Category: Society

The #1 Way to Deal with Anger & Other Intense Negative Emotions

16/9/2019

I have not found a better antidote to fight the middah of anger than emuna.

Knowing that everything is from Hashem and thus for my benefit does a lot to dampen any fire swelling up in my heart.

It doesn't mean that I win the battle against anger every single time, but a lot of progress has been made over the years, baruch Hashem.

But emuna doesn't only mean knowing that everything is from Hashem and therefore, of benefit. It also means knowing that there is a message from Hashem too.

That initial flash of temper or seething indignation are a pressing doorbell being rung by the Creator Himself.

What is He trying to tell me?

Things that Make You Seethe

For example, whenever I took the bus at a certain time, there was always the same girl on either side of age 20 with her cell phone out and her rotund self positioned in that empty square in the middle of the bus meant for baby strollers.

If one mommy got on the bus with a stroller, the girl moved to the side.

But if another mommy with a stroller got on, the girl did not move out of the way so that the second mommy could fit her stroller in too.

And yes, the girl noticed. She still didn't make room for the stroller.

And yes, the mommies glanced at her because her behavior was so unusual (and also hoping she would let the second one in), but she didn't seem to notice.

And this is especially weird in the frum community (this was a very modernish-looking frum girl) because the girls are raised to be sensitive about this scenario and many have seen their mothers struggle with strollers on the bus, and many have also struggled with taking their younger siblings on the bus in a stroller.

So it's very bizarre to see a frum girl behaving with such a lack of consideration in this area.

And this kind of thing really, really bothers me.

It makes me seethe inside — especially when I see how hard it is for the second mommy to keep her balance, holding onto a pole and also trying to keep her unsecured stroller from swinging around (and keeps glancing at the girl, clearing wondering why she doesn't make room for the stroller).

And I learned over the years not to fight someone else's fight unless they really need me to. I learned the hard way that it's not always best to speak up every time I see something like this, even though I know how to do it quietly & gently.

Israeli society is an assertive society, and Israelis don't usually need me to stand up for them — unless I see that one really is too timid to stand up for herself (especially if it's a child or preteen). Then I'll come to their aid. But in this kind of situation, these women are perfectly capable of politely asking the girl if she could move a bit.

But they don't.

And I'm seething.

So according to Torah Judaism what should I do?

1) Giving the Benefit of the Doubt

Giving the benefit of the doubt is usually the first thing on the list.

Maybe the space-hogging girl doesn't notice? That's common enough.

But as I look at the girl, I find it hard to believe that she really doesn't notice. Yes, she's involved with her cell phone, but not all the time. She does look up and she does see them.

Maybe she has some kind physical problem or pain that makes sitting or going up the step to the back section after the stroller-square uncomfortable?

But she seems to get off the bus with no problem at all, and that involves a pretty steep step.

Okay, so maybe she has a problem with sitting AND a balance problem, so standing in the square is the most comfortable and secure place for her?

In that type of situation, the person sometimes apologizes and offers a brief explanation why they aren't accommodating others. But people don't always feel comfortable explaining themselves, so they don't. So maybe that's how she is too.

And that's the best I could come up with, even though she doesn't look like she's struggling with knee or hip or balance issues.

But you really never know. I think we've all been surprised before by people who really seemed fine, but actually weren't.

2) Pray for the Seethe-Inducing "Sinner"

Anyway, at this point, I've gone as far as I can with giving the benefit of the doubt.

And I'm still seething.

And it happens every time with this same girl.

And I seethe!

The next step is to mentally say a little prayer that the girl does teshuvah on her own with no negative impetus; she should just awaken on her own.

But despite my heartfelt tefillahs, she still rudely hogs the stroller area.

3) What is Hashem Trying to Tell Me?

So the next step is to ponder the message Hashem has for me.

After all, it's no coincidence that I'm faced with this seethe-inducing situation.

And it's no coincidence that, despite being an assertive society, these Israeli mommies don't say a word to her, or even cast nasty glares her way.

Why am I faced with this specific scenario?

So I try to think of situations in which maybe I am doing something obviously inconsiderate that literally everyone else knows better not to do, while I remain oblivious.

And though I am far from perfect, I couldn't think of an inconsideration as blatant as this.

So the next time I spoke with Hashem, I brought this up.

And I got the following straight-between-the-eyes message...

Look Up! Take Notice! And GET MOVING.

As Jews, we know we are all in the same boat together.

One Jew's actions (for better or for worse) affect every single other Jew.

Just one more transgression on the part of one Jew can tip the scales toward harsh decrees in Heaven.

Yet just one more good deed on the part of one Jew can tip the Heavenly scales toward merit & compassion — toward Geula.

That one mitzvah might be the last stone in the building of the Heavenly Beit Hamikdash that brings it down to Earth.

Likewise, I realized that Hashem was telling me to clean up my act.

Yes, I've made spiritual progress over the years.

But I need to step up my game.

I don't own a smartphone, but I can certainly miss the mark in other ways.

Hashem was basically telling me:
"How can you just stand there? Look up! Pay attention to your fellow Jews! For better or for worse, your actions affect them & the Nation's Heavenly Scales as much as your actions affect your own Heavenly Judgement. Please be less self-absorbed. When you don't do the right thing, you inconvenience your fellow Jews in ways you don't even perceive. If you can't have mercy on your own soul, at least have mercy on the souls of others. So please wake up and get moving!"

And guess what?

I haven't seen her since.

Maybe it's because I got the message?

The Lesser You vs. The Greater You: Pick One

So that was really, really good mussar for me.

I was just like, "Whoa! Wake-up call!"

(Just for clarification: I do work on myself, but apparently I need to step up my game. No surprise there.)

And that's fine.

But the point of this is that had I been like my old self, I would've just continued to seethe, hate that girl for being mean to mommies and babies (and kind of endangering them by not allowing their stroller to be in a secure place).

Maybe I would have said something to her, maybe not, but I would've been really angry with NO purpose to that emotion.

And therefore, NO GROWTH.

And then you know how it goes:

Theoretically, I would just vent to my husband or my friends or even on Facebook or Twitter (neither of which I use; this is a theoretical example) with this whole What-is-the-world-coming-too? tone and huff about how it's even a FRUM girl, and what's wrong with the frum community today?

(Even though she is the ONLY girl I've ever seen do this in this way, so how on earth does that reflect on the entire frum community? Does ONE consistently thoughtless girl in over 2 decades of living in frum communities make a generalization all of the sudden?)

Maybe I would even surreptitiously photograph the girl with the smartphone (which I don't own in reality) and upload the image to social media accompanied by some kind of outraged quip followed by lots of !!!!!!!!!! or ?????????.

And again, with absolutely no to'elet whatsoever.

And no growth!

In fact, the opposite: Indulging in such angry & self-righteous & obsessive behavior actually makes us smaller and lesser people.

Just dumping a whole lot meaningless negativity all over myself and other people?

That stunts spiritual growth.

But because of Rav Shalom Arush and the writings and shiurim of other real Torah Jews, I was finally able to at least start to develop spiritual tools to deal with anger and anger-inducing situations:

Give the benefit of the doubt as far as you can (WITHOUT justifying truly forbidden behavior).
Daven for that person to improve.
Look for the message: What is Hashem trying to tell ME? Because despite appearances, it's not as much about the other person as we tend to assume.

Again, not that I do this splendidly every time. I don't. (In fact, with the above situation, it took several times of seeing this before I could fully complete Step 3. And even after completing Steps 1 & 2, I was still seething!)

And that's fine.

You have to start somewhere.

If you find yourself with the tendency to indulge in anger, self-righteousness, huffiness, obsessive thinking, and all that, then you're not going to overcome all that in a day.

But you need to start.

How?

You just see these challenges as a way to connect to Hashem, and then you go for it.

May we all succeed in completing our soul tikkun in this gilgul without nisayon or bizayon.

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Part 4: There is None Like Your Nation Israel - Ein K'Amcha Yisrael

15/9/2019

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Why is it vital to aim the spotlight on ordinary frum people being nice?

Because we are roundly attacked by all media at all times, and are incredibly self-critical ourselves, so we need to be reminded how many of us do really wonderful things.

It's not that I am an oblivious idiot sporting especially thick rose-colored glasses; I can tell you exactly what's wrong with the frum community in general and even get specific according to group.

It's very important to ALSO see the good in ourselves and in each other.

You can only fight darkness with light, not with more darkness.

Furthermore, it's important to sing the praises of regular Jews NOT engaged in grand acts.

If you think about it, Leah Imeinu and Chana were not much more than housewives on the surface. Their major avodah happened behind closed doors.

And even when Chana lost her privacy, she wasn't spotlighted for her profound holiness, but was mistaken for a brazen lush.

Yet these two quiet behind-the-scenes ladies merited their own portions in Tanach.

Leah birthed Mashiach.

And Chana's happily-ever-after finale?

Why, she got to be a stay-at-home-mom of 8 children!

(One of whom became one of the greatest Prophets ever, second to Moshe Rabbeinu.)

If Hashem thinks quiet, unseen acts are so important, then maybe we should too.

The Thoughtful Chassidic Tatty

One day, I went to go pick up my son from school before 1:30 PM, which means that I am out and on the bus when the rest of the country is doing the same.

In other words, rush hour with all the crowding & stress.

As I waited at the bus stop, a chassidic man sat there with his little boy. Then a woman approached pushing a stroller with one hand and holding a small child in the crook of her other arm. Another child clung to her skirt as they moved toward the bus stop.

The chassidic man unassumingly rose with his son and moved to stand on the other side of bus stop, thereby allowing the woman sit on the bench with her children.

(He needed to do this because chassidim - along with many other frum people - do not sit on a bench with the opposite gender. So scooting over wasn't enough; he needed to actually vacate the bench.)

Needless to say, this was very thoughtful of him.

The Little Beit Yaakov Girls with Mesirut Nefesh for Derech Eretz

I ended up standing toward the back of the packed bus, which was fine as I knew that seats would free up soon and anyway, it would only be a 15-minute ride maximum.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed two little (3rd- or 4th-grade?) Beit Yaakov girls look at me with concern, put their heads together for a quick whispered conference, then one hoisted herself up on to the lap of the girl sitting by the window, while the girl sitting underneath helped her balance.

Then they called out to me sit down in the newly vacated seat.

Now, I do not know what Beit Yaakov girls wear in other areas, but here, they have enormous backpacks in varying shades of pink that are half the size of the little girls carrying them.

It was humbling to see these two little girls crammed into one seat between their enormous pink sparkly bags, just so they could make a seat available for a perfectly healthy lady standing in the aisle.

