Category: Teshuvah

Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Vayera: Using Avraham Avinu as the Ultimate Guide to Self-Improvement

15/11/2019

In Parshas Vayera 3 – The System of Avraham Avinu, Rav Miller discusses several practical aspects of self-improvement.

For example, one of the difficult aspects of working on middot and making genuine progress is the way it looks in the eyes of others.

Even if they are good & decent people, if you are only a couple of levels above them, you'll look strange.

I've been on both sides of this, having been the person who looked at a person a couple of levels higher than myself and thought they were strange or even that they "just don't understand" (HA!) and then when I got there myself, I realized they weren't strange at all and furthermore, not only did they understand very well, they were absolutely right.

And I've also been the person viewed as strange.

Many of us have had both experiences, whether it's when you really decided to dedicate yourself to avoiding lashon hara, keeping Shabbat, suffering insults in silence, improving your tsnius, giving the benefit of the doubt, or anything else...at least one person thinks you've become odder.

And I don't mean just the phase when you're acting a bit wonky because you're still trying to figure out how to incorporate the new improved behavior into your old self.

No matter how balanced & polished you get, someone somewhere (or a lot of someones) will find you very odd, even eccentric.

Some people even feel offended or threatened by the new you. ("How dare you think I spoke lashon hara!" "Why are you suddenly covering your hair like that? I always wear a waist-length swoopy wavy vampy shaitel that doesn't even look like I'm covering my hair, and I find that perfectly tsnius!" "Yes, but when you don't answer back, do you have any idea what a doormat you're making yourself out to be?")

And maybe you also remember times you found someone strange or offensive...until you matured spiritually and discovered otherwise.

(Just to emphasize: We aren't talking about people who really are strange & offensive, but people who only SEEM strange or offensive by people on a lower level than them.)

As Rav Miller says on page 4:

Great people are sometimes so great that others can’t appreciate them.

[Meshugah ish haruach] – The man of spirit – the man who is dedicated fully to Hashem – is a madman (Hoshea 9:7). It means that he appears to be a madman, a meshuganeh, in the eyes of others.

The navi said that – it means it’s an old story already that the avodas Hashem of great men is considered extreme by men of lesser stature.

And this means Avraham Avinu too.

Avraham Avinu: a man who so loved to do chessed, he sat at the doorway of his tent on the hottest of days recovering from a brit milah, and still yearned for guests in order to perform hospitality.

How did he get to that level?

Seeing the World Means Seeing Hashem

Basically, Avraham Avinu looked around the world and noticed all the seemingly little miracles that are actually very big.

A nice breeze, a peach tree, onions growing from the ground – Avraham Avinu took note.

And because Avraham Avinu saw all that Hashem provided the world, so Avraham Avinu yearned to emulate Hashem and also provide.

So Avraham Avinu also planted trees.

And because Avraham Avinu saw that chessed was very important to Hashem, that Hashem was the Ultimate Chessed, so Avraham Avinu became obsessed with being the personification of loving-kindness.

Obsessions are usually bad. They derive from ego.

But in this case, Avraham Avinu's chessed obsession derived from his pure adoration of Hashem Yitbarach.

The 2 Most Important Questions to Contemplate in order to Realize Your Spiritual Potential & become Great in Hashem's Eyes

In order to truly realize (or even attempt to realize) your genuine spiritual potential, and to become great in Hashem's Eyes, Rav Miller gives us the #1 advice from the Ramchal (Rav Moshe Chaim Luzatto) on page 11:

[The Ramchal] says there that man must find time every day to sit in solitude and contemplate some of the most important questions of life.

And one of the most valuable, he says, is the following: “What was it that made Avraham Avinu so beloved by Hashem? How did he become so great that he was chosen to be the father of the most holy nation?"

If you are already engaging in regular hitbodedut, the above also makes for a great topic of discussion.

Here are the 2 important questions are again:

What was it that made Avraham Avinu so beloved by Hashem?
How did he become so great that he was chosen to be the father of the most holy nation?

Rav Miller says that according to the Ramchal, engaging in the above will cause you to want to be like Avraham Avinu.

But no normal person honestly thinks he or she could ever be like Avraham Avinu, no matter how hard they try.

So won't this exercise lead to despair?

Nope.

Here's why...

Desire is the Key to Everything

Just the very DESIRE to be like Avraham Avinu is in itself a HUGE achievement!

Baruch Hashem, Rav Avigdor Miller constantly pounds into our heads the importance of our inner world.

Hashem wants your HEART.

Do you ever feel joy when you daven?

Do you ever feel deveikus when you daven?

Are you snorting around in a filthy, disgusting, stench-filled pig sty...yet you DESIRE to get up and wash yourself off, and communicate in refined language rather than snorts?

GOOD.

THAT'S an achievement.

I think we've all seen this so many times, and even experienced it ourselves:

GOOD DESIRE helps us get better.

People who don't even have the DESIRE to be good ultimately do not make it.

There is a world of difference between sinning & saying, "Oh, well. That's just how it is today; everyone else is doing it too and even worse stuff" and sinning & saying, "Aack! I HATE it when I do this! Yuck!"

Rav Miller reassures us (pages 11-12) that just the mere thought of choosing what Hashem desires makes Hashem say, "If that's the case, then you're My man already."

Re-Tweets & Likes aren't What Counts in Life

Internalizing the importance of intangible silent acts is particularly grueling in our times.

In a world where brushing your teeth is tweeted or posted, and then people actually respond with "likes," AND the tweeter/poster's feelings of self-worth actually depend on this – what a crazy challenge for us nowadays!

Self-promotion & public recognition are NOT what Hashem judges us by.

However, Rav Miller reminds us that good intentions still aren't everything.

Desire isn't the Whole Shebang. At Some Point, You Need to Take Action

Rav Miller explains that real desire should incur action at some point.

Standing up to your knees in water while shouting for water?

If you truly desire water, then you should bend down and scoop up some of the water you're drenched in, says Rav Miller.

If you accidentally break or damage something, even while trying to do something good with it, you can't just say, "Well, it was an accident. Because I didn't mean to do damage & because I meant to do good, so I don't need to pay."

You DO need to pay.

You're attending a Torah shiur?

Great!

But that doesn't mean you can stick your legs out and risk someone tripping over them. It doesn't mean you can spread out to much on the bench or hog the armrest.

Speaking in Torah is very, very important. All of Chazal emphasizes this. But if you speak divrei Torah loudly in a place where others are sleeping, that's very wrong.

(For more on that topic, please see: Rav Avigdor Miller on Conforming To Others.)

Speaking in a way that doesn't hurt others feelings is also part 'n' parcel of Judaism.

Rav Miller quotes Gemara Bava Metzia 58b:

Hurting people’s feelings is worse than stealing their money.

That's a very strong statement considering that the prohibition against stealing is part of the 10 Commandments and also one of the 7 Mitzvot of Bnei Noach, which incurs severe penalties.

Consideration of others is part of Avraham Avinu's chessed (pages 13-14).

Rav Miller's Final Thoughts on the Parsha

We'll finish with these final thoughts of Rav Miller regarding what we learn from Avraham Avinu (page 15):

Hashem created a world of chesed not only because He wants us to be happy, but because He wants us to learn to make others happy!

And:

And more importantly, by means of the avodah of walking in the footsteps of Avraham, you’re fulfilling the mitzvah of , וְ הָ לַ כְ ת ּ ָ ב ִ דְ רָ כָ יו walking in the ways of Hu Boruch Hakodosh Hu, the original Chafeitz Chesed who created this world to be an Olam Chesed, a world of good times.

Bonus:
For good guidance in these times of come-and-go war, please also see Rav Miller on Missile Attacks in Eretz Yisrael (1991)

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Harsh Judgement Generously Laced with Rachamim

13/11/2019

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You've probably seen this video already, but it's always good to point out Hashem's Kindnesses:

Miracle: Rocket Slams into Highway near Gan Yavne, Just Missing Vehicles

If you look at the timeline beneath the video, you see that the rocket hits just behind the cars around the 6-7-second mark.

