Category: Teshuvah

Inconsistencies

19/1/2022

When I recently felt repelled from connecting to the Internet (or even going near my computer), I kept thinking I should make some small announcement on the blog so readers would understand why days go by without a new post.

But I couldn't because I felt so repelled from doing so!

Over time I felt less repelled, and managed to force myself to compose an explanatory post...which I think made it seem like I was going offline permanently:
2-announcements-about-this-blog-the-current-epidemic.html

But that was followed by more regularly appearing posts (although short, mostly copied & pasted, or explanations about why people should view a certain link, etc.—in other words, not the kind of posts characteristic of this blog, but still posts one after the other).

So it seems inconsistent.

And it is!

But the logic behind it all is that I really did feel that way at the time.

I really felt like I couldn't write, couldn't post, didn't want to read online, and even email presented a challenge to some degree, etc.

And now, I feel up to writing more.

But baruch Hashem, that feeling of healthy disconnection still exists, albeit not to the degree it did before.

At the same time, I understand there are different situations, people with different needs that can only or mostly be fulfilled online.

What I'm doing right now isn't what everyone should be doing right now.

And believe me, I understand the Internet's pull even when one's actual needs do not demand the Internet.

But what I'm doing now (or at least trying to do) definitely suits this stage in my personal journey.

I need to be honest with myself about what my real needs are as I progress with disconnecting (in addition to working on a whole host of other stuff in myself).

For example, I recently turned off all access to videos (except Torah Anytime). Yes, even the best Torah classes of YouTube...even the wonderful enjoyment of watching the Lubavitcher Rebbe interact with a variety of people & also Rav Avigdor Miller's lectures!

But I decided that according to my very personal calculations for my own unique needs at this particular time, there's an overall benefit to NO access to ANY YouTube, JewTube, WeTube, Vimeo, videos available on pseudo-kosher "frum" news sites, etc...even if the video features divrei Torah from a supreme talmid chacham.

And this transition feels surprisingly good. (I thought it would be more angsty.)

It's a tradeoff.

And I know I'm not being consistent about things...which is actually pretty normal for inner growth and transitioning.

When trying out a new hashkafah or behavior, it's normal to flounder around until you get the knack of it.

Sure, it's a bit frustrating or confusing for both the flounderer and for people who get "splashed" by the flounderer,

Growth is good & leads to wonderful things, but it's also discombobulating.

Both aspects are true.

And people in transition can accidently bump into each other, step on toes unintentionally, and so on.

This is where understanding, forgiveness, patience, and a sense of humor come in to play...on the part of the flounderer and others in contact with the flounderer (who doesn't mean to flounder, but is trying the darndest to keep one's head above water while figuring out how to swim properly...and also avoid sharks, jellyfish, and prankers who think it's so cute, clever, and funny to sneak under you & yank you down by the ankle so you think you're drowning).

(BTW, please note the emphasis on behavior resulting from TRANSITION—and NOT people who bumble around with their bad middos saying "Oh, well, just gotta work on those middos...someday...in some way..." That's just poor middos & people who aren't even trying. I'm talking about people who have a plan & a goal, but due to unfamiliarity with a new stage in personal growth, they bumble around until they get it right. And such people DO eventually get it right because they are honestly trying.)

When you actually work on yourself for real—not just going through the motions, but REALLY going through the grind—you tend to have more patience & understanding for others genuinely trying to work on themselves. So that's a huge plus from going through your own transition phases.

Empathy is one of the most important traits to cultivate—and genuine middot work definitely cultivates empathy.

Anyway...I still have posts mostly written that continue to languish on the side unfinished...

So I think where I'm holding now is there'll be spurts of smaller posts, or a big long post somewhere, and also lags of no posts.

I don't mean for it to be like that, but it's the result of trying to sort myself out (in addition to life-changes occurring outside myself).

And I apologize for any inconsistencies or annoyances.

"As Long as You are a Fighter, You are a Great Person!"

13/1/2022

Some wonderful chizuk from Bitachon Weekly Beshalach 5782, page 3 (boldface mine).

TAKE IT TO HEART!

If you are one of those who has “problems” [e.g. with Ka’as (anger), Ta’ava (physical & material desires), not learning and davening as well as you should, with difficulties in Bitachon or relationships], as long as you are a fighter, you are a great person and from the “Chamushim” warriors who deserve to leave Mitzrayim.

Even the biggest Tzaddikim fall again and again throughout their lives, yet they remain Tzaddikim, as it says Mishlei/Proverbs 24:17 A Tzaddik falls seven times, and gets up, since they get up and soldier on, and are not Mya’esh (hopeless).

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Unmasking the Foolishness Resulting from Mask Mandates (Plus an Amusing Little Mussar Lesson at the End)

12/1/2022

We attended a celebration in someone's home a few days ago.

One woman came in with a black mask covering her mouth and nose (but gaping open at the sides & top, as usual—only the n95 masks provide airtight protection).

I didn't think much of it until, in the course of conversation, she mentioned her covid-positive test to explain why she wore a mask.

"So I'm sick with covid now," she explained cheerfully. "That's why I'm strict about covering both my nose and my mouth!"

Everyone just nodded politely and I wanted to roll my eyes (but didn't because that's rude and she was a really nice, warm lady).

