Category: Pele Yoetz

3 Types of Heavenly Decrees & How to Change Your Destiny

8/7/2018

In the chapter Zivug in Pele Yoetz, Rav Eliezer Papo humbly offers his delineation of 3 different types of decrees and how one should relate to the third type of decree:

1) A good beneficial decree that will come upon a person, even against his will, and no bad will come from it. On the contrary, the Sages explain that such a decree will even uplift a person.

2) A bad decree that has been written and sealed in Heaven; there is no rescuer.

3) A decree that comes according to a person's requests and efforts.

Regarding the above, the Pele Yoetz advises:

"In light of this, a person must take into account that he is from the third category. And everything that is in his power to do, he shall do."

Asking of and praying to Hashem -- inundating him with your requests -- affects decrees from the third category.

And "efforts" include so much. When you express gratitude for 100 different things (or even just 20 different things), you are changing yourself from within and re-making yourself into a vessel for blessing and good decrees.

When you give tzedakah, your are changing your spiritual form.

When you decide to do any good deed, you are changing your destiny.

You can go from being a treif-eater to a Jew who only eats kosher. You become a different person inside, and that affects the Heavenly decrees pertaining to you.

When you remain silent in the face of an insult, when you hold back the lashon hara exploding in your mouth and heart, when you say "thank you!" instead of "how dare you!" -- you are making yourself a receptacle for blessing and sweet decrees.

In the above, the Pele Yoetz placed his delineation of decrees in the section on meriting one's soulmate.

But really, the concept applies to so much more.

May we all merit to become vessels of sweet decrees and blessings.

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Understanding Torah Sages: Overcoming Black-&-White Thinking

6/7/2018

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Another issue I think holds some people back from learning original texts by tzaddikim is the cult-indoctrinated effect of black-and-white thinking.

Black-and-white thinking leads to "either-or" conclusions.

For example, someone hears that she should light Shabbat candles 10 minutes early to facilitate powerful and additional blessing in her life. So let's say she tries and lights only 5 minutes early. Or she lights exactly on time (10 minutes late, in her mind). Or she even lights 7 minutes after the designated time.

"Because I didn't manage the extra 10 minutes," she might say, "then I failed."

Black-and-white thinking: "Either I manage to light 10 minutes early and receive reward, or I don't and so it means nothing."

"Either I succeeded or I failed."

"Either I receive reward or I receive nothing/or I receive punishment."

This prevents the kind of complex, mind-expanding thought necessary to deal with real spirituality and paradox. And paradox is exactly what Judaism addresses all the time. For example, the paradox of the free will to do anything, yet Hashem controls everything and knows everything in advance. Or the paradox of Hashem being All Compassionate yet there is the Holocaust.

In the above candle-lighting example, a black-and-white thinker denies the fact of spiritual physics: Just the bare truth that she MADE A SINCERE EFFORT to light candles 10 minutes early, then that etched a positive imprint on her soul and also enhances her into a vessel for blessing.

Children think in black-and-white, but adults are supposed to be more advanced than that. Yet because Western society has turned into a cult, and many of us have been raised in this cult-like environment, we can find ourselves affected by black-and-white thinking without even realizing it.

(And because black-and-white thinking leads to despair and hopelessness, this is a major reason why so many people in modern society are depressed or snarky or negative or escapist.)

Also, even an Orthodox environment can unintentionally use cult tactics to teach Torah, which can also affect people negatively, despite the genuine Torah encased within the cult tactics.

Anyway, a lot of Chazal's writings assume that you're in a Jewish community with access to normal non-cultish thinking.

Contradictions or Directions?

So for example, in his chapter on Zivug/A Spouse, the Pele Yoetz brings forth all the familiar stuff, like how your zivug is determined in Shamayim before conception, yet also encourages practical efforts and offers advice, like to ignore material assets in favor of character assets.

But he offers seemingly contradictory advice within. This is because if follow one directive and you're not successful, then you have the contrasting directive as Plan B.

This is Hashem's way of getting you where He wants you to go. You start off one path, but then Hashem nudges you to veer off to another path.

This is sort of like how a Jew does his or her best to keep Shabbat and avoid transgressions, but if Hashem wants a child born on Shabbat, then He sends the signals loud and clear, which cause the parents to transgress Shabbat (calling an ambulance, etc.) -- and such a transgression is actually a mitzvah in this case and ratzon Hashem. So there is no contradiction between keeping the laws of Shabbat and calling an ambulance on Shabbat.

Likewise, the Pele Yoetz refers to earlier Sages who advised a man against marrying a widow because she is likely to recall him fondly, even as she never mentions this to her second husband. "And what if the first was pleasant and the second is a difficult person?" the Pele Yoetz posits. "Then she will despise the second one in her heart." (This seems an obvious hint of advice to the second husband to behave well. See? Rav Papo sprinkles important messages throughout the whole book.)

Then he introduces scarier information, like how the Zohar says that marrying a widow is placing oneself in danger similar to casting oneself to sail in the great ocean.

And then he strongly recommends that avoid marrying a divorcee or widow, and only marry a woman who has never been with a man before.

But then he says:

The exception is if he's gotten along in years and cannot find a betulah to marry; he shall not exempt himself from being fruitful and multiplying. Instead, he should take whoever he can find. And these are the wonders that come from the Perfect Knowing One. And Hashem will not withhold good from those who walk with sincere intentions.

So the above will confuse a black-and-white thinker because the Pele Yoetz so strongly opposes marrying a divorcee or widow, yet seems to capitulate when there's no other choice.

So a black-and-white thinker will say, "Oh, there's no point because look at how bad it is to marry a widow or divorcee." ("Either I need to marry a never-married woman or it's not worth getting married at all!")

And what about the words of the Pele Yoetz, insisting that at the end of the day, a man needs to marry whoever he can?

"Oh, he's just saying that," says the black-and-white thinker. "But we know what he REALLY means -- you're not supposed to marry a widow or divorcee." (See? The black-and-white thinker starts engaging in all sorts of discouraging chachamahs, which lead to despair and inertia.)

And what about the Pele Yoetz's final words on the matter, words which clearly imply that if you can't find a never-married woman, then that's Hashem's way of telling you that the willing divorcee or widow is your real zivug?

"Oh, he's just saying that," dismisses the black-and-white thinker. Or, "Rav Papo was on such a high level, we can't understand what he really meant by that."

And if you try to point out (in the spirit of his words: "And these are the wonders that come from the Perfect Knowing One. And Hashem will not withhold good from those who walk with sincere intentions") that Yehoshua bin Nun married Rachav and things worked out excellently for them (8 prophets descended from them, including Chuldah), or you point out couples you know personally, like say a formerly never-married guy in a very happy marriage with a divorcee and so on, then the black-and-white thinker will wave you off and act like YOU are the one who just doesn't understand.

Hope for the Black-and-White Thinker!

Now, if you feel like you engage in black-and-white thinking like the above, then don't worry. I used to do it too, but baruch Hashem, when you read the words of tzaddikim and make an effort on whatever level you're at to understand what they could possibly mean, then that's exactly what helps you out of your black-and-white tendency.