Pausing & moving the little seconds-tracker thing 1 minuscule step at a time shows that the missile missed the nearest cars by LESS than a second.

As one of my teenagers said, "If the drivers had put one less spoonful of sugar in their tea that morning, they would've been hit."

Also, the missile hit behind the cars on that side of the highway and not on the busier side.

The missile missed the cement mixer, the bus, and other cars by mere yards.

Yishtabach Shemo.

It has been clear from the inappropriate rain on Sukkot, followed by the unusually dry yet extremely windy (albeit not unpleasant) weather this winter, that Eretz Yisrael is under din right now.

Combine that with this renewed barrage of rockets & the threat of Iranian intervention, there is definitely some pretty serious din hanging over us right now.

Yet when Hashem times missiles to miss His People by tenths of a second or by only a handful of yards, it shows that He is still very much with us and not in punishment-mode, but wake-you-up-mode.

WAKE UP.

While we certainly share the tzaar of the people who've lost their homes or been injured by these attacks, we can still see that the din is laced with generous amounts of rachamim.

May we all merit to do teshuvah from love and bring the Geula in a sweet way.

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The Lessons Found Deep Within

3/11/2019

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Even when you are firmly embedded within your frum lifestyle, you can still face startling wake-up calls about something you thought was 100% kosher – or even laudable – and discover that it actually isn't.

It could even be something that makes you feel good.

It could be something with pseudo-rabbinic approval.

But then you discover it's all wrong.

Or at least, partly wrong.

My latest wake-up call came after reading Rav Itamar Schwartz's ideas about concentrating on one's breathing, which he takes from Chazal (as clarified by Rav Abulafia, apparently), and does not borrow from non-Jewish sources.

Then a caring reader sent me a booklet of Rav Schwartz's ideas on breathing & how it specifically relates to the month of Cheshvan:
http://bilvavi.net/files/Bilvavi.On.Breathing.pdf

You can also see a version of it as a blog post:
http://bilvavi.net/english/rosh-chodesh-avodah-008-marchesvan-breathing

Now, I was never one of these people who likes to meditate, but I have done guided meditation with frum rabbinically approved people.

And these are people who care about their methods being 100% kosher.

So imagine my dismay when I read in the Q&A section (emphasis mine):

The Torah’s approach to the power of using breathing is not so that we should expel negative energy contained in the body and bring in positive energy.

A Torah-approved method that is being somewhat mirrored in the gentile practices of breathing is that a person can bring positive energy into his system; however, this is not being accomplished through the gentile methods.

A Torah-approved method would be to imagine a thought about something holy and to imagine that it is entering him, or that it is his enveloping his body, or something similar to this.

The gentile approach of breathing exercises, however, involves imagining a “light” that enters the body which purges it from all evil or negativity found in the body.

This approach is heretical to our Torah.

Uh...oh.

And while I haven't done this a lot nor have I done this since a while ago, I was concerned that something so seemingly innocent & positive is actually "heretical."

Trusting that Rav Schwartz is truly knowledgeable in this area helped me be honest with myself, and convinced me that I must not again try anything that instructs me to inhale "light" or "a power" – ANY kind of "power."

There's just Hashem.

Having said that, I think that one of the frum methods I tried indeed described it as imagining "the light of Hashem" being inhaled into you, which suits the Torah-approved method of breathing, according to Rav Schwartz.

That felt nice, but I never saw any of the promised effects from it, as far as I remember.

At the same time, I don't think all these things always make sure to mention Hashem as a firmly entrenched part of the exercise – which might explain an odd reaction I had to one given by a frum person, which was not only unhelpful but caused a very unpleasant feeling.

Rav Schwartz goes on to explain (emphasis mine):

The purpose of the Torah’s approach towards breathing is that breathing enables us to reach HaKadosh Baruch Hu found in the depths of the soul.

Unlike the gentile methods, which are entirely self-focused, the Torah way of breathing exercises is to come to live with Hashem in our life, through the breathing exercises.

And in a nutshell, I feel that's the problem with a lot of "kashered" exercises borrowed from Eastern practices.

It's all focused on self.

I remember when I read about Buddhism, for example, to see what all the attraction was about, and when I learned what the whole point was & what the greatest achievement could be, I was like, "That's it?"

Just something like, reaching a state of nothingness for absolutely no reason.

Whoopdee-doo.

And investing TONS of work and discipline to get there.

It was so pointless and meaningless, I really didn't & don't understand why intelligent, spiritual people were & are so attracted to it.

So I decided to try breathing Rav Schwartz's way, and immediately saw the difference.

Concentrating on my breathing sparked a dim image in my head of the whole breathing apparatus, the diaphragm, everything. My mind automatically thought, "Wow, how great are your deeds, Hashem! Look at how everything works together so well without my even noticing! I'm so grateful to You! You're Amazing!"

This was the spontaneous thought, not that I was trying to make it Gratitude Time. (Remember, I was just focusing on my breathing without using my mind for anything else.)

Needless to say, feeling awash in awe & appreciation of Hashem both relaxed & uplifted my mood.

At this point, I plan to use this periodically, but don't intend to make a daily practice out of it because, like I said, I'm really not a meditative type. Anyway, he said this isn't necessary spiritual work; it's just for people who feel attracted to it and wish to make it part of their avodah.

Not every soul needs this particular method of getting close to Hashem.

But yet again, it showed me the great importance of deriving help from authentic Jewish sources.

We don't need to look so often to the non-Jewish world for help.

And we certainly don't need "kashered" versions of unkosher methods.

Mah rabu ma'asecha, Hashem!

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UPDATED: Using Torah to Think Outside the Box

29/10/2019

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Years ago, I first heard the idea that while everything is in the Torah, you need to be a huge talmid chacham to extract it.

And in a nutshell, this was the heter to glean stuff (particularly psychology & self-help) from the non-Jewish world.

Initially, it was a relief to hear it.

Because I was so far away in my mind (despite being technically observant) from comprehending (let alone internalizing) original sources of mussar, the above concept really appealed to me back then.

Gradually, though, I saw it wasn't really true.

Obviously, we're allowed to glean stuff from the non-Jewish world.

However, when it comes to ideas that affect our inner selves and our ability to do teshuvah, it's actually very hard to discard the chaff (of which there is an ENORMOUS amount in popular psychology) and leave only the legitimate kernels.

That's why I really relished Rav Itamar Schwartz's statement that you actually need to be a big talmid chacham to sift through the secular stuff in order to get to the genuinely helpful stuff.

Here are Rav Schwartz's exact words from Woman's World 018: Avoiding Non-Jewish Influence (please scroll halfway to the section called "Who can learn psychology?") – the boldfaced underlined emphasis is my addition:

A person who is a very big Talmid Chochom, who learned the entire Torah – who finished Shas (Talmud Bavli, as well as Talmud Yerushalmi) and has learned the works of the Gra and the Maharal – he already has his outlook from the Torah, so he can sift through the information and see which non-Jewish literature is kosher and which isn’t.

He is able to obtain permission to learn it, because he can know how to sift out what isn’t true.

As you can see, it's the diametrical opposite to the idea bandied about in frum outlets.

Blind Spots are No Heter

Of course, the original idea presented in favor of secular methodologies derived from the fear of people misinterpreting Torah ideas, and especially distorting them to cater to their own deficiencies.

It's true that people do that. It's a legitimate concern.

Yes, it's true that people can read Torah sources with their blind spots solidly in place, making it difficult for them to extract the lessons they truly need from it.

(Many people especially love distorting the Rambam's or Rav Moshe Feinstein's words & ideas to align with his or her goals & personal flaws.)

But there is also a matter of ratzon (desire, good will).

