"Instead of stinging nettle, myrtle will rise" (Isaiah 55:13)
 "Instead of evil, good will rise." (The Malbim's Interpretation)
Myrtle Rising
  • Blog
  • Comments Disabled
    • Privacy Policy
  • Aliyah
    • Mini-Intro
    • General Cultural Insights
    • School Tips
  • Kli Yakar Index
  • Most Popular
  • Contact

Life Really ISN'T Fair & Why That's Okay

27/11/2017

0 Comments

 
Sometimes, Hashem seems to have higher standards for some people than others.
 
This doesn’t mean that He expects a regular person to reach the level of Moshe Rabbeinu; it means that He expects a “regular” person to push himself a lot more than He seems to expect of other people.

Trudging through the Mire of Teshuvah

Just as one example:
A couple of people confided that before they started talking to Hashem and doing a raw, introspective evaluation of themselves, they feel like in hindsight, they were well on their way to developing a full-blown personality disorder.

They have shame and even some confusion (“How could I have even thought that way? Where was my brain??!”) about their past behavior. What’s astonishing is how they were able to sift through all that narcissism and victim mentality to reach the truth (both the beautiful and the ugly parts) about themselves—and then to get down to serious work on transforming themselves into the kind of people they were meant to be all along.
 
Because personality disorders indicate a lot of false beliefs (which the person honestly thinks are true), and which also knocks that person's instincts off balance (causing them to jump to false conclusions about themselves and others), it means that they have more mire than usual to wade through and a much harder job ahead of them.
 
Interestingly, most people don’t ever try to do this. In fact, even a lot of emotionally healthy people don’t sit down and do a regular cheshbon hanefesh or turn to God in their own words.

(Note: A “regular” cheshbon hanefesh doesn’t have to mean “daily”—although that’s the halachic ideal; “regular” can also mean weekly.)
 
And we see that a lot of people with emotional problems don’t do real teshuvah at all; this resistance is an inherent part of their emotional problems and mental health issues in the first place.
 
So why do some people get to work and some don’t?
 
And why do many emotionally healthy people (who presumably have less work to do and hence less inner shame to face) skimp on real raw self-scrutiny while this handful of emotionally unhealthy personality disordered people engage in the necessary self-scrutiny, when the latter have so much more muck to rake through, and therefore much more emotional pain during the process?
 
(In addition, most emotionally unhealthy people have experienced traumatic events not of their making, which they also need to remember and deal with. So it’s not just their own mistakes and transgressions, but very painful experiences perpetrated against them by the transgressions and mistakes of others.)
 
I don’t know the answer. I guess these people have certain amount of siyata d’Shmaya, maybe zechut avot (ancestral merit) or at least one very good and significant deed that opens the gates of teshuvah to them and earns them an extra measure of Heavenly Help to get them to where they need to go.
 
It’s truly a Divine Act of loving-kindness because the better we behave here, the more reward we receive for eternity over There. So when people are given a chance to identify their misdeeds and faulty thinking, regret them and change them, they are actually doing their ownselves a huge favor.
 
Having said that, it’s still grueling work.

When the Playing Field isn't Level

If you need to get to Level 10, then starting from Level Minus 5 is a lot harder than starting from Level Seven...or even starting from Level Zero.
 
For example, I think we’ve all met the following types of parents:
  • Parent A possesses both the innate nature and the upbringing to be a good parent.
  • Parent B lacks the innate nature associated with good parenting, but received a good upbringing and fairly decent modeling as to how to be a good parent.
  • Parent C possesses the innate nature to be a good parent, but underwent an abusive upbringing or received poor modeling from own parents.
  • Parent D lacks both the innate nature and upbringing or any kind of positive parental modeling.
 
(And certainly, there are also different gradations within each type with regard to how much innate nature one receives and how exemplary or abusive the upbringing and parental modeling was.)
 
Needless to say, Parent D is going to have to work a LOT harder to just reach the innate level of Parent B or C, while reaching the level that comes naturally to Parent A is going to seem nearly impossible to Parent D.
 
(And sometimes, Hashem throws Parent D a particularly difficult spouse and/or particularly challenging children into the mix.)

We see that things aren't dished out equally and that some people have a lot more strikes against them from the outset.
 
