Category: Teshuvah

Are You Feeling Shortchanged in Life? Lacking in Talent or Self-Discipline or a Loving Torah Upbringing? Do You Fear You're Overwhelmed by Your Own Sins, Flaws, and Disorders? Do You Feel Like a Nobody? Despised? Rejected? Then Read This...

23/6/2022

I never meant to regularly spotlight gems from The Bitachon Magazine.

A friend (thanks, NEJ!) simply started forwarding it to my Inbox & I started perusing it, seriously impressed and inspired by all the gems found within.

I definitely need to receive exactly the type of chizuk found in the magazine. And others let me know they need this kind of chizuk too.

So from The Bitachon Magazine of Parshat Shelach, Volume 1, Issue 10 (and also in Bitachon Weekly for Parshat Shelach 5782 on pages 2-3), here's yet another gem from Rabbi Yehuda Mandel:

Those who were shortchanged in life, for example they weren’t Zoche to go to some top Yeshiva, or to some unusual Adam Gadol, some great Yichus, or a Gevaldige Chinuch where you are all set for Gadlus; can actually come out ahead in certain ways.

You may be lacking in Kishronos, or a healthy Torah and/or warm loving background, or in being pure and consistent.

Or you aren’t organized and M’sudar, and you suffer from being the “nobody” of your family and/or Yeshiva.

By the way, I saw this heartbreaking dynamic repeatedly throughout the years.

In a malfunctioning family, the black sheep "nobody" of the family is often the child with the best middot.

No joke.

If the mother is a narcissist, she often despises the nicest child and favors another—sometimes she even favors the child with the worst middot. This usually continues into the children's adulthood, often forever.

(For some reason, this specific dynamic is less likely to happen via the father.)

When you see it as an outsider, it's confusing and you're left wondering whether you're missing something in your perception of the apparently nice but rejected family member or whether there's some history that you remain ignorant of. (Like maybe this nice-yet-despised person used to behave horribly or something.)

And sure, it could be that...

...but it's just as likely the mother is seriously messed up and cannot find it in herself to appreciate the child who is so much better than the mother herself could ever dream of being.

So sometimes (but not always!) being rejected or despised within one's family paradoxically indicates your superior character and greatness.

(And growing up in such a torturous dynamic is also from Hashem. These wonderful-yet-despised children can work on themselves in ways and achieve inner growth others cannot.)

Rabbi Mandel continues:

You feel like a failure, or simply not capable.

You may unfortunately be loaded with all kinds of sins, Chas V’shalom.

“Problems” In Life Force a Person to Become A First-Rate Baal Bitachon

These and many more are forced to go only to Hashem; and if they persist then they can come out ahead of everyone.

You have a special place by Hashem, even if others are superior to you in Torah, Avoda, Nachas, or talent [Kish'ron] etc.

You learn to rely heavily on Tefila.

You may have to give up some Torah and Chesed, and even some Parnasa, to spend more time with Hashem and Shaar HaBitachon.

R' Dovid Bleicher Zatzal says that the Baal Bitachon gets special service in Shamayim.

He is a favorite of Hashem, and a [mekurav l'Malchut] — a member of the royal palace.

Again, the theme here is not about being perfect.

It's not even about achievement, but being sincere and just doing the work.

From this same issue, here's another gem from Devorah Silberman (emphasis my own addition):

If one experiences times of feeling of distance and low spirituality, instead of believing that they have failed, they should instead recognize that this is the way Hashem has designed us to be.

The Tanya in Chapter 15 writes that our work in this world involves continuous struggle.

As well as the inspiring Mashal that the Maggid of Mezritch gives:

That Hashem hides Himself to give us the opportunity to play a holy and ultimate game of hide and seek with the power of all powers.

The reason He sometimes hides is so that we will have the opportunity to seek Him and become even closer!

Mrs. Bassie Goldman says that our fluctuating relationship is the plan of Hashem.

Just like how a heartbeat goes up and down.

She also says that if we could choose to always have the connection we want to have, obviously we would choose the connection that we want to have!

So this is proof that when we are in a place of disconnection, we did not choose it.

It means Hashem's will is taking place in our life now.

The Steipler Goan ZT"L then adds that although we may not have the choice to have an always 100% static connection to Him at all times, it is in our choice to positive acts of connection-seeking that will help us over time.

We should feel really good about ourselves that we even care about bitachon, emunah, being frum, connecting to Hashem, finding meaning in Torah and mitzvot, and so on.

If we feel disgruntled about a lack in our lives...or our flaws and transgressions get us down...

...we should davka feel GOOD about this as evidence we care about the right things!

That angst makes you special.

And your angst should transform into simcha because it means you're part of a Godly elite.

Case in point:

In the American Regret Project survey of 16,000 people, only 10% expressed regret for morally wrong actions.

Do you think that's because those 16,000 Americans are so perfected, they simply have not committed moral wrongs, so have nothing to regret?

No, of course not.

Morality has gone down throughout society. People suffer warped values and do not even care about morality, except the kind of "morality" offering them comfy definitions.

So those thousands surveyed expressed regret for not having stayed in touch with their high school buddy.

They expressed regret over not working hard enough to get a promotion or not going to bed on time.

They expressed regret over not living their dreams.

But as far as regret over having lied, stolen, cheated, been mean to someone?

Only 1600 out of the 16,000 surveyed expressed regret for those kinds of moral reasons.

(That's really disturbing, if you think about it.)

So your disappointments and struggles with yourself mean that YOU ARE REALLY AWESOME!!!

So please take note of the words of bitachon excerpted above and use them to access your authentic wonderful self b'simcha.

(Or at least, with as much simcha or pleasure as you can muster in any given moment. No pressure...)

For links related to this topic:

Note:

The Bitachon Magazine features other encouraging stories and gems, plus inspiring poetry from different poets, including Nechumelle Jacobs.

The Bitachon Magazine is related to & under the auspices of Rabbi Yehuda Mandel, but not the same as Bitachon Weekly. The Bitachon Magazine consists of only 4 pages and seems geared more for women (though the above excerpts clearly benefit men too).