Later, when gathering together for photos, this same lady said, "Should I leave my mask in place? Oh, I can pull it down for just the moment it takes to snap a picture, right?"

So she pulled it down under her chin, joined in putting her arms around the people standing next to her, and smiled for the camera.

In a nutshell, this demonstrated everything wrong with the whole fake science behind the mask decrees.

Why Are People Acting Insensibly? Follow the Leaders!

As anyone who has gone through the hygiene classes in American elementary schools knows, germs travel on air currents and moisture drops (saliva, mucus, etc.).

Merely breathing puts these germs in motion.

So wearing a mask with the normal gaps around the sides and top allows these germs and droplets an easy exit.

They go into the air around you.

Just by being in the room with other people and breathing, this well-intentioned lady spread her germs into the airspace shared with many others.

Any doctor or nurse can tell you the same.

But I don't blame that lady.

When you have top medical professionals, including official announcements from the Ministry of Health, insisting on non-n95 masks as disease prevention, then you'll have many people who believe these masks are actually an effective strategy to prevent the spread of covid.

And these same people will believe they can go out among others as long as they wear a mask because so many highly educated medical professionals INSIST these masks significantly curb the spread of disease.

So she believes that by wearing a mask while ill with a highly contagious disease, she is behaving responsibly & considerately.

But why did she lower the mask for the photo?

How is that responsible and considerate?

Well, with the mask mandates allowing for unmasking with good reason, this encourages people to believe that temporarily taking off the mask for a "good" reason will not spread disease.

Like how everyone crammed together on a plane must be masked...until they start eating. Then hundreds of people sit there with no mask, freely exhaling their germs into the air. (Although with the standard masks, that's exactly what was happening before they started eating too.)

Another example:

When I went for an eyeglass exam, I masked myself in the waiting room out of consideration for another patient who insisted (with forced politeness) that another unmasked customer put on a mask.

(I do this because of Rav Itamar Schwartz's injunction not to cause tzaar to your fellow Jew. If people feel frightened or stressed out by you not wearing a mask, he feels it's considerate to wear a mask.)

As the optometry assistant carried out the exam, she handed me glass lenses on a stick to hold up to my eyes.

They immediately fogged up from my breath escaping via the top gap of my mask (proof that germs can escape via that exit too).

The assistant gave a self-conscious laugh and said, "Uh, you can remove the mask for a moment because it's impossible to carry out the exam while wearing a mask."

Looking at her sweet face with its sheepish smile, I could tell she realized how foolish that sounded.

I gave her a reassuring smile (after all, her employment forces her to do this) and continued with the exam.

"Okay, you can replace your mask now," she said pleasantly while avoiding looking me in the eye.

Then, covering only my mouth, I went into the office of the grumpy optometrist himself.

"Place your mask over your nose too, please!" he ordered.

I did.

Teaching People the Wrong Way to Do Things

This is the danger of scientifically foolish mandates, the one-minute-you're-contagious-but-the-next-minute-you-aren't irrationality.

(And that doesn't even cover the little-known evidence of another entryway for covid is via the eyes, which aren't mandated and hopefully will not be, even though the science says transmission via the eyes exists:www.thelancet.com/journals/lanmic/article/PIIS2666-5247(21)00040-9/fulltext. Please also note this same article records the results of a large study in which the grand preventative measures of 3-layer surgical masks, shoe covers, gloves, and alcohol rubs could NOT prevent the infection of 19% of staff.)

The irrational and inconsistent mandates both teach & habituate people to irresponsible and ineffective disease prevention.

It teaches & habituates people to obviously irrational behavior under the impression that it's rational.

Postscript: Just for Knowing, I'm Not Always So Nice...

In the interest of full disclosure...

While I show consideration for the tzaar of people lacking in knowledge and/or sensibility, and who perhaps feel frightened by the absence of masks and may indeed suffer medical vulnerability that increases their fear...

...I'm far less considerate toward enforcers who simply want to play power games.

For example:

While riding the bus one day, a fare-checker got on the bus to check everyone's bus cards to make sure they paid.

That was the limit of his job. There were no mask mandates that could earn a fine for a non-wearer.

When he got to me, he checked my bus card and then said, "Where's your mask, eh? What aren't you wearing a mask?"

He was an Arab and while there are fine Arabs employees & professionals in all areas, others use their jobs to assert power over Jews.

In my area, 2 incidents in which there was a conflict over whether the passenger had paid ended with the Arab fare-checker assaulting the passenger. (This hasn't happened with the Jewish fare-checkers, who might give you a tongue-lashing, but that's it.) In one case, the Arab fare-checker assaulted a charedi woman.

(Needless to say, abuses of authority are not limited to Arabs. Anyone with power issues can choose to target those under their authority. Just that in my case, it was an Arab-Jew thing, maybe even a man-woman thing.)

So because he was simply using his authority to harass me, I set a poker-face and gazed out the window while pretending he didn't exist.

"What's your problem?" he continued. "Don't wanna talk, eh? Humph."

I continued to act as if he didn't exist, and he exited the bus. (And no, I wasn't the only person without a mask.)

A couple of days later, I saw him again checking bus cards and again, he targeted me.

"No mask, eh? What do you think you're doing? You don't know you need to wear a mask? What, you don't know there's a covid epidemic? You don't care?"

During his quiet harangue, I again gazed out the window with no emotion until he went away.

