Category: Teshuvah

"Who, me? I'm not not even here!"

20/7/2018

One evening, I went to put my 3-year-old to bed, but when I called him, he refused to answer.

After looking in a couple of rooms, I found him lying on a bunch of clean linens in the bottom drawer opened from his older siblings' trundle bed. (He'd been playing with his older siblings and after they'd dropped off to sleep, he decide he wanted to sleep in this drawer in the room with them, rather than going to his bed in another bedroom.)

I looked at him and he looked right back at me. Then he said, "I'm not here."

Restraining a laugh, I said, "Yes, you are here. I'm looking right at you."

Still looking me right in the eye, he arched his little eyebrows, shook his little head, and repeated, "No. I'm not here."

Recalling Rav Arush's observation that children mirror their parents qualities and behaviors (sometimes in an extremely magnified way and sometimes in a much more subtle way), I realized that my son was doing exactly what I tend to do to Hashem.

And I'm guessing I'm not the only one, either...

We know that Hashem is thoroughly Omnipotent and not only sees everything we do, He even knows our true motives because He sees exactly what's in our hearts and minds.

Yet despite our intellectual knowledge of this, we still do things we know He doesn't approve of.

It's exactly as silly as looking a parent in the eye while insisting, "I'm not here."

Except that when we do it as thinking adults, it's not nearly as cute or innocent as when a 3-year-old does it to his mother.

And although Hashem loves us even more than we love any of our children of any age, it's not cute or funny when we deny our culpability regarding prohibitions that are really important.

"Dum-de-dum-de-dum...I'm not really doing anything so bad, God...You can't really see me...I'm not really here doing what it looks like I'm doing...dum-de-dum-de-dum..."

But you are here. And He's looking right at you.

May we all succeed in maintaining a loving awareness of Hashem at all times.

"You can't see me!" Cute photo -- but not of my child.

0 Comments

How to Thank Hashem for 100 Things a Day

18/7/2018

0 Comments

Many of you probably know that over at K'ayal Ta'arog, the English site for Rav Ofer Erez, they've been encouraging us all to say "Thank You, Hashem!" for 100 things a day.

They suggest doing this for 40 days, thereby accumulating 4000 thank-you notes to God for your own merit and National merit.

But you can also do this for one day or forevermore.

Sometimes, it seems hard to think of 100 things or to avoid repeating the same 100 things every single day. (Although thanking Hashem for the same 100 things over and over also has its merits, seeing as we never tire of thanking Hashem for "hamotzi lechem min ha'aretz" or for creating the fruit of the vine/borei pri hagefen).

And remember:

Thanking Hashem for things you don't like is an immensely powerful act of emuna.

It acknowledges that everything Hashem does is really for the good and for our best benefit even when it feels bad and to our detriment. It understandably feels that way at times, but in the scheme of things, it's actually beneficial and we'll only be able to understand it in the World to Come.

Categorizing Your Gratitude for Easier Focus

Anyway, when listing 100 things becomes too much of a challenge, it helps to think according to categories.

A category can consist of 5 or 10 or 20 things, whatever works for you.

For example, you can decided to make a list of 20 organs and body parts for which you're grateful, and then a list of 20 people for which you're grateful, and then a list of 10 colors for which you're grateful.

And that completes half your list of 100 right there.

So here are some more ideas for categories:

"Thank You, Hashem, for...":

People (family, friends, rabbis, famous people, including people who passed away)
Colors
Body parts and internal organs
Food
Drinks
Vegetables
Fruits
Nature (woods, sea, pebbles, flowers, bushes, etc)
Animals
Office supplies
Things you like about your life
Things you like about yourself
Things you don't like about your life
Things you don't like about yourself
Cleaning supplies (window cleaner, upholstery spray, vacuum cleaners, bleach, etc)
Electrical appliances
Different forms of transportation
Specific qualities you like about people you know
Specific qualities you don't like about people you know
Music
Rabbis & Rebbetzins
Books
Clothes
Anything else you can think of

How the Negatives Flip to Positive with Gratitude

Remember, listing things you don't like is actually a positive here and can even lighten that judgement or make it disappear completely. (It can do that, it can even do it immediately, but there are no guarantees. It depends what Hashem decides as best for you.)

For example, just listing stuff you hate about your life or people you know is really negative and impacts you negatively.

But saying, "Thank You, Hashem, that my baby is so relentlessly colicky. Thank You, Hashem, that my wife is so short-tempered when she's pregnant -- throughout the ENTIRE pregnancy! Thank You, Hashem, that my husband embarrasses me in public. Thank You, Hashem, that my child is so chutzpadik. Thank You, Hashem, that I am so greedy"... this actually is a good thing.

This is a tremendous act of emuna even if you don't actually FEEL grateful for the negative thing.

Well, that's some of what helps me when I have hard time coming up with all 100. There is so much to be grateful for, whether good or bad, it's not so hard to come up with 100. (It just sounds like a lot.) But there are days when it is really difficult to make it to 100. And that's totally normal.

If there's something that helps you make it to 100, please leave it in the comments so we can all benefit from your strategy.

Thank you!

May all judgements be sweetened.

Related links:
First Emuna, Then Understanding
Day #14: Forming a Relationship through Gratitude
What to Say to God in the Toughest Times
What is the Main Purpose of Your Existence?

0 Comments

What's Really Behind the Fake Rainbow?

15/7/2018

4 Comments

I'm a bit late to the game regarding the toeva march in Eretz Yisrael; I've been paying a less attention to the news lately.

But it bears saying that if Hashem so opposed something, then it must be really bad.

If He calls it an "abomination" ("toeva"), then it must be REALLY bad -- and not just that uptight boors think it's bad, but that it actually hurts people, it hurts society, and it harms even at the simplest level in that it hurts just the two people people who are willingly involved.

Whenever Hashem declares something REALLY bad, then you can find compelling reasons in the natural world why that thing is bad, especially if it's also incumbent on non-Jews and included as a mitzvah or prohibition within the 7 Laws of Noach. Just as with polytheism, God expects us to know better.

(For the serious problems with polytheism, please see:
If the Torah is So Adamant, Then That Must Mean Something: Why Polytheism Really is So Awful

So what's up with toeva relationships, especially the big prohibition between 2 men? It's portrayed with so much compassion and naturalness in secular society, and there are some really nice people who happen to be attracted to their own gender. (Britain's Douglas Murray seems to be one, for example.)

So why is the Torah so adamant against it?

What's so bad about it?

First of all, the people who are behind the whole push to accept toeva relationships and toeva marriage are evil, corrupt people.

The whole push for this started in Hollywood. And even news outlets and book publishers are owned today by entertainment conglomerates.

An as has been an open secret in Hollywood for decades now, Hollywood bigwigs abuse children.

And the entire #metoo movement basically ignored this child abuse, even though these ladies certainly know about it.

