On the heels of the previous post (what-if-you-lean-more-toward-esav-than-yaakov-avinu-the-perfect-mitzvah-for-imperfect-people.html), where we discussed how a truly refined person doesn't feel the urge to indulge in unrefined behavior (because he elevated himself to the level beyond base desires), we also looked at the other kind of person who always feels tormented by the desires for This World.
We don't hear from those people.
Why not?
Probably part of the reason is because that type of person fails a lot. They never manage to consistently overcome themselves.
But another reason lies in the shame such a person naturally feels.
Even if such a person consistently overcomes his or her baser inclinations, who really wants to admit how they REALLY feel inside?
His acquaintances would certainly feel discomfited by a friend who reveals ongoing desires to steal, covet, hit others, scream at others, gaze at inappropriate images, eat treif food, and so on.
Having said that, we have stories of very big Sages whom others accidentally overheard rebuking themselves about the trait of anger.
The self-rebuke surprised the listeners because the Sages castigating themselves for their anger were known to be very patient & composed people.
But apparently, their patience & forbearance resulted from a lot of inner work, not from a naturally calm nature.
We don't hear from those people.
Why not?
Probably part of the reason is because that type of person fails a lot. They never manage to consistently overcome themselves.
But another reason lies in the shame such a person naturally feels.
Even if such a person consistently overcomes his or her baser inclinations, who really wants to admit how they REALLY feel inside?
His acquaintances would certainly feel discomfited by a friend who reveals ongoing desires to steal, covet, hit others, scream at others, gaze at inappropriate images, eat treif food, and so on.
Having said that, we have stories of very big Sages whom others accidentally overheard rebuking themselves about the trait of anger.
The self-rebuke surprised the listeners because the Sages castigating themselves for their anger were known to be very patient & composed people.
But apparently, their patience & forbearance resulted from a lot of inner work, not from a naturally calm nature.
Some Examples of the Struggles of Great People
There's a famous mention of a tzaddik (usually not named) who was known to always be in battle against his yetzer hara.
Apparently, he felt a pull toward thoughts & behaviors he knew were wrong, but he managed to overcome them every time because of his solid Torah knowledge & fear of God.
In other words, he realized what Hashem created him for: to be a benoni whose resistance fought the root of the yetzer hara in all worlds.
Not sure if this is the same person, but on page 406 of Words of Faith I, Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender says:
Apparently, he felt a pull toward thoughts & behaviors he knew were wrong, but he managed to overcome them every time because of his solid Torah knowledge & fear of God.
In other words, he realized what Hashem created him for: to be a benoni whose resistance fought the root of the yetzer hara in all worlds.
Not sure if this is the same person, but on page 406 of Words of Faith I, Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender says:
The Rebbe told of a certain Tsadik who served Hashem his entire life.
He warred like a lion for good.
When his time came—on his last day, the last breath of his life—he clapped and said in joy:
"Ibergeshpringen die velt! [I jumped over the world!]"
The last moment of his life he was happy that he "shot the last bullet."
The last minute, his foot was outside of the mud.
He merited to jump over this world and its vanities. Fortunate is he!
(In the footnotes, it explains the above-mentioned tzaddik was the author of Yesod v'Shoresh HaAvodah, "an extraordinarily inspiring ethical compilation that brings many passages of the Zohar to arouse proper repentance and prayer and devotion.")
It sounds like he always struggled against the yetzer hara.
Probably, it was his struggles that enabled him to write such a book. He knew all about it from personal experience.
Other glimpses into the personal inner work of great people can be seen here:
www.myrtlerising.com/blog/4-lessons-learned-from-glimpses-into-the-self-transformation-of-real-talmidei-chachamim
It's both enlightening & inspiring to see how it took Rav Scheinberg decades to uproot the connection he felt to the favorite sports team of his childhood.
Rav Avigdor Miller gave examples of his younger self as mouthy & confrontational—a far cry from the man he later became, a man who both exemplified & encouraged good words of love & blessing between people (even when you don't like them) & the avoidance confrontation except in the most unavoidable circumstances.
Rav Itamar Schwartz has briefly mentioned his own struggles, like a phase in his youth when he felt terribly empty, unfulfilled, and unhappy, or the long-ago pain of humiliation & criticism he initially encountered because of his books & shiurim, and now keeping his inner self balanced.
(You can read more about that here: www.myrtlerising.com/blog/the-story-of-the-journey-of-a-sensitive-young-man-a-glimpse-into-the-inner-struggles-of-a-talmid-chacham.)
So those are aspects & examples to keep in mind regarding the whole area of working on yourself and dealing with inner battles.
Don't feel bad, regardless of how you feel inside.
Feel good that you're willing to struggle at all.
Your struggle provides so much nachat to Hashem & also subdues the root of evil in all worlds.
It sounds like he always struggled against the yetzer hara.
Probably, it was his struggles that enabled him to write such a book. He knew all about it from personal experience.
Other glimpses into the personal inner work of great people can be seen here:
www.myrtlerising.com/blog/4-lessons-learned-from-glimpses-into-the-self-transformation-of-real-talmidei-chachamim
It's both enlightening & inspiring to see how it took Rav Scheinberg decades to uproot the connection he felt to the favorite sports team of his childhood.
Rav Avigdor Miller gave examples of his younger self as mouthy & confrontational—a far cry from the man he later became, a man who both exemplified & encouraged good words of love & blessing between people (even when you don't like them) & the avoidance confrontation except in the most unavoidable circumstances.
Rav Itamar Schwartz has briefly mentioned his own struggles, like a phase in his youth when he felt terribly empty, unfulfilled, and unhappy, or the long-ago pain of humiliation & criticism he initially encountered because of his books & shiurim, and now keeping his inner self balanced.
(You can read more about that here: www.myrtlerising.com/blog/the-story-of-the-journey-of-a-sensitive-young-man-a-glimpse-into-the-inner-struggles-of-a-talmid-chacham.)
So those are aspects & examples to keep in mind regarding the whole area of working on yourself and dealing with inner battles.
Don't feel bad, regardless of how you feel inside.
Feel good that you're willing to struggle at all.
Your struggle provides so much nachat to Hashem & also subdues the root of evil in all worlds.
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