Again, it seems that Hashem simply has higher expectations of some people than He does others.

Looking at Yourself from Hashem's POV

Fortunately, Hashem judges us solely on according to ourselves. He will never judge Parent D according to the results of Parent A. In fact, He won’t even judge Parent D’s good days against Parent A’s “bad” days. Society might do so, but they’re wrong to do so.
 
Whatever effort you make? That’s what you get judged on.
 
If you clawed yourself up from Level Minus Five to Level Zero, then you’ve struggled and accomplished a lot more than a Level Seven who pushed himself up to Level Eight…even though the latter appears tremendously more accomplished than you do.
 
People can disparage a person on Level Zero. And the pinch is that people may be right when they state that “you’re only on Level Zero.”
 
But only Hashem knows where you’ve really come from and that your “Zero” is another person’s “Eight.”
 
And Hashem’s POV is all that matters.
_______________

May we all merit to complete our tikkun in this lifetime without suffering or humiliation.
Picture
The people who already made it to the top by car, helicopter, or cable car won't necessarily understand why this guy is still clinging to the cliff wall all the way down there.
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Privacy Policy

    Picture
    Please note this is an affiliate link. Meaning, I get a small cut but at NO extra cost to you. If you use it, I'm grateful. If not, you still get a giant mitzvah connected to Eretz Yisrael.


    Feedburner subscription no longer in operation. Sorry!

    Myrtle Rising

    I'm a middle-aged housewife and mother in Eretz Yisrael who likes to read and write a lot.


    Picture
    Sample Chapters

    Categories

    All
    Aliyah
    Anti Jewish Bigotry
    Anti-jewish-bigotry
    Astronomy
    Book Review
    Books
    Chagim/Holidays
    Chinuch
    Coronavirus
    Dictionaries
    Emuna
    Eretz Yisrael
    Erev Rav
    Gender
    Hitbodedut
    "If The Torah..."
    Jewish Astrology
    Kav Hayashar
    Kli Yakar
    Lashon Hara
    Love
    Me'am Loez
    Minchat Yehudah
    Mishlei/Proverbs
    Netivot Shalom
    Parenting
    Parsha
    Pele Yoetz
    Perek Shira
    Pesach
    Politics
    Prayer
    Purim
    Rav Avigdor Miller
    Rav Itamar Schwartz
    Rav L.Y. Bender
    Recipes
    "Regular" Jews
    Rosh Hashanah
    Society
    Sukkot
    Tammuz
    Technology
    Tehillim/Psalms
    Teshuvah
    The Lost Princess
    Tisha B'Av
    USA Scary Direction
    Women
    Yom Kippur

    Jewish Blogs

    Daf Yomi Review
    Derech Emet
    Going...Habayitah
    Halacha Q&A
    Hava haAharona
    Miriam Adahan
    My Perspective

    Shirat Devorah
    Tomer Devorah
    Toras Avigdor
    True Tzaddikim
    Tznius Blog

    Yeranen Yaakov
    Rabbi Ofer Erez (Hebrew lectures)

    Jewish Current Events

    Hamodia
    Sultan Knish
    Tomer Devorah
    Yeranen Yaakov

    Jewish Health

    People Smarts

    Archives

    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015

    RSS Feed

    Copyright Notice

    ©2015-2022 Myrtle Rising
    Excerpts and links may be used without express permission as long as a link is provided back to the appropriate Myrtle Rising page.

