Category: Rav L.Y. Bender

What to Do When It's Just You against the Giant Whirlpool of Mud

3/10/2019

"I have sunk in a whirlpool & there is no place to stand..."

-Tehillim/Psalm 69:3

The word translated here as "whirlpool" is metzulah in the original text.

Rashi and others translate it as like a muddy mire (more companionable with the previous post).

But Rav Avraham ibn Ezra describes it as in the middle of the sea -- a whirlpool.

Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender acknowledges the simple meaning of the verse:

This person is not only in the terrible quandary of getting stuck in a whirlpool; he can't even stand there — there is additional pain & suffering.

All hope seems lost.

How to Win the Massively Unfair Fight between You & the Giant Muddy Whirlpool

But the Breslover Sages provided an insightful twist on these words:

"There is no place to stand" can also mean that one is not stuck there.

Do not stand in place.

Rav Bender exhorts (Words of Faith Vol. I, pg. 405):

"Deal with it and wrestle and make all effort to get out."

Rav Bender explains that even if all the person sees is mud and he simply cannot wrench himself free, however hard he tries...nonetheless, if he remains stuck and does not move to free himself, "he will certainly sink deeper with no possibility of being saved, chas v'shalom."

The way of struggling is one foot in, one foot out.

"I give a blow, I take a blow," says Rav Bender.

Taking a blow or getting caught in the mud, getting all wet & dirty — this itself is the nisyon, it's not the final judgement on you.

Too many people condemn us when they see us struggling and muddy.

Heck, we condemn ourselves for our clumsy desperate flailing & our muddily soaked appearance.

But according to Rav Bender and according to David Hamelech, that's not how Hashem sees things at all.

Rav Bender insists that the main thing is to try. We must be strong and ensure that last foot steps out...

As long as we WANT to escape the muddy whirlpool and the mire, as long as we TRY to free ourselves, we're beautiful to Hashem.

And He'll make us win in the end.

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The #1 Thing to Keep Doing When You Find Yourself Sinking in Mud

2/10/2019

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"Know this: Whatever state a person might be in, when he wages constant war — the main thing is who wins in the end, who shoots the last bullet..."

-Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender
Words of Faith Vol. I, pg. 404

One of the most discouraging aspects of self-improvement is the up-and-down aspect of doing teshuvah.

It feels manic-depressive: When you're up, you can feel high as a kite.

When you're down, you can hate both yourself & the world.

Of course, the ups and downs may not always be as extreme as that, but it can still be discouraging if, for example, your Rosh Hashanah davening was full of flavor & inspiration, then the 10 Days of Teshuvah see you waking up on the wrong foot and feeling generally irritable or despondent.

Or maybe you wake up with a song in your heart, but throughout the day, events get you down and you go to bed feeling like a failure.

It helps a lot to know that this is a NATURAL part of the process, and not necessarily a negative reflection on the innate "you."

The Mud Parable

Rav Bender explains that it's like being stuck in a type of sinking mud-bog.

If you just stand there, you will surely sink deeper and deeper.

But if you try to wrangle one foot out?

Ah, now there's hope!

Yes, you're still in the mud.

But at least you resist getting swallowed whole.

So you end up in this wonky balancing act: You're up to your knees in mud and you've got one foot in and one foot out. And then you switch them. And then you switch them again. And again.

It's exhausting, it's messy...but it's exactly what you're supposed to be doing.

For many of us, whether we realize it or not, there's actually no other choice.

And the Winner is...The Exhausted Muddy Person Still Sunk in the Bog, But Who at Least has ONE Foot OUT!

Rav Bender explains that as long as a person has one foot out of the mud, there is hope that this last act will be in his favor, that he will win.

"One foot in, one foot out. But the main thing is that the last foot should be outside."

It sounds so strange, but this is the pure unadulterated truth:

Despite the fact that the rest of you is covered with mud and still caught in the bog, that mere one foot out declares you a winner.

But how can you know with all the constant switching, that the last foot will be out in the end?

Rav Bender assures us that it all depends on your desire. Ratzon.

If you really wholeheartedly want to get out of the mud, you will win in the end.

You can't know when — hopefully, it will be soon with a sweet Geula — but as long as you really want it, you WILL win in the end.

Related post:
Spiritual Bipolar Disorder - Part 1

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How to Become Exceptional in 10 Minutes: Rav Avigdor Miller's Rosh Hashanah Advice

24/9/2019

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In Words of Faith, Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender cautions us against falling into the trap of the "frum" yetzer hara.

The "frum" yetzer hara seems very pious in his negative evaluations of any mitzvah we do.

Nothing is ever good enough.

And while it's true that maybe we didn't daven with so much kavanah, this oh-so pious yetzer hara sucks any joy we feel out of the mitzvah.

Furthermore, he makes us feel like Torah & mitzvot are too hard, that we'll never perform any mitzvah "well enough," and then he convinces us...why bother? It's not worth even trying.

And that's the killer clause of the pious yetzer hara.

When 5+5 equals 1 in 10,000

So we must defeat this oh-so seemingly pious yetzer hara by listening to what our real talmidei chachamim say about baby steps.

They for sure know better than even your frummest yetzer hara.

In a recently transcribed lecture Rav Avigdor Miller on 10 Minutes to Make You Great, Rav Miller tells us to spend 10 minutes in preparation for the New Year, for Rosh Hashanah.

And what do we do in those 10 minutes?

Spend 5 minutes thinking about all the good Hashem did for you over this past year.
Spend 5 minutes creating resolutions for the coming year.

If you do this, then Rav Miller considers you "great;" you're head and shoulders above the rest.

Those ten minutes will be a great accomplishment.

If after sitting here...you’ll go out and think for five minutes, you should know that you’re an exception. You’re a dagul mei’rivavah – you’re one out of ten thousand.

There’s nobody like you.

Who thinks for five whole minutes about gratitude for Hashem for the past year?!

And who thinks for five minutes about making resolutions for improving himself in the coming year?! People talk about it. But that’s all.

That’s why I said in the beginning of our talk, that if you do this on a small scale, then you shoot up and your head is way above everybody else.

TAPE #138 (September 1976)
Toras Avigdor

If you've been visiting Toras Avigdor or listening to Rav Miller's shiurim, then you know that here's a Jew who does not mince words.

Especially when it comes to avodat Hashem, Rav Miller is straight as they come.

And while I think that they whole frum awakening toward gratitude and thanking Hashem has picked up since 1976, there are, tragically, enough assimilated Jews and enough by-rote Jews that you really stand out with those 10 minutes.

And the more of us who take these 10 minutes to thank Hashem for all the good of the past year while making specific resolutions for the coming year, the more we can sweeten din and reap blessing for ourselves and others.

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From Light-Headed Scoffer to Generous Tzaddik

22/9/2019

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One of the many things I love about Words of Faith (a 2-volume compilation of Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender's talks) is the examples of people who did teshuvah.