I'm not associated with this wonderful initiative in any way, but just passing on subscription information to whoever's interested:

To have The Bitachon Magazine emailed to you weekly, please send a request to bitachonmagazine@gmail.com

You can also sponsor or donate to the magazine via contacting them by that same email. When you sponsor or donate, any chizuk or positive results from the magazine also go into your Heavenly account, increasing your merits.

And no, I get no percentage if you do it. They don't even know I exist...

What to Do with the Idea of "Hashem Doesn't Give a Person a Test They Cannot Handle" when You Feel You Davka CANNOT Handle It–Some Revolutionary Insights from The Bitachon Magazine

8/6/2022

The following article appeared in The Bitachon Magazine, Parshas Bechukosai, Volume 1, Issue 6.

In discussing a very common Torah idea with which many struggle, the following article contains amazing Torah ideas that aren't well-known...but knowing the following ideas makes all the difference in both understanding & internalizing this common Torah idea.

(Thank you very much to NEJ for forwarding it!)

WHAT IF I CANNOT HANDLE IT?!

By: Devorah Silberman

"Hashem doesn’t give a person a test that they cannot handle.”

It is hard to find someone who truly feels strengthened by this phrase.

It’s discussed in either resentful or curious tones with close friends, rabbis' and in therapists' offices. “How can this phrase be literal and accurate?” It’s a topic that raises much confusion amongst those who have faced enormous hurdles in their lives.

Perhaps they have rock solid Emunah, and resonate with almost everything else that they learn, but are puzzled by how to relate to this pusuk.

Oddly enough, despite all the remarkable and profound explanations for what this pusuk truly means, most people don’t seem to have an awareness that there are multiple explanations to what this phrase truly means Bamidbar Rabbah 13:15-16 explains that there are 70 layers to the Torah.

Every single Pusuk has many levels and layers of meaning. Each of the 70 layers are all true at the same time.

Additionally, The Ramchal writes in Maamar al Haggados, that at times, we feel like certain words of Chazal and other Torah Sources seem opposing only because we ourselves misinterpret them.

This sometimes happens when we do not realize the parameters that limit the specific pusuk.

(In other words: We sometimes take the words we hear or read out of context to what they truly mean.)

Although there are multiple explanations on the phrase “Hashem doesn’t give a test you cannot handle,” in this article, I would like to write three that I think are the most insightful.

1: Does Hashem only send us tests that we can pass and that every person should be able to control themselves and be victorious when such tests are presented?

The answer is Yes and No.

Yes, because every test that Hashem sends us is within our ability to pass, but No because we don’t always know what the test is.

Rabbi Yisroel Reisman quotes R’Tzaadok Hakoen (Rabbi Reisman says this in multiple shuirim – one of those shuirim entitled “Oh, the things people say!”) brings out this point from the story of Yehudah and Tamar.

Despite the fact that Yehudah was involved with Tamar, in a way that is unbecoming from a man of his stature, we find no mention of punishment, rebuke, or even sin for his act.

Yet, when Tamar becomes expecting, she is asked and we see multiple Mefarshim praising Yehudah for admitting to what he caused.

This is due to the fact that Yehudah was placed in a situation where he was not able to overcome his temptation and it was too hard for him to refrain from committing this act; therefore, no sin was ascribed to him.

Yehudah’s test did not lie in the act itself; rather he was tested in his ability to admit it in a later date.

Since we do not know what Hashem is testing us, so we must do our utmost best in every area. Rabbi Golombeck Shlita often speaks about not focusing on the result or outcome but rather on your efforts. As long as we genuinely did our utmost best, the results would not be in our control (of course this would only apply when one knows they sincerely did their actual best).

Similarly, the Steipler Goan ZT”L wrote many letters to people with mental health challenges and in one such letter, he writes on a similar point.

The letter was sent in by a student suffering from obsessive heretical thoughts.

He regularly had serious thoughts that most Jews do not have to the same extent that he did.

Yet, no matter to what he tried, it was to no avail. He could not find the key to getting rid of these thoughts flooding his mind on a daily basis.

The Steipler wrote the following critical message:

“It appears that at the current time, you are not capable of free choice in this area. Rather, which is under your control and your free choice is to do positive things that will help over time.” (In today’s world, for someone suffering from obsessive and uncontrollable thoughts, this would usually mean going for therapy and doing other helpful mind conditioning exercises as well as taking medication if needed.)

(This first explanation is taken from the book Battle of the Mind by Rabbi Avrohom Steier. Book for Torah based inspiration for those with emotional challenges. Book copies can be obtained through aasteier@gmail.com)

2: Another explanation is that we grow into people who can handle them.

We certainly as Yidden, believe that we soar to new spiritual heights through challenges.

If we reach new levels, it would mean that we didn’t start out on the level we reached through the challenge. Which would mean that we grow into people who can handle them.

3: The last but definitely not least interpretation of the phrase that is very close to my heart is the following:

When you hear the phrase “Hashem doesn’t give you a test that you cannot handle” and you feel resentful towards this phrase. The reason you feel resentful is because the person who said the phrase did not finish their sentence. They should add the two words “without Him.”

“Hashem doesn’t give you a test you cannot handle – without Him.”

You need to ask Hashem to give you the strength to handle it in the best way possible.

Bracha Kaila Levin A”H was someone who I was so close to.

Among the myriad of unbelievable inspiring stories I have about all that she did, one that illustrates this idea so well is the last conversation I ever had with her.

She was in the hospital on oxygen and was still so eager to learn with me over the phone.

She was losing her ability to move and know that soon she was expected to lose her ability to talk.

I asked her how she does all that she does with so much strength and loads of Emunah. Out of the many things she told me, she said something that never left my memory.

“I constantly, ask Hashem in my own words give me the strength to handle it in the best way possible.”

We often beg Hashem to take our difficult circumstance away. And we should! But we must also include the tefilla of asking for Him to grant us the ability to handle our situation until our awaited Yeshuah comes.

Please note a major idea here:

The nisayon is NOT always what you THINK it is.