Then I performed my new 'n' improved response to criticism (based on Torah as per the teachings of Rav Avigdor Miller and Rav Shalom Arush): I mentally went through my interactions to see if I was being a pointless nudnik toward anyone, just as the fare-checker was a pointless nudnik toward me.

And guess what?

I was!

Yep...still not perfect after all these years...yep, no surprise there...

So I thought of how to relate better to the object of my nudnickiness, resolved to do so and indeed, changed my behavior toward that person.

Recently, the same fare-checker boarded the bus and...not only did he not harass me about my lack of mask, but he didn't he even bother checking to see if I'd paid. (I had.)

I felt it was Hashem's way of giving me an encouraging pat on the back for being less of a nudnik.

Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Vaeira: Falling in Love All Over Again with Torah & Tefillah

30/12/2021

Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah for Parshas Vaeira 5 – Always Enthusiastic revolves around getting back to basics.

It's all about really enjoying your prayers and also just the basic text of the Torah.

It's about looking at a verse with fresh eyes and saying, "Wow, isn't that just so totally awesome!"

Get emotionally involved in the text.

Probably all of us have some favorite stories from Tanach, a favorite verse or chapter of Tehillim/Psalms, a favorite prayer (or even a favorite verse from within a prayer).

Depending on our background, we connected to them as children or, if we only encountered them later, we connected to them as teenagers or adults.

Part of what held our fancy lay in the newness, the freshness of the experience.

(That happened to me as a teenager with Tehillim, which I wrote about here: part-i-books-that-changed-my-life-tehillim.html.)

As usual, Rav Miller combines his wittily related real-life observations (both the religious foibles & the religious successes) with practical tips for how to start heading in the right direction.

This post is shorter than usual. As I read through the dvar Torah, I just felt so good. From the initial sweet story of the Chafetz Chaim, I started smiling.

So I don't have stuff to pour out in writing this time.

It just feels so nice to get back in touch with that initial appeal & fresh "ooh, shiny!" appeal—like a religious "Eureka!" moment.

Enjoy!

Great People Struggle Too

21/12/2021

On the heels of the previous post (what-if-you-lean-more-toward-esav-than-yaakov-avinu-the-perfect-mitzvah-for-imperfect-people.html), where we discussed how a truly refined person doesn't feel the urge to indulge in unrefined behavior (because he elevated himself to the level beyond base desires), we also looked at the other kind of person who always feels tormented by the desires for This World.

We don't hear from those people.

Why not?

Probably part of the reason is because that type of person fails a lot. They never manage to consistently overcome themselves.

But another reason lies in the shame such a person naturally feels.

Even if such a person consistently overcomes his or her baser inclinations, who really wants to admit how they REALLY feel inside?

His acquaintances would certainly feel discomfited by a friend who reveals ongoing desires to steal, covet, hit others, scream at others, gaze at inappropriate images, eat treif food, and so on.

Having said that, we have stories of very big Sages whom others accidentally overheard rebuking themselves about the trait of anger.

The self-rebuke surprised the listeners because the Sages castigating themselves for their anger were known to be very patient & composed people.

But apparently, their patience & forbearance resulted from a lot of inner work, not from a naturally calm nature.

Some Examples of the Struggles of Great People

There's a famous mention of a tzaddik (usually not named) who was known to always be in battle against his yetzer hara.

Apparently, he felt a pull toward thoughts & behaviors he knew were wrong, but he managed to overcome them every time because of his solid Torah knowledge & fear of God.

In other words, he realized what Hashem created him for: to be a benoni whose resistance fought the root of the yetzer hara in all worlds.

Not sure if this is the same person, but on page 406 of Words of Faith I, Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender says:

The Rebbe told of a certain Tsadik who served Hashem his entire life.

He warred like a lion for good.

When his time came—on his last day, the last breath of his life—he clapped and said in joy:

"Ibergeshpringen die velt! [I jumped over the world!]"

The last moment of his life he was happy that he "shot the last bullet."

The last minute, his foot was outside of the mud.

He merited to jump over this world and its vanities. Fortunate is he!

(In the footnotes, it explains the above-mentioned tzaddik was the author of Yesod v'Shoresh HaAvodah, "an extraordinarily inspiring ethical compilation that brings many passages of the Zohar to arouse proper repentance and prayer and devotion.")

It sounds like he always struggled against the yetzer hara.

Probably, it was his struggles that enabled him to write such a book. He knew all about it from personal experience.

Other glimpses into the personal inner work of great people can be seen here:
www.myrtlerising.com/blog/4-lessons-learned-from-glimpses-into-the-self-transformation-of-real-talmidei-chachamim

It's both enlightening & inspiring to see how it took Rav Scheinberg decades to uproot the connection he felt to the favorite sports team of his childhood.

Rav Avigdor Miller gave examples of his younger self as mouthy & confrontational—a far cry from the man he later became, a man who both exemplified & encouraged good words of love & blessing between people (even when you don't like them) & the avoidance confrontation except in the most unavoidable circumstances.

Rav Itamar Schwartz has briefly mentioned his own struggles, like a phase in his youth when he felt terribly empty, unfulfilled, and unhappy, or the long-ago pain of humiliation & criticism he initially encountered because of his books & shiurim, and now keeping his inner self balanced.