Reports of assault on child actors by top movie stars or "grooming" parties in which pre-teen boys are invited to, say, a swimming pool by Hollywood moguls have been discussed for a long time now in the media (although it's never given the lengthy spot-light it deserves).

Corey Feldman in particular has been vocal about this abuse, his courage spurred on by the self-destructive behavior and eventual suicide of his close friend and fellow child actor, Corey Haim. Feldman never lost his conviction that Haim's penchant for self-destruction emanated from the profound pain he never managed to escape, the pain brought on by the abuse from Hollywood's heroes and idols.

What Sparks Toeva Attraction?

Research points both to sxual abuse and the father-son relationship as being major influences on a guy's orientation.

No, it doesn't mean that every boy who lacks the paternal relationship he craves or who endures abuse will develop a taavah for mishkav zachar. Some never will and could never imagine being attracted to anyone but a woman. And some will develop an attraction to both genders.

To put it in oversimplified terms, it's like the potential is there but it's not activated until the abuse or relationship flip that orientation-switch, so to speak.

Many people refuse to accept the above, yet it's impossible to ignore the huge percentage of males attracted to their own gender who suffered abuse and/or a poor father-son relationship.

(I also want to point out the correlation between, say, an absentee, neglectful, or scary father and sxual abuse. Abusers prey on vulnerable children. If a predator senses that a child lacks protection, that the child's father is either not there, uninterested, weak, or conversely, so scary that the child will not confide in the father, then that is an ideal victim in the eyes of a predator. This goes for daughters too, BTW.)

And the Hollywood moguls want to keep feeding this lie because if orientation is entirely genetic and "born that way," then that lets them off the hook. The generally false theory of genetics and being "born that way" discourages people from digging further.

Also, these Hollywood creeps are not exactly family men, so they don't want to acknowledge a father's role in the well-being of his children. If father's aren't necessary to child development, then men can keep doing whatever they want and needn't commit to or invest in their children.

Furthermore, with the rise in single-motherhood (whether unwed mothers or divorced mothers), we've seen a rise in men attracted to their own gender.

Correlation does not prove causation. But when we add up all the correlations together, it creates an arrow that points at causation.

(And yes, I realized that some divorce and of course widowhood cannot be prevented. At the same time, what I keep seeing and hearing from the secular world and the reasons for many -- though not all -- divorces lack conviction. Widowhood is no one's fault and unfortunately, Hashem sometimes sends hard challenges our way, yet He also helps us at the same time. There's a difference between facing a challenge purely from Hashem -- like widowhood or a truly unavoidable divorce -- and facing a challenge brought on by your own bad middot, which are also from Hashem, but still.)

But the main indicator is this:
If the Torah condemned such behavior in such strong terms, then that means something.

It means that something about this behavior is extremely harmful.

Evil Painted as Good

Throughout human history, evil always appears in the guise of compassion.

Pharaoh portrayed himself as merely concerned for Egypt; all those Hebrew foreigners breeding and multiplying -- what's a pharaoh to do? (And most of the Jews got carried along with this propaganda and decided to prove their loyalty by volunteering for work.)

The Communist claim was simply a cry for rights and equality. The poor must be fed and cared for! Who can argue with or oppose such a compassionate and noble cause? Yet Communism became the impetus for millions of deaths, the impoverishment of millions, and slow torturous dying in Siberia. Even today, Communism is synonymous with government corruption & kangaroo court trials.

Nazism also came under the guise of caring for the poor and the disadvantaged. It opposed dangerous work conditions in factories and stopped class discrimination in schools. The first people sent to concentration camps were mostly not Jews; they were habitual criminals and corrupt people that no one wants in their society (plus some inconvenient political rivals). The first Nazi boycott of Jewish businesses was ignored by the German population. In fact, the only businesses successfully boycotted that day were enforced my Nazi brownshirts; otherwise the German people would've patronized those businesses too.

Shocking but true, here is a DIRECT quote from the fiendish fuhrer (yemach shemo) himself in 1943:
"We want a society with neither castes nor ranks…we want this people to be peace-loving, but at the same time to be courageous...both peace-loving and strong.”

In 1943, the Nazis were rounding up and executing the anti-Nazi White Rose members, liquidating the Krakow ghetto, burning alive all 156 inhabitants of Khatyn Belarus, fighting the starving Jews in the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising, rounding up the Roma people for extermination, invading peaceful countries, and appointing Mengele as chief medical officer in Auschwitz. Horrifically, the Auschwitz gas chambers and crematoria of 1943 were fully functioning and in use, decimating the Jewish people.

Does any of that sound peace-loving to you?

Does that sound like a society free of castes or ranks?

Didn't think so.

Yet as the Germans enjoyed their improved working conditions, their sharp reduction in debilitating unemployment, their new VW bugs, their newly affordable vacation resorts, their new equality regardless of class, the humane new laws for animal protection, and their new glorious self-image...the Nazis insisted that "racial purity" was the answer and therefore, the Jews must go.

So the same people who cared so much about the poor and underprivileged ended up burying babies alive and pushing toddlers in gas chambers.

Evil always presents itself in the guise of compassion.

Behind the Rainbow

So the people behind the scenes who are feeding the public with all sorts of propaganda regarding same-gender attraction to the point that if you disagree with one word they say (no matter your own observations and scientific studies and Torah Law), then you'll be shouted down and smeared.

But the ones pushing this agenda onto society, the ones hiding behind the scenes don't care about real freedom or fulfillment or love or compassion or any of those nice-sounding ideas.

All those pretty rainbows don't mean a thing; it's just pretty paint over a dark idea.

They just want to be able to keep abusing little boys.

And no matter how good and sincere your intentions may be, if you support same-gender marriage and the toeva march, and if you oppose any kind of reparative options, then please understand what you're really supporting and opposing.

Just for knowing, I stand against violence (including verbal harassment), except for cases of self-defense.

Anyone can do teshuvah and toeva is no exception.

No one is perfect and everyone has the right to try and even fail -- and then try again.

But approval? Never.
_______________
If you want to see the actual numbers, studies, and stories, you can start here:
Part I: What's So Bad about Adam and Steve?

For more about evil's guise of compassion and general deception, you can go to this 12-part series: America's Scary New Direction. Feel free to click on whatever part interests you, no need to read it all or go in order.

4 Comments

From Wise-Cracking Businessman to Soul-Stirring Holy Man

10/7/2018

0 Comments

In Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender's Words of Faith, we meet Reb Sander of Terevitz, who started out life as a pampered child accustomed to an affluent lifestyle.

As a successful merchant in adulthood, he kept up his affluent lifestyle while his natural gregariousness led to a jovial wheeling 'n' dealing attitude. Known as the wittiest leitzan among all the other leitzanim, Reb Sander once confronted a base character who came into Reb Sander's fabric factory looking to buy salt.

(Salt...in a fabric factory.)

"If you want salt," quipped Reb Sander, "then stand on the table and dance, and the salt will come out..."

