Failures Are Not Failures
***
When a person is in a difficult time and he doesn’t feel a drive to grow, there are two attitudes he can have.

One attitude is to completely give up:

“That’s it. I’ve had enough, and I can’t take it anymore. Today is a bad day, and I’m only going downhill. I can’t work on myself today.”
​
But the other attitude he can have is to have a different perspective on the situation:

“My soul needs a break sometimes. I can’t always be growing. It’s really not a bad day – it’s a day that I have to go through, because it’s normal for my soul to feel closed up sometimes, [since Rabbeinu Tam has written that] everyone has these 'Days of Hate'.”
​
We can compare this to going to sleep.

Although sleep is not productive, is sleep a bad thing?

No one looks at sleep as unproductive, because we all realize that we need to go to sleep in order to reenergize. We can’t function unless we get our sleep.

Taking a break is part of life, and we must not look down at ourselves for this.

The difficult times in our life are thus really not “difficult” or “bad.”

Rather, they are like our sleep.

It is necessary for us sometimes to pull back from growth, and let us not beat ourselves up that something is wrong with us that we don’t feel any willpower to grow spiritually.

If you have those days in which you don’t feel like learning or davening or making any spiritual progress, realize that it’s normal, and that it is actually a necessary part of your growth to go through these times in which you lack motivation.

This can change our whole attitude about life!

Our soul needs to rest sometimes – we can’t always grow and reach higher levels.

This is not a fall from our level – it is a necessary part of our growth.

“Failures” are thus not really “failures” – they are needed for our growth.

As of now I do not know one who has the comprehensive understanding on how to guide you, but I can give you some examples of names of people today who each are experts at the areas of Torah they are known in.

An expert on any of the words of the Gra is, Rav Dovid Cohen from Chevron.

An expert on the path of Ramchal [Rav Moshe Chaim Luzatto, Way of Hashem, Mesillat Yesharim, etc.] is, Rav Mordechai Shirki, who heads Machon Ramchal.

An expert on Reb Yisrael Salanter’s methods is, Reb Uri Weisblum.

An expert on Maharal is Rav Yehoshua Hartman, who prints Maharal sefarim and who heads Machon YaM, and above him is Rav Yonasan David, the Rosh Yeshiva of Pachad Yitzchok.

An expert at the school of thought Kelm and Slabodka is, Rav Reuven Leuchter.

Concerning the approach of Novhardok — find out from his talmidim in France about who the expert on Novhardok is today, because I do not know about it.

An expert on Chabad Chassidus is, Rav Yitzchok Ginzberg and Rav Yoel Kah, z"l.

An expert on Breslev Chassidus is Rav Kluger from Beit Shemesh.

An expert on Chassidus in general is Rav Yaakov Moshe Erlanger.
​
An expert on Kaballah is Rav Yitzchok Meir Morgenstern. 

https://question.bilvavi.net/blog/2021/11/25/who-are-the-experts-today-in-avodas-hashem/

The Covid Vaccine with Gestational Diabetes & a Possibly Pre-Existing Covid Infection

Why Some People Dread Another Bout of Covid

A Beautiful Scene of Mommy & Baby: Young, Idealistic, and Accomplished

The Covid Vaccine while Pregnant (Unhappy Ending)

Say No to Vaccination during Pregnancy

A Most Unpopular Position

VACCINATING-LEARNING IN ERETZ YISRAEL
October 19, 2021

QUESTION:
What should I do if the Israeli government authorities require that I take the corona vaccine in order to learn in yeshiva in Eretz Yisrael?

ANSWER:
There is no need to take the vaccine.

But if they require you to take it, do not worry, Hashem is watching you especially [because], you are involved with a great mitzvah and you will not be harmed, with siyata d’shmaya.

https://question.bilvavi.net/blog/2021/10/19/vaccinating-learning-in-eretz-yisrael/

Struggling to Stay on the Straight Path

The "Oops!" Side of the Drug Market

What's Wrong with Holding Out for PROVEN Effectiveness & Safety?