It doesn't happen overnight, but slowly, your mind starts to heal from all the brainwashing and it opens up like a flower awakening after a long winter.

Side Point: I do think the above chapter is one of the things that relates to Rav Papo's times to a certain extent.

Today, you unfortunately have many people with previous -- even many previous -- relationships prior to marriage. Some of these relationships still linger in the person's mind, yet some are completely forgettable, and the reality of the person's true feelings depends.

And because of the Pele Yoetz's concern for the zivug-seeker's mitzvah of being fruitful, he seems to be addressing a man who has never been married himself. So this is different now, but there are still aspects of this message that apply today.

Don't Judge until You've Read the Whole Book

Also -- and this is a big deal -- it seems to me that they assume that if you're reading their book, then you're reading the whole book (even if it takes you a long time), and not just a chapter or snippet without eventually imbibing the whole thing.

I noticed that whether it's the Kli Yakar commentary on Chumash or the Pele Yoetz mussar guide for life or anyone else, if you don't read the whole thing, then you aren't going to get the whole message or their real attitude about various issues.

For example, even though the Pele Yoetz has a chapter on Women/Nashim and another on Love between Husband & Wife/Ahavat Ish v'Ishah, you are not going to get his full views on women or marriage unless you read the entire work because he sprinkles different or repeated ideas throughout, and there are vital messages in other chapters that aren't where you think they'd be.

May Hashem imbue us all with the knowledge, wisdom, & insight to understand.
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Related link:
How to Avoid being a Victim of Mind Control

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Pele Yoetz: Even the Smallest Acts Count beyond Measure!

5/7/2018

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Another major lesson learned from the Pele Yoetz is to avoid pressuring people to bite off more than they can chew.

And many times, we don't know the limits or the capabilities of others.

Sometimes we have a good idea of another's limits or capabilities.

But other times, we just project ourselves onto the other person -- a form of arrogance for us and a discouragement to the other person.

So yeah, sometimes, we pressure others from from our own ego.

Other times, we're so enthused about a certain mitzvah and the way it's working for us, that we forget that the other person may not have the capability to do that mitzvah in the special way that we do.

(And if you find yourself faced with a high-octane enthusiast, I think it's usually best to just go along with them, tell them how great they're doing -- because you get reward for encouraging others & making them feel good about their mitzvot, mezakeh harabim, etc. -- and leave your own personal failings out of it. Just be happy for them as much as you can. Speaking from personal experience on both sides of this scenario... ;)

Anyway, we learn from the Pele Yoetz the importance of encouraging people that even the tiniest act counts for a lot.

For example, regarding Torah study, the Pele Yoetz repeatedly states the following throughout his book:

And they said (Tanna D'vei Eliyahu Zuta, Perek 20) that even if one learns all day the verse "...v'achot Lotan Timna - And sister of Lotan is Timna" -- his reward comes as if he's occupied with Negaim and Ohalot. [Two of the most complex tractates -- MR]

One increases his learning and decreases his learning -- regardless, he should just set his heart toward Shamayim.

The Pele Yoetz does not mean that you shouldn't learn more than that verse if you're able -- on the contrary, he exhorts men to learn as much as they can, including Zohar!

But when a guy finds himself with even the smallest amount of free time ("even the short time it takes for a swallow of saliva"), he should say "v'achot Lotan Timna" (Beresheit 36:22) and earn overwhelming reward.

(That's pretty positive and encouraging, isn't it?)

The Pele Yoetz also stresses this regarding men who aren't learned or who barely know how to read; he encourages them with the above.

(And just for knowing, the Pele Yoetz also felt very strongly about the need teach women and girls how to both read and write: "And how good it would be if women were to learn the skill of writing, for then they could easily learn everything!" He also exhorts the women of his time to go to the women's section of a synagogue in order to hear the Torah lectures given there, quoting Shir Hashirim 2:9 as proof.)
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So this is very important:

Don't overload or overwhelm people.

Don't make people feel like if they can't keep up the pace or perform grand gestures, then their efforts are meaningless or worthless.

Encourage people by reassuring them that even the smallest & briefest mitzvah they carry out can reap unimaginable reward and make a significant difference -- as long as they mean to do it for Hashem.

Start out small -- start out miniscule and weak, if that's where you're holding -- then keep on going throughout your failures and successes, sure in the fact that even the tiniest briefest mitzvah reaps great reward and holds mind-boggling significance.

This is straight from Rav Eliezer Papo, a tremendous self-sacrificing tzaddik.

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Pele Yoetz: Always End on a Note of Hope

4/7/2018

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A big lesson to learn from Rav Eliezer Papo's masterpiece, Pele Yoetz, is the way he ends every chapter.

While he interlaces encouragement and positive words within each chapter, some also contain dire warnings and stern rebuke. Nonetheless, he never leaves us without reassurance, encouragement, and hope.

Rav Papo maintained a firm belief in our power to rise above our addictions, bad habits, false beliefs, and our yetzer hara in any form.

Affirming Our Innate Goodness & Ability

For example, at the end of the chapter on Young Men/Bachur (you can imagine all the dire things he mentions in such a chapter), Rav Papo ends with:

"And behold, God stands over him [as a Protector]; He will be with him in assistance because one who comes to purify himself earns Heavenly assistance."

The chapter called Rebuke/Gaarah concludes as follows:

"The voice of fools in rebuke 'they are a vanity, an act of delusion' [Yirmiyahu 10:15] to those who hear them, confusing them and confounding them. But the words of the wise which are heard in pleasantness are sweet and accepted by their listeners."

He ends the chapter entitled Speech/Dibur, a chapter full of exhortations and prohibitions, with the following:

"To you, gentlemen, I call: Brothers and friends, I'm very pained on your behalf, on behalf of this sin that is to your detriment and the evil that stands before you, chas v'shalom. And even more than that, how great is my pain on behalf of the pain of our Father in Heaven who waits to bestow favor upon us...and please, exchange bad for good! Gather in the place of a Torah scholar or a learned person to hear learning...and acquire paths of life and lofty attributes."

Rav Papo ends the chapter Rising Early/Haskamah with characteristic optimism and holy cheerleading:

"With his heart, he will understand and with his ears, he will hear, and as he shall repent, Hashem will heal him."

Go, team Am Yisrael, go!

Rav Papo ends General Principles: Part I/Klalot Alef with:

"All that is in his power to accomplish, he should do and all that a man desires, he should do. Only the beginning will be difficult. And in doing so, a person will become desirable and Hashem will be for him as a shelter. And a vision of the Almighty he shall see.

And this is enough for whoever possesses a good heart."

The end of Afternoon Prayer/Mincha:

"...only the beginnings are difficult because afterwards, it will be sweet for him and it shall be as a delightful fragrance for him, and worthy of blessing and contentment is he in This World and it's good for him in the World to Come."

So we see that it's important to end on a positive, reassuring, and encouraging note:
Yes, sinning is terrible and Gehinnom is just awful -- but if you just try your best to do the right thing, then God will help you out, He'll stand by your side all the way, and things will ultimately end up wonderfully!

