This is from a recent Bilvavi email regarding teshuvah and Elul.

According to the text below, one prime difference between a tzaddik and a regular person is the tzaddik believes Hashem gives him the koach to fix himself; he knows he doesn't have it on is own.

But that's okay in the tzaddik's eyes because HASHEM can grant him success.

​A regular person relies on himself, on his abilities & strengths, which brings despair after the first couple of falls.

"I can't do it," he says. "So there is no hope. I simply don't have what it takes. It's not who I am."

But the one who eventually becomes a tzaddik says, "I can't do it...but HASHEM can! I don't have what it takes...but HASHEM does! It's not who I am right now...but HASHEM can change that!"

Here are the words of Rav Itamar Schwartz (boldface my addition):

This is a follow-up post to this one:
the-view-of-a-non-breslov-wife-mother-regarding-rosh-hashanah-in-uman.html

One evening last week, my son's friend, the God-fearing motorcyclist, was riding down a street when a car unexpectedly & illegally turned into his lane (even though the motorcyclist had the right-of-way).

Unable to brake in time, the God-fearing motorcyclist hit the passenger side of the car at 50-60 kph (31-37 mph), totaling the motorcycle and banging up the motorcyclist pretty badly.

He was wearing a state-of-the-art helmet and a protective suit, which probably saved his life or at least saved him from more severe injuries.

He is still in the hospital with fractures & it took a couple of days for his memory to start functioning normally. But all signs indicate he'll recover well.

So the thing is...until recently, my son was always on the back of that motorcycle. The two loved riding around together.

My son had a good helmet, but no protective clothing.

And under normal circumstances, my son would be on the motorcycle with him at that time of evening.

So why wasn't he?

Over the past month, circumstances arose to cause my son to stop riding with his friend. In an unusual but welcome chain of "coincidences," my son found a better outlet for himself.

Also, looking at a photo of the crunched motorcycle, it clearly shows Hashem's Mercy that the rider isn't more severely injured than he is.

After all, I personally know of motorcycle accidents in which (rachmana litzlan) the rider was killed on impact, dismembered & bled to death, or literally broke his collarbone in two.

The deaths occurred despite the state-of-the-art protective clothing & helmets worn by the riders.

So what happened here?

Without ruach hakodesh, none of us can say for sure.

But some of us strongly believe their tefillot said with such kavanah throughout Rosh Hashanah in Uman, plus their passionately recited Tikkun HaKlali (said so many times throughout their week there) sweetened their dinim for the year ahead of them.

The inyan here is about tefillah b'kavanah from the heart.

THAT changes things.

Especially on a day as powerful as Rosh Hashanah.

Despite not being a Breslover myself, I've felt intrigued for years by the whole Uman-in-Rosh-Hashanah minhag.

Breslov writings have always spoken to my heart & soul, even though we are not Breslov chassidim.

I would even like to go to Uman myself to say Tikkun HaKlali at Rebbe Nachman's grave site.

On the other hand, I also had questions about leaving Eretz Yisrael for Uman to daven Rosh Hashanah by the kever (grave site) of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov.

(Like, if you want to spend Rosh Hashanah in a holy place, then what's wrong with the Kotel or the grave sites of Rachel Imeinu or Rebbi Shimon in Meron? Why davka Uman?)

Likewise, it's not clear whether Rebbe Nachman included those living in Eretz Yisrael in his directive to spend Rosh Hashanah at his grave site in Uman.

In fact, some Breslovers conduct a special gathering in Eretz Yisrael for Rosh Hashanah.

(For more on this, please see Rav Itamar Schwartz briefly discussing the issue here: question.bilvavi.net/blog/2021/10/09/uman-rosh-hashanah-5782/)

At the same time, I cannot deny the powerful experiences many encounter during Rosh Hashanah in Uman.

(A really absorbing compilation of the most extraordinary of these experiences can be found in The Stolen Light.)

Fortunately, one of my teenagers went to Uman for Rosh Hashanah this year (2021/5782), so we received a lot of insight into the whole dynamic.

We never expected this particular child to go. I have other kids more likely to go, kids who expressed a desire to go.

But never this one.

Yet around 3 weeks before Rosh Hashanah, he suddenly expressed a desire to go to Uman.

My husband & I offered to help him financially (even though he was working & could manage it), but we didn't think the trip would work out. After all, he didn't even have a passport.

But he simply started the process & it was so weird how things went.

Obstacles kept popping up, then immediately evaporated.

For example, the only appointments left for passports were after Rosh Hashanah.

Fortunately, a friend's mother worked at the passport office in Ministry of Interior, and she offered to help.

Unfortunately, she ended up not being able to get him an appointment.

Fortunately, there was another way to do it at the airport (a couple of weeks before the day of departure).

So he and his God-fearing motorcyclist friend got to the airport & waiting on line until the early morning hours.

Then just before his turn, they stopped accepting one kind of payment & only accepted a kind of payment he didn't have with him. (Can't remember which way it went, but it was credit card vs. cash).

He quickly said Rebbe Nachman's Tikkun HaKlali, and literally the turn before his, they decided to accept his form of payment.

"Rabbeinu was with me," said our son later. "Rabbeinu helped us."