[Note: I don't understand why Rav Bender brought this as an example of Reb Sander's previous low level because it doesn't seem that bad to me. Likely, there are nuances in the original Yiddish that go over my head, but this is the example used in the book, this is the example used in this post.]

Anyway, the others described Reb Sander as a flippant comedian (a leitzan, a vertlich zuger) focused on making profitable deals.

Though shomer Shabbos himself, Friday afternoons proved to be the best time for business as Reb Sander engaged in wheeling and dealing at this time, rather than preparing for the holy day -- and encouraged the other merchants to do the same.

But then what happened?

Rav Nachman Chazan* of Tultchin showed up in Reb Sander's town. (Okay, he didn't just show up; he was sent there by Rav Naftali, one of the original intimate chassidim of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov.)

Anyway, Rav Nachman Chazan started speaking compelling words of Torah that captivated the hearts of the people, including Reb Sander. Though initially scheduled to stay for one week, the people there kept insisting that Rav Nachman Chazan extend his visit until he ended up speaking there for 3 weeks straight.

The people finally asked Rav Nachman Chazan, "From where do you draw all of these treasures?"

And he answered, "All of this wealth is from my great teacher Rebbe Nosson, whose holy writings are resting on the shelf, collecting dust because we don't have the funds to take them out of burial, to print and spread them among Yisrael."

At that point, Reb Sander whipped out 100 rubles and said to Rav Nachman Chazan, "Take a down payment of 100 rubles. When you begin to print, another 100 rubles will follow. When you finish, another 100 rubles will be added."

Then finally, the people allowed Rav Nachman Chazan to return home.

And this was the beginning of an awe-inspiring change in Reb Sander.

Na'afochu -- A Spiritual Somersault

Reb Sander stopped playing the comedian and upended his previous priorities: Avodat Hashem became his main occupation while his fabric business turned into a side-job.

He was able to maintain his new priorities even when his business associates spoke of him behind his back: "What happened to Reb Sander? Where did he go? He was our buddy, just like one of us. What happened to him...?"

When they saw Reb Sander Erev Shabbat afternoon, already dressed for Shabbat and fervently reciting Shir Hashirim in the beis hamidrash, they exclaimed to each other, "Behold, this is the best time for business! He used to be the invigorating spirit by us at this time. What happened to him...?!"

With Hashem still enabling Reb Sander to make money hand over fist, Reb Sander upended his wealth distribution in accordance with his new priorities. Impoverished Jews now received clothes and food and didn't need to worry any longer about lacking their basic necessities. He funded the building of Rebbe Nosson's new Kloiz in 5626/1866.

Despite all his physical exertions (toiveling in freezing mikveh waters & 12 hours of passionate prayer at Rebbe Nachman's graveside) and his formerly sensitive constitution, this same man now made do with just a bit of bread and a cheap Russian beverage called kavus: water flavored with beet juice.

Reb Sander started coming to Uman twice a month to pour out his soul at the kever of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, even spending 12 hours in outpouring at Rebbe Nachman's kever.

The same mouth that used to shoot out barbs and witticisms turned into the source of some of today's classic Breslov melodies, including Breslov's Yedid Nefesh and the prayer for dew.

Renewed spiritual longing so filled Reb Sander that when Rav Avraham Chazan (the son of Rav Nachman Chazan) once walked along Pushkina Street, Rav Avraham heard strange and terrible screams. Thinking that perhaps someone had fallen into the hands of a murderer, Rav Avraham tentatively hurried toward the kever to see if he could help.

But it was only Reb Sander, begging Hashem with all his might for the merit to come even closer to Him.

From Rich Man to Rich Soul

Yes, Reb Sander remained a successful businessman, but he conducted his business in a completely different manner after his 3-week encounter with Rav Nachman Chazan.

He applied his business acumen toward the poor Jews of that time, as attentive to their needs as he used to be of his own.

The barbs Reb Sander once aimed at others were now re-directed to spur himself into the spiritual activities he found particularly challenging: "Clump of dust -- throw yourself in and immerse!" he yelled at himself several times before he managed to dunk himself in the icy waters of the mikveh.

Reb Sander didn't just transfer himself from one world to another.

Using the same keilim he had inside him all along, Reb Sander revolutionized himself from within.

May we all merit a similar transformation l'tovah.

*Rav Nachman Chazan of Tultchin (1813-1884) was a grandson of a devoted follower of the original Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, he first met Rebbe Nosson (the most devoted follower of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov and the main transcriber of Rebbe Nachman's words into Likutei Moharan, Chayai Moharan, and more) around the age of 9 and became Rebbe Nosson's closest disciple. Renowned for his heartfelt chazzanut (hence his family name "Chazan") and his great humility (after davening, he used to go himself to draw water into the water buckets for the shul). He published and edited Rebbe Nosson's Likutei Halachot. Later, Rav Nachman Chazan moved from Tultchin to the city of Breslov, and then to Uman, which shifted the focus of Breslov Chassidus away from the city of Breslov to the city of Uman. Despite being considered a tzaddik and one of the great leaders of Breslov Chassidut, Rav Nachman Chazan's profound humility and modesty lead him to serve as the shamash of Uman's Breslover shul rather than as it's rav.

Related Post:
2 Examples of Unforeseeable Personality Transformation

Pushkina Street near the kever of Rebbe Nachman today

By Nahoumsabban - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, Link

0 Comments

2 Examples of Unforeseeable Personality Transformation

9/7/2018

2 Comments

A very special aspect of Words of Faith (a translation of the talks given by Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender, a tzaddik from the previous generation) is the way he uses examples of Jews who weren't very refined before they did teshuvah.

If you look over the stories of Jews returning to their roots today, you see people who were stunningly successful in the secular world, then transferred all those skills and much of their success, and that same personality to their newly adapted frum lifestyle.

Sure, there were road bumps along the way as they struggled to fit everything together. And these female BTs often describe their anger issues, in addition. So they're not perfect, but while their success is something I admire and enjoy reading about, it's not something that my personality can necessarily relate to.

Now don't get me wrong; I like hearing about these people. Their stories are interesting and their journeys are inspiring. I buy their books and I think everyone should.

But speaking for myself, I didn't have my act together before keeping Shabbos, and neither was I particularly cool or special or successful, so a part of me longed to read about someone who made the leap of middot instead of the leap of switching careers (which again, IS inspiring, but just doesn't relate to my personal journey.)

For example, a young woman once told me that her husband had been voted "Most Obnoxious" by his 12th-grade high school class. "But I don't find him obnoxious at all!" she said as testimony that middot-teshuvah is actually possible.

But we don't really hear about middot-teshuvah so much.

Understandably, people can't really talk about teshuvah of the personality (rather than teshuvah of action, i.e. "Before I didn't keep Shabbat, but now I do" or "Before I was the top CEO of a successful cheeseburger chain, but now I am the head of a successful kiruv organization") because discussing how bad you were before is so much more negative and invasive.