Without Ratzon, Nothing Helps (well, almost nothing, anyway...please see the next section for what can help when even the ratzon just isn't there)

If you have a sincere ratzon, you'll get what you need from the original sources.

It might take a while and you might experience lots of confusion at the beginning, but eventually, you'll get it. (Kol hahatchalot kashot – All beginnings are difficult.)

Throughout recent decades, we've seen that therapy often doesn't heal people.

Many people feel better with therapy, but they often don't behave better. And even the ones who technically behave better, they aren't actually so much better inside.

For example, I've met former alcoholics and others who've ceased obviously dysfunctional behaviors, but they still aren't emotionally healthy people. They still have a lot of narcissism, for one. Not everyone, of course.

I also know parents (or their abused children) who were physically abusive, yet when compelled by a therapist to stop, the parents simply became emotionally neglectful, sarcastic, mocking, or some other form of rejecting & abusive behavior that much harder to define & legislate.

And I knew one problematic young husband married to a verbally abusive young wife. When she really got going (and let me tell you, she did so with great relish), he would rap her on the mouth with his fingers.

Needless to say, this crossed the line into physical abuse.

(FYI, I knew them both, and I knew her well enough before she got married. They both had middot problems that needed serious attention. She might have been a bit worse than him, to be honest, but he also needed to whip himself into shape.)

So a frum therapist, the young husband's mother (who was a very frum lady), and the young wife's mother (who was also a very frum lady) sat him down and made it abundantly clear that he was never, ever, ever to raise his hand against his wife in any way whatsoever, and that doing so was completely forbidden.

And he never did it again.

Instead, he also unleashed a verbal diatribe whenever his wife unleashed hers.

As the young wife's mother lamented, "Now he's striking her with his voice instead of his fingers." (And yes, she admitted that her daughter was doing the same.)

This obviously did not solve the real problem for either one of them.

Now they both behaved in an EQUALLY appalling manner.

Equality achieved!

Neither spouse worked on the core middot that led to halachically forbidden behavior, in which all abuse is forbidden by halacha, whether it is physical, verbal, mental, or emotional.

Yet in the above example, everyone involved simply responded according to the values & methods of secular psychology.

No Ratzon? So Just Keep Pouring It On

Likewise, a great many people in therapy simply become more narcissistic.

Why?

Narcissism is actually encouraged by popular psychology (though they use appealing words to get around that fact, so it doesn't look like conventional narcissist personality disorder).

But even if you end up with a genuinely wise therapist, you may not get much out of it unless you have a sincere ratzon.

So an insincere messed-up person might as well read Mishlei/Proverbs or make a daily study of Duties of Heart's Shaar Habechinah.

It's sort of like Rebbe Nachman of Breslov's parable of the sick prince who couldn't swallow, and therefore couldn't ingest any medicine to get better. So instead, a wise Sage advised the doctors to simply pour gallons of medicine over his mouth, with the understanding that at least a few drops would drip their way in, even as the vast majority of medicine would be lost.

Deal with Negative Feels via Mussar, Not Therapy

When I saw a young woman on the bus behaving inconsiderately (as featured in The #1 Way to Deal with Anger & Other Intense Negative Emotions), what would a therapist have advised me?

Ultimately, the scene was a hint from Hashem. It was a message that even if we take a lackadaisical attitude toward our own Olam Haba, we need to know that behaving beneath the Torah's standards hurts our fellow Jews.

We are literally all in the same boat; we are literally part of the same body.

This is great chizuk to keep on going even if we've given up on ourselves.

(Or even when we've convinced ourselves that something is okay "just this once...")

What therapist would've guided me toward the right kind of thinking?

True, a frum therapist here or there may have done so, but most would not.

How would secular methods have helped?

Secular methods would focus on me dealing with my anger toward the girl, on letting go or being more assertive, etc.

They (and therefore, I) would completely miss the very important mussar intended by Hashem.

(And no, I really haven't seen her since I got the message. Maybe she doesn't even really exist, and was just a pelephone-addicted golem created for mussar.)

What If You're Allergic to Conventional Psychiatry?

Finally, Rav Itamar Schwartz mentions a very important fact unconsidered by many people: What's good for one isn't necessarily good for another.

You can recommend strawberries as wonderful sources of vitamin C along with other benefits...but what if a person is allergic to strawberries?

Peanuts & fulim (fava beans) contain wonderful vitamins & minerals...but they are a death sentence to those allergic to their properties.

Likewise, in the Q&A If a person has problems with rage and he wants to calm down, should he take pills?, Rav Schwartz reveals that the conventional "prescription" method of treating the physical body for building one's spiritual state comes from people who aren't Jewish and it only works for people who aren't Jewish.

In another post (Protection from Illness of Erev Rav), Rav Schwartz quotes Chiddushei Chatam Sofer, Shabbat 86b:

The Chasam Sofer[1] stated that we cannot bring any medical proof from a non-Jew’s body to how we heal a Jew’s body, because since a Jew has a higher soul than a non-Jew, the healing is not the same.

The Chasam Sofer revealed to us a very novel concept – not only is a Jew’s soul vastly different than a non-Jew’s soul, but even their physical bodies are different.

This was a real whomp between the eyes because, to me, it also implies that all the studies of the effects of these medications don't apply to Jews – unless they were performed on Jewish subjects...which also reminds me of a rav (I heard it attributed to Dayan Fischer ztz"l, but I don't really know) who said that this is also included in the meaning of ein mazal b'Yisrael, i.e., conventional mazal doesn't apply to Jews because Hashem set Jews above the natural influences of things.

Physics applies to Jews (so don't drive too recklessly & don't do anything else dangerous), but "mazal" doesn't apply to Jews.

Back to medication: When, in Rav Schwartz's opinion, does a psychotropic medication play a part for Jews?

His answer:

In certain extreme situations, it may be used by a Jew who has fallen very low that for the time being, his life right now resembles a level that is very close to a gentile’s way of living.”

Really scrumptious food for thought.

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What's Behind the Final Days of Sukkot?

16/10/2019

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According to the Netivot Shalom (which is based on fundamental sources), every single thing in Creation (including YOU) is renewed on Rosh Hashanah.

This renewal gives us the ability to make deep, long-lasting changes.

You literally become a new creation.

Then Yom Kippur cleanses us of sin.

Yet it can be disheartening as Sukkot comes around and you find that the new you is suddenly disintegrating into some old & unwanted patterns.

This is particularly distressing if you had a particularly transformative Elul-Rosh Hashanah-Yom Kippur and you really felt you'd done the work necessary, including the correct emotional internalization (i.e., you really do regret your sins & set out a plan to improve — a plan you genuinely enjoy).

The thing is, there is a Zohar that the end of Sukkot, Hoshana Rabbah, grants you your last chance. It's your final judgement.

This is the time when Jews wish a Piska Taba (Aramaic) or a Gut Kvittel (Yiddish), both of which mean "a good note." Like a final slip of paper, this can be last evidence to save the person in their trial.

I can't help noticing that, with all the delights of Sukkot, there tend to be some real challenges too.

Yes, it's easy to dismiss it all as the kids being on vacation, everyone's off schedule, hosting guests or being guests, plus lots of chag-Shabbat and meal-planning, and so on with all the derech-hateva stuff.

Some people also need to make do with very cramped or hot sukkahs (which can still be very pretty, but just not as comfortable to sit or sleep in).

And some people's jobs force them to work during chol hamoed while other people face the (hopefully worthwhile) chaos of traveling and outings.

Yet I can't help noticing that Sukkot usually brings me certain situations in which I tend to fail.

Sometimes, I face very odd nisayonot that seem so out of character, especially during Sukkot.

Putting 2 & 2 together, I realized that it must be Hashem giving a last chance to get it right.

(Or at least somewhat right.)

Maybe He's also giving me the opportunity to fully express the new me.

So if you're finding yourself in odd or stressful situations, situations that make you ask, "Why is this happening to me? And why davka NOW?" — this could be the reason.