And just to emphasize: The above examples do not mean life is a free-for-all and we can indulge ourselves at whim because, hey, "Hashem made me do it!"

No, no, no.

But I think we've all found ourselves in situations in which we know the right way to respond and we genuinely try to respond that way...and instead, we crash and burn.

And this does not speak to the people who justify their prohibited behavior by saying vaguely, "Oh, it's really not so bad"—when it really is." "Everyone loses their temper sometimes..."—when you actually lose your temper regularly. "Oh well, what can I do now? Just try harder, I guess"—when you've never tried that hard and have no strategy for trying harder in the future.

Yehudah did not indulge in any of those vague justifications.

He could have said, "Oh, it really wasn't so bad..." Or "Everyone indulges their taavos sometimes..."—which was certainly true in ancient Mesopotamia, especially for outwardly powerful, handsome, successful, and charismatic men like Yehudah.

But in Yehudah's supreme integrity and humility, he did NOT engage in such justifications.

Nor did he dismiss his behavior as "cute," "clever," or "funny."

He knew the act was strictly forbidden and he tried to control it, but honestly could not.

And that's what this idea addresses.

As the author herself notes above:

As long as we genuinely did our utmost best, the results would not be in our control (of course this would only apply when one knows they sincerely did their actual best).

Side note: Deep reasons exist for Yehudah's detour from conventional halachah. One reason states that such an anti-Torah union fooled the Satan and the forces of evil, who would otherwise prevent Mashiach—who descends from this union—from coming into this world. (Tamar is a great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother of David Hamelech.) That's an oversimplification of an issue, which may arouse more questions than it answers. But in a nutshell? There you go.

For more, please see here: Shavuos: The Mysterious Ancestry of David HaMelech–ww.torahanytime.com/#/lectures?v=60987)

Practical Application of the Concept

So let's look at some of the most inspiring and practical points within the article:

Yehudah’s test did not lie in the act itself; rather he was tested in his ability to admit it in a later date.

In other words, again: Your nisayon isn't always what you (or others) think it is.

And the idea of valuing your efforts regardless of the outcome:

Since we do not know what Hashem is testing us, so we must do our utmost best in every area. Rabbi Golombeck Shlita often speaks about not focusing on the result or outcome but rather on your efforts.

And the Steipler's words (to what possibly seems like a form of OCD):

“It appears that at the current time, you are not capable of free choice in this area. Rather, which is under your control and your free choice is to do positive things that will help over time.”

Unlike most of modern psychology (which considers a person's flaws as all-encompassing & permanent), the Steipler considers this person's mental state as temporary.

Please contrast the Steipler's Torah-true attitude to the mainstream approach toward alcoholism (for example). Mainstream treatment considers alcoholism a permanent state of "disease" (even if the person has been sober for 37 years)—and even if the "disease" aspects can be explained via non-disease concepts.

Or contrast the Steipler's response to how modern mainstream psychology and psychiatry consider any type of mental illness as requiring medication for the rest of one's life.

Maybe a mental illness does require that.

But why is that the automatic assumption?

And why is it presented as the only option (when other options often clearly exist)?

And why is much of the psychiatric community so insistent & forceful about this assumption?

Many times, mental illness is not a lifetime sentence.

And medication is not necessarily the permanent answer either. (Although medication can be a temporary or occasional answer...and maybe in some cases it is the permanent answer.)

Furthermore, many professionals and lay people consider these conditions all-encompassing. Meaning, they don't much acknowledge what the person CAN do, but focus on their dysfunction as the primary (and permanent) part of them.

For instance, many schizophrenics are also highly sensitive, creative, and more intelligent than average.

Why not focus on cultivating their gifts while treating their afflictions?

Not all opinions agree with mainstream pop psychology, of course.

For example, Dr William Glasser considered mental illness curable over time with the right attitude and right behavior modification and motivation.

(Yes, even severe illnesses like schizophrenia. And his patients did indeed overcome their mental illnesses. Oddly, Dr. Glasser's success with mental illness is barely studied in university psychology and almost unknown in the mainstream...)

Another psychiatrist cured a young woman of OCD with a combination of therapy and treating her gut with probiotics.

And other exceptions also exist.

The Torah way of hope and optimism and emunah is the true & most effective route.

Hope for the Tried and Still Trying!

For those who are truly trying yet feel frustrated, emotionally exhausted, and conflicted...I very much hope the above article helps.

It's also a brilliant discussion of the common concept of "Hashem doesn’t give a person a test that they cannot handle.”

I know it helped me a lot & offered new insights.

Hopefully, we can use the above ideas to better help ourselves and others.

Note:
The Bitachon Magazine is related to but not the same as Bitachon Weekly. The Bitachon Magazine consists of only 4 pages and seems geared more for women (though the above article clearly benefits men too).

I'm not associated with this wonderful initiative in any way, but just passing on subscription information to whoever's interested:

To have The Bitachon Magazine emailed to you weekly, please send a request to bitachonmagazine@gmail.com

"The Torah was Not Meant for Angels"—So It's Also Not Meant for the Chronically Elusive "Mr. Perfect." What Does that Mean for the Rest of Us?

1/6/2022

Here's another treat from Bitachon Weekly:

In Novardok they said, “The Pope never sins, but we do.”

This is a gentile mentality; that you have to be perfect.

A Jew derives simcha just by serving Hashem; not by being Mr. Perfect.

We enjoy doing Teshuva.

We are positive about our faults.

We realize that you just have to try your best.

"The Torah was not meant for the angels" (Gemaras Brachot 25:b, Yoma 30:a, Kiddushin 54:a).

— Rabbi Yehuda Mandel
Bitachon Weekly Bamidbar/Shavuos 5782

That's a cleverly satirical quote about the Pope because he was traditionally considered saintly, even though no Pope ever was.

(I still remember coming across a Pope who begat 10 illegitimate children even as he sat on the Papal throne. And that does not even begin to cover the Popes who won their role by assassinating the previous Pope or terrible fake trials, tortures, and slaughters carried out on their orders.)