After all, do you really want people to know about the inane couch potato or the vulgar gamer or the wild crass party girl you were prior to connecting to Torah and mitzvot? And should you reveal that part of your past? (Usually not.)

Yet along comes Rav Bender with his special way of seeing people and his unique way of talking about people and events.

Yes, even people who are initially brazen, crass, insensitive, low-class, and even cold-blooded murderers can do real deep-down teshuvah.

(You'll also see Breslov's method of not pushing people away and allowing spiritual progress to take its course -- even if it's a very slow course. While the original Breslovers didn't go out of their way to interact with or welcome particularly dysfunctional people, neither did they reject them regardless of how distasteful and disturbing their behavior may be.)
___________
Just a quick description of the rabbis mentioned in the following stories:
Rebbe Nosson (Natan) Sternhartz (1780-1844) was the prime disciple of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov and the main transcriber of Rebbe Nachman's words. A very big tzaddik in his own right, Rebbe Nosson succeeded in shaping Breslov into the irrepressible & inspiring force it is today, despite the severe poverty and opposition he suffered in his time.

Rav Avraham ben Rav Nachman Chazan (1849-1917), the son of the humble tzaddik Rav Nachman Chazan of Tultchin, was always known for his devotions, like departing to the woods immediately after Shabbat with a stack of books and a sack of bread to spend the week learning Torah and talking to Hashem. He later became one of the Breslov leaders in Uman and made aliyah to Yerushalayim in 1894. He authored Biur Halikutim, a detailed analysis of the lessons of the original Rebbe Nachman of Breslov. His transcription of his father's stories and divrei Torah form the foundation for Breslov classics like Kochavei Ohr and Sichot V'Sipurim.
______________

From Shabbos Transgressor to Shabbos Lover

In Rebbe Nosson's time, there was a Jew (known as "the Deitchel -- the German") who worked as city clerk all throughout the week, including Shabbos. Because the religious Ukrainian Jews of that time refused to tolerate the public desecration of Shabbos, they all blocked this the Deitchel from entered their shul.

In Rebbe Nosson's shul, the congregants also tried to throw out the Deitchel, but Rebbe Nosson refused to allow it by saying:

"Please do not disturb him. Pay attention and listen: Even though he is a dreadful Jewish sinner, why did he nonetheless come to us? He did not come for nothing...it appears that something draws him specifically to our shul...please, leave him alone..."
[Vol. II, pg. 306]

The Deitchel was even brazen and callous enough to come to daven Mussaf on Shabbos with his hands still covered in ink from work. At one point, it's the custom for everyone to raise their hands during a particular prayer, and he raised his inky hands with everyone else's clean hands.

Though appalled at raising the symbol of Shabbos-transgression during Shabbos Mussaf itself, the congregants obeyed Rebbe Nosson and did not push the Deitchel away.

Eventually, the Deitchel did astounding teshuvah. He became a devoted Bresolver chassid to the point that Rebbe Nosson commented that they will boast of him before the Kisei Hakavod -- the Throne of Glory.

What would have been with the Deitchel had Rebbe Nosson allowed him to be thrown out?

From Rough to Refined

In Rav Bender's time, there lived a seller who sold meat by the weight. A vulgar and idle fellow, he came to the Breslov shul and usually hung out in the corner.

But during the winter, he set his fixed place right next to the only heater.

Next to this heater, the meat seller indulged in such offensive, vulgar chatter that it prevented decent people like Rav Bender from being anywhere near the heater.

And seeing as the impoverished people of that time didn't always have enough coal to heat their homes (Rav Bender recalls needing to buy hot water for grushim due to such poverty) and seeing as tzaddikim like Rav Bender were immersing themselves in icy mikvehs and talking to Hashem outside in the snow, the shul heater was vital for their physical well-being.

Yet did the callous fellow notice or care? Nope!

Some of the congregants wanted this boor forcibly removed from the shul.

But Rav Avraham (ben Rav Nachman) Chazan pleaded with his well-meaning fellows:

"He came to us -- do not disturb him... In spite of everything, he feels obliged to come to us. Don't do anything to harm him..."

[Vol II, pg 308]

Begrudgingly, the good Jews suffered the callous presence of this meat-seller.

Yet eventually, this meat seller immigrated to America and his children there wrote the following letter to the Breslov community back in Uman:

What has happened to our father in America?
He has turned into a chassid in the full meaning of the word ... He used to challenge the chassidim at his shul:
"This is how you pray? I knew people who REALLY prayed!"
"This is how you behave? I saw how the avdei Hashem in Uman behaved..."

[Vol II, pg 308]

Interestingly, the boorish Jew remained unaffected while among tzaddikim of the stature of Rav Avraham Chazan and Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender.

But when he found himself in a place with chassidim whom he felt weren't up to the standards of the chassidim he knew in the Breslov shul in Uman, he couldn't tolerate it.

And that spurred him to create within himself that which he could no longer find outside himself.

This formerly crass Jew transformed himself so thoroughly that he earned a good reputation among the God-fearing Jews in America.

Holding Back with Your Left & Drawing in with Your Right

Probably you noticed in the above examples that the Breslov greats did not interact much with the problematic people as long as the problematic people remained, well, problematic.

But neither did the Breslovers push them away.

You're not supposed to associate with people who consistently engage in forbidden behavior -- but if something in their neshamah is pulling them toward aspects of kedushah, then who are you to push them away?

These rabbis displayed profound wisdom.

They saw where these people were holding in the here and now -- yet they also understood who these people actually were and could be: Jews with pure holy souls yearning for expression.

So we learn from this that you can see the reality of the situation, but also see the potential.

There is Truly Always Hope

Chazal says, "Derech eretz kadmah l'Torah" -- which basically means that you need to be a decent person in order to keep the Torah and understand how to keep the Torah.

For example, you can be a jerk and keep the mitzvot, but if you're a jerk, you're still going to really mess up with prohibitions like not taking revenge, not answering an insult with an insult, not engaging in leitzanut (mocking & jeering), not speaking lashon hara, not holding a grudge, not giving way to anger, and many other such fundamental commandments.

If you're a jerk, you may not even be able to properly identify forbidden behavior; you might think it's justifiable or even necessary. For example, you may not be able to identify leitznut for what it is or lashon hara for what it is.

So it's inspiring to see the above examples of people who really lacked deretz eretz, who suffered from serious brazenness, coarseness, narcissism, and callousness -- yet still managed to do real teshuvah anyway.

May we all merit to do complete teshuvah from a place of love.
______
Related Stories of Middot-Teshuvah:
The True Story of How a Murderer Did Teshuvah
From Wise-Cracking Businessman to Soul-Stirring Holy Man

2 Comments

Understanding Torah Sages: Overcoming Black-&-White Thinking

6/7/2018

0 Comments

Another issue I think holds some people back from learning original texts by tzaddikim is the cult-indoctrinated effect of black-and-white thinking.

Black-and-white thinking leads to "either-or" conclusions.