(You can read more about that here: www.myrtlerising.com/blog/the-story-of-the-journey-of-a-sensitive-young-man-a-glimpse-into-the-inner-struggles-of-a-talmid-chacham.)

So those are aspects & examples to keep in mind regarding the whole area of working on yourself and dealing with inner battles.

Don't feel bad, regardless of how you feel inside.

Feel good that you're willing to struggle at all.

Your struggle provides so much nachat to Hashem & also subdues the root of evil in all worlds.

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What If You Lean More toward Esav than Yaakov Avinu? The Perfect Mitzvah for Imperfect People

What If You Lean More toward Esav than Yaakov Avinu? The Perfect Mitzvah for Imperfect People

20/12/2021

Note:
All quotes from/about the Tanya within the post can be found here:
www.chabad.org/library/tanya/tanya_cdo/aid/7906/jewish/Chapter-27.htm

All boldface & underline below are my own additions.

What was Really Wrong with Esav?

In response to a question about Esav, Rabbi Y.Y. Jacobson explained how Esav was born into the category of those who forever struggle against their lesser desires.

Esav's big defect lay not in the fact that he felt such desires.

His defect lay in his unwillingness to STRUGGLE against these desires.

For all his abilities toward fighting (hunting, battle, and so forth), Esav remained immersed in his desires rather than fighting them.

Rabbi Jacobson pointed to the Lubavitcher Tanya's Likutei Amarim-Chapter 27 for a deeper explanation of this:
www.chabad.org/library/tanya/tanya_cdo/aid/7906/jewish/Chapter-27.htm

The Yaakov Avinu Category

Basically, 2 categories of people exist:

Those who manage to overcome their lesser desires to the point they no longer experience such desires (Yaakov Avinu)
Those who constantly suffer these desires, yet overcome them—in other words, those in constant battle (Esav...or who Esav was supposed to be, but failed)

The Yaakov Avinu type makes sense.

After all, the more you refine yourself & clean out your brain, the less attractive prohibitions become.

Probably, we've all experienced it on some level; we felt a strong pull toward a certain behavior or desire, but as we matured emotionally & spiritually, we wondered why we ever felt attracted to such a thing.

It's like drinking from a dirty toilet.

That act is so obviously repulsive, no one feels tempted to do it.

No one passes by a grungy outhouse catering to a much-frequented campsite and says, "Oh gosh, Hashem please help me fight my overpowering yetzer hara—how else can I resist taking a slurp?!"

Furthermore, if a person ever confided in you about feeling that way, you'd probably feel so creeped out, you'd avoid that person from then on.

This is because just the idea is so obviously repellent.

So it makes sense that a truly elevated person, a person who truly worked on himself & made enormous progress, a person with genuine self-awareness who underwent a raw cheshbon hanefesh followed by the appropriate repentance...it makes sense that such a person does not even feel attracted to certain acts.

He does not even experience certain desires.

And it's true.

But for some people, it's not true. They never reach that happy state of freedom.

The Esav Category

Why would Hashem make such a category?

Why create such people?

(Note: The truth is...ALL people start off in the category of struggling against lesser desires. With strenuous effort & time, some people graduate to the Yaakov Avinu category where they simply do not feel the desires. But some people never enter that category...or they do not enter it completely.)

Here's Likutei Amarim 27 on the topic:

By averting his mind from sinful thoughts, he fulfills the injunction,

“You shall not follow after your heart and after your eyes, by which you go astray.” [Bamidbar/Numbers 15:39]

(www.chabad.org/library/tanya/tanya_cdo/aid/7906/jewish/Chapter-27.htm)

As the commentary there explains:

Only when sinful thoughts enter one’s mind can he fulfill this command.

In other words, the Torah command is a very big & happy mitzvah.

But if you've nothing to lead your heart or eyes astray, then you cannot fulfill this mitzvah.

Only people with wayward desires can fulfill this mitzvah.

Think about that for a moment...

Born to be Bad

This same Tanya goes on to explain the idea of some born for righteousness & some born for wickedness, which is mentioned in Bava Batra 16a, quoting a conversation between Iyov/Job & God:

"...You created righteous people, You created wicked people..."

Having made that point, this never justifies a Popeye the Sailorman attitude of "I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam" based on the faulty assumption that "Heck, I was created wicked! That's just who I am! I can't help myself! I'm genetically programmed this way!"

But rather, some people become tzaddikim released from these desires while others spend a lifetime as benonim ("middlemen"), never freed from their desires & trapped in a constant state of battle.

Whether Hashem created a person to be a tzaddik or a rasha, both MUST work on themselves to overcome their forbidden stuff.

But the person destined to remain a benoni his whole life certainly suffers more.

He always feels the pull of his desires.

The commentary there sums it up:

A tzaddik subjugates his animal soul to such a degree that it is unable to arouse temptation in his heart.

His mind is therefore untroubled by evil thoughts.

Those, however, of whom Job said that they were “created wicked” cannot rise to this level.

It is always possible for evil thoughts to enter their minds; their task is not to give them free rein.

It sounds aggravating & depressing.

Yet the Tanya (based on the Zohar) finds wonderful things to say about this.

The Wonderful Reason for being Born to be Bad

The person afflicted with wayward desires should feel happy about the opportunity to deflect them.

Yes—happy!

Yay! Whee! Woo-hoo! ♫"If you're flawed and you know it, clap your hands! If you're sinful and you know it clap your hands!..."♪

Yes. Like that.

