Category: Rav L.Y. Bender

The #1 Thing You Can Do to Cancel Negative Decrees

16/9/2018

Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender lived as a humble tzaddik in the Ukraine despite targeted Communist persecution. Because of their dedication to mitzvah observance, he and Rav Eliyahu Chaim Rosen even spent several weeks in a KGB prison, not knowing until the moment of release whether they would be murdered and discarded in an unknown grave.

In the book of his lectures, Words of Faith, Rav Bender stresses the importance of knowing that your prayers and words of Torah are of tremendous significance to Hashem.

ANY mitzvah or holy act is significant in the eyes of God.

On page 325, Vol I, Rav Bender exhorts you to have faith in yourself, explaining that you must say to yourself and to your yetzer hara:

“Even my actions, however they may be, are significant. Even my prayer is important in the eyes of Hashem Yitbarach.”

He defines this as “ ‘faith in oneself,’ which is imperative to advance in serving Hashem…”

Rav Bender explains the power of speaking to Hashem in your own words in a focused manner:

“If you merit to say words that come from peace of mind—words of hitbodedut between you and your Maker—they are definitely significant. Moreover, they smash through heavens! They are able to nullify decrees.”

(I’m assuming that “peace of mind” is “yishuv hadaas” in the original Yiddish.)

When a person focuses himself to speak out loud to Hashem, Hashem figuratively turns away from all His preoccupations and listens.

And because Hashem turns away from all His “Business” and all the matters “occupying” Him, He is NOT making decrees.

“Automatically, all decrees are nullified.”

So according to Rav Bender, you need to:

Have faith in yourself & the power of your prayers.
Know that your heartfelt words and good deeds (however imperfect they may be) are of tremendous significance.
Clear your mind of other distractions.
Focus your heart & mind toward Hashem.
Speak to Hashem as you'd speak to a close & genuinely caring friend.

Rav Bender emphasizes that this is the far-reaching power of ANYONE who “speaks words before Hashem Yitbarach.”

“But,” he concludes, “you need to know this and believe in it.”

May we all merit to speak words that smash through the heavens & nullify all negative decrees.

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When a Bot Replaces God as Your 4 AM Friend

4/9/2018

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I recently came across a new app in which an AI (artificial intelligence) bot is advertised as "your 4 AM friend!"

Explaining that the app is based on techniques like CBT, DBT, mindfulness, and life coaching, it's promoted as "a fun way to build emotional resilience."

Well, that certainly sounds appealing.

Curious, I tried it out to see how this could possibly work.

(And yes, to be perfectly upfront, this is exactly the kind of distraction warned about in a previous post. Gotta check out that really intriguing new app that I'm not supposed to use and anyway have no intention of using!)

Anyway, you get this friendly little bird icon texting at you very nicely, and after a few introductory lines, it asks you to type in something for which you're grateful.

Very good.

If you download the app, it collects your text messages and creates a type of algorithm so that it can respond to you according to your individual needs.

It's very cute, reassuring, gentle, and friendly -- but it's not real.

It's an AI bot, for crying out loud. There's not even a real person on the other end.

"Nothing can match the privacy of an anonymous conversation with an AI bot," it claims.

Yeah, except that it collects data on you (so as to counsel you better) that anyone can hack into.

Also, there is something that can match and even far surpass the privacy of a not-as-anonymous-as-advertised conversation with an AI bot: a conversation with your Creator when no one else is around to eavesdrop (or collect your personal data).

Claiming the ability to ask probing questions that help you "untangle your mind" and "relax after a hard day," I wondered why you can't do that on your own? I mean, mussar books also ask probing questions.

But even if you don't have access to mussar books, a freewrite or mind-map session would help you untangle your mind and relax.

One user posted the following:
"I am often too anxious to talk to or contact anyone, so having a bot that I can vent to and that offers real constructive advice without feeling like I'm being judged or taking anyone's time is really, really helpful."

See? They KNOW they're interacting with a mere bot, but not only do they not care, they actually PREFER it!

And the thing is...I understand them.

For whatever the reason, even good people who really want to take the time and emotional energy to help others find it hard to do so nowadays. Many people feel like they're struggling to keep their own head above water, let alone offer support to others.

"Some young people young people have actually chosen to use [this AI bot] over a referral to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service...and felt this was all the support they need."

I'm not surprised to hear that a well-programmed bot might be more helpful than a counselor. Even the best-intentioned person has flaws and blind spots. Only a true tzaddik can know your soul in a way that let's them offer you guidance truly tailored for your soul-journey.

But a non-judgmental bot can feel like the next best thing.

The kind of listening most helpful to others -- often referred to as "facilitative listening" -- demands you put your own ego aside and totally focus on the other and what he or she truly needs at the soul level.

It takes a certain amount of humility and genuine care for the other to listen in a way that helps the other figure out what he or she needs to do, without you imposing your own ego or preconceived notions on them.

Yet that's exactly what people need in a listener, according to Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender.

As Rav Bender explains in Words of Faith, it's best to base interactions on the following:

Seek the good points in each other.

Give chizuk (He advises to say something along the lines of: “Chazak—be strong! My brother, be strong! Hold on and do not be discouraged by anything!” This should be said encouragingly and not irritably, of course.)
Happy talk (I think this means to cheer up the other person.)
Encouraging words
Words of Torah
Do good (I think this means that the listener can offer a favor, if he or she is in the position to do so, like a loan or a meal or babysitting, etc.)
Try not to give advice because telling a person what to do takes away their free will.
Allow the necessary exchange of light to occur.

"You are helping me hold on to life. Thank you for everything," wrote one 13-year-old "survivor" in an email to the team that created the bot.

Another teenager uses the app to practice CBT techniques learned in therapy "while watching telly with the family. Everyone just thinks I'm chatting with a friend!"

People are so desperate for the relationship offered by this bot.

And the reason why Hashem is limiting this in people is to draw us toward Him. When there's no other choice, people turn to Hashem.

Except now there's this bot.

But what about the HUMAN-GOD RELATIONSHIP?

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How to Resist the Attraction of "New!" & Why You Really Should

27/8/2018

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Several years ago, I sat in a class given by Rebbetzin Heller in which she made the point that "New!" is a powerful tool to attract people to a certain movement or ideology.

And indeed, inserting the word "New!" is a proven method for prompting a blog post, video, or product to go viral. (Or at least, increase attention or sales.)

In fact, studies show that the 5 most persuasive words in the English language are:

You
Free
Because
Instantly
New

In Rebbe Nachman's arguably most famous story, The Lost Princess, the struggling hero comes across a spring of what seems to be wine.

Now, he'd seen wine before and he'd seen springs before, but he'd never seen a wine-spring.

Ooh, shiny! New! Intriguing!

As it says:

...and he saw a running spring, and its color was red and the smell was of wine. He asked the servant, "Have you seen? This is a spring, and there ought to be water in it, but its color is red and the smell is of wine!"

