Category: Society

How to Laugh & Not Get Lost: Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Bo

21/1/2021

Before we go to Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah for Parshat Bo 4 – Take for Yourselves Sheep, we need some background.

Ancient Egyptians felt toward sheep similarly to how the culture in India feels about cows: reverence.

Furthermore, the astrological sign of Nissan is Taleh/Aries—a lamb.

Nissan is considered the first of the months, so that makes Taleh/Aries the most powerful sign, and highly esteemed by ancient Egyptian idol-worshippers (Kli Yakar).

Ancient Egypt looked down on shepherds—yet another reason to despise Am Yisrael, a nation of shepherds whose greatest holy men worked as shepherds at some point.

Rabbi Dovid Kass at Neve Yerushalayim once described the dynamic of taking the pascal lamb and slaughtering it at that time as similar to a Jew burning the Nazi flag in front of the Nazis during the Holocaust.

So when we read about Am Yisrael taking the pascal lamb & slaughtering it, we need to understand the powerful context in which it occurred.

The Egyptian Demand for Safe Spaces!

With the above in mind, Rav Miller explains on page 5 about the Egyptians:

And a terrible idea began to enter their minds: “Who knows what these depraved people are going to do to these sheep! They certainly don't worship them. Oh no! Could it be that it’s true what we’ve heard that the Hebrews do horrible things; they didn't do it in public, but secretly we hear that they eat sheep! The Hebrews are preparing for a sheep massacre!”

During these four days, the land of Egypt was in an uproar.

There were meetings about what to do, how to deal with the Hebrews. The fact that they didn’t make a massacre was a mofes in itself.

The Egyptians didn't make massacres by the way; they were civilized people but this was going too far already!

“To slaughter our god in front of our eyes?! And to do it with such brazenness?!”

It kind of recalls today, with all the morality written in the Torah that so many people find so offensive today.

You can picture the more activist & diplomatic members of Am Yisrael back then bending over backward to explain their controversial attitude toward sheep to Egyptian society in strenuous attempts to make shepherding & lamb chops more palatable to Egyptians.

Or the renegades of Am Yisrael who stand up & say, "I ALSO revere sheep! Even though our ancestors roasted lamb & shepherded sheep & made delicious cheese with their milk, many people find that offensive today. Just the phrase "braised lamb chops" triggers some people—how can we not be sensitive to that? Let's make safe spaces for sheep & those who worship sheep. We need to progress with the times!"

I don't know if anyone did, but they sure would today.

Anyway, this whole mitzvah caused tremendous anxiety for Am Yisrael.

Looking back, we know nothing happened during those tense days.

But Rav Miller notes that in real time, Am Yisrael lived in dread of mass pogroms & genocide carried out by triggered Egyptians.

The Value of Mishchu: It Protects Us from Getting Lost

Rav Miller emphasizes that Hashem not only wanted Am Yisrael to take the sheep for holy slaughter, but to make a demonstration of it.

He explains this on page 6 by using a modern-day example (Toras Avigdor gave it a very witty title: "Concealed Carry"):

It’s like the person who buys a lulav, and he’s traveling on the bus.

He went to Crown Heights to purchase a lulav and now he’s riding the bus back to Flatbush, a bus full of gentiles.

What does he do? He wraps it in paper so that people should think it’s a curtain rod.

He doesn’t have a backbone so he’s hiding it. He wants to fit in better with the Italians.

I once got on a bus with a lulav and esrog – I used to ride the bus to go to shul.

As soon as I got on the bus, all the Jews on the bus looked for a crack in the floor where they could hide from embarrassment.

I didn’t hide my arba minim like a curtain rod, you understand. It was killing them! And I enjoyed it. I enjoyed every minute of it.

That was one of the most important lessons of mishchu ["pull"—as in the verse: "Pull and acquire for yourselves sheep."]

It means you should grow some backbone.

“Everybody get busy and do some pulling on your own; your job is to do it not secretly.”

And that’s why when this command came from Hakodosh Boruch Hu it was a very unwelcome kind of mitzvah.

It was a mitzvah that required readiness for martyrdom; it was actual mesiras nefesh.

If you think about, this display of holy spiritual backbone must have been great preparation for freedom.

Such a display breaks the slave mentality.

Interestingly, Rav Miller states that all those who refused to pull the sheep through the streets (rather than taken them quietly, disguising them, or taking them somewhere else for slaughter)—they ended up lost to the Jewish people.

Rav Miller brings more modern-day examples of this (page 7):

It’s like the Orthodox Jew who wears a big beard.

A beard is a flag.

You know, if you walk down the street waving an American flag, then you’re going to be the target of all the bums, of all the beatniks, of all the liberals.

Whereas if you carry the American flag inside, beneath your lapel, you might be a big patriot, but you’re not suffering for it.

A Jewish patriot is willing to suffer for it – it happened to me more than once.

Three times people spat in my face.

I was walking once up the subway stairs and a woman looks at me and spits directly into my face.

In those days people didn’t wear beards.

Today, meshugaim also wear beards, but in those days it was different....Stones have been thrown at me.

Once I was bruised! All because of the beard.

Now, you think I would sell that? I wouldn’t sell any one of these incidents!

It could be that if you offered me a very big sum I might weaken, but for a mere five hundred dollars I wouldn’t sell it because that’s what it means to be a proud eved Hashem.

Rav Miller ends that particular chunk of mussar with some very sobering food for thought (page 7):

That’s the lesson of mishchu; it means that if you're interested in being redeemed from Egypt, if you don't want to be destroyed when the destroyer passes over the land, you'll have to be willing to stick your neck out for Hakodosh Boruch Hu.

And all the people who keep their necks inside their collars and try to hide, those who are only interested in their own protection, the end will be that they will go lost.

The Struggle to Maintain a Torah-Based Identity

While we accept today that Am Yisrael kept their core identity in Egypt, we also know that we were redeemed for 3 aspects:

We kept our Hebrew names.
We kept our modest, dignified Hebrew dress.
We spoke our holy Hebrew language (not modern Hebrew polluted by secular Leftists, but authentic, uplifting, refined Hebrew).

Yet Rav Miller notes that Egyptian culture influenced Am Yisrael in other ways.

He compares the length of time Am Yisrael remained in Egypt to a Jewish family in America from 1770 to 1980.

(Or in the current time, from 1811 to 2021.)

The fact is that Jew arrived in America in 1811 and before.

Yet where are those families now?

So Rav Miller notes that whatever Am Yisrael preserved of their core identity, wisps of Egyptian culture still seeped in.

The whole episode with the pascal lamb helped uproot these wisps from the hearts of Am Yisrael.

Rav Miller again uses a modern example (page 9):

It’s like the shomer Shabbos Jew who walks out of his house on a Sunday morning and he's happy; it's so peaceful and quiet.

The factories are closed, the streets are quiet and he enjoys the peace.

Sunday is a part of his life; it could be he gets up a little later for davening; other things too.

That's a good thing about going to Eretz Yisroel; the first thing you notice in Eretz Yisroel is that there's no Sunday.

But if you walk on the street in Flatbush or even in Williamsburg on a Sunday so you appreciate it; it’s a nice quiet holiday.

***

It’s like the man who says, “I don't have, let’s say, a Christmas tree in my house. Never!”

But as he passes by the stores and he hears the holiday music coming out of the stores; they play it in order entice the customers in order to buy gifts for the season; so the carols are coming out of the stores and it's hard not to have some sentiment about it; you become sentimental about the season.

So even though you certainly are a religious Jew; you don’t subscribe to that at all, but a certain sentiment you have.

***
But that's also idolatry; if you have some respect for the gilulim of the ovdei avodah zarah, the abominations that they worship, the ideals and attitudes that they live with, that’s already a mistake.

“I don't subscribe to it,” you’ll say, “but there's a certain beauty, a certain poetry in it.”

Ooh, once you say that, you're hooked – you’re in trouble.

Authentically Kosher Jewish Humor

The idea Jewish humor is well-known.

(After I became frum, life became so much funnier; there was more opportunity to find things amusing; I thought maybe it was just me, but others said it too: Life becomes more amusing when you become frum!)

Yet despite our ready humor, Judaism frowns sternly on leitzanut: mockery, ridicule, joking around, making fun, and the like.

In modern society—in which leitzanut earns you popularity, likes, retweets, and even money—this utter contempt of leitzanut sounds strange.

Yet even leitzanut can be used for holy purposes: to fight avodah zarah—idolatry, the occult. Rav Miller includes in this definition: wrong ideas, wicked ideas, and lies.

And that's exactly what Rav Miller does on page 4:

That’s the way of the Torah when it speaks about idols; it degrades them.

It calls them elilim from the word al – the nothing gods.

Or gilulim, like gelalim, manure.

Manure gods!

Because that's exactly what it is; bowing down to an idol is like bowing down to a full chamber pot of feces.

How to Live Forever

I didn't write much on my own in this post. Most of it end up copied 'n' pasted from the PDF.

I couldn't help myself. It just flowed like that.

So let's end with this final idea (in Rav Miller's own words yet again), which applies so strongly to us today, wherever we live, especially in this oppressive darkness of cancel culture:

You know, when you have to fight back against the public so you gain a certain hardiness.

And you need that to survive because there’s a lot of propaganda; the poor Jew is kicked around and scorned.

And if an Orthodox Jew maintains his principles in the face of all of that, that's one of the greatest achievements of life; that’s why we’re going to have a kiyum [existence] – that’s why the Am Yisroel will survive.

Everyone else, every nation, every country will go lost one day, but the Am Yisroel, the ones who have backbone, will remain forever and walk on their ruins.

Thank you very much to Toras Avigdor for helping us be proud Jews. All credit for quotes & material go to them.
Don't forget to check out their practical tip on page 15!

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Recognizing the Spastic Rope of Emunah

17/1/2021

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I wanted to revisit the previous post The Most Grueling Test of Emunah: When Literally NOTHING Helps because it started off with a rope analogy, then veered into a tunnel analogy, but the main message of the shaking rope needs emphasis for our times.

With the analogy of Rebbe Elimelech of Lizhensk for the End of Days describing such trials that it feels like hanging on to a rope being shaken, jerked, and yanked around as hard as possible—to the point that only the most determined grippers will manage to hold on—we learn that our very emunah will be shaken to the core.

And the only way that can happen is to challenge our foundations of emunah.

Basically, there are 2 categories of challenge to emunah:

intellectual
emotional/spiritual.

How do these emunah-shaking challenges play out?

Getting the Intellectual Challenges Out of the Way

First of all, the intellectual challenges to emunah have been cannonballing through the world for a couple of centuries now.

With your own study, inner work, and talking to the right people, you can overcome that particular challenge.

Want a short-cut route to overcoming that challenge?

Here it is:

Simply note how many times a scientist uses blatantly unscientific weasel words such as:

"presume"
"imagine"
"think"
"guess"
"maybe"
"perhaps"
"believe"
"theorize"
"possibly"
"could be"
"computer models suggest that..."
bases his (or her!) oh-so objective conclusions on emotions ("We felt it would be silly/presumptuous/arrogant to believe that...")

All the above indicate lack of proof, yet scientists use the above terms to present their theories as backed by solid evidence—a dishonest, unobjective, & unscientific approach to science.

And please note: All the above occurs in the most prestigious magazines in peer-reviewed articles, plus books written by the popular hotshots of science.

In other words: Simply whittle down any scientific paper to what they actually know or have proven.

