The Ideal Chinuch Class

So far, this blog has posted a lot on the faults within the chinuch framework as far as parents go, and the failings of classes and consultations to help (or to help as much as you need, even if they do help you some), despite the adviser's experience, hard work, and best of intentions.

You may be wondering what a chinuch class based on actual Torah hashkafah, without any pop psychology disguised as Torah, might look like.

So...we've discussed emuna, emuna as it relates to chinuch (raising children), self-introspection and teshuvah, prayer, the vital importance of developing a relationship with Hashem, and so on.

For example:

• We know that Rebbe Nachman of Breslov emphasized dancing to sweeten din and that the Kli Yakar explained that singing and dancing (especially after a miracle was performed for you) leads to Heavenly Forgiveness of sins (please see Parshat Beshalach and scroll down two-thirds to the photo of the Reed Sea).
• We know that thanking Hashem for both the good and the bad brings great blessing and compassion.
• We know that being in a state of joy is essential for receiving Divine Blessing.
• We know that a lot of chinuch methods don’t really work OR don’t work for everyone.
• We know that many commonplace self-improvement systems and chinuch methods, including those that have been frumified, still contain a non-Torah root and therefore miss crucial points.
• We know that many chinuch classes and consultations with chinuch experts can leave you feeling bad about yourself, overwhelmed, frustrated, confused, or despairing.
• We know that prayer is more effective than anything else.
• We know that any ordeal in life should inspire us to scrutinize our deeds, confess our mistakes and sins to Hashem, and make amends however possible.

 
But maybe you still feel that you need some kind of class or support group while you’re raising your children—and legitimately so. It's only human to feel that way.

Therefore, if an effective chinuch class was truly based on Torah sources, then what would it look like?

It could look something like this:

It Opens with Expressions of Praise and Gratitude to Hashem

This could mean:

• The fervent reading of one chapter of Tehillim, particularly one with a lot of Hallelukas or Hodus ("Hodu l'Hashem ki Tov - Praise God for He is Good!") or one of the many other praising/thanking chapters.
  
• Each person takes a turn expressing gratitude for at least one obviously good thing: “Thank God, my baby is healthy.”
• Each person takes a turn expressing gratitude for at least one obviously negative thing: “Thank God, the baby woke up every two hours last night; yes, of course, I feel like sludge, but I know that somehow, getting up every two hours is for my best and therefore, something to be grateful for.”
• You all could sing a song in English, like “Baruch Hashem, I feel so good” or a Sephardi piyut or a Chassidic niggun.
• You could say all together, “I love You, Hashem.”
• A combination of the above
• Your own idea

Self-Introspection, Searching for the Message, Etc.

This could be carried out in any of the following ways:

• Someone relates an inspiring story (either the facilitator every time or the participants take turns each week)
  
• Someone talks about something that happened with their child and what message they got out of it (again, either the facilitator or the participants)
• Someone talks about something with which they’re stuck regarding their child, and the facilitator and/or participants ask helpful questions direction or mention a similar situation they experienced and what they learned from it, or some other kind of helpful support. (This kind of thing can be pretty sensitive and backfire, so it depends on the group and the facilitator as to whether this is actually a good idea.) This should always been done in a validating, positive manner that emphasizes the positive attributes of the mother and the child.
  
• A combination of the above
  
• Your own idea

Requests and Prayers

Group prayer is very powerful, especially when carried out with a lot of heartfelt sympathy for whomever you're praying.
This part of the hour can play out in any of the following ways:

• Everyone can pray for everyone else in the group now via Tehillim, bakashot, special prayers written for success in raising children, or personal requests.
• Someone can make the declaration that they’re about to dance to sweeten tzaar gidul banim (the difficulties inherent in child-rearing), and then everyone can break out into the hora.
• You all can dance with your hands up in the air and clapping.
• You can call out each other’s names in prayer while dancing, i.e. “May the following people have nachat d’Kedushah from all their children: Sorah Rivka bas Ruchel Leah! Oreet bat Doreet!" Etc.
• A combination of the above
• Your own idea

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It doesn’t matter much what order things are done, as long as gratitude and praise to Hashem are offered first.

Fathers can also get together and do this.

The above are just suggestions.
Anything based on authentic Torah principles should work.

May Hashem pour forth tremendous blessings and success in all your chinuch endeavors.