Judging Wonky Jews Favorably

Rav Papo also finds excuses for the errant, a way to judge them favorably and with understanding, even as he rebukes the wonky behavior, like in the chapter on Speech/Dibur:

"Come and see how the enemy [yetzer hara] has overpowered people so much so that when brothers sit together, and they have nothing new to say, one starts saying, 'The cold today is good, the heat today is good, the rain is good, the snow is good,' and such things that are obvious to all -- simply because their yetzer agitates within them and they're embarrassed to sit in silence."

See? Rav Papo blames the inane behavior on the yetzer hara, emphasizing the great strength of the yetzer hara, which implies that these people are good and want to do the right thing, but have simply collapsed under the weight of their yetzer hara. Also, he acknowledges the very real embarrassment people tend to struggle with in such situations.

(Then Rav Papo explains how to get up and fight the yetzer hara.)

You can just imagine what Rav Papo has to say in his chapter on Illicit Acts/Znut, but even after he mentions some pretty reprehensible acts, he never stops judging favorably:

"And this comes from a lack of awareness of the great severity of the act, or due to bad friends who trick them into it..."

In other instances, Rav Papo inserts a plea for Hashem to atone for their sins, as in the chapter entitled Judges & Officers/Shoftim v'Shotrim:

"Woe to it, to a generation that such a thing has risen in its days, that there are large cities in in the cities of Edom [Europe] that host hundreds of thousands of Jews and the Torah is forgotten from among them, and they only conduct cases in the jurisdiction of non-Jews and it's done as if permissible -- May God Who is Good atone for them."

Ken yehi ratzon!

Bringing It All Home

So I learned 2 important lessons from the entire Pele Yoetz:

It's essential it is to find merits and judge favorably even as you're discussing what's wrong with society or as you're attempting to correct someone's behavior.

It's important to always end on a note of hope and sincere belief in the person's innate goodness and ability to improve and do teshuvah.

I think it's also a guide for when hearing rebuke from others, to know what level the critic is really on and where their criticism is really coming from. If they can't see the good in you, if they can't see that you're not evil or stupid but just stuck or uninformed, if they don't believe that you have the ability to change for the better, well, then...you sure aren't hearing rebuke from a tzaddik.

Rav Eliezer Papo willing underwent a prolonged and agonizing death for his community, then left a legacy to assist and encourage us forevermore.

We can trust that his attitude and approach are the real deal.

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Getting Past the Excuses of Not Taking Mussar to Heart

3/7/2018

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A favorite excuse nowadays is to dismiss the works of holy Sages as being applicable "back then, but not for our times." Or to ascribe the Sage as being "on such a high level," "normal people" are incapable of emulating his example or following his advice "especially in modern times." Even frum people can err in these utterances and unnecessarily lower their own standards.

In fact, the Pele Yoetz was well-aware of this tendency to dismiss Sagely directives as "too hard" or "not for our times." So in his chapter called "Hatred," he discusses the commandment to love one's fellow to himself and states:

But since our Creator commanded us so, we learn from this that it is something that a person has the ability to fulfill, for "the Torah was not given to angels and the Holy One Blessed Be He does not make excessive demands with His creations."

This concept is from the Gemara, actually, and Rav Papo is only one of many to repeat this point.

Yet how can we dismiss the words of a tzaddik on the level of Rav Eliezer Papo, who died for the sins of his people to save his city from the effects of a devastating plague?

Rav Papo was very close to Hashem and knew he exactly what he was talking about and who he was speaking to.

The "Times Have Changed" Excuse

The other way people like to dismiss Sagely words is by attributing attitudes and insights to "those times" and "that culture."

Certainly, times have changed, technologically speaking, and women's opportunities have changed. So if the Sage is speaking purely from the standpoint of primitive methods (i.e. needing to arise early to toil at lighting a coal stove rather than flipping an electric switch or assuming that the vast majority of women are completely illiterate, if they were in his time), then you can dismiss the literal intention of his words without dismissing the wisdom.

But it's not something to be done automatically, either. We still need to scrutinize what he says so we don't accidentally throw out the baby with the bathwater.

Another big difference between then and now is the concept of a "minyan factory" or "shteiblach."

In some communities today, you can find minyanim all day long. Do you need to daven neitz at 4:08 AM? Do you need the latest Shacharit or the earliest Mincha? Do you need to daven Maariv at 3:15 AM? You've got a minyan!

As far as I know, even big cities of yore with thriving Jewish communities didn't have minyanim 'round the clock. All the more so, smaller communities that davened together at set times.

So a Sage from a century ago understood that if you didn't get up or out at a certain time, you missed your chance of davening in a minyan at all, which may not be true today if you're living in Jerusalem or Lakewood.

Yet we can still take to heart their basic encouragement to develop passion and alacrity for davening on time.

The "Influenced by the Surrounding Culture" Dismissal

Dismissing the Sage due to cultural influence is also a mistake. Yes, Sages addressed the problems and issues of their times. But great people have the ability to rise above their times and be influenced by Torah values, not cultural values.

Case in point: Rav Papo lived in the Balkans under the Muslim rule of the Turkish Ottoman Empire. Yet his admonitions toward every husband to treat his wife with great love and sensitivity and his blanket opposition to any kind of verbal or physical abuse toward the wife (even if the wife herself was wicked or abusive) certainly flew in the face of Balkan and Muslim values. Even today, neither religious Muslim attitudes nor the modernized Bosnian and Bulgarian attitudes toward women are up to the stipulations of Rav Papo.

As he advises husbands:

If she goes against his opinion and angers him, he must guard his emotional state so that he does not become angry with her. And there is no need to say to not denigrate her, to curse her, or to strike her, Heaven forbid, because that is the custom of boors, and empty-headed people, and the reckless, and it's his own self he harms.

Only with soft speech and a sweet tone should he reprove her. And in any case, he should endure this yoke and be from the insulted who do not insult in return, and he should accept the Heavenly judgement with joy because from God is a wife for a man.

And regarding a really bad wife, he reminds the husband of what is written in Eruvin 41b:

...that he who has a bad wife does not see the face of Gehinnom. It would be fitting to request a bad wife if one could endure this tribulation because of the severity of the judgement of Gehinnom, and if he's able to endure this tribulation, he will not inherit two Gehinnoms [i.e., the Gehinnom in This World of living with a bad wife and the Gehinnom of the Next World for all the times he sinned by responding in kind -- MR].

Instead, he should accept with love and receive a good reward for his toil.

Oh, and then there's this:

And how good it would be if women were to learn the skill of writing, for then they could easily learn everything!

(He means that if women knew how to read and write, then they could learn everything they needed to know of halacha and mussar on their own.)

In 19th-Century Bulgaria & Bosnia under Muslim rule, where else could Rav Papo be getting such ideas...except from the Torah?

Clearly, there is no "cultural influence" happening here.

Just for knowing, Rav Papo also insists on very high standards for wives, but not as high as the standards he sets for husbands. Plus, he comes off as more sympathetic toward women with difficult or abusive husbands and offers them more practical advice than he does for men, including having a beit din stop the abusive husband with "a strong arm" and advises others to help the woman to get divorced if she wants, calling any divorce assistance "a great mitzvah" in such a situation.

