I'm constantly awed by people who suffer so much, both physically and emotionally, yet wrestle through their pain and their despair to reach Hashem.
Today, we see people with no personal resources strive to live a Torah life.
They simply lack keilim, both within and without.
There is nothing in their upbringing, their cultural background (especially with all the filth and drivel of today), or their their own personal mindset that supports living a Torah life & thinking in a Torah way.
Just as an aside: This is not meant as a dismissal of FFBs who face challenges from a dysfunctional upbringing or schooling.
As I've written here before, I think that in some ways, giving frumkeit a second chance, being willing to look at it with fresh eyes & rebuild yourself anew after having been burned, is more challenging than coming to frumkeit from a totally non-frum world.
However, I've met FFBs off the derech and some of the basic values, some of the basic derech eretz is still there. At the very least, a minimal appreciation of certain basic middot are still innate to them.
As the generations go by, the values change for the worse in the non-Jewish world now. For example, values upheld in my parents' generation were already mocked and cast aside in my generation.
And by values, I also mean middot.
Behaviors considered good middot in the not-so-distant past are now considered dysfunctional, unhealthy, pathetic, unnecessary, or silly.
And things keep disintegrating.
It's very, very difficult to completely renovate your mind right down to your unconscious instincts; yet that's exactly what people new to frumkeit must do nowadays.
Coming from the secular world into the frum world, your very instincts might well be "off."
If you listen to those struggling, it's a constant battle against their inner nature (both that which with they were born and that which was indoctrinated into them by their family and society) to internalize authentic Torah values and an authentic Torah mindset.
It's a battle they have NO inner resources to fight.
I'm being serious.
They don't have it within themselves and they never received it from without.
And I'm sorry to say it, but as much as years of shiurim, seminars, a long stint in yeshivah or seminary genuinely help and do save their soul, it is so difficult to overcome the programming of an increasingly repressive and anti-Torah society.
I'm not sure if I should say this either, but I do kind of think it's becoming almost impossible, although a lot of headway can certainly be made, and any effort in the right direction makes you a better person and reaps you reward in the Next World, plus sweetens dinim right now.
But things are so vastly corrupt in the non-frum world, plus it has infected the frum world as you can rarely open a frum magazine or website without seeing something that is questionable, if not outright kefirah (or just "tiflut" if you're lucky). And even if an online article is good, the comment section often ruins everything.
So how are people from a non-frum background supposed to be able to sift through it all? And I don't mean just what they encounter in a frum website, but everything they've absorbed until now.
To complicate things, sometimes they even have an emotionally unhealthy or not-so-religious spouse or consulted with some kind of religious "guide" (a low-level rabbi or rebbetzin, "expert," adviser, mentor, kallah/chassan teacher, therapist, well-meaning frum neighbor or Shabbos host) that messes with their mind even more, making their struggle even more of a challenge.
Just to be clear: All these types of people listed in the above paragraph can also be VERY helpful! I myself had rebbetzin/mentor who changed my life and helped me so much with my hashkafah, and I'm very grateful to her. It depends who you encounter. Also, the same person who works miracles for your friend might be a disaster for you and vice-versa.
Yet despite all these obstacles, these strivers fight and they fight and they fight!
They won't give up.
They keep trying to grasp onto emunah and cultivate a relationship with Hashem, even when it feels like He's pushing them away.
You don't hear about them much because they are in so much pain, it's private.
Also, because most people find it so difficult to hear about impossible situations, situations in which the difficult person will likely never improve no matter how many hoops you jump through or situations which simply have no remedy until Mashiach comes (like death or disability), a lot of these struggling people get kicked in the teeth by those who struggle accept the impossible reality of their situation.
Following along these lines, they either blame themselves for the slightest mistake (including the lack of ability to read minds) or fear (from past experience) that they'll be blamed no matter what, so they don't want to make themselves vulnerable again.
Also, they know that halacha does not allow them to blab with abandon about the suffering they endured or are enduring from family members or faulty religious "experts."
So these blessedly unrelenting strivers learn at some point not to speak of it much, including with those who claim they can help them.
But they're there.