My husband and I looked at each other. Did this kid just say "Rabbeinu"?

(Rabbeinu — our rabbi — is how Breslover chassidim refer to Rebbe Nachman of Breslov.)

They managed to get a flight with a 4-hour stopover in Turkey. (This was ridiculous because the flight was well under 2 hours from Eretz Yisrael to Istanbul & then again from Istanbul to Kiev.) But no direct flights were available at that point.

I was concerned because he gets headaches & dizziness when he doesn't eat properly & regularly, plus he doesn't like fruits or vegetables, which is all there is to eat for kosher food outside Jewish centers.

(But he ended up being fine from beginning to end, baruch Hashem. Lots of siyata d'Shmaya.)  

A week before the flight, he came down with a cough. And travel regulations also necessitated a covid test.

"I'm sure it'll come out positive," he moaned.

I thought so too.

Then he didn't get the results back on time. So up until the day before he needed to leave, we didn't know if he could actually go.

His flight was around midnight Saturday night and he only got the results back Friday afternoon.

And the test came back negative.

So off he went with his God-fearing motorcyclist friend and a few others to Uman, via Istanbul & Kiev.

The English-reading night-course he'd been taking came in very handy as he ended up being the only one in his group who could read or speak English.

The flight attendants on Turkish Airlines were amazingly patient & courteous, despite serious cultural differences & language barriers.

Or maybe by now, they're simply used to all kinds of Jews traveling between Eretz Yisrael & Kiev at this time of year.

For example, the flight crew told the passengers the plane would only take off in another 40 minutes.

So one of the Breslovers decided that was a good time to daven Shemoneh Esrei. 

And he was right.

Rather than standing during the flight or blocking a passageway, it's better to utilize the delay time on the ground.

Except that...the flight suddenly got bumped ahead & take-off was happening in another 10 minutes.

How often does that happen, that you end up taking off much EARLIER than announced?

The flight attendant tried very nicely asking the Breslover to take a seat & belt up, but he didn't even seem to hear her amid his lofty davening.

So my son nicely explained to her what was going on & approximately when the guy would be finished.

Unlike the American airlines making headlines in recent years, not one flight attendant yelled at or attacked the unwitting Breslover, nor called the police to have him removed.

They adjusted to the situation, the Breslover finished & sat down, and then the plane took off without further ado.

​On all my son's Turkish Airlines flights (4 in all, round-trip), the flight attendants showed a lot of sensitivity & accommodation toward the Uman-bound passengers, most of whom did not speak English. (My son ended up translating a lot.)

All the Uman-bound passengers were nice, but did not always understand what was going on.

​And yes, we later wrote a letter to Turkish Airlines praising them for their excellent service & outstanding flight attendants. 

It was a long ride from Kiev to Uman (around 4 hours), but the apartment my son shared with others was really nice.

Also, the atmosphere was extraordinary.

And back home, we could actually feel it!

I know that sounds weird, but we felt that a close family member in Uman uplifted our Rosh Hashanah back in Eretz Yisrael.

I guess it's the soul connection.

Not only that, but our son managed to get right up against Rebbe Nachman's tomb on the first day and say Tikkun HaKlali several times for each of us.

Because everyone else around him was davening at the top of their lungs, singing at the top of their lungs, and dancing for all they were worth, my son felt perfectly comfortable shouting each word of Tikkun HaKlali at the top of his lungs.

He is usually a pretty reserved fellow.

But that is the power of Uman: a certain spiritual liberation, a certain freedom of expression.

Anyway, it takes a long time to say 10 Psalms in that manner, but he felt great every moment of it. And he did it several times.

My son stayed in Uman for around a week & met tons of people he knew, from both his present & past, including former teachers.

He also adapted well to the Ukrainian mentality.

For example, while using an ATM machine, which he'd set to English, everything suddenly reverted to Russian.

And he could not extract his credit card.

At that moment, a Ukrainian man passed by, so my son asked him for help.

After taking a good, long look at everything, the Ukrainian claimed he didn't understand it either, and prepared to go on his way.

So my son handed the man 5 Ukrainian hryvni (60 agurot/19 cents), and suddenly, the man understood how to work the ATM!

He extracted my son's credit card with no problem.

Who knew understanding could be bought for only 5 hryvni?

My son also learned one should not look any of the numerous patrolling Ukrainian soldiers in the eye. If you do, they immediately ask you to empty your pockets & search you for contraband. Or whatever.

His cough subsided somewhat & immediately upon coming back to Eretz Yisrael, another mandatory covid test came back negative.

Then his coughing stopped completely, and yet another mandatory covid test given a week after his return came back positive.

"I don't get it," I said. "Now that he davka feels good, he's sick?" 

(That is a story for another time.)

So...since we are long past the whole to-Uman-and-back saga, and I've had lots of time to chew over everything, here are my conclusions:

• Rebbe Nachman's Promise

Before he passed away, Rebbe Nachman called upon 2 of his close disciples to witness a special vow:
"If someone comes to my grave, gives a coin to charity and says these ten Psalms, I will pull him out from the depths of Gehinnom. It makes no difference what he did until that day, but from that day on, he must take upon himself not to return to his foolish ways."

