Kiddush Hashem means presenting Hashem honestly, as HE wishes to be viewed.
For example, if you live in a society which says that killing unborn babies is an act of compassion or that 2 men getting "married" is a sign of morality & social progress, then even if everyone hates you for saying otherwise, it is a chilul Hashem for you to present Hashem as agreeing with acts He specifically forbade, such as abortion or same-gender marriage.
And it is a kiddush Hashem to object to such forbidden acts, like abortion & same-gender "marriage," and to also support laws that support normal man-woman marriage and to support laws and organizations that save unborn babies and provide for their mothers.
Secular newspapers & even some "frum" bloggers strive to impose society's standards onto Hashem, and encourage you to feel misplaced shame as a result, distorting what kiddush Hashem & chilul Hashem really mean.
The more knowledgeable you are in original Torah sources, the easier it is to stay strong.
So kiddush Hashem & chilul Hashem are not reliant on just what society considers good or bad.
It's all about what Hashem considers good or bad.
Why Reject Hashem's Standards of Beauty in Favor of the Standards of Milan & Paris?
For example, a frum woman who makes sure to follow the latest fashion by wearing clothes that are too tight, skirts that are too short (or almost too short) and a shaitel more suitable for a Las Vegas showgirl — she often considers herself as making a kiddush Hashem.
And this doesn't even cover all the gestures these well-meaning women copy from the non-Jewish world, like flipping her long shaitel hair back in an attention-getting manner (and hope there is no one behind her who gets hit in the eye) and all sorts of other socially encouraged gestures & acts meant to make a woman look alluring and "free-spirited."
("Free-spirited" is the politically correct word for "hefker.")
But the intent of these well-meaning people is to say:
Look at how attractive frumkeit is!
Look at how gorgeous & free-spirited you can be while holding down a prestigious job & raising 8 kids!
And she gets lots of compliments for her appearance and for making frumkeit "look good."
Yet there is no way that such a lack of tsniut makes Hashem look good.
And while this isn't the place to get into what Hashem might think of a career woman (NOT a woman who works part-time or who is forced to work full-time, but a hard-hitting ambitious career woman — especially one with little children & babies), it's very questionable whether this "have-it-all" attitude truly reflects Hashem's feminine ideal.
It's clear that women (or men in the male version of this) sincerely mean well. They honestly think they are making frumkeit look lovely & desirable.
But a Jew who does not maintain halachic standards is not making Hashem look good.
In other words, following society's standards when those standards contradict Hashem's standards is actually a chilul Hashem.
But following Hashem's standards (as pleasantly as possible), despite society's oppositional standards, is a kiddush Hashem.
You are So Beautiful to the King of the Entire Universe
If someone strives to keep the mitzvot as Hashem directed, then that person is BEAUTIFUL.
This is why Rav Avigdor Miller recommends you look into your spouse's eyes and say (to yourself, at least): "I am now looking at Hashem's Divine Image."
This is why Rav Miller exhorts us to look at the frazzled frum mother surrounded by young children and see her as more beautiful than any physical beauty queen. (But not in a taavadik way, if you're a man.)
This is why Rav Miller exhorts us to look at the somewhat overweight frum man waddling down the street to Mincha and think, "I love that man."
It's easy to get caught up in society's standards of beauty & poise.
It's easy to be embarrassed by frum people (or look down on ourselves) when the current standards of beauty, poise, and coolness are not met.
But if we are doing what Hashem wants (even clumsily), then we need to know that we are so incredibly beautiful.
We need to train ourselves to see ourselves that way & to see our fellow frummies that way too.