One very difficult challenge many (if not all) people end up facing nowadays is dealing with problems that don't seem to have a real solution.
For example, let's say you have a difficult child. So you'll make the rounds of child experts and eventually a child psychiatrist or two. During that whole runaround, you'll try methods promoted as "tried-and-true!" You'll be inundated with compelling stories to convince you of the effectiveness of a particular method, and you'll commit yourself wholeheartedly to that method.
And you'll do so EVERY SINGLE DARN TIME.
In this way, you'll commit yourself to conventional methods, alternative methods, and methods that completely contradict each other.
And sometimes, you'll see right away that it doesn't work so well for your child. Yet other times, you'll go around crowing about how you've found the answer and encouraging others on this path -- until it stops working or backfires, dragging you back to square one. Again.
Eventually, you'll be recommended to start your child on medication. ADD, ADHD, depression, ODD (Oppositional Defensive Disorder), bipolar, etc. all provide nice labels accompanied by unproven theories ("ADHD derives from a neurological imbalance in the brain which can only be corrected by Ritalin" or "The frontal lobes don't fully develop until age 20, so Risperidone helps correct that until the brain corrects itself", etc.)
(FULL DISCLOSURE: Years ago, I put one of my kids on Ritalin for 6 months when he had trouble learning to read.)
Medication often provides temporary relief for ragged parents. Often, but not always. Regardless, the problematic behaviors eventually flare up again, or are replaced by other problematic behaviors, or physical complications develop, necessitating medical treatment of some sort.
Once children are on medication, between the episodes of relief lie return visits to the doctor for adjustments in medication, replacement medication (i.e. switching from Ritalin to Adderall), or adding another medication to deal with the side effects of the first medication.
And that's IF the medication works and IF the child is willing to take the medication.
Yet even among families with exemplary shalom bayit, heartfelt consultations with premier chinuch experts and rabbanim, blessings from righteous rabbis and rebbetzins, heroic string-pulling to land the child in the "right" school and raise the child in the "right" environment...these people STILL have problems with that child.
One of my sons attended a yeshivah that described itself as a yeshivah for "boys who don't like to learn." Basically, the entire yeshivah was comprised of boys who could be (or were) diagnosed with ADD or ADHD. I have nothing but reverence for the people who committed to teach them because based on my son's stories, I wouldn't have lasted a day teaching before running screaming out of there as fast as I could.
Anyway, my son mentioned the rows of medication (mostly Ritalin) that lined the shelves of the principal's office. Every morning, droves of students needed to come and take their medication.
So if medication is such a pat solution to ADHD, then why did these kids need to be in a special yeshivah? Why hadn't their behavior normalized enough to allow them to remain mainstream?
In some cases, the parent goes on medication because the whole runaround with the child has become so stressful!
_______
The above used child-rearing as an example, but you've problem seen a similar dynamic with shalom bayit issues, health issues, and anything else.
So what gives?
For example, let's say you have a difficult child. So you'll make the rounds of child experts and eventually a child psychiatrist or two. During that whole runaround, you'll try methods promoted as "tried-and-true!" You'll be inundated with compelling stories to convince you of the effectiveness of a particular method, and you'll commit yourself wholeheartedly to that method.
And you'll do so EVERY SINGLE DARN TIME.
In this way, you'll commit yourself to conventional methods, alternative methods, and methods that completely contradict each other.
And sometimes, you'll see right away that it doesn't work so well for your child. Yet other times, you'll go around crowing about how you've found the answer and encouraging others on this path -- until it stops working or backfires, dragging you back to square one. Again.
Eventually, you'll be recommended to start your child on medication. ADD, ADHD, depression, ODD (Oppositional Defensive Disorder), bipolar, etc. all provide nice labels accompanied by unproven theories ("ADHD derives from a neurological imbalance in the brain which can only be corrected by Ritalin" or "The frontal lobes don't fully develop until age 20, so Risperidone helps correct that until the brain corrects itself", etc.)
(FULL DISCLOSURE: Years ago, I put one of my kids on Ritalin for 6 months when he had trouble learning to read.)
Medication often provides temporary relief for ragged parents. Often, but not always. Regardless, the problematic behaviors eventually flare up again, or are replaced by other problematic behaviors, or physical complications develop, necessitating medical treatment of some sort.
Once children are on medication, between the episodes of relief lie return visits to the doctor for adjustments in medication, replacement medication (i.e. switching from Ritalin to Adderall), or adding another medication to deal with the side effects of the first medication.
And that's IF the medication works and IF the child is willing to take the medication.
Yet even among families with exemplary shalom bayit, heartfelt consultations with premier chinuch experts and rabbanim, blessings from righteous rabbis and rebbetzins, heroic string-pulling to land the child in the "right" school and raise the child in the "right" environment...these people STILL have problems with that child.
