A newsletter suggestion led me to a website that converts a web page to PDF to save in a computer, or to print out, or to send in an email.

If you like to print out posts to read on Shabbat or you wish to save articles in your computer or send them in emails, this site works really well for that.

I didn't even download the plugin.

Just copy the address link of the article you want to save/print/email, then go here:
https://www.printfriendly.com/

Paste the link address in the white box and press the black box that says PREVIEW.

After a few seconds, it'll take you to another page that gives you options for PDF, Print, or Email.

You also have options for page size and stuff.

*If you click on an image within your page preview, it gets deleted (which can be good or bad, depending).

*There's also a yellow band with a garbage can that allows you to delete any text covered by the yellow band with just one click. (So don't click it if you don't want that text to disappear.)

I didn't try the Print or Email options, but the PDF option worked great. I clicked that, a dialogue box opened to ask if I wanted to Save or Open, and it got saved into the correct folder.

It's really quick and easy.

Okay, hope that helps!

​To use a non-Internet example:
If you've ever met people from high-intensity dysfunctional families -- like with lots of yelling and even throwing things -- they have a hard time enjoying feelings of calm or being unrushed or unharassed.

I've met types like this who don't even have "calm environment" as a goal for their own home as adults. They can't imagine such a thing and even find it very uncomfortable when they do experience it.

It's not that they try to imitate the same dysfunction of their home.

For example, one woman like this enjoyed expressing extremes of emotion, whether laughing uproariously or erupting into hysterics, but she never threw anything or hit her kids -- things that had occurred in her childhood home.

She resolved never to hit her children or throw chairs and bowls of soup (not at the kids) like her own mother, but she didn't realize she also needed to let go of the high-intensity emoting too. After ingesting calcium tablets, which unexpectedly induced calm, she complained & didn't want to take them anymore.

But it's important to note that not everyone who grows up in a high-intensity dysfunctional home retains an addiction to high-intensity. Some grow up to abhor any emotional extremes. On the contrary, they crave calm, balanced environments and create very calm homes.

So it depends.

Even from the same family, one sibling grows up addicted to high intensity and the other grows up to abhor it.

​Anyway, that's one of the things I've been working on for a couple of years now. And yeah, I've made some progress, baruch Hashem, which gives me hope for my future.

It's a mitzvah to always be happy.

​But maintaining the emotional state of a hyperactive poodle isn't the goal.

We need to be happy without the "hit."

Related links:
​Did You Get Your Regular Dosage of Awe, Anxiety, and Anger Today?

Why This Generation is So Astounding (see in particular "Your Brain Under Attack")

Are you awed by:
​

• The latest royal wedding gown?

​

• How [fill-in-the-blank with whatever celebrity] manages to look soooo young at age 52?

​

• A cat that imitates human behavior?

​

• An 11-year-old who can sing opera really well?

​

• That a quirky middle-aged pudgy lady wearing white shoes with black stockings could sing "I Dreamed a Dream" so well with no professional background?

​

• A basketball shot from across the court that scores through the hoop just as the final buzzer sounds?

​

• A poorly raised 3-year-old who calls his mother "Linda" and asserts his right to cupcake-disobedience?

​Many people felt awed by the guy who cut off his own arm when it got caught between a rock and a hard place during a hiking trip that went wrong.

They were even more awed by his return to hiking after that debilitating mishap.

O, the great mesirut nefesh to hike up mountains!

(I'm glad he lived through it, of course, and that he doesn't seem to suffer any PTSD from it. But there is more to life.)

Frankly, I'm awed by Rav Simcha Elchanan Wasserman's insistence on going back to Europe in the throes of the Shoah -- just to give chizuk and comfort to those stuck in the genocide -- KNOWING exactly what awaited him.

And there are thousands of other examples of truly awe-inspiring acts.

The thing is that while media has always impacted our emotions and opinions, and while it has always sought to cultivate the most eye-catching headlines and titles while feeding us sensationalized content portrayed as "fact," the Internet has brought this all to a whole new level.

With lists based on solid research, you can choose and adjust your own headline to meet viral standards.

It works.

I mean, how do you think I know about Linda's cheeky 3-year-old or the surprisingly talented singer from a Scottish village?

Yeah, I got sucked into taking a peek at the viral stuff too.

So...the way to resist is to avoid the negative stuff and fill yourself up with truly good things.

"Sur m'ra v'aseh tov -- turn from bad and do good."

Even seemingly kosher or frum outlets usually end up containing forbidden images, lashon hara, meaningless trivia for the sake of clickbait, and more.

It's surprising that after a couple of days avoiding most news sites (although I still think Hamodia is one of the most kosher; it's also the least "viral") and finding more productive ways to spend time....how boring and meaningless it all seems all of the sudden.

​"Why did I find that so compelling before?" you find yourself musing.

Needless to say, talking to God like He's you One True Close Friend, a Friend who's always interested in everything you have to say, a Friend Who can actually help you with ANYTHING, and is never shocked or horrified by anything you tell Him (He already knew all about you), but on the contrary: loves and forgives you no matter what (as long as you 'fess up)...this can help a lot with the viral vacuum.