I think it's so important to speak about the accomplishments of externally unremarkable people.

Or seemingly hopeless people.

And I mean REALLY hopeless-seeming people.

For example, Rav Bender describes a man who is basically a bum who hogs the heater in the Uman shul all the tefillah. (This is my terminology; Rav Bender's description is far more refined.)

For impoverished & cold attendees like Rav Bender, this meant they never had a chance to warm up. Ever. Due to the man's choice of language and topics, Rav Bender and others could not stand near the jerk, even to enjoy the heat.

Yet this same worthless bum later did complete teshuvah, and even made a very good name for himself.

(For the full story, please see: 2 Examples of Unforeseeable Personality Transformation.)

Interestingly, Rav Bender mentions no observation of a certain kind of "spark" or hidden potential during the time he knew the boorish man. Instead, Rav Bender sounds pleasantly surprised that after immigrating to America, the man made a deep & gradual change.

So the point is that you do not need to be some kind of special person to do teshuvah.

You don't even need to be a decent person or even someone with an ounce of EQ (emotional intelligence).

I just love the story of the boorish meat-selling bum because to me, his teshuvah is more inspiring than that of a big rasha (as featured in The True Story of How a Murderer Did Teshuvah).

After all, big reshaim can be a charismatic. They can be intelligent & savvy.

The story of the insensitive boor who is not embarrassed to hog the shul heater right in front of tremendous tzaddikim is the one that gives me the most hope.

The Inspiring Story of Dovid Heisener

And Rav Bender offers us another inspiring story (pg. 178, Vol I).

Originally, Dovid Heisener was "a secular Jew devoid of Torah and mitzvos" who was also "a material person whose entire aspiration was to 'live it up'."

Dovid Heisener fearlessly risked his life to amass great wealth via the illegal transaction of dollars & gold.

Yet despite being a savvy & careful guy, Dovid Heisener was caught in Moscow with dollars on him, which earned him the punishment of banishment for 3 years.

Oddly, the court allowed him to choose where he would spend this banishment.

Even more oddly, he chose Uman in the Ukraine.

After arriving in Uman with his wife & family, Dovid Heisener heard there was a "Breslov theater" in Uman.

So, being a "happy scoffer" (as Rav Bender described him), Dovid Heisener made his way to the Breslov shul to see these "strange people who danced and jumped and practiced bizarre customs not like others..."

And indeed, Dovid Heisener found it all strange and entertaining at first.

It's obvious from Rav Bender's description that Rav Bender and the shul rabbi, Rav Avraham ben Rav Nachman, understood exactly why this "happy scoffer" was sitting in their shul.

You can also imagine how they were made fun of among the townspeople after watching this "Breslov theater," as Dovid Heisener called it.

But as always, they held by Rebbe Nosson's original custom that if someone attends the Breslov shul, there must be a reason for it, and to allow the person to attend in peace.

It doesn't mean you hang out with that person.

It doesn't mean you invite the guy for Shabbos.

But don't push him away, either.

Gradually, Dovid Heisener noticed the "deep seriousness" and "fear of Heaven" resting on the faces of the chassidim.

His attendance became regular, then he started participating in the davening and also attended the Torah classes.

Ultimately, Dovid Heisener did complete teshuvah.

And with the proceeds and materials from his leather business, Dovid Heisener provided warm coats & snow shoes to all those who wished to go out into the fields for hitbobedut during the harsh Russian winters.

In the words of Rav Bender (pg. 180):

"He was transformed from one extreme to the other. Until he actually turned into a tzaddik. That light-headed scoffer was transformed into a serious simple servant of Hashem who was a pleasure to gaze at..."

I hope that we can all derive inspiration from the fact that even if you're just a money-loving, adventurous, entertainment-seeking scoffer, you can still do complete teshuvah.

And even more so, if you're NOT starting out on such a low level.

But either way, there's definitely hope!

Here are the some of Rav Bender's stories of inspiring teshuvah:

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How to Save the World One Step at a Time

31/7/2019

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In general, our biggest tzaddikim don’t shove us toward grand gestures and massive gulps.

They tend to advise smaller steps to advance in ruchaniut and middot.

Yes, sometimes, grand gestures are needed—like the fashion-addicted woman who saved her own life by plucking out all her immodest clothing and making a happy bonfire in her yard.

She’d been diagnosed with something like a fatal brain tumor.

Yet after meeting with Rebbetzin Batsheva Kanievsky a”h, the young woman made this grand gesture of commitment to tsniut and the tumor (or whatever it was; can’t remember exactly) disappeared.

And sometimes, a massive gesture IS called for, like a prayer gathering or saying the entire Sefer Tehillim/Book of Psalms in one go (which takes some of us 5-6 hours).

But day-to-day?

How to Transform Your Life with Rebbetzin Kanievsky's Advice

What did Rebbetzin Kanievsky a"h recommend in order to generate more blessing in life?

Learn 2 halachot of lashon hara a day.
Take in Shabbat 10 minutes earlier. (Easier said than done, for some of us—Friday morning, ask Hashem for help achieving this! But she promised miracles for those who manage to achieve this.)
Add 1 passage from the siddur to your morning davening. (For example, if you don’t say Aleinu L’shabeyach at the end of Shacharit, then start saying it.)
Bake your own challot and add your prayers to the powerful mitzvah of hafrashat challah. (Full disclosure: Personally, I do not always manage to make challahs every week, but she said it, so I’m putting it here.)
Say "Ein od milvado!" ("There is absolutely nothing else except Him!") with as much conviction and kavanah as you possibly can.

Again, please note the small numbers:

ONE extra thing from the siddur
TWO halachot
ten MINUTES
hafrashat challah ONCE a week
ONE phrase consisting of THREE words that takes mere SECONDS to say

Climbing Mountains One Step at a Time

Again: Yes, there is a place for grand gestures.

Malky Feig’s Mountain Climbers 2 tells of a family that saved the life of a young boy in their family by being ready for Shabbat by the halachic noon of Erev Shabbat.

He was diagnosed with a fatal illness, yet this family, who usually came crashing into Shabbat by the skin of their teeth, got their act together for an early Shabbat and the boy remained alive and healthy.

(Their source was the Chafetz Chaim’s advice to another couple generations earlier, based on the fact that Shabbat is mekor habracha—the source of blessing; so adding more Shabbat into one’s life increases one’s blessing.)

But Malky Feig also brings examples of people who reaped blessing from very small gestures—acts that regular people might scoff at if you told them.

For example, a young frum woman overcame a bleak diagnosis by resolving to stop using a soft-bristled hairbrush on Shabbat (because it unintentionally pulls out hairs, which is forbidden on Shabbat, even though she’d bought the soft bristles to avoid such a thing—but it pulled out some hair anyway).

