Now I want people to listen to that – married couples, families, boys and girls — everybody should listen to this prayerfully because in many homes people are spending their lives doing the opposite.

And that’s a tragedy because the Jewish home is the scene where this great function of encouraging others can be carried out in the best possible way.

There’s no opportunity to be like a Moshe Rabeinu that is as prolific, as fertile in ways of fulfilling this, as the home.

​And therefore the principle of encouragement should be one of the foundations of a Jewish home.

***

Now, how exactly the encouragement is administered, everybody must utilize his or her own judgment.

But there is one simple and an easy form, and that's compliments.

It's not enough if you don't bicker, if you don't recriminate and belittle.

Unfortunately that’s done too – it's done all the time in very many homes, and these people are complete failures.

They might be successes in other things, in other forms of avodah, but if people are belittling each other, it means they're doing the opposite of this great career, this great mission of idud, encouragement, which Hakodosh Boruch Hu requires. 

Encouraging a Wife

Every man who marries must keep in mind that it's not enough that he doesn't transgress this in the negative.

It's so easy to gain Olam Habo if a man would make it a principle once in a while to give his wife a compliment.

***
But because he is begrudging in words so life goes by with lost opportunities, lost opportunities to be an eved Hashem.

***
If your wife once cooked a good meal, make it your business to be profuse, to be lavish in your praise.

Other things too — there’s a lot to praise there. 

There’s nobody in the world who doesn’t have a craving for encouragement.

And why should a housewife be different?

​And so, the Jewish woman who lives successfully in her house – or even not successfully, but she tries – she can be made happy even without any gifts at all.

***
That's what it says in Mishlei when it describes the Woman of Valor. “Her husband and her children arise and praise her enthusiastically.”

Encouraging a Husband

And a woman too, no less, must make it her business always to look for opportunities to drop a word of encouragement to her husband.

Some men when they have some setback and they need consolation they cannot go home and confide in their wives because women sometimes will utilize that to put salt upon his wounds.

But if a woman would learn her role, her role as a confidant, she would become a Moshe Rabeinu.

She has to assume the role of encourager and soothe the things away – to always tell him, “It’s not so bad; you'll forget about it soon.”

“That person didn't mean it the way you thought he meant it,” or “he is wrong and you're right and I know in the end they'll recognize your abilities.”

***
...a wise woman builds up her house [Mishlei/Proverbs] by encouragement and encouragement alone.

And even in those things where there has to be correction, if the husband has to be corrected
and improved, the best way to get results is to give an incentive of encouragement.

If he does something that even looks like what you want him to do, praise him for it, and you'll see that he's going to try his best to do even more.

Encouragement for Children

​It’s a tremendous mitzvah, a tremendous step to greatness, if you’ll encourage your children.

Children also have burdens; they might not be your burdens but in their own eyes they have very big burdens.

And you can put your shoulder under their heavy packages and lighten their load by encouraging them with kind words.

And children who are encouraged in the home learn better.

They are more neat in their habits. They are cooperative if they are encouraged.

***
​...most of the time a glett, a caress, on the cheek is the best option.

A kind glett and words of encouragement can do wonders.

And the children too, among themselves should be reminded to encourage each other.

Of course, usually they’ll look at you like you fell off the moon. “What encourage? We only bicker; we argue and fight.”

But say it anyhow – it goes in, it goes in.

When children are taught to encourage each other, to say compliments to each other, and the parents do it too, then the house becomes a happy place, a place of avodas Hashem.

Encouragement for Students

There are a lot of boys in the yeshivah that would benefit from kind words. So many bochurim could use it.

And so if you're a teacher, look around. Your pupils need encouragement.

There are some who are not getting along well, some are sad, some are broken because of home conditions.

Some have poverty. Some are not well. Some have difficulty keeping up with the studies.

So be a Moshe Rabeinu!

Encouragement for All Kinds of People

Encourage your chaveirim in the yeshiva.

Girls, encourage your friends in the Beis Yaakov.

Not only your friends — there are many who are getting lost; they’re struggling.

You know how much you could accomplish if you would say a few words of encouragement to ease their burden? There’s so much opportunity there.

Your rebbe too. He needs parnasah so make sure not to discourage him.

Honor him and make him feel good.

After the shiur walk over to him and say, “Rebbi, I enjoyed your shiur” – even though you didn’t. It’s a mitzvah to be mi’oded anavim, to encourage the downtrodden.

***
Certainly; even on the street, even on the bus, if you see somebody who is dejected and depressed and you could say a few kind words, there's no question that you have given a big donation.