And oftentimes, it's these silent acts of dedication to Hashem that keep everything going.
Today, we see people with no personal resources strive to live a Torah life.
They simply lack keilim, both within and without.
There is nothing in their upbringing, their cultural background (especially with all the filth and drivel of today), or their their own personal mindset that supports living a Torah life & thinking in a Torah way.
Just as an aside: This is not meant as a dismissal of FFBs who face challenges from a dysfunctional upbringing or schooling.
As I've written here before, I think that in some ways, giving frumkeit a second chance, being willing to look at it with fresh eyes & rebuild yourself anew after having been burned, is more challenging than coming to frumkeit from a totally non-frum world.
However, I've met FFBs off the derech and some of the basic values, some of the basic derech eretz is still there. At the very least, a minimal appreciation of certain basic middot are still innate to them.
As the generations go by, the values change for the worse in the non-Jewish world now. For example, values upheld in my parents' generation were already mocked and cast aside in my generation.
And by values, I also mean middot.
Behaviors considered good middot in the not-so-distant past are now considered dysfunctional, unhealthy, pathetic, unnecessary, or silly.
And things keep disintegrating.
It's very, very difficult to completely renovate your mind right down to your unconscious instincts; yet that's exactly what people new to frumkeit must do nowadays.
Coming from the secular world into the frum world, your very instincts might well be "off."
If you listen to those struggling, it's a constant battle against their inner nature (both that which with they were born and that which was indoctrinated into them by their family and society) to internalize authentic Torah values and an authentic Torah mindset.
It's a battle they have NO inner resources to fight.
I'm being serious.
They don't have it within themselves and they never received it from without.
And I'm sorry to say it, but as much as years of shiurim, seminars, a long stint in yeshivah or seminary genuinely help and do save their soul, it is so difficult to overcome the programming of an increasingly repressive and anti-Torah society.
I'm not sure if I should say this either, but I do kind of think it's becoming almost impossible, although a lot of headway can certainly be made, and any effort in the right direction makes you a better person and reaps you reward in the Next World, plus sweetens dinim right now.
But things are so vastly corrupt in the non-frum world, plus it has infected the frum world as you can rarely open a frum magazine or website without seeing something that is questionable, if not outright kefirah (or just "tiflut" if you're lucky). And even if an online article is good, the comment section often ruins everything.
So how are people from a non-frum background supposed to be able to sift through it all? And I don't mean just what they encounter in a frum website, but everything they've absorbed until now.
To complicate things, sometimes they even have an emotionally unhealthy or not-so-religious spouse or consulted with some kind of religious "guide" (a low-level rabbi or rebbetzin, "expert," adviser, mentor, kallah/chassan teacher, therapist, well-meaning frum neighbor or Shabbos host) that messes with their mind even more, making their struggle even more of a challenge.
Just to be clear: All these types of people listed in the above paragraph can also be VERY helpful! I myself had rebbetzin/mentor who changed my life and helped me so much with my hashkafah, and I'm very grateful to her. It depends who you encounter. Also, the same person who works miracles for your friend might be a disaster for you and vice-versa.
Yet despite all these obstacles, these strivers fight and they fight and they fight!
They won't give up.
They keep trying to grasp onto emunah and cultivate a relationship with Hashem, even when it feels like He's pushing them away.
You don't hear about them much because they are in so much pain, it's private.
Also, because most people find it so difficult to hear about impossible situations, situations in which the difficult person will likely never improve no matter how many hoops you jump through or situations which simply have no remedy until Mashiach comes (like death or disability), a lot of these struggling people get kicked in the teeth by those who struggle accept the impossible reality of their situation.
Following along these lines, they either blame themselves for the slightest mistake (including the lack of ability to read minds) or fear (from past experience) that they'll be blamed no matter what, so they don't want to make themselves vulnerable again.
Also, they know that halacha does not allow them to blab with abandon about the suffering they endured or are enduring from family members or faulty religious "experts."
So these blessedly unrelenting strivers learn at some point not to speak of it much, including with those who claim they can help them.
But they're there.
And oftentimes, it's these silent acts of dedication to Hashem that keep everything going.
RSS Feed