Why?

Here's Tanya Chapter 27 to explain:

Our Sages have said: “When one passively refrains from sin, he is rewarded as though he had actively performed a mitzvah." [Kiddushin 39b]

Consequently, he should rejoice in his compliance with the injunction just as he does when performing an actual positive precept.

***

Behold, this is the trait of the beinonim and their task:

to subdue the evil impulse and the thought that rises from the heart to the mind and to completely avert his mind from it, repulsing it as it were with both hands, as explained above in ch. 12.

The commentary there clarifies:

The Alter Rebbe explained there that the evil in the soul of the beinoni remains vigorous; his task is to prevent it from expressing itself in thought, speech, and action.

Thus, he has no control over the occurrence of evil thoughts in his mind, but only over his acceptance or rejection of these thoughts.

As Rebbi Akiva Rabinovitz says (Rav Ofer Erez in Ahavat Kedumim, page 170):

Hakadosh Baruch Hu holds absolutely no hakpadah [strict judgement, condemnation] against a Jewish person who possess evil traits and lusts.

Hakadosh Baruch Hu does not come in accusations about this since He implanted these within him, and He brought us down here for this purpose.

***
The hakpadah occurs when the Jewish person does not strive to seek out the path and the counsel as to how to get out of [those evil traits and lusts].

Therefore, the ONLY problem lies in one's RESPONSE to these thoughts & desires.

Not IF he feels the pull of the yetzer hara, but HOW he responds.

Based on the Zohar, the Tanya there goes on to describe how the mere act of pushing away a thought, of refraining from sin, subdues the Sitra Achra (the Dark Side) in both This World and the Upper Worlds!

That explains why Hashem created people to struggle like this.

Whether you want to call them benonim, reshaim (as defined by their urges, not necessarily their actual behavior), or the Esav type, the all-important purpose they serve in the world comes from their ability to beat down the Sitra Achra by virtue of their silent & unseen mental abilities.

Without their sinful desires, there is no repelling or refraining, and without that repelling or refraining, there is no suppression of the Sitra Achra at its very root.

When Lifelong "Failure" is Actually Massive Success on All Levels

Here's the big whammy:

Therefore, one should not feel depressed or very troubled at heart, even if he be engaged all his days in this conflict with the thoughts which will always enter his mind.

For perhaps this is what he was created for, and this is the service demanded of him--to subdue the sitra achara constantly.

This remains a recurrent theme in Judaism, which as far as I know, does not exist in any other belief system.

Your EFFORT decides everything.

Not the result. Not your innate nature.

But the mere effort determines your status.

Why?

Because your lesser aspects come from Hashem.

Whether you developed these unwanted traits & tendencies from your background, upbringing, culture OR you were born with them...they come from HASHEM.

The question is why?

Why did He implant these unwanted traits & tendencies within you?

Again, as we see above, the very act of repelling these tendencies & desires reaps powerful results.

Someone needs to weaken the Sitra Achra in both This World and the Upper Worlds.

Someone needs to fight the Sitra Achra at its root.

Someone needs to cut off the head of the snake.

And if you suffer from any kind of sinful thoughts or desires...then that heroic someone must be YOU.

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The Ultimate Meaning behind Pain and Frustration (explains the theme of The Lost Princess)

Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Vayechi: The Way To True Teshuvah

16/12/2021

In Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah for Parshas Vayechi 5 – The Function of Regret, we see the importance of our fellows around us, how they contribute to our lives.

For example, explains Rav Miller, a family bursting with different personalities—yet who all strive to behave with derech eretz—contribute to each other.

Each person influences another with the good point they possess which the other lacks.

Hashem created us exactly like this. No one is perfect except Hashem, Who possesses all good.

We all have something good to learn from another, to gain from another.

And everyone else has something good to learn from us, to gain from us.

We are vital to this world and the other is also vital.

On page 7, Rav Miller says:

Of course in America, it’s overlooked. It’s ignored today.

Brothers move away from each other and members of the family sometimes have very tenuous connections. They’ll call each other on the phone, they send cards before Rosh Hashana; it’s a very weak connection.

But fundamentally the plan of Hashem was that this should be one of the joys of life.

Family is one of the pleasures of life!

The old time European families who came over to America used to spend time together.

They didn’t have the tendency to go to movies. The old timers didn’t go to movies – even the irreligious ones.

I remember as a child how the families used to come together frequently and they sat for three or four hours together.

Grandfather, grandmother, the sons and the daughters, the grandchildren, little children crawling on the floor.

The house was swarming with people and that was their fun.

Today it’s boring.

“Let’s go someplace. Let’s do something.”

People begin to exchange this form of happiness for imitation happiness that you have to pay money for; today you waste money on paid entertainers or traveling; things that are sold to you as forms of happiness instead of the original ways that families used to enjoy themselves.

Remorse, Regret, and Repentance from a Place of Self-Elevation

Another issue addressed in the parsha is teshuvah.

Rav Miller emphasizes the frightening part of not doing teshuvah, which many people in our times resent hearing.

Some people may have heard it too much, accompanied by a petty or hypocritical delivery.

For others, it's too scary or simply doesn't jive with the modern culture & mentality, which has even seeped into the frummest parts of the frum world.

However, knowing that you'll have to pay for that moment of sinful pleasure exists as yet another tool in one's self-polishing toolbox.

