Think about this for a moment:
It means he killed people in cold blood simply for the money.
Jews and non-Jews alike were terrified of him.
But he did teshuvah.
It started by his coming to the Breslover shul to say kaddish for his father. (None of the other shuls allowed him to enter.) He only recited kaddish without any other prayers and without putting on tefillin until one day, Rav Yankel Zhitomer approached him and said, "Moshe...if you already came, you can put on tefillin!"
That was the first step in a long line of steps to completely transform himself from a murderer into an upright Torah Jew.
It's always one step at a time; sometimes a series of baby steps or sometimes long strides. Self-transformation is always a process and no one has any right to shove you up to where they think you should be or judge you for the size of the steps you're taking.
Anyway, Moshe did honest and complete teshuvah. And believe me, he had what to beat himself up for.
But he cried to Hashem—literally, he fell upon Rebbe Nachman’s grave many times and cried to Hashem with regret and remorse.
(Regret and remorse are good. Self-hatred and self-recrimination are not.)
And then he picked himself up and risked his life to build and maintain a mikveh against Communist law for the Jewish community to perpetuate life. Furthermore, he was very generous with all the impoverished people who came to him for food.
This man who had taken lives in cold blood was now giving life with a warm heart.
He lived among the very Jews who knew him at his worst, which takes a lot of courage.
But apparently, he felt his teshuvah was accepted, both before Hashem and by the Breslov community. And after they saw his generosity to the poor, the other Jews accepted his teshuvah too.
In other words, despite his horrific deeds, he managed to go on with his life as a rectified Jew.
How is this possible?
Needless to say, I have no idea what he spoke to Hashem.
But using the principles of teshuvah and the idea discussed in the previous post (regarding the need to find good points in yourself and cultivate a happy mood before you engage in self-improvement), an oversimplified version of what someone like him might go as follows:
“Look, Hashem…You’ve known me forever—literally! You gave me this ability to murder in cold blood another human being made in Your Image. How many people can say they can do that? Yet I’d like to use this cold-blooded fearlessness to serve You. And You know what? I think that says something good about me. After all, how many cold-blooded murderers ever develop a conscience or regret their deeds? Also, I find myself attracted to davening at the Breslov shul. I think that’s a good sign too. It means that deep down, I do want a connection with You. And in order to really connect with You, I need to stop being a hitman and start being a God-fearing man. Please help me do complete teshuvah from love and please help me rectify the terrible crimes I’ve committed.”
You probably haven't done anything nearly as bad as this guy has. And even if you have, if his teshuvah could be accepted, then yours can be too.
That's something to be very happy and relieved about.
If he could face the worst parts of himself, then you can too.
Hashem is right there holding your hand as you do it.
Previous Post: How to Use Joy for Self-Improvement