"Instead of stinging nettle, myrtle will rise" (Isaiah 55:13)
 "Instead of evil, good will rise." (The Malbim's Interpretation)
Myrtle Rising
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Comments Policy
  • Aliyah
    • Mini-Intro
    • General Cultural Insights
    • School Tips
  • Kli Yakar Index

The Right Way to be Weak and Flawed

6/7/2016

2 Comments

 
Picture
In Words of Faith, a book compiled from the lessons of Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender (1896-1986), one of the late gedolim of Breslov, one section in particular struck a chord:
 

Don’t change the principle for the sake of details.
 
 
Rav Bender says:

If it comes out that a certain person cannot practice something due to weakness, lack of energy, and the like—this is his issue. [Emphasis mine - MR]
....
There are those who want to diminish the importance of certain matters, reasoning that we have not the ability to do them.
....
Although it is not possible to do everything all the time—but Heaven forbid to say that it is not necessary to do so!

PictureIt's A-OK - no worries!
There is profound truth in this.

Yes, we cannot always do the right thing—we may have an emotional or physical weakness that stops us from fulfilling our potential at any given moment.

But at the very least, we should not pretend “It’s okay.”

We see that as any Jew increases observance, it is impossible to swallow it all in one gulp or to maintain the same high level from day to day (or even hour to hour, depending).
 
Yet we need to be careful not to deny the ultimate truth.

For example, if a fresh baal teshuvah says he can only handle davening just once a day or without a minyan, we understand. If a fresh baalat teshuvah says that she just can’t switch to a skirts-only style or isn’t ready to start covering her hair as a married woman, we understand.
 
Both they and we understand that spiritual progress is a process and while you have to start somewhere, you just can’t do it all at once.
 
But what if they would say, “Really, Judaism says it’s okay to do whatever I’m doing right now. I don’t need to do more. Ever. We just can't nowadays. Our generation isn't up to it. It's too hard.”

That’s wrong. And if we'd reassure them that it’s okay to just stop there, we’d be very wrong, too.
 
Without the spiritual goal in mind, no spiritual progress would happen.
 
Rav Bender gives the example of one of the students of Rebbe Nachman, Rav Ber of Techerin. Due to serious headaches, Rav Ber could not get up to daven Tikkun Chatzot at the exact halachic midnight (chatzot). So Rebbe Nachman told Rav Ber that Rav Ber's “midnight” was 3 o’clock in the morning.
 
That was a good alternative. But no one pretended that it wasn’t better to daven Tikkun Chatzot at exactly chatzot.
 
If we find ourselves unable to behave according to the Torah ideal, then Rav Bender encourages us to make special deliberations about what to do. We can find temporary alternatives for our personal level and capabilities, as Rebbe Nachman did for Rav Ber.
_____________________________________________________________________

Picture
Now for a modern-day example:
 
At the end of an American tsniut* class, a woman in a waist-length custom shaitel (wig) approached the rebbetzin with the declaration that she wanted to focus on covering her hair more tsniusly.
 
But how should she go about starting?
 
The rebbetzin said, “Have two inches cut off your shaitel, then come back to me in a month and we'll discuss it.”

A scarf-wearing woman from Eretz Yisrael witnessed the exchange. Later, she politely said to the rebbetzin, “I'm curious as to why could you suggested such a tiny change. To me, that seems like no change at all. I mean, why not tell her to shorten it to the middle of her back? Even though that would still be too long, it would be a great way to start. After all, she was so open to guidance on this issue.”

“You don’t understand,” said the rebbetzin. “She’s obviously very attached to her shaitel and it's clearly important to her to have it at that specific length or else she wouldn't have invested the thousands of dollars necessary to acquire such a shaitel. You can’t just tell people to make such a radical change or they may not complete the process—they could just give up halfway through.”
 
And she’s right.

But no one was pretending that a va-va-voom waist-length shaitel that looks exactly like real hair is in the spirit of tsniut.
_____________________________________________________________________
Now back to Rav Bender.
 
Although he himself became a great tzaddik through unimaginable self-sacrifice, Rav Bender did not judge others who could not push themselves beyond their current level.
 