The 2 Main Problems with Toxic Shame

What does toxic shame lead to?

To 2 problematic consequences:

(1) Toxic shame prevents teshuvah.

Because a person refuses to acknowledge his flaw exists OR he acknowledges it, but minimizes it by considering it cute, clever, or funny...then he never works on it.

He never tries to uproot it or fix it in any way because, hey, it's not really there.

(2) It causes a person to live a lie.

You aren't your negative attributes. They aren't even your fault at their root; Hashem placed them there because HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO BE PERFECT; HE WANTS YOU TO WORK ON BEING PERFECT.

(But WITHOUT getting neurotic about achieving perfection or not being perfect. Because actual perfection is NOT the point.)

If you ultimately manage to perfect yourself, then that's because Hashem allowed that to happen.

But that's not the point. The point is the work and the ratzon/desire to improve.

(A lot of people are not destined to actually achieve conventional self-perfection. For many people, their self-perfection is paradoxically their lack of success. Please see here for more explanation: www.myrtlerising.com/blog/what-if-you-lean-more-toward-esav-than-yaakov-avinu-the-perfect-mitzvah-for-imperfect-people)

Your soul is pristine and holy; THAT soul is the REAL YOU.

How to Fight Toxic Shame & Embrace the Real You

So many people suffer from toxic shame.

If people don't feel how society insists they should feel, if we suffer compulsions and desires deemed unwholesome or forbidden...then we feel like, "Ooh, this is the REAL ME. So bad. I better cover it up—even from myself!"

But really, our attitude should be like: "Gosh, I've got some pretty serious faults. Well, what else is new? That's exactly how Hashem designed things! The Torah was created for people just like me! Yippee-yay!"

And also: "My flaws and guilty pleasures do not indicate the real me. The real me is my beautiful and pristine neshamah."

Again, the mere existence of our flaws, desires, guilty pleasures, etc., do NOT reflect on us.

HOW we RESPOND to our negative attributes reflects on us.

And also how we respond to our positive attributes...do we even acknowledge them?

To receive Bitachon Weekly by email, feel free to send a request to:
thenewbitachonweekly@gmail.com

Please note: I've no connection with Bitachon Weekly; just find their material uniquely amazing & wish to spread this wonderful dose of sanity in an increasingly insane world.

A Free Downloadable Graphic with a Quote from Rav Itamar Schwartz on the Correct Way to Work on Your Middot

20/5/2022

You can find the quote within the following parsha PDF (Bechukotai 5782) at the Bilvavi site: [link will be posted – if I don't forget – when available].

For your convenience, here it is in the body of the post in case it's hard to read in the graphic (plus a bit more):

One also has to reveal, repair, and balance, any of the abilities of the soul that haven’t yet been revealed, repaired, or balanced.

But this should not be done with a perspective of a war against the evil within oneself.

Rather, it must be done with a positive perspective, from the understanding that every part of ourselves, every ability of our soul, is a gift from Hashem and a part of us.

After we have revealed, balanced, and repaired the abilities we aren’t making use of, we need to become connected with them and utilize them properly, and we will get vitality and joy from these abilities no less than how we can get vitality and joy from our strong and good abilities.

This is the inner perspective to have on all self-recognition and self-actualization, and to the extent that we view our soul and its abilities in an inner, positive way like this, our ability to recognize our soul and work with our abilities will be refined, and we will be much closer to repairing our souls and reaching self-perfection in this world.

Inconsistencies

19/1/2022

When I recently felt repelled from connecting to the Internet (or even going near my computer), I kept thinking I should make some small announcement on the blog so readers would understand why days go by without a new post.

But I couldn't because I felt so repelled from doing so!

Over time I felt less repelled, and managed to force myself to compose an explanatory post...which I think made it seem like I was going offline permanently:
2-announcements-about-this-blog-the-current-epidemic.html

But that was followed by more regularly appearing posts (although short, mostly copied & pasted, or explanations about why people should view a certain link, etc.—in other words, not the kind of posts characteristic of this blog, but still posts one after the other).

So it seems inconsistent.

And it is!

But the logic behind it all is that I really did feel that way at the time.

I really felt like I couldn't write, couldn't post, didn't want to read online, and even email presented a challenge to some degree, etc.

And now, I feel up to writing more.

But baruch Hashem, that feeling of healthy disconnection still exists, albeit not to the degree it did before.

At the same time, I understand there are different situations, people with different needs that can only or mostly be fulfilled online.

What I'm doing right now isn't what everyone should be doing right now.

And believe me, I understand the Internet's pull even when one's actual needs do not demand the Internet.

But what I'm doing now (or at least trying to do) definitely suits this stage in my personal journey.

I need to be honest with myself about what my real needs are as I progress with disconnecting (in addition to working on a whole host of other stuff in myself).

For example, I recently turned off all access to videos (except Torah Anytime). Yes, even the best Torah classes of YouTube...even the wonderful enjoyment of watching the Lubavitcher Rebbe interact with a variety of people & also Rav Avigdor Miller's lectures!

But I decided that according to my very personal calculations for my own unique needs at this particular time, there's an overall benefit to NO access to ANY YouTube, JewTube, WeTube, Vimeo, videos available on pseudo-kosher "frum" news sites, etc...even if the video features divrei Torah from a supreme talmid chacham.

And this transition feels surprisingly good. (I thought it would be more angsty.)

It's a tradeoff.

And I know I'm not being consistent about things...which is actually pretty normal for inner growth and transitioning.

When trying out a new hashkafah or behavior, it's normal to flounder around until you get the knack of it.

Sure, it's a bit frustrating or confusing for both the flounderer and for people who get "splashed" by the flounderer,

Growth is good & leads to wonderful things, but it's also discombobulating.

Both aspects are true.

And people in transition can accidently bump into each other, step on toes unintentionally, and so on.

This is where understanding, forgiveness, patience, and a sense of humor come in to play...on the part of the flounderer and others in contact with the flounderer (who doesn't mean to flounder, but is trying the darndest to keep one's head above water while figuring out how to swim properly...and also avoid sharks, jellyfish, and prankers who think it's so cute, clever, and funny to sneak under you & yank you down by the ankle so you think you're drowning).