You'll see their actual knowledge or proof is much less than they describe

For example, I've undergone C-sections and the surgeon did not "imagine" or "guess" the location of my womb—the surgeon knew. That's actual science.

The surgeon did not "believe" that using a scalpel rather than a power drill "could possibly be" the best way to go—the surgeon knew.

Again, that's genuine science at work.

Likewise, we don't "believe" in viruses or bacteria; we see them under a microscope.

Ultimately, the real challenge for emunah is the spiritual & religious stuff. That's what hits even the best people right in the jugular.

Let's be Blunt for a Moment

Many religious acts come with a kind of promise. Not all of them do. But here are some of the more popular ones:

For example, carrying out the following are supposed to either grant you what you request from Hashem or grant you relief from your troubles:

Saying the entire Sefer Tehillim (Book of Psalms) at one sitting.
Saying Perek Shirah for 40 days.
Going to the Kotel for 40 days.
Remaining silent in the face of an insult.
Thanking Hashem for your troubles.
Doing teshuvah.
Asking Hashem for spiritual things (like emunah, daat, the koach to continue)
Getting rid of your unkosher cell phone.
Getting rid of your Internet.
Copious heartfelt prayer with tears.
Making requests at Shabbat candle-lighting.

Others come with "promises" of specific results:

Keeping taharat hamishpacha will produce good children & a good marriage.
Dressing tsniyusly (with modesty & dignity) will bring protection & blessing.
Taking your son to the gravesite of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov in Uman before the boy turns 7 will ensure that he'll arrive at his chuppah with "a clean shirt" (pure & innocent).
Remaining silent in the face of an insult grants you the power to bless & have your blessing fulfilled.
Following a Gadol's advice will work out as the Gadol says.
Giving 20% (or making sure to tithe the halachic minimum of 10%) of your earnings to tzedakah will bring you wealth.

Now, I'm sure you noticed that doing the above often DOES bring about desired results—or at least improvement in the desired direction.

For example, haven't we had our prayers answered many, many times?

Doesn't Hashem usually grant us daat or koach when we ask for them?

Doesn't following the advice of a Gadol usually work out nicely?

Haven't we seen bracha in our livelihood from giving tzedakah?

Yes!

The problem is that upon drowning an intolerable situation, the pain of finding no relief often overwhelms us.

It feels like Hashem doesn't care or isn't really there.

That's why it's important to focus on what He DOES give us and how often He DID answer our prayers in the way we wanted.

For example, I've said Perek Shirah for 40 days for a specific issue & experienced relief.

Conversely, I've also said Perek Shirah for 40 days for a specific issue & either saw no change or...things got even worse.

Furthermore, I've said Sefer Tehillim at one go (takes me well over 4 hours—not easy) and seen nothing from it (though I felt very good—and still do—about having done it).

In fact, one time I did it for a specific situation and the situation got worse. And then worse (although, paradoxically, with some relief at the same time). Nonetheless, the situation is still a problem.

On the other hand, I've experienced wonderful results from thanking Hashem copiously—yet am still waiting for improvement in other areas for which I also thanked Hashem.

And no, I wasn't asking for material or frivolous things, like an indoor swimming pool or the disappearance of wrinkles.

I was asking for things that, according to Chazal, Hashem wants too.

Now, with reciting prayers, it's easier to give Hashem the benefit of the doubt (so to speak) because, after all, do you really think I was able to keep up any kind of decent kavanah for over 4 hours while saying the entire Book of Tehillim?

No, of course not.

So I reassure myself that Tehillim or Perek Shirah didn't "work" because I didn't say them with proper kavanah.

With regard to ensuring your son a "clean shirt" by age 7, it seems that Rebbe Nachman originally said this while he was still alive, and others took this to include his kever too.

I could definitely believe that taking your young son to Rebbe Nachman himself, when Rebbe Nachman could personally bless the child, would ensure a "clean shirt."

But now it clearly does not always guarantee this.

It's not useless—of course not! But we all know boys taken to the kever before age 7 who've ended up with a pretty schmutzy "shirt."

In other words, the implied promise of any good deed is fulfilled for some, but not for others.

Another example:

Upon finding myself facing a particularly hurtful insult, it took enormous self-restraint to remain silent in response. In my head, I said I am only holding my tongue for the merit of a certain person to recover from illness. Later, I verbally expressed to Hashem that I dedicate my silence in the face of this pain to this person.

The person died a few days later.

Likewise, we all know people who keep taharat hamishpacha, don't use non-kosher phones, live in a frum neighborhood, send their children to frum schools, and who not only reject Internet but don't even have a computer at home—yet they have at least one child flying off the derech.

The list goes on.

What's going on?

It's all about the emunah-rope.

Always Start with Some Compassionate Self-Scrutiny

Let's diverge from the idea of the emunah-rope for a moment (although it's still connected to emunah) and examine the above.

Maybe a person thinks he or she did a holy act correctly, but actually did not.

Or maybe the person simply isn't seeing the whole picture.

For example, maybe saying the entire Sefer Tehillim didn't "work" because of lack of kavanah.

Fair enough.

Or maybe, despite my perception that it either didn't "work" or that things got worse, maybe things were supposed to become unbearably horrible—and saying the Sefer Tehillim prevented that. Only I'll never know because, baruch Hashem, the unbearably horrible stuff never materialized.

Regardless, the Sefer Tehillim still went into the global collective merits & into my own personal account in Shamayim. I don't perceive the benefit, but it's definitely there.

As another example: Let's say someone keeps Shabbos, but does so in the most profane way possible.

Maybe he leaves his TV timed to go on so he can watch his favorite shows throughout Shabbat. Maybe all his non-Jewish & secular friends come over to drink beer & listen to heavy metal with him until 2 AM on Shabbat. Maybe he reads secular books & studies for his philosophy exam.

If he then complains that Shabbat isn't doing much for him, a simple self-introspection will show that in trying to make his Shabbat as non-Shabbat as possible, he is repressing a lot of the bracha Shabbat naturally brings.

In other cases, a person asks a Gadol in an obtuse or misleading way (whether intentionally or not), or misinterprets what the Gadol answered.

In the Shabbat magazine Mishkan Shilo, Rav Yitzchak Batzri wrote that the segulah of achieving wealth by donating the required 10% (or more) of your earnings only works for a person whose deeds are decent & proper; he states that this segulah does not work for a person who is "a sinner & transgressor."

(You should give tzedakah no matter what; it's always beneficial. But he means that you shouldn't expect to get rich from it if you don't behave with halachically defined decency.)

Likewise, I knew someone who davened for good health & gave tzedakah & performed chessed, but spoke every form of lashon hara (true, not true, told others what someone else supposedly said about them, etc.), complained incessantly, and incited people against each other. For example, this person's daughter refused to speak to her husband for 2 weeks because of some perceived insensitivity toward this person; siblings refused to speak to other siblings, a son raged at his wife due to this person's interference, and so on.

So it's beneficial & logical to take a step back to compassionately examine whether maybe I'm my own obstacle in some way.

But what if you really did "follow the rules"?

How Spiritual Physics Work regarding the Shaking Rope of Emunah

So again, all these spiritual disappointments & betrayals are the emunah-rope being shaken like it's a washing machine powered by a jumbo-jet engine.

For example, if a rabbi's or rebbetzin's advice always works perfectly, then where is the challenge to emunah?

If heartfelt davening, saying Perek Shirah for 40 days, doing teshuvah, asking Hashem for daat, koach, & simcha ALWAYS achieve the desired result, then where is the challenge to emunah?

There isn't!

On the contrary, achieving the desired result only CONFIRMS your emunah.

In that case, not only is the rope not shaking, it's wrapped around you in a comforting little nest.

The challenge of emunah comes from being attacked where your emunah is most vulnerable: your religious & spiritual beliefs.

Now You See It, Now You Don't

Here's an an example of a person who experienced both:

I personally know someone who suddenly felt inspired to write down 1000 things for which she was grateful to Hashem, both pleasant & unpleasant things.

It took her over an hour.

She said she didn't have any particular reason for doing it; she just did it.

A few days later, her parents notified her they received particularly generous tax returns and they were gifting her $1000.

Totally unexpected, but the connection is clear: 1000 thank-Yous=$1000.

(It's like those matched-donation drives: Hashem matched a dollar for each gratitude she expressed.)

Furthermore, her gratitude not only benefitted her, but also her parents, who received generous returns on their taxes.

Yet other times she has said gam zu l'tovah in painful situations, thanked Hashem a lot, wrote down gratitudes & positives—and found no relief.

So we need to realize that sometimes Hashem says no; He has His reasons for your benefit (though you may not perceive any benefit).

But He also says "Yes!" much more than we realize.

And we must acknowledge that happy fact in order to resist turning into bitter secular cynics.

Furthermore, as stated above, you never know what your positive acts prevented because the truly awful thing never happened.

And oftentimes, our efforts improve other aspects in life—but just not the specific aspect we desire most.

Regardless, your positive efforts reap global benefits & also await you as reward in the World to Come.

Find Comfort as Best You Can in Tehillim

Tehillim mentions the feeling of Hashem forgetting about you or turning His Back on you.

It also discusses seemingly insurmountable enemies (whether from within or without).

You see it in Psalm 13 and at the end of Psalm 42 and more.

That emotional experience is very real!

(Also, the commentators explain that David Hamelech wrote Psalm 13 more for the 4 Exiles than for himself. So it definitely applies to us now! It's written FOR us in our present situation.)

Paradoxically, however, Hashem NEVER FORGETS ANYTHING.

He is Perfect. Completely & unlimitedly Omniscient & Omnipresent.

Even more, Hashem davka hones in on the person who seeks Him.

(Rav Miller explains this based on Tehillim.)

So that feeling is normal. That experience is real.

But the actual reality is the opposite.

Both Psalms 13 & 42 follow those expressions of despair with affirmations of Hashem's Loving Attention, His Loving-Kindness & His Salvation.

If You Cannot Do Anything Else, Just HOLD ON TO THE ROPE

So that's what's going on.

It's not Divine rejection. God doesn't hate you. You're not a hopeless failure. It's not a sign of atheism or Torah not being True, chas v'shalom.

It's not any of that.

It's the rope being shaken as hard as possible in preparation for the Geula.

So yes, definitely continue to encourage yourself, to thank Hashem, to speak with Him, to daven to Him, and work on your middot, do teshuvah, do chessed, give tzedakah, and all that other really wonderful stuff.

But know also that even when your spiritual efforts don't seem to "work," they actually ARE working.

That's you holding on to the violently spastic rope of emunah.

And even when you get really down about everything, at least intellectually know what's actually going on.

In the much larger picture, things are very different than how they seem.

So just hold on as best you can.

And that really is very, very good. In fact, it's amazing.

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Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Vayechi: How to be Perfectly Peculiar—And Why You Really SHOULD be Perfectly Peculiar

31/12/2020

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In this week's dvar Torah by Rav Avigdor Miller, Parshat Vayechi: Personalities & Growth, he discusses how on Yaakov Avinu's deathbed, Yaakov Avinu notes how different each of his numerous sons are from one another.

Then Rav Miller cites Gemara Pesachim 56a, which mentions a man who went around saying, "I want to live along the coast."

He loved the seashore so much, he dreamed of building a home by the sea when he retired.

When they looked into why he loved the sea so much, they discovered this man descended from Zevulun, which was the sea-faring Tribe. Hashem ingrained within Bnei Zevulun a love for the ocean.