As just one example, he explains: 

We do not say opinions to anyone, we do not force anyone to pray at sunrise. Just as we do not force anyone to get up at chatzot. We never say, “Do this or that.” We just speak in a general manner of the great benefit of Tikkun Chatzot and prayer at sunrise—this was the path of the Rebbe.
Let one choose for himself. 

Picture
Yet he cautions against grafting one’s weakness into one’s path.
 
Concerning complications you are dealing with:
Know that your difficulty is a specific problem.
It does not relate to the general public or to another.
It is impossible to change the public for the sake of an individual! 
_____________________________________________________________________


Yet this is exactly what is going on in society today.
 
Individual weaknesses are being catered to and plastered with stamps of approval.
 
And while doing so imbues one with a shallow feeling of goodness, ultimately that is exactly what stunts a person’s spiritual growth. 
 
*Tsniut/tsnius describes a personal & spiritual dignity that includes physical & behavioral modesty.

Picture
2 Comments
Chava link
7/7/2016 11:22:59

Thank you for this one! You struck the right balance that seems to say "I can't do it all, but I'm OK with what I can do, for now." (or maybe "for today" or "for this moment.") You left room for us to admit that it's just for now, and we intend to improve. May teshuvah pave the way to ge'ulah sh'lemah!

Reply
Myrtle Rising
7/7/2016 12:32:47

Amen to that!!!

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Help a frum family get their children back!:
    http://www.myrtlerising.com/blog/please-help-frum-family-under-attack-from-esav

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

    Myrtle Rising

    I'm a middle-aged housewife and mother in Eretz Yisrael who likes to read and write a lot.

    Picture
    Amazon
    Barnes & Noble
    Sample Ch. 1-15, 21

    Categories

    All
    Aliyah
    Anti Jewish Bigotry
    Astronomy
    Book Review
    Books
    Chagim/Holidays
    Chinuch
    Dictionaries
    Emuna
    Eretz Yisrael
    Erev Rav
    Gender
    Hitbodedut
    "If The Torah..."
    Jewish Astrology
    Kli Yakar
    Love
    Minchat Yehudah
    Parenting
    Parsha
    Pele Yoetz
    Perek Shira
    Pesach
    Politics
    Prayer
    Purim
    Rav L.Y. Bender
    Recipes
    "Regular" Jews
    Rosh Hashanah
    Society
    Sukkot
    Technology
    Tehillim/Psalms
    Teshuvah
    The Lost Princess
    USA Scary Direction
    Women

    Jewish Blogs

    Emunaroma
    Daf Yomi Review
    Going...Habayitah
    Halacha Q&A
    Hava haAharona
    Lazer Beams

    Miriam Adahan
    My Perspective

    Shirat Devorah
    Shuvu Banim
    Spiritual Coaching
    Tomer Devorah
    Tznius Blog
    Yeranen Yaakov
    Rabbi Ofer Erez (Hebrew lectures)

    Jewish Current Events

    Lemon Lime Moon
    Matzav News
    Shuvu Banim
    Sultan Knish
    Tomer Devorah
    Yeranen Yaakov

    Jewish Health

    Jewish Emotional Health Institute
    Heliotrope Holistic Health Services

    Archives

    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015

    RSS Feed

    Copyright Notice

    ©2015-2018 Myrtle Rising
    Excerpts and links may be used without express permission as long as a link is provided back to the appropriate Myrtle Rising page.