I praised them & thanked them, then reassured them that I was fine standing, as anyway, seats would be vacated in another stop or two.

(I was really uncomfortable at the thought of exploiting the goodness these little baalot chessed crammed between the window and their backpacks and each other; I wouldn't have taken seat in such a situation unless I really needed to.)

But these little Beis Yaakov girls continued to hold their position, allowing me to have second thoughts if I wanted (I didn't) before the one finally rolled off the lap of the other. Then they both looked at me quizzically, so I praised them & thanked them again.

A minute later, a row of teenage girls at the back called out to me that a seat had opened up and I ended up sitting next to another little Beis Yaakov girl.

Definitely Not What You Want to Have Happen on a Bus

This little Beis Yaakov girl (maybe a 4th-grader?) started coughing a lot.

I wasn't sure what I could do since she was already holding an open bottle of water in her hand and drinking it when she could.

Suddenly, she coughed so hard she vomited phlegm onto her skirt and the floor.

I think we can all imagine how distressing that is.

All I had in my purse was a plastic bag, which I gave her in case she needed to spit up again.

The 2 Beis Yaakov girls (age 11 or 12?) sitting in front of us immediately turned around to help her, cooing sympathetically & reassuringly while one called out for tissues.

A 9-year-old Beit Yaakov girl had an entire package in her backpack, which was passed through the crowd as we started cleaning up the phlegmy girl.

Then the tissue-extracting stopped as one of the helpful girls called out to the tissue-owner if it was okay to use more tissues?

(We all knew it would be, but you've still got to ask.)

"Use up the entire package," came the authoritative answer.

So they continued cleaning up the phlegmy girl, cooing to her soothingly the whole time. (I discovered that they weren't her sisters, which I thought they might be, due to their attentive care toward her, but they did know her.)

One even cleaned off the floor so that no one would step in the gook later.

Then they helped her off the bus at her stop.

The Pious Chassid of Pirke Avot in Action

I want to bring you in for a closer look at that last scenario.

First of all, these were all very young girls involved.

Yet the entire time, they responded to the unexpected emergency with efficiency and discretion.

(No need to call attention to one's helpfulness nor the state of the phlegmy girl, who is embarrassed enough as is. Other than calmly & briefly calling out about the tissues, there were no raised voices or drama or even a startled "Omigosh — Sara just threw up!")

Also, it is disgusting to clean up someone else's phlegmy vomit with tissues (despite it being perfectly possible to do so without getting one's hands messy) because it just is.

Yet these young girls did so without making faces and without hesitation. They were completely focused on the needs of the suffering little girl.

They displayed no sense of self-importance, just concern for the other.

Finally, despite the distressing situation, they still had the presence of mind to ask the tissue-owner if they could use so many tissues.

Of course, we all KNEW the tissue-owner would say yes.

But there is the famous verse from Avot 5:10, which proclaims "sheli-shelcha, shelcha-shelcha — What's mine is yours; what's yours is yours" as the attitude of a righteous person.

So the first two girls fulfilled the second part of the verse: "shelach-shelach — This is yours. This situation is urgent, but not a real emergency. We need to follow the courtesy of at least asking your permission, even though we know you'll say yes. What's yours is YOURS."

And the tissue-owner fulfilled the first part of the verse: "sheli-shelach — You need my tissues, so now they're yours."

That was the most quintessentially Jewish part of the whole shebang.

And no offense to anyone, but I grew up in non-Jewish and secular Jewish culture. That extra step of instinctive consideration in the middle of an urgent situation?

I never saw it in the outside world. On the contrary, movies and books always show urgent situations as permitting a hefkerut of others' possessions. It's even idealized.

And there was a certain rhythm to it all. Everyone behaved like clockwork.

And the girl who even clean off the floor out of consideration for others' shoes? Chessed & thoughtfulness until to the end — and all performed in an automatic & unassuming manner.

Of course they knew they were being good and behaving correctly, but they clearly did not think they were special.

But they are.

And it's so delicious to see these young Jewish girls instilled with such fine Torah values.

Yashar koach to their parents and schools, and certainly to the innately holy neshamot of these young frum girls themselves.

Related links:
Part I: There is None like You, O Yisrael; Ein K'amcha Yisrael

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Rav Avigdor Miller's Exeptionally Amazing Dvar Torah on Parshat Ki Teitzei

13/9/2019

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Using examples from Parshas Ki Seitzei 2 – Justifying the Just and the Gemara, Rav Avigdor Miller describes the vital importance of both recognizing and praising a tzaddik.

Doing so is good for us; for the tzaddik who is a truly humble person, being praised doesn't matter.

WE benefit from searching out & praising our tzaddikim.

This directive is from Devarim 25:1:
"And they should justify the tzaddik and condemn the wicked."

Then Rav Miller explains how figuring out who is a tzaddik is as difficult now as it was in the generation of Hillel and Shmuel Hakatan.

"Many times there are great tzadikim who are unknown."

Once Again, We See that Real Greatness is Found in the Seemingly Small Things by Seemingly Regular People

And then Rav Miller delves into one of the topics that he covers so well and is one of the aspects that really draws me to his Torah:

Who is a tzaddik in HASHEM'S Eyes?

Rav Miller emphasizes it's not necessarily who we think.

Here it is in a nutshell:

“ 'The true chassidus that is desired by Hakodosh Boruch Hu is far from any picture we have in our mind.' [Mesillat Yesharim] You hear that? A real chossid, a man whose piety and devotion is desired by Hashem, is something that is far from what we imagine. It might be somebody that it’ll give us a big surprise to discover that he is the one."

Rav Miller goes on to explain that yes, the man with the impressive beard & payot who shuckles a lot while davening could be a big tzaddik, but it ain't necessarily so.

For example, the Gemara mentions a man who used to remove stones from the street to make traveling easier for pedestrians & riders. The Gemara calls such a man chassid — pious.

He looks like he's doing menial busy-work, but in Shamayim, such dedication to making life easier for others is actual a great act of chassidut, of piety.

Especially before there were smoothly paved roads, rocks tripped pedestrians and stubbed their toes. Stones made walking painful & injurious to those with less-than-excellent footwear. Horseshoes & wagon axles could be damaged by stones. Stones jarred the wagon in a way that wearied the riders.

So removing the stones was a very big chessed.

Thus, Rav Miller mentions that maybe a guy who kicks into the gutter every banana peel he sees (so that others don't slip on the peels) is a tzaddik.

He recalls a frum man he knew who, in snowy weather, filled a bag with sawdust or ashes, then as he went down the street, he scattered the contents around so that people wouldn't slip on the ice.

Sometimes, a slip on the ice leads to hospitalization, and this man was doing what he could to prevent that.

Maybe THIS man is a tzaddik, says Rav Miller.

Housewives, Booksellers, Halachah Experts, Teachers, and Refrainers from Lashon Hara: Singing the Praises of Our Unsung Heroes

Rav Miller recalls a frum book seller named Reb Shlomo Feldman who used to gather all the boys together on chol hamo'ed when the schools closed and organized prizes & Torah learning.

In his merit, there were Jewish boys learning Torah when they otherwise wouldn't be.

And he did such things all the time.

Rav Miller declares him "a tzaddik!" But acknowledges that people didn't appreciate the man's level of tzidkut.

Another man named Rav Asher Zimmerman never spoke even a smidgen of lashon hara — no matter what. And he was an expert in all practical halacha. In fact, people called him to ask about the practical halachot of issues, and he was always willing to respond to them.

Rav Miller also declares him a tzaddik, and yet:

"He didn’t look like a tzadik; he looked like a plain man. But I knew him personally — I knew him for at least fifty years...There’s no question that he wasn’t appreciated enough..."

(pg. 6)

Rav Miller continues:

"Now, while we’re on the subject of tzadikim you must know that it’s not only men — it may be a chiddush to you but there are many women tzadikim too."

(pg. 6)

He mentions Rebbetzin Vichna Kaplan, who founded one of the first frum girls seminaries in America, earning the praise of Rav Aharon Kotler.

In her merit, thousand of Jewish girls were taught to build idealistic Torah homes and raise large families. From her merit & dedication flowed generations of female teachers and homemakers.

Then Rav Miller emphasizes the greatness of Rebbetzin Kaplan in her home, that she was a tzaddekes at home too, and raised 14 children.

Praising our unsung heroes (who could also be us), Rav Miller states:

"There are thousands of frum mothers and fathers who are sacrificing to raise large families...They’re being moser nefesh to build Torah families, they're raising tzadikim and tzidkoniyos in their homes. And our very important function is to always be singing their praises; it’s the principle in our parsha of [v'hitzdiku et hatzaddik]. We have to raise up the banner of the tzadikim as much as we can."

(pg. 6)

Hashem's Special Agents of Truth

Rav Miller points to the Russian agents of Communism strewn throughout America in the Reagan years. They constantly sewed propaganda in favor of Russia & against the USA.

Relentless propagandists of the dark side — can't we do the same for God's Side?

Instead of being agents of disinformation, says Rav Miller, we should be agents of HaKadosh Baruch, agents of Truth.

Look for good things to say about every shul you enter, every school you see, every yeshivah and whenever you're in a group of Jews.

Rav Miller nearly got swept up in the Shoah. He saw the Jews in Europe before the Shoah. The murdered korbonot are not just numbers to him. He knew them.

So despite the crowding that can occur when among a large group, Rav Miller instead rejoices in the crowding and the long lines at kosher stores Erev Shabbat.

"Look at all these Jews!" is his constant refrain. "Ken yirbu! — May they only increase!"

He recommends finding something to praise in every shul:

This congregation gives so much tzedakah.
That congregation davens with so much fervor.
This congregation contains such friendly people.
That congregation displays such refined behavior.

And then you go talk about it.

When you sit down to eat with your family, have something wonderful to say about your fellow Jews — and mean it sincerely.

Spread Hashem's Propaganda Near & Far — and Don't be Afraid to be Superficial about It

This parsha tells us that Hashem wants us to be good salesman for Him, His Torah, and for each other.

According to Rav Miller:

"You have to be a salesman to sell the Torah ideals to the world. Always say a good word about the Torah, about tzadikim, about the frum families. I’m not talking now about speaking to irreligious Jews — the frum Jews have to hear it; they’re the ones who have to hear these words. And what about yourself? You have to hear it too! After all, it’s yourself who’s most important. And when you speak up, you’re talking to yourself."

(pg.8)

Then Rav Miller gives some interesting advice.

He says that if you, say, go to Eretz Yisrael to see a tzaddik, then you should talk about ALL the good things about him — even the superficial things.

Yes, you can and should mention how careful he is in mitzvot. But you should also describe his beautiful eyes and beard, and how lovely his bekitche was.