Another man went around saying, "Donu dini – Judge my case."

Whenever there was a disagreement between this man and another, he wasn't interested in arbitration or compromise; he wanted the crystalline verdict: Who's right? Who's wrong? And what must be done now?

He said "Donu dini" so often that they checked into his lineage and discovered what you probably already guessed: "Donu dini" descended from the Tribe of Dan.

Rav Miller explains about the inner make-up of Bnei Dan (pg. 5):

It’s a family that doesn’t believe in leeway, in bargaining and arbitration.

Shevet Dan was rigid; others might be more flexible, they’re not such sticklers for din, but the family of Dan liked that everything should be according to the strict letter of justice. It was a characteristic of the entire family.

That’s why there are people like that today too; they don’t like to deviate at all.

Even little children sometimes are born that way; it’s their nature to follow rules. It used to be in Europe, in Yiddish, we used to call a child like that a “zakonik.”

Zakon in Russian means law; a zakonik is a child who likes the law.

If you tell him once to close the door when he walks out, he’ll always remember that.

I remember I once saw a child like that. You told him once when he was a little baby of three years old, “Don’t forget to close the door,” and after that he never forgot.

It was in his nature.

I always love hearing about this different personalities characteristics of Tribes.

I even crave it.

I think it's because it's proof that different natures really are ordained by Hashem, so it follows that even if your society disapproves, Hashem Himself approves.

Meaning, Hashem Himself WANTS us to be this way or that way—used for the good, of course.

I think this helps access Divine Love. Hashem really does like YOU.

We are Not the Religion of Cloning

Every society idealizes certain personalities while disapproving of other personalities.

But that's all wrong.

It's what you DO with your personality that matters.

Every trait can be used for the good or the bad.

Allowing your child to be him or herself became a big issue in chinuch—and rightly so.

But what initially broke me (and I still remain dismayed by this) is how the chinuch people tend to expect mothers to be clones.

NOT all of them expect this. Definitely not all of them. There are chinuch people with genuine wisdom & insight.

But what I initially encountered made me feel like there's only one right way to be a mother.

And that one way always happened to be exactly the same way as the chinuch rebbetzin herself.

(It's obvious that was never intentional, but simply how they naturally felt.)

But that's 100% NOT true.

There is not only one way.

That's a recipe for disaster.

It's All Cramped & Dark Stuffed Inside the Mommy-Mold

For example, people have different sleep needs.

I have a friend who absolutely NEEDS 9 hours of sleep.

Even if she sleeps 8 hours at night, she still craves a short nap during the day.

So she needs to work around the need in life and sleep always remained one of her top priorities—even more than food.

And that's fine. That's her physiology. How on earth could she possibly change it?

She can't.

Others are energetic to the point they're bouncing off the walls, while others find it hard to get off the couch—and then there's everyone between those 2 extremes.

And that's just the basic unchangeable physiology of a human being.

Another example:

A wife with a competent, helpful husband experiences a different life with different resources than a wife with an unhelpful, demanding husband.

Also, the children's personalities define the home.

I know people insist that the mother decides the atmosphere of the home, but you can't compare a home of naturally hyper children to a home of naturally calm ones.

(I wrote more about that HERE.)

It's really the children who define the atmosphere of the home.

And because, no matter how hard I tried, I could never wedge myself deep enough into their mommy-mold, I mostly gave up listening to or reading chinuch lectures & books—with a few exceptions, of course.

Thank God for the exceptions!

And I more or less went the way Rav Shalom Arush writes in Garden of Education.

And I've been winging it ever since!

Anyway...

I think that reading about the different qualities of the Tribes offers a lot of comfort & chizuk (encouragement).

Not only is it okay to be different—even extremely different—from each other, but it is even DESIRABLE.

We literally & spiritually NEED to be different from each other!

That's exactly how Hashem set things up in the first place.

Here's Rav Miller again on page 6 (emphasis mine):

If I happen to think one way, it may be something that you cannot change in me; it may be built in into my nature.

Just as Zevulun loved the sea, and Dan loved clear-cut din – it wasn’t something you could change; it was inherited; it was in his blood and it would be transmitted forever to all of his seed.

Clone-Enforcement is Rebellion against Hashem

Pages 8-12 are essential (and fun) reading.

Rav Miller describes different Gedolim (both men & women) in Jewish history who contributed what they did by virtue of their personality—contributions others could not have made.

As Rav Miller states (pages 7-8; boldface & underline mine):

It’s not an accident; that’s what Hakodosh Boruch Hu wants, that each one will use his own particular talents, his own characteristics in his service of Hashem.

Hakodosh Boruch Hu has planned these differences from the beginning and He’s waiting to see, “Will this person utilize his stay in this world to bring forth by means of his own personality and his unique capabilities the greatness that he’s capable of?”

Think about that for a moment.

This idea means that if we force someone to stuff his or her own personality into a box and serve Hashem like someone of the opposite personality, then we are going against Hashem's Will.

In that case, we are harming the Jewish people.

Hashem WANTS the unique service of this personality & that personality.

Who are we to deny Him?

Who are we to think we know better than the Creator of the Universe?

Take a Walk on the Peculiar Side

Rav Miller, page 14 (boldface & underline mine):

It means that this world is your place for achieving greatness by means of your peculiarities.

The Rambam says that every person is capable of becoming as great as Moshe Rabbeinu! Not by being Moshe Rabeinu. Not by being Rashi or Sarah Schenirer or the Baal Shem Tov.

By being yourself!

Throughout the dvar Torah, Rav Miller repeatedly uses the word "peculiarities" to describe our unique differences.

That's not a mistake or because he couldn't find a better word.

We often fear being thought strange, weird, odd, or peculiar.

But here, we see that Rav Miller wants us to take davka what's strange, weird, odd, or peculiar and USE it in Hashem's Service.

When channeled correctly, peculiar is perfectly praiseworthy!

And don't forget the Practical Tip on page 17...

Credit for all quotes & material goes to the uniquely wonderful Toras Avigdor.

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The Relationship between 2 Very Disturbing Current Events

22/12/2020

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Within a couple of days of each other, two disturbing events occurred.

First, a Golani soldier armed with a fully automatic rifle did NOT shoot at an attacker who attacked the soldier with a flaming Molotov cocktail. (Not sure, but it looks like the fire hit the soldier's legs, but quickly went out.)

You can see HERE in the bottom right corner of the still that it was a significant blast.

I'm not sure why the soldier—especially a Golani guy—did not shoot, neither as the attacker came at him nor as the attacker left.

Perhaps he unexpectedly froze under pressure.

Perhaps, when faced with the actual prospect of killing another human being face-to-face, he simply could not bring himself to shoot. (This happens to soldiers more often than people realize.)

Or maybe the soldier was one of these laid-back types & didn't perceive the flaming Molotov cocktail as so threatening. (There are people like this, believe it or not.) Like he saw it more as a game of chicken than an attack.

Perhaps, with all the mind-games of the high mucky-muck army superiors & government officials, plus the Leftist self-hating journalists, the soldier wasn't sure whether killing his assailant would bring unjustly harsh consequences against the soldier.

On the other hand, the attacker either did not mind being shot (why else would he carry out an attack with no defense that brought him such close range of a fully armed soldier?) OR the attacker relied on both the natural hesitancy of a decent man with a gun combined with the bleeding-hearted restrictions against soldiers' use of force.

IDF superiors removed the soldier from combat—which may be a wise decision if investigations show the soldier either froze up or could not bring himself to perform the necessary self-defense.

(After all, would you want to go to combat with a colleague who could not shoot to save his own life—or yours?)

Golani is understandably very upset about the way things turned out.

(Unlike the high mucky-mucks, the Golani guys actually understand that allowing terrorists to escape proper consequences makes Israelis look really weak & encourages further attacks.)

However, if the soldier felt constricted by the very real deliberation of whether shooting would be considered okay in this situation, then that's a very legitimate deliberation in our times.

And if that's the case, then the hesitancy isn't his fault, but the fault of his superiors.

After all, there was the rabbi at an isolated bus stop several years ago in Judea & Samaria who waited until the last possible second to shoot a terrorist, and the police still penalized him by taking his gun & keeping it for a very long time.

Other soldiers faced situations in which they killed an actual terrorist and were jailed for it.

When Elor Azaryah did exactly that in 2016, he actually acted according to halacha. He also likely saved lives because with Israeli's revolving door for terrorists, the terrorist (had he lived) would likely have been set free at some point to try murdering more Jews.

So if the soldier felt conflicted, he has every right because the Israeli justice system for both civilians & soldiers is so capricious.

Unfortunately, by allowing the attacker to both attack and then flee, this bolsters further aggression on the part of terrorists & their supporters by making Israelis look weak & ineffectual—in other words, even a trained man with a fully automatic rifle is an easy target.

Furthermore, by allowing the attacker to escape, this pretty much ensures that the attacker will attack again, thus endangering fellow Jews.

(Okay, yeah, they caught the attacker later. But again, there still exists the revolving door option for terrorists.)

So that's pretty disturbing.

All in all, the soldier should have blasted the attacker.

But he didn't.

Why?

We don't know yet, but knowing Golani, I'm leaning toward the soldier not wanting to face unsavory consequences, rather than him not having the guts or presence of mind to shoot.

So that's my lean, but we don't actually know at this point.

Jews Held to a Different Standard

The other even more extremely disturbing occurrence was when a religious Jewish 17-year-old boy (Ahuvya Sandak) was killed & his friends injured directly because police chased them after merely suspecting them of throwing rocks at local Arabs.

Teenager Killed During a Police Chase in Shomron

Now, probably the police did not mean for that to happen. But probably they did not care very much about preventing it from happening either.

And just to be clear: I am against throwing rocks at random Arabs or anyone else unless you KNOW that particular individual deserves it.

I'm against it because, as far as I know, Jewish Law is against it.

But the police response was extreme.

And biased.

For example, we know that officials care very little about Arabs throwing rocks at Jews because they do it all the time with few repercussions.

For instance, I personally know people who point to rock-throwing Arabs in the newspaper and exclaim, "Hey! I know that guy—he works at Rami Levi!"

Rami Levi is a popular supermarket chain in Eretz Yisrael.

People go into the supermarket and see the same rock-thrower casually working the register.

Also, when I was a dati-leumi girl, a young man in our group told of when he served in the IDF, his unit faced an ongoing onslaught of rocks and they begged their commanding officer to let them shoot back.

(Also, remember that these are mostly boys of the ages 18-21.)

The commanding officer wanted to, but said he couldn't give the order because his IDF superiors ordered him not to.

Then one of the young soldiers got a rock his mouth and my friend watched as his friend's gums & teeth fell out.

The commanding officer still would not allow them to shoot back.

His friend survived, but needed several surgeries to repair his jaw.

Online, you can find video collages of Israeli soldiers under attack by rocks or with their posts on fire, and begging for backup or the right to defend themselves—but no dice.

So we know that no one cares much about Arabs throwing rocks at Jews—including Erev Rav-y "Jews" who don't care about rocks propelled at fellow Jews.

But when Jews throw rocks at Arabs?

Oh-ho!

THAT'S different!

Even just Jews suspected of throwing rocks—not that it's certain, but merely suspected!

Apparently, Jews merely suspected of throwing rocks must be hunted down & pursued as if—as if they were throwing flaming Molotov cocktails at extremely close range!

