, and not used as an excuse to reject Hashem or to sink into all sorts of forbidden activities.

Whapping society over the head to be more accepting and loving isn’t ultimately the answer because Hashem decreed that this person needs to endure this nisayon.

Again, I didn’t say we don’t need to be more compassionate as a society.

I did NOT say that.

We DO need to develop our compassion & empathy!

But it’s a paradox.

You can’t whomp society and coddle the victim as the ULTIMATE solution.

And you even see that shitah (based on narrow-minded limited-vision psychology & sociology) is not working.

A Bit of Brutal Honesty about the Spiritual Wrestling Match

And probably it’s the very person with the potential to be the rosh pinah, the great leader, the quiet savior, or whatever the ultimate role is meant to be—that’s who is probably being rejected or straight-jacketed.

Rejection and repression ARE painful. EXTREMELY painful.

They’re also infuriating.

That’s the nisayon. We don’t deny pain. That’s not the authentically Jewish way.

Let’s just say it outright:

Being rejected IS painful!

Being straight-jacketed, misunderstood, repressed, quashed, or confined?

VERY painful! And infuriating!

It is! What’s wrong with acknowledging that?

At the same time…

People who can wrestle their way through the pain and the rage to reach a place of love and proactive compassion end up as beings of tremendous spiritual greatness.

And it IS a wrestling match—let there be no illusions about that.

Yaakov Avinu wrestled with Esav’s spiritual force all night.

In a wrestling match, sometimes you find yourself down for the count in a chokehold.

That doesn’t mean you’re a failure. That doesn’t mean you’ve lost.

It’s not hopeless.

It does mean, however, that you need to find a way to scrabble back up again—despite your injuries.

And that’s how it is.

May we all succeed in winning the match!

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Rav Miller on Imagining Yourself into Greatness & The Profound Power of Tzitzit.

20/6/2019

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If you're reading Parshat Behaalotcha this week, Rav Avigdor Miller has his usual gems. It's all about fulfilling your potential even if you have absolutely no way to fulfill your potential.

Parshas Behaaloscha 2 – Pesach Sheini; Opportunities Forever

Just wanting good things earns you reward.

(BTW, Toras Avigdor Junior gets this message across by using ice cream in a modern-day parable.)

For example, if you honestly cannot donate to a certain worthy Jewish cause or you cannot donate more than a little, your sincere disappointment and not being able to earns you reward.

Groaning or sighing over your inability to perform a mitzvah earns you reward.

And it's interesting that in light of this, Rebbe Nachman of Breslov held sighing or groaning in very high regard.

On the other hand, wanting the wrong thing is a problem for the opposite reason.

Rav Miller quotes Masechet Gittin (6b):

המטיל אימה יתירה בתוך ביתו ... והפילה כמה רבבות מישראל

"A person who instills excessive fear in his home - that means that his wife and family are afraid of him - it's as if he killed many tens of thousands of Jews."

Rav Miller goes on to explain that these mini-tyrants would also tyrannize multitudes of people if they were in that position. Angry people can kill (but the law or other deterrents stop them).

So yes, we are judged by our actions. But we are also judged by our desires.

What do you really want?

Rav Miller advises that at least once a day, whether you're sitting on the couch or walking to the parking lot, you should say with real regret and desire:

"Ribbono Shel Olam, please rebuild the Beit Hamikdash."

Rav Miller lauds this as "a tremendous accomplishment."

If you're reading Parshat Shelach this week, Rav Miller goes into a fascinating and witty parable of the importance & meaning of wearing tzitzit, including wonderful advice on how women can also earn reward for this powerful mitzvah.

As Rav Miller says: "And, believe me, there are women who have become greater than men from the mitzvah of tzitzis."

He also paints a compelling picture of even the simplest & most degraded Jew or Jewess as a prince or princess.

(Interestingly, the Kli Yakar describes that the stunning techeilet tzitzit against the pristine white tzitzit symbolizes love and can bring us to great love with each other and deveikut with Hashem.)

It's very, very worth a read:

Parshas Shelach: The Royal Medal

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Avodah Zara Makes My Skin Crawl

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Are You a Potential Yirmiyahu HaNavi?

Only a Rejected & Despised Stone can be Used as a Cornerstone:All Others Need Not Apply

Let's Be Kind!

A Bit of Brutal Honesty about the Spiritual Wrestling Match

"Ribbono Shel Olam, please rebuild the Beit Hamikdash."

Myrtle Rising

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Copyright Notice

"...any weakness in our attitude towards wickedness, is a weakness in our attitude towards Hakodosh Boruch Hu."

(pg. 11)

“Attitudes of the mind cannot be developed in a vacuum of emotion.”

—Rav Avigdor Miller

**"Ein Hakadosh Baruch Hu ohev eleh mi sheh ohev Yisrael - I love you because I only love those who love My People."**

"And the more you think about that truth, the more we train our minds to combat the yetzer hara that makes what we’re doing seem plain and ordinary, the more we’ve learned the lesson of lifting the copper serpent out from the high grass and placing it on the high pole."

"But when you grow older, you have to understand the truth of the Torah. And that is that the Am Yisroel is the greatest and purest nation, much more than any nation in the world!"

Only a Rejected & Despised Stone can be Used as a Cornerstone:
All Others Need Not Apply