Rav Avigdor Miller's 10 Steps to Greatness

Rav Avigdor Miller is famous for his 10 Steps to Greatness (Tape #706):

Spend 30 seconds thinking of Olam Haba and how we are in This World ONLY as a preparation for the World to Come.
Say at least once (in private) "I love You, Hashem."
Do one hidden act of chesed that no one (other than Hashem) knows about.
Be like Hashem, Who lifts the humble; say something to encourage someone.
Spend 1 minute thinking about what happened yesterday (cheshbon hanefesh).
Your actions should be l'Shem Shamayim/for the sake of Heaven (say that once during meals).
Look into someone's face and think: "I'm seeing a tzelem Elokim ('Image' of Hashem)."
Just like Hashem's Face shines on us, give someone a big smile.
When saying "malbish arumim" in the morning blessings, think about the great gift of garments, i.e. pockets, buttons, shoelaces, etc.
In private, sit on the floor for 1 second each day & think about the loss of Yerushalayim.

After recommending carrying out these steps out for 30 days, Rabbi Miller advised, "If you feel exhausted, take a break and come back slowly. To become great, you have to be extreme."

For a more detailed version of Rav Miller's ten steps, please see: 10 steps to Greatness by Rav Avigdor Miller z''l (tape #706)

Stream-Lined Advice from the Kaliver Rebbe

Likewise, when asked how to prevent another Shoah and protect the Jewish people in general, the late Kaliver Rebbe Menachem Mendel Taub ztz”l, who survived the horrific human experimentation of evil Mengele yemach shemo in Auschwitz, recommended focusing on the following:

Solid emunah in Hashem (“knowing that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is running the world”)
Loving our fellow Jews
Serving Hashem with joy
Keeping Shabbat scrupulously (“by studying the laws of Shabbos”)
Saying "Shema Yisrael"
Say Aleinu L’shabeyach

Granted several of the above are hard to achieve.

Regardless, even the tiniest progress in these particular areas is very, very powerful.

And out of 613 mitzvot (and any feel-good derech-hateva efforts, like politicking), the Rebbe pared it down for us to focus on the above 6 ideals.

In other words, he didn’t insist on us being perfect in every way and taking on massive chumras or grand gestures.

Instead, a stream-lined focus on solidifying our emuna, loving our fellow Jews, Shabbat observance, saying Shema Yisrael and Aleinu L’Shabayach, and doing it all with joy were his recommendations.

“When we say Shema Yisrael and we are unified,
there is no need to worry about another Holocaust.”

-Rebbe Menachem Mendel Taub ztz”l

For more, please see this article: Kaliver Rebbe: “Each day is its own Yom HaShoah.”

(His emphasis on saying Aleinu L’Shabayach was in another article, but he did emphasize its importance, so it’s included here in the above list.)

The 4 Guidelines of a Hidden Tzaddik

The hidden tzaddik, Rabbi Yehuda Zev Leibowitz ztz”l, recommended the following 4 major guidelines to focus on as we approach Redemption:

1. Help Others
2. Be Merciful
3. Give In & Let It Go
4. And the main point: Not to Yell

(For a more detailed elucidation of these guidelines, please see Remembering Rabbi Yehuda Zev)

Chabad Path to Salvation

The last Lubavitcher Rebbe is famous for his mivtzo'im (mitzvah campaigns).

While he of course personally upheld and encouraged solid adherence to halacha down to the last detail, he had Jews shine extra focus on mitzvot like:

Hadlikat Nerot shel Shabbat (lighting candles on time in honor of Shabbat)
Tefillin
Mezuzah
Torah Study
Tzedakah (donating your money to worthy Jewish causes)
Furnishing Your Home with Sifrei Kodesh (and even then, he focused on the minimum of a Chumash/5 books of Moses, Tehillim/Psalms, and a siddur/a solidly Orthodox prayer book)
Keeping Kosher
V’ahavta L’re’echa Kamocha—Loving to Your Fellow Jew like Yourself
Children’s education
Taharat Hamishpacha (the Laws of Family Purity)

And it imbues a really strong focus you can still see today.

For example, I personally know guys who are either secular or somewhat off the derech, but are makpid to at least put on tefillin—even during the most pressured morning—simply because of this emphasis of Chabad.

Yes, they should be upholding all the mitzvot, but this one adherence means they still bring Hashem into their lives on a daily basis and it can be the springboard for them to return to full mitzvah observance.

These 10 biggies weren’t the Rebbe's only mivtzo’im.

As is commonly seen, he made a big deal about having lots of children, Chanukah lighting, and a Lag B’Omer Parade.

On an individual level, Lubavitcher Chassidim need to learn a portion each day of:

Chumash
Tehillim
Tanya

This is excellent because it means that a Jew connects with the parsha on a daily basis, makes a personal davening that sweetens din, and gets a daily dose of mussar and other deep stuff.

But even what’s mentioned here weren’t the only mivtzoim. For more, please see Chabad Mitzvah Campaigns.

It sounds like a lot, and it is a lot, but they weren't introduced all at the same time, and there are 613 mitzvot to perfect. So these were a way to focus (which leads to upholding the rest).

Breslover Baby Steps

Rebbe Nachman of Breslov opposed unnecessary chumras and focused on speaking with Hashem in your own language an hour a day, plus maintaining a state of joy and resisting a state of fear.

Of course he himself was dedicated to every mitzvah and encouraged full mitzvah observance for every Jew, but again, the big Sages understood that people need focus.

You can’t swallow everything in one gulp.

One of the Brelovers from generations past, Rav Yankel Zhitomer (spelled "Zatamer" in the English translation of Words of Faith), spring-boarded the complete teshuvah of a hitman-for-hire (!) by suggesting that he start putting on tefillin.

Rav Yankel Zhitomer didn't even request that the lapsed Jew stop killing people or stop stealing! Like, "Hey, Moshe, why don't you start with the 10 Commandments?"

Baby steps: First, tefillin.

And this led to a complete turnaround in which this former hitman ended up regularly risking his life for Torah and mitzvot, and to help other Jews, including bringing life into the world and preserving life (he gave lots of tzedakah).

The Breslovers stated that his repentance was like coming back from the dead.

(Just to give you an idea of how low he'd fallen, the band Moshe joined was so fearsome that when the evil Communists took over, people were relieved that this band had less power — life actually improved! That's how bad this particular gang was — and Moshe was a part of them.)

And his complete teshuvah all started with tefillin.

(Actually, it really started with him coming to shul ONLY for kaddish for his father; he didn't even stay for the whole davening. Then Rav Yankel Zhitomer approached him as he tried to make his dash out.)

For more on this story, please see:
The True Story of How a Murderer did Teshuvah

For a woman very discouraged by years of infertility, Rav Shalom Arush recommended that she write down a gratitude list of 20 things—included the nisayon of infertility—with the intention that this would enable her to have children.

I was shocked that he didn’t recommend at least 5 minutes of hitbodedut.

But I guess he knew whom he was dealing with.

For some people trapped in a certain mindset, even the minute it takes to list 20 things can seem overwhelming.

Are You Crushed Under a Load of Rocks or Dancing with a Sack of Diamonds?