Apparently, double standards are okay as long as they discriminate against Jews—particularly religious Jews!

And also, just to put a personal spin on things: People from Bat Ayin are really nice!

My son who likes to travel all over the country once ended up at Bat Ayin for Shabbat.

He stayed with some Bat Ayin boys in an ancient ruin they'd made habitable. (The boys' families lived in regular homes nearby.) These boys knew & cared about all the Shabbat halachot for living in a ruin with some electricity, including keeping the food warm over Shabbat, etc.

One of the boys' fathers stopped by before Shabbat to make sure their electric wiring was fine.

It was a very cool experience—the experience of living in ancient Judea as our ancestors did in the same kind of structure constructed of local stones.

Also, my son is obviously a charedi yeshivah bachur and that was fine with these non-charedi-yet-religious Bat Ayin residents because Bat Ayin residents have a solid sense of achdut (unity) with their fellow Jews.

You keep Shabbat & learn Torah? Hey, you're one of us!

And that's just one nice thing to say about the Jews of Bat Ayin. There's a lot more good to say.

It's All Very Telling

So this is what's going on and you can bet your bottom dollar it all means something.

It's no coincidence that these disturbing incidents occurred so close together, especially when they reflect each other:

Adult Arab brazenly attacks armed Jew with explosive at lethally close range & gets away with it vs. underage Jews only suspected of throwing rocks at Arabs are dangerously pursued to death (or injury) AND arrested.

(And that's not even getting to the horrific tragedy of the middle-aged Jewish mother found murdered in her car—pretty obviously an act of terrorism—or the terrorist killed when he shot at police officers in Yerushalayim's Old City. I guess that shooting at a police officer is bad enough to justify the liquidation of the aggressor. But others need more deliberation. Double standards and all that.)

Gee, I'm so glad we finally have our own country where we can finally live free of discrimination & persecution. Yeah, this whole Communist-inspired enterprise devoid of Torah is really working out for us!

A nation like any other! Groovy! [sarc]

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How to View Current American Politics through the Lens of Torah

15/12/2020

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Let's talk USA politics.

Or any politics, for that matter.

However emotionally unappealing, most of us realize that whoever wins the US elections is exactly the person Hashem wants in the White House.

That doesn't say anything good or bad about him. It just means that for whatever reason, Hashem wants davka him (or her!) there.

Another classic Torah idea is that "the heart of kings & officials is in Hashem's Hand" & "Streams of water is the heart of a king in the Hand of Hashem; He inclines it to wherever He desires" (Mishlei/Proverbs 21:1).

This is why, for example, it was the Nazi-allied Japan that saved & sheltered the Mir yeshivah, along with many other Jews (largely in the merit of the remarkable diplomat, Chiune Sugihara).

In fact, the yeshivahs operated under Japanese sovereignty without permission—and even without persecution or closures.

If you think about it, it's impossible that Nazi allies hosted an entire Jewish community—especially an outright yeshivish community—throughout the Nazi genocide.

But it happened.

At the same time, the anti-Nazi American allies—the Russians—treated Jews under their jurisdiction horribly.

Yes, Russian soldiers treated all citizens horribly, but the fact that they showed no mercy on Jews, who were obvious victims of the Nazi enemy, makes no sense—especially given the blatant physical appearance of the tormented & starving Jews.

Horrific stories abound of the Russian treatment of Jewish women who ended up under Russian jurisdiction in the recently liberated death camps and hiding in underground bomb shelters and so forth.

In one case, one of the Nazi officials was reinstituted as head of a recently liberated camp because he was able to protect the Jewish women against their Russian "liberators"!

In another instance, Emperor Charles V came to power in 1516. Severely inbred with physical & mental defects, plus the son of royals who instigated the Inquisition, his rise to power should have led to a completely hopeless situation for all of Europe and especially for the Jews.

And yes, the Inquisition in Portugal & Spain raged against the Jews—but in other areas under the rule of Charles V (like the Netherlands & the German provinces), Jews found refuge and relative safety.

How is it that under the same ruler, Jews were pursued mercilessly in one area, but left alone in another area?

It's as if (chas v'shalom!) the President relentlessly persecuted the Jews of Montana while ignoring the Jews of Wyoming.

It makes no sense.

Yet it happened.

Or let's take former President Truman, who served 1945-1953.

He was a Democrat, which usually means liberal values that destabilize society.

But Rav Avigdor Miller wrote him letters of praise.

Why? He doesn't say. But Truman did things that earned Rav Miller's approval.

Here's Rav Miller (since he mentions Reagan, this must've been said some time between 1981-1989):

The president of America is waiting for a kind word.

Believe me – if you send a postcard to Ronald he’ll appreciate it. Send a letter to Mr. Reagan, why not?

I once wrote letters to President Truman way back, a lot of them. He appreciated it.

His assistant sent me back thank you letters. Don’t think they ignore the letters. Believe me, the letters are appreciated.

— Parshas Behar-Bechukosai 3 – Speak with Care

Conversely, President Calvin Coolidge—possibly one of America's best presidents (1923-1929) and also probably one of the only ones who seems like a decent person at heart—made tremendous strides in American human rights.

He only ever praised Jews & Judaism, while also expressing pro-Israel sentiments long before the State of Israel even existed.

Yet it was Coolidge who signed the 1924 Immigration Restriction Act, which ended up blocking Jewish immigration to America just when European Jews needed it the most—during the Holocaust.

(You can read more about that HERE.)

While I'm grateful to former President Trump for the good things he did for America & for the Jewish community, I also realize that his re-election would've offered troublemakers the excuse for widespread rioting and media-incited chaos throughout many levels of society.

The Biden-Harris ascendency davka prevented some serious rioting & looting. I truly think so. Not because they or their followers are so peaceable, but because the troublemakers feel like they won, and so they lack the excuse to go violently insane.

(And by "troublemakers," I mean BOTH the televised & printed media that actively incited mayhem & murder throughout the past year AND the people who actually committed the mayhem & murder.)

And don't think the Democrats would not have demanded a recount of ballots—they certainly would have!

So what's the emunah response?

Two Pieces of Advice for Both Sides

(1) First of all, we pray for the success of the US government. No matter how awful the officials are, their success in governance means success for their citizens.

(2) Secondly, we seek to behave in a way that earns merits for ourselves & our society. Through our positive actions, we merit to sweeten din (Divine negative consequences).

Needless to say, the above applies to wherever you live—not just the USA.

May Hashem please shine the light of the Geula on us all.

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You as the Hero in the Historic World Movie of the Future

10/12/2020

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For this post, it's best to have familiarity with these past 3 posts:

Smile—You're on Heaven's Candid Camera: Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Vayeishev (taken from HERE)
How the Baby Steps in This World Create Your Future World of Beautiful Pulsating Light (Rav Eliyahu Dessler)
The #1 Thing to Keep Doing When You Find Yourself Sinking in Mud (Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender)

Let's start with Rav Avigdor Miller's allegory of the historic movie of humanity & applying it to other guidance he gave, such as thinking about Hashem while walking from one utility pole to the next as you hurry down the street or while you hang on to a subway strap.

We know this matters because Rav Dessler wrote in Strive for Truth that any teshuvah you initiate in this world provides you with eternal progression in the World to Come.

Any teshuvah you do here starts off a marvelous chain reaction that continues with you for eternity.

And this is a big reason why people like Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender, Rav Itamar Schwartz, and Rav Avigdor Miller encourage people with baby-steps.

Lo alecha hamalacha ligmor—You are not obligated to finish the work.

But you must still work it!

Even 10 seconds of it—the time it takes to walk from one utility pole to the next.

You as the Star of the Most Terrifying Zombie Movie

So based on these ideas, this means that when all of humanity watches the movie of the history of humanity, we're going to see thousands of years of billions of people going about their lives like zombies and thinking vanities.

Empty-headed thoughts.

Frivolous thoughts.

Unwholesome thoughts.

Thoughts of avodah zarah, like other religions or meditations.

Evil thoughts, scheming plans to destroy other people.

It's like those awful horror movies in which everyone is walking around crazed or zombified.

And then the scene switches...to you.

You in a Tear-Jerking Scene of the Historic Movie

There you are, walking down any old street, and as you pass one utility pole, you say to yourself, "Now I want to maintain an awareness of Hashem."

And you think about Hashem for the time it takes you to walk to the next utility pole.

And tears stream down the faces of everyone in the audience.

"That was such a beautiful scene!" they sob.

Likewise, when you say, "Now I am upholding the mitzvah of loving Hashem—I love You, Hashem."

Everyone's in floods as they watch your heart-stirring scene.

A hero against a billion mindless yet destructive zombies!

We don't feel it now.

But we will.

You as a Thrilling Climax of the Historic Movie

Then there's another scene: It's you again!

But this time, you're holding your tongue.

Maybe you wanted to reveal a particularly juicy bit of lashon hara. Maybe you wanted to indulge in some particularly gratifying ona'at devarim.

Maybe you were just insulted and you want desperately to snarl back, but you remember how, in Hashem's Eyes, it's better to be from the insulted rather than the insulters, and you want the blessing the comes from being silent.

Maybe you wanted to criticize or explode.

Doesn't matter. They're all excellent reasons to hold your tongue.

So there you are, with your lips pressed together. Maybe your mouth is twitching and you have a pained or angry look on your face, but your lips remain pressed together.

And maybe you feel good about your restraint...or maybe you don't.

If you haven't grown up with this ideal or if you aren't at all used to such self-restraint, you might feel awkward, stupid, frustrated, insecure, or resentful.

But now the audience is going wild with cheering.

Why?

Because again, they see you against the backdrop of billions of people over thousands of years—people who said whatever they wanted regardless of the consequences for anyone else. And also the billions of people who tweeted nastiness, who abused the comment sections of Facebook & websites, and who left soul-destroying messages on WhatsApp & Instagram. (3.6 billion people are on social media right now.)

Yet here you are, with your mouth closed against all odds!

It's like when that little one-man battleship needed to fly deep into the massive planet-destroying Death Star to destroy it.

He succeeds; it blows up in a planet-sized explosion.

But no one knows if that pilot managed to get out in time...

They think he's dead.

And then...he appears!

He made it!

He destroyed the Death Star, saved the Universe—and made it out alive!

What a wild finale!

So that's how everyone feels when they're going to see you with your painfully closed mouth.

Likewise, as you flail in the mud at today's 50th level of tumah, hopping from one foot to the other, struggling to free yourself from the mud, but you manage to do no more than get one foot out when the other foot gets sucked back in again.

You feel frustrated, despairing, exhausted, and gunky.

To make things worse, others deride your efforts.

Most of the world does not understand why you don't simply lie down in the mud and relax by streaming in some trashy brainwashing Hollywood films while snacking on non-kosher hot dogs & making nasty or inane remarks on social media.

Yet you're relying on Rav Bender's exhortation in Words of Faith:

"One foot in, one foot out.
But the main thing is that the last foot should be outside."

And now, at the time of this future screening, everyone knows of this all-important goal.

And your final scene ends...with one foot out of the mud.

The audience goes wild—YOU DID IT!

YES!

It's a million times more thrilling & meaningful than the special effects of the pilot making it out of the Death Star alive.

And that's the truth.

Only we don't feel it now.

But we will.

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"There's Nothing to Read Anymore!": Why Even "Neutral" Non-Fiction has become So Unreliable & Biased

7/12/2020

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One disturbing aspect of today's "neutral" non-fiction is its increasing non-neutrality.

