We live in a world that pushes self-promotion.
We're supposed to put ourselves out there and describe our experience & achievements to convince people to listen to us, to follow us, to empathize with us, to buy our product, and more.
Sometimes, others put you down for not being confident enough, for not promoting yourself enough, and for not exposing yourself enough.
I've even had people get upset with me for not offering them advice with enough self-assurance -- even though I'm no professional or expert in the area.
Disappointing experience and Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender taught me that in most cases, it's not right to tell people what to do with their lives. There is so much about a person we cannot know. So other than general advice that always applies to everyone (do teshuvah, pray, talk to Hashem, observe the Torah mitzvot, etc.) at all times, it's very difficult to offer someone concrete advice.
But people are so used the superconfident oversell, they can become angry at you for treating them like the special individual with unique needs that they are -- even when you aren't a professional or an expert in the area!
In fact, I've had a couple of people get upset with me for reminding them that I'm merely repeating the advice of a professional and hold no expertise myself, and that if anything I say doesn't sit well with them, then they should dismiss it and go with their own insights.
What do they want -- that I should lie to them and give them a big overconfident hardsell that might hurt them?
It's really confusing because you're darned if you and darned if you don't.
But let's listen to Rav Avigdor Miller said -- Rav Miller who truly possessed the middot, yirat Shamayim, knowledge, and experience to give mussar to so many frum Jews across the spectrum -- look at what he said:
We're supposed to put ourselves out there and describe our experience & achievements to convince people to listen to us, to follow us, to empathize with us, to buy our product, and more.
Sometimes, others put you down for not being confident enough, for not promoting yourself enough, and for not exposing yourself enough.
I've even had people get upset with me for not offering them advice with enough self-assurance -- even though I'm no professional or expert in the area.
Disappointing experience and Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender taught me that in most cases, it's not right to tell people what to do with their lives. There is so much about a person we cannot know. So other than general advice that always applies to everyone (do teshuvah, pray, talk to Hashem, observe the Torah mitzvot, etc.) at all times, it's very difficult to offer someone concrete advice.
But people are so used the superconfident oversell, they can become angry at you for treating them like the special individual with unique needs that they are -- even when you aren't a professional or an expert in the area!
In fact, I've had a couple of people get upset with me for reminding them that I'm merely repeating the advice of a professional and hold no expertise myself, and that if anything I say doesn't sit well with them, then they should dismiss it and go with their own insights.
What do they want -- that I should lie to them and give them a big overconfident hardsell that might hurt them?
It's really confusing because you're darned if you and darned if you don't.
But let's listen to Rav Avigdor Miller said -- Rav Miller who truly possessed the middot, yirat Shamayim, knowledge, and experience to give mussar to so many frum Jews across the spectrum -- look at what he said:
Rav Avigdor Miller on Ignoring Rav Avigdor Miller
Q:
What should people gain from these shiurim here? Why is it worth it to come here every Thursday night?
A:
They should gain עצות ותחבולות [advice & strategies]. Advice about how to live life more happily and more successfully. All the words that you hear here come from the words of our great men. It’s the words of the Torah that Hakodosh Boruch Hu is teaching. It’s עצות. Good, sound advice. עצה זו תורה. The ideas found in the תורה [Torah] are the best advice for living a successful life. And really, I’m here just talking to myself. I’m trying to make myself better. But I’m letting you listen along.
And therefore, if anything comes from my own mind, then you should ignore it. But if it’s פסוקים [Torah verses] and ma’amarei Chazal. Or mussar seforim and words of my Rebbeim from Slobodka, then they’re diamonds – more valuable than diamonds – and I’m just handing them over to you. I’m just a שליח [messenger]. They are valuable lessons and you must practice them. It’s very important that you practice living according to the עצות [advice] of our חכמים [wise Sages]. And if you do so, you will live successfully and accomplish what you’re in this world to accomplish.
(TAPE # E-172)
"And really, I’m here just talking to myself. I’m trying to make myself better. But I’m letting you listen along. And therefore, if anything comes from my own mind, then you should ignore it."
Do you really believe that you should ignore anything that comes from Rav Miller's own mind?
I don't.
Rav Miller possessed the insight, knowledge, and experience necessary for a good solid opinion of his own.
I definitely wouldn't ignore something from Rav Miller's mind.
But the idea behind his words is spot-on.
And it's a good thing to remember whether you're the one speaking/writing or whether you're the one listening/reading.
May Hashem grant us all wisdom, insight, and daat to always make the best decision.
Do you really believe that you should ignore anything that comes from Rav Miller's own mind?
I don't.
Rav Miller possessed the insight, knowledge, and experience necessary for a good solid opinion of his own.
I definitely wouldn't ignore something from Rav Miller's mind.
But the idea behind his words is spot-on.
And it's a good thing to remember whether you're the one speaking/writing or whether you're the one listening/reading.
May Hashem grant us all wisdom, insight, and daat to always make the best decision.
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