For example, someone hears that she should light Shabbat candles 10 minutes early to facilitate powerful and additional blessing in her life. So let's say she tries and lights only 5 minutes early. Or she lights exactly on time (10 minutes late, in her mind). Or she even lights 7 minutes after the designated time.

"Because I didn't manage the extra 10 minutes," she might say, "then I failed."

Black-and-white thinking: "Either I manage to light 10 minutes early and receive reward, or I don't and so it means nothing."

"Either I succeeded or I failed."

"Either I receive reward or I receive nothing/or I receive punishment."

This prevents the kind of complex, mind-expanding thought necessary to deal with real spirituality and paradox. And paradox is exactly what Judaism addresses all the time. For example, the paradox of the free will to do anything, yet Hashem controls everything and knows everything in advance. Or the paradox of Hashem being All Compassionate yet there is the Holocaust.

In the above candle-lighting example, a black-and-white thinker denies the fact of spiritual physics: Just the bare truth that she MADE A SINCERE EFFORT to light candles 10 minutes early, then that etched a positive imprint on her soul and also enhances her into a vessel for blessing.

Children think in black-and-white, but adults are supposed to be more advanced than that. Yet because Western society has turned into a cult, and many of us have been raised in this cult-like environment, we can find ourselves affected by black-and-white thinking without even realizing it.

(And because black-and-white thinking leads to despair and hopelessness, this is a major reason why so many people in modern society are depressed or snarky or negative or escapist.)

Also, even an Orthodox environment can unintentionally use cult tactics to teach Torah, which can also affect people negatively, despite the genuine Torah encased within the cult tactics.

Anyway, a lot of Chazal's writings assume that you're in a Jewish community with access to normal non-cultish thinking.

Contradictions or Directions?

So for example, in his chapter on Zivug/A Spouse, the Pele Yoetz brings forth all the familiar stuff, like how your zivug is determined in Shamayim before conception, yet also encourages practical efforts and offers advice, like to ignore material assets in favor of character assets.

But he offers seemingly contradictory advice within. This is because if follow one directive and you're not successful, then you have the contrasting directive as Plan B.

This is Hashem's way of getting you where He wants you to go. You start off one path, but then Hashem nudges you to veer off to another path.

This is sort of like how a Jew does his or her best to keep Shabbat and avoid transgressions, but if Hashem wants a child born on Shabbat, then He sends the signals loud and clear, which cause the parents to transgress Shabbat (calling an ambulance, etc.) -- and such a transgression is actually a mitzvah in this case and ratzon Hashem. So there is no contradiction between keeping the laws of Shabbat and calling an ambulance on Shabbat.

Likewise, the Pele Yoetz refers to earlier Sages who advised a man against marrying a widow because she is likely to recall him fondly, even as she never mentions this to her second husband. "And what if the first was pleasant and the second is a difficult person?" the Pele Yoetz posits. "Then she will despise the second one in her heart." (This seems an obvious hint of advice to the second husband to behave well. See? Rav Papo sprinkles important messages throughout the whole book.)

Then he introduces scarier information, like how the Zohar says that marrying a widow is placing oneself in danger similar to casting oneself to sail in the great ocean.

And then he strongly recommends that avoid marrying a divorcee or widow, and only marry a woman who has never been with a man before.

But then he says:

The exception is if he's gotten along in years and cannot find a betulah to marry; he shall not exempt himself from being fruitful and multiplying. Instead, he should take whoever he can find. And these are the wonders that come from the Perfect Knowing One. And Hashem will not withhold good from those who walk with sincere intentions.

So the above will confuse a black-and-white thinker because the Pele Yoetz so strongly opposes marrying a divorcee or widow, yet seems to capitulate when there's no other choice.

So a black-and-white thinker will say, "Oh, there's no point because look at how bad it is to marry a widow or divorcee." ("Either I need to marry a never-married woman or it's not worth getting married at all!")

And what about the words of the Pele Yoetz, insisting that at the end of the day, a man needs to marry whoever he can?

"Oh, he's just saying that," says the black-and-white thinker. "But we know what he REALLY means -- you're not supposed to marry a widow or divorcee." (See? The black-and-white thinker starts engaging in all sorts of discouraging chachamahs, which lead to despair and inertia.)

And what about the Pele Yoetz's final words on the matter, words which clearly imply that if you can't find a never-married woman, then that's Hashem's way of telling you that the willing divorcee or widow is your real zivug?

"Oh, he's just saying that," dismisses the black-and-white thinker. Or, "Rav Papo was on such a high level, we can't understand what he really meant by that."

And if you try to point out (in the spirit of his words: "And these are the wonders that come from the Perfect Knowing One. And Hashem will not withhold good from those who walk with sincere intentions") that Yehoshua bin Nun married Rachav and things worked out excellently for them (8 prophets descended from them, including Chuldah), or you point out couples you know personally, like say a formerly never-married guy in a very happy marriage with a divorcee and so on, then the black-and-white thinker will wave you off and act like YOU are the one who just doesn't understand.

Hope for the Black-and-White Thinker!

Now, if you feel like you engage in black-and-white thinking like the above, then don't worry. I used to do it too, but baruch Hashem, when you read the words of tzaddikim and make an effort on whatever level you're at to understand what they could possibly mean, then that's exactly what helps you out of your black-and-white tendency.

It doesn't happen overnight, but slowly, your mind starts to heal from all the brainwashing and it opens up like a flower awakening after a long winter.

Side Point: I do think the above chapter is one of the things that relates to Rav Papo's times to a certain extent.

Today, you unfortunately have many people with previous -- even many previous -- relationships prior to marriage. Some of these relationships still linger in the person's mind, yet some are completely forgettable, and the reality of the person's true feelings depends.

And because of the Pele Yoetz's concern for the zivug-seeker's mitzvah of being fruitful, he seems to be addressing a man who has never been married himself. So this is different now, but there are still aspects of this message that apply today.

Don't Judge until You've Read the Whole Book

Also -- and this is a big deal -- it seems to me that they assume that if you're reading their book, then you're reading the whole book (even if it takes you a long time), and not just a chapter or snippet without eventually imbibing the whole thing.

I noticed that whether it's the Kli Yakar commentary on Chumash or the Pele Yoetz mussar guide for life or anyone else, if you don't read the whole thing, then you aren't going to get the whole message or their real attitude about various issues.

For example, even though the Pele Yoetz has a chapter on Women/Nashim and another on Love between Husband & Wife/Ahavat Ish v'Ishah, you are not going to get his full views on women or marriage unless you read the entire work because he sprinkles different or repeated ideas throughout, and there are vital messages in other chapters that aren't where you think they'd be.

May Hashem imbue us all with the knowledge, wisdom, & insight to understand.
__________
Related link:
How to Avoid being a Victim of Mind Control

0 Comments

Pele Yoetz: Even the Smallest Acts Count beyond Measure!

5/7/2018

0 Comments

Another major lesson learned from the Pele Yoetz is to avoid pressuring people to bite off more than they can chew.

