Category: Women

Insights & Advice for Women on Purim from Rav Itamar Schwartz

13/3/2022

Before we get to women on Purim...do you ever suffer from niggling Purim questions to which you never found the answer?

(Like, if Purim exemplified salvation, then why did Queen Esther need to stay intermarried to such a repulsive menuval? How much & what should I drink on Purim? And what's the deal with Haman's grandchildren learning Torah in Bnei Brak—how did THAT happen? And more...)

Then please see this Purim Q&A:
https://bilvavi.net/files/Bilvavi.Purim.QandA.pdf
(It includes the following for women too.)

Here are some practically & spiritually helpful advice & insights from Rav Itamar Schwartz, as published on the Bilvavi website (with which Rav Schwartz holds no connection), as excerpted from a lecture by Rav Schwartz (much of the following apply & benefit men too):

There are a lot of aspects to Purim. The halachah of intoxication applies only to men, and the parameters of this halachah is explained by the Poskim.

But there are many other aspects of Purim as well which apply to both men and women.

Here are some of those points to think about, and each person should try to do them on his or her own level, according to his or her personal capabilities – and not based on any reasons influenced by factors that are either social, or emotional, or family-based, because there are many times where people act based solely on “what’s normal”, and this uproots any serenity and joy that they could have on Purim.

1) Consider the aspect of reading the Megillah on Purim.

Both men and women are obligated to hear the Megillah on Purim.

And on a more inner level, both men and women can reflect on the events in the Megillah and see how there was Divine Providence laced throughout this story, because the word “Megillas Esther” means to “reveal” the “hidden”, to turn the concealment (hester) into giluy (revelation of Hashem’s Divine Providence).

A person can go through all of the details in the Purim story, from beginning until end, and he can see how it was all an unfolding process of Hashem’s Divine Providence - as opposed to a bunch of random details that have no connection to each other.

On an even deeper level, each person, whether man or woman, on his or her own level, can see Hashem’s inner mode of conduct hidden in the Creation, as explained in sefer Daas Tevunos, and how every event in the world can be seen through the lens of Hashem’s carefully planned Divine Providence, His goodness, and the revelation of His Oneness.

2) Consider the mitzvah of sending Mishloach Manos on Purim.

The purpose of this mitzvah is to increase love and friendship.

On the obligatory level, everyone is obligated to send two portions of food to someone. On an inner level, one should also think about whom he will make happy by giving Mishloach Manos to.

Then one should think, “What can I put into this Mishloach Manos package which will make the other person happy? What would that person really enjoy?”

One should put thought into how much Mishloach Manos to send, what the quality of it should be like, how nice it should look, and what kind of nice messages he can send with it.

Everyone should do this only according to her personal capabilities, and not to over-do it.

Even more so, when giving the Mishloach Manos, it should not just be an act of giving motivated by logic alone, but it should be given from the depth of one’s heart, with love and joy, to make the other person happy.

Included in this aspect (gladdening other people on Purim) is to make the children happy, with costumes and the like.

But again, one should do this only within her actual capabilities, and only if she can do it with joy.

3) Consider also the mitzvah to give Matanos L’Evyonim (gifts to the poor) on Purim.

One should look for a person who needs it the most, and who would be the happiest to receive it – and one should strive to give Matanos L’Evyonim specifically to this kind of person.

A woman usually needs to ask her husband about whom she may give Matanos L’Evyonim to, mainly so that her husband should agree with her decision.

4) Regarding the seudah of Purim, try to serve good food to each person who is dining by you, fitted to each person’s particular tastes.

The main point of the seudah on Purim is to think about and discuss Purim-related matters and what Purim is all about, and to stay away from words that disparage people, which only awaken the most impure forces in one’s soul.

5) The purpose of the day of Purim is to reach a deep place in one’s soul that is above one’s daas (logical reasoning and understanding).

For men, whose main mitzvah is to learn Torah, their main work on this world is to develop the power of their logic throughout the year, by studying Torah.

That is why men need the intoxicating effects of wine (or the dulling effect of sleep) in order to “nullify” their logical understanding and reach a place that goes beyond logical understanding.

However, women, who are exempt from Torah study, are therefore closer to the concept of nullifying their understanding and to more easily reach a place that goes beyond logical understanding. This is the point known as temimus (non-intellectual simplicity or earnestness).

Thus the main avodah of the day of Purim is, “Be wholesome with Hashem your G-d”, to walk with Him in temimus (simplicity), without any intellectual thinking.

It is about sensing His unlimited love for us, just as the people in the time of Achashveirosh re-accepted the Torah out of their great love of Hashem that they saw through the miracles of Purim.

It is about feeling how He always give to us, out of His great love for us, by saving us from trouble, and by bestowing good upon us.

From this understanding, we can come to feel the sweetness and pleasantness of being close to Him.

This is the root of true simchah on Purim, because by feeling close to Hashem a person feels physically lighter, in the body in general and specifically in the feet, and that is why one can easily sing and dance on Purim – just as by the song of Miriam.

And that is why the miracles on Purim happened precisely through women [Esther].

It is because women are closer to this temimus (simplicity and earnestness).

Men need to drink as a means to reach this place of temimus, whereas women are closer to reaching it, without the means of drinking.

It only requires a little bit of reflecting and calm silence, and to enter into the deepest place of one’s soul – each person on her own level.

A Newly Rediscovered Fact of Biology Illuminates a Formerly Obtuse Area of Halachah & Women's History

9/2/2022

This post addresses a delicate subject not really so appropriate for a public mixed-gender forum.

At the same time, I believe there's a great benefit to knowing about the chiddush from Rabbi Daniel Travis (which isn't actually a chiddush, but an illuminating fact of biology he wisely rediscovered).

So I'll try to discuss things as discreetly & appropriately as possible.

So let me first start with the issue:

When learning taharat hamishpacha, one comes across discussions of "hargasha."

What on earth IS it?

The descriptions of it ring unfamiliar and prove hard to understand.

People don't seem to know what it even is (although Rabbi Travis does, as you'll see below).

For a man learning the masechet or for women taking the Yoetzet course, it makes sense to learn about it.

But the topic is brought up in pre-wedding kallah classes (or it was we were getting married, don't know if it still is) while teaching the girls what they need to know in order to keep taharat hamishpacha properly throughout marriage.

My personal subjective opinion is they shouldn't even bring it up in kallah classes because it's just confusing without contributing anything useful.

Especially because it's introduced for no apparent purpose; it's acknowledged as being unrelatable and not understood—so what is the point?

It's like: "Here's something no one really understands, but we're just going to throw it in anyway for absolutely no useful purpose! And any confusion you feel or any questions you have will not be addressed—or even discussed—because, heck, I haven't got a clue! No one does, no one understands this at all, and it has nothing to do with anything that practically relates to what you need to know. Okay, now that I've discombobulated you with completely unnecessary and confusing information, let's go on now with all the myriad details you actually NEED to know..."

Furthermore, some of the greatest Torah minds concluded the phenomenon of hargasha no longer exists, so it's just extraneous and confusing for a young woman already struggling to understand & embrace a whole new area of halacha (and doing so during a very tumultuous phase in her life).

After all, it brings up doubts; like if no one understands it, then maybe women really are experiencing it, but no one is able to pinpoint it?

For example, people say things like, "We're not sensitive enough today to feel it." That simply does not make sense, especially when you learn that hargasha is the womb opening up so painfully that it awakens the woman in the middle of sound sleep, or it's accompanied by severe trembling, and other extreme sensations.

Very murky, indeed.

In addition, the idea just sits in one's mind as yet another significant part of Torah filed away into the "nishtaneh hateva" abyss.

Unfortunately, the whole "nishtaneh hateva/things have changed" concept (a very valuable & necessary concept when applied correctly) gets way too overused and even abused, with major and still-applicable aspects of Torah dismissed with a wave of this "magic" phrase by people who either lack understanding or allow their emotional inclinations to interfere with proper Torah hashkafah.

Having said that, in the case of hargasha, it is actually true that the nature of the monthly cycle has changed.

But the lack of explanation creates a problem where there doesn't need to be.

To me, this abstract dismissiveness pricks at one's emunah, even without that being the intention—and even without one being conscious of it.

How Exactly Did the Teva Change? Now It All becomes Clear...

Then recently, TorahAnytime published a class on this very topic with Rabbi Daniel Travis:
www.torahanytime.com/#/lectures?v=174275
How Radical Physical Changes Affected Hilchos Niddah

(Disclaimer: I did not listen to the whole shiur beyond the practical revelation because it got very lomdusy & technical...which is perfect for the fellows learning the topic, but just not for my individual learning needs.)

Rabbi Travis explored this topic in Torah scholarship and looked at the writings of the top poskim over the past couple of centuries, plus he spoke to a woman named Dr. Merel (whom I don't know & don't even know if I spelled her name correctly) and Dr. Merel, in addition to being an expert in the area of women's health, also spoke with older women who remember their grandmothers' descriptions of things & learned how they experienced the monthly cycle in their time.

So the big chiddush is this:
That time of the month occurred all at once within 1 hour, and not over the course of several days.

As Rabbi Travis states, it went from being a 1-hour process to an approximately 168-hour process.

So the opening to the womb opens up (sort of like when giving birth) and that's why women of yore even woke up in the middle of the night from the pain or experienced severe trembling and the like—in other words, major undeniable hargasha.

It was a serious event. As Rabbi Travis states, "It's a major shock to the body." (minute 8:31)

So it's not that we lack sensitivity or randomly don't experience hargasha; the entire monthly experience is now completely different.

No one feels hargasha because the cycle no longer causes hargasha.

This idea also explains the incredibly short time of niddah described after birth in the Torah—a phase so short, people can't relate to it nowadays.

So Rabbi Travis's research is incredibly helpful for getting closure on this issue.

Thank you, Rabbi Travis.

How This Revelation Impacts the Modern View of Older Research

As a side point, this explanation demonstrates the flaws in the research within women's studies.

For example, a woman recently wrote a book on the history of this topic, but she couldn't find information about the supplies used to deal with the monthly cycle.

So she made assumptions, which made their way into the standard explanations on this topic.

But they're not true.

Another female researcher discovered a method recommended for women of yore to deal with it, but dismissed the method as an outliers because the method assumed the kind of major 1-hour event described above. And that makes no sense to the modern observer who refuses to entertain the notion that, well, maybe things have changed.