While the condition about refraining from returning to "foolish ways" goes lost on many, the promise itself proves undeniably compelling.

This is a strong pull for anyone serious about self-improvement & feels genuine concern about what will be with him in the Next World.

• What's so special about Uman?

Uman is a place where you can let it all hang out, spiritually.

You can shout prayers at the top of your lungs, sing out, dance in the streets, and so on.

Any inner joy you feel can be expressed freely at any moment, with no embarrassment or any other kind of restraint.

No repression whatsoever.

​Total freedom of spiritual expression.

No one looks askance at you for praying with loud fervor or for singing religious songs & dancing in the street.

Religious emotion experiences complete liberation.

This means someone like my son, a generally more constrained & quiet fellow, can access the heart in a way he never could before.

This also means you're never bored in Uman.

For example, there are always people dancing in the street. So if you feel bored at, say, 2:43 in the morning, you can simply get up and go join the guys already dancing there.

Another appealing aspect of Uman (which connects to the unbridled spiritual expression) is the unconditional acceptance of every Jew there, regardless of how he looks or his flaws or background.

You can go there as you are with all your issues...and feel comfortable.

And yes, this "anything goes" attitude enables unfitting behavior too.

There is always a downside to any good thing.

Klippah (spiritual impurity) always seeks to attach itself to holiness & spiritual purity.

But for someone who wants the truly spiritual experience particular to Uman (especially around Rosh Hashanah), that truly spiritual experience is terrifically accessible & almost impossible to access anywhere else.

• What is so special about Rosh Hashanah in Uman?

Because of the atmosphere described above, the davening ends up being an unparalleled experience.

It's much longer than at most other shuls around the world, but the atmosphere makes it exhilarating so you don't feel like, "Oy, this is so long! When do we get to eat already?"

Even guys who don't generally like davening or who don't even make it to a Shabbat minyan regularly find themselves heading out to daven with anticipation & then davening every single Rosh Hashanah tefillah with gusto.

Like my son said, there is nothing like answering Kaddish with 20,000 fellow Jews shouting the same words at the same time.

​Think about it: It's praising Hashem with one heart & thousands of voices together.

Also, because it's Rosh Hashanah, everyone is more or less in the same frame of mind, which contributes to the whole atmosphere.

• The Reality of the Post-Rosh Hashanah Uman-Attendee

Here was the big chiddush for me:

I realized, despite many compelling stories to the contrary, one should NOT expect a person to do teshuvah in Uman.

Even after Rosh Hashanah in Uman—and even though Rosh Hashanah is all about self-transformation & renewal at the deepest levels.

Miracles or salvations?

Yes!

I've personally known people who found a shidduch after davening by Rebbe Nachman in Uman or claimed to be cured of a disease.

I personally experienced spiritual "lifts" or little salvations when people davened for me in Uman—even before I knew they did it.

But for someone do actually do teshuvah in the way we think?

Well...listening to my son list all the people he met in Uman got me thinking.

Some of the people were in a good place spiritually speaking. And some were not.

Of the ones not in such a good place spiritually (and whom I knew from their better days), many had been to Uman before, yet remained in their less spiritual state (as far as appearances go, anyway).

Furthermore, I've known people taken as boys to Uman by their fathers, and who went to Uman as teenagers or older, and they either didn't stay so frum. Or they aren't frum at all. Or they even went to jail for some offense or another.

I'm not saying that's the majority—it's NOT!

But it seems the experience of Rosh Hashanah in Uman is the experience itself, and not any visible long-term imprint on the person himself.

Meaning, we all know tons of people who did teshuvah after:

• visiting the Kotel (that happened to me)
• spending Shabbat amid Orthodox hospitality
• listening to a Torah class
• attending a Torah class
• attending an Orthodox seminary or yeshivah
• reading a Torah book
• coming to Eretz Yisrael
• getting mentored by a caring frum individual
• seeing authentic frum behavior (kiddush Hashem, good frum Jews living their normal frum lives, etc.)

But we often don't know people (whether already frum or secular) who made a huge long-term change in themselves after Rosh Hashanah by Rebbe Nachman in Uman.

Come to think of it, I also don't know anyone who did teshuvah after davening at Kever Rachel Imeinu in Beit Lechem or Rebbe Shimon Bar Yochai in Meron.

Or maybe people did, but I didn't hear about.

​For sure, people get their prayers answered at those places (although Hashem always reserves the right to say no).

Again, it's important to differentiate between:

• having prayers answered

and

• self-transformation/improvement (teshuvah)

I asked my husband & sons about this too.

(That sounds pretty narrow, but my sons are all different from each other with access to different crowds in society, plus my husband knows lots of different people around the country.)

One of my sons used to hang around with Breslovers & even went a couple of times to daven with the Breslov sunrise minyan in another city (courtesy of his friend's father who drove them there at around 4 in the morning).

And they all said the same thing: They also never met anyone who did teshuvah after davening by Rebbe Nachman in Uman.

So what does that mean?

Are the stories true?

Yes! 

If someone says they did teshuvah, they made a long-term change in their middot or lifestyle after davening by Rebbe Nachman...I believe them!

But I realize now that it's rare.

If it was something likely to happen, we'd know at least one person who did it.