It no longer seeks to educate & inform, but to influence & promote.

While a minority of writers still focus on providing solid information using their most compelling writing, many insert their agendas into their books, causing the lop-sided bias to infiltrate under the guise of objectively informing the reader.

Since both agents & editors hatch from the notorious liberalism of American university class (a liberalism that gushes into extremism in the literature & creative writing courses popular among future editors & literary agents), they see nothing wrong with this bias and even support it.

This is why nearly every best-selling non-fiction book tends to promote liberal views & distorted history.

Expected a Book on Writing & Received an Obama Fangirl Instead

For example, one successful writer offered a free ebook on writing.

While the book contained genuinely effective advice, she peppered the book with references to Obama's supposed superiority & the inferiority of anyone who disliked him or his policies.

She clearly considered her actions "cute," but not only did she overdo these political references (with no connection to the book's topic), I quickly grew disdainful of her ditzy adoration of a man who proved himself useless at best & harmful at worst in one of the most powerful positions in the world.

Had the book promoted constant cutesy references critical of Obama, that would also irritate me.

Politics hold no place in a book meant to help with writing—especially such a bloated amount of such self-indulgent political comments.

I deleted the book without finishing it—an act which wouldn't bother her in the least (if she ever found out about it) because she obviously feels too enchanted with her own humor & opinions, and too contemptuous of people like me, to care.

However, as a non-fiction authority, her opinions carry influence, even if only unconsciously.

Constantly promoting a political stance as self-evident influences readers, especially because so many other people do it, it seems normal.

This same insistence on the repetitive promotion of bad ideas, plus the refusal to examine the ideas in the first place, also assisted in the popular embrace of Nazism & Communism.

The Lady Lighthouse-Keeper: Carving Out the Real Story from the Modern Liberal Bias

A fascination with lighthouses and their culture once led me to read about women & lighthouse-keeping.

The author, a popular expert in everything nautical, described the life of Abbie Burgess, an American woman born into a lighthouse-keeping family, who eventually married a lighthouse-keeper, and lived the lighthouse-keeping life until her death in 1892.

He described it as follows (I'm summarizing his words):

At age 14, Abbie Burgess started helping her father tend two lighthouses in Maine in the 1850s.

She soon developed such proficiency, she enabled her father to bring in extra money via lobster-catching while she tended the lights.

Due to a violent storm that prevented her lighthouse-keeping father from returning home, 16-year-old Abbie Burgess successfully tended the two lighthouses throughout the storm, while also caring for her ill mother, her frightened sisters, and a flock of chickens.

(So far, so good.)

Then:

The Republicans came to power in 1860 under Abraham Lincoln.

Okay, so here, the author emphasizes a Republican rise in a foreboding manner, and makes sure to mention it occurred with Lincoln's election.

Could the implied threat of a Republican rise be a slam on Lincoln? Not sure.

Many modern Americans consider him a hero. But many are also aware of his personal condescension toward black people, and also how he fought the Civil War not to free enslaved black Americans, but for the sake of economics & federal power.

Because lighthouse appointments depended on political connections, Abbie's father lost his job to a "staunch Republican" lighthouse-keeper.

(Again, note the emphasis on not just losing the job to a Republican, but a STAUNCH Republican. Cue the scary music here...)

However, if lighthouse appointments truly depended on political connections, then how did Abbie's dad gain his lighthouse appointment in 1853?

Meaning, wouldn't it work both ways?

Apparently, Abbie's dad gained his appointment the same way the "staunch Republican" gained his.

In 1853, the Democrat President Franklin Pierce came to power—which is exactly when the Democrat keeper Burgess won his lighthouse position.

So the lighthouse appointment worked the same for Democrats as for Republicans...only you'd never guess that according to the way this author described it.

The way he described it, it looked like davka a Republican power grab, rather than the routine ebb & flow of political appointments of that time.

Let's go on with the author's description of what happened next:

Abbie was temporarily "allowed" to remain to show the new lighthouse-keeper and his son, the assistant, the ropes.

Oh, the staunch usurping Republican ALLOWED her to remain? But wait a minute...wouldn't such a stay be expected?

After all, it makes sense for the new lighthouse-keeper to receive brief training from the old lighthouse-keeper to understand the workings of that particular lighthouse and the necessary routines.

Furthermore, flawless lighthouse maintenance was considered a matter of life-and-death.

In the times when seafaring transportation dominated, a lighthouse needed to maintain flawless function at all times.

An unusually dedicated bunch, records show how American & British lighthouse-keepers performed astounding feats of dedication to keep the lights burning.

So why wouldn't Abbie—or her dad—not just be allowed, but even expected to stay on until the new keeper learned the ropes?

Also, the use of the term "allow" implies that Abbie was forced out of her lighthouse duties after the initial training period. As if, initially, the "staunch Republican" usurper "allowed" her to remain, but then...

However, the basic biographical facts prevent the author from imposing too much of his bias because:

Dazzled by Abbie's impressive skill in maintaining the lighthouse, the staunch Republican's son, Isaac, proposed marriage only a few weeks after meeting our heroine—a proposal which the now 22-year-old Abbie accepted. They married a year later.

So apparently, the whole Republican usurpation wasn't as big a deal as implied by the writer. After all, Abbie married the assistant usurper. (And as we see from the above description of how Abbie's father won his appointment. It was all par for the course.)

With her marriage, Abbie was appointed "second assistant keeper."

This shows the respect on the part of Isaac and his father. Many times, the wife & children of the head lighthouse-keeper received no official title—no matter how much they participated in the lighthouse-keeping.

Except for sometimes, as in Isaac's case, an older son became the official assistant.

But despite Abbie's skill and her family's appreciation, I found no indication that Abbie's father appointed her as his official assistant. Maybe he did. But I don't see it.

Her family clearly appreciated her skill & dedication, whether she worked under an official title or not.

Yet the writer muses that:

Abbie must have resented being cast as "second assistant." After all, she already proved her proficiency in lighthouse-keeping. So she must have "felt the injustice" of being only a second assistant, rather than a first assistant or the main lighthouse-keeper.

This unfounded imposition of the author shows poor history writing.

Reader reviews of historical non-fiction tend to remark with resentment on unfounded presumptions like "she must have thought" or "she likely felt" and so on.

Who is the author to impose his or her emotions or thoughts on someone they never even met?

What's more, we have records written by Abbie herself.

So we don't need the author's insertion.

Abbie recorded in detail her rescue of the family's chickens during that historic storm—a rescue that ended up saving her family from starvation during the storm; they ate the eggs laid during that event.

Her records also show that while she found the storm-imposed duties exhausting, she was able to perform the lighthouse duties as well as her father—a success she attributed to God.

Abbie also recorded her feelings of dedication toward lighthouse-keeping, especially after her husband died in 1875, prompting Abbie to take over as head keeper until her own death in 1892.

Yet the writer offers nothing from Abbie herself to back up his presumption of resentment.

Based on the way he phrased his presumption ("she must have felt") and based also on the absence of any quotes from Abbie herself for this presumed resentment (though he quoted her in other passages), likely no such expression of resentment exists.

The author also shows limited awareness of the demands on married women of that time.

Basic housekeeping demanded laundry washed by hand, dishes washed in a tub with a rag, water drawn from a well, and ovens & stoves that needed to be coaxed into starting every morning.

Hand-sewn clothing (or if not hand-sewn, hand-repaired when needed), and basic dinners worked up from scratch: eggs must be collected from under chickens, potatoes needed to be dug up from the ground & chickens must be slaughtered and dressed before the cooking even started.

Pregnancy & nursing added extra difficulty to these labors. (Abbie ended up having 4 children.) In addition, the physically demanding work of the lights (including running up & down the stairs leading to the lights) could cause problems if performed while pregnant.

Nursing babies & busy toddlers also don't leave a mother with much time or endurance to safely tend the lights.

Abbie's step down from lighthouse-keeping was probably not seen as a demotion, but as a natural necessity.

(And like I said, I think it was nice that her father-in-law gave her a title at all because I don't think that was the norm.)

So the reality holds significant differences in contrast to the author's portrayal.

The Nature of Women Changed—But Modern Researchers Fail to Understand That

The desire for titles, official high positions, & a competitive streak tend to be masculine attributes.

Sure, there are ambitious honor-seeking competitive women too.

But to assume that a religious 19-Century woman felt resentful of being relegated to second assistant, just because her modern secular liberal male researcher would feel that way?

This shows a poor grasp of the people about whom he's writing.

Furthermore, many 19-Century women expressed a strong sense of duty toward their husbands.

If they felt any pride, it was in their supporting role.

The writer of Abbie Burgess's heroics knows this because he quotes these demurring women in his own work!

For example, when her husband's sudden & debilitating illness in 1856 forced 19-year-old pregnant Mary Patten to take charge of his ship, she did so with great success—despite a mutinous first mate, sailing through ice, and nursing her ill husband back to health.

After successfully making it to their destination, Mary focused fully on her husband & his recovery in a local hotel.

The media led the entire nation into adulation for Mary's competence, integrity, and heroism, but Mary politely brushed off reporters in order to give her husband the rest & care he needed.

The ship's company sent Mary $1000 (approx. $33,000 in today's money) in appreciation for saving their vessel.

(In today's money, the vessel and its cargo equaled around 10 million dollars. So yeah, they were pretty darn grateful to Mary. Also, you see why she felt so determined to bring the ship and its cargo to their rightful destination—and to arrive on time.)

In response, Mary sent them a thank-you note, insisting that she had merely carried out the basic duty of a wife toward a husband stricken with severe illness.

She also credited the cooperation of the crew (minus the mutinous first mate), specially emphasizing the services of the second officer on board.

Furthermore, Mary disliked speaking about the voyage because the memories pained her. She viewed that time as one of suffering, not heroism.

This demonstrates another massive difference between traditional American mentality and modern American mentality: People behaved with more stoicism & pragmatism than they do now.

Many people disliked speaking about traumatic experiences, so they didn't. They also viewed them as part of life and not something deserving of special attention.

Whether you think that's positive or negative, please just understand that this is simply how your average American behaved at that time.

Other donations of appreciation arrived to Mary, including $1400 from the ladies of her hometown of Boston.

Her unwanted celebrity spread to the UK, where a blind London gentleman sent her a check of $100.

Yet Mary only ever saw her heroics as part of her wifely duties!

There was no "I hope every little girl reading this today sees that this is a country of possibilities where she too can captain her own ship" or "Girls, never doubt that you are valuable and powerful. My example shows you the way."

Again, whether you agree or not that successful women should laud themselves with those sentiments, the plain fact remains that Mary did NOT think that way.

Not one little bit.

And she wasn't an exception.

If you read the writing of or about American women in the 1800s, they displayed impressive modesty.

And a strong sense of duty toward their husbands & children & parents.

In fact, reading the words of women of that time, their strong sense of duty pops up repeatedly in their writings.

They experienced tremendous gratification in their supportive roles, and their sense of duty & a job well-done endowed them with profound self-worth & fortitude.

Both Abbie & Mary felt a profound devotion to what they saw as their duties. Their heroism (and the heroism of other women of that time) emanated from a feeling of duty & moral obligation, and not a desire to prove themselves or produce a really cool selfie.

They often expressed feeling they had no other choice.

Remember, at that time, nearly every American home both owned & read a bible.