Our hero (who is actually us) is on a specific mission and he'd even received clear instructions NOT to drink any wine on this last day. He could eat and drink, just not wine.

But the main thing is to avoid sleep at all costs.

So our struggling hero (who is actually us) -- even though he KNEW to listen to the Princess's instructions and warnings because he'd already failed the year before by eating forbidden apples and falling asleep, and even though he KNEW this was just a distraction from his mission, nonetheless -- our struggling hero decides to make an intellectual, objective study of this unusual phenomenon (which has nothing to do with his urgent mission and is of absolutely no benefit to him or the world) and then:

And he went and tasted from the spring and fell and immediately slept for several years...

NOOOOO!

Alas.

As Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender explains in Leviat Chen:

...it's forbidden to become delayed and investigate, but one must hurry because [this part of the story] represents being forbidden to ask and desire and understand because it's impossible to in any way understand everything intellectually – one must only rely on emuna to do what needs to be done.

And here, on the last day, the Princess had commanded him to guard himself and so on. And if so, it was forbidden for him to ask and investigate the matter of the spring, but only to fulfill what was necessary and to go extract her.

For when we investigate a matter, we are possibly trying to explain it away as not being so horrible, and thus we don't completely negate it.

And in this way, we are liable to stumble.

This is so normal and common for people to do. (People struggling with, for example, overeating or drug addiction probably recognize the above pattern.)

So what does Rav Bender advise instead, based on the lessons of this story?

...to flee from the taavot as one flees from fire, without pondering over, marveling at, or inquiring into them at all.
And he shouldn't let his thoughts confound him at all.
...he should just turn his mind away from them completely and steer his mind to divrei Torah or business dealings or conversations and the like until he is rescued from what he wants to be rescued.
And one must be a person of unwavering determination [akshan gadol] until he comes out victorious in this war.

Keep Your Mitzvot Fresh & Lush

As always, Judaism insists on us rising above superficial understanding.

Does the above mean we should go through life as unthinking horses with blinders?

NO.

We can of course ask, desire, investigate, and seek to understand divrei kedushah, things connected with our soul-journey and spiritual work. It's a great mitzvah to delve into Torah and to stretch our minds to understand halacha and to understand what we need to do to achieve self-improvement and rectification.

We should contemplate the best way to help others according to THEIR needs, rather than our own.

We are supposed to develop strategies to avoid lashon hara and use complex thinking to find the good points in others.

We need to brainstorm and work out the best ways to keep our routine mitzvot (like davening and brachot) fresh and new.

But it needs to be focused investigation and seeking, not just indulging our curiosity about everything that comes across our path.

Discover Your Unique Path

In fact, Rebbe Nachman himself emphasized the importance of staying "young" on the inside, of approaching each new day and each new opportunity to do a mitzvah with enthusiasm -- as if it were literally "new."

He also spoke of taking less-traveled paths in avodat Hashem and this is also hinted at in the above story when our struggling hero spots "a path off to the side" and takes it, which fortuitously leads him to the Palace of the Not Good, where he finally finds the Princess for the first time.

Yet this path off to the side IS the avodat Hashem. It's part of one's tikkun (rectification) and the way to access it is only via hitbodedut -- talking to Hashem in your own words using your personal self-expression.

In other words, the path isn't "new," per se; it's unique.

Because Hashem created us all as unique individuals, no human being can have exactly the same relationship with Hashem as anyone else.

Your relationship with Him is unique to anyone else's relationship with Him.

The Old-New Tricks

Yet what does the Yetzer Hara use to reel us in?

"New!"
"Intriguing!"
"Ever tried this before?"
"The newest results of our most recent investigation!" ("Most recent" is just another way of saying "new.")
"Never before attempted!"
"Introducing..." (Implies that it's new because it needs to be "introduced.")
"Instantly!"
"Suddenly..." (It wasn't there a moment ago -- it's new!)
"Revolutionary!"
"Discover!" (You don't discover something already known, only something new.)

The entertainment industry reels us in this way, as does advertising. But so many science articles with all their intellectual grandstanding also reel us in this way too, as you likely recognized from the above examples, some version of which are commonly found in prestigious peer-reviewed science publications.

Barak Obama won his presidency pretty much based on "New!"

"Change" implies something new on the way and also the idea of "America's first black president!" implies something new, although it's a misleading moniker because he is white as much as he is black, being biracial.

But much of what is presented as "New!" is actually the same old stuff, just with a modern twist.

An Age-Old Insight

Our goal is how David Hamelech described tzaddikim millennia ago in Psalm 92:

עוֹד יְנוּבוּן בְּשֵׂיבָה; דְּשֵׁנִים וְרַעֲנַנִּים יִהְיוּ

They shall still bring forth fruit in old age, they shall be full of sap and fresh.

It's a bit hard to convey in the English, but the Hebrew brings forth imagery of lushness and fullness.

Picture a fruit-bearing tree that's eternally young and dripping with sap, its leaves lush and green with moisture, and bursting with juicy fruits.

That's our spiritual goal for ourselves.

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Breaking Down Core Jewish Concepts

24/8/2018

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UPDATE: Upon re-reading this post, I realized it wasn't so clear, so I added more to it late Friday morning (Israel-time), along with correcting some typos. So what follows is the new & improved version...

I'm not Breslov, but I get concerned about how people write off core Jewish concepts as being "Breslov" and therefore considered non-obligatory or not even worth examining.

While I've only read parts of Rebbe Nachman's Likutei Moharan, I've still read a lot of Breslov writings (including parts of Likutei Moharan) and as a non-Breslover, I came to the following conclusion:

Rebbe Nachman basically detailed and fleshed out much of what was already written in previous mussar books and other guidance by Chazal.

He emphasized certain concepts and further elucidated them.

And that seems to be the Breslov tradition: Taking core concepts and breaking them down into more and more digestible bits according to the needs of that particular generation.

Breaking It Down

When embarking on real self-scrutiny for the first time via talking to Hashem, you really can get these intense "Uh-oh" moments about yourself, and much of what Rebbe Nachman says about this phenomenon is very reassuring and encouraging.

Again, he simply takes core Jewish concepts of how self-scrutiny and self-improvement work, the ups and downs, the deceptive pitfalls, then he details them AND how to deal with it all.

All sorts of ideas and principles seem less and less self-understood in each successive generation, so with each successive generation of Breslov, you have a couple of rabbis who break these core ideas and their previous break-downs into even smaller more digestible bites.

For example, a book like Outpouring of the Soul by Reb Alter Teplicker further condenses and elucidates the same concepts mentioned in Torah and Chazal, which were then condensed and expounded upon by Rebbe Nachman. So Outpouring of the Soul is yet another link on that chain.

I remember the first time I read Outpouring of the Soul and a powerful impulse to talk to Hashem welled up within me, but I didn't know what to do with it. I opened my mouth, but I felt like a massive wave of spiritual and emotional pain was behind whatever I would say and I instinctively closed my mouth and got distracted with something else. I didn't mean to, it just happened like that.