Modern researchers work on the assumption that the monthly cycle operates the same way throughout the millennia, despite ancient writings showing it doesn't.

The problem is, the secular world doesn't acknowledge nishtaneh hateva so much, so they tend to remain narrow in their thinking, locked into their assumptions that however nature is today, that's how it always was.

(In this post, I'm picking on women's studies, but in past posts, I've picked on other branches of science. Narrow thinking and false assumptions run rampant throughout all branches of science & scholarship today.)

Knowing now how the monthly cycle was experienced by women, we see that women did not need our types of supplies & products to deal with just one hour. Furthermore, modern-day supplies are far too puny to deal with such an event. Nor did they just go about their business during that time; they simply could not.

Another interesting insight is how women's studies derides old observations, like those from Aristotle, for describing the flow of the monthly cycle as similar to the flow from a sacrificed animal.

But according to the research of Rabbi Travis via Dr. Merel, Aristotle's description was actually quite accurate!

Modern women's studies also criticize ancient texts for expecting that time of the month to be heavy & regular...even though it was.

Conventional medicine today assumes that the cycles of ancient women were lighter & less frequent, despite the complete opposite information found in ancient literature on the subject.

So of course, the modern minds assume all that medical literature must be wrong or the result of male bias & cultural attitudes.

Even certain sections of a book on the topic by a 17th-century midwife receive dismissal by modern women's studies female researchers as being influenced by male bias.

Women's studies also insist that ancient male researchers could not form objective observation of this common and natural biological process due to their cultural assumptions.

And the fact that such a diverse body of literature offering similar observations over the centuries & in different countries might be correct (at least as far as the actual physical process goes)?

Nope! Can't be. If it doesn't jive with modern observations, then all of them (including the female experts of yore) must be wrong. [sarc]

So who is really being biased here? Who is really the closed-minded "expert"?

In other words, women's studies dismiss centuries of observations simply because these observations do not jive with the modern norm...rather than opening their minds to the fact of nishtaneh hateva.

They also criticize the concern with which ancient doctors viewed a lack of regularity (to paraphrase their attitude: "Hey, it's a normal natural process, misogynist bozos!") and the doctors' perceived need to bring it on when it was missing.

But again, that all made sense in the context of what Rabbi Travis describes.

It was a major event and of course a medical professional would be concerned about what's happening in the body, what kind of build-up may be occurring, to prevent the such a major process.

I'm not saying that non-Jewish attitudes toward women were kosher or that ancient peoples were totally fine in their cultural mores.

Of course they weren't.

Nor am I saying that cultural or male bias doesn't exist within the records of women's health.

Of course there's cultural & male bias.

I just find it interesting how the narrow thinking developed within the secular, liberal, modern mind affects their ability to interpret science & history in a rational & accurate manner.

It's so clear that Rabbi Travis is correct and all these women's studies researchers are wrong.

In short:

The expanded thinking resulting from a Torah mind not only shed light on this whole issue (both halachically & historically), but enabled this ultra-Orthodox male rabbi to both seek out AND accept the experience & testimonies of a female doctor and the elderly women to shed light on male scholarship in this area—when self-lauding modern secular feminist thinkers prove themselves unequal to the challenge & unable to do the same.

Note: Researching women's and domestic history is one of my favorite topics. When I asked a female professor why I'm so much more interested in the daily life of different cultures throughout history (rather than the wars or politics), she said it's because their daily life shows how they really were, whereas the wars and politics and other events are more snapshots of only specific stratums of a society.

So I'm not against women's studies per se, but the blinding truth-distorting agenda that has taken over the field is definitely something I can neither respect nor submit to.

What Rivka Imeinu Teaches Us about Using Our Flaws & Dysfunctional Backgrounds to Save the World

5/11/2021

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In the Bitachon Weekly for Parshat Toldot, we receive tremendous encouragement & mussar regarding our flaws (both in ourselves & our upbringing.)

While Hashem answered the prayers of Yitzchak Avinu as a tzaddik ben tzaddik, Rivka Imeinu saved Am Yisrael (and the world) by understanding who Esav really was & arranged for Yaakov to receive the blessings of the firstborn.

Rivka Imeinu grew up with an evil, greedy, manipulative father in a society dark with the occult—with her father, Lavan, being one of the leading occultists.

Yet she managed to not only realize the wrongness of her upbringing, but transform herself to turn out completely differently than her family & background.

True, she merited help along the way. She grew up hearing about Avraham Avinu & Sara Imeinu (who merited fame in ancient Mesopotamia), knowing they were her relatives.

It seems her nursemaid, Devorah, also influenced Rivka positively.

But Rivka needed to accomplish the main work herself.

And she achieved the opposite extreme of her father.

Where Lavan was evil, Rivka epitomized pure goodness.

Where Lavan was greedy & manipulative, Rivka excelled in loving-kindness & seeking to fulfill the needs of others in any way imaginable.

Where Lavan relied on the gruesome dark occult, Rivka clung to the Purity & Oneness of Hashem—without elaborate rituals, but only her lips & heart.

And even though Yitzchak Avinu's merit of tzaddik ben tzaddik brought the fulfillment of their prayers for children...Rivka Imeinu's merit as tzaddik ben rasha, a person born into a corrupt society & flawed upbringing—THAT enabled her to identify the real Esav and to take action to rescue the future.

Swimming against the Current Makes You a Stronger Swimmer

The process of building ourselves & overcoming all that drags us down often reveals the best of ourselves.

It doesn't mean we all respond perfectly.

It doesn't mean we don't have down times & failures & times when everything we do feels so dry & lifeless.

That bare fact of us making any effort at all to be different than our society & our upbringing—THAT matters to Hashem more than the visible accomplishments measured by the standards of whatever society we find ourselves in.

That effort matters even more to Hashem than our feelings about the effort.

Just like Esav looked more accomplished & impressive than Yaakov Avinu...

Esav strode out into the fields to hunt the choicest meat for his father. He prepared the food in the most delectable way & always donned his finest clothes before entering the presence of his father. In a sincere desire to feel pious & good, Esav asked his father all sorts of probing questions regarding Torah Law.

Yes, Esav LOOKED like the ideal son.

Esav acted the part to perfection.

Esav also felt great about himself & his actions. He enjoyed giving his father so much honor!

But it was quiet, introspective, non-flashy Yaakov whom Hashem saw & chose.

Could Rivka Imeinu have become who she became & accomplished what she accomplished had she grown up among tzaddikim?

She would've been great, of course...but apparently not as great as she became.

How do we know?

Because Hashem gave her exactly the flaws & dysfunction she needed in order to become one of the most outstanding people who ever lived.

Image courtesy of Toras Avigdor. Used with permission.
https://torasavigdor.org/rav-avigdor-miller-on-adam-harishon-the-heretic/

To subscribe to Bitachon Weekly, please send a request to:
thenewbitachonweekly@gmail.com
(I'm not connected in any way to this amazing publication, just passing on the opportunity to subscribe.)

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What's the Truth about How Great Ultra-Orthodox Rabbis Behaved at Home?

18/10/2021

I just finished reading a gem of a book by Estie Florans called From Their Daughters' Hearts: Daughters of 18 Gedolim Reminisce about Their Fathers.

Many of you probably already read parts of it in Binah magazine or read the entire masterpiece yourselves.

It's a very welcome appearance after all the years much of frum English literature presented a "real" Gadol as aloof, incapable of anything outside of the actual study of Gemara, and not a particularly good or sensitive or even spiritual person (including to his wife & children) — thereby making it seem like being a middot-challenged intellectual was the pinnacle for both aspiring Torah scholars & kollel wives desiring a real ben Torah.

In other words, all brain with very little heart or soul.

(I'm not saying the presentation was accurate, just that it was the presentation.)

Not all literature did this. Some valuable exceptions existed. But the above portrait was indeed bemusingly common for years.

Just as a side point to give the benefit of the doubt:

I think a lot of women's classes & rabbinical biographies (both books & articles) resisted presenting a balanced portrayal of the Torah world's great men because they wanted to provide pushback against the feminist influence (there are better ways to do it) & because they didn't want a wife to use the Gadol's lofty behavior as a weapon against her husband (i.e., "Rav Scheinberg used to wash all the dishes at night without his wife even asking him...so why can't YOU?") or to even feel resentment in her heart (i.e., "When Rav Yisroel Mendel Kaplan's wife felt weak, he tended to the children, including waking up with them at night, and then rocking them to sleep as he learned from his Gemara...but MY husband just SLEEPS!")

But better ways exist to deal with envy & resentment than pretending great rabbis weren't actually so great in their personal lives & character.

Aside from that, there are other reasons why an unbalanced narrative developed & took hold for a while.

But baruch Hashem, the frum world realized this & sought to correct the imbalance with much more realistic portrayals.

And it's great this writer came along to present us with a much more complete picture from a more feminine point of view (along with some of the sons' narratives too).

Bereft Rabbanim: Being Mother, Father...and Rabbi

Reading about the rabbanim who ended up as single fathers made for fascinating & inspiring reading.

Both the Manchester Rosh Yeshivah Rav Yehuda Zev Segal & the Bridder Rebbe Amram Taub of Baltimore lost their wives to illness when they still had children at home.

In fact, his wife's passing left the Bridder Rebbe with 9 orphans from age 2 to 18.

It was heart-warming & awe-inspiring to read how much they both strove to be both mother & father to their children, even as they upheld their high standards of Yiddishkeit (before it became easier to do so) and continued to serve their communities.

Both strove & succeeded in attending to their children's emotional needs as well as their physical needs.

When the Manchester Rosh Yeshivah's 14-year-old daughter let him know she emotionally needed him more at home, he immediately rearranged his schedule to accommodate her, which included meals with her & learning Chumash with her.

(The way the daughter told that story was also humorous.)

Both rabbanim made it a point to prioritize their children before others, regardless of how important or prestigious the others may have been.

In addition to the loss of the Bridder Rebbe's wife & single-parenting 9 children (plus his community work), the Bridder Rebbe struggled against his previous trauma: the murder of his first wife & their 5 children by the Nazis in Czechoslovakia.