As far as I could tell, the only advice he offers suffering men is to be really kind, sweet, loving, pleasant, and patient no matter how awful the wife is -- no strong-arming the wife or offering the husband divorce as an option.

(Perhaps men can insist on a "men's studies" curriculum in college where they can rant against this blatant double standard in Judaism, a clear result of this patriarchal religion dominated by dead white men.)

A Handwritten Copy in Bulgarian, Please

An example of the Pele Yoetz speaking to "the times" in which he lived is when he advises that one who doesn't understand Hebrew go to a sage to have the sage write out the entire work (I think it was the Pesach Haggadah) in Bulgarian so that the person can fulfill the mitzvah properly.

Needless to say, we don't need to pester our local rabbis to write out the entire Haggadah in Bulgarian. We have Artscroll English translations instead.

However, the spirit of the Pele Yoetz's instruction still stands: If you don't know Hebrew, you need to make sure you have a Haggadah in the language of your choice.

The Dreaded Women's Issues

There are many other examples of exhortations and teachings that seem time- or culture-bound or far beyond our abilities, but really aren't.

Women in particular may have a difficult time with certain assumptions expressed in Chazal. One of the biggest changes between the olden days and now is women's education. Women today are fully literate and in the USA, women even comprise a larger percentage of college graduates than men.

Yet scholastic achievement doesn't affect a woman's daat compared to a man's daat. (Daat and IQ/education are not synonymous; a woman can be a top-level genius in, say, mathematical physics and still have daat kalah.) And women still have not (and will not) achieved equal representation in left-brained fields until Mashiach comes.

Furthermore, whether a woman uses her extra binah in a positive constructive way or in a negative destructive way depends on her character and knowledge of halacha and mussar, and not her academic knowledge or IQ.

Female readers struggle with certain statements of Torah Sages, and rather than trying to understand them in context, they often either dismiss them as a result of the times when women were illiterate (and sometimes, this is an appropriate dismissal, but not always) or they sink into self-denigration (even women with feminist tendencies can do this, ironically) and castigate themselves and their gender as truly not being intelligent enough or good enough or rational enough or whatever.

Yet rather than being superficially dismissive or superficially presumptive, it's best to try to just delve into understanding what a Sage really meant when you come across something that rubs you wrong.

I mean, if the same Sage mentions women as being chalushat haseichel (of weak intellect) and remarks on the downfalls of daat kalah as per Chava and the Nachash, yet goes on to praise women copiously throughout the rest of his early 17th-century work (yes, I'm talking about the Kli Yakar), and in fact praises women's loyalty to God, their emuna, their modesty and marital fidelity, their generosity, and their love of Eretz Yisrael as far surpassing that of men, and even declares that righteous women (nashim tzidkaniyot) -- specifically righteous women even in the face of righteous men -- are as essential to the world as the Sun itself...well, it's disingenuous to dismiss him or condemn him with the usual feminist blather and ranting.
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Related Posts:
Why We Need to Let the Pele Yoetz (and Any Old-Time Mussar) Penetrate Our Modern Life & How to Do It (the great saintliness of Rav Eliezer Papo and why we need to take his words to heart even in our days)
Halacha: The Best Boost for Daat Kalah
Kli Yakar on Parshat Chayei Sara (righteous women as the Sun; scroll down to the end)
Kli Yakar on Parshat Pinchas (women's love for Eretz Yisrael and other positive attributes)
Kli Yakar on Parshat V'Zoht Habracha (real and welcome equality after Mashiach comes)
You can find more by the Kli Yakar by clicking on: WOMEN
(Then keep going back to the earlier posts.)

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Why We Need to Let the Pele Yoetz (and Any Old-Time Mussar) Penetrate Our Modern Life & How to Do It

2/7/2018

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Rav Papo's Saintly Life & Heroic Death

Rabbi Eliezer Papo, author of the Pele Yoetz (published in 1824), was a saintly sage born in Sarajevo, Bosnia in 1785 and passed away during Sukkot in Silistra, Bulgaria in 1827 (20 Tishrei 5588) after having served as their rabbi for around 14 years.

Both in his actions and his writings, Rav Papo invested all he could in helping the Jews of the Balkans achieve both their material and their spiritual needs.

Reading his book the Pele Yoetz or reading the prayers he composed (some of which are included in the Pele Yoetz and all of which appear in his book of prayers called Beit Tefillah), one gets the impression of a very wise and caring father, a father full of passion, concern, and hope for even his most errant child.

He yearned for his fellow Jews to fill themselves with Torah wisdom and in this way, achieve true happiness and contentment, both in This World and the Next.

The Pele Yoetz displays Rav Papo's passion to make the Jewish world a wiser, happier, kinder, and more serene world filled with emuna. To these means, he encouraged the education of both men and women, and encouraged everyone to learn Torah with whatever abilities they possessed.

Yet prior to the Sukkot of 1827, he received a devastating message from Heaven:
His community had been sentenced to suffer a horrible plague.

Many would fall ill and many would die.

Needless to say, as the plague would take its toll on the lives, finances, and well-being of the community, the initial suffering would extend on for years.

However, there was a way to cancel out this plague.

If Rav Papo would agree to take on the plague himself -- including the resulting death -- then the entire community would be spared.

Rav Papo agreed.

He suffered the plague for several weeks, knowing he'd never survive it. But Rav Papo never stopped praying to Hashem and expressing his yearning for Hashem that entire time. He kept up a stream of confessionals and supplications, although one wonders what sins could such a tzaddik possibly have to confess? (That right there is a tip for all of us.)

It was an incredible act.

Presumably, Heaven decreed the plague due to the sins of the people. And in Pele Yoetz, you discover the stumbling blocks of that generation at that time. Of course there were many good people (Sarajevo was a Torah center that produced many great Torah sages at that time) and many good deeds, but the encouragement, rebuke, and advice he gives in the Pele Yoetz also spotlights problems that are still familiar.

Some people were envious, contentious, indolent, pompous, bad-tempered, miserly, gossipy, indulged their taavot as much as their situation allowed, wasted their time in eating & drinking & hanging out, and all the rest.

Yet Rav Papo still felt they were worth dying for.

And not only did Rav Papo literally die for the sins of the people (yet no one made a god out of him), but he even sought to provide for us forevermore after his death with the promise that whoever would immerse in a mikveh and pray at his grave with a broken heart, then their prayers would be accepted before the Creator of the Universe.

Even today, Jews still make their way to the place near the Danube where Rav Papo is buried and have apparently seen miracles as a result.

Expanding the Real You

I'm writing this because Rav Papo left us a book of advice.

And unfortunately, many people today prefer to dismiss Sagely advice that doesn't suit their emotional level or doesn't make sense to them with ideas like "this doesn't apply to our generation" or "that's for the people who follow him, not my group" or "that's only for tzaddikim" or "you have to be on a very high level to really understand what he's saying" or "but it doesn't tell you HOW to do what it advises" and so on.

And though I'm not proud to admit it, I used to say this stuff too.

But it's mostly not true.

Rav Papo was clearly writing for everybody. He was clearly aware of the different levels on which people stood (whether a tzaddik or a Jew at the 49th gate of tumah) and he also knew what he was talking about.