In order to give GOOD advice, it’s necessary to understand what level a person is at and what step they need to take to bump themselves up a bit.

People get discouraged by too heavy a burden.

"Mentors" who insist that you jump very high through very convoluted hoops while juggling bowling balls—and to do this consistently—are probably not Gadolim.

They might be very well-intended and they might perform a lot of great acts themselves.

But the question is whether you should listen to them.

If their advice and proclamations contradict the above recommendations of real Gadolim (or if their advice goes far out beyond what the above focused on), then you should find out what the real Gadolim advise and emphasize.

Why?

Because Judaism is a sack of diamonds, not a sack of stones.

And a sack of diamonds is much easier to carry with a happy heart than a sack of stones.

Focus and take baby steps.

That’s the way to save both yourself and the world.

May we all succeed in completing our tikkun in this gilgul in a sweet way without nisayon or bizayon.

For a related post, please see:
Judaism's Secret: Achieve the Glorious Maximum by Doing the Bare Minimum

Keep it up one baby step at a time! (In other words, be like the baby and not like the teddy bear of leisure.)

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Essential Advice on How to REALLY Live in This World - from Rav Avigdor Miller

23/5/2019

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Rav Miller’s dvar Torah on Parshat Behar is a very pleasant whomp right between the eyes.

One of my favorite aspects of Rav Miller on the parsha is his description of the true-to-life experience of Jews millennia ago in the Tanach.

Using plain & simple language, he brings it all to life.

Yovel, Plus You as a Ger in This World

In Rav Miller's dvar Torah for Parshat Behar (pages 1-3), you get to experience what the Yovel year was really like at the close of the 50-year cycle in which property reverts to its original owners.

Then (pgs. 3-7), using both stories of modern times & the Chafetz Chaim, Rav Miller details our temporary dwelling in This World and what that really means for us.

Pages 7-11 introduce the concept of geirus/geirut—usually understood to mean “convert,” it also means a temporary dweller in This World. (Also like how Moshe Rabbeinu said, “I am a ger in a foreign land.” He was born Jewish, but a ger, a temporary dweller in This World.)

In the Pele Yoetz chapter entitled Ger, Rav Eliezer Papo also discusses ger/geirut according to this interpretation. With Rav Miller, you get a glimpse into what Duties of the Heart/Chovot Levavot says about this idea, plus a modern-day analogy to make things clearer, what a mezuzah should inspire within us, and then the following amazing yet true story of a connected Jew with his heart & mind in exactly the right place:

I once knew a Mr. Herman zichrono l’vracha from the Lower East Side.

Now, Mr. Herman was one of the very few devoted frum Jews in the olden days of America.

B’leiv v’nefesh [Heart & soul] he was devoted to Hakodosh Boruch Hu.

And he told me once that when he saw that all his money was going lost, that his business was quickly failing - it was at the time of the Great Depression.

So he right away took a thousand dollars - in those days a thousand dollars was a small fortune - and he gave it away to tzedakah on the spot.

He said, “Why should I lose that too? Why should I lose my chance at exporting more goods into the Next World?”

And so Mr. Herman was a smart businessman…

Gadlus. And that was a so-called “regular” Jew no one has ever heard of!

Everyone can be great. It’s not at all a matter of renown or charisma.

Just quietly live for the Next World.

No one will write a book or even newspaper obituary about you (may you live in good health until 120), but you’ll be written in Hashem’s Book, and that’s all anyone really needs.

This section also helps you figure out how much you should invest in your material world here on Earth.

It goes according to individuals and their different situations, so Rav Miller doesn’t offer hard ‘n’ fast rules, but pages 7-11 can help you figure out how to clarify things for yourself.

God's Truth is Even Better than Science Fiction

Then (pgs. 11-14) you get some insights into David Hamelech and certain popular verses of Tehillim, insights you may never have considered before. (I hadn’t.) And you get to delve into the fascinating idea of how you and everyone you know are just figments of Hashem’s Supreme Imagination.

(This is not depressing, like how it is in sci-fi novels, but actually very comforting and inspiring.)

Pages 14-17 offer more insights into popular Tehillim, plus helpful hints on how best to utilize your alone-time and how to do hitbodedut in the most crowded, noisy circumstances.

The Pre-Mashiach Jewish Reality: Stuck between a Rock & Hard Place

Do you ever find yourself irked by the following, as described by Rav Miller?:

"… a Jew is always hounded in this world; the Jew walks on the street in Europe and the goyim cast slurs on him; they tell him, 'Get out of our country you dirty Jew. Go to Israel!' And if he does, so the Arabs tell him to get out, the U.N. tells him to get out."

Jew-haters are simply impossible to please! (So why bother trying? Hint, hint…)

Anyway, Rav Miller explains on page 17 why this dynamic exists and what it means for us.

One Torah, One People

Despite differences in custom, dress, culture, time, and language, real talmidei chachim keep coming up with the same themes and lessons from Torah.

Here (pgs. 17-18) Rav Miller speaks of Hashem as your Best Friend and what that means. And he sounds exactly like Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender.

Why?

Because all the real talmidei chachamim glean from the same sources and come to the same conclusions.

It ends on the heart-warming note of what you should remember about Olam Hazeh / This World whenever you look at a mezuzah:

"It’s the place where we spend our fleeting lives preparing to enter our permanent home in the Next World, where we will meet the Hashem Echad who was our One and Only True Friend in This World."

Note: After the dedications at the end of this dvar Torah booklet, there is a brand-new section for children: Toras Avigdor Junior, a 2-page large-print supplement accompanied by a pleasant drawing of Rav Miller with a child in the woods. After that, there is a Q&A regarding how to break the habit of losing one’s temper.

So even if you’re in Eretz Yisrael and already past this parsha, it’s very worth reading Rav Miller’s dvar Torah on it for the wealth of soul-nourishing Torah hashkafah it contains:
Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Behar: We Live in You

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What is the #1 Way to Facilitate a Kosher Pesach & Thus, a Kosher Year?

16/4/2019

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On page 220 of the first volume of Words of Faith, we encounter Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender’s Talk #17: Pe-sach — Only Tefillah!

Pe: peh—mouth
Sach: sach—to channel in another direction (when spelled with a samech), to converse (when spelled with a sin)

So we see from this that Pesach is about a personal & verbal relationship with Hashem.

This makes sense because in the Torah's whole saga of slavery and redemption, Am Yisrael rouse Divine Mercy whenever they cried out to Hashem.

Rav Bender recalls the Ari’s promise that whoever is careful from a little bit of chametz on Pesach is guaranteed not to sin the whole year.

And Rav Bender stresses that if we really want to achieve this, it can only happen through tefillah.

There are 2 advantages to doing this:

Via tefillah, we are saved from mistakes—unintentional chametz. (For example, after davening to be saved from chametz, you find yourself cleaning something you’d overlooked in years past and seeing chametz or possible chametz.)