One final point: While it's best to master a nisayon, we all know that it often doesn't work like that in real life with non-tzaddikim.

Sometimes, we feel like we totally failed.

But really, if we handled it just a bit better than we ever did before, that makes a huge impression in Shamayim.

What looks like an imperceptible step in This World shows up as a massive leap in the Upper Worlds.

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Rav Avigdor Miller on Everything to Do With Yom Kippur, including Breaking the Fast Motzaei Yom Kippur, Plus the #1 Focus for Yom Kippur

8/10/2019

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Please see Rav Avigdor Miller's answer to the question:
What should we think about on the night after Yom Kippur?
(Meaning, when you break the fast.)

On the same topic, please see Rav Itamar Schwartz on:
Motza'ei Yom Kippur: Go Eat Your Bread with Joy

And please also see Rav Avigdor Miller's answer to this all-important question:
What does it really mean when we ask for life for "Your Sake"? (L'ma'ancha Elokim Chaim)

And now we come to Rav Avigdor Miller's big lecture for Yom Kippur:
Rav Avigdor Miller on Yom Kippur: Asking for Life

Note #1: It's very worth reading the original at that link. Because of the long summary here, it looks like you're getting the dvar Torah here, but really, so much is missing. Please read the delicious original.

Note #2: All boldface emphasis & words in square brackets [] are mine.

YOU are the Prime Witness in a Case of Universal Importance!

Rav Miller lauds the greatness of doing mitzvot, but encourages us to take our frumkeit up to the next level.

Even learning Torah isn't enough if it's only an intellectual exercise.

Rav Miller points out that Yeravam ben Nevat, Achitophel, and Doeg Ha’edomi were all great talmidei chachamim.

Yet they lost their portion in the World to Come.

"So we see it’s possible to be a big talmid chacham and to miss the entire point of doing mitzvos," says Rav Miller.

Yes indeed.

So what's the solution?

The solution is found in Yeshayahu 43:10:
"Atem edai neum Hashem - You are My witnesses, says Hashem."

We, the Jewish people, are Hashem's witnesses.

And what do witnesses do?

They testify!

They tell the facts of what they see.

Rav Miller elaborates:

And that’s our purpose – we have to speak up about Hakadosh Baruch Hu in the world.

That’s our job, to talk about Hashem. Not only in shul. You have to talk about Him with your family. At the dinner table you must speak about Hashem.

And if nobody wants to listen, they say, “we heard it already”, then talk to yourself; but you must talk.

Print up fliers and spread it in the world. I have beautiful fliers if anybody wants.

Anybody who wants fliers about Hashem, I’ll give them to you for five cents apiece. That’s how much I paid for them. Print a thousand of them as you wish and distribute them.

Why not? אתם עדי, you’re My witnesses.

You have to speak about Hashem!

Who Needs to Sing Hashem's Praises? EVERYONE. No Exceptions.

Leah Imeinu prophesied about Yehudah as the progenitor of Mashiach.

"This time, I'm going to praise Hashem," said Leah when she named Yehudah, which carries the root for Hashem's 4-letter name, plus the words for "thank" and "confess."

Then Rav Miller points out that Leah's descendant via Yehudah was David Hamelech. And who sang praises to Hashem more than David Hamelech, what with all the Tehillim?

As Rav Miller put it, David Hamelech lived a life of singing songs to Hashem — and that's what Leah Imeinu foresaw when she named Yehudah.

Yes, this is a very special tafkid of the Jewish people, who are mostly from Shevet Yehudah today with a few from the sons of Rachel Imeinu (so says Rav Miller).

But we know from our davening that ki ken chovat kol hayetzurim — singing praises of Hashem is the duty of all those created by Hashem (which is everyone, obviously).

Rav Miller explains:

And the gentile world understand this also.

They used to sing the psalms, the shirei Dovid, in all their gentile places...

***

What we’re learning now is that everybody in the world has to praise Hashem.

Black people have to spend time praising Hashem. Eskimos must get together and praise Hashem. South Sea Islanders, Chinese, must praise Hashem.

If not, they’re guilty.

How to Achieve that Overflowing Cup

Several sources in Judaism (Tehillim being one) speak of "overflow."

Your cup can overflow. (And that's a good thing!)

How?

First of all, your cup should not have a hole in the bottom.

If it does, then all the Goodness of Hashem gets drained down into that hole.

Secondly, in addition to your hole-less cup, you should allow Hashem's Goodness to keep pouring in.

Rav Miller explains that this is the secret to a happy heart.

Remember the car that almost hit you? Nearly everyone has a story like that. This is mine:

When I was in elementary school, I was walking for the first time (usually, I took the school bus) with a friend to her home.

For some reason, rather than crossing the street to get closer to her street, we continued walking on the same side of the road through a gravelly ditch.

We both realized we weren't behaving logically and we kept looking to the other side of the road, knowing we should really be over there.

Suddenly, a car appeared out of nowhere, lost control, and zoomed over the side of the road directly across from us — meaning, the exact place we SHOULD have been.

Without missing a beat, the car righted itself back into its lane and kept on zooming away.

We stared in shock at the place we should have been, then whipped our heads around to look at each other. Then we started exclaiming about the miracle that had occurred.

(Despite us both being relatively secular, we instinctively understood that we'd experienced a miraculous salvation.)

It's also interesting that she was one of the only Jewish students at our elementary school, and that this event occurred to us together.

Thank You, Hashem! Yishtabach Shemo!

Rav Miller also reminds us of those minor yet irritating illnesses that seem to hang around forever.

I've had that too: the cough that just won't shake, the prolonged back pain, the eternally stuffy nose...and then one day, they're gone!

We're grateful for a moment, then it's life as usual.

But no, Rav Miller emphasizes that we should be REALLY grateful. And then keep on feeling that gratitude.

Furthermore, if there is anything in our body that works right, we must be grateful for it. (Think of the asher yatzar bracha, for example.) It's easy to forget what life would be like if one were dependent on a kidney dialysis machine to clear one's kidneys or on a colostomy to clear one's bowels, may Hashem please keep us all in excellent health.

And once our heart is filled with gratitude & joy, it naturally overflows to others.

What is Our Main Purpose on Yom Kippur?

Yom Kippur is the day where we nullify ourselves to Hashem.

THIS is what cleanses us from our sins & sweetens our New Year.

In Woman's World: Teshuvah, Rav Itamar Schwartz points out that even the happy mitzvah of eating Erev Yom Kippur is so that we have the koach and focus to pray & nullify ourselves properly on Yom Kippur itself.

Even people who fast so terribly that they must lie in bed rather than pray are nullifying themselves to Hashem. (I'm not talking about life-endangering fasting, which demands drinking or eating, but weakness-inducing fasting.) Yom Kippur is the only fast that makes such demands on people. And that's why: We nullify our bodily desires and our emotional desires to Hashem's Desires.

So on Yom Kippur we bow a lot.

And we speak to Hashem the entire time, whether in formal prayer, formal Confession, or with our own words.

Rav Miller reminds us:

And that’s the argument, the fundamental argument, that everyone should use on Yom Kippur, only he must be aware of the obligation that this entails for him. לא המתים יהללוי-ה, the dead will not praise Hashem, ולא כל ירדי דומה, and not those who go down into silence.

Death is called silence. Why is that?

Death is a lot of things, but is silence the one that is most important?

And the answer is yes, absolutely. Because the dead are not without life. Dead have eternal life, they’re still living.

But they have lost the opportunity to utilize their free will for this great function of singing praises to Hashem.

They have gone down into silence, they’ve lost the gift of speech, a glorious gift.

It's much more difficult in This World to praise Hashem and to be grateful for all that we have.

There's a heavy curtain over the spiritual reality of This World.

So we get tremendous reward for opening our mouths within the darkness underneath that smothering curtain & singing our praise of Hashem.