It's meant to be used in conjunction with the idea of the reward & light & angels you create when you overcome that same inclination toward all sorts of prohibited self-indulgences.

Looking back and FEELING REMORSE does wonders for erasing the dark angels created by those mistakes.

Crying & sighing? Even better!

Certainly, one must do it with the attitude of:

How could someone as innately holy & precious & special as me have done something so out of character, so beneath my true stature?

I'm soooooo much better than that. My stunningly beautiful potential lies far above that lowly deed.

If you do it with lots of self-denigration (or, for some people, even with a tiny bit of self-denigration), then the remorse paradoxically claws you downward, and you may get even worse.

For today's generation, the Slabodka approach of focusing on the gadlut ha'adam, the greatness of a human being, is the way to go.

Every human being contains the breath of Hashem—an aspect of Divinity—within.

Every human being was created in the Image of Hashem.

We are not just mammals!

We need to look at ourselves & each other as tzelem Elokim—God's Divine Image.

If we do this, we'll treat both ourselves & others much better.

We each have something of the Divine within us—regardless of our physical, mental, or spiritual defects.

If you're Jewish, then you also possess an extra Yisrael neshamah & are a true-blue ben or bat Melech.

Questions to ask yourself from Rav Moshe Chaim Luzatto, courtesy of Rav Itamar Schwartz: https://bilvavi.net/english/after-holydays-advice-ramchal

A generous chunk of this week's parsha booklet addresses the ins & outs of teshuvah—not to be missed!

A delicious discourse on teshuvah runs from page 8 to page 17, with uplifting chizuk from Rebbe Nachman of Breslov on pages 16-17.

Likewise, part of doing teshuvah & preventing loss means proper efforts—safety precautions, making sensible decisions before one gets stuck in an unwanted situation, and the like. Rav Miller covers that all-important aspect hishtadlut & behaving responsibly on pages 14-16.

Credit for all quotes & material goes to Toras Avigdor.

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More Inspiration against Despair from the Me'am Lo'ez on Mishlei/Proverbs 2:4

Why Failures are Not Really Failures: The Ultimate Way to Relate to "Down" Times

12/12/2021

Utilizing the concepts from Rabbeinu Tam's Sefer HaYosher, Rav Itamar Schwartz discusses what Rabbeinu Tam's "Days of Love" & "Days of Hate" mean for us & how to deal with them.

(The full transcription of the lecture is here: https://bilvavi.net/english/droshos-what-do-when-you-are-down; includes a Q&A at the end & specific applications for women.)

In short, "Days of Love" are days when you feel "up," and things are going well, both spiritually and emotionally.

"Days of Hate" are the opposite; they're the "down" times.

Here's an excerpt of a transcription of Rav Schwartz's lecture on the subject (stylistic changes made for added clarity for onscreen reading):

Failures Are Not Failures
***
When a person is in a difficult time and he doesn’t feel a drive to grow, there are two attitudes he can have.

One attitude is to completely give up:

“That’s it. I’ve had enough, and I can’t take it anymore. Today is a bad day, and I’m only going downhill. I can’t work on myself today.”

But the other attitude he can have is to have a different perspective on the situation:

“My soul needs a break sometimes. I can’t always be growing. It’s really not a bad day – it’s a day that I have to go through, because it’s normal for my soul to feel closed up sometimes, [since Rabbeinu Tam has written that] everyone has these 'Days of Hate'.”

We can compare this to going to sleep.

Although sleep is not productive, is sleep a bad thing?

No one looks at sleep as unproductive, because we all realize that we need to go to sleep in order to reenergize. We can’t function unless we get our sleep.

Taking a break is part of life, and we must not look down at ourselves for this.

The difficult times in our life are thus really not “difficult” or “bad.”

Rather, they are like our sleep.

It is necessary for us sometimes to pull back from growth, and let us not beat ourselves up that something is wrong with us that we don’t feel any willpower to grow spiritually.

If you have those days in which you don’t feel like learning or davening or making any spiritual progress, realize that it’s normal, and that it is actually a necessary part of your growth to go through these times in which you lack motivation.

This can change our whole attitude about life!

Our soul needs to rest sometimes – we can’t always grow and reach higher levels.

This is not a fall from our level – it is a necessary part of our growth.

“Failures” are thus not really “failures” – they are needed for our growth.

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The Link to Bilvavi Links about the Month of Tevet, the Tribe of Dan, and Overcoming Anger & Trauma

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Inspiration against Despair from the Me'am Lo'ez on Mishlei/Proverbs 2:4-6

One of the Most Powerful Acts You Can Ever Achieve Remains Deceptively Invisible, Silent, and Unacknowledged in This World

8/12/2021

Among the most difficult Torah ideas to accept stands the idea of restraint as a powerful act reaping tremendous reward.

Most people perceive the avoidance of a forbidden act as passive—wimpy, even.

Rather than sinning, you simply refrain.

It FEELS passive. It feels limp.

Even when a person experiences tremendous strain & angst while refraining, the lack of visible result muddles the true picture.

The Truth about the Gevurah of Restraint

Let's say a person wants to rage at someone.

Yet he refrains.

Inside, he boils & feels terrible frustration.

He may find himself obsessing for hours about what he could've said and what will be in the future.

Maybe he thanks Hashem for the suffering, maybe not.