A real personable connection with Hashem can minimize useless anxiety & anger while increasing truly awesome awe.

​And that's a really good thing.

Over the past year, I've been getting emails from people who clearly got my email from my Amazon reviews.

The first was the author of a book for which I left a positive review. He sent out what seemed to be a mass email directed at those of us who'd left positive reviews inviting us for a personal telephone consultation to ask him questions (or something like that) and it sounded magnanimous, but it was clearly a nice ploy for him to make more money off of his readers.

I thought about contacting him to ask how he got my email, but instead figured maybe authors get that opportunity via Amazon and just deleted the email.

However, it niggled in the back of my mind that authors could contact their Amazon reviewers without our permission.

Now, my policy is to not go lower than 3 stars on a product and to always say something positive, no matter how many negatives there are. However, some sellers can get their nose out of joint over a 4-star review, let alone a genuinely negative one.

I didn't like the thought of a seller being able to track me down. While the above author's email meant to be positive, a seller could also use this information to harass a negative reviewer. Or, if the reviewer is also a seller, to leave fake negative reviews in revenge.

(And now that I think about it...how do I know it was actually the author at all? It could have been someone impersonating the author to get me to sign up or to steal my credit card information.)

Several months after that, I started getting emails from untraceable sources asking me to review different products on Amazon, some even stating that they got my email from Amazon -- selling nothing that connected to anything I'd actually bought via Amazon.

They were really annoying and again, I wondered how they got my information.

Also, I haven't bought much on Amazon nor have I left many reviews. So why me?

​I'm still getting them several times weekly and it's very annoying.

The last straw was a PR agent who emailed me asking me to review their client's product. This time, I asked them how they got my email.

From Amazon, came the cheerful reply. Based on your review! And they helpfully included the exact product I bought with the name of the seller -- which I had indeed reviewed.

I politely declined the product.

But then I contacted Amazon customer service, where a rep reassured me in no uncertain terms that Amazon NEVER gives out reviewer emails.

The rep pointed out a slight change in the name of the product, which she said indicates that a phishing bot lifted my email from my review.

I hadn't heard of this particular trick before and she explained briefly, but I didn't really get it. How can that happen? After all, my email isn't included in the form for the review. It sounds very sophisticated to me.

But then again, I'm far from being competent with hi-tech.

Anyway, the rep was very nice and reassuring and invited me to send the email exchange to their fraud unit so they could take care of it, which I did.

The thing is, I looked up the PR agent and it's a real PR firm. The client also exists as does his product for sale.

These aren't bots.

It's also disturbing because many people choose highly identifiable usernames like: MordyMoskowitz@monsey.com

So apparently, there is some way to lift the email from the reviewer name, even though when you write a review, your email isn't anywhere there in the review form.

How are they doing this?

For about a year now, I've heard a couple of people say that at some point, the Internet will cease to be anonymous.

They don't just mean how it is now, that with a lot of effort, you can be tracked (at least somewhat, depending) via your IP.

They mean you'll be readily identifiable.

But the thing about all this hi-tech stuff is that when a new capability arrives, most people don't necessarily know about it immediately. Meaning, when the ability to easily track down your comment or review or post or email arrives, it's not like it will be announced so that you can run for cover prior to the big identity expose.

It'll just happen.

And it'll become known due to the protests of the people who get hit first.

​Based on my experience above (which still makes no sense to me), I think it might already be here.

But you know what?

Someone Omnipotent already knows exactly who you are and exactly what you wrote (or texted). And that Someone even knows you're true intention behind whatever you posted.

And that's the main thing to be concerned about.

What does HE think?

UPDATE: Just a handy FYI: I sometimes pre-schedule posts to appear at certain times, especially during crunch times, like when Shabbat and chag come close together. So if a post appears, it doesn't mean I'm actually here at the computer. Therefore, there might be delays in comments appearing or in replies, etc. 

​Thank you!

By the way, Weebly (the website-builder used for this blog) changed its ad-footer for sites using their free plan. It used to be an unobtrusive neutral-colored ad at the very bottom of the page.

​(My site isn't actually free because I buy my domain name and privacy protection from Weebly, but because I don't also pay for the official plan, it's considered the free plan.)

Then Weebly changed to a bright teal tag permanently set at the bottom of the screen and it pops up as a millennial female in a sleeveless shirt. They started applying it to new users of the free plan, and now they've apparently started applying it to all sites on the free plan (without letting any of the users know beforehand).

(If you're interested in creating a website/blog/online store with Weebly, you can click HERE and avoid the sleeveless millennial.)

Anyway, I think the ad-tag is annoying and distracting and not tsnius. But I'm not sure what to do because Weebly's no-annoying-ad cheapest plan costs $8 a month, which ends up being $96 a year, plus the expense of a domain name and privacy on top of that, and I'm not making money off this site to even out expenses. (It's a labor of love.) On the other hand, moving Myrtle Rising to another website builder seems like a tear-inducingly overwhelming, complicated, and time-consuming task.