TREMENDOUS reward.

How to Avoid Korach's Fate

Around three-fourths of the way through this dvar Torah, Rav Miller provides a scary description of Korach and his followers in Gehinnom.

He also reminds us that Korah and his followers believed in Hashem 100%! They also shouted "Na'aseh v'nishma!" And They merited to be among the 20% who left Egypt.

So what happened?

Rav Miller states that even great tzaddikim need to watch out for any tendency toward unhealthy jealousy.

And here's how regular people like us can utilize this idea:

How important it is for all of us to say in this lifetime משה אמת ותורתו אמת [Moshe Emet v'Torato Emet - Moshe is Truth and his Torah is Truth].

Because then, in the cemetery, it’s too late. You’ll realize it then. Absolutely you’ll realize it, but it will be too late.

So people who speak against Gedolei Yisrael, who speak against tzaddikim, have to realize it’s very dangerous business.

Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants us to speak in honor of the Torah, in honor of the Torah leaders.

And we have to be praising all our lives; not only do we praise Hashem but part of the function of תהילת השם [tehilat Hashem] is to praise Hashem’s Torah and to praise the teachers of Torah.

When people get together in synagogues before the prayer begins and they talk among themselves, it’s a moshev leitzim [a gathering of scoffers - from Psalm 1].

Instead of opening a sefer, or at least keeping their mouths shut, they criticize the rabbi, they criticize talmidei chachamim.

That’s Korach! Just like Korach in his generation, they’re Korach in this generation, and they have to be aware of a terrible fate that is waiting for them.

Hashem says you want another year from Me? I want a promise from you that this year is going to be a year of speaking up in My honor, in honor of talmidei chachomim, in honor of the frum Jews – and the more frum, the more praises.

You have to speak in praise of Hashem and His people.

Be a Secret Propagandist for God!

Rav Miller quotes Shaarei Teshuvah (The Gates of Repentance):
"All of the creatures were created only for one purpose, for kavod Shamayim" (to give honor to Hashem).

Before you go out where you'll meet other people, Rav Miller recommends you do your best to contemplate & answer the following questions (or at least 1 of them):

What can I do at that time to increase the honor of Hashem?
What can I say in honor of Hashem?
What can I say in honor of His Torah?
What can I say in honor of avodas Hashem (serving Hashem)?
What can I say in honor of the people who study Torah?

(Personally, I'd assume this applies to writers, speakers, bloggers, etc. as well.)

Rav Miller offers some concrete suggestions which include, but are certainly not limited to:

Speak in honor of frum Jews.
Speak in honor of chassidim.
Speak in honor of Lakewood.
Speak in honor of Meah Shearim.
Speak in honor of all the ovdei Hashem wherever they are.
Speak in honor of talmidei chachamim.
Speak how good it is to be a medakdeik in mitzvos.
Inspire people.
Stand on the street and hand out fliers about avodas Hashem.

Now, because the secular-influenced social norm regarding being all sunny about Jews and Judaism is considered "covering up the truth" and all that, I want to point out that having lived among all types of different frum groups, I can certainly tell you the failings in each group, whether it's according to ethnicity, nationality, or hashkafah.

And unfortunately, there are Jewish media & Jewish websites dedicated to not only pointing out these flaws, but magnifying them & even exaggerating these flaws to the point that they actually LIE (whether by omission or by addition).

It's worth noting that according to the Chafetz Chaim, the actual laws of lashon hara state that even when you are permitted to say lashon hara, you must only do so with the purest of intentions (i.e., no malice or revenge intended) and you must not embellish. There are other conditions too, and each situation needs to be examined individually with expertise in this area of Jewish Law.

But these frum communities also contain tremendous positives.

Sure, if you have to focus on a negative aspect in order to eliminate it, then that's the same as focusing on a stain to cleanse a garment.

But most of the people calling attention to stains within the frum communities don't actually do anything to remove those stains.

(Yes, they CLAIM that's what they are doing with all their calls to action, but please notice that all their declarations & accusations don't actually help things one whit. It's all talk and posturing, even if they sincerely think they're doing something productive. The people who are actually doing good are not screaming about it, but they're getting their hands dirty and scrubbing through the stains.)

So that's why I'm not presenting the negatives. I can daven to Hashem about fixing the negatives, but I'd rather not bellow about them from this blog as if the negatives outweigh the positives.

Anyway, Hashem really doesn't like it when people overemphasize the negative. That's not how a loving Jew behaves.

And even though every person in the world in obligated to praise Hashem, we Jews have been charged with a special mission to praise Hashem.

Each Jew is a special agent of Hashem.

What was So Powerful about the Ketoret?

Rav Miller discusses the Ketoret Offering at length.

But in short, the beautiful Ketoret aroma had the power to inspire within a person feelings of love & admiration for Hashem.

And that led to the power of Ketoret, like stopping plagues, and the like.

That's one of the big things we are missing today.

Saying Parshat HaKetoret (found in every Orthodox prayerbook) with heartfelt kavanah can harness some of the power of Ketoret today.

How to REALLY Sweeten Life for Everyone

In sum, our big goal for this coming year is to praise Hashem & anything related to Hashem.

And that's exactly what merits us a new lease on life.

It's what merits us a sweetening of din.

It's what merits us a better & sweeter year, b'ezrat Hashem.

As always, all quotes are credited to Toras Avigdor, may they merit a sweet year for all the ways they benefit the Jewish People.

P.S. I'm not familiar with Rav Miller's posters. I managed to find this, but I'm not sure if it's Rav Miller's creation, or someone created it using Rav Miller's ideas. Either way, it's a nice poster!

This is a direct quote from Rav Shalom Arush. This has also been chosen as my Rav Avigdor Miller poster.

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What is the Point of Doing Teshuvah Yet Again When You've Already Failed So Many Times - And Maybe Your Sin Really is Too Much This Time?

7/10/2019

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Here is Netivot Shalom in the section Bein Keseh L'Asor, Ma'amar 5, Shuva Yisrael:

...the yetzer hara especially overwhelms a Jew so that he won't do teshuvah because it knows how great is the power of teshuvah and therefore it stands itself before a Jew as if he can't do teshuvah.

Because he has already done teshuvah so many times and he wasn't able to keep up his teshuvah and he went back to whatever he was and what is the point now if he does teshuvah again?

And [the yeter hara] paints him a picture of how his transgression is too great to bear and teshuvah will not be effective for him.

The solution is the verse:
"Shuva Yisrael ad Hashem Elokecha — Return in repentance, Jew, until Hashem Your God."

A part of Hashem is always with you.

Likewise, a Jew is one part of Above, in the words of Netivot Shalom. Therefore:

And in any case, there is no place for all these cheshbonot (considerations) that hold him back from doing teshuvah....All the natural chesbonot do not apply to a Jew, that he has done teshuvah so many times, and it hasn't been effective for him and what is the point of him doing teshuvah again? And anyway, what with his transgression being too great to bear.

All these cheshbonot do not grasp the elevated level of a Jew that he is one part of Above.

***
...and when a Jew sins — even intentionally — including the times he cannot overcome his inclination, his heart rips within him at the moment of the deed due to the greatness of his distance from Hashem Yitbarach...in a sin like this, that even at the hour of sin, Hashem his God is with him.

Pretty heady stuff.

Netivot Shalom goes on to explain that if even at the time of a sin, you can remember Hashem and think in your heart "Behold, I'm disconnecting myself from the root" — And Hashem? He'll fulfill the verse: "Lo hibit aven b'Yaakov — He does not look at evil in Yaakov" (Badmidbar 23:21).

Simply put, Hashem considers all sin as stumbling. You're not evil or hopeless, you just tripped up. Your yetzer overcame you.

YOU are GOOD. You are holy.

For a Jew is one part from Above and his essence is that he wants only good — only the evil inclination provokes us.

