A big challenge is being the person Hashem wants you to be.
Your society may have other ideas about what you are supposed to be doing and in what direction you need to move, but these ideas may be in direct opposition to what Hashem actually put you here for in the first place.
Likewise, well-meaning friends and "experts" can push you down a path that is all wrong for you.
People locked into their own personality and drives can struggle to see how your needs differ from theirs.
There are different ways of being good and different expressions of holiness.
Your society may have other ideas about what you are supposed to be doing and in what direction you need to move, but these ideas may be in direct opposition to what Hashem actually put you here for in the first place.
Likewise, well-meaning friends and "experts" can push you down a path that is all wrong for you.
People locked into their own personality and drives can struggle to see how your needs differ from theirs.
There are different ways of being good and different expressions of holiness.
The Sara Imeinu Personality Type
Sara Imeinu was a strong, assertive, proactive personality.
She grew up in a tough environment, surrounded by powerful occultism and degenerates, yet she worked her way up to the level of Prophetess.
She actively assisted Avraham Avinu with his astounding hospitality and generosity. She reached out to teach the women of their time while Avraham Avinu worked with the men.
Sara Imeinu selflessly insisted that Avraham Avinu take in Hagar, and then with equal conviction, she insisted that Hagar and Yishmael be evicted when their presence proved a threat to Yitzchak Avinu.
As the first Jewish woman in the world, the leading Matriarch of the Jewish people, and a person of lofty righteousness and holiness, we should certainly emulate her.
But the question is do you need to be EXACTLY like Sara Imeinu?
What if you innately lack some of the qualities she personified or your personal situation isn't conducive to her type of accomplishments?
She grew up in a tough environment, surrounded by powerful occultism and degenerates, yet she worked her way up to the level of Prophetess.
She actively assisted Avraham Avinu with his astounding hospitality and generosity. She reached out to teach the women of their time while Avraham Avinu worked with the men.
Sara Imeinu selflessly insisted that Avraham Avinu take in Hagar, and then with equal conviction, she insisted that Hagar and Yishmael be evicted when their presence proved a threat to Yitzchak Avinu.
As the first Jewish woman in the world, the leading Matriarch of the Jewish people, and a person of lofty righteousness and holiness, we should certainly emulate her.
But the question is do you need to be EXACTLY like Sara Imeinu?
What if you innately lack some of the qualities she personified or your personal situation isn't conducive to her type of accomplishments?
The Leah Imeinu Personality Type
Leah Imeinu lived a quiet life undercover of earth-shattering events that kept occurring around her.
Just in the plain text of the Torah, we hear from Rachel Imeinu far more than we hear from her sister Leah.
Leah quietly grew up in the spiritual darkness of ancient Mesopotamia with her sisters as some of her only allies.
Yet she held strong to her emuna.
She seemed to have spent much of her time in prayer to avoid marrying the awful Esav.
Later, she received special signs from her compassionate sister Rachel Imeinu and quietly married Yaakov Avinu without Yaakov initially realizing she wasn't Rachel.
She was also the only Matriarch who was fertile from the outset.
And she never seemed to play the active role that even the seemingly more passive Rivka Imeinu played, when Rivka Imeinu orchestrated the birthright being given to Yaakov rather than Esav.
In fact, the most assertive act she committed was to offer a trade with Rachel Imeinu over the dudaim and then to quietly go out to meet Yaakov later.
Oh, and then later she offered Zilpah the opportunity to marry Yaakov Avinu when Leah Imeinu saw she was no longer producing children.
Also, Leah Imeinu davened for her last pregnancy to be a girl so that her sister would have the merit of birthing more Tribes.
Again, this was a powerful act with long-ranging global consequences (because it basically gave Yosef Hatzaddik to Rachel Imeinu and also gave Dina more masculine traits while Yosef received some feminine ones), but this powerful act of selflessness occurred in near silence privately between Leah Imeinu and Hashem.
And though Yaakov loved Leah, his love for his true zivug, Rachel, was so strong that Leah seemed hated in comparison — a dynamic which, again, she accepted quietly, though we see from the names she gave her children that Yaakov's relationship with her meant a lot to her.
So at a superficial glance, Leah Imeinu's life seems to be one of quiet genteel passivity.
Yet Leah's role in Jewish history is firmly established.
She is forever known as by the title of Leah Imeinu, the mother of Jewish royalty and Mashiach, and is the only one buried beside Yaakov Avinu.
Yet she was so different than Sara Imeinu.
As far as I know, there is no record of Leah Imeinu engaging in copious kiruv or continuous hospitality.
Leah and Sara were very different and both played very different albeit vital roles.
Yet they are both called "Imeinu."
Just in the plain text of the Torah, we hear from Rachel Imeinu far more than we hear from her sister Leah.