It's okay to be superficial when praising the good, says Rav Miller.

Yes, enthuse about the atmosphere of learning in a yeshivah.

But also talk about the organization of the books or the freshly painted walls. (if there were these things). Talk about the wonderfulness of the staff.

If there is ANYTHING good to say, no matter how superficial, then speak up!

Our job is to fight darkness with...LIGHT.

"Aren’t the wicked doing just the opposite? The wicked are giving every desirable adjective to every wicked thing and making it beloved by the multitude — and the whole world is being being misled. The most ugly things are described today in the most glowing terms.

"So why don’t we fight back and describe the beautiful things, the holy things, in most glowing terms. We have to be propagandists for everything good in this world."

(pg. 9-10)

SO TRUE.

What is Wickedness? Who is Wicked? What is Compassionate Condemnation?

Now comes the tricky part: the last bit of Devarim 25:1.

"...v'hirshi'u et ha rasha — and they should condemn the wicked."

Am Yisrael must be speak up, point a finger, and say, "This is wicked!"

But WHAT is wicked exactly?

It may not be what we think.

Rav Miller clarifies:

"Now, before we continue, I need to stress something so that we shouldn’t make any error.

"It’s of the utmost importance to understand that when we speak now about making judgments and condemning the wicked, it means those who have forsaken the derech haTorah.

"A frum Jew is not a rasha!

"And even though he happens to be your competitor in business or he follows another rebbe who may be in competition with yours, or maybe he even wronged you in some way, that means nothing. If there’s a dispute between you and him, that’s for beis din to decide; but he’s not a rasha."

Giving the benefit of the doubt & loving our brothers and sisters are equally important mitzvot to condemning the wicked.

We also FEEL compassion toward a rasha (maybe).

Why?

Because if that person had a better upbringing or a better family or a better neighborhood, then maybe that rasha could've been a decent person. Maybe that rasha could've been better than any of us.

But he's not.

So we feel compassion, but we also act according to Truth.

"...any weakness in our attitude towards wickedness, is a weakness in our attitude towards Hakodosh Boruch Hu."

(pg. 11)

Holy Leitzanut

On pages 11-12, Rav Miller goes into deliciously sharp condemnation of liberal attitudes toward the most deplorable criminals. It's worth reading the whole thing inside.

But he notes that the liberals, despite their self-promotion, aren't actually kind. They spew hatred and venom at anyone who disagrees with them.

"And what that means is that they function in direct contradistinction to our possuk — they spend their lives condemning the good ones and justifying the wicked."

And here are more words that are absolutely geshmak to hear in these topsy-turvy times:

"And even if we would write letters to the New York Times, they won’t print them — this I know from experience — but at least among ourselves we shouldn’t give any credit to the evolutionists or the liberals for having good intentions. They are resha’im gemurim and open liars — they are enemies of the truth."

One way to condemn the wicked is via holy leitzanut — making fun of them cleverly and l'shem Shamayim, as a way to uproot their attractiveness from our hearts so that we don't get pulled after them.

Even Yeshayahu Hanavi did it.

It can save one's soul.

And yes, Rav Miller cautioned against hurting the feelings of non-Jews and emphasized the importance of darkei shalom — ways of peace, but for ourselves to know that any anti-Torah idea "is altogether kulo sheker from beginning to end."

Rav Miller makes the astute insight that any truth used by those in the wrong is only to give credence to their lies.

This is a brilliant insight.

Many people get confused by the dusting of truth sprinkled over all the mammoth lies.

But now we know what's going on with that and don't need to get confused anymore.

And on page 14, Rav Miller says a bunch of very sharp things that are better to read in the original, and he makes another astute insight about people we are no longer allowed to condemn, despite their actions being wholly condemned unequivocally by the Torah, and also that this behavior has led to an increase in violence, drugs, and an incurable 100% fatal disease.

And they're targeting children.

How did he know that back then living ensconced in a Torah community?

I don't know.

But he says:

"And that’s they’re doing today — don’t think otherwise — they’re headed for your children. And you want to love them?! You want to love a snake?"

What is the Most Open Mind You Could Have?

And here is a stunning excerpt that turns everything on its head in presenting the crystalline Torah viewpoint:

"And don’t think that we’re being selfish or we’re being limited in our outlook.

"We have to know we are the ones who are broadminded.

"We are broadminded enough not to be influenced by the fads of the day. We’re proud to be close-minded!

"You know, if your mind is closed, and it’s open only to the subject of Hashem, that’s the most open mind you could have.

"But if your mind is open to anything at all, if it lets everything in, then it’s the most closed mind there is because everything settles in your thoughts. And what is the result? All kinds of sewage collect in your head, and your mind becomes just a garbage disposal, that’s all.

"An open mind is a mind of sewage."

(pg. 14-15)

I find that very liberating.

Let's take out the key point and put it in a special snippet:

"...if your mind is closed, and it’s open only to the subject of Hashem, that’s the most open mind you could have."

Geshmak. I just love it.

"I'm an Apikoris When It Comes to Art!"

On pages 15-17, Rav Miller gives very funny descriptions of the worlds of baseball, art, and music.

It's not that you can't ever play ball, paint, or whistle.

It's the whole culture & worship of it.

What's it being used for?

That's the problem.

"The world stands on the righteousness of the Jewish people; that’s a fundamental truth that is constantly reiterated in the Tanach."

So we'd better be good. Everyone is depending on us (whether they know it or not).

And notice our good. Talk about our good.

Praise tzaddikim — ALL tzaddikim, not just your favorite tzaddik.
Praise frum Jews — ALL frum Jews, not just the group you identify with the most.
Downplay the outside world.
Talk about how wicked & ridiculous it is.

"...without Torah ideals, there can’t be true good."

Rav Miller declares that Devarim 25:1 is fundamental for fulfilling our purpose in this world.

Then he quotes Rabbeinu Yonah:

"...by doing this, by merely preparing your thoughts and using your words for the cause of praising the true good in this word, then without any effort and work of your hand, you will acquire merits without end, because this is one of the most important purposes of the creation of man.”

Credit for all quotes goes solely to Toras Avigdor, may they be blessed with increasing success & bracha.

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How a Little Sticker Helped Forge Jewish Feminine Identity & Created a Great Kiddush Hashem

12/9/2019

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When I first started my voyage into frumkeit, I noticed something in many frum homes, both in America & in Eretz Yisrael.

On the telephone was a sticker warning against lashon hara.

On the fridge hung a magnet warning against lashon hara.

Some homes even had an anti-lashon hara reminder on the front door.

It was also clear to me that it was the woman of the house who was so concerned about lashon hara.

In fact, I initially assumed that the Chafetz Chaim wrote his celebrated sefer for women!

I was shocked to discover that he'd written it as a general guide for all Jews, which was initially only studied by men.

It's very much to the credit of Jewish women that they embraced this sefer with so much heartfelt devotion & commitment.

Anyway, seeing these little stickers and magnets made a deep impression on me, even without me consciously realizing it at the time.

It impressed upon me the importance of the laws of lashon hara, which take profound discipline, emuna, and concern for others in order to uphold them.

And I noticed this same effect on many, many of my peers.

Again, the fact that Jewish women devoted themselves to an area of Jewish Law that demands such intense discipline, emuna, and compassion for others is a tremendous zechut for Am Yisrael.

Even when people stumbled in this area, it was still clear that lashon hara was a very big deal and not an area to be ignored.

When forging my identity as a Jewish woman, the halachot of lashon hara were an innate part of that new identity (even as I sometimes resented or misunderstood their boundaries).

Why?

Because of those female-applied stickers and magnets.

Now, this doesn't mean that I didn't trip up in this area.

But I was motivated to review the halachot and strive to uphold them BECAUSE of their importance and significance to the frum community.

And because I saw frum women discussing the halachot in casual conversation, because I saw stickers and magnets applied by frum women, and because I saw frum women accepting upon themselves certain hours to be exactingly makpid against speaking lashon hara and voluntarily participating in quizzes to strengthen their knowledge of lashon hara, it became part of my identity too — just like covering my hair after marriage or wearing long skirts or lighting Shabbat candles.

(Not that I was or am perfect about stuff, but it did give me a strong start AND the awareness to do teshuvah later on the areas in which I messed up.)

In other words, these magnets and stickers made an impact beyond their flimsy little appearance and were in fact, a tremendous kiddush Hashem.

A Little Bit Goes a VERY Long Way

Now.

When these women initially stuck the stickers and magnets onto their appliances, what were they thinking?

Well, they were probably concerned with their own spiritual avodah.

They were probably concerned that their other families benefit from these little reminders.

And they likely wanted to create a certain "We're careful about lashon hara" atmosphere for their children for reasons of chinuch.

Did any of them think that their little stickers and magnets were making a profound kiddush Hashem?

Unlikely.

Did they have any idea that their little stickers and magnets played a part in forging the identity for me and countless other Jewish girls?

VERY unlikely.

Think about it.

If I just stood at someone's door to pick up or drop off something for a moment, and the door was open wide enough for me to see the telephone on its little stand with a sticker on it — a sticker that I couldn't really read from that distance, but recognized it by it's white background and little red "forbidden" sign — then that was yet another (often unconscious) impression that this area of Torah was vitally important to the common Jew...and especially to the common Jewish woman.

So all the Jewish women with their little stickers and magnets actually made a tremendous kiddush Hashem and helped forge the feminine Jewish identity for countless Jewish women, especially those new to Torah Judaism.

And if you were or are one of those women with those stickers, signs, and magnets posted around, then this means YOU.

Thank you, and yashar ko'ach.

Upside-Down World: The Little Things Can Actually be the Most Important

It's so, so important in today's climate for women to realize that you DON'T need to be this big ol' Amazon Superwoman who's "out there" and doing eye-popping stuff that would make a best-selling book in the frum community.

I mean, if you're good at doing eye-popping stuff and you can be that way for Hashem, then that's apparently what He wants you to do with your Amazon Superwoman kochot and your life.

So go for it with hatzlacha & bracha!

But what if you're not like that?

I remember reading a frum self-help book in which many stories of self-improvement ended with the person establishing and running an organization.

Like that was the moral of the story: Establish & run an organization.

Personally? The thought of establishing and running an organization makes me want to crawl under my blanket and never come out again.

In other words: way too overwhelming & stressful.

Huge gestures cannot be the only or even most lauded lesson of self-improvement stories. (They are simply more interesting to read about than small gestures.)

It's all about what Hashem sees, and not about what is really impressive in the eyes of society.

But just living your life according to halachah and continually striving to improve yourself is NO LESS AMAZING than being a frum Amazon Superwoman.

Your small yet sincere acts DO make a huge difference.