So I'm not sure what to do, but I have no doubt that Hashem will send me an idea.

​Anyway, just wanted to let you know what's going on and sorry about that annoying pop-up ad all of the sudden.

​Cheers!

I recently came across a new app in which an AI (artificial intelligence) bot is advertised as "your 4 AM friend!"

Explaining that the app is based on techniques like CBT, DBT, mindfulness, and life coaching, it's promoted as "a fun way to build emotional resilience."

Well, that certainly sounds appealing.

Curious, I tried it out to see how this could possibly work.

(And yes, to be perfectly upfront, this is exactly the kind of distraction warned about in a previous post. Gotta check out that really intriguing new app that I'm not supposed to use and anyway have no intention of using!)

Anyway, you get this friendly little bird icon texting at you very nicely, and after a few introductory lines, it asks you to type in something for which you're grateful.

Very good.

If you download the app, it collects your text messages and creates a type of algorithm so that it can respond to you according to your individual needs.

It's very cute, reassuring, gentle, and friendly -- but it's not real.

It's an AI bot, for crying out loud. There's not even a real person on the other end.

"Nothing can match the privacy of an anonymous conversation with an AI bot," it claims.

Yeah, except that it collects data on you (so as to counsel you better) that anyone can hack into.

Also, there is something that can match and even far surpass the privacy of a not-as-anonymous-as-advertised conversation with an AI bot: a conversation with your Creator when no one else is around to eavesdrop (or collect your personal data).

Claiming the ability to ask probing questions that help you "untangle your mind" and "relax after a hard day," I wondered why you can't do that on your own? I mean, mussar books also ask probing questions.

But even if you don't have access to mussar books, a freewrite or mind-map session would help you untangle your mind and relax.

One user posted the following:
"I am often too anxious to talk to or contact anyone, so having a bot that I can vent to and that offers real constructive advice without feeling like I'm being judged or taking anyone's time is really, really helpful."

See? They KNOW they're interacting with a mere bot, but not only do they not care, they actually PREFER it!

And the thing is...I understand them.

For whatever the reason, even good people who really want to take the time and emotional energy to help others find it hard to do so nowadays. Many people feel like they're struggling to keep their own head above water, let alone offer support to others.

"Some young people young people have actually chosen to use [this AI bot] over a referral to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service...and felt this was all the support they need."

I'm not surprised to hear that a well-programmed bot might be more helpful than a counselor. Even the best-intentioned person has flaws and blind spots. Only a true tzaddik can know your soul in a way that let's them offer you guidance truly tailored for your soul-journey.

​But a non-judgmental bot can feel like the next best thing.

The kind of listening most helpful to others -- often referred to as "facilitative listening" -- demands you put your own ego aside and totally focus on the other and what he or she truly needs at the soul level.

It takes a certain amount of humility and genuine care for the other to listen in a way that helps the other figure out what he or she needs to do, without you imposing your own ego or preconceived notions on them.

Yet that's exactly what people need in a listener, according to Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender.

​As Rav Bender explains in Words of Faith, it's best to base interactions on the following:

• Seek the good points in each other.

• Give chizuk (He advises to say something along the lines of: “Chazak—be strong! My brother, be strong! Hold on and do not be discouraged by anything!” This should be said encouragingly and not irritably, of course.)
• Happy talk (I think this means to cheer up the other person.)
• Encouraging words
• Words of Torah
• Do good (I think this means that the listener can offer a favor, if he or she is in the position to do so, like a loan or a meal or babysitting, etc.)
• Try not to give advice because telling a person what to do takes away their free will.
• Allow the necessary exchange of light to occur.

New technologies always present challenges to society.

Ambivalence toward technology is normal.

For example, in Laura Ingalls Wilder's fictionalized biography about her husband Almanzo, Farmer Boy, Almanzo's father refuses to use the new-to-the-scene threshing machine for fear it will make people lazy and provide too much empty time. He also considers it an unnecessary expense.

Yet other people loved these new threshing machines for harvesting crops.

In another scene in the series (which took place in America's 1880s), one of the characters laments the "modern" reliance on kerosene, recalling that in her childhood, they made out just fine without kerosene. Candles could be made at home from animal fat. But kerosene offered a nicer and cleaner light.

In a book of poems left by a relative born in 1861, my relative recalls her ambivalence toward the radio in a poem she wrote in 1938:

Apparently, it depends how the radio is being utilized.

In another 1938 poem, she laments the rising acquirement of cars:

Interestingly, cars were apparently considered more of a male thing in those times. Previously, the man of the family (or older teenage son) drove the horses and wagon due to his greater physical strength. This role as driver apparently transitioned to cars too.

Furthermore, it was more acceptable socially for men to go out and about and to do so at night.

So she saw cars as a downfall for men, with women and children as the innocent victims.