Remembering verses & sermons was an important goal for many from childhood.

And Americans LOVED Mishlei (Proverbs) & Kohelet (Ecclesiastes).

Church-going people still love these books.

And why not? They are some of the best books ever written!

And they influenced Americans with the values of patience, modesty, charity, humility, honesty, faith, duty, and so on.

In fact, colonial Americans even named their daughters Patience, Modesty, Obedience, and Chastity.

Can you imagine parents doing that today?

A modern parent might name a daughter Scarlet, but have you ever met someone named Modesty or Obedience?

I bet you haven't.

(Please also note that Shlomo Hamelech's books influenced Americans, but did not prevent Americans from behaving in opposition to the values he expressed.)

But the point is that your average American behaved with a stoicism and pragmatism to which we not only find it difficult to relate, but that the modern mentality even considers negative.

What's more, duty & loyalty are values that have been cast out the window in modern society.

While the women here describe feeling a strong sense of duty, men of that time also expressed a sense of duty.

A person felt committed to the duties of their job, mission, family, society, spouse, and so on.

Again, these values prove very difficult for a modern American to appreciate because many simply do not feel such things.

Look at our society's popular phrases:

Follow your heart.
Follow your dream.
Just do it.
Be yourself.
Be true to yourself.
You owe it to yourself.
All's fair in love & war.
Reach for the stars.

None of these ideas emphasize duty or loyalty to others.

On the contrary, some of the above ideas lead one away from duty.

For example, if your heart turns to something other than your spouse or your concern for your company's finances, then following your heart causes you to abandon others, regardless of the consequences (as we've seen more & more in today's world).

Newsflash: People Used to Think VERY Differently than We Do Now. In Fact, Life was Very Different.

Objectively, it is silly for a modern liberal secular man to think he automatically understands the mentality of a religious conservative woman in the mid-1800s. (Nearly everyone held conservative views back then.)

He could if he worked at it, but as mentioned throughout the post, that goal is beyond the reach of many modern minds.

As stated above, part of the reason why Abbie gave no indication of resentment toward her designation as "second assistant" is because the routine duties of a wife & mother consisted of morning-to-night duties.

Lighting the morning stove, drawing water, laundering by hand, making dinner from scratch (which back then including slaughtering & dressing the meat), washing dishes & pots with a rag & a tub of water—these did not leave time or energy for lighthouse-keeping.

Yes, she managed to run a home & two lights during a storm. But to keep that up permanently?

No way.

Furthermore, the lighthouse-keeping demanded using stairs & lots of physical labor—how is a nursing or pregnant woman supposed to keep up without harming herself or her child?

Abbie's dedication & heroics aside, Isaac and his father likely tended to the lighthouse better than she could simply because of their greater physical strength and their ability to dedicate all the necessary time & energy.

Why on earth would she resent the designation of "second assistant"? Especially since, as noted above, lighthouse wives often received no official title at all.

She only took over much later, long after her child-bearing & intensive housekeeping years and her husband's death.

Having said that, many modern liberal women also flub up on this bias.

Of course, modern liberal men & women COULD get into the mentality of historical figures, but it seems like they don't WANT to.

And this remains a massive flaw in modern history books, especially those written for the mainstream.

Reason #1: Agendas & Thought-Programming Take Precedence over Integrity & Trustworthiness

Initially, I thought it was a refusal to write objective history.

And that does partly explains the wall of bias found in much of today's non-fiction.

With so many editors, literary agents, and writers continue to hatch from secular, liberal, biased university programs, it makes sense that they all think the same way—that's how the universities program them to think.

And they honestly feel they benefit society by a constant drip of "Republicans are racist, uncaring, corrupt, and stupid...while Democrats are open-minded, caring, ethical, and smart."

Or the continuous presentation of religious people as hypocritical, judgmental, & stupid while portraying secular people as sincere, accepting, and intelligent.

Or portraying same-gender relationships as a totally normal lifestyle choice (despite copious evidence to the contrary), including showing them in fully committed long-term monogamous relationships (as portrayed in many novels & movies)—even though such monogamy almost never occurs among men who act on their attraction to their own gender.

Or that the California wildfires result from "global warming," rather than from really bad "conservation" policies in force for the past 40 years.

For those controlling what we read, pushing such agendas is a huge mitzvah in their own minds.

While concepts like giving credit where credit is due & striving to offer the most unbiased information possible boosts a reader's trust in the author, trustworthiness has lost its luster in today's society.

Trustworthiness requires a sense of duty & loyalty.

But how can you be dutiful or loyal if your main priority is to follow your own heart, your own dreams, and be true to your own self?

Furthermore, a God-fearing person realizes that he or she will one day face God & that God will demand of them crystalline honesty & payment for any lack of integrity in This World.

And so, the modern liberal secular mind cannot place integrity & trustworthy narration above its lovely-sounding agendas.

Secular liberals honestly believe that if everyone thinks like them, the world will be a much better place.

Therefore, they do all they can to push their agendas.

Reason #2: Values Changed So Much, They are No Longer Recognizable.

But then I wondered whether many modern minds are simply incapable of remotely grasping the average mentality of America in the 1800s—or any mentality other than their own.

Yes, they definitely promote an agenda.

But maybe their choices led them to such a narrow place, that now, very little choice remains?

With the indoctrination of the universities and the mainstream media, plus the rising inculcation of narcissism, perhaps a history researcher simply cannot entertain any mentality other than his or her own.

Yet they read the words of the people about whom they write.

So how are the above author and his colleagues able to quote Mary Patten & Abbie Burgess, but unable to make rational assumptions about their thoughts & feelings?

Then I realized: These modern researchers simply view people like Mary as an exception.

Meaning, they see her as exceptional in her modesty & sense of duty, rather than typical of the women of their time.

(Mary's situation was exceptional, but her attitude was not.)

So yes, the researchers read tons of accounts, but rather than striving to understand what the long-gone diarist is actually saying, they put the words through an automated "translation program" in their mind.

Despite the fact that Mary Patten was not the only captain's wife to take charge of a ship when her husband fell ill, and despite the fact that many women stated reasons of duty & devotion to explain their insistence on accompanying their husbands on long voyages...the author chalks this up to the mentality of captains' wives or whalers' wives, rather than seeing it as it actually was: a mentality common among women of that time.

Most Americans felt religious at that time. They felt proud of their belief in God, their insistence on crediting God made them feel good, and they admired people who upheld values like morality & virtue.

Likewise, many men also acted out of duty to their wives, parents, children, communities, and country.

Who is Truly Free in Today's World?

This post focused mostly on the writing (or re-writing) of history.

But these issues apply to any non-fiction published today.

Again, the 2 factors preventing truly informative & trustworthy non-fiction today are:

the insistence on presenting information with an agenda to influence thought & opinion in the author's chosen direction

the inability to grasp any thoughts or feeling different from the author's

Needless to say, the above 2 factors also affect modern education because educators concern themselves so much with the thought-programming agenda that they too cannot grasp alternative thinking.

This is a big frustration, especially for inquisitive people (like me), who like to peer into an interesting neutral topic, but keep getting slammed in the face with distorted agenda-driven information and the author's inability to think outside his or her narrow little box.

Yet to fight back against the liberal agenda, right-wing conservatives feel they need to insert their agenda into information—also without giving credit where credit is due when it doesn't suit their agenda.

Likewise, many conservatives, affected by generations of the corrupt values expressed in Hollywood movies (yes, even the black 'n' white movies of the 1920s promoted bad values) struggle to understand other mentalities (though they succeed more than the secular liberals do).

In fact, conservatives aren't even so conservative anymore, what with the female pundits dressing like cocktail waitresses and hardly any promotion of premarital-abstinence, and other values essential for a morally robust society.

And who promotes innately feminine qualities anymore—like nurturing, gentleness, gentility, civility, and devotion?

People laugh at such virtues.

But these virtues are essential for a psychologically healthy society.

Anyway, it's becoming increasingly impossible to access accurate information on even the most basic topics.

Even a tiny newspaper column gets the facts wrong.

Altogether, the above makes it increasingly difficult to cultivate independent thought.

We are constantly bombarded with biased & distorted information given via narrow-minded conduits.

When Shlomo Hamelech (King Solomon) arrived at the correct conclusion in the historic court case of the 2 women fighting over 1 baby, his ministers praised him as a "free man."

"Happy are you, O Land, whose king is a free man!"

Why does his profound wisdom & insight define him as "free"?

The Me'am Lo'ez on Kings I:3:28 explains 1 reason:

...as the Rabbis said, "No one is free but he who studies the Torah."

Only one studies the Torah is able to avoid the crooked ways of the other nations.

He alone is free from their foolish mistakes.

It's very difficult to scrabble out the truth right now.

So anything you do in that direction is very precious—more than you realize.

Just the fact that you realize that most of what you watch or read seeks to make you smarter or honestly informed—that alone sets you apart in a really good way.

May Hashem please lead us on the path of Truth—and may it be a happy path!

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Poking Holes of Truth in the Cultural Wall of Feelings as Overriding Factors

29/11/2020

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On her blog, Shirat Devorah, Devorah herself made a comment in response to another commenter regarding the reality for many people in the frum world who feel attracted to their own gender: loneliness & frustration & rejection.

Now, this is not true for everyone who feels this way.

Some manage their situation in a way that works for them. I heard of at least one who got married with the full knowledge of his kallah. They felt compatible in other ways & it definitely takes a certain kind of woman to agree to this, no matter how compatible she feels with him otherwise.

But according to him, it worked out. He worked on himself in this area, felt enormous affection & appreciation toward his wife, and invested strong efforts with regard to his thoughts & eyes—in much the way any person works on his taavot of any kind.

But Devorah's response struck me because it was so simple & straight-forward, yet I never heard it before and it never occurred to me:

A LOT of people feel lonely & frustrated & rejected—for a variety of reasons. That's not a reason to do something forbidden (and especially a forbidden act that reaps so much harm in its wake—even if that harm is not immediately perceived).

The Injustice of Feelings as the Deciding Factor

The emotional argument is a hard one to debate in our times because Western society considers feelings a deciding factor—one that trumps morality and even science (like in the case of gender dysphoria).

For example, in the case of gender dysphoria, society increasingly capitulates to the demands of biological males who claim to feel female. They insist on using women's restrooms and participating in girls' sports, despite the obvious inequality—and danger to both women & children (as has already happened).

Or how institutions & organizations are trying to set up a situation in which a man who feels female and goes to a doctor complaining of abdominal pain will not just be tested for abdominal issues, but also uterine issues—despite not having a uterus.

Females claiming to feel male may insist on being tested for non-female issues, even though her reproductive system may be the issue.

I'm not sure if this has actually happened yet, but the idea is being pushed forward.

Furthermore, in some places, it is legal for a 6-7-months pregnant woman with a fully developed baby who can live (with assistance) outside the womb to kill this baby in a multi-step procedure—all because she doesn't feel like she's ready to have a baby, whether to raise it herself or opt for adoption (because adoption also presents very real emotional challenges).

In the frum world, rabbis receive insistent questions from young frum Jews in non-Jewish/non-frum working environments who wish to record meaningless TV shows on Shabbat in order to participate in conversations with their co-workers, who primarily discuss a specific show.

They express feeling awkward & judged by not watching the TV show.

Because feelings play such a decisive role nowadays, it's increasingly difficult to encourage actions that may cause some degree of discomfort—and the vast majority of any kind of inner growth initially sparks discomfort.