But we don't. (Hopefully, you do. But we do not.)

Why is that important?

Because I wanted to go to Uman myself & send others there for purposes of self-transformation.

And I know others desiring the same.

And now I realize the intended purpose probably won't happen.

Again, it COULD happen. It occasionally happens.

But it probably won't & people should realize that before they invest so much time & money into it.

If a person wishes to go Uman to get prayers answered or for a heightened spiritual experience, then that's a very good reason.

Answered prayers & heightened spiritual experience are likely to happen during a visit to Rebbe Nachman's kever.

​And that's a good enough reason to go. (Or to send someone.)

​But not teshuvah.

So how do I feel about the whole "Uman Rosh Hashanah" experience now?

Very positively.

I would love for all my sons & my husband to experience at least one Rosh Hashanah in Uman.

There's profound value in extremely heightened davening, especially throughout such a critical time of the Jewish year.

Like I said, we could feel it back in Eretz Yisrael because we had a son/brother there.

The achdut & achvah & chessed & joy permeating the atmosphere (both emotionally & practically), plus the unparalleled opportunity for unfettered spiritual expression & truly accessing the heart (which Rav Schwartz says in harder for men than for women — and this is exactly what Uman gives men)...

...that is extremely precious.

And such powerful davening will always stay on a person's cheshbon, no matter what.

It stamps an imprint on the person's soul.

No matter what, he'll always have that spiritual heart experience in his portion, with all the reward & benefits that entails.

And I think that's very valuable & worth it.

Related post:
https://breslov.org/q-what-is-the-purpose-of-tikkun-klalli-and-why-specificaly-those-ten-psalms/

​Feelings can be a message written in code—a code hard to decipher.

Meaning, they don't always mean what you think they mean.

Sometimes they do.

And sometimes, they mean something else.

For example, the Rosh Hashanah of 5780/2019 left me with a wonderful feeling.

Others also mentioned what a great Rosh Hashanah they experienced & the optimism they felt for the coming year.

A couple of months later, the covid virus hit the world.

Now, does that mean we didn't have a great Rosh Hashanah?

Nope.

My belief then—which I still maintain—is that covid was meant to be a truly frightening plague, like the Black Plague or Spanish Flu rachmana litzlan, but the din got sweetened.

So we experienced what seemed like a particularly severe flu going around, and we experienced the results of a truly dangerous pandemic (quarantine, social distancing, all sorts of limitations, etc.)—all without actually experiencing the life-or-death horror a real plague brings.

Yes, I realize some people died and others suffered a lot. I saw that too.

It was definitely more severe, and for the immunity-vulnerable, much scarier than a regular flu season.

But as written HERE before, it was not the dangerous pandemic the media & governments made it out to be.

In contrast, the Spanish flu caused healthy young men symptoms in the morning & death by that same afternoon. Or the Black Plague, which decimated Europe's population by one-third.

So I feel like that WAS a great Rosh Hashanah after all!

I truly believe our prayers & intentions sweetened the covid din, that the pandemic was originally decreed to be much worse, but the decree got sweetened.

This past Tisha B'Av (5781/2021) started out like every other Tisha B'Av, but then in the afternoon (after having been fasting since the night before), I started feeling elated.

That's really weird while being immersed in the most heartbreaking & traumatic day of the year.

Never felt that way before on Tisha B'Av.

I really started feeling high & later, my husband admitted he also developed a good mood around that time.

Yet around 2 hours before the end of the fast, I developed a splitting headache.

I usually fast well & am not prone to headaches, so this was very odd.

The truth is, I didn't prepare properly prior to the fast—didn't drink as much as required prior to a 25-hour fast.

I tried to last out the fast, but couldn't. I ended up drinking an hour before the fast went out, which was permissible in my situation, but felt wrong, especially so close to the end of the fast.

(It was SERIOUS pain.)

Yet emotionally, I felt elated & optimistic. (Also, I developed newfound empathy for people who suffer terrible headaches. Anything that develops our capacity for compassion is a good thing.)

What did that elation mean?

Not sure.

But since our Sages tell us that in the World to Come, Tisha B'Av will turn into a chag, a time of celebration, I'm hoping that elation was a harbinger of good things to come, that we no longer really need a mournful Tisha B'Av because the Geula is around the corner.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm holding on to this hopeful thought for now. 

This past Rosh Hashanah (5782/2021) left me feeling optimistic once again.

It was really geshmak.

Others also mentioned what a great Rosh Hashanah they experienced.

Some very desirable things also occurred, which hadn't before (will write about that in a later post).

Also, prior to this Rosh Hashanah, I managed to forgive (mostly) someone I'd never managed to forgive before. Last Elul, I sat down several times with Hashem & REALLY tried several times to forgive, but could not manage it.

And yeah, I know all the mussar about forgiveness, about how beneficial it is emotionally & spiritually, and how everything is from Hashem so it's all actually good, etcetera, etcetera...

I still couldn't do it. Not at all!

It was such a block. Why was I holding on to this grudge for years? 

I needed to figure that out.

This year, for some reason, I managed to (mostly) forgive that person.

Despite feeling wonderful throughout Rosh Hashanah, late into the first night of Rosh Hashanah, I found myself weeping copiously for reasons I don't completely understand.