Her ambivalence toward cars and her concern about their effects on men and families in general reflects many people's feelings toward cellphones and Internet today. 

Regarding cellphones and Internet, many people today can identify with the last lines of her poem:
​It has come to us to stay.
But many a home has been shattered
​By its ruthless, persuasive sway.

In fact, her feelings toward both radios and cars reflect society's usual ambivalence toward technological advancements. Some people always hop aboard the new thing, some reject it for as long as they can, while some admire the benefits while showing concern over the downsides.

Trains, planes, ships, telephones, car phones, cellphones, radios, cars, computers, and Internet all brought up the same mix of appreciation and concern expressed above.

I can't remember the source, but I once read that it's debatable whether the Sanhedrin would've allowed cars, given the high rate of death and injury they cause. (The doubt was regarding personal cars, not emergency vehicles.) And today, many yeshivahs prohibit their students from getting a drivers license due to the same concerns expressed in the poem above.

Yet a car is considered a right today. And in many areas, it's even a necessity.

So yes, today's technology is new.

But its impact on society is not new (although it's increasingly more intense and pervasive than previous technology, but the core impact itself is not new).

Related links:
How to Resist the Attraction of "New!" & Why You Really Should
Discover the Ancient Danger of "New!"

It was only in 1680-81 that the new owners of the home discovered the real danger of the demonic entities (chitzonim) in the cellar.

It began around 1678 when a young man entered the locked cellar and 15 minutes later, was found dead on its threshold, but no one knew why.

Two years later, the entities started making trouble in the outer buildings, where people used to cook. Then the entities started wandering freely through the main living quarters, breaking things and terrifying the inhabitants.

Interestingly, they first tried a non-Jewish exorcism using Catholic priests, but it obviously didn't work.

Finally, they called on Rebbe Yoel Baal Shem of Zamusht (Zamosc) to intervene. He convened a special beit din, which he compelled the demonic entities to attend. He could hear them although he could not see them.

These chitzonim claimed to be the offspring of the Jewish smith and his demon-wife and, with no human heirs left to inherit the property, these demonic offspring insisted that they were the rightful inheritors of the smith's property and not the new unrelated owners who legally bought the property.

However, the current owners claimed true ownership for the following reasons:

• They purchased the property legally from the smith and his representatives.
• Demonic entities don't have the status of human offspring (zera bnei adam).
• Their mother the demoness compelled the smith to cohabit with her against his will.

After hearing both sides, the beit din delivered their psak (verdict) that the demonic entities had no rights to the smith's estate, including no rights to the cellar, because their primary dwelling place is the wilderness and the forests, and not the yishuv (places of human habitation).

Then Rebbe Yoel Baal Shem Tov bound the entities by oath to leave the smith's estate (including the cellar) and go to the wilderness and the forest.

The Kav Hayashar concludes the saga by saying:

I don't know why the man's children were also victims of his transgression, except that maybe because he obviously couldn't have proper intentions with his human wife, then that caused him to bring down blemished souls via his human wife.

​And anyway, there was heavy judgement going on at that time as a horrific amount of Jews were slaughtered during those years.

Although the Kav Hayashar doesn't specify how this demonic relationship began, he implies that the smith wasn't careful about his personal holiness, which opened him up to being approached by a demoness. And this demonic relationship was a committed relationship because he kept referring to her as his "alien wife (ishah zarah)" and the Kav Hayashar describes it as "his soul was bound up with hers." 

Also, it's worth noting that, like with the Pele Yoetz and all the other writings of tzaddikim, after the Kav Hayashar provides strict frightening warnings about a particular sin, he offers reassurance that teshuvah can still remedy everything "and then all will be well with him, selah." 

In modern Hebrew, dimyon translates as "imagination." But it also means "to resemble," to have a similar appearance to something.

The demoness resembled a beautiful happy woman, her relationship with the smith resembled a marriage, the results of their relationship resembled children and heirs - but in actuality, it was all nothing.

Even the outhouse resembled a luxury villa from the inside, but was only ever a simple structure encapsulating a dark stinking hole full of repulsive waste.

It was all dimyon.

Nothing concrete. Nothing real or long-lasting.

​Elusive and illusive.

Interestingly, the above scenario portrays the man as leaving his family and a profoundly significant Torah obligation (Leil HaSeder) to spend 15 minutes with his demoness. Fifteen minutes! Couldn't he at least postpone it?

But no, she compelled him. The Kav Hayashar refers to this several times above: 

• He was forced to interrupt his prayers.
• He was compelled against his will - hi hayatah kofah et hatzoref ba'al korcho."
• ​Sometimes, licentious sins "come about by force - al yadei oness."

Yet the smith created the initial opening.

And what started out as controllable and desirable veered out of control and overtook him against his will.
​
And this reminds me of other stories: stories from modern times...