He never spoke about his pain from that horrific loss, but one night in Baltimore, his oldest son heard the Rebbe crying out in his sleep, "Antloift, kinder! Antloift, kinder! — Escape, children! Escape, children!"

Nightmares frequently plague Holocaust survivors & one can assume the Rebbe was reliving that horrific moment when the Nazis came after his first family in Czechoslovakia.

But the oldest son was shocked to see how the morning following that nightmare, his father rose to rouse his children with his usual cheerful song: "Oifshtein l'avodas haBorei! — Arise to serve the Creator!"

His eyes sparkled with the same joy they did every morning upon greeting his children.

Their respective chapters reveal so many stirring anecdotes about their humility & genuine love for others, it was incredible to see what heights can be reached in the face of such overwhelming obstacles.

Great Men at Home

Despite even the most superwoman wife's dedication to her rabbinical husband, she can't always do things on her own.

Furthermore, fathers have obligations toward their children, their children's chinuch in particular.

A father can not raise a child properly by ignoring the child.

Here are just a few heart-warming examples of just a few of the rabbanim featured in the book:

Rav Yisroel Mendel Kaplan

Because of his wife's physical weakness resulting from their living circumstances in Shanghai during World War II, Rav Yisroel Mendel Kaplan assisted his wife with the children as much as possible—including at night—and despite the hard physical job he needed to perform after immigrating to Chicago (before meriting a job teaching Torah).

Rav Kaplan remained attentive to his daughters' needs even after they became wives and mothers themselves.

For example, Rav Kaplan:

wouldn't allow a pregnant daughter to bend down while sweeping; instead, he rushed to fetch the dustpan and bend down himself to collect the dirt.

stocked a married daughter's home with the then-luxury of disposable diapers after seeing her use cloth diapers.

would take out his grandchildren when their mother wasn't feeling well or when she needed to tidy the home.

Upon hearing a married daughter tending to a colicky baby at night, he insisted on taking over so this married daughter could sleep.

(Needless to say, he also showered chessed on his sons- and daughters-in-law, but because the book focused on the personal experience of daughters, we hear mostly about the daughters' experiences.)

In fact, the evening before he passed away, Rav Kaplan cared for his pregnant unwell married daughter by wrapping her up in a large down jacket & woolen socks, then serving her hot food.

The next morning, he got up with his grandchildren (who woke at 5 in the morning) so their exhausted mother (his daughter) could rest. He tended to them & fed them — only moments before he passed away (not in front of them) with a book of Tehillim in his hands.

Chessed until the very end.

Rav Avigdor Miller

For years, Rav Avigdor Miller created bedtime stories for his children in order to inculcate Torah values in an appealing way.

One series featured Jewish characters & their imaginary adventures in Africa while another series featured the exploits of a young boy hiding in a forest during the Holocaust, and a tzaddik in a cave.

In general, Rav Miller encouraged women with writing talent to author inspirational fiction & non-fiction to imbue the reader with yirat Shamayim because story creates such a great conduit for instilling values.

During hot summer nights without a fan or air-conditioning, Rav Miller stood over his children to fan them with a piece of cardboard. (This takes exertion & made him hotter as he made his children cooler.)

To help his wife, Rav Miller took their children to the zoo on chol hamoed Pesach, making an enjoyable Torah lesson out of it.

In the summer, Rav Miller took the children berry-picking & exploring — and used nature to teach his children about Hashem's deeds & kindness.

He kept a memorable prize box for his grandchildren while his wife kept an equally memorable nosh box.

When his daughters became grandmothers themselves, he routinely greeted them with, "Hello, Millionaire Bubby!" — to praise them for the children & grandchildren they raised.

Rav Chaim Pinchas & Rebbetzin Basha Scheinberg

After the birth of her own first child, Rebbetzin Basha Scheinberg also nursed the baby of a non-Jewish Polish neighbor who could not manage to do so on her own.

When a bout of pneumonia endangered the life of one of his young daughters, Rav Scheinberg vowed to refrain from speaking on Shabbat. (And she recovered.) Yet he upheld this vow with pleasantness, making it into a game by gesturing to his children what he wanted to say, so they experienced this vow of silence as fun.

Rav Scheinberg often declared "Chessed begins in the kitchen!"

Every morning, Rav Scheinberg gave his children breakfast to allow his wife to sleep longer.

He often washed the dishes, perching a Gemara where he could learn while he scrubbed.

Another time, he realized the weekly task of cleaning the floors for Shabbat might temporarily harm the health of a teenage daughter.

So without evening telling her, Rav Scheinberg made sure he got to work on cleaning the floors before his daughter even woke up.

Rav Elazar Menachem Man Schach

Rav Schach's daughters aren't in the book, but it's intriguing to know that sometimes he answered the door while holding a mop — much to the shock of his students. When his wife was sick, he cleaned the floors & brought her meals.

Rav Moshe Sherer

Rav Moshe Sherer made sure to visit his children at camp outside the official visiting days so he could spend time exclusively with his children without people coming up to talk to him or ask him questions.

At bedtime & during Shabbat afternoons, Rav Sherer invented engaging stories & funny songs about a brother & sister named Pinchikel & Chana Fufeleh.

Rav Aharon Florans (the author's father-in-law)

To assist his wife & create an example for his sons, Rav Florans washed the dishes after Shabbat.

Despite raising a family full of boys, he never raised his voice.

While working full-time, Rav Florans spent weeks up at night caring for each newborn so his wife could get some sleep.

Again, the above doesn't do justice to these great men.

(And the above doesn't even touch on all the Gedolim mentioned in the book — a lot is missing from this post.)

They did so much more chessed & humble heroism than described here.

Also, the book goes into the interactions with compelling detail & dialogue, plus their dealings with others outside their families.

Love, Joy, and Security

Another thread running through all the stories of these 18 Gedolim was the great love & joy permeating their homes.

Whether they expressed their love in words or through actions & facial expressions, their children continuously described feeling extremely valued & cherished, like an only child, and so on.

These rabbanim proved phenomenal listeners with their children — anything the child of any age needed to talk about.

Also, those who ran an open home full of all sorts of guests refused to do so in a way that might endangered their children. Guests were surreptitiously screened under welcoming smiles.

(This point often goes lost amid the stories of hospitality for mentally unwell people. Even the great hosts of the world, the Machlis family in Yerushalayim, took care to maintain an open home in a way that would not risk their children's safety.)

The Effects of Reading about Such Great Fathers

This book imbued me with increased love & appreciation for these great Torah scholars & activists for Am Yisrael.

The entire purpose of such stories should be to affect us positively, and hopefully inspire improvements in our own behaviors.

These portrayals also made me pay increased attention to how much I was focusing on interactions with my own children.

I found myself doing more to give full focus to even simple chatter from a young child & to be even more patient, pleasant, positive, and sensitive.

(Not that I was ignoring or always distracted before, but I'm on a path of continuous improvement, even as I stumble into potholes along the way...)

After all, if some of the greatest Torah scholars of the century related to their children that way, then it must be the correct way to parent & absolutely important.

For more on the behavior of Gedolim at home, please see:

www.myrtlerising.com/blog/rav-ovadia-spent-the-night-learning-in-a-closet-rav-elyashiv-indulged-in-flowery-compliments-what-we-can-learn-from-real-gadolim-by-their-behavior-toward-their-wives

www.myrtlerising.com/blog/rav-chaim-kanievsky-as-a-devoted-caring-father

Megillat Ruth: What Naomi & Ruth Teach Us about Self-Transformation, Teshuvah, Mistakes, Rebuke, Criticism, and How It's Okay to Not be Perfect

26/5/2021

The Malbim provides intriguing insights regarding interactions between Ruth & Boaz, and then Ruth & Naomi.

In Ruth 2:8, Boaz invites Ruth to continue gleaning in his field exclusively, adding:

וְכֹה תִדְבָּקִין עִם-נַעֲרֹתָי

"...v'cho tidbakin im na'arotei"

"...and so you shall stay close to my maidens."

However, when Ruth later transmits Boaz's message to Naomi, she is called the Moavite woman (haMoaviyah) and claims that Boaz told her to stick with the young MEN (2:21):

וַתֹּאמֶר רוּת הַמּוֹאֲבִיָּה: גַּם כִּי-אָמַר אֵלַי עִם-הַנְּעָרִים אֲשֶׁר-לִי תִּדְבָּקִין

"Vatomer Ruth haMoaviyah: Gam ki amar elei im hana'arim asher li tidbakin..."

"And Ruth the Moavite woman said: 'He also said to me, "You shall stay close to my young men"...' "

Understanding the culture & mentality from which Ruth came, Naomi gently corrects Ruth, emphasizing the need for Ruth to stick with the maidens (2:22):

טוֹב בִּתִּי כִּי תֵצְאִי עִם-נַעֲרוֹתָיו

"Tov, biti, ki tetzi im na'arotav..."

"It is good, my daughter, for you to go out with his maidens..."

These 3 little verses hold some very powerful messages for us.

3 Questions Sparked by These Verses

Here are some questions these exchanges elicit:

(1) Why did Ruth, such a wholesome & truth-seeking person, change Boaz's words when she transmitted them to Naomi?

(2) And why did Ruth, a paragon & the historic Jewish example of tzniyut (modest dignity & nobility), change the wording to something so lacking in modesty & propriety?

(3) Why does the text suddenly call Ruth "the Moavite woman"? After all she did & sacrificed out of loyalty to Hashem, Judaism, and her Jewish mother-in-law, why is Ruth suddenly referred to by her ignoble roots & the depraved nation of Moav?

How Malbim Answers These 3 Questions

The Malbim on Ruth 2:21 states:

...in truth, he said to her: "...and so you shall stay close to my maidens."

Only because she was a Moavite female—and over there, they didn't distance themselves from the young men—she didn't understand the importance of taking his words literally.

And she thought his intention was to stay close to his men because the young men were the main priority for her since she thought one of them would marry her.

And that is why it calls her "the Moavite woman" since a bat Yisrael [a Jewish female] would have understood...that he said "with my maidens."

The Hebrew word used for "stay close" also means "to cleave" (lidabek) and is the same word the Torah uses to command a man to cleave to his wife.

So deriving a marital interpretation from tidbakin isn't crazy.

However, the refined Jewish way to find a husband isn't to hang out with a bunch of guys in the hope that one of them will marry you.