One of my sons attended a yeshivah that described itself as a yeshivah for "boys who don't like to learn." Basically, the entire yeshivah was comprised of boys who could be (or were) diagnosed with ADD or ADHD. I have nothing but reverence for the people who committed to teach them because based on my son's stories, I wouldn't have lasted a day teaching before running screaming out of there as fast as I could.
Anyway, my son mentioned the rows of medication (mostly Ritalin) that lined the shelves of the principal's office. Every morning, droves of students needed to come and take their medication.
So if medication is such a pat solution to ADHD, then why did these kids need to be in a special yeshivah? Why hadn't their behavior normalized enough to allow them to remain mainstream?
In some cases, the parent goes on medication because the whole runaround with the child has become so stressful!
_______
The above used child-rearing as an example, but you've problem seen a similar dynamic with shalom bayit issues, health issues, and anything else.
So what gives?
What Holds You Back
When nothing works and there's nowhere to turn, that's supposed to compel a person to turn to Hashem.
Now, practically speaking, we all see that it doesn't do that for everyone.
Many people continue to run from Hashem, which just makes Him pursue them even more (in a loving manner, of course).
People either keep running while juggling bowling balls or they just collapse (via immersing themselves in escapes like drugs -- whether legal or illegal -- entertainment media, video games, novels, sports, gambling, work, political movements, social media, or worse).
Now, we all have our vices and our struggles with the yetzer hara. You can fall in his many traps AND connect with Hashem.
That's actually what we're supposed to be doing.
If you have issues with Hashem, like you're angry at Him, you hate Him, you wish He didn't Exist, you're afraid of Him (in a paralyzing way rather than an invigorating way), then that needs to be dealt with.
Those issues are pretty normal nowadays and you can deal with them by discussing them directly with Hashem Himself (counterintuitive, yet true) or by reading any mussar book that speaks to you, especially Garden of Emuna.
Preferably, you should be discussing your issues with Hashem AND reading whatever you need to read to gain the understanding you need according to your individual needs.
(Note: Contrary to what some people have said, that Hashem prefers you to yell at Him rather than ignore Him -- nope. You can discuss your issues passionately with Him and be open about your true feelings, but even these passionately honest discussions should still be conducted with respect for God being the King of the Universe and Infinite Creator and all that.)
Also, due to reasons beyond the scope of this post, many people simply cannot relate to the idea of turning to Hashem as one would to a loving father. For sad yet understandable reasons, that is simply way beyond the comprehension of many people today.
So maybe those people need to turn to Hashem as one would toward the ideal friend.
Now, practically speaking, we all see that it doesn't do that for everyone.
Many people continue to run from Hashem, which just makes Him pursue them even more (in a loving manner, of course).
People either keep running while juggling bowling balls or they just collapse (via immersing themselves in escapes like drugs -- whether legal or illegal -- entertainment media, video games, novels, sports, gambling, work, political movements, social media, or worse).
Now, we all have our vices and our struggles with the yetzer hara. You can fall in his many traps AND connect with Hashem.
That's actually what we're supposed to be doing.
If you have issues with Hashem, like you're angry at Him, you hate Him, you wish He didn't Exist, you're afraid of Him (in a paralyzing way rather than an invigorating way), then that needs to be dealt with.
Those issues are pretty normal nowadays and you can deal with them by discussing them directly with Hashem Himself (counterintuitive, yet true) or by reading any mussar book that speaks to you, especially Garden of Emuna.
Preferably, you should be discussing your issues with Hashem AND reading whatever you need to read to gain the understanding you need according to your individual needs.
(Note: Contrary to what some people have said, that Hashem prefers you to yell at Him rather than ignore Him -- nope. You can discuss your issues passionately with Him and be open about your true feelings, but even these passionately honest discussions should still be conducted with respect for God being the King of the Universe and Infinite Creator and all that.)
Also, due to reasons beyond the scope of this post, many people simply cannot relate to the idea of turning to Hashem as one would to a loving father. For sad yet understandable reasons, that is simply way beyond the comprehension of many people today.
So maybe those people need to turn to Hashem as one would toward the ideal friend.
God as Your BFF
In short, the reason why all these problems crash our way just before Mashiach is because that's our final chance to grab some emuna, gain some atonement, and turn to Hashem in a way that is raw and real.
Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender puts it best when he encourages us to turn to Hashem "like one who speaks to a faithful, beloved friend: one who will certainly accept your words, forgive, and continue to do you good."
May we all succeed in achieving our true potential and complete tikkun without trials or humiliations.
Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender puts it best when he encourages us to turn to Hashem "like one who speaks to a faithful, beloved friend: one who will certainly accept your words, forgive, and continue to do you good."
May we all succeed in achieving our true potential and complete tikkun without trials or humiliations.
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