Does it mean anything?

Does the bout of weeping late into the first night or the wonderful feeling encompassing the rest of Rosh Hashanah mean anything?

I don't know.

I tend toward emotional intensity; that has been my personality my whole life. (I just restrain myself when around others, both for their sake & mine.)

So it could just be me being wonky. Or something else connected to the neshamah.

But for a variety of reasons, I see this past Rosh Hashanah was productive for a lot of people—including for people whose bitter personal situation did not allow them to "enjoy" it, but still utilized it for intense spiritual growth & connection (whether they perceived it that way or not).

The Bitachon Weekly for Parshat VaYelech 5782 (thanks, Nechumelle!) presents the story of 2 young men who made a long trip to the gravesite of a certain tzaddik.

(Within a year, most people experience a positive turnaround in answer to their prayers there.)

The two decided to recite the entire Sefer Tehillim at the gravesite.

​One recited the Tehillim with heartfelt fervor & experienced a wonderful certainty of revealed good for the coming year.

The other struggled to recite his Tehillim with heart & warmth, feeling instead a coldness & lack of connection in his davening.

After he completed the Sefer Tehillim, he mentally sought the reason for this blockage & acknowledged all sorts of transgressions he'd committed, realizing these transgressions likely contributed to the blockage.

Around 6 months later, both young men found new jobs within a week of each other (a sign that their davening at the gravesite "worked").

The young man who experienced heartfelt davening received a great job, which brought him a lot of happiness & satisfaction.

But the other young man, whose davening felt like a failure, received an even better job with much better conditions.

His result was even happier than the other's.

Why? What happened beneath the surface?

The Bitachon Weekly concludes (boldface mine):

We don't know what happens under the surface.

This World is veiled.

It's an upside-down world.

So much depends on our sincerity.

Things aren't what they seem.

But we can feel good about everything.

We can feel good about having experienced a geshmak Rosh Hashanah.

And we can feel good about experiencing a Rosh Hashanah of pain & struggle.

And this applies to all spiritual efforts.

​It's the heart that counts.

Related posts:

​You can sign up for Bitachon Weekly here: thenewbitachonweekly@gmail.com

Also, with regard to what feelings sometimes mean, please see this post about the Kav HaYashar:
www.myrtlerising.com/blog/the-message-of-your-mood-what-is-your-soul-telling-you

Hashem really does help us when we yearn to do the right thing.

For example, I found myself in an uncomfortable situation with a neighbor in regard to shidduchim.

I wasn't sure if I handled a situation properly, with proper respect & derech eretz.

I asked my husband & someone else, both of whom said I handled it just fine & the neighbors understood just fine, no problem.

I wasn't so sure.

Unfortunately, based on the dynamics & personalities involved, it was a situation in which apologizing or even just asking about the issue could make things worse; bringing it up could create a problem that, for the moment, existed only in mind.

So I spoke to Hashem about it a couple of times, requesting that He enlighten me about what I needed to do (if anything) and whether the situation really lay at rest or not.

I didn't invest hours of hitbodedut in this; just briefly explained my concerns & doubts, and asked for help, for a sign one way or the other.

And I did this only a couple of times.

The first happy indication occurred when I went to knock on another neighbor's door to request something—and right then, the married daughter of the neighbor (about whom I felt concern) came down the stairs with her young children.

She greeted me with cheerful warmth, giving no vibes of coldness or hesitancy.

This was the first sign that as far as this young woman went, everything was fine.

(The situation primarily involved her & her mother, so the fact that Hashem brought us to the stairwell at exactly the same time showed me how much He cares & orchestrates things to the second.)

But still unsure how my neighbor felt, I briefly asked Hashem again to help me figure things out.

A knock on the door Rosh Hashanah morning brought me face to face with that same neighbor. She held a platter of homemade dairy delicacies, which she handed to me with a gracious smile & a warm wish for a good year.

Thank you, Hashem—thank you for both the reassuring answering to my quandary and also for all the lovely cheesecake & alfajores!

Later, she sent her teenage daughter with a platter of succulently prepared meat, chicken, and rice.

​What a delicious relief!

Despite the influence of a culture that insists we be totally confident at all times & that many issues we encounter with others should be dismissed as "their problem" (as long as we've done our best—or at least assume we've done our best, even if maybe we haven't)...it's okay to feel nagging doubts.

We don't always know.

And that's okay.

Sure, the problem might lay within ourselves. Maybe insecurity, overanxiety, a sense of over-responsibility, and so forth.

But maybe not.

While society is quick to label such a person as "overthinking things," "overanxious," "co-dependent," "needy," "obsessive," "neurotic," "too sensitive," and so on, you are who you are & whatever level you happen to be on now.

And you need to deal with yourself where you are right now & sort things out in a way YOU can understand.

Side point: I also noticed that simply calling people names—including psychology labels—has never been helpful. It's not like people who, say, overthink things magically stop overthinking just because you tell them. Most people need help & strategies to overcome a behavior, and not just be told, "Here—this is what's wrong with you."

And that is indeed if there is actually something "wrong" with you, and not just that the other person finds you annoying because he or she resists thinking about others or examining their own behavior, and therefore accuses anyone who does of "overthinking things."