In contrast, Moav, with its more licentious culture, hosted no such separation between males and females. If a young woman wished to hang out with a bunch of guys, then that apparently was fine.

Moreover, Ruth's intention was to find a husband—not to just hang out with the guys.

So to her it made sense.

So though Boaz specified the maidens, Ruth heard it as the young men—which in Hebrew also makes sense because a masculine plural can either mean just males or males & females together.

So maybe she also thought she should be friends with everyone, in addition to finding a kosher husband.

Fortunately, Naomi automatically understands everything.

Regarding 2:22, the Malbim says:

But Naomi understood with her intellect that it would not be good for Ruth to stick with the young men.

Only with the maidens and the female reapers.

And so she said, "It is good, my daughter, for you to go out with his maidens..."—she means to say "not with the young men...so you shouldn't come to arouse suspicion."

Lesson #1: Patience! Change Takes Time. Teshuvah is a Process.

Despite Ruth's wholehearted commitment to Torah Judaism & her innate sense of tsniyut, residue of the Moavite mentality still clings to her.

Without even meaning to, Ruth jumps to a conclusion that a bat Yisrael of that time would never make.

I think we can all relate to that.

Even those who are FFB still grow up in an atmosphere permeated by the warped values of their surrounding culture.

Rav Avigdor Miller spent most of his life raising awareness about this & offering the authentic Torah attitudes as a replacement.

Being influenced by our past attitudes is entirely normal.

As we see, even the best person can stumble in this.

And again, it's ironic that Ruth stumbled in precisely the area she excelled:

Tsniyut!

That's a big lesson right there: No one is immune.

Ruth cared so much about tsniyut, yet because of her background, she hadn't fully integrated the Torah attitude.

Her intentions indicate her goodness: She simply wished to uphold the Jewish value of marriage.

She did not want to hang out with boys. Not at all.

A holy marriage was her goal.

Also, Ruth proved an incredible person. As noted before, the power of her sincere conversion released all the sparks trapped in Moav, which eventually led to their complete disappearance.

Hashem designated her as the progenitor of Mashiach.

Ruth was AMAZING.

Nonetheless, you know what?

Internalizing Torah values takes time.

That's important mussar right there: patience.

Be patient with ourselves & our mistakes & our progress.

And also be patient with others & their mistakes & their progress.

No one is perfect. Only Hashem is Perfect.

Naomi: The Paragon of Pleasantness, Criticism, and Rebuke

Naomi really shines here.

So positive, so tactful, so sensitive...

Let's examine what she says, word by word:

"Tov—it is good to..."

Please notice how Naomi doesn't castigate Ruth or shriek: "What?!! Are you trying to give me a heart attack? Do you really mean to hang out with young men like you're some kind of I-don't-want-to-say-what? Are you trying to cause a scandal? Where are your common sense and your womanly wisdom? I can't believe Boaz would suggest such a thing. OBVIOUSLY, you must stick with the girls, not the guys! This is clearly your Moavite mentality coming to fore. You lack the proper Jewish hashkafah. You really need to get rid of all that Moavite baggage you're dragging with you."

Instead, Naomi avoids commenting on Ruth's misinterpretation.

Fascinatingly, Naomi offers NO CRITICISM AT ALL. Not even nicely phrased constructive criticism.

She never tells Ruth outright she was wrong.

Naomi merely notes what would actually be good to do—emphasizing its benefit for Ruth.

Naomi genuinely holds Ruth's best interests at heart.

And as Naomi speaks, she immediately calls Ruth "biti—my daughter."

This displays warmth & feelings of strong connection to Ruth.

Rather than pushing Ruth away for reverting to a Moavite attitude, Naomi brings Ruth in as close to Naomi as possible—a daughter.

Calling Ruth a daughter also affirms Naomi's view of Ruth as the Torah Jew Ruth intends to be—despite the Moavite residue that seeped out for a moment.

In a sense, Naomi also reminds Ruth of who she really is: a daughter of Yisrael and not a daughter of Moav.

Then Naomi offers the gentle directive of going out with the maidens, gently pointing out to Ruth how, by sticking with the girls, no scandal or suspicion would harm Ruth.

In this way, Naomi nicely explains to Ruth WHY she should stick with the maidens.

This is no blind order.

Naomi needs to explain what the Moavite mentality overlooks: WHY a girl should avoid sticking with the guys (even for the purpose of marriage)...

...which also indicates Naomi's ability to judge Ruth favorably.

She understands Ruth's purity of intention.

It just needs some fine-tuning.

And Naomi does it all very nicely, living up to her name of "pleasant"!

Learning from Ruth's Response

Happily, Ruth yet again shows herself as sincere, open-minded, and quick to catch on.

The episode ends with 2:23 stating of Ruth:

וַתִּדְבַּק בְּנַעֲרוֹת בֹּעַז

"Vatidbak b'na'arot Boaz..."

"And she stayed close to the maidens of Boaz..."

Ruth never argues or suggests that perhaps Torah Judaism needs to stop being so uptight and take a leaf from Moav's book.

She never huffs, "Well, how exactly am I supposed to get married if I hang out only with girls ALL the time? Anyway, my situation is different! I'm the only Moavite in the entire country and nobody here likes Moavites. What Yisrael family would allow their son to marry an impoverished Moavite convert—especially when not all the major talmidei chachamim agree that my conversion is even valid? But if these field hands get to know me, then maybe one will take a liking to me, and I'll get a man that way.

"Clearly, rabbis like Boaz don't really understand how things work, especially nowadays and in my kind of situation. All the Moavite self-help gurus explain why the Yisrael way of complete separation between genders is outdated and even hinders marriage—something that Judaism insists is very important! An exception needs to be made here. I think the Moavite pop psychology works in this situation. After all, it achieves the Yisrael goal of marriage. Like, hel-lo? Can we please stop being so close-minded & intolerant here?

Nope!

Instead, Ruth snaps into action. Without any further ado, Ruth clings to Boaz's maidens.

And that's that.

She listened carefully to Naomi's advice and the reasons behind that advice. She realized Boaz meant what he originally said. And now she understood why.

And with this, Ruth was able to keep propelling herself forward.

Likewise, we also don't see Ruth berating herself, calling herself stupid, or sinking into toxic shame.

She accepts her mistake and MOVES ON, bolstered by her newfound knowledge & awareness.

She reverts to Ruth the Moavite woman for just one moment, then when she listens to Naomi, the text (2:22) immediately refers to her as "Ruth kallata"—Ruth, the daughter-in-law of Naomi.

The minute Ruth shows she's ready to listen, she redeems herself from her mistake—yes, even before she hears a word!

Ruth's mere readiness to listen & learn liberates her from her Moavite residue.

Summary of Main Points

Here's a summary of the lessons detailed above:

Teshuvah & Self-Transformation

Self-transformation takes time.

We need to be patient with our progress.

We need to be patient with the progress of others.

Stumbling on our path to teshuvah is NORMAL.

The Art of Rebuke

View the errant one in the most positive light possible ("my daughter").

Exude warmth & closeness.

Avoid focusing on what was wrong.

Focus on what's right, what's good to do.

Avoid focusing on the past.

Focus on how to move forward.

Point out the benefit of the right way.

Explain WHY the Torah way is correct & better.

How to Deal with a Fall (especially if you didn't even realize you'd fallen!)

(The following applies to mistakes & sins too.)

RATZON—You've got to want it.

Attach yourself to genuinely GOOD mentors—then be ready to really listen to them, even when it's hard or doesn't initially make complete sense.

Be ready to learn at all times.

Be open to messages from Hashem (especially since He uses agents to deliver these messages rather than telling us directly).

Keep an open mind to new & unfamiliar ideas from authentic Torah sources.

The moment you show yourself to be ready to change already effects a change!

Avoid self-denigration.

Avoid self-hatred.

Avoid despair.

Avoid drowning in toxic shame.

Immediately change direction.

Have faith that Hashem is guiding you at all times.

Pick yourself up & KEEP MOVING FORWARD!

Jean Housen, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons

The Karak area of today's Jordan, formerly the territory of the really powerful, hotshot nation of Moav.
Yoo-hoo, Moavites! Anybody there? Anybody? Hello? Guess not.

That body of water is known today as Wadi Mujib, but most authorities say it is the Arnon River mentioned in Tanach.

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When Feeling Heavy & Struggling Means You're on the Right Path

24/5/2021

Megillat Ruth (the Book of Ruth) contains some of Judaism's most stunning messages and fundamental morals.

Let's go back to what the Vilna Gaon says regarding Megillat Ruth 1:18 & take a deeper look into one of those lessons. Here's the text of Megillat Ruth (source):

וַתֵּרֶא, כִּי-מִתְאַמֶּצֶת הִיא לָלֶכֶת אִתָּהּ; וַתֶּחְדַּל, לְדַבֵּר אֵלֶיהָ

"And when she saw that she was steadfastly minded to go with her, she left off speaking unto her."

The Hebrew word above, mitametzet, translated here as "steadfastly minded" (or "determined" according to other translations) indicates a struggle.

Malbim defines its root (amatz or amitz) as a "strengthening of the heart" (chizuk halev), which leads to enduring & unfailing strength; Malbim views it as inner strength.

Ruth needed to gather the extra "oomph" she displayed in her famous statements of devotion in verses 16 & 17 ("for wherever you go, I will go too...").

The Vilna Gaon views mitametzet as also physical, meaning Ruth needed to gather physical strength to continue the journey. He states the following:

לכן התחיל היצר לעכב ונעשו איברי הגוף כבדים. ואף כאן אינה יכולה לילך אחריה אף שהיא היתה בחורה ממנה בלתי אמיץ בגוף ויגיעה רבה

Therefore, the yetzer [evil inclination] started to hinder and the limbs of the body were made heavy. And also here, she [Ruth] is unable to go after her [Naomi]—even though she [Ruth] was younger than her—without strength in the body and great weariness.

Prior to this last statement, the Vilna Gaon details the innate nature of a human being as heavy and lazy due to a person's physical body originating from the heavy & stagnant element of earth.

Remember, the name Adam comes from the word adamah (earth) and Hashem formed the first human being from earth.

So when people feel lazy, heavy, and unmotivated, there isn't anything unnaturally wrong with them. Such a person simply reflects the natural state of a human being.