There isn't a human being who cannot stand a few drops of kindness on his soul – it’s a world where everyone has some problems, some worries and troubles, and every human being appreciates some kind words.

If you put your mind to it, you can always find a few words to say, something to assuage, to soothe, to put some balm on their wounds and to encourage them.

That's the important lesson we're learning from Moshe Rabeinu’s story.

Our job in this world is to leave the comfort of our palace and see what’s doing outside by our brothers, [vayar—and he saw]; and not only to see but to think about what you can say to ease their burdens as much as possible.

​And that great attitude, that’s the first step into greatness in this world and the next.

The Power of a Friendly Smile

It could be somebody was passing by dejected.

Let's say he has been trying to find a decent job for a long time.

And meanwhile the young lady with whom he was going out finally told him that it's all off.

And now he doesn't even have carfare to go to the bay – he's thinking of taking a long hike down to the bay and jumping in.

And as he passes by, here's a man. It’s you. You happen to know him and give him a friendly smile.

And now the whole world becomes illuminated with sunlight.

You have no idea what you have done.

You have given him a new hold on life.

Why Smile at Office People & Grouchy People?

Don't you know how many times – if you lived a long time, you look back how many times in your career a smile was the turning point.

You know how much courage you get from a smile?

It's really important for us to study this subject, to think about it, because it happens all the time – it's so easy to bestow this happiness on people.

You walk into your office in the morning and you have a bright smile for each person.

You don't just walk through haughtily and ignore everybody and just go to your office. 

People think that you don't like them. As you walk through, smile at each person.

And there's no question you'll get a mitzvah. In your own little way, you’re like Moshe Rabeinu.

Now, don’t tell me people are too grouchy.

Look, if somebody is coming toward you with a club, naturally you're not going to encourage him, but if he's passing you with a scowl, you muster enough presence of mind to smile to him.

Like it says in Pirkei Avos hevey mekabel es kol ha’adam besimchah, greet every man with simchah.

Every man means even Mr. Sour Face.

Actually he needs it more than anyone else.

You can bestow happiness in the form of a little sunshine from your face, and that's better than a glass of milk.

People need a lift.

A lot of people are carrying around hurt in their heart and they need this.

​It’s a career that will make a man successful in this world.

When You're Smiling, The Borei Olam Smiles at You

And so, if you'll cause your face to shine upon other people, Hashem will smile on you too.

You hear that? Just think about that when you want to do it. 

When you turn on the sunshine and smile at somebody, you have to know that above Hakodosh Boruch Hu is going to turn the sunshine on you.

He'll smile to you too. And when He smiles, all good things come.

Of course in America, it’s overlooked. It’s ignored today.

Brothers move away from each other and members of the family sometimes have very tenuous connections. They’ll call each other on the phone, they send cards before Rosh Hashana; it’s a very weak connection.

But fundamentally the plan of Hashem was that this should be one of the joys of life.

Family is one of the pleasures of life!

The old time European families who came over to America used to spend time together.

They didn’t have the tendency to go to movies. The old timers didn’t go to movies – even the irreligious ones.

I remember as a child how the families used to come together frequently and they sat for three or four hours together.

​Grandfather, grandmother, the sons and the daughters, the grandchildren, little children crawling on the floor.

The house was swarming with people and that was their fun.

Today it’s boring.

“Let’s go someplace. Let’s do something.”

​People begin to exchange this form of happiness for imitation happiness that you have to pay money for; today you waste money on paid entertainers or traveling; things that are sold to you as forms of happiness instead of the original ways that families used to enjoy themselves.

Remorse, Regret, and Repentance from a Place of Self-Elevation

Questions to ask yourself from Rav Moshe Chaim Luzatto, courtesy of Rav Itamar Schwartz: https://bilvavi.net/english/after-holydays-advice-ramchal

The Importance of Looking at Your Children's Faces in the Right Way

​As you sit at your table on Shabbos and you’re looking around at the faces of your children; maybe everybody is talking, eating, whatever it is, so you remember what we said here.

You look at your child’s face and you’re thinking, “Ah! What a beautiful face! What a beautiful experience this is that Hashem is giving me! I love this child!"

And the next one too. “Such a sweet face – I love this child! Thank You Hashem for this gift!”

You love every one of them tremendously and it should be translated into stimulating your love of Hakodosh Boruch Hu more and more.

There’s a great happiness in seeing your children.

Even if your child is not a gadol ba’torah, but he walks b’derech ha’yashar, he’s a shomer torah u’mitzvos, it’s a tremendous happiness to see his face. If Hashem gives you normal good frum children, you should be so happy; you should enjoy them.