And many times, we don't know the limits or the capabilities of others.

Sometimes we have a good idea of another's limits or capabilities.

But other times, we just project ourselves onto the other person -- a form of arrogance for us and a discouragement to the other person.

So yeah, sometimes, we pressure others from from our own ego.

Other times, we're so enthused about a certain mitzvah and the way it's working for us, that we forget that the other person may not have the capability to do that mitzvah in the special way that we do.

(And if you find yourself faced with a high-octane enthusiast, I think it's usually best to just go along with them, tell them how great they're doing -- because you get reward for encouraging others & making them feel good about their mitzvot, mezakeh harabim, etc. -- and leave your own personal failings out of it. Just be happy for them as much as you can. Speaking from personal experience on both sides of this scenario... ;)

Anyway, we learn from the Pele Yoetz the importance of encouraging people that even the tiniest act counts for a lot.

For example, regarding Torah study, the Pele Yoetz repeatedly states the following throughout his book:

And they said (Tanna D'vei Eliyahu Zuta, Perek 20) that even if one learns all day the verse "...v'achot Lotan Timna - And sister of Lotan is Timna" -- his reward comes as if he's occupied with Negaim and Ohalot. [Two of the most complex tractates -- MR]

One increases his learning and decreases his learning -- regardless, he should just set his heart toward Shamayim.

The Pele Yoetz does not mean that you shouldn't learn more than that verse if you're able -- on the contrary, he exhorts men to learn as much as they can, including Zohar!

But when a guy finds himself with even the smallest amount of free time ("even the short time it takes for a swallow of saliva"), he should say "v'achot Lotan Timna" (Beresheit 36:22) and earn overwhelming reward.

(That's pretty positive and encouraging, isn't it?)

The Pele Yoetz also stresses this regarding men who aren't learned or who barely know how to read; he encourages them with the above.

(And just for knowing, the Pele Yoetz also felt very strongly about the need teach women and girls how to both read and write: "And how good it would be if women were to learn the skill of writing, for then they could easily learn everything!" He also exhorts the women of his time to go to the women's section of a synagogue in order to hear the Torah lectures given there, quoting Shir Hashirim 2:9 as proof.)
_________
So this is very important:

Don't overload or overwhelm people.

Don't make people feel like if they can't keep up the pace or perform grand gestures, then their efforts are meaningless or worthless.

Encourage people by reassuring them that even the smallest & briefest mitzvah they carry out can reap unimaginable reward and make a significant difference -- as long as they mean to do it for Hashem.

Start out small -- start out miniscule and weak, if that's where you're holding -- then keep on going throughout your failures and successes, sure in the fact that even the tiniest briefest mitzvah reaps great reward and holds mind-boggling significance.

This is straight from Rav Eliezer Papo, a tremendous self-sacrificing tzaddik.

0 Comments

Pele Yoetz: Always End on a Note of Hope

4/7/2018

8 Comments

A big lesson to learn from Rav Eliezer Papo's masterpiece, Pele Yoetz, is the way he ends every chapter.

While he interlaces encouragement and positive words within each chapter, some also contain dire warnings and stern rebuke. Nonetheless, he never leaves us without reassurance, encouragement, and hope.

Rav Papo maintained a firm belief in our power to rise above our addictions, bad habits, false beliefs, and our yetzer hara in any form.

Affirming Our Innate Goodness & Ability

For example, at the end of the chapter on Young Men/Bachur (you can imagine all the dire things he mentions in such a chapter), Rav Papo ends with:

"And behold, God stands over him [as a Protector]; He will be with him in assistance because one who comes to purify himself earns Heavenly assistance."

The chapter called Rebuke/Gaarah concludes as follows:

"The voice of fools in rebuke 'they are a vanity, an act of delusion' [Yirmiyahu 10:15] to those who hear them, confusing them and confounding them. But the words of the wise which are heard in pleasantness are sweet and accepted by their listeners."

He ends the chapter entitled Speech/Dibur, a chapter full of exhortations and prohibitions, with the following:

"To you, gentlemen, I call: Brothers and friends, I'm very pained on your behalf, on behalf of this sin that is to your detriment and the evil that stands before you, chas v'shalom. And even more than that, how great is my pain on behalf of the pain of our Father in Heaven who waits to bestow favor upon us...and please, exchange bad for good! Gather in the place of a Torah scholar or a learned person to hear learning...and acquire paths of life and lofty attributes."

Rav Papo ends the chapter Rising Early/Haskamah with characteristic optimism and holy cheerleading:

"With his heart, he will understand and with his ears, he will hear, and as he shall repent, Hashem will heal him."

Go, team Am Yisrael, go!

Rav Papo ends General Principles: Part I/Klalot Alef with:

"All that is in his power to accomplish, he should do and all that a man desires, he should do. Only the beginning will be difficult. And in doing so, a person will become desirable and Hashem will be for him as a shelter. And a vision of the Almighty he shall see.

And this is enough for whoever possesses a good heart."

The end of Afternoon Prayer/Mincha:

"...only the beginnings are difficult because afterwards, it will be sweet for him and it shall be as a delightful fragrance for him, and worthy of blessing and contentment is he in This World and it's good for him in the World to Come."

So we see that it's important to end on a positive, reassuring, and encouraging note:
Yes, sinning is terrible and Gehinnom is just awful -- but if you just try your best to do the right thing, then God will help you out, He'll stand by your side all the way, and things will ultimately end up wonderfully!

Judging Wonky Jews Favorably

Rav Papo also finds excuses for the errant, a way to judge them favorably and with understanding, even as he rebukes the wonky behavior, like in the chapter on Speech/Dibur:

"Come and see how the enemy [yetzer hara] has overpowered people so much so that when brothers sit together, and they have nothing new to say, one starts saying, 'The cold today is good, the heat today is good, the rain is good, the snow is good,' and such things that are obvious to all -- simply because their yetzer agitates within them and they're embarrassed to sit in silence."

See? Rav Papo blames the inane behavior on the yetzer hara, emphasizing the great strength of the yetzer hara, which implies that these people are good and want to do the right thing, but have simply collapsed under the weight of their yetzer hara. Also, he acknowledges the very real embarrassment people tend to struggle with in such situations.

(Then Rav Papo explains how to get up and fight the yetzer hara.)

You can just imagine what Rav Papo has to say in his chapter on Illicit Acts/Znut, but even after he mentions some pretty reprehensible acts, he never stops judging favorably:

"And this comes from a lack of awareness of the great severity of the act, or due to bad friends who trick them into it..."

In other instances, Rav Papo inserts a plea for Hashem to atone for their sins, as in the chapter entitled Judges & Officers/Shoftim v'Shotrim:

"Woe to it, to a generation that such a thing has risen in its days, that there are large cities in in the cities of Edom [Europe] that host hundreds of thousands of Jews and the Torah is forgotten from among them, and they only conduct cases in the jurisdiction of non-Jews and it's done as if permissible -- May God Who is Good atone for them."