Leah quietly grew up in the spiritual darkness of ancient Mesopotamia with her sisters as some of her only allies.
Yet she held strong to her emuna.
She seemed to have spent much of her time in prayer to avoid marrying the awful Esav.
Later, she received special signs from her compassionate sister Rachel Imeinu and quietly married Yaakov Avinu without Yaakov initially realizing she wasn't Rachel.
She was also the only Matriarch who was fertile from the outset.
And she never seemed to play the active role that even the seemingly more passive Rivka Imeinu played, when Rivka Imeinu orchestrated the birthright being given to Yaakov rather than Esav.
In fact, the most assertive act she committed was to offer a trade with Rachel Imeinu over the dudaim and then to quietly go out to meet Yaakov later.
Oh, and then later she offered Zilpah the opportunity to marry Yaakov Avinu when Leah Imeinu saw she was no longer producing children.
Also, Leah Imeinu davened for her last pregnancy to be a girl so that her sister would have the merit of birthing more Tribes.
Again, this was a powerful act with long-ranging global consequences (because it basically gave Yosef Hatzaddik to Rachel Imeinu and also gave Dina more masculine traits while Yosef received some feminine ones), but this powerful act of selflessness occurred in near silence privately between Leah Imeinu and Hashem.
And though Yaakov loved Leah, his love for his true zivug, Rachel, was so strong that Leah seemed hated in comparison — a dynamic which, again, she accepted quietly, though we see from the names she gave her children that Yaakov's relationship with her meant a lot to her.
So at a superficial glance, Leah Imeinu's life seems to be one of quiet genteel passivity.
Yet Leah's role in Jewish history is firmly established.
She is forever known as by the title of Leah Imeinu, the mother of Jewish royalty and Mashiach, and is the only one buried beside Yaakov Avinu.
Yet she was so different than Sara Imeinu.
As far as I know, there is no record of Leah Imeinu engaging in copious kiruv or continuous hospitality.
Leah and Sara were very different and both played very different albeit vital roles.
Yet they are both called "Imeinu."
Misguided Advice
I can imagine some of today's advisers & experts "helpfully" encouraging Leah Imeinu:
"Look at Sara Imeinu! THAT'S your goal. She reached a higher level of prophecy than her husband, so you need to do that too. You need to keep on pushing yourself until Hashem tells YOUR husband, 'Listen to the voice of Leah!' — like how He told that to Avraham Avinu regarding Sara Imeinu. If she can do it, then you can too! You just need the right attitude. Oh, and by the way...Sara Imeinu spoke with angels and NEVER used dudaim. So just keep that mind too. Okay?"
Or:
"Leah, you really need to take charge of your family. I mean, ALL the other Imahot did so. Look at Sara with the whole Hagar and Yismael dynamic. Or Rivka Imeinu taking charge to make sure that Yaakov got the birthright. Or your own sister, Rachel Imeinu. I mean, she gave you signs, argued with her husband, demanded some dudaim...and for eternity, she'll be arguing with God on behalf of the Jewish people. If they can do it, why can't you? You need to more like everyone else if you ever want to be happy."
This can happen when the adviser isn't aware of the person's soul root, and isn't even aware of the vast difference in journeys people are meant to take through life.
"Look at Sara Imeinu! THAT'S your goal. She reached a higher level of prophecy than her husband, so you need to do that too. You need to keep on pushing yourself until Hashem tells YOUR husband, 'Listen to the voice of Leah!' — like how He told that to Avraham Avinu regarding Sara Imeinu. If she can do it, then you can too! You just need the right attitude. Oh, and by the way...Sara Imeinu spoke with angels and NEVER used dudaim. So just keep that mind too. Okay?"
Or:
"Leah, you really need to take charge of your family. I mean, ALL the other Imahot did so. Look at Sara with the whole Hagar and Yismael dynamic. Or Rivka Imeinu taking charge to make sure that Yaakov got the birthright. Or your own sister, Rachel Imeinu. I mean, she gave you signs, argued with her husband, demanded some dudaim...and for eternity, she'll be arguing with God on behalf of the Jewish people. If they can do it, why can't you? You need to more like everyone else if you ever want to be happy."
This can happen when the adviser isn't aware of the person's soul root, and isn't even aware of the vast difference in journeys people are meant to take through life.
Fulfilling Your True Role
There is nothing wrong with an impressive list of practical accomplishments if that's what you're meant to do.
If Hashem gifted you with a vibrant, dynamic, energetic personality, then go for it!
I'm not putting down vibrant accomplished energetic types.
The people running gemachim, giving shiurim, running chessed organizations, teaching, innovating, making hospital rounds, hosting at least 10 guests at every Shabbos meal, and more are vital to our community!