It makes a difference in Shamayim, and it also impacts your fellow Jews in positive ways you may never have imagined.

There's so much that we don't know, so much that we can't see, so it's vitally important to keep on going with the seemingly "small" stuff and our baby-steps (which are often actually massive leaps in the Upper Worlds).

WORK SMARTER, NOT HARDER

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What is the Only Way to Hold on Tight When the Rope Starts Shaking?

10/9/2019

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Looking at what's going on in the world, I find myself growing increasingly concerned for the future.

And I'm far from being the first to come to this conclusion.

Right now, I don't want to go into the nitty-gritty of what we're all seeing and what I think it portends, but I do want to talk about the best response.

And it's not about prepping or making aliyah (which most Jews either won't or can't do right now anyway — and who even says that the Erev Rav leaders would allow millions of Jews, especially if they're frum, to enter?) or writing letters to representatives or newspapers, or signing petitions, and so forth.

(Although if those things will help, then it's good to do them. But they shouldn't be your sole focus.)

There's a lot we can't control and I think this creeping inability to positively affect opinions & situations is only going to increase.

So it's time to re-focus on an age-old authentically Jewish response:

HANG ON TO YOUR EMUNA

Looking back at the classic parable by Rebbe Elimelech of Lizhensk (author of the classic Noam Elimelech):

He said that the End of Days will feel like a rope being jerked around.

Only the people who can hold on tight will make it.

This means that you already need to be holding on to the rope when it starts jerking & shaking.

Sure, if you're not already holding on, you can always make a lunge for the rope, hoping to grab onto it as it wildly whips around.

And maybe you'll find a place to grasp. Some people will, I'm sure.

But that's pretty risky.

Better to grab on to the rope NOW.

And to take the metaphor even further:

Who has a better chance of hanging on:

the person with only their index finger curled around the rope?

the person who has wrapped their arms and legs around the rope and clings to it for dear life?

Or even better:

the person who coiled that part of the rope around them, so even if their hands slip, they still can't fall off?

I don't know Hashem's Secrets & Cheshbonot, nor do I know the soul-tikkun of others, but it seems to me that part of the reason why so many people are having such a hard time, not just with obvious nisayonot, but with inner trials too.

Their moods, their perceptions, their feelings...

So many people struggle with depression, despair, disappointment, anger, lethargy, apathy, feelings of rejection, loneliness, and distance from Hashem, and so on.

But those of you who fight your way out of these pits (even when you fall in again for the umpteenth time) are actually forging your connection to Hashem.

In other words, you are securing your grip on the rope.

It may not feel like it, but you are.

And that's exactly what we all need to strengthen ourselves to continue doing.

I'm not trying to be the Voice of Doom.

But if Mashiach doesn't come already, I think things are going to get increasingly more bizarre & difficult in the not-so-distant future.

And I think that focusing on strengthening our relationship with Hashem is a positive way of facing that future.

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You as a Special Forces Soldier in Hashem's Army

5/9/2019

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Note: This post is basically a follow-up to this one: The Importance of Letting Go & Letting God Decide What is Beautiful. Let God (and not Paris or the NYT) Decide If an Act Sanctifies His Name...or Soils It.

One of the funny things about Judaism is how it aims to achieve complete rectification of the entire Universe, from the simplest level to the most profound — and that this rectification is mostly carried out by very regular, flawed people.

People with a special Jewish neshamah? Yes.

But perfected people? Nope. Not yet anyway.

Hidden sparks need to be released, whether by saying a heartfelt 3-second blessing over a cup of water or by converting with heartfelt kavanah to accept all the mitzvot of the Torah.

There are many other acts, both deceptively simple and unfathomably difficult, that release trapped sparks, leading to the tikkun of the entire Universe.

And while we have our exceptional people, and even tzaddikim, most of this all-encompassing tikkun is carried out by regular Jews.

Holy Jews, yes. But also flawed.

Ordinary People Committed to an Extraordinary Mission

This tremendously heavy & all-encompassing mission is actually a compilation of a great many missions.

And as stated above, it is mostly being accomplished by holy yet FLAWED people.

With so much to do & of such importance, some things fall by the wayside or short-cuts get taken.

In other words, normal Torah Jews juggle so much, they sometimes drop the ball.

And that is NORMAL.

We have to stop demonizing ourselves and others for dropping the ball.

Please note: Tzaddikim have perfected themselves to the point where they don't drop the ball. They don't take short-cuts.

B'ezrat Hashem, we'll all reach that level.

But until then, we can't nitpick at each other's imperfections & struggles as long as we're all trying.

People on ALL Levels Trying to Accomplish a Mind-Boggling Tikkun

So for example, everyone needs to keep Shabbat.

And to do so demands a certain amount of organization & energy.

Some lucky people not only possess a natural ability to organize their lives & thrive on projects, they were also raised by parents who provided of good example of what ideal Shabbos preparations look like.

Others may possess the natural energy & ability to organize their lives & the an innate tendency to thrive on projects, but they never experienced the ideal example (whether because their family was always careening into Shabbat by the skin of their teeth or because they weren't raised with Shabbat).

Still others were raised to prepare for Shabbat in an ideal manner, yet they lack the innate energy & ability to organize, and they lack an enjoyment of projects and To-Do lists. So they technically know how, but it's a weekly challenge to get themselves to do it properly because their innate nature puts up resistance.

And still others lack both the energy & natural ability to organize, plus they feel stressed-out (rather than energized) by the tasks they face each week in honor of Shabbat. In addition, they have no rolemodel or positive conditioning for Shabbat-prep (again, either because their family didn't model organized preparations or because they didn't keep Shabbat).

So that last group has all the cards stacked against them.

Yet they too must prepare for & keep Shabbat.

And they too are a vital part of the necessary rectification.

Even if they careen into Shabbat in a disorganized, last-minute manner (which is not ideal), they are still participating in this all-important tikkun, with all its far-reaching rectifying ramifications.

As we all know: "Just one Shabbos and we'll all be free!"

If all Am Yisrael keeps one Shabbat, Mashiach will come.
(Shemot Rabbah 25:12, Yerushalmi Ta'anit 1:1)

This is true for the lovely, organized shomrei Shabbat and it is true for the disorganized, overwhelmed, and forgetful shomrei Shabbat.

Regardless of who you are & what you lack within you or without, you have been entrusted with the magnificent mission of rectifying the Universe through Shabbos.

Yes, even if you're not up to it and even if you keep stumbling around in it, you are still entrusted with this holy mission.

And we need to recognize this in each other too, even if we don't have those challenging issues.

Struggle Doesn't Make You Ugly

And this is true for every aspect of mitzvah-observance.

I think we've all noticed that different people excel at different mitzvot, while those same people really struggle with other mitzvot.

And different people struggle with different mitzvot for different reasons.

For example, some struggle with tsniut (dressing & behaving with dignity) due to a strong attraction toward the latest fashions and behaviors.

(Note: Tsnius applies to men too, but in a different way & less intensely than for women.)

Yet others struggle with tsnius because they can't be bothered with what feels like fussy details. These types may not give a whit about fashion, but they just want to be comfortable and get on with life. So it's genuinely hard for them to pay attention to whether their elbows, neckline, knees, and hair are covered just right.

Yet others just love tsnius and even look for extra measures to take on. They feel so good when their clothes, make-up (if they wear any), and behavior fit the standards of a Torah daughter of the King — even if by secular modern standards, they look quaint or frumpy.

But with the decreasing availability of tsnius clothes & shaitels, some women may be forced to take short-cuts. If the only tsnius shirt available is one with a less-than-flattering color or cut for her, then that's what she chooses.

Therefore, she may find it harder too look really good according to modern secular standards.

Because of this, she might have a less varied wardrobe too.

Many people don't like to hear this kind of thing.

It's common to say, "If it's really important, then you find the time/money/resources/motivation to do it."

People expect others (especially women) to jump through any & all hoops necessary just to achieve whatever they're expected to achieve in other people's minds.

And the expectations in all areas are very, very high.

But many people feel so overwhelmed that they're barely squeaking by emotionally and physically.

Yet they keep on trying their best.

And so you need to realize that Hashem finds them beautiful.

And if you're struggling to do it (even if you don't do it according to top standards), He finds you beautiful too.

Prioritizing

I once sat in a class in which an emotionally intense woman stated that she invests all her self-discipline in her students and her children, and doesn't feel she has much left for anyone else.

She is not innately patient or calm or deliberate. Yet with her children and students, she does everything she can to be more patient, calm, and deliberate, and to be the mother or teacher they need.

Yet this means that in other social situations, she acts more impulsively, she speaks out more and with less tact, she can come off as a bit overbearing, and so on. Yet she was never mean at all. She's a very good-hearted person.

But it takes all her strength to hold everything together for her kids and her students; so with others, the cracks start forming and the flawed stuff leaks out.

Now, it goes without saying that she needs to work on her middot ALL the time, and not just with her children & students. And she seems to realize that.

But she needs to start somewhere, and at that time, her initial focus was on her children & her students. Hopefully, she would eventually spread her focus toward others.

So was she right or wrong?

Well, she was both right & wrong.

And that's NORMAL! She's a work-in-progress — just like we all are.

The fact is that she's doing a tremendous amount: She's granting a good foundation in Judaism to little Jewish girls, she's raising a large family, she lives in the constant stress of financial constraint, she needs to be a good wife to her husband, she needs to give tzedakah, keep Shabbat, keep on top of the kashrut of the kitchen, she needs to guard her tongue, and much, much more.

And it's a lot!

And so certain things fall by the wayside and balls get dropped.

And what's true for her is true for all of us until we reach a certain level.

Different People Drop Different Balls

So you will see frum people who are doing so many good things, but still struggle with certain middot: the middot that they find most challenging, whether because of their innate nature or their upbringing or both.

So a Jew will constantly invest in many mitzvot, but may do at least one of the following:

say blessings or daven without proper kavanah
be forgetful
speak in an abrupt or less than tactful manner (I'm not talking about abuse or nastiness)
procrastinate
act hyper
get frazzled & stressed-out
eat too much
eat the wrong foods (and not out of lack of funds to buy healthier foods)
don't invest a great deal in their appearance
spend too much
spend too little
talk too much
misjudge situations
act impulsively
get trapped in indecision
be kind of messy
and much, much more.

And different people also hold different priorities about what they let slide.

You may not agree with them & I may not agree with them, and they may not agree with my or your priorities, but that's how it goes.

For example, people who tend to speak a bit too abruptly will tell you that they don't have the head-space or the patience to communicate differently. (Again, I'm not talking about people who enjoying shooting verbal barbs or hurting people.)