Yes, it's true that some of the specifics of his advice applied only to his time, a time without electricity or indoor plumbing, a time in which some homes possessed a dirt floor. And some are culturally specific (i.e., Jews living in the 19th-Century Balkans under Muslim rule).

But the general lessons are still valid.

And yes, it's true that this generation needs to grind its mental gears to understand what he means. Even in the English translation (which I recommend), Rav Papo does not use the language or nuance we're used to. So yes, you do need to work harder to understand what he's saying, especially if you hit something that rubs you the wrong way.

(And yes, I'm speaking from personal experience.)

But who says that's bad? Why should that be an insurmountable obstacle?

If you need to ruminate over the advice of a tzaddik, if you need to turn it over in your head a million times, if you need to wrangle with it, then what's wrong with that?

On the contrary, that's exactly what both sharpens your mind and leads to increased emotional maturity.

Furthermore, the very idea that rubs you wrong or seems incomprehensible now often because helpful and clear later on as you grow.

But if you're never exposed to the idea in the first place, how will you know?

And this idea also applies to mussar works by all our tzaddikim.

Having said that, you'll also find many statements in the Pele Yoetz that are appealing and easy to understand. It depends who you are and where you're coming from.

Anyway, I just think it's good to give the old-time original mussar literature a chance as much as you can at whatever pace you can manage at whatever level you're at.

I started out very slow at a very low level, and I still feel that I benefited over time.

And I wish the same for everyone else (including myself because I still have a long ways to go and it hasn't been easy).

May Hashem open our minds & hearts to receive His Truth & Wisdom.
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The Pele Yoetz in English online
The printed 2-volume set of the Pele Yoetz in English

The gravesite of Rav Eliezer Papo today. By אלבום משפחתי (אלבום משפחתי) [GFDL or CC BY-SA 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons

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Why Do the Footsteps of Mashiach Need to Stomp So Darn Hard?

10/5/2018

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When I was attending chinuch classes, I heard a lot of questions along the lines of, "But my parents did that with us, and we still turned out okay. So why is it suddenly so bad to do that now?"

Just to be clear, none of these mothers wanted to do whatever unpleasantness their parents had done with them (whether it was hitting, yelling, making children wear out-of-style second-hand clothes, or anything like that), but they were legitimately trying to understand why these unwanted acts were suddenly so damaging.

As you might have guessed, there was never a real answer. Mostly hemming and hawing about a "different environment" and "things have changed" (oh, those ambiguous undefinable "things"!) and "it's a different generation."

All true, but not terribly satisfying because Jews kept immigrating into different environments throughout history and also, harmful movements within Jewry (particularly Easter Europe) kept rearing their ugly heads (like haskalah, Reform, Communism, etc) and snatching Jewish souls.

(And I don't blame the chinuch people, up to their ears in the problems of this generation, for trying their best to answer questions they didn't really know how to answer.)

Anyway, I wondered the exact same things and for the exact same reasons: I didn't want to do XYZ, but why indeed were common trials for children suddenly the reason for them to go flying off the derech?

Why was davka my generation of mothers being racked up to such a high standard?

And it wasn't just in parenting either. A woman's role suddenly expanded to include many more roles and expectations. Conducting proper shalom bayit and maintaining good mental and physical health also became fraught with challenges and contradictory advice.

And the constant refrain: "But our grandmothers didn't (work outside the home, exercise, eat spelt, fill-in-the-blank) and they were fine. So why do we need to ____?

Yet at the same time we were being told to somersault through all these hoops, nothing seemed to work (or only worked temporarily).

And so we heard our Sages quoted regarding the times of Mashiach: Chutzpah will increase, shalom bayis problems will increase, finances will go nuts, and so on.

That just makes Hashem sound capricious.

WHY do we have all these problems?

Is God just a big meanie? No, that can't be.

But while I can't know the deep kabbalistic reasons for everything that has changed, what I have discovered is that roughing things up forces you to burst out of your bubble of complacency and get your act together.

In other words, God wants us to get rid of all the garbage mucked all over our luminous souls to fulfill our true potential.

Disaster Drives You to Dig Deeper

Let's take parenting for example.

Yes, at one point you could parent your children according to your own whims and moods as long as you covered the minimum bases set by your society.

But is that good for the parents?

No.

When there are no consequences to your lack of self-awareness and lack of introspection, then you tend to keep drifting along in whatever direction your ego or mindset takes you.

What chinuch problems do is they force you out of your complacency and stretch your mind to find other (and hopefully better) ways of relating to your children and raising them to be the best they can be.

And it's the same thing with shalom bayit.

When you or your spouse feel like divorce is on the horizon, it forces one or both of you to take a good hard look at what's really going on. You need to dig deeper. If divorce is really the best option, then take it. But sometimes it's not. It depends. There are people who turned to Hashem for even very serious shalom bayit problems, saying thank you and investing in long discussions and soul-searching with Hashem, people who eventually either found themselves getting divorced without suffering the usual grueling process involved in divorcing an abusive person, or they stayed married and the marriage became a happy one.

Health problems perform the same function. I've lost track of the number of people who suffered intolerable side effects (or lack of effectiveness) from conventional treatments, and who thus turned to herbs, better eating habits, exercise, and prayer as a more effective way of treating their illness.

This includes mental illness too. There are people who started digging deeper and got themselves off of medication (including for serious diagnosis that psychiatrists insist need life-long medication, like bipolar and schizophrenia). They looked at what the roots of their illness really were and made lifestyle and behavioral adjustments accordingly. They then passed on their newfound knowledge to others in order to help fellow sufferers.

Note: The process involved in overcoming a mental or physical illness, or in dealing with a severely dysfunctional marriage or really problematic children or any other grueling challenge is not simple or short. The above summaries should not be taken flippantly. The process is a lot of work. And sometimes, no matter what we do, we still don't get the desired result in the end because there are hidden metaphysical reasons why the desired result never arrives.

The True Story of the Man who Lost Everything

We either can't know the exact reasons or we can't know all the reasons for a particular tribulation. At the same time, many people suffering financial woes discovered, upon digging deeper, that their money came from a non-kosher source, or that they weren't honest in their dealings, or that they hadn't been giving tzedakah in the proper amounts.

In Rav Yehudah Hachassid's phenomenal compilation from the late 1100s, Sefer Chassidim, there's the true story of a formerly wealthy man who wept to his rebbe about his terrible suffering. Despite having had several children whom he married off and in whom he'd invested his wealth to set them up in their new homes, the formerly wealthy man was left without any progeny at all. His children all died before their time and before having children of their own and all the wealth he'd invested in them was lost too.

The man begged to know why Hashem left him lonely and poor in his old age.

"Did you deal honestly all your life?" asked the Rebbe. "Did you always keep people's trust? Did you ever cheat anyone?"

The man admitted that while he'd never cheated or stolen from a fellow Jew, he did betray the trust of a non-Jew who'd appointed the man to manage the non-Jew's business and committed theft against that non-Jew.

"Indeed," the man mused, "my sorrows began right after his death."

The Rebbe then explained that after this non-Jew died, he complained before the Heavenly Court. Noting that the complaint was justified, the Heavenly Court decreed upon the Jewish man to lose all that he'd acquired in a forbidden manner, and that this was just punishment for his sin.

