When I recently felt repelled from connecting to the Internet (or even going near my computer), I kept thinking I should make some small announcement on the blog so readers would understand why days go by without a new post.
But I couldn't because I felt so repelled from doing so!
Over time I felt less repelled, and managed to force myself to compose an explanatory post...which I think made it seem like I was going offline permanently:
2-announcements-about-this-blog-the-current-epidemic.html
But that was followed by more regularly appearing posts (although short, mostly copied & pasted, or explanations about why people should view a certain link, etc.—in other words, not the kind of posts characteristic of this blog, but still posts one after the other).
So it seems inconsistent.
And it is!
But the logic behind it all is that I really did feel that way at the time.
I really felt like I couldn't write, couldn't post, didn't want to read online, and even email presented a challenge to some degree, etc.
And now, I feel up to writing more.
But baruch Hashem, that feeling of healthy disconnection still exists, albeit not to the degree it did before.
At the same time, I understand there are different situations, people with different needs that can only or mostly be fulfilled online.
What I'm doing right now isn't what everyone should be doing right now.
And believe me, I understand the Internet's pull even when one's actual needs do not demand the Internet.
But what I'm doing now (or at least trying to do) definitely suits this stage in my personal journey.
I need to be honest with myself about what my real needs are as I progress with disconnecting (in addition to working on a whole host of other stuff in myself).
For example, I recently turned off all access to videos (except Torah Anytime). Yes, even the best Torah classes of YouTube...even the wonderful enjoyment of watching the Lubavitcher Rebbe interact with a variety of people & also Rav Avigdor Miller's lectures!
But I decided that according to my very personal calculations for my own unique needs at this particular time, there's an overall benefit to NO access to ANY YouTube, JewTube, WeTube, Vimeo, videos available on pseudo-kosher "frum" news sites, etc...even if the video features divrei Torah from a supreme talmid chacham.
And this transition feels surprisingly good. (I thought it would be more angsty.)
It's a tradeoff.
And I know I'm not being consistent about things...which is actually pretty normal for inner growth and transitioning.
When trying out a new hashkafah or behavior, it's normal to flounder around until you get the knack of it.
Sure, it's a bit frustrating or confusing for both the flounderer and for people who get "splashed" by the flounderer,
Growth is good & leads to wonderful things, but it's also discombobulating.
Both aspects are true.
And people in transition can accidently bump into each other, step on toes unintentionally, and so on.
This is where understanding, forgiveness, patience, and a sense of humor come in to play...on the part of the flounderer and others in contact with the flounderer (who doesn't mean to flounder, but is trying the darndest to keep one's head above water while figuring out how to swim properly...and also avoid sharks, jellyfish, and prankers who think it's so cute, clever, and funny to sneak under you & yank you down by the ankle so you think you're drowning).
(BTW, please note the emphasis on behavior resulting from TRANSITION—and NOT people who bumble around with their bad middos saying "Oh, well, just gotta work on those middos...someday...in some way..." That's just poor middos & people who aren't even trying. I'm talking about people who have a plan & a goal, but due to unfamiliarity with a new stage in personal growth, they bumble around until they get it right. And such people DO eventually get it right because they are honestly trying.)
When you actually work on yourself for real—not just going through the motions, but REALLY going through the grind—you tend to have more patience & understanding for others genuinely trying to work on themselves. So that's a huge plus from going through your own transition phases.
Empathy is one of the most important traits to cultivate—and genuine middot work definitely cultivates empathy.
Anyway...I still have posts mostly written that continue to languish on the side unfinished...
So I think where I'm holding now is there'll be spurts of smaller posts, or a big long post somewhere, and also lags of no posts.
I don't mean for it to be like that, but it's the result of trying to sort myself out (in addition to life-changes occurring outside myself).
And I apologize for any inconsistencies or annoyances.
But I couldn't because I felt so repelled from doing so!
Over time I felt less repelled, and managed to force myself to compose an explanatory post...which I think made it seem like I was going offline permanently:
2-announcements-about-this-blog-the-current-epidemic.html
But that was followed by more regularly appearing posts (although short, mostly copied & pasted, or explanations about why people should view a certain link, etc.—in other words, not the kind of posts characteristic of this blog, but still posts one after the other).
So it seems inconsistent.
And it is!
But the logic behind it all is that I really did feel that way at the time.
I really felt like I couldn't write, couldn't post, didn't want to read online, and even email presented a challenge to some degree, etc.
And now, I feel up to writing more.
But baruch Hashem, that feeling of healthy disconnection still exists, albeit not to the degree it did before.
At the same time, I understand there are different situations, people with different needs that can only or mostly be fulfilled online.
What I'm doing right now isn't what everyone should be doing right now.
And believe me, I understand the Internet's pull even when one's actual needs do not demand the Internet.
But what I'm doing now (or at least trying to do) definitely suits this stage in my personal journey.
I need to be honest with myself about what my real needs are as I progress with disconnecting (in addition to working on a whole host of other stuff in myself).
For example, I recently turned off all access to videos (except Torah Anytime). Yes, even the best Torah classes of YouTube...even the wonderful enjoyment of watching the Lubavitcher Rebbe interact with a variety of people & also Rav Avigdor Miller's lectures!
But I decided that according to my very personal calculations for my own unique needs at this particular time, there's an overall benefit to NO access to ANY YouTube, JewTube, WeTube, Vimeo, videos available on pseudo-kosher "frum" news sites, etc...even if the video features divrei Torah from a supreme talmid chacham.
And this transition feels surprisingly good. (I thought it would be more angsty.)
It's a tradeoff.
And I know I'm not being consistent about things...which is actually pretty normal for inner growth and transitioning.
When trying out a new hashkafah or behavior, it's normal to flounder around until you get the knack of it.
Sure, it's a bit frustrating or confusing for both the flounderer and for people who get "splashed" by the flounderer,
Growth is good & leads to wonderful things, but it's also discombobulating.
Both aspects are true.
And people in transition can accidently bump into each other, step on toes unintentionally, and so on.
This is where understanding, forgiveness, patience, and a sense of humor come in to play...on the part of the flounderer and others in contact with the flounderer (who doesn't mean to flounder, but is trying the darndest to keep one's head above water while figuring out how to swim properly...and also avoid sharks, jellyfish, and prankers who think it's so cute, clever, and funny to sneak under you & yank you down by the ankle so you think you're drowning).
(BTW, please note the emphasis on behavior resulting from TRANSITION—and NOT people who bumble around with their bad middos saying "Oh, well, just gotta work on those middos...someday...in some way..." That's just poor middos & people who aren't even trying. I'm talking about people who have a plan & a goal, but due to unfamiliarity with a new stage in personal growth, they bumble around until they get it right. And such people DO eventually get it right because they are honestly trying.)
When you actually work on yourself for real—not just going through the motions, but REALLY going through the grind—you tend to have more patience & understanding for others genuinely trying to work on themselves. So that's a huge plus from going through your own transition phases.
Empathy is one of the most important traits to cultivate—and genuine middot work definitely cultivates empathy.
Anyway...I still have posts mostly written that continue to languish on the side unfinished...
So I think where I'm holding now is there'll be spurts of smaller posts, or a big long post somewhere, and also lags of no posts.
I don't mean for it to be like that, but it's the result of trying to sort myself out (in addition to life-changes occurring outside myself).
And I apologize for any inconsistencies or annoyances.
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