You merit to be saved from chametz by attaining it through the highest means possible: tefillah.

Like Elul, Nissan is a month of teshuvah.

Elul is teshuvah from reverence.

Nissan is teshuvah from love.

I’m not the only one to notice that a lot of kaparahs happen during Nissan leading up to Pesach.

Sometimes, it’s hard to see them because it looks like part of Pesach stress, but closer introspection often reveals something similar to what happens to you in Elul.

The Elul-Nissan Connection

Rav Bender quotes Rebbe Baruch of Medzibuz, an uncle of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, by comparing Elul preparations to Nissan preparations.

In Elul & the 10 Days of Repentance, Jews are busy with fasting and repentance.

In Nissan, says Rebbe Baruch, Jews are “busy with preparing geese and fat ducks, fish, and eggs for the sake of the festive banquet” (Leil HaSeder).

If only we would switch the order, says Rebbe Baruch, and do in Nissan what we do in Elul, and repent and pray to be saved from a little bit of chametz on Pesach, then we would be sure not to sin the entire year, and THEN we wouldn’t need the fasts and mortification of Elul & the 10 Days of Repentance because we never sinned. (Yay!)

Rav Bender emphasizes the importance of tefillah in Nissan, especially in the days leading up to Pesach when it is hardest to find extra time for prayer.

“All beginnings are difficult,” he acknowledges as he encourages us to do our best.

You can also talk to Hashem while you’re scrubbing or sweeping or making charoset.

You can thank Hashem and force yourself to smile at least for a millisecond even when you’re stressed out.

Let's finish off with Rav Bender's final words on the topic on page 223:

Adar and Nissan are two months that a person has to make a special soul-accounting.
...

There are many types of work to do for Pesach. To get rid of chametz and other important work for the holiday.

But make sure to also give tefillah an honorable spot. Without this, it is not only half of something — if it is lacking tefillah, it is lacking the main thing.

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How to Overcome the Terrorist-Klippah of Zeresh

17/3/2019

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Most of us are familiar with the famous liturgical poem, Shoshanat Yaakov—Rose of Jacob, which is recited after the reading of Megillat Esther on Purim.

Here are some links for lyrics & more information:
Shoshanat Yaakov with Chabad (includes an audio track)
Know the Words!: Shoshanas Yaakov (with inspiration regarding Charvona)

While we love singing “Baruch Mordechai Hayehudi!--Blessed is Mordechai the Jew!”, there is another stanza which reads: “Arur Zeresh eishet mafchidi—Cursed is Zeresh, the wife of my terrorist.” (That is how the book of Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender’s lectures, Words of Faith, translates mafchid: terrorist.)

The word mafchid is literally “a frightener” (as in “one who frightens”) or “scary one” (as in “one who scares”). So mafchidi is like my own personal frightener, one who scares & terrorizes me — my own personal “terrorist.”

In the name of the Arizal (Netiv Yitzchak 128), Rav Bender explains that there is a klippah (a spiritual "shell" of spiritual blockage) called “Zeresh” that injects fear into the heart of a person...and even makes him paranoid.

And this stanza in Shoshanat Yaakov remedies fear, as Rav Bender explains:

“About this we say, ‘Cursed is Zeresh, Arur Zeresh’ — to subjugate that klippah which terrorizes a person.”

(Words of Faith, Vol. I, page 364)

A great many people today understandably suffer from anxiety, fear, or even paranoia.

But all that anxiety and fear are really the klippah called Zeresh, the evil conniving wife of Haman.

B’ezrat Hashem, if we say "Arur Zeresh! — Cursed is Zeresh!" with enough heartfelt gusto, we can nullify & overcome that awful klippah.

(Don’t give in to terror!)

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A Secretly Fragmented "Family" - All because of Lashon Hara?

11/12/2018

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I once got to know a certain community that prided itself on its close-knit support.

“Our children know they’ve got extended family through our community,” they explained. “All the adults are known as their aunts and uncles. We always pitch in for each other’s simchas and crises.”

Whether a family experienced sickness, birth, divorce, moving, or any other life upheaval, they received the full support of the community. And it really was heartwarming to see how they would pitch in to help—and give real help—without even being asked.

Many were committed to a kollel lifestyle—or at least a partial kollel lifestyle. Many didn’t have a computer or if they did, it really was for work and the children had no access to it.

So it was a community with a serious commitment to Torah and chessed. Very nice!

The Snake Slithering through Gan Eden

But I admit I was uncomfortable with the way they talked about each other. Very warm and accepting, you pretty quickly got an earful of what was going on with different members of the oh-so familial community.

Furthermore, they weren't always so nice to each other or talk about each other's kids so nicely.

For example, one of the teenagers clearly suffered some form of mental retardation. And she was a nice and friendly person too.

Yet the other girls her age responded stiffly or rudely to her when she approached them to chat. And the minute her back was turned, they doubled over with repressed laughter, their hands clutched over their mouths and exchanging looks with each other that clearly said, Omigosh—such a freak! Right?

Of course, people can be very uncomfortable around those with special needs. It’s pretty normal to be stiff or awkward when you aren’t used to them.

But these girls had all grown up together and were family, right? Also, you’d think their parents had spoken to them over the years about how to behave with this very nice yet mentally challenged girl.

Yet they didn’t seem to know how to behave and they didn’t seem very compassionate either. Where was the unity and warmth?

And yes, I realize that people like to dismiss such behavior as “Teenagers!” But I’ve seen so many teenage girls behave with sensitivity and refinement in so many different situations to know the difference between youth and a display of poor middot.

Anyway, there were several things like that. That’s just one example.

We are (a Fragmented) Family

But what really took me by surprise was the divorce rate in this seemingly lovey-dovey community. Some couples divorced early on in the marriage, but others got fed up after 12-20 years of marriage and 5-7 children.

What a strange thing to happen when there is such much support and so much “We are family!” feeling...

Some people who noticed this high divorce rate remarked that the community didn’t have a firm hashkafah and therefore lacked the stability a firm hashkafah gives. And that can be true. And the rav to whom they were wholeheartedly committed lived in a faraway city, so he wasn't right there with them, which can be a problem.

But to this extent?

No, it didn't make sense that hashkafah or the rav's location were the major factors in the high rate of shalom bayis issues.

What came out over time was how involved they were in each other’s personal lives. They knew so much of each other’s marriages. Open discussions took place with each spouse facing an entire community of shalom bayit advisers.

This is a problem because the halachot of lashon hara do not allow this at all.

Both spouses openly discussed their issues with—well, everybody.

So everyone knew all the dirt on everyone else.

And some of the couples were getting divorced over problems that were indeed problems, but not the kind of thing you’d necessarily get divorced over. And not problematic enough to divorce in your son’s bar mitzvah year (as happened in one case).

Revenge & Abandonment

The other thing was the antagonism of the divorcing wives toward their husbands.

It was like there was all this repressed resentment and anger suddenly bubbling to the surface.