The Rebbe then reassured the man that he can still do teshuvah. The suffering he was experiencing was atoning for this sin and with teshuvah, the old man certainly had hope for eternal salvation when his time would come to stand before the Heavenly Court.
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A very sharp story indeed.

And as horrific as it is to lose all one's children without even being able enjoy the comfort of grandchildren, atoning for sins the Afterlife is even worse. Doing true teshuvah for his sin in This World enables him to see his children again in the Afterlife.

But the point is that without this tribulation, no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't prevent the profound losses he suffered, he never would've investigated further and never would've discovered that the actions he considered permissible were in fact completely forbidden and looked upon with great severity in Shamayim.

Also, had he done some soul-searching prior to the non-Jew's death (when he could still ask forgiveness and pay him back), he could have averted the entire tragedy. And had he done some soul-searching after the first child died and sought out atonement then, he possibly could've prevented the loss of the other children.

We can't know for sure, but that's the implication.

Emuna Preppers

In summary, we're having a lot of problems in so many different areas.

Problems with no apparent solution, no matter how hard we try, no matter how much we investigate and invest -- this means that there is only one solution: God.

Look, it's difficult.

I have wholeheartedly frum friends from yeshivish homes who, no matter how much they're suffering from one of their children, refuse to make God-connection and self-introspection the center of their efforts. They spend tons of money (which they don't have), endure humiliating situations, undergo enormous aggravation and frustration, hop from medication to medication, run all over the country and even fly out to other countries -- all in search of the solution to the problem.

Because of their own (understandable) issues, they feel they just can't turn to Hashem and start looking for the message in it all or begging Him to remedy things.

To compound the confusion, they also cling to a false feel-good pride in how much effort they're investing in helping their child. This feeling is misleading because they're feeling good about dancing around the solution rather than leaping into the only real solution available.

I understand why they do it because I used to do it too until I crashed and burned really badly. But all the understanding and justification in the world can't change the basic fact: Only Hashem can work the miracles they so desperately seek.

If you have issues with Hashem, like anger or fear or resentment or shame or suspicion or general lack of belief, then that needs to be dealt with according to your personality and level. A lot of people have issues with Hashem; it's quite normal even if it isn't discussed so much.

In that case, you can just start talking to Him about these issues and see where He leads you from there. You can also read Garden of Emuna, which addresses these issues (and a whole lot more) head-on, or you can read the classic mussar books, like Duties of the Heart, Pathways of the Just, Ways of the Righteous, Pele Yoetz, etc.

For works that aren't classic mussar and aren't obvious how-to books, but deliver great sustenance for the soul and powerful practical guidance, feel free to try out Words of Faith by Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender or Rav Ofer Erez's From the Depths.

If you want something bite-sized, then you can try out Rivka Levy's pocket-sized book The How, What, and Why of Talking to God, which contains very helpful guidance and tips, and can be read in half-an-hour.

(Links below.)

In this type of thing, you go according to what speaks to you and what works for you on whatever level you're holding on now.

But the main thing is to connect with Hashem emotionally with your heart in a way that is real.

The only way to merit Mashiach is via emuna.

And the only way to develop emuna is to turn to Hashem as the Source of everything, good and bad.

And if we won't turn to Him on our own, then He needs to overcome our resistance and turn us to Him against our will. (Or against the will of our yetzer hara, anyway. Our yetzer tov is quite happy to turn to Hashem.)

But it's all Love.

God wants a deep abiding connection with us because He loves us so much.

Books mentioned above (some available to read online, some not):
Sefer Chassidim: Introduction
Tales of the Heavenly Court, Vol. II (The above story was reprinted here.)
Duties of the Heart/Chovot Levavot
Pele Yoetz
Garden of Emuna
Words of Faith
From the Depths
(Disclaimer: I haven't yet read From the Depths by Rav Ofer Erez, but am in the middle of reading another book of his and I've listened to his classes and read his Torah gems on the English website, and find his material to be startlingly beautiful, powerful, and illuminating. So I feel pretty certain about recommending this book, which is the only one of his that has been translated into English as far as I know.)
The How, What, and Why of Talking to God

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Getting Back to Torah Basics: The Contemplative Parent

9/5/2018

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Sora was born in 1898 to a wealthy Chassidish family in Europe. Her parents brought a melamed (private teacher) to their home to teach the boys. Curious and intelligent, Sora sat herself in a corner of the room to listen. When the boys could no longer sit still, they ran off and the melamed continued teaching knowing that the little girl in the corner was still listening.

Because a proper Chassidish home of that time contained no books other than Torah books in Yiddish and Hebrew, Sora became accustomed to reading books like Orchot Tzaddikim/Ways of the Righteous and Tzena U'Rena for pleasure.

And so Sora grew under the tutelage of her Chassidish parents and the mussar and halacha Sora learned on her own, sheltered from the storms of change that unleashed upon so many souls.

Much later in life, Sora was sharing a home in America with her widowed daughter and little granddaughter. Sora's husband was dying and the family was preoccupied with his care, which demanded a lot of physical and emotional stamina during this trying time.

At one point, Sora trudged into the kitchen to get something and came upon her young granddaughter making a big mess with a large bowl of water and way too many soap suds. Sopping doll clothes lay scattered about.

This kind of mess was the last thing Sora needed at her age and at this trying time.

But never one to lose her composure, Sora thought a moment then calmly asked, "What are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm just washing my dolly's clothes!" her young granddaughter cheerfully replied.

"Yes," said Sora, "I can see that your washing your dolly's clothes. But why?"

"Mmmm...because Zeidy's sick."

Sora thought for a moment, then said, "I see." Pause. "So you think that if you wash your doll's clothes, that's going to help Zeidy feel better?"

"Yep!"

In the course of the conversation, Sora discovered that her granddaughter had been watching everyone busying themselves around the house doing things for Zeidy (Grandpa). The tasks needed to be done properly and efficiently, so there was no opportunity to allow a young child to "help" as usual. Feeling helpless and desperate to contribute, the only thing the little girl could think to do was wash her doll's clothes.

"Well," Sora finally said. "Yes, I think it would make Zeidy very happy to know you were washing your doll's clothes for him, and that now they're all nice and clean. And you know what? As soon as he wakes up, I'm going to tell him what you did and he's going to be so happy to hear it."

The little girl started nodding and bouncing with pleasure.

"But right now," said Sora, "it would make Zeidy happiest if we clean all this up and then keep the floors neat and dry from now on. He'd feel a lot better if we did that. What do you say?"

"Oh, yes!" said the little girl. And she jumped up, went to get the mop, and together they cleaned up the mess and hung the doll clothes to dry.

And as long as her Zeidy's final illness lasted, the little granddaughter behaved herself very well.

And what could have been a bad memory for this granddaughter was transformed into a very positive memory. She felt loved and understood, and she learned how to really contribute in a stressful situation (i.e. sometimes the best thing to do is to stay out of the way and don't make a mess). She also learned from example the art of dealing with children (or with people in general): Don't assume.

Ask.

Neither Condemnation nor Coddling

Had Sora been influenced by the American parenting attitude of the Fifties, she likely would have jumped to labeling her granddaughter as "attention-seeking."