Enjoy them and thank Hashem every time you see them.

You enjoy the child’s face and while you’re doing it you’re thinking, “I’m not doing it merely because I want to have nachas; I’m doing it because I want to love Hakodosh Boruch Hu Who gave me this tremendous experience to see my child’s face."

How to Look at Hashem's Creations for All Their Worth

Last week I had a conversation with the fruit store man.

I said to him, “How did the seeds get inside this fruit?”

He looked at me like I fell off the moon.

I said to him, “Did you ever find a fruit with a nickel inside?”

So he tells me that it never happened.

He’s been selling fruit for thirty years on Kings Highway and he never found a nickel in a fruit.

So I asked him, “If you find a nickel inside the apple would you think that a person put it in there?”

He said, “Yes, I would know somebody put it in there.”

​And you find a seed inside the apple – a seed is a thousand times more complicated than a nickel!

No nickels here! □

Don’t think that! Those are the good old days!

That’s the best time of your life. That's the apex, the summit of your success.

​Your throne in the next world is built on tzaar, on sacrifice and difficulties.

You’ll be sitting on a golden throne because you had to chew the earth with your teeth in order to arrive at even a little bit of success in avodas Hashem.

Chanukah lights on a window sill in Eretz Yisrael by chavahjacobs

So now this poor innocent woman is standing on the street shouting to everybody,
pointing at this dirty fellow who had tried to violate her...

...Potiphar rushed home from work and when she told him the story, all the details about what this wicked Ivri had tried to do, he became full of rage; he seized Yosef and began pummeling him.

And after a good beating, he grabbed Yosef by the ear and she grabbed him by the other ear, and they dragged him to the police station, to come before the judges to be sentenced...

...She and her husband are dragging Yosef through the streets by his ears.

Potiphar was an important official and his servant was well known so this disturbance certainly drew a crowd.

Women and children were staring from the windows; the men were rushing out of their houses to the streets to see what was going on...

And our sages tell us that as Yosef was being dragged through the streets, Potiphar
and his wife were heaping contumely upon his head.

She was shouting accusations, and Potiphar was gnashing his teeth.

“Look what we did for him. We elevated him. We made him the majordomo, the manager of our house, and that's how he tried to pay us back? By acting so lowly?!”

And the Egyptians who witnessed this spectacle, they were looking on and shaking their heads.

“Well, that’s what you get for taking him as a slave in your house. What else could you expect from a Hebrew? Only a dirty Ivri could be that wicked and do such an uncivilized thing.”

Ivri means a Hebrew but for the Egyptians it meant a hated nation, a corrupt people.

And they were kicking Yosef and spitting at him, insulting him as he was being dragged through the street.

There is extensive literature on this subject only that you can't get it.

It's very hard to buy these books that speak about the crimes of the church.

There's a powerful organization that sees to it that this literature is not available and therefore to get books, real works that reveal the deeds of the papacy is almost impossible.

One historical work I wanted to see when I was writing one of my books but it was very hard to get my hands on.

There's one copy in the public library in the main branch and you can't take it out.

​That's what an organization can accomplish.

Look Who's Talking

Fighting the Jewish Inferiority Complex

On Chanukah we’re expected to grow great in combating the yetzer hora that caused the trouble of Chanukah.

It means we have to begin falling in love with the Am Yisroel – that’s what Chanukah is trying to teach us.

And if we don’t get busy studying the emes of the Torah, then sooner or later the yetzer hora will win out and we’re going to fall into that error of the ancient Misyavnim [Hellenists].

They should see it and remind themselves of the great ideals.

“How happy I am that I’m a Jew! How fortunate we are that Hakodosh Boruch Hu chose us!...He chose us from all nations from all languages!”

It doesn’t take long but even in a flash, as these thoughts pass through your mind, you have transformed the mitzvah into a different mitzvah altogether. 

The Great Virtue of Allowing Yourself to Do Things Imperfectly

It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy life!

Enjoy! You can be happy!

You can make a lot of money! Nothing wrong!

Where do you find in the Gemara, anyplace that it’s wrong to make money, it’s wrong to be rich, it’s wrong to be happy?

It’s a fundamental error to think it’s wrong.

A man can marry a pretty wife. He doesn’t have to take the ugliest wife he can find and say, “I’m marrying only l’shem Shomayim.”

It’s a big mistake people make in pshat. You can marry a pretty girl. You can make money.

You can eat a big lunch and fall asleep on a comfortable pillow. Why not?

Only that you should add some intent.