However, Judaism both commands & expects us to at least struggle to rise above our natural state.

Happily, Naomi possessed the wisdom to discern Ruth's inner conviction expressed by her words combined with Ruth's sudden physical depletion.

This combination meant that the yetzer tov propelled Ruth, and that Ruth's statements came from the right place—a place of utter sincerity.

When a Book Seems like a Boulder

Likewise, in Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender's book Words of Faith, he mentions that even the binding of a book can be an obstruction.

Meaning, have you ever had the experience of looking at your siddur sitting a couple of feet away from you on a table, and you feeling like, "Oh, man...I just don't have the koach to get up and get it"?

Or maybe your Sefer Tehillim lies right smack in front of your face, but you perceive the mere act of opening the book as too much trouble?

This happens with books of learning too.

Whether you wish to learn the parsha, mussar, or Gemara...all of the sudden, you sometimes get struck by this overpowering feeling of "dragging myself up to get the book is too much trouble" or "Oy, to drag myself all the way across the living room to open the glass door of the book case, and then actually pull the sefer off the shelf...I feel overwhelmed just thinking about it."

And then you feel embarrassed because laziness on such an irrational level must indicate something very wrong with you.

You know it makes no sense.

After all, you happily skip across the same room to grab a piece of pizza, right?

You energetically traverse not only the living room, but the kitchen, and easily open the cabinet or fridge to treat yourself to a beloved beverage.

The same guy who leaps out of sound sleep to hop on a motorcycle struggles to drag himself out to a minyan.

The later Harry Potter novels are massive—yet do you ever hear of someone who can't be bothered to read them because it's too much trouble to physically lift book #4?

Nope.

Some people mock or despise those who feel heavy—even when the object of the mockery only occasionally feel too lazy to do a very simple mitzvah.

It just sounds so irrational.

But now, because of Rav Bender and the Vilna Gaon, we know that such heaviness & laziness does not indicate something very wrong with us—but rather, something very RIGHT!

It indicates a sincere yearning to do the right thing. It also means that if we actually do it, it's definitely the best thing and also very powerful.

After all, Ruth's conversion ended up sucking out all the holy sparks from Moav.

Her conversion to Judaism depleted the entire lifeforce of Moav.

Very powerful!

Even today, archeologists barely find anything left of Moav—just a stele here and a sarcophagus there.

Literally. Just one stele and one sarcophagus.

Interestingly, this one stele presents a description by King Mesha of the Yisrael-Moav war of Kings/Melachim II:3:27, providing external validation of the Torah's narrative—not that we need it, but it's funny how the one piece of writing remaining from Moav validates the Torah narrative (although King Mesha tweaked it to make Moav look better—as if!).

We don't even know what the Moavites looked like, their lives and wars, nothing. (Nothing outside of the Torah, anyway.)

That was the power of Ruth.

Yet paradoxically, that moment of Ruth's greatest power showed her as weaker and wearier than an old & depleted widow.

In fact, Ruth's body dragged so much, the Vilna Gaon describes Ruth as being "unable to walk after Naomi."

She literally could not move another step.

Using This Knowledge to Choose Friends & Mentors

So this concept is helpful on the personal level.

It rids us of the excess shame we feel at the admittedly irrational perception of a simple & easy action as nearly insurmountable.

We now know our personal sloth is normal and the result of the yetzer hara.

It is not insurmountable—that perception is an illusion produced by the yetzer hara due to our intrinsic greatness.

Also, it helps us choose friends & mentors.

Those who seem flummoxed by your sloth may be very good in other ways, but simply unfamiliar with this particular aspect of the yetzer hara—and may not be able to help you with this particular issue.

Those who scorn or mock you for feeling this way likely never worked on themselves with any significant honesty or analysis and may even hover at a lower spiritual level than you, despite their external presentation.

Certainly, those unfamiliar with this concept will be unable to see the positive aspect of it—meaning, that your heaviness indicates a powerful potential within.

Or, as with Ruth, maybe you are in the middle of actualizing something very good and the sloth hits you at the critical moment.

As Naomi did for Ruth, a friend or mentor aware of the Vilna Gaon's interpretation & Rav Bender's observation could more effectively help you out of the slump.

Rav Kanievsky's Message after the Meron Tragedy, Plus an Expansive Spotlight on Feminine Dignity & Kavod

5/5/2021

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Here is a message you may have already seen from Rav Kanievsky, after his son asked him how we should respond to the Meron tragedy:
https://hamodia.com/2021/05/04/hagaon-harav-chaim-kanievsky-meron-tragedy/

A summary appears in English alongside the original Hebrew handwritten letter (which enlarges when you click on it).

It's important to read the original, but here's a bulleted summary here:

We need to strengthen ourselves in Torah.
We need to strengthen ourselves in hasmadah ("diligence") in Torah learning.
Women should strengthen ourselves in tsniyut (dressing & behaving with dignity & modesty).
We need to invest more in washing our hands properly before a meal, both in kavanah & the halachic details.
We need to strengthen our kavanah when we recite blessings with the goal of feeling closeness with Hashem.

The Deeply Personal Side of Our Outer Garments

Maybe it's good to address the issue of tsniyut mentioned here because major rabbanim tend to mention this after a disaster, resulting in even committed frum women tend to respond with some kind of attitude like, "Oh, not THAT again..." or "They're always blaming women for things" or some kind of vague "Yeah, I'll keep trying," and so on.

Are these women bad or superficial?

No.

I mean, maybe some are. But most are really good & sincere.

So let's take a look at what's really going on beneath the surface...

Hopefully, tsniyut was always presented to you and dealt with in a positive way.

But some girls and women experienced a negative approach at some point, making them feel harassed or embarrassed or condemned, etc.

Some endured a severely negative experience or a series of negative experiences regarding tsniyut.

So that's erects a barrier for some.

On the other hand, a friend of mine who attended an exclusive Yiddish-speaking girls school in New York explained that her school always addressed tsniyut positively & respectfully—yet she still found herself feeling defensive about it at times. (She dresses very, very tsniusly, BTW.)

Based on that, she thinks there is something deeply personal about it, which therefore produces instinctive defensiveness, no matter how gently and tactfully a girl or woman is approached regarding improvement in that area.

It's true that girls & women tend to express ourselves through our clothes & accessories. Hairstyles, jewelry, accessories, makeup, clothing, shoes—many females choose these with care, trying them on while deliberating before a mirror and with friends, and so on.

Again, it's a deeply personal expression and you can tell something about a female by the way she has chosen to look.

Not to solely judge someone by her appearance—no!

But let's face it: There is a difference in personality between a woman wearing an extravagant brassy shaitel and large studded hoop earrings & a woman wearing a neat, refined shaitel with pearl stud earring in a delicate gold setting.

Their shaitels & earrings don't say everything about them—earrings & hair-coverings don't indicate how nice someone is, for example—but they do say something.

And the woman who dresses plainly without any adornments? It also says something about her.

Another example:

Purple is my favorite color.

And I've noticed that women who love purple attract each other.

When I wear purple and there is another purple-loving woman around, she'll approach me. I can do the same with other purple-wearers.

And you know what? In means something! We purple-lovers definitely have certain inner aspects in common.

Yes—a purple sisterhood definitely exists out there; I've experienced it.

So we see from all this, plus our own experiences & observations, that a woman's personal appearance is a vehicle of her own unique self-expression.

And this inborn feminine aspect makes tsniyut more complex & challenging—yet also more rewarding and self-validating at the same time.

It All Starts on the Inside

Social influences affect women, which also affects her tsniyut.

Whether positive or negative, this social influence comes from her family, her husband, her community, and her surrounding society.

Women understandably use their external appearance to feel good about themselves on the inside.

I can't help noticing that one sign of marital disharmony is when the wife's tsniyut starts deteriorating.

I don't mean right after she marries.

Sometimes, lack of tsniyut right after the wedding simply means her parents had a lot of control over her outfits, but then she married a guy who enjoys laxity in tsniyut (he's wrong, BTW) and she's like, "YES! I can finally dress the way I want AND my husband appreciates it!"

I'm not talking about that.

I mean the ones who cared about tsniyut and then it all starts going out the window during their marriage.

Her husband makes her feel bad about herself on the inside, so she seeks to feel good about her outside.

That's very normal. It's not correct. But it's definitely normal.

But a downslide in tsniyut doesn't always reflect a downslide in shalom bayit.

Other reasons exist.

For example, many women feel like a height-of-fashion "wow!" appearance creates a kiddush Hashem.

It doesn't.

This is a common misunderstanding of kiddush Hashem, which reverberates far beyond tsniyut.

Many frum people think kiddush Hashem is anything that makes them look good in the eyes of their surrounding culture.

Many times, that's true. But not always.

Kiddush Hashem means representing Hashem truthfully & with integrity.

For example, if your surrounding culture prizes the abuse of Welsh Corgi puppies, would it be a kiddush Hashem to go around kicking Welsh Corgi puppies?

A Welsh Corgi Puppy

Absolutely not.

It would be a disgusting chilul Hashem.

Likewise, walking around looking like a million dollars is a problem.

(Ostentatiousness is condemned for Jewish men too, says Orchot Tzaddikim.)

And I think we've all seen frum women with classy, refined shaitels & clothes, who suddenly develop a need to "upgrade" her appearance. And so she comes out with a va-va-voom shaitel, flashy clothes, and all these swishy, alluring mannerisms & air of blazing confidence...

...and then gushes about how good she feels about herself, how the Torah wants women to feel good about themselves (it does—just not in this particular way), and how covering your hair in this way makes you feel fabulous as opposed to feeling nebbuchy or downtrodden.

And that ties in with her wanting to feel good about herself on the outside when she does not feel good about herself on the inside.

So...it's all very understandable.

Expressing Your God-Given Kavod Provides Protection

Rav Shimshon Dovid Pincus stated that tsniyut provides protection.

It's like an iron dome or bomb shelter.

It provides practical protection & spiritual protection, both to the woman herself, to her family, and to all of Am Yisrael.

Is it completely fool-proof?

No.

Is anything completely fool-proof & guaranteed in This World?

No.

One frum teenage boy told me that when he walks around with his friends, a couple of them will say, "Hey, see that girl over there? She looks more 'open.' Let's go talk to her."

