Rav Avigdor Miller on Non-Domestic Roles for Women

One of my favorite mussar rabbis, Rav Avigdor Miller, held the roles of mothers and wives in very high esteem.

While he spoke compellingly about the woman's role in the home, he also understood that most women need to invest in non-domestic activities too.

(And rather than going on about nishtaneh hateva, he seemed to feel that was a natural expression of any human being, and not just the result of being a modern woman. If you have the time and energy to do, say, chessed or visiting the sick, then why not? Same thing with other activities -- though he clearly felt that both men and women should only be involved in meaningful extraneous activities.)

So in a post called Rav Avigdor on Seeking Role Models, he focuses first on women:

A woman should seek another woman, and say to herself, “What woman is there that I can emulate, a woman who uses her spare time for great achievement?”

​First, he describes non-domestic activities that Jewish women have always done:

 There’s a woman over here, not too far from here, who is busy helping the poor. I know her, and she’s always sending parcels to the needy.

She’s gathering clothing and helping families. She’s helping poor girls get married. There are a lot of good things that she is doing.

​Somebody might want to use her as a model.

Then he mentions options for the modern educated Jewish woman.

Now some other women would like to use the model of someone else, someone who looks into seforim, who meditates on Hashem’s kindliness, who reads Torah works.

Someone else might want to follow the model of a woman who writes. There are women who write, and they enrich our literature with Torah stories for children, inspiring stories of ba’alei teshuva, books that show the glory of living Torah lives.

​And these women are doing a big job. And there are not enough of them.

​So it depends on which model is suited to your nature and what you want to accomplish. 

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Note that he doesn't consider such activities as b'dieved, or second-rate, as in, "Nebbuch, women aren't satisfied with washing dishes and mopping floors all day, so they need other stuff to do."

No! As discussed in previous posts (The True History of Women's Work & Discover the Ancient Danger of "New!"), Jewish women with the time, skills, and resources always invested in activities outside the domestic sphere.

(Not to mention, if she could possibly hire someone else to launder, clean, cook, or take the children for a walk -- she did. She supervised everything and involved herself with everything and she CARED about her children and the running of her home. But if she could possibly afford it, she always had someone else do the physical work.)

Instead, Rav Avigdor Miller offers different options based on a woman's individuality. And he says that women who write Torah stories for children "enrich our literature."

With regard to women who write Torah stories for children, inspiring stories of secular Jews who became frum, and books that show the glory of living Torah lives: Rav Avigdor Miller calls these stories and books "a big job."

​And regarding these women writers, he notes: "There are not enough of them."

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Anyone who knows about Rav Avigdor Miller knows he's far from politically correct. And he doesn't say things he doesn't truly mean. He's the product of an old-fashioned European yeshivish education that doesn't compromise.

He preaches to the choir (frum Jews) and speaks according to mussar (which most people struggle to understand & accept).

Becasue of that, it's important to focus on what he actually said.

He spoke of literature that enriches and inspires.

And as a writer myself, I think that's good guidance.

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But what if you're not a writer?

So according to Rav Avigdor Miller's advice above, you need to ask yourself:

• What model is suited to YOUR nature?
• What do YOU want to accomplish?

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