Often (though not always), they run their lives well and invest in good middot in other areas, but their communication style falls by the wayside as they feel overwhelmed by everything else.

Likewise, there are people who are such supportive, empathetic people with such good middot — yet you sure wouldn't want to be stuck sitting next to them on the airplane or a bus because their girth takes up so much room.

It's said that such people "eat" their negative feelings.

Many people don't realize that Chazal discusses achilah (eating) as a middah, just as you would discuss the middah of kinah (envy), which can be used either negatively or positively.

Eating is no different than other middot work.

I knew another person who was somewhat hyper & impulsive, with a bit of a stubborn streak that made her hard to deal with in certain situations.

But she was completely trustworthy never to speak a word of lashon hara. And I saw her in challenging situations, the kind in which even very good people tend to fail.

Not her.

She was amazing at guarding her tongue, whether regarding groups or individuals. She was also a very dedicated wife & mother. And she had an excellent work ethic.

All in all, she really meant to be a good person, and the areas which others found difficult were minor compared to her good points.

Do people need to work on all the behaviors listed above?

Yes, absolutely!

Including in the above examples, at some point, those people need to work on the communication style, their eating habits, and their hyperactivity.

Regardless of the fact that people need to work on all their middot, it's natural to still stumble in their weak points.

Some middot still fall by the wayside. (But hopefully, not for their whole life.)

Rectifying the Universe by the Skin of Your Teeth

So Jews who are doing the right thing overall and are at least trying to do the right thing are bringing about the rectification of the world.

And again, when you really think about it, it's funny that regular people are entrusted with this mission.

After all, we wouldn't send off an untrained soldier on a mission on which his whole country depends.

Look at America's Green Berets and all the training they must not only complete, but excel in before they are entrusted with their special missions.

Yet that's exactly the opposite of what Hashem does with us.

He sends us off on a life-long mission, sometimes with full resources, but just as often with very limited resources, and we need to develop the necessary resources along the way.

And we're supposed to continue this mission even when we're hungry, pregnant, sleep-deprived, overwhelmed, exhausted, overworked, ill, or suffering allergies or migraines.

And we are supposed to achieve rectification of the Universe in this way.

Pretty heavy stuff.

Today, many people feel like they're shooting in the dark.

They're sliding into base just as the ball hits the baseman's glove.

There is so much information available today — yet so much of it is contradictory. (And this doesn't even begin to cover the heavy-duty self-promotion behind this information; even if the information is pretty good, it might still need some adjustments.)

Finding what works for you in your individual situation is a challenge.

So you drop the ball, you take a short-cut, you stumble, you careen, you let something fall by the wayside...

As long as you are trying to fulfill your God-given mission of rectifying the Universe via Torah & mitzvot, you are very beautiful in Hashem's Eyes.

And so are the other flawed people who are trying their best to uphold the Torah's commands.

Image courtesy of Soorelis.

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The Importance of Letting Go & Letting God Decide What is Beautiful. Let God (and not Paris or the NYT) Decide If an Act Sanctifies His Name...or Soils It

4/9/2019

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In our upside-down world today, the ideas of kiddush Hashem (sanctification of Hashem's Name) and chilul Hashem (the desecration of Hashem's Name) can get mixed up.

Kiddush Hashem means presenting Hashem honestly, as HE wishes to be viewed.

For example, if you live in a society which says that killing unborn babies is an act of compassion or that 2 men getting "married" is a sign of morality & social progress, then even if everyone hates you for saying otherwise, it is a chilul Hashem for you to present Hashem as agreeing with acts He specifically forbade, such as abortion or same-gender marriage.

And it is a kiddush Hashem to object to such forbidden acts, like abortion & same-gender "marriage," and to also support laws that support normal man-woman marriage and to support laws and organizations that save unborn babies and provide for their mothers.

Secular newspapers & even some "frum" bloggers strive to impose society's standards onto Hashem, and encourage you to feel misplaced shame as a result, distorting what kiddush Hashem & chilul Hashem really mean.

The more knowledgeable you are in original Torah sources, the easier it is to stay strong.

So kiddush Hashem & chilul Hashem are not reliant on just what society considers good or bad.

It's all about what Hashem considers good or bad.

Why Reject Hashem's Standards of Beauty in Favor of the Standards of Milan & Paris?

In the frum world, for instance, some people get odd ideas about kiddush Hashem.

For example, a frum woman who makes sure to follow the latest fashion by wearing clothes that are too tight, skirts that are too short (or almost too short) and a shaitel more suitable for a Las Vegas showgirl — she often considers herself as making a kiddush Hashem.

And this doesn't even cover all the gestures these well-meaning women copy from the non-Jewish world, like flipping her long shaitel hair back in an attention-getting manner (and hope there is no one behind her who gets hit in the eye) and all sorts of other socially encouraged gestures & acts meant to make a woman look alluring and "free-spirited."

("Free-spirited" is the politically correct word for "hefker.")

But the intent of these well-meaning people is to say:

Look at how attractive frumkeit is!

Look at how gorgeous & free-spirited you can be while holding down a prestigious job & raising 8 kids!

And she gets lots of compliments for her appearance and for making frumkeit "look good."

Yet there is no way that such a lack of tsniut makes Hashem look good.

And while this isn't the place to get into what Hashem might think of a career woman (NOT a woman who works part-time or who is forced to work full-time, but a hard-hitting ambitious career woman — especially one with little children & babies), it's very questionable whether this "have-it-all" attitude truly reflects Hashem's feminine ideal.

It's clear that women (or men in the male version of this) sincerely mean well. They honestly think they are making frumkeit look lovely & desirable.

But a Jew who does not maintain halachic standards is not making Hashem look good.

In other words, following society's standards when those standards contradict Hashem's standards is actually a chilul Hashem.

But following Hashem's standards (as pleasantly as possible), despite society's oppositional standards, is a kiddush Hashem.

You are So Beautiful to the King of the Entire Universe

To combat the above, Rav Avigdor Miller frequently mentioned the importance of seeing our fellow Torah-observant Jews as "BEAUTIFUL."

If someone strives to keep the mitzvot as Hashem directed, then that person is BEAUTIFUL.

This is why Rav Avigdor Miller recommends you look into your spouse's eyes and say (to yourself, at least): "I am now looking at Hashem's Divine Image."

This is why Rav Miller exhorts us to look at the frazzled frum mother surrounded by young children and see her as more beautiful than any physical beauty queen. (But not in a taavadik way, if you're a man.)

This is why Rav Miller exhorts us to look at the somewhat overweight frum man waddling down the street to Mincha and think, "I love that man."

It's easy to get caught up in society's standards of beauty & poise.

It's easy to be embarrassed by frum people (or look down on ourselves) when the current standards of beauty, poise, and coolness are not met.

But if we are doing what Hashem wants (even clumsily), then we need to know that we are so incredibly beautiful.

We need to train ourselves to see ourselves that way & to see our fellow frummies that way too.

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A Review of "Guardian of Jerusalem: The Life & Times of Rabbi Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld" & Why It Challenged Everything I Thought I Knew about the Modern History of Eretz Yisrael

2/9/2019

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Originally, I wanted to list & review the main books that formed my opinions & knowledge of the modern history within Eretz Yisrael.

Yet what was supposed to be a list & review of several books ended up turning into one long review of what was, for me, the most transformational of the books:
Guardian of Jerusalem: The Life & Times of Rabbi Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld written by his grandson, Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Sonnenfeld. (Rav Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld ztz"l was born in Eastern Europe in 1848 and passed away in Eretz Yisrael in 1932.)

This is an abridged translation of the 3-volume Hebrew Ha'Ish al HaChomah (The Man on the Wall).

On the other hand, while I and others found this book transformational, I met other people who found the book merely “interesting” or even just so-so.

Yet for me, this pivotal book opened my eyes to so much.

For example, the people I was always taught to respect as the “pioneering heroes” of Turkish- and then British-occupied Palestine were actually dangerous power-hungry rabble-rousers who either cared very little for or outright hated Judaism, and continuously endangered their fellow Jews.

Ironically, these "pioneering heroes" nearly wiped out Jewish settlement in Eretz Yisrael — which was then rescued by the very ultra-Orthodox rabbis so profoundly despised by these pioneering heroes and their adherents; such adherents also include historians who should know better.

The Hidden Truth: How Eliezer Ben-Yehudah Nearly Caused the Mass Expulsion of the Entire Jewish Population under the Ottoman Empire, & Who were Ultimately Saved by the Wise Intervention of the Sephardi Sage Rav Yaakov Shaul Elyashar & the Ashkenazi Sage Rav Shmuel Salant

For example, throughout the world, non-Orthodox Jewish communities hold up Eliezer Ben-Yehudah as a great hero, mostly for his revival of Hebrew as a modern language.

Yet he created great problems, not only for religious Jews in Eretz Yisrael, but for all Jews living in Eretz Yisrael, and ultimately ended up endangering every single one of the Jews living under the rule of the Turkish Ottoman Empire.

For instance, Ben-Yehudah published an article in 1895 that seemed to encourage a bloody revolution of the Jews against the Turkish rulers.

And while religious Jews have always been coming to Eretz Yisrael over the millennia, it was the new secular nationalist Jewish movement that caused the Turkish rulers to ban Jewish immigration in 1884.

Sometimes, the Ottoman authorities issued decrees prohibiting Jews from outside of Eretz Yisrael to buy land or housing in Eretz Yisrael. When some Jews tried to go around this prohibition, the Turkish authorities expanded the decrees to ban home repairs — like fixing leaky roofs.

Needless to say, this not only impeded Jewish aliyah, but also increased the deprivations of Jews already settled in the Holy Land.

In fact, the famed tzaddik, Rav Shmuel Salant, tried intervening with the Turkish governor to allow Jewish aliyah, but the nationalist revolution-mongering articles repeatedly published in the secular Jewish newspapers of Eastern Europe kept the Turks in a state of wariness. It was only with great effort that Rav Salant was able to convince the Turks to re-open Jewish immigration.

This is only one example of this particular historical deception put out by the secular Left.

So it was actually the “ultra”-Orthodox Jewish Sages who came to (or were born in) Eretz Yisrael, these same pious Sages who lived in Eretz Yisrael and did everything they could to keep the borders open for the aliyah of their fellow Jews.

The secular Leftists in Eastern Europe who called themselves “Zionists” and embraced Communism were the ones who actually provoked the bans on aliyah and stunted Jewish immigration to Eretz Yisrael.

But you’ll never hear that outside the frum community because in the Leftist narrative, the Torah-observant Jews are always the bad guys and the obstacles, and the assimilated “progressive” Jews are always the heroes.