(Please notice how the Slonimer Rebbe ztz"l describes the yetzer hara as provoking us. He includes himself — as if! But really, he was a big tzaddik.)

He goes on to explain that if we could really feel how much Hashem loves us, we could connect to him and not WANT to sin out of our great love for Him.

The main part of teshuvah, states Netivot Shalom, is to return to Hashem and not feel yourself so far or disconnected from Hashem. Just return to him and feel that Hashem is YOUR God.

Because He really is.

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The Netivot Shalom on Doing Deep-Rooted Teshuvah by Utilizing Shabbat as the Day of Love

6/10/2019

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For a couple of years now, I've been wanting to take a look at the famous collection of volumes called Netivot Shalom by the late Slonimer Rebbe Rabbi Sholom Noach Berezovsky ztz"l.

Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller gave a lecture series on it and Rebbetzin Esther Baila Schwartz called Netivot Shalom her "best friend," plus Rav Itamar Schwartz named it as one of his recommended mussar sefarim for women to learn.

I don't know how much I can get through it at this point, but I figured it would help me out during the 10 Days of Teshuvah between Rosh Hashanah & Yom Kippur.

And it has!

I haven't completed its section for these 10 Days of Teshuvah (called Bein Keseh L'Asor), but here is the little bit I've gotten out of it and found so helpful.

(It's mostly from Ma'amar 4, Shabbat Shuva is the Root of Teshuvah.)

First of all, Rosh Hashanah renewed us all.

Literally.

We are totally new creations, the Universe is new, everything is new.

This is what enables you to do teshuvah right now and transform yourself deep within.

You literally are NOT the same "you" you were last year — which was only a few days ago.

You are different and NEW. So you can do different stuff than you did even just last week.

And with this new & improved you, we cruise into Yom Kippur.

The 2 Most Powerful Aspects of Shabbat

Shabbat is the most amazing way to do teshuvah.

Shabbat can even forgive a Jew who "worshiped idols like the generation of Enosh."

How is that remotely possible?

Shabbat does 2 incredibly powerful things:

Shabbat effects a deep-cleaning; it cleanses & rectifies your very neshamah.
Shabbat is a day of love; you are the zivug of Hashem on Shabbat.

When you keep Shabbat, you are completely nullifying yourself to Hashem, which is what cleanses you from avodah zarah and other frightfully yucky stuff.

Netivot Shalom enthuses a lot about doing teshuvah on Shabbat.

But how can you really do teshuvah on Shabbat?

After all, thinking about your sins makes you depressed — a big no-no on Shabbat.

There is no vidui on Shabbat, and the sections of confession don't appear in the Shabbat Amidah.

It seems that Netivot Shalom mentions teshuvah as coming close to Hashem.

FEELING close to Hashem. Thinking about Him whenever you can on Shabbat.

If you imagine that Hashem is your zivug, like the most loving & cherishing spouse you could imagine, then you should speak & relate to Hashem in that way.

Go to Where Your Heart is

There's a famous verse in Shir HaShirim:
Ani yeshena v'libi er — I am asleep, and my heart is awake.

The mundane flawed you is the "I am asleep."

Shabbat is the "my heart is awake."

You might be asleep, so to speak, but Shabbat is your aroused heart; it's the neshamah that clings to Hashem.

Now, Shabbat Shuva (the Shabbat between Rosh Hashanah & Yom Kippur) is the most powerful Shabbat for neshamah-cleansing and deep-rooted teshuvah.

But hey, I missed it too because I didn't get to this part of the sefer before then.

Still, it's good to know that ALL Shabbatot produce this wonderful cleansing & forgiving effect.

As Netivot Shalom states:

The teshuvah of Shabbat is not teshuvah on sins and deeds.

Rather it is the Day of the Neshamah.

The teshuvah that you do on that day is regarding however you distanced from Hashem Yitbarach, and through Shabbat you can return until [the level of] "Hashem Elokecha."

But what if you're just not feeling it? What if your 10 Days of Teshuvah seem to be the 10 Days of Blah-Blah?

But What If You're Just Not Feeling It?

Don't despair if you're not feeling it during this special time.

It simply means that you haven't succeeded in completely rectifying your distance from Hashem.

You may have rectified some of it, but not completely.

So what should you do?

Take upon yourself this idea of Shabbat Kodesh.

As Netivot Shalom says:

And when a Jew does his cheshbon nefesh, when he already passed his days of teshuvah, the month of Elul and the 10 Days of Teshuvah and all the great days within that time.

And he is already about to enter the holy day of Yom Kippur...and he doesn't feel any change in himself at all, so much so that he finds himself about to enter Yom Kippur with empty hands.

The advice for him is that he should take himself to Shabbat Kodesh.
...
One moment from Shabbat is more important than many, many hours of the weekday.

Shabbat is the time to get back in touch with your soul-root. It's the time to really cleave to Hashem.

Right now, you can think about Hashem or talk to Hashem as there is "no curtain" between you.

You can also think about how to improve your future Shabbatot.

Bringing Shabbat in a little earlier, adding a special food, setting some time aside to think about Hashem, to focus on that emotion of closeness & deveikut...

These are all ideas that effect powerful transformation at the soul level.

And if you haven't been keeping Shabbat?

Now is the time to decide to keep whatever you can throughout Shabbat, whatever you know about keeping Shabbat.

And try your best to get that feeling in there too, even if it's only for a moment.

Shabbat is all about the deepest, purest kind of love there is.

And that is exactly what rectifies your neshamah and brings the real you back to your soul-root.

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Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Vayeilech: Why is Material Abundance So Incredibly Dangerous? And What the Heck are We Supposed to Do About It?

4/10/2019

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In this week's Parshas Vayeilech – Test of Abundance, Rav Avigdor Miller offers some very interesting insights.

First of all, he explains that the Chivi nation (one of the 7 Canaanite nations within Eretz Yisrael before the Jews entered as a Torah Nation) were soil-experts.

Different kinds of vegetation needs different kinds of soil. Some need more alkaline soil, some need more acidic soil.

Chivi comes from the Aramaic word for "snake": chivya. These Chivim would taste the soil (like how snakes lick dust) and based on that, they decided what to plant there.

Rav Avigdor Miller paints a picture of this ancient Eretz Yisrael (pg. 2):

And so, in Cana’an were found the biggest agricultural experts that ever lived.

And because they put everything they had into beautifying the land, the whole land became like one big garden.

They terraced every hill, every mountainside, in Eretz Yisroel.

There wasn’t a span of earth that was uncultivated. And the very best produce grew there.

It was a remarkable thing what they made from that land.

If we could take a look at the land as it was when the Bnei Yisroel entered, we would have gasped in amazement at the remarkable fertility of that land.

The Golan Heights (courtesy of Joe Markiewicz)

And this was precisely the problem for Am Yisrael.

What is an Even Bigger Threat than the & Canaanite Nations?

What was the biggest danger Am Yisrael faced upon entering the Land?

The occultist human-sacrificing warrior Canaanite nations?

Nope. Hashem dealt with them.

The biggest danger was being given this botanical Land flowing with milk and honey, this fruitful Land dotted with beautiful homes.

As it says in the parsha to Am Yisrael: You'll eat. You'll even be satiated. And you'll be able to eat so much, you'll get fat.

And then you'll turn to the gods of others.

"Hishamru! Watch out!" says Hashem in the parsha. "Lest your minds will be led astray."

Rav Miller comments (pg. 3)

When there’s plenty to eat, that’s when people have to watch out.

Then Rav Miller enumerates different societies: the Mayans, the Ancient Egyptians, the ancient Greeks, the Romans...they all self-destructed after they got wealthy.

It's true that when Americans needed to work for their food, they were better off, ethically speaking.

Prior to the 20th century, Americans loved Mishlei/Proverbs & Kohelet/Ecclesiastes, naming their children from Tanach or after middot lauded in Mishlei. ("Charity" & "Patience" used to be popular names for girls, while "Reason" & "Truth" were popular for boys.)