Powered by
Photos used under Creative Commons from Brett Jordan, marklordphotography, M.Burak Erbaş, jhritz, Rina Pitucci (Tilling 67), Svadilfari, Tim simpson1, FindYourSearch, Giorgio Galeotti, Jaykhuang, YourCastlesDecor, bluebirdsandteapots, Natalia Medd, ElleFlorio, BradPerkins, dfarrell07, nafrenkel88, Liz | populational, TraumaAndDissociation, thinboyfatter, Free Grunge Textures - www.freestock.ca, Nerru, Gregory "Slobirdr" Smith, dolbinator1000, DonkeyHotey, erix!, h.koppdelaney, MAURO CATEB, kevin dooley, keepitsurreal, annikaleigh, bjornmeansbear, publicdomainphotography, Exile on Ontario St, Nicholas_T, planman, j_lai, KAZVorpal, t.kunikuni, Ian W Scott, Brett Jordan, Bob Linsdell, NASA Goddard Photo and Video, aaron_anderer, ** RCB **, Tony Webster, mypubliclands, r0sita, AntonStetner, yeahbouyee, MrJamesBaker, sammydavisdog, Frode Ramone, Wonder woman0731, wrachele, kennethkonica, Pleuntje, Rennett Stowe, *S A N D E E P*, symphony of love, AlexanderJonesi, ePublicist, Enokson, Tony Webster, seaternity, Andrew Tarvin, zeevveez, Israel_photo_gallery, Iqbal Osman1, Matt From London, Tribes of the World, Eric Kilby, RonAlmog, slgckgc, Kim Scarborough, DonkeyHotey, Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com, h.koppdelaney, Pedro Travassos, nociveglia, RonAlmog, Paulann_Egelhoff, skpy, MAD Hippies Life, Aleteia Image Partners, milesgehm, Guillaume Paumier, smilygrl, gospelportals, leighblackall, zeevveez, Kyknoord, wotashot (taking a break), Tambako the Jaguar, bitmask, Arnie Sacknooson, mattymatt, Dun.can, Tim Patterson, timeflicks, garlandcannon, HRYMX, fred_v, Yair Aronshtam, Alt-x, random exposure, uhuru1701, Ron Cogswell, Patty Mooney, FindYourSearch, Serendipity Diamonds, Steve Corey, Dominic's pics, leighklotz, RonAlmog, RonAlmog, Tips For Travellers, Futurilla, anomalous4, Bob Linsdell, AndyMcLemore, symphony of love, Cory M. Grenier, miketnorton, andydr, BLM Nevada, upsidedown astronomer, sara~, Gamma Man, Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com, robef, b1mbo, European Southern Observatory, Brett Jordan, Johnny Silvercloud, Israel_photo_gallery, smkybear, --Sam--, S Baker, Paulann_Egelhoff, liquid7, Selena Sheridan, D'oh Boy, campbelj45ca, symphony of love, 19melissa68, entirelysubjective, Leimenide, dheera.net, quinn.anya, Brett Jordan, HonestReporting.com, Iqbal Osman1, One Way Stock, Jake Waage, picto:graphic, Marcelo Alves, KAZVorpal, Sparkle Motion, rachel_titiriga, Brett Jordan, Veselina Dzhingarova, Ambernectar 13, Howdy, I'm H. Michael Karshis, Steven DuBois, Cristian V., milesgehm, tortuga767, Jake Cvnningham, D'oh Boy, Eric Kilby, quinn.anya, Lenny K Photography, One Way Stock, Bird Eye, ell brown, Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com, Kevin M. Gill, lunar caustic, log_mitra777, gerrybuckel, Patty Mooney, quinn.anya, Kaz Andrew, kodomut, kayugee, Infomastern, jintae kim's photography, Futurilla, terri_bateman, Patty Mooney, Yandle, Amydeanne, Paulann_Egelhoff, Mulling it Over, Ungry Young Man, Ruth and Dave, yangouyang374, Broo_am (Andy B), symphony of love, TriangleREVA, kennethkonica, young@art, CoffeePartyUSA, Brett Jordan, bobbi vie, slgckgc, Celestine Chua, rkimpeljr, Iqbal Osman1, Kristoffer Trolle, TooFarNorth, D'oh Boy, Grace to You, LittleStuff.me, Dikshant Shahi, Kevin M. Gill, philozopher, traveltipy.com, Alan Cleaver, crazyoctopus, kevin dooley, d_vdm, tonynetone, Grempz, penjelly, TheToch, JohnE777, hello-julie, DaveBleasdale, Muslimology, Michael Candelori Photography, andessurvivor, slgckgc, byzantiumbooks, sasha diamanti
✕