Reaching out to Hashem & saying, "Help me. I don't want to be a source of pain for another person. Please show me the truth of the matter"—this usually brings an answer because THIS is one of the things Hashem wants most.

He wants us to be nice to each other—sensitive, compassionate, and caring.

Hashem also wants us to make amends when we've stumbled.

It's important to know that Hashem helps regular flawed people, as shown above, and even without investing hours of prayer in the issue.

Sometimes, people don't bother trying because it seems too confusing or too complicated, or too much trouble.

And yes, sometimes it IS pretty confusing or complicated.

But before dismissing something as too confusing, complicated, or too much trouble, it's worth turning to Hashem as you would a truly trustworthy Best Friend, a Best Friend Who can & wants to help you with anything & everything.

Just a few brief words, expressing, "I feel bad about this, not sure if it's just me, and not sure what to do about it, but would really like some kind of indication how I'm supposed to proceed. If everything really is okay, then I'd like to know that for sure. If everything is not okay, then I'd like to know what's wrong & how to fix it."

So I didn't invest in the conventional methods to work out the above issue because I needed to know FOR CERTAIN, and no method was going to give me that certainty—except asking Hashem for help.

And I'm far from being on a high level, so I don't deserve direct intervention, but Hashem gave it to me anyway because He truly helps us do the right thing.

​He's Compassionate like that.  

For 2 other examples of how this works:
​​www.myrtlerising.com/blog/how-hashem-helps-scrub-the-slate-before-the-day-of-judgment

when-its-hard-to-say-youre-sorry.html

I request forgiveness if anyone was hurt in any way by anything posted on this blog.

I request forgiveness for anything misleading or confusing.

​I want to apologize if anything written in this blog caused harm to anyone.
 
Part of the official Jewish Vidui/Confession is ya’atznu aitzot ra’ot—we’ve counseled bad advice.

In an effort to avoid this sin, I base my recommendations either on people much greater than I could imagine being or on my own regrettable experience, hoping to help others avoid suffering the same pain and flops that I’ve suffered, plus benefiting from chizuk I either wish I’d had or have indeed received and found helpful.
 
Having said that, I know I messed up at times.

For example, sometimes I let my emotions get the best of me. I really try not to write or post in certain moods, but occasionally, it happened.

In such situations, I went back & adjusted the post.

For example, this post: Happy Update on Rachel Naomi bat Esther Chana, Plus a Very Disturbing COVID-19 Case.

There, I came down very hard on doctors & hospitals after my husband told me about a head doctor of a hospital ward telling a nurse to simply turn off the life support of 4 elderly covid patients.

Appalled at this doctor's attitude & also his psychopathic certainty that he could request this crime from his staff with no repercussions & expect full obedience, I was still on fire when I wrote the post requesting donations for Rabbi Sofer.

But when a comment came in noting that many hospital staff work with devotion for their patients, I realized I needed to acknowledge the moral & dedicated doctors & nurses too.

So I went back & toned down the original post.

Likewise, when writing about the problems of modern pop psychology, I later realized I was too hard on therapists.

Furthermore, I came across lectures by Rav Avigdor Miller (who was not a fan of therapy), which noted that discouraging people from going to therapy affects the parnasa of frum therapists.

He also noted that some therapists DO guide people according to Torah, but use the language of psychology so people will both understand them & take them seriously as professionals.

So I went back & adjusted several posts, emphasizing the good many frum therapists do. (Those same posts already acknowledged the helpful aspects of some therapists, but not as much as required.)

​Posts written on the topic since then also acknowledge this broader realization.

So while I continue to discuss the superiority of Torah over pop psychology (because that's what I honestly believe & find helpful), these discussions also include this broader realization. 

So those are things for which I'm sorry & made amends as best I could by going back to correct things, writing more responsibly since then, and apologizing now.

Included in this is how maybe I misunderstood or miscommunicated an important idea, which messed you up.
 
Or, despite my best efforts, maybe a post contains lashon hara or something wrong or useless or misleading.
 
Maybe a comment or email to you was tactless or insensitive in some way.
 
(I aim for compassion and sensitivity, but because I usually have no idea to whom I'm emailing/commenting, I can totally flub up. Actually, I can totally flub up even if I know exactly to whom I'm speaking. But I try not to flub up.)

For all the above, I’m truly sorry.
 
May we all enjoy a sweet new year full of sweetened dinim/judgments.

May Hashem forgive us, may we forgive each other, and may we forgive ourselves.

And may each of us merit to fulfill our unique soul-potential.

B'ezrat Hashem, may you all be inscribed for a year of revealed good & sweetness...

...and may the light of the Geula shine b'rachamim on us all.

The dvar Torah I received this week from Toras Avigdor discusses Rosh Hashanah:
Rosh Hashanah 5 – Judgement Day

​For a previous post on this parsha, please see:
Rav Avigdor Miller Discusses the Truth behind the Good Stuff of This World in Parshat Netzavim

And the original:
​torasavigdor.org/parshas-netzavim-the-purpose-of-worldly-reward/

To discuss Rosh Hashanah (which I think I missed doing last year, so I guess this makes up for it), Rav Miller reveals that long-term, even permanent things, can be decided on Rosh Hashanah.