While you’re doing it, you shouldn’t waste your life. You add the intent l’shem Shomayim.

So you say, “Well, he’s a faker. He’s not doing it for Shomayim! He wants to make money. He wants to eat a good lunch.”

No! That’s a mistake! It’s a mistake! You can add an intent even though it’s not your sole intent.
​
And therefore, whatever you are, wherever you are, you could transform your life with a little bit of thought.

It's not hypocritical.

Hakodosh Boruch Hu doesn't expect you to give up your livelihood, your good life, but while you're busy living that life, why not add the intention of doing it for some noble purpose, for the end of serving Hashem.

​And therefore everything you do becomes noble; it becomes sublime and your life is packed with accomplishment.

Some Final Tips

"One small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day!"

Swimming against the Current Makes You a Stronger Swimmer

Esav Entrapped Himself

Esav as the Prototype for Understanding the Abusive Personality

Some of the people are so wrong that they don't realize how wicked they are.

And it’s based on nothing but some small middah, a foolish characteristic, a weakness in a trait of character, that misleads him.

​Only that no one even imagines that he is the guilty party.

There's No School like Home

Making the Most of Mishlei

And so what will it help to deceive yourself if Hakodosh Boruch Hu is going to measure your mind?

​Hakodosh Boruch Hu is measuring the depths of your mind, what are your real intentions, your real thoughts, your real motivations.

I know a Yungerman in Lakewood whose father Zatzal had a dream in which a Yid told him that he was not allowed to get to his place in Gan Eden for thirty years, because he never took care of his Ka'as problem!

​This is worse than Gehinom!

The Self-Righteous Self-Lover's Final Destination

Now if that's the case, there's one bribe that we have all received that puts us out of commission permanently and that’s self-love.

The biggest bribe in the world is love of one's self.

Everyone has persuaded himself that he's doing right because what bribery is there greater than love of yourself?

And everybody is subject to such bribery!

​You have to watch out always because all day long you’re accepting that bribe! 

Eisav was a ramai [deceiver], not because he intentionally came to deceive.

He thought, “I'll be machmir with melach, why not?”

I'll ask my father “Eich me’asrin es hamelach?”

It wasn’t just a trickery trying to deceive his father. No, he had deceived himself!

But Hakodosh Boruch Hu said, “You want a chumrah in melach?! Very good! But what about a chumrah in middos tovos? What about a chumra in recognizing your motivations? That’s the most difficult thing and that's what I'm waiting for." 

And that’s what it means that when Eisav walked into his father’s tent to take the brachos that he thought he deserved, that Yitzchok saw the opening of Gehinom right there in the tent.

Yitzchok saw himself standing on the precipice of Gehinom but he saw that Eisav was already falling in!

And that’s why Yitzchok was shaking terribly; not only did he realize the mistake he had almost made but more importantly, he saw now that the mistake was caused by the self-deception of his son.

He saw now that not knowing yourself is the opening to Gehinom.

Eisav had brought ruin upon himself because he wasn’t willing to study himself, and because of that he had almost ruined the Am Yisroel forever.

Of course, Hakodosh Boruch Hu is looking at every Jew.

Not only every Jew; Hakodosh Boruch Hu is looking at every squirrel.

He knows what every single rat, every mouse, every bacterium, is doing.

Nobody, nothing at all, is not seen by Him and nothing is overlooked.

​It’s a great Torah principle that...Hakodosh Boruch Hu does not deprive anyone of his due reward (Bava Kamma 38b).

Everyone is going to get the reward he deserves, absolutely.

Even a rasha, a gangster, who kills ten people a day, won’t lose out on the reward he deserves.

Let’s say that his business; he gets a paycheck for each body that he delivers – ten people a day.

But it’s against his principle to kill eleven!

Even if he’s offered a big bonus, for an eleventh victim, he won’t do it.

He has principles after all; he’s not stam a murderer.

Hakodosh Boruch Hu will not deprive him of his reward for that self control.

Holy Weirdos

Now, I’m not saying that you have to wear a beard in order to be a tzadik – today even genuine meshuganehs wear beards – but I’m just giving you an example.

Anybody who demonstrates some idealism is considered a lunatic by people who lack that attitude.

Very often people can’t appreciate those who are better than them.

I say “very often” – it’s always the case!

Guess Who?

Strive for Your Unique God-Given Personal Best

“I cannot be like the people around me who are stagnant. I cannot lose my life in this crowd. I don’t want to merely go along with the yoke of habit on my shoulders and be satisfied with the life of a decent personality, of a loyal Jew.“