Yet I would occasionally go back to the book, feel inspired to speak to Hashem in the way described, but couldn't do it for some reason.

Years later, I read Garden of Emuna, and that changed everything for me. Rav Shalom Arush took the same concepts and both simplified and expanded on them in regular non-scholarly language, practically spoon-feeding them to those who, like me, needed that spoon-feeding.

His book explains the core Jewish concepts with which many struggle in great detail: why bad things happen to good people, why do I feel like I'm being punished for being frum, why do I feel like I'm being punished for doing the right thing, how can I relate to Hashem as Compassionate and Loving when such awful things happen in the world, how can it be reassuring to know that Hashem is behind even the bad stuff -- that's sounds even scarier, so what's up with that?

And so on.

Digestible Emuna

Rav Arush also offered a get-down-to-basics easy-to-follow structure for hitbodedut:

20 minutes of gratitude
20 minutes of self-scrutiny & confession
20 minutes of requests

The truth is, he pares things down even more by telling people to make a list of 20 things for which they're grateful when they feel too emotionally blocked to do anything else.

There's even a book that plucks out the "gems" of Garden of Emuna for a super quick reference.

I'll give you an example of how this chain of increasing elucidation works by using Gate of Joy in Orchot Tzaddikim, (pg. 177 & 213 in the Feldheim translation):

The trait of joy encompasses a positive commandment of acknowledging God's Justice in all that befalls one, as is written (Devarim 8:5): "And you shall know in your heart that just as a man chastises his son, so Hashem your God chastises you."

If after one repents, things do not go so well for him as they did before, it is a positive commandment for him to think in his heart that his adversity is for the good.

For before he repented, the Holy One Blessed Be He was rewarding him for the mitzvot he had done in order to bar him from the World to Come, as it is written (Devarim 7:10): "And He pays those that hate Him to his face to destroy him."

And corresponding to this treatment of those who hate Him, he pays those who love Him the punishment of their transgressions in This World so that they will be pure and clean for the Next World.

And all of this entails the trait of joy, one's being happy in the portion allotted him by the Blessed One.

***
Similarly, when one undergoes any affliction [yissurim], he should also rejoice as our Sages have said...(Taanit 8a) "All who rejoice in afflictions bring salvation to the world."

And one should accustom his mouth to say, "This too is for the good - gam zo l'tovah" (Taanis 21a).

As you can see, the above is exactly what Rav Shalom Arush continuously discusses. In fact, Garden of Emuna goes on at length about the phenomenon mentioned in Orchot Tzaddikim:

If after one repents, things do not go so well for him as they did before, it is a positive commandment for him to think in his heart that his adversity is for the good.

And Rav Arush's emphasis on thanking Hashem for the good as well as the bad, and its power to sweeten dinim?

It's blatantly stated in Orchot Tzaddikim, which derives it from the Gemara (Taanit 8a):

"All who rejoice in afflictions bring salvation to the world."

"Kol hasameach b'yissurim meivi yeshuah l'olam."

"כל המשמח ביסורים מביא ישועה לעולם"

And before that, the Chumash itself.

But because of all the influences and confusion and superficiality and lack of daat in our generation, we need things broken down and explained down to the nitty-gritty.

And if we're willing to accept this spoon-feeding rather than just ignoring it all and dismissing everything as "only for very great people" or "that applied to previous generations, not ours," then that's very good!

For example, the first excerpt above of Orchot Tzaddikim is pretty much all there is on that specific issue. He says what he says there, then goes on to another aspect of joy. Yet reading the above, I'd have some obstructive questions before I could act upon his directives.

Sure, I could've taken that excerpt and discuss it with Hashem to reveal answers to my questions, but I didn't have the presence of mind to realize even this.

So I'm no different than anyone else and without Garden of Emuna, I would not have been able to go back and understand the classic mussar texts.

In his lectures, Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender did the same prior to Rav Arush.

Rav Ofer Erez also breaks down core ideas to a more digestible size.

So for me, that's what Breslov does for the non-Breslover.

It's just a way of them holding your hand as you make your way through the thorny, pitted path of teshuvah, self-improvement, and coming closer to Ribbono Shel Olam.

An online Hebrew-English version of Orchot Tzaddikim is available HERE.

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How to Exchange Light with Your Fellow Jew

10/8/2018

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In the book of Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender's lectures, Words of Faith, he refers to the importance of giving and receiving "light" to and from other people.

In fact, he says this is one of the key reasons for interacting with other people:
to receive their light and to shine your own light on them.

And the way to do this is by doing 2 things:

focus on their good points and allow them to focus on your good points
speak in fear of Heaven

On page 376, Vol I, Rav Bender quotes Rebbe Nachman from Likutei Moharan:

The entire matter of talking with friends is as the Rebbe writes in Lesson 34:

"Each person should speak to his friend in fear of Heaven. In order to receive inspiration from his friend's special point that he doesn't have...This point is the aspect of 'Tzaddik' relative to his friend. It shines to the other's heart."

Rav Bender goes on to explain:

This is the whole point of speaking among friends:

To unearth and illuminate your friend's unique good points.

And to shine to him from your special point.

But not more than this...For there is no one around now who has the power to hear another's secrets without causing him to feel down.

It can make him discouraged. The benefit is outweighed by the loss.

I don't claim to fully understand this concept, but I feel I've experienced it.

Many times, I've been impressed or touched by another person.

It doesn't matter that the person isn't a tzaddik--or maybe the person is even far from being a tzaddik. There is still something about them that touches you. Even as you see their negative behaviors and the mistakes they make, there's some aspect of sympathy due to their good points.

Probably you've experienced a similar dynamic with people with whom you've interacted.

And this also explains a lot about our close family relationships.

With children, for example, we see their not-so-great traits and even feel driven nuts by them at times, yet at the same time, we feel like they're so special and we really believe in their potential and their future.

Their light shines on us as parents.

And I think this explains another dynamic, a negative one.

Light-Blockers

People who are arrogant, narcissistic, feel superior to others instinctively want to shine out their own light without receiving light from others.

Yet how can they shine light on you in the right amounts and best quality when they refuse to absorb light from others?

Their refusal to receive affects the amount and quality of their own light, making it weaker than it should be.

And I think this may be why it feels so dehumanizing to be around them. They start blinding you with their own light (which is of limited size and quality), yet when your light starts to shine out on them, it's like they throw up a shield to block you.

So it's as if they're the only source of light while you're reduced to just a dark blob of tohu.

Yet it's not true. You're not just some lightless blob.

You've got beautiful light of your own!

The exchange of light needs to happen for both your sakes.

How Might the Exchange of Light Work?

Perhaps it can be understood as a metaphor.

Let's say you possess a beautiful yellow light. Then you meet someone with a beautiful blue light.

When you shine your light on each other and the exchange occurs, then you absorb their blue light, which also creates a green light (yellow+blue=green).