So when the Turkish rulers got wind of this article, it spelled very bad news for ALL Jews throughout the empire.

As a result, Rav Salant convened a meeting of fellow Sages, including Rav Sonnenfeld.

Rav Sonnenfeld advised turning to the local Sephardi Gadol Hador Rav Yaakov Shaul Elyashar for assistance.

Why?

Due to all the nationalist revolution-mongering sentiment coming out of secular Jewish Europe, the Turks lost their trust of Ashkenazi Jews (although Rav Salant himself still had some influence). Because the Sephardi Jews under their reign never agitated against them, they still trusted the Sephardi Jews.

Along these lines, Rav Sonnenfeld recommended that Rav Salant and the Ashkenazi beit din proclaim their support of Rav Elyashar, to which Rav Salant and the other Ashkenazi rabbis immediately agreed.

The Ashkenazi Gadolei Hador sent a rabbinical emissary to this Sephardi Sage Rav Elyashar with a copy of the incriminating article. Upon reading Ben-Yehudah’s inflammatory message, Rav Elyashar became incensed upon realizing the danger his beloved Jewish brethren were suddenly in.

Rav Elyashar immediately contacted the Turkish authorities with a message of unequivocal rejection of the ideas within the article, insisting that such ideas did not reflect the Jewish community at large.

This showed Heavenly assisted foresight because at that moment, news of the article reached the seat of the empire in Constantinople, which resulted in the Sultan himself summoning the Gadol of Turkey, Rav Moshe HaLevi.

The advisers to the Sultan recommended harsh measures against the Jews. In fact, unbeknownst to any of the Jews (including these great Sages) of that time, the Turkish council decided it wanted to expel ALL Jews from the ENTIRE Ottoman empire!

(According to my estimates, this included around a million Jews — maybe less.)

Needless to say, this would have sparked a terrible catastrophe for Sephardi Jewry, with nowhere to go — and the Jews of Eretz Yisrael included in this expulsion! At that time, the Ottoman Empire compassed Jewish communities throughout the entire Middle East (minus Arabia & Iran).

Fortunately, the Sultan held such a high opinion of Rav Yaakov Shaul Elyashar & Rav Shmuel Salant (the two leading Sephardi & Ashkenazi authorities in Eretz Yisrael at that time), the Sultan first wished to hear from these two great Sages.

A reply to the Sultan was dictated by Rav Elyashar in his name & the name of Rav Shmuel Salant to Rav Yosef Rivlin, who then sent it to Rav Moshe HaLevi in Turkey.

Admirably, the reply was straight-foward & unapologetic about the innate Jewish yearning for the re-establishment of Tzion & Yerushalayim.

Yet it stated this fundamental Torah concept in an appealing & non-threatening manner.

The great Sage emphasized the Jewish yearning to return to Yerushalayim & live under their own king, but emphasized that they are praying for God to bring this about. He also reassured the Sultan that Jews are commanded to pray for the welfare of whatever kingdom they live in and that they certainly pray for the welfare of the Turkish empire.

This communiqué signed by the 2 great Sages of Eretz Yisrael freed the Sultan to refuse to issue a decree of expulsion.

Interestingly, this communiqué also saved Ben-Yehudah, whom the Turks wanted to punish harshly. Instead, he was sentenced to 1 year in prison (which is still pretty bad, considering the Turkish prisons of that time) — but even that sentence was eventually suspended.

Yet how was this tremendous salvation reported by the agitating anti-Torah activists in Europe?

Negatively!

The secular Jewish newspaper HaTzefira condemned this heroic act of the Gedolei Hador as “mesirah”—informing on fellow Jews to the non-Jewish authorities!

It bears emphasizing again: The Turkish authorities already knew about the article. It wasn't the Sages who brought it to their attention. If there was any mesirah here, it was committed by Ben-Yehudah and the irresponsible publishers of such articles. And anyway, this wasn't the only article that worried the Turks; this had been going on for a while.

So we see how a distorted Jewish history is taught to unsuspecting Jews outside the Torah community.

Saved by the "Black Arm" of a Complete Tzaddik

Here's another story that appeared in a previous post, but I'm reposting here for your convenience:

At one point, Rav Sonnenfeld went way out of his way to save the life of a terrible Jew (“one of the leaders of the Zionist Labor Federation, known for his virulent anti-religious attacks”) who needed the superior medical treatment provided only at Shaarei Tzedek hospital...and only Rav Sonnenfeld could make it happen.

To provide some background: The Beit Din of Yerushalayim had placed a ban on anyone who entered the Missionary Hospital, whether for work or for treatment, with dire results for anyone who violated this ban.

Anyway, it was assumed that the legendary Dr. Wallach of Shaarei Tzedek would refuse to admit a person who both intentionally chose treatment at the Missionary Hospital (despite the ban and the poorer medical treatment there) and who operated as a rabid anti-Torah Leftist bent on destroying Yiddishkeit in Eretz Yisrael.

Indeed, upon being brought to Shaarei Tzedek, the Leftist and his family encountered resistance from Dr. Wallach.

Interestingly, the family asked an off-the-derech youth to approach Rav Sonnenfeld.

This youth was the son of a big talmid chacham and well-known to Rav Sonnenfeld. This youth also knew that Rav Sonnenfeld was “quite upset” with this same youth for leaving Torah and befriending this anti-Torah Leftist.

Nonetheless, this same youth approached Rav Sonnenfeld at home, where Rav Sonnenfeld still received this youth with warmth.

Upon hearing of the urgent situation, the rav braved a severe thunderstorm to rush to Shaarei Tzedek, where Rav Sonnenfeld insisted that halacha demanded the admission of this dangerously ill traitor (but promised to discuss the matter with Dr. Wallach later).

Two weeks later, the anti-Torah Leftist experienced a miraculous recovery, then continued his nefarious activities.

Knowing how much the Leftist disliked Rav Sonnenfeld, none of the Leftist's associates informed him of Rav Sonnenfeld’s life-saving intervention & mesirut nefesh.

By the way, this also shows the mentality of such misguided people. Why not tell the Leftist leader? Why not tell this rabid hater that one of the Gadolei Hador saved his life? Maybe it would soften him up a bit. At least, it might stop him from attacking the tzaddikim. Maybe he’d more willingly to hear Rav Sonnenfeld’s side and compromise a bit.

But those who knew davka decided to be careful not to tell him. So once again, we see that Leftists don’t really pursue peace; they have other agendas.

Anyway, a year later, this same Leftist delivered a keynote speech at a groundbreaking ceremony for a new settlement in the North. When he reached the climax of his speech, this Leftist gave a frenzied shout:

“We will build this land by waging a fight to the death against the black arm of Rabbi Sonnenfeld and his cronies!”

(page 137)

Sitting in the audience was the same youth who’d interceded on the Leftist’s behalf.

This frenzied proclamation spurred the youth to jump to his feet and shout his protest against such slander.

At the invitation of the shocked Leftist, the youth took over the podium and explained to all assembled “exactly how the ‘black arm’ of R’ Chaim Sonnenfeld had interceded to save the life of one who had vowed to destroy him.”

Not that this revelation of Rav Sonnenfeld's great goodness softened up the haters.

They continued on as they were.

Big Government Agendas Cause Big Problems

Furthermore, Guardian of Jerusalem shows clearly how the secular Leftists keep landing on the wrong side of history.

Because they don’t actually care about their fellow Jews, but only their own political interests, they tend to make concessions when it’s better to be unyielding, and conversely, display aggression when diplomacy would work better.

History has shown again & again that Socialism & Communism demand a complete takeover of the government.

Because these movements necessitate what’s known as “big government,” this inherently means that they must take over all aspects of government. By virtue of their big government policies, Socialism & Communism demand complete domination (for themselves) and complete submission (of their citizens).

(And in the case of the Communists, this domination & submission repeatedly occurs via much cruelty & bloodshed.)

But people like Rav Sonnenfeld & other Gedolei Hador (who actually care about all Jews) knew when to stand tough and when to seek peace. Real talmidei chachamim routinely seek win-win solutions, which benefit the surrounding non-Jews too.

In fact, Rav Sonnenfeld decided to make a kind of peace agreement with the King of Jordan (known at that time as King Hussein ibn-Ali of the Hashemite Kingdom).

Rav Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld Makes True Peace with Jordan - WITHOUT Any Dangerous or Disruptive Concessions

Considered the senior & most influential leader in the Middle East at that time, King Hussein’s newspaper actually lauded the Jewish return to their Homeland & called on the local Arabs to remember the writings & traditions that bade them to be hospitable & tolerant, focusing on the accomplishments of the Jewish and stressing that Eretz Yisrael was the “holy and beloved birthplace of the Jews.”

Once again, we see repeated throughout history that our holy tzaddikim often win the love and respect of the non-Jewish leaders.

As the last Gemara in Brachot says: "Talmidei chachamim increase shalom in the world."

Rav Sonnenfeld sought a meeting with the king to enable unlimited Jewish aliyah, but was thwarted by the secular Leftists who wanted to take over.

Unfortunately, the anti-Torah Leftists discovered this planned charedi delegation and denounced it as “treacherous,” presenting it as undermining the interests of the people of Israel.

(It didn't. It only improved the interests of the people of Israel. However, it did loosen the anti-Torah Leftist stranglehold on Jewish society in Eretz Yisrael.)

The anti-Torah Leftists also resorted to physical threats, which intimidated several of the charedi delegates into withdrawing.

However, 3 delegates managed to reach the king and presented an appealing plea, not only for continued aliyah, but also for an improvement in the conditions of the Jews already living in Eretz Yisrael.

The king received them warmly, bestowed honors upon them, and even handed them a large sum of money to be distributed among the Jewish poor of Yerushalayim.

The Love of a Tzaddik for Eretz Yisrael is Greater than Anyone Else's

At the same time, Rav Sonnenfeld viewed the actual Land with reverence and saw both the return of religious Jews and the newfound patriotism of the secular Jews as the beginning of the Geula — even as he waged an unwavering battle against all the anti-Torah leaders and their agendas, and against encroaching secularism itself.

In fact, Rav Sonnenfeld was not afraid to tell Chaim Weizmann that:

“The right to be called a ‘Zionist’ belongs only to those who pray thrice daily, ‘May our eyes behold Your Return to Zion in mercy.’ The meaning of ‘Zion’ is spiritual, not geographical.”

Rav Sonnenfeld went on to denigrate the secular concept of Zion as:

“merely a geographical, political, physical concept in which you seek to establish theaters and cultural institutions the same as all the nations, while severing ties with our glorious past…There is no greater travesty than this!”

...while considering a Jewish sovereignty as “icing on the cake, which will come by itself.”