Home/Blog

Most Popular

Kli Yakar in English

Aliyah

Contact

Copyright © 2023
Photos used under Creative Commons from Brett Jordan, BAMCorp, Terrazzo, Abode of Chaos, Michele Dorsey Walfred, marklordphotography, M.Burak Erbaş, torbakhopper, jhritz, Rina Pitucci (Tilling 67), Svadilfari, kum111, Tim simpson1, FindYourSearch, Giorgio Galeotti, ChrisYunker, Jaykhuang, YourCastlesDecor, bluebirdsandteapots, Natalia Medd, Stefans02, Israel_photo_gallery, Commander, U.S. 7th Fleet, BradPerkins, zeevveez, dfarrell07, h.koppdelaney, Edgardo W. Olivera, nafrenkel88, zeevveez, mtchlra, Liz | populational, TraumaAndDissociation, thinboyfatter, garofalo.christina, skpy, Free Grunge Textures - www.freestock.ca, Nerru, Gregory "Slobirdr" Smith, trendingtopics, dolbinator1000, DonkeyHotey, zeevveez, erix!, zeevveez, h.koppdelaney, MAURO CATEB, kevin dooley, keepitsurreal, annikaleigh, bjornmeansbear, publicdomainphotography, Leonard J Matthews, Exile on Ontario St, Nicholas_T, marcoverch, planman, PhilWolff, j_lai, t.kunikuni, zeevveez, Ian W Scott, Brett Jordan, RonAlmog, Bob Linsdell, NASA Goddard Photo and Video, aaron_anderer, ** RCB **, Tony Webster, mypubliclands, AntonStetner, Zachi Evenor, MrJamesBaker, sammydavisdog, Frode Ramone, Wonder woman0731, wrachele, kennethkonica, Skall_Edit, Pleuntje, Rennett Stowe, *S A N D E E P*, symphony of love, AlexanderJonesi, Arya Ziai, ePublicist, Enokson, Tony Webster, Art4TheGlryOfGod, seaternity, Andrew Tarvin, zeevveez, Israel_photo_gallery, Iqbal Osman1, Matt From London, Tribes of the World, Eric Kilby, miracle design, RonAlmog, slgckgc, Kim Scarborough, DonkeyHotey, Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com, h.koppdelaney, gleonhard, Pedro Travassos, nociveglia, RonAlmog, Israel_photo_gallery, Septemia, Paulann_Egelhoff, Tatiana12, MAD Hippies Life, Neta Bartal, milesgehm, shooting brooklyn, RonAlmog, smilygrl, gospelportals, leighblackall, symensphotographie, zeevveez, Kyknoord, wotashot (taking a break), Tambako the Jaguar, bitmask, Arnie Sacknooson, mattymatt, Rob Swystun, zeevveez, Dun.can, Tim Patterson, timeflicks, garlandcannon, HRYMX, fred_v, Yair Aronshtam, zeevveez, Ron Cogswell, FindYourSearch, Israel_photo_gallery, Serendipity Diamonds, zeevveez, Steve Corey, Dominic's pics, leighklotz, Stefans02, dannyman, RonAlmog, Stephen O, RonAlmog, Tips For Travellers, Futurilla, anomalous4, Bob Linsdell, AndyMcLemore, symphony of love, andydr, sara~, Gamma Man, Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com, robef, European Southern Observatory, Brett Jordan, Johnny Silvercloud, Israel_photo_gallery, smkybear, --Sam--, Paulann_Egelhoff, Selena Sheridan, D'oh Boy, campbelj45ca, 19melissa68, entirelysubjective, Leimenide, dheera.net, Brett Jordan, HonestReporting.com, Iqbal Osman1, One Way Stock, Jake Waage, picto:graphic, Marcelo Alves, KAZVorpal, Sparkle Motion, Brett Jordan, Ambernectar 13, Howdy, I'm H. Michael Karshis, Steven DuBois, Cristian V., tortuga767, Jake Cvnningham, D'oh Boy, Eric Kilby, quinn.anya, Lenny K Photography, One Way Stock, Bird Eye, ell brown, Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com, Kevin M. Gill, lunar caustic, gerrybuckel, quinn.anya, Kaz Andrew, kodomut, kayugee, jintae kim's photography, Futurilla, terri_bateman, Patty Mooney, Amydeanne, Paulann_Egelhoff, Mulling it Over, Ungry Young Man, Ruth and Dave, yangouyang374, symphony of love, kennethkonica, young@art, Brett Jordan, slgckgc, Celestine Chua, rkimpeljr, Kristoffer Trolle, TooFarNorth, D'oh Boy, Grace to You, LittleStuff.me, Kevin M. Gill, philozopher, traveltipy.com, Alan Cleaver, crazyoctopus, d_vdm, tonynetone, penjelly, TheToch, JohnE777, hello-julie, DaveBleasdale, Michael Candelori Photography, andessurvivor, slgckgc, byzantiumbooks, sasha diamanti