At that point, the other boys say no, and they keep walking. (The truth is they're shy & this is all just talk.) Furthermore, the boy who related this expressed the good sense to know that the girls don't realize the impression they're making. He sees they're innocent.

Yet the indecent ones refuse to see female laxity as innocent.

Female dress & behavior offer certain messages to males, whether the message is "c'mon over!" or "trespassers will be shot!", and whether she intends that message or not.

Years ago, I spoke with a friend who staffed the women's crisis hotline at her Ivy League university. She revealed how the most common crisis occurred when a young woman went out to the bar on the weekend nights, got drunk, then got left there alone by her friends.

("I really think you need to get new friends," was one piece of advice my friend used to give them.)

At that point, a fellow male student on the prowl for young co-eds in this precise situation would hone in on her and...we'll omit the details of what happened next, but it resulted in a call to the crisis hotline.

And the predator was almost always an athlete on a sports scholarship playing for that Ivy League university's sports team.

With no proof of a crime, the young women were left with the option of "dean's discipline." However, my friend discouraged this because it usually ended up intensifying the victim's trauma with no justice served in the end.

Why?

Well, the Ivy League university dean happened to be a secular liberal white woman who wished to protect her employer's big money-maker (football & basketball).

Or perhaps she was simply a terrible person with a crummy value system.

Anyway, when confronted with a female student post-assault who knew the identity of her violator, the female dean displayed fake sympathy, then proceeded to explain how the violator can't really understand what he did was wrong due to his underprivileged background.

The liberal secular female dean then explained why the young woman should drop her charges against the oh-so pitiable young predator, who simply does not know any better.

Awwww...boo-hoo...the poor morally ignorant boy from an underprivileged background! Bless his underprivileged little heart! Where, o where can I wring out my tear-sopped hankie?

(And you thought only rich, white males enjoy privilege! But no, if you get into an Ivy League university on a football or basketball scholarship, you too can become a repeat offender with absolutely no repercussions!)

Anyway, the point is that some males are predatory.

Sure, it would be nice to shove the predatory types off a cliff. But that's not realistic until Mashiach comes.

So for now, it helps females to develop tsniyus behaviors, like not going around drunk in public areas, and especially not by herself. (Not that you would do that; just using it as one example of non-tsniyus behavior—although not going around by yourself at night, especially if you're a young woman, is always good advice.)

It's not her fault if a predator preys on her vulnerability.

At the same time, the less vulnerable she is, the better off she is.

(More about that here: http://www.myrtlerising.com/blog/two-powerful-lessons-revealed-by-dinahs-ordeal-in-parshat-vayishlach)

And that's the practical protection of tsniyut.

Spiritual protection explains why most frum Jewish women do not remove their hair-covering or change into pants when hanging out a home with a female buddy.

Tsniyut is an enhancement of the neshamah.

Many frum women feel more natural when dressed tsniyusly, which is why she remains tsniyus even when in an all-female environment.

(Certainly, there are exceptions to this statement. I'm speaking generally.)

Tsniyut applies to men too (which is why you do not see charedi men strolling around in Hawaiian shorts or sleeveless shirts), but it applies even more to women.

Though often imperceptible, female tsniyut provides wonderful protection on all levels for herself, her husband, her children, and her Nation.

Growing Stronger One Step at a Time

All the above (and more!) demonstrate why Rav Kanievsky advises women to strengthen our tsniyut.

Please notice he did not say to revolutionize our tsniyut, but to just strengthen it.

This means we can look at our makeup, hair-covering, jewelry, shoes or our behavior and lovingly examine whether we can refine some aspect of it—to beautify it with dignity.

Husbands & fathers can definitely assist in this by internalizing the importance of feminine kavod in Judaism, enabling him to then project that outward onto his female family members.

Most husbands & fathers lack awareness of the powerful influence they have on their wives & daughters regarding tsniyut.

Men can impact tsniyut in wonderfully positive way.

Husbands & fathers can gently & warmly encourage their wives & daughters toward tsniyut with lots of compliments & validation, and also by re-orienting their own minds to view Jewish women with kavod & appreciation for the Jewish female's intrinsic value and innate holiness as a bat Yisrael.

May we only hear good news.

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A Journey into Russian-American (with some Chinese & Italian) Jewish Reading via Sofya Sara Esther Tamarkin

29/3/2021

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One of my favorite writers is someone I discovered only around a year ago:
Sofya Sara Esther Tamarkin.

Born in the Soviet Union, Tamarkin immigrated from Saratov with her family in 1989 when she was around age 12.

Her journey to Torah Judaism has been more than a journey of intellect & deeds, but also of heart & soul.

Her English writing is superb and possesses a certain depth & dimension beyond articulation, but definitely experience each time coming across a new article of hers.

Here her articles on chabad.org:
https://www.chabad.org/search/keyword.asp?kid=23400&page=3&jewish=Tamarkin-Sofya-Sara-Esther.htm

And here are her articles on Aish:
https://www.aish.com/authors/573126641.html

Growing up in America, I well remember the plight of the Jewish refuseniks & the stories we heard and the letters we wrote them to show the Russian government we cared, hoping it might offer them some kind of protection.

(Mostly, the letters never arrived to the refuseniks, but were returned obviously opened & carelessly glued shut. The letters mainly signaled to the Russian government that someone cared about the family; someone on the outside was aware of their existence. I've no idea how much it worked for the average refusenik—other than Natan Sharansky, for whom it worked well as he received a continuous ocean of mail—but during the age of 11-14, it was all I knew to do & it made me feel I was doing something for them.)

Tamarkin is only a couple of years younger than me, so it means a lot to read about her experiences during a time that made such an emotional impression upon me. Without having known of her specifically, she was one of the people about whom the young me felt so much concern.

Here are some favorite articles by Tamarkin:

https://www.chabad.org/theJewishWoman/article_cdo/aid/4687452/jewish/Confronting-the-Teacher-Who-Incited-an-Anti-Semitic-Riot.htm
Within, Tamarkin describes the 7th-grade-girl "pogrom" she endured at the incitement of one of her teachers. Amid the atrocities throughout Jewish history, it isn't the worst event of Jew-hated you'll ever come across, but for the sensitive young Tamarkin who grew up with these girls and considered them real friends, it was a traumatic betrayal.

We merit a rare finale to the saga when the adult Tamarkin visits the teacher (now a principal) years later.

https://www.chabad.org/theJewishWoman/article_cdo/aid/4969777/jewish/Why-I-No-Longer-Need-My-Holiday-Tree.htm
I think many if not most people can relate to this one.

Tamarkin discusses the emotional attachment we have to non-Jewish aspects of our former lives. Even FFB people can feel attachment to certain aspects of whatever they experienced in their surroundings.

Also, in a funny twist, the story of Snegurochka ("snow maiden") was one of my favorite fairy tales as a child, so that added another relatable element to the topic as in, "Oh, she knows the beloved Snegurochka of my childhood!" (But in a completely different context. I never knew about Snegurochka's connection to the December holiday.)

Different versions of this fairy tale exist, but the one I knew told of a childless couple who merited a lovely daughter made out of snow named Snegurochka. I don't remember many details, but the basic premise was that one day toward the end of winter, her normally overprotective parents allowed her to go berry-picking (or something like that) with the neighborhood children.

As the morning drifted into afternoon, the day grew warmer.

Snegurochka got separated from the group. Then they heard her cry out for help, but when they arrived, all that was left of Snegurochka was a puddle of snow.

How deliciously tragic to the young me!

I don't know what that says about me as a child, but I also loved Little Mermaid (not the Disney gooped-up version, but the real tragic version tempered by the comforting ending about how the foam-absorbed former mermaid earns a soul by reporting all the good deeds of children around the world).

But one of Tamarkin's best turned into a delightful unfolding story in continuing parts, starting here:
https://www.chabad.org/theJewishWoman/article_cdo/aid/4624330/jewish/The-Impossible-Dream-of-a-Chinese-Girl-in-Singapore.htm

!!Spoiler Alert!!

If you don't want spoilers, then just go straight to the above link about the impossible dream of a Chinese girl in Singapore & follow the events & links from there.

Actually, you should read it anyway before continuing so you'll know what the rest of this post is talking about.

Anyway, that article made me feel so intrigued.

Also, Tamarkin described everything in a way that allows to you to experience it as if you were there with her.

Judging by the comment section, I saw I wasn't the only one who yearned to know what happened to that irresistibly sweet & mysterious Chinese girl with her page of Tehillim, and who tiptoed around Singapore's Chabad House out of her great attraction to Judaism.

Yes, Tamarkin managed to find out that the sweet 16-year-old Chinese girl was on her way to converting, but didn't know any more.

The comment section continued to fill with comments wishing to know more.

Me too!

Then comments came in from readers who thought they knew her, claiming her name was Elisheva and she was now a Lubavitcher rebbetzin.

Others remembered her as a fantastic teacher in England whom they referred to as "Miss Yu."

Fortunately, readers thought to send Tamarkin's article to the formerly "timid yet determined" Chinese girl and...bingo!

Now the mother of a little girl & married to an Italian convert, Elisheva (Yu) Martinetti contacted Tamarkin to let her know what became of her in the end.

Here is the result:
https://www.chabad.org/theJewishWoman/article_cdo/aid/4691797/jewish/How-the-Impossible-Dream-of-a-Chinese-Girl-Turned-Jewish-Came-True.htm

Then they conducted an interview with Elisheva Martinetti.

Despite describing herself as having "an introverted nature," she ended up as an impassioned enthusiastic teacher of Chassidic thought to frum girls in England.

You can tell she has really found herself in Torah Judaism. She seems like she was born frum.

Here it is:
https://www.chabad.org/multimedia/video_cdo/aid/4764886/jewish/A-Chinese-Girls-Journey-to-Judaism.htm

And of course, Elisheva's husband David Martinetti also has a powerful story about his own journey:
https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/4819005/jewish/From-Catholic-Italian-to-Jewish-Rabbi-David-Martinetti-Shares-His-Story.htm

And then a video of them both telling their shidduch story:
https://www.chabad.org/multimedia/video_cdo/aid/4785894/jewish/How-the-Chinese-Girl-Who-Became-Jewish-Found-Her-Soulmate.htm

END OF SPOILER

It was unusually fun & exciting to follow each installment as it unfolded because I read the first article when the identity & fate of the sweet Chinese girl was still a mystery, then followed it as it developed.