Basic manners were prized, as were the embodiment of Mishlei middot like humility, honesty, and integrity.

Women provided a natural barrier to negative social behavior, with men curbing their behavior and speech around females, and the expectation to behave with chivalry meant that men needed to treat women with extra courtesy & selflessness - and sometimes, even with courage in situations which demanded the protection of females.

Women too were expected to behave in a dignified manner with appearance, which encouraged dignified male treatment.

All this is looked down upon in modern society, to the harm of both men & women, though most won't admit this.

And while so many old-fashioned names have come back in style (including Biblical ones like Elijah and truly strange ones like Atticus), the "virtue" names are some of the only old-fashioned names NOT being used.

And while people will name their children any other name, no matter how strange, people just aren't interested in naming their children Patience or Reason. Scarlet? Yes. Chastity? No.

(In fact, one baby-name website discourages people from using the name "Chastity," calling it "so weird, it's cruel," while another insists that it will cause the child deep psychological problems later in life. Yet the first website sees nothing wrong with the "L" name of a well-known demoness, which has become increasingly popular for American girls in recent years. And yes, the origin of the name is clearly stated, yet apparently it's not considered weird or cruel to call your daughter that name.)

It's a sign of the times.

Furthermore, it's ironic that amid the greatest food abundance in history, eating disorders like anorexia & bulimia have become serious threats. You'd expect obesity in a society bursting with easy access to abundant food, but starvation and purging?

Only societies with an overabundance of food can afford such eating disorders in such large percentages.

What is the Big Danger of Material Abundance?

At the same time, Rav Miller cautions us to appreciate America for all it has given the Jewish people: the freedom to build kosher shuls, kosher schools, and walk as a Jew down the street.

(Unfortunately, this is changing in America. But at the time of Rav Miller it was still true and let's face it: The current upswing in hateful acts against Jews is still not what it was in many places in Europe in the 20s & 30s.)

But throughout the dvar Torah, Rav Miller emphasizes that material abundance is a terrible danger.

Material abundance even causes people to forget Hashem.

They rebel against Hashem.

And if you look at the children of billionaires, you see a lot of issues with drugs, eating disorders, petty crime, and wanton behavior.

Even princesses have had children out of wedlock and it's no longer something they need to hide.

And with so much money at their disposal, why don't they make major donations to change lives?

I don't mean show-donations (where the money gets funneled into the pockets of the organizers or stolen by thugs) or creating not-terribly-useful make-me-look-good charities; I mean really changing lives & even societies for the better by channeling their money and their skills in the right way.

But no, they focus on their hobbies and their parties and, for some of them, their celebrity status & their brands.

The Callow Kasha

I admit that when I first became frum, I didn't understand making a shehechiyanu on a new outfit.

"You just go into a store, try it on, pay for it, then take it home and wear it. What's the big deal?" I didn't understand how it was different than buying a bakery cake.

(I'm a bit embarrassed now by my naive lack of understanding & appreciation back then.)

I expressed my puzzlement to a couple hosting me one Shabbos, and they chuckled good-naturedly, then explained that in the not-so-distant past, a new piece of clothing was a big deal. Accessing & choosing fabric, plus all the manual labor than went into it — it was a VERY big deal.

The metaphorical light bulb snapped on, and I immediately understand how callow I was — without even realizing or meaning to be.

My family was "just" suburban middle-class, but even that was too much in the sense that Rav Miller means. Because I didn't appreciate exactly what a new outfit meant, I couldn't understand thanking Hashem for it in a whole special bracha. (Back then. Now I get it.)

And that's just a small example of how material abundance distances you from Hashem if you're not careful.

When "Kosher" Mediocrity isn't Enough

On page 10, Rav Miller explains the main name for the yetzer hara: chatat. (Or chatas, if you're Ashkenazi.)

You come across the word cheit a lot in Torah literature. It's usually translated as "sin."

But these related words (chatat & cheit) actually mean:

“to miss out” — to not utilize the opportunity of life to become something.

Rav Miller stresses that if you're not trying to achieve personal completion in life, if you're not trying to intensify your awareness of Hashem, then you're missing out.

You can really end up sinning when you just settle for "kosher" mediocrity.

Rav Miller explains that experiences like Yom Kippur & teshuvah cleanse you of sin. Gehinnom also cleanses you of sin. It's painful & takes a while, but it cleanses.

Yet being clean isn't enough.

To really make it into Gan Eden, we need to step up our game.

On page 11:

To live in the World to Come you must have accomplishment. And that’s the big test, the most important test in this world — are you making something from yourself? If a person fails to accomplish, for that he can never atone!

He doesn't mean you can't do teshuvah for not living up to your full potential.

You can always change yourself for the better!

He means that at the end of the day, if you were meant to be a big baalat chessed or write sparkling chiddushim, yet you were texting or surfing instead, atonements cannot turn you into a baalas chessed or a talmid chacham. They can only cleanse you of the sin.

But they can't accomplish what you could have had you made the effort.

A List of Meaningful Activities

On page 12, Rav Miller elaborates on the types of meaningful things people could do with their time:

attend shiurim
listen to mussar
increase daat
learn Torah
learn halachot
increase Torah
increase yirat Shamayim
learn Chumash properly
learn Mishnayot properly
learn a little bit of Gemara (at least)

For women specifically, he adds:

read good books
increase knowledge of lessons in Tanach
increase knowledge of lessons in history
increase knowledge of yirat Shamayim

Rav Miller adds:

The Gra told his daughters to learn mussar seforim. Absolutely; it’s very important. A girl, a woman can become very great in acquiring a Torah mentality, a Torah mind, no less than a man.

Following the above, it should be emphasized that Rav Miller was no apologist.

He said whatever he understood was the Torah truth, even if it made people mad, even if they rejected him, left his shul, stopped talking to him, and wrote him angry letters or subjected him to angry phone calls or subjected him to public disagreement carried out in a disrespectful manner or called him names.

He was like a superpower locomotive charging down the iron track of daas Torah; nothing could stop him or derail him.

So when Rav Miller states that, just by virtue of learning whatever she should learn and coming close to Hashem, a woman can become very great in acquiring "a Torah mentality, a Torah mind, no less than a man"...you can certainly take him at his word.

He's not blubbering up to the feminists. He darn well means what he says.

What is a Cheit?

The great sin we need to teshuvah for on Yom Kippur, says Rav Miller, is the tragic cheit of not accomplishing enough spiritually.

Yes, he asserts that forgetting to say ya'aleh v'yaavo in Rosh Chodesh davening or letting grumpy word slip to your spouse are indeed sins for which we must regret and ask forgiveness (also from the spouse).

All the things we did wrong or forgot must be included in Yom Kippur.

But the main thing, the big life-transforming cheit, is that of missed opportunity.

It is all the times we could have done something good, but didn't.

It is all the times we could have spent our time meaningfully, but didn't.

It was all the opportunities we had to increase our closeness to and awareness of Hashem...but didn't.

More Than Just Frum: How to be a Real Success

Then Rav Miller elaborates on the lifestyle of kosher entertainment.

This is the big challenge of our generation.

We have so much. What do we do with it?

For those who can afford it, there are kosher cruises with "kosher" entertainment. There are 5-start hotels glatt l'mehadrin. There are amazing European vacations — all glatt l'mehadrin, no gebruchts, separate swimming, Shabbos locks on the doors, etc. etc.

We have kosher movies, kosher novels, kosher circuses, kosher comedy, kosher designer clothing and accessories, kosher treifus (if you know what I mean).

Women can totally knock your eyes out today (according to the creme de le creme of goyishe standards), while technically covering her knees, elbows, and hair. She may not even look frum or like she's covering her hair.

American have Sundays to fill. Many frum schools make Sunday a half-day of learning for the boys (which comes with its own challenges, BTW), but Sundays can still offer frum families the opportunities for glatt entertainment & other activities.