By the way, I’ve known women who’ve gotten divorced from verbally or emotionally abusive husbands and these women just want him OUT. They never want to see, speak, or deal with him again.

That’s normal, as far as I can tell.

And in this community, many of the women were very angry at their husbands. And yes, some for good reason.

But one even developed an elaborate plan of how she was going to torment her husband via the court system after their divorce. She wanted to milk him for all he was worth—which puzzled everyone else because he’d been in kollel the entire time and had no money of his own. So what was she trying to do? It was obviously pure animosity on her part because there was nothing there to milk.

Yet that elaborate plan of vengeance didn't seem like a normal reaction. Like I said, most suffering wives want him out of their lives; they don't want to keep up after him with all sorts of nasty plots.

Also, while she had a lot to complain about him, he didn’t have much to complain about her. In fact, he even justified her complaints about him. (He wasn’t very communicative within the marriage.) But admitted that he wasn’t sure how to be more communicative with his wife. He said that he just froze up when dealing with her—something he didn’t do with other people and he honestly didn’t know why nor how to solve the problem.

Fortunately, Hashem put a stop to the wife’s plans for revenge by causing her to remarry within months after the divorce and then having that marriage go on the rocks, which between that and dealing with her kids and the stepkids, absorbed her too much to carry out revenge.

Her ex-husband kept quietly about his business and within a year, was remarried to a very nice divorcee with her own home, several young children, her ex-husband totally out of the picture—a very nice woman who wanted nothing more than to support a husband in learning.

And she was fine with the fact that he was quiet as long as he was nice (which he was).

Other women just picked up the kids and went back to Europe or North America, stranding their Israeli husband as an older and suddenly childless bachelor.

In one case, I think he deserved to be abandoned because he’d consistently made poor decisions to the detriment of their children (among other stuff)—and he refused to improve.

But in another case, it seemed more vindictive--especially when she came back after a few years to dump the child on the ex-husband and go back to her life (and new marriage) in chutz l'Aretz. (Fortunately, the ex-husband was very happy to have his child back in his life again, even though the adjustment was a challenge.)

So you had avenging or abandoning wives in situations that didn't seem to really call for such measures. (Although like I said, it seems that at least one husband deserved to be abandoned.)

What are the Real Laws of Love & Honor?

But the point is that this community perceives itself as oh-so close and supportive.

Yet just under the surface, there are a lot of shalom bayit problems. (And not all those suffering unhappy marriages get divorced.)

So the community has support and unity (at least on the surface), but the actual married couples don't?

Weird.

I can’t help thinking that with all the emphasis halacha places on respecting one’s spouse and not exposing the flaws of family members—especially family members that halacha obligates us to honor, such as parents, parents-in-law, and our spouse—that this well-meaning community is blocking itself from blessing.

We know that refraining from lashon hara earns us unimaginable light in worlds we cannot see. But we also know that indulging in lashon hara brings about the opposite: terrible din.

It was really the Pele Yoetz that brought the severity of this to my attention.

Despite modern society’s penchant for joking around about one’s husband or wife or in-laws, the Pele Yoetz strongly opposes any kind of negative comment about people you’re commanded to honor.

Today, it’s amazing how much dirt people spill about their spouse while chalking it up to “normal” masculine or feminine behavior—as if that makes exposing it okay.

People do the same about their in-laws—again, downplaying their lashon hara as talking generally about normal tensions with in-laws.

But the Pele Yoetz exhorts us to do the opposite.

He says we should davka cover up the flaws of our spouses and in-laws (both parents-in-law and children-in-law) and praise them to others.

Why? Not because we are big fake liars, but because that is the proper thing to do according to him.

Let’s look at what other truly great people say about all this:

Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender explains in Words of Faith, page 376 (emphasis mine):

"Meaning that the tikkun of sin is only through confessing before Hashem Yisbarach or the true Tzaddik. For few are those who are able to hear confess without it causing the confessor to be discouraged."

This means there is no tikkun in talking about your problems to others. Yes, it's permissible at times. But if you want to actually be fixed, you need to turn to the Original Source of your flaws and problems.

Rav Bender further advises (page 373):

"Know this: To join a friend in personal matters, especially in sins and iniquities, does much damage."

That's for the listener. Unless there's a real halachic to'elet (beneficial purpose) to listening, hearing out another's personal stuff and flaws "does real damage."

And then on page 376, he cautions listeners against "digging after mistakes, even if you mean well." He advises such well-intentioned listeners:

"In practice: Do not desire to know another's personal matters for it is only the work of the yetzer and his seductions. And it is the complete opposite of why friends bond."

Oho!

And in a nutshell, that explains why this seemingly close-knit community wasn’t actually close at all: “…it is the complete opposite of why friends bond” and "the work of the yetzer."

Oops!

In efforts to help each other and figure out what people needed to do to improve their situations, they ended up joining "a friend in personal matters" and "digging after mistakes."

And this is a very easy mistake for a well-meaning & compassionate person to make.

How would we know without Rav Bender to lay it out for us?

On page 4 of The Laws of Interpersonal Relationships: Practical Applications in Business, Home, and Society, Rav Ehrman elucidates the mitzvah to love one’s fellow by the following principles (culled from the Ramban, Shaar Hatevunah, Shemirat Halashon, and the Gemara)

Speak only in a positive manner about others.
Show the same concern for their honor as your own.
Camouflage their flaws in same way you’d want them to camouflage your own flaws.
Be as protective of their money and property as you are of your own.
Assist them to the best of your ability (emotional, financial, and physical support whether large or small)
Try to diffuse a person’s anger at another.

Dissecting your spouse’s flaws with an entire community (or inserting them into casual conversation with friends or relatives) obviously violates the above precepts, especially the first three.

Having said all that, if your spouse is awful in some way and you need outside help, then halacha allows you to get it. Just as one example: The Pele Yoetz praised as “a great mitzvah” the act of assisting a Jewish woman married to a “snake” to get divorced if she wanted.

It’s admittedly to difficult to observe the above principles because our society deems acceptable the mentioning the flaws of people we’re obligated to honor and love—as long as we do it humorously or we hide behind the veneer of gender stereotypes or in-law stereotypes.

Look, I didn’t know it either until I read the above books.

Live and learn, eh?

So hopefully, we’ll all keep learning and improving—and be the kinds of Jews defined by Chazal and not by society.

Me, too.

May we all succeed in living up to the dictates of the Torah.

Related Posts:
The Real Purpose of a Home & Family
The Best Marriage Counseling: Tefillah, Teshuvah, and Tzedakah
The Pele Yoetz on Family Relationships: When Honesty Stops being a Virtue, Part II

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More Tips on How to Recognize a Real Gadol

3/12/2018

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How can we know who the great rabbanim are?

And at a superficial glance, what sets gadolim apart from the rest of us?

In Recognizing a Gadol Hador, Rav Avigdor Miller gives basic pointers:

See who other gedolim are calling a gadol.
Do great rabbanim from outside his group consider him a gadol?