How often do we get this kind of closure in real life?

And with this kind of inspiring, spiritual, Jewish theme!

I hope all this gives you some good, geshmak Jewish reading.

Note: No one asked me to publicize Tamarkin's writing & she has no idea I even exist. (Update 30/3/21: This was true when the article was first written. As you can see in the comment section, it's no longer true. Such are the "magical" powers of the Internet...) The reason for writing this is that I just really like her writing & wish for others to enjoy it too.

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Collecting for Yeshivah: Pinpointing an Unconscious Prejudice (Plus Specific Support for Women)

28/2/2021

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When first hearing about yeshivah bachurs going around (especially on Purim) collecting money for their yeshivah, it was presented in a negative light.

Unwittingly, this negative impression remained in my mind until one of my older sons went collecting for his own yeshivah (both on Purim itself and on regular days).

He spoke about all the wonderful families he encountered this way, including poor families who felt so strongly about supporting Torah, they warmly gave generous donations—a very humbling experience for the boys collecting.

He described dancing in their homes on Purim and the whole atmosphere of love for Torah.

He also mentioned how he felt about those who received them kindly, offered them a drink (non-alcoholic)—even if they gave a tiny donation—versus those who just handed them the money and then shut the door.

(Of course, it's still easy to view them positively, that they felt pressured or harassed at that moment, and despite their situation, they still gave something.)

Because of his experiences collecting for his yeshivah, my son started relating to tzedakah collectors with friendliness & concern.

If he's at home when a collector comes knocking (whether for a yeshivah or any other reason), my son treats them with warmth & friendship, offers them something to drink or eat, and gives them as much of a donation as he can.

And hearing about his experiences also changed me.

One Change of Heart Leads to Another

Feeling grateful to all the people who treated my son so kindly during his collection, I view the yeshivah boys who come knocking as "sons" rather than "them."

Especially the younger ones collecting for the first time, they can feel very vulnerable.

For example, one showed up at my door last week, stammering through his mask and temporarily forgetting the name of his yeshivah, for which he was collecting.

I pretended not to notice his awkwardness, and treated him warmly while giving him a donation. He looked grateful & relieved.

It felt like I was "passing it forward"—meaning, I was merely doing for someone else's son what others had done for mine.

While I was always polite to collectors and wished them well, I learned from my son how important it is to put even more heart into it.

Women at Home When Collectors Come Calling

However, tsniyut (modest, appropriate behavior) still comes first and I'm not warm or friendly to these men & boys in the way my son is.

I hold back.

If my husband or an older son is at home, I might politely (withOUT a big warm smile) offer them a drink.

It's important for women to realize that without a sturdy teenage or adult male at home, she has NO obligation to open the door to tzedakah collectors.

If she does, she has NO obligation to smile or offer refreshments, nor any other behavior that could be interpreted as inviting.

Even if he claims to be desperate to use the facilities, the answer is...NO!!!!!!!!!!

I could tell you stories about that. Here they are...

Scary Story #1:

Years ago, a recently widowed thirtysomething friend of mine, who was experienced in self-defense techniques (which she had used successfully against predators), opened the door to a tzedakah collector in a frum neighborhood and found herself with a knife pointed at her stomach accompanied by a demand for her valuables.

Despite her confidence & experience in self-defense, she could not utilize her skills with the knife pointing where it was.

After taking her valuables, he left—with her in hot pursuit. She felt sure she could successfully attack him from behind.

But he got away.

I'm including this story because the "Blazing Brunhilda" archetype has gained so much popularity, but women's best self-defense & self-protection always has been & still is: Avoidance. Prevention.

Despite my friend's assertive personality & effective self-defense skills, she still got mugged.

It's not a common occurrence (especially with the knife), but because it can happen, it's so important to encourage women to FEEL GOOD ABOUT PROTECTING THEMSELVES and NOT performing the wonderful mitzvah of tzedakah unless it's absolutely safe to do so.

Scary Story #2:
A friend with numerous small children at home opened the door to an apparent tzedakah collector who requested use of the facilities.

She felt uncomfortable because her husband wasn't home. But at the same time, she pitied the guy who seemed desperate.

Without going into detail, let's just say he ended up flashing both her & her young children, but made it seem unintentional.

(It doesn't matter if it was intentional or not. A man who cannot or will not behave appropriately has no business being in your home or around your children.)

NEVER let a strange man into your home UNLESS you have a sturdy male around!!!

(Little boys—no matter how many—don't count.)

If a man desperately needs the bathroom, let him go to a nearby supermarket or shul, or knock until he finds a home with a sturdy male in attendance.

Any normal man understands this. Men have wives, sisters, and mothers whom they would not want them to let in strange men.

So any normal man understands why you are denying him entrance.

If he doesn't understand & even gets upset, then that means he's a pompous jerk (or a predator) who doesn't deserve any favors from you anyway.

(On the contrary, he deserves a good kick.)

You are worthy & good and deserve to protect yourself.

UPDATE: Please see that Jewish Law supports the woman's right to safety:
https://dinonline.org/2021/03/03/danger-of-not-knowing-tzadakah-collector/

Anyway...

So that's how my son collecting for his yeshivah pinpointed a prejudice I didn't even know I had, and changed both my attitude & his...plus the bonus piece on how, despite the praiseworthiness of giving tzedakah, a woman must put her own safety & that of her children first—and she should fulfill that priority with confidence & conviction.

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Part 1: What's So Bad about Kishuf? A Look at Halacha, the Rational vs the Supernatural, the 80 Witches of Ashkelon, and the Machshefah Midwife of the Me'am Lo'ez

7/2/2021

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"If the Torah is so Adamant, Then That Must Mean Something Huge" Series: Why Does the Torah Relate to Kishuf with Such Severity?

There is an enormous amount to say about Shemot/Exodus 22:17:
“A machshefah shall not live.”

Machshefah (often translated as sorceress or witch) comes from the word kishuf (kee-shoof—often translated as magic, sorcery, witchcraft, divination, or occultism).

(And despite the feminine noun used, all the commentaries state that the prohibition definitely includes men: warlocks, wizards, sorcerers, etc.)

The translation causes confusion when people want to know whether this verse also prohibits magic shows and the like.

Modern Hebrew labels sleight-of-hand magic shows as kosmut (kohss-moot) and their magician as a kosem (koh-sem)—an “enchanter.”

It’s not real magic.

The magician relies on fancy handwork, gimmicks, assistants, and mirrors to achieve his “magical” results, which his delightful audience finds enchanting.

Nonetheless, halachic sources throughout the ages find even the gimmick-based magic shows problematic, albeit less so today because in our times, even young children respond to a magic trick by asking, “How did you do that?”—meaning, they know it’s not supernatural, but accomplished using very natural strategies.

Basically, the magician in a magic show must include a disclaimer that he is not performing real magic, but merely entertaining tricks with very rational strategies behind them.

However, acts in which the performer wishes to convince the audience that he uses supernatural or psychic powers (like bending a spoon with his mind) are problematic.

Rav Yehoshua Pfeffer (the author of the below articles) advises consulting with a halachic authority before entering the profession or arranging for a magic show.

For a comprehensive discussion of Jewish Law on the topic, please see:

2 Types of Forbidden Kishuf

However, the machshefah referred to in the Torah isn’t a just a mistress (or master) of fancy handiwork.

There are 2 types of forbidden kishuf (sorcery, witchcraft, magic):

The fake, sleight-of-hand, gimmick-based magic mentioned above, but one that is used to deceive people into believing in the power of the occult & causes them to question, doubt, or deny Hashem’s power.

(Its intellectual twin is today’s atheist scientist, who exploits literary eloquence & layman ignorance, and utilizes weasel words to convince his audience of his personal mastery & to destroy people’s emunah.)

Real kishuf. Meaning, the medium uses occult tactics or entities to achieve the desired effects. Such a person accesses the powers of harmful tumah (impure spirituality) to carry out his or her objectives.

This post focuses on the second type of kishuf: those involved in the occult—also known as those who utilize kochot hatumah (the powers of impure forces).

My Journey from the Rational Approach to the Supra-Rational

For a long time, I found it difficult to understand why kishuf merits the death penalty in the Torah.

That’s because I grew up with Halloween & its appealing presentation. In addition, the mainstream outlets presented kishuf as imaginary & fun.

Furthermore, old-time spiritualists & modern Wiccans emphasized the concept of “white magic” & “white witchcraft”—in other words, kishuf used for neutral (like finding a parking spot) or even for good (like healing others).

(You’ll see in a later post why even “white” kishuf is a problem.)

The only people I knew who took kishuf seriously were my church-going classmates & neighbors.

But I found it hard to take THEM seriously.

After all, these are the same people who insist on cultivating in children the belief that a dangerously obese man in a red wool suit rides around on a reindeer-driven sleigh & slides down chimneys to fill stockings & arrange presents under indoor fir trees—this belief cultivated by the same people who believe that 1 equals 3.

(Or that 3 equals 1? Whatever.)

They also related stories of people they knew struck by demonic possessions and cured by exorcisms.

My high school classmates even returned from a church youth group weekend retreat with stories of another classmate who displayed signs of demonic possession (uncontrollable shaking, etc.), and for whom only the intervention of their heroic minister ended the crisis.

Convinced only rational explanations existed, I refrained from arguing with them, but mentally chalked up such things to group hypnosis, the power of suggestion, bias confirmation, hysteria, etc.

Wholly secular at the time, I couldn’t even entertain the possibility of something supernatural occurring in those situations.

So I remained unmoved in my conviction of rational explanations only.

And those rational explanations really could have explained their experiences.

However, with their unintentional harnessing of themselves to the powers of tumah (there is no “son of God”—so to whom exactly are their prayers & religious energies going?) and the compulsion of some church leaders to create possession events, they really could be accessing the occult—even though that’s the very dynamic they claim to oppose & fear.

When I first started keeping Torah & mitzvot, my Orthodox community consisted of Jews who maintain strict allegiance to the rationalist stream of Judaism—mostly based on the Rambam.

I felt very comfortable there & continued to grow in my newfound Torah Judaism.