Ken yehi ratzon!

Bringing It All Home

So I learned 2 important lessons from the entire Pele Yoetz:

It's essential it is to find merits and judge favorably even as you're discussing what's wrong with society or as you're attempting to correct someone's behavior.

It's important to always end on a note of hope and sincere belief in the person's innate goodness and ability to improve and do teshuvah.

I think it's also a guide for when hearing rebuke from others, to know what level the critic is really on and where their criticism is really coming from. If they can't see the good in you, if they can't see that you're not evil or stupid but just stuck or uninformed, if they don't believe that you have the ability to change for the better, well, then...you sure aren't hearing rebuke from a tzaddik.

Rav Eliezer Papo willing underwent a prolonged and agonizing death for his community, then left a legacy to assist and encourage us forevermore.

We can trust that his attitude and approach are the real deal.

8 Comments

Why We Need to Let the Pele Yoetz (and Any Old-Time Mussar) Penetrate Our Modern Life & How to Do It

2/7/2018

2 Comments

Rav Papo's Saintly Life & Heroic Death

Rabbi Eliezer Papo, author of the Pele Yoetz (published in 1824), was a saintly sage born in Sarajevo, Bosnia in 1785 and passed away during Sukkot in Silistra, Bulgaria in 1827 (20 Tishrei 5588) after having served as their rabbi for around 14 years.

Both in his actions and his writings, Rav Papo invested all he could in helping the Jews of the Balkans achieve both their material and their spiritual needs.

Reading his book the Pele Yoetz or reading the prayers he composed (some of which are included in the Pele Yoetz and all of which appear in his book of prayers called Beit Tefillah), one gets the impression of a very wise and caring father, a father full of passion, concern, and hope for even his most errant child.

He yearned for his fellow Jews to fill themselves with Torah wisdom and in this way, achieve true happiness and contentment, both in This World and the Next.

The Pele Yoetz displays Rav Papo's passion to make the Jewish world a wiser, happier, kinder, and more serene world filled with emuna. To these means, he encouraged the education of both men and women, and encouraged everyone to learn Torah with whatever abilities they possessed.

Yet prior to the Sukkot of 1827, he received a devastating message from Heaven:
His community had been sentenced to suffer a horrible plague.

Many would fall ill and many would die.

Needless to say, as the plague would take its toll on the lives, finances, and well-being of the community, the initial suffering would extend on for years.

However, there was a way to cancel out this plague.

If Rav Papo would agree to take on the plague himself -- including the resulting death -- then the entire community would be spared.

Rav Papo agreed.

He suffered the plague for several weeks, knowing he'd never survive it. But Rav Papo never stopped praying to Hashem and expressing his yearning for Hashem that entire time. He kept up a stream of confessionals and supplications, although one wonders what sins could such a tzaddik possibly have to confess? (That right there is a tip for all of us.)

It was an incredible act.

Presumably, Heaven decreed the plague due to the sins of the people. And in Pele Yoetz, you discover the stumbling blocks of that generation at that time. Of course there were many good people (Sarajevo was a Torah center that produced many great Torah sages at that time) and many good deeds, but the encouragement, rebuke, and advice he gives in the Pele Yoetz also spotlights problems that are still familiar.

Some people were envious, contentious, indolent, pompous, bad-tempered, miserly, gossipy, indulged their taavot as much as their situation allowed, wasted their time in eating & drinking & hanging out, and all the rest.

Yet Rav Papo still felt they were worth dying for.

And not only did Rav Papo literally die for the sins of the people (yet no one made a god out of him), but he even sought to provide for us forevermore after his death with the promise that whoever would immerse in a mikveh and pray at his grave with a broken heart, then their prayers would be accepted before the Creator of the Universe.

Even today, Jews still make their way to the place near the Danube where Rav Papo is buried and have apparently seen miracles as a result.

Expanding the Real You

I'm writing this because Rav Papo left us a book of advice.

And unfortunately, many people today prefer to dismiss Sagely advice that doesn't suit their emotional level or doesn't make sense to them with ideas like "this doesn't apply to our generation" or "that's for the people who follow him, not my group" or "that's only for tzaddikim" or "you have to be on a very high level to really understand what he's saying" or "but it doesn't tell you HOW to do what it advises" and so on.

And though I'm not proud to admit it, I used to say this stuff too.

But it's mostly not true.

Rav Papo was clearly writing for everybody. He was clearly aware of the different levels on which people stood (whether a tzaddik or a Jew at the 49th gate of tumah) and he also knew what he was talking about.

Yes, it's true that some of the specifics of his advice applied only to his time, a time without electricity or indoor plumbing, a time in which some homes possessed a dirt floor. And some are culturally specific (i.e., Jews living in the 19th-Century Balkans under Muslim rule).

But the general lessons are still valid.

And yes, it's true that this generation needs to grind its mental gears to understand what he means. Even in the English translation (which I recommend), Rav Papo does not use the language or nuance we're used to. So yes, you do need to work harder to understand what he's saying, especially if you hit something that rubs you the wrong way.

(And yes, I'm speaking from personal experience.)

But who says that's bad? Why should that be an insurmountable obstacle?

If you need to ruminate over the advice of a tzaddik, if you need to turn it over in your head a million times, if you need to wrangle with it, then what's wrong with that?

On the contrary, that's exactly what both sharpens your mind and leads to increased emotional maturity.

Furthermore, the very idea that rubs you wrong or seems incomprehensible now often because helpful and clear later on as you grow.

But if you're never exposed to the idea in the first place, how will you know?

And this idea also applies to mussar works by all our tzaddikim.

Having said that, you'll also find many statements in the Pele Yoetz that are appealing and easy to understand. It depends who you are and where you're coming from.

Anyway, I just think it's good to give the old-time original mussar literature a chance as much as you can at whatever pace you can manage at whatever level you're at.

I started out very slow at a very low level, and I still feel that I benefited over time.

And I wish the same for everyone else (including myself because I still have a long ways to go and it hasn't been easy).

May Hashem open our minds & hearts to receive His Truth & Wisdom.
_________
The Pele Yoetz in English online
The printed 2-volume set of the Pele Yoetz in English

The gravesite of Rav Eliezer Papo today. By אלבום משפחתי (אלבום משפחתי) [GFDL or CC BY-SA 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons

2 Comments

Peeling Off the Giant Smiley to Reveal the Spiritual Desolation

1/7/2018

2 Comments

With the death of an old family friend came the death of his family line.

I'm not sure whether the deceptive decline started with his parents or grandparents, but Alan's parents got married and settled in a bustling Jewish area of New York. They created the ideal nice 'n' tidy American family: one boy and one girl.

It was easy and enjoyable to be part of the thriving Jewish -- though not so religious -- community in that area.

The boy, Alan, grew up and met Marybelle in college. Marybelle, long disillusioned with Christianity, enjoyed the watered-down Jewish beliefs and practices and was pro-Israel (which was the norm in America back when Israel was seen as the poor, harassed, struggling underdog constantly on the verge of total annihilation).