Especially because her granddaughter, intelligent and lovable as she was, also got up to some serious mischief at times, it would make sense to see the doll-laundering fiasco as a way to manipulate the adults to pay attention.

But that's not what the youngster was thinking. She wasn't thinking, "Ooh, I'm feeling so jealous and deprived of attention. I think I'll go make a big mess and then try to dupe everyone into thinking that I simply wanted to launder my dolly's clothes. Muwahahahaha!"

In fact, she wasn't thinking much at all. As far as the little girl knew, her only motivation was to get busy cleaning something for Zeidy.

On the other hand, had she been influenced by the not-yet-existent Eighties, the grandmother might've seen this as a cry for love and nurturing. "Poor baby! She's feeling lost and abandoned! She's impacted by all the tension and lack of attention, but has no way to express herself!" And then she'd receive lots of cuddling and maybe a big discussion to let out her feelings about what's going on with Zeidy.

And what's wrong with that?

Well, again, it's jumping to an assumption that's not necessarily true. It's closer to the reality than the pre-Sixties attitude, but at the same time, there ARE times in life where you just can't give a child your full attention, which is something children need to learn to deal with. Furthermore, children shouldn't be allowed to think that their negative emotions justify acting out or inconveniencing people who already have too much on their plate.

(We know adults like this, right? Too bad they weren't taught better as children.)

The Contemplative Torah Approach

Instead, Sora took a quintessentially Jewish way of dealing with it.

Just as the Ramban advised in his famous letter, she spoke all her words "b'nachat" -- with equanimity and pleasantness.

Sora also gave her granddaughter the benefit of the doubt, another Torah ideal. Yes, the child could've been manipulative and attention-seeking (children sometimes are), but what if she wasn't? This needed to be figured out.

And this is also where I think Sora's scholarship came into play. When reading the mussar books and Tanach commentaries, it's impossible to miss the contemplative inquisitiveness they display. First, they notice when passages or incidents don't add up. Then they calmly wonder why. After a contemplative analysis of all the relevant factors, they arrive at their penetrating conclusion.

When watching our gedolim questioned about complex or painful issues, it's impossible to miss their composure as their contemplative mind analyzes the facts at hand.

They're not unemotional or apathetic; they merely possess a high degree of yishuv hadaat -- a composed mind.

Even those who are naturally buoyant or fiery still express themselves within a framework of yishuv hadaat.

According to the Child's Way - For Real

So again, it took me a long time to realize the imperative to ask the child about his or her motivation.

Like I mentioned in a previous post, I've only ever heard 2 options for raising children: pre-Sixties (yet post-1800s) and post-Sixties.

So it took me a while to grasp this investigative yishuv hadaat approach.

But I picked it up from hearing stories like this, stories about people who weren't influenced by psychologists of either era.

I also noticed this in memoirs from 19th-Century America. It was impossible to miss the long pauses adults incorporated into their dealings with errant children. Initially, I either saw this as a laconic backcountry communication style or I was confused -- this adult seemed so smart; why were they suddenly behaving in such a plodding manner?

And even when some kind of punishment was called for, it was often decreed with an absence of emotion. At times, the parent or teacher even seemed quite reluctant to administer any consequence.

Even odder, there were situations for which I was sure a child would be punished, but none was forthcoming. And again, this decision against punishment was determined by an adult who'd suddenly grown laconic and made his decision after a very long and contemplative silence.

This surprised me because child-rearing in "the olden days" is reputed to hold that sparing the rod meant spoiling the child -- and to interpret this (which is anyway a mistranslation) literally and unreservedly. (The real verse reads: "He who spares his shevet hates his son" -- and a shevet can be a rod, but it can also mean a structural framework, like a tribe, which is also called "shevet.")

Yet contrary to what I'd always heard, I discovered that people didn't jump to this option automatically. And even when they did utilize this option, it wasn't in a rage. Okay, yes, of course sometimes people were abusive and enraged, but it certainly wasn't a given.

I started to realize that people influenced by Tanach operate under a whole other behavioral system. All the more so, knowledgeable Jews with access to millennia of sagely scholarship and guidance.

In his 1824 masterpiece Pele Yoetz, Rav Papo clearly outlines the need to respond to each parenting situation according to its specific need. Sometimes a stern response is necessary, sometimes a soft response, and sometimes a parent should make himself as if deaf and blind!

It depends; there is no black-and-white approach to raising children.

Our Sages even composed a prayer for parents that asks Hashem for the wisdom to know when to laugh and when to rebuke, when to be stern and when to be pleasant, etc.

Practical Application

So this is what I'm working on now.

I know I tend to jump to conclusions with my children rather than taking the time to ask the right questions and to contemplate the answers and the situation at hand. (American culture seems to be phobic of conversational pauses.)

Sometimes I jump to a negative conclusion based on past experience with the child. But sometimes I jump to a positive conclusion that if wrong, can habituate the child toward being irresponsible, undisciplined, and narcissistic.

This is especially challenging when a child anyway displays a tendency to leap for looking, toward aggression, teasing, forgetting, daydreaming, or anything else. It's easy to assume that a child forgot to do something because he's anyway gets his head stuck in the clouds, or that a child started a fight because he anyway tends to do that.

But maybe not.

That's what I learned from the way Sora interacted with her own granddaughter.

Take a step back. Ask. Investigate. Contemplate. Then respond.

Don't fear a long pause of silent contemplation.

On the contrary -- embrace it.

It's the authentic Jewish way.
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Related article:
Seeking a Way through the Parenting Maze

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The Ultimate Way to Honor Parents and In-Laws

13/4/2018

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Several times throughout his 1824 mussar masterpiece, Pele Yoetz, Rabbi Eliezer Papo emphasizes that the main mitzvah of honoring one's parents and in-laws is AFTER they pass on (may we all live in good health until 120!).

He notes that even if one's parents or in-laws were extremely pious people and everyone left behind is confident they're doing great in the Afterlife, one can never really know for sure. Therefore, it's best to go beyond the yearly kaddish and other traditions of honoring our dearly departed. He notes that it's not enough to do all the important things one does during the 12 months following a parent's death. No one can rest assured regarding one's fate after death, and so children and children-in-law should continue to pray and perform good deeds (like giving charity) on behalf of their parents for the rest of their lives.

In fact, he even goes so far as to say:

It is proper for a son to have his father's image etched before him all the days of his life as if he appears screaming bitterly from amid flaming fire and saying, "My son! My beloved! Have compassion upon me! Have compassion upon me! Save my soul from the sword and my being from the grasp of a dog!"

Lest this all sound frightening and gloomy, Rav Papo reassures us that we'll receive tremendous blessing for showing departed parents so much care and compassion. Their departed souls will bless our living souls and God will also be very Happy about our concern and compassion for people who are no longer able to help themselves.

So providing merits for departed loved ones is an all-around win-win situation for everyone involved.

To this means, Rav Papo composed a short prayer to say, and he recommends that it be said at the beginning of each day.

Where it says "etc," you can apparently fill in whatever person you choose. You can also apparently say this for a grandparent or anyone else for whom you wish to provide merit in the Afterlife.