(BTW, please note the emphasis on behavior resulting from TRANSITION—and NOT people who bumble around with their bad middos saying "Oh, well, just gotta work on those middos...someday...in some way..." That's just poor middos & people who aren't even trying. I'm talking about people who have a plan & a goal, but due to unfamiliarity with a new stage in personal growth, they bumble around until they get it right. And such people DO eventually get it right because they are honestly trying.)

When you actually work on yourself for real—not just going through the motions, but REALLY going through the grind—you tend to have more patience & understanding for others genuinely trying to work on themselves. So that's a huge plus from going through your own transition phases.

Empathy is one of the most important traits to cultivate—and genuine middot work definitely cultivates empathy.

Anyway...I still have posts mostly written that continue to languish on the side unfinished...

So I think where I'm holding now is there'll be spurts of smaller posts, or a big long post somewhere, and also lags of no posts.

I don't mean for it to be like that, but it's the result of trying to sort myself out (in addition to life-changes occurring outside myself).

And I apologize for any inconsistencies or annoyances.

"As Long as You are a Fighter, You are a Great Person!"

13/1/2022

Some wonderful chizuk from Bitachon Weekly Beshalach 5782, page 3 (boldface mine).

TAKE IT TO HEART!

If you are one of those who has “problems” [e.g. with Ka’as (anger), Ta’ava (physical & material desires), not learning and davening as well as you should, with difficulties in Bitachon or relationships], as long as you are a fighter, you are a great person and from the “Chamushim” warriors who deserve to leave Mitzrayim.

Even the biggest Tzaddikim fall again and again throughout their lives, yet they remain Tzaddikim, as it says Mishlei/Proverbs 24:17 A Tzaddik falls seven times, and gets up, since they get up and soldier on, and are not Mya’esh (hopeless).

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Please note: I've no connection with Bitachon Weekly; just find their material uniquely amazing & wish to spread this wonderful dose of sanity in an increasingly insane world.

Unmasking the Foolishness Resulting from Mask Mandates (Plus an Amusing Little Mussar Lesson at the End)

12/1/2022

We attended a celebration in someone's home a few days ago.

One woman came in with a black mask covering her mouth and nose (but gaping open at the sides & top, as usual—only the n95 masks provide airtight protection).

I didn't think much of it until, in the course of conversation, she mentioned her covid-positive test to explain why she wore a mask.

"So I'm sick with covid now," she explained cheerfully. "That's why I'm strict about covering both my nose and my mouth!"

Everyone just nodded politely and I wanted to roll my eyes (but didn't because that's rude and she was a really nice, warm lady).

Later, when gathering together for photos, this same lady said, "Should I leave my mask in place? Oh, I can pull it down for just the moment it takes to snap a picture, right?"

So she pulled it down under her chin, joined in putting her arms around the people standing next to her, and smiled for the camera.

In a nutshell, this demonstrated everything wrong with the whole fake science behind the mask decrees.

Why Are People Acting Insensibly? Follow the Leaders!

As anyone who has gone through the hygiene classes in American elementary schools knows, germs travel on air currents and moisture drops (saliva, mucus, etc.).

Merely breathing puts these germs in motion.

So wearing a mask with the normal gaps around the sides and top allows these germs and droplets an easy exit.

They go into the air around you.

Just by being in the room with other people and breathing, this well-intentioned lady spread her germs into the airspace shared with many others.

Any doctor or nurse can tell you the same.

But I don't blame that lady.

When you have top medical professionals, including official announcements from the Ministry of Health, insisting on non-n95 masks as disease prevention, then you'll have many people who believe these masks are actually an effective strategy to prevent the spread of covid.

And these same people will believe they can go out among others as long as they wear a mask because so many highly educated medical professionals INSIST these masks significantly curb the spread of disease.

So she believes that by wearing a mask while ill with a highly contagious disease, she is behaving responsibly & considerately.

But why did she lower the mask for the photo?

How is that responsible and considerate?

Well, with the mask mandates allowing for unmasking with good reason, this encourages people to believe that temporarily taking off the mask for a "good" reason will not spread disease.

Like how everyone crammed together on a plane must be masked...until they start eating. Then hundreds of people sit there with no mask, freely exhaling their germs into the air. (Although with the standard masks, that's exactly what was happening before they started eating too.)

Another example:

When I went for an eyeglass exam, I masked myself in the waiting room out of consideration for another patient who insisted (with forced politeness) that another unmasked customer put on a mask.

(I do this because of Rav Itamar Schwartz's injunction not to cause tzaar to your fellow Jew. If people feel frightened or stressed out by you not wearing a mask, he feels it's considerate to wear a mask.)

As the optometry assistant carried out the exam, she handed me glass lenses on a stick to hold up to my eyes.

They immediately fogged up from my breath escaping via the top gap of my mask (proof that germs can escape via that exit too).

The assistant gave a self-conscious laugh and said, "Uh, you can remove the mask for a moment because it's impossible to carry out the exam while wearing a mask."

Looking at her sweet face with its sheepish smile, I could tell she realized how foolish that sounded.

I gave her a reassuring smile (after all, her employment forces her to do this) and continued with the exam.

"Okay, you can replace your mask now," she said pleasantly while avoiding looking me in the eye.

Then, covering only my mouth, I went into the office of the grumpy optometrist himself.

"Place your mask over your nose too, please!" he ordered.

I did.

Teaching People the Wrong Way to Do Things

This is the danger of scientifically foolish mandates, the one-minute-you're-contagious-but-the-next-minute-you-aren't irrationality.

(And that doesn't even cover the little-known evidence of another entryway for covid is via the eyes, which aren't mandated and hopefully will not be, even though the science says transmission via the eyes exists:www.thelancet.com/journals/lanmic/article/PIIS2666-5247(21)00040-9/fulltext. Please also note this same article records the results of a large study in which the grand preventative measures of 3-layer surgical masks, shoe covers, gloves, and alcohol rubs could NOT prevent the infection of 19% of staff.)