Also, your light increases due to the influence of the other's light.

So the next person you encounter gains from your previous exchange because not only do you have your own yellow light to shine on them, but you have some of the blue light absorbed from the previous exchange, plus some green light created by that exchange.

And you also further gain from whatever light that person has to offer.

So in order for the exchange to occur properly, you must be ready to receive and not only give.

The Power of Receiving Light

Real talmidei chachamim spend large parts of their lives absorbing the light of Torah as they sit in front of a Gemara to learn and learn.

Actually, any Torah you learn sculpts you into a receptacle of the best-quality light and however much you internalize it, all the better (even if you aren't tzaddik or gadol).

As humble scholars, they absorb the light of Rashi, of Rebbe Akivah, of Moshe Rabbeinu, and many more.

As humble people, they receive the light of those they meet and possess tremendous light to shine on others.

True Story #1
For example, my husband and I went for an energy treatment from a frum man who could also see auras. He explained how he'd been trying to heal a problem he spotted in his daughter's aura, but wasn't able.

Yet upon attending a Torah shiur by a genuine talmid chacham, either Rav Elyashiv or Rav Ganz (he couldn't remember which), he noticed a beautiful golden light emanating from the rav during the shiur. As the shiur continued, the frum man watched as this beautiful golden light expanded up and out from the rav, expanding further until it enveloped all those present.

When the shiur ended, this man still felt the effects of this golden aura and upon arriving home, he decided to try healing his daughter's aura again. This time, he was successful.

But he attributes this healing to the light he received from the great talmid chacham, and not his own abilities.

True Story #2
I can't see auras at all, but even before I knew anything about auras, I remember sitting in a rebbetzin's class and sensing an energy from her that expanded up and then settled back on her when she finished the class. And not just one time either, but most times I sat in her class. I was also very influenced by her; she has had a profound impact on my hashkafah. She's one of the more popular teachers out there, and many people find it very easy to stay present and not daydream during her classes, which are never boring. She's a very learned person and when she teaches, she's absorbed in the Torah sources & concepts.

I think she's giving out a certain energy without even realizing it.

True Story #3
Finally, I noticed that sitting with other mothers in the park as a group was not so enjoyable for me. Something always felt "off," even though everyone was very nice.

But when I sat with any woman one-on-one and the conversation took a more spiritual turn, then I always felt a profound influence and connection from her.

For example, I found myself sitting on a bench next to a well-off woman who obviously invested a lot in her appearance and her home decor. We were chatting small talk and then I accidentally mentioned how bad I felt about myself compared to other people, based on things others had said to me.

Immediately, I regretted having made myself vulnerable in such a way, especially to such a "perfect" lady. Why couldn't I restrain myself better?

Yet she turned to face me and looked deeply into my eyes, and started giving me chizuk by explaining that such people were like balloons of air that deflate with the smallest prick of a pin, and therefore, I need not take their "insights" to heart.

She backed up her words by quoting Mishlei (Proverbs). This happened over a decade ago, but I still remember it because she spoke from her heart to my heart.

Most of all, I remember how I felt like I'd been rebuilt because of her heartfelt caring, even though we barely knew each other. It was true chizuk (strengthening) because I indeed felt like a crumbling building that had suddenly become fortified by her words and her concern.

I really feel the truth of Rav Bender's words: When you talk with another Jew in words of Torah and chizuk (and neither of you needs to be a talmid chacham or a tzaddik at all!), you truly absorb their light.

Let God Facilitate the Exchange of Light

As far as I can tell, the exchange of light needs to flow without too much meddling.

Meaning, you can't decide what kind of light the other person needs. You can't decide that what you're giving them is light (maybe you think it's lovely light but they receive it as eviscerating fire) or that it's the type of light they need. That's up to Hashem.

(Like maybe you've got red and blue light to give and they need your red light because they've already got tons of blue light, but you in your great ego believe that they need your blue light -- metaphorically speaking, of course. Either way, you need to allow the exchange to happen without meddling with it too much.)

And I think that it's not enough to just see the good point; you need to admire it in order to absorb its light.

Meaning, it's not enough to feel a half-hearted, "Oh, she's nothing special and not so smart, but at least she's okay with her kids."

It's better to really look at how dedicated she is to her kids (even if she's still impatient or fed-up at times), and really admire how much she's willing to stretch herself for their sakes.

Even if you're overall better than another person, perhaps they contain a facet that outshines one of your facets in the same area.

For example, I knew someone who emoted a lot and loudly, which wore out others, yet she was an incredible baalat chessed and performed the chessed in a purposeful wholehearted manner.

So maybe you're calmer and more considerate of others than she, but you can also admire how she's willing to frequently babysit the difficult children of a mentally ill mother during their parents' divorce -- a chessed you admire, but maybe aren't able to take on yourself.

Conclusion

Anyway, this is just my conjecturing.

Of course, the core concept of possessing "light" and the necessity to both shine light on others and be shined upon by others -- that's from Rav Bender. That's a fact.

However, the conjecturing and metaphors of how that all might work is just based on my own stuff, like what I've read and observed as described above.

So I'll leave you with Rav Bender's words from page 377:

It is possible to relate to everyone equally without giving precedence.

Because they each have a special point.

There is no reason to know about the bad. If so -- all are equal.

It is possible to love and honor every Jew. The benefit from this is tremendous.

Even when it's hard to do, it's definitely the right goal.

And whatever progress you can make in this direction is very precious.

Related post:
Human Interaction & The Secret of Light

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The Ultimate Right of Every Jewish Soul

8/8/2018

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In the book of Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender’s lectures, Words of Faith Vol. I pages 382-383, Rav Bender mentions the opposition of his fellow Jews to his community’s tolerance of some truly awful sinners in their midst.

At the urging of the holy Rav Avraham Chazan of the Breslov shul, Rav Bender and all the rest allowed brazen sinners (including a murderer) and vulgar boors to attend shul davening.

Good Jews throughout the area disparaged them for this.

But neither Rav Bender nor Rav Avraham Chazan took offense. They understood the opposition while understanding the underlying spiritual dynamics regarding the sinners in their midst—unrefined Jews who, for some reason, still wanted to come to shul.

Yet after everyone witnessed—and even benefitted from—the blazing transformation of the murderer, the Jews of Uman realized the righteousness of the path trod by Rav Bender and Rav Avraham Chazan:

“Those who bring Jews close as long as the title Jew is called upon them. Those who preach that there is no giving up, and no outcast shall be pushed away.

Even total reshaim can be transformed into complete tzaddikim—as we saw with our own eyes many times.”

To bolster this view, Rav Bender points out that halacha itself doesn’t differentiate:

“Concerning murder, there is no difference if someone murders the biggest tzaddik or the biggest rasha. For both crimes, he is equally called a murderer. Punishment is equal for both.”

(Just to be clear: There are cases in which it’s permissible to kill a rasha. Rav Bender doesn’t mean those cases. He’s referring to actual impermissible murder.)