Much later, I began to realize that Judaism cannot be fully embraced within a 3-dimensional world of the strictly rational.

Too many questions remained unanswered.

For example, I found the concept of suffering impossible to accept without the concept of gilgul—reincarnation.

Gradually, I realized that the world must comprise far more than just 3 dimensions.

Quantum physics—still undiscovered in the Rambam’s time—opened up new venues of understanding.

Furthermore, I couldn’t help noticing that the most brilliant & holy minds of Jewish history overwhelming believed in the existence of worlds within our world, of unseen entities, a variety different dimensions, and much more outside the strictly 3-dimensional rational.

Not only that, they understood how this all worked, knew how to deal with them when encountering them (and they DID encounter them, even if they didn't want or mean to), and they also knew how to protect themselves from it all.

In fact, a significant chunk of the standardized Jewish daily prayer provides protection from harmful entities, like prosecuting angels (mekatrigim) or demons and that whole subset associated with harmful entities mazikin or nezikin (damagers), chitzonim (outsiders, externals), klippot (impure "shells" which imprison holy sparks), and so on.

These prayers are a gift from those same brilliant & holy minds for our protection.

In her book, To Play with Fire: One Woman’s Remarkable Odyssey, Tova Mordechai recalls the faith healings & spiritual highs she either observed or experienced during her years trapped in a church cult.

A rav explained to her that these events utilized kochot hatumah—the powers of spiritual impurity.

She noted how the rav's explanation finally explained why the aftermath of the spiritual high of these tumah-based “faith healings” always left her feeling depleted, with a dark emptiness inside.

Former practitioners of Eastern occult systems (who later became frum) also recall a dark empty feeling that replaced their initial spiritual high, leaving them feeling irritable.

Furthermore, aside from experiences with spiritual tumah, strange events occur to people that defy any rational explanation. (And I mean documented events by reliable people, not just claims by eccentrics.)

Books like Chessed L'Avraham & Kav Hayashar & Minchat Yehudah (or the Zohar itself) testify to all sorts of entities & events far beyond the realm of the rational.

Gradually, I made the shift to accept a world full of other worlds and beings.

Paradoxically, Judaism now made more sense than ever.

The Truth of Torah shined brighter too.

And with this, the capital severity of kishuf also became more understandable.

The Infamous 80 Witches of Ashkelon

The deception produced by gimmick-based sleight-of-hand can cause severe injury to one’s emunah. Throughout the ages, clever tricksters gained followers in this manner.

Throughout history, thousands of people also lost their souls to these charlatans.

Ultimately, poverty, homelessness, rancor, illness, and death resulted from following such “magical” deception.

That’s reason enough for the death penalty.

But the implementation of supernatural kishuf deceives just as dangerously, with equally harmful results.

Its very hiddenness make it impossible to stop without executing the practitioner.

The classic story of this involves Rebbi Shimon ben Shetach’s handling of a mountain coven of 80 witches who were “destroying the world.”

One rainy day, Rebbi Shimon gathered 80 disciples wearing clean garments, and also 80 vessels. He instructed the disciples of their mission to deal with these 80 witches, then explained his strategy: They would all make their way to the cave of the coven, their clean garments kept bone-dry in the firmly sealed vessels.

Upon arriving at the coven, Rebbi Shimon planned to engage the witches, then he would whistle once—that was the signal for the men to don the dry clothes.

A second whistle was meant to summon the men to come rushing into the cave.

And that’s what happened.

Rebbi Shimon reached the cave, his disciples hidden nearby. He called out to the witches, posing as an occult master like them.

They let him in.

Then, in what seemed to be a demonstration of skill & a challenge to this newfound "master wizard," one witch conjured up a loaf of bread out of thin air. Another conjured up a cooked meal while another conjured up wine.

“What can you do?” they challenged.

"I will whistle twice,” replied Rebbi Shimon, “and 80 men wearing clean clothes will come here to make you happy."

“We want them!” said the lascivious witches.

Rebbi Shimon whistled once, and the hidden disciples donned their clean, dry clothing.

He whistled a second time and they rushed into the cave.

He hinted to them that each one must take a witch and raise her up off the ground because the loss of contact with the ground nullifies the occult power.

He told the one who conjured up bread, “Bring bread!”

She could not.

So Rebbi Shimon said, “Hang her!”

And so on throughout the remaining 80 witches.

Back at the ranch (so to speak), this caused quite a stir because Jews don’t judge 2 capital cases in one day, Rebbi Shimon handled the whole situation wildly differently than capital cases are handled, he did not follow halachic protocol, etc.

(Like any other capital case, a person accused of being a machshefah must be tried in a court of justice by a group of Sages possessing high-level wisdom & discernment.)

Why did the great Rebbi Shimon ben Shetach make such a radical detour in his handling of the 80 witches?

First of all, the occult acts were performed directly in front of the judge (Rebbi Shimon ben Shetach himself); there was no doubt involved.

Secondly, it was an emergency situation.

The witches were ruthless, conniving, and in possession of powerful supernatural powers.

They were said to be destroying the world with their hidden machinations.

It was either now or never.

So Rebbi Shimon acted upon the opening he’d created in that moment.

The Machshefah Midwife

Another even more disturbing example appears in the Me’am Lo’ez.

It relates the story of a machshefah who portrayed herself as a master midwife.

The women in her town suffered extremely difficult labors in which the baby seemed to get stuck and only her appearance on the scene seemed to finally enable the birth.

You can imagine how much the people revered her. You can imagine how willing even the poorest were to pay her whatever she demanded for her special “service.”

What they discovered, however, was that she both caused & enabled the births via kishuf.

She kept special sealed jars full of I-can’t-remember-what; the sealed jar associated with each birthing woman obstructed the delivery of the baby.

Whenever she was summoned to a stuck birth, she secretly brought the sealed jar with her. Upon arriving, she found a place where she could break open the jar undetected, then return to the birthing woman and “miraculously” deliver the baby.

At one point, she was killed.

(I can’t remember whether the court sentenced her to death or whether, upon the chilling discovery of her jars, something happened that killed her. But I think she was actually executed.)

This story stands out as an outlier because ever since the starring role of Shifra & Puah, Judaism shows a lot of appreciation for midwives.

The old-time Jewish midwives in Morocco or Yemen brought their emunah & Jewish compassion, along with their practical skills, into their midwifery.

In fact, one Yemenite midwife became a well-known healer of infertility after coming to live in Tiveria in Eretz Yisrael. I believe her name was Simcha Demari and she used reflexology & herbs & homeopathy to help women get pregnant.

(In fact, one of her successful patients told me that Simcha gave her capsules of myrrh & frankincense—both used in Ketoret—to assist with fertility. Now Simcha's daughters-in-law carry on the practice.)

In contrast, if you ponder the machshefah midwife for a moment, her heartless cruelty stands out.

For example, despite what many natural-birth proponents claim, unmedicated births can be excruciatingly unbearable (ask me how I know...).

(Just by way of brief explanation: The unmedicated birthers either don’t experience excruciating births or they love the idea of both facing & overcoming pain, feeling like triumphant winners when the ordeal ends. But many of us definitely do NOT feel that way.)

To intentionally cause a laboring women so much pain & emotional anguish is unforgiveable.

Furthermore, we all know that babies can suffer serious damage (or even death, Gd forbid) if they get stuck in the birth canal.

It can also harm the woman, with internal tearing or even a fractured tailbone.

The extreme distress caused to the woman and those attending her, the fear for her life and that of her baby—all so this machshefah could acquire power, honor, and wealth?

And even if she promised to never indulge in such kishuf again, how could anyone trust her?

She already proved herself to be a merciless, greedy, conniving psychopath.

Can you trust her proclaimed repentance?

Furthermore, due to the easy concealment of kishuf, how could you ever supervise her future conduct?

Once again, if the Torah so strongly condemned a certain practice, then that means something.

This Verse is Not a Call to Harm Others Nowadays

I think all this together offers a clear idea why kishuf is much viler than portrayed in the movies and on college campuses and women's studies.

We can better understand why something so dangerous—and so incredibly easy to hide—demands such a severe consequence.

Having said all that, we no longer judge capital cases in rabbinical courts.

We haven't done so for centuries.

We also don't commit vigilante justice.

For example, no one kills a Sabbath-transgressor (even though the Torah demands the death penalty for transgressing Shabbat).

Instead, we try to encourage the Sabbath-transgressor to learn more about Shabbat & Judaism so that he or she develops on their own a desire to keep Shabbat.

The reason why the response changed is discussed copiously in scintillating detail throughout millennia of rabbinical scholarship and too much to explain here.

But the end result is that no one executes Sabbath-transgressors, nor does anyone want to.

To read more in this series:

Part II: What's the Problem with Kishuf?–A Torah Discussion of Witchcraft, Sorcery, and the Occult from Both the Rationalist & Supra-Rationalist POV

Part III: What's So Bad about Kishuf? – What's Wrong with White Magic? LOTS!

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<<Previous

How Exactly Did the Teva Change? Now It All becomes Clear...

How This Revelation Impacts the Modern View of Older Research

Swimming against the Current Makes You a Stronger Swimmer

Bereft Rabbanim: Being Mother, Father...and Rabbi

Great Men at Home

Love, Joy, and Security

The Effects of Reading about Such Great Fathers

3 Questions Sparked by These Verses

How Malbim Answers These 3 Questions

Lesson #1: Patience! Change Takes Time. Teshuvah is a Process.

Naomi: The Paragon of Pleasantness, Criticism, and Rebuke

Learning from Ruth's Response

Summary of Main Points

When a Book Seems like a Boulder

Using This Knowledge to Choose Friends & Mentors

The Deeply Personal Side of Our Outer Garments

It All Starts on the Inside

Expressing Your God-Given Kavod Provides Protection

Growing Stronger One Step at a Time

!!Spoiler Alert!!

END OF SPOILER

One Change of Heart Leads to Another

Women at Home When Collectors Come Calling

"If the Torah is so Adamant, Then That Must Mean Something Huge" Series: Why Does the Torah Relate to Kishuf with Such Severity?

2 Types of Forbidden Kishuf

My Journey from the Rational Approach to the Supra-Rational

The Infamous 80 Witches of Ashkelon

The Machshefah Midwife

This Verse is Not a Call to Harm Others Nowadays

Myrtle Rising

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