I've heard of women whose husbands got up in the middle of supper with an oh-so innocent "dum-dee-dum-dee-dum!" attitude to go look up unwholesome images on the Internet - photoshopped, airbrushed, carefully made-up, plastic-surgeried women with fake smiles (panim sochekot) and fake allure. These younger women also possessed such genetics that even if the kosher wives themselves underwent plastic surgery and carefully applied make-up, they could never achieve the look of these Internet bunnies.

And as for such men who can't even make it through a simple meal with his family: What a rascal of a baal taavah! It's bad enough he gazes at such images -- can't he even wait until the end of supper?

But no, he just gets up and abandons his kosher wife and children. He doesn't even care that in his wife's despair and helpless rage at his abhorrent behavior, she'll mishandle normal child mishaps (like a picky eater, a kvetchy eater, or a toddler who throws his bowl of noodles on the floor). No, he doesn't care. His need to immerse himself in these fake images is stronger than his love for his family.

Rabbi Zechariah Wallerstein has already spoken of frum girls who transgress Shabbos by texting with their friends.

Texting is mostly text, but it can include playful smiley emoticans. And the whole texting dynamic resembles a human relationship and seems fun, but it's actually highly destructive.

Furthermore, relationships conduct primarily through texting aren't at all the same as real person-to-person relationships. Yet the obsessive texting feels like a real satisfying relationship.

Finally, according to Rabbi Wallerstein, these girls care about Shabbat. Texting demands major Shabbat transgressions.

​So why can't they control themselves?

In Malky Feig's heart-stirring book Mountain Climbers 2, we meet an extremely sincere frum girl named Rochy whose glance into the secular novels kept by her grandmother's non-Jewish caretaker creates an opening for a reading addiction.

She's a happy girl who likes her school and family, yet these trashy novels sucked her in.

She fights their pull ("Why was I doing this if I knew it wasn't right for me?") At one point, she resists picking up the alluring novel and instead picks up a siddur and begs Hashem to help her: "Please, Tatte, please! Help me remain pure. You know how badly I want to serve you in sanctity...Please, Tatte, cleanse me. Don't let me fall now. Help me resist this overpowering temptation..."

After such sincere heartfelt prayer, Rochy states: "I was sure my battle was over."

Then: "Sunday morning, however, I was once again under the spell."

Rochy finds herself living a double-life of a dedicated frum girl who teaches popular classes in Yiddishkeit to adoring students while secretly consuming forbidden reading material at every opportunity.

She's aware of her hypocrisy and hates herself for it. But she still can't stop.

Then, just like the mesmerized smith 3 centuries ago, this frum girl leaves her family Seder to huddle next to the light of the upstairs bathroom to immerse herself in the mesmerizing secular novel hidden there.

Again, a novel's characters aren't real, but as any voracious reader knows, the world of a compellingly written novel feels real.

(Another interesting correlation to the story that began with the smith: The demons ended up in the cellar, then spread throughout the house. Likewise, Rochy's "demons" -- the trashy novels -- were located in the basement, then spread to her room and she ended up carrying around the images in her head wherever she went, as if her "demons" and left the basement and spread out.)

Yet that plunge to rock-bottom forced Rochy to realize how low she'd fallen.

Again she turned to Hashem with her whole heart and begged Him to forgive her and rescue her from her compulsion.

And she succeeded. She refused to finish the novel that took her out of the Pesach Seder and needed to physically restrain herself from descending to the converted basement of her grandmother's apartment where the novels lay.

As time went by, she felt freer from her addiction. Eventually, she was able to go down to visit her grandmother without feeling the allure of the novels. Occasionally, she felt a twinge, but she fortified herself by thinking of what she wanted to be and how short life is.

"Life was too short, our souls far too precious, to blemish with temporal indulgence."

And just like our tzaddikim promise, sincere teshuvah cured her of her unwanted compulsion.

In the above scenarios, everyone is shown panim sochekot - appealing fictional characters and situations, emoticons and textspeak, women with fake come-hither looks...

Interestingly, many people caught in the above situations express a helplessness. They want to stop, they're distressed and mortified by their behavior, but they feel they can't stop. 

Men addicted to disgusting images describe their self-disgust and the measures they take to stop themselves, but as if compelled, they find themselves at the computer yet again.

Facebook is another source of panim sochekot. People tend to post images and announcements that show them in the best light, happy and successful. Many people feel addicted to Facebook, even as studies show that Facebook makes them feel worse. Nonetheless, so many feel compelled to constantly check their Facebook.

​I can't know what's really going on here, but the similarities of modern addictions to the story of the smith and his demonic cohabitation are too much to be ignored.

Yet the frum girl above managed to disengage from her compulsion by turning to Hashem and the Kav Hayashar promises us the teshuvah is not only possible, but effective.

May Hashem help all of us overcome all our "demons."

After a yet another hi-tech bug, I realized something:
Hi-tech hates boundaries.

For example, I need the newest version of Flash Player to operate a piece of software. I'm using the software for some very good reasons religiously speaking, and not to watch action films or something like that.

Yet while it does install, I can't figure out how to enable it. And just knowing that it needs to be manually enabled (which was not indicated anywhere during the installation process) took several days of back-and-forth to discover.