Regardless, no bells or whistles go off, no stunning angels appear, no bat kol booms out from Heaven declaring, "Ploni ben Ploni overcame his natural instincts — such an amazing gibbur who overcame his yetzer hara!!!"

Some people feel a sense of satisfaction when overcoming their yetzer hara...but others don't!

Such people may even feel just frustrated or empty inside.

However, the Torah Truth of the matter is: This person who restrains himself actually creates a tremendous impression in the unseen spiritual worlds.

He also makes a positive imprint on his soul in an extremely powerful way.

Furthermore, he creates an amazing angel, which will be waiting to greet him & stand as his merit & defense when his soul comes before the Heavenly Tribunal in Shamayim.

The spiritual impression & angelic representative created by this act of restraint can NEVER be erased, no matter how many other transgressions he falls into—including transgressions in the same area in which he managed to restrain himself that time.

Sure, that act of restraint can be outnumbered or overwhelmed by transgressions.

But it can NEVER be ERASED.

It will ALWAYS EXIST—no matter what.

Honors & Stories You Will Never Witness

In our upside-down world, people receive rewards & accolades for what they DO, not for what they DON'T do.

For example, society hosts fancy dinners to honor people who give lots of tzedakah to their community.

No one hosts fancy dinners to honor someone who craved to spend money on forbidden activities & products, but refrained.

You will never walk past a fancy hall with a sign proclaiming:
ANNUAL DINNER TRIBUTE HONORING OUTSTANDING MISGABER HERSHY GOLDBLUM, WHO FACED THE NISAYON OF DESIRING BACON DOUBLE-CHEESE BURGERS & LOOKING AT UNWHOLESOME IMAGES 10,798 TIMES THIS YEAR, YET RESTRAINED HIMSELF A WHOPPING 10,708 TIMES!!!

(In addition to acts of gevurah/restraint remaining unknown to others, they also tend to be embarrassing, which is another reason why no one receives public honor for them. Hershy Goldblum really does not want his yetzer hara for treif food & unwholesome images to be publicized, especially if he's married with children.)

While engaging speakers captivate us with stories of first responders, devoted teachers who made a difference, and generous acts of kindness & charity, no one tells a story of the girl who resisted the magnetic pull of contributing juicy gossip to a particularly juicy conversation.

For example, no speaker ever says:

"What if I told you that Malky Kaufman was this week's hero in Shamayim? Malky found herself in a discussion of particularly delicious lashon hara—and boy, did she have something extremely juicy to contribute! AND she even justified it to herself as true, plus the story was well-known among many others, so that makes it not-so-bad, right? In addition, she craved lapping up the attention sure to be riveted on her as she spoke.

"But...Malky refrained.

"And not ONLY did Malky restrain herself from speaking...she even quietly walked away, unnoticed by the others riveted on the forbidden topic!

"And why did Malky restrain herself? Because she knew that despite her justifications, there was no useful purpose in listening to or sharing this lashon hara. So that made it forbidden. Hashem doesn't like it. So Malky kept silent and walked away.

"But it's not only that.

"Malky didn't even feel good about it! She experienced NO sense of victory or satisfaction in her gevurah! She felt tormented by her desire to share in the deliciously juicy gossip, and found it difficult to stop imagining the gratifying scenario had she indulged her overwhelming desire to listen to & speak lashon hara.

"That's right. Malky suffers from a HUGE yetzer hara for kavod and lashon hara...I mean, her yetzer hara for kavod and lashon hara is absolutely MASSIVE—over-powering, overwhelming, RELENTLESS...

"Yet Malky overcame that horrific yetzer hara that time.

"And without ever knowing about it, Malky's act of restraint created UNFATHOMABLE light in the Upper Worlds! Her powerful act of gevurah actually tipped the Heavenly Scales to the side of merit, sweetening the judgement over her community, and making the world a better place. In addition, the angels created from Malky's act of gevurah? Their beauty and grandeur rival that of the Swiss Alps at sunset—and remain on Malky's cheshbon for eternity.

"And doesn't that show us the infinite opportunities for our own acts of gevurah?"

Again, we feel embarrassed by our unholy desires, so we don't want them publicized.

A "Malky" would never want anyone to know just how much she craves attention—even such unholy attention—and indulging in lashon hara.

But also, these acts remain unseen & unheard in this world...and likewise, their stunning results remain unseen & unheard.

Yet they definitely exist.

Torah Sources Reveal the Unimaginable Glory of Self-Restraint

Because of the deceptive appearance of This World, it remains challenging to internalize the concepts expressed in Torah sources regarding these seemingly passive acts of restraint.

For example, the Zohar (don't know where) says:

"Each and every time you succeed in warding off the yetzer hara—even in the smallest measure—you reveal God in the world."

And the Vilna Gaon wrote:

"And every moment a man does not say a word, he is entitled to the hidden light that no angel or other creature can imagine. "

The Vilna Gaon meant this for ANY kind of unnecessary speech—like shooting the wind or whatever—all the more so, to refrain from outright forbidden speech!

There's also this from the Vilna Gaon:

"But the main way to merit Olam Haba is by guarding one's tongue. That is worth more than all the Torah and good deeds."

Both quotes are from Iggeret HaGra, which can be found in English translation here:
www.pirchei.co.il/specials/gra/graprn.htm

2 Reasons Why Incomplete Accomplishments Actually Complete You

The above is why it's so important to pick yourself up after a fail and keep going.