The irrational and inconsistent mandates both teach & habituate people to irresponsible and ineffective disease prevention.

It teaches & habituates people to obviously irrational behavior under the impression that it's rational.

Postscript: Just for Knowing, I'm Not Always So Nice...

In the interest of full disclosure...

While I show consideration for the tzaar of people lacking in knowledge and/or sensibility, and who perhaps feel frightened by the absence of masks and may indeed suffer medical vulnerability that increases their fear...

...I'm far less considerate toward enforcers who simply want to play power games.

For example:

While riding the bus one day, a fare-checker got on the bus to check everyone's bus cards to make sure they paid.

That was the limit of his job. There were no mask mandates that could earn a fine for a non-wearer.

When he got to me, he checked my bus card and then said, "Where's your mask, eh? What aren't you wearing a mask?"

He was an Arab and while there are fine Arabs employees & professionals in all areas, others use their jobs to assert power over Jews.

In my area, 2 incidents in which there was a conflict over whether the passenger had paid ended with the Arab fare-checker assaulting the passenger. (This hasn't happened with the Jewish fare-checkers, who might give you a tongue-lashing, but that's it.) In one case, the Arab fare-checker assaulted a charedi woman.

(Needless to say, abuses of authority are not limited to Arabs. Anyone with power issues can choose to target those under their authority. Just that in my case, it was an Arab-Jew thing, maybe even a man-woman thing.)

So because he was simply using his authority to harass me, I set a poker-face and gazed out the window while pretending he didn't exist.

"What's your problem?" he continued. "Don't wanna talk, eh? Humph."

I continued to act as if he didn't exist, and he exited the bus. (And no, I wasn't the only person without a mask.)

A couple of days later, I saw him again checking bus cards and again, he targeted me.

"No mask, eh? What do you think you're doing? You don't know you need to wear a mask? What, you don't know there's a covid epidemic? You don't care?"

During his quiet harangue, I again gazed out the window with no emotion until he went away.

Then I performed my new 'n' improved response to criticism (based on Torah as per the teachings of Rav Avigdor Miller and Rav Shalom Arush): I mentally went through my interactions to see if I was being a pointless nudnik toward anyone, just as the fare-checker was a pointless nudnik toward me.

And guess what?

I was!

Yep...still not perfect after all these years...yep, no surprise there...

So I thought of how to relate better to the object of my nudnickiness, resolved to do so and indeed, changed my behavior toward that person.

Recently, the same fare-checker boarded the bus and...not only did he not harass me about my lack of mask, but he didn't he even bother checking to see if I'd paid. (I had.)

I felt it was Hashem's way of giving me an encouraging pat on the back for being less of a nudnik.

Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Vaeira: Falling in Love All Over Again with Torah & Tefillah

30/12/2021

Rav Avigdor Miller's dvar Torah for Parshas Vaeira 5 – Always Enthusiastic revolves around getting back to basics.

It's all about really enjoying your prayers and also just the basic text of the Torah.

It's about looking at a verse with fresh eyes and saying, "Wow, isn't that just so totally awesome!"

Get emotionally involved in the text.

Probably all of us have some favorite stories from Tanach, a favorite verse or chapter of Tehillim/Psalms, a favorite prayer (or even a favorite verse from within a prayer).

Depending on our background, we connected to them as children or, if we only encountered them later, we connected to them as teenagers or adults.

Part of what held our fancy lay in the newness, the freshness of the experience.

(That happened to me as a teenager with Tehillim, which I wrote about here: part-i-books-that-changed-my-life-tehillim.html.)

As usual, Rav Miller combines his wittily related real-life observations (both the religious foibles & the religious successes) with practical tips for how to start heading in the right direction.

This post is shorter than usual. As I read through the dvar Torah, I just felt so good. From the initial sweet story of the Chafetz Chaim, I started smiling.

So I don't have stuff to pour out in writing this time.

It just feels so nice to get back in touch with that initial appeal & fresh "ooh, shiny!" appeal—like a religious "Eureka!" moment.

Enjoy!

Great People Struggle Too

21/12/2021

On the heels of the previous post (what-if-you-lean-more-toward-esav-than-yaakov-avinu-the-perfect-mitzvah-for-imperfect-people.html), where we discussed how a truly refined person doesn't feel the urge to indulge in unrefined behavior (because he elevated himself to the level beyond base desires), we also looked at the other kind of person who always feels tormented by the desires for This World.

We don't hear from those people.

Why not?

Probably part of the reason is because that type of person fails a lot. They never manage to consistently overcome themselves.

But another reason lies in the shame such a person naturally feels.

Even if such a person consistently overcomes his or her baser inclinations, who really wants to admit how they REALLY feel inside?

His acquaintances would certainly feel discomfited by a friend who reveals ongoing desires to steal, covet, hit others, scream at others, gaze at inappropriate images, eat treif food, and so on.

Having said that, we have stories of very big Sages whom others accidentally overheard rebuking themselves about the trait of anger.

The self-rebuke surprised the listeners because the Sages castigating themselves for their anger were known to be very patient & composed people.

But apparently, their patience & forbearance resulted from a lot of inner work, not from a naturally calm nature.

Some Examples of the Struggles of Great People

There's a famous mention of a tzaddik (usually not named) who was known to always be in battle against his yetzer hara.

Apparently, he felt a pull toward thoughts & behaviors he knew were wrong, but he managed to overcome them every time because of his solid Torah knowledge & fear of God.

In other words, he realized what Hashem created him for: to be a benoni whose resistance fought the root of the yetzer hara in all worlds.

Not sure if this is the same person, but on page 406 of Words of Faith I, Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender says:

The Rebbe told of a certain Tsadik who served Hashem his entire life.

He warred like a lion for good.

When his time came—on his last day, the last breath of his life—he clapped and said in joy:

"Ibergeshpringen die velt! [I jumped over the world!]"

The last moment of his life he was happy that he "shot the last bullet."