During this time, I've been in touch back-and-forth for over a week with some very nice service people online to figure out this problem, but nothing helps.

I have a feeling that something in my computer or browser is blocking Flash Player, but I have no idea what, and neither do they.

For some reason, I always find software issues to be the most exasperating, but I'm trying to put this in the frame of mind that this obstacle is better than a million dollars because everything Hashem does is for the best and He hasn't sent me a million dollars, but has sent me technological malfunctions instead, so this is excellent.

Also, I much prefer this to Grad missiles from Gaza.

Actually, as far as problems go, an unable-to-be-enabled Flash Player is the ideal nisayon. So many more things are worse than being blocked from my beloved item of software, I'm grateful that this is my nisayon and not a million other things that would be worse. And frankly, I feel petty for even gritting my teeth about it.

Likewise, I recently paid for and downloaded another much-lauded piece of software that doesn't work on my computer, even though it worked very well for a friend of mine living in the same area. I have a feeling that my filter is blocking it from working right, but there is nothing to do about that. And so far, the developer is ignoring my polite requests for the guaranteed 30-day refund if I'm not completely satisfied.

And with this second software, the download itself wasn't straightforward. It tried forcing me to sign up for DropBox until I contacted the developer and he (or more likely, a virtual assistant pretending to be him) immediately sent me a screenshot to show a tiny box at the bottom with fine print that would allow me to side-step DropBox (even though that wasn't clear from the fine print and I couldn't have known this for sure without the developer informing me).

Hi-tech doesn't like boundaries. It doesn't like fences.

Judaism loves fences.

Judaism insists on fences and strongly encourages fences even when it doesn't insist.

But hi-tech loathes fences of any kind.

If you turn off cookies, a whole array of options becomes closed to you.

If you're not signed into Google Apps, you're blocked access to certain applications.

If you try to use a program to hide your identity, your computer often slows down.

You get duped into clicking a box to sign up for yet another service or download another application if you want to download the service you've ordered.

And some programs "punish" you for using someone else's browser (which is a fence against their browser market) by refusing to work fully or even work at all.

If you turn off cookies to prevent spying and tracking and infiltration, if you sign out of an application, if you have a filter against pritzut, software against viruses, or a security plug-in -- or even the basic standard Windows Firewall, then at some point, Internet technology says, "Open that gate, bub, or you're going down."

I have the same love-hate relationship that many people have with computer/Internet technology. Frequent computer crashes and Windows's Blue Screen of Death aren't in the distant past. Yet I also experience the same "can't live with it/can't live without it" dynamic that many others have.

But while I've struggled for years now with this love/hate, grateful/resentful relationship with hi-tech, it's only with this latest aggravation (which is better than a million dollars!) that the light bulb went on.

Hi-tech hates fences.

Hi-tech works best when you are logged in, signed up, penetrable, trackable, visible, defenseless, and wholly unprotected.

And it punishes you when you aren't.

Food for thought.

The last time I played a real video game, it was at a pizza restaurant. My siblings and I convinced our parents to let us each have a turn playing the most advanced and most expensive game, which looked exactly like a cartoon that featured a blond prince wielding a sword. My sisters and I couldn't get past the first minute of the game, which consisted of getting the prince to jump onto a moving wooden disc. Our brother got a bit farther than that, before the bitter "GAME OVER" appeared.

Both frustrating and disappointing, it helped me lose interest in video games, which I'd never been good at anyway. Later, Tetris came along and I could get lost in that (and actually showed some skill with it), but after the initial burst of enthusiasm, it became yet another take-it-or-leave-it activity.

So when I first heard about "gaming" as a culture and video game addiction, I was still picturing Pac-Man and Donkey Kong. I imagined teenage guys addicted to video games that looked like this:

Or maybe, at the most, something like this:

Boy, was I wrong!

I think I first realized that video games had developed much more complexity when I was looking for story plot ideas, and a blogger recommended a book of game plots.

GAME plots?

Yes!

As I read through the plots, I marveled at the complex and intriguing storylines.

How could little pixelated characters jumping from level to level actually star in their own full-fledged plot? (Remember, I was still thinking Donkey Kong and Pac-Man.)

Little did I know that the world of gaming provides lifelike interaction on a level never experienced before.

There are very real & problematic effects of video games on people. But first, let's look at who likes to play video games and why.

First of all, the numbers from Pew:

• 49% of Americans over age 18 play video games at some point.

And the split between men and women is nearly half-half.

• 10% identify themselves as "gamers."

But the hard-core gamers are predominantly male:

• 15% vs the 6% of females who consider themselves "gamers."

And my assumption of gamers as teenage males also needed some correction:

• 77% of males age 18-29 play video games, with 33% of them self-identifying as "gamers."
• 57% of females age 18-29 play video games, with 9% of them self-identifying as "gamers."
• 58% of all those age 30 to 49 play video games
• 40% of all those age 50 to 64 play video games
• 25% of all those 65 or older play video games

Interestingly, women over 50 are more likely to play video games than men over 50:

• 38% vs 29%

Social Interaction & Collaboration
Rather than playing against a computer, the most popular and addictive games are role-playing games whose characters are played by real people around the world. During the game, you get to know other people and their personalities. Characters flirt with each other, help (or abandon) each other, and interact in myriad other ways.