When Only Physical Beauty is Worth Any Pain

While the world of bodybuilding and other avenues of physical beautification still hold by the motto "No pain, no gain," many people expect to reach all other goals with minimal effort.

This includes education, money, food, relationships, material acquisition, and much more.

(True, people in certain majors in Ivy League schools expect hard work—like Harvard law or Harvard medical school. However, many American college students expect easy work & grades, and indeed receive an insufficient education even at the college level.)

Also in the realm of emotions, people increasingly turn to drugs (both legal & not) for relief.

A minority of those taking medication invest effort in working on their middot. I've met them and their determination to work on themselves while taking medication (sincerely using the medication as an assistant to their inner work, rather than as a replacement for inner work) inspires me with a lot of admiration for them.

It's not easy, yet they persevere onward.

But most people taking medication use it to feel good rather than be good.

So when people hear encouragement to grow in ways that are emotionally uncomfortable, it sounds too foreign and repellant.

The Rocky Road of a Meaningful Life

Interestingly, despite all the remedies for & catering to emotional demands, many people complain of feeling lonely or otherwise dissatisfied in their lives.

Doing the right thing automatically creates a rockier road in our life journey.

But an attitude of emunah & a relationship with Hashem can give us pleasure as we make our way over the rocks.

Knowing that the rockiness makes a stronger & better in the end, knowing that a wonderful future awaits us at the end—these grant the journey meaning and make it all feel worthwhile.

Yet the road never lies straight forever; every journey consists of ups & downs.

Most people cannot maintain a high level of emunah for long.

They experience lows.

Sometimes, a lonely & frustrating situation hits regardless of what the person does to prevent it: a disability, an accident, an attack, a death, a lost job—these can all thrust a person into a low place.

Other times, a moral decision casts a person into a low place. Swimming against the current means exhaustion and getting water & debris in your face at times.

A person who decides to:

keep Shabbat
behave & dress with personal dignity & modesty
keep kosher (or a higher level of kashrut)
refuses to go to the movies
etc...

...will find themselves feeling uncomfortable & frustrated in modern society (unless they live & work in a predominantly frum community—and even then, if they uphold standards higher than their community's, they may also experience loneliness, rejection, discomfort, and frustration).

Another example:
Adhering to the laws of lashon hara sometimes causes very hard feelings and incite criticism—no matter how nicely & gently you hold your ground in this area.

Yet millennia of Jewish scholarship remains uncompromising about sins of the tongue, emphasizing the glory in store for one who refrains from speaking wrongly while warning of the terrible damage resulting from improper speech.

One famous afterlife communication stressed that in the Heavenly Court, "sins of the tongue are the worst of all."

Depending on what social circles you find yourself in, upholding the laws of lashon hara can definitely bring you loneliness, discomfort & rejection.

So should you consider yourself exempt?

No way. They don't exempt you in Shamayim for such reasons.

We are expected to rise to the occasion and build ourselves.

Grueling challenges are indeed, well...grueling.

I once knew a young Jewish woman who majored in Chrixian art.

Outside of her classes, she dedicated her heart, time, and money to this subject.

Yet upon becoming frum, she realized this career presented a challenge to her newfound frumkeit.

Consultation with knowledgeable, experienced people revealed the dismaying truth: There was no kosher outlet for her chosen calling.

For art? Yes.

For this specific branch of art? Absolutely not.

All those years, time, and money invested in this art? Null & void.

That's pretty depressing, isn't it?

Understandably, she went through a sour period following this unhappy revelation.

But much to her credit, she stuck it out (at least for as long as I knew her).

If you see her journey through eyes of emunah, then you realize that Hashem caused her initial attraction to tamei art, and caused her to discover frumkeit when she did, and then caused her to confront this massive nisayon.

You also realize that she receives MAJOR BIG-TIME reward & blessing for her fortitude to turn away from her previous calling and forge a new path.

That is HARD.

And she deserves enormous credit for her courage & commitment, despite her massive disappointment.

Much Suffering Naturally FEELS Exceptional to the Sufferer—Even When It's Not

If a person expresses difficulty, loneliness, discomfort, unhappiness, frustration, etc., with adhering to a specific mitzvah or prohibition, we should respond with empathy, compassion, and encouragement.

We should be careful not to shame the person, or otherwise denigrate or crush somebody struggling in a nisayon.

However, negative feelings & inconvenience should never be accepted as an excuse to stomp all over clear Torah prohibitions—especially extremely severe prohibitions that cause the destruction of both one's society & one's self.

Many of us suffer negative feelings & challenging situations.

People suffering from same-gender attraction can't use that as an exemption.

Society presents it as an exceptional type of suffering, but it's not as special or exceptional as presented in the mainstream.

And thanks again to Devorah for introducing that simple yet powerful truth.

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Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Toldot: When the Supporting Role Equals the Starring Role

19/11/2020

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In Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah for Parshas Toldos 4 – Eisav’s Role in History, we learn that there is no such thing as wicked-from-birth.

Yes, many of us know the story of how fetal Eisav itched to get out when Rivka Imeinu walked past a place of idol worship, while fetal Yaakov itched to get out when she walked by a place of Torah learning.

Also, when Rivka Imeinu went to inquire of Hashem, the Prophet told her that 2 nations wrestled within her womb—"the older will serve the younger."

So it seems like Eisav was born to be bad.

But Rav Miller says that isn't the real meaning.

Esav was very good in some ways—like honoring his parents, for example. Even Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel claimed that he never managed to achieve Eisav's level in honoring his father.

Rav Miller offers examples, then sums it up, affirming that he heard this from his own Rebbe (page 6):

Eisav was a very good person, with a tremendous amount of potential for greatness.

In a nutshell, Eisav's role in life was to help Yaakov accomplish great things in the world.

Yet Eisav rejected that role.

Had he embraced it, history would have been completely different.

Here's Rav Miller on pages 6-7:

How sad it is that a person with such potential, such character and talents, should go lost because he won’t accept that.

If Eisav would have executed his role properly he wouldn’t have been any less successful than Yaakov Avinu.

Had he used his given talents – his ruddiness, his gevurah – to help Yaakov, he would have become great no less than Yaakov Avinu.

He would be in Olam Haboh right now, sitting right next to his younger brother, next to Yitzchok and Avrohom and all the tzadikim.

All or Nothing

But Eisav refused to accept his subservient position.

Even though doing exactly that would've endowed him with tremendous blessing & success, both in This World & The Next, he refused.

He wanted to be the star.

It reminds me of those girls in the school drama tryouts. They love acting. But if they can't be one of the leads, then they don't want to be in the production at all.

Or like the man Rav Miller mentions on page 7, the man who wanted to be president of the kehillah, but instead became vice-president.

Being #2 wasn't remotely acceptable, so he left Brooklyn to settle in California.

Some people are like that (although anyone can always change for the better).

So when his father's blessings showed Eisav that the prenatal Prophecy was coming into fruition, Eisav backed out.

He literally ran away.

Edomite DNA?

Yitro's descendants, the Kennites, chose the opposite of Eisav.

They attached themselves to descendants of Yaakov, and they made an excellent destiny for themselves.

But not Eisav.

And Eisav's offspring held on to the idea that Yaakov tricked Eisav out of being the star of the show.

Is that at least partly why the Gospel-believers insist that God replaced Bnei Yisrael with the Gospels & the church?

That movement originated in Rome—Edom, Eisav.

Despite their blatant lack of commitment (even the outright basics like kashrut & circumcision proved too much for them), they insist on Replacement Theory: There's a new chosen people in town.

Is it the Edomite spiritual DNA coming through?

I don't know, but it sounds it's part of the reason.

The Winning Combination: The Best of Yaakov & The Best of Eisav

On pages 9-10, Rav Miller presents an intriguing story about Rav Yisroel Salanter and Sir Moshe Montefiore.

Then, on pages 10-15, we learn about an descendant of Eisav (the Emperor Antoninus) who behaved as Eisav originally should have and humbled himself to Rebbi.

Antoninus even wrote what Rav Miller called a mussar book—a book available today in English: Meditations of Marcus Aurelius.

Together, Rebbi & Antoninus worked to produce the Mishna we have today. It couldn't have happened through just one of them; the joint effort between the best of Yaakov & the best of Eisav produced a work of eternal greatness.

Despite the dire end predicted for Eisav, Rebbi reassured Antoninus that such an end only applied to those who behave like Eisav.

Antoninus, on the other hand, deserved a much better eternity—and he got it.

Don't Feel Bad about Operating behind the Scenes

Rav Miller notes that most of us are "small" people.

Vitally important people, of course, but not great & sagely tzaddikim.

And that's okay.

In fact, that's really good!

We have a lot to accomplish in our own stunning smallness.

When we help great people, we accomplish great things.

Rav Miller discusses this at length in his usual witty way throughout pages 15-18.

On pages 18-20, he switches the discussion to the domestic sphere.

And he's absolutely right in what he says.

L'havdil, we see in politics the powerful role of the wife behind the scenes. For example, Presidents Woodrow Wilson & Warren G. Harding could not have won the American Presidency without their wives (especially Harding).

And President Wilson certainly could not have held on to his Presidency without his wife.

Due to illness, his leadership should have passed on to his Vice-President. But Mrs. Wilson kept things going, wielding so much power that those in-the-know later said that Mrs. Wilson was actually America's first female President.

Neither Mrs. Wilson or Mrs. Harding could have achieved so much power & influence on their own, nor could their husbands have achieved so much power & influence on their own.

BOTH the Stars & Their Supporters Play Important Roles in Life!

This powerful lesson shining out of Parshat Toldot flies in the face of so much of Western society.

Even in the frum community, how many times have you come across stories of people who raised themselves up to create & run their own organization?

That's often the happy ending.

But that's not a happy ending for me personally. That kind of ending makes my stomach clench.

Now, please don't misunderstand me.

I'm GRATEFUL for these organizations!

They fulfill vital needs & I wish them tremendous success.

But for me, the thought of being the Head Honcho and actually managing an entire organization makes me want to crawl under a large blanket and never come out again.

But in this dvar Torah, Rav Miller comforts people like me, reassuring us that helpful participation in lofty goals is more than enough.

We don't have to be the stars of the show.

We can just be us.

And that's really good!

(Phew!)

Please don't forget to check out page 21, with practical tips for being a stunning supporter.

And if you're in the US, you might find Rav Miller's take on Thanksgiving intriguing.

Credit for all material & quotes go to Toras Avigdor, who uphold the ideal presented in this dvar Torah.

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A Sick Society Produces Sick POVs...and Demands a Lot of Patience for Ourselves & Others while We Struggle in All the Mud

15/11/2020

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There's an article in which an American rabbi tells of the time he conducted a funeral for a 60-something woman he'd never met.

He borrowed a knife from the funeral director to help everyone tear kriah in mourning, then returned it to the director.

With the deceased's few children & grandchildren in attendance, plus standing under a burning sun, the rabbi found the experience draining, both physically & emotionally.

He genuinely empathized with their grief & did his best to honor the deceased & comfort her descendants.

On his way out of the cemetery, the funeral director stopped the rabbi and accused him of borrowing & not returning his knife, claiming it was his only one.

Judaism holds strict prohibitions against any kind of stealing, even something as minor as a knife.

Distressed by the accusation, the rabbi struggled to remember where he put it. It was weird because he was sure he'd returned it. But he figured it must be true because why would the funeral director make it up?