I've personally benefited from their activities, as many of us have, and they are surely doing what Hashem meant for them to be doing and will be richly rewarded for their numerous & valuable accomplishments.
I'm grateful they exist!
The reason why I'm focusing more on the Leah Imeinu personality is because in today's society, there is steady pressure for women to be out there and physically moving and producing visible tangible accomplishments.
Part of the reason for this is practical:
Stories of people who achieve tangible visible accomplishments are enjoyable to read. There's plot, there's action...but conversely, it's admittedly boring and disappointing to read something like:
Shani suffered shalom bayis problems and infertility. So she davened.
Then she davened some more.
And even more!
She spoke at length to Hashem exactly like she spoke to her best friend in the world.
She did this for hours every day.
Shani also made sure to thank Him for at least 100 things every single day.
But her shalom bayis only improved minimally and she never had children.
Yet she never gave up on Hashem and rose greatly in emuna. But who ever noticed? It's not like she went around giving shiurim or writing books or blogging about her spiritual growth.
Anyway, she probably sweetened tons of din with her heartfelt connection to Hashem, but we can't know exactly how or what because only tzaddikim on the level of the Arizal can perceive such things.
Sorry for the not terribly satisfying story of a tzaddekes in our times.
The End.
Actually, Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender does include stories of people like this in the books of his lectures, Words of Faith. But that's very unusual and he's the only person I know of who has done it.
So practically speaking, lecturers and writers must include interesting stories of accomplishments or else people won't read their articles or attend their shiurim.
But logically speaking, are visible tangible "out there!" accomplishments that what Hashem wants for every single woman?
According to the way less "out there" women like Leah Imeinu or Chana, mother of Shmuel, are lauded in Tanach, it seems that this isn't the ideal path for every single woman.
It depends. It's something that each person needs to figure out on her own.
So it stands to reason that there's nothing wrong with being a quiet inward-focused person if that's what you're meant to do.
But what if Sara Imeinu had tried to be like Leah Imeinu?
And what if Leah Imeinu had tried to be like Sara Imeinu?
Then we all would have lost out.
If Hashem gifted you with a vibrant, dynamic, energetic personality, then go for it!
I'm not putting down vibrant accomplished energetic types.
The people running gemachim, giving shiurim, running chessed organizations, teaching, innovating, making hospital rounds, hosting at least 10 guests at every Shabbos meal, and more are vital to our community!
I've personally benefited from their activities, as many of us have, and they are surely doing what Hashem meant for them to be doing and will be richly rewarded for their numerous & valuable accomplishments.
I'm grateful they exist!
The reason why I'm focusing more on the Leah Imeinu personality is because in today's society, there is steady pressure for women to be out there and physically moving and producing visible tangible accomplishments.
Part of the reason for this is practical:
Stories of people who achieve tangible visible accomplishments are enjoyable to read. There's plot, there's action...but conversely, it's admittedly boring and disappointing to read something like:
Shani suffered shalom bayis problems and infertility. So she davened.
Then she davened some more.
And even more!
She spoke at length to Hashem exactly like she spoke to her best friend in the world.
She did this for hours every day.
Shani also made sure to thank Him for at least 100 things every single day.
But her shalom bayis only improved minimally and she never had children.
Yet she never gave up on Hashem and rose greatly in emuna. But who ever noticed? It's not like she went around giving shiurim or writing books or blogging about her spiritual growth.
Anyway, she probably sweetened tons of din with her heartfelt connection to Hashem, but we can't know exactly how or what because only tzaddikim on the level of the Arizal can perceive such things.
Sorry for the not terribly satisfying story of a tzaddekes in our times.
The End.
Actually, Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender does include stories of people like this in the books of his lectures, Words of Faith. But that's very unusual and he's the only person I know of who has done it.
So practically speaking, lecturers and writers must include interesting stories of accomplishments or else people won't read their articles or attend their shiurim.
But logically speaking, are visible tangible "out there!" accomplishments that what Hashem wants for every single woman?
According to the way less "out there" women like Leah Imeinu or Chana, mother of Shmuel, are lauded in Tanach, it seems that this isn't the ideal path for every single woman.
It depends. It's something that each person needs to figure out on her own.
So it stands to reason that there's nothing wrong with being a quiet inward-focused person if that's what you're meant to do.
But what if Sara Imeinu had tried to be like Leah Imeinu?
And what if Leah Imeinu had tried to be like Sara Imeinu?
Then we all would have lost out.
Related articles:
Shechem, Yosef, and Dina
Loneliness & Rejection as Aspects of Mashiach
Different Courses for Different Horses
Shechem, Yosef, and Dina
Loneliness & Rejection as Aspects of Mashiach
Different Courses for Different Horses
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