In fact, gamers develop real friendships with other players, and some have even married! (Not surprisingly, there is even an app to facilitate this for those interested in finding true love with their fellow players.)

To paraphrase the attitude of this app designer: "Instead of struggling with a conversation over coffee, it's less awkward to investigate a new dungeon together."

And while the character images are often otherworldly, you might feel that your choice of green monster with machete ears expresses something about you that only your fellow gamer can understand and appreciate.

The addictive side of this is that the player resists letting his group down.

Not playing can effect the same feeling that a necessary football player might have about backing out of a key game in real life.

Compelling Storylines & Plots
Today's games resemble complex and compelling novelized movies, complete with plot twists and heart-stirring music.

This is based on a description from a popular game:
Jay and his surrogate daughter Eileen, must traverse a post-apocalyptic America to deliver a possible cure for a fungal virus that has ruined the nation. Jay is prepared to do anything to protect Eileen.

Or this:
This is a neo-noire detective action-adventure involving a US army veteran who joins the homicide department after finishing his mission in WWII. Later, he discovers that his partner is a crooked cop and he also traces drug smuggling by Marines in his former unit, most of whom are assassinated by mobsters. Finally, he chases a kidnapper through underground river tunnels while overcoming underground flooding and thugs in order to save the day.

But will he survive?

And you get to be part of this heart-stopping action and high drama.

Very Real & Compelling Graphics
You really are starring in your own story.

Today's games are lifelike movies.

Look at these screenshots of games:

Real Emotion
The combination of compelling graphics and storylines provide the same effect that a compelling movie or novel does: emotional involvement.

In one of the most popular games, gamers around the world protested when the creators killed off a beloved character.

Gamers describe tears welling up in their eyes when two game characters express their love to each other or when another game character sacrifices her life for the other characters. Or describing "heartbreak" during a silent moment broken by the ringing of a phone which, when answered, emits the sound of your missing "daughter" crying out to you.

In other scenarios, gamers confess that they couldn't stop smiling or suppress elation during touching moments between characters.

In horror games, gamers note that they fear to be alone while playing.

Gamers emphasize the heightened pulse or strong emotions because they feel like they're actually serving on the front lines for something they believe in.

The Bowen Research study found that the most common emotions aroused in video games were:

• competitiveness
• violence/excitement
• accomplishment
• hate
• sadness

All fake, of course.

Yet these emotions ranked above love or spirituality, which are also experienced during gaming, but not as much as those mentioned above.

When Rabbi Wallerstein advised one gaming addict to make aliyah to Israel and serve in the IDF, rather than playing war games all day, the young man demurred.

"Why not?" asked Rabbi Wallerstein.

The young man replied that he didn't want to actually risk his life or suffer hardship, he just wanted to feelings without any actual risk.

Those of us uninvolved in the gaming world can turn up our nose at the idea of emotional attachment to video game characters and scenes, but it's really no different than crying when a character dies or finds true love in a novel or movie. Likewise, people (okay, maybe just Americans?) get all pumped up with patriotism and false feelings of valor during particularly rousing scenes in patriot movies.

Rewards
Video games offer all kinds of rewards, both actual and emotional.

Players enjoy the feeling of accomplishment when working up from level to level.

Top players earn bonus points, in-game rewards, or even actual financial rewards from the game's creators via tournaments played for actual cash prizes.

Undefined Endings
Players often play according to a schedule. (The different time zones worldwide complicate this, forcing players to play when they should be sleeping or doing other things.) But while they need to meet to start the game at a certain time, the ending depends on unknowns, like how successful the group will be at meeting all the criteria (both known and unknown) in order to make it to the next level.

In other words, short spurts of playing don't reap benefits and even lead to disappointment and other negative feelings.

The studies aren't clear whether video games are wholly bad for you, nor what the ultimate effect is on the human brain.

Some video games seem to improve certain functions IF they're specially designed to do so. For example, there are video games that seem to improve dyslexia.

But some gamers themselves admit that the games increase aggression. The initial war games were created by the military to give combat soldiers virtual training and to accustom them to killing so they'd be less traumatized in actual battle.

That's chilling, isn't it?

Obviously, role-playing realistic war or horror games are going to affect a person's psyche, whether they mean for it to or not.

When the mass shootings first popped up in American schools, restaurants, and movie theaters, a link between them and video games appeared, then disappeared.

Researching this led me to the more common and definite link between psychotropic medication and homicidal idealization.

At the same time, it's easy to understand how a young man suffering from schizophrenia or depression could become worse by role-playing these super-realistic horror or war games, or even hate-filled racist games, whether on medication or not. Many of the shooters were also gamers, which is why so many people jumped to blaming video games for the massacres.