(page 375)

Rav Sonnenfeld lovingly told a grandson (who received an invitation to serve as rav in one of Czechoslovakia’s leading communities):

“My son, I feel that being a laborer in Eretz Yisrael is greater than being a Rav in Chutz La’Aretz…”

(page 244)

His grandson decided to remain in Eretz Yisrael.

After the savage riots & massacres of 1929, Rav Sonnenfeld insisted on performing a bris milah in an area that necessitated his passing through some particularly dangerous Yishmaeli neighborhoods.

When a friend literally grabbed Rav Sonnenfeld’s arm and begged him not to proceed, Rav Sonnenfeld declared:

“I will go specifically via the Damascus Gate and thus inform the Arabs that they have not succeeded in frightening Jews out of even one section of the Holy City.”

(pg. 252)

The Reality of Torah-Loving Jews who Invested in the Mitzvah of Yishuv Ha'Aretz vs. The Reality of the Torah-Hating Jews who Called Themselves "Zionists": Compare & Contrast

Throughout the book, you repeatedly see displays of Rav Sonnenfeld’s dedication to the poor, the downtrodden, Jewish settlement in Eretz Yisrael, bringing Torah to all Jews; you see his incredible ahavat Yisrael and his profound sympathy toward even the most errant Jews.

You see his dedication toward peace among fellow Jews, particularly among the different groups of Torah-observant Jews, and also peace with non-Jewish authorities in an effort to prevent wars and bloodshed of both Jews & non-Jews.

The ultimate example of a warrior from love, Rav Sonnenfeld exemplified humility & a total commitment to Hashem.

In contrast, the viciousness & power-lust of the anti-Torah Leftists also come through:

their willingness to assassinate individuals who interfere with their grab for power
their willingness to starve entire communities, including children
You see their impetuousness that threatens Jews far & wide.
You see exactly how their ego-driven efforts actually shut down the very aliyah they claim they stand for and increase the suffering of the Jews of Eretz Yisrael

This is also seen through the secular manipulation of the Sephardi communities, which continued long after the establishment of Medinat Yisrael.

While the Ashkenazi tzaddikim (like Rav Sonnenfeld) displayed great concern for their Sephardi brethren, the secular Leftists would plot against the Ashkenazi religious community and when the religious Ashkenazim resisted, the Leftists would cry, “Racism!” and insist they were acting on behalf of the Sephardim.

They never were, as repeatedly shown by their actions since then.

From Whence Came Such Wellsprings of Hate toward Such a Paragon of Love?

Looking at everything altogether, it seems inconceivable that the anti-Torah Leftists hated Rav Sonnenfeld so rabidly.

Here was a man who loved Hashem so much, he couldn't help but to love Hashem's Land and also Hashem's people — even the most errant ones.

Looking at just a sampling of what Rav Sonnenfeld achieved:

He saved Ottoman Jewry from terrible suffering.
He saved the entire Jewish settlement in Eretz Yisrael (exactly what the self-proclaimed Zionist claimed to be so gung-ho about).
He saved Ben-Yehudah from harsh punishment.
He saved one of his vicious opposers from certain death.
He refused to allow others to say yemach shemo when mentioning Ben-Yehudah.
He even found a positive merit in the extremely dysfunctional Ben-Yehudah.

— How is it possible to hate such a person as Rav Sonnenfeld?

Not to mention that as far as Jewish assertion over who Eretz Yisrael really belongs to: Rav Sonnenfeld showed far more dedication & courage than the anti-Torah Leftists who made settling the Land into a Nationalist Communist vision, rather than a holy one.

Why did this paragon of love (love of God, love of Torah, love of the Jewish people, love of Eretz Yisrael) engender such hatred, including from the very people who benefited from his efforts?

(Even if they didn't know of his efforts on their behalf at the time, they still should have been able to sense his sincerity, holiness, and caring — because it was so palpable.)

And I think it goes back to a chassidish idea: A tzaddik is a mirror.

(Please see the story of The Black Wolf for illustration of this concept.)

These anti-Torah Leftists were full of ego and hunger for power & dominance. They literally hated anyone who got in their way. (You must have a very black heart indeed if you are able to starve small children death.)

I think that they couldn't grasp the concept of love and living your life out of love.

I think they couldn't ever relate to going to battle out of love rather than hate & ego.

And when they saw someone who represented everything they weren't, it looked so wrong that they literally could not tolerate him.

Along these lines, there is the well-known rabid envy that some uneducated people feel toward Torah scholars, as described by Rebbi Akiva in Pesachim, that when he was an illiterate man, he could have bitten the Torah scholars with the bone-shattering gnash of a donkey.

A Valuable Resource to Read Again & Again

The above is just a tiny sampling. At around 470 pages, this book contains many more well-documented examples of the truth behind the promoted history of modern Eretz Yisrael.

Ultimately, I found myself in heartfelt agreement with the man who told Rav Sonnenfeld's grandson (page 135):

"So many people think that they understand who R' Chaim [Rav Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld] was, but in truth, just as the followers of Mizrachi did not truly appreciate Rav Kook, the followers of Agudah did not truly appreciate R' Chaim."

And this insight shows how vital it is to read this book again & again in order to fully grasp Rav Sonnenfeld’s ideals & who he really was, to study and glean from his deeds and his words how to truly follow in his path.

Rav Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld ztz"l

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Rav Avigdor Miller on the Great Truths & Parallels Revealed Parshat Re'eh

30/8/2019

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In Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah for Parshas Re’eh 2 – Parallels in the World, the following stands out on pages 2-3 (italics mine - MR):

There’s nothing among the nations of the world that can equate to what the Jewish people stand for.

Because it’s only the Jewish people who stand for Hashem Who gave us the Torah at Sinai.

That’s how we sum it up in one sentence:
We’re the nation that accepts to live by the attitudes that Hashem delivered to us at Har Sinai.

And that means that we, the smallest nation, have to stand up against the whole world – all the falsifiers who stand up against us.

And once again, Rav Miller answers questions that may have been lingering in your subconscious (or conscious):

Does it make sense that a Nation of Hashem's representatives is such a tiny group?

And today, we're an even smaller group within the group, if you look at the Jews who actually serve Hashem.

But instead of being disdained or ignored by much of the world, shouldn't our truly great Sages be installed on thrones as leaders of the world?

These all-important questions are answered with the dvar Torah.

But the short answer is that it gives us tremendous reward to cling to Hashem within a sea of apikorsut and opposition.

Rav Miller explains that all the new "isms," the new fads, the Eastern religions, the missionaries, the new ideologies...they all come to tempt us.

And saying NO! to these temptations earns us TREMENDOUS reward!

The Profound Humility & Insight of Rav Isaac Sher of Slabodka (pg. 7)

We always must remember what the chachomim admonished us: [Da mah sheh tashiv l'apikores] – You should know what to reply to an apikoris.

Now, the Slabodka Rosh Yeshiva, Rav Isaac Sher, zichrono l’vracha, used to say that it means, “Know how to answer up this apikoris right here” (The Rav pointed at himself).

Because inside of everybody there’s a yetzer hara that’s talking.

All the ideas of the outside world are seeping into our minds and therefore you have to answer yourself.

How Drawing Intelligent Parallels Reveals the Truth

Rav Miller emphasizes that essentially, we have only one answer to all the other ideologies: "I'm loyal to Torah & that's it!"

But Hashem also gave us other answers to help us out.

For example, the mention in this parsha of "gods who are nearby & gods who are far-off."

This is an instruction to make intelligent observations, and then draw intelligent parallels.

Rav Miller uses the examples of "Saint" Andrew & "Saint" William to make this point (pages 9-11).

He then reveals the truth behind the myths of the "great" sheriffs & cowboys of the Wild West. (pages 12-14)

And then the truth about many of the sciences & travel books (pages 14-17).

It's all quite revealing & amusing & thought-provoking.

As always, all credit goes to Toras Avigdor.

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The Politically Incorrect Truth: Females Need Protection to Avoid Harm; And in Situations of Harm, Many Find It Hard to Act in the Absence of 3 Crucial Factors (Alternative Title: Yet More Reasons Why the Mandatory Draft of Girls is a Very Bad Idea)

29/8/2019

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Despite all the hype in today’s world about the “new!” bold confident assertive women of today, a glance around immediately shows that the truth is very different.

Especially young woman struggle to stand up for themselves in certain situations. Unfortunately, the brassy sneering females get the spotlight.

(This is despite the ugly situations they can find themselves in, situations that should be avoided for their own benefit.)

And self-absorbed women who have faced aggressive men and overcome them like to hoist themselves up on the pedestal of “If I can do it, ANYONE can!”

This highly narcissistic attitude ignores situational & personality variables. As is characteristic of cults, it holds a black-and-white view that every situation and every person can be molded in exactly the same way.

In many, if not most, situations in which a woman or girl is able to successfully fight off or escape an assault, there is tremendous mazal involved — an important factor ignored by mainstream society and those who promote this Supergirl persona.

But many young woman struggle.

In every co-ed army in the world, reports of harassment and violation occur.

This is true even in the American army, which as a volunteer army, you’d think attracts a more assertive type of women. Furthermore, female recruits undergo basic training, which includes self-defense and hand-to-hand combat.

(Although in the IDF, basic training doesn’t always include that; it depends. But it does always include training in the use of a machine gun.)

So why is it that, in all armies that allow female enlistment, so many women (especially young women) are unable to fend off (either physically or behaviorally) their male colleagues and superiors in the military?

Whether it’s verbal harassment or physical assault, these trained Amazons ultimately cannot control certain situations to their benefit if their male assailant doesn’t allow it.

Mandatory Female Draft is an Anti-Female Agenda

Today’s IDF pushes the agenda of female recruitment.

There is also a ruach of pride that girls can operate within the army, including combat, and all secular journalism portrays female recruitment in a rosy hue.

Even among the dati-leumi, female recruitment (not shirut leumi, but actual IDF service) is admired in some circles.

There are so many problems with this and so much false propaganda to counter. But today, we’ll just focus on harassment, exploitation, and violation.

What are the 3 Factors Often Necessary before Girls & Women will Seek Assistance?

Unfortunately, young woman faced with predatory colleagues (and especially predatory superiors) find themselves in a particularly distressing situation.

In addition to the superior physical strength young men generally possess over young women, a higher-ranking male possesses authority over all soldiers under him.

This obviously does not include the right to harass and assault (which is strictly forbidden in the IDF – officially, anyway).

But rules & resources aside, a young woman can easily find herself psychologically intimidated by both an officer’s physical imposition (even if he's not actively using it) and his authority, even if she’s not consciously aware of what’s she’s intimidated by.