The last minute, his foot was outside of the mud.

He merited to jump over this world and its vanities. Fortunate is he!

(In the footnotes, it explains the above-mentioned tzaddik was the author of Yesod v'Shoresh HaAvodah, "an extraordinarily inspiring ethical compilation that brings many passages of the Zohar to arouse proper repentance and prayer and devotion.")

It sounds like he always struggled against the yetzer hara.

Probably, it was his struggles that enabled him to write such a book. He knew all about it from personal experience.

Other glimpses into the personal inner work of great people can be seen here:
www.myrtlerising.com/blog/4-lessons-learned-from-glimpses-into-the-self-transformation-of-real-talmidei-chachamim

It's both enlightening & inspiring to see how it took Rav Scheinberg decades to uproot the connection he felt to the favorite sports team of his childhood.

Rav Avigdor Miller gave examples of his younger self as mouthy & confrontational—a far cry from the man he later became, a man who both exemplified & encouraged good words of love & blessing between people (even when you don't like them) & the avoidance confrontation except in the most unavoidable circumstances.

Rav Itamar Schwartz has briefly mentioned his own struggles, like a phase in his youth when he felt terribly empty, unfulfilled, and unhappy, or the long-ago pain of humiliation & criticism he initially encountered because of his books & shiurim, and now keeping his inner self balanced.

(You can read more about that here: www.myrtlerising.com/blog/the-story-of-the-journey-of-a-sensitive-young-man-a-glimpse-into-the-inner-struggles-of-a-talmid-chacham.)

So those are aspects & examples to keep in mind regarding the whole area of working on yourself and dealing with inner battles.

Don't feel bad, regardless of how you feel inside.

Feel good that you're willing to struggle at all.

Your struggle provides so much nachat to Hashem & also subdues the root of evil in all worlds.

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What If You Lean More toward Esav than Yaakov Avinu? The Perfect Mitzvah for Imperfect People

What If You Lean More toward Esav than Yaakov Avinu? The Perfect Mitzvah for Imperfect People

20/12/2021

Note:
All quotes from/about the Tanya within the post can be found here:
www.chabad.org/library/tanya/tanya_cdo/aid/7906/jewish/Chapter-27.htm

All boldface & underline below are my own additions.

What was Really Wrong with Esav?

In response to a question about Esav, Rabbi Y.Y. Jacobson explained how Esav was born into the category of those who forever struggle against their lesser desires.

Esav's big defect lay not in the fact that he felt such desires.

His defect lay in his unwillingness to STRUGGLE against these desires.

For all his abilities toward fighting (hunting, battle, and so forth), Esav remained immersed in his desires rather than fighting them.

Rabbi Jacobson pointed to the Lubavitcher Tanya's Likutei Amarim-Chapter 27 for a deeper explanation of this:
www.chabad.org/library/tanya/tanya_cdo/aid/7906/jewish/Chapter-27.htm

The Yaakov Avinu Category

Basically, 2 categories of people exist:

Those who manage to overcome their lesser desires to the point they no longer experience such desires (Yaakov Avinu)
Those who constantly suffer these desires, yet overcome them—in other words, those in constant battle (Esav...or who Esav was supposed to be, but failed)

The Yaakov Avinu type makes sense.

After all, the more you refine yourself & clean out your brain, the less attractive prohibitions become.

Probably, we've all experienced it on some level; we felt a strong pull toward a certain behavior or desire, but as we matured emotionally & spiritually, we wondered why we ever felt attracted to such a thing.

It's like drinking from a dirty toilet.

That act is so obviously repulsive, no one feels tempted to do it.

No one passes by a grungy outhouse catering to a much-frequented campsite and says, "Oh gosh, Hashem please help me fight my overpowering yetzer hara—how else can I resist taking a slurp?!"

Furthermore, if a person ever confided in you about feeling that way, you'd probably feel so creeped out, you'd avoid that person from then on.

This is because just the idea is so obviously repellent.

So it makes sense that a truly elevated person, a person who truly worked on himself & made enormous progress, a person with genuine self-awareness who underwent a raw cheshbon hanefesh followed by the appropriate repentance...it makes sense that such a person does not even feel attracted to certain acts.

He does not even experience certain desires.

And it's true.

But for some people, it's not true. They never reach that happy state of freedom.

The Esav Category

Why would Hashem make such a category?

Why create such people?

(Note: The truth is...ALL people start off in the category of struggling against lesser desires. With strenuous effort & time, some people graduate to the Yaakov Avinu category where they simply do not feel the desires. But some people never enter that category...or they do not enter it completely.)

Here's Likutei Amarim 27 on the topic:

By averting his mind from sinful thoughts, he fulfills the injunction,

“You shall not follow after your heart and after your eyes, by which you go astray.” [Bamidbar/Numbers 15:39]

(www.chabad.org/library/tanya/tanya_cdo/aid/7906/jewish/Chapter-27.htm)

As the commentary there explains:

Only when sinful thoughts enter one’s mind can he fulfill this command.

In other words, the Torah command is a very big & happy mitzvah.

But if you've nothing to lead your heart or eyes astray, then you cannot fulfill this mitzvah.

Only people with wayward desires can fulfill this mitzvah.

Think about that for a moment...

Born to be Bad

This same Tanya goes on to explain the idea of some born for righteousness & some born for wickedness, which is mentioned in Bava Batra 16a, quoting a conversation between Iyov/Job & God:

"...You created righteous people, You created wicked people..."

Having made that point, this never justifies a Popeye the Sailorman attitude of "I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam" based on the faulty assumption that "Heck, I was created wicked! That's just who I am! I can't help myself! I'm genetically programmed this way!"

But rather, some people become tzaddikim released from these desires while others spend a lifetime as benonim ("middlemen"), never freed from their desires & trapped in a constant state of battle.

Whether Hashem created a person to be a tzaddik or a rasha, both MUST work on themselves to overcome their forbidden stuff.

But the person destined to remain a benoni his whole life certainly suffers more.

He always feels the pull of his desires.