Perhaps it's similar to climbing a mountain.

Even if you slide back 500 times...by the end of life, you might find yourself half way up the mountain, rather than hanging out eating, drinking, surfing, texting, and shmoozing at rock bottom.

Why is half a mountain still an accomplishment?

Two reasons:

(1) As discussed by Rav Dessler, the good acts you merely begin in This World create roots in the World to Come. These roots continuously elevate you in the World to Come.

However, the roots won't exist at all unless you create them first.

So just creating those roots provides you with indescribable benefits.

Please see here for more on that idea:
www.myrtlerising.com/blog/how-the-baby-steps-in-this-world-create-your-future-world-of-beautiful-pulsating-light

(2) You can never know the exact parameters of your Heavenly account.

Perhaps in a previous lifetime, you scaled half a mountain.

Therefore, in this lifetime, you were meant to scale only another half (because 2 halves make 1 whole).

So what looks like a job only half-done...is really a complete job.

And because there's no way to know all the details, so you might as well give it your best shot.

You never know what you're actually accomplishing.

The All-Encompassing Importance of the "Mere" Struggle

All the above explains the importance of spiritual struggle.

Meaning, just the struggle itself reaps powerful—albeit often imperceptible—results.

That's why it's so vitally significant to keep trying even when you fail more than you succeed in ANY spiritual act—whether the act occurs within:

shemirat halashon
shemirat habrit
shemirat ayanim
refraining from anger
refraining from material indulgences that indulge luxury or kavod more than necessity (this varies from individual to individual)
refraining from wearing clothes, make-up, or a hair-covering that express the values of the secular world as opposed to the Torah world
refraining from sending a text or comment containing hurtful or mocking or meaningless words

...and many more!

Again, it's a massive challenge to internalize this concept, but the more you internalize the power of restraint (along with its invincible results), the better you'll feel in general and the more likely you are to succeed.

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A True Story Demonstrating the Power of Just ONE Chapter of Tehillim

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Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Vayigash: Using Your Sight Wisely

Why Your Nasty Bad Habits & Weaknesses are Actually Your Best Friends

5/12/2021

On pages 15-16 of the Bitachon Weekly for Parshat Miketz 5782, we learn the AUTHENTIC Torah approach for dealing with our nasty or weak aspects of ourselves—no matter how ingrained, innate, and genetic (1st & 3rd boldface mine):

Your best "friends” are those nasty bad habits and weaknesses that you may have even inherited for generations and seem impossible to overcome.

“It’s terrible! I have no control!”

***

Without that wicked a nasty side of you, you are useless Malach [angel] who isn’t worthy of the Torah...the best part of you and your glory and shine is your Yetzer Hara!

***

There Is No Way Out of It! We Are All Going to Make Mistakes All the Time for The Rest of Our Lives!

This is Normal!

...channeling our Admoni [Edomite, Esav] side into doing good, or by doing Teshuva on our sins; this is exactly what we were created for:

To move on despite our difficulties!

***

Every evil is potential good and therefore deserves to be glowing and shining!

***

This is our claim to fame, when we don’t give up and we try to convert our evil into good.

Never, never, give up! R’ Avrohom Yoffen Zatzal said that Bitachon is a reality, you must come out ahead if you keep persisting and you are real.

To receive Bitachon Weekly by email, send a request to:
thenewbitachonweekly@gmail.com

Please note: I've no connection with Bitachon Weekly; just find their material uniquely amazing & wish to spread this wonderful dose of sanity in a progressively insane world.

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The #1 Idea You Must Tell Yourself about Your Flaws, Mistakes, Weaknesses, and Sins

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A True Story Demonstrating the Power of Just ONE Chapter of Tehillim

<<Previous

Inconsistencies

"As Long as You are a Fighter, You are a Great Person!"

Unmasking the Foolishness Resulting from Mask Mandates (Plus an Amusing Little Mussar Lesson at the End)

Why Are People Acting Insensibly? Follow the Leaders!

Teaching People the Wrong Way to Do Things

Postscript: Just for Knowing, I'm Not Always So Nice...

Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Vaeira: Falling in Love All Over Again with Torah & Tefillah

Great People Struggle Too

Some Examples of the Struggles of Great People

What If You Lean More toward Esav than Yaakov Avinu? The Perfect Mitzvah for Imperfect People

What was Really Wrong with Esav?

The Yaakov Avinu Category

The Esav Category

Born to be Bad

The Wonderful Reason for being Born to be Bad

When Lifelong "Failure" is Actually Massive Success on All Levels

Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Vayechi: The Way To True Teshuvah

Remorse, Regret, and Repentance from a Place of Self-Elevation

Why Failures are Not Really Failures: The Ultimate Way to Relate to "Down" Times

One of the Most Powerful Acts You Can Ever Achieve Remains Deceptively Invisible, Silent, and Unacknowledged in This World

The Truth about the Gevurah of Restraint

Honors & Stories You Will Never Witness

Torah Sources Reveal the Unimaginable Glory of Self-Restraint

2 Reasons Why Incomplete Accomplishments Actually Complete You

The All-Encompassing Importance of the "Mere" Struggle

Why Your Nasty Bad Habits & Weaknesses are Actually Your Best Friends

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