Marybelle happily underwent a Conservative Jewish "conversion" and was embraced as a Jew by Alan and his family because their Conservative rabbi declared it all to be totally kosher. (After all, only fanatics wouldn't approve of the delightful Marybelle and nitpick about fuddy-duddy details like Shabbos and taharas mishpacha.) Marybelle remained an enthusiastic synagogue attendee on Saturdays where she often sported a pink & white kippah, and she joined the synagogue sisterhood, and proved herself a proud supporter of Israel (as long as the pro-Israel politicking never went too far Right).

Alan and Marybelle lived a happy life together and were some of my favorite adults as a child. (Marybelle is indeed a delightful and caring person.) They both loved children, yet they never managed to produce children. Alan's one sister also married a non-Jewish man and never managed to produce children either.

At the age of 70, Alan came to Eretz Yisrael for the first time. He was recovering from several bouts with illness and organ failure, but feeling better, he figured this was his chance to finally visit the Land.

There's No Place Like Home -- Literally

One quiet morning, he sat with my husband and I in a still-new children's park ringed by the flora and fauna innate to Eretz Yisrael, surrounded by a heart-stirring view of Eretz Yisrael's hills and fields.

The conversation ebbed and flowed because Alan couldn't stop himself from pausing to take in all that was around him, slowly turning his salt-and-pepper head this way and that. He breathed in deeply and his eyes were aglow with dreamy bliss.

Though always a cheerful person, I'd never seen him look so serene and blissful.

But it was deeper than that.

His face was aglow with the look of a man who'd finally come Home.

He'd finally found his place, even though he never realized he'd been searching for it.

But it was too late.

Had Alan made different choices, I could see Alan fitting into one of the Anglo communities of Ra'anana or Ramot of the Eighties.

But instead, Alan died not long after that visit without any remnant, neither for himself nor for his parents.

And his sister never left a remnant either.

That was it. End of the line.

Shiny Happy Deceptions

The end of the line for Alan and his sister resulted from tidy feel-good decisions pushed by the Conservative movement back in the Sixties and Seventies. Promising fulfilling life and a bright future, they upheld Liberal American values, which trumped Jewish values every time.

Perhaps Alan's parents' line wouldn't have ended had they gone beyond the oh-so tidy one-of-each and had more children (if they could, I don't know) who might have had children.

And had Alan's parents sent him and his sister to a teacher or an institution that could've taught them real Jewish values, perhaps Alan and his sister would've made different decisions, decisions more conducive to the Jewish soul.

And perhaps had the Conservative rabbis not been so gung-ho about masking intermarriage via fake "conversions," Alan's parents might've thrown up more resistance. And perhaps Alan himself, who obviously did care about marrying a Jew, wouldn't have been duped into the feel-good act of marrying a non-Jewish woman because of his certainty that she now was Jewish...a woman who, though delightful, wasn't his real zivug.

And maybe Marybelle herself, who did seem to have a real attraction to Judaism, would've either discovered Torah-true Judaism and followed through with a real conversion or would've become a righteous non-Jew following the 7 Noachide Mitzvot. (Although this is getting to deeply unknowable territory, with regard to what Marybelle's lifelong attraction to Judaism really means.)

Needless to say, there are no guarantees.

After all, there are frum Jews who go off the derech and marry out, there are Jews who never have children, and so on. (Although it is a comforting Jewish belief that one's deeds are offspring -- like children -- so a barren Jewish couple can take comfort in the mitzvot they've created, even though childlessness is still an admittedly painful nisayon.)

But without the all-smiles reassurance from the Wishy-Washy Whitewashing movement, then Alan could've had a fighting chance.

But it's over now.

End of the Line

I personally have at least 2 close Jewish relatives who leave no Jewish descendants.

One is dead and the other is dying.

Others have more non-Jewish grandchildren than Jewish children. (For example, 3 Jewish grandchildren from one child and 5 non-Jewish grandchildren from the other from different marriages.)

And this is also due to other factors growing in society at large, such as deciding against getting married or having children, never getting around to having children, or waiting so long to have children that it may no longer be possible without a lot of medical intervention.

Or skipping the marriage aspect entirely and finding a donor to have a baby on your own.

And if you're an assimilated Jew, then these often are your children.

There's not much choice; this is the society nowadays.

When All Hope Really is Gone

It's really hitting home to me now.

Because when I first became frum, I focused on having a good relationship with family and old friends of family.

And it felt good to do my part, like davening that everyone does teshuvah, and that things work out well for the very likeable non-Jewish partner too.

And I even tried talking to/corresponding in a really nice (too nice actually, in regrettable hindsight) approachable manner with a couple of Conservative rabbis, but despite their friendly open facade, they proved extremely close-minded.

If you become frum, then that circle of family and old family friends often ends up meeting your frum circle. In my case, all the frum people they met were very likeable and approachable.

But all those years of niceness and approachability never seemed to have any effect.

Then you see everyone getting older and -- let's face it -- more decrepit.

And the truth starts to sink in: It's too late.

But you still have hope for the pintele Yid to come galloping through like the Calvary at high noon.

And then the Jew keels over and that's it.

The End.

Calling a Spade a Spade

Unfortunately, enthusiasts of the Conservative movement would find my attitude horribly offensive.

Because they have good intentions and a minority of their members stay connected to their Jewish rituals (albeit the watered-down version of them) and marry Jews, they feel that's reason enough for hope and good cheer.

Yet I'm seeing death.

That generation raised on the feed of synthetic Judaism is dying and they're dying in the most spiritually desolate way possible: without a remnant of Jewish deeds or Jewish children.

May Hashem atone for us & gather us back to Him with Revealed Compassion.

2 Comments

<<Previous

Thanking Hashem for things you don't like is an immensely powerful act of emuna.

Categorizing Your Gratitude for Easier Focus

How the Negatives Flip to Positive with Gratitude

This is a tremendous act of emuna even if you don't actually FEEL grateful for the negative thing.

What Sparks Toeva Attraction?

Evil Painted as Good

Behind the Rainbow

Na'afochu -- A Spiritual Somersault

From Rich Man to Rich Soul

From Shabbos Transgressor to Shabbos Lover

From Rough to Refined

Holding Back with Your Left & Drawing in with Your Right

There is Truly Always Hope

Contradictions or Directions?

Hope for the Black-and-White Thinker!

Don't Judge until You've Read the Whole Book

Affirming Our Innate Goodness & Ability

Judging Wonky Jews Favorably

Bringing It All Home

Rav Papo's Saintly Life & Heroic Death

Expanding the Real You

There's No Place Like Home -- Literally

Shiny Happy Deceptions

End of the Line

When All Hope Really is Gone

Calling a Spade a Spade

Myrtle Rising

Categories

Jewish Blogs

Jewish Current Events

Jewish Health

Archives

Copyright Notice