You should also feel free to change the Hebrew possessive in the last line to feminine form or plural, if necessary, i.e. instead of nafsho, you can say nafsha for a woman or nafsham for several people.

Here is the prayer in Hebrew, English, and transliteration:

יהי רצון מלפניך ה אלוקינו ואלוקי אבותינו שתקבל ברחמים וברצון כל מעשה הטוב אשר אני עושה בין במחשבה בין בדיבור בין במעשה ויהיה הכל בזכות ובמנוחת ולעלוי נפש רוח ונשמה של אבי ואמי וחמי וחמתי וכו'. יהי רצון שתהא נפשו צרורה בצרור החיים

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May it be favorable before You, O God, our God and God of our fathers, that You shall accept with compassion and favor every good deed that I perform, whether it's in thought, in speech, or in deed, and may it all be considered as a merit and respite and elevation of the life-force [nefesh], spirit [ruach], and soul [neshamah] of my father and my mother and my father-in-law and my mother-in-law, etc. May it be Your Will that his [or "her" or "their"] soul shall be bound in the bond of [eternal] life.

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Yehi ratzon Hashem Elokeinu v'Elokei Avoteinu sheh tekabel b'rachamim uv'ratzon kol ma'aseh hatov asher ani oseh/osah bein b'machshavah bein b'dibur bein b'ma'aseh v'yiyeh hakol l'zchut v'l'menuchat ul'ilui nefesh, ruach, uneshamah shel avi v'imi v'chami v'chamoti, vechuleh. Yehi ratzon sheh tahei nafsho tzrurah b'tzror hachaim.

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May we all succeed in completing our full rectification in this lifetime without tribulations or disgrace.

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A Prayer to Make Aliyah & Live in Eretz Yisrael

27/3/2018

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Each year, we end the Pesach Seder with the words:

"L'shanah haba b'Yerushalayim habnuya! -- Next year in the rebuilt city of Jerusalem!"

Furthermore, it has always been a great mitzvah for a Jew to make aliyah and live in Eretz Yisrael if at all possible.

Yet like everything else, this mitzvah needs a lot of prayer.

In fact, a major life-change like this calls for copious heartfelt prayer, whether you feel like you'll never be able to make aliyah or whether you're already on your way. Fortunately, Rabbi Eliezer Papo (author of the Pele Yoetz) wrote a book of prayers for all occasions (called Beit Tefillah) including this prayer for "Diur b'Eretz Hakodesh -- Residing in the Holy Land."

As is usual by tzaddikim, you'll see that in his great love for his fellow Jews, Rav Papo doesn't leave out anyone. Also, while Jews outside of Eretz Yisrael have an obligation to help and support Jews living within Eretz Yisrael, Jews within Eretz Yisrael apparently have a special obligation to pray for their fellow Jews still stuck outside.

We're all in this together!

The following prayer is presented in Hebrew, English transliteration, and English translation:

דיור בארץ הקודש
ויהי רצון מלפניך ה' אלוקי ואלוקי אבותי, שתעזור לעמך ישראל ותזכם שיקבעו דירתם לשכון כבוד בארץ הקדושה. ולא יאמר אדם, צר לי המקום שאשב בארץ הקדושה. ולא יצטרכו לצאת ממנה, אלא ישבו בה כל ימי חייהם בקדושה ובטהרה, ושם תהא מיתתם, שם תהא מנוחתם כבוד. ותתן כוח וחיל ורצון טוב ליושבי חוץ לארץ, להיותם עוזרים ותומכים ביד יושבי ארץ ישראל בגופם וממונם, למען ישבו שם בהשקט ושלוה, עובדים עבודתך ומתפללים על עמך

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V'yehi ratzon milfanecha Hashem Elokai v'Elokai avotai, sheh ta'azor l'Amecha Yisrael u't'zakem sheh yikba'u diratam lishkon kavod ba'Aretz Hakadosha. V'lo yomar adam "Tzar li hamakom sheh eshev ba'Aretz Hakadosha. V'lo yitzarchu latzet mimenah, eleh yeshvu vah kol yamei chayeihem b'kedushah u'v'tahorah, v'sham tahei mitatam, v'sham tahei menuchatam kavod. V'titen ko'ach v'chayil v'ratzon tov l'yoshvei chutz l'Aretz, l'hiyotam ozrim v'tomchim b'yad yoshvei Eretz Yisrael b'gufam u'mamonam, l'man yeshvu sham b'hashket v'shalvah, ovdim avodatcha u'mitpalelim al Amecha.

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May it be Your Will Hashem, my God and the God of my fathers that You will help your Nation of Israel and grant them the merit to permanently fix their abode to reside honorably in the Holy Land. And may no person say, "It's difficult [narrow, too tight] for me, this place I will reside within the Holy Land." And may they not need to leave it, but may they remain within it in holiness and purity all the days of their lives, and there shall be their death and there shall be their resting place of honor. And grant strength and valor and good will to those who dwell outside the Land, to be helpers and supporters in hand with the settlers of Eretz Yisrael, both physically and financially, so that they can dwell there in peace and tranquility, toiling in Your Divine Service and praying for Your Nation.
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To download as a PDF, please press the pretty azure button:

A Prayer to Dwell in Eretz Yisrael

Rav Papo published Pele Yoetz in the Ottoman Empire's Bulgaria in 1824. At that time he wrote of the Jews in Eretz Yisrael (who were also under Turkish Muslim rule):

"They live like chickens in a coop; they are not able to earn a living, and there is almost no one who has pity upon them."

But regarding the great mitzvah of aliyah, which he encourages if at all feasible (emphasis mine -- MR):

The primary purpose of going to Eretz Yisrael is for the rectification of the soul.
And the spirit shall return to G-d who gave it as He gave it, and the soul will praise G-d because the holiness of the place and the respite from the pressures of time is a great help to this matter. As such, whoever merits to go there should be holy and should separate himself [from materialistic goals].

And even if God has "expanded his boundary," [i.e. blessed him with material abundance], he should not delight in sensual pleasures...he should behave in the ways of repentance...And great is the power of prayer in that place, the Land which is so desired.

And they already have awesome prayers which they pray on behalf of all those in Exile [i.e, all those still living outside of Eretz Yisrael].

And from their mouths, we live.

Jews in Eretz Yisrael often feel like we're making the big sacrifice on behalf of world Jewry. But in reality, a move to Eretz Yisrael carries with it a tremendous responsibility:
heartfelt prayer on behalf of our precious brothers and sisters (in addition to raising our own standards of piety and religious commitment).

The lives of the Jews in chutz l'Aretz depend on our "mouths"! We need to buckle down and care about everyone and beg for Hashem's Mercy for EVERYONE.

Rav Papo provides an important list of what Jews in Eretz Yisrael must pray for:

Each person should pray for his relatives according to his best ability
Pray for the building of the Beit Hamikdash
Pray for the Ingathering of the Exiles
Pray for Hashem to bring the complete Redemption speedily in our days, Amen.

He concludes with:

One who resides in the Land of Israel must be continuously happy with his continuous mitzvah.

All of his suffering should be alleviated in his eyes due to his great love for her [i.e.the Land].

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