For example, you could be sentenced to live in a neighborhood that will bring down you & your family in religiosity & character.

Or, you could merit to move to a neighborhood full of positive spiritual-growth-inducing influences.

On page 4, Rav Miller takes a closer look at the conversation between Elihu & Iyov (Job), which is pretty interesting.

It also takes us to a form of dream interpretation, in which Rav Miller explains how our dreams reveal something of our essence—something in contrast to our waking behavior that takes us by surprise.

For example, Rav Miller related the time he dreamed of sitting in a dry bathtub full of money—and he enjoyed it.

Yet he criticizes himself for it (page 6):

Clearly, Rav Miller is not a religious hypocrite.

Religious hypocrites neither think nor speak like this.

But we should follow his example in using a dream for soul-searching & self-improvement.

That's the lesson here for us all.

In a dream, a person can be violent or commit major sins—things he would never do in real life—and that says something about him, says Rav Miller.

But it all depends on context.

Once, I dreamt I was being forced to hurt someone I couldn't recognize. Then I realized it was my own child, and I immediately stopped, hugged him close to me, and burst into tears.

After intense analysis, I realized the dream referred to the chinuch advice I received at that time, which was harmful to my child (not at all the intention of the well-meaning chinuch advisor, but harmful nonetheless).

The dream really helped me.

Anyway, like with all messages from Hashem, these are meant to be loving.

Hashem wants us to live a wonderful life & merit a wonderful eternity.

So He sends us messages about stuff we're stumbling in so we can right ourselves & merit unimaginable goodness.

On Rosh Hashanah, your malachim (angels) get together on your behalf.

What are ways to create your din-sweetening malachim?

Rav Miller suggests:

• Holding the door open for your fellow Jew
• Informing your fellow Jew he dropped a dollar
• Not responding to an insult because you remembered Hashem
• Writing a check to a good tzedakah cause (i.e., not an art museum, etc.)
• 5 minutes of Torah learning
• Don't insult people
• Encourage people
• Say excuse me
• Say thank you
• Even if you totally daydreamed your way through Shemoneh Esrei, at least have kavanah on the last words
• Even if you totally daydreamed your way through Birkat Hamazon, at least have kavanah on the last words
• Think about Yetziat Mitzrayim from one traffic light to the next or from one streetlight to the next

Tilt the scales with as many malachim as you can, even via seemingly minor acts of goodness.

A bizarre yet happy chiddush from Shabbat 32a informs us that even one-thousandth of a malach can save you.

Meaning, your good deed was tainted in so many ways, but you have that 1/1000 part speaking up on your behalf.

But that one-thousandth of a malach can be all that's needed to tip you into a sweet new year.

And Heaven hold onto hope for us that maybe this coming year, we'll improve even more.

Rav Miller informs us of this idea to motivate us to do good deeds regardless of how worthless or tainted we think our good deeds are.

Have you ever wondered why Hashem uses malachim?

After all, Hashem is wholly Omnipotent & can do anything & everything.

The answers are on pages 11-12.

​Here's part of the answer:

This reminds me of a true story included in the book, The Stolen Light by Yitzchak (Izo) Leibowitz & translated into English by Rivka Levy.

A top guy in the Israeli mafia got shot in the head & his soul ascended to the Heavenly Court where the prosecuting angel read off his tome of transgressions and each transgression appeared as an ugly frightening monster. The room filled with thousands of them, and they all started screaming at him, "Why did you create me?"

His mitzvot, however (consisting of one page read by his defending angel), created beautiful angels who thanked him sweetly for creating them.

(Then Rebbe Nachman appeared, saved him from the final verdict, and the guy returned to his body & did complete teshuvah.)

Anyway, Rav Miller's point is it's okay to bluff your goodness.

Be nice, even if you secretly know it's not really you.

You're still creating angels—even if it's only 1/1000 of an angel.

​Even that tiny sliver of angel matters. 

On page 13, Rav Miller discusses the importance of encouraging people.

Sometimes, you can simply offer encouragement without any prompting.

Other times, a person confides in you, giving you the opportunity to respond with encouragement.

Yet encouragement is not what many people assume it is today.

Today, people encourage you by saying, "You really need to take so-and-so's chinuch class. It'll help you so much."

Or, "I want to encourage you to attend a 12-Step program."

Or, "You need to get out more."

Or, "Just have emunah!"

Now, sometimes saying the above is the perfect thing to say.

These things aren't black 'n' white.

But real encouragement generally means telling the person something good about how he or she is RIGHT NOW.

Not what you think they need to do to improve their lives or themselves (though there is a time & a place for saying that too), but something good about who they are or what they're doing.

Not a tactful version of "This will help you because you're so flawed in this area" & not "Turn to Hashem or to a therapist because I sure as heck do not want to deal with listening to or empathizing with you."

Again, it's GOOD to turn to Hashem.

But a lot of people use the cheery commands of "Just daven!" "Just have emunah!" "Think good & it will be good!" to get you out of their hair & release them from having to listen or empathize.

Maybe they honestly do not have the time or emotional energy to listen. That's legitimate. Why should they emotionally exhaust themselves with a difficult conversation? It's not fair to do that to them.