Boating, fishing, shopping — these aren't evil or sinful, but are these really activities a Torah Jew should be indulging on a regular basis? (I mean as regular lifestyle and not as an occasional rejuvenating activity.)

In the modern Orthodox community from which I initially entered into Orthodoxy, Motzai Shabbos was definitely movie night, either going out to the theater or renting a video at home.

Of course, it stands to reason that a person might occasionally need a kosher venue as a break from a truly stressful life. People struggling with family illness might take advantage of Sukkot in a hotel with all the amenities, for example.

The phenomenally hospitable & unmaterialistic Machlis family spent Pesach in a hotel in order to have true family time together & to really pass on the Pesach mesorah.

But pages 10-14 elaborate on all the ways many precious Jews get caught up materialism. Even when it's combined with spiritual meaning, it doesn't always justify the means or the ends. Sometimes, yes. But not always.

On page 14, Rav Miller states:

In order to make something out of yourself, you need time; you need a mind, you need to be free to work on thinking about Hakodosh Boruch Hu, thinking about all of the great Torah principles we talk about in this place.

And if you’re too busy with the unnecessary luxuries of this world so you become arrogant with satiation and it’s impossible to succeed.

You might be frum, very frum, even very very frum, but a success you won’t be.

Live So You'll Have No Regrets in the Next World

On page 15, Rav Miller describes what Hashem will ask us:

Did you engage in this study?
Did you learn about Me?
Did you use your gift of free-will when you had before you such a wonderful world of lessons, lessons in the sky, lessons on the earth, and lessons in the Torah?
Did you utilize them?

And Rav Miller urges us to think about the consequences of our answers, like if we say, "I was traveling, I was on the phone, I was so busy shopping for a new outfit for Yom Tov!"

If you've ever felt regret in This World, imagine what regret in like in the Next when you have no screen of denial, no unconscious back-of-the-mind in which to bury it, no excuses...

Happily Ever After? Living Without Gets You There.

Rav Miller makes a statement that he admits many will find extremist, but he says that whatever you can accustom yourself to living without, you should live without.

Sure, there are some things you need to make life easier. A big enough washing machine, a dryer when you have several children — all these make a massive difference.

I've lived with a too-small washing machine and no dryer, so I saw that these things aren't luxuries per se. It depends. Sometimes, it makes the difference between a well-run home and a poorly-run home. Same thing with air-conditioning — mothers have personally told me that they speak & behave so much more nicely when the air-conditioning is on during a hot humid day. These aren't ladies who need custom shaitels or cars (in Eretz Israel, of course; cars are a necessity in the USA).

On pages 17-18, Rav Miller describes what was considered wealthy back when he was in Lithuania pre-WWII. (Lots of challah in milk — a sure sign of abundance!) And poor meant that a child could not have a second slice of bread. And that's how it was.

As an aside, I remember it took me years to get out of the habit & mentality of "going out" Motzai Shabbos. Not movies or anything unkosher at all, just going out.

Again, there's nothing innately wrong with it, and it can even be a good refreshing activity when necessary, but it's like Rav Miller said: If you don't need it, try to wean yourself off it.

Ultimately, it wasn't my choice.

I was in a place in which nothing was open Motzai Shabbos, and sometimes I felt like I would jump out of my skin or scream if I couldn't go out somewhere.

Sometimes, I went walking Motzai Shabbos, either by myself or with my husband or a friend. And that was really good exercise, plus air after being in the house most of the day.

And now, I rarely have the urge to "go somewhere" Motzai Shabbos.

Frankly, I don't think it would have been so bad if I would've gone out somewhere during those times I was jumping out of my skin, but it just wasn't an option.

And now it's fine.

On pages 18-19, Rav Miller explains the symbolism of bowing in Shemoneh Esrei.

It's very worth reading the entire dvar Torah. If you don't get a chance to read it before Shabbat, at least read it before Yom Kippur.

It's very, very helpful.

As always, all credit for all quotes goes to Toras Avigdor.

Even the biggest jar of honey can't sweeten this apple. Try to do without as much as you can.

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What to Do When It's Just You against the Giant Whirlpool of Mud

3/10/2019

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"I have sunk in a whirlpool & there is no place to stand..."

-Tehillim/Psalm 69:3

The word translated here as "whirlpool" is metzulah in the original text.

Rashi and others translate it as like a muddy mire (more companionable with the previous post).

But Rav Avraham ibn Ezra describes it as in the middle of the sea -- a whirlpool.

Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender acknowledges the simple meaning of the verse:

This person is not only in the terrible quandary of getting stuck in a whirlpool; he can't even stand there — there is additional pain & suffering.

All hope seems lost.

How to Win the Massively Unfair Fight between You & the Giant Muddy Whirlpool

But the Breslover Sages provided an insightful twist on these words:

"There is no place to stand" can also mean that one is not stuck there.

Do not stand in place.

Rav Bender exhorts (Words of Faith Vol. I, pg. 405):

"Deal with it and wrestle and make all effort to get out."

Rav Bender explains that even if all the person sees is mud and he simply cannot wrench himself free, however hard he tries...nonetheless, if he remains stuck and does not move to free himself, "he will certainly sink deeper with no possibility of being saved, chas v'shalom."

The way of struggling is one foot in, one foot out.

"I give a blow, I take a blow," says Rav Bender.

Taking a blow or getting caught in the mud, getting all wet & dirty — this itself is the nisyon, it's not the final judgement on you.

Too many people condemn us when they see us struggling and muddy.

Heck, we condemn ourselves for our clumsy desperate flailing & our muddily soaked appearance.

But according to Rav Bender and according to David Hamelech, that's not how Hashem sees things at all.

Rav Bender insists that the main thing is to try. We must be strong and ensure that last foot steps out...

As long as we WANT to escape the muddy whirlpool and the mire, as long as we TRY to free ourselves, we're beautiful to Hashem.

And He'll make us win in the end.

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Seeing the World Means Seeing Hashem

The 2 Most Important Questions to Contemplate in order to Realize Your Spiritual Potential & become Great in Hashem's Eyes

Desire is the Key to Everything

Re-Tweets & Likes aren't What Counts in Life

Desire isn't the Whole Shebang. At Some Point, You Need to Take Action

Rav Miller's Final Thoughts on the Parsha

Blind Spots are No Heter

Without Ratzon, Nothing Helps (well, almost nothing, anyway...please see the next section for what can help when even the ratzon just isn't there)

No Ratzon? So Just Keep Pouring It On

Deal with Negative Feels via Mussar, Not Therapy

What If You're Allergic to Conventional Psychiatry?

YOU are the Prime Witness in a Case of Universal Importance!

Who Needs to Sing Hashem's Praises? EVERYONE. No Exceptions.​

How to Achieve that Overflowing Cup

What is Our Main Purpose on Yom Kippur?

How to Avoid Korach's Fate

Be a Secret Propagandist for God!

What was So Powerful about the Ketoret?

How to REALLY Sweeten Life for Everyone

The 2 Most Powerful Aspects of Shabbat

Go to Where Your Heart is

But What If You're Just Not Feeling It?

What is an Even Bigger Threat than the & Canaanite Nations?

What is the Big Danger of Material Abundance?

The Callow Kasha

When "Kosher" Mediocrity isn't Enough

A List of Meaningful Activities

What is a Cheit?

More Than Just Frum: How to be a Real Success

Live So You'll Have No Regrets in the Next World

Happily Ever After? Living Without Gets You There.

"I have sunk in a whirlpool & there is no place to stand..."-Tehillim/Psalm 69:3

How to Win the Massively Unfair Fight between You & the Giant Muddy Whirlpool

Myrtle Rising

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Who Needs to Sing Hashem's Praises? EVERYONE. No Exceptions.

"I have sunk in a whirlpool & there is no place to stand..."

-Tehillim/Psalm 69:3