Behavioral Changes
One study concluded that violent gaming didn't affect people negatively -- unless they were already suffering from negative behaviors like depression, rule-breaking, impulsivity, neurosis, inconsideration of others, disagreeableness, and getting upset easily.

(Again, in all or nearly all mass shootings in America, the murderer suffered from some kind of mental illness and played video games -- in addition to taking medication -- prior to the shooting.)

In another study, participants demonstrated increased apathy and decreased attention and concentration when tested.

The apathy and absorption isn't a joke. When a Taiwanese man died after playing a video game at an Internet cafe for 3 days, no one noticed for the first few hours. Because he sometimes fell asleep face down during his gaming binge, no one realized that his last face-down position was in fact death. (CCTV cameras showed that he struggled before he died, an act also unnoticed by fellow gamers and workers.) It was only when his body sprawled on the table and entered the stiffening phase that workers noticed and thought to call the paramedics. When paramedics arrived to cart the body out, the other gamers never even paused.

In another Taiwanese Internet cafe, a gamer lay dead for 10 hours before anyone noticed. Fellow gamers continued to play even as that body was carted out and the gamers didn't even realize that anything had happened until forensic police came to cordon off the area. Yet even then, many gamers refused to stop playing and stayed where they were.

Other studies indicate that it's not the violence of the video game that inspires aggressive behavior, but the feelings of frustration and failure that occur upon losing a game.

Finally, there have been a few deaths brought on by playing video games in one position for a shocking number of hours without eating or moving much.

Brain Changes
I want to start off by saying that brain studies are iffy. There's a lot that researchers still don't know or understand about the brain. Having said that, studies of the brain and gaming yield thought-provoking results...

The following studies were conducted upon people who didn't usually play video games and who, for the study, played for 1-2 hours a day.

Many studies show a link between violent video games and increased aggression, but these brain studies aimed to discover the physiological reason why violent video games increase aggression.

One study indicated negative changes in the frontal lobe in people who played a violent game for 10 hours over a week's duration. Disturbingly, this change in the brain persisted into the second week, despite the participants not playing video games at all.

Another study indicated negative changes in the parts of the brain that control attention, inhibition of impulses, and emotions.

Behaviorally, these participants demonstrated increased apathy and decreased attention and concentration when tested.

One researcher noted that the brains changed to resemble the brains of teens who suffered from destructive sociopathic disorders.

Are there any benefits to playing video games?

As noted above, strategy games or games specifically created to improve cognitive function do seem to do just that. There are studies that show decreased dementia, improved visual attention, improved cognitive function, improved treatment of dyslexia, increase in gray matter of the brain (which allegedly improves cognitive function in specific areas of the brain), and so on.

And some studies show that gamers demonstrate improved visual attention overall, regardless of the game played.

Yet the official scientific jury is still out as to whether the benefits outweigh the disadvantages.

While I still believe that psychotropic medications are the main culprit behind particularly violent behavior (like mass shootings), it's chilling how often video games seem to be involved.

Like with the teenager who shot to death his grandfather along with 6 other people (and wounded 7 more) on the Red Lake Reservation in Minnesota, he committed this slaughter after having his dosage of Prozac increased. He was also on Ritalin. He spent a lot of time creating and uploading graphically violent animation on the Internet, animation based on violent video games he enjoyed, one of which enjoys global popularity.

Other shooters killed people according to the same methods used by gamers to kill characters in a video game. Since intricate role-playing violent video games came out, at least 14 mass murderers in America showed a history of addiction to the most popular role-playing violent video games prior to their rampage.  One even described a violent video game as a place where he felt "comfortable and secure."

Ugh.

It seems like people who already have a negative grasp of reality (a combination of their life circumstances, their diagnosis of mental illness, and their intake of psychotropic medication) respond badly when such realistic role-playing violent games are added to the mix.

And there's no realistic way of preventing angry, depressed, deluded, medicated people from accessing video games.

So what can we take away from all this?

• Video games definitely affect the brain, though it's not certain exactly how and how much.
• Video games, particularly violent ones, increase negative behaviors and emotional states.
• Video games are set up to be addictive, both emotionally and cerebrally.
• Video games reward players -- (emotionally, in the brain, and sometimes even financially)
• Video games can easily be more compelling, interesting, comfortable, enjoyable, and feel more meaningful than real life.

The spiritual problem with any kind of video game is the same problem with any distraction (no matter how innocent):
It wastes your time and emotions indulging in meaninglessness when you could be advancing yourself in some other way.

(And I really think that any activity is a serious problem if it prevents you from noticing or caring that someone has died in your immediate vicinity, God forbid.)

May we all gain our all our pleasures from spiritually pure sources -- and really enjoy them!
___________

Related links:
Playing Video Games May Make Specific Changes to the Brain
Pew Research: Gaming & Gamers
Video Game Addiction
For the US Military, Video Games Get Serious
Standing for Nothing: USA
The Real Reason Why People Sin