And if you think about that lack of discrimination, it’s very interesting.

The halachically prescribed punishment is exactly the same, whether someone murdered a tzaddik or whether someone murdered a sinful boor. For example, halacha doesn’t demand an extra painful execution for the murderer of a tzaddik. Nor does halacha say that the murderer of a sinful boor can make do with a flogging and a whopping fine.

The punishment is equal for both.

Why is that?

Rav Bender explains:

“For in root, all are equal. So relate to all Jewish souls equally—like small, like great. Who is able to assess the tremendous value of a Jewish soul? Even if outwardly, it looks empty.”

Likewise, the hitman mentioned above transformed himself into a great baal chessed with incredible self-sacrifice.

He created a mikvah on his own premises despite the horrific punishment possible if the KGB would discover it. (And after being informed by Jew-haters, the KGB did come to his home to search for the mikvah.) He also fed all the needy and poor who came to him, including the very people who originally rejected him and disparaged Rav Bender’s community for tolerating his presence during davening.

Despite the goodness and dedication of the Jews in that area, no one displayed the same courage and dedication as this former hitman after he made complete teshuvah.

“For in root, all are equal. Who is able to assess the tremendous value of a Jewish soul? Even if outwardly, it looks empty.”

Related post:
The True Story of How a Murderer did Teshuvah

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How to Really Love Another Person

7/8/2018

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As usual, it's important to pay attention to the words of a true tzaddik. They say things we find familiar, but with a deeper twist then what we're used to hearing.

For example, Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender (one of the leaders of Breslov Chassidus in the previous generation, who displayed mind-boggling self-sacrifice for Jews of all stripes) discusses a well-known idea from Likutei Moharan 292: "Di velt ker zich farvundering oif di ahavah vus is da tsuvishen meina mentchen - The world will be astonished over the love among my people." [Words of Faith, Vol. I, pgs. 382-383]

(Note: I am not a Breslover or chassidish at all, just a big admirer and beneficiary of Breslov ideology.)

Certainly, among Breslovers who've truly managed to internalize the principles of Breslov, this love is true. Their genuine appreciation of each other and lack of envy or competition is beautiful to see.

But then Rav Bender adds:

"This matter comes to actuality only when one does not know in detail what is happening by another.

He just strengthens and fortifies his friend and not more."

See? In 2 sentences, Rav Bender just explained how to achieve this great love.

And it's the opposite of what I once would've assumed.

How to Avoid "Killing" Your Friend

This blog has already featured several posts discussing Rav Bender's view on true friendship and how to really help any friend.

Although deeply sympathetic toward the impulse to pour one's heart out to another, Rav Bender opposed this indulgence mostly out of concern for the outpourer.

He felt that hardly anyone today is able to properly hear and respond to such an outpouring, and could even harm the outpourer, who is already in pain and has now made himself even more vulnerable.

He cautions against showing a person any kind of distancing - something which could instinctively occur on the part of listener if they unexpectedly hear something that they aren't sure how to handle.

As Rav Bender stresses on page 384:

"For at times, it is possible to kill someone through a sign of wrath, anger, or insult."

And if you've ever had someone respond to you all wrong after you've made yourself vulnerable, then you know exactly what he means "to kill someone" with the wrong response.

(People usually don't mean to respond badly, but simply don't realize the harm of their response. They mean even think they're giving you what you need, telling you the "truth" about yourself, and simply laying all the cards on the table, etc.)

Don't Dig for Defects

Rav Bender discourages us from inquiring after another's iniquities and defects, referring to it as "digging" for another's wound, which paints the off-putting picture of picking at a scab. Or a parasite searching for a wound to leech off of.

He receives this guidance from several sources (Words of Faith, Vol I, pgs. 371-374):

"The Gemara calls one who publicizes his sins 'brazen': 'I consider brazen the one who declares his sins.' This is learned from the verse: 'Fortunate is one who covers his sin'." (Tehillim 32:1)

"The Tana says in a mishnah in Avos: 'Do not strive to see someone at the time of his downfall.' [Avot 4:23] This is a directive for each individual."

"It is brought in the holy Zohar that one who merits to be judged by Hakadosh Baruch Hu Himself comes out innocent in court." [Zohar Pinchas 231a, 309a]

Yet who merits to be judged by Hashem Himself?

"One who confesses before Hashem Yisbarach.

One who tells before Him his whole heart and all that passes over him, including his sins.

And - as understood - from amidst deep regret.

Such a person merits to the fortune that his judge is Hakadosh Baruch Hu: the Merciful Father Himself."

[Words of Faith, Vol I, pg. 372]

Using Tanach as his guide, Rav Bender (pg. 372) gleans positive advice to encourage others from Yeshayahu 41:6:

"Man shall help his comrade and say to his brother: 'Chazak! - Be strong!' "

Contrary to pop psychology today, Rav Bender saw the best way to help others was to focus on their good points without digging for their defects and to allow oneself to be influenced by another's good points, describing it as "shining light" on one another. He believed in the importance of giving others chizuk, fortifying them emotionally and offering encouragement and support.

But not to "dig" for "wounds."

Not to go sniffing around for the defects and sins of others.

Heart-to-Heart Boundaries

As I've written here before, this was a big smack between the eyes for me because I used to LOVE those late-night heart-to-heart bonding talks with a good friend. So geshmak!

And I thought a truly caring person listened to others' outpourings. (Okay, yes, you can listen to others. Rav Bender gives examples of doing so. But without probing deeper, just listening. And even then, the listening/outpouring needs healthy boundaries so that you don't accidentally "kill" the other person.)

Yet even before I read the above, Hashem already started to show me the downside of pouring out one's heart too much to another person. I just didn't realize what I was seeing and experiencing until I read the above. Until I read Rav Bender's explanation, I didn't have a way to frame my experiences.

Having said all that, it's admittedly very difficult at times to pour your heart out to Hashem and not another person. You simply crave the interaction with another person, hoping for the tangible comfort it can bring.

And sometimes you do feel so much better, but sometimes you feel worse.

And even the feeling of being absolved and comforted is deceptive because only Hashem can absolve and cleanse you.

So yes, there is room for confiding in others, but with beneficial boundaries in place.

Do's & Don'ts

So to sum up (including Rav Bender advice mentioned in previous posts):

Don'ts:

Try not to see another's defects, sins, or bad points.
Don't "dig" for another's sins and defects. Don't probe.
Don't pour out your heart to others; don't make another person into your confessor.
While it's a big mitzvah to prevent another from sinning, if you can't stop them, then at least try to not see them in their moment of downfall.
Don't show any kind of distancing (rejection).

(I think that means in the heat of the moment of outpouring, because while Rav Bender and other tzaddikim allowed sinners to daven in their shul, they didn't associate with them; in other words, they did display a certain distance without rejecting them outright. So I think he means that when someone gushes his issues to you, try your best not to look taken aback or horrified or run off.)