​But how much are these pious or "go-to-a-class/group/expert" brush-offs coming from apathy?

If you really cannot spare the emotional energy to listen or tell the person good things about him- or herself, then it's encouraging to tell the person you'll daven for them—and MEAN it.

It says something when you're willing to think about someone on your own time.

Ideas for encouragement:

• Tell her she's doing a good job.
• Tell her the good you see in her.
• Offer sincere praise.
• Offer sincere gratitude.

Rav Miller also recommends writing a letter of encouragement—even anonymously.

Rav Miller continues in the PDF with other wonderful yet simple ideas for positive change.

May Hashem please grant us all a sweet year full of revealed blessing & the light of Mashiach.

For Rosh Hashanah inspiration, please see the following...

Here are some gems from Toras Avigdor:

• Rosh Hashanah Prep
• 10 Minutes to Make You Great
• If on Rosh Hashanah, Hakodosh Boruch Hu decrees the parnasa for the upcoming year for every person, why do I have to go out and work hard to make a living?
• How is dipping an apple in honey (and the other simanim) a good omen for the new year? How does that work exactly?
• Rosh Hashanah Booklet

(The Rosh Hashanah booklet looks like a lot to read, but it's really only 10-15 minutes of very enjoyable reading, and it illuminates concepts in a way you may never have known. There's tons of gems in there that can improve your morning davening, plus interesting stuff like what the name "Milka" means, your simple kavanah for the shofar blowing, why Rosh Hashanah comes before Yom Kippur — after all, you'd think we'd want to do teshuvah before being judged, right?)

​If you click on the following, you can arrive at all Myrtle Rising's Rosh Hashanah posts:
All the Rosh Hashanah posts

Especially these:

• Rav Avigdor Miller: The Ultimate Shortcut to Your Most Meaningful & Effective Rosh Hashanah Ever​
• ​The Day after Rosh Hashanah: How to Hold on to Your Momentum throughout the Year
• Did You Miss Out or Mess Up on All These Recent Opportunities for Teshuvah? Do You Feel Like a Spiritual Blob? Don't Despair! It's Still Not Too Late!​

(This last one is from the Netivot Shalom. The big chiddush there is that Rosh Hashanah LITERALLY makes you & everything else in the Universe a COMPLETELY NEW creation. You won't always see it right after Rosh Hashanah, but sometimes, like halfway through the year, you'll see a sudden change in yourself or others, and you'll be like "?!", but really, it can be traced back to that year's Rosh Hashanah renewal.)

And here are some recipes, one of which is specific to Rosh Hashanah (and the other 3 major holy days) here:
All Myrtle Rising's Recipes

Before we go into Shabbat Shuvah (the Shabbat before Yom Kippur), it's imperative to read what the author of Netivot Shalom says about it.

Going into Shabbat Shuvah with the appropriate mindset can change everything for you.

For a summary of the basics, please see last year's post:
The Netivot Shalom on Doing Deep-Rooted Teshuvah by Utilizing Shabbat as the Day of Love

​It's vital to both realize AND internalize the idea that on Rosh Hashanah, you became a new creation.

Literally.

In other words, you are LITERALLY NOT the same person you were 6 days ago (or whenever you happen to be reading this post).

In fact, NOTHING in the Universe is what it was—EVERYTHING was renewed on Rosh Hashanah.

This opens up a whole new world for you.

In the above post, the Netivot Shalom also discusses what to do if you "missed out" on Elul, Rosh Hashanah, the 10 Days of Teshuvah, etc.

What if you just didn't get your act together?

It's not too late! Don't despair! 

You can use this Shabbat (which Netivot Shalom also calls "Day of the Neshamah") for spiritual revitalization WITHOUT cheshbon hanefesh.

As part of Hashem's Great Chessed & Compassion, Shabbat is your shortcut to teshuvah.

Just read the above post before Shabbat—or if you have the book, you can read his words directly.

What he writes also applies to every Shabbat, so even if you mess up or miss out on this Shabbat, just pick yourself up again & try to apply it the next Shabbat.

​As the Netivot Shalom states:

​Also, what if you keep doing teshuvah on the same stuff again & again?

What if you feel there's no point in flying up—only to crash & burn...yet again?

And...what if (gulp!) you've even worse than you were before? (It happens.)

Is there any hope? Is there any point?

YES!

Please read this short post on the Netivot Shalom addressing this very issue:
​
What is the Point of Doing Teshuvah Yet Again When You've Already Failed So Many Times – And Maybe Your Sin Really is Too Much This Time?

​May we all merit to do complete teshuvah from love.

So it's the day after Rosh Hashanah.

But we're not out of the woods yet.

Not even close.

We've got 10 Days of Teshuvah, then Yom Kippur, then Sukkot, which is our last chance to sweeten decrees.

And then there's the entire rest of the year for keeping our Rosh Hashanah resolutions.

And we want to be able to take with us what we absorbed & invested in Rosh Hashanah.

So what do we do now?

Here's Rav Miller on page 14 of Kingdom & Glory, the 5781 Rosh Hashanah Edition:(Note: The following will make more sense if you read that dvar Torah, or at least the post discussing it.)

And that's a wonderful way to continue what you started on Rosh Hashanah.