The commentary there sums it up:

A tzaddik subjugates his animal soul to such a degree that it is unable to arouse temptation in his heart.

His mind is therefore untroubled by evil thoughts.

Those, however, of whom Job said that they were “created wicked” cannot rise to this level.

It is always possible for evil thoughts to enter their minds; their task is not to give them free rein.

It sounds aggravating & depressing.

Yet the Tanya (based on the Zohar) finds wonderful things to say about this.

The Wonderful Reason for being Born to be Bad

The person afflicted with wayward desires should feel happy about the opportunity to deflect them.

Yes—happy!

Yay! Whee! Woo-hoo! ♫"If you're flawed and you know it, clap your hands! If you're sinful and you know it clap your hands!..."♪

Yes. Like that.

Why?

Here's Tanya Chapter 27 to explain:

Our Sages have said: “When one passively refrains from sin, he is rewarded as though he had actively performed a mitzvah." [Kiddushin 39b]

Consequently, he should rejoice in his compliance with the injunction just as he does when performing an actual positive precept.

***

Behold, this is the trait of the beinonim and their task:

to subdue the evil impulse and the thought that rises from the heart to the mind and to completely avert his mind from it, repulsing it as it were with both hands, as explained above in ch. 12.

The commentary there clarifies:

The Alter Rebbe explained there that the evil in the soul of the beinoni remains vigorous; his task is to prevent it from expressing itself in thought, speech, and action.

Thus, he has no control over the occurrence of evil thoughts in his mind, but only over his acceptance or rejection of these thoughts.

As Rebbi Akiva Rabinovitz says (Rav Ofer Erez in Ahavat Kedumim, page 170):

Hakadosh Baruch Hu holds absolutely no hakpadah [strict judgement, condemnation] against a Jewish person who possess evil traits and lusts.

Hakadosh Baruch Hu does not come in accusations about this since He implanted these within him, and He brought us down here for this purpose.

***
The hakpadah occurs when the Jewish person does not strive to seek out the path and the counsel as to how to get out of [those evil traits and lusts].

Therefore, the ONLY problem lies in one's RESPONSE to these thoughts & desires.

Not IF he feels the pull of the yetzer hara, but HOW he responds.

Based on the Zohar, the Tanya there goes on to describe how the mere act of pushing away a thought, of refraining from sin, subdues the Sitra Achra (the Dark Side) in both This World and the Upper Worlds!

That explains why Hashem created people to struggle like this.

Whether you want to call them benonim, reshaim (as defined by their urges, not necessarily their actual behavior), or the Esav type, the all-important purpose they serve in the world comes from their ability to beat down the Sitra Achra by virtue of their silent & unseen mental abilities.

Without their sinful desires, there is no repelling or refraining, and without that repelling or refraining, there is no suppression of the Sitra Achra at its very root.

When Lifelong "Failure" is Actually Massive Success on All Levels

Here's the big whammy:

Therefore, one should not feel depressed or very troubled at heart, even if he be engaged all his days in this conflict with the thoughts which will always enter his mind.

For perhaps this is what he was created for, and this is the service demanded of him--to subdue the sitra achara constantly.

This remains a recurrent theme in Judaism, which as far as I know, does not exist in any other belief system.

Your EFFORT decides everything.

Not the result. Not your innate nature.

But the mere effort determines your status.

Why?

Because your lesser aspects come from Hashem.

Whether you developed these unwanted traits & tendencies from your background, upbringing, culture OR you were born with them...they come from HASHEM.

The question is why?

Why did He implant these unwanted traits & tendencies within you?

Again, as we see above, the very act of repelling these tendencies & desires reaps powerful results.

Someone needs to weaken the Sitra Achra in both This World and the Upper Worlds.

Someone needs to fight the Sitra Achra at its root.

Someone needs to cut off the head of the snake.

And if you suffer from any kind of sinful thoughts or desires...then that heroic someone must be YOU.

the-1-idea-you-must-tell-yourself-about-your-flaws-mistakes-weaknesses-and-sins.html
why-your-nasty-bad-habits-weaknesses-are-actually-your-best-friends.html
why-failures-are-not-really-failures-the-ultimate-way-to-relate-to-down-times.html
The Ultimate Meaning behind Pain and Frustration (explains the theme of The Lost Princess)

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Are You Feeling Shortchanged in Life? Lacking in Talent or Self-Discipline or a Loving Torah Upbringing? Do You Fear You're Overwhelmed by Your Own Sins, Flaws, and Disorders? Do You Feel Like a Nobody? Despised? Rejected? Then Read This...

What to Do with the Idea of "Hashem Doesn't Give a Person a Test They Cannot Handle" when You Feel You Davka CANNOT Handle It–Some Revolutionary Insights from The Bitachon Magazine

Practical Application of the Concept

Hope for the Tried and Still Trying!

"The Torah was Not Meant for Angels"—So It's Also Not Meant for the Chronically Elusive "Mr. Perfect." What Does that Mean for the Rest of Us?

The 2 Main Problems with Toxic Shame

How to Fight Toxic Shame & Embrace the Real You

A Free Downloadable Graphic with a Quote from Rav Itamar Schwartz on the Correct Way to Work on Your Middot

Inconsistencies

"As Long as You are a Fighter, You are a Great Person!"

Unmasking the Foolishness Resulting from Mask Mandates (Plus an Amusing Little Mussar Lesson at the End)

Why Are People Acting Insensibly? Follow the Leaders!

Teaching People the Wrong Way to Do Things

Postscript: Just for Knowing, I'm Not Always So Nice...

Rav Avigdor Miller on Parshat Vaeira: Falling in Love All Over Again with Torah & Tefillah

Great People Struggle Too

Some Examples of the Struggles of Great People

What If You Lean More toward Esav than Yaakov Avinu? The Perfect Mitzvah for Imperfect People

What was Really Wrong with Esav?

The Yaakov Avinu Category

The Esav Category

Born to be Bad

The Wonderful Reason for being Born to be Bad

When Lifelong "Failure" is Actually Massive Success on All Levels

Myrtle Rising

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