Note: Keeping your indiscretions & defects private isn't the same as acting like a big fake.

You know you're flawed; you don't pretend you're a big tzaddik.

But you just don't have to flesh it all out for everyone to see, hear, and smell in all its gory detail.

That's all.

Do's:

Tell everything to Hashem. EVERYTHING, no matter how shameful or icky.
Pour out your flaws, sins, defects, mistakes, bumbles to Hashem because this makes Him into your personal Judge and ensures a verdict of innocence in the spiritual court.
It's really good to talk to the right kind of person (AKA sichat chaverim), but keep in mind that you're looking for chizuk and cheering-up from that person, and not much more than that.
Encourage your friend with soul-restoring words.
Give good chizuk.
Try to cheer up and uplift your friend.
Provide encouraging words.
Engage in words of Torah.
Help your friend practically, if possible (maybe doing practical favors, like loans or babysitting).
Seek his or her good points.
Allow the other person to shine their soul-light on you.

May Hashem help us all do the right thing at all times.

Related posts:
The Honesty Deception
A Tzaddik's Example: Listen, Empathize, Encourage
2 Examples of Unforeseeable Personality Transformation

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A Tzaddik's Example: Listen, Empathize, Encourage

15/7/2018

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Looking to our tzaddikim, we can see how we are really supposed to behave.

We can also find hints for guides and advisers when we compare the behavior of a real tzaddik to that of a regular rabbi or rebbetzin. Not that anyone is perfect, but certain aspects tell us if things are on the right track.

For example, on page 136 of Words of Faith Vol II, we meet Rav Yisrael Karduner, one of the Breslov tzaddikim of the previous generations, who died in Tiveria in 1920.

Rav Karduner was known for his tremendous fire when he prayed or even just made a blessing, and also for his bleak poverty. His home literally lacked even bread and he went out into the fields to talk to Hashem while wearing torn ill-fitting shoes. Yet even then, he simply cried out to Hashem to either give him shoes or give him the mindfulness (daat) to really accept that he doesn’t need shoes.

In fact, his most oft-quoted words are: "There was someone [Rebbe Nachman] who called out 100 years ago, 'Never give up!' And we still hear that voice today."

At that time, Rav Karduner suffered greatly from attacks by those opposed to the Breslov path. Rav Karduner’s disciple, R. Yisrael Ber Odesser, possessed a particularly tender & sensitive soul, and suffered horribly from the opposition.

Once, R. Yisrael Ber Odesser poured out his heart to Rav Karduner. Rav Karduner listened as R. Yisrael Ber Odesser expressed his profound suffering and distress.

After he finished, Rav Karduner empathized, “Indeed, I also suffer and am discouraged like you from the venom of the difficult attacks.”

Then Rav Karduner encouraged him, “But I am able to stand because I used the ‘healing signs’ of the Rebbe. In their power, I am able to hold on…”

Note: Because I've never heard of Rebbe Nachman's "healing signs," I'm thinking the above is maybe an alternative translation of "alim l'trufah -- healing leaves." If someone knows for sure, please feel free to let me know...

Please notice that Rav Karduner did not tell his chassid, “Oh, you think you have it bad? You should see what they do to me.” Or, “Well, just let it roll off your back. After all, I don’t let it get to me.” Or, "Just feel sorry for them. I mean, don't you feel bad for them?"

Nope. No one-up, no competition, no put-downs, no minimizing the very real pain of rejection and verbal abuse.

Nor did Rav Karduner chirp, “Just have emuna! Just daven! Gam zeh l’tovah—it’s all for the best!”

(Even though such phrases are true: A downcast person needs emuna, needs to daven, and everything really is for the best. But Rav Karduner knew that Rav Yisrael Ber already knew all that. Yet like most of us, he's familiar with the concepts, yet the intense abuse got him down anyway. That's totally normal.)

Instead, Rav Karduner listened. Then he empathized. In fact, though he was Rav Yisrael Ber’s mentor, Rav Karduner wasn't above admitting: “I am discouraged like you.”

Like you. And Rav Karduner called the attacks what they were: venom. Difficult.

Then Rav Karduner gave the necessary chizuk and humbly explained that the only way he himself withstood the attacks was not on his own merit, but on the strength of Rebbe Nachman’s teachings.

Rav Karduner’s behavior is a helpful directive for us all:

Listen
Empathize
Encourage; give chizuk.

May Hashem grant us all the wisdom, binah, and daat to say the right thing in every situation.

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From Wise-Cracking Businessman to Soul-Stirring Holy Man

10/7/2018

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In Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender's Words of Faith, we meet Reb Sander of Terevitz, who started out life as a pampered child accustomed to an affluent lifestyle.

As a successful merchant in adulthood, he kept up his affluent lifestyle while his natural gregariousness led to a jovial wheeling 'n' dealing attitude. Known as the wittiest leitzan among all the other leitzanim, Reb Sander once confronted a base character who came into Reb Sander's fabric factory looking to buy salt.

(Salt...in a fabric factory.)

"If you want salt," quipped Reb Sander, "then stand on the table and dance, and the salt will come out..."

[Note: I don't understand why Rav Bender brought this as an example of Reb Sander's previous low level because it doesn't seem that bad to me. Likely, there are nuances in the original Yiddish that go over my head, but this is the example used in the book, this is the example used in this post.]

Anyway, the others described Reb Sander as a flippant comedian (a leitzan, a vertlich zuger) focused on making profitable deals.

Though shomer Shabbos himself, Friday afternoons proved to be the best time for business as Reb Sander engaged in wheeling and dealing at this time, rather than preparing for the holy day -- and encouraged the other merchants to do the same.

But then what happened?

Rav Nachman Chazan* of Tultchin showed up in Reb Sander's town. (Okay, he didn't just show up; he was sent there by Rav Naftali, one of the original intimate chassidim of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov.)

Anyway, Rav Nachman Chazan started speaking compelling words of Torah that captivated the hearts of the people, including Reb Sander. Though initially scheduled to stay for one week, the people there kept insisting that Rav Nachman Chazan extend his visit until he ended up speaking there for 3 weeks straight.

The people finally asked Rav Nachman Chazan, "From where do you draw all of these treasures?"

And he answered, "All of this wealth is from my great teacher Rebbe Nosson, whose holy writings are resting on the shelf, collecting dust because we don't have the funds to take them out of burial, to print and spread them among Yisrael."

At that point, Reb Sander whipped out 100 rubles and said to Rav Nachman Chazan, "Take a down payment of 100 rubles. When you begin to print, another 100 rubles will follow. When you finish, another 100 rubles will be added."

Then finally, the people allowed Rav Nachman Chazan to return home.

And this was the beginning of an awe-inspiring change in Reb Sander.

Na'afochu -- A Spiritual Somersault

Reb Sander stopped playing the comedian and upended his previous priorities: Avodat Hashem became his main occupation while his fabric business turned into a side-job.