In another lecture (the Q&A of Chanukah: Hyrcanus’s Downfall), Rav Miller adds 3 more:

A gadol doesn’t go on TV
A gadol doesn’t go by names like “Alfred” or “Norman.”
A gadol is better at thinking then speaking.

Needless to say, gadolim appear in video clips—the Lubavitcher Rebbe in particular—which can theoretically make their way to TV—or worse. Yet Rav Miller clearly considers the Lubavitcher Rebbe a great talmid chacham and Torah leader. So I guess the answer is that "going on TV” is different than when others film you as you simply go about your business of serving Hashem and tending to Am Yisrael. I think there's also a difference when you pursue the TV shows and when you're just doing your Torah stuff and that gets on TV without you even thinking in that direction or wanting to publicize yourself. Rav Miller made the point that appearing on TV means being squeezed between forbidden programming. People tune in to watch you, but they end up getting all the forbidden stuff too. This is different than if people watch a CD of just you, etc. Rav Miller himself did not allow people to make his lectures available on the Internet and they only became available online after his passing. (Please see Rav Avigdor Miller on the Internet for that source.)

Also, in that same Q&A, Rav Avigdor Miller states:

"S'micha [rabbinical ordination] is very far from being a gadol."

It's really important to know this.

It doesn't mean we start lambasting rabbis (or any other people) and dissecting their character to bits. But people need to know that smicha is about academic ability.

Spiritual greatness is something else.

Gadolim & Personality Types

Sometimes, differences in personality types confuse people.

Character refinement doesn’t produce clones.

Outgoing extroverted talmidei chachamim remain outgoing and extroverted.

Introverted talmidei chachamim remain introverted.

Yes, they’re able to stretch themselves past their innate nature when necessary, but someone with great physical energy and extroversion (like the Lubavitcher Rebbe) will channel his spiritual greatness through that.

Other great talmidei chachamim possess incredible mental energy. They’re known for their hasmadah and their ability to remain awake for most of the day immersed in a Gemara. But they don’t physically move around much.

Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach was known for his smile, in addition to his exceptional character and vast Torah knowledge.

Rav Aryeh Levine is one of the most beloved tzaddikim in the past century. Stories of his outreach to Jews on all levels, his profound love and warmth, and his humility often overshadow the tremendous Torah scholarship he also possessed. In conjunction with his dedication to Torah study, Rav Aryeh Levine was tremendously active at the community level.

In addition to their vast Torah knowledge and untiring dedication to Am Yisrael, Rav Meir Shapiro and Rav Avigdor Miller were also known for their wit and humor.

For many gadolim, their speech is short and to-the-point. Such speech can be softened if the gadol possesses a very warm personality, but others are more serious by nature and can come off with more curtness.

So we see that our great rabbis come in a variety of flavors.

This is no surprise because our founders—Avraham, Yitzchak, Yaakov, Sara, Rivka, Rachel, and Leah—all possessed different personalities from one another. Some were even opposites and served Hashem in very different ways (like Avraham Avinu and Yitzchak Avinu, for example.)

Your personal preference (and soul-needs) pull you toward one type or another, but it doesn’t mean that a contrasting type is a lesser person than the gadol you’re most pulled toward.

Straight-Shootin' Humility

Real gadolim are humble.

Certainly, they can also be fiery and strong as iron when necessary—but all for the sake of Hashem, not their ego.

Rabbi Wallerstein offers an amusing example of this when describing his interaction with Rav Shteinman. (Please see Rav Shteinman: My Personal Experience.) Rav Steinman was stern with him at the outset (partway through the clip)—but the reason why became clear later at a follow-up meeting.

And this is in line with what was written in an earlier post, that some great rabbanim behaved in strange or unusually stern ways, but those with ruach hakodesh have good reason for doing so. They choose to do so; it's not coming from bad middot.

When people enthused over Rav Shteinman’s ruach hakodesh after he knew a Jew lacked a kosher brit mila just by looking at his face, Rav Kanievsky commented that you don’t need ruach kodesh to see such a thing on someone’s face—but added that aside from that, Rav Steinman indeed possessed ruach hakodesh. So if Rav Shteinman was unusually stern, he had a good reason for it.

Anyway, back to humility...

Rav Chaim Pinchas Scheinberg used to wash dishes in the evening. In his great compassion for his hard-working wife, he set up an open Gemara near the sink and got to work—and he wasn’t embarrassed to admit it. He also used to credit his long life (he passed away at the age of 101) to the fact that his mother nursed him until he was 2. What about his great mesirut nefesh to Torah? Nope, he doesn’t credit himself at all.

For more on Rav Scheinberg, please see Living for Others.

P.S. I remember seeing Rav Scheinberg when Rebbetzin Scheinberg was sitting in her wheelchair next to him, both of them in their nineties. She was on oxygen or something and she was giggling away like a young kallah while Rav Scheinberg beamed with sheer bliss just being in her presence. It may sound strange to say this about such chashuv people, but I remember thinking they were such a cute couple.

There’s a heartwarming video of Rav Ovadia Yosef and Rav Scheinberg sitting together. Rav Ovadia is hunched over to keep his head lower than Rav Scheinberg’s head. Rav Ovadia is crying and asking Rav Scheinberg what to do about his many sins. Rav Scheinberg thinks this over and then starts crying too. So we have two great rabbanim crying over their “sins.”

Compare this to narcissists who, when confronted with even the smallest wrongdoing on their part, go wide-eyed and huff, “I can’t even imagine what you’re talking about! Who, me? How could you even think such a thing about ME?”

When a man reprimanded the Chazon Ish for not saying enough Tehillim (he didn’t realize it was the Chazon Ish), the Chazon Ish simply took it as a sign from Hashem that Hashem wanted him to say more Tehillim without taking any offense.

It used to be that you could go to Bnei Brak and learn with or speak in learning with Rav Shteinman and Rav Kanievsky. My husband used to do this every 3 weeks for a year. He said they were always very nice. Wouldn’t such knowledgeable rabbanim find this annoying? I guess not! Once, my husband witnessed how a tactless young man started needling Rav Kanievsky about something his late father, the Steipler Gaon, had said—the tactless young man thought he’d found a contradiction in the Steipler’s words.

But despite the gross insensitivity (and chutzpah), Rav Kanievsky merely responded in a very soft & pained voice, “What do you want from me? My father! My father!”

People who went to Rav Bentzion Abba Shaul comment on his warmth and friendliness.

The Lubavitcher Rebbe regularly stood for hours interacting with Jews (and non-Jews) of every stripe, his concern for each Jew obvious. He wore a warm smile and an affectionate twinkle in his eye as he handed out advice, blessings, and dollars. Only a truly humble person could consistently relate to so many different kinds of people with such kindness.

Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender displayed astounding humility throughout his ordeals in life. Here's one example: As he hid in the basement of a wealthy Jew in order to hear borchu, kaddish, and the Torah reading from the minyan upstairs, the wealthy Jew unthinkingly sent of the congregants down to the basement to get the sefer Torah. This exposed Rav Bender, who was one of the KGB's most-wanted at that time. Indeed, the poor Jew freaked out upon seeing Rav Bender and fled the house along with the rest of the minyan.

And what was Rav Bender's description of the calamity?:
"...I understood that I had made a bitter mistake. Why had I not warned the host to come himself and take the sefer Torah, and not send one of his people to do it?"

He blames himself! The host was well-aware of the danger to everyone in hosting Rav Bender—why would anyone think there's any need to remind the host to get the sefer Torah himself?

Rav Bender achieved great things and merited amazing miracles. Yet when asked about his greatest accomplishment, he's reputed to have answered: "I lived 30 years in Russia, and I still believe in God!"

Even when Rav Shteinman approached 100, he still feared the judgement of Yom Kippur, he worried he'd overlooked certain middot and deeds that Heaven would judge him for. (For one story of this, please see TSA.)

When Rav Eliezer Papo (author of the Pele Yoetz) agreed to take on the decree of fatal plague to spare his community, he spent his last weeks confessing and doing teshuvah. Confessing to what? Teshuvah on what? He was a tremendous tzaddik! What sins could he have had? And anyway, isn't dying of the plague for the sake of your brothers and sisters atonement enough? No, I guess it wasn't. This is the awesome humility & sincerity of a real gadol.

Rebbetzin Batsheva Kanievsky was also known for her sisterly warmth toward her throngs of admirers and those seeking her blessing. You could see women who’d visited her would be glowing and their faces light up every time they recall their meeting with her. She had the power to make people feel good—no ego on her part.

You can read more about the humility of Rav Shteinman and Rav Finkel in these posts:

Rav Avigdor Miller’s words remain with us due to his permission to let his lectures be taped. But to whom does he credit? Mr. Shelby! It was Rav Miller who needed to be there, prepare the lecture, then undergo the strain of answering questions from every direction. But he only ever credits the people who asked for the shiur and who made the recordings.

(By the way, I’m also personally grateful to Mr. Shelby—and everyone else involved—for organizing the class and the recordings. And I’m grateful to those involved in transcribing his lectures into books and online articles.)

Also, when Rav Miller expressed his regret at the Torah he was missing while attending a grandchild’s wedding, another guest asked him if it wasn’t a joyous thing to attend a grandchild’s wedding? Later, Rav Miller thanked the man, revealing that since the man made that comment, Rav Miller was much happier at his grandchildren’s weddings. (It takes a certain humility to accept correction from a regular person and to even thank them for it later.)

Here are some samples Rav Miller's straightfoward humility:

A Random Selection of Short Q&A’s [#2]
Q:
Why did Yosef demand that all the Mitzraim get a bris milah in order to be fed during the famine?
A:
I’m going to leave that unanswered for the time being. That ma’amar has to be studied by me.
TAPE #E-212

Rav Avigdor Miller: Random Q&As
Q:
How would a bochur today go about acquiring the amount of secular knowledge that you have?

A:
And the answer is that I don’t have much. The little bit that I have, I show off and I make a big fuss, a whole fuss about it. But I don’t have much.
(TAPE # 613)

Q:
Who was wiser, Avraham Avinu or Shlomo Hamelech?
A:
And the answer is, I don’t know. If I ever find out I’ll tell you. Shlomo was definitely wiser than the famous wise men that they knew in history. But Avraham Avinu was something different, I cannot tell you. Avraham was such a pioneer that I’m not able to say if he’s included in that. I just don’t know. If you find out, you’ll tell me.

(TAPE # 403)

The Q&A of Chanukah: Hyrcanus’s Downfall

Questioner:
…Now, up until now I personally, outside of perhaps you, Rabbi, I haven't met very many gedolim.

Rav Miller:
I'm not a gadol, very far from it.

Questioner:
Well, I'm very much impressed with your--

Rav Miller:
I'm not a gadol.

Questioner:
Well, I'm very impressed with your delivery--

Rav Miller:
A gadol doesn't have any good delivery. A gadol stammers when he talks. A man who has good delivery is not a gadol. He's a public speaker.

Questioner:
Well, I think you understand the subject matter, I think you have some element of gedulah.

Rav Miller:
I'm a speaker. A gadol can't speak. A gadol can think!

(Just as an aside, the Q&A of Chanukah: Hyrcanus’s Downfall was one of the laugh-aloud funniest things I’ve read in a long time—and very enlightening too. Also, all quotes from Toras Avigdor are used with permission.)

Anyway, there are many more “humble gadolim” examples.

But that's it for now.

Hope this helped.

Related Post:
Which Rabbi Should I Listen To?

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"I have sunk in a whirlpool & there is no place to stand..."-Tehillim/Psalm 69:3

How to Win the Massively Unfair Fight between You & the Giant Muddy Whirlpool

"Know this: Whatever state a person might be in, when he wages constant war — the main thing is who wins in the end, who shoots the last bullet..."-Rav Levi Yitzchak BenderWords of Faith Vol. I, pg. 404

The Mud Parable

And the Winner is...The Exhausted Muddy Person Still Sunk in the Bog, But Who at Least has ONE Foot OUT!

When 5+5 equals 1 in 10,000

The Inspiring Story of Dovid Heisener

How to Transform Your Life with Rebbetzin Kanievsky's Advice

Climbing Mountains One Step at a Time

Rav Avigdor Miller's 10 Steps to Greatness

Stream-Lined Advice from the Kaliver Rebbe

“When we say Shema Yisrael and we are unified,there is no need to worry about another Holocaust.”-Rebbe Menachem Mendel Taub ztz”l

The 4 Guidelines of a Hidden Tzaddik

Chabad Path to Salvation

Breslover Baby Steps

Are You Crushed Under a Load of Rocks or Dancing with a Sack of Diamonds?

Yovel, Plus You as a Ger in This World

God's Truth is Even Better than Science Fiction

The Pre-Mashiach Jewish Reality: Stuck between a Rock & Hard Place

One Torah, One People

"It’s the place where we spend our fleeting lives preparing to enter our permanent home in the Next World, where we will meet the Hashem Echad who was our One and Only True Friend in This World."

The Elul-Nissan Connection

The Snake Slithering through Gan Eden

We are (a Fragmented) Family

Revenge & Abandonment

What are the Real Laws of Love & Honor?

Gadolim & Personality Types

Straight-Shootin' Humility

Myrtle Rising

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"I have sunk in a whirlpool & there is no place to stand..."

-Tehillim/Psalm 69:3

"Know this: Whatever state a person might be in, when he wages constant war — the main thing is who wins in the end, who shoots the last bullet..."

-Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender
Words of Faith Vol. I, pg. 404

“When we say Shema Yisrael and we are unified,
there is no need to worry about another Holocaust.”

-Rebbe Menachem Mendel Taub ztz”l