After searching his own pockets & not finding it, he returned to assisting the mourners then headed over to the funeral director to apologize & write down his address so the rabbi could send him a new knife.

But the director responded with belligerence, insisting that he had a whole list of qualms against the rabbi.

The rabbi had only known this man for 2 hours.

His mind raced to figure out what he could have done during these past 2 hours (most of which was taken up with conducting the funeral).

Finally, with total sincerity, the rabbi apologized and asked the director what had offended him so severely?

At that point, the director grinned and said, "Nothing." Still grinning, he explained that he likes to joke around with people in that way.

And then he reassured the rabbi that the missing knife had been part of the joke.

"You did give it back to me," he said.

The rabbi left the encounter shaking.

Here's What's Wrong with This Picture

Needless to say, the director's behavior displayed appalling insensitivity. Also, having dealt with people like this before, I think it shows a sadistic streak.

Not that he's a full-blown psychopath, but he shows a tendency to enjoy hurting people.

After all, how could he miss the rabbi's genuine distress over possibly not returning the knife & that the rabbi might have seriously offended the guy somehow?

Did he miss how perspiring, overheated, and exhausted the rabbi looked?

He saw the rabbi's distress, including the search for the knife when the rabbi was already overheated & exhausted...and thought it was funny.

In truth, such behavior is sickening. And his whole "joke" trampled all over the prohibition of ona'at devarim—a prohibition stated outright in the Torah itself.

(I also wonder if pretending someone stole something they didn't falls under the prohibition of geneivat hadaat—the prohibition of deceiving someone.)

The director was Jewish and with any kind of Orthodox Jewish schooling, he really should have known better despite his lesser tendencies.

The rabbi concluded the article with a gentle & intelligent description of what was wrong with the "joke" and what this shows about society today.

According to halacha, everything the rabbi did at that time and explained in the article's conclusion was correct.

But the comment section of the article was full of criticism—against the rabbi.

That's right. They had teinos against the victim.

Yay Sadistic Jerks! Boo Pained Victims! Rah-Rah-Rah!

Several comments implored (or chastised) the rabbi to "understand" the funeral director, claiming that people working in such jobs developed black humor to deal with the morbidity inherent within their profession.

They even lectured the rabbi, as if the rabbi was an ignoramus who lacks understanding of such things. After all, how could the rabbi be so lacking in empathy toward the director?

One accused the rabbi of overacting & not being able to take a joke. Another expressed "disappointment" in the rabbi and criticized the rabbi, both for not empathizing with the funeral director AND for not leaving the readers with a positive message!

Another went so far as to criticize the rabbi for looking for more things to be sad about when the world is already sad about the Beis HaMikdash and the numerous tragedies that have followed (????). This comment insisted that we only feel sad at the prescribed times (Tisha B'Av, etc.) and not "look for more sadness"—implying that the rabbi's response to the ona'at devarim at the end of a funeral when the rabbi was physically & emotionally drained...was simply to make problems for himself and others.

It's true that black humor develops among paramedics, doctors, undertakers, commandos, and other such professions.

But this isn't black humor.

When people in difficult professions talk ABOUT their situations or in the midst of dealing DIRECTLY WITH a situation, they lace it with humor to make it more bearable.

But this director went out of his way to cause distress to a fellow Jew for absolutely NO reason—other than to amuse himself. (And it's not amusing unless you are a bit of a sadist. This is not what people in the above professions do to deal with their pain. It's not normal, even for the above.)

He pranked the rabbi in an ugly way during a physically & emotionally draining moment.

And people defend this!

How is that possible?

After all, the rabbi even explained WHY it was wrong.

Yet many commenters apparently could not comprehend the rabbis explanation.

(BTW, several commenters defended the rabbi's point of view and gently tried to educate his detractors.)

But even if you don't know halacha, it's still very disturbing.

The sincere, intelligent, gentle, knowledgeable rabbi got kicked in the teeth in the comments section.

The immature, sadistic jerk of a director received impassioned defense.

And we all know that response doesn't only happen in the comment section...

Turn to Torah

As we all see for ourselves, society is spiraling downwards.

As discussed in previous posts (HERE & HERE), the generations of Sodom, the Flood, and the Dispersion reincarnate before Mashiach comes, plus the Erev Rav increases & strengthens...and that's what we're seeing now.

And those of us who grow up in this society can't escape the influence—at least, not right away.

The more you immerse yourself in the frum world, associate with truly decent people, and read Torah books, and listen to Torah lectures (that reflect REAL Torah hashkafah & not just a mix of the Torah's truth & the speaker's blind spots), the more you change internally.

You start to feel the difference between what is actually right and what you formerly thought was right.

I remember when I first became frum, I ran into frum responses that I did not understand (but thought I understood) because they were so foreign to the environment in which I'd been brought up.

Combine that with the presumption that frum people are out of it and need to be educated about lots of things, and you have a prescription for condescending self-righteous lecturing.

However, even when I was secular, I did not think people like the funeral director were okay. I knew that was wrong.

But there were other things.

We all have our "other things" to work on.

And some of these wildly wrong comments expressed their wrongness with gentleness & tact—clearly, they thought their support of anti-Torah behavior would be very helpful to the rabbi. They so sincerely wish to help him understand so he would no longer "look for sadness" and "stop taking himself so seriously" and so on.

These people lecture you on why an outright Torah prohibition is justified. (They could do this regarding ona'at devarim as above, or lashon hara or abortion or same-gender marriage or immodesty, and so on.)

And many of us have done the same thing at some point.

All that Glitters is Not Gold

Heck, even if you're FFB, certain anti-Torah notions may have infiltrated your mind, and you only realize that later in life.

The truth is that we live in a very sick society that strives to always present itself in the most appealing manner.

If you sprinkle enough glitter & perfume on the most repugnant pile of filth, it won't even smell or look like what it is.

But despite all the pretty glitter & expensive perfume, you definitely shouldn't step in it.

It still is what it is.

The glitter & perfume does nothing to change its basic putrid nature.

The Unfunny Side of Funny

When Noach spent decades building the ark to grant time for his generation to repent, people laughed at him.

They mocked him for thinking that wrong behavior was—well—WRONG.

"Ha-ha, Noach! You think there's going to be a flood? You think we're all going to be punished? Lighten up! Stop taking sin so seriously! Eat, drink, and be merry, ya old stick-in-the-mud!"

Later in Sodom, the court of law forced the victim to pay his assailant.

"He did you a favor by assaulting you with a rock," said the judge. "Pay him for the blood-letting treatment."

Yes, penalize the victim & empathize with the assailant—hasn't that become an upstanding value in Western society today?

Or ha-ha, isn't it funny that Sodomites took a short wayfarer (who innocently wandered into Sodom looking for lodgings & refreshment) and torturously stretched him to fit the long bed?

You & I think that's sick.

Sodom thought it was funny.

And just imagine the finger-waggers of ancient Mesopotamia: "Why did you wander into Sodom, anyway? You should have known!"

Sodom looked so nice from the outside—lush, cultured, abundant, fashionable, stylish, modern, progressive, luxurious...why not look to them for lodgings when you're exhausted from your journey and, anyway, there is nowhere else to turn?

After all, Sodom had so much to spare.

But they tortured the hapless wayfarers to death and gave coins to the starving homeless instead of food. (Each Sodomite kept a coin with his name engraved in it so that when the starving person keeled over in death, each Sodomite returned and took his coin back.)

So much ugliness lurked beneath the appearance of Paradise.

Be Patient...and Give Yourself Credit for even Trying

And that is the situation in which we find ourselves today.

Defend & empathize with the victimizer while rebuking the victim.

Tell the victim (who is suffering emotionally & physically) to lighten up, understand the victimizer, stop spreading sadness..."Don't take yourself so seriously, victim!"

Just joking! Just kidding! Just fooling around! Just trying to lighten things up! Can't you take a joke? Ha-ha-ha.

Ona'at devarim? What, you can't handle a little bit of black humor? Hey, some people need to let off steam, ya know. And THAT takes a backseat to some quaint, old-fashioned Torah prohibition!

Having said all that, all the people who rebuked, lectured, and criticized the victim in the article can do teshuvah.

They developed their wonky views from their wonky surrounding society.

Like I said, most of us have had to contend with doing a 180-degree turn with our value system in at least one area.

So there is definitely hope.

It also means that we need to be patient with others—not validating their anti-Torah views, but realizing that they need help getting to where they need to be. (Like all the commenters who wrote in to gently correct the views of the onaat devarim supporters.)

I remember the people who maintained their patience with me, explaining their side gently, compassionately, and without demonizing me for being wrong.

And just as importantly, we need to be patient with ourselves.

Not demonizing ourselves for thinking wrongly, making a mistake, or responding wrongly.

There's no need to demonize—just correct. Correct the direction. It's a journey. It's a process.

It's like you're trapped in a rushing mudflow—and you need to swim against a debris-laden, suffocating current.

Give yourself credit just for TRYING!

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The Egyptian Demand for Safe Spaces!

The Value of Mishchu: It Protects Us from Getting Lost

The Struggle to Maintain a Torah-Based Identity

Authentically Kosher Jewish Humor

How to Live Forever

Getting the Intellectual Challenges Out of the Way

Let's be Blunt for a Moment

Always Start with Some Compassionate Self-Scrutiny

How Spiritual Physics Work regarding the Shaking Rope of Emunah

Now You See It, Now You Don't

Find Comfort as Best You Can in Tehillim

If You Cannot Do Anything Else, Just HOLD ON TO THE ROPE

We are Not the Religion of Cloning

It's All Cramped & Dark Stuffed Inside the Mommy-Mold

Clone-Enforcement is Rebellion against Hashem

Take a Walk on the Peculiar Side

Jews Held to a Different Standard

It's All Very Telling

Two Pieces of Advice for Both Sides

You as the Star of the Most Terrifying Zombie Movie

You in a Tear-Jerking Scene of the Historic Movie

You as a Thrilling Climax of the Historic Movie

"One foot in, one foot out. ​But the main thing is that the last foot should be outside."

Expected a Book on Writing & Received an Obama Fangirl Instead

The Lady Lighthouse-Keeper: Carving Out the Real Story from the Modern Liberal Bias

The Nature of Women Changed—But Modern Researchers Fail to Understand That

Newsflash: People Used to Think VERY Differently than We Do Now. In Fact, Life was Very Different.

Reason #1: Agendas & Thought-Programming Take Precedence over Integrity & Trustworthiness

Reason #2: Values Changed So Much, They are No Longer Recognizable.

Who is Truly Free in Today's World?

The Injustice of Feelings as the Deciding Factor

When Only Physical Beauty is Worth Any Pain

The Rocky Road of a Meaningful Life

Grueling challenges are indeed, well...grueling.

Much Suffering Naturally FEELS Exceptional to the Sufferer—Even When It's Not

All or Nothing

Edomite DNA?

The Winning Combination: The Best of Yaakov & The Best of Eisav

Don't Feel Bad about Operating behind the Scenes

BOTH the Stars & Their Supporters Play Important Roles in Life!

Here's What's Wrong with This Picture

Yay Sadistic Jerks! Boo Pained Victims! Rah-Rah-Rah!

Turn to Torah

All that Glitters is Not Gold

The Unfunny Side of Funny

Be Patient...and Give Yourself Credit for even Trying

Myrtle Rising

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But the main thing is that the last foot should be outside."