A common yet never-discussed dynamic is that many young women find it difficult to get help UNLESS all the factors line up to their advantage.

Just to ask for help (whether in the middle of a situation or after the fact), many young women need the following:

Someone (often male) with the authority and power to help.
Approachability
The CERTAINTY that this authority will indeed help them.

If any of the 3 factors are lacking, many young women will not seek assistance or protection.

This is why you have young women stuck in situations they could easily get out of or why young women don’t always demand help even in a public setting surrounded by lots of people.

What Happened to the Israeli Superwoman All of the Sudden?

For example, my husband once supervised a café run by 2 frum guys.

The waitresses were all young Jewish women of the secular/traditional type, at least some of whom were after military service. To save money, the managers hired a middle-aged married Yishmaeli.

My husband felt disgruntled with this situation from the outset. He hated the idea of a Yishmaelite holding authority over Jewish girls.

Sure enough, my husband entered the café not longer after hiring and was approached by the young female staff to complain about harassment.

“He makes us give him a kiss and hug before we leave,” they complained. “If we don’t, then he deletes us from the computer and we don’t get paid that day for all the work we did.”

(Note: The above constitutes ACTUAL harassment.)

Some of the girls gave into the Yishmaeli’s demand while some refused and suffered their names deleted from the computer for that day’s work.

But none of them confronted the Yishmaeli on the spot.

Nor did they complain to their bosses.

No, they waited until my husband showed up — an approachable sympathetic male with the power to help and protect them.

Feeling the same as if his little sisters had approached him with the same complaint, my horrified husband instantly contacted the managers and said, “The Arab has to go NOW or else I’m withdrawing your certification on the spot.” Then he ordered them to never hire such a person again.

The Yishmaelite was fired and my husband grumbled about people trying to save money on the cheshbon of Jewish girls.

Stunned & upset by the harmful hiring on part of the frum bosses, I wondered out loud, “Could they have really thought he'd behave decently? I mean, he’s this middle-aged married guy.”

My husband huffed and shook his head.

“How could they not know that he can’t control himself?” he said. “Of course they knew! It’s literally putting a fox in charge of the henhouse. What did they think would happen? He suddenly finds himself with all these young Jewish girls under him and he just couldn’t control himself.”

Then he had some more choice words against the Yishmaelite mentality in general and toward females, especially Jewish females.

(Note: When my husband mentioned “their” lack of self-control, he did NOT mean that as an excuse for appalling behavior, but as a directive to protect ourselves and AVOID creating such situations in which girls suffer.)

Yes, my husband handled this situation excellently.

But what perplexed me was how the girls didn’t stand up for themselves.

After all, this is Israeli society and Israelis—including the females—tend to be more assertive.

According to logic, the following needs to be answered:

At least some of these girls were after or in the middle of military service. They’d shot rifles and been conditioned to behave assertively & with dedication to the welfare of their colleagues — why couldn’t they stand up to Achmed?

Also, they were a group united in their resentment and certainty that this was unjust. So why were they unable to stand up for themselves as a unit?

Furthermore, these girls represented the majority in power in the country (Jewish) while their harasser was in the less advantaged sector (Muslim-Arab). So why didn’t they just stand up to Achmed?

Also, some of the girls did have the guts to refuse his demands -- and got deleted from the system. So why didn't they take it one step further and protest to either Achmed or their Jewish bosses?

Why didn’t they immediately complain to their bosses?

Why didn’t they complain to their parents — their parents would’ve for sure intervened, right?

Why did these girls feel they needed to wait for the appearance of a definitely sympathetic & approachable male with the authority to help them?

Why?

Because that just seems to be the way many young women intuitively handle such situations. (Please see the 3 factors listed above.)

The "Freeze" Response Cannot Always be Overcome

Back to the army:

It’s unrealistic and naïve to expect all men to relate with decency and respect to their female colleagues and subordinates in the army, especially when you have a majority secular crowd that lacks knowledge or respect for the Jewish Laws of purity and the hands-off directives, and all other relevant halachot.

Furthermore, all the messages in secular society confuse both males & females.

And some people are just bad people.

I once read the heart-breaking report of a 14-year-old babysitter who’d been violated by the father of the sleeping child she was babysitting, which needless to say with a physically excruciating and emotionally traumatic experience for her. He went back upstairs for something, leaving her sitting downstairs of the sofa right near the front door.

A police station sat merely 1 block away.

Yet the girl made no dash for rescue.

She ended up sitting there for 45 minutes until the scoundrel came back to abuse her further.

Later, she recalled feeling frozen, like she couldn’t move. She could hardly think.

Hearing about this type of reaction often confounds people. She had ample opportunity to escape; why didn’t she go?

So the answer is: Based on how young women tend to respond and what they subconsciously sense they need, running to the police can be too much of a risk.

She needed to KNOW without a doubt that there would be a sympathetic approachable authority who would for sure help her.

And without knowing the officers on duty there, it was too much to ask of her to just run over there after she’d been so traumatized.

Some girls still would for sure have made it out to the police down the street.

Some girls are able to do whatever they need to do to help themselves.

But expecting all girls to help or defend themselves just because a minority manage to do so, and so it’s fine ‘n’ dandy to place girls in problematic situations l’chatchila?

What a callous attitude.

Furthermore, with the babysitter: She’d already been abused by men before, although not violated in the way she was that night. I feel this had a lot to do with her helpless response.

Apparently, the previous abuse conditioned her to feel helpless in such a situation, so she could not find it within her to make it to the police station just 1 block away.

Prevention is the Real Key to Fighting Abuse

This is yet another factor against placing young women in any military.

Any girl already traumatized by abuse can experience the same shut-down response when faced with abuse by male colleagues and superiors in the army.

But again, under the influence of Edomite culture which is the pig that extends its cloven hoof to deceptively display its claimed kashrut while hiding the totally treif lack of cud-chewing inside, the army simply posts and proclaims regulations and procedures for dealing with harassment and abuse of females even as it CREATES the very situation that leads to such exploitation in the first place.

This kind of thing is popular in Anglo cultures throughout the world.

People focus on after-the-fact measures rather than preventative measures.

Esav loves to build a hospital at the bottom of the cliff rather than erecting a barrier to prevent cars from driving off the cliff.

It's interesting to note that at least one group has dedicated itself to teaching women & girls to AVOID potentially dangerous situations, rather than rely on self-defense techniques. They were driven to do this out of concern for female well-being & after noticing that the techniques often don't help & that females are better served by AVOIDANCE measures.

(No Nonsense Self-Defense - Disclaimer: Some of the content is disturbing.)

Another top female self-defense instructor in America incorporates situational awareness and AVOIDANCE techniques into her self-defense course for females. Again, she was driven to do so upon seeing that self-defense is often not helpful for females.

And yes, I personally know girls and women who’ve fought off abusers or attackers. Baruch Hashem they were able to do so!

But using that minority to justify putting the majority of young women in a potentially harmful situation?

How very wrong, how very callous, and how very blind such people must be.

For a related post, please see:
A Brief Look at Why All the Gedolei Hador Always So Strongly Opposed Giyus Banot

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Things that Make You Seethe

1) Giving the Benefit of the Doubt

2) Pray for the Seethe-Inducing "Sinner"

3) What is Hashem Trying to Tell Me?

Look Up! Take Notice! And GET MOVING.

The Lesser You vs. The Greater You: Pick One

The Thoughtful Chassidic Tatty

The Little Beit Yaakov Girls with Mesirut Nefesh for Derech Eretz

Definitely Not What You Want to Have Happen on a Bus

The Pious Chassid of Pirke Avot in Action

Once Again, We See that Real Greatness is Found in the Seemingly Small Things by Seemingly Regular People

Housewives, Booksellers, Halachah Experts, Teachers, and Refrainers from Lashon Hara: Singing the Praises of Our Unsung Heroes

Hashem's Special Agents of Truth

Spread Hashem's Propaganda Near & Far — and Don't be Afraid to be Superficial about It

What is Wickedness? Who is Wicked? What is Compassionate Condemnation?

"...any weakness in our attitude towards wickedness, is a weakness in our attitude towards Hakodosh Boruch Hu."(pg. 11)

Holy Leitzanut

What is the Most Open Mind You Could Have?

"...if your mind is closed, and it’s open only to the subject of Hashem, that’s the most open mind you could have."

"I'm an Apikoris When It Comes to Art!"

"The world stands on the righteousness of the Jewish people; that’s a fundamental truth that is constantly reiterated in the Tanach."

"...without Torah ideals, there can’t be true good."

A Little Bit Goes a VERY Long Way

Upside-Down World: The Little Things Can Actually be the Most Important

HANG ON TO YOUR EMUNA

Ordinary People Committed to an Extraordinary Mission

People on ALL Levels Trying to Accomplish a Mind-Boggling Tikkun

Struggle Doesn't Make You Ugly

Prioritizing

Different People Drop Different Balls

Rectifying the Universe by the Skin of Your Teeth

Why Reject Hashem's Standards of Beauty in Favor of the Standards of Milan & Paris?

You are So Beautiful to the King of the Entire Universe

The Hidden Truth: How Eliezer Ben-Yehudah Nearly Caused the Mass Expulsion of the Entire Jewish Population under the Ottoman Empire, & Who were Ultimately Saved by the Wise Intervention of the Sephardi Sage Rav Yaakov Shaul Elyashar & the Ashkenazi Sage Rav Shmuel Salant

​Saved by the "Black Arm" of a Complete Tzaddik

Big Government Agendas Cause Big Problems

Rav Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld Makes True Peace with Jordan - WITHOUT Any Dangerous or Disruptive Concessions

The Love of a Tzaddik for Eretz Yisrael is Greater than Anyone Else's

The Reality of Torah-Loving Jews who Invested in the Mitzvah of Yishuv Ha'Aretz vs. The Reality of the Torah-Hating Jews who Called Themselves "Zionists": Compare & Contrast

From Whence Came Such Wellsprings of Hate toward Such a Paragon of Love?

A Valuable Resource to Read Again & Again

The Profound Humility & Insight of Rav Isaac Sher of Slabodka (pg. 7)

How Drawing Intelligent Parallels Reveals the Truth

Mandatory Female Draft is an Anti-Female Agenda

What are the 3 Factors Often Necessary before Girls & Women will Seek Assistance?

What Happened to the Israeli Superwoman All of the Sudden?

The "Freeze" Response Cannot Always be Overcome

Prevention is the Real Key to Fighting Abuse

Myrtle Rising

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"...any weakness in our attitude towards wickedness, is a weakness in our attitude towards Hakodosh Boruch Hu."

(pg. 11)

Saved by the "Black Arm" of a Complete Tzaddik