He was able to maintain his new priorities even when his business associates spoke of him behind his back: "What happened to Reb Sander? Where did he go? He was our buddy, just like one of us. What happened to him...?"

When they saw Reb Sander Erev Shabbat afternoon, already dressed for Shabbat and fervently reciting Shir Hashirim in the beis hamidrash, they exclaimed to each other, "Behold, this is the best time for business! He used to be the invigorating spirit by us at this time. What happened to him...?!"

With Hashem still enabling Reb Sander to make money hand over fist, Reb Sander upended his wealth distribution in accordance with his new priorities. Impoverished Jews now received clothes and food and didn't need to worry any longer about lacking their basic necessities. He funded the building of Rebbe Nosson's new Kloiz in 5626/1866.

Despite all his physical exertions (toiveling in freezing mikveh waters & 12 hours of passionate prayer at Rebbe Nachman's graveside) and his formerly sensitive constitution, this same man now made do with just a bit of bread and a cheap Russian beverage called kavus: water flavored with beet juice.

Reb Sander started coming to Uman twice a month to pour out his soul at the kever of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, even spending 12 hours in outpouring at Rebbe Nachman's kever.

The same mouth that used to shoot out barbs and witticisms turned into the source of some of today's classic Breslov melodies, including Breslov's Yedid Nefesh and the prayer for dew.

Renewed spiritual longing so filled Reb Sander that when Rav Avraham Chazan (the son of Rav Nachman Chazan) once walked along Pushkina Street, Rav Avraham heard strange and terrible screams. Thinking that perhaps someone had fallen into the hands of a murderer, Rav Avraham tentatively hurried toward the kever to see if he could help.

But it was only Reb Sander, begging Hashem with all his might for the merit to come even closer to Him.

From Rich Man to Rich Soul

Yes, Reb Sander remained a successful businessman, but he conducted his business in a completely different manner after his 3-week encounter with Rav Nachman Chazan.

He applied his business acumen toward the poor Jews of that time, as attentive to their needs as he used to be of his own.

The barbs Reb Sander once aimed at others were now re-directed to spur himself into the spiritual activities he found particularly challenging: "Clump of dust -- throw yourself in and immerse!" he yelled at himself several times before he managed to dunk himself in the icy waters of the mikveh.

Reb Sander didn't just transfer himself from one world to another.

Using the same keilim he had inside him all along, Reb Sander revolutionized himself from within.

May we all merit a similar transformation l'tovah.

*Rav Nachman Chazan of Tultchin (1813-1884) was a grandson of a devoted follower of the original Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, he first met Rebbe Nosson (the most devoted follower of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov and the main transcriber of Rebbe Nachman's words into Likutei Moharan, Chayai Moharan, and more) around the age of 9 and became Rebbe Nosson's closest disciple. Renowned for his heartfelt chazzanut (hence his family name "Chazan") and his great humility (after davening, he used to go himself to draw water into the water buckets for the shul). He published and edited Rebbe Nosson's Likutei Halachot. Later, Rav Nachman Chazan moved from Tultchin to the city of Breslov, and then to Uman, which shifted the focus of Breslov Chassidus away from the city of Breslov to the city of Uman. Despite being considered a tzaddik and one of the great leaders of Breslov Chassidut, Rav Nachman Chazan's profound humility and modesty lead him to serve as the shamash of Uman's Breslover shul rather than as it's rav.

Related Post:
2 Examples of Unforeseeable Personality Transformation

Pushkina Street near the kever of Rebbe Nachman today

By Nahoumsabban - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, Link

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2 Examples of Unforeseeable Personality Transformation

9/7/2018

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A very special aspect of Words of Faith (a translation of the talks given by Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender, a tzaddik from the previous generation) is the way he uses examples of Jews who weren't very refined before they did teshuvah.

If you look over the stories of Jews returning to their roots today, you see people who were stunningly successful in the secular world, then transferred all those skills and much of their success, and that same personality to their newly adapted frum lifestyle.

Sure, there were road bumps along the way as they struggled to fit everything together. And these female BTs often describe their anger issues, in addition. So they're not perfect, but while their success is something I admire and enjoy reading about, it's not something that my personality can necessarily relate to.

Now don't get me wrong; I like hearing about these people. Their stories are interesting and their journeys are inspiring. I buy their books and I think everyone should.

But speaking for myself, I didn't have my act together before keeping Shabbos, and neither was I particularly cool or special or successful, so a part of me longed to read about someone who made the leap of middot instead of the leap of switching careers (which again, IS inspiring, but just doesn't relate to my personal journey.)

For example, a young woman once told me that her husband had been voted "Most Obnoxious" by his 12th-grade high school class. "But I don't find him obnoxious at all!" she said as testimony that middot-teshuvah is actually possible.

But we don't really hear about middot-teshuvah so much.

Understandably, people can't really talk about teshuvah of the personality (rather than teshuvah of action, i.e. "Before I didn't keep Shabbat, but now I do" or "Before I was the top CEO of a successful cheeseburger chain, but now I am the head of a successful kiruv organization") because discussing how bad you were before is so much more negative and invasive.

After all, do you really want people to know about the inane couch potato or the vulgar gamer or the wild crass party girl you were prior to connecting to Torah and mitzvot? And should you reveal that part of your past? (Usually not.)

Yet along comes Rav Bender with his special way of seeing people and his unique way of talking about people and events.

Yes, even people who are initially brazen, crass, insensitive, low-class, and even cold-blooded murderers can do real deep-down teshuvah.

(You'll also see Breslov's method of not pushing people away and allowing spiritual progress to take its course -- even if it's a very slow course. While the original Breslovers didn't go out of their way to interact with or welcome particularly dysfunctional people, neither did they reject them regardless of how distasteful and disturbing their behavior may be.)
___________
Just a quick description of the rabbis mentioned in the following stories:
Rebbe Nosson (Natan) Sternhartz (1780-1844) was the prime disciple of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov and the main transcriber of Rebbe Nachman's words. A very big tzaddik in his own right, Rebbe Nosson succeeded in shaping Breslov into the irrepressible & inspiring force it is today, despite the severe poverty and opposition he suffered in his time.

Rav Avraham ben Rav Nachman Chazan (1849-1917), the son of the humble tzaddik Rav Nachman Chazan of Tultchin, was always known for his devotions, like departing to the woods immediately after Shabbat with a stack of books and a sack of bread to spend the week learning Torah and talking to Hashem. He later became one of the Breslov leaders in Uman and made aliyah to Yerushalayim in 1894. He authored Biur Halikutim, a detailed analysis of the lessons of the original Rebbe Nachman of Breslov. His transcription of his father's stories and divrei Torah form the foundation for Breslov classics like Kochavei Ohr and Sichot V'Sipurim.
______________

From Shabbos Transgressor to Shabbos Lover

In Rebbe Nosson's time, there was a Jew (known as "the Deitchel -- the German") who worked as city clerk all throughout the week, including Shabbos. Because the religious Ukrainian Jews of that time refused to tolerate the public desecration of Shabbos, they all blocked this the Deitchel from entered their shul.