The Most Logical Position

Final Thought

The Story of a Particularly Sensitive & Perceptive Young Man

How did the Rav reach such clarity in avodas Hashem and to put together all the different views in avodas Hashem and synthesize them all together?

How can a person be zocheh to this? Is there a particular topic I can learn about which will bring me to the same level that the Rav was zocheh to?

ANSWER
[No answer. The Rav declined to answer.]

Feeling Empty

I remember about 17 or 18 years ago I looked on the calendar and saw that it would be Rosh HaShanah soon.

Since the Yomim Noraim were approaching, I knew that I must feel something, but I didn’t know what to feel.

I didn’t see anything in my life that is missing. I knew that I felt empty, but I didn’t know what it was that I was missing.

Why did I feel so empty?

I learned all day; I had three full sedarim in the day where I learned. I davened and did all the mitzvos. So why did I feel empty inside?

I sat and thought: Am I missing something? Why do I feel empty if I am doing everything I am supposed to?

It bothered me very, very much.

I started to look at others to see if I could know how others are happy, and I saw that everyone else was happy except myself. 

Then I became very lonely, because I felt that everyone else was happy and enjoying their learning – everyone except me.

After many years, I met many people who felt what I felt then – people who feel like they’re empty inside and haven’t found themselves in life.

There is no one here in Eretz Yisrael who hasn’t found themselves when it comes to mitzvos and Halacha. So what was missing in my life that I have to change myself?

I began to ask people if they felt like me. No one understood me – they were like Pharoah’s servants who couldn’t interpret his dream. 

No one gave me answers I was satisfied with.

This was one of the hardest times in my life – I can’t forget it.

I had no idea what to do and where to go in my life. But I knew that I shouldn’t give up; I knew I’m not an old person at the end of his life, that I’m young and that I have hope.

I davened to Hashem to help me.

After some time, I went to a private room and cried to Hashem. I asked Hashem, “Hashem, I know there is no more prophecy anymore, but what do You want from me? Tell me what You want from me!”

I cried terribly to Hashem.

But I had faith that Hashem would send me my answers and show me what He wants from me in my life.

I hope no one goes through what I went through then.

But if you ever went through this too, I want you to know that I was there too and went through it – and I came out of it.

After this, I remember that I made a list of all the things I was unhappy with my life, and I wrote how I feel like an old person who has no satisfaction in life.

But I told myself not to give up, and I knew that Hashem will help me and show me what He wants from me. I didn’t know where my answer would come from, but I trusted in Hashem that He would send me the answer. How?

I knew it wouldn’t come from my mind. I knew that when Hashem opens up my heart, it will be then that I understand – to understand what the reality of this world is.

The Realization

I remember this clearly. I was sitting and learning with a sefer, and suddenly it hit me: I felt the reality that Hashem exists. Then, everything became clear to me.

I grew up in a frum home and learned in a good yeshivah, and I knew all about Emunah that a person is supposed to have.

I was taught the 13 principles of faith of the Rambam about belief in G-d. But I realized that although I knew a lot, I didn’t feel what I knew.

Then I knew what I was missing.

This is what I realized: There is a place in one’s heart where he can feel the Endlessness of Hashem’s existence, and when a person doesn’t feel this, he feels empty.

He will search and search and he will not find the answers to his emptiness.

Some people were not blessed by Hashem with much feeling, and this emptiness doesn’t bother them, the same way a table doesn’t feel anything.

They get up and go to work or even if they go learn, they simply don’t feel this emptiness. They feel fine.

But any person with a little feeling can see how this world is full of so much emptiness – tohu and vohu, and utter darkness.

They want light – the light of Hashem – to illuminate their darkness.

There are a few people who are very deeply feeling people and they are in a lot of pain. They see others who are fine and look happy, and they don’t know why they themselves aren’t happy.

These people suffer greatly inside.

​In addition to this, they are searching to fill their emptiness, and they don’t know how.

The more feeling a person is, the more unhappy he is with what the reality is.

***

The Root Of All Problems

At one point in my life, I realized what the root of all problems in the world is.

Baruch Hashem, people know most of the statements of Chazal, but they only know it intellectually - and that’s it. People know that Chazal say that the world stands on Torah, and that Hashem looked into the Torah and created the world, etc.

But what is missing from us?

We only know it – but we feel differently in our own life.

What we need to do is truly feel the truths about Torah and how it is everything, and then everything will change.

Falafel and Vacations

For many years, I thought about this until I finally came to this conclusion.

One time I passed by a falafel store and I saw a long line waiting out the store; a new kind of falafel came out, and everyone was waiting in line to try it. I thought to myself, “Maybe they’re right – maybe there really is something to this falafel? Maybe this falafel will make me happy?”
​
I waited on line, I bought it, I ate it – and I was very disappointed.

***
I saw people who were always going on vacations who seemed to really be enjoying it, though. I thought maybe there really is something special to all these vacations.

I went on one of these vacations, but I was terribly disappointed. I rented a car, checked out into the hotel room, and as soon as I got into the room, I threw the keys onto the bed in frustration.

I realized that while going to a hotel may have given me some more relaxation, it didn’t make me feel happier with my life.
​
It took many years for me to go deep into my soul and realize that I couldn’t be happy with my life based on anything external, but that it has to come from within myself.

The more connected I felt to Torah and to Hashem, the more alive I felt.

The more I would run after pleasure from the outside of myself, the more I realized I was chasing wind.

***
More Frustration

It took me a lot of time to come to this conclusion.
One of the hardest times in my life I remember was when I learned in Yeshivah.

I learned in Yeshivas Ponovezh, and I learned a lot.

But I didn’t feel that my learning was giving me more life.

I knew that the Torah is supposed to give me life, but I didn’t feel it.

I thought that maybe I am the kind of student that the Sages say doesn’t see success in his learning.

It wasn’t that I didn’t know how to learn; I knew how to learn very well. I was regarded as an excellent student.

But I didn’t feel like the Torah is what is giving me life, which is what I am supposed to feel.
I thought maybe I should leave yeshiva – I didn’t feel like I came onto the world to learn Torah.

​I knew that there are people who feel that they came onto this world to learn Torah, but I just didn’t feel that way.

I went to Jerusalem and decided that I will speak to one of the Gedolim who was there and ask him for his advice.

I went to his house, but he wasn’t available. I was very frustrated that I didn’t get into him, and I didn’t know what to do. I was very, very frustrated!

The Answer

At some point later, I realized what the answer was.

I thought to myself and realized clearly that if Hashem was the one who said that the Torah is our life – “Ki heim chayeinu” – then it must be so, and that I should never give up.

My Message To You
​
Don’t ever give up, even for one moment.

Hashem is Avinu Av Harachaman – He is a merciful Father, and He wants you to have life. If you really want to find life in the Torah, you will find it.

If someone feels empty inside – or even if he doesn’t – he must know that he will not find anything pleasurable on this world; it’s all in his imagination that maybe there is something good out there other than the Torah.
​
Any pleasure on this world is fleeting and will not give a person enjoyment out of his life.

​If you really want to have a true life, cry to Hashem from the depths of your heart, “Open my heart to Your Torah” – not just that Hashem should open your mind, but to open your heart that you should have the true life – and then you will become a truly happy person, plain and simple.
​
I hope with all my heart that all of you should merit this and that Hashem should open up your hearts to realize that besides for a deep connection to Hashem and learning the Torah, there is nothing else we have that will give us enjoyment out of life.

https://bilvavi.net/english/droshos-rav-speaks

Another Glimpse into the Rav's Inner Struggles

QUESTION:
​
I want to understand a little more about who the Rav is.

Which “crowd” does the Rav belong to?

Who is the Rav [or guiding figure] of the Rav?

What “type” is the Rav?

I am asking this because when I learn the Rav’s sefarim with others many times they will ask these kinds of questions.

ANSWER:

Unfortunately I cannot really answer your question.

Rav Yitzchok Hutner said (in the biography called Sefer HaZikaron L’Pachad Yitzchok) that it is difficult for him to talk about himself.

I suffer from the same thing.

It is very difficult for me to write about myself, and in fact, even just writing that alone is difficult and uncomfortable for me.

And the very question of “what kind of crowd do I belong to” is something that I am totally uncomfortable with.

If you want to understand what “type” I am, you can discern this from my sefarim and especially from the q&a (printed in sefer Sha’al Libi) regarding the material written in my sefarim.

QUESTION

How did the Rav reach so much clarity in avodas Hashem, the complexity of the soul, and the understanding of pnimiyus haTorah?

How was the Rav so successful in avodas Hashem, which for most people is so difficult and filled with failure and lack of clarity (even to those who seek truth)?

How did the Rav go through so many sefarim without becoming confused?

How did the Rav grow so much and become so pure, whereas the rest of us are still groping in the dark and constantly falling into aveiros, bad middos, and major mistakes in how we think and act?

Did the Rav ever go through a lot of darkness and confusion in life in order to get there….?

ANSWER

You have asked a very difficult question!

If only I would be zocheh to all that you have described.

Out of hakaras hatov to you I will answer you a little, although it is against my nature [to talk about myself].

You ask if I have went through difficult experiences in my life, and the answer is:

​Yes.

You asked if I can go more into detail about it, and the answer is as follows.

My main difficulty started from childhood, when I couldn’t stand sheker (falsity).

Because of this, I suffered a lot in my soul [emotionally], and I also suffered from just being on this world, which is called the “world of falsity”, by having to be involved with people where I was exposed to so much falsity from others.

And this was tremendous suffering for me!

In addition, in my teenage years when I became more mature, I suffered when I began to recognize and feel that there is an iron wall that separated between me and the internal light, the light of the neshamah, and the Infinite Light of Hashem.

Besides this, I suffered greatly from the “empty space” in the soul which makes a person feel hollow inside, as it says in the verse “And also the soul is not filled”.

This is the greatest suffering that I recognize.

In addition to this, my heightened sensitivity also caused me to suffer a lot, because “Increase of knowledge is an increase of pain.”

After I got married, now more than 20 years ago, I suffered from a lot of humiliation [from others] as a result of giving shiurim and producing sefarim and trying to benefit the public [which caused others to react strongly to me and be opposed to me], and all that this entailed, which was a lot.

Besides for this, though, my main suffering is due to the contradicting aspects in my soul, which need to be balanced.

​And as a result of these imbalances, I also suffer from physical aches.

​THE END OF DAYS 

QUESTION
The Zohar says that there will be 15 days of darkness in the world before Mashiach comes, and that a certain star will be visible 45 days before his arrival.

Is this all literal or does it mean something more mystical?

ANSWER
Any matters of agadta, especially statements of the Zohar, are not necessarily meant to be understood in the simple and literal sense.

QUESTION
The Zohar says that Mashiach ben Yosef will come before that period.

Can this be referring to the Arizal, who had the soul of Mashiach ben Yosef [and therefore the prophecy was already fulfilled with the Arizal, who was Mashiach ben Yosef], or is it referring to the Mashiach ben Yosef who will come in the future?

ANSWER
The light of “Mashiach ben Yosef” began then [in the Arizal’s times] and it is ongoing until today.

QUESTION
Someone said that it says in the Zohar that the reason why the Erev Rav still continues to rule over us [in Eretz Yisrael] even though the foretold 70 years of their rule has been delayed longer, is because Moshe Rabbeinu asked the Erev Rav after they came out of Egypt if they want their reward now or in the end of days, and they responded that they want their reward in the end of days.

That is why the Erev Rav got rewarded with ruling over Eretz Yisrael with the establishment of their state.

Is this true?

Does it say that in the Zohar?

ANSWER
That is one of the reasons.

QUESTION
Is it worthwhile to stock up on food, drinks, and candles to get ready for the war of Gog and Magog which may be this year?

And if yes, how much should a person stock up for?

Is there any physical preparation we need to do, besides for spiritually preparing?

ANSWER
If one is concerned about it, he should stock up for 2 weeks worth of food.

QUESTION
I have heard that the “Ten Lost Tribes” who are spread out in the countries of China, Afghanistan, India (etc.) – who can be identified as people who keep the mitzvos and who remember and say that they are from the Jewish people, and some of them even have lineage records that go back to Yaakov Avinu – will these Jews return to the Jewish people?

ANSWER
Yes.

QUESTION
What will happen to the Chilonim and Chareidim right before Mashiach comes?

Will there be a time when Eliyahu HaNavi will reveal himself to us and will that cause all the Chilonim [secular Jews] to do teshuvah and will that cause all the Chareidim to throw away their smartphones, will the women throw away their forbidden wigs, and will everyone disconnect emotionally from the Israeli government, from the Erev Rav, and instead searching only for closeness with Hashem?

And then only those who do teshuvah will be zocheh [merit] to be around when Mashiach comes?

Or will Mashiach come and then everyone who did teshuvah will be zocheh to survive and those who didn’t do teshuvah won’t?

ANSWER
There will be a revelation of the light of Eliyahu, and it will not necessarily be an actual face-to-face revelation of Eliyahu.

Rather, it is very possible that it will become an enlightenment, in which people will recognize the truth, and then each person will have the free will if he wants to repent. 

The Kotel (Western Wall) in Yerushalayim

Mashiach After 10 Shemittah Cycles

QUESTION:
I heard in the name of the Chofetz Chaim that after 10 Shemittah cycles there will be the war of Gog and Magog.

​Is that true? Is the 10th Shemitah year referring to this coming Shemitah year? 

ANSWER:
Yes.

QUESTION:
And if yes, what do we need to do to prepare for Mashiach?

​And if it’s true, why don’t the Rabbonim prepare Klal Yisrael for it and why aren’t they speaking about it openly?

ANSWER:
In other responses, we explained what the avodah in our generation is, and that that we are in the middle of the war of Gog and Magog. 

The Mitzvah of Our Generation

QUESTION:

What is the special mitzvah that our generation has especially?

ANSWER:

The mitzvah of Tamim Tiyheh Im Hashem Elokecha, “You shall be wholesome to Hashem your G-d.” And from there shines the mitzvah of Anochi Hashem. 

https://question.bilvavi.net/blog/2021/10/09/the-mitzvah-of-our-generation/

This is the entire avodah of the generation and its tikkun:

To separate from the 50th level of tumah and to connect to the 50th level of kedushah, which is all-inclusive of every holiness, because the 50th gates contains all the other gates together, all the way to the deepest and simplest connection that there is, the One Who is the absolute Simplest, Hashem, Whom there is none other besides. 

Image by dyskfirmowy0

Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Noach

And so what could a man like Noach – no matter how righteous he may be – what can a man like that show to compete with the descendants of Kayin?

If we would search the newspapers of ancient times we wouldn’t find anything mentioned of Noach.

Nobody would think of Noach as a candidate for the one who brought blessing to the world.

​In the mouths of Mankind, he was not mentioned at all!

Rav Itamar Schwartz on Chodesh Cheshvan

A Sweet Snippet of Torah Life in Eretz Yisrael

A glimpse of a window scene in a town in Eretz Yisrael (not mine, but photographed by someone named Ri Butov).