In Rebbe Nosson's shul, the congregants also tried to throw out the Deitchel, but Rebbe Nosson refused to allow it by saying:

"Please do not disturb him. Pay attention and listen: Even though he is a dreadful Jewish sinner, why did he nonetheless come to us? He did not come for nothing...it appears that something draws him specifically to our shul...please, leave him alone..."
[Vol. II, pg. 306]

The Deitchel was even brazen and callous enough to come to daven Mussaf on Shabbos with his hands still covered in ink from work. At one point, it's the custom for everyone to raise their hands during a particular prayer, and he raised his inky hands with everyone else's clean hands.

Though appalled at raising the symbol of Shabbos-transgression during Shabbos Mussaf itself, the congregants obeyed Rebbe Nosson and did not push the Deitchel away.

Eventually, the Deitchel did astounding teshuvah. He became a devoted Bresolver chassid to the point that Rebbe Nosson commented that they will boast of him before the Kisei Hakavod -- the Throne of Glory.

What would have been with the Deitchel had Rebbe Nosson allowed him to be thrown out?

From Rough to Refined

In Rav Bender's time, there lived a seller who sold meat by the weight. A vulgar and idle fellow, he came to the Breslov shul and usually hung out in the corner.

But during the winter, he set his fixed place right next to the only heater.

Next to this heater, the meat seller indulged in such offensive, vulgar chatter that it prevented decent people like Rav Bender from being anywhere near the heater.

And seeing as the impoverished people of that time didn't always have enough coal to heat their homes (Rav Bender recalls needing to buy hot water for grushim due to such poverty) and seeing as tzaddikim like Rav Bender were immersing themselves in icy mikvehs and talking to Hashem outside in the snow, the shul heater was vital for their physical well-being.

Yet did the callous fellow notice or care? Nope!

Some of the congregants wanted this boor forcibly removed from the shul.

But Rav Avraham (ben Rav Nachman) Chazan pleaded with his well-meaning fellows:

"He came to us -- do not disturb him... In spite of everything, he feels obliged to come to us. Don't do anything to harm him..."

[Vol II, pg 308]

Begrudgingly, the good Jews suffered the callous presence of this meat-seller.

Yet eventually, this meat seller immigrated to America and his children there wrote the following letter to the Breslov community back in Uman:

What has happened to our father in America?
He has turned into a chassid in the full meaning of the word ... He used to challenge the chassidim at his shul:
"This is how you pray? I knew people who REALLY prayed!"
"This is how you behave? I saw how the avdei Hashem in Uman behaved..."

[Vol II, pg 308]

Interestingly, the boorish Jew remained unaffected while among tzaddikim of the stature of Rav Avraham Chazan and Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender.

But when he found himself in a place with chassidim whom he felt weren't up to the standards of the chassidim he knew in the Breslov shul in Uman, he couldn't tolerate it.

And that spurred him to create within himself that which he could no longer find outside himself.

This formerly crass Jew transformed himself so thoroughly that he earned a good reputation among the God-fearing Jews in America.

Holding Back with Your Left & Drawing in with Your Right

Probably you noticed in the above examples that the Breslov greats did not interact much with the problematic people as long as the problematic people remained, well, problematic.

But neither did the Breslovers push them away.

You're not supposed to associate with people who consistently engage in forbidden behavior -- but if something in their neshamah is pulling them toward aspects of kedushah, then who are you to push them away?

These rabbis displayed profound wisdom.

They saw where these people were holding in the here and now -- yet they also understood who these people actually were and could be: Jews with pure holy souls yearning for expression.

So we learn from this that you can see the reality of the situation, but also see the potential.

There is Truly Always Hope

Chazal says, "Derech eretz kadmah l'Torah" -- which basically means that you need to be a decent person in order to keep the Torah and understand how to keep the Torah.

For example, you can be a jerk and keep the mitzvot, but if you're a jerk, you're still going to really mess up with prohibitions like not taking revenge, not answering an insult with an insult, not engaging in leitzanut (mocking & jeering), not speaking lashon hara, not holding a grudge, not giving way to anger, and many other such fundamental commandments.

If you're a jerk, you may not even be able to properly identify forbidden behavior; you might think it's justifiable or even necessary. For example, you may not be able to identify leitznut for what it is or lashon hara for what it is.

So it's inspiring to see the above examples of people who really lacked deretz eretz, who suffered from serious brazenness, coarseness, narcissism, and callousness -- yet still managed to do real teshuvah anyway.

May we all merit to do complete teshuvah from a place of love.
______
Related Stories of Middot-Teshuvah:
The True Story of How a Murderer Did Teshuvah
From Wise-Cracking Businessman to Soul-Stirring Holy Man

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How to Resist the Attraction of "New!" & Why You Really Should

Keep Your Mitzvot Fresh & Lush

Discover Your Unique Path

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Breaking Down Core Jewish Concepts

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Digestible Emuna

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Light-Blockers

How Might the Exchange of Light Work?

The Power of Receiving Light

Let God Facilitate the Exchange of Light

Conclusion

The Ultimate Right of Every Jewish Soul

“For in root, all are equal. Who is able to assess the tremendous value of a Jewish soul? Even if outwardly, it looks empty.”

How to Really Love Another Person

How to Avoid "Killing" Your Friend

Don't Dig for Defects

Heart-to-Heart Boundaries

Do's & Don'ts

A Tzaddik's Example: Listen, Empathize, Encourage

From Wise-Cracking Businessman to Soul-Stirring Holy Man

Na'afochu -- A Spiritual Somersault

From Rich Man to Rich Soul

2 Examples of Unforeseeable Personality Transformation

From Shabbos Transgressor to Shabbos Lover

From Rough to Refined

Holding Back with Your Left & Drawing in with Your Right

There is Truly Always Hope

Myrtle Rising

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Keep Your Mitzvot Fresh & Lush

Discover Your Unique Path

The Old-New Tricks

An Age-Old Insight​

Breaking It Down

Digestible Emuna

Light-Blockers

How Might the Exchange of Light Work?

​The Power of Receiving Light

Let God Facilitate the Exchange of Light

Conclusion

“For in root, all are equal. Who is able to assess the tremendous value of a Jewish soul? Even if outwardly, it looks empty.”

How to Avoid "Killing" Your Friend

Don't Dig for Defects

Heart-to-Heart Boundaries

Do's & Don'ts

Na'afochu -- A Spiritual Somersault

From Rich Man to Rich Soul

From Shabbos Transgressor to Shabbos Lover

From Rough to Refined

Holding Back with Your Left & Drawing in with Your Right

There is Truly Always Hope

Myrtle Rising

Categories

Jewish Blogs

Jewish Current Events

Jewish Health

Archives

Copyright